Lesson 10

[Carole Avila]

Carole Avila – Level 1 – Horror Emotion Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is how smoothly a story falls into place with preparation, including writing a good outline and creating strong characters.

OUTLINE:
Adley makes a stink about getting the bedroom at the end of the hallway, and her parents give in because they hate her temper tantrums. Dad almost calls her “Dee Dee,” a nick-name she hates.
A dark mist forms in front of Adley’s bedroom door, but only she can see it. She sees that the lightbulb at the end of the hall is out. Adley grips the handle, and it’s freezing cold.
She enters the room and still has the creeps. She sees the dust ruffle move at the foot of her bed. Her mother enters and startles her. The mother says it’s time for dinner and leaves. The dust ruffle moves again. Adley rushes out after her.

[I can't properly format a screenplay with this program]
FIRST DRAFT (including Apprehension/Anxiety, Surprise, and Shock):

INT – UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – DAY

ADLEY and her parents, CAROLINE and ROGER, set down suitcases just inside the primary bedroom.

CAROLINE
Roger, could you put Adley’s bags in the room next to ours?

ADLEY
I don’t need to take the room next to yours. I’m not a little kid. I’d rather have the big room at the end of the hall.

CAROLINE
Because Dad said it was newly decorated after our last visit?

ROGER
(leaning toward CAROLINE)
Because it’s farthest from ours.
(to Adley)
That room is all the way on the other side of the house, Dee––I mean, Adley. If there was a fire or worse––

ADLEY
(interrupting)
I’m being forced to live in the middle of the desert during my school vacation in a house someone died in, so I should be able to pick the room I want.

Roger and Caroline are about to argue.

ADLEY
If someone breaks in or if my room catches fire, I’ll scream my lungs out.

ROGER
We’re well aware of your lung capacity, but Grandma Aggie didn’t get around to buying a new bed for that room.

CAROLINE
And even though she had the room refurnished, I don’t think she wanted anyone to use it.

ROGER
The two rooms facing the backyard aren’t furnished, either. Your grandmother had the furniture moved to the attic, thinking she’d have time to remodel those rooms, too, but that’s about when she fell.

ADLEY
(has a temper tantrum)
I’m not a little girl—I’m a teenager! And Grandma’s not here anymore, so it’s not like she’d care what room I have.

CAROLINE
All right! Go ahead and take it!

CAROLINE stomps back into their room and ROGER shakes his head and follows her. ADLEY lifts her nose and skips down the hallway. The hallway appears darker on that side and ADLEY glances at the fixture above her room. The bulb is out.

ADLEY stares at the door handle, looks at the other doorknobs on the rooms off the hall. Those are all different with elaborate crystal knobs. The one on her door is a dark silver L-shaped handle. She takes hold of it.

ADLEY
“Ouch!”

ADLEY jerks her hand back. Her skin turned red and looks practically frost-bitten. She tucks her hand into the cuff of her long-sleeved T-shirt and pulls down on the handle. The fixture clicks, and the door slowly opens.

A small burst of arctic air makes her shiver. She hesitates and looks back down the hall. Her parents stand at their bedroom door. CAROLINE’S arms are crossed, and she says something to ROGER while pointing to the bedroom closest to their room.

ROGER
Everything okay down there?

ADLEY
(notices CAROLINE glance at the other bedroom door again)
I’m fine.

ADLEY takes a deep breath and steps over the threshold.

INT – ADLEY’S BEDROOM – DAY

Everything in the room is dainty and feminine, but old fashioned. Three tall windows, draped in a pink and white pattern with white sheer panels, face the large circular drive out front. The same material covers an easy chair and ottoman. A white antique dresser matches a vanity table with a mirror. The vanity chair is upholstered with a feminine print. The headboard, however, is ugly.

The queen-sized headboard is composed of various lengths of rounded ivory strips. Some are short and horizontal. Others were lined vertically and curved slightly. The headboard detracts from the rest of the room.

A light pink satin dust ruffle skirts the entire perimeter of the box spring, just above the floor. Adley stares intently at the shadow beneath.

CAROLINE
Change your mind?

ADLEY
(jumps; shouts at CAROLINE)
Mom! Why did you sneak up on me?

CAROLINE
I didn’t sneak up on you. Honestly, Adley! Guess I spooked you good.

ADLEY
You did not!

CAROLINE
Are you sure you don’t want the room next to ours?

ADLEY
(lifts chin)
No, thank you. I’m not a baby.
(stomps foot on floor; gets angry)
I love this room, and it’s perfect for me. I’m going to stay in it.

CAROLINE
Hmm. I’ll have Dad bring the rest of your things, and if you need me, I’ll be downstairs in the kitchen.

ADLEY is standing between foot of bed and door, watches CAROLINE grab handle without reaction. CAROLINE closes the door. ADLEY hears her whistle a happy tune fades as CAROLINE walks away. A noise drifts up behind ADLEY, and she pivots, staring at the dust ruffle. It flutters from one end to the other.

ADLEY shuffles backward toward the door without removing her eyes from the bottom of the bed until she feels the handle poke her back. With eyes on the dust ruffle, ADLEY slips her hand inside the sleeve of her shirt and extends an arm behind her.

The ruffle moves again, only in the opposite direction. Panicked, ADLEY’S shirt sleeve slips off the smooth surface. After another try, she grabs the fixture and pulls down hard. The door opens, and ADLEY backs out of the room, keeping the bed in sight. Once in the hallway, she uses a single covered finger to pull on the handle and shut the door.

INT – UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – DAY

ADLEY waits a seconds in front of her bedroom door. She takes a big breath and sprints down the hallway toward the stairs.

[Timothy G Winters]

“What I learned doing this assignment is that I don’t know what to write yet, that some things are starting to flow in. I want to follow the directions you give as closely as I possibly can and see where I can get to.

Time Winters Level 1 Horror Emotion scene.

FIRST DRAFT

EXT –TEXAS COUNTRY ROAD – NIGHT

A single street light shines down on a dusty road near some sort of barbed-wire compound, dark, shadowy, and dead. Then there’s some TINNY MUSIC FROM A RADIO and SOME DRUNK COWBOYS SINGING in the distance. A NOISY PICK-UP ROARS down the road, as one of the drunk A–holes shouts:

A—HOLE #1
Pullover. Leave him here! Bastard can walk the hell back…

The pick-up comes to a stop and two of the COWBOYS drop from the front seat and stagger to the tailgate. Inside the bed of the truck is a mostly unconscious, beat to shit man’s body: this is CHAZ HOPPER. The Cowboys drop him from the back, and one of them gives a last kick, just for good measure. The moment is memorialized with some spit and . . .

A—HOLE #1
…Faggot!

The Cowboys remount the cab, singing again, and the pick-up kicks a dust cloud into the air as it swerves off into the dark. THE GROWL OF THE MOTOR and THE RADIO disappear into the distance.

Chaz isn’t moving and might be dead. Then . . .

CHAZ(with difficulty)
Embrace—the suck . . .

His eyes open and try to establish his location. Painful to move.

CHAZ
(Almost a whisper) Man down… help…

Chaz painfully moves to the locked gate of the compound: Big steel closed padlock on the gate. He tugs on the lock. It is solidly closed.

CHAZ
Hey! . . .Anybody? . . .Need some help here . . .

Tries to snap off the padlock. No good. Chaz stops squinting at the little office structure inside the compound. Vaguely he can make out, the figure of a man, in a white suit, facing the door of the office. The figure stands there, not moving. The figure is GORHAM GRAY, though that introduction will never happen.

CHAZ
Hey, shithead! Can you hear . . .Need some help?

A LOUD CLICK. Chaz notices the padlock on the gate has fallen open. Chaz drops the lock and pushes through the open gate, his eyes fixed on the still figure. As Chaz shuffles toward the man, he hears a vaguely British-accented voice speaking, though the figure is still frozen.
GRAY(OS)
Chaz Hopper, Corporal, U.S. Army. Retired.
GRAY (con.)
I have a place for you.

The white figure slowly moves into the graveyard of broken military vehicles and as Chaz can’t do anything else he follows the creepy old guy, unable to see the face.

CHAZ
You know my . . .Can I use your phone?

Chaz, hurting, is moving as slowly as the guy in white walks ahead and moves behind a beat-up military truck (Dodge Wc 54, circa 1942) that looks like it might have been an ambulance in another life. Suddenly all the doors of the ambulance are standing wide open in a whirl of dust . . .

CHAZ
How’d you do that? . . .Ah,– the phone?

Gray is apparently standing somewhere behind the truck.

GRAY (OS)
Rest here . . .

Chaz limps to the driver’s side door. He takes a whiff of the inside and grimaces.
The figure of the man in white moves around behind Chaz who is staring into the truck trying to decide what to do.

GRAY (OS)
Touch the wheel.

Chaz eyes the inside of the old claptrap. The driver’s seat might be a place he could rest for a minute . . .

GRAY (OS)
Touch the wheel.

Chaz shrugs. His left hand contacts the old steering wheel. Suddenly,

EXT – FLASH FORWARD – DAY
Hell on earth, a world in flames, everything is burning.

EXT – TEXAS COMPOUND – NIGHT
Chaz snaps his hand back as if he’s been stung.

CHAZ
Ouch! Static, huh?

GRAY(OS)
Rest . . .

Chaz grasps the wheel again, holding himself up. He considers sitting in the driver’s seat. Starts to move forward, but hesitates. He glances at the guy behind him in the side mirror of the truck.

Instead of seeing a face, he sees something else. A never before seen thing that shouldn’t be alive, with glowing eyes that shouldn’t be living. As a scream escapes his throat . . .

CUT TO:

[Susannah Farrow]

Susannah’s Level 1 Horror Emotion Scene

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to refine a scene to make its intention and purpose clear.

1. Pick a scene that you could write from the first Act of your story.
The scene I have chosen involves the main characters finding the body of the missing man. They have formed their search party and come across his remains, with a voodoo spell also found near the body. They return to the town to report their find only to witness the cop’s murder.

2. Create an outline of the scene that includes each of these emotions — apprehension/anxiety, surprise, and shock.
There is apprehension while the town searches for a potentially injured/dead man. It is unusual for anyone to go missing. The feeling lingers until the main characters find the man’s corpse. They are surprised that he is in fact dead and that they were the ones to find him. They report back to the town cop and they are shocked when the killer appears and kills the cop.

3. Write the scene as a first draft.
The search party head in the direction they were told to search. It isn’t long before they are in swampland among various swamp critters. The pressure of their duty and the potential of finding an injured man is evident on their faces.

EXT. SWAMP / OUTSIDE – DAY
BONNIE
Let’s head this way.
WAYLON
You seem to know where you’re going. Come here often?
BONNIE
Shut up.
MAGNOLIA
(speaking in a whisper)
Do…Do we have to go much further?
WAYLON
What?
MAGNOLIA
Do we have to go much further? Into the swamp, I mean.
WAYLON
You’re asking how much further?
(shrugs)
As far as we can.
BONNIE
Keep up. You okay, old man?
ELIJAH
Don’t worry about me. It’s you I’m worried about.
WAYLON
Oh? Why’s that?
ELIJAH
I don’t know. I’ve got a bad feeling.
(looking around)
A kind I haven’t felt in a long time.
HORACE
Look! Over there.
Horace points to something near the water. There’s a half-consumed body by the swamp. Bonnie and Waylon rush towards it, only they are too late.
ZOE
Is he… Is he dead?
BONNIE
Yeah. Look.
The corpse is bloody, cut up. It’s clear that he was murdered.
HORACE
What are those cuts?
WAYLON
Did an animal get him?
ELIJAH
Those wounds weren’t made by animals.
ZOE
What are you saying?
ELIJAH
They were made by a knife or a machete. Someone did this to him.
BONNIE
We should get back and get help.
WAYLON
Right.
The team start to head back but Magnolia stays.
ZOE
What is it?
MAGNOLIA
There, on that tree. That’s a s-spell.
ZOE
A spell? You mean that voodoo stuff you’re into?
She steps closer to the tree for a closer look.
ZOE (cont.)
Oh yeah, that’s a doll all right. Weird. Come on, let’s go.
The search party returns to the town centre where the sheriff is waiting.
EXT. TOWN CENTRE – DAY
The sheriff is waiting at a table where he has established a base of operations for the search parties. There are a few other townspeople here and there, but he is alone at the table.
SHERIFF OWENS
Find anything?
BONNIE
We found Henry.
WAYLON
Well, his body at least. He’s dead.
SHERIFF OWENS
Dead? Where is he?
The killer springs up behind the sheriff, comes out of nowhere, and slices his throat open from behind.
Everyone screams, gasps, or recoils.
The killer keeps slicing until the sheriff’s head comes off completely and his body drops to the ground.

[Adam Wright]

What I learned doing this lesson is getting the emotions in there is important. I found it a little hard to do and I definitely know this scene will need a rewrite but I was able to get the emotions to show up at least.

Pick a scene –

EXT – DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

It’s dark and the roads get blocked by downed trees, rain is constant. Dylan tells the union guys and car service to make sure they don’t come back until morning. Chuck overhears this but thinks this is just part of Dylan’s method.
Chuck passes on what he just saw to the others. Most of them agree with Chuck, it’s just how Dylan is. But, Virginia and Alessandra are skeptical.

Ravi who has worked with Dylan talks about how ultimately it was a good experience

Create an outline of the scene that includes each of these emotions — apprehension/anxiety, surprise, and shock.

Apprehension – Union worker comes up to Dylan. He mentions the rain is getting bad, the time is near where they need to leave, and the roads may become impassable. Dylan instructs the union guy to get everyone together as quickly as possible and get out of there.

Anxiety – Chuck watches on as this happens. He tells the actors what he overhears.

Surprise – As the actors finish speaking to one another, Dylan shows up in the mask of the killer and the actors jump in surprise.

Shock – Going through the props, Chuck discovers a severed finger. It’s super realistic, almost as if it could be a real finger.

Write the scene as a first draft

EXT – DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

Rain is constant, lightning and thunder in the background

DYLAN waves to UNION WORKER who is packing up gear and equipment.

DYLAN

I need you out of here. Five more minutes and we hit overtime.

UNION WORKER

Packing up now boss. You sure you want to stay here? Roads are impassable if the creek gets backed up.

DYLAN

It adds to the atmosphere. We’re not going anywhere tonight. Don’t return until I call you. Not a goddamn minute of overtime, got it?

UNION WORKER

Got it boss.

The worker leaves. As he walks away, we see CHUCK has been watching the conversation.

INT – KITCHEN – NIGHT

CHUCK walks in to see RAVI, ALESSANDRA, and VIRGINIA rehearsing dialogue.

CHUCK

We’re trapped for the night. No escape.

RAVI

Dylan always works this way.

VIRGINIA

It’s going to be a long night

JAMES and CARRIE enter suddenly, laughing, making lots of noise, surprising ALESSANDRA. The group laughs it off.
DYLAN comes in, wearing a terrifying mask and stands there silently. The room goes cold and everyone turns to the menacing figure.

After a beat DYLAN takes off the mask. RAVI wraps his arm around DYLAN’S shoulders.

RAVI

What a guy. Already getting us in the mood.

DYLAN sets the mask on a table filled with props and quietly leaves the room.

CHUCK goes to inspect the mask and picks up a severed finger prop.

CHUCK

Damn this thing looks real.

ALESSANDRA takes a look.

ALESSANDRA

That’s no prop.

[j T]

Jessica Tremblay’s Level 1 Horror Emotion
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s fun for the audience when horror emotions change within a scene. The shift is clear in the outline, but when turning to script I tend to overwrite and horror emotions lose their power. Gotta work on that.

THE OUTLINE OF HORROR EMOTIONS
Apprehension / Anxiety: She practices yoga. She hears creepy guttural sound coming from the kitchen.
Surprise: She discovers Dojo the dog suffering from spasms. He pukes blood, bones and fur at her feet.
Shock: He falls motionless. Dead.

THE SCENE
INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY Joanna unrolls her yoga mat. Places her phone on top. Hands on the mat, she pushes her hips to the ceiling. Holding a Downward Dog, she swipes photos of men on Tinder. Swipe. Swipe. Accepting everyone. Her arm begins to shake.
A SHUFFLING SOUND.
She turns off the phone, puts her forehead on the mat, in Child's Pose. She looks up towards the bedroom, biting her lips. Nothing.
Then, A DEEP, GUT WRENCHING SOUNDS coming from the
KITCHEN
She tiptoes in.
A DARK SHAPE crawls around the counter. Out of sight. WAILING.
The hair on her arm stands up. She swallows.
She turns the corner to find Mike's dog, Dojo, tortured by spasms.
JOANNA
Hey. You okay?
She pats the dog’s head.
JOANNA
What’s going on?
A deep, guttural sound. A spasm. Then —
The dog throws up BLOOD, BONES, AND FUR on her bare feet. His body drops, motionless.  

• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  j T.
• This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by  j T.