Lesson 11

[H. Vince]

Subject: H. Vince’s Outline

Contained – 2023

Lesson 11: Creating Your Outline: Part 2

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

I’m gonna go for it and turn it now. Just keeping it flowing with a directional outline to guide me when I start to fill it all in. I definitely have some problems to solve that I listed at the end. When I answer some of these it could take the script on different paths.

High Concept/Hook: What if while conducting a live podcast in a remote desert location, the grid shuts down and a group of opposites have to work together to survive?

Title: HEATED <div>

Genre: Drama/Thriller

Logline: While renting a remote desert location, two podcasters
invite on an opposite views guest. During their heated discussion, a grid
shutdown occurs causing them all to be stuck with minimal supplies. After
failed attempts to leave and no communication, they create a pirate radio
station to call for help.

Act 1:

EXT. HOME/STUDIO IN REMOTE DESERT – DAY

OPENING: PAUL PULLS UP TO THE HOUSE AND PARKS HIS CAR

PAUL LOOKS TO SEE NOTHING IN SITE EXCEPT THIS HOME/STUDIO (*solve below)

INT. HOME/STUDIO IN REMOTE DESERT – DAY

LAYER: PRODUCER, MALE 30s, OPENS THE DOOR FOR PAUL INTO THIS SEEMINGLY AMAZING PROPERTY IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

PAUL MEETS TRU AND JENN IN PERSON FOR THE FIRST TIME

LAYER/REVEAL:

· Two women have a podcast called “Third Wheel” where they invite on a guest for each episode.

· Property was rented to attend a music festival and the podcasters decide to keep renting the property for a couple of days to do their podcast with Paul there.

· (*solve age of podcasters below)

· PODCASTER 1 TRU is the Alpha female of the 2-person podcast. Thinks she has all the facts (hence her name is Tru). Trusting that nothing bad is really going to happen to her and if it does someone will come to her rescue. Not that interested in unity. Tough, thinks she has all the answers. Tru decides to bring on someone on to their Third Wheel podcast with entirely different views than theirs thinking they can probably sway him their way in the name of “unity”.

· PODCASTER 2 JENN walks on eggshells a bit with her co-host not wanting to rock the boat so she goes along agreeing with Tru.

· PODCAST GUEST PAUL doesn’t see much use in reaching across the aisle and trying to understand opposite views. Decides to take on a bet and go out of his comfort zone and attend a podcast in a remote desert location with hosts that have opposite views to increase his own exposure and ratings.

INCITING INCIDENT:

· Conflict between all podcasters (*solve below)

· Conversation gets heated

· Lines are crossed/pushed

· Jenn decides she is going to stand up to her cohost and have a serious discussion about her place on the podcast and if they should move forward together

· Jenn tells Tru she has been working on a side project.

· Tru is stubborn, doesn’t want to listen to reason

TURNING POINT:

· Grid Shutdown

· Podcast live shuts off along with all electrical devices.

· AirBnB/VRBO home is not completely equipped for such an emergency.

· Hope that this is a temporary power outage

· They decide to drive away for help

· Realization there is a system shut down on cars

· Fear of the unknown. What is going on? Is it just the house they’re in?

· Phones don’t work

· A/C turned off, extreme heat outside

Act 2:

NEW PLAN:

Wait it out for someone to arrive </div>

Hoping cleaning lady or homeowner will try to get in touch

They try to reassure each other they are in the year 2023 so there
is no way that someone won’t come to their rescue or discover they’re gone

They start doubting someone is coming to their rescue

Forced to deal with each other.

<div>

PLAN IN ACTION:

· Inventory of supplies proves a limited amount

· Found a swamp cooler

· Paul has some camping skills

· Tru fears running out of meds

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:

· No one arrives, producer and podcaster leave for help

· Tru and Paul are left alone and do not like each other

· Paul fears he will fall off the wagon

· Tru tries to come on to Paul, Paul says he is gay so she will leave him alone

Act 3:

RETHINK EVERYTHING:

· Producer comes back hurt and needs medical attention (*solve below)

· They feel defeated by the outside elements and fear no one is coming to save them

· Home has old books with a survival manual with basic medical information

· Jenn and the producer’s relationship is discovered, Tru feels betrayed

· Jenn reveals she is pregnant

Paul starts stealing Jenn’s meds

A monsoon happens with a leak in the roof

NEW PLAN:

· Producer has skills to create a radio signal so they can call for help

· They call their show a Pirate Podcast even though it is created without internet. It’s more of a call for help pirate radio show for now and will later make it available for download if it’s a success.

· Paul looks for supplies in a locked area/closet and discovers something else (*solve below)

TURNING POINT/HUGE FAILURE/MAJOR SHIFT:

· Tru has to make a decision whether or not she will work with Paul for survival

· Revealed that Tru is scared and wants to be cared for

· Paul has to decide whether he should care about these women enough to help them out and work together. Admits he is there because of a bet.

· Someone arrives by foot to the rescue – the group is not sure they can trust this person

· Didn’t take into account giving too much information on the pirate radio station could put them in danger

· Paul goes up on roof to try to patch the leak

Act 4:

FINAL PLAN:

· Survival Team Effort

· They are able to contain the threatening newcomer

· They think of a way to get a coded message with their pirate podcast to someone that could help

CLIMAX/ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF THE CONFLICT:

Low supplies, extreme heat </div>

Producer needs medical attention

Pregnant Jenn needs medical attention

<div>

Fear that not the right people are listening in on their pirate
podcast

Running out of time and supplies

RESOLUTION:

· Help Arrives (*solve below)

· Tru is humbled and changed by the experience. Her perspective is taking a turn.

· Jenn is able to “stand on her own two feet”

· Paul believes that people can be capable of change

· Paul reveals he is not gay

· Maybe only a partial happy ending? (*solve below)

Solve these:

How old should I make these people?

· People of all ages have podcasts now. It could be 20-30-40s.

· Or make it with an age gap or May/December relationship or something that develops later out of desperate companionship

· Although maybe make Jenn a bit younger than Tru to justify her not having much of her own opinion outside of what Tru says.

· Have to make Jenn of child bearing age

Possible type of rented home/studio in remote desert:

· Mirrored house/studio that may be an issue for birds

· 3D Printed house/studio

· Another unique impressive piece of architecture built in the remote desert that the podcasters rented out

Possible conflict topics:

· Discussion about AI and the human condition

o A self-driving vehicle may do the non-emotional mechanical job but what about caring for the passengers? Say as in a bus? Even more specific a school bus where students need supervision?

· Slave trade

· Tru’s naïve trust that if anything bad happens, someone will come to save her

· Conflict that Tru thinks she is more valuable as a single woman than Paul is as a single man

· Having kids

· Whether a man is stronger physically than a woman and what jobs men should do

Possible injuries that the producer incurs:

· Snake bite

· Scorpion sting

· Or attacked by a wild animal? Bobcat or mountain lion? (this could be more problematic in a COVID guideline situation with trainers, etc.)

What is possibly found in the locked closet/area:

· Switch for solar power

· Secret tunnel

· Artillery

· The housekeeper

· Shrine

· Newspaper clippings of some crime

· Freaky stuff

Who is the help that arrives?

· Friend of one of the podcasters?

· Medical professionals

· Police

· Possible vigilantes – a war has begun in the country

The housekeeper

Help arrives when?

· Weeks

· Months

Possible ending:

· Producer/the father of Jenn’s baby dies from injury infection before they are rescued

· Jenn and her unborn child are malnutritioned

· Are they actually rescued or more people show up to camp out?

</div>

[Gustavo Cosenza]

Gustavo’s Outline

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

I enjoyed the process but it became very difficult to keep it contained. I tried to focus on the story and building the characters as best as possible to keep things interesting. I definitely think it can be polished and some things are a bit generic but as the first outline, I’m happy with the result. I’m excited to hear some feedback.

Title: United

Genre: Drama/Thriller

Concept: A top-tier microbiologist that is escaping her country, gets caught and put into a prisoner transport vehicle, she finds out she is the missing piece to an operation that could free her homeland.

Hook: What would you do if as you are escaping your country you find out you are the missing piece for its liberation?

INT. HOUSE – DAY

VICTORIA (26) packs a small backpack with clothes, money, food and a small medical bag. Victoria tears up when SARA (4) helps her pack joyfully.

EXT. HOUSE – AFTERNOON

Victoria reminds MARIA (65) to get out of the city soon, gives her money and says goodbye to them both.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Victoria has to avoid military personnel who are in control of the streets.

A group of people break in a store, a man gets mugged by someone on a motorcycle.

Several homeless men ask Victoria for food.

An elderly woman watches Victoria walk from a window and hide. There is real fear, poverty and chaos in this city.

EXT. BUS STOP – NIGHT

Victoria gets in a truck transporting bananas, there is a small secret compartment where 20 people are already hiding.

EXT. BORDER CONTROL – NIGHT

The truck driver is nervous while the police officer searches the truck. Hell breaks loose when he finds the compartment with people hiding. While escaping into the forest, some people get shot.

EXT. FOREST – NIGHT

While running Rich appears out of nowhere and gives Victoria her backpack that she lost while escaping. He is leading the way.

10 people with backpacks and fear in their eyes walk on a beach, the desert and a forest.

EXT.- FOREST – NIGHT

While camping, the group gets ambushed by people with guns and face masks and crammed into a prison vehicle.

INT. PRISON VEHICLE – NIGHT

Rich is strangely calm and shares his immigration story with the other prisoners. The group shares terror stories that put into evidence the atrocious actions of the oppressive government.

Victoria doesn’t share, instead plans the escape. She asks the guards to go to the bathroom, the car stops, and she gets out followed by a guard.

The group is waiting for something…

EXT. ROAD NEAR FOREST – NIGHT

Victoria screams and everyone pushes the door, hitting the soldier. Victoria grabs him by the neck on the floor, the body is left motionless.

Rich asks about the two lifeless bodies, Victoria assures they are fine and start running.

INT. MEETING ROOM GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

DAVID (27) sits in a room with half a dozen people, SERGIO (65) is the leader and reveals his obsessive behavior towards the rising revolutionary movement. They watch the surveillance video of the “traitors” being shot, while escaping the country.

David receives a message on his blinking wristband. He has a lead to a “traitor’s house”. He shares pictures of Victoria’s house, Sara is outside playing with Maria.

Sergio orders a raid.

INT. POLICE STATION – DAY

Police officers get ready, it’s like they are preparing for war.

EXT. FOREST – DAY

While escaping through the forest, Victoria notices they are being followed. She manages to doze two soldiers before discovering she is surrounded by armed men led by Rich.

Rich reveals he wants the weapon she is using on his soldiers to kill a narco leader friend of the president. Victoria is not interested.

Rich asks everyone to lower their gun and shows a video of her house being raided by police officers. Sara and Maria are safe, Rich’s men got them out in time.

Rich hands a phone to Victoria, it’s Sara and Maria, they are safe and being released near a bus station.

She needs to go and find more samples of the organism. Victoria accepts Rich’s truce offering with some conditions.

INT. PRISON CAR – NIGHT

Victoria puts on a protection suit and avoids explaining anything to Rich who is constantly asking about the organism, she only reveals it’s found in a specific hour and place when it’s super dangerous.

She manages to get Rich and his people locked in the cell, so she can go alone.

EXT. FOREST RIVER – DAY

She arrives at the site and recognizes the destroyed tents she used to work in.

(flashback)TO THE PAST

Victoria looks more youthful, smiles a lot and talks to someone we don’t identify but there is chemistry between them.

She retrieves the first sample and examines it in a small lab in one of the tents.

(flashback)TO THE PRESENT

She prepares the site, and starts the procedure, she finds a burnt bucket.

(flashback) TO THE PAST

Victoria is furious while she throws papers, folders and samples in the bucket, she burns it all. The laboratory is destroyed. She is hugged by someone.

She keeps a sample.

(flashback) TO THE PRESENT

Victoria finds the organism and stores it.

INT. PRISON CELL – NIGHT

David is ordered to kill the captured “traitors” and have cameras documenting everything there. David fakes the killing but the videos look realistic.

INT. PRISON CAR – NIGHT

Rich looks at the videos of the traitors being killed, he is fuming.

EXT. BORDER CONTROL – NIGHT

Rich orders a synchronized and perfectly executed killing of all the border police officers. Victoria sees this firsthand.

INT. REVOLUTION HQ – NIGHT

Victoria walks through the HQ offices with DIEGO (37), right hand of Rich. There is chaos after the killing at the border, but still the whole operation looks organized.

INT. LABORATORY – DAY

DIEGO takes Victoria to a lab with the things she asked, he tries to make her feel at home and reveals he despises Rich’s actions sometimes.

Victoria develops the weapon, the dose is timed to do its effect in a certain amount of time, Rich is pleased.

INT. REVOLUTION HQ – NIGHT

Rich briefs the mission to Victoria but she notices the lies. Diego and Victoria exchange looks.

Victoria finds out the target is not the narco leader but a big group of the high-up political power of the government including the president.

INT. LABORATORY – DAY

Victoria is fuming, she takes the weapon and when she is about to leave, she finds out she is locked in the laboratory.

She finds another way to escape the building using her weapon.

EXT. PRISON CELL – NIGHT

A guard sees David helping release the prisoners from the cell and is about to snitch, David chokes him out.

INT. REVOLUTION HQ – NIGHT

Rich is informed that Victoria escaped, they are tracking her via GPS, he is about to unleash a whole armed operation. Diego asks him to give him a chance to convince her to come back, Rich accepts.

EXT. BUS STATION – DAY

Diego finds Victoria and asks her about her motivations for joining the operation.

(Flashback) TO THE PAST

INT. HOUSE – DAY

Victoria opens the door of the house with a smile, she is accompanied by someone we don’t identify.

Someone is saying goodbye to Victoria who is with baby Sara in her arms.

Victoria crying over the phone when she is desperately trying to find someone.

Someone’s funeral.

Victoria taking care of baby Sara alone.

(Flashback) TO THE PRESENT

EXT. BUS STATION – DAY

She has lost everyone to this oppressive government. She only wants a better future for her daughter, she’ll save money for another opportunity to escape the country.

Diego convinces Victoria, this is the only chance to end this and free their country. She accepts but she won’t be going back to HQ and she’ll decide who will be administering the dose in the operation. She’s always one step ahead.

INT. NEWS ANCHOR – DAY

A news anchor reports on one of the “traitors” that escaped prison thanks to David. The media reported his death falsely thanks to the videos released by the government. He left his country and is being interviewed for a news report from another country.

INT. MEETING ROOM GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

Sergio and his council see the news report. They are informed of the border killing and identify Rich and Victoria.

Sergio is fuming and orders tens of raids with the help of the narco militia. They’ll do an official media announcement tomorrow.

INT. REVOLUTION HQ – NIGHT

Rich gets informed on David’s situation. he gets mad and accelerates the operation.

INT. DIEGO’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Victoria opens a bit up to Diego and explains if the organism is released, it could be a real threat to humanity. When funding was cut, they destroyed their life research because of this.

Diego shares that his inside man could help her administer the doses, he worked in scientific research in his past life.

He explains how they’ll act after the killing takes place, on paper everything thing sounds good.

There is some chemistry between Diego and Victoria, but nothing happens, she sleeps in the sofa, he goes to his room.

The next day there is a package outside with uniforms and a car key.

EXT. BACK ENTRANCE GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

Victoria infiltrates with Diego the government building on a cleaning truck.

INT. CORRIDOR GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

Victoria meets with David, she doesn’t recognize him at first but when he smiles…

(Flashback) TO THE PAST

EXT. FOREST RIVER – DAY

David is the one who was always with her when she was discovering the organism… when they burnt their research. When they entered the house, he is the father of Sara.

INT. CORRIDOR GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

(Flashback) TO THE PRESENT

They can’t interact because they are surrounded by cameras.

She shows him how to administer the dose with him. She starts the timer, it has other timers ready to go. She gives David some doses.

Rich is disguised as one of the cameramen from the media.

INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE – DAY

Sergio, surrounded by 10 top government officials and David, gives the announcement on national TV of the operation “kill terrorist”. He shows the faces of Rich and Victoria as the wanted terrorist. They’ll raid every house in the city looking for them.

David manages to apply the dose to everyone but the president and Vice president before, during and after the announcement.

David tries to shake hands with the vice president, to administer the dose. He stops, asks him to go to his office now and walks away. He knows something.

INT. CORRIDOR GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

Sergio invites the press to join him in the press room to answer further questions.

Victoria as a cleaning lady, drops her broom. Sergio stops and as the photographers take pictures, he reaches the broom and hands it over to Victoria, he shakes hands with her. She smiles and starts the timer.

David confirms to Victoria the vice president hasn’t ingested the dose and thinks he is suspecting. Time is running out.

INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE – DAY

As David enters the office, the vice president is pointing a gun at him, he knows he is part of the revolution, demands answers.

INT. CORRIDOR GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

Rich asks Victoria to give him the dose, she gives the dose, but doses Rich secretly.

INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE – DAY

The Vice president is about to pull the trigger when, Rich and Victoria storm in and administer the dose. They tie him up.

Victoria looks at her watch, it’s starting.

INT. CORRIDOR GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

As some cameramen walk into the press room, the minister of defense starts having a heart attack. Some people take photos others call for a doctor, chaos sets in.

INT. PRESS ROOM – DAY

The president calls the media into the room and takes out the importance of the situation with a joke. Cameras start to roll. He answers a couple of questions, he gets informed something privately, he continues.

He gets interrupted again and looks nervous. He gets interrupted yet again, he stays silent and understands they are being attacked. He suddenly faints.

A couple of ministers enter the room and fall. There is chaos, all the press runs all over the place.

INT. CORRIDOR GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

The corridor is full of people, more big shots faint.

David faints, in the corridor, photographers take pictures of him.

INT. CLEANING CLOSET GOVERNMENT BUILDING – DAY

Victoria takes him into the closet and puts the antidote. He is revived.

They exchange looks silently, Victoria has a mix of emotions and asks him why he never reached out. David apologizes and explains his plan to join the government team, it was the only way to do it.

Rich shares he saw Sara playing at their house. Victoria understands Rich ordered the raid on her house to manipulate her.

INT. PRESIDENTS OFFICE – DAY

Victoria and David find Rich sitting in the president’s chair and is fainting. Rich asks Victoria for the antidote, but she denies it, she knows he was the one that gave the lead for the raid at her house. Rich dies.

INT. CLEANING TRUCK – DAY

David and Victoria escape through the chaos and get in the cleaning truck. Victoria explains why he let Rich die. She is confident Diego will take over and bring peace.

EXT. COUNTRY HOUSE – DAY

Sara’s face illuminates when she sees them. David is happy. Sara smiles for the first time, some wounds have finally healed.

[Thomas Doran]

Lesson 11 – Creating Your Outline – Part 2

Title: Snow-blind

Genre: Survival, Contained Drama

Written by: Tom Doran

What I learned is that set-ups and pay-offs creates more realism, authenticity and depth to both the characters and the logical plot progressions.

Logline:

A hero driven doctor, en route to a mandatory hospital call-in, abandons his SUV to search for help in the midst of a generational blizzard, which results in his temporary blindness, after he learns that his passenger, a nurse, is pregnant with his child.

ACT 1:

1. EXT. – ALEX’S SUV/ KRIS’ APARTMENT – DRIVEWAY – DAY

Opening: Alex, his ER Physician’s ID lanyard partially exposed under his jacket, turns his electric SUV into Kris’ driveway.

2. INT. ALEX’S SUV – KRIS’ DRIVEWAY – DAY

Alex cranks up the heat as he waits.

He listens to SXM, classic 70’s rock.

He watches Kris exit her apartment and enter his SUV.
He switches the station to NPR (National Public Radio). (Set-Up)
She hurries to drape her R.N. (Registered Nurse) lanyard ID holder over her neck.

3. EXT. – UNPLOWED ROAD – ALEX’S SUV – DRIVING – DAY

They venture out into unplowed streets.
The visibility looks relatively clear, but the snow intensifies as they drive.

4. INT. – ALEX’S SUV – DRIVING – DAY

Warning advisory from radio (NPR) that the unprecedented storm is most concentrated in the city, which is the location of the hospital. (Set-up)

Inciting Incident:
Kris asks Alex to turn around and take her back home, because of the poor visibility.
Alex speed dials the ER. V.O. of ATTENDING MD (Set-up)
“We’re flooded with patients and extremely short staffed. If you don’t get here ASAP, you’ll both be disciplined or fired.”

Alex tells her that they have no choice. (Pay-off)

5. EXT. – UNPLOWED ROAD – DRIVING – DAY

Even though the streets are unplowed, the SUV glides through them like a knife through butter.

6. INT. – ALEX’S SUV – DAY

Alex drives quickly and aggressively for the conditions.

He glances at his SUV clock, then presses his foot down on the accelerator.

1st Turning Point:

Alex notices that his warning light has come on, indicating a low charge. (Set-up)

NPR radio reports an unprecedented amount of stranded vehicles in the city, as well as a mounting missing persons and death count. (Set-up)

Kris urges Alex to turn around immediately.

Alex explains that there are no charging stations, except for the ones at the hospital. He tells her that even if he wanted to, he couldn’t turn around now. (Pay-off)

He lightens his foot on the accelerator, but then…

ACT 1 Turning Point

He swerves to avoid a deer in the road, (his POV through the windshield) and spins into a snowbank. (Twist)

7. INT./EXT. ALEX’S SUV -SNOWBANK – DAY

He grinds his tires by pressing his foot against the accelerator, but they’re stuck. (First plan fails.)

ACT 2

8. INT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

Alex climbs into the back of the SUV and retrieves a flare. (Set-Up)

9. EXT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

Alex gets out of the car, but drops the matches in the snow. He’s unable to get the flares lit. (Pay-off, 2nd plan fails.)

10. INT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

He gets back in the vehicle and becomes frustrated when Kris informs him that neither of their cell phones can get a signal.

The warning light turns red, indicating that they only have a 5% charge. (Pay-off)

Midpoint Turning Point: Alex wants Kris to go out into the blizzard with him in order to find help or shelter.

Kris insists that they stay inside the vehicle, with that being their best chance at survival.

When Alex further pressures Kris to go with him, she reveals that she’s six weeks pregnant with his baby and doesn’t want to risk it. (Major Reveal)

Alex denies that he’s the father, but she reminds him that they were both intoxicated when it happened. He suddenly has a flashback of the event.

Alex, angry at Kris for not previously informing him of her pregnancy, attempts to open his door, but it’s partially stuck.

Alex swears that he sees a light in the distance, which he believes could be some type of business where he can get help for the both of them. (Hope)

Kris doesn’t see it and refuses to leave the vehicle. She urges him to stay.

11. EXT. SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

He forces the door partially open and rolls out of the SUV;

He uses his feet, while on his back, to shut the driver’s side door.

ACT 2 TP/MIDPOINT: ISOLATION:

12. EXT. ROAD – WHITEOUT – ON FOOT – DAY

Alex, out of the vehicle, disappears into the blinding snow and fierce wind that nearly blows him to the ground.

Alex glances at the SUV, but can no longer see Kris in the passenger seat.

The snow and wind knocks Alex down several times, but each time he forces himself to his feet.

ACT 3:

13. EXT. ROAD – WHITEOUT – ON FOOT – DAY

Alex follows what appears to be a light in the distance.

14. INT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

Kris listens to NPR, until the vehicle runs out of charge and shuts down.

She tries her cell phones again, but still no signal.

The fierce wind causes snow to cover the front windshield.

15. EXT. ROAD – WHITEOUT – ON FOOT – DAY

Alex slips and falls head first into the snow. He struggles to get back to his feet.

Alex follows what appears to be muted colors in the distance.

16. EXT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

A brutal wind creates a drift around the SUV, encompassing much of it.

17. INT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

Kris attempts to open open the driver’s side door and then the passenger side door, but neither will budge.

Kris shivers. She takes a note pad and a pen from the glove box and writes. (Set-up)

18. EXT. ROAD – WHITEOUT – ON FOOT – DAY

Alex sees what appears to be a building in the distance.

Alex labors with his breathing as he continues toward the muted colors.

19. EXT. BUILDING – DAY

Alex comes upon the building. He finds an ice covered rock and breaks a window; he enters.

20. INT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – DAY

Kris, trapped in darkness, continues to write until her pen runs dry of ink.

21. INT. BUILDING – DAY

ACT 3 Turning Point:

Alex finds a phone, but there is no signal.

ACT 4 :

22. INT. BUILDING – DAY

Alex finds a pad and pen and writes a note.

The note gives a vivid description of where he abandoned his SUV. He writes that his girlfriend is pregnant and that his SUV has no heat/no charge left.

He also draws a detailed map, with street names and a star representing his SUV. (Set-up)

23. EXT. BUILDING – DAY

Alex climbs out of the window and ventures into the blizzard.

24. EXT. ROAD – WHITEOUT – ON FOOT – NIGHT

Alex sees other buried cars in the snow.

Alex finds a car with a body inside. He smashes the window and pulls an elderly man out.

Alex tries to find a pulse on the man’s neck.

Alex lays the dead man in the snow and continues on the road.

25. INT. BUILDING – DAY

A hand picks up the note with Alex’s drawing of the map.

Voices from a mobile communication system can be heard. (Set-up)

26. INT. ALEX’S SUV – SNOWBANK – NIGHT

Kris struggles to keep her eyes open, even though she shivers continuously.

Her teeth chatter and her skin looks pale white. (All the symptoms of hypothermia.)

Noises and commotion come from outside of the SUV.

A FIRST RESPONDER smashes the side window and drags Kris out. (Pay-off)

Kris slurs her words as she tries to speak.

A SECOND FIRST RESPONDER sees Kris’ note on the seat and picks it up. (Set-up)

27. EXT. ROAD – WHITEOUT – ON FOOT – NIGHT

Alex collapses in the snow. When he lifts his head up, his face is filled with snow and ice.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

Alex’s POV: he has partial blindness with shadows all around. (Fear)

Alex hears voices and attempts to lift himself up, but then collapses again in the snow.

Alex is suddenly pulled to his feet by two STRANGERS, one on each side of him. (Hope)

28. INT. HOSPITAL – ICU – NIGHT

Kris lies in a coma on an ICU bed, connected to a ventilator.

DREAM: She looks up and sees Alex at the side of her bed.

Resolution:

Alex stops into Kris’ ICU Room. He reads her letter aloud: (Pay-off)

Kris explains, in her letter, that if they both survive, she wants to marry him and raise their child together. (Hope)

A tear streams down Alex’s face. (Fear.)

[Tom Wilson]

Title: ADRIFT

Genre/Drama – Pilot Mini Series

Written by: Tom Wilson

Doing this lesson, I learned how much more interesting scenes are if they bounce back and forth between positive and negative actions and events.

Logline: A sailor, a smuggler and the daughter of the ship’s owner wake up adrift in a life boat. They don’t know how they got here.

Scene 1: Elaine, Gus, and Alfredo wake up in a lifeboat after their ship sinks. They don’t know what happened.

Scene 2: Elaine reveals she’s the daughter of the shipping company CEO, and that she is on a mission to stop him from smuggling guns and drugs.

Scene 3: Gus reveals that he has a juvenile criminal record, and that he is smuggling gold bricks into the US.

Scene 4: Alfredo reveals that he is attracted to Elaine, and that he wants to marry her. She says Hell, No. He calls the pirate chief and invites his men to sneak aboard and steal the gold. Gus spies on him and organizes a team to fight off the pirates. When they sneak onto the ship, Gus and team fight them off. Pirate chief is pissed at Alfredo and blows a hole in the ship that sinks it.

Scene 5: The three survivors are rescued by a submersible. The submersible takes them to the sunken ship, where they find the gold bricks.

Scene 6: Elaine and Gus realize that Alfredo is not who he seems. He is an opportunist who is only interested in the gold.

Scene 7: Alfredo tries to kill Gus but Elaine and Gus fight him off.

Scene 8: Alfredo escapes and joins a group of pirates.

Overall plot for season 1: Elaine and Gus team up to stop Alfredo and the pirates from smuggling guns and drugs. They also learn more about Elaine’s father’s criminal activities.

Overall plot for season 2: Elaine and Gus continue their fight against Alfredo and the pirates. They also learn more about Elaine’s past, and how it has shaped her into the person she is today.

Overall plot for season 3: Elaine and Gus’s relationship is tested as they face new challenges. They also learn more about the gold bricks, and who is really behind them.

Overall plot for season 4: Elaine and Gus must make a difficult choice: do they continue their fight against Alfredo and the pirates, or do they try to start a new life?

Overall plot for season 5: Elaine and Gus make their choice, and they must face the consequences. They also learn more about themselves, and what it means to be a hero.

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Tom Wilson.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Tom Wilson.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Tom Wilson.
• This reply was modified 2 years ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Aurora AURORA Harris HARRIS]

Aurora’s Outline – Part 2

I learned that moving the same incidents around in order to properly structure the story, helps greatly with telling the story in the most interesting and meaningful way.

· Series Concept: A Praetorian Centurion, naïvely loyal to Emperor Tiberius, is sidelined by Sejanus, his newly promoted boss, and loyally he goes on a bootless errand to find a mythical Jewish rebel. In Palestine, he is placed under house arrest in a remote luxury hostelry, full of spies, and intrigue, and while he struggles with his out of control slaves, he discovers he himself is an insurrectionist.

· Main Conflict in Episode One: Centurion Theophilus Cato struggles to maintain his loyalties to the Roman Empire while protecting his beloved Jewish household slaves from a new wave of anti- Semitism in Rome.

Cold Open: EXT – VILLA IN CAESAREA MARITIMA-DAY 40 AD. Philip reads to Theo a letter from Lucas which addresses Theo as the Excellent Theophilus, reporting Lucas’ research about the Messiah’s life is complete and he will soon forward that account, but he’s been very busy write the second part as the story is on-going. Their old nemesis Agrippa has turned against his uncle Herod Antipas, accusing him of rebellion against Rome. Was he aware that Caligula is trying to reinstate Emperor worship?

Act 1:

Opening: EXT- A RAVINE IN THE
FOOTHILLS OUT OF ROME -DAY 26 AD
Theo rewards a Jewish soldier in his cohort for loyalty and bravery
and chides his soldiers for complaining that he is being reassigned.
Swears by Mercury, Roman God of loyalty.

Inciting Incident: EXT- HILLSIDE
IN ROME-DAY At his slave, Philip’s foot race, the Romans are jealous of
Philip’s running success. Theo discovers from Senator Atticus (whose son
Dominic is a competitor) there is a
new wave of anti Semitic policies coming with the rise of Lucius Sejanus.
Theo naively reveals where he and Philip live. Theo sees the prejudice manifested
against Philip by the race official, who is a recent appointee of Sejanus.
Philip is silent in the face of it. Along the race course Theo ambushes the
official to stop further retaliation against Philip , then conceals he did
it. In discussion with Philip afterward he asserts loyalty is key, so
don’t get caught being disloyal. Philip stutters out a psalm about a prophesied Jewish
warrior overthrowing with an iron rod.
Turning Point– EXT- STREET OUTSIDE
THE BATHS IN ROME-NIGHT Theo learns
from Atticus that the race official was murdered, stabbed with a military
issued Iberian dagger left at the scene. Atticus reveals their new boss Sejanus
thinks its convenient to blame the Jews. Theo begins to suspect he himself
or Philip is responsible for the death of the official.

Act 2:

New plan-.INT- THEO’S VILLA IN
ROME- Morning. Theo notices his own
Iberian dagger is missing. Theo is
going to investigate/ cover up. Constantinius
his retainer informs him that Philip had left early the prior day and
again is no where to be found. When
he approaches his slave Hannah, he discovers she has taken in Jael &
Josiah, Jewish refugees and Theo is furious. She complains she was
Mistress of the household before they left Alexandria, questioning why she
can’t make decisions to benefit the running the household. He confronts
Hannah bout her son Philip but is reassured of his slaves’ loyalty and
love of him. Hannah invites Theo and Constatinius to their Seder but the
retainer begs off since going to a banquet with his old buddies that night.
Theo discovers Philip is again lying about his whereabouts.
Plan in action– EXT- STREET SCENE
ROME- DAY Theo spots Philip and follows him, learning Philip had taken Theo’s dagger to the rebels but
is unable to get it back. The rebels accuse him of not being Jewish and
throw him out. When Theo confronts Philip about this- and his
insurrectionist scripture, Philip reveals these are the Synagogue of
Freedmen. He also responds with a parallel prophecy from a Roman source, Virgil
about a child warrior born of virgin breaking the Roman rod of iron and
shattering pots of clay. Theo prevails on Philip to take no more action
and trust him to handle it.
Midpoint Turning Point-EXT BOTTOM
OF GEMONIAN STAIRS- Afternoon- On his way to meet Sejanus, Theo finds his Jewish
soldier murdered on the Gemonian stairs and his reward stolen. Theo pays an
old priestess to guard the body but
suspiciously she has the red wallet
that Theo gave the Jewish soldier with the prize money. She foretells that
Theo is a betrayer who will be betrayed as he serves the wrong gods.

Act 3:

Rethink everything-INT- MAMERTINE
PRISON- DAY Theo goes to Capitoline
Hill see Sejanus to discuss his reassignment but is met by Atticus’ at Mamertine
prison. On the way in Theo assists in the apprehension of a man escaping
from the prison with gold coins. Atticus suggests that Theo spy on
Tiberius, switching his loyalty to Sejanus, telling him to forget Mercury,
follow the god of War. You create your own truth, so grab control of your
destiny.
New plan: Theo declines the offer,
saying he will retire before being disloyal to Tiberius. Then Theo slips
out of the prison courtyard.
Turning Point: EXT- STREET SCENE
ROME- Noon Huge failure / Major shift Theo is dragged before Sejanus.

Act 4:

Final plan– EXT TOP OF GEMONIAN
STAIRS- Night Sejanus threatens Theo and calls on the same priestess to
condemn him, but Theo reverses the accusation and gets the priestess
arrested for theft. Then Theo reveals to Sejanus his plan to go to
Palestine undercover to find the Jewish rebel leader foretold in the Jewish
and Roman prophecies. Reveal: Theo
is not very literate, and relies on smart Jews to write his military
reports. Sejanus agrees on his play
but will send him as an emissary of the Empire, but Theo must succeed in
finding the Insurrectionist within two years or die.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the
conflict-INT/EXT SLAVES
QUARTERS AT THEO’S VILLA- NIGHT Philip splashes blood on the doorway in
prep for the Seder and leaves a large bowl of it outside. Thugs attack at the
slave quarters during a Seder on the day Theo’s home guard is off duty and
has left the gate open. In the
dark, Jael uses a Passover pilgrim’s staff to help Theo fight the attackers.
The thugs are frightened off by the amount of blood they see on the door
frames. But Josiah has been killed.
Jael quickly begins prepping his body for burial, by wrapping his head in
her head scarf.
Resolution– INT SLAVES QUARTERS AT
THEO’S VILLA- NIGHT Jael conspires
with Hannah saying Theo would be upset to discover he had killed Josiah by
mistake during the attack. .
Reveal: Jael hides the bloody rag with which she wiped her staff by
mopping up the spilt blood at the doorway. Hannah manipulates Theo into
taking them all, including Jael ,
on his mission to Palestine.

TAG

EXT- ALLEYWAY IN ROME- DAY Hannah is blackmailed by an unknown assailant to secretly report on Theo’s investigation, under threats to expose her son Philip as a rebel.

[Martha Manuel]

Martha’s Outline

What I learned doing this assignment: is how important it is to use every new learning experience to my advantage. However, this extended outline has proved to be a monumental challenge for me. I love to write and have always started with a general outline (sometimes in my head) which lets me create a mass of possibilities as I go along. Too much structure boxes me in and I begin to lose enthusiasm for my work. This assignment is not completed the way it is supposed to be, but I wanted to show my intent to follow the rules – until I could no longer follow them. I have reached the point where I need to break free and start writing. Regardless of my stubbornness, thanks for a great class!

Title: When Crime Pays

Genre: Drama/Mystery

Logline: Horror ensues when two escaped convicts attempting to rob a small country store are trapped inside with its’ occupants just as a major hurricane hits.

ACT 1:

a. Opening: Mr. Martin mumbles under his breath as he begrudgingly bags up groceries for his daughter Susie, and her 15 year old mentally challenged son, Bobby.

Radio transmission in background loudly broadcasts: Category 4 Hurricane is fast approaching; prepare for the worst.

A second announcement follows: be on the lookout for two armed and dangerous convicts who recently escaped from Angola State Penitentiary.

Mr. Martin tells Susie he has plans for the day; she and Bobby will have to go to the house without him until after hurricane passes.

A loud commotion heard at front door; two men storm in; both wear makeshift masks covering their face; one holds gun in his hand, the other, as baseball bat. They announce, “This is a stick-up!”

b. Inciting Incident: Loud thud outside front door: items on shelves rattle, some fall to floor; a huge tree has uprooted in front of store and blocks entrance; crushes pick-up truck parked there. Electricity goes out, store in semi-darkness, leaving one tough sounding robber visibly shaken.

c. Turning Point: Review of situation reveals: pick-up truck robbers earmarked for a quick get-away no longer operable; downed cell towers leave cell phones without service; no electricity cuts off landlines, radio, and coolers in store. Communication with the outside world has come to a standstill. They are trapped inside. Storm rages on.

ACT 2:

a. New Plan: Convicts must find new escape route. Mr. Martin insists there is none. Convicts separate the three individuals in store – Mr. Martin goes with Lance (convict 1) to back of store to inspect building – other convict, Beau, takes Susie and Bobby with him as he goes to inspect the cash register for funds.

b. Plan in Action: Beau tries to get money from cash register. Without electricity he is unable to open it. Bobby says he can help, Beau refuses his help; waits for Lance to come back with Mr. Martin.

Mr. Martin proves to Lance there is no other way out: back exit of store has been blocked by heavy metal cabinets and old machinery never disposed of when store was originally an old feed mill.

Lance suffers from claustrophobia; is on verge of panic attack when Mr. Martin tells him he can cure his claustrophobia if he and Beau agree to leave them alone as soon as they are able to get out. Lance agrees.

Beau, Susie and Bobby see Lance and Mr. Martin coming from back room. They are laughing, in extremely good spirits. Beau hopes they have found another way out.

Lance tells Beau Mr. Martin has a whole back room filled with really awesome marijuana; hands some to Beau who immediately starts smoking. Susie is horrified when Bobby wants some too.

Susie feels tension building as robbery takes on a life of its own. In the midst of all the merriment, Mr. Martin gets angry with Susie and locks her in closet. Bobby is given a joint to smoke and soon forgets about his mom in the closet.

Abruptly, Lance asks if they smell something unusual (other than burning marijuana). Turning around they see smoke billowing out of back room. Mr. Martin and Lance look at each other. Who left a lit joint behind?

ACT 2 TP/MIDPOINT TURNING POINT:

Suddenly who left the lit joint in the back room doesn’t matter – the whole room if filling with smoke and sparks from the fire are spreading like wildfire!

ACT 3:

a. Rethink Everything: Robbery has now converted from stealing to surviving. Fire is contained in back of store on one side but is starting to spread and climb upwards towards the attic. Mr. Martin says their only hope is to get to a small partitioned off spot in the attic where they may be able to work their way through a makeshift vent.

Lance rushes to let Susie out of closet, but Mr. Martin says to leave her – no time to get her out. Lance goes to grab gun from his pocket as he rushes towards closet. Bobby sees gun in his hand; thinks he is going to shoot Susie. Bobby grabs gun; in the shuffle Mr. Martin is shot.

Susie hears commotion outside; bangs on closet door to get out; Lance releases her from closet.

b. New Plan: Look for fire extinguishers; pull out bottled water from shelves or coolers; use anything available to put out fire; search for alternate way to attic; find transistor radio and install new batteries in hopes of monitoring hurricane; cover dead body of Mr. Martin.

Must work together if they are to survive. Options are minimal:

(1) They have found small winding staircase to attic – could lead to way out, or no way to outside and no way back down.

(2) If they stay downstairs, unless help arrives in time they will definitely be trapped in fire.

Lance’s claustrophobia is rendering him useless. He knows going upstairs there’s a chance to escape but fears the small winding staircase in the dark. He tries to convince them to go without him; they will not leave him behind.

c. Turning point: Fire in back now blazing out of control; the smell of marijuana has everyone high; Susie tries to find way to bring everything back under control.

ACT 3 TP/ALL IS LOST: In the attic, the small outlet they search for is in reality a small vent unable to accommodate even the smallest one of them. The fire has spread below them now and they are trapped.

ACT 4:

a. Final Plan: Susie realizes she still has cell phone in pocket; tries to push it out the small vent to see if she can get reception. Calls 911. Requests firetruck with equipment to get them out of attic and an ambulance for Mr. Martin’s body. Hopes her message gets out before battery dies.

b. Climax / Ultimate Expression of the Conflict / Increasing Tension: Lance is forcing himself not to react to his claustrophobia by talking to Susie. He can’t understand her father willing to leave her in the closet when the fire got so bad. Susie becomes upset, does not want to discuss.

c. Resolution: As sounds of hurricane grow fainter:

(1) Susie tells Lance secrets she has never told anyone before:

(a) Mr. Martin was not only her father, but Bobby’s father as well.

(b) She hated her father for what he did to her, but she could never bring herself to telling her mother.

(c) She lived in fear of her father most of her life. Her mother went to her grave without ever knowing how truly despicable her father was.

(2) Bobby rushes over to Susie; she is in shock when he hands her strong box his paw paw was hiding in the attic.

(a) Susie and Bobby agree they will use their newfound money to work for an acquittal for Lance and Beau’s phony trumped-up murder charges.

(b) Beau and Bobby discuss plans to start their own detective agency.

(3) Sounds coming from the distance include:

(a) Firetrucks racing down the road

(b) An ambulance to take Mr. Martin’s body to the coroner

(c) A local police vehicle with policeman to investigate Mr. Martin’s death

(d) Following everyone else is one lone undercover agent still searching for the missing Angola escapees.

Solve These:

1. Act 1 – Need to build up characters

2. Act 2 – Work on plan of action / new plan

3. Act 3 – New plan / character development needed