Lesson 11

[Brenda Clarke]

Brenda Clarke DRAMATIC REVEALS

Well finally, having done this assignment not only did I create some new reveals but I was also able to find more TRUST and BETRAYALS 🙂 for the previous lesson. This has fleshed out my Thriller Map and I feel more confident with a comprehensible Thriller Map that is laying the foundations ready to write the screenplay. MAI stands for Martial Arts Instructor.

Important Reveals
A. what is the reveal?
B. How did it get covered up?
C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? D. When you revel the truth, it must have dramatic impact.

Reveal:
• Mother is abducted by 3 strange Chinese men

How did it get covered up? Not really, its out in the open.
• Daughter accidentally witnesses crime, doesn’t know what’s happening

M.I.S. used to create demand to know the truth?

Intrigue: Mother abducted

Suspense: Can the daughter save her?

Mystery: Why did this happen?

Intrigue: Who are these strange Chinese men?

Reveal:

Father’s office has been trashed and is abandoned

Intrigue: who did this to his office?

Suspense: audience sees smashed picture frame of the father/mother/daughter

Mystery: who did this and why are they after the father?

Reveal:

Daughter contacts ex Martial Arts Instructor who is a long time friend of the family, she

identifies the dragon tattoo photograph (from mothers abduction) and informs daughter

that they are soldiers from a Triad Gang – who operate both in China/Australia. Not a cover up, but reveal – daughter gets small recording/listening device connects to her phone.

Intrigue: How does the MAI know about Triads?

Suspense: Can she help the daughter save her mother?

Mystery: Why is she telling daughter to check out casino?

• Intrigue: What is the daughter doing with listening device?

Reveal:

Daughter on plane to China looks at photograph of dragon tattoo

Intrigue: daughter on lap top searching information regarding Chinese Triad gangs

Suspense: Can she get to China in time to save her mother?

Mystery: Who are these men and who are they working for?

Reveal:

Martial Arts instructor says they must train together to get her “combat ready”

How did this get covered up?

Daughter was first revealed to us as a peaceful, yoga instructor

Intrigue: we didn’t know the daughter was a martial arts practitioner

Suspense: Can she get her fighting skills up to date in time to help rescue her mother?

Mystery: Daughter is an expert martial arts practitioner, Why is she hiding this part of

herself

Reveal:

We discover who the villain is “The Dragon” and why he wants to capture the daughters

father – who he believes killed his own father. How did this get covered up?

We believe the father is guilty at this stage because he is on the run

Intrigue: The Dragon is seeking revenge on his fathers murder

Suspense: Will the mother survive, if they don’t get any leads for her?

Mystery: Where is the father/husband and why is he in hiding?

Reveal:

MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out.

Intrigue: How did MAI know about this bar?

Suspense: The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she

keeping from her?

Mystery: Is the MAI a double agent and actually works for the Triads?

Suspense: daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted

Intrigue: MAI reveals that her nephew has a shady past, with criminal activities and that

this is where he sometimes hangs out.

Reveal:

Daughter finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and

their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc. Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos. When she leaves the office, she realises that someone is tailing her.

Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.

Intrigue: Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her.

Suspense: Will she find clues to help find her mother?

Mystery: What is her father up to and why is he in hiding?

Suspense: She is being followed

Mystery: Who is following her and what are they after?

Reveal:

Father on the run is captured by triads and thrown into back of van

Intrigue: Is the father guilty?

Suspense: Will they kill him?

• Mystery: What is the father guilty of that they Triads want him so badly?

Reveal:

Villain kills opposing Triad leader and implicates father/husband with false video

evidence

Intrigue: Shows the violence that Villain goes to

Suspense: Who else is he going to murder?

Mystery: Why has he killed this other Triad Leader?

Reveal:

Daughter goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs

Intrigue: A rather salubrious tattoo parlour with suspect characters

Suspense: Is this the man who is after her and her family?

Mystery: Who is this man, what is his name? Why is he after them?

Reveal:

Villain interrogates father, accuses him of killing his father.

Intrigue: The father is not telling the whole truth

Suspense: Will the Villain kill the father before he gets some answers

Mystery: Why is the father a suspect?

Reveal:

Father implicated in new murder

Intrigue: Is he really a killer?

Suspense: Will the father survive? Do the family believe he is guilty?

Mystery: Villain covering his bases, diverting police to father/husband. Why does he want

him implicated?

Reveal:

MAI hands note to daughter of location of father

Intrigue: Who gave this information to her

Suspense: Will she now rescue her father?

Mystery: Will he still be alive before they catch up to her?

Reveal:

Motor Bike Chase, the Nephew is the one after her

Intrigue: She knows the Triads are on to her

Suspense: Are they going to kill her

Mystery: Was he going to kill her?

Reveal:

MAI works out the real name of “The Dragon” they google his family, find his

father/deceased, grandfather/deceased and his place of residence: small village up in the

mountains.

Intrigue: The Nephew was helping after all

Suspense: Will she get there before it’s too late?

Mystery: Why has the Dragon abducted her father?

Reveal:

Villain didn’t get information about his fathers killer, daughter turns up and they fight to

the death.

Intrigue: How did she find out where they were?

Suspense: Will he kill her first?

Mystery: The Villain was seeking revenge on his fathers death

Reveal:

Father CIA agent, flashback of him shooting Villains father in the line of duty

Intrigue: Father was lying all along

Suspense: We are finally finding out the truth

Mystery: MAI also has secrets

Intrigue: was an informant of father when he first came to China, continues to assist him

Last reveal may be a bit of exposition, but will work out how to reveal them maybe in a more dramatic way.

THRILLER MAP (added with more detail)

Act 1. Opening: Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her.
She calls her father, he is not answering his phone. Father’s office has been trashed, we see a smashed picture frame with a photograph of the father/mother/daughter.

Life Threatening: Are they going to kill her mother?
MYSTERY: Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father? VILLAINS PLAN: Abduct the wife and torture her for information to the whereabouts of her husband.

Act 2. Inciting Incident: She now has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother. Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts instructor and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MA informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end.
Daughter realizes she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes undercover to Casino to seek out leads.
The daughter opens a package, takes out small electronic devise, places battery in the back and connects the device to her smart phone.
Life Threatening: She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads
MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
VILLAINS PLAN: Track down John and slowly torture him to death for revenge of his father’s murder.
At the Casino, she sees a Chinese Guard standing outside a door. She buys a drink at the bar goes to ladies toilets. Inside she rinses mouth out with alcohol, splashes the rest over her hair/clothes. She wets her face, so eye make-up runs, she dishevels her hair.
Watches guard till he leaves, she enters room, looking for answers sees the newspaper on desk with article:-
she finds “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities.
Someone suddenly enters room; she acts drunk and complains the Casino has robbed her of her money, whilst they try to remove her she quickly tucks the listening devise underneath a desk. They remove her.
Later in the carpark, she hears their conversation:
The Corporation are trying to track down their informer and are searching for them both in Australia and they have enlisted “The Dragon” in China to assist investigation.

Act 3. Turning Point: Mother taped to a chair, her hands also taped. She is slapped/punched about by Triad Soldier, she doesn’t know where her husband is. He hasn’t been home for three days, he said he was “out of town on business”. She is in pain and stressed, frightened for her life.

Soldier believes her, he throws her a bottle of water, he takes out mobile phone, walks away as he dials “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”. INTRIGUE: Why are they punishing her if she doesn’t know anything? SUSPENSE: are they going to kill her? MYSTERY: Who are they? Why do they want the father/husband? Who is he talking to on the phone?

MA instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. On flight daughter looks into Chinese Triad gangs on her lap top.
Now in China, MA Instructor says, she must train to level up on her fighting skills to be “combat ready” (which is against her mother’s wishes) They train together.
Life Threatening: She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive.
MYSTERY: We find out that the daughter is a champion Martial Arts Practitioner.
Introduce “The Dragon”: He arrives in smart black new Mercedes, he goes into office, Soldier accompanies him. He has pictures of John on his desk. Asks for any updates – none. Furious, he throws a giant pop-plant at his soldier, which smashes against the wall. Says he knows this is his father’s “fucking killer” and they must find him or else they will kill his wife/ even put a bullet through his soldiers’ head.
VILLAINS PLAN: To find the hiding place of John, abduct and torture him.
Triad Soldiers interrogate mother about the whereabouts of her husband. She doesn’t know anything and says he is away “on business”. Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.

INTRIGUE: Daughter whilst searching through fathers wrecked office, picks up broken picture frame: image of father/mother/daughter (her at young age) she finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc. Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos.

SUSPENSE: When she leaves the office she realises that someone is tailing her, she manages to lose them.
Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.

MYSTERY: Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her. Will she find clues to help find her mother? What is her father up to and why is he in hiding? She is being followed, who is following her and what are they after?

Act 4. Midpoint:

MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out. How did MAI know about this bar? The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she keeping from her? The daughter confronts her mentor, “is she a double agent and actually works for the Triads? The daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted The MAI reveals that her nephew has a shady past, with Triad criminal activities and that this is where he sometimes hangs out.

The Daughter goes to the bar by herself (as MAI may be recognised if she goes there), where she has to seek out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel, where the men visit prostitutes (nearby where they may have her mother held captive).

The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack, puts on jacket and cap and escapes through a back alley.
Life Threatening: She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers. MYSTERY: Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?

VILLAINS PLAN: Soldiers capture John and take him to the Dragon, in an abandoned warehouse.
The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van.

Act 5. Turning Point: MA and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her. Fight Sequence. Life Threatening: two women outnumbered by six men.

MYSTERY: Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on?
VILLAINS PLAN: He is informed that the daughter is after him, he now orders his soldiers to kill her.

Mother now distrusts her husband, she reveals that he is often away “on business” and she sometimes doesn’t hear from him for days – she suspected at first that he was being unfaithful, but now realises that he is a liar and a common criminal not to be trusted.

The Dragon shoots dead an opposing Triad leader, quickly escapes detection. He now gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon uses this to manipulate the police and distance himself from the crimes. He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.

Daughter says she has to go somewhere, to follow up on a lead. MAI now suspicious of daughter, as she is not telling her everything. Mother warns her to be careful. She goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs. She ends up having to pay for the information: the answer is simply “The Dragon”.
Intrigue: A rather suspect tattoo parlour with suspect characters
Suspense: Is this the man who is after her and her family?
Mystery: Who is this man, what is his name?

Act 6. Turning Point: Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is interrogated by The Dragon. The father denies killing Dragon’s father, never knew or even met him, he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man, as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business. (Beside he can prove he was in Australia at the time). The father lies.
The Dragon is informed by one of his soldiers that the Daughter/MA rescued the mother, he now instructs his solders to kill them. They continue to torture father who still refuses to give them the answers they are after.
VILLAINS PLAN: As the father, no longer giving him what he wants, he decides to take John and move him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood. (he gets soldiers to untie the almost unconscious father, throw him into back of van) Soldier drives off with The Dragon sitting beside him).

Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities. Mother’s suspicions now confirmed, daughter can’t believe what her father is involved in, MAI non-committal.

MAI hands daughter an address, “What’s this”, it came from my Nephew. I asked him to keep an ear open for me. He says they have your father held there. She grabs note and quickly leaves. Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?

The Daughter informs MA/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car. INTRIGUE: Has she hit a dead end? SUSPENSE: Will she find her father alive? MYSTER: Where have they taken him?

She decides to go back to the bar to see if she can get any more leads (secretly wants to find out about “The Dragon”.

Act 7. Climax:
She drives up to bar, before she is able to get off her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes, badly injured, she takes off his helmet, sees that it is MAI nephew! She hears him whisper “shan” but doesn’t know what it means (mountain) then “sorry Aunty” – he dies, she quickly leaves the scene of the accident.

Life Threatening: She now knows the Triads are onto her
MYSTERY: How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father really commit this recent murder? Can she trust her father?
Daughter confesses to MAI about the death of her nephew, which she is very sorry for. Reveals “Shan” MAI says it means “Mountain” they don’t know what it means.

Daughter shares “The Dragon” name given to her by tattoo artist, MA googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains. Nephew was trying to help them with a clue, MAI cries for her nephew, know that he wasn’t a bad person after all.

The Daughter wants MA to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.

The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and then kills the second soldier inside the home before she finally confronts the Villain.

A fight to the death ensues, he dies. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Life Threatening: Fight to the death
MYSTERY: Why is the Villain after John?

VILLAINS PLAN: Slowly torture John to death as he killed his father.

Act 8. Resolution: The family are reunited with MA.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon. BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.
Daughter gives father his journal, he is grateful as this is evidence he has to hand in for his report.
He also reveals years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father. (maybe flashback?)
He also exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, which is why all of a sudden the Corporation were desperate to seek out and track their informer down. MAI suggests they feed back the info to the Corporation in Australia, that the informant was her nephew, that he is now dead.

MA reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases, ever since. MAI suggests they feed back the info to the Corporation in Australia, that the informant was her nephew, that he is now dead. Father/husband agrees, so as not to blow his cover.

The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.
MYSTERY: Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?

[Diane Phelps]

Diane Phelps’ Setup and Reveals…

ACT 1: Introduction and Mysterious Beginnings

Step 1 – Introduction to the Characters and Setting

– Twist 1: Something planned for doesn’t happen. The girls’ arrival coincides with a sudden and unexpected storm, disrupting their initial plans for a beach day.

– A. Lindsay, Megan, and Emily are introduced as close friends, but their weekend getaway is immediately derailed.

– B. The storm creates a sense of isolation, making them vulnerable.

– C. The mysterious storm adds an element of intrigue and sets an ominous tone for their stay.

– D. The storm’s unexpected severity isolates the girls, increasing tension.

Step 2: Mysterious Occurrences

– Twist 2: Lost their resources. The strange symbols lead the girls to an old cabin, but they realize their phones and supplies have mysteriously disappeared.

– Twist 3: Someone changes sides. Emily, who initially dismissed Oliver as a conspiracy theorist, starts to believe him and secretly joins his cause.

– A. Lindsay, Megan, and Emily stumble upon the cabin, creating a sense of foreboding.

– B. The disappearance of their supplies increases their vulnerability.

– C. Emily’s shift in belief creates internal conflict within the group.

– D. Emily’s secret alliance with Oliver adds complexity to their relationships.

Step 3: Disappearance of the Girls

– Twist 4: A new problem occurs. Mayor Monroe’s agents discover that the girls are asking questions and start tracking their movements, intensifying the danger.

– Twist 5: A lie is uncovered. Lindsay finds out that her sister, Megan, had been secretly communicating with Mayor Monroe before their trip, raising suspicions about Megan’s involvement.

– A. The girls’ disappearance creates panic and sets the central mystery in motion.

– B. Mayor Monroe’s involvement in tracking the girls adds urgency and danger.

– C. Megan’s secret communications create tension within the group and cast doubt on her intentions.

– D. Lindsay’s discovery deepens the mystery and raises questions about her sister’s loyalty.

Step 4: Alex’s Investigation into Past Disappearances

– Twist 6: New consequences emerge. Alex’s investigation inadvertently leads to the exposure of a whistleblower within the “Crystal Circle Club,” putting their life in danger.

– Twist 7: New options emerge. Beck, while abducted, manages to send a coded message to Alex, revealing the existence of an underground network of resistance against the mayor.

– A. Alex’s investigation sets the stage for the overarching mystery.

– B. The whistleblower’s exposure adds a layer of intrigue and danger.

– C. Beck’s coded message offers a glimmer of hope and a new direction for Alex’s investigation.

– D. The introduction of the resistance network expands the scope of the story and provides a potential ally for Alex.

ACT 2: Uncovering Secrets and Escalating Danger

Step 5: Uncovering Clues and Secrets

– Twist 8: A mistake returns to haunt them. Lindsay, while investigating, accidentally leaves a piece of evidence behind that the villains later find, intensifying the hunt for her.

– Twist 9: A trust is violated. Oliver, whom Alex had begun to trust, disappears suddenly, leaving behind a message that suggests he might have been working for the mayor all along.

– A. Lindsay’s mistake increases the stakes and danger for her and her friends.

– B. The discovery of Oliver’s possible betrayal creates tension and doubt.

– C. The search for Lindsay intensifies as the villains close in.

– D. Oliver’s disappearance leaves Alex and the audience questioning his true allegiance.

Step 6: Mayor Monroe’s Facade

– Twist 10: We see an unexpected side of someone. Mayor Monroe’s right-hand person, Susan, is revealed to have a conscience and secretly assists Alex, providing vital information.

– Twist 11: It just got more dangerous. The “Crystal Circle Club” unveils a hidden weapon that can harness the energy source, making them an even greater threat.

– A. Susan’s revelation adds complexity to the villain’s side and offers a potential ally to Alex.

– B. The discovery of the weapon raises the stakes and escalates the danger.

– C. Susan’s internal conflict becomes a critical element in the unfolding drama.

– D. The unveiling of the weapon sets up a thrilling confrontation in the climax.

ACT 3: Climactic Resolution and Resolution

Step 7: Escalating Danger

– Twist 12: Secret identity uncovered. Alex discovers that one of the town’s seemingly innocent residents is actually the mastermind behind the energy source extraction.

– Twist 13: The worst thing possible happens. The energy source destabilizes, triggering natural disasters throughout Port Paradise, putting everyone’s lives in immediate danger.

– A. The revelation of the mastermind adds a personal and emotional dimension to the conflict.

– B. The catastrophic consequences of the energy source’s instability create a sense of urgency and chaos.

– C. Alex’s pursuit of the mastermind becomes a high-stakes showdown.

– D. The town’s perilous situation heightens the tension as the climax approaches.

Step 8: Confrontation and Revelation

– Twist 14: The “solution” makes things worse. Alex, Oliver, and the whistleblower successfully confront Mayor Monroe, but shutting down the energy source leads to an even greater catastrophe, endangering the entire town.

– A. The confrontation with Mayor Monroe reaches its climax, with the audience expecting resolution.

– B. The unintended consequences of their actions create a dramatic twist.

– C. The escalating catastrophe puts the town in jeopardy, adding layers of tension.

– D. The heroes must now grapple with the moral dilemma of their actions.

ACT 4: Climactic Resolution and Resolution

Step 9: Climactic Resolution

– Resolution: As the town faces devastation, Alex and the whistleblower must work together to find a way to stabilize the energy source and avert complete disaster.

– Resolution: Mayor Monroe is arrested, but the town is left in ruins, forcing the residents to rebuild their lives.

– A. The heroes must confront the immediate crisis and make a difficult decision.

– B. Mayor Monroe’s arrest offers a sense of justice but comes at a great cost.

– C. The town’s rebuilding process serves as a metaphorical and literal resolution.

ACT 5: Final Reflection and Closure

– Resolution: In the aftermath, Alex reflects on the consequences of their actions and the sacrifices made for the truth.

– Resolution: The film ends with Port Paradise slowly recovering, but the scars of its dark past remain, serving as a reminder of the price of uncovering its secrets.

– A. Alex’s reflection provides emotional closure for his character arc.

– B. The town’s recovery and lingering scars offer a bittersweet ending, leaving the audience with a sense of contemplation.

[Alfred Dunham]

Alfred Dunham: Dramatic Reveals

What I learned doing this lesson:

These are much more difficult for me. I tend to turn them into exposition. I need to rethink the whole process and make them dramatic in Hal’s sense of DRAMATIC.

I came up with more reveals than I thought I could, and the good thing about this was how each new reveal suggested new little twists and turns in the story.

DRAMATIC REVEALS DEFINED

1) Something covered up.

2) Demand is created for us to discover it (shown through mystery, intrigue, or suspense).

3) Revealed in a dramatic way. [the hard part]

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

a. The entire cabin experience is something orchestrated to give one the “willies.” It’s a set up for what is to come, and the reveal comes when Isabella’s dead mother talks back to him and he realizes she’s a hologram speaking for someone else.

b. The connection that Ryan makes between what Isabella tells him about what Maximus did to her and what is happening now. Maximus’ plan is ongoing.

c. The realization that Silas cannot be the villain, but he is a Red Herring. Maybe the villain is Silas’ boss, Jack Samuelson?

d. The realization that the “sightings” in the valley are being generated artificially.

e. The realization that the Troglodyte-like gatekeeper is, in fact, not real.

f. The realization that they are trapped in The Valley and are in a life-and-death struggle for survival.

g. The realization that the plan has just evolved from driving Isabella mad to killing both of them.

h. The reveal that Ryan has a full grasp of the situation and must use every skill he knows to defeat Maximus and escape with Isabella. He burns the cabin to the ground, and all the electronics are revealed.

i. The unintended consequences of the fire alerting the wilderness fire towers, alerts the press, Jack Samuelson, and of course, Maximus, who never anticipated anything like this. Jack, Silas, Maximus, and a hoard of firefighters converge on The Valley, exposing everything.

j. Maximus’ true, selfish, feelings for Isabella are revealed when he threatens to kill her in cold blood, choosing to narcissistically die rather than to allow her to live her own life [as in the movie, Laura – Clifton Webb as Waldo Lydecker).

k. The revelation that Isabella and Silas have already met and know each other and that he’s already made a hit on Isabella.

Sequence them to fit into your Thriller Map

NEW THRILLER PLOT/MAP

OPENING:

MYSTERY

1. Who, after all, is Silas, and who is his boss?

2. Why the strange offer?

3. Where is this “Valley,” and why does an electronics firm own it?

4. Who is the guy at the wedding that walks off?

DANGER

1. Why is Isabella so out of joint over Sialis knowing her?

2. What is the significance of a guest leaving the wedding?

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Ryan has no reason to distrust anyone.

2. Isabella is so fearful that anyone might learn of her family history of mental illness, that she unthinkingly creates an aura of distrust around her.

3. Maximus is a forgotten entity to begin with, but he is absolutely NOT to be trusted.

4. Silas’ innocent hit on Isabella, sets off a chain reaction of trust/distrust.

REVEALS

1. The revelation that Isabella and Silas have already met and know each other and that he’s already made a hit on Isabella.

a. How did it get covered up?

Isabella was afraid Ryan might take it the wrong way. So they pretended not to know each other.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Isabella’s guilt shows, and Ryan senses that something is off – being covered up.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

It becomes a Trust/Distrust situation with a pending marriage at stake.

INCITING EVENT:

MYSTERY

1. Does Silas actually know how to fly that old helicopter?

2. Okay. Now they’re “here” [the starting point], now what?

3. Really, now. A paid gatekeeper to The Valley? Why?

DANGER

1. The old helicopter decides to hiccup. Silas must fix it.

2. The snake in the trail upsets Isabella.

3. Isabella’s fear of heights.

4. Isabella’s claustrophobia – rock fall?

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Ryan still has no reason to distrust anyone.

2. Isabella is surprised by Silas’ truthfulness and comes to trust him.

REVEALS

1. The realization that the Troglodyte-like gatekeeper is, in fact, not real.

a. How did it get covered up?

He is a projected hologram that looks absolutely real.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

When they return, he’s gone, along with his cabin. What happened to him? Where did he go? And the cabin? Who could have even set this up? Silas? Silas’ company – Jack Samuelson? Why?

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Both Ryan and Isabella are left spellbound and fearful.

TURNING POINT 1:

MYSTERY

1. Nothing feels right. The gatekeeper was weird.

2. The cabin appears new, but it is made to look old.

3. Inside, the cabin is spooky: symbols, the diary….

3. Are they alone, or not? Ryan feels eyes on the back of his neck.

4. What has Silas gotten them into? His descriptions do not fit.

5. Why is Isabella so full of fears? Ryan wonders.

DANGER

1. Are they seeing danger on their walk down Valley or just imagining it?

2. Ground fog moves in. Isabella’s fears get the best of her.

3. The night is filled with strange noises. Sleep is fitful.

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Ryan has no reason to distrust anyone but begins to question Silas, Jack, or maybe both.

2. Isabella’s hidden fear of Maximus (unexpressed) causes her to distrust Silas again (revealed later).

REVEALS

1. The entire cabin experience is something orchestrated to give one the “willies.” It’s a setup for what is to come, and the reveal comes when Isabella’s dead mother talks back to him, and he realizes she’s a hologram speaking for someone else.

a. How did it get covered up?

Someone was behind all this. A diary that mysteriously just ends? Where did they go? What happened?

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Isabella is easily spooked. Ryan is already thinking outside the box, after the gate experience. He sees a possible connection and can’t help but voice concerns. Isabella’s life seems to be at stake.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

It is profound enough to engage Ryan and get him thinking.

2. The realization that the “sightings” in the valley are being generated artificially.

a. How did it get covered up?

Someone set it up this way. Who?

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Isabella was harmed at the gate. There is a progression, here, and it all seems to be aimed at Isabella’s unstable underpinnings. What is he not telling Ryan? How can he help her if she’s holding back? Who stands to gain? Silas? Is this some sort of game that Silas and Isabella are playing on him? Why would she do this?

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

At first, the sightings are passed off as imagination, but with the disappearance of the gatekeeper and Isabella’s being harmed, it is developing into a pattern. Who would do this. Silas? His version of The Valley was totally different from what he and Isabella are experiencing. And it was Sils that encouraged this honeymoon.

3. The realization that they are trapped in The Valley and are in a life-and-death struggle for survival.

a. How did it get covered up?

Someone set it up this way. Who?

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Isabella was harmed at the gate. There is a progression, here, and it all seems to be aimed at Isabella’s unstable underpinnings. What is he not telling Ryan? How can he help her if she’s holding back? Who stands to gain? Silas? Is this some sort of game that Silas and Isabella are playing on him? Why would she do this?

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

The revelation (later) that Maximus may be involved takes Ryan to a whole new place with a whole new set of questions.

MIDPOINT TWIST:

MYSTERY

1. The cabin is weird: the symbols, the book, the night sounds….

2. Isabella wants to leave. She is frightened. Ryan agrees.

DANGER

1. Isabella is struck unconscious at the gate – convulses.

2. Ryan is now frightened. Takes her back to the cabin.

3. Is she going to be okay? Or is this just the beginning?

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Ryan distrusts Silas.

2. Isabella openly distrusts Silas – and uses Ryan’s distrust to avoid saying more.

REVEALS

1. The realization that the plan has just evolved from driving Isabella mad to killing both of them.

a. How did it get covered up?

Someone sinister set this up

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Isabella is easily spooked. Ryan is already thinking outside the box, after the gate experience. He sees a possible connection and can’t help but voice concerns. Isabella’s life seems to be at stake, and he is feeling pressure to solve the mystery.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact

Isabella’s life is clearly in Ryan’s hands, and he knows it.

2. The realization that Silas cannot be the villain. He is a Red Herring. Maybe the villain is Silas’ boss, Jack Samuelson?

a. How did it get covered up?

As with everything else, there is a clear plan at work, here, and whoever it is doing a good job of making it work.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

If it was Silas, and he and Isabella had something to hide, why would he be doing this to her? Could it be Jack? It was Jake who Silas claims suggested The Valley and gave Silas the company helicopter to take them there.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Ryan no longer knows who to trust.

TURNING POINT 2:

MYSTERY

1. Night two in the cabin has both Isabella and Ryan spooked.

2. Who or what is doing this? For what reason? Silas? Silas boss?

3. Isabella’s mother [who is dead] appears — terrifies Isabella, and

4. She becomes Ryan’s first evidence of what might be happening.

DANGER

1. Isabella blames Silas – and thinks he’s blackmailing her.

2. Ryan at first goes along with her as his hit on her unfolds.

3. Isabella’s mother threatens her – and talks to her in the present.

4. Ryan finds this curious – realizes they’re being watched.

5. Isabella’s experience with Maximus unfolds.

6. Ryan realizes that the dangers are real.

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Ryan’s distrust in Silas morphs into a distrust of virtually everyone, as Isabella begins to break down and reveal the truth about her mother and about Maximus’ blackmail.

2. Isabella also shifts from distrusting Silas to fearfully distrusting Maximus.

3. With nowhere else to go, Isabella finally puts all her faith in Ryan and agrees to his terrifying plan of escape.

REVEALS

1. The realization that Silas cannot be the villain. He is a Red Herring. Maybe the villain is Silas’ boss, Jack Samuelson?

a. How did it get covered up?

Isabella did not want Ryan to know about Maximus because she did not want Maximus to reveal the secret about her mother’s mental illness. And that fear got passed along to Silas.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

What is Isabella not telling Ryan that is allowing all this to happen?

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Isabella is getting backed into a corner from which she cannot escape, and that’s more terrifying than everything else.

2. The connection that Ryan makes between what Isabella tells him about what Maximus did to her and what is happening now. Maximus’ plan is obviously on-going.

a. How did it get covered up?

Isabella did not want Ryan to know about Maximus because she did not want Maximus to reveal the secret about her mother’s mental illness.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Maximus is clearly the one holding Isabella’s feet to the fire, and Ryan can’t help her until he knows the full truth. Maximus is all too happy to reveal Isabella’s mother.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

The implication is that Isabella does not trust Ryan, and their marriage is already in ruins. It also suggests that Maximus has had absolute control over her all along, even though she thought she was free of him.

3. The realization that the plan has just evolved from driving Isabella mad to killing both of them.

a. How did it get covered up?

Isabella did not want Ryan to know about Maximus because she did not want Maximus to reveal the secret about her mother’s mental illness.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Ryan’s own life is now on the line, too. It’s time to think of his own self-preservation.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Ryan becomes hostile to Isabella for holding him in such dangerous contempt.

CLIMAX:

MYSTERY

1. Ryan decides to test a theory….

2. How might Ryan beat Maximus at his own game?

3. Is everything being electronically orchestrated?

DANGER

1. Ryan assumes that Maximus is bent on killing them.

2. Ryan develops an escape plan, but…

3. The escape plan may be as dangerous as Maximus’ plan.

4. Ryan sets the cabin on fire, which spreads. They have no choice.

5. They must try the escape route.

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Ryan’s success in getting Isabella to safety, together with his understanding of her mother and Maximus’ evil, affirms Bella’s faith in him.

2. Isabella’s tentative faith in Silas is also fully affirmed. He becomes a trusted friend, together with Ryan.

REVEALS

1. The revelation that Ryan has a full grasp of the situation and must use every skill he knows to defeat Maximus and escape with Isabella. He burns the cabin to the ground, and all the electronics are revealed.

a. How did it get covered up?

Maximus rigged it that way.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

They cannot leave The Valley in any ordinary way, so Ryan must know Maximus’ mind if he has any chance of survival.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Ryan has a plan to expose Maximus, challenge him to a dual to the death, and to see what Isabella will do – trust him or not. Isabella is beyond terrified. She confesses all her fears and agrees to follow Ryan into Hell, if necessary.

2. The unintended consequences of the fire alerting the wilderness fire towers, alerts the press, Jack Samuelson, and of course, Maximus, who never anticipated anything like this. Jack, Silas, Maximus, and a hoard of firefighters converge on The Valley, exposing everything.

a. How did it get covered up?

Maximus rigged it that way.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

The reactions of Jack and Silas uncover Maximus’ use of Samuelson Scientific, a subsidiary of Maximus’ company, to lure Ryan and Isabella into The Valley, which he owns, so he could have his way with Isabella – and Ryan.

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Maximus arrives, enraged. He manages to crash his helicopter, but escapes, threatening to kill all of them, shooting at them with his automatic weapon and screaming obscenities – until his helicopter explodes and the shrapnel kills him.

RESOLUTION:

MYSTERY

1. What will Ryan do, now?

2. How is he aware of what’s going on?

3. Silas and Jack have shown up, proclaiming themselves innocent.

4. The connection of Jack to Maximus has unraveled.

DANGER

1. Maximus shows up and crashes his helicopter but escapes unhurt.

2. He was enraged at the fire and threatened to kill everybody.

3. When his helicopter explodes, throwing shrapnel everywhere – he is killed.

4. Ryan and Isabella’s marriage is up in the air. They pledge to focus on their strengths and forget the past.

TRUST/DISTRUST

1. Everyone’s distrust of Maximus is confirmed

2. Isabella and Ryan agree always to be truthful and trusting in the future – to have learned a vital lesson.

3. Ryan’s faith in Samuelson Scientific is reaffirmed.

REVEALS

1. Maximus’ true, selfish, feelings for Isabella are revealed when he threatens to kill her in cold blood, choosing to narcissistically kill her rather than to allow her to live her own life [as in the movie, Laura – Clifton Webb as Waldo Lydecker).

a. How did it get covered up?

Maximus orchestrated everything, creating fear, blackmail, and using friendships, all to cover his insane desire to possess Isabella for his own purposes.

b. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth?

Why would he do this?

c. When you reveal the truth, it must have a dramatic impact.

Some questions can never be answered. They remain mysteries within mysteries.

[Monica Arisman]

Subject: Monica’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is to use some of the previous lessons information and build on those.

1. Make a list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

· Who killed the Minister after he had sex with Livia.

o A. What is the reveal? The Minister is killed after having sex with Livia.

o B. How did it get covered up? The cameras must be glitching.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery: How could this happen?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. The robot knows the truth but has it been manipulated to show Livia doing the deed?

· Livia’s martial arts skills.

o A. What is the reveal? Livia defending herself against attackers.

o B. How did it get covered up? She always presents herself as a girlie girl.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Intrigue – not supposed to be any violence in the glass society.

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. She goes all Black Widow on her attackers.

· Jake and Livia used to be in a romantic relationship.

o A. What is the reveal? Jake and Livia used to be close in the time before the glass society.

o B. How did it get covered up? Jake chose to live “off-grid”. Livia chose to be part of the new government.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery – what happened between them?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. She turns to Jake for help but when he discovers she slept with the dead Minister all hell breaks loose between them.

· Kelly really isn’t disabled.

o A. What is the reveal? Kelly is not disabled.

o B. How did it get covered up? She gets around in a wheelchair.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery – why is she pretending to be disabled?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. She tries to kill Livia – did she kill her husband? Is she part of the Villain’s plan?

· What kind of society is this that has transparency cameras even in your home, and personal robots that keep “an eye” on you?

o A. What is the reveal? Cameras everywhere, personal robots.

o B. How did it get covered up? In plain sight.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery – do these measures actually keep people more honest?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. They start glitching making up the scenarios that aren’t there.

· Why is there another community outside the glass society?

o A. What is the reveal? Another independent community exists outside the glass society.

o B. How did it get covered up? No one interacts with them.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Mystery/Intrigue – how did this happen? Is there more than one?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. Livia knows where it is as does other members of the ruling council.

· Who else but Livia can by-pass the cameras?

o A. What is the reveal? The cameras can be by-passed and manipulated.

o B. How did it get covered up? There is a keeper of the code.

o C. What M.I.S. can be used to create demand to know the truth? Suspense/Mystery – how many people know how to re-write code; what happens when that is discovered?

o D. When you reveal the truth, it must have dramatic impact. See Livia enter the computer room and render the keeper unconscious.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I think I almost have a grasp on what my story is really about. I’ve peppered in the reveals in the way the makes the mystery/intrigue/suspense pop a little more and does a good job of rewarding the reader/viewer. I think.

List of reveals (note: not a full list yet)

Reveal #1: The Package

A. What is the reveal?

When the package is opened, only The Courier can see what’s inside. But, by his expression, it’s something indescribable.

B. How did it get covered up?

The package is always encased in an unmarked box, is shielded from prying eyes, and its contents are only rumors, spoken of in hushed whispers.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery: Rumors suggest the package holds the essence of The Night itself, or that it’s a soul. Or cryptocurrency. Or a nuke. Everyone has an opinion.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: The Courier is sabotaged in the beginning, almost held up, delayed and arrested and killed at every turn by emissaries of Nocturne.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: The question is if he and the package will ever safely reach its destination.

D. Dramatic Impact upon Revelation:

The reveal causes a HUGE twist at the end that puts us right back at the beginning. Literally.

Reveal #2: Nocturne’s True Identity

A. What is the reveal?

Nocturne is unveiled as a near future version of The Courier, working to prevent his own journey’s conclusion.

B. How did it get covered up?

Nocturne always remains in the shadows, using intermediaries to communicate and act, so that no one fully sees him until the reveal.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: How does Nocturne anticipate The Courier’s every step? His knowledge about </font>the<font face=”inherit”> courier (transport, habits, hangouts, allies, etc.) becomes a pressing question.</font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue<font face=”inherit”>: His interaction with the people he is using to stop The Courier causes </font>confusion<font face=”inherit”> among those he employs. Why is The Courier trying to stop himself? </font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense<font face=”inherit”>: The relentless pursuit and growing dangerous </font>efforts<font face=”inherit”> by an unseen </font>adversary<font face=”inherit”> makes the audience question why someone is trying stop him.</font>

D. Dramatic Impact:

The reveal shakes the viewer from their thought of standard thriller to one of profound internal struggle against fate, and re-evaluate every prior interaction and decision in the story.

Reveal #4: Astra’s Mysterious Aura – Is She or Isn’t She Nyx?

A. What is the reveal?

Astra might be the Goddess Nyx or at least very high up in The Night Authority, but it’s never DEFINITELY confirmed.

B. How did it get covered up in the story?

Astra’s youth and seemingly “normal teen runaway/vagabond” demeanor serve as a veil, making the assumption of her being a mythical figure feel absurd at first glance.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: What is </font>the<font face=”inherit”> unique tattoo on her neck? And does her hair change colors subtly from silver, to grey to black? Is she more than she appears to be or just a runaway? </font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: Astra whispers into the night, and on more than one occasion, the darkness seems to “respond” to her calls in inexplicable ways. She has a commanding presence when needed, and some call her “Nyte” in hushed tones.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: Looking at her, all you see is a long lost young woman that’s been on the road for some time, but cross her and she’ll stare you down.

D. Dramatic Impact:

Astra’s revelation is clouded, and leaving it open-ended ensures the audience remains intrigued, discussing and theorizing her true nature long after the film ends.

Reveal #5: Cruz’s Betrayal

A. What is the reveal?

Cruz, who seemed like The Courier’s closest ally, has been sabotaging and betraying him throughout the journey.

B. How did it get covered up?

Cruz’s actions were always masked as unfortunate events or accidents. He always had a valid excuse or seemed as shocked and surprised as The Courier.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery: How certain obstacles or attacks on The Courier’s path seems too precise, almost as if someone is feeding information to the Night Authority about his moves.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: Cruz occasionally disappears during critical moments, offering vague explanations upon return. He also has secret communications with an unknown party, to which he replies that he’s got “a side business.”
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: As The Courier faces increasing danger, we ask who is the mole? With suspicions cast on multiple characters, Cruz’s betrayal is a shocking twist.

D. Dramatic Impact:

Cruz’s treachery shatters The Courier’s trust. It makes him question everyone’s loyalty, friendship, and whether or not any of this is real.

Reveal #6: Griffin’s Hidden Assistance and Aspiration

A. What is the reveal?

Griffin, who has been shrouded in ambiguity as our red herring, has been covertly aiding The Courier and Astra all along, hoping to be mentored by The Courier.

B. How did it get covered up?

Griffin’s actions are always on the periphery, subtle enough to be dismissed. He intervenes discreetly, preventing catastrophes while keeping his true intentions obscured.

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: Who fixed </font>The<font face=”inherit”> Courier’s car at Bazaar? Who got them out of jail near the end? Random acts of assistance—whose source remains elusive—aid The Courier and Astra’s journey.</font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: Griffin’s coincidental appearances and cryptic comments suggest he knows more than he lets on, but he never directly offers allegiance.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: The constant uncertainty surrounding Griffin’s role and allegiance creates tension. Why does he intervene, yet stay distant? Does he have an ulterior motive?

D. Dramatic Impact upon Revelation:

Discovering Griffin’s desire for mentorship adds a layer of emotional depth to the narrative arc of this character. It’s a personal story of aspiration, seeking guidance and mentorship, and trying to find one’s place in this dark world.

Reveal #7: The Hidden World of The Night Authority

A. What is the reveal?

The Night Authority not only governs the covert operations that happen under the cover of darkness but also oversees an entire hidden society that awakens at night, complete with its own commerce, justice system, rituals, and a hierarchy that has silently coexisted alongside the ‘day’ world for centuries.

B. How did it get covered up?

Their activities and the existence of this underworld are hidden in plain sight, masked by mundane nocturnal activities. Night workers, insomniacs, late-night cafes, and even clubs serve as fronts for this secretive society. You just have to “know where to look.”

C. Mystery, Intrigue, and Suspense:

• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Mystery<font face=”inherit”>: What </font>actually<font face=”inherit”> happens at night </font>when<font face=”inherit”> we go to bed and the night world wakes up? What are the rules? WHO rules the night? How deep does The Night </font>Authority<font face=”inherit”> go?</font>
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Intrigue: The Courier occasionally interacts with seemingly ordinary people who, with just a nod or a whispered password, reveal their affiliation with this world, providing him with resources or information.
• <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Suspense: Anyone could be part of the The Night World, and not everyone is playing for Team The Courier!

D. Dramatic Impact upon Revelation:

It becomes clear that The Night Authority’s influence isn’t just about a parcel or controlling the literal night. They govern an entire ecosystem that thrives in the shadows, with its own set of rules, power dynamics, and a vast network that stretches everywhere. Our journey through this world exposes us to its depth, complexity, and the immense power The Night Authority wields over it.

I’ve planted the reveals into the thriller map strategically to pace the outline/script to heighten tension and reward the viewer/reader into wanting to see and read more. I think that as I continue to add some more reveals, more secrets are going to come out and my intrigue and suspense will get better.

[Jamie Stegner]

Jamie Stegner. Reveals, cover-ups.

What I learned: to specifically clarify the hidden truth and how it gets covered up. Then to strengthen the demands for revealing the truth. To work backwards from the truth, to the need for cover-up, and the demands for revealing. Must be an important aspect of the story and revealed dramatically, with consequences.

1. Reveal (the reality): Brother is a natural born killer who hides it well under charm and charisma. His wife is afraid of him but plays the happily married part convincingly. His sister is the only person who knows who he really is. She tries to warn her husband, but this just discredits her in his eyes.

Cover-up: Brother is charming and charismatic when he wants to be. He’s an expert at setting traps and enticing his prey into them. His sister knows his true nature but his behavior is so contrary to her report that she seems crazy. His wife’s family loves him and thinks he’s wonderful. Any opinion to the contrary is met with scoffing. The brother planned it this way.

Demands for reveal: A. Brother and sister get into a screaming fight and both spouses retreat outside on the veranda. Here wife can tell some of how awful brother is, and sister’s husband starts to consider what his wife said. But brother’s continued friendliness and charm are hard to resist. He thinks both women are exaggerating. B. Wife tells sister the truth of her relationship with brother. Both women are relieved to finally find someone who understands their experiences of brother’s true nature. Can either trust the other? Both have secret desire to kill brother (self defense) but are afraid to tell anyone. Now they might have an ally. Their respective desires to rid the world of him increases. Sister: “He’s a killer. He needs killing.”

Readers and audience experience Brother’s true nature: whittling a sharp point, securing the long rope in his room upstairs – making a hangman’s noose, returning the bear trap as he found it and preparing a gag. After the mid-point the deaths occur in rapid succession.

[Gisele FRAZEUR]

Gisele Frazeur’s Dramatic Reveals Assignment 11

What I learned doing this assignment is: I found this assignment so very difficult. I think my tendency to incorporate exposition rather than reveals has been brought to light. This is a skill I really need to glean a better understanding of and dial in. Difficult for me for some reason or another.

Reveal: Leff-T is using a cane and is limping. He could be the man with the missing toe. The hors d’oeuvres laced with the toe – – resulting in a choking guest creates the demand to know the truth. His limp is detected in a dramatic way by a cop surveilling Leff-T because of threats Darin has been receiving.

Reveal: Darin was involved with Hank before her sister married him. Revealed when Livie tells Darin they are naming the baby after her. Hank’s past with Darin and shared interest in science demand revealing as explanation as to why they have their geeky conversations where she inadvertently gives him useful info used in making scenting dogs fail – – without raising her suspicions.

Reveal: Toe being placed in the meatball in the kitchen at the awards ceremony. Covered up by surreptitious way it is smuggled into the kitchen. Patron ingesting it and requiring an emergency tracheotomy at awards ceremony create a demand to know the truth and serve as a dramatic means of revealing it. Camera footage at the event reveals it was flagged with a special toothpick and seemingly intentionally served to Livie. The why of this creates mystery and intrigue.

Reveal: Darin has a sealed juvie record containing the information she murdered her stepfather when she was underage. It was covered up by the inherent legality of juvenile records being sealed to protect the young. Mystery is who leaked it to the press. Comes to light in a dramatic way as she is accosted by paparazzi at her sister’s funeral with this information – – wanting to know if she was involved in her sister’s death. Intrigue – – could she be a suspect in her sister’s murder? Mystery – – who leaked the record?

Reveal: Pookie (Hank’s retired scenting dog) is trying desperately and unsuccessfully to communicate something about violets and her failed drug bust to Darin. Her failed scent was covered up by Hank fabricating an illness for Pookie – – forcing her into retirement. Her acting out after several failed scents might cause suspicion. Violets are the key to drugs being successfully smuggled by the drug lord and demands to be revealed to Darin so she can solve the mystery of what Hank has been up to. Pookie breaking the perfume bottles, attacking the funeral flowers, digging up the garden, barking at strangers has dramatic impact. Revealed to Darin when she takes Pookie to vet only to discover there is no medical condition requiring forced retirement. Mystery – – what is Pookie trying to communicate? Why did Hank lie about her having a medical condition?

Reveal: Leff-T went to jail for murder in his youth. Reasons for murder covered up by Leff-T’s refusal to admit he was covering up for his brother and doing the jail time for him to try to protect him from the gang he was member of and in trouble with. Demands to be revealed because Leff-T is initially the prime suspect in Livie’s murder. Revealed in a dramatic way at an AA meeting. He has resumed drinking because the stress is too much for him to handle sober. Darin happens to be at the same meeting. Looks as if Leff-T might be stalking her. His being at same meeting as Darin in a city as big as LA is suspenseful.

Reveal: Hank has a cocaine and hooker problem and is being blackmailed by a drug lord. Mystery of why Hank is encouraging Darin to drink demands that this mystery be revealed. Revealed when Hank says he is meeting with an informant and is waylaid by his blackmailer who feeds him cocaine and demands he go and sexually service his hooker daughter. Drug lord informs Hank about gang killing Livie to frame Leff-T. They wanted revenge on Leff-T for helping a key player escape the life. Hank is devastated to find out in this way and that the balls he put in motion to incriminate Leff-T inadvertently led to his wife’s murder.

Reveal: Darin is pregnant with Hank’s baby. Information demands to be revealed because she is struggling with sobriety and needs to be sober to regain control of her life and regain control of her life and career. She has been hitting bottom. Covered up by her DTs.

Reveal: Note in Dharma’s notebook about doe estrus being used by drug smugglers to attempt to distract dogs from scenting contraband. Revealed in a dramatic way because Darin and Leff-T are driven to examine her notebook after her overdose at the restaurant. She was meeting Darin to convey important information to Darin – – but never got to because of the overdose. Pookie’s odd reaction to violets has demanded that chemicals affecting a dog’s sense of smell be researched. Intrigue and suspense – – info on animal extracts used by hunters contained in Dharma’s notebook was important enough to have someone try and kill her.

Reveal: Darin dreams of the night she fell asleep with Hank on the couch. He was sleeping with his socks on. She bolts awake and realizes it could have been because his was missing a toe – – the toe used in the meatball. Revealed in dramatic way because he has become a recurring nightmare that terrorizes her at night. Demands to be revealed because it is the missing piece of the puzzle that has been niggling at her subconscious. Creates suspense – – she has been sleeping with the enemy.

Reveal: Darin is on to Hank. He awakens to discover iced tea in Darin’s whisky bottle and his blood-stained sock removed from his hamper. Demands to be known because Darin has put the trail of breadcrumbs together incriminating Hank. Revealed in a dramatic way as he awakens secure in the knowledge she is back under his thumb. Upon discovering the iced tea and sock he is faced with having been found out and outsmarted by Darin. Suspense – – his life is in danger.

Reveal: Darin has outsmarted him again. Hank steals civetone from Darin’s lab. Darin told Hank that civetone drives dogs crazy. He uses it at a drug bust. It doesn’t work. Darin has swapped it out for another chemical previous to him having broken into her lab and stealing it. The drugs are seized by police. Bust was being observed by one of the drug lord’s henchmen. Hank now knows he will be killed by them. Revealed in a dramatic way when dog actually finds the drug after masking chemical has been deployed. Demands to be revealed because Hank’s life depends upon him finding another chemical to be used to throw scenting dogs off. Creates suspense because we now wonder who will kill Hank first? Darin or the drug lord?

[Barbe LaPierre]

Barbe’s Dramatic Reveals

What I learned was that this technique is an excellent way to identify opportunities to add visual intrigue and depth to the story. Keep asking questions and demanding answers.

OPENING: Max’s store is broken into

TWIST #1

Direction: Max’s store is “robbed.”

Twist: The thief put something into Max’s safe.

Villain’s Plan 1: Get the manuscript that is still in the safe.

Life Threatening 1: Break-in at Max’s store.

Life Threatening 2: Gunshots!

Life Threatening 3: Max finds a body in his office.

Life Threatening 4: Max follows the thief into the alley and shoots him.

Mystery 1: Why did Max shoot the intruder?

CATALYST: Matty Holmes receives a distress call from her friend, Max, who has been arrested for murder.

TWIST #2

Direction: Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.

Twist: The “thief” is Max’s ex-FBI partner who Max turned into the FBI for wrongdoing.

Villain’s Plan 2: The Mavens come to Max’s aid – but are in the dark about Max’s true background.

Trust: The Mavens assume that Max is telling the truth about the break-in

Mystery 2: What is Max hiding?

FUN AND GAMES: The investigation begins.

Trust: David is a police detective and Matty’s son. He must have the Mavens wellbeing in mind.

REVEAL 1

· Mystery: What is Max hiding?

· Intrigue: David scans for Max’s fingerprints.

· Reveal: Max is in the system! He’s ex-FBI!

Life Threatening 5: The Mavens start their investigation and are surveilled by Volkov’s thugs.

Distrust: Max withholds information about knowing the thief

REVEAL 2

· Mystery: Who is the thief?

· Intrigue: David scans for the thief’s fingerprints.

· Reveal: He’s in the system. The thief Max shot is his ex-FBI partner.

REVEAL 3

· Mystery: Who shot the thief in Max’s office?

· Intrigue: Hazel’s autopsy reveals the bullet came from Max’s gun.

· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy shot the second thief with Max’s gun.

REVEAL 4

· Mystery: Who is the second thief?

· Intrigue: Hazel removes the second bullet from the ex-FBI guy.

· Reveal: The second bullet is from a Russian gun.

REVEAL 5

· Mystery: Why did the ex-FBI guy appear in Max’s store one day?

· Intrigue: Hazel finds identical gang tattoos on the ex-FBI guy and the dead Russian in Max’s office.

· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy works for Volkov.

Trust: David has the Mavens under surveillance just to make sure they don’t get into too much trouble.

Distrust: The Mavens feel they can do things a bit against the law when the police can’t

REVEAL 6

· Mystery: Can the Mavens help Max?

· Intrigue: Matty, Dev, and Evie “break in” to Max’s store.

· Reveal: In Max’s apartment above the store the Mavens find overdue notices. Max’s is in debt.

REVEAL 7

· Mystery: Why did Volkov choose Max?

· Intrigue: Snooping at Max’s the Mavens find a photo of the ex-FBI guy and Max receiving commendations. An article falls out of a book about Max and his partner being dismissed by the FBI for wrongdoing.

· Reveal: The ex-FBI guy recruited Max for Volkov.

REVEAL 8

· Mystery: Max maintains there is nothing in his safe.

· Intrigue: Devi, amateur safe-cracker, breaks into Max’s safe.

· Reveal: The manuscript

Distrust: The Mavens withhold information from David “until they are sure of the facts.”

REVEAL 9

· Mystery: What does Matty have to tell David?

· Intrigue: David has dinner with the Mavens at Matty’s house.

· Reveal: The Mavens “stole” the manuscript from Max’s safe.

REVEAL 10

· Mystery: Why this manuscript?

· Intrigue: Matty opens the manuscript case?

· Reveal: It’s the Einstein-Besso manuscript worth $15 million.

TWIST #3

Direction: The police interrogate Max about the break-in. Max says nothing about the contents of the safe.

<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe</s>. (relocated)<s></s>

MIDPOINT: The Mavens come to the attention of the villain – Sergei Volkov

Mystery 3: Who is Volkov?

Distrust: Max withholds information about working for Volkov.

Villain’s Plan 3: Now the Mavens stand in the way of Volkov.

Distrust: Volkov sends his thugs after the Mavens

TWIST #4

Direction: The Mavens are closing in on the truth about the robbery at Max’s store.

Twist: Volkov is closing in on the Mavens.

<s>Distrust:</s><s> David finally divulges Max’s identity to the Mavens. They are devastated</s>.

BAD GUYS CLOSE IN:

Mystery 4: Why does Volkov need the manuscript?

Life Threatening 6: Max lies about who he is, his past, his reason for purchasing the manuscript, his past connection to the dead ex-FBI agent, and his current connection to Volkov.

Villain’s Plan 4: The Mavens are threatened with kidnapping, their vehicles tampered with, and homes broken into.

Life Threatening 7: The thugs threaten the Mavens by chasing them, tampering with their vehicles, trapping them, and threatening their lives.!

<s>Trust:</s><s> After several near misses, The Mavens sense they will not be harmed.</s>

TWIST #5

Direction: Volkov threatens to kill the Mavens one-by-one.

Twist: Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, is threatened with death by his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.

FINALE:

REVEAL 11

· Mystery: Who is after the Mavens?

· Intrigue: Matty is kidnapped and delivered to Volkov.

· Reveal: It’s the Russians!

Distrust: Volkov’s thugs kidnap Matty and bring her to see Volkov.

Distrust: Volkov wants Matty to turn over the manuscript.

Trust: Volkov lets it slip that the manuscript is in Max’s safe.

<s>Trust:</s><s> Max corroborates Volkov’s information about the contents of the safe.</s>

<s>Trust:</s><s> Max tells them how to slip into the shop</s>

<s>Twist: </s><s> Devi, one of the Mavens, “gains access” to the store and because of her safe-cracking skills steals the manuscript from the safe.</s>

TWIST #6

Villain’s Plan 5 / Direction: Volkov has the Mavens in his grasp.

Life Threatening 9 / Twist: The Mavens turn the tables and invite Volkov to dinner at Matty’s house.

Trust: Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her house. She will turn over the manuscript.

Life Threatening 8: Volkov is threatened with death by his employer – a powerful and shadowy Russian oligarch.

REVEAL 12

· Mystery: Why does Volkov want the manuscript?

· Intrigue: Volkov receives an email “Where is the manuscript?” with a link to a video – of Volkov’s house in flames.

· Reveal: Volkov is working for somebody even more powerful and dangerous.

REVEAL 13

· Mystery: Who stole the manuscript?

· Intrigue: The Mavens and David review footage of the auction and see Max bidding on the manuscript and the ex-FBI guy in the crowd.

· Reveal: Max went to the auction and bought the manuscript.

REVEAL 14

· Mystery: Where’s the manuscript?

· Intrigue: Newspaper headline about the theft of the manuscript from the auction.

· Reveal: When Max went to pick up the manuscript it had been stolen.

REVEAL 15

· Mystery: Why is Max still being held?

· Intrigue: Matty angrily confronts David about doing enough to clear Max.

· Reveal: Max is working for Volkov.

REVEAL 16

· Mystery: Why did Max shoot the ex-FBI guy?

· Intrigue: David relentlessly grills Max.

· Reveal: Max hates his ex-partner for ruining his career and getting him swept up into Volkov’s scheme.

Life Threatening 10: Volkov attends the dinner but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.

Life Threatening 11: Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.

Trust: At dinner the Mavens and Volkov I think he really likes the Mavens. They are the same age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs

TWIST #7

Life Threatening 12 / Direction: Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens…

Distrust: Matty adds a sedative to the soup to put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.

Twist: The Mavens have cooked up something special – that puts Volkov and his thugs to sleep. When SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.

Life Threatening 13: Volkov is captured.

RESOLUTION:

TWIST #8

Life Threatening 14: Max’s store and reputation are lost.

Life Threatening 15 / Direction: All this turmoil destroys Max’s relationship with Matty Holmes, one of the Mavens.

Twist: Max was working for the police in order to apprehend Volkov.

Distrust: David does not divulge to the Mavens, until the very end, that Max was working with the police in order to apprehend Volkov.

REVEAL 17

· Mystery: Why is Max exonerated?

· Intrigue: Max appears at the Bitter Bones to find the Mavens

· Reveal: Max has been working with the police to apprehend Volkov.

[Kelly Joseph]

Kelly’s Dramatic Reveals

What did I learn? I learned that I really had to go step by step and focus on the revealan then ask myself how it would be covered up. When I did this then I could see the M.I.S at work.

REVEALS

He was talking to a soccer mom.

He is the leader of an online terrorist cell.

They are planning to shoot up the DMV.

He was being controlled by a computer system.

Connor is unleashing the code.

Connor is not the leader.He is a victim.

Bennet is the person behind this plot.

Intrigue: She seems normal but Avery learns that she ran over a crowd of demonstrators with her SUV.

Intrigue: Greystorm is the leader of this group but they are talking in code.

Intrigue: The group is having a meetup.

Intrigue: They shoot up the DMV

Intrigue: something is controlling them.

MINDHACK 3 Act Structure

Opening: We meet Avery, an agoraphobic hacker who rarely leaves her apartment. She’s introverted and scared of the outside world due to a traumatic past. We see her daily life, focused on her computer and isolated from society.

Villains Plan 1: Use MindHack system to hack partner Connor

Villains Plan 2: Get Connor to identify ordinary social media users who are good citizens.

Villain’s Plan 3: Get Connor to create a terrorist group and lead them.

Villains Plan 4: Unleash mind hacking algorithm

Inciting Incident: Avery’s brother, the only person she cares about, is arrested for attempted murder. She begins doing research.

Mystery 1: Who was her brother talking to online?

Mystery 2 Who is this soccer mom lady?

Intrigue: She seems normal but Avery learns that she ran over a crowd of demonstrators with her SUV.

Life Threatening 1:She has social anxiety and has to leave the house.

Life Threatening 2: She tries to talk with one of the users families but the police come.

Villain’s Plan 5: Have the group commit various terrorist acts.

Act 1 Turning Point: Avery makes the decision to leave her apartment for the first time in years. She ventures into the outside world to gather information

Mystery 3: Who is this Greystorm character?

Trust Sequence:

TRUST: Avery initially trusts Julian the Journalist and Ryan as they offer their assistance in her investigation, believing their support is genuine.

TRUST: Julian and Ryan’s actions align with Avery’s mission, and they provide valuable insights and assistance, reinforcing her trust in them.

TRUST: Avery’s relationship with Julian and Ryan deepens as she relies on them as crucial allies in her quest.

Distrust Sequence:Julian

DISTRUST: As Avery delves deeper into the conspiracy, she may start to wonder if Julian and Ryan have hidden agendas or motives that conflict with her mission.

DISTRUST: Certain actions or decisions made by Julian and Ryan may create doubt in Avery’s mind, making her question their true intentions.

DISTRUST: A critical moment may arise where Avery becomes suspicious of Julian and Ryan, leading to a confrontation where she distrusts their loyalty.

TRUST: Avery initially believes that Ryan, her ex-boyfriend and programmer, may have valuable insights into her brother’s online activities, and she trusts his involvement in her investigation.

TRUST: Ryan genuinely offers his assistance to Avery, and his actions seem aligned with her mission, reinforcing her trust in him.

TRUST: As Avery’s investigation progresses, she begins to trust Ryan as a crucial ally in her quest to uncover the truth.

Distrust Sequence: Ryan

DISTRUST: As the story unfolds, Avery starts to doubt Ryan’s involvement due to their past relationship and the complexity of the conspiracy.

DISTRUST: Circumstances or actions by Ryan may create doubt in Avery’s mind, making her question his true intentions and loyalties.

DISTRUST: Avery’s investigation uncovers evidence that suggests Ryan might have had ulterior motives, leading to a confrontation where she distrusts his intentions.

Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be (Brooks the Agent):

Mystery 4: What is this group planning?

Trust Sequence: Henry

TRUST: Avery initially believes that Henry may have information about her brother’s online activities and trusts his involvement in her investigation.

TRUST: Henry shares some insights that seem genuinely helpful to Avery’s quest, reinforcing her trust in him.

TRUST: As Avery’s investigation progresses, Henry’s innocence becomes clearer, and she realizes he was a mere pawn in the larger conspiracy, solidifying her trust in his intentions.

Intrigue: Greystorm is the leader of this group but they are talking in code.

Distrust Sequence: Henry

DISTRUST: As the story unfolds, Avery starts to doubt Henry’s involvement due to his connection to her brother and the mind hacking system.

DISTRUST: Circumstances make it appear that Henry may have been intentionally misleading Avery or working against her, causing her to question his trustworthiness.

DISTRUST: Avery’s investigation uncovers evidence that suggests Henry might have had ulterior motives, leading to a confrontation where she distrusts his intentions.

Trust Sequence:Henry

TRUST: Avery initially believes that Henry may have information about her brother’s online activities and trusts his involvement in her investigation.

TRUST: Henry shares some insights that seem genuinely helpful to Avery’s quest, reinforcing her trust in him.

TRUST: As Avery’s investigation progresses, Henry’s innocence becomes clearer, and she realizes he was a mere pawn in the larger conspiracy, solidifying her trust in his intentions.

Distrust Sequence:Henry

DISTRUST: As the story unfolds, Avery starts to doubt Henry’s involvement due to his connection to her brother and the mind hacking system.

DISTRUST: Circumstances make it appear that Henry may have been intentionally misleading Avery or working against her, causing her to question his trustworthiness.

DISTRUST: Avery’s investigation uncovers evidence that suggests Henry might have had ulterior motives, leading to a confrontation where she distrusts his intentions.

Life Threatening 3: She tries to talk with one of the users but he tries to kill her.

Life Threatening 4: She tries to talk with one of the users but he tries to kill her.

Life Threatening 5: House broken into and she has to leave her house.

Life Threatening 6: Patrons at the coffee shop turn on her.

Villain’s Plan 6: Kill anyone that gets in the way.

Midpoint: Avery’s investigation uncovers the extent of the mind hacking system’s influence and its connection to a powerful figure, Bennet, who seems to be behind it all. She realizes that her own life is in danger.

Intrigue: The group is having a meetup.

Intrigue: They shoot up the DMV

Life Threatening 7: Police arrest her.

Intrigue: something is controlling them.

Mystery 5: Who is unleashing this code?

Trust Sequence: Brooks

DISTRUST: Avery initially distrusts Brooks, the Agent, as she suspects government agents may be involved in the conspiracy, leading her to question his motives.

TRUST: Brooks’ actions and intentions become clearer as Avery’s investigation progresses, and she discovers that he genuinely wants to help her uncover the truth.

TRUST: A pivotal moment may occur where Brooks proves his dedication to Avery’s cause, solidifying her trust in him.

Distrust Sequence:

TRUST: As Avery continues her mission, she starts to see Brooks as a valuable ally in exposing the mind hacking system’s secrets.

TRUST: Brooks’ unwavering support and willingness to assist Avery strengthen her trust in him.

DISTRUST: However, circumstances or external pressures may arise that make it seem like Brooks is working against Avery or pursuing his own agenda, causing her to briefly question his loyalty before realizing the truth.

TRUST: Avery initially doesn’t suspect Bennet’s involvement in the conspiracy and assumes he is a legitimate figure in the story.

TRUST: Bennet provides Avery with valuable information that aids her in uncovering the mind hacking system’s secrets, solidifying a sense of trust.

TRUST: Avery’s investigation deepens, and Bennet’s actions align with her mission, making her trust him as an ally.

Hero / Red Herring Character (Henry, Connor):

Mystery 6: Is Connor the leader?RED HERRING

Life Threatening 8: Her mind gets hacked.

Life Threatening 9: She buys an AR 15 and goes to kill a crowd of people at the mall.

Intrigue: Connor is not the leader.He is a victim.

Mystery 7: Who is really behind this?

Distrust Sequence: Bennet

DISTRUST: As Avery’s investigation progresses, she begins to suspect Bennet’s involvement as she uncovers more about the mind hacking system and its consequences.

DISTRUST: Bennet’s actions appear to conflict with Avery’s mission, making her question his motives and loyalties.

DISTRUST: Avery confronts Bennet, demanding answers about his connection to the mind hacking system, leading to a tense standoff where she distrusts his intentions.

Reveal: Bennet is the person behind this plot.

Life Threatening 10: Tight Surveillance

Life Threatening 11:Being chased by Villain’s thugs

Act 2 Turning Point: Avery narrowly escapes an attempt on her life by Bennet’s henchmen, confirming that she’s onto something big. She decides to go off the grid, using her hacking skills to stay hidden while she digs deeper into the conspiracy.

Climax: Avery finally confronts Bennet in a high-stakes showdown, where they engage in a tense battle of wits and technology. As she exposes the mind hacking system’s secrets to the world, she faces her greatest fear head-on, outside her comfort zone.

Resolution: Avery’s brother is exonerated, but she’s left changed by her journey. She’s no longer agoraphobic, having faced her fears and overcome them. She’s also aware that the world is a dangerous place, but she’s determined to use her skills to protect it from similar threats.

[Michael HARRIS]

Michael L Harris’s – Dramatic Reveals

What I learned is that knowing your story’s reveals and working backwards from them can help you create more suspense and intrigue. This exercise really helped me understand my story even better and opened my mind to new solutions to previous problems in the construction of the story.

REVEAL 1

Mystery: Who is this boy?

Mystery 2: Are his dreams real or nightmares?

Mystery 3: What’s the button about?

Mystery 4: Who’s being killed?

Mystery 5: Who’s the woman?

Intrigue: A dropping button

Intrigue 2: A knife coming down on someone’s back.

Intrigue 3: A woman’s face through a car window. A thumping sound.

Reveal 1 – The same button as we saw in Simon’s dream lies on a makeshift table beside Simon’s bed.

Reveal 2 – Mr. Mabree is the person being killed in Simon’s dream. And it’s his wife’s voice we heard. They are at odds.

REVEAL 2

Mystery: Why is Simon at the cemetery

Intrigue: This woman was in his dreams. Simon gives the button to her.

Reveal: The dead woman wanted Elise to have the button.

REVEAL 3

Mystery: Why is Elise avoiding Kevin’s proposals?

Reveal: Elise wants to foster. Kevin doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

Reveal: Elise thinks she’s getting a girl.

Reveal: Turns out Simon (the boy she met at the cemetery) is her new foster child.

REVEAL 4

Reveal: Simon has visions.

Mystery: Who is the man from Simon’s vision?

Intrigue: Elise is skeptical.

Reveal: He needs her help to find the man. (Whitcombe)

REVEAL 5

Mystery: Why is the population of this nursing home special needs kids?

Intrigue: It’s run by a surgeon who lost his wife and son.

Reveal: the man of Simon’s dreams is Dr. Whitcombe, the founder of “Tommy’s Hope,” the nursing home.

Reveal 2: Whitcombe is a doctor, a decorated surgeon. When his wife and some were killed, he pulled back from his profession and started a nursing home specializing in help for special needs kids.

Reveal 3: Simon’s mother’s picture is in Nurse Hanes office.

REVEAL 6

Mystery: What secrets does the basement hold?

Intrigue: What are these dead bodies Simon is seeing? (Links to Whitcombe’s father?)(Can be explored in series.)

Reveal: Answers to some of Simon’s questions are hidden in the basement and sub-basement of “Tommy’s Hope.”

REVEAL 7

Mystery: What’s in the case that Dr. Whitcombe passes the courier.

Intrigue: Some sort of case is passed to a courier. The doctor seems alarmed to see Elise and Simon.

Reveal: A marking on the case

Reveal 2: This is Dr. Whitcombe.

REVEAL 8

Intrigue: Simon and Elise are locked in the subbasement.

Suspense: Eric, Whitcombe’s henchman is sent to “silence” them.

Reveal: Whitcombe is willing to kill to keep his secrets secret.

REVEAL 9

Mystery: What is Debra Daniel’s connection to Whitcombe?

Intrigue: Simon finds an earring in a pile of rubble.

Reveal: It’s Debra Daniel’s. Whitcombe killed her. Because she threatened to go to the police.

REVEAL 10

Mystery: Where is Simon’s mother? Is she really floating in water somewhere?

Intrigue: Kevin discovers a pond on Whitcombe’s property that has a mysterious black spot resembling a car.

Reveal: There is a car in the pond, and it contains Debra Daniel’s remains.

Reveal: Kevin was a former police officer.

REVEAL 11

Mystery: Why are they prepping one of the nursing patients for surgery?

Intrigue: The operating room is in the basement. There is a monitor showing the patient’s beating heart. (Elise sees this throw a vent hope in the wall of the operating room before they escape through the vent on the floor of the hallway.)

Reveal: There is a cooler on the counter with the same markings as Simon and Elise saw on the cooler Whitcombe passed off at their first meeting.

Reveal: Whitcombe he’s been performing organ extraction for sale on the black market.

REVEAL 12

Mystery: What will Simon and Elise find in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

Intrigue: The office is behind a hidden panel opened by putting the lobs of the brain in correct order.

Reveal: Whitcombe is selling organs on the black market.

Reveal 2: Simon is Whitcombe’s biological son.

REVEAL 13

Mystery: Papers of the accident and Tommy’s death “City Philanthropist grieves death of wife and only son.”

Intrigue: Simon’s eyes reveal he’s seen something. “He’s here.” As he runs from the office and up the stairs, Elise in pursuit.

Reveal: Tommy is still alive. “I don’t want a new heart.”

REVEAL 14

Mystery: Why does Simon approach another grave during his mother’s funeral.

Intrigue: Simon’s eyes show he’s in vision mode.

Reveal: The visons aren’t over. His adventures will continue.

INTEGRATION OF REVEALS INTO THRILLER MAP FOR “SIMON SEES”

Opening: A young boy (Simon) asleep behind a sofa tosses as images flash in his mind.

· Life Threatening # 1 – Simon’s dreams or visions are turbulent; he sees his foster mother kill his foster father with a knife.

· Mystery # 1 – Who is this boy?

· Mystery # 2 – Are shades dreams shades of the past, visons of the future or a psychotic episode?

· Mystery # 3 – A button drops at the foot of a casket and a woman’s face. What’s that all about? And who is she?

Inciting Incident: Simon awakens to a heated argument between his foster parents and believes his vision of an impending murder to be true. On the way to school he calls his case worker and asks to be removed from the home.

· Reveal # 1 – The same button we saw lies on a makeshift table beside Simon’s bed.

· Life Threatening # 2 – Caught in the middle of his foster parents’ argument he has a plate thrown at him and witnesses a death threat to his foster father.

· Reveal # 2 – Mr. Mabree is the person being killed in Simon’s dream. And it’s his wife’s voice we heard. They are at odds.

· Mystery # 4 – Is Simon’s vision real? Will Mrs. Malbree, the foster mother real follow through and kill her husband?

· Mystery # 5 – Why does Simon steal a cell phone on his way out of the house?

· Mystery # 6 – Will Simon be placed in a new home? What will that look like, previous homes have not been good.

· Life Threatening # 3 – Simon steps in front of Elise’s car. She has to break hard to avoid hitting him.

· Mystery # 7 – Why does Simon meet Elise at the cemetery?

· Mystery # 8 – What’s up with the button?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: He’s a mild-mannered little kid.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: He startles her and thrusts a button in her face.

· Reveal # 3 – The dead woman wanted Elise to have the button.

· Twist # 1 – Elise meets Kevin at a restaurant where he has planned an elaborate wedding proposal, but she surprises him first by announcing that she is getting her first foster child, “tomorrow.”

· Reveal # 3 – Elise wants to foster; Kevin doesn’t think that’s a good idea.

· Reveal # 4 – Elise thinks she’s getting a girl.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: Kevin briefs her on how much baggage foster kids can carry.

· New Direction: Kevin expects to propose and instead finds himself competing. Elise withdraws even more.

· Mystery # 8a – Will Kevin accept a foster child into his relationship with Elise?

· Twist # 2 – Elise expects to be getting a girl foster child and instead gets Simon.

· Reveal # 5 – Turns out Simon (the boy from the cemetery) is Elise’s new foster child.

· New Direction: Elise had expected a girl child, all the preparations were for a girl and most importantly her mindset was for getting a girl.

Turning Point 1: Simon “sees” the man who knows what became of him mother.

· Simon sees visions. Because of this he has been rejected by other foster families.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Simon first sees Whitcombe (whose name he does not know at the time) in a vision. Trust: He hopes Whitcombe will be able to help him find his mother and therefore he trusts or at least hopes Whitcombe is the answer to his quest.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: Elise is his last hope of locating his mother.

·

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent on doing what she wants rather than what he wants even after asking what he wants to do.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She seems more intent upon doing what she has planned than doing what Simon wants, even after asking him what he wants to do.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She takes him driving to look for the building and the man.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She is skeptical when he reveals his gift.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She helps him find the big building.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes inside with him and inquiries about the man of Simon’s vision.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She can’t fully accept his visions.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: The heart is willing to accept him but her insecurities for the moment rule.

· Villain’s Plan # 1 – After losing his wife in a car crash two years ago, Dr. Whitcombe, a well-respected expert in organ transplantation vowed to keep his son alive by any means possible, including organ transplants and murder.

· Villain’s Plan # 2 – Whitcombe created a nursing facility for young patients with life threatening conditions. They are also a ready source of organs for his son who has since the accident been presumed dead.

· Villain’s Plan # 3 – Simon’s mother, Debra Daniels worked for Whitcombe prior to the accident. When she bulked at Whitcombe’s proposal to transplant one of Simon’s organs into Tommy (Whitcombe’s son) and threatened to go to the authorities, Whitcombe killed her.

· Villain’s Plan # 4 – Simon was there on the fatal night but escaped. Simon has recently “seen” Whitcombe in vision and knows he knows what happened to his mother.

· Mystery # 9 – Who is this man (Dr. Whitcombe) Simon “sees” in vision?

· Life Threatening # 4 – Does the man pose a danger to Simon?

· Mystery # 10 – Will Elise accept Simon’s visions as real and help him find the man?

· Life Threatening # 5 – Will Elise reject Simon and send him packing?

· Mystery # 11 – Where is the Building Simon saw and what is inside?

· Mystery # 12 – Why are the patients in “Tommy’s Hope” so young?

· Mystery # 13 – Who is Dr. Whitcombe?

· Villain’s Plan # 5 – When Simon & Elise show up asking questions at the nursing home Whitcombe’s plan is threatened.

· Reveal # 6 – The man of Simon’s dreams is Dr. Whitcombe, the founder of “Tommy’s Hope,” the nursing home.

· Reveal # 7 – Whitcombe is a doctor, a decorated surgeon. When his wife and some were killed, he pulled back from his profession and started a nursing home specializing in help for special needs kids.

· Reveal # 8 – Simon’s mother’s picture is in Nurse Hanes office.

· Mystery # 14 – Why is Simon’s mother in a picture in Nurse Hanes office?

· Twist # 3 – Simon’s mom worked for Dr. Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon and Elise think they will find information about Whitcombe, which they do, but it turns on them when they find that Simon’s mother was a part of the operation.

· Reveal # 9 – The basement has many secrets. Answers to many of Simon’s questions are hidden in the basement and subbasements of Tommy’s Hope.

· Mystery # 15 – What secrets does the sub-basement hide? What are these writhing bodies Simon sees as he walks through?

· Life Threatening # 6 – Do the phantoms of the past pose a threat to Simon and Elise?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: On first meeting, though Dr. Whitcombe appears accommodating there is a recognition between he and Simon that alerts Simon to potential danger.

· Reveal # 10: So this is Dr. Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 16 – What was in the cooler Dr. Whitcombe passes to the courier?

· Reveal # 11: A marking on the case that Whitcombe gives to the courier.

· Life Threatening # 7 – Whitcombe seems intimidating even though he appears to be congenial.

· Mystery # 17 – Why does being around Dr. Whitcombe feel so freaky?

Midpoint: Simon runs away forcing Elise to enter the journey.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She doesn’t want to go back to the nursing home.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe’s henchman spies on Simon and Elise. Simon feels it, though Elise discounts it. (add to window scene)

· Elise/Simon: He runs away.

· Twist # 5 – Simon runs away.

· New Direction: Having the child run away is totally unexpected and a big turn from the bonding she envisioned with fostering.

· Mystery # 18 – Where is Simon?

· Life Threatening # 7 – Did Simon disappear on his own?

· Life Threatening # 8 – Simon sees a vision of his mother floating underwater.

· Mystery # 19 – What is the mysterious car shaped image that appears in aerial photos of a pond on the Whitcombe property.

· Reveal # 12 – There is a car in the pond, and it contains Debra’s remains.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She goes back into the building with him.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She comes after him and goes back inside.

· Simon/Elise: Distrust: She’s still having trouble buying his visions.

Turning Point 2: They get too close to Dr. Whitcombe’s big secret and are locked in a sub-basement to await their fate but instead seek a way out discovering more secrets.

· Twist # 6 – Simon and Elise come looking for information about Simon’s mother and get locked in a basement.

· Reveal # 13: Whitcombe is willing to kill to keep his secrets secret.

New Direction: – From information gatherers and spies to captives.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: When they return to the nursing home, Whitcombe locks them in the basement,

· Villain’s Plan # 6 – When Simon and Elise return to the facility covertly they are caught and imprisoned in an old subbasement where Simon’s visions reveal the history of the facility and Debra’s fate.

· Life Threatening # 9 – Simon and Elise are locked in the Sub-basement to await their eventual fate. Whitcombe is willing to kill to protect his secret.

· Mystery # 20 – Is there a way out?

· Mystery # 21 – Why is Simon seeing so many dead bodies?

· Life Threatening # 10 – Do the bodies pose a threat to Simon and Elise or are they foreshadowing of things to come?

· Reveal # 14: Simon finds an earring in a pile of rubble, it is his mother’s, Whitcombe killed her because she threatened to go to the police.

· mother and Whitcombe had their final confrontation here, she refused to help him, and he killed her.

· Life Threatening # 11 – Simon sees the night his mother was killed.

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision in the tunnel.

· Elise/Simon: Distrust: She’s trying to get out and he’s intent on getting them in deeper.

· Mystery # 22 – Is there any evidence to prove Debra Daniels was there?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She’s trying to find a way out and listens when he recounts his mother’s confrontation with Whitcombe.

· Mystery # 23 – Where does the discovered tunnel lead?

· Life Threatening # 12 – A collapsing tunnel.

· Life Threatening # 13 – Rats

· Mystery # 24 – Will they survive the rats?

· Life Threatening # 14 – A henchman who is chancing them?

· Twist # 7 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction: Now not only are they trying to escape, they are trying not to get caught by the henchman.

· Mystery # 25 – Will they survive the henchman chancing after them?

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: Whitcombe sends his henchman after them in the tunnel.

· Twist # 8 – The tunnel leads to a dead end but…

· Twist # 9 – On the other side of the dead end is an operating room.

· Reveal # 15 – There is a cooler on the counter with the same markings as on the one Elise and Simon saw Dr. Whitcombe pass off on their first meeting.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They hear a young patient complain he doesn’t want another operation and see a organ cooler like the one they witnessed when they first met Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Now not only is Whitcombe Simon’s mother’s killer, he is also preying on innocent victims who come to him for help.

· Twist # 10 – They escape into Dr. Whitcombe’s private office and find papers that reveal he is Simon’s father.

· New Direction: Simon who wants to expose his mother’s killer must now find a way to absorb the fact that he is Whitcombe’s son.

· Villain’s Plan # 7 – As they are escaping Simon and Elise find Whitcombe’s private office in an adjoining building and in it news articles of successful and unsuccessful transplants with Whitcombe’s patients and Simon’s birth certificate revealing his real parentage.

· Life Threatening # 15 – Simon’s sense of identity is challenged when he learns who his father is.

· Mystery # 26 – What is the paper Simon finds in Dr. Whitcombe’s private office?

· Reveal # 16 – Whitcombe has been performing organ extraction for sale on the black market.

· Reveal # 17 – Simon is Dr. Whitcombe’s biological son.

· Twist # 11 – It just got more dangerous.

· New Direction – We have gone from nefarious to black market.

· Villain’s Plan # 8 – Simon and Elise discover a young patient about to go under the knife and learn that Whitcombe’s nursing facility is a ready source of unwitting yet ready organ donors to finance his operation by selling “extra” organs on the black market.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: While Simon sifts through photos and news articles eventually finds his birth certificate. Elise finds records of organ sales.

· Life Threatening # 16 – Will Simon and Elise fall prey to the surgeon’s knife?

· Life Threatening # 17 – The knowledge that illegal activity is happening, others are in danger and they are unable to help.

· Mystery # 27 – What is the “operation” Whitcombe’s staff is prepping for in the basement of the mansion?

· Mystery # 28 – Is Tommy still alive?

Climax: The uncover Whitcombe’s final secret, Tommy is still alive, though barely. Caught a second time their fate is sealed. Can they escape? Yes, with a little help from Tommy.

· Twist # 12/ Reveal # 18 – Tommy is still alive.

· New Direction – Whitcombe’s philanthropy is based on treachery.

· Twist # 13 – Dr. Whitcombe is using his nursing facility as an organ farm to keep Tommy alive and finance his efforts.

· Life Threatening # 18 -– Tommy is still alive.

· Villain’s Plan # 9 – Whitcombe’s end came is to keep Tommy alive and his patients are a ready source for needed replacement parts as Tommy’s organs increasingly fail.

· Life Threatening # 19 – Whitcombe’s order to kill them.

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Distrust: They discover Tommy alive, and Whitcombe gives the order to terminate them.

· Life Threatening # 20 – The reality of death before their eyes.

· Mystery # 29 – Will they escape from Whitcombe again?

· Simon/Elise: Trust: she gets them out.

· Twist # 14 – Simon risks his life to save Whitcombe.

· New Direction: Simon, who wanted to expose Whitcombe now wants to save his father.

· Life Threatening # 21 – Weapons firing around him… Will the police kill Simon?

· Mystery # 30 – Will the police kill Dr. Whitcombe?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his instinct to save Whitcombe

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She helps him save Whitcombe

· Simon/Dr. Whitcombe: Trust: For a brief moment Whitcombe is repentant and reaches out to embrace Simon, which he accepts.

· Mystery # 31 – Will Elise keep Simon? Does he finally have a home?

Resolution: At the cemetery where they first met Simon and Elise stand over his mother’s grave. “We’re both orphans now!”; “Guess we’ll just have to take care of each other.” Kevin proposes and Simon sees another vision… the adventure may not be over yet.

· Life Threatening # 22 – The thought of being alone (Simon)

· Simon/ Elise: Trust: She helps him bury his mother. And wants to adopt him.

· Twist # 15/ Reveal # 19 – Simon’s visions are not over… we can spin to the series…

· New Direction: Simon goes from a single visionary pursuing his own interests to a potential sloth, helping the death solve their mysteries.

· Mystery # 32 – What does Simon “see” at Tommy’s grave?

· Elise/Simon: Trust: She trusts his vision at the cemetery.

· Simon/Elise: Trust: She learns to recognize and accept him as a visionary.

[Jennifer Miller]

Miller’s Dramatic Reveal

What I learned is that this lesson was not very clear to me. I read the information twice, perhaps I am getting tired, but I found the section How to Create Reveals to be unclear. Also it seems as if I have already done this, built reveals into the map with the other tools. I am going to keep slogging ahead, but even the examples didn’t connect for me – Ex. Bourne floating dead in the water and the REVEAL is that his hand moves, ok, so he is not dead, and he has 2 bullets in the back, but all of that plays out in real time and is not a cover-up. Maybe that is the disconnect for me – How did it get covered up? You simply find a way to present a different “reality” previously in the story, just like you did with the Big Mystery of your story – I do not understand that, but as I say perhaps it is me and in a day or two I will have a eureka moment. I think reveals are pieces of information or a secret, a MYSTERY, that has been covered up and the truth reveals itself, comes to light.

A list of the important reveals that you want the audience to experience.

That it is Hazel’s past that is coming back to haunt her. That Emily lied to her. That Liam lied to Hazel. That Emily really is missing. That the app is not responsible, nor fake dates. That Liam is actually in love with her daughter, not the killer. That Trevor is killed when he discovers that Jessica is actually Mandy Dune. That Jessica is Mandy Dune and she plans to kill them both and frame Liam while increasing her social media following.

The reveals you built into your Thriller Map. – I felt as though I had already done a pretty good job of building them in before this lesson, but I am not sure I fully understand the lesson, so there is that. Ha.