Lesson 11

[Michael Jones]

Mike’s Full-out Characters

I made subtle changes to strengthen these characters. The subtext of each allows for a tangible flaw for each character to either overcome, or fail and retain it, losing their chance to progress. Koa is the protagonist and has friends with conflicting interests to challenge him and help him accept change. Nina is the obstacle for Koa but her motives are driven by great personal losses, and Calder has to decide where he really belongs.

The changes are subtle but necessary and I appreciate the lesson in wanting us to elevate characters where my desire is to overgeneralize and keep them safer than I ought.

CURRENT PROFILE

KOA WILSON

Description: A 12-year-old kid who romanticizes adventures to mask his fear of change.

Core Traits: Empathetic, protective, quick-tempered, utopian ideas

Subtext: Koa wants to go on an adventure to keep his friends from moving away.

NINA BLACKWOOD

Description: Nina blurs the lines between folklore and reality with a zeal for ‘hidden’ knowledge.

Core Traits: Knowledgable, deceptive, obsessed, distrustful.

Subtext: Wants closure with her family’s past and to have someone to trust.

CALDER FROST

Description: A Gothic loner looking for a way to belong.

Core Traits: Stealthy, observant, paranoid, insecure.

Subtext: Wants to belong, but sabotages his opportunities because he’s afraid of changing.

REVISED PROFILE

KOA WILSON

Description: A 12-year-old kid who romanticizes adventures but dreads the very real adventures of life’s changes; a dreamer at a crossroads.

Core Traits: Empathetic, protective, quick-tempered, dreamer

Subtext: His imaginative adventures mask his fear of losing the familiarity of his current life, and his actions are a plea for stability amidst the chaos of growth.

NINA BLACKWOOD

Description: Nina blurs the lines between folklore and reality with a zeal for ‘hidden’ knowledge.

Core Traits: Knowledgable, enigmatic, obsessed, distrustful.

Subtext: Her fixation with her family’s past veils her desire for an honest connection.

CALDER FROST

Description: A Gothic loner looking for a way to belong; outcast, a lone wanderer.

Core Traits: Stealthy, observant, paranoid, insecure.

Subtext: Wants to belong, but is his own saboteur, distrustful of the change such acceptance might bring.

[Susan]

Susan McClary’s Full Out Characters

What I learned from this assignment is that my characters really needed a LOT of work and I will look at this again in the future.

1) The Drake/Fabio Ferrari

Original Description:
Fabio Ferrari is a writer of the mysterious, surreal, bizarre, and occult.

Updated Description:
Fabio Ferrari is a writer of the mysterious, surreal, bizarre, and occult. His mission is to terrify his audience into goodness.

Original Traits:
Generous, Romantic, Collector, Fiery

Updated Traits:
Big-hearted, Romantic, Obsessive Collector, Fiery, Show Off, Horror Victorianorum, Incorruptible, Genius

Secret (Remains the same): He has an elaborate plan to propose to Violetta.

Original Goals/Subtext:
To get his plumbing installed so he can take a shower; to wed Violetta; to hold a Galla at his new Chateau to unveil his Egyptian artworks and his new novel.

Updated Goals/Subtext:
To get his plumbing installed so he can be clean enough/not stink in order to propose to Violetta; to hold a Galla at his new Chateau to unveil his Egyptian artworks, other scary collections including one with unsolved murders (as he hopes to get his pal Sir Arthur Canon Doyle to visit), and a special installment of the fabulous to honor his recently deceased friend Lewis Carroll.

2) Baldo

Original Description:
Baldo is a Plumber (but definitely NOT a good one)

Updated Description:
Baldo is a Plumber (but definitely NOT a good one), his mission is to stay alive and explore the Sphinx and Pyramids in Egypt.

Secret (Remains the same): He is in hiding from Muscalo’s (the Big Guy’s) Cammora crime family.

Original Traits:
Immoral, Lazy, Cowardly, Fool

Updated Traits:
Unscrupulous, Slothful, Gutless/Chicken, Buffoon, Gourmet

Original Goals/Subtext:
To avoid the Cammora and death, and to satisfy his addiction to all things Egyptian.

Updated Goals/Subtext:
To avoid the Cammora and death, to satisfy his addiction to all things Egyptian, and to feel afraid – he enjoys it.

3) Violetta

Original Description:
Gorgeous, vibrant, stunning, captivating being. She is Fabio’s assistant and head of household.

Updated Description:
Gorgeous, vibrant, stunning being… almost angelic. She is Fabio’s assistant and head of household. She is incredibly competent and is in control of everything except Baldo.

Original Traits:
Musical, Gentle, Efficient, Helpful

Updated Traits:
Musical, Gentle, Resourceful, Meticulous, Charming, Dauntless

Original Secret:
She is in love with Fabio, but feels it is inappropriate to let him know.

Updated Secrets:
She is in love with Fabio, but feels it is inappropriate to let him know.
Baldo infuriates her because she cannot run the household properly because he is out of control. She is the “Big Guy’s”/Muscalo’s daughter. She was thrown out of the Napoli Orchestra for getting into a fist fight with the cellist.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Susan McClaryu.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by  Susan McClaryu. Reason: Rename

[Christi Falk]

Christi Falk’s Full Out Characters

This is my attempt to correct the power imbalance between the trio of main characters in my murder mystery. Again- less of a focus on the suspects and more on the detectives. Again- avoiding the Knives out trap.

1. Lancelot Fielding

Original description: a tradesman’s build in a working man’s suit. A man, possibly a token promotion, desperately trying to keep the new rank he doesn’t feel he’s properly earned.

Traits: Brilliant, Athletic, meticulous, Stoic

Subtext – Recently promoted to Police lieutenant and the first cop in his immigrant family, Fielding feels like his promotion was pandering and doesn’t fully trust his instincts.

Updated description: Tradesman’s build in a working man’s suit. An immigrant, secretive by nature, stoic about his recent promotion.

Traits: Stoic, Brilliant, Athletic, Aloof.

Subtext- Working within the parameters of his new promotion, Fielding deals with aggression from his team as well as the suspects at a murder scene. He also hides a secret from his colleagues about his families connection with the murder victim’s family.

2. Nessa Battleford

Original description: a professional woman at war with herself. She feels every promotion around her is an insult as she remains in detective rank. Her guard is always up, especially around superiors.

Traits: Attractive, Acerbic wit, Challenging, insecure

Subtext: Her good friend recently got promoted over her and has become the enemy. She’s doing her best to accept the new status but is seething inside.

Updated description: A police woman who defines herself by her professional success. She’s shattered that her close friend was promoted over her and full of rage she can’t express.

Traits: Acerbic wit, Challenging, Insecure, Power hungry

Subtext: Since her good friend was promoted, he went from partner and confidant to enemy overnight. She does acknowledge her rage is irrational but has no way to stop feeling this way.

3. Doctor Kevin Munroe

Original description: lovable goofball who loves his job and the people he does it with.

Traits: easily distracted, observant, Loyal, single minded

Subtext: Kevin is very aware of the power dynamic shift between the team as they’re in a group and tries to connect with both Nessa and Fielding in new ways to restore balance. The murder they’ve been called to is just a distraction from this issue.

Updated Description: Good natured joker who never takes anything seriously. Unless it’s for a laugh.

Traits: easily distracted, observant, loyal, peacemaker

Subtext: Kevin is concerned for the new dynamic in the team but also the individual traumas that seem to be happening individually with Nessa and Fielding.

[Danielle Dillard]

What I learned doing this assignment was making the elements of my characters stronger

3 characters:

Lacey Brooks

Description: Layla is a sweet 11-year-old girl that always looks out for her little brother

Traits: Protective, caring, sarcastic, intelligent

Subtext: Layla has a hard exterior but she’s fragile on the inside

Slice

Description: Slice is a selfish gangster that could care less about his son

Traits: Cold, brash, violent, cunning

Subtext: Slice has a girlfriend and kids, but his heart is with his fellow gang members

Joy Brooks

Description: Joy is an early 50s grandmother who cares deeply about her grandchildren

Traits: Funny, loving, brash, outspoken

Subtext: She puts her own life on hold to keep herself available to her grandchildren

Revision

Lacey Brooks

Description: Lacey is a streetwise 11-year-old girl that studies her mother’s dysfunctional romantic relationships

Traits: Hip, watchful, streetwise, protective

Subtext: Lacey looks out for her little brother so he, and she, don’t get attached to their mother’s short-term boyfriends and long for a dad they don’t have

Slice

Description: Slice is a ruthless gangster that genuinely loves his son

Traits: Fun, spontaneous, violent, generous, dishonest, caring

Subtext: Slice has to keep a tough image to rival gang members and try to represent a positive role model to his son

Joy Brooks

Description: Joy is a spiritual woman who can’t forgive herself for neglecting her daughter years ago

Traits: Sarcastic, loving, strict, adventurous, self-condemning

Subtext: Joy is overly there for her grandchildren and puts her life on hold for them when she’s really making up for lost time with her own daughter

[Christi Falk]

Hi Danielle, I’m sorry I can’t find your post to critique on Lesson 9. We’ve all been having tech so no worries. Please repost and we’ll be happy to give you feedback!