Lesson 11

[Rhonda Burnaugh]

Lesson #11 Rewrite Class:

What I learned from this assignment was: I created 13 new scenes, which I think adds to the overall flow and character structure. No major rewrites (1), But I did make changes in current scenes on 9 scenes. Also, I can now see how outlines are immensely helpful!

A. Completely new scene. #31, 33; 55; 57, 58, 60, 72, 73, 85, 86, 114, 120, 122,

B. Major rewrite of the scene. #21;

C. Changes to make the current scene work better. #33, 43, 45, 71, 97, 98, 113, 127, 129.

[Julie Dod]

Subject line: Julie Dod – Outline to Script!

What I learned from this assignment is?

I learned that the people who made suggestions about my outline were right! I did need a big closure scene between my protagonist and my antagonist – the lover. I love the scene that I have drafted. Because of that added scene, I needed to change some tiny dialogue pieces in two other scenes.

I also added a bigger fight scene between my antagonist and the antagonist – her husband, which I think added a lot more depth to their fight.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Assignment 11 – Tita’s Outline to Script!

What I learned from this assignment:

Before I started this assignment, I was afraid my outline with notes about what needs changing and from participant feedback was overwhelming and I’d never be able to merge the changes into the current script.

Without Hal’s clear, step by step thinking assignments for strengthening the script, I would never have Improved the play so much. Thank you Hal, Cheryl and team that produces such clearly structured guidance in the assignments for this as well as assignments I’ve built on from other courses I’ve taken (ProSeries50, MSC4, Write a Script in 30 Days, Profound Play, etc.)

When I panicked that there were too many changes in details to weave into the script, I remembered video 7 – turn freak out into a vision of how great it will be to achieve a goal. And I remembered Hal’s earlier statement – we don’t have to agree with the structure or just dislike fitting into a structure, but for this course, just follow it – we can change it or ignore it later. So, to survive this assignment without having a nervous breakdown:

· I calmly and methodically, without judging, copied the pre-course script on to another Word doc, then copied and pasted each section of the newest Outline in front of each scenes, writing notes when I changed the sequence and when I want to make small or major scene changes not in my outline that I remembered thinking.

· I put the outline for the scene in italics to be visually different than script. And my outline had two columns – description of the scene and notes about Hal film structure, adaptation to stage play structure (my script is for a stage play …although it could become a movie because I’ve built action into the scenes if not visual panoramas). And when I felt confused by my own outline vs script scenes or differences in sequencing, I wrote a note to myself about what to do to figure it out.

· As a result of putting the outline before each scene, I had strong, different insights:

o Some of the resequencing ideas are strengthening the balance the actual sequence of the historical events with interpersonal imagined scenes to give more human depth.

o I started feeling the scenes were too clunky long and could be faster, tighter, more quickly dramatic. I will probably be making a lot of cuts.

o I also started feeling the shape of the script. With the changes/improvements – and easier to read scene directions – it will be an effing powerful dramatic event on stage… and maybe partly in the theater, audience spaces, maybe even outside.

o Working with an outline is incredibly useful so that, as Hal said, I don’t get lost in the details and keep focused on the big picture. I needed the step by step assignments in this course to guide me through the revision – when I tried to use the excellent revision guidelines from ProSeries50 and MSC4, I became to A.D.D. to read through the same script so many times. These 11 structured assignments have helped me focus – and want to focus.

#Improvements based on Su assignments 1-11 and on participant feedback:

New Scenes: none – but I’ve split some scenes into two scenes before and after another existing scene

Changes to make current scenes better: Many changes, some just a line, to tighten, lighten, turn lurking expo into conflict or fear/hope, give more dominance to the protag, etc.As I revise the script, I’ll be checking each scene for:

(__) Scene Arc — Starts here and ends there?<div>

(__) The scene fulfills a purpose that moves the story forward.?

(__) There is conflict. (or Hope/Fear, Clues/Mystery, Set up/Surprising Humor etc._

(__) Action and dialogue come from character.

Major Revisions of Scenes: I don’t think there are many if any. Mostly changes in scenes to make them better/more entertaining (the E1-> E10) and in sequencing of some scenes to add dramatic suspense, hold attention, move between characters/conflicts involving urban leaders vs rural rebels.

Added back scene that I have cut many times, but realized it is needed because it sets up beginnings of a post war depression, competing of former gang members trying to survive and thrive vs more educated professionals, connect wagon from war to peace, show Sam as mediator

Ruth to later so Sam can appear at end of warnings/bribe attempt and to create first turning point for Sam

Resequencing: moved about 3 Scenes around and broke about 2 Scenes into two related short punchy Scenes – with Interesting Intermediary Scene that adds impact to the end of what was originally one longer scene.

</div>

[ZhiMin Hu]

Just finished the first draft. Oh boy….

First of all, thanks for all the feedback that I received from the fellow scriptwriters.

I cut a lot of scenes, but add some more. Now from 100 pages script now turns to 116 pages. I know I will do more operation later. So, not worried at this point.

But everything is going to the good direction. Super happy.

[J.R Riddle]

Thank God and ScreenwritingU for this class. WOW! I have learned so many new techniques with this lesson- how to evaluate each scene, each beat. I have moved scenes around, rewritten and changed the arc of several, and realized how to let go of some scenes as unnecessary to the scripts main storyline and purpose.

Although, I’m still behind due to living a normal summer of business, family visits etc, however even more determined to finish the class with a wonderfully, improved and dynamic script. I still have to curb my perfectionistic tendencies, and I’m recognizing the pattern earlier. That in itself is a great improvement in my writing and writing style. My confidence is growing exponentially with each lesson.