Lesson 11

[Jan Fantl]

Jan’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

WIL: Just return and fine-tune – and if you find refinements – go back and re check everything again…and again

(Actually it is impossible to show certain improvements as the formatting and several other – picture on front page e.g. cannot be shown here)

Action Thriller Series

by

Michael von Petschau -Aussenberg

and

Jan Fantl

A military police officer returns from a war zone to assist his mother with his fathers funeral, finds her dead too, probably both killed, taking on his relatives and hometown involved and slowly grows from investigator into vigilante.

THIRST uncovers the dark underbelly of a small town plagued by corruption, illuminates the pervasive vices of “networking” and greed that exist universally. As a military police investigator, Oliver delves into a conspiracy that unveils the semi-legal privatization of the nation’s potable water by a powerful conglomerate.

Thought-provoking and centered in Germany’s Lake District Spreewald, it sheds light on the urgent matter of water scarcity.

Summary

THIRST follows the story of Oliver Wind, an active military police officer who returns from Syria to attend his father’s funeral. Upon landing in Germany, he arrives into the devastating news of his mother’s passing. Amidst the grief, Oliver is driven to investigate their deaths, suspecting foul play.

He uncovers a hidden web of corruption and conspiracy surrounding the privatization of water in his long-abandoned hometown.

In a city where he is disliked by almost everyone, the haunting memory of a car accident that took his best friend’s life 18 years ago continues to overshadow Oliver’s existence.

Despite inheriting his parents’ properties, he is drawn into a dangerous struggle involving estranged family members, influential politicians, and powerful conglomerates.

Constantly facing threats to his life, Oliver forms unlikely alliances with his cousin Marie and therapist Stefanie, who provide unwavering support and become pillars of strength.

Together, they navigate the complexities of love, loyalty, and join forces to fight for justice and protect the world’s most valuable resource — potable water.

– Lead Characters

– Season One THIRST – STEAL – Titled Episodes (13)

– Five Seasons Descriptions

Characters

OLIVER WIND – 37ish

Oliver is a good investigator, a brilliant interrogator, and a relentless military police officer. Yet, his war-induced PTSD leaves him restless, plagued by sleep disorders, and prone to occasional outbursts that jeopardize his success.

He is the silently unappreciated black sheep who returns home for his parents’ funerals. He must investigate the underlying reasons for their deaths and will stop at nothing to uncover the truth.

However, his uncle Hans and the corrupt middle class cobweb of this stuffy hometown may try to stop him. Oliver deeply dislikes his family, except for his granny, and recently his cousin Marie.

Oliver left town at the age of 17, for a very specific reason when he was blamed for causing an accident, in which his girl friend BFF died. He didn’t cause it but the town and worse, his family didn’t trust his words. He ran away, forged a signature, joined the army and almost never visited home, unless his mother begged him to do so.

Surprisingly before he manages to leave town quickly this time, he finds into a modern poly armoire relationships among his cousin Marie and his army therapist Stefanie. Together they discover a huge illegal water deal and its connection to his parents.

In the therapy with Stefanie he also learns to open up about his deepest wound and the underlying reason for the strained relationship with his world.

He forces himself and Marie into deadly situations and refuses to betray Stefanie. Though he finds peace and joy with his loved ones, he faces the possibility of crossing moral boundaries and assuming the role of a vigilante in his quest for justice.

MARIE WIND – 26ish

Marie, a young and ambitious eco photographer, works as a bartender in the town’s nightlife scene, where she meets Oliver, a military officer coming to visit to bury his parents.

Despite discovering they are cousins, Marie is torn between her growing feelings for Oliver, her group of eco activists and her future heritage. As they work to uncover the truth about his parents’ deaths, Marie falls in love with Oliver’s therapist as well, leading her on a journey to explore her sexuality. However, her family may not know.

Her family has a long-standing connection to the corrupt dealings in town. Despite Marie is determined to uncover the truth feels from time to time uncertain how to remain her position as her fathers heir and the nice life waiting.

Marie must confront her family’s wrongdoings and works determined and intelligently with Oliver and Stefanie to expose the Water Mill’s dangerous owners and their involvement in the corrupt dealings.STEFANIE MUELLER, Dr., 42ish

Stefanie is a psychologist specializing in treating war PTSD. When Oliver is ordered by his general to seek therapy during his leave, he becomes her new patient. When Oliver hides more in talking about his parents’ suspected murder and funeral, Stefanie deals with it patiently and becomes his sound board to help him cope with his family and the townspeople.

Stefanie has been an active therapist in war zones like Afghanistan and therefore they find quickly to a level of the same traumatizing or dulling anecdotes. However, as Stefanie’s personal connections to the Water Mill are revealed, matters become more complicated.

To add to the complexity, Marie falls for Stefanie and seduces her, leading Stefanie to delve into experimenting with bisexuality. Stefanie’s behavior, sleeping with her patient’s girlfriend, troubles her, but Marie convinces her to invite Oliver into a polyamorous relationship on site.

Stefanie’s proactive and intellectual nature, as well as her intriguing history, make her a key player in the team efforts to uncover the truth about Oliver’s parents’ deaths and the Water Mill deal while she desperately tries to finish her book that will change the ways to treat PTSD.

As Stefanie delves further together with Oliver they realize that their commanding officer has instructed them to spy on one another. The general stubbornly dismisses Stefanie’s balanced blend of holistic and scientific methods for addressing war trauma, and demands proof of Oliver’s loyalty and leadership.

Stefanie reveals her own hidden trauma from her time in war zones. She patiently encourages Oliver to explore his past beyond the war and accompanies him into his early childhood which leads to a dramatic, historical and life changing coming out for Oliver when he was abused. Oliver’s revelation shocks even Stefanie.

Stefanie and Oliver successfully deceive their general and form a strong bond in the process.

With their threesome relationships intensifying, Stefanie must confront her own loyalties and emotions while pursuing the truth.

SEASON 1 THIRST – STEAL

A Soldier’s Coming Home 101

Oliver returns to Germany, but his parents’ deaths raise suspicions and lead him on a quest for answers.

Oliver returns to Germany for his father’s funeral and discovers his mother’s sudden passing. He suspects foul play in their deaths and seeks answers. He meets Petra, a homicide detective, who initially dismisses any foul play.

Oliver visits the notary and is handed a recently signed power of attorney, raising suspicions about his mother’s intentions.

In a pub brawl, Oliver gets injured but finds solace in Marie, leading to a deeper connection between them. A restless PTSD with sleeping disorders, he searches his parents house and discovers a hidden compartment containing his mothers diary. A peaceful death, really?

Meet the family, no doubt? 102

As homicide dismisses the need for investigation, Oliver visits the shipyard where his father drowned while the notary schedules the opening of the will.

Oliver and Marie wake up realizing they are cousins, adding complexity to their relationship.

Oliver is surprised by Uncle Hans, who prioritizes his brother’s funeral over a mutual one for both of his parents.

The notary provides Oliver with crucial information, reflecting that he might want to stay a bit longer; and the will’s opening is scheduled.

Oliver visits the shipyard where his father drowned, uncovering potential clues. The general insists Oliver seeks therapy for his war trauma. Meanwhile, Marie helps Oliver find an undertaker for his mother and his mother’s sister, Gabrielle, calls from Switzerland about the funeral.

Oliver confronts the banker regarding his mother’s accounts, presenting his Power of Attorney while Uncle Hans is visited by Johan, another member of the Wind family, questioned if the Water Mill plan would be at risk?

The Will – Family Secrets Emerge 103

Accusations arise, Oliver seeks therapy, and he inherits everything.

Accusations of incestuousness arise from Hans’ 2nd wife, causing tension in the family. Oliver begins therapy sessions with Stefanie, focusing on funeral matters.

Oliver joins Petra during his mother’s autopsy and discovers evidence of foul play. He meticulously searches his parents’ house for more clues.

The will is finally opened, shocking the family as Oliver is the sole heir, he inherits everything. Oliver uses the situation to give a determined speech that he will stay to uncover the truth.

Meeting Uncle Johan, CEO of Water Mill and his daughter Clarice, running business affairs there, doesn’t work so well and Marie reveals the existence of a network of influential individuals, sarcastically known as the Winds.

Funeral for Two- no Fun 104

Oliver investigates the shipyard, homicide finds torture marks, and the funeral divides the family.

Stefanie helps Oliver in therapy, making progress with his emotional struggles.

Oliver observes the shipyard’s peculiar water patterns.

Petra informs Oliver of torture marks on his father’s body before drowning.

Marie reveals her connection to eco-activists and her dream of being an eco-photographer and shows Oliver her pictures of dying lakes and landscape. Oliver uncovers a hasty deal to sell the shipyard.

The funeral takes place, dividing the family, but Oliver gains unexpected support from Gabrielle, his mother’s sister arriving from Geneva and his grandmother. Jürgen appears at the funeral, a shady memory to former life of Oliver.

Walking back from the funeral, a car bomb detonates. Is this the limo Oliver was supposed to sit in?

The Shipyard – Tough Heritage 105

Oliver and Marie pursue Jürgen, investigate the rushed shipyard sale, and question the notary about his mother’s role in the deal.

Oliver and Marie delve deeper into the hasty shipyard sale and its implications while the general urgently seeks information about Stefanie and her unpublished book.

Oliver and Stefanie feel that they are both being manipulated. Oliver questions why someone would rush to buy the shipyard, the notary opens up about his past with Oliver’s mother.

Oliver narrowly escapes an attempted murder by goons. The general presses for information about Stefanie’s therapy techniques and threatens her as well.

Oliver and Petra find out that the car bomb was built from military explosives, stolen in a camp nearby.

Not enough Funds for the Big Plan 106

Marie uncovers Water Mill as buyer, orchestrated by Uncle Hans and Jürgen involved. Oliver introduces Marie to Stefanie.

Marie informs Oliver about the secret agreement made by Johan, orchestrated by Jürgen and Hans.

Marie meets Stefanie for the first time through Oliver, and later on, returns, kissing her right away on the doorstep. .

Oliver drives to the military camp and visits his police colleagues to discuss the car bomb incident. He discreetly takes a handgun.

Oliver confronts Hans regarding the shipyard deal and uncovers the Water Mill’s plans for a new water production facility. His aunt Gabrielle in Switzerland reveals that they lack the funds to finance it alone. The town supports the project, expecting economic growth, but without any financial involvement. This raises questions about Jürgen’s role.

Upon returning to the shipyard, Oliver receives a mysterious message suggesting that he investigate Marie’s past when she worked at the Water Mill.

Shadows Under Water 107

Oliver attends a therapy group, opens up about trauma. Tensions rise when Johann confronts him. Marie proposes polyamorous relationship to Stefanie.

Invited by Stefanie, Oliver attends a group meeting in a nearby town. Right there and then he decides to burst open about his past trauma being abused at the age of seven. Contrary to his lifelong fear, he earns respect from all men in the room. And Stefanie.

Johann approaches Oliver and tensions rise. Clarice warns others about losing their investment in the shipyard, claiming Oliver wants to keep it solely for himself and takes action into her own hands calls her mother.

Stefanie contemplates breaking up with Marie, but Marie proposes an alternative solution. Johan receives a phone call and it is requested to end Oliver’s thirst to unlock the riddle.

The Engine Stutters -No Stopping 108

Johann informs board of shipyard losses. Stefanie’s relationship with Marie is tested. Petra shares intel with Oliver from Organized Crime department.

Johann and Clarice inform the board about potential losses in the shipyard investment due to Oliver’s actions.

Stefanie’s relation with Marie is tested. Oliver is attacked by unknown assailants while driving, but he manages to defeat the attackers and contacts Petra for assistance.

The general grows increasingly impatient for information on Stefanie’s therapy methods. In therapy, Oliver and Stefanie realize they are both being coerced into spying on each other and a plan evolves how to deal with that.

Oliver receives knowledge about the killers and that they are part of an organized group to finish dirty work for hire. Oliver loads the handgun and drives to town.

Tapping into Hidden Shoals 109

Oliver finds a hidden facility at shipyard, Notary reveals mother’s intervention in shipyard sale. Oliver uncovers mother’s visit to notary before death.

Oliver tracks down the hired guns responsible for the attacks on him and cleverly eliminates them. He leaves hidden evidence and informs military police and Petra same time.

Oliver discovers a hidden technical facility beneath the covered docks of the shipyard.

He contacts a soldier friend who monitors satellites over Europe and asks for a favor.

The notary tells Oliver that his parents changed their plans about the inheritance just before his father died.

His mother left everything to Oliver. She accidentally came in one day earlier than scheduled and signed her will.

The notary’s office is being watched.

Petra is visited by military police

Could this become Home again? 110

Oliver moves to shipyard. Notary’s office break-in turns deadly. Oliver seeks Petra’s help. Marie and Stefanie propose polyamorous relationship.

Oliver decides to move to the shipyard and considers living there permanently. Marie surprises him with a revelation.

Petra interrogates Jürgen about the deaths of two Albanians, with a military police officer joining in.

Oliver visits the parents of his late girlfriend BFF and apologizes for never apologizing. He receives a gift from the past.

Oliver and Marie break into the notary’s office for more evidence but find the notary poisoned. Oliver cleverly covers his tracks and contacts Petra for help.

In the midst of all this, Marie and Stefanie suggest a polyamorous but romantic relationship, which shocks Oliver.

Gabrielle calls Johan, and the fate of the notary hangs in the balance. It’s time to clean up this mess.

Unmasking the Culprit/s 111

Oliver uncovers Water Mill’s underground pipeline. Trio prepares for new life at shipyard. Oliver confronts family about illegal deal. Jürgen exposed as mastermind, flees again.

Oliver confronts Hans about the growing evidence against him, resulting in a heated argument.

Oliver shares his doubts and desires for a relationship with both Marie and Stefanie, forming a complex triangle. He commits to the shipyard as their headquarters.

He decides to confront the entire family with the truth, revealing Jürgen as responsible for his best friend’s death 18 years ago and providing evidence of his involvement with the Albanians.

Jürgen escapes, and Johann receives a phone call, while Clarice seeks assistance from her father’s driver. Stefanie confesses that she was Johan’s mistress for a period of time.

Running out of Energy 112

Water Mill’s role revealed in deaths. Marie confronts her father, Hans. Clarice escapes.

Johann faces the consequences of his involvement in the conspiracy and building the tunnel to steal public water. Oliver discovers that the Water Mill played a big part in his parents’ deaths too.

Clarice manages to trick Oliver and Marie and escape the country. She sends a secret message telling Oliver to give up because he can’t beat the conglomerate.

Oliver asks his ISAF friends for help to find Clarice. They discover she’s now in a top position at a famous water and nutrition company in Africa.

Petra finds Jürgen dead with a letter confessing that he killed Oliver’s father. But something doesn’t seem right.

When Petra leaves the scene and calls Oliver, she is shot in the back.

The Healing Begins – doesn’t it? 113

Oliver plans next move, visits assassin for a deal. Clarice ambushed, Oliver shot in Syria. Reunites with Marie and Stefanie. Plans for long rehab.

Oliver returns to his military camp and continues his duties and prepares his next step. He visits Mohammad, the assassin from the first episode, offering him a deal for freedom for himself and his family.

The plan is set in motion together with friends at ISAF to get Mohammad to SA and Clarice is ambushed near the Water Mill headquarters in South Africa.

In a separate incident, Oliver shoots himself in the thigh during his watch in Syria. Oliver sets Mohammad and his wife free before he is flown back home for rehab.

Johan, speaking brokenly, delivers the devastating news over the phone that his daughter has been killed.

Oliver reunites with Marie and Stefanie, embarking joyfully on a journey of healing and envisioning a brighter future together.

As Oliver, Marie, and Stefanie leave the airport, they are followed unnoticed. Oliver’s phone rings and in his earpiece we hear the light French accent of Gabrielle who announces to have him killed because he killed his own sister. – What?

Five Seasons Descriptions

S 1: THIRST – Steal – see above

S 2 : THIRST – Revenge. Oliver MUST BE HUNTED BY GABRIELLE

Someone is retaliating in town, is the conspiracy fighting back? Or is it Gabrielle?

Petra, recovering in the hospital, learns she will need crutches to walk for the rest of her life.

Oliver must protect his loved ones unexpectedly. Johan publicly admits his mistakes in managing the Water Mill but refuses to step down. He has the support of an international group led by Gabrielle’s husband, who are lobbying for him to control water as an asset.

While Oliver investigates Johan’s past, Stefanie and Marie connect the dots. Stefanie was Johan’s mistress while Marie was receiving education at the Water Mill. Marie is shocked to learn that she had a „me too“-experience with Johan.

The Water Mill tries to improve its image by showcasing a traveling exhibition of Marie’s photos, displaying her work before and after her education at the mill. The exhibition showing the destruction of lakes and rivers in the area goes viral, but eco-activists turn against her, leading to online harassment and cancel culture.

Oliver negotiates his future in the army, seeking a position away from war zones and conflicts. The general presents an appealing offer in the capital, but Oliver must first return to the military police headquarters. Stefanie suspects foul play once again.

Team Oliver fights to restore the Water Mill’s reputation, but they continue to be targeted by Gabrielle and face constant threats. They eventually discover the origin of “the cleaner” and her connection to the mastermind behind the ruthless idea of denying water for free.

S3 : THIRST – Future

Stefanie becomes pregnant, and Oliver is transferred from the MP HQ in Hannover to the capital city, Berlin. He commutes four days a week from the shipyard. Marie brings up the topic of getting pregnant and suggests raising the babies together.

Stefanie gives birth, but the next day her baby is swapped with another child and taken from the hospital. It’s clear that Stefanie and the baby don’t match and don’t bond with each other. A blood test reveals that it’s a “raven child,” not her biological baby. Oliver and Marie start investigating the situation, finding out that the other mother was picked up and taken to her apartment, only to disappear from there. Oliver seeks assistance from his friends in the US and Czech armies to trace any leads.

Oliver tries to adapt to life in Berlin and understands the differences in this unique war zone of politics and lobbying. He discovers evidence of a powerful water lobby pushing for unrestricted control over potable water, without any public oversight.

Marie confronts her father, Hans, who is currently without any responsibilities. Taking advantage of his weakened state, Marie takes over Hans’s position on the Water Mill board.

Gabrielle contacts Stefanie and outlines the procedure she expects Stefanie to follow, believing that Stefanie wants her baby to be in good care. In the background, we see a nanny with a baby, and Clarice in a wheelchair.

S 4: THIRST – New Endings

Oliver decides to leave Berlin as he finds the war there too unpleasant and dirty. He requests to find a military position closer to his hometown, but the decision is „in the air“.

Clarice returns to town in a wheelchair, with half of her face and body reconstructed by top cosmetic surgeons. She now communicates through an AI-generated voice module connected to her brain. Her presence back in town is not a good sign.

Oliver and Marie successfully locate Gabrielle’s resort in Switzerland and manage to re-kidnap and to escape with Stefanie’s baby.

Marie convinces the board to reject Clarice’s re-entry into any position at the Water Mill.

Gabrielle contacts Stefanie and warns of retaliation.

Marie becomes pregnant, bringing joy to the triple. Johan confirms that Clarice is not Gabrielle’s daughter, but the sister of Oliver’s late mother.

Sadly, Marie loses the baby in a car accident a few months later. It remains uncertain for not very long until Gabrielle coldly tells Stefanie over the phone that such accidents happen every day and that she too could be a victim.

Hans, devastated by the loss of his unborn grandchild and suspecting Clarice’s involvement in seeking revenge, makes a terrible decision. During a Zoom call with Gabrielle, he pushes Clarice’s wheelchair into the lake, with Clarice still strapped to it.

S 5 : THIRST – 4 Thirst

Marie becomes the Chairwoman of the advisory board and decides to stay at the Water Mill full-time monitoring the management.

Oliver and Marie find certain of Stefanie’s advice strange and decide to observe her quietly.

Oliver wins the bid to provide security services at the Water Mill, even though Marie has concerns about the compliance. However, she’s glad she wasn’t involved in the decision. Oliver plans to leave the army and start a security company in their hometown and at the Mill.

Stefanie reaches out to Gabrielle, hoping for help to escape her difficult life.; and ease hers. But her real motive is to find out if Gabrielle was involved in her child’s kidnapping.

Gabrielle kidnaps Stefanie and frames Uncle Hans for the crime, as part of her plan to control the water industry.

Hans shows up at the meeting point and gets shot, while Petra and the police arrive too late. Stefanie goes missing.

Oliver, Marie, and Stefanie’s baby must find Stefanie and bring the person who killed Hans to justice.

[Cat Miggs]

Cat Miggs Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is reducing the fluff and adding more white space really helped everything read easier and stand out.

[Kristina Zill]

KZ’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is… that my first instinct was to write a book report, and it took lots of passes to eliminate anything that wasn’t essential. It was hard omitting the finer details of the story that weren’t necessary for the pitch.

Way back in February, I purchased an entry to the Script Pipeline Pitch Contest for a mere $15, knowing that I would be far enough along with this class to have completed the Pitch Bible by the submission deadline.

I have been editing it for about the past week, and even just spent an entire day thinking up a new name for my Antagonist. I finally re-read it, was pleased with the results, attached the PDF and pressed “Send.”

The good thing about entering a contest late is you don’t have to wait long for the results. The downside is the possibility that the contest judges have already decided on the winner. At least I’m 3 days before the final deadline.

Fingers crossed.