Lesson 11

[Tina Howe]

What I learned is that this “map” is a great big jumble now, not what I would call a map, with tons of repetition and things out of place. Most of the things I listed as twists in previous lessons are the reveals.

Tina’s Dramatic Reveals

REVEAL 1:

Direction: Julie dreams of being in a car accident.

Mystery: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident in which she’s driving and crashes.

Reveal: It’s a flashback/dream.

REVEAL 2:

Intrigue: Frantic breathing in the dark.

Mystery: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.

Reveal: Julie wakes up from a coma.

REVEAL 3:

Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?

Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?

Reveal: Julie’s a prisoner.

REVEAL 4:

Mystery: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.

Distrust: Peters lies to The Operator about Julie’s condition.

Reveal/Twist: Caretaker Peters wants to use Julie in his own escape plan.

REVEAL 5:

Trust: She reprimands Peters for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy.

Life threatening: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.

Reveal/Twist: The Operator tortures the employees if they disagree.

REVEAL 6:

Mystery: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.

Distrust: Peters says he doesn’t know Julie’s true name.

Reveal/Trust: He leaves a computer screen open with her info so she can see her father’s address and phone number.

REVEAL 7:

Direction: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead.

Twist: The newborn isn’t dead.

Reveal/Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.

REVEAL 8:

Direction: Julie finds an auction announcement in The Operator’s office.

Direction: Julie overhears The Operator’s online meetings.

Reveal/Twist: Julie discovers The Operator’s diabolical plan: She’s selling transhuman infants.

REVEAL 9:

Twist: Something she said rang true.

Mystery: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.

Reveal: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, she killed her mother?) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.

REVEAL 10:

Villain’s Plan: The cold Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”

Twist: She watches the Operator plug herself into electronic equipment.

Reveal/Twist: The Operator is transhuman A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.

REVEAL 11:

Direction: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”

Distrust: She won’t let Peters examine the dead infants or perform autopsies.

Reveal/Red Herring’s Plan: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.

REVEAL 12:

Direction: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie and takes the key card away.

Distrust: Peters tells the Operator that Julie stole his key card.

Reveal/Trust: Peters had stolen one of the worker’s/a duplicate keycard and leaves it with Julie.

REVEAL 13:

Life threatening: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.

Life threatening: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions him.

Reveal/Twist: The Operator kills Peters.

REVEAL 14:

Life threatening: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.

Life threatening: The Operator catches Julie.

Reveal/Twist: Julie’s baby will be turned into a transhuman.

REVEAL 15:

Life threatening: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.

Life threatening: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder.

Reveal/Twist: Julie has birthed 5 children over the years.

REVEAL 16:

Direction: Julie is being put back into a coma.

Twist: Julie fights back, escapes.

Reveal/Life threatening: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.

REVEAL 17:

Twist: Her father arrives with police and ambulances.

Twist: Something Julie had told her father about her mother rang true.

Reveal/Direction: Julie makes it outside the building.

[Mariannjely Garcia]

Mariannjely’s Dramatic Reveals

I learned during this assignment that a reveal must be written with a dramatic impact and crafted with mystery, intrigue, and suspense. My reveals and twists in the story were intertwined.

REVEAL 1:

· Mystery: Why are they taking blood tests for drugs instead of urine?

· Suspense: the syringe enters the skin.

· Reveal: One of the foreign women has an STD and is sent home.

REVEAL 2:

· Intrigue: Nick flirts with Ariana.

· Reveal: Nick is Karen’s secret lover.

REVEAL 3:

· Intrigue: There is an area off limits.

· Suspense: Ariana goes to the area off-limits.

· Reveal: There is a dead body inside a barrel.

· Mystery: who’s that?

REVEAL 4:

· Suspense: Nick is on his way to the area off limits.

· Reveal: The body is the woman who was supposed to be sent home.

· Mystery: Why was she killed?

REVEAL 5:

· Intrigue: Nick finds Ariana with the dead body.

· Reveal: Nick knew about this.

· Mystery: Is she going to hurt her?

REVEAL 6:

· Intrigue: Nick tells Ariana what’s happening.

· Mystery: Can she trust him?

· Reveal: Reveal: Nick is also a victim.

REVEAL 7:

· Intrigue: Nick takes her to an off-limits area.

· Mystery: Will he kill Ariana?

· Suspense: Karen is looking at them through the cameras.

· Reveal: The other women locked in rooms, donating blood.

REVEAL 8:

· Intrigue: there is an aftertaste in the wine.

· Mystery: what’s in the wine?

· Reveal: The wine tastes like…blood.

REVEAL 9:

· Intrigue: Ariana is locked in a room.

· Mystery: where is Nick? Did he die?

· Suspense: Karen approaches.

· Reveal: The auction is for women, not for wine.

REVEAL 10:

· Intrigue: Ariana managed to call the police.

· Suspense: Policemen are at the door.

· Reveal: The police belong to Karen. She rules the area.

REVEAL 11:

· Intrigue: Ariana is locked in a room again.

· Mystery: what’s Karen going to do with her?

· Suspense: The Vineyard is on fire.

· Reveal: The Hispanic workers turn against Karen.

REVEAL 12:

· Intrigue: Ariana works as a sommelier at an elite hotel. She pours wine to an important client who requested her.

· Mystery: who is the client?

· Reveal: The Vineyard is a family business. Karen has a daughter in Europe that comes back.

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden—Dramatic Reveals Assignment 11

What have I learned?

Surprised at how many revels my story idea already had. As I create the first draft, I’ll be able to include these to good effect as well as have the opportunity to add more.

List of reveals:

Reveal 1

· Mystery: who are new neighbors?

· Reveals: Michael meets when they plead for help.

Revel 2

· Mystery: Shooting and screaming – What’s going on?

· Intrigue: women running towards Michael’s cabin

· Reveal: Ex husband trying to kidnap daughter

Reveal 3

· Mystery: Why plant drugs and body?

· Intrigue: Police responding to disturbance, find drugs and body

· Reveal: Michael being hunted

Reveal 4

· Mystery: Spasm. What’s wrong with the girl?

· Intrigue: convulsions followed by screams in the forest

· Reveal: Monster is related to girl

Reveal 5

· Mystery: How will they escape?

· Reveal: fire tower and short-wave radio

Reveal 6

· Intrigue: Cops and Cult exchange fire, while Michael is cornered in fire tower.

· Reveal: one cop kills another, revealing that he is in league with the cult

· Reveal: Michael now blamed in cop killing.

Revel 7

· Mystery: How will Michael escape tower?

· Reveal: zipline cable support

Reveal 8

· Mystery: something hunting in bush

· Reveals: dead cult members

Reveal 9

· Mystery: vivid dreams – sex with mother while daughter watches

· Reveals: daughter needs intercourse to awaken demon

Reveal 10

· Mystery: How to fight back

· Reveal: find spear in cave

Reveal 11

· Mystery: Michael wakes naked covered in scratches.

· Reveal: daughter had sex with him

Reveal 12

· Mystery: Where are the women?

· Reveal: surrounded by cult

Reveal 13

· Why does cult want women?

· Daughter is the devil’s daughter. Here to destroy humanity. Cult is here to destroy her.

Reveal 14

· Mystery: Who is women?

· Reveal: Girl transforms into demon

Reveal 15

· Intrigue: Both Michael and cult leader are expendable

· Reveal: new allies

Reveal 16

· Mystery: What does the devil want?

· Reveal: He’ll be back in one year.\

Most of the reveals were already in place, but had to be identified and tagged as such, and what M.I.S. was used to cover it up.

Updated thriller map

David Wickenden Plot Twists and Turns

Assignment 9

1. I’ll be using the Three-Act Structure.

Opening – Michael drives to cabin.

Mystery 1: New neighbors—woman and her teen daughter. Everything is peaceful. TWIST.

Mystery 2: Shooting and screaming. The peace is broken.

Inciting Incident: Women show up being Michael to help them. Armed men chasing them. Trust mother Reveal 1

Second thoughts: Michael wants to get a hold of the police. Woman warns him that the cult has control of the police. Reveal 2

Life Threatening 1: cult members shooting at Michael and the women. Distrust cult leader

Villain’s Plan 1: To get the women by any means, even killing.

Mystery 3: What is so important about the women that the cult will kill for them?

Life Threatening 2: chased through the woods. Distrust cult leader

Mystery 4: Why are the cult members planting drugs and dead body in Michael’s cabin. TWIST. Cops are after law abiding Michael.

Villain’s Plan 2: Frame Michael so that cops get in the hunt for fugitives. Distrust cult leader Reveal 3

Climax of Act 1 – Michael has to kill one of the cult members with his hatchet.

Overnight in a quick shelter that Michael builds.

Mystery 5: Girl has a spasm. What wrong with her? Distrust mother

Mystery 6: Where is Michael taking them? – forest fire smoke tower for short-wave radio. TWIST possible rescue becomes life threatening. Reveal 5

Life threatening: Police show up at the tower and at first attempt to arrest Michael, then the rogue cop shoots and now they are being chased by two different groups. TWIST Reveal 6

Life threatening: Michael has to zipline to escape from tower. Reveal 7

Cops and cult members have shootout until rogue cop kills his partner with spare gun. TWIST. Now Michael will be blamed for killing cop. Distrust cult leader

Villain’s Plan 3: Run Michael and the girls down. Give chase.

Mystery 7: Something hunting through the bush. What is hunting them? Kills two cult members and they have to regroup. TWIST. Michael has new ally. Reveal 4 – partial

Michael and mother have a moment in sugar-bush cabin, while daughter is asleep. Trust mother Ends with daughter having another spasm.

Mystery 8: screams echo through the night? Reveal 4 – Partial

Mystery 9: Michael has a vivid dream (dark sexual with mother. TWIST. In dream he sees daughter watching them, smiling with desire) Distrust Mother Reveal 9

Midpoint Twist: Michael and the women find a bunch of cult followers ripped to shreds, body parts hanging from trees. TWIST. Something else is in the bush with them. Reveal 4 – Partial

Villain’s Plan 4: Starts forest fire to drive Michael and women towards shooters. Distrust cult leader

Life threatening: Race from fire, coughing from smoke, blurred vision from smoke.

TWIST. Hide in stream under rushing water- fire rushes past them. Trusts mother

Mystery 10: More screaming in the night—Daughter once again spasm and then is unconscious. Michael takes them to a cave he used to camp at. Girl is out of it. Reveal 4 – Partial

Dry out in the cave. Finds an ancient spear. Reveal 10

Mystery 11: Where did the spear come from?

Michael dreams of rough dark sex, but this time, both mother and daughter take part. Distrust mother Reveal 9 – partial

Mystery 11: TWIST. Michael wakes naked, claw marks on his skin. What happened? Reveal 11

Mystery 12: Where did the women go?

Disaster – 2^nd Big Twist

Michael leaves the cave to find women captured and the cult surrounding the clearing before the cave. Reveal 12

Villain’s Plan: Cult leader begins telling Michael that not all is as it seems. That the daughter must die or else everyone on earth will die. They had wanted power, but the dark lord wanted something else. TWIST. The daughter’s father is Satan and she has come to bring hell to earth. Her having sex with Michael has woken the evil within her. Distrust mother Reveal 9 Full

Climax of Act 2

Life threatening: The monster from the forest attacks the cult members, tearing them apart. Michael breaks free as daughter transforms into she-devil. She, and her mother fight with father who unleashes with arcane powers. trust cult leader/ Distrust mother Reveal 4 – Full, Reveal 14

Life threatening: Michael retrieves the spear and uses it on the monster when it’s attention is on the cult leader. Killing it affects the daughter, and she weakens. trust cult leader/ Distrust mother

Life threatening: TWIST. Michael now has to fight those he protected. Mother attacks Michael to protect her daughter. With no choice, he kills the mother, causing the daughter to go crazy, unleashing dark shadow monsters at Michael. trust cult leader/ Distrust mother Reveal 15

Life threatening: Michael and wounded cult leader work together to lift spear in time to impale she-devil, killing her. trust cult leader/ Distrust mother

Life threatening: A violent storm erupts, like a mini-cyclone, and both men must grab surrounding trees to hang on.

When wind dies down, both women and dead cult members are gone.

Mystery: The cult leader explains that this is an on-going battle. The forces of evil will be back in one more year. TWIST. It’s not over! “The devil demands his due. He’ll be targeting both of us.” Reveal 16

They stagger out of the bush together. trust cult leader

[Norene Smiley]

NORENE’S DRAMATIC REVEALS

What I learned is to reconsider where I put the reveals in the Map for maximum impact and surprise.

IMPORTANT REVEALS & SEQUENCE LEADING UP TO REVEALS:

1.

A. REVEAL: Villagers are staging eerie events.

B. COVERED UP: village has always been teeming with superstition and tales of weird things happening; blamed on unusual terrain; blamed on ancient spirits.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth:

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: when Archer and Rowan fall into a hunter’s trap on the edge of the barrens, Seamus comes to their aid, even though he exposes his part in engineering mystery shrouded figures and lights. Archer has to rethink the villager’s motivation.

2.

A. REVEAL: Gabby is behind the vandalism and threats to her business.

B. COVERED UP: Blame on Archer; blame on government red tape; blame on the weather; blame on villagers who have a grudge against her.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: Some of the vandalism creates life threatening events making us want to know who is responsible; who would hate Gabby enough that they want to get rid of her; why hasn’t Gabby reported the vandalism?

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: reveal exposes Gabby’s instability and shocks Henry.

3.

A. REVEAL: Oona is Gabby’s mother.

B. COVERED UP: Gabby and Oona have been estranged for years and do not acknowledge each other.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: what is in Gabby’s past that alienated her from the rest of the village?; why is Gabby so determined to establish business in a place that doesn’t want her?;

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: confrontation when the Taylor’s have to take refuge in Oona’s community centre during storm. Gabby keeping Talulah from her grandmother.

4.

A. REVEAL: Talulah might be Henry’s daughter.

B. COVERED UP: it is assumed her daughter is a result of a relationship in the city after she was driven away from the village; story of no good partner that Gabby is well rid of.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: why doesn’t Gabby ever talk about Talulah’s father?; why is Gabby against Talulah’s budding friendship/romance with Archer?; reference to how Talulah’s eyes are the same colour as Archer’s; Talulah’s interest in Henry’s research.

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Gabby strikes back at Henry when earlier relationship is also revealed and he expresses his regret.

5.

A. REVEAL: Jiggers Remorse is ancient meeting place for Selkies.

B. COVERED UP: eerie events and warnings keeping people away from the area; discouraging visitors and media; misdirections.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: disappearance of Meave; ridges on Oona’s hands; Archer, Talulah and Rowan discover evidence of some kind of ceremony in the Fairy caves; reluctance of villagers to talk about traditions and legends; what would villagers be willing to do to keep their secret?

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Archer and Talulah confront Oona and find out about the Selkie legend and Gabby’s betrayal years ago.

6.

A. REVEAL: Gabby wants to seek revenge on Henry for taking Maeve away.

B. COVERED UP: Gabby has supported Henry, engaging him in the development of the area, seducing him.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: blaming Archer for vandalism; breaking down relationship with Archer and Henry; encouraging Rowan’s devotion; threatening their lives throughout the script.

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Her rage is revealed when she threatens to hurt Rowan and destroy the Fairy Caves.

7.

A. REVEAL: Maeve Quinn is not dead.

B. COVERED UP: Henry always told the kids that Maeve had been killed in a car accident to hide that she had abandoned them; villagers refusing to recognize Maeve was from Jiggers Remorse.

C. M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth: Gabby’s past relationship with Maeve hinted at; Henry’s reluctance to talk about his wife; was Rowan’s disappearance connected to the Selkies?; Archer’s investigation peeling back more and more of the village’s secrets; Henry’s betrayal with Gabby.

D. DRAMATIC IMPACT: Maeve appearing from the ocean then Gabby is endangering her family

• This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Norene Smiley.

[Ken Callaway]

KEN CALLAWAY’S DRAMATIC REVEALS

This assignment made me realize how important reveals are as opposed to exposition. This (hopefully) will drive the action and (hopefully) will keep the audience guessing, invested in discovering the mysteries.

OPENING: Three frightening nurses hand a young woman an infant with bloody, bandaged eyes during London’s blitz bombings.

· Life threatening 1: Will the boy live?

· Mystery 1: Who is the child? Who is the woman? Who are the nurses?

· Trust: The woman seems caring

· Distrust: The nurses seem otherworldly

· Reveal 1: As the woman turns away she seems uncaring – Covered up by her initial response.

· Direction: Woman leaves with child

· Intrigue: Where is she going?

· Twist: The building falls on nurses

· Mystery 2: The boy, now twelve years wears an eye-patch

· Reveal 2: The boy is alive – Covered he looked very bad off

· Intrigue: He and three others sail an old boat through a crashing storm

· Trust: Kevin seems sympathetic

· Direction: Boys are in a dire struggle

· Trust: They appear to be brave

· Reveal 3: Boat is not at sea – Covered up by perspective & action

· Reveal 4: The boat is in a muddy, urban scrap yard – perspective & action

· Intrigue: The four are just playing in the rain. Where are their parents?

· Mystery 3: Kevin plays a different game; he’s a fairy hunter, they are pirates

· Intrigue: What is his obsession with fairies?

· Direction: The others object, the game gets dangerous

· Reveal 5: Kevin pulls a real knife on his friends – Covered up we expected wood swords

· Intrigue: – Kevin takes game too seriously

· Intrigue: – Kevin almost loses his only eye then falls overboard

· Distrust: They don’t like Kevin’s game

· Twist: Kevin pops up, out of the mud

· Reveal 6: He’s okay, smiling – Covered up as he was hit very hard

· Twist: His friends are elated

· Trust: Even though they were playing rough Kevin stays positive, fun

· Direction: A priest, Father John (Tolkien) convinces Kevin’s mother, Mae to send him to the scout jamboree at Oakwood Green

· Distrust: Why is it so important to his mother for Kevin to go?

· Twist: Kevin thanks his mother

· Reveal 7: Kevin is scared – he does not want to go – Covered up as he appeased his mother

· Direction: Kevin and his friends board the transport truck

· Direction: Kevin’s friends half-heartedly convince him it will be fun – “maybe you can hunt fairies there.”

· Twist: Kevin takes the dig then excitedly calls a warning to the fairies from the transport truck. His friends laugh.

INCITING INCIDENT: The priest’s father, JRR “Tolly” Tolkien arrives to hear Kevin’s cry to the fairies then spouts parallel fairy lore. Kevin’s interest is now more than piqued. Tolly had agreed to tell scary fireside stories for the week-long outing.

· Direction: On the ride to the jamboree Kevin and his friends begin having fun

· Twist: Older scouts from a different pack ‘Hux,’ ‘Pisser’ and ‘Ace’ bully Kevin

· Distrust: Hux has it out for Kevin

· Direction: Scouts arrive in the village of Droitwich

· Reveal 8: Kevin can’t find his kitbag, his father’s knife is gone – Covered up as he was sitting on it

· Mystery 4: Did Hux take it?

· Distrust: Kevin thinks Hux is to blame

· Mystery 5: Kevin is distracted by intriguing mystery girl. She taunts him then slips into a sweets shop

· Direction: Kevin’s and his friends enter the shop

· Trust: Kevin’s friends play along with him

· Twist: The girl has vanished and the strange shopkeeper claims she didn’t see the girl

· Distrust: The shopkeeper appears to be lying

· Direction: Kevin presses the shopkeeper

· Reveal 9: The shopkeeper knows something – Covered up, she had to have seen the girl

· Mystery 6: she gets spooked, abruptly asks them to leave

· Twist: Kevin exits last. The shopkeeper gives Kevin a dire warning about the girl

· Reveal 10: There is a connection between Kevin and the girl

· Distrust: Kevin feels threatened

· Direction: The scouts begin setting up camp, Kevin sneaks back to the village to find the girl – to no avail

· Twist: On the way back to Oakwood Kevin is followed by small, frightening fairies

· Intrigue: Kevin begins running, gets turned around

· Direction: Kevin sees a girl riding a horse in the distance

· Distrust: The girl ignores Kevin

· Twist: He follows the rider to Oakwood Manor as the fairies chase him

· Direction: Kevin is panicked, out of breath is closing in on the rider

· Twist: Native American priest, Father Fox stops Kevin then sends him back to camp

· Distrust: Father Fox changes Kevin’s trajectory

· Direction: Kevin missed the first day’s craft activity; making a longbow

· Twist: The scouts must use their bows in the first night’s scout challenge

· Direction: Hux taunts Kevin knowing he did not make a bow. Tolly has Kevin use Jacko’s bow

· Distrust: Tolly knows Kevin will not win the game

· Twist: With great difficulty Kevin draws the arrow back, drops it then dry fires – the bow breaks

· Direction: Tolly has Kevin borrow Hux’s larger, much stronger bow

· Distrust: Tolly knows the stronger bow creates a greater challenge

· Twist: After several attempts Kevin can’t budge the string. He lies on his back, uses his feet and wins the challenge

· Trust: Tolly’s faith in Kevin builds

· Direction: Kevin and Hux are assigned to dig a latrine. Hux walks off leaves Kevin to do the work

· Distrust: Hux abandons Kevin

· Twist: While digging Kevin finds what appears to be his father’s knife under a rune stone

· Reveal 11: Fairies are real – one appears from the hole – Covered up as it was just Kevin’s imagination

TURNING POINT 1: Kevin accidentally kills the fairy

· Direction: Kevin yells, Hux returns to find Kevin crying, holding something

· Trust: Hux appears concerned

· Twist: Kevin shows Hux the dead fairy

· Reveal 12: Hux says he sees a rabbit – Covered up as we see the fairy

· Distrust: Hux is lying, threatening Kevin

· Mystery 7: Why can’t Hux see the fairy?

· Direction: Hux attempts to take the “rabbit” back to camp

· Twist: Kevin fends off Hux, buries the fair

· Direction: Back at camp Hux taunts Kevin as he tries to tell his friends about the dead fairy.

· Twist: Tolly interrupts Kevin

· Distrust: Tolly doesn’t believe Kevin’s story

· Villain’s Plan 1: Tolly’s first fireside tale describes an evil fairy named Genevieve that lures scouts to their demise

· Twist: Kevin is convinced his mystery girl is Tolly’s fairy

· Trust: Kevin believes Tolly’s story

· Mystery 8: Kevin sees scouts leaving camp, heading toward Oakwood Manor

· Direction: Kevin follows behind the scouts, sees girl riding horse across pasture

· Distrust: She’s not Kevin’s mystery girl

· Twist: Kevin stops the rider, asks if she is Genevieve

· Reveal 13: she points to the bramble nearby – Covered up as we see the mystery girl

· Direction: The mystery girl runs toward them, the horse spooks

· Distrust: Why would she purposefully jump between Kevin and the horse?

· Life Threatening 2: The horse goes crazy, strikes at Kevin repeatedly

· Direction: The horse kicks the girl

· Twist: Kevin fights the horse off, pulls girl to safety

· Trust: Mystery girl saved by Kevin

· Direction: The horse and rider run off

· Twist: Kevin helps the girl up, her left eye is bloodied

· Reveal 14: The girl introduces herself as Genevieve Oakwood – Covered up, she can’t possibly be the fairy Genevieve

· Direction: Kevin helps Genevieve to Oakwood Manor

· Reveal 15: Kevin is met by two odd nurses – Covered up the grand manor now seems institutional

· Distrust: Kevin is unnerved by the nurses

· Twist: Genevieve tells the nurses her sister tried to kill Kevin then is quickly whisked away

· Distrust: Kevin is unsure the rider tried to hurt/kill him

MIDPOINT

· Direction: Left alone, Kevin searches through the house

· Reveal 16: Kevin sees a horribly disfigured (dead?) man lying back in a dental chair being tended by a nurse – Covered up as the room is hidden away

· Distrust: The shocking sight panics Kevin

· Life Threatening 3: Oldfather Oakwood is rejuvenated as the nurse “assembles” (transforms) him

· Reveal 17: Oldfather sees Kevin – Covered up as Oldfather is very much alive

· Direction: Kevin runs to a great hall

· Reveal 18: He sees the family elders leading scouts into a hidden cavern below the manor – Covered up as the scouts are all here

· Distrust: Everything at Oakwood seems evil

· Direction: Kevin runs from Oakwood, back to the camp

· Twist: Scoutmasters, Martin and Beatrice Shipley don’t listen to Kevin send him to peel potatoes with Jacko and Danny

· Distrust: The Shipleys don’t believe Kevin, say Father John said this might happen

· Direction: Kevin asks where Jim is. Jim may be missing, Hux interrupts them

· Twist: Kevin snaps at him and Hux cuts Kevin’s hand

· Direction: The camp war games begin, Kevin’s group is paired with Hux’s group

· Twist: The group wins the camp-wide war games championship, get invited to Oakwood Manor for a dinner

· Trust: Hux appears to warm up to Kevin, apologizes

· Direction: The scouts begin the next craft, neckerchief woggles. Kevin carves a wood woggle with his rune knife

· Twist: Father Fox trades his “magic” carved bone woggle for Kevin’s woggle

· Trust: Father Fox appreciated Kevin’s talents

· Direction: Tolly delivers another scary fireside story, a small group of rangers fighting a band of fairies

· Distrust; Kevin feels that Tolly knows more than he is letting on

· Twist: Kevin enlists his friends to find Jim

· Direction: Kevin, Jacko and Danny look around the expansive camp for Jim

· Twist: Hux stalks them through the darkness

· Distrust: Kevin believes Hux may be involved in the disappearances

· Direction: Kevin theorizes Jim may have been taken to Oakwood Manor

· Twist: Kevin asks his friends to help him search for Jim during the Oakwood dinner

· Direction: Hux overhears them

· Life Threatening 4: At the Oakwood Manor dinner Kevin follows Hux, gets separated from his friends

· Reveal 19: Kevin discovers Genevieve’s sister is dead, stabbed – Covered up, she’s hidden in closet

· Distrust: Kevin believes Genevieve may have killed her

· Direction: Kevin runs into Hux

· Trust: Kevin reluctantly relays his fears

· Twist: Hux tells Kevin he is a ranger hunting fairies

· Trust: Hux tries to give Kevin back his knife

· Twist: Kevin tells him to keep it

· Villain’s Plan 2: Kevin overhears fairy elders discussing the looming war with humankind

· Mystery 9: Kevin tells Tolly about Jim, Genevieve and the fairy’s plan. Tolly discovers Kevin is almost blind, can’t truly trust what Kevin has “seen”

· Direction: Tolly tells Kevin that Jim’s parents picked him up for an emergency trip to India.

· Distrust: Kevin doesn’t believe him and runs away

· Direction: Halfway across the pasture Kevin stops, turns back meets Genevieve, he tells her everything

· Twist: They find Hux, he’s been stabbed

· Reveal 20: Hux was stabbed with Kevin’s knife – Covered up, could Kevin be a suspect?

· Life Threatening 5: Genevieve admits to killing her sister and Hux to protect Kevin

· Twist: Genevieve tells Kevin he is the blood fairy king

· Direction: Genevieve tells Kevin they have always been on the same path

· Twist: Genevieve tells Kevin he was adopted

· Distrust: Genevieve’s “path” story matches the shopkeepers

· Direction: Kevin runs away, heads back to camp

· Trust: Kevin enlists the help of the Shipleys

· Direction: The Shipleys take Kevin back to Oakwood

· Twist: They speak to the two nurses who call Oldfather Oakwood

TURNING POINT 2: Oldfather tells the Shipleys that Genevieve is actually Grace Greene, a blind patient at Oakwood Asylum

· Reveal 21: Kevin is now completely blind – Covered up, he’s been working hard to keep it a secret

· Direction: The Shipleys take Kevin back to camp

· Trust: Kevin opens up to the Shipleys

· Distrust: Kevin asks about Jim’s parents and the trip to India, they don’t remember anyone named Jim

· Villain’s Plan 3: Kevin stumbles around camp searching for his friends, they are all missing – “the war” has begun

· Direction: Tolly finds Kevin and leads him to the truck

· Distrust: Hands Kevin his kitbag

· Distrust: Kevin knows his kitbag was lost

· Reveal 22: Kevin is on the wrong truck, there are no scouts, just gear – Covered up, perspective & timing

· Mystery 10: On the ride home Kevin replays everything he had seen

· Trust: Tolly was right, Kevin could have imagined it all

· Direction: Kevin realizes he could have been mistaken about everything

· Reveal 23: The fairies chasing him were rabbits, the fairy he killed – a rabbit, Genevieve’s “dead” sister was a large doll, Oldfather’s transformation, Hux’s body, the missing scouts… everything including Genevieve – Covered up, all this was imagined

· Mystery 11: Now home, Kevin’s life is sitting around the house

· Reveal 24: Kevin sits with his blind, catatonic father – Covered up, assumed his father was just blind

· Direction: Kevin feeds his father

· Twist: Wipes his face and puts his father’s mask on

· Direction: Kevin asks his father “Who am I? Am I adopted?”

· Reveal 25: Kevin’s mother sits next to them answers, “He doesn’t know.” Covered up, perspective & timing

· Mystery 12: Kevin asks his mother about his true origin, the three nurses and their fairy stories

· Direction: His mother says “Kevin you were not adopted”

· Reveal 26: She says “You were given to me.” Covered up, assumed that Kevin was her child

· Mystery 13: A postman drops a letter through the mail slot

· Direction: Kevin’s mother says the letter is from Tolly, Kevin is elated

· Twist: She “reads” it saying it was from someone named Tolly. “He hopes you are well. He says he always wanted to believe in fairies, but they are not real.”

· Direction: His mother sets the letter down

· Reveal 27: The letter is from Oakwood Asylum – Kevin has been accepted as a patient – Covered up as Kevin is blind

· Life Threatening 6: Kevin’s mother takes him to Oakwood Asylum

· Direction: Oldfather Oakwood greets Mae and Kevin then calls for an escort to show Kevin around the grounds

· Reveal 28: His escort, Grace Green takes his hand – Covered up, Kevin is blind

· Trust: Kevin asks her name

· Reveal 29: She answers – “Genevieve.” Covered up, assumed she is actually Grace Greene

CLIMAX: Kevin in the great hall sits back in the dental chair

· Direction: Oldfather watches as the nurses “assemble” Kevin with new eyes

· Twist: Genevieve looks on

RESOLUTION: Oldfather and the three nurses, as in the first scene, wrap Kevin’s eyes

· Direction: Oakwood Asylum, a grand hall.

· Reveal 30: Kevin and Genevieve sit in matching thrones, smiling, looking into each other’s eyes

· Distrust/Intrigue: Will Kevin and Genevieve lead the fairies against mankind?

[Kimbal Thompson]

Kimbal Thompson Day 11 Assignment Reveals

What I learned is that can be many levels of dramatic reveals providing emotional experience for the audience.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

· That Richard can fly an airplane and Lou wants him to get his pilot’s license.

· Instead, Richard wants to get away, seeking adventure away from home.

· Richard has an identity problem with his name.

· Debbie’s father is a Television Investigative Reporter

· Something unexpected will occur on Richard’s delivery trip.

· Something is peculiar with the County justice system.

· The inmates are not reveling everything.

· The corruption, including the speed trap, goes much higher.

· There’s more to Lou than just a flight instructor.

· Salvatore and Sanchez ethnicity

· The deeper Richard and Lou descend the cave, the more eerie revelations.

· Arrival of the white Cadillac.

2. Sequenced already into my Thriller Map.

3. With each reveal, make sure the following are in place:

A. What is the reveal?
B. How did it get covered up? C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?
D. When you reveal the truth,
it must have dramatic impact. In place.

4. Built 1. improvements into your Thriller Map.

5. Tell us about the reveals you built into your Thriller Map:

Per 1, above..

[Lenore]

Lenore Bechtel’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned with this assignment is how much reveals can increase mystery, intrigue, and suspense, and how planning them can make a big improvement in a plot.

Reveal 1:

Mystery: What gift mentioned by mourners is Elijah expected to inherit?

Mystery: Why does Elijah seem so reluctant to inherit it?

Intrigue: Is the gift the reason Elijah thinks his father was killed?

Reveal: When a remote-viewing member of the Evans family dies, the next person in line gets his gift increased to the dead person’s ability.

Reveal 2:

Mystery: Is Insensitive Zayden mean enough to kill Daniel for his property?

Mystery: Why does he keep upping the price he offers Elijah?

Intrigue: Why did he suggest Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake in their caps and gowns?

Reveal: After their accident on The Snake, he shows he’s truly a loving, caring person.

Reveal 3:

Mystery: Why does Melantha believe Daniel was killed when others don’t?

Coverup: She’s the town matriarch, always doing something for others.

Intrigue: Was she really at the church to water the plants?

Mystery: Where does she take all those canisters of milk Shay sees her putting on her plane?

Intrigue: Why had she insisted that Sonny grow a beard and long hair?

Intrigue: Could she be the cloaked, masked person who helped Sonny after he sprayed Elijah and called 911?

Reveal: FBI agents smell the canisters on her plane and know she’s the villain.

Reveal 4:

Mystery: What can Cassandra meet Elijah only at the Mausoleum and only at 8 p.m. ?

Mystery: Is the reason she gives about being restricted by her father true?

Intrigue: If her psychic skill told her a clue was in Daniel’s wrecked car, why didn’t she also know Elijah should not open the glove compartment?

Reveal: Daniel puts his coat over her shoulders, she vanishes, and the coat drops to the path.

Is she a hologram?

Reveal 5:

Mystery: Why does Elijah call Zoe “Cassandra” when he wakes up at the hospital?

Mystery: Has Zoe. Pulled some kind of trick on Elijah?

Reveal: Her dialogue in a movie she recently acted in was the same as the story Cassandra told Elijah.

Reveal 6:

Mystery: Is Buzz misleading Elijah to help his father get his property?

Intrigue: He’s the one who got Elijah drunk and talked him into misusing his gift.

Intrigue: He researched Cassandra and found her story was a true one.

Reveal: He passes Elijah on The Snake and is badly injured by the tree blocking the path. He would never have passed if he was helping his father hurt Elijah.

Reveal 7:

Mystery: Was Daniel having an affair with Janeen?

Intrigue: Lucy shows Elijah suggestive pictures of Daniel and Janeen?

Intrigue: Might Janeen be responsible for Elijah’s mother falling down the belfry steps to her death? Did she push her to make Daniel a single man?

Reveal: Janeen tells Elijah she’s pregnant.

Later reveal: She never made it to first base with Daniel. She’s pregnant with Kevin’s baby.

Reveal 8:

Mystery: What had Daniel remote-viewed that caused him to be killed?

Intrigue: He had been on his way to see FBI agent Grayson when his accident occurred.

Reveal: Seeing the hologram projector in the belfry, he knew someone was up to no good.

Reveal 9:

Mystery: Did Elijah’s misuse of his remote-viewing gift cause him to lose it and therefore not inherit his father’s greater skill?

Intrigue: His gift to help animals in distress didn’t happen when Lucy found one he hadn’t been alerted to.

Intrigue: He asks God to give him Daniel’s bigger ability, but it hasn’t happened by the time Melantha

Reveal 10:

Mystery: What hologram did Melantha make to entice people to a place where she could easily kill them by having Sonny spray the deadly poison down on them?

Reveal: The hologram of Sonny, impersonating Jesus walking out of the cloud with his lips saying “Come to the church” brings thousands to outside the church and on the roads leading to it.

Reveal 11:

Mystery: What’s happening to all the people involved a year later?

Reveal: A theme park featuring the Jesus hologram has made Sonny a star. Zayden is happily overseeing construction of the hotel he so desired. Kevin and Janeen are parents of a new baby boy. Buzz, Elijah, and Zoe are at college, and Elijah’s remote-viewing is helping the FBI just as his father’s had.

Most of the reveals were already in my thriller map, but doing this assignment caused me to make two changes that I think add suspense and believabilithy.

Two Melantha intrigues:

Intrigue: Why had she insisted that Sonny grow a beard and long hair?

Intrigue: Could she be the cloaked, masked person who helped Sonny after he sprayed Elijah and called 911? (I previously intended her to be identified in this scene.)

Two Janeen intrigues:

Intrigue: Janeen tells Elijah she’s pregnant.

Reveall: She never made it to first base with Daniel. She’s pregnant with Kevin’s baby.

(I previously had her pregnant with Daniel’s baby.)

#

[Maggie Tsavaris]

Maggie Tsavaris’s Dramatic Reveals (Assignment 11)

What I learned is: This exercise helped me to see where I could create cover up situations to create intrigue & mystery so the audience will be ready for the reveal later after they’ve tried to figure out the red flags. Some of my TWISTS became TRUST/DISTRUST issues and some of those morphed into DRAMATIC REVEALS.

Dramatic Reveals woven into the thriller map:

OPENING (p. 1): Leyla is at a café hidden away on a backstreet in Erbil, Iraq. She is drinking tea and talking with an Iraqi man, Amir. REVEAL 1: Mystery–Who is the Lebanese man on his phone across the street? Intrigue—Why did he just hand his phone to another man and walk toward the café? TWIST: A bomb goes off inside the café. TRUST/DISTRUST: The Lebanese man, Haasim, rescues Leyla. DISTRUST: How convenient that a knight in shining armor happens to be there to rescue her. Leyla sees Amir escape uninjured. Leyla and Haasim exchange numbers.

♦ Back at the base, Leyla is translating a document from Arabic into English at a computer in the linguists’ office when Haasim texts her (on Signal) to see how she’s doing. They text back and forth.

♦ Lead Linguist, AJ, comes in with a document. Leyla quickly slips her phone into a desk drawer. AJ hands the page to Vivienne (“Viv”– Leyla’s friend and fellow linguist) and tells her “Need your speed on this one.”

♦ Leyla and Vivienne are at lunch in the DFAC on base. REVEAL 2: Intrigue—Why is Vivienne flirting with several guys who pass by? Is she sleeping with them? Reveal later to Leyla that she wants to enjoy life while she can in case her ovarian cancer, for which she underwent chemo a year ago before her latest deployment, doesn’t stay in remission.

♦ Haasim texts to ask Leyla to join him for dinner in town. Vivienne sees Leyla’s sudden smile and asks her if she’s making up with her daughter. Leyla tells her no. Vivienne asks what’s up. Leyla plays coy, gives Vivienne sparse details about Haasim.

♦ Leyla texts Haasim how difficult it is to get permission to leave the base for non-work-related reasons.

♦ TRUST: Her friend, Vivienne tells Leyla how good it would be for her to start dating, have a little fun, find “your person” amid the chaos, good for the soul. DISTRUST: Viv obviously practices what she preaches, but will this get Leyla into trouble—after all, she just met this Lebanese guy (who she knows nothing about) during an explosion at a café while talking with perhaps a local informant.

INCITING INCIDENT (p. 11): TWIST: Haasim is persistent and flirty, so Leyla decides to go to her onsite manager for permission.

♦ She gets a plate of cookies from the DFAC (dining facility).

♦ Leyla takes the cookies to her onsite manager, Kain, who is drinking from a thermos of coffee and whiskey and cleaning his favorite firearm. Jinx, his dog, is asleep under a desk covered in disorganized paperwork. Leyla sets the plate down on the desk.

♦ TWIST: Kain’s gun goes off, fortunately it’s aimed at the ceiling.

♦ DISTRUST: Kain curses, takes another drink, notices the cookies, and samples one.

♦ He hasn’t really noticed Leyla, but she asks him for permission to leave the base. He tells her she can go, but for only two hours after shift.

♦ At a restaurant off-base for dinner, with Haasim’s bodyguards keeping watch from across the room. Leyla and Haasim are enjoying dessert. TWIST/TRUST: Haasim tells Leyla how beautiful she is and he’s never met anyone like her. DISTRUST: Leyla is both flattered and unsure of whether he just wants to sleep with her.

♦ Next, in another TWIST: Haasim asks Leyla to get him the names and contact info for certain U.S. human assets/informants. TRUST OR DISTRUST: He tells her he wants to hire these skilled people and pay them 3 or 4 times what they’re probably trying to survive on now. He tells her that she must keep this entire dinner conversation top secret. REVEAL 3: Mystery—Is this really why he wants the names? Intrigue—what if he wants the names for evil reasons? Mystery—Will Leyla do this for him? Revealed for certain later.

♦ On return to the base, Vivienne asks Leyla how dinner was, and Leyla confides in Vivienne only the part about Haasim complimenting her. Vivienne tells Leyla that Haasim is only speaking the truth.

♦ TWIST: a vehicle suddenly lurches out of the darkness and swerves at them. Vivienne and Leyla have to leap out of the way. DISTRUST: They catch a glimpse of their boss, Kain, at the wheel, and his dog riding shotgun.

♦ Later, Leyla FaceTimes her daughter. The conversation is strained as always.

TURNING POINT 1/BREAK INTO 2 (p. 25): Leyla asks Lead Linguist, AJ, to transfer her to the quieter graveyard shift. TRUST/DISTRUST: When Vivienne asks her why she wants the graveyard shift that everyone hates, Leyla says she needs a quiet office with fewer distractions so she can get more translation work accomplished. REVEAL: Mystery—uh oh, did she decide to get the names for Haasim? Revealed for certain later.

♦ Leyla translates a classified document and communicates with an asset named “Rick.”

♦ Leyla starts baking treats for the team leader and lead linguist and hanging around the office, even when her shift is over and returning before the next shift begins.

♦ Leyla accesses highly classified details about an asset known as “Jimmy” and writes it on a paper she pockets. After shift, she texts the details to Haasim, then slips the note under her mattress.

♦ DISTRUST: Vivienne begins to suspect that Leyla is up to something.

♦ TRUST: Vivienne cannot get in touch with one of their local assets, Amir (with whom Leyla was talking when the café was hit), and asks Leyla whether she has been in touch with him, but Leyla has not.

♦ At shift change, Vivienne sees a message come through on Leyla’s phone. DISTRUST: Vivienne sees that it’s from Haasim and he’s asking for Amir’s location.

♦ TWIST: Base is hit by a drone.

♦ Afterwards, Vivienne talks to Leyla about the text message from Haasim, but Leyla assures her that Haasim is doing this for a good purpose. REVEAL: Mystery–Viv asks how Leyla can know this. Intrigue–Leyla tells Viv she has to trust her gut, but Viv is unconvinced that Leyla can be objective about this man.

♦ DISTRUST: Vivienne goes to talk to Kain about her concerns.

MIDPOINT (p. 55): TRUST: Kain assigns Leyla and Vivienne to a mission off-base to take down insurgents. DISTRUST & REVEAL: Intrigue–Vivienne expresses a smidge of concern to Leyla about the skills of the local interpreter Kain sent with them. Mystery—Leyla asks her why. Suspense—Viv tells Leyla that the local interpreter’s Kurdish (Leyla speaks only Arabic and Viv speaks both Arabic and Kurdish) is off.

♦ Later, Vivienne is killed by mortar fire right in front of Leyla.

♦ DISTRUST & REVEAL: Mystery–Back at the base, Leyla has a heated exchange with Kain. Is he responsible? Intrigue–She blames him for his choice of a local interpreter who mistranslated radio chatter that probably got Vivienne killed.

♦ TWIST & REVEAL: Mystery–Kain is furious with her for accusing him of responsibility for Viv’s death, but is he responsible? Suspense–Kain threatens to reassign her to Afghanistan.

♦ Leyla must persuade Kain not to send her to Afghanistan. She does not want to lose Haasim.

♦ Kain tells her he needs someone to procure women and alcohol for a party, and Leyla tells him she’ll take care of it.

♦ Leyla recruits AJ who has connections in town, to help her. AJ wants to be in good stead with Kain because he likes going off base as often as possible, so he’s pleased to help Leyla with this project.

♦ TWIST: As AJ drives them from his cousin’s liquor store to a nightclub where prostitutes hang out, he suspects they’re being followed, so makes some crazy maneuvers and loses the tail.

♦ Inside the nightclub, Leyla thinks she recognizes one of Haasim’s bodyguards from the restaurant lurking in the shadows. If Haasim finds out that she’s hiring prostitutes, he might call off their marriage, which Leyla couldn’t bear.

♦ She goes to talk to him, but he has disappeared. She runs into the parking lot and sees him jump into a car and drive off.

TURNING POINT 2/BREAK INTO 3 (p. 85): On the way back to the base, they stop at a market so Leyla can bake for Kain and AJ and some of the others.

♦ TWIST: An Iraqi woman comes up to Leyla and asks her if she knows anything about her husband, Amir, whom she hasn’t seen in two days. Leyla hasn’t seen him since the café incident, but was sure he’d gotten away unscathed.

♦ DISTRUST: Leyla begins to suspect that Haasim is not using the details about these assets for peaceful purposes at all. Two of the assets have vanished, and Vivienne, who tried to warn her, is dead.

♦ Much more to come as I flesh out Act 3.

CLIMAX: Leyla is arrested, and the FBI finds the note in Arabic hidden under her mattress.

DENOUEMENT (p. 108): Leyla is escorted to her prison cell. Meets her cell mate, Jolene. When Jolene asks her how long she’s in for, Leyla tells her 23 years.

[John Duvall]

John Duvall’s Dramatic Reveals

What is learned is: “Reveals” need to be set up in advance through mystery, intrigue and suspense, which build up audience anticipation before revealing crucial plot and character elements.

1. Father Bloom marries a young couple, envies them.

Mystery: Why does Bloom feel so sad after a marriage?

2. Monsignor Dennehy has requested Bloom’s transfer to his church. His bishop notifies him of the transfer. Twist: New options emerge.

Mystery: Why is Bloom being transferred?

3. Bloom visits his former girlfriend’s grave to say goodbye.

Reveal: Bloom had been planning to be married. His girlfriend died, and he joined the priesthood instead.

4. Bloom arrives at his new church. He meets with Dennehy to learn new duties to look into questions about church funding. Bloom trusts Dennehy, his mentor in the priesthood, who supports his investigation of church finances. He also meets Fathers Hargraves and Babenco, who show Bloom the financial records. Bloom trusts Hargraves as Dennehy’s ally and associate. Dennehy keeps a diary in his desk drawer. Twist: A new problem emerges.

Intrigue: What are the issues about the church finances?

Reveal: Monsignor Dennehy was Bloom’s mentor in seminary.

5. Dennehy requests Bloom to help Sister Teresa in opening a new shelter on the riverfront. There have been mysterious deaths and prostitution on the riverfront. Twist: It just got more dangerous.

Mystery: What does the new shelter have to do with church finances? Intrigue: What dangers may be posed by the criminal activity on the waterfront?

6. Bloom watches a news report interviewing Sister Teresa about the new shelter. She seems almost angelic – compassionate and devoted to her service.

7. Bloom helps Sister Teresa prep for opening of the new shelter. Bloom develops a close working relationship with her. He drives her home and they feel an attraction to each other. Twist: We see an unexpected side of someone.

Intrigue: Will Bloom and Teresa develop an intimate relationship?

8. Hargraves questions Bloom about his duties and encourages him to report to him on his investigation. Hargraves suggests that Dennehy has been depressed and may have had access to the church funds that seem to be missing. Twist: A new problem occurs.

Mystery: Might Dennehy be hiding something?

Intrigue: Are Dennehy and Hargraves allies or adversaries?

9. Bloom and Sister Teresa share their feelings of affection, but affirm their vows to the church. Will they be able to keep them? Twist: We see an unexpected side of someone.

Reveal: Bloom and Teresa both have internal struggles over their developing affection.

10. In the confessional, Bloom confesses his desire for Teresa. But who was the priest he confessed to? Twist: A trust is potentially violated.

Mystery: To whom is Bloom confessing?

Intrigue: Could his confession make him vulnerable to consequences?

11. Bloom and Teresa give in to their desire and make love. Teresa is surprisingly erotic and vocal. Twist: We see an unexpected side of someone. It just got more dangerous.

Reveal: Bloom and Teresa do become lovers.

Intrigue: Will their affair make them vulnerable to discovery?

12. Bloom prays for guidance in the church and Teresa appears. He reveals his anxiety about their transgression but she is curiously unreactive.

Mystery: What is Teresa doing there? Why is she so unresponsive to Bloom’s concerns?

13. On leaving the church, they stumble upon the body of Monsignor Dennehy below the church tower. He has apparently died from a fall. Bloom suspects foul play. Twist: The worst possible thing happens.

Mystery: How/why did Dennehy die? An accident? Suicide? Murder?

Intrigue: Bloom and Teresa discover his body. Could they be suspects?

Reveal: Something is dangerously wrong in the church. But what?

14. Ambulances and police arrive to ask questions about Dennehy’s death.

Intrigue: The police interview Bloom and Teresa separately. Will they become suspects?

15. A police search of Dennehy’s office reveals that his diary and other church records are missing. Bloom’s suspicions increase. Twist: New consequences emerge.

Mystery: What became of Dennehy’s diary and the other records?

16. After Dennehy dies, an anonymous tip informs the police that Bloom and Teresa are lovers. The police interrogate them and Teresa denies their sexual involvement while Bloom remains silent. Teresa persuades Bloom that she lied to prevent a public scandal that would confuse the investigation into Dennehy’s death. Twist: A mistake returns to haunt them.

Mystery: Who is the source of the anonymous tip?

Intrigue: Will Bloom and Teresa now become prime suspects?

17. Hargraves announces he’ll take control of the investigation, seems to discourage Bloom’s questions about Dennehy’s death, as well as casting suspicion on Teresa’s relationship with Dennehy. Twist: We see an unexpected side of someone.

Mystery: What was Dennehy’s relationship to Teresa?

Intrigue: Could Hargraves be intending to interfere with the investigation?

Reveal: Hargraves may have a clandestine agenda.

18. Bloom asks Teresa if she knows anything about the missing funds. She not only denies knowledge of them, but denies that she and Bloom have been lovers. When confronted by Bloom, Teresa denies everything and walks out. Twist: We see an unexpected side of someone. A lie is uncovered.

Mystery: Why is Teresa acting so strangely?

Reveal: Teresa is not what she appears to be. Is she hiding something?

19. Bloom begins stalking Teresa at the shelter, suspecting her of having a secret life. He sees her wandering the beach at night dressed in sexy clothes, where she apparently picks up a man and walks off with him. Teresa’s erratic behavior seems to support Hargraves’ concerns about her. Twist: Secret identity uncovered.

Suspense: Bloom follows Teresa into known dangerous territory.

Reveal: Teresa definitely seems to have a secret, illicit life.

20. Police finds a large sum of money hidden in Bloom’s apartment. Police now consider him a suspect. Twist: A new problem occurs; It just got more dangerous.

Mystery: Who planted the money? Hargraves? Teresa? Someone else?

Intrigue: Will Bloom be arrested?

21. Bloom goes to the police and shares his suspicion about Teresa and makes the case that someone is trying to frame him. He defends himself against their suspicion of him. The police are skeptical but promise to investigate. They urge him against interaction with Teresa & Hargraves.

Intrigue: Do the police believe Bloom? Will they follow through?

22. Bloom learns there has been another mysterious death down near the shelter – identified as Father Babenco, who kept financial records for the church. The police suspect that these murdered men have been victims of a riverfront prostitute. Twist: It just got more dangerous.

Mystery/Intrigue: Who killed Babanco? Perhaps Teresa or Hargraves?

23. The next day, Bloom confronts Teresa with what he saw, but she adamantly denies she was the person he saw or that she knows anything about the money in his apartment. He persists, asking her about the funds; she becomes angry and departs. Twist: A lie is uncovered.

Intrigue: Teresa’s denials are become less and less plausible.

24. Bloom observes Hargraves and Teresa having an intimate conversation in private. He doesn’t know what to make of it, but he’s suspicious.

Mystery: What is the relationship between Teresa and Hargraves?

25. In the confessional again, Bloom expresses his fear and guilt about his relationship with Teresa. The confessor tells him to seek the truth, no matter how difficult it may be to accept. Bloom leaves the confessional suspicious of the advice he’s been given, and who has given it. Twist: A trust is violated.

Mystery/Intrigue: To whom has Bloom confessed? Has he used his confession as a trap?

Reveal: Bloom suspects he is confessing to Hargraves.

26. Bloom, in street clothes, wanders the waterfront at night. He encounters a woman in sexy clothes who approaches him. When he recognizes her as Teresa, and she recognizes him, she runs away and disappears into a wood. Twist: Secret identity uncovered.

27. After Teresa (in regular daytime dress) leaves the shelter, Bloom goes in and searches around. In a hidden closet, he finds her sexy outfit. Teresa shows up and catches him in the act. But instead of being angry, she is very pleasant and shows no animosity towards him. He asks her about what he’s found and she innocently denies any knowledge of the clothes. She seems to have no curiosity about them at all. Twist: A lie is uncovered and a trust is violated.

Mystery: Why is she not upset at Bloom’s behavior and discovery?

Intrigue: Bloom risks discovery to search Teresa’s closet.

Reveal: Teresa seems to act like different people at different times.

28. Bloom receives a key to a safe deposit box in the mail. He opens the box and finds Dennehy’s diary, sent to him before Dennehy’s death.

Reveal: Now we know what happened to Dennehy’s diary.

Mystery: Why did he mail it to Bloom?

29. Alone in his apartment, Bloom reads Dennehy’s diary. It reveals Teresa’s troubled youth of abuse and how Dennehy helped her, acting as a surrogate father after her parents died. It also reveals Dennehy’s suspicions that Hargraves was embezzling church funds, and that he was intimately involved with Teresa. Twist: We see an unexpected side of someone (Both Dennehy and Teresa).

Reveal: We know Teresa’s backstory and why Dennehy mailed Bloom the diary. He knew he was in danger.

30. Bloom calls the police and tells them he’ll bring them Dennehy’s diary. But looking out the window, Bloom sees Hargraves walking with Teresa. Then he follows them into the church.

Mystery: Do Hargraves and Teresa have an intime relationship?

Suspense: Will Bloom get himself in trouble by following them?

31. Bloom wanders again through the complex maze of hallways following the sound of their footsteps and voices. He follows them up the stairs into the church tower – above where Dennehy’s body was found. Twist: It just got more dangerous.

Suspense: Returning to the scene of Dennehy’s murder? Danger looms.

32. At the top of the tower, Bloom finds Hargraves and Teresa locked in a passionate embrace. Both recoil in shock when Bloom emerges from the shadows. Bloom confronts Hargraves that he found Dennehy’s diary and gave it to the police (not yet true). Hargraves becomes enraged and attacks Bloom. Teresa retreats in total confusion as the two men struggle, unsure where her allegiance lies. When Hargraves is on the verge of pushing Bloom from the tower, Teresa rushes in and pushes Hargraves out, down to his death. She embraces Bloom, who although totally confused, embraces her back. Twist: The worst thing possible happens. We see an unexpected side of someone.

Suspense: Will Hargraves kill Bloom? Whose side will Teresa be on?

Reveal: The Teresa who loves Bloom wins out.

33. The chief of police closes Dennehy’s diary after reading through it. He concludes Hargraves was guilty of embezzling church funds, and that Teresa had acted in Bloom’s defense. However, after a psychiatric interview, she is diagnosed as a multiple personality. She is waiting in an adjoining room.

Reveal: Hargraves will be charged with Dennehy’s murder. Teresa has been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder.

34. Bloom enters Teresa’s room and sits with her. She speaks in her prostitute voice and says she always expected to wind up in jail. Bloom asks who he is talking to and she replies “Susie Q”. Bloom asks if he may talk to Teresa. She transforms from an abrasive hussy into the friendly, gentle nun Bloom first met. She wonders what she is doing in a police station. Bloom assures her that she won’t have to stay there long, and that he will be beside her, whatever the future holds. Twist: Secret Identity Uncovered.

Reveal: Bloom loves Teresa and will stand by her ithrough her therapy.

[Caroline Fritz]

Caroline’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned: It was helpful to really bring the mystery/reveal into the script.

1. List of reveals:

Callahan is a secret agent
His wife was killed in a terrorist attack because of him
Gabrielle is the bad guy
Aaron is not as bad as we think
The CIA know about the plot

2.

Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!

Direction: Callahan is standing at a party as a diplomat.

Twist: Callahan takes down a terrorist!

Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!

A. Reveal: Callahan is a secret agent.

B. It is covered up because Callahan is acting like a diplomat

C. Who is this guy?

D. He looks like a nerd but is a bad ass super agent.

Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Callahan is trustable but appears not trustable because he is secretive about his work.
If he needs to lie to protect people then he could seem not trustable.

Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states.

A. Reveal: His wife was killed in a terrorist attack because of him

B. Callahan is trying to move on with his life

C. What is the mysterious reason he is alone?

D. In a shocking flashback

Direction: Aaron asks Callahan to go to the store, but Gabrielle goes instead.

Gabrielle appears trustable but she isn’t because she planned her own kidnapping to lure her best friend’s husband to his death.

Twist: She is kidnapped!

Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!

Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?

Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?

Life Threatening #3: Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.

Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?

Direction: As a CIA agent, Aaron has a lot of contacts who can help get his wife back.

Twist: He refuses to call the police.

5. The reveals really go along with the twists and mysteries. I think I have something here.