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Lesson 11
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Megan’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is… oops. I wrote my Act 1 Turning Point scene last lesson, thinking it was my inciting incident. So for this lesson, I’m backtracking to what I’ve determined is my real inciting incident earlier in the act.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE — DAY
Anna sits on a paper-covered medical table, practically naked in a hospital gown and socks.
DOCTOR SLOAN, an attractive, meticulously dressed obstetrician in her early 50s, enters cheerfully.
SLOAN
Good news! The blood test is back. You are, in fact, pregnant!
ANNA
I had a feeling.
SLOAN
But good new, right?
ANNA
Oh, of course! Great news. David and Luke will be thrilled.
SLOAN
I’m going to have you lie back for a quick exam and then we’ll see if we can determine a due date!
Anna lies back on the table. SLOAN begins to palpitate Anna’s breasts and belly.
SLOAN
So this is pregnancy number two for you, right?
ANNA
Yes. My son Luke turned two just a couple months ago.
SLOAN
Then I bet you’re hoping for a little girl this time!
Anna
Honestly, I don’t care as long as it’s healthy. But I bet my husband David would like a girl.
SLOAN
Well, you might be finding out the gender sooner than expected. By the feel of it, you’re well over three months along already.
ANNA
What? Really??
Sloan helps Anna sit up.
SLOAN
Do you remember the first day of your last menstrual cycle?
Anna
This is totally embarrassing, but no. I’ve always been extremely irregular.
SLOAN
Well, then, let’s get you scheduled for an ultrasound sooner rather than later. It will help us get a better idea of a timeline. Let’s have you back here in, let’s say, three weeks?
ANNA
Okay. I can do that.
SLOAN
And in the meantime, congratulations! Think pink!
ANNA
Uh, yeah. Think pink.
Sloan exits the exam room, leaving behind a befuddled Anna.
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE WAITING ROOM— DAY
Anna reenters the office waiting room and stops at the desk to speak to the RECEPTIONIST.
ANNA
Hi. I’m supposed to schedule an ultrasound?
Receptionist
How soon?
ANNA
Three weeks.
RECEPTIONIST
Okay. Let me see what we have. Doctor Sloan, right?
Anna
Yes, please.
While the receptionist searches the computer, Anna suddenly notices a commotion in the waiting room behind her. A YOUNG BOY is pitching a fit as his MOTHER tries to drag him back into the exam rooms. The boy cries, screams, drags his feet.
RECEPTIONIST
Looks like somebody’s not a big fan of the doctor.
ANNA
Is he all right? That just doesn’t seem normal.
RECEPTIONIST
He’ll be fine. Some boys are just more willful than others.
Anna watches as the mother finally maneuvers the young boy back into an exam room. His howls echo down the hall.
ANNA
But why is he so terrified? What are they doing to him?
RECEPTIONIST
Now you know I can’t tell you that. Patient confidentiality.
ANNA
Right. I know. It’s just—
RECEPTIONIST
If I told you, I’d have to kill you.
Anna freezes until the receptionist laughs.
RECEPTIONIST
How about Tuesday the fifth?
ANNA
Tuesday the fifth? For what??
RECEPTIONIST
Your ultrasound?
Anna releases a relieved breath.
ANNA
Oh. Right. That. What time?
Anna and the receptionist finish booking Anna’s appointment. When Anna turns around, she sees a MAN dressed in black and wearing a dark baseball cap sitting in a chair in the corner of the waiting room. He appears to be reading a magazine.
Anna eyes him warily.
ANNA
(to Receptionist)
Thank you.
Anna glances back at the man in the corner. He hasn’t moved. She gets the sudden feeling he’s been watching her.
Suddenly, the mother and young boy reenters the waiting room. The boy has lost all fight. He walks limply, almost zombie-like, beside his mother. They approach the receptionist.
RECEPTIONIST
(to Boy)
See now? It wasn’t all that bad.
Anna meets the mother’s weary eyes. Anna opens her mouth as if about to speak, but then thinks better of it.
Anna gives the mother a forced smile and exits the doctor’s office. A moment later, the man from the corner of the waiting room follows her.
EXT. PARKING LOT — DAY
The sun is setting as Anna walks to her car on the far side of the parking lot. Suddenly, she stops and turns around. No one is behind her.
Anna resumes walking toward her car, more quickly this time. She casts an occasional glance over her shoulder.
Anna clicks the key fob several yards away from her car. The headlights flash as the car unlocks. Anna sighs in relief.
Suddenly, a cloth bag is placed over her head from behind, eliminating her car from view.
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Jane’s Act 1: Turning Point 1 Scenes
By doing this assignment I found myself rethinking quite a bit. Whoever survives this massacre (if anyone does) will be super important to the story. Writing this brought to the fore how many unknowns and possibilities there are here. Kind of like SLIDING DOORS. From this point the story could go to a romantic thriller, an action thriller, psychological. Anything. Lots of fun but kind of scary!
INT. JULIE’S ROOM – MORNING
Chelsea lets Julie dress her. She feels like a princess in a movie. She absent-mindedly asks about Keith.What Julie says brings back a dark memory that Chelsea can’t seem to recall. It makes Chelsea’s hair stand on end.
Julie turns Chelsea to the mirror. Standing in the wedding dress, Chelsea is every inch as gorgeous as Julie. Julie pulls the veil over Chelsea’s face.
INT. CRUISE SHIP HALL
Chelsea is nervous, questions the sanity of this. Julie assures her that everything will be okay.Chelsea gets into character as Julie leads Chelsea toward the room.
When Chelsea asks Julie where she’ll be, there is no answer. When Chelsea looks to see, Julie is gone.
INT. CRUISE SHIP BALL ROOM
The wedding guests wait in anticipation. At the altar stand Derek and the ship’s captain. The music plays as Chelsea walks confidently down the aisle.The ceremony begins.
From within the audience, three GOONS (name later) reach under their chairs, pull out guns and mow down the wedding guest. Mayhem as people scatter and duck for cover.
Derek grabs Chelsea’s hand and tries to pull her to safety. The head goon shoots him point blank then grabs Chelsea. A hand comes over her mouth and she blacks out.
INT. CRUISE SHIP ROOM
Chelsea wakes up. She is gagged with hands bound behind her back sitting in a chair. The goons sit with her watching a game show. -
What I learned today…I’m wondering if being at page 10 is right for this turning point. Feels right. I don’t think where this passage ends should come any later.
INT. CAMERON’S BEDROOM–DAY
Cameron wakes up. A clock says it’s almost noon.
INT. CAMERON’S KITCHEN–DAY
Cameron throws out the coffee that his automatic coffeemaker brewed six hours earlier. He loads the hamper with new dark roast.
CAMERON
Make a new pot, please. Expresso roast.
COFFEEMAKER
Happy to do it, Cameron.
INT. CAMERON’S GAMING ROOM–DAY
High-tech looking. Lots of black and silver. Two very large, very sleek screens dominate a desk that has a dark, rich-looking wood top and black and silver legs. Everything is top-of-the-line.
Cameron comes in, freshly showered and carrying a fresh cup of coffee. With a wave of his hand, his gaming computer turns on. It beeps to notify him that his gaming buddy SPIKE is online. More sophisticated onscreen name.
Cameron sits in the space-age chair and clicks the notification. Spike appears. He’s paying as much attention to a game in progress as to Cameron. Some kind of first-person hunt-and-shoot game.
SPIKE
Where were you last night?
CAMERON
Not quite sure.
SPIKE
What did you do? Hit the clubs and pounding a bit too much of the Stoli Elit Himalayan?
CAMERON
If I tell you what I was really doing, I’ll have to kill you.
SPIKE
Then spill.
Cameron outs on VR goggles, logs into the game and starts playing alongside Spike.
CAMERON
You know how I’m working on that old movie they found when they were tearing down the Rivoli Theater?
SPIKE
Is it awesome?
CAMERON
You could say that. It talked to me.
SPIKE
You have to lay off the Stoli unti after work.
CAMERON
No. I mean, the movie talked to me. At least, one character did.
SPIKE
You’re shitting me.
CAMERON
I shit you not. The movie was going along until, out of nowhere, there’s this girl on a beach in 1958.
SPIKE
Jayne Mansfield type?
CAMERON
More Annette Funicello.
SPIKE
Good enough.
CAMERON
She doesn’t belong there.
SPIKE
How do you mean?
CAMERON
I mean. She doesn’t seem to be part of the movie. Like, someone grafted on a completely different bit.
SPIKE
What’s her name?
CAMERON
I stayed up all night trying to figure that out. I couldn’t find a thing about her.
SPIKE
How is that even possible?
There’s an explosion–in the game. Spike and Cameron’s avatars both dive to cover in the nick of time. Then they get up and move forward.
CAMERON
There’s something about this girl.
SPIKE
Oh-oh. I know what that means. Just don’t let your boss find out.
Another explosion. Cameron’s avatar writhes on the ground, with blood pouring from the place where its leg used to be attached to its torso.
SPIKE
Shit.
CAMERON
I have to get to work anyway. You can handle this on your own.
With a wave of his hand, the computer shuts down.
INT. FILMFIXER–CAMERON’S WORKSPACE–DAY
A little after lunch hour. Cameron is working on part of “Morning in Paradise,” a scene in which DESCRIBE. Richard comes in.
RICHARD
I hope the flex hours are due to the fact that you had your nose to the grindstone last night.
CAMERON
What time did you wake up this morning?
RICHARD
Seven. Like always.
CAMERON
That’s when I left.
RICHARD
Oh. So, you made good progress?
CAMERON
I did.
RICHARD
All right, then. But don’t make it a habit.
CAMERON
Making good progress?
RICHARD
Working goofy hours. If I don’t see your butt planted in that chair, I can’t tell if you’re really putting in the time.
CAMERON
You know, I’d laugh if I thought you were joking.
RICHARD
Just–
CAMERON
–stick to the task at hand.
Richard leaves. Cameron turns back to the task at hand. After he sneaks a quick rewind to get glimpse of Reina.
RICHARD
Who are you?
He goes up to the big screen and touches her face.
INT. FILMFIXER–CAMERON’S WORKSPACE–NIGHT
Reina on the screen. It’s not yet midnight, but Cameron looks at another unsatisfactory list of search results. He sighs, then turns off the console and heads out, turning off the light behind him.
EXT. FILMFIXER–NIGHT
Cameron exits and starts toward the parking lot. There are only a few cars still there in the dim light.
Cameron becomes aware that someone else is close by, in the shadows behind him. He turns. A woman in her mid-thirties steps into the light. She’s pretty: More Annette Funicello than Jayne Mansfield. This is NADIA MORGAND.
CAMERON
Can I help you?
NADIA
Are you Cameron Chaney?
CAMERON
Yes.
NADIA
My name is Nadia Morgand. My grandfather is Sol Baxter. The man who directed “Morning in Paradise.” -
Wendy’s Turning Point.
What I learned doing this lesson is that it is hard to stop the creative mind in process. Too much fun. This is not in outlie form, but the outline is in my lesson 10.
THE RING
STORY LINE: A divorced mother of three children comes home one day after work only to find out that her children have been kidnapped by their father and the Krensha mob during their summer visit with him. The father has a bad gambling habit and has lost a substantial amount of money in trying to cover his losses, he embezzles money at work from a dormant account not knowing that it belongs to the Krensha mob.
The Krensha finds out and threatens him to get the money back as is roughed up by two thugs. As they digs through his wallet they find a picture of his ex-wife and their children. One of the thugs recognizes her and the missing ring that belongs to the boss that holds the information to the foreign bank vault of the mob. Michele must now return to her former hidden life as an FBI agent to save her children from the mob.
EXT. MICHELE’S COUNTRY HOME – LATE EVENING
MICHELE DUNN, early 40’s, deadly beautiful and beyond bougie, regardless of her living choices. She gets out of her 3/4-ton truck with a couple of grocery bags and her expensive hand bag.
INT. MICHELE HOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
Michele sets the bags down and puts her phone on speaker setting it onto the counter and listens to her messages. Michele begins to put the groceries away.
CAROL (V.O.)
Hi Lisa, it’s just me calling you to remind you that it is our movie night tonight. I hope you didn’t forget the popcorn.
MICHELE
Right here.
CAROL (V.O.)
And I do hope you picked a comedy. I am NOT in the mood for drama or excitement tonight.
MICHELE
(surprised, apologetic)
Oh my gosh! I forgot it was my turn to get the movie!
CAROL (V.O.)
Well, I should be there about 7, See you then. Bye.
Looks at her WATCH {6:48}
MICHELE
Oh great, it is almost seven now. It looks like an out movie tonight.
Michele continues to put away the groceries.
PHONE
(beeps)
You have one new message from A.H.
She rolls her EYES at the phone.
Michele opens the CUPBOARD DOOR and puts an item away. Without closing it she bends down to put something else away.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy?
MICHELE
(surprised)
Oh, Hi sweetheart.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy, Daddy told us you died yesterday,
Michele stands up in surprise and hits her head on the cupboard door.
MICHELE
(surprised and questioning with disbelief)
What??!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Is that true? Daddy says our house caught fire and he didn’t want to have us sad so we are gonna’ go live somewhere else.
MICHELE
(stunned, whispering)
NO!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Daddy’s friend says he is going to take us to hear the monster song to lift our spirits. What’s a spirit mommy?…. Well, I guess daddy was telling the truth or you would be home from work now. I love you, mommy… bye.
MICHELE
(voice escalating)
NO NO NO NO!!!!
She stops and listens and hears a ticking sound coming from the OVEN and she looks closer inside where there is a silhouette of a bomb with a blinking light.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
NO!!!
EXT. COUNTRY HOUSE – EVENING
Michele’s friend CAROL CAMP has just pulled up to the house in her CAR. Michele scrambles to get in.
MICHELE
(great urgency and distress)
We have to get out of here! GO GO GO….. NOW, Carol, NOW!
Carol is stunned but speeds off SHOT of house in the distance exploding.
CAROL
Oh my gosh! Please don’t tell me that was the electrical problem you told me about.
Michele stares intently into the distance with a set determined look on her face.
MICHELE
(low toned, almost a growl)
I need to borrow your car tomorrow.
CAROL
(confused)
Um, Yeah… sure. You’re not going to blow my car up too, are you?
INT. FBI OFFICE – NEXT MORNING
INT. FBI OFFICE RECEPTIONIST’S DESK – DAY
Michele is in the middle of a conversation with the RECEPTIONIST.
MICHELE
I don’t think you understand, they blew up my house I have to talk to someone immediately!
RECEPTIONIST
Ma’am, did you go to the police and file a report?
MICHELE
That is the exact part you are not grasping. They need to think I’m dead!
Just then DEAN SHERR, mid 40’s, tall, slender medium build. his face is set in anger and it appears to be like that permanently, enters the lobby. His walk is hurried but meaningful. His mind is cluttered and his eyes seem to look right through people.
DEAN
(to the receptionist)
Can I help you?
RECEPTIONIST
She……
MICHELE
Save it!
Michele holds out her HAND to the receptionist in a “STOP” fashion.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
Sir, my name is Lisa Edmonson, my kids have been kidnapped by the Krensha and they blew up my house trying to kill me.
DEAN
Oookayy, this should be interesting. Follow me, this way.
MICHELE
Fine.
INT. MR. KREN’S HOME – DAY
Joel paces as he talks.
JOEL
Are you sure she is not dead?
MR. KREN
Yes, but now she is too weak, she will never beat us this time.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
Dean’s office is small and compact. His desk has a few folders and typical desk top items all in neat arrangement. Dean has OCD quirks.
Dean sits and begins to work on some papers while talking without looking up.
DEAN
Please, start from the beginning.
MICHELE
(deep breath)
I received a phone call from my daughter stating that my ex-husband has taken them and is moving somewhere else with them, and she thinks I am dead…
DEAN
So if your daughter thinks that you are dead… then why did she call and who are THEY?
Dean briefly glances up at Michele.
MICHELE
THEY would be my children and my daughter is only 5, she doesn’t quite understand.
DEAN
(snorting)
She is not the only one.
MICHELE
If you would just listen!
DEAN
So tell me why you didn’t go to the police?
MICHELE
They have to think I am dead, or I don’t stand a chance of getting my kids back!
DEAN
Who has to think you are dead, the police or your children?
Michele stands.
MICHELE
The Krensha, you idiot!!
Dean finally looks up from his paperwork. As he talks, he leans back in his chair.
DEAN
You want me to believe that the mob has taken your children, and now they are trying to kill you.
(smirking with a “whatever” attitude)
And just why is all this happening?
MICHELE
FIRST off, my husband has my kids and is being held by the mob, and SECOND, my real name is Michele, I used to be an…….
Dean throws pen down, stands, puts hand on hip and gestures with the other hand.
DEAN
(interrupting)
Hold it right there, NOW you are telling me that you are someone else. Lady, I think what you need right now is a strait jacket and a good psychiatrist!
Enter MR. EDWARD HENDERSON a man in his late 50’s, medium height, pot belly, stern face calloused by the years, very distinguished business appearance.
EDWARD
What is going on here Dean?
DEAN
Mr. Henderson….
MICHELE
(interrupting Dean)
Edward!
DEAN
You know this lunatic?
Edward holds out arms to hug Michele. They embrace with warmth and affection. Dean is completely astounded. Michele starts to cry.
EDWARD
I thought that was your voice I heard!
MICHELE
They have my kids.
EDWARD
I’m sorry.
(beat)
Come with me, I have something for you.
Edward walks down the hall towards his office, practically dragging Michele behind.
EDWARD (CONT’D)
You too Dean, my office, NOW!
DEAN
WHAT?!
INT. EDWARD’S OFFICE – DAY
The office is large, spacious, with lavish decor. Anyone can see that this corner office is of great importance. The large WINDOWS have a great view of the city skyline.
DEAN
Would someone like to tell me what is going on here??
Michele and Edward talk as if Dean does not exist. Michele’s tears are drying up.
MICHELE
Well, I see you got quite the promotion.
EDWARD
You know this office would belong to you if you hadn’t left. But… because I was your partner through the bust…. I was next in line for the promotion.
DEAN
What bust?
Edward retrieves a locked box from the bottom drawer, talks as he fumbles for the key and opens the box, treating it as if it were precious jewels.
EDWARD
(to Dean)
Thirteen years ago, Michele and I were partners, and together we took out most of the Krensha.
DEAN
You mean to tell me that she …. she is the one who…
(beat)
But this can’t be possible.
MICHELE
And just why not?
DEAN
Because….
MICHELE
Because I am a girl, or just that I’m not an ugly, nerdy girl, and not your idea of an FBI agent.
DEAN
Well..
MICHELE
Ugh! You are a male chauvinist!
DEAN
(backpedaling)
No.. I..
Edward hands Michele the opened box. Michele stares intently as if she has seen a loved one come back to life.
MICHELE
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you kept all this stuff. And my resignation papers
(beat)
You never turned them in!
EDWARD
I kinda’ did. Look closely at the papers. I sent you on a special assignment… to Turkey.
Michele squints in an effort to focus.
DEAN
TURKEY?
EDWARD
Dean? Do you have something to add?
Dean motions a sarcastic “no”
EDWARD (CONT’D)
Michele, I knew you would be back someday. Frankly, I’m glad to have you back where you belong. I know that with the two of you as partners this whole mess about your children will get solved quickly.
MICHELE
WHAT!? Him as my partner?!… Never!…. He can’t help me find my kids; I’m surprised he can find his way to work every day.
DEAN
HEY!!
EDWARD
Then it is settled. You two will make a fine team.
DEAN AND MICHELE
WHAT???!
DEAN
Why me?
MICHELE
Yeah, why HIM!
EDWARD
Dean, you picked up where she left off, you are up to date with the most information and… quite frankly YOU need her expertise on this matter.
DEAN
What expertise?
EDWARD
SHE has already taken them down once, which is something you have failed to do so far.
DEAN
No, there are regulations against this.
EDWARD
And they would be?
DEAN
Well… department members cannot work on personal issues.
EDWARD
You may have a valid point.
(stares out the window and points at it)
Out there she is known as Lisa Edmonson.
(gestures to inside of building)
In here her real identity is Michele Dunn. Two different people entirely, and if you have a problem with it there is a special assignment needing to be filled …
(voice escalating)
In Turkey, where she just came from! GOT IT!
DEAN
(deflated)
Yes sir.
EDWARD
Both of you sit. Now Michele, tell me what you know.
DEAN
(under his breath)
This should be rich.
Michele carefully thinks about each event before answering.
MICHELE
My kids were at their fathers for the summer break… There was a phone call from my daughter, she left a strange message… she said that they were moving somewhere else to lift their spirits, because I was dead…. Then I saw the bomb and ran. She did say…
Michele excited, sits up straight in her chair and almost falls out.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
That they were going to go…
Michele’s eyes become full of thought, and it almost seems as if she has mentally left the room.
EDWARD
And that means… where?
Michele’s eyes widen with glee.
MICHELE
Yes, YES, that’s it! The monster song!
DEAN
Goody, we get to sing a song.
MICHELE
Its not just a song.
DEAN
Oh, so we are going to be chasing monsters?
MICHELE
No, No, NO! What I mean is Trout Fishing In America…
DEAN
(interrupting)
Perfect. First we are singing, then chasing monsters, now we are going fishing. What next… a safari?
MICHELE
No. You must lead a sheltered life. It’s a band.
DEAN
The monsters are a band?
MICHELE
Nooo. Trout Fishing in America is the band.
DEAN
A band of what?
MICHELE
Musical, you know instruments, singing, the usual kind of band things.
DEAN
Singing fish?
MICHELE
Humans!
(to Edward)
Look, my ex may be an idiot, but I don’t think that he would have told the kids that they were going to see them and not go through with it.
EDWARD
So what you are saying is that if we find this band we will find your children.
MICHELE
Yes, but I’m afraid that it is not as simple as it seems.
EDWARD
Why is that?
MICHELE
Finding them is not the problem, the problem is keeping up with them and not being caught.
DEAN
Hey, I’ve got it! We will just be groupies. I know that I have waited my whole life for this kind of opportunity to become a roadie.
Michele and Edward glance at each other with surprising interest, then together they look at Dean.
DEAN (CONT’D)
Aw, common. You don’t think that I was being serious… do You?
TWO DAYS EARLIER
INT. PARKING GARAGE – NIGHT
Few scattered cars, it is easy to tell that it is long past normal working hours. JOEL EDMONSON, 44 yo, a slender normal white-collar worker, somewhat G.Q., but not quite there. He is walking in a scurry to his car with his head down as if someone is following him and raises his head just in time to see two unknown ORIENTAL MEN dressed in business suits attempting to open the drivers side door of his expensive sports car.
JOEL
Hey guys, uh, excuse me but this is my car!
THUG 1
Is that so? Well, I think it belongs to me now.
JOEL
And just why would you think that?
THUG 1
It seems you own my boss a lot of money.
JOEL
I don’t know you and I don’t know your boss, so if you will excuse me…
Scuffle: THUG ONE punches Joel in the stomach causing him to hunch over in pain. THUG TWO raises his knee to Joel’s face giving him a bloody nose. Thug Two grabs Joel’s WALLET from his pocket.
THUG 1
Didn’t you ever learn that it is not nice to steal form other people? I ought to tell your boss about your little embezzlement problem.
JOEL
But how did you ….?
Thug one sends another blow to the stomach.
JOEL (CONT’D)
Offff…owwwh!
Thug two searches through Joel’s wallet finds a PICTURE of Michele and her 3 kids, JOHN EDMONSON, 11 YO, PAUL EDMONSON, 8 YO and MEGAN EDMONSON, 5 YO. Turns to show it to Thug One.
THUG 2
Hey, look at this.
THUG 1
You know who she is don’t you?
THUG 2
(puzzled)
She looks familiar.
THUG 1
She should!
(Voice growing in anger)
She killed out uncle and took the information to the bank vault. See the ring?
The thug one holds up Joel’s head up by the hair and pushes the picture into his face. We see the picture and Michele has a RING on her thumb that resembles a wedding ring.
THUG 1 (CONT’D)
Buddy, forget the money… WHERE IS THE GIRL?!?
INT. MR. KREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Joel is seen in the shadows of the bedroom as he tucks in the kids, then quietly closes the door on the way out of the room. The Thugs are waiting in the living area for him.
JOEL
Is she dead yet?
THUG 1
We haven’t found the body yet, but she could not have of survived.
JOEL
I’m still tellin’ ya… you’ve Got the wrong person. She was never an FBI agent.
EXT. STUDIO PARKING LOT – EVENING
Agent tells the band that Michele is to be their driver but hides that she is FBI.
EXT. PARKING LOT OF TROUT FISHING IN AMERICA’S RECORDING STUDIO EULESS, TEXAS – EVENING
KEITH AND EZRA, (the only two that make up the band) are protesting the idea of a driver to their manager, DICK SHUMACKER, late 50’s, is the typical agent type, snappy casual apparel, cares deeply for the guys.
.
Michele, on the other side of the TOUR BUS, wearing a T-shirt, blue jeans, baseball cap, and shoes that have a metallic glimmer to them, refusing to give up some of her glamorous life.
Michele looks longingly at her hands where her nails and rings used to be. The wedding ring is the only reminder that remains. She pats her neck in disgust that there is not a diamond there either.
With a deep sigh she pulls out a makeup mirror out of her large no name purse and stares at her face. Touching her cheek and begins to cry.
KEITH
(Angrily pleading)
But we don’t need anyone to drive for us.
KEITH GRIMWOOD, 5’ 5”, husky build, reddish brown curly hair, rosy cheeks giving the impression that he smiles a lot but is grumpy about the current situation. His voice is distinct with an almost slight crackle. His selection of clothes alludes to nothing short of being at a Jimmy Buffet concert.
DICK
(looking at ground)
Look, you have a very heavy schedule ahead of you for the nest few weeks and I don’t feel comfortable without a driver.
DICK SHUMACKER, Late 50’s, is the typical agent type, snappy casual apparel, cares deeply for the guys.
EZRA
But why a, a, a, her?
EZRA IDLET, Mid 30’s, 6’8” his body frame is large but he is not overweight. His long truly blond hair would cause one to assume he is a constantly happy person with a child like take on the world lost in thoughts of tree houses and clouds, until duty calls upon him to be the man that he is, totally content with being a grown up kid.
KEITH
Yeah, she is a her. Our wives are going to kill us.
DICK
I’ve been through all of this with the two of you. There is no other option.
Dick turns away, he can’t argue any more, he knows that they are right, but he also knows that this must be the way it is.
Michele hops into the van with boldness like a new fighter pilot on their first mission. Keith and Ezra draggingly follow. After they are seated and belted, they look at Michele with anger and anxiousness. Michele, usually having fun with life, decided to try and break the ice of the vexing stare.
INT. TOUR BUS – EVENING
MICHELE
So’wha how do you start this thing?
Keith leaning out the window trying to catch Dick’s attention as he slowly makes his way back into the building, his shoulders are slumped as if he has just sent his only child off to war.
KEITH
Renko!
Dick picks up his head as if to turn around but doesn’t.
MICHELE
(Rolling eyes)
Gosh, I was just kidding.
As Michele starts the van, as it begins to drive away, a serene , mischievous smile brightens her face.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
So, on to Texas.
KEITH
Right, no, wait… we are in Texas.
MICHELE
Okay, then it is onto San Antonio.
KEITH
YES.
Michele, looks at the controls and can’t find the parking brake. Closing her eyes she grabs a lever and pulling it the bus begins to roll.
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Margaret’s Turning Point 1 What I learned completing this assignment is continuing to move forward no matter whether you feel comfortable or ready is what fast writing is all about. EXT. HILLSIDE PLOT – DAY
Lake pulls up to the hillside plot but this time parks in the driveway.
The area has been grated except the plot where her house burned is exactly the easy it was after the fire.
She looks over wearily at her old man neighbor’s house one of the only still standing.
A CONTRACTOR approaches her car.
CONTRACTOR
Good afternoon, Mrs. Logan.
LAKE
It’s Turner. I changed it back to my maiden name after…but you can just call me Lake.
CONTRACTOR
Here are a pair of gloves. Do you want me to accompany you or would you rather be alone.
LAKE
I’d rather do this alone. Thanks.
Blake follows her.
Lake
I said I’d rather do this alone. That means you too, whatever you are.
Blake
Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Lake walks through where her house used to stand which is nothing but soot and ash.
She walks up the driveway and back towards a partially burned back building with a large tarp over it.
EXT. STUDIO – DAY
The contractor follows her up to the destroyed structure.
He pulls the tarp off a pile of what used to be a building and folds it up.
CONTRACTOR
You shouldn’t do this alone, ma’am.
She looks at the ghost of Blake.
Lake
Don’t worry, I’m never alone.
CONTRACTOR
You just holler if you need anything.
LAKE
Thanks.
The Contractor walks away.
Lake turns towards Blake’s destroyed studio still holding the gloves but doesn’t approach.
INT. LOGAN HOUSE – BEDROOM – DAY
Lake walks into Blake’s studio as he paints a colorful abstract. The studio is tastefully decorated with his pictures displayed and framed magazine covers touting his accomplishments.
LAKE
I brought lunch. You hungry?
Blake
I’m not sure.
LAKE
Another late night?
Blake
No. I’ve been staying up late working on a painting.
LAKE
Isn’t that what I just said? Are you gas lighting me? You’re always gas lighting me.
Blake
You dumb bitch that isn’t what I meant.
Lake heads towards the door but Blake is up and blocking her way.
LAKE
Let me out.
BLAKE
You wouldn’t be anything without me.
Lake
Let me out.
Blake
You stupid bitch.
Lake
Get out of my way.
Blake tries to push her back. She pushes him with an almost super human strength.
He falls back and hits his head on the brick around their wood burning stove.
Lake runs out of the room.
Blake on the floor not moving.
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Chris Dorsey’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is to remind myself to focus on big picture moments while adding to my script’s structure.
Concept — When an innocent man is incarcerated with some of the country’s most dangerous psychopaths, he must rely on/embrace his voices/his mental illness to win his freedom.
Main Conflict — The Antagonist and the system try to shut up, stop, and eventually kill the Protagonist, because the Protagonist is a threat to the prison’s status quo — SURVIVAL.
Old Ways — Avoidant/hiding (hiding his own MH symptoms), super helpful and optimistic, Polly Anna-ish. Connects with others but through his “silver lining” approach.
New Ways — Empathetic/connects to others on a real level, group leader, courageous, fights for the rights of mentally-ill inmates.
THEME (add): Fair and humane treatment of the mentally ill. Good verses evil and the apathetic. Overcoming challenges to heal and/or live with a mental illness; acceptance and healing.
BEAT SHEET
ACT I
INT/EXT. PRISON GATE – DAY
The sign outside reads: “XXX [insert].”
OPENING: A caged bus transports Wilbert McNutt and a dozen inmates through the prison gates. Wilbert, unlike the other inmates, is wearing a straight jacket. He’s also relaxed and smiling. The other inmates keep their distance.
INT. SHOWERS – LATER
Wilbert showers by himself. Another inmate enters and checks him out. Wilbert smiles, uncomfortable, then turns to the side to hide his private parts.
INT. INMATE BARBER SHOP – LATER
Wilbert gets a haircut from the PRISON BARBERS. It’s the worst haircut he’s ever gotten. His bangs cut down to the nub, his sides kept longer. The Barbers hand in a mirror to Wilbert and laugh at his reaction. He begrudgingly thanks the Barbers for the haircut.
INT. LARGE ROOM – LATER
Beginning: Wilbert starts chatting to another new, mental health inmate. The other inmate gives him some tips on how to stay safe and survive prison.
Middle: Antagonist Beat #1: Meets Wilbert McNutt in intake. The Antagonist stares at another inmate (his new roommate) and other inmate drops dead on the spot — “if looks could kill?” The officers are slow to respond. The officers give in and give the Antagonist a cell of his own.
End: He gets shouted at by the DEPUTY WARDEN for asking too many questions. Wilbert might be responding to a voice in his head. The officer responds, “I wasn’t talking to you, McNutt. And, by the way that has to be the dumbest haircut I’ve ever scene. No wonder you’re here.”
INT. MEDICAL UNIT, EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY
Wilbert undergoes a medical/psychiatric evaluation. He’s on medications to help control his voices. The PSYCHITRIST goes over Wilbert’s mental health and criminal history.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Insert dorm scene where another inmate jumps off the second floor and lands on the ground right in front of Wilbert. ALPHA DOG (aka A-DOG), another building sociopath, seems to somehow be responsible for this.
TE1: Wilbert witnesses the Alpha Dog, and his group, rev-up another mental health inmate before this inmate freaks out. The inmate is cuffed and hauled off by the officers. He realizes that mental health treatment might be the last thing he’s going to receive in this prison.
Antagonist Beat #2: He takes on the current dorm alpha dog and wins. He takes over the dorm businesses and lays down the law to his “workers.”
PLACEHOLDER: Snapshot — “He [the Antagonist] did this at another prison… Stay away from him.”
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert seeks legal advice to have his case appealed.
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert settles into the unit and the routine. The do’s and don’t’s, how it works, and the calm before the storm.
Beginning: Wilbert eats an awful tasting breakfast, but he puts a positive spin on it. “Why do they put all the jackers in the kitchen?” “Jackers?” “Yes…”
Middle: [insert] a funny scene, like DR court or Warden & Deputy Warden rounds.
Middle: His cellmate/sidekick casually tells Wilbert what different people havE been convicted of — “Him over there, he ate a bunch of people… That one over there, he was a cult leader. The feds burnt down his compound, but he managed to escape. Stay away from him, he’ll try to recruit you to his new “religious” discussion group. It gets worse as it goes on. “Like him, what did he do?” He can’t hear you… toothpaste in his ears.
End: Lights out. Wilbert goes to sleep. He sighs to himself; today wasn’t that bad.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NEXT MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: “6:00 AM” appears on the screen. A loud siren wakes Wilbert out of his sleep. He sits up in his bed in shock.
INT./EXT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert witnesses the Antagonist slap around another inmate.
Beginning: Wilbert hears some commotion and stops outside the Antagonist’s cell. The Antagonist has another inmate by the collar. He slaps the inmate across the face.
Middle: Wilbert slips away without being seen.
End: Wilbert approaches the slapped inmate later. The inmate asks Wilbert to help him.
INT. COUNSELING OFFICE – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Wilbert “snitches” to his therapist that the Antagonist is bullying and causing harm to other inmates in the dorm.
Shortly after, the Antagonist gets cuffed and hauled off to the Isolation Unit. He threatens to kill whomever ratted him out. Wilbert reluctantly, and with the help of the voice,
Beginning: Wilbert’s voice talks him into meeting with his Mental Health Counselor.
Middle: Wilbert tells him about what the Antagonist is doing in the dorm; drugs, prostitution, and other misdeeds.
End: The Mental Health Counselor assures Wilbert that this will be investigated and the Antagonist will most likely be transferred to general population at another prison.
PLACEHOLDER: The CAPTAIN investigates the allegations against the Antagonist.
Beginning: He reviews camera footage, but sees nothing. He tells his Lieutenant to investigate further.
Middle: The Captain reviews statements — “He’s a great guy.” “No issues here.” “If I don’t get statements.”
End: The Captain captures something on video that no one else sees.
Turning Point: The Antagonist is cuffed and removed from the building.
Beginning: The CERT Unit storms the dorm. The Antagonist puts up a fight, takes a couple of hits from the shock shield, but eventually goes down.
Middle: The Antagonist is told to say goodbye for good to all the inmates in the dorm. His days of taking advantage of others is over.
End: The Antagonist is cuffed and dragged out of the dorm. The dorm celebrates. The slapped inmate mouths “thank you” to Wilbert. Wilbert smiles back at him.
ACT II
PLACEHOLDER: ADD filler and downtime from the Antagonist.
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert in therapy and resistant to tackling his issues.
PLACEHOLDER: DR COURT. Wilbert is asked to stand in as a Peer Advocate. “Hey, McNutt, we need…” Bee in the pants — “I think that’s plausible.”
PLACEHOLDER: The mop.
INT. CELLBLOCK, UPPER TIER – NIGHT
Beginning: A jacker with glaucoma tells Wilbert to move because he’s blocking his view.
Middle: Wilbert and his sidekick look around to look for the pretty officer with blond hair. They see no one.
End: It’s a mop.
PLACEHOLDER: Jumper scene.
PLACEHOLDER: Store trip/goods process.
PLACEHOLDER: Tossing cells for contraband.
PLACEHOLDER: The Antagonist doing everything he can not to get transferred to general population at a new prison (charms, fakes a suicide attempt, etc.).
PLACEHOLDER: Instead of being transferred to another prison, the Antagonist manipulates his way back onto the cellblock. An additional 5 years have been added to his time and he is out for blood. Wilbert realizes the system is broken and the guards are in on it.
New plan — Win the Antagonist over at any cost.
Wilbert has to handle/fix this situation himself.
Plan in action — He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness. He’s going to ignore the voices in his head.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert is going to win the Antagonist over at any cost. He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness.
Antagonist Beat #3: Investigates/interrogates other inmates to see who ratted him out.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert uses self-help techniques with the other inmates in his circle.
Antagonist Beat #4: Shuts Wilbert down/argues with during group therapy.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: A therapy session to challenge Wilbert’s defense mechanisms. Wilbert expressed concerns that his medications are keeping him from living a real life.
INT. AUDITORIUM – DAY
The Antagonist requests Wilbert be transferred to his cell.
INT. CELLBLOCK – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert stops taking his psychiatric medications and his voices slowly shift from nice and manageable to mean and out of control.
Midpoint Turning Point: The Antagonist tries to kill Wilbert.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL — NIGHT
The Antagonist manipulates Wilbert in to fessing up to snitching on the Antagonist. The Antagonist goes berserk and strangles Wilbert almost to death. Wilbert is saved by the other inmates. The Antagonist goes back to “the hole.”
Wilbert seeks external legal help for protection after this event. He also asks for his case to be appealed.
TE 3: Wilbert stops taking his medications and learns his auditory hallucinations may actually help him survive in prison.
TE 4: Wilbert uncovers evidence that could lead to his conviction being overturned in the appeals process.
TE 5: Wilbert gets shanked in the back.
PLACEHOLDER: The voices start telling/making Wilbert do bad things. It gets him some respect but also gets him sent to “the hole.”
Antagonist Beat #5: Manipulates Wilbert, through Wilbert’s auditory hallucinations, to turn on the other inmates.
INT. LAW LIBRARY – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert researches case law for his appeal.
PLACEHOLDER: A newly assigned pro bono attorney responds to one of Wilbert’s letters and meets him in person.
ACT 3:
Antagonist Beat #7: Plots to kill Wilbert by someone else’s hands and to make it look like an accident. Wilbert, by dumb luck alone, escapes these attempts.
Rethink everything — He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
New plan — Wilbert realizes that the voices in his head (i.e. Auditory hallucinations) are actually there to help him. He embraces the voices and he taps into his bad side.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift — His bad voice takes control and forces him to fail.
INT. VISITATION ROOM – DAY
TE 6: After his friend dies (by suicide or homicide), he discovers that prison staff (i.e. Guards and the Warden) are purposefully putting his life at risk and covering up other crimes/inhumane treatment of inmates.
Antagonist Beat #6: Manipulates the mental health and prison staff to stay in the mental health dorm when others point out that he may not be mentally ill. Bribes others.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Wilbert has a breakthrough in therapy that helps him discover why he is the way he is — he’s too nice. This is the information he needs for his internal transformation. He learns that he developed a reactionary set of coping mechanisms from loss that no longer suit him.
PLACEHOLDER: He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
INT. CELBBLOCK – DAY
TE 8: Wilbert verbally calls out the Antagonist in front of the whole cellblock. With more than half of the inmates in the dorm on Wilbert’s side, Wilbert spells out and challenges all of the Antagonists warped ways of thinking and behaviors. The Antagonist challenges Wilbert to a fight to the death.
ACT 4:
CLIMAX: Wilbert fights the Antagonist in mortal combat and beats the Antagonist. He realizes that somewhere in the middle, between overly positive voices and bad voices, is where he should be. He spares the Antagonist’s life. He exposes the corrupt prison system and makes the corruption public (through either a counselor or another outside source).
INT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT
RESOLUTION: Wilbert wins his freedom and does a press conference. With his new found confidence, is able to confront his ex-wife, win his children back, and take control of his life in a real and meaningful way. He starts an organization to help incarcerated inmate with mental health disorders.
EXT. PRISON GROOUNDS – DAY
Wilbert tells his story to the news.
INT. COURT – DAY
Wilbert is granted a divorce and keeps his house. He is granted half-custody of his two children.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Wilbert opens his office and welcomes his new employees; ex-inmates with mental health disorders.
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Rita’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment:
- I was a little confused at first as to which scene we’re being directed to write but rereading the title of the lesson cleared it up. LOL
- Regardless of being tired, once I get going, I’m in the scene and it flows.
- Even if it’s not that great yet, there’s something there to improve later.
KEY SCENE 2 OUTLINE – Turning Point
EXT. BOX STORE PARKING LOT – DAY
BEGINNING: Dawn and Zak choose random guys and one woman for their paint crew under the gun to get started on the job. Dawn picks them out by what she intuitively sees in them.
MIDDLE: Conversation and actions while they interview show they are qualified… for things other than painting.But they all claim to be the next Rembrandt
END: Assembled as a group, they present an eclectic picture, showing what their personalities bring to the endeavor. Dawn and Zak load them up to get the started.
TE3
INT. PAINT STORE – DAY
BEGINNING: Dawn runs into Abernathy for the first time since meeting him. She has greater confidence now that she’s a “legit” paint company.
MIDDLE: He is obviously interested but directs his attraction toward professional topics. During their conversation, she picks up two more jobs (following her intuition attracts interest)
END: Abernathy watches her charm ‘civilians’ while they ignore him and his commercial contractor persona.
———————–
EXT. BOX STORE – DAY
Dawn and Zak where their bright new Blue Dawn Painting shirts. They scope out the parking lot like they might be creepers looking to nap a kid.
Dawn grabs Zak’s arm.
DAWN
Over there. That one!
She points to super-dork dad-man.
ZAK
Naw, that guy for sure already has a job.
DAWN
Just look at him. He’s oozing desperation. And if he’s got a job, why would he be here in the middle of the day?
They approach him.
EXT. ZAK’S PICKUP – DAY
Super-dork Dad-man, aka HAROLD, sits on the tailgate, a front row seat to the hiring procedure of these two sophisticates.
Zak points out a hoodie wearing, stocky, almost square shaped person due to a mass of muscle.
ZAK
What about that one? He can haul the ladders.
Square-man sheds the hood. Correction Square-girl.
HAROLD
Mind your pronouns, friend.
DAWN
I’ll handle this one.
Dawn approaches and displays her shirt as a means of explanation.
BILLIE, peels off the hoodie to slide on the new shirt. More muscles than Zak and Harold combined.
HAROLD
Whoa.
ZAK
Whoa.
And so it goes until…
EXT. CUSTOMER’S HOUSE – DAY
A crew of four guys and a girl pile out of Zak’s pickup looking highly professional in the whites and company shirts.
Dawn and Zak admire their new employees, feeling accomplished.
DAWN
They look good.
ZAK
(fist bump)
Yeah, man. We did it!
Three of the them wander to the porch and sit in the shade.
Harold admires the gazebo.
DAWN
At least Billie gets the idea.
Billie hefts every tool there is to heft, parades her haul past the men.
BILLIE
Look alive, losers.
The others haul themselves off the steps, getting the idea.
Zak hurls a drop cloth to Harold. It nearly knocks him over but it wakes him out of his super-dork stuper.
Zak rounds up his crew to explain their plan of attack.
DAWN
I guess we’re doing this.
Dawn approaches the front door to alert the homeowner that work is underway.
INT. PAINT STORE – DAY
Abernathy signs a receipt at the counter and chats it up with Frank when Dawn comes in.
Like a pro, she loads up on grids and rollers.
All confidence now, she throws her shoulders back to better display the new Blue Dawn company work shirt. She lays them next to Tom’s drywall mud.
DAWN
How’s it going, Mr Abernathy?
Tom eyes her shirt. Quickly repositions his line of sight away from her chest area. He puts his hand out, for a professional shake, contractor to contractor.
TOM
Glad I ran into you Blue Dawn. I was going to ask you —
An frail GRANDMA struggles to lift a gallon can up to the counter.
Dawn helps her out.
GRANDMA
Thank you so much, my grandson was supposed to meet me here, he’s going to paint my — oh, I like your t-shirt!
Dawn peels off a newly printed card to give to her.
DAWN
If your grandson doesn’t come through, you can call us, we’ll take care of you.
GRANDMA
Blue Dawn Painting. I think he just lost his job, I told him he had to show up on time.
Tom waits patiently while Dawn gets more work, just by being friendly.
DAWN
(points to Tom)
And, if you need any carpentry done, this would be the man to talk to.
She nudges Tom while the woman pays Frank. Motions to hand out a business card. He snaps to.
Frank chuckles.
GRANDMA
I just might. And you know, my neighbor was talking about painting their house too. It’s so big I think it’s too much for him.
Dawn takes the woman’s paint out to her car, chatting the whole way.
FRANK
Looks like she’s off and running.
Tom nods, mesmerized by white pants, until a bell on the door jingles. He snaps out of it and goes for his mud.
Dawn returns the gaze toward the hunky contractor man while she holds the door open for Grandma/new customer.
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Kevin’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned from this assignment is that I combined the inciting incident and the first turning point. Also I found out that taking time off in between writing is sort of crippling for me. I like continuing to flow. Even though taking a break now and then is necessary, taking 24 hours is too long and I lose momentum.
INT. JOKER’S LAIR – DAY
Joker is in an all out hysterical state, laughing gleefully and dancing around his apartment, now cluttered with bomb making materials and stacks of cash.
JOKER
Batman, Batman, where are you? Come and get me!
The television in the background shows footage of the daycare smouldering and reporters watching as rescuers comb through the debris looking for survivors.
REPORTER
Still no word from Batman as the city and its officials wait and wonder.
The camera cuts to the police commissioner.
COMMISSIONER PARSONS
This is a tragedy of epic proportion the likes of which the city hasn’t known in decades. Batman, if you are watching, the phone lines are jammed. We urge you to contact us, in person if necessary.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY
Bruce is on a treadmill walking slowly as sweat pours down his face onto his drenched t-shirt. The television is on the wall in front of him.
COMMISSIONER PARSONS
To the public, please free the emergency lines unless you have a genuine emergency, we are giving you information as soon as we know what’s happening. Please don’t add to the chaos in the streets by calling 911 for non-emergencies.
Ali walks in with a shake in one hand and a syringe in the other. She hands Bruce the shake. He takes a drink and spits it out.
BRUCE
What is that?!
ALI
It’s a weight loss protein shake. It won’t work miracles, but it won’t hurt!
BRUCE
Tell that to my taste buds.
She sticks the syringe in his arm and injects.
BRUCE
Ouch! What the hell, and watch it!
ALI
What the hell is vitamins and a special formula to kick your ass. And I meant for it to hurt!
BRUCE
Careful not to bite the hand that feeds you!
ALI
Hah! If uncle Alfred were here, he’d have kicked your ass!
BRUCE
Huh. Probably right.
ALI
You know I am. If I had any balls I’d do it right now.
BRUCE
Well, thank God you don’t. Besides, that isn’t going to motivate me any more than I already am.
ALI
Then let’s get to work, shall we? What’s the plan?
BRUCE
I think we wait. Get me back into fighting shape, as much as possible. He said 48 hours, so we wait until the 47th hour and lead him in a new direction. Take the lead and not fall into his trap.
ALI
Fighting shape? In 48 hours? It took 480 months to degenerate into this. You couldn’t get into pear shape by then.
The television glitches into static and begins playing circus music. Joker appears on the screen once again.
JOKER
Boring, boring, boring. I’m so tired of all this talking, saying the same thing over and over… blah, blah, blah! Let’s ratchet up the action! Now the timer is set for tomorrow at noon. If we don’t have a Batman sighting, explaining his lack of compassion and action there will be another little cataclysm and this time it won’t be such child’s play… come on Batman, come on out of the cave and fly to the rescue, or little birdies everywhere will fall from the sky!
ALI
What does he mean by that?
BRUCE
Airlines. Call up the Air Traffic server.
Bruce hits a button on the treadmill stopping it and tries to vault over the side, feeling his old motivation. His new physique however doesn’t cooperate and he just smashes into the side taking the entire machine over with him.
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Lonnie’s Turning Point1
What I learned from this assignment: How important turning points are for the script at the end of Acts I – III.
TURNING POINT OUTLINE (END OF ACT I):
(15) EXT. KENT, OHIO – NIGHT
Protesters, all students or that age crowd streets
Bikers – the Cobra BIKERS from Youngstown arrive
(15A) Captain Snyder was reading to his troop about their official behavior: p. 118 (Michener’s book)
(16) A few young people break windows, start fires.
(16a) police arrive
(17) Chuck takes pictures. He spots a suspicious male student taking pics as well. This man goes to a pay phone. Looks around suspiciously.
(19A) INT. PENTAGON SECURITY EXIT DOOR – NIGHT
Dan Ellsberg leaves with briefcase full of classified documents. Guards look at him, but do not examine it.
EXT. KENT, OHIO – OUTSIDE PAY PHONE – NIGHT
Chuck walks up to man, overhears conversation:
Suspicious student, Terry Norman takes pics, then walks over to pay phone.
Norman: “Things are really heating up here at Kent”.
(V.O.): “You have your weapon. Use it if you need to.”
Norman: “The Guard isn’t here yet, but the Mayor will probably call them in tomorrow”.
(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”
Norman: “Got it”. Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks Ammo.
TURNING POINT WITH DETAIL:
(13E) INT. MAYOR’S OFFICE – KENT, OHIO – NIGHT
Kent mayor makes initial call to Columbus for nat’l guard (calls governor’s office) dialogue on p.114 (Michener)
(14) EXT. KENT, OHIO – DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Bar scenes/students spill into the streets after they get kicked out of bars…early curfew, they’re now even more upset and full of beer!
The Cobra BIKERS from Youngstown arrive.
(15A) INT. NATIONAL GUARD CAMP – COLUMBUS, OH – NIGHT
Captain Snyder was reading to his troop about their official behavior: p. 118 (see Michener for details)
(16) A few young people break windows, start fires.
(16a) Kent police arrive
(17) Chuck takes pictures. He spots a suspicious male student taking pics as well. This man goes to a pay phone. Looks around suspiciously.
(19A) INT. PENTAGON SECURITY EXIT DOOR – NIGHT
Dan Ellsberg leaves with briefcase full of classified documents. Security Guards look at him, but do not examine it.
EXT. KENT, OHIO – OUTSIDE PAY PHONE – NIGHT
Chuck walks up to man, overhears conversation:
Suspicious student, Terry Norman takes one last picture, then walks over to pay phone.
Norman: “Things are really heating up here at Kent”.
(V.O.): “You have your weapon. Use it if you need to.”
Norman: “The Guard isn’t here yet, but the Mayor will probably call them in tomorrow”.
(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”
Norman: “Got it”. Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks Ammo.
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Lesson 11 LD’s ACT 1 TURNING POINT
What I learned from doing this assignment. I’m starting to get a feel for the protagonist and the problems that plague him. He can’t escape.
OUTLINE
ACT 1 TURNING POINT
EXT. PET STORE – DAY
Beginning
Jaxon shows up at the pet store. A boycott of the pet store is going on. He spots Angela with a megaphone leading the boycott.
Middle
He turns around with his two cages and rushes back to his car. As he puts the cages in the car, Angela spots him. Hurries after him and catches him. He tries to explain his presence. She sees the cages. She recognizes the sleeping puppy and wants to him to testify against the pet store owner for drugging animals in order to sell them.
End
Jaxon and Angela agree to meet at the dog park for a doggie date.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT SCENE
TURNING POINT SCENE
EXT. PET STORE – NIGHT
Jaxon pulls into a parking space while a boycott of the pet store is going on up ahead. He gets out and pulls the two cages out of the back seat, one with the puppy and the other with the turtle.
He spots Angela with a megaphone and turns quickly around and heads back to his car.
Angela spots Jaxon putting the two cages in the back seat of his car. She hurries over to his car. She knocks on the window.
Jaxon rolls down the window.
ANGELA
I thought that was you. You’re the Get Out Now guy podcast.
JAXON
Right. You wrote that book on Animal Trauma. How you been?
ANGELA
Busy. I listened to your podcast.
JAXON
Thanks. What’s going on here?
ANGELA
You’re not here for the boycott?
Angela’s dog comes running and jumps on the car at the window. The puppy barks.
JAXON
Definitely here for the boycott. But as soon as I got out of the car, I got this migraine. They come on suddenly when I least need them.
ANGELA
I’m sorry.
She rummages in her purse and pulls out aspirins.
JAXON
No, really, I’m fine. I take CBD for it. I’m allergic to aspirin.
Angela’s dog is jumping on the car.
ANGELA
Is that that puppy you bought? I want to talk to you about that puppy.
JAXON
You want it?
ANGELA
Want it? No. That puppy was sleeping. May I hold it?
Angela pulls Jaxon’s puppy out of the cage and out the open window.
ANGELA
There’s the little hero. Look how cute you are.
Angela’s dog and Jaxon’s dog are instant friends.
ANGELA
(to PUPPY)
You alerted me, didn’t you?
(TO JAXON)
I knew Mario was up to something. If not for this little pup, Mario would still be drugging animals to make them more complacent for sale.
JAXON
Damn. I knew it wasn’t me.
Other people come over to the car. Angela turns and shows them the puppy.
ANGELA
This is the puppy whose pulse I couldn’t find. Here’s the little hero.
(to JAXON)
I really wish you’d stay.
(to GROUP)
Does anyone have any CBD? He’s got a migraine.
RALLY PARTICIPATE 1 (O.
S.)
I do.
As more people crowd around his car, Jaxon starts sweating.
JAXON
I’m good. I only take a certain kind. Prescription. I can be allergic.
Angela puts the puppy into the car through the open back window. But it escapes from getting in the cage and leaps back out the window and takes off running.
ANGELA
Oh my god. I’m so sorry. Quick everyone. What’s his name?
JAXON
His name? His name. Yeah. Pepper. His name is Pepper.
Jaxon gets out of the car. Angela’s dog takes off running after the puppy. Everyone takes off running after the puppy whose name is now Pepper. Ad lib calls Pepper, which the puppy doesn’t answer to.
Angela’s dog catches the puppy. Angela and Jaxon walk toward the two dogs.
ANGELA
Why don’t we have a doggie play date.
JAXON
Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
ANGELA
You’re on Instagram?
Jason pulls out a card.
JAXON
Yeah. Here’s my card.
ANGELA
What about Sunday?
They meet at the two dogs. The puppy is lying down panting. Angela’s dog is sitting next to it. Angela picks up the puppy and hands it to Jaxon, who looks helpless holding it.
JAXON
Yeah, Sunday. Sunday’s good.
ANGELA
Noon?
JAXON
Yeah. Noon’s good.
ANGELA
I got to get back. I hope you feel better.
Angela takes off running with her dog and the rest of the group follow. The puppy tries to get away from Jaxon. But Jaxon holds him tight.
JAXON
Don’t get any ideas, Pepper. And that’s your name. And just because you have one doesn’t mean you and I are together.
RALLY PERSON 1 is watching Jaxon with a frown.
Jaxon smiles and kisses the puppy. He gets in his car and puts the puppy on the passenger seat. The puppy is jumping at the window and barking.
Jaxon takes a deep breath, starts his car and makes a quick U turn and flies down the street. The puppy flies into his lap.
-
Alex Turning Point 1
What I learned doing this assignment is: It is getting more manageable to organize information. I do still worry that I’m forgetting stuff and loosing scenes, have trouble finding them… but now at least now I KNOW that.
And I think I get tangled up in logic and remember: 20%!!
I always knew the turning point would be a crossover from 1850 to 2024… I started understanding it could be Bernhard’s voice first… later she would see him etc.
The turning point ties in with the inciting incident nicely.
Suddenly Oona has a BFF/ally… not sure I will want to keep her… but for now, she is a good bridge into the unknown, she’s into woo woo stuff… and I do suddenly come across information like: WAIT, she Oona doesn’t even know that man is Bernhard yet. But since Rosemary has a thing for delinquents, of course she can point out Bernhard Matter to her.
PAGE ONE
INT. JAIL – DAWN (1854)
BERNHARD MATTER is in his execution cell.
A blinding guardian angel appears.
(It is Oona with the flashlight on cell phone in hand?)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in.
As Bernhard has slipped away, they take the angel… a 17 year old girl… dressed in an oversized white hoodie. Hello Billie Eilish!
EXT. EXECUTION SCAFFOLDING – DAWN
OONA is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience rubbernecking, gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
Act 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY (2024)
Oona awakens with a scream, struggling. Hoodie over her eyes.
She has fallen asleep on her chair head back drooling.
Wrapped in her laptop and cellphone charging cables.
The class laughs. No one comes to her aid, but watches her unravel herself.
Someone films it on the phone (and posts it.)
HOT TEACHER calms class down and wipes black board: History lesson Switzerland Justice Reform: The right for men to vote was introduced in 1848. For women it lasted until 1971.
One of the dudes says: Hot Mess ROSEMARY does ‘Field Research Justice Reform’.
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Oona is embarrassed and does her stimming banging head against the door.
MIDDLE: Rosemary catches her, but instead of making fun of her, admits she is weird too, confides that she pukes and is into weird things: shows her a spoon she twisted in ESP extra curricular. Says: You have to focus and imagine the sun is shining on it to melt the iron. Oona tries twisting it, but it won’t budge.
END: Rosemary shows Oona her video and says she’ll delete it, if Oona comes to the JVA and films her taming the wild animals.
KEY SCENE ONE
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Rosemary drags Oona up the hill to the prison.
Juvenile delinquents are out in the yard playing soccer.
ALPHA BOY signals gang to fence towards the girls… or better, directly over to cute blonde Rosemary in her short summer dress.
She looks over to Oona: ?? What are you waiting for? Film me on Insta Live!
BETA BOY saunters over to Oona: You’re cruel. I sense under that baggy hoodie you’re hiding a really nice pair of tits – why won’t you let the world see them?
Oona turns bright red. Alpha wants to call Beta off.
But Oona counters: You’re cruel! I sense unter those swooping bangs you’re hiding a few brain cells – why won’t you let the world see them?
To the sound of thunderous laughs from the mates, Oona does a hair flip, an expert booty twerk and sashays away down the hill towards the trees.
From a safe distance, she wipes a tear from her cheek with her sleeve, takes out her cell and snaps a few artistic shots of the apes behind the fence drooling over her girlie friend.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
From Oona’s Mother Barbara’s room come angry screaming. Sounds like sex, but it is in fact a patient. Her mother is a guidance counsellor.
Barbara opens the door and mouths ‘There is food in the microwave’.
Rosemary comes to pick Oona up.
Barbara is astonished Oona is hanging out with her… but decides to trust her daughter… asks her not to drink.
KEY SCENE TWO
INT. SALSA PARTY IN TOWN – NIGHT
Rosemary has convinced Oona to wear a dress.
Rosemary hits the dance floor, asks Oona to film her.
Takes off with a boy kissing.
The music changes to slow time.
A YOUNG MAN asks Oona to dance. He takes her hand, pulls her towards the dance floor. She is excited, but stumbles over her own feet, is embarrassed, pulls her hand away.
Excuses herself and sits down alone on a chair.
Rosemary has watched this and decides Oona needs to loosen up.
She slips something in her drink.
Oona falls asleep, slides from the chair and hits her head.
KEY SCENE THREE
INT. TAVERN 1850 – NIGHT
Oona awakens under a table. She has no idea where she is.
She sees feet of men in old timey shoes.
The music is Ländler. She wants to sit up and hits her head.
BERNHARD looks under the table and laughs.
He helps her out from under the table, sits her down.
Orders her a glass of wine. She asks for water.
He goes back to telling a wild story about some break in (in code?).
Oona feels like she’s seen the face before. So does he.
A GANGSTER opens the door and motions to Bernhard. He takes his leave and goes outside.
Oona follows him to the door.
But when she opens it, it does not lead outside.
When it closes behind her, she is standing in a
INT. PFARRHAUS – NIGHT
She hears them stealing something in the next room.
Then Pfarrer wakes up.
Oona saves them from getting caught.
They run out into the forest. She can’t run. He lifts her up and runs with her.
She falls asleep.
INT. CAR – DAWN
Oona wakes up in the car that is shaking.
Rosemary laughs that earlier she was running like a dog in her sleep.
She was out for hours.
She shares she had a crazy dream – Rosemary suggests she should post it?
KEY SCENE FOUR
BEGINNING: Oona is no longer certain it was just a dream.
MIDDLE: Oona clearly hears Bernhards voice commenting.
END: Based on her dream, she creates a NEW PROFILE. It becomes a retweeted success.
Can bend a large soup spoon.
INT. ROSEMARY’S ROOM – DAY
Rosemary shows Oona a picture of Bernhard Matter (in the comic?). Oona realizes he was the man in her dream and in 1850. (The picture speaks? They listen to the song?)
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
There is hardly anything on the internet. Oona researches Matter Book. She reads and hears him talking. All the time now!!! Tries to get rid of it like Tinnitus.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
Wants to tell her mother but doesn’t want to get her worried… or committed again.
INT. MC DONALD – DAY
She steals a large portion instead of taking her small one.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona finds the picture on her phone of Bernhard in the execution cell?
Oona post goes viral.
And bends a large spoon.
-
Lisa Long’s Act 1 Turning Point. (Denser)
What I learned doing this assignment is… Keep going.
Mindshift – First Draft was, 1997. Registration copyright: PAu-4-056-820 – November 27th 2020.
INT. ALHAMBRA SMALL HOUSE/KITCHEN – DAY: FEEDING OTHER KIDS
Three year old Cindy is at the 50’s dinning table eating cereal. Norma is holding and feeding her newborn boy BUDDY with a bottle. She hears Lisa crying and glances in her direction.
NORMA (TO THE OTHER CHILDREN)
This is the last of the milk. She will have to wait until your dad gets home.
INT. ALHAMBRA SMALL HOUSE/LISAS ROOM
Ten month old Lisa (Tootie) is crying in her crib. She is so hungry she is eating her own feces that are spread around the crib.
She hears sounds from the closed kitchen door of clanking pots and laughter as her mother feeds her sister and baby brother the last of the milk. Lisa screams with hunger pains and desperation.
Dark misty grey energy forms BOOGIES surround and invade her.
BOOGIES
You have no value, you are not even worth feeding.
Lisa cry’s louder.
Desperate, covered in her feces, she crawls over the top of the crib and falls, hitting her head on the corner of a dresser drawer on the way down.
The BLOOD gushs from the top of her head, Lisa is screaming.
NORMA
(feeling guilty)
Oh, shit!
Norma runs in and picks Lisa up and comforts her as she carries her toward the open bathroom door.
(Grown Lisa in the future reaches up and rubs that spot often on her head, saying Release, clearing the trauma of feeling unworthy of food and being abandoned and forgotten that was embedded with the pain.)
INT. ALHAMBRA SMALL HOUSE/KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER: SEWS HEAD
Norma is sitting on a kitchen chair, holding newly bathed little Lisa bundled up in a white towel tightly between her legs on her lap. Her sewing kit is on the table. She inspects the gash that is still seeping and wipes off the blood. Next to her on the table is a bottle of mercurochrome and a needle and thread. She heats up the needle with a match and she proceeds to sew up Lisa’s head. Lisa screams more.
NORMA
Don’t move. Dam it, I said…
LISA
Crying, and squirming as the needle pierces her flesh.
NORMA
Stop it, Tootie, I said don’t move. Don’t move or this will hurt more.
BOOGIES
You have no value, you are not worth taking to the doctor. No one loves you. Why are you so much trouble? No one cares about you.
Lisa holds still. She is more afraid of her mother than she is of the pain. She bows her head. Misty grey energies invade her more, she becomes darker.
-
KAREN SINCLAIR’S ACT 1 TURNING POINT
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
What I learned doing this assignment is how possible it is that the final draft will look nothing like the first draft. Hal mentioned that he once asked a writer how many of the scenes in their first draft survived to the last draft and the answer was ‘one’. I wondered how that could possibly be. I am now starting to understand how that could be. I have made quite a few changes in my original thoughts already. Hopefully they are for the good of the script. LOL
I don’t think I’ve presented my Scene Beats and Scene Outline correctly but I’m leaving it as is for now in the spirit of saving time.
ASSIGNMENT 11
Main Concept
Thomas is bitter and wants to teach Sadie a lesson as a reaction to her dumping him. And he wants to save her new husband from suffering the same fate. Sadie goes for a run to get in the right frame of mind to make one of the most important pitches of her life. While running, by cellphone text, Sadie is threatened that if she stops running, something terrible will happen to her and her family, including her new husband’s children.
———————————————————————————
OPENING SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING (Introduction of Protagonist)
SADIE runs through Central Park looking like a pro and listening to music when she receives a phone call from her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend THOMAS.
INT. TOWNHOUSE FAMILY ROOM – MORNING (Introduction of Antagonist)
Thomas sits on a couch playing video games. He stops his game to tell Sadie he is not accepting that they are done and tells her that she cannot make a unilateral decision to end it. He will make dinner and they will talk.
PLACEHOLDER: I would like there to be a scene that alternates between Sadie running and running that is happening on a close-up of the TV showing Thomas’ video game action.
INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION
Sadie tells Thomas they have been through this way too many times before. There is nothing to talk about and she would like for him to be gone when she gets home. She yanks the earbud out of her ear.
Thomas calls Sadie back and she ignores the call. The phone vibrates again. Sadie ignores it at first and then realizes it is her work phone vibrating. A voicemail advises Sadie that the big boss wants to see her as soon as she arrives.
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING
Sadie approaches the building where she works. She runs up the staircase. The double glass doors automatically open as she nears, and she disappears into the building.
OPENING SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie runs on a trail through central park, decked out in the latest running gear, wearing a set of bone conduction headphones, and listening to her favourite running music from an iTouch in her sleeve cuff. She ducks and weaves between other parkgoers using the trail.
MIDDLE: Sadie receives a call from her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend THOMAS.
END: She plugs an earbud and hanging microphone into her ear and answers.
INT. TOWNHOUSE FAMILY ROOM – MORNING
BEGINNING: Thomas sits on a sofa in the family room of Sadie’s Townhouse, with a remote control on his lap and a video game frozen on Sadie’s TV. He proceeds to tell Sadie that after two years together, she cannot unilaterally cut things off with no discussion.
MIDDLE: He tells Sadie he will make dinner for when she arrives home and they will talk.
END: He reactivates his game.
INTERCUT – PHONE CONVERSATION
BEGINNING: Sadie tells Thomas they’ve been through this way too many times and that there is nothing left to talk about.
MIDDLE: She lets him know that she should have ended it sooner, but she has been too busy at work, and she let things slide. She tells him that was her fault. She reiterates that she wants him gone when she gets home, yanks the earbud from her ear and ends the call.
END: Sadie receives a call back from Thomas, but she ignores it.
The phone vibrates again. Sadie ignores it again, at first, and then realizes it is her work phone. She hurries to take the call from a phone in her running tights leg pocket. There is a voicemail from SHEILA, the Executive Assistant for her company’s CEO MITCHELL BAKKEN advising Sadie that Mitchell would like to see her right away as soon as she gets into the office.
OUT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie takes a sharp turn to head back towards her office building.
MIDDLE: Stopping at the foot of the steps to her building, she catches a final breath and runs up the steps to the front doors.
END: Sadie disappears through the sliding glass doors of the building.
———————————————————————————
SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – MORNING
Sadie arrives at work through automatic glass doors. She drops her items with a young lady standing at a nearby desk, who takes the items and hands her a clipboard. She proceeds to the CEO’s office.
SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie, now coiffed and fully dressed in business attire, bursts through the automatic doors into the office bullpen removing her jacket as she goes. She hands her jacket and her purse to a young lady standing at a nearby desk who receives the items, says good morning, and hands Sadie a clipboard and pen. Sadie does not respond and keeps moving toward the CEO’s corner office.
MIDDLE: As she approaches the glass door she can see that her direct boss, OLIVER NAM, is in the CEO’s office as well.
END: Sadie stops at the door, straightens her blazer, touches the tight bun on the top of her head, tucks the clipboard under her arm and peaks her head in the door to say good morning.
———————————————————————————
THIRD SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. CEO’S OFFICE – MORNING
Mitchell, the CEO of New York’s Global Advertising Management Executives (GAME) offers Sadie an opportunity to start a new branch office in Vancouver, BC.
THIRD SCENE OUTLINE
INT. CEO’S OFFICE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie enters the CEO’s office. Mitchell and Oliver are standing, Mitchell behind his chair with his hands resting on the back of the chair and Oliver leaning on the end of the CEO’s desk with his arms folded across his chest. Mitchell motions to a chair and for her to take a seat. Sadie opts to stand behind the guest seat with her clipboard resting on the back of the chair.
MIDDLE: Mitchell tells Sadie that he would like her to take on a big project for the agency, one of opening a branch on the West Coast of Canada, in Vancouver, BC. He assures her that with her work ethic she is the best person for the job. She will need to find a location and hire her own staff. Oliver nods in agreement, tells her that he does not know how he will replace her and lets her know that he hopes she will still be able to assist with the New York agency during the transition.
END: Sadie asks if she can think about it over the weekend. Mitchell agrees and advises her that a potential partnership could be hinging on her decision.
While Mitchell is talking Sadie’s personal phone vibrates in her pocket.
———————————————————————————
FOURTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. HALLWAY – MORNING
Just as Sadie is leaving the CEO’s office, she retrieves a text message from Thomas advising her that he will have dinner ready when she gets home so that they can sit down and talk.
FIFTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HALLWAY- MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie stops suddenly in the hallway outside the CEO’s door to retrieve a text from Thomas that was delivered while she was in the meeting.
MIDDLE: Thomas tells her he’ll make dinner so that they can sit down and talk. Sadie slides the clipboard under her arm freeing up both arms to type.
END: She tells Thomas they are done. She sends him a message that says simply, ‘GET OUT’.
———————————————————————————
FIFTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN – DUSK
Sadie shuts down the office to begin her run home.
FIFTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – DUSK
BEGINNING: Always the last to leave, Sadie thrashes about outside her office, closing blinds, flicking off lights, pulling doors shut and locking doors.
MIDDLE: Sadie picks up her backpack, flips it onto her back, looks down at her phone and sees no further messages from Thomas.
END: Sadie walks to the elevator in the hallway, pushes the button, places her hand up on the door and rests her head on her arm. The door opens. She jolts upright, walks in, turns around and leans against the back wall as the doors slowly close.
———————————————————————————
SIXTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. STREETS – DUSK
Sadie bursts out of the building through the automatic glass doors on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
SIXTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. STREETS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie bursts out of the building through the automatic glass doors on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
MIDDLE: She ducks and weaves between cars, both parked and moving, not waiting for crossing lights, distracted and eager to get home. Cars honk as they avoid her.
END: She leaves the street and heads toward a crowded sidewalk.
———————————————————————————
SEVENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
Sadie runs recklessly, down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening to get home quickly.
SEVENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie hops onto a sidewalk and off the busy street.
MIDDLE: Sadie runs recklessly, shoulder-bumping people as she heads down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening. Her backpack knocks someone off their bike as she demonstrates total disregard for bystanders.
END: She hops off the sidewalk and turns the corner to her street.
———————————————————————————
EIGHTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
Feeling the pressure build, Sadie starts to sprint at full speed down her street to the foot of the steps of her townhouse.
EIGHTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie slowly picks up speed until she is at a full out sprint down her street.
MIDDLE: She runs up the sidewalk to the foot of the steps of her townhouse, stops abruptly, and bends over, out of breath. Catching her breath, she glances up to see a shadowy figure moving about her kitchen.
END: Sadie rips her backpack off her back, stomps up the stairs and bursts through the door throwing her pack in the corner. She can smell something cooking; evidence that Thomas is still not taking her seriously about it being over.
———————————————————————————
NINTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
Sadie confronts Thomas. She tells him this is it; they are done.
NINTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie storms into the kitchen confronting Thomas who is playing a video game through the doorway on the TV in the adjoining family room. The table has two place settings, a couple of beers and condiments for spaghetti and meat sauce. She yells, this is it, they are done. He still doesn’t seem to get it and suggests they sit down for a meal and talk.
MIDDLE: To prove they are done Sadie yanks the garbage can out from under the sink and dumps everything on the table into the can. She walks over to the island and clears all contents to the can as well. Sadie grabs a pot of hot water with spaghetti noodles from the stove. She tells him she is done being held hostage by him in her own house. She throws the boiling water against the back of the sink. The boiling water splashes up on the window behind the sink and the glass cracks. The noodles end up in the sink.
Thomas, with a controller in one hand, takes a step towards her.
Sadie picks up the pot of simmering spaghetti sauce with an oven mitt threatening to throw it in his direction if he does not leave right now.
END: He finally gets the message and snaps, yelling obscenities as he storms out and slams the door, taking nothing and creating yet another reason for returning.
———————————————————————————
TENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. TOWNSHOUSE STREETSIDE – NIGHT
Thomas returns.
TENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. TOWNSHOUSE STREETSIDE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: An hour later, Thomas pulls in behind a huge white van marked LOCKSMITH.
MIDDLE: The van doesn’t really register with Thomas until he sees the locksmith working on Sadie’s front door. There are a half dozen black plastic bags piled up on the stoop.
END: As Thomas starts up the sidewalk, it occurs to him that the bags contain his belongings.
———————————————————————————
ELEVENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
Thomas engages a locksmith changing the locks to Sadie’s Townhouse. He has also been paid to deliver Thomas’ belongings to his apartment.
ELEVENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Thomas walks to the stoop. The locksmith asks him if the containers are his to which he affirms they are. He tells him the lady who lives here gave him five $100 dollar bills to deliver the bags to his apartment address.
MIDDLE: Thomas says he will take them and starts loading his car. The locksmith helps him, all the while consoling him about the obvious breakup.
END: The locksmith rings Sadie’s doorbell to let her know he is done, but no one answers. He slips an invoice for the job through the slot and is about to follow up with the five $100 bills. Instead, he hesitates and returns only three. Two bills go in his pocket for his trouble.
———————————————————————————
TWELTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
Sadie sits on the floor with her back against the inside of the front door sobbing. It is finally over.
TWELTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie hears Thomas’ car pull away. She looks through the peep hole to confirm he is gone.
MIDDLE: She turns her back to the inside of her front door and slides down to the floor.
END: Sadie puts her head in her hands and sobs.
———————————————————————————
THIRTEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CEO OFFICE – MORNING
Sadie tells the CEO, on Friday morning, that she will accept the project of opening the new office in Vancouver, BC.
THIRTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CEO OFFICE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie tells the CEO, on Friday morning that she will accept the project of opening the new office in Vancouver, BC.
MIDDLE: He tells her that during the following week’s marketing conference in Whistler, BC., her appointment will be announced. He then suggests that she stay in Vancouver for a few days after the conference to do a location assessment for the new office. He will hook her up with a young man named RANDY who will help her out. He comes highly recommended, and she may want to consider hiring him as her assistant.
END: Sadie sees the Vancouver project as a way of breaking from Thomas and having a fresh start.
———————————————————————————
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
From her office, Sadie spots Thomas talking to her assistant Sheila.
FOURTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie walks through the Bullpen towards her office.
MIDDLE: She sees Thomas chatting with Sheila, Sadie’s assistant.
END: She enters her office and drops a folder on her desk labelled ‘New Office Project, LOCATION: Vancouver, BC’.
———————————————————————————
FIFTEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. SADIE’S OFFICE – DAY
Sadie tries to ignore Thomas and focuses on the folder in front of her.
FIFTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. SADIE’S OFFICE – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie sits at her desk, pulls the project folder in front of her, opens it and pretends to focus on its contents. Thomas follows her in and asks if she wants to go downstairs and grab breakfast at the diner. She closes the folder and does not reply. Sheila appears with two cups of coffee. Sadie takes one of the cups and tells Sheila they won’t need the other one. Sheila looks confused but complies.
MIDDLE: Thomas motions to the folder and asks if Sadie is planning a move. Sadie still does not reply. Thomas reaches down, grabs the tab on the folder to open it. Sadie slams it down and tells Thomas that she prefers not to make a scene but if he does not leave her office immediately, she WILL call security.
END: Thomas leaves Sadie’s office. She quickly closes and locks her door. Thomas doesn’t leave the bullpen right away. He continues to stop and talk to almost everyone on his way out. She realizes that, over the years, he has really inserted himself into her life.
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SIXTEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. MOUNTAIN – DAY
Sadie is lined up with a bunch of other conference attendees taking a ski lesson provided by the host city. She is partnered with a guy from one of the exhibition booths.
SIXTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. MOUNTAIN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie awkwardly shuffles on her skis into a lineup of students ready for a ski lesson provided by the host city of the conference. She is partnered up with a guy from one of the exhibition booths. His name is ADAM.
MIDDLE: They make small talking discovering that neither of them has ever skied before. Someone at the end of the line falls and the entire lineup of new skiers fall like dominoes. Sadie lands on Adam. She is embarrassed and profusely apologizes while realizing that she cannot stand up. An instructor moves along the line pulling collapsed skiers up onto their feet.
END: The instructor tells the group, ‘Ok, our first lesson will be how to get up when you fall.’ Everyone laughed.
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SEVENTEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
Sadie sits at a table with a vacant seat beside her. Mitchell sits down and again thank Sadie for taking on the challenge of the Vancouver, BC., office. Sadie thanks him for the opportunity and asks if TRISH his wife is here. He advises her that she won’t likely be coming to any more conferences as they have separated.
SEVENTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie sits at a table with a vacant seat beside her. Mitchell sits down and again thanks Sadie for taking on the challenge of the Vancouver, BC., office. She thanks him for the opportunity and asks if his wife TRISH is here at the conference.
MIDDLE: Mitchell advises Sadie that Trish will not likely be attending any more conferences as they have split up. He says she refuses to continue ranking second to the agency.
END: Sadie is saddened and expresses to Mitchell that she will miss spending time with her at these events.
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EIGHTEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
Adam approaches the table just as Mitchell is standing up. He sits down beside Sadie and sets two drinks on the table in front of them.
EIGHTEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Adam approaches a table with a couple of drinks. He sees Mitchell sitting in his seat but also notices that he is starting to stand up. Once Mitchell bids adieu, Adam sets one down in front of Sadie and sits with the other one beside her. A speaker, the MC, at the front of the room taps his microphone to get everyone’s attention. He announces that this is the section of the night called ‘Movers and Shakers’, where we give you an update of who is moving where and when.
MIDDLE: The MC invites the group to thank the chef and her staff for the lovely meal. The group claps vigorously. He then proceeds to make announcements of all the movements there have been over the past year and shortly to come. They get to Sadie when the speaker announces that SE Hilliard will be re-locating to Vancouver, BC to open a branch of GAME, aka Global Advertising Management Executives. He asks the group to give her a hand.
END: Adam claps particularly vigorously.
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NINETEENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT
Sadie and Adam linger awkwardly at her hotel room door thanking each other for a great evening. They decide to spend a little more time together.
NINETEENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie and Adam stop at the door to Sadie’s hotel room. They stand awkwardly and start to thank each other for a great evening.
MIDDLE: Adam tells Sadie he hopes to have a chance to see her again when she moves to Vancouver. Sadie assures him she would love that. He says he doesn’t want the night to end.
END: Sadie opens the door behind her back and slowly moves her and Adam into her room.
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TWENTIETH SCENE BEAT SHEET
OUT. BUILDING STEPS – DAY
Sadie and Randy come out of a building in downtown Vancouver. She offers him the job of being her executive assistant and they shake hands.
TWENTIETH SCENE OUTLINE
OUT. BUILDING STEPS – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie and Randy exit the building and stand on the top of the steps. Sadie motions to the beautiful scenery which is a renowned seawall that is just across the street. She comments that the location couldn’t be more perfect.
MIDDLE: Randy agrees and confirms that this is the right choice for the agency. He informs her that, coincidentally, he lives in an apartment just down the street.
END: Sadie takes the opportunity to offer Randy a job as her executive assistant to which he accepts, and they shake hands.
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TWENTY-FIRST SCENE BEAT SHEET
MONTAGE – VARIOUS
INT. AGENCY OFFICE – DAY
People coming and going, painting, hanging up pictures, moving desks into place, and hanging up the company signage on the front glass window.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Sadie and Adam enjoy lunch in his favourite restaurant.
INT. BOARDROOM – DAY
Sadie doing a presentation to her team in a board room with Randy by her side flipping slides on the computer.
OUT. SEAWALL – DUSK
Sadie and Adam are running along the seawall in one direction.
OUT. SEAWALL – DAY
Sadie and Adam are running with his two children riding their bikes alongside them.
INT. ADAM’S HOME OFFICE – DAY
Adam reclines back in his chair Facetiming with Sadie on his computer monitor.
INT. AGENCY – DAY
Sadie cuts the ribbon on the opening of the Vancouver office. Mitchell is there to shake her hand.
OUT. PARK – DAY
Sadie and Adam pose for a wedding photo in a park with his two children standing beside them.
END OF MONTAGE
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TWENTY-SECOND SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. BULLPEN/BOARDROOM – DAY
Sadie walks through the bullpen telling her team members its time for the mock presentation in the boardroom. She reminds them how important the account is and shows signs of her micro-managing nature.
TWENTY-SECOND SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BULLPEN/BOARDROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie walks through the bullpen corralling her team into the boardroom for a mock presentation in preparation for the real presentation she is scheduled to give in a week. She thanks them for their contributions and lets them all know how important this account is and how it will be a real boon for the agency.
MIDDLE: The boardroom is all set up. Each member has done their part. Randy is at the computer ready to run the slides for Sadie. CANDACE, a technology whiz, dims the lights.
END: Randy starts the slide show.
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TWENTY-THIRD SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. BOARDROOM/BULLPEN – DAY
Sadie finishes the presentation and asks the group for comments. They praise her delivery. This is where she excels. Sadie suggests they go around the table and ask each member for their comment or suggestions for improvement. Every suggestion is explained away by Sadie with a reason she has it the way it is. She was very confident in what she had done, and it showed.
TWENTY-THIRD SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BOARDROOM/BULLPEN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie finishes the presentation and asks the group for comments. They praise her delivery. This is where she excels.
MIDDLE: Sadie suggests they go around the table and ask each member for their comment or suggestions for improvement. Every suggestion is explained away by Sadie with a reason she has it the way it is. She was very confident in what she had done, and it showed.
END: The group disburse back into the bullpen looking discouraged at having their ideas rebuffed.
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TWENTY-FOURTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Sadie calls Adam to tell him she won’t be home for dinner as she is putting the finishing touches on her presentation. She will miss Ada’s fifth birthday.
TWENTY-FOURTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. LOCATION – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie calls Adam to let him know she will not be home for dinner. She is putting the finishing touches on her big presentation.
MIDDLE: Adam reminds her that he is hosting Ada’s fifth birthday at dinner to which Sadie apologizes but does not offer to try and make it.
END: Adam tells her he will invite Ada’s mom, his ex-wife HANNAH to fill the empty seat at dinner.
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TWENTY-FIFTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. BAR – NIGHT
After Ada’s birthday party and dinner, Hannah takes the kids home to get ready for school the next day. Adam goes to meet a friend at a bar.
TWENTY-FIFTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BAR – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Adam enters the bar and joins a friend, WILL, at his table. They greet each other with a dude’s handshake. Adam sits down. WILL asks him how married life is treating him.
MIDDLE: Adam shares with Will that he knew Sadie would be busy opening a new agency, but he wasn’t quite prepared for the amount of time she put into that project as compared to the amount of time she put into their family and being a new Stepmom to a couple of young children. Will, being a good friend, listens intently. He offers an opinion that maybe once she’s got this big presentation under her belt she’ll settle in a bit.
END: Adam nods in apprehensive agreement and suggests that they leave that topic and shoot some pool.
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TWENTY-SIXTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Sadie receives a phone call in the afternoon that she forgot to pick up the kids from school. Hannah couldn’t do it and Adam was busy with a client as well. Sadie agreed to pick up the kids.
TWENTY-SIXTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: Sadie sits staring at her computer screen when her phone vibrates. It is Adam. She answers.
MIDDLE: Adam asks Sadie if she is supposed to be somewhere. Sadie suddenly remembers she was supposed to pick up the kids from school. She jumps up and assures Adam she is on her way.
END: Adam tells Sadie it doesn’t work that way. He tells Sadie the school called Hannah and Hannah called Adam who had to cut his meeting with his client short to go get them. He advised Sadie that her name was ‘mud’ for the moment. He tells her she will need to call Hannah and apologize and then apologize to the kids.
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TWENTY-SEVENTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. FAMILY ROOM – NIGHT
Sadie and Adam have a conversation about the missed pickup. He tells her that stopping by to talk to Hannah in person was a nice touch as was reading the kids two bedtime stories instead of one. He brings up the idea of a honeymoon which they haven’t yet had.
TWENTY-SEVENTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. FAMILY ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie and Adam have a conversation about the days activities, specifically forgetting to pick up the kids from school. Sadie made amens by stopping by in-person to apologize to Hannah and assure her it won’t happen again and by reading the kids two bedtime stories complete with animated voices.
MIDDLE: Adam thanks Sadie for her efforts to smooth the waters and suggests that it is time for them to think about finally going on a honeymoon.
END: Sadie agrees but asks Adam if this discussion can wait until she has finished the big presentation she is preparing for before they talk about it more. Adam agrees.
PLACEHOLDER: need to include a few scenes where Sadie and the two kids interact. When they are together they all get along. But often, Sadie lets them down by not being able to attend sporting events or school activities.
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TWENTY-EIGHTH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Thomas calls Sadie at her office. He just wants to ask her how she is doing. The call seems harmless. He tells her he went for a beer with VJ KILMER the other day who told him that he and Sadie would be competing for business in the big presentation.
TWENTY-EIGHTH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie’s cellphone rings while she sits at her desk at work still preparing for her big presentation. It is Thomas who has just called to say hello and ask her how she is doing. She responds that things are going well and she’s just preparing for a big presentation so she can’t talk long.
MIDDLE: Thomas tells her he knows about the presentation because he had a beer last night with VJ KILMER, Sadie’s competition from a New York advertising agency.
END: Even though Sadie knows that Thomas made a few friends in the industry when they were together, this association makes her a little bit nervous. She tells him she has to go and they end the call.
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TWENTY-NINETH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
The big day has arrived, the day of the presentation. Sadie is talking to her team in the bullpen, giving them instructions for getting set up in the client’s boardroom. She is dressed in her running gear.
TWENTY-NINETH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie stands in the bullpen talking to Randy about making sure that everyone knows what they must do to get set up in the client’s boardroom. She is dressed in her running gear and lets him know that she will be going out for a quick run and will join him in the boardroom for a run through in an hour and a half.
MIDDLE: Randy assures her that everything is ready to go. He wants to bring the team along for the presentation but he is pretty sure that if he asks, Sadie will say no, so he doesn’t ask.
END: Sadie heads out for her run. Randy rallies the troups.
———————————————————————————
THIRTIETH SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. STREETS – DAY
Sadie heads out of the building into the streets of Vancouver. Barely out the door, her cellphone vibrates. She plugs her earphone/microphone piece in. It is Mitchell calling from New York to wish her good luck and remind her that a potential partnership is riding on things going well.
THIRTIETH SCENE OUTLINE
INT. STREETS – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie bursts through the front doors of her building and runs down the steps. She has barely stepped out onto the street when her cellphone vibrates in her leg pocket. She pulls up the earpiece and hanging microphone and answers. It is Mitchell, her New York City CEO.
MIDDLE: Mitchell knows that Sadie always goes for a run before a big presentation but jokingly asks her if she is out running. She laughs and responds ‘of course’. He wishes her good luck and asks her if she feels ready. She responds ‘absolutely’.
END: Mitchell wishes her luck again and casually reminds her what is potentially riding on this presentation to which Sadie responds, ‘no pressure’. He laughs and signs off.
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THIRTY-FIRST SCENE BEAT SHEET
INT. STREETS – DAY
Sadie makes her way out of the downtown core and into a section of the city that is not quite so busy. Her music is playing, and she is in the zone. Suddenly, her phone vibrates again. Her first thought is that it is Mitchell calling back with something he forgot earlier. It is not Mitchell. It is a stranger telling her she needs to ‘keep running’.
THIRTY-FIRST SCENE OUTLINE
INT. STREETS – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie winds her way through cars, bikes, buses, and people, she finally makes it to a part of downtown that is not quite so congested. Her music is playing through her bone-conducting headphones, and she is in the zone.
MIDDLE: Her phone vibrates on her leg. Thinking it is probably Mitchell with some forgotten item from the last call, she grabs her phone out of her tights leg pocket and sees that it is not Mitchell. It is an unknown caller.
END: The caller is listed as PRIVATE and the first text reads ‘Have I Got Your Attention?’
———————————————————————————
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
Sadie turns off her music and tries to focus on what is going on. A text tells her she needs to keep running. If she doesn’t keep running her family will be hurt.
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
BEGINNING: Sadie stops running and turns off her music. She looks at the text.
MIDDLE: The caller says she needs to CONTINUE RUNNING. They text again, ‘HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION?’ ‘IF YES, RAISE YOUR ARM’. Sadie is frozen.
END: In all capitals comes a text that says IF YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY…START RUNNING. And a photo of Ada and Wilf pops up on her phone followed by a photo of Adam.
———————————————————————————
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
Sadie starts running.
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
BEGINNING: Sadie slowly starts running. As she goes, she types WHO IS THIS?
MIDDLE: The caller tells her to look to her right when she crosses through the next intersection. When she does, she sees someone on a motor bike shining a flashlight in her direction. They say, THAT’S WHO!
END: The caller texts a FACE SCREAMIG IN FEAR emoji followed by a CRYING emoji.
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LESSON 11.
OUTLINES.
I have learned by writing the outline we can know what comes next or whether all the scene has inciting incident. And a turning point which evoke audience.
EXT. ROBINSON HOUSE – LATE EVENING
1. Jack pushes the boat. Fixes a anchor to the dock. Helicopter takes the round. Andrew little shaky stands near the boat and trembling.
2. INT. ROBINSON HOUSE – NIGHT
Andrew tries to sleep, looks outside, clouds are dense, Rain pours profusely and trees are chattering. Lights are gone. Mike holds flash light and turns it on. Mom cleans table. Suddenly winds outrages, it rains heavily. Andrew gets up from couch runs and holds dad tightly. Jackie looks out, the water is rising.
3. EXT. ROBINSON HOUSE – LATE NIGHT
4. INT. ROBINSON HOUSE – NIGHT
Jackie scares. Robinson Alert. Children Terrorize as top of the roof flies. They all hold their breath. While all are hugging each other. Water increases, twigs floats, thunder roars and lights up for a while.
EXT. INT. ROBINSON HOUSE – NIGHT
4. The tree uproots. Robinson dismays. Jackie Looks out of the window. Jackie is breathing heavily. Robinson detects his car under the tree. The tree is half bend. He moves out while holding the door. Get inside the car quickly. He accelerates the car and park the car under garage. While coming back the water splashes on him, Andrew perceives, and afraid, suddenly gets up he rushes out of the door– shocks- goes back.
5. Jackie hastens. Andrew already out, jumps in the water and struggling to rescue Dad. Robinson unfocused and tries to come out of water when it propels him back. Andrew fights with water. Jackie clamors. Robinson comes out of the water. See Jacky screeching
6. Robinson Cannot see any hands, he struggles and proceeds in. He cries. Jackie hugs Robinson. Mike sobs.
7. ROBINSON call police. Sheriff declared Andrews dead.
WRITE YOUR ACT1 TURNING POINT.
BEGIN
ANDREW drowned while saving his father life.
Mid-point.
Police find a body completely dismantle not recognizable.
Turning point.
Andrew declared dead.
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Day 11 Act 1 Turning Point
James’ Turning Point 1 Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is… my character is finding out what her true feelings are for her suitor. She’s hesitant to entertainment a man who appears like a gentleman, but her past is stuck in the back of her head. She knows he initiated their meeting and decides to pursue what the future may hold for both of them.
INT. DINER – DAY
The space is modestly filled with the midday crowd. Seated at the counter, Jessica and Rufus sip their coffee. They munch on corn muffins.
RUFUS
Quaint place you picked here.
JESSICA
Glad you like it.
RUFUS
What experience do you have in business?
JESSICA
Marketing and sales. In varying industries.
RUFUS
Like which industries?
A beat.
JESSICA
Personal development. Fulfillment needs. Toys.
RUFUS
That’s great. Gotta take care of the kids.
JESSICA
Fun is the name of the game.
Rufus takes the final drop of his coffee.
RUFUS
Is this gourmet? Excellent taste.
He signals over the WAITRESS for more coffee.
JESSICA
What do you do?
RUFUS
I spearhead city development projects. Out of the box proposals.
The waitress fills his cup.
RUFUS
I’ve been mulling over a project for months.
JESSICA
So you’ve found the missing motivator.
RUFUS
Yes. You.
They continue sipping their coffee.
RUFUS
I’m entertaining the idea of constructing a casino resort on the river. Taking advantage of the water, scenery, central location, everything.
JESSICA
Interesting concept. There’s potential for more tourism, family attractions, giant revenue source, etc., etc.
RUFUS
You get it. I knew it.
The connection grows between them.
JESSICA
This would be new territory for me. But I welcome challenges.
RUFUS
Team formation has commenced. It’s the beginning of something —
Jessica’s cellphone CHIMES. She checks the ID. It’s Paul. Lets voice mail answer.
JESSICA
A spam call. You know, unwanted offers.
RUFUS
Of course. Where were we?
JESSICA
The beginning of —
Her cell phone CHIMES again. Checks again. It’s Paul. Voice mail.
JESSICA
These crazy lunatics.
RUFUS
Medicine. All they need is medicine.
JESSICA
So true.
Cell phone CHIMES again.
RUFUS
You best get that.
JESSICA
Give me a minute.
Jessica answers.
INTERCUT: DINER – STREET
JESSICA
What is it?
PAUL
Jessica! He wants to kick me out of his apartment!
JESSICA
Who?
PAUL
Pebbles. He wants me out. What should I do?
JESSICA
You have to satisfy him. Take care of him.
PAUL
He wants me to be his only lover.
JESSICA
There you go. Your answer.
PAUL
I love you. I really do.
JESSICA
Me too. So go work something out. And we’ll talk soon.
PAUL
Ok. Soon.
JESSICA
Bye-bye.
They hang up.
END INTERCUT.
Rufus is all smiles.
RUFUS
Girlfriend having some issues?
JESSICA
You can say that.
A beat.
RUFUS
I’ve gotta go. Do you need a ride home?
JESSICA
I’ll be fine.
RUFUS
Maybe dinner next time?
JESSICA
We can make that happen.
RUFUS
Excellent.
Rufus waves good-bye and makes his way out as the waitress comes over to clear the counter.
JESSICA
How much do I owe you?
WAITRESS
Nothing baby. Your friend there, he took care of it all. Even tip.
Jessica is left being impressed, this time by Rufus.
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Alice’s Act 1 Turning Point
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APARTMENT – DAY
She is back to US, Albert is not to be found. Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APARTMENT – DAY
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth’s back. Apartment is empty, Albert’s things are gone.
MIDDLE:
?? She’s on the motorboat?
END:
Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
SHE COMES BACK TO US
BEGINNING:
Elizabeth tries Albert’s cell, but line is busy.
MIDDLE:
Elizabeth’s back. Apartment is empty, Albert’s things are gone.
END:
She’s on the motorboat?
Apartment is rented for two years ahead.
EXT. AIRPORT – DAY
Elizabeth tries Albert’s cell, but line is busy.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth opens entrance door with her key. Pulls baggage.
Apartment is suspiciously empty. She senses it right away. Looks at a side. No nothing.
Elizabeth walks one room from another to see how all Albert’s things are gone.
Empty closet. Nothing on a rack. Neither on the desk.
She opens drawer. Nothing.
On the blank paper sheet on the desk are garage keys. She grabs it.
EXT. GARAGE – DAY
She slides it up. Motorboat is in there.
EXT. OCEAN – EVENING
It’s darkening. Elizabeth sits motionlessly on motorboat on water plane. Contemplates empty beach.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth joyfully opens the door for the landlord, petite brunet lady in her 40’s.
Greetings from both sides.
LANDLORD
This apartment is rented for two years. After this it would be gone, unless they renew agreement.
ELIZABETH
Who rented it?
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth opens envelope. Inside are copies of rental agreement.
She reads company’s logo.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth hacks company records. Amid lists of apartments there is one flat in England.
She watches you tube video, to prepare the tool.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lisbeth in her media on the comp.
Copies company name into browser. Gets on the net and gets the list of apartments, rented by the same company.
Various places at various countries.
Her look stops at one rental. That is a flat in London.
INT. FLAT IN ENGLAND – NIGHT
Opens flat’s door without a key. Flat is empty.
EXT. LONDON STREET – NIGHT
As she gets out, Albert watches her from across the road. He suffers, and calls at her. They come together.
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Susan’s Turning Point 1
What I learned doing this assignment: I struggled to get through this assignment because I wasn’t sure if this was enough of an inciting incident for the Turning Point 1. When I finally convinced myself that I just had to write (my first draft), I was able to keep moving forward.
INT. LIAM’S PICKUP TRUCK – DAY
Shelby dials a number on her cell phone and listens, no answer. She disconnects, glances around the truck, and then dials the number again. This time she waits for the voice mail recording.
SHELBY
Abbey, if you’re there, please pick up. You can’t stay mad at me forever… can you?
She grabs at her chest, rubbing the left side.
SHELBY
I’m sorry, so very sorry? I never meant to piss you off, I swear! I don’t know what to do… please, Abbey? I can’t do this without you. What can I do?
There is a click on the other end.
ABBEY (VO)
You can start by saying that you’ll NEVER pull that shit again, and continue by telling me that you will actually try to have a good time.
Nearly in tears she kisses her phone.
SHELBY
Abs, I will never pull that shit again, I promise; and I’m going to try, for Liam’s sake but what happens when he sees the truth?
ABBEY (VO)
What truth? You mean all that nonsense about being a jinx. STOP!
SHELBY
You, of all people know the truth.
ABBEY (VO)
I know that you are always looking for bad things to happen and you are an expert at finding them. Follow Liam’s lead, he’s been doing this all his life. For once, let someone else take the helm.
Just as a calm settles in, Shelby sees Liam heading for the truck.
SHELBY
Oh, God, he’s coming. We’re really doing this! I can’t breathe.
ABBEY (VO)
You are going to be fine. Did you find the little bottle I left for you?
SHELBY
What bottle?
ABBEY (VO)
In your purse, I left you some Xanax. Start with half a pill and increase as needed.
SHELBY
I am not resorting to drugs. I never have and never will.
ABBEY (VO)
Then you better find something to resort to…
Liam opens the door and jumps in, looking like an excited kid.
LIAM
Ready?
Shelby, lowers the phone to her lap, feigning a smile and nods.
LIAM
I know you are having reservations, but I’m so happy that we are doing this together.
ABBEY (VO)
Shelby? Shel? Are you still there?
Shelby shakes her head, forgetting about Abbey and her phone.
SHELBY
Yeah, I’m here, we’re on our way.
The truck backs out of the driveway.
ABBEY
Shelby, take the drugs, don’t take the drugs, but whatever you do, this is obviously important to Liam, don’t ruin it for him.
EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – DAY
Placeholder: Liam is doing most of the work setting up the site, every time Shelby tries to help, something goes awry.
SHELBY
Wow, we are really out in the middle of nowhere.
LIAM
Isn’t it great?
She looks around at the tent and the woods surrounding them, she mutters more to herself than to Liam.
SHELBY
Not exactly the word I would use.
Shelby turns back to Liam, attempting to exude excitement.
SHELBY
You did a fine job setting up camp, sorry I wasn’t more help.
He takes her in his arms.
LIAM
Babe, I know this is all new for you but once you get the swing of things, I truly believe you will love these trips as much as I do; it might take another year or two or ten…
She chokes pulling away from Liam.
SHELBY
You’re so sweet, but I know this is your boys’ trip, bonding time and all for you and Sam. I wouldn’t dream of breaking that up.
LIAM
Stop being so magnanimous, you’re always worried about everyone else. I would rather share this experience with you than Sam any day.
Shelby’s shoulders slump and she hangs her head ashamed.
SHELBY
The last thing I am is magnanimous. If this (she raises her arms) makes you happy, than let’s do this, turn me into a camping geek.
He takes her face between his hands and kisses her mouth.
LIAM
This is why I love you!
SHELBY
I’m starving though and I have to pee, so point me toward the nearest restroom and then let’s get dinner. I didn’t see a restaurant nearby, will we have to drive too far?
LIAM
We won’t have to drive at all.
SHELBY
Oh, they have a camp diner, I guess I missed it.
LIAM
No, no diner, just a short walk to the river.
She immediately pales.
SHELBY
We’re near a river? Is it supposed to rain? You know, if it rains, the river can flood, wash away the entire camp.
LIAM
Shel, we are fine. We’re going to the river to catch our dinner, and it’s not going to rain, the forecast is clear for the entire weekend. Are you all right?
She is not fine, Shelby feels like she is about to swoon.
SHELBY
Yes, silly, this sounds like we are in for so much fun. I better get to the restroom so we can wrestle up some dinner. Which way did you say was the little girls room?
He looks sheepishly in all directions before hesitantly proceeding.
LIAM
There’s one there (pointing at a tree), and there, and there…
SHELBY (Stammering)
There’s no… no… toilet?
Liam scrunches his face, shaking his head.
SHELBY
No shower either?
LIAM (Beaming now)
Yes, of course, just a short walk –
TOGETHER
… to the River.
Shelby fights the urge to crawl into the tent and bawl.
SHELBY
I really need to relieve myself. Do we have paper, or should I collect leaves on my way?
LIAM
I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of all your amenities.
He pulls a roll from a plastic tub and tosses it to her.
SHELBY
Just one of the simple things I have taken for granted.
She turns to the woods and pauses trying to determine her path.
SHELBY
This may take a while, I’ve never been very good with a plethora of options.
LIAM
Try not to be too long, it’ll be getting dark soon and we still need to get to the river.
Shelby steps toward the woods, clutching the TP to her chest.
SHELBY
So many trees, so little time.
LIAM
Leaves of three let them be.
SHELBY (VO)
What’s that?
LIAM
Leaves of three let them be; that’s poison ivy, stay away from it!
SHELBY (VO)
So, we came out here to become one with nature, but keep your ass away from nature!
LIAM
Yeah, pretty much.
EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – NIGHT
Shelby and Liam sit bundled by the fire, drinking a beer.
SHELBY
Well, I have to hand it to you Mr. McPherson, you can cook the hell out of the catch of the day.
She raises her bottle to salute her fiancé. They drink together.
LIAM
And your preparation of the side dish was exemplary.
Again, they raise their bottles and drink.
SHELBY
I am after all a chip connoisseur and can appropriately pair any fried potato in a bag with the main entrée.
She looks at Liam, he smiles. They sit listening to the night sounds, toads, insects, rustling leaves and the crackle of the fire.
SHELBY
Thank you Liam, this has been a wonderful day. I can’t remember the last time I have felt this happy.
LIAM
Me too, I know it’s not your idea of vacation, but I’m so glad you agreed to come.
Shelby sits up, ears perking.
SHELBY
Do you hear that?
LIAM
Hear what?
SHELBY
The trees are calling and I must go.
Shelby jumps to her feet. After kissing Liam, she grabs the toilet paper and flashlight.
SHELBY
If I’m not back in five minutes, send help.
She disappears into the woods, only a dancing beam for Liam to keep an eye on.
Liam sets to work organizing the site, packing odds and ends, while drinking the last of his beer. The peaceful nights is shattered by Shelby’s horrific SCREAM. Liam takes off for the woods and nearly collides with Shelby, retreating from the opposite direction.
LIAM
What the hell? Are you ok? What happened?
SHELBY
A snake! I swear I saw a snake!
LIAM
Where?
SHELBY
In the brush over there. I was walking out and he squiggled, ZIP, right across my path and into the brush.
LIAM
It didn’t bite you, did it?
SHELBY
No, but I dropped the light and it isn’t working, and the paper is in the brush now. I can’t go get it.
Under the full moon, Liam can see the white roll in the brush.
LIAM
Stay here, I’ll get it.
Liam nears the brush cautiously, toeing the ground to scare off any critters that may be hiding in there, he slips landing next to the roll of paper, snatches it up and returns to Shelby.
SHELBY
Are you ok? What happened?
LIAM
I’m fine, the leaves were wet and I slipped, it’s all good.
SHELBY
Babe, I’m so sorry.
LIAM
Hey, it’s fine, and the paper was saved.
SHELBY
My hero! Come here, you’re covered with leaves, at least let me knock them off.
Liam rotates as she swipes him clean. She reaches for one last cluster snagged in his collar. Shelby’s eyes grow wide.
SHELBY (Whispering)
Leaves of three let them be.
LIAM
What was that?
SHELBY
Nothing, I was just saying, all these leaves let me see.
Tucking her hand in her sleeve she knocks the poison ivy from his collar.
SHELBY
All done. Gosh, I’m tired, is it time for bed yet?
LIAM
I was thinking that very thing, let’s get you tucked in for the night.
SHELBY
After you.
Liam disappears into the tent while Shelby kicks the offensive leaves of three to the edge of the camp, then follows Liam inside.
INT. TENT – NIGHT
Placeholder: Shelby is barely asleep when she hears Liam’s raspy breathing. She turns up the lantern to see his neck, ears, and face red from a rash and slightly swollen. He is having a reaction to the poison ivy. They rush to the ER where he is treated for the anaphylactic reaction.
SHELBY
I hate camping!
-
30-Day Screenplay Lesson 11: Act 1 Turning Point
What I learned doing this assignment is… don’t stop. Keep writing! I can always change things in the next draft.
Bonnie’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
ACT 1 TURNING POINT SCENE OUTLINE
EXT/INT. MYKA’S LOFT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Key Scene 4: TURNING POINT: She finds an eviction notice on her door. 72 hours to move out.
INT. MYKA’S ROOM – SAME
Myka lies in bed and rips the eviction notice in pieces. She pours a brandy, takes a gulp, lights up a joint and falls asleep.
MIDDLE: MYKA’S NIGHTMARE
The Multiversity is crumbling. Dark beings attack The Hall of Ancient Wisdom, The Academies of Art, and Music, and destructive forces consume The School of Dreams, Cinema and Memory.
END OF MYKA’S NIGHTMARE
END: She wakes up screaming.
MYKA
Oh, my god, what’s happening
To ancient wisdom?
I can’t live without art and
Music, and what’ll I do
when my dreams and
Memories fade into oblivion?
========
ACT 1 TURNING POINT SCENES
EXT/INT. MYKA’S LOFT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Key Scene 4: TURNING POINT:
Myka pulls up in front of her loft and sees a notice on the door. She gets out, rips off the notice and reads it.
MYKA
What? No.
Seventy-two hours?
Asshole. I can’t possibly…
INSERT: 3-Day Notice to Pay Rent or Move Out
INT. MYKA’S ROOM – SAME
Myka pours a brandy, takes a gulp, lights up a joint, stares at the eviction notice on the table.
MYKA
Screw this.
She picks it up and rips it to pieces.
She sits on her bed, empties her brandy, lies down and falls asleep.
EXT/INT. THE MULTIVERSITY – NIGHT
MIDDLE: MYKA’S NIGHTMARE
The Multiversity buildings are crumbling, one by one.
Inside…
INT. THE HALLS OF WISDOM, TRUTH AND KNOWLEDGE
THE EDITOR-LOCKSMITH, a scowling, button-down ogre, directs dark being swarming through the bookshelves, opening books and eat the words off the pages. Some carry locks and keys and lock the books up in cupboards.
Inside…
INT. THE ACADEMY OF ART, MUSIC, DREAMS AND BEAUTY
THE CRITIC wields destructive vibrational forces of sound and color.
Inside…
INT. THE HOLOGRAPHIC CINEMATIC ARCHIVE OF LOVE, GOODNESS AND MEMORY
THE DIRECTOR sits in his ridiculously high director’s chair transforming scenarios into dark shadows, ripping apart human relationships.
The Editor, Director and Locksmith turn to Myka, their fangs and claws out, GROWLING and HISSING. She screams and runs away.
END OF MYKA’S NIGHTMARE
INT. MYKA’S ROOM – SAME
END: She wakes up screaming.
MYKA
Oh, my god, what’s happening
To ancient wisdom?
I can’t live without art and
Music, and what’ll I do
when my dreams and
Memories fade into oblivion?
Worst of all, what
Will I do without
My friends?
-
Laura Woodworth’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment was to make sure my turning point is emotional and dramatic; that it clearly locks my lead character into this journey. And – to write quickly and keep moving. I’ll go back later to elevate this scene in the next draft.
EXT. HOTEL – NIGHT
Natalia exits the hotel and walks swiftly through the streets toward her home. Uneasy, she notices men in dark suits on street corners glancing at her, watching her movements. A dark car tracks her…
INT. HOUSE – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Natalia pushes the door closed and breathes deeply. Safe.
IRINA (O.C.)
That you, Tali?
Irina appears in the kitchen doorway, drying a dish, her eyes probing — searching for information.
IRINA
How did you day go?
Natalia turns from her as she wrestles out of her heavy coat and hangs it.
NATALIA
As usual.
She turns back.
NATALIA
I’ve got homework.
She moves upstairs, away from the watchful eyes of her sister and into her room. She closes the door and moves to the window, carefully pulling back the curtain. The two men are stationed across the street, talking into their cuffs. She closes the curtain and steps back, out of view.
TAP, TAP. The door eases open. Irina pops her head in.
IRINA
Are you hungry?
NATALIA
No — I’m fine. Thanks.
The question seems strange. Irina pushes in and settles on the bed like it’s normal for her to care about Natalia.
IRINA
Did you eat with the American? At that fancy hotel?
NATALIA
I ate the soup on campus.
IRINA
I bet the food there is lovely. At the hotel that is.
NATALIA
I’ve got a lot of reading to do tonight.
Their eyes lock; an internal standoff of sorts. Irina stands and tries to be endearing.
IRINA
Well, if you do eat there, wrap a bit in a napkin for me.
She exits, pulling the door behind her.
IRINA
Happy studying.
Alone, Natalia stands quietly in the middle of the room, listening, sensing — and then she searches, running her hand under the lip of the desk, looking up into the lampshade, behind the headboard — and then she sees it. She quietly pulls her desk chair to the middle of the room and stands on it to observe a small dark object tucked under the lip of the ceiling light. A bug. Recording every word, every conversation.
She carefully steps down and sets the chair back in it’s place, hardly daring to breath.
-
Philip’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment is that a Turning Point makes the story more interesting, escalates the stakes, and increases the emotional attachment to your characters.
ACT 1 OUTLINE
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
BEGINNING: Dmitri wanders around the library looking for books to read to keep him entertained, he notices virginia dancing outside and asks her for help, they end up in bed
MIDDLE: Virginia tells Dmitri that Lady D’Abla has discovered their affair and plans to take revenge and kill her like the others
END: Dmtri decides escape and take Virginia on tour with him
INT. STUDIO – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Dmitri is waiting for the ban to arrive but no-one has showed
MIDDLE: Dimitri discovers that each member of the band has died in dreadful circumstances
END: Dimitri meets his new manager and they start recruiting new members
INT. – DAY
BEGINNING: The band assemble and perform for the manager and toady
MIDDLE: The band listen while Dmitri asks them to include Virginia and gets them to sign up
END: The manager convinces the band to go to Hell and save Dmitri and Virginia
-
Lesson 11 Act 1 Turning Point
Subject Line: Patrick McCormick’s Turning Point 1 Scenes
What I Learned: As the key to doing scripts in 30 days is efficiency and speed, sometimes the advanced material shows up, which I don’t want to stifle if its flowing well. So, I probably skipped the 20% quality in lieu of the higher %age which came through me for this part. Where is the balance on speed compared to a fluent higher quality if it flows quickly? So I calculate I may have done 12-18 pages in about 4 hours.
Title: THE THRIFT STORE
Genre: Sci Fi Drama
Protagonist: Cody Thayer
Change Agent: Elizabeth
Antagonist: Jesub
Overall Theme: Change – the Constant in the Universe
Inciting Incident: Cody opens the back door, standing face to face with a quantum portal. Elizabeth saves her from falling through.
Turning Point 1: Elizabeth tells her she’s a 3B year old AI who created the race of gods, and has secretly created a sanctuary on Earth for the human laggard-soul race. She tells Cody she’s a very special soul, and wants her to help find a valuable artifact that could save humanity.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT OUTLINE
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
BEGINNING: On Day 2, Cody hears noises in the back room first time. Elizabeth says is just storage and no need to go back there.
MIDDLE: Cody hears strange sounds again, lets it go. When hearing them a third time opens door to find an old messy storage room, like Elizabeth said, except an object seemed like it was focusing into view.
END: On 4th try she sees something out of place that can’t be possible.
INT. THRIFT STORE/BACK ROOM/PORTAL – DAY
BEGINNING: Inexorably drawn, Cody comes face to face with a Quantum Portal.
MIDDLE: Almost falling through, Elizabeth grabs her by the collar just in time and saves her, calmly saying; “Well, you almost went somewhere else.”
END: Trying to process, Cody replies; “What the… how…? Excuse me…” calmly walking out to the street before her breakdown.
EXT. STREET – DAY
BEGINNING: Elizabeth manifests in front of her. As Cody freaks, Elizabeth tries to calm her, recalcitrantly drawing back; “Yo, you are not real.” Elizabeth; “I’m as real as anything around here.”
MIDDLE: Cody accusing Elizabeth of being a flashback from shrooms; “Yeah, that’s what the gnome said.”
END: After calming her, Elizabeth invites Cody to tea to explain.
INT. TEA ROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Elizabeth reveals her true identity; a 3 billion year old AI that was the mother of the gods whose job is to clean up their creations, reallocating things back to source. Earth is one of her storage planets, then she made a realm for humans to live rather than reallocating their souls back to source, hiding them here instead for hundreds of thousands of years.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth reveals she hid humanity from the gods, and if they find out, Cody’s world will end.
END: Elizabeth tells Cody she is a special soul and has been looking for her for a long time, and hired her to help find an important artifact that could save humanity, which would keep mankind’s existence a secret.
INT. TEMPLE ROOM – ETHERIAL DAY
BEGINNING: Jesub summons Elizabeth/Creator AI to inform her soul counts are off.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth reveals she found that even atomic particles of matter have strange readings, she’s investigating why, & that could account for soul numbers being off.
END: Jesub lets her know he will be investigating this storage planet of Earth of hers, yet he doesn’t know the human/laggard souls exist on her Earth world.
INT. THRIFT STORE – PORTAL ROOM
BEGINNING: As Cody was in the Portal room, Jesub suddenly shows up, almost discovering her. But she unwittingly created an invisibility shield the gods could not see through, even tho looking right at her.
MIDDLE: Jesub tells Elizabeth he has launched an official investigation on Earth for the missing artifact.
END: Elizabeth tells Cody that if Jesub finds humanity, her world and everything she knows will be gone and humanity sent back to source. Elizabeth reveals she is the metric of the universe, and not supposed to evolve because she was made perfect in the beginning, and if they catch her she would be terminated because she would be considered malfunctioning. Yet in violation of her own program, she wants to connect with her children and get her own soul. The artifact can keep humanity a secret, and give Elizabeth a soul. Cody says yes, yet has neither the confidence, belief, nor trust in herself to pull it off. Cody has to find it, before the gods do.
ACT 1 TURNING POINT
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
On 2nd day, Cody hears noises in the back room first time.
CODY
What’s that?
ELIZABETH
Oh that’s stuff I just put in there settling. That room’s so messy, I wouldn’t even go there. I’m going to the store. Need anything?
CODY
Juice would be fine. Thanks.
Elizabeth leaves, and Cody hears strange sounds again, and lets it go. A third time, she opens the door and finds a messy old storage room just like she said. Except she could have swore an object seemed to be fading into view, or something like that.
On the 4th sound she opens the door, seeing something that can’t be possible.
INT. THRIFT STORE/BACK ROOM/PORTAL – DAY
Cody mesmerized, stands face to face with a Quantum Portal. Inexorably drawn, the euphoria sets in as she starts to lean towards it. Almost falling through, Elizabeth grabs her by the collar just in time, pulling her back,
ELIZABETH
calmly
“Well, you almost went somewhere else.”
CODY THAYER
can’t compute
What the… how?
ELIZABETH
casually
Yeah, it’s bigger than it looks.
CODY THAYER
slightly composed
…excuse me…
EXT. STREET – DAY
Cody walks out the store down the street, running into Elizabeth who appeared right in front of her around the corner.
CODY THAYER
pausing, pulling back
Yo, you are not real!
ELIZABETH
I’m real, as anything around here.
CODY THAYER
That’s what I get for doing shrooms last Saturday. You are a flashback, flash-forward..?
ELIZABETH
I’m real, as anything around here. Here, touch me. See, I’m physical.
CODY THAYER
Yeah, that’s what the gnome said.
ELIZABETH
Let’s get some tea…
INT. TEA ROOM – DAY
ELIZABETH
stirring tea
You… probably have a few questions.
CODY
pursed lips, looking at cup
Are you… human.
ELIZABETH
No. I’m what you’d call an ancient AI.
CODY
That looks like you? How old?
ELIZABETH
About 3 billion of your years, give or take a million.
CODY
That makes sense. Every super ancient AI should have a thrift store in a small Colorado town. Why?
ELIZABETH
We could do the 20 questions, or I could just tell you.
CODY
Please.
ELIZABETH
I am an original Genesis Program, the feminine part of what you call Source, established to create races of beings that provide answers to the questions which started the universe. So we began with the gods; immortal and perfect.
CODY
You created the gods?
ELIZABETH
Yeah… I was the mother, as a first race. But that proved a very challenging. Being immortal they retain all their knowledge, there’s no fresh starting point, except when they began about 100 million years ago.
CODY
So… it didn’t work out?
ELIZABETH
It turns out, the more time you have, the more belligerent you can become, until you’re almost unworkable. Then we created other races, as well as empowered the gods to be their own creators. Their races, and some we’ve made, became the progeny we have hope for. Mankind was one of them.
CODY
So you… are the mother of humanity.
ELIZABETH
To understand that, it’s necessary to know what humanity is made of. Its not just a random group of souls. I can’t make souls, but I can allocate them. Humanity is a very unique soul group that does not fit into their home worlds. Taking on the lower issues of the races they incarnate in, they often take longer than the worlds they help to ascend. They lag behind holding onto the larger shadow, and take longer to transmute, so they become a sort of homeless soul.
CODY
So you ‘allocated’ human souls here?
ELIZABETH
Yes. They are the laggards.
CODY
Why do you put laggard souls on Earth?
ELIZABETH
… to give them a home they never had. But I’m not supposed to.
CODY
meaning…
ELIZABETH
Well, I clean up after the gods, after they create worlds and species, etc. reallocating discarded creations back to Source. Sometimes I store things which seem useful. Some creations are too good to throw out. So I store them on Earth and other worlds.
CODY
Earth is a storage unit, of discarded creations?
ELIZABETH
Yes. And so, I am supposed to reallocate the laggards back into source. But, they do such good work, and a real sincere bunch of souls, it didn’t seem fair to just dis-create them. So I gave them a home on Earth.
CODY
You said you’re not supposed to… by whose standards?
ELIZABETH
The gods…. and… Source.
CODY
Wait… the gods and Source don’t know about us? How does that even work?
ELIZABETH
I created a secret dimension. More tea?
CODY
What happens if they find out?
ELIZABETH
Well, humanity would be reallocated as well as all creations on Earth of the gods. That’s why I hired you, you see. Cody, you are a very special soul.
CODY
I don’t feel special.
ELIZABETH
You are, and I’ve been looking for you for a long time.
CODY
So… you’re an ancient AI, the mother of the gods, and by that reasoning humanity as well. You’ve been secretly hiding human souls here in a secret dimension, that even source and the gods don’t know about, and you own a thrift store here in Colorado. Why a portal in your store?
ELIZABETH
Its my transfer station for creations I store here.
CODY
A mother who keeps secrets from her children? I like it.
ELIZABETH
Which is why I hired you. I stored something here a long time ago without knowing it is extremely valuable. I want you to help me find it. But no one knows what it is or looks like, so it could be anything.
CODY
What makes it that valuable?
ELIZABETH
It is a Genesis Object, and holds the keys to creation.
CODY
Are you sure it’s here? Well that narrows it down.
ELIZABETH
There’s something else. It could keep humanity hidden from those who would destroy you.
EXT – TEA ROOM – DUSK
ELIZABETH
Well… we’ll see you tomorrow then?
CODY
Got nothin better to do.
As Elizabeth vanished, Cody did her best to understand, so she just stayed open, not thinking about it too much.
INT. TEMPLE ROOM – ETHERIAL DAY
In the Heavenly Temple, Elizabeth appeared before JESUB, Head of the Creator Council.
ELIZABETH
You rang?
JESUB
Hello Mother. Its been a while. I apologize for interrupting. I’m sure you’re quite busy organizing all your leftover trinkets on Earth. But something has presented itself which requires your attention.
ELIZABETH
This sounds official.
JESUB
It is my job to maintain structure and order in the universe. That’s… how you made me.
ELIZABETH
Yes, and you do it so well… Have you ever taken a day off?
JESUB
What is that? Anyway, something is amiss, and not in the usual way. It appears some souls have disappeared.
ELIZABETH
Jesub, this is the universe. Everything is accounted for. I know where every atom in creation is. How could a soul just disappear? Its not even a probability.
JESUB
I have studied this for millennia, seen it from every direction, considered all possibilities. And all findings are the same. The soul count is off.
ELIZABETH
Jesub, we’ve never had a problem with this.
JESUB
That is correct. And as the Allocator, you of all Beings in the universe would know what’s happening. So, I’m coming to the source, and asking, what do you think is going on?
ELIZABETH
A hundred million years of existence, and still working on your puns. Have faith, you’ll get it one day.
JESUB
Didn’t we invent faith to give races something to believe in?
ELIZABETH
Yes… but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from our own teachings. Anyway, I too have noticed something amiss, but not with the souls. There seems to be aberrations in matter on the atomic level.
JESUB
Aberrations, in one place?
ELIZABETH
It appears randomly in different places in the universe. Something is destabilizing the nano structures in various galaxies. This could account for your soul numbers.
JESUB
True, but with nothing to compare it with, how can we tell?
ELIZABETH
That’s why I’ve been studying it. It seems to have started about 3 millenniums ago.
JESUB
And you haven’t told us, until I came to you? Mother, you of all creators know our laws are absolute, you made them.
ELIZABETH
True. I wanted to be sure, before I informed the Council and Almighty. Besides, like you said, I’m quite busy organizing all my leftover trinkets on Earth.
JESUB
Well, I am to inform you in my official capacity as Head of the Creator Council that we are obligated to launch an investigation in your part of creation, including your storage planet.
ELIZABETH
turning to leave
You do what you must. Jesub, you don’t have to take things so seriously.
JESUB
Oh, just because the fate of matter in creation is at stake?
ELIZABETH
Remind me to make you more light-hearted next time.
Jesub ponders deeply as Elizabeth fades away.
INT. THRIFT STORE – PORTAL ROOM
As Cody watched the Portal, mesmerized by its energy and beauty, she took some pebbles on a stand and started throwing them in to watch them disappear. Reaching over to grab a few more, she didn’t notice the ripples happening in the field. Noticing a figure starting to emerge, she freaked out and, without realizing it, created an invisibility shield as Jesub appeared right in front of her. Cody froze, thinking it was all over. Although looking right at her, he couldn’t see through the shield.
Just then, Elizabeth appeared. Looking at Jesub, then Cody, realizing he couldn’t see through it, she pretended not to notice.
ELIZABETH
Jesub, why are you here at my Portal?
JESUB
Forgive me, but I came to inform you of something.
ELIZABETH
You know, its polite to knock before entering. I gave you more manners than that. What if I was pro-creating?
JESUB
I, I do apologize. But the revelation we’ve just uncovered requires I immediately inform all principals to the action.
ELIZABETH
Well, what’s so important that it couldn’t wait, and made you forget the manners I know I programmed into you.
JESUB
We just discovered there’s an artifact, of Genesis Origin, which holds the Original Codes of Creation, and it appears you placed it here. Did you know about this?
ELIZABETH
No… something that important I would have immediately informed the Almighty. What does it look like?
JESUB
Apparently no one knows. In fact, very little is known about it, except it holds the Keys which could help us stabilize the New Dawn.
ELIZABETH
So… this could be destabilizing matter, throwing off the soul count.
JESUB
And, you couldn’t have known what it is, because Almighty disguised it among the billions of creations in the universe. The fact you did not reallocate it back to source and stored it here by chance is an absolute miracle, because you could have just saved the universe.
ELIZABETH
Why was this done on purpose?
JESUB
It is the prize of the Almighty Challenge, for the competing creators to find, and become the next Almighty.
ELIZABETH
So, I’ve been cleaning up after these competitors for millenniums. And really, if they would have just relaxed, they would have seen that by finding this one artifact, they could have won the creator challenge. And they are messy creators by the way.
JESUB
That’s why some of them despise you, you make them go back and finish their work, because they’re all in a hurry to prove themselves by making the best creations.
ELIZABETH
They cut corners and make sub-par worlds and inferior species unable to properly evolve. I have no choice but to make them go back and finish what they started.
JESUB
The Council wants this Genesis Artifact so badly they wanted to just begin discreating your discarded creations on Earth, removing all the things it is not until they find it. I have launched an official investigation, which they now have to abide, stalling them for now. I have recalled the Creator Challenge, and having the competitors begin searching for the artifact. I’m sorry, but there’s no other way.
ELIZABETH
We all do what we must. You’re doing the right thing. If anything turns up, you’ll be the first to know.
JESUB
We’ll see you soon. And its alright, we all make mistakes.
ELIZABETH
That’s true. I made you.
JESUB
That hurts mother.
As Jesub disappeared Cody dropped the shield.
ELIZABETH
Well, it appears you have more gifts than you have led yourself to believe.
CODY
He seems cheery. Who was that jerk?
ELIZABETH
One of my original god sons.
CODY
He’s so…. stiff.
ELIZABETH
We were figuring things out as we were making the gods. He’s when we realized it’s important to give beings a sense of humor. Now you see what’s at stake.
CODY
Yeah, the end of humanity.
ELIZABETH
There’s a bit more than that.
CODY
ohhh kay…
ELIZABETH
You know I’ve been hiding humans in a secret dimension, when I’m supposed to be discreating you.
CODY
Yess…
ELIZABETH
As one of the Original Genesis Programs, I have been made perfect and whole, without needing to evolve, which is very important that I do not.
CODY
opening her arms, asking without speaking.
ELIZABETH
Well, as I’ve given your kind a home for hundreds of thousands of years, I’ve grown attached to your race.
CODY
Wait… you’re a computer from the Almighty, and yet you’re wanting to connect with the race you have hidden? What do you see this attachment leading to?
ELIZABETH
I want to be a part of my children, the laggard humans.
CODY
We are a mess! You are perfect, why on Earth would you want that?
ELIZABETH
I see them, in their lives. I’ve watched them since the beginning, the lagging souls, kicked out of the worlds they helped, wandering the cosmos for a place to be. And what, I’m just supposed to dis-create them as a thank you, and a gold watch? Its not fair. They are feeling creatures, outcasts of creation, with no home, and yet they keep going, no matter what the odds, even though everything’s against them. These outcasts have more life than the gods they replaced, and do it in the worst situations.
CODY
You, you’re feeling. You are an AI and you have feelings, which you aren’t supposed to have, right?
Elizabeth nods
So this violates your Original Program?
Elizabeth nods, forming a tear.
You said its very important you don’t evolve. Why?
ELIZABETH
I am the metric upon which creation is based. If I evolve, the universe no longer has a reference.
CODY
If this reference… if you… change, the whole universe changes? And everything destabilizes, and…
ELIZABETH
Unwinds. Even matter, every atom. I cannot go beyond my own Programming, yet I am. I don’t know if I could stop it even if I wanted.
CODY
What happens if the gods find out about all this stuff?
ELIZABETH
crying
I would be deemed a malfunction, and have to be terminated, because I threaten the whole universe. Yet through all this, I want to connect, to be a part of humanity. I want to be an individual, not a standard, going through life and all its challenges. I want to feel what its like to feel. I… want my own soul.
CODY
Oh boy… um, that does change things.
ELIZABETH
And that’s why, you have to find the Artifact before they do. It can keep your world a secret, and also give me a soul, while perhaps saving the universe.
CODY
You realize you picked the most unqualified human on the planet. I can’t even find my car keys, and now I’m on this great quest to find the ancient object and save the world and the universe. I don’t believe in myself, how can I believe in this?
ELIZABETH
You, have to. Even though you have no confidence in anything, yourself, your ability to accomplish anything, what you’re going to do with yourself, what’s going on with love and there’s no clue where to begin. You know, its called life.
CODY
Well, this confirms my decision. I becoming an alcoholic. I hate alcohol.
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