Lesson 11

[Rodney Cavin]

Intertwine The Three Sequences to Create Plot

What I learned. That assembling the basic structure a foundation is created on which to continue to build and enhance the story.

When I first looked at the assignment it looked daunting, but then as I realized how things fit, it was easy. But I’ve changed elements of the previous lessons so I had to ensure that previous elements fit the update.

I think I’m set for the next additions.

Structure:

• OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?

TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s apartment.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Filed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly guy and since she was here, asks her about the killing.

MIDPOINT: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villaiin’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.paents
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?

TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed.

CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.

RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom Day 11 Reveals

What I learned is…Reveals are two parts. The coverup and then the reveal. However, they produce many emotions for the audience (MIS). Jordan Peele talks about the connection between comedy and horror being the reveal. They are both based in quality reveals. GET OUT!, THE BOURNE IDENTITY, MICHAEL CLAYTON, etc. these provide a master class in reveals. This is the part we need to learn to control and understand on the deepest levels because this is at the heart of the relationship between the story and the audience. You generate quality reveals and you show everyone you have it. These are the goods. Think of the beginning of Breaking Bad. A good reveal explodes off the screen. They had 10. It keeps the audience interested and shows everyone you are in control.

3 Reveals I am discussing at length

1. My main character’s single mother was killed by her date. The reveal is that the man who kills her is expertly trained. It got covered up as an innocent date, but it was really an elaborate part of The Villain’s plan. The MIS used is at the heart of my story…why would this single mother get killed in this way. It is THE BIG MYSTERY…Why was Ana killed? This reveal has several parts. The transformation for my main character is…she never really suspected her mother was killed. What would you do with that information? Her sister has a different reaction to the killing. The question becomes who was responsible for her mother’s killing. And Why? It is like… why did Bourne lose his memory. What does he do about it? The answer has many parts. This is just one part and it is called a reveal.
2. Jewel has returned after 10 years to expose their mother’s killer. The coverup is that she is struggling mentally. However, she uses this cover to get inside with the people she believes are responsible for their mother’s death. She must use her sister’s resources jeopardizing her sister’s career.
3. Margaret Doud created Miranda to protect herself from political threats and Ana discovered their existence. Ana was an unknowing whistleblower and that’s what got her killed. The reveals are connected to The Big Mystery. Ana killed..why? Her daughter returned why? Vivian was dragged into this mystery and found what? My reveals are designed to propel the story forward and keep things interesting for the audience. When someone is killed what lies on the other side? Truby says…A thriller is a combination of Detective and Horror, is about uncovering the killer while escaping his attacks. I think there is some truth to this idea for a quality thriller. The reveals need to ratchet up the danger. Finding out the truth might get you killed. That is the design I am striving for.

Latest Thriller Map – Day 11

Opening – A single mother going on a first date with a co-worker and her two daughters.

Life threatening 1 (Twist – 9. A trust is violated, 1. Something planned for doesn’t happen) – Her date steals her credit card.
Life Threatening 2 – Ana finds out the card is stolen and notifies the police. (Twist – 4. A New problem occurs)
Mystery #1 – Who stole her card? Was it really her date? Why?
Life Threatening 3 – She calls her date, Gary to come help her because she doesn’t suspect him and doesn’t have anyone else.
Mystery #2 – Why did Gary remove all evidence and drug Ana? (Twist – 5. A lie is uncovered, Twist 11. It just got more dangerous.)
Reveal 1 – We see Gary as a friendly date, but Gary is really a trained killer.
Villain’s Plan 1(Twist 11. It just got more dangerous.) – Hide Ana’s evidence/body.
Life Threatening 4/Catalyst – Gary kills Ana and drives her car off a cliff w/body.
Life Threatening 5 – (Twist 6. New Consequences emerge) Her daughters are left alone not knowing what happened to their mother.
Reveal #2 -Gary kills Ana and her two daughters are put into the system.
Overall Big Mystery – Why was Ana killed?
Mystery #3 -What is going to happen to Vivian and Jewel now?

Inciting Incident – 10 years later and Ana’s daughters have taken 2 very different paths from the system. Vivian has flourished to help people and police during crisis. Jewel ended up spiraling downward and going to prison. Jewel has returned to Vivian’s life and moved in with a known drug dealer. Vivian takes it upon herself to try and help her.
(Shorthand – Jewel comes back into Vivian’s life after being separated for 10 years)

Life Threatening 1 – Vivian works at a Suicide Hotline and gets a call.
Mystery #4 – Is the caller her sister?
Distrust – Sister returns from tragic past with little explanation
Mystery #5 – Why did her sister return to San Diego?
Reveal #3 – 10 years later Vivian and Jewel come out of the system changed.
Life Threatening 2/Mystery #6 – Jewel moves in with a drug dealer.
Trust – The mayor is sponsoring her new business
Distrust – Kaye doesn’t like assignment w/Vivian
Life Threatening 3 (Twist 10. We see an unexpected side of someone.)– Vivian is opening a business working with police and people in crisis.
Mystery #7 – Who are her new police contacts?
Trust – Jewel asks Vivian for help
Life Threatening 4 – She suspects Jewel called the hotline to be helped. Gets her into a facility.
Mystery #8 – How will Jewel respond to Vivian’s help?
Trust – She assigned Vivian to help her sister as a test case
Distrust – Jewel breaks rules of treatment
Life Threatening 5 (Twist 6. A lie is uncovered) – Vivian uncovers Jewel has agreed to work with Sheriff Kaye’s Unit as an informant against her drug dealing boyfriend.
Distrust – Kaye doesn’t tell Vivian he is working with her sister.
Distrust – Jewel working w/Kaye as a CI
Mystery #9 – Why is Jewel working with Police?
Life Threatening 6/Mystery 10 – Jewel escapes rehab.
Distrust – Sister is almost killed during undercover assignment
Life Threatening 7/Mystery 11 – Jewel is almost killed on her first Informant assignment with Kaye. Flees the scene. Why did they try to kill Jewel?
Distrust – Jewel almost killed during operation
Distrust – Doud insists she find her sister
Villain’s Plan #2 – Kill Jewel.
Distrust – Doud tries to kill Jewel

TP#1 – Deputy Kaye and Alex try to kill Jewel at a stakeout.

Life Threatening 1 – Vivian tries to track a missing Jewel.
Mystery 12 – Is Jewel still alive?
Distrust – Kaye wants to find Jewel
Life Threatening 2 – Frances gets Vivian files about her disappearance.
Life Threatening 3 – Discovers Jewel is alive and in hiding from a covert group.
Mystery #13 – Who is Jewel hiding from?
Trust – Jewel returns w/explanation
Reveal #4 – Jewel is positioning herself to uncover Ana’s killer.

MP – Ana’s body is recovered.

Life Threatening 1 – Frances is found dead.
Mystery 14 – Who killed Frances?
Life Threatening 1 – Reports/Evidence/Surveillance reveal someone killed Ana.
Mystery 15 – Who killed Ana?
Distrust – Jewel shows her evidence that Doud was the trigger person on Ana’s killing
Life Threatening 2(Twist 1. Something unplanned for happens) – Jewel reveals to Vivian Ana was a whistleblower.
Mystery 16 – What did Ana expose as a whistleblower?

TP #2 – The Miranda Men make an attempt on Vivian’s Life.

Distrust – Doud tries to kill Vivian.
Mystery 17 – Who tried to kill Vivian?
Villain’s Plan 3 – Kill Vivian.
Life Threatening 1 – Mayor orders the Miranda Men to kill The Loco Girls (Vivian and Jewel).
Reveal #5 – Margaret is positioning herself to protect her secret by using Vivian to weaken Jewel.
Villain’s Plan 4 – The Mayor created the Miranda Men to fend off threats. Ana found out.
Reveal #6 – Margaret created the Miranda Men for protection.
Distrust- Kaye is killed by Doud
Mystery 18 – Will The Miranda Men kill them?
Life Threatening 2 – The Miranda Men surround the Agave House.
Reveal #7 – The Miranda Men are trying to kill Vivian and Jewel to protect their secret.
Trust – Jewel saves Vivian from hit attempt by Doud.
Reveal #8 – Margaret won’t stop until Vivian and Jewel are dead.

Crisis – Vivian decides to help her sister fight the Miranda Men.
Reveal #9 – Margaret is going to use Gary to take the fall for Ana.
Twist – The Mayor is killed.
Reveal #10 – Miranda Men kill Margaret.
Climax – Vivian and Jewel escape.

Resolution –Vivian and Jewel have a memorial on the beach for their dead mother.

• This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.
• This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.

[Rodney Cavin]

Correct upload error

Thriller Day 11

Creating Demand for Reveals

What I learned is this less was the affect reveals can have on the audience anticipation in the adventure. Again I began by struggling to find the reveals in the thriller map or the story direction in my head till I realized once again that there are none there. This lesson teaches us to create them! Thanks, Hal. Building the map in this manner is what builds the M.I.S. in every scene, exposing the real story over time.

1. Important reveals for the audience to experience:

• Anthony is the villain.
• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Kelli knows how to defend herself.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.

Sequence them to fit into the Thriller Map.

• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Anthony is the villain.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.

Sequence them to fit into the Thriller

OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1:
Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli.
Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2:
Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder
Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3:
Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted.
Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip.
The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house.
Mystery – Who is Richard?
Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house.
Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees.
Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted.
The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder?
Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust?
Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4:
Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift.
Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5:
Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes.
Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
Richard follows her.
Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6:
Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened.
Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murde weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment.
The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger.
Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her?
Mystery – What will Anthony do next?Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will.
Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way.
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7:
Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel.
Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8:
Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker.
Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli.
Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves.
Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9:
Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli.
Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.

RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.

About the reveals:
They add to the M.I.S. of the thriller map. Some of these are reveals to the audience before Kelli finds them out thus adding considerable tension as, unknowingly, Kelli continues ahead unaware to the new danger waiting for her.