Lesson 11

[Frances Emerson]

Is there anyone who would like to exchange with me? I want to look at my query letter one more time before I submit. my email address to use is emersofe@yahoo.com. Thanks.

[Lisa Paris Long]

Hello Frances,

I will exchange.

llongmolly@gmail.com

I’ll email you.

Lisa

[Lisa Paris Long]

Module 10 – Lesson 11 Exchange Critiques On Your Pitches

Lisa Long’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1

Elevator
Pitch

I’m working on a coming-of-age drama about a 12-year-old dancer who is abandoned by her mother to live with a man she’s never met.

Phone
Pitch

Hi, I’m Lisa Long and I’m wondering if I could run a quick concept by you?

I have a coming-of-age drama about a 12-year-old girl who is obsessed with being a dancer and is abandoned by her mother with a man she doesn’t know to live over his seafood restaurant on the Chesapeake Bay. It’s titled Chesapeake Girl. I grew up near the Bay before attending NYU Film school, so it’s an area I know well.

Pitch
Fest Pitch

1. Tell us your credibility.

Sold one full-length feature.

2. Tell us your genre and title.

GENRE: Drama

TITLE: Chesapeake Girl

3. What is your one or two sentence hook?

12-year-old Molly is abandoned by her dancing gypsy mother to live with Edgar, the owner of Big Ed’s Seafood Hut on the Chesapeake Bay, but whom she has never met!

4. Please give your one or two sentence answer to each of these questions:

· What is the budget range?

I wrote this script to enter into the Virginia Screenwriting Competition in which the script has to take place in Virginia. I imagine a budget of $5-$15 million since the majority of it takes place in one locale.

· What actors do you like for the lead roles?

Molly – A Maddie Ziegler type, but younger. She has to be a dancer/actress.

Edgar – While writing the character I pictured Sam Shepard, a strong, silent type. But since I need a living actor: Dermot Mulroney

Jane – Loretta Devine

April – Amy Adams

· Give the acts of the story.

Act 1:

· Opening – A speeding car pulls up outside Big Ed’s Seafood Hut on the Chesapeake Bay and a woman April gets out. She pulls her daughter Molly out of the car against her will. Molly is left with Edgar, her father, but Molly doesn’t know that. Molly chases after the car as it speeds away. Molly has traveled with her dance gypsy mom all her life, now she has to find a way to survive in a new place with a father she doesn’t know and without her mom.

· Inciting Incident – Molly’s purpose in life is to dance and she’ll do whatever she can to continue. But Edgar says no to dancing. Instead, Edgar makes Molly wipe tables and serve crabs in the restaurant, but she doesn’t want to work. They fight over it.

· Turning Point – On the beach, Molly meets Mars a renown choreographer. Mars is staying at the beach to mourn the recent passing of his partner, although he tells Molly it’s his mom who passed. He has given up choreography for the time being because it reminds him too much of his dancer partner.

Act 2:

· New plan – Mars decides to help Molly reach her dream of dancing in the NYC Ballet. Every day after Edgar and the cook, Jane go to bed after the dinner service, Molly sneaks out to Mars’ cottage down the beach to practice dance.

· Plan in action –Mars calls a contact in NYC and gets Molly a virtual audition.

· Midpoint Turning Point – A hurricane blows into the area. Edgar and Molly argue about dance, and he forbids her to do it. Molly runs out and gets swept up in the surf. Edgar saves Molly from the bay and carries her home in the storm.

Act 3:

· Rethink everything – It’s time to go to NYC for an in-person audition. Molly lies to Mars by telling him that Edgar said it was okay for her to go with him to NYC…that he had a change of heart after he saved her from the storm.

· New plan – Mars wants to talk to Edgar before they go, but Molly makes excuses, and they take off for NYC. Jane sees Molly leave with Mars.

· Turning Point – Jane tells Edgar that Molly left with Mars. Edgar goes after them. He contacts the police.

Act 4:

· Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Edgar goes to NYC to bring Molly back. He runs into the theater rehearsal space hallway with the police. Molly is in the rehearsal room dancing. Edgar accuses Mars of kidnapping. Mars produces permission from Molly’s mom April allowing him to bring her to NYC. Edgar calls off the cops. Edgar cries as he sees Molly dance through the rehearsal room window. She’s exquisite, even for 12. When they hug, Edgar finds out that she has scoliosis and can no longer dance.

When Molly arrives home, Jane has died. Edgar and Molly mourn together. At the funeral, April shows up and reveals that she has scoliosis and can never dance again. She wants to return to live with Molly and Edgar. Molly is angry and runs off. Edgar says he will talk to Molly and they will decide together.

· Resolution – A month later, Mars says goodbye to Molly and returns to NYC to start again. Edgar and April have built out a large shed for Molly to teach dance to younger girls. She has 3 students. Tammy from school comes by and asks Molly to teach her how to dance for the Sadie Hawkins dance which she does. Molly and April discuss how they miss performing, but finally are a family. Edgar and April secretly make a plan. They give Molly a new pair of toe shoes. And the big news is that they contacted Mars and he helped them get her a spot in the NYC Ballet school. Molly dances on the beach to celebrate!

· How does it end? (setup / payoff)

Ends with Edgar and April giving Molly a new pair of toe shoes and telling her they have arranged with Mars for her to attend the NYC Ballet school. Molly dances on the beach in celebration.

· Credibility questions What have you done?

I attended NYU Film school where Patrick Dempsey starred in my final film. I studied screenwriting with Oscar winner, Pamela Wallace (Witness). I have completed 2 scripts – 1 full-length, 1 short. I have 3 new scripts in various stages. I have taken the ProSeries, Writing Incredible Movies, and Professional Rewrite classes from Screenwriting U.

Query
Letter

Lisa’s Query Letter – CHESAPEAKE GIRL, DRAMA

Dear producer,

12-year-old Molly is abandoned by her dancing gypsy mother to live with Edgar, the owner of Big Ed’s Seafood restaurant on the Chesapeake Bay, but whom she has never met.

Molly is singularly obsessed with one big dream, dancing! Edgar has declared no dancing, only going to school, and working in his restaurant.

A chance meeting with a renown choreographer, has Molly pestering him to help her get to the NYC Ballet. When he finally agrees, she has to sneak out to practice with him.

April, Molly’s dancing mom has scoliosis and finds out she can never dance again. She wants to return to the Bay. But can Molly forgive her?

Molly runs off to NY to audition for the NYC Ballet with the choreographer. Edgar runs after them. But while he’s there he sees Molly dance, stunned by her talent.

After the death of Edgar’s elderly cook, Molly and Edgar come together to mourn. Edgar reveals he is actually her father. April returns with conditions.

Let’s see if Molly makes it to the NYC Ballet, or if she stays put to be part of a newfound family?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you “Chesapeake Girl”.

All the best,

Lisa Long

(Contact information)

BIO: Graduate of NYU Film, I have sold one full-length feature.

Email: llongmolly@gmail.com

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1

Post your 4 pitches for critique on the forums under Lesson 11.

THE 4 PITCHES

1. Elevator Pitch – How do you save the world when you don’t believe in aliens and have to work with one to rescue an ancient artefact that can change the course of history?

2. Phone Pitch – Hi I’m Monica Arisman, and I have a sci-fi action movie in which the main character’s business partner is an alien.

3. Pitch Fest Pitch – The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.

4. Query Letter – The security of the world is once again at risk. But help is here in the guise of an ancient artefact that can manipulate time. And an Alien named Jay.

After his family is killed in a fire, Conall, a retired Special Forces commander, reluctantly takes on a job to retrieve an ancient artefact which supposedly will change the world for the better.

A closed minded, by the book guy, Conall’s world view is thrown into chaos when he has to work with the Alien Jay. But Jay needs the artefact for his own reasons and steals it from its last known resting place. Only to discover that someone else stole it!

Conall and Jay finally track down the artefact and set it up. Only to have to defend it against the crazed rich guy that hired him. And several other interested parties who want to manipulate time to rule the masses.

So how do you save the world when everyone else wants to enslave it? You open several timelines to find the one timeline that will change the course of history.

[Renee Miller]

Hi Monica,

I’m ready to go if you haven’t already exchanged with someone. Let me know if you’d like to exchange.

Renee

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s 4 Pitches — Draft 1

Ready to exchange. My email: lynnvinc@hotmail.com

1. ELEVATOR PITCH

I’m finishing up a Romeo and Juliet Rom-Com about an eco-activist, who falls for a man — obligated to work as an oil engineer!

2. PHONE PITCH

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan and have published a romance novel and won numerous screenplay awards, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston. I’d like to run a quick concept by you: I have a Romeo and Juliet Rom-Com script about an eco-activist into promoting alternative energy, who falls for a man — obligated to work as an oil engineer! Would you be interested? [wait and see if they want more info]

3. PITCH FEST PITCH

Hi, I’m Lynn Vincentnathan and have published a romance novel set in India, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, and won numerous awards for my five screenplays, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest Houston.

I have a Romeo and Juliet Rom-Com script, WEATHERING IT, about an eco-activist, who falls for a man — obligated to work as an oil engineer!

Any questions? (beat) Would you like to see the script?

4. QUERY LETTER

Title: Weathering It

Genre: Romantic Comedy

An eco-activist falls for an oil engineer!

Dear xxx,

In this comedic Romeo and Juliet story set in tropical Tejano South Texas — think TICKET TO PARADISE — struggling eco-activist Ellie plans to help Uncle Layo on his whacky off-grid ranch. Jim covers his dreaded obligation to work for Uncle Fred’s oil engineering firm by being a playboy.

When the couple meets at college, Jim bets a friend he can score with Ellie. Instead, they fall in love only to find out their uncles nurse a long-time hatred that tears them apart. Just as they get back together, the worst-ever of Texas freeze and grid-failure quashes their wedding plans, leaving their only option to hold it at Layo’s off-grid ranch. But will the two uncles tear them apart for good?

Youth will love this for its focus on climate change and nature, and for the college and beach settings. As a rom-com it will have wide audience appeal. Climate change concerned actors, like Javier Bardem and Mark Ruffalo, may be interested in playing the grouchy uncles.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Thanks for your consideration,

Lynn Vincentnathan

Address

Phone

Email

Webpage

BIO: I have published a romance novel and written five screenplays, which have won numerous contests, including Platinum and Gold Remis at WorldFest-Houston.

================================

ANSWERS to elevator, phone, and pitchfest questions that may arise — or info I could add if they’re still interested:

1. WHAT IS THE BUDGET RANGE?

— mid-budget, $15 to $30 million

2. WHAT ACTORS DO YOU LIKE FOR THE LEAD ROLES?

— For the young couple, maybe Galilea La Salvia (a climate activist) and Noah Fearnley. For the grouchy uncles, maybe climate activists like Javier Barden and Mark Ruffalo.

3. GIVE ME THE ACTS OF THE STORY (note: I put this in 3 acts, combining 2 & 3).

— Act 1: Struggling eco-activist Ellie is so guy-shy it takes Jim, who bets he’ll score but then falls in love with her, the whole first act to coax Ellie into a situationship, which he defines as “a no-commitment, no-regrets-if-you-drift-apart non-relationship.”

— Act 2: After some complications the couple goes from situationship to wedding plans, but then finds out they have opposing obligations and life goals — Ellie to help Uncle Layo with his alternative energy inventions; Jim to work at Uncle Fred’s oil engineering consultancy.

They call it off at midpoint. Both Ellie and Jim are devastated, but when Jim finds out his project at Fred’s firm would send the climate into a methane dragon apocalypse, he vows to halt the project and enlists Ellie’s help. They are back to wedding plans, but because the two uncles nurse a long time hatred and Layo has disrupted weddings in Ellie’s family, they decide not to invite Layo.

— Act 3: When the worst-ever Texas freeze hits and the grid fails, their only option is to have the wedding at Layo’s off-grid ranch, bringing the warring uncles together with a weird reversal. At last the couple weds — in freezing Gulf waters rescuing cold-stunned turtles.

4. HOW DOES IT END? (SETUP / PAYOFF).

— In Act One they visit the Sea Turtle Rescue Center, where a staff says that during the great Texas freeze of ’21 they had to call on locals to help save cold-stunned turtles from drowning. At the end of the script the wedding is disrupted by the Turtle Center calling on locals to help save hundreds of cold-stunned turtles during the worse-ever freeze. The wedding party rushes to the beach in wedding clothes to rescues turtles. Thigh-deep in frigid waters the pastor pronounces the couple married… or baptized.

5. CREDIBILITY QUESTIONS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

— I published a romance novel set in India, THE MARRIAGE SEASON, and have written five screenplays, which have won numerous awards, including a Platinum and Gold Remi at WorldFest Houston.

[Andrew Boyd]

Hi again, Lynn,

I’m running behind but catching up! I realise you posted a while ago, but would you like to exchange pitches?

All the best,

Andrew Boyd

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s 4 Pitches – Daft 1

Elevator Pitch:

High Concept (using Goal/Opposition)

When a young girl is snatched by a mysterious creature while camping, a troubled young woman must find a way to defeat it and bring the girl home alive.

Elevator Pitch

I’m finishing up a story that pits a young woman struggling with addiction against bigfoot to save a young girl’s life.

Phone Pitch:

Hi, I’m Renee Miller, an optioned screenwriter with a horror script featuring a young woman struggling with addiction who must face off with bigfoot to save her niece’s life.

Budget – $1 – $5 million

Main Roles

Claire: Stephanie Scott

Adam: Luke Grimes

Mark: Someone like William Fichtner or Bryan Cranston

How Many Pages – 94

Who else has seen this – No one

Why do you think this fits our company – You recently produced (movie) which is similar in tone, genre, and budget.

How does the movie end? Claire is desperate to save her niece but is struggling with withdrawal, and when the creature takes her, it seems that all hope is lost, but she finds her strength and kills the creature, saving her niece.

Pitch Fest Pitch:

Credibility – I’m an optioned screenwriter.

Genre – Horror

Title – Something’s in the Woods

Hook – A young woman struggling with addiction must face off with a mysterious creature to save her niece.

Budget – $1 – $5 million

Actors for the lead roles:

Claire – someone like Stephanie Scott. With a low-budget film, I’d look for up-and-coming actresses.

Adam – Possibly Luke Grimer

Mark – Not quite sure about this one.

Acts of the Story

Act 1 – After a night of partying, Claire discovers that her niece was snatched by a mysterious creature while camping with her family. She joins the local search and rescue team looking for her niece, unaware that the man in charge is willing to let her niece die in order to exact revenge on the creature that killed his twin brother.

Act 2 – The search and rescue group heads deep into the backcountry in hopes of finding the girl alive, but the creature starts picking them off one by one. Claire discovers that Adam is working with Mark, and let’s slip that the missing girl is actually her daughter. The creature kills Adam and takes Claire to its cave.

Act 3 – Claire wakes up in the creature’s cave and discovers her daughter is still alive. They make a plan to escape, but before they can, Mark shows up and plans to use them as bait to lure the creature back. The creature returns and kills Mark, then comes after Claire. She scrambles up a cliff with the creature in pursuit. She struggles with the creature, ultimately pitching the creature over the side of the cliff. She gathers her niece, and they make their way back down the mountain safely.

How Does it End?

Claire manages to save her niece and deliver her safely back to her sister. Their relationship begins to mend, and Claire makes the decision to try and get sober.

Credibility

I have a script that was optioned. I have completed four feature-length scripts and have three in various stages of development. I have completed the Master Screenwriting Certificate program from ScreenwritingU, along with many other online classes.

Query Letter:

Email subject line: Horror: Something’s in the Woods

Dear (Producer),

It will stalk you through the woods.

Claire McKenna never thought she would be able to pull herself up from rock bottom. But when her niece is snatched from her tent by a mysterious creature, she knows that something has to change.

Will she be able to stay sober long enough to rescue her niece?

For decades, Mark has been searching for the creature that killed his twin brother. So, when he is charged with leading the search and rescue team looking for the lost little girl, he knows vengeance will be his, the girl be damned.

As the creature kills of rescue team members, will Mark’s need for vengeance doom them all, or will Claire find the strength she needs to take on Mark and the creature to rescue her niece?

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.

Sincerely,

Renee Miller

Rmiller0911@gmail.com

720-839-1154

Bio: Renee’s an optioned screenwriter who specializes in horror and thriller features with female leads.

[Amy Falkofske]

Amy’s 4 Pitches – Draft 1

Elevator pitch: Unlike most stories where a commoner becomes royal, the protagonist in my story goes from being a royal to being a commoner.

Phone pitch: Hi. I’m Amy Falkofske. I wrote a romantic comedy called Unroyally in Love. Can I tell you about it in 30 seconds?

Pitch fest pitch:

Tell us your credibility.

Placed as a Semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Contest

Tell us your genre and title.

Unroyally in Love is a romantic comedy.

What is your one or two sentence hook?

Stephanie Alexander is epitome of a princess, finds herself in unchartered territory when she learns that she’s not actually royal.

Query letter:

Surprise! The world’s most uppity and self-centered princess is not actually a princess.

Stephanie Alexander takes great pride in her status as royalty until…the royal historian informs her that she is not actually royal. All too eager to help her, is her nemesis from the country next door, Prince Jack.

But when Stephanie is kicked out of the castle, she has no choice but to accept Jack’s help.

Together, Jack and Stephanie set out to “remake” Stephanie into a commoner and find themselves “Unroyally in Love.”

But Stephanie isn’t as willing to give up her royal title as she’s letting on.

Stephanie hires a detective to discredit the historian, but he betrays her to the press. After accidently coming upon the rightful princess, Stephanie hires a lawyer to try and legally hold onto her title, but he too betrays her.

Now both Jack and the country are done with her.

Stephanie finally comes to the end of herself and decides to reach out to the rightful princes and hand over her title, a move that endears her both to her country and to Jack.

Amy has a Master’s Degree in Script & Screenwriting from Regent University. One of her scripts placed as a semifinalist in the ScreenCraft Family Friendly Competition, and she has always wanted to be a princess.

If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. You can contact me at the above email address or 703-943-7372.

[Andrew Boyd]

Andrew Boyd’s Pitches

What I learned from this assignment: Keep rewriting and rewriting. It’s never too late to improve.

Elevator Pitch

Hitler’s Choirboys: From the flames of World War 2, a few good men must make Hitler’s henchmen denounce their Führer. But a bitter young hustler seeks revenge… A powerful story of redemption from behind the scenes of the world’s greatest trial at Nuremberg.

Phone Pitch

Hi, I’m Andrew Boyd. I have a war drama called Hitler’s Choirboys: think Hacksaw Ridge meets A Few Good Men, movies that returned up to six times their budgets. Can I take a few more seconds?

From the flames of war, the Nuremberg Trial is set to begin. Behind the scenes, a few good men must get Hitler’s henchmen to renounce their Führer. Fail and a new generation of Nazis will fight on forever. But a bitter young hustler is bent on revenge… Inspired by a true story.

Pitch Fest Pitch

Credibility:

Hi, I’m Andrew Boyd, a journalist, TV presenter, author of more than a dozen books, and an award-winning documentary filmmaker. As a Jew whose family survived the Nazis, I’ve grappled all my life to understand the war and the Holocaust.

Genre: War drama, based on an untold true story.

Title: Hitler’s Choirboys.

Hook: Out of the embers of war, three good men must get Hitler’s henchmen to denounce their Führer. Fail and the Nazis could rise again. But on the team, an embittered hustler is bent on revenge. A powerful story of redemption from behind the scenes of the world’s greatest trial at Nuremberg – in time for its 80th anniversary. Think Hacksaw Ridge meets A Few Good Men.

Query Letter

‘These Nazis ain’t men, they’re monsters. Waddya do with monsters? You kill ‘em.’

‘War’s over, Sam.’

‘Mine ain’t.’

Or:

A powerful untold story of redemption and revenge from the aftermath of World War 2.

Dear Producer,

Title: Hitler’s Choirboys

Genre: War drama

From the flames of war, three good men must get Hitler’s henchmen to denounce their Führer. Fail and the fight could rage on forever. But a bitter young hustler seeks revenge… A powerful untold story of redemption from the world’s greatest trial at Nuremberg.

Think Hacksaw Ridge meets Schindler’s List, and Dead Man Walking meets A Few Good Men. Powerful movies crackling with conflict that netted a seven-times return on investment.

Hitler’s Choirboys is timely. 2025 is the 80th anniversary of the end of World War 2. 2026 marks the landmark Nuremberg Trail. Meanwhile, the world continues to grapple with war, the Holocaust and their meaning for today. Charismatic hustler Sam Fuller will bring these issues to life for a young audience, while this powerful story will hook WW2 buffs of all ages.

If you like the concept, please let me know and I will send you the script.

Andrew Boyd is a journalist, TV presenter, author of more than a dozen books, and an award-winning documentary filmmaker.

Please contact:

andrewboydmediaconsultant@gmail.com

+44 7919 311993

Andrew Boyd, Clint House, Washington Road, Storrington, UK, RH204DE

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Andrew Boyd.

[Frances Emerson]

I waited and waited and waited for the person who was going to evaluate these pitches for me, but she never got back to me. So, as far as I’m concerned, too much time has passed. I’m posting. I am finished with this class.

My Steamboat script is a three-parter. And so the length of the story description in my query letter.

PHONE PITCH

Hi. My name is Frances Emerson. I’ve been a student of several UCLA screenwriting classes and am an alumna of the ScreenwritingU.com PROseries with Hal Croasmun. I’m a published writer and a certified public school teacher (Social Studies) who’s written an historical drama on the greatest race to be recorded in the annals of American History: THE GREAT STEAMBOAT RACE BETWEEN THE NATCHEZ AND THE ROBERT E. LEE.

ELEVATOR PITCH

Sent to report on a decades long grudge match between the captains of the Natchez and the Robert E. Lee, a young, untested—ultra-conservative–news reporter finds himself falling in love with the woman he least expected: his dead fiance’s—unconventional, free-thinking, free-spirited–cousin.

PITCH FEST PITCH

BIO/INTRO:

Hi. I’m Frances Emerson. I’m a certified History teacher. A published writer of several magazine and newspaper articles. And I’m a third runner up in the Seven Rays Scene writing Contest. I’ve taken several online screenwriting classes from UCLA and ScreenwritingU.com, including their Pro-Series and advanced alumni classes.

TITLE/GENRE:

My script is an historical fiction/drama based on the true story “The Great Steamboat Race Between the Natchez and the Robert E. Lee.”

HOOK:

Young, untested Charles Welbourne Knapp, his heart broken by the death of this fiancé, is sent on assignment by his father to write the story of the century on the ‘race of the century’ for their newspaper, the Missouri Republican.

Only to find himself in the throes of falling in love again with his dead fiance’s cousin, facing a handsome rival– a man with ulterior motives in winning Frances’ hand for himself, and helping John Cannon, captain of the Robert E. Lee, to win the race and title “king of the Mississippi River.”

In this process I would carry the pictures of the real captains and Charles with me in case they ask questions about the story, the real people and why I wrote this story. And also, who would be great actors for the parts.

QUERY LETTER

GENRE: Drama/ History, Historical Fiction

TITLE: THE GREAT STEAMBOAT RACE BETWEEN THE NATCHEZ AND THE ROBERT E. LEE, (a story presented in three parts)

LOGLINE: Can a young, untested newspaper reporter, his heart torn by the loss of his fiancé, find love again when he’s assigned to cover the steamboat “race of the century” aboard the celebrated Robert E. Lee?

Called the “race of the century,” it filled newspaper headlines and pages across America and around the world in 1870. Two steamboat captains, bitter rivals, having finally agreed to a grueling 1200 mile race up the Mississippi River from New Orleans to St. Louis, winner take all.

The Missouri Republican was no exception.

Young Charles Knapp, just home from college, is commissioned by his father to report on the story for their paper. But Charles, trained as a lawyer, not a newspaper reporter, is reluctant to take on such a major story.

And there’s another problem. He’s still grieving over the loss of his beloved fiancé, Abigail.

The first thing he encounters in New Orleans: Abigail’s cousin, Frances Shackelford, who’s there on a shopping trip with her father. Frances is determined to win Charles for herself, now that he’s available to love again. In a moment, she decides to steal away on board the Robert E. Lee to woo Charles.

The race begins with a surprise. Cannon outsmarts Leathers, who’s known for his cheating, by pinning the Natchez in her mooring until the Lee is well on her way up river.

As Frances prepares to woo Charles, she accidentally encounters a young, very handsome, war hero—and fortune hunter— Albert Eberman, who slowly wedges himself between Charles and Frances, nearly winning Frances for himself.

Not 100 miles into the race, a failing boiler on the Lee puts the race in great jeopardy. All on board could be killed if it explodes. Cannon is convinced he needs to end the race before it does. Luckily, John Wiest, a miracle worker in the engine room, saves the race, to his own great peril, repairing the leak before disaster strikes.

Charles quickly finds himself becoming a fifth wheel in the triangle as he watches Albert woo Frances to finally propose, and suddenly finding himself quite jealous over Albert’s intentions toward her.

Neither a big fan of the other, Charles and Richard Shackelford team up to rescue Frances from the nefarious fortune hunter.

But Frances discovers first, on her own, Albert’s romancing another, older, moneyed, matron on board behind her back.

The race, still far from over, the captains prepare to enter Devil’s Country, a long stretch of river between Cairo and St. Louis fraught with dangers even the best, most experienced steamboat captains dread to traverse. And to top it off, an unseasonably thick, opaque fog settles in, making it almost impossible to see anything beyond the bow of either steamer.

The fog, too thick, too dangerous to risk his newly built steamboat to the dangerous rocks hidden below the Mississippi waters, Leathers finally gives in, tying up the Natchez to wait it out until the morning.

But Cannon’s men refuse to give up. Enoch King, the pilot Cannon hired to get them through Devil’s Country, asks for the “best eyes” on board to help him navigate through the thick fog. Charles volunteers to help course the Lee’s way to Grand Tower.

Just before dawn, the fog suddenly, miraculously dissipates long enough to open a straight pathway to St. Louis. Cannon takes full advantage, and it’s FULL STEAM AHEAD for the Robert E. Lee.

The Lee makes her triumphant entry into St. Louis a full six hours ahead of the Natchez. STREAMS OF WELLWISHERS RUSH to greet her. Cannons fire. And there’s a photo finish!

As for Charles and Frances, finding themselves on the Texas Deck watching it all as they trundle into St. Louis, there’s another proposal of marriage, this time between Charles and Frances.

I am currently taking screenwriting classes from ScreenwritingU.com and have taken several others previously from UCLA online and Masterclass. I am a third runner-up in the Seven Rays Scene Writing Contest. And I have had several history and current event articles published in local newspapers and magazines.

I am a certified, public-school teacher (History) in New York State.

I would be more than happy to send you a copy of my Steamboat script for your consideration.

Thank you in advance for sharing with me some of your precious time.

[Rhonda Burnaugh]

Elevator Pitch<div>

What if the happiest year of your life turned out to be the year of your departure from this world? And your legacy wasn’t defined by who you were, but by the profound impact you left on those who remained behind?

Phone Pitch

Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Based on your recent movie, _____________, I believe this might be a good fit for your next project.

If you are interested in reading the script, you may contact me:

Pitch Fest Pitch

Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Set in California and Maui, I would base the budget in the 500k-5 million range. KJ Apa would be a good fit to play the role of the main character.

In the midst of pursuing his dreams as an aspiring rock star, a devastating diagnosis thrusts the harsh reality of mortality upon him. Confronting this grim prognosis, he’s struck by the stark absence of meaningful connections in his life. It compels him to embark on a remarkable journey, one where he’s determined to construct the loving family he never had.

This undertaking demands a reckoning with painful memories and necessitates making sacrifices of the highest order. Among these sacrifices is the arduous task of extending forgiveness, not only to others but also to himself. He resolves to be the kind of Papa he should have been to his precious little daughter, who had been missing from his life for far too long.

Yet, there’s another layer to his plan. While his newfound family believes they’ve gathered to help their friend in his fight for life, he silently assumes the role of their guardian angel. In the shadows, he orchestrates a future for them, one brimming with hope and opportunities they never thought possible.

As he grapples with his own mortality, he becomes the architect of their destinies, determined to leave a legacy that transcends the confines of time.

If you are interested in reading the script, you may contact me:

Query Letter

Hi, I’m Rhonda Burnaugh and I have 5 published novels. One of my current projects is a drama/romance based on my novel, ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ The name of the screenplay is ‘The Love He Left Behind’. Based on your recent movie, _____________, I believe this might be a good fit for your next project. I would base the budget in the 500k-5 million range. KJ Apa would be a good fit to play the role of the main character.

In the midst of pursuing his dreams as an aspiring rock star, a devastating diagnosis thrusts the harsh reality of mortality upon him. Confronting this grim prognosis, he’s struck by the stark absence of meaningful connections in his life. It compels him to embark on a remarkable journey, one where he’s determined to construct the loving family he never had.

This undertaking demands a reckoning with painful memories and necessitates making sacrifices of the highest order. Among these sacrifices is the arduous task of extending forgiveness, not only to others but also to himself. He resolves to be the kind of Papa he should have been to his precious little daughter, who had been missing from his life for far too long.

Yet, there’s another layer to his plan. While his newfound family believes they’ve gathered to help their friend in his fight for life, he silently assumes the role of their guardian angel. In the shadows, he orchestrates a future for them, one brimming with hope and opportunities they never thought possible.

As he grapples with his own mortality, he becomes the architect of their destinies, determined to leave a legacy that transcends the confines of time.

If you are interested in reading the script, you may contact me:

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[Rhonda Burnaugh]

I can review for for you, Frances. Could you review my pitch/query letter?