Lesson 11

[Rice Rice]

Frances’ Outline
What I learned doing this assignment is an effective technique for creating an outline with engaging layers that deliver on my concept.
Here is my complete outline.
Title: Mistletoe and Whisky
Genre: Fantasy, Drama
Logline: When a cynical distiller with cancer gets snowed in his mountaintop retreat with mysterious troubadours who sing ancient Druid lyrics and whose leader is a charming pharmaceutical executive who touts the healing power of mistletoe, he finds himself brewing a toxic mix of mistletoe and his signature whisky blend that could heal or kill him.
INT. DISTILLERY MAIN ROOM — NIGHT
Jack Mulligan, 40s, the persona of a gruff, pragmatic, skeptic, grimaces and grips his side, as if he’s just felt a jolt of severe pain. Taking a deep breath, he checks the temperature of his copper vat that is embossed with his family’s crest and nods his satisfaction.
The distillery is devoid of Christmas décor, except for a lone sprig of mistletoe that sits on a bookshelf next to the photo of a woman and two boys, all smiles.
He looks up and sees through the window thick snow swirling outside.
He turns on the radio and hears a report that all local roads are closed.
When a commercial for toys plays, accompanied by ”Jingle Bells” comes on, Jack frowns and turns off the radio, demonstrating his bitterness toward the holiday and being emotionally closed off, a sentiment that’s fueling his resistance to joy and connection.
He is startled and annoyed by a knock on the door.
When he opens the door, he finds on the doorstep, his old friend and physician, Dylan “Doc” O’Shea, 40s, with deep wrinkles around his eyes and the demeanor of a Jaded wise man who’s not afraid of being sarcastic.
Doc inquires about Jack’s health and Jack dismisses his intermittent pain with a wave of his hand.
Doc jokes that maybe the cancer doesn’t want to kill him, just play with him as if he were a Christmas toy.
Jack displays his displeasure about Doc’s dark humor, making clear his hostility toward anyone trying to connect with him emotionally, especially around Christmas.
Doc shrugs off Jack’s thinly veiled criticism and responds to Jack’s inquiry about why he’s out in the snowstorm at that hour of the night by stepping aside, pointing to the two people exiting the snow-covered car, and asking Jack to shelter them until the storm passes.
Showing he is innately magnanimous, Jack agrees and waves for everyone to come inside.
Jack pours four glasses of his signature band of whisky from the copper vat and hands one to each of his guests seated on benches around the room. Clad in jeans and a plaid shirt, he sprawls on a chair and eyes the two strangers who are dressed in flowing white robes while Doc wears an ill-fitting dark suit.
Doc explains that, as the town’s Christmas festivities organizer, he found an online advertisement about singers of ancient carols and arranged for these two troubadours to perform as wandering carolers tomorrow, Christmas Eve, and picked them up at the airport this evening, just before the storm worsened.
Jack seems especially intrigued by the woman troubadour, Ellie Collins, 35, who has the aura of a charming nurturer that masks an ambitious inner core that drives her professional decisions.
Ellie reveals that left out of the advertisement is the fact that their repertoire of “ancient carols” includes ancient Druid lyrics, and they are aficionados of the healing power of mistletoe as promised in those lyrics.
She confesses, also, that the troubadour gig is part-time during the Christmas season. Her “day job” is that of a pharmaceutical executive and her interest is discovering nature-based cancer cure by experimenting with mistletoe that was used in ancient times to cure all manner of ailments.
She chatters about her belief that modern science and ancient herbal remedies—like mistletoe—can be combined to create breakthroughs in healthcare, especially in cancer treatment.
Her analysis demonstrates how she’s driven by a personal desire to make a difference and legitimize her mistletoe-based treatments but is also determined to prove her company’s products are more than just unproven folk medicine.
Jack shifts his attention to the male troubadour, Gareth O’Neill, 40s, who’s nodding his agreement with Ellie, a demonstration that he embraces eccentric, spiritual beliefs with the fervor of a charismatic but impractical street corner preacher.
Garth points to the sprig of mistletoe on the bookshelf and asks Jack if he would be interested in doing an experiment that might sound crazy. He suggests mixing the mistletoe with his signature whiskey blend, making an experimental cancer cure as touted in one ancient Druid lyric. The only other thing that would be needed is a human Guinea pig.
Jack and Doc scoff but Ellie perks up.
She rises, walks to the bookshelf, and examines the mistletoe twig while acknowledging the mistletoe’s toxicity and the lack of healing proof.
She gets distracted by the array of antiquarian books, extracts one, flips through it, and finds a folded ancient parchment in the back. She unfolds the parchment, reads and says it is an ancient Druid poem.
Excited, she starts singing the words a cappella with her soprano voice being so high-pitched that it causes the entire bookshelf to tremble and shift.
The bookshelf swings open like a door, exposing a concealed entrance to a passageway, shocking her, Jack, Gareth and Doc.
INT. PASSAGEWAY — DAY
Jack, Doc, Ellie and Gareth traverse the passageway.
INT. INNER CHAMBER — DAY
They emerge in an ancient monastery’s Abby with a mysterious poem on a wall that features mistletoe imagery.
Ellie and Gareth study the poem and interpret it.
Excited, Ellie announces that it exceeds their wildest dreams.
It is an ancient formula with the ingredients being a fermented grain and mistletoe that promises to cure all ills, body and spirit.
Ellie and Gareth encourage Jack to brew the formula in his distillery to see if it could cure his cancer.
Jack hesitates and displays a Jack experiences a flicker of curiosity about the meaning of the poem and the possibility of healing.
What, he asks, if this “cure” is just a trap that worsens his condition or hastens his death?
Doc indicates he shares Jack’s concerns, pointing out that there is no scientific evidence that such a concoction is an effective cure for any aliment, and it seems more like medical quackery.
Ellie, using her charm, overcomes Jack’s resistance and convinces him that there is really no home in brewing a small amount of the view for a taste test.
What’s the harm?
INT. DISTILLERY MAIN ROOM — DAY
Jack takes a small sample from the sprig of mistletoe resting on the bookcase.
As he mixes it with a glass of his special blend of whisky extracted from a wooden barrel, he explains to the others that his whisky consists of water, malted barley and yeast.
Brushing aside his concerns, Jack drinks the brew.
With all eyes focused on him, Jack announces that he feels nothing—no change in his physical or emotional condition.
Jack lets on that he feels validated in his skepticism.
Ellie laments that, as the CEO of her pharmaceutical company, this is the end of her dream of finding a lucrative cancer cure.
Gareth wonders if he has been misguided in having faith in the ancient Druid beliefs.
Doc pushes Jack toward emotional closure, telling him he needs to let go of the bitterness he feels over the accidental deaths of his wife and two sons that is holding him back from finding peace in his final days.
Not wanting to give up on his faith, Gareth encourages everyone to return to the inner chamber to see if they missed any clues.
With nothing to lose and maybe something to gain, they agree and head back down the passageway toward the inner chamber.
INT. INNER CHAMBER — DAY
When they enter the inner chamber and walk around, searching for more clues, they find nothing and are disappointed.
Just before leaving the inner chamber, they pause to admire the sundial in the middle of the room that Ellie declares is a work of art.
At that moment when the sundial shows it is three o’clock, a beam of sunlight flashes through a stained-glass window, creating a triangle pattern on the floor with the sundial at one point and the images of a candelabra and challis at the other two points.
After studying the images, Jack looks around and spots the candelabra and challis on a shelf.
Curious, he aligns the objects with this pattern.
The sundial slides aside, revealing the entrance to an underground crypt with a set of stairs descending into it.
Ellie grows excited and exclaims that she thinks they’re on the verge of a breakthrough that will save Jack’s life.
Jack displays high anxiety and expresses his fear that uncontrollable mystical elements are at play.
Even so, he follows the others down the stairs and into the crypt.
INT. CRYPT — DAY
Once inside, they gather around and inspect the wooden coffin in the middle that’s etched with ancient text and mistletoe images.
Ellie translates the inscription, identifying the deceased as Ruith Divitiacus.
She interprets the brief obituary inscribed on the top of the coffin.
Ruith is an ancient high Druid priest who lived to be 1,000 years old and passed away 500 years ago.
Gareth spots a family crest etched on the sides of the coffin.
Jack is shocked to see that it is his family’s crest.
When Jack lifts the coffin’s lid, they see that Ruith’s skeleton is clad in a brown robe. On his chest rests a folded white robe with an object wrapped in parchment nestled on top.
Jack extracts the object from the robe’s top and unwraps it.
Inside the parchment that’s etched with ancient Druid text is a small vial filled with a golden liquid.
Ellie translates the parchment’s text, revealing it is the same formula as that contained in the poem on the wall of the inner chamber.
Gareth opines that what Jack brewed may have different ingredient percentages and Ruith’s ancient formula might be just what will cure Jack.
Gareth conveys that he feels his belief in his faith is vindicated.
Ellie expresses her complete agreement with Gareth, saying she thinks they have now found the magical brew that will change everything.
Doc, while still skeptical, says Ellie and Gareth may be right, showing that he is experiencing a growing sense of optimism.
Jack tells the group that he might be willing to drink the brew, hoping it will heal, not kill him.
He shudders as if he is feeling that death is too close.
Jack says he wants to think more about the brew before deciding what to do.
He leads the group out of the crypt.
INT. DISTILLERY MAIN ROOM — DAY
Jack, Ellie, Gareth and Doc confer, debating whether it would be wise for Jack to consume the mysterious brew.
Jack’s assessment of the situation includes his expressing how he still sees Ellie’s efforts as naive, Gareth’s beliefs as fantasy, and Doc’s pragmatism as dismissive of his inner pain.
While Ellie confesses that she would have once advocated this human experimentation, she reveals her concern for Jack’s safety and survival, acknowledging her feelings for Jack have deepened.
She reflects on how she lost her mother to cancer when she was young.
She reveals how her mother had been a believer in alternative medicine.
Ellie confesses that she spent her life trying to prove that mistletoe extracts, like the ones her mother believed in, can make a real difference.
Sometimes, she laments with a hit of regret, that her past drives her to blur ethical lines in her quest to help people.
Jack expresses ambivalence and demonstrates growing affection for Ellie, while wondering if taking the risk with the brew might free him to love again.
He admits that the last time he hoped for something–saving his family on Christmas Eve–he was devastated by the loss of his wife and two sons when they left home during a snowstorm after an argument about the true meaning of Christmas.
His confession touches Ellie and she displays sympathy by embracing him and they share a tender moment.
Jack’s conveying his feelings causes Garreth to open up and share how he became estranged from his own family, who see his Druidic beliefs as delusional.
With sadness, Gareth recalls how their rejection of his spiritual path made him feel isolated, and his sense of self-worth became tied to proving that his beliefs have real meaning and power.
Gareth looks around and admits that he sees Jack’s distillery as a sacred place that could validate his life’s purpose.
Gareth focuses on the vial of golden brew in Jack’s hand and expresses his view if that mistletoe-infused whisky proves to have healing power, then his beliefs would have to be taken seriously and not dismissed as fantasy.
Doc takes in the scene of Ellie and Jack growing closer together and shows with his commentary his continued desire to push Jack toward accepting his terminal condition or support the possibility that something other than science could heal him.
Doc surprises everyone when he grows quiet and reveals how when he first began his practice years ago, he lost a close patient to cancer and blames himself for not doing enough.
Since that tragedy, he confesses, he has leaned on his medical training as a guide for accepting that some things are beyond his control but emotionally, he’s still haunted by the loss and fears that Jack is on the same path.
INT. DISTILLERY MAIN ROOM — DAY — LATER
With everyone being reflective and quiet, Jacke announces that he has made his decision.
He lifts the vile with the golden liquid and takes a sip while his face reflects hope that it might work.
As soon as he swallows, Jack convulses, vomits, falls to the floor, and appears to be dead.
In that tense moment, fear grips everyone, as they face the potential that they’ve pushed him too far and it’s too late.
Doc administers Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and revives Jack.
Revived, Jack acknowledges that the decision was his alone to make and he now realizes he made a mistake that could have been fatal.
The emergency causes Ellie to confess her love for Jack is more important than success as a pharmaceutical executive.
Gareth expresses just how conflicted he is over whether to cling to his need for mystical validation or accept that emotional healing might be the true magic he has sought all along.
Gareth expresses what appears to the others to be a move that would be like grasping at straws.
He pushes the idea that maybe the brew vial only works to heal when it is consumed during an ancient Druid ritual.
With renewed optimism, he leads the others back through the passageway.
INT. CRYPT — DAY
Ellie reads the parchment again and says that it contains not only the formula for the brew but also the chant for the ritual to be performed by the druid priest wearing the robe nestled atop Ruith’s skeleton.
Doc expresses his sentiment that everything is a flight of fancy.
Jack nods his agreement.
While gazing at his family’s crest, Jack, with reluctance, acknowledges it connects him to something ancient and meaningful. He confesses that he is accepting the possibility of legacy and purpose.
He laces that confession with an expression of his fear that embracing this newfound lineage will come with consequences. He laments that he may not be worthy of such power or knowledge.
Doc agrees with Jack when Jack says that the ritual might awaken something dark or uncontrollable.
Ellie attempts to ease Jack’s fears by saying that she believes Jack is destined to inherit ancient knowledge and power by conducting the ritual dressed in the robe and drinking the rest of the golden liquid.
Gareth’s enthusiasm and belief in the ritual is infectious.
Jack observes Gareth’s optimism and expresses his increasing belief that maybe magic could save him.
INT. CRYPT — DAY — LATER
Now, embracing his heritage, Jack removes the robe from atop his ancestor’s skeletal remains and puts it on.
Jack performs the ritual, saying that it might not be magic that makes the ritual work but his growing acceptance of life and love.
He takes in the worried look on Doc’s face and tries to reassure him, but makes things a bit worse by saying, also, that he knows his full participation in the ritual might open old wounds and make it impossible for him to let go of his grief, and that terrifies him.
Taking a deep breath, Jack slips on the robe and chants the ancient lyrics, creating the moment where he surrenders to hope. His action demonstrates that he is choosing to embrace the mystical process, allowing himself to believe in something bigger than himself
Ellie shows her certainty is faltering, saying that she fears that if Jack completes the ritual and it fails, there will be no other recourse to save him from his illness.
Doc surprises everyone by participating in the ancient Druid ritual while Jack chants the lyrics with Ellie and Gareth singing the words a cappella in harmony.
INT. CRYPT — DAY — LATER
The rendition of the ritual ends with a call for kissing a maiden under a mistletoe before consuming the golden liquid.
Gareth holds a mistletoe over Ellie’s head and Jack and Ellie Share a tender kiss.
Everyone expresses how they agree that the kiss under the mistletoe feels like a breakthrough, a moment of genuine emotional connection between Jack and Ellie, showing Jack that love still holds power in his life.
A moment later, Jack’s frown and words of doubt communicate that he fears that embracing love again will only lead to more loss and pain, repeating the trauma of his past.
INT. CRYPT — DAY — LATER
Jack completes the ritual by drinking the remaining golden liquid in the vial.
To the astonishment and delight of everyone, Jack announces that his cancer pain is fading.
The possibility that this ritual has worked is exhilarating and Jack expresses his hope for a future free of suffering.
Jack laments that he harbors the nagging fear that this relief is temporary, illusory and that his pain will return, making the miracle be just a fleeting dream.
Buoyed by feeling no pain, Jack rallies and fully embraces his newfound emotional and physical healing, expressing to everyone that it is a demonstration of the power of embracing life and love.
Ellie conveys her joy over how her dream of a mistletoe cancer cure has become a reality and not at the expense of human suffering but on the wings of love.
Gareth does a jig, showing his happiness over having witnessed Jack’s transformation and saying he realizes that while the ritual and golden brew play a role, the true power lies in human connection and emotional healing. He acknowledges that his beliefs need to be more flexible, and how the validation he seeks comes not from the external world but from within.
Doc shows uncharacteristic elation over Jack’s emotional transformation and expresses how he now accepts the possibility that the ancient brew of mistletoe and whisky consumed in an environment of mutual love could provide a form of healing that defies medical logic.
Jack says that it might prove beneficial for him to analyze the formula on the parchment to see if he can replicate it in his distillery since the world would benefit from having an effective cancer cure.
Everyone agrees and they head back to the distillery.
INT. DISTILLERY MAIN ROOM — DAY
Jack perks up as Ellie reads again what the script on the parchment and notices that the word for grain in the formula is plural.
Excited, Jack surmises that it is unusual to use more than one grain in a whisky formula, other than a barley malt as a starter.
Jack collects ingredients: water, yeast, barley, rye, corn, and a bit of the mistletoe sprig.
Just as he begins to brew the mixture, Garth takes the parchment from Ellie and scrutinizes it more closely.
He looks somber and says that he had a nagging suspicion that the mistletoe used in the formula was the real key to its effectiveness as a cure when coupled with a ritual done in an atmosphere of love.
Gareth announces with sadness that the text shows his suspicion is correct.
The words in the ancient text amount to an admonition that the mistletoe for the healing brew must come from a particular tree planted during a ritual and harvested by Ruith–a tree that no longer exists after 500 years.
Spurred by Gareth’s new revelation, Jack acknowledges that he may never be able to replicate the ancient brew.
Even so, Jack voices how he has come to fully embrace the fact that it is not just the physical healing but the emotional healing of letting go of his past grief that is turning his life around.
He imparts to everyone that he has hope that, even if his time is limited, he can live the rest of his life with a sense of peace and connection.
He says wistfully that he may never be able to shake off his fear about whether he can truly maintain this new outlook or whether his old bitterness and guilt will come creeping back to haunt him.
Ellie laments that she realizes that her mission was not just about proving mistletoe’s medicinal power but about helping Jack heal emotionally.
She conveys that this revelation has transformed her from a determined professional into someone who believes in the power of love and emotional vulnerability.
Gareth, having witnessed Jack’s transformation, says he now realizes that while rituals and mistletoe play a role, the true power lies in human connection and emotional healing.
He informs the other that he has come to accept that his beliefs need to be more flexible, and he now knows that the validation he seeks comes not from the external world but from within.
Doc takes in all the revelations and says that he views Jack’s emotional transformation as a success. This achievement causes Doc to announce that he has reconsidered his previously jaded view on the limits of healing.
Jack expresses his need to go back to the crypt and return Ruith’s spirit to his state of eternal rest.
Jack leads a procession of Ellie, Gareth, and Doc out of the distillery and into the passageway.
INT. CRYPT — DAY
Jack takes the robe off, folds it, places it on top of Ruith’s skeleton, and closes the coffin’s lid.
INT. INNER CHAMBER — DAY
They step outside of the crypt into the inner chamber and put the objects they had arranged on the floor in the pattern revealed by the stained glass back in their places.
The wall slides shut, concealing the crypt.
Ellie nestles against Jack and says that she is also embracing a more balanced view of her work and beliefs.
She tells everyone that she no longer sees the mistletoe-whisky brew and ancient rituals as the sole solution to healing but as part of a larger journey of emotional and physical wellness.
She confides in everyone that her self-image as both an herbalist and a corporate CEO has shifted and she sees the value of balancing idealism with ethical business practices.
She acknowledges that her new-found relationship with Jack as she helps him heal emotionally has become a catalyst for her own growth, representing a new chapter where she blends love, healing, and ethics in both her personal and professional life.
Gareth, showing a sense of serenity that he has not displayed before now, says that he is fully accepting that while his Druidic practices have value and hold profound truths, they are not the only path to healing.
Doc expresses how he has found peace with himself, letting go of his need for external validation, and embracing a more balanced approach to spirituality.
Doc’s smile is tentative, and he opines that, while he accepts that not all healing is within the realm of medical science, he can’t help but remain skeptical of the mystical elements, however witnessing Jack’s emotional and physical transformation has softened him.
Doc reveals that he has a renewed sense of belief in the power of human connection and physical healing isn’t the only kind that matters.
With this impromptu ritual, Jack’s demeanor shows signs of shifting from his being a misanthropic, cynical man and someone who is opening to the idea of joy, human connection, and, ultimately, personal healing, paralleling the Druidic theme of renewal.
Jack professes that he has now let go of his past grief and guilt, ready to face his mortality with peace and a sense of connection to those around him, something that would not have happened had it not been for that magical ancient brew of mistletoe and whisky.

[Anna Maganini]

There seem to be two Lesson 11 Forums. I think the other one is the right one for Outline – Part 2! But I am posting in both.

I still need a partner to exchange outline critiques! Tel. is 323-817-9216 -Email is – annamaganini@sbcglobal.net

– Though I prefer someone who writes thrillers or drama, I really just want someone who is thorough and interested and good at feedback, even if it is not in their chosen genre. I just had a bad experience in another WIM class with a partner who said he could not give me much (really he didn't give me any) feedback, because this was not his genre! I just do not want someone like that. But otherwise, please get in touch with me!

What I learned from doing this lesson (+ Lesson 10 before it)- Good God! I got it done, though it is messy still. Though it’s hard going sometimes, I am amazed how the outline starts taking on more substance and depth with each pass. Very gratifying. I know I have extra details. But it helps me when I begin to write the story.

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Title – HALF HOUR SHOWER (Placeholder title)

Genre – Psychological Thriller

HIGH CONCEPT –
*** Play with your neighbors – but in this game, win or lose, you die.

LOGLINE – A crippled Afghanistan war vet moves into a co-op and gets caught up in neighborly games that turn deadly – especially for vets. But who runs the game?

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ACT 1 –

OPENING –

SCENE 1

INT./EXT. QUAINT CO-OP BUILDING – DAY

Rainey, crippled by a bomb in Afghanistan, moves into her new co-op – meets Josh and Kayla having a domestic fight, plus a cute-plain neighbor / instant crush, and a furtive Afghan man and his son who’s in a wheelchair.

Cute-plain guy tries to help her, knocks her down. She is charmed.

SCENE 2

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT KITCHEN – DAY

SETUP-Friend Bonnie warns Rainey of TV news: a psycho is killing war vets.

REVEAL-Unfazed, she bakes cookies for neighbors, hangs Purple Heart on wall

LAYER-She also hangs a picture of a little boy on the wall (her son)

SCENE 3

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DOORWAY (+LIVING ROOM) – DAY

LAYER-Cute-plain guy apologizes, invites her to play ‘neighborly’ games

LAYER – cute-plain seems friendly, but is he? Friend Bonnie warns her-hints what Rainey is doing is dangerous (We don’t know yet the secret of what she is doing)

SCENE 4

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SON’S ROOM – DAY

CJ+LAYER-Rainey is done baking. Alone with sons pic, lonely, she calls him, promises he will move in with her soon, puts up Mickey Mouse clock she got for his room.

SCENE 5

EXT. PLAIN-CUTE GUYS’ APARTMENT – DAY

CJ-She leaves cookies for cute-plain guy with note-nice to know you!+heart emoji

SCENE 6

INT. HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

LAYERS-Rainey takes cookies to Afghani neighbors Bobo and dad Sack

LAYERS-She has PTSD episode-they are playing same Afghan music she heard when land mine crippled her in Afghanistan. But the neighbors calm her.

LAYERS-Both Rainey and old man have hidden histories-he has Arabic word/motto in his home, he was a translator for U.S. soldiers, she was a soldier-Clues.

LAYER-She invites Sack and Bobo to join the ‘neighborly’ games with her.

LAYER – Bobo says yes, Sack wants no part of it, does something suspicious??

SCENE 7

EXT. POOL OR GARDEN – DAY

The rules to join sound fun-either bake salty cookies for neighbors, have a pool baptism, or plant friendship seeds in the garden, take pics, post on communal board. Rainey and Bobo enjoy the pool, though both are disabled and Bobo can’t swim. They post pics.
(Need way to introduce the game rules in a cool way)

SCENE 8

INT. CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY

Rainey gives Kayla-Josh cookies as they fight over debt problems and a threatening note. Josh pushes Rainey, cane and cookies fall to floor. Kayla helps her, makes friends

LAYER – Kayla finds out Rainey is a war vet and mom.

LAYER-Kayla seems sweet but targets neighbors-has disturbing side under the nice.

INCITING INCIDENT –

SCENE 9

INT. CO-OP LOBBY-MAIL AREA – EVENING

Rainey gets accepted into neighborly games, (need cool way to do it), gets her first neighborly message – ‘how long does it take to bake cookies?’ Her answer – ‘an hour’. There’s another answer – ‘15 minutes to make kulche birinjee’ She smiles – Bobo.

LAYER-She writes her own question-how long does it take to make friends here?

LAYER – An answer is already waiting – ‘Don’t make friends here – EVER!’

LAYER -Neighborly games turn ominous. There’s no one around. WHO LEFT IT?

SCENE 10

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT DOOR – DAY

LAYER-Another note waits outside her apartment – How long does it take you to shower?’ WHAT? She grows agitated, uneasy.

SCENE 11

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY

LAYER – Inside, she finds yet another note. Someone’s been inside her home! The note asks: ’Do you want to play a more serious game?’

LAYER – CJ – Frightened, she goes to lock all her doors and windows, sees cute-plain guy outside gardening. He innocently waves. She waves back.

LAYER – the games that were so friendly have become invasive and dangerous

LAYER-Cute-plain guy eats her cookie. Maybe notes are his innocent way to flirt

LAYER – She reconsiders. Nervous, she answers the notes – ‘Half hour shower’ on one note and ‘Yes’ on the other, leaves them outside her door.

SCENE 12

EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING

LAYER-A gloved hand reaches for first note, reads it, puts it back, takes the 2nd note.

SCENE 13

INT./EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING

Minutes later, a knock. Rainey opens. No one there but a response on 1st note says- Let’s meet tomorrow-after the half hour shower. Smiley emoji. Is he weirdo or wonderful

SCENE 14

EXT. RAINEY’S DOOR – EVENING

LAYER – Jittery, Rainey opens the door again, leaves one last note – ‘It’s a date’.

SCENE 15

INT. SON’S BEDROOM – DAY

LAYER – Next day Rainey fixes up her son’s room, gets it ready for him.

SCENE 16

INT. RAINEY’S BEDROOM – DAY

LAYER – She picks out the dress and earrings she’ll wear for her date.

SCENE 17

LAYER – INT. JOSH AND KAYLA’S APARTMENT – DAY

Josh and Kayla get a note in their apartment: ’How long does it take you to rob a place?’ Kayla, tearful but determined, writes – ‘half hour’, pins it outside.

SCENE 18

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DAY

LAYER – Rainey finds the clocks in her home missing, even the Mickey Mouse clock

SCENE 19

INT. RAINEY’S BATHROOM – DAY

LAYER-She finds secret door in bathroom. Locked. Can’t open it. Where does it lead?

SCENE 20

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT DOOR – DAY

LAYER – Bobo gets a question pinned to his door – ‘how long for piano practice?’ He writes a note with Arabic letterhead that says ‘half hour’, pins it outside door

SCENE 21

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BATHROOM – DAY

LAYER – Rainey gets in the shower, ready for a date with cute-plain guy.

SCENE 22

INT. CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY

LAYER-Kayla is in shock over new note telling them what to rob. Josh forces her.

TURNING POINT –

SCENE 23

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY

REVEAL+NEW LAYER-As Rainey showers, she hears robbers invade her home!

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ACT 2:

NEW PLAN – (TICKING TIME BOMB)

SCENE 24

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY

REVEAL-Rainey hears Kayla. Relieved, she calls to her friend. It’s all a mistake, right? But-no mistake. Reveal of some sort in how Kayla reacts. She’s no friend.

SCENE 25

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BEDROOM/LIVING ROOM – DAY

LAYER – Kayla and Josh find a gun in Rainey's apartment with a note for them.

SCENE 26

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY

REVEAL-Rainey finds a gun in shower and note explaining she is in a game. Shower in a half hour as robbers rob you in a half hour. Finish first, you kill them. Finish last, they kill you. Finish before time’s up, your gun backfires and kills you. NO CLOCKS! GO!

PLAN IN ACTION – (Follow the Rules – Til You Can’t)

SCENE 27

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – DAY
High-stress as they go against each other and the mystery Game Runner. Rainey has a nervous breakdown. The others brandish guns like psychopaths, Josh threatens to shoot up her son’s room first. Both sides continue to shower, rob, and count feverishly.

SCENE 28

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY

LAYER+ MYSTERY – Rainey hears ticking sound, doesn’t know where it’s coming from as she counts and showers desperately. It’s ruining her count. A CLOCK? Can’t find it.

SCENE 29

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM – DAY

Josh gathers Rainey’s stuff and puts it on a cart as Kayla keeps count and lugs the cart outside, empties it, comes back. They work furiously.

SETUP – Josh wants to kill the game runner, whoever it is. Kayla makes him focus.

SCENE 30

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY

Rainey falls, hurts herself, calls robbers for help. She left her pills and cane in her room. They refuse. Desperate, hurt, she puts on a bathrobe, leaves the shower running.

A new note mysteriously pinned to her shower orders her back in the shower.

WHO IS THE PERSON? HOW DO THEY KNOW? HOW DO THEY GET IN?

The smell of baking cookies wafts from a vent. It’s Afghani birinjee! The Game Runner knows what she’s doing by sense of smell-Rainey invents a name-THE SNIFFER!

Rainey screams to robbers – it’s THE SNIFFER, he smells through the vents!

She rubs bamboo charcoal on herself to mask her smell, puts on her bathrobe.

Suddenly a smell of gas fumes from the vents chokes her and the robbers.

SCENE 31

INT. RAINEY’S BEDROOM – DAY

She tumbles out of the bathroom. They are all coughing and suffocating.

SETUP-She finds Kayla near a vent doing something, but Kayla quickly gets up.

LET’S BREAK THE RULES!-Rainey asks robbers to help find THE SNIFFER. Josh agrees, wants to kill THE SNIFFER who got him in debt. Kayla wants to finish the game.

Josh is caught between wanting to kill THE SNIFFER and wanting to kill Rainey to win. Kayla nudges him against Rainey. He spills Rainey’s pills on purpose, takes her cane.

LAYER-As Rainey reaches for her pill tin, Kayla puts down a round object about same size. Rainey grabs it instead of pill tin (deliberately?), along with a plastic library card.

LAYER-A new note announces: ‘even if both sides end on time, you die. No double victory allowed. Guns will backfire and kill both sides as they kill each other.’

LAYER-This makes Josh go berserk, as Kayla accuses Rainey of leaving the shower and ‘finishing too early’ and Josh aims to shoot her.

LAYER – Kayla is manipulating Josh into shooting Rainey.

Rainey escapes to – her son’s room…

SCENE 32

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT – SON’S ROOM – DAY

MASS INSANITY – Triple Insanity – Rainey is a good hider, but Josh shoots at every hiding place. The gun doesn’t backfire like the rules said! Rainey peeks. It’s because Josh has cheated and brought his own gun!

He finds her. In his rage and insanity, he forgets which gun is which, uses wrong gun.

Kayla screams: Shoot too early and it backfires! Too late. He’s dead.

SCENE 33

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT BEDROOM – DAY

Afraid, Rainey and Kayla see a new note on the dresser. ‘Don’t think of working together or finishing too late. A bomb will go off, killing you both’. So – WIN OR LOSE, BOTH DIE!

The two hug; for a moment, it feels like friendship. Rainey again asks Kayla to work together. THERE IS NO WAY TO WIN! Unless they find the Game Runner. But Kayla has an evil plan to kill Rainey first – and soon. She holds up Josh’s good gun.

REVEAL-Kayla will kill her! Rainey escapes to the bathroom. Both resume the race, giving Rainey time to think.

SCENE 34

INT. RAINEY’S APARTMENT SHOWER – DAY

LAYER-Rainey hears the ticking sound again-the clock! She rubs more charcoal on, leaves shower running. Looks again, finally finds the bomb deep under bathroom sink.

LAYER-A new strange scent comes from the bathroom vent – curry!!!

Rainey takes the bomb and gun, uses plastic library card to unlock the mystery door.

SCENE 35

INT. BUILDING TUNNELS – DAY

LAYER-(+SOME KIND OF REVEAL) Rainey sees an arm. A gloved, masked ninja turns a corner, runs away in the tunnel. Rainey takes up the chase, crippled and slow, enters series of tunnels and warrens through which THE SNIFFER moves!

Ideas -Slippery floors, round echoey walls, hard for crippled Rainey to get a grasp

LAYER-Fear and excitement build as she closes in on Game Runner while bomb she carries ticks away. Ideas -THE SNIFFER puts obstacles in path-she uses DIY devices to bust out, Scratches or digs her way out? Walls in tunnel contract, she can’t breathe?

She outsmarts THE SNIFFER in some way, is about to rip off their ninja mask when-

THE SNIFFER escapes and disappears.

Rainey emerges from the tunnel to another locked door, unlocks it with the card, enters.

SCENE 36

INT. UNKNOWN APARTMENT – DAY

LAYER – An apartment. Person’s back is turned. Note on door challenges her to shoot this person, see if her gun will backfire. Curry steam wafts in air. Vision, hearing foggy.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT –

SCENE 37

INT. UNKNOWN APARTMENT – DAY

REVEAL – Everything clears, she sees her furniture piled in the room, her son’s things, hears music, same Afghani music she heard before. The person turns around. Bobo, the disabled kid! He’s playing the piano. Bobo is THE SNIFFER???!!!!

==============

ACT 3:

RETHINK EVERYTHING – (Bobo as the Game Runner)

SCENE 38

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

LAYER-She accuses, grills him on his suspicious dad, takes his wheelchair, puts bomb in his apartment. He sobs. It’s not him! Kayla’s using apartment to store stolen stuff.

LAYER-Something makes her think he did it more-story dad went to buy more curry?

NEW PLAN –

SCENE 39

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Rainey sees her son’s stuff, moves it from Bobo’s apartment as bomb ticks down

Kayla comes in with a load. She and Rainey have confrontation, give both their secret identities away. Kayla is the Game Runner. Rainey is investigating recent vet deaths.

REVEAL?-I HAVEN’T WORKED OUT THIS PART AND THE EXPOSITION YET- Kayla is a virulent anti war activist who wants to kill anyone who’s served in the military. She knew Rainey was a former soldier, and she engineered Josh’s death, another vet. Bobo is just collateral but his dad was an Afghan who helped U.S. soldiers during the war.

OR – Rainey knows it’s her, but doesn’t let on! (Not sure yet which way to go)

Surface Layer: Kayla is the last one you’d suspect as the Game Runner.

Beneath: She is THE SNIFFER and mastermind getting people to die

How Revealed: Here – or later in awkward shooting through the wall in Act 4.

TURNING POINT – HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT – (Kayla as the Game Runner)

SCENE 40

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

REVEAL/NEW LAYER/SETUP-Kayla grabs bomb back, starts a new game with bomb here now. Bobo must play piano while Rainey moves son stuff back in. Til bomb blows.

IDEAS FOR KAYLA’S GAME – Not well worked out yet –

To Bobo-What’s longest song you know? Play that one-if you finish it before your dad gets home, I spare him. If he comes home first, he dies and you die.

Kayla will blow up the bomb right by Bobo cuz he can’t move without wheelchair

To Rainey -What’s your most valuable possession? Son’s artwork.

Kayla starts burning all Rainey’s son’s clothes and toys and artwork-one by one

If you move all the furniture back before Bobo gets done, I spare your son’s artwork. If you don’t get done in time, I burn it and go find your son and kill him.

Rainey and Bobo move/play fast as they can. Kayla mocks them and bomb ticks down.

PLAY FAST AND MAYBE YOU WON’T DIE! FASTER. FASTER. FASTER!
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ACT 4:

FINAL PLAN – (Rainey as the Game Runner)

SCENE 41

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Suddenly the ticking time bomb stops. Everyone freezes.

REVEAL -Kayla says-Time’s UP! She takes out the round object she thinks is her bomb detonator and game control box. But she’s holding Rainey’s empty pill tin!

CLIMAX / ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT –

SCENE 42

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

REVEAL – Rainey pulls out the bomb detonator/control box she took from the dresser earlier instead of her empty pill tin. RAINEY IS THE GAME RUNNER NOW.

REVEAL-(need more setups for Reveal that Rainey is really working with Veteran’s Affairs to investigate who is killing war vets. Or it may stay higher up where I have it.

SCENE 43

INT. CO-OP HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

INTRIGUE – How to make Kayla a pawn in the game ? Maybe Rainey makes her haul the dead Josh out of her apt. and out of the building with bomb going off at any moment strapped to Kayla as Bobo plays piano. But Josh’s body is heavy and Kayla is hurt???

Kayla begs, feels the helplessness of being a pawn in the game. From hallway, she gives Rainey instructions on how to stop bomb as she struggles with Josh body. Rainey pretends to make a mistake, has to start again. The bomb could go off any moment.

SCENE 44

INT. HALLWAY/RAINEY’S APARTMENT/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Maybe a girl fight????

SCENE 45
INT. HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY
LAYER-Desperate Kayla drops Josh in hallway, takes bomb off, runs in Bobo apartment and steals controller from Rainey, drops the bomb in apartment, leaves Rainey and Bobo without cane or wheelchair, as the bomb gets ready to blow. She taunts Rainey to shoot her through the wall, see what happens. Maybe the gun won’t backfire after all.

SCENE 46

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

LAYER-Heart-pounding tension, not knowing who, what to fight. Is Bobo in with Kayla?

LAYER – Sack the dad arrives with his curry. Is Sack in with Kayla?

CJ – Rainey stops to meditate on her kid and how she’s got to do this for him???

SCENE 47

INT. CO-OP HALLWAY/BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Kayla shoots Rainey through wall but gun doesn’t backfire on her! A switch to turn it off?

SCENE 48

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY

Rainey asks Bobo/Sack??? to do something brave to prove themselves? It fails?

Hurt, unable to escape, out of options, a desperate Rainey undoes the switch on her gun, shoots spastically and desperately through wall at random with her crippled hand. Shots go haywire. Bobo and Sack help her. Bobo on the floor helps keep her upright. Sack helps her aim as he prays to Allah.

DEEPER MEANING-CJ -Sack feels deep kinship to his religion and land of his birth (Afghanistan), Rainey feels she must survive for her child ?? Harness all her resources.

RESOLUTION –

(I DON’T LOVE THIS ENDING YET, MORE OF A PLACEHOLDER)

SCENE 49

INT. DESTROYED CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY

Rainey’s haywire shots somehow hit Kayla.

REVEAL – Explosion finally goes off. But not in Bobo’s apartment. Kayla, who’s in the hallway, was wearing a suicide vest! And it blew when Rainey’s haywire shots got it.

SCENE 50

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT DOORWAY – DAY

REVEAL-Rainey sobs, wanted JUSTICE IN A COURT for Kayla! She was investigating vet deaths. She had her! Bobo, crying, comforts her, says she couldn’t have known Kayla was wearing a suicide vest. Sirens sound in the distance, getting closer.

OR – Bobo, crying, wonders why the bomb didn’t go off in his apartment. Rainey says she had already turned it off with the bomb controller, as she had no plans to blow up Kayla. She wanted her to see justice!

OR – ????

SCENE 51

INT. DESTROYED CO-OP HALLWAY – DAY

REVEAL-Nearby doorbell rings. Rainey peeks out, sees cute-plain guy at her door, eying devastation in the hallway, holding a bouquet of flowers. “Didn’t we have a date?”

INT. BOBO’S APARTMENT – DAY (OPTIONAL) (NOT SURE ABOUT THIS)
Bonnie…comes with a crew, to reveal Rainey and her veterans investigation.???

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