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Lesson 11
Reply and post your assignment.
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is to ensure that, a. no two scenes are alike and b. to try and shock the audience to keep them wanting more and in their seats.
Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.
Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
INT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT
…Beatrice hands Jack a drink.
Stands behind Jack. Rubs his shoulders.
Jack sips the drink. Leans back.
Beatrice leans over.
Reaches between Jack’s legs. Rubs his crotch.
BEATRICE
Let me soothe your worries away.
Jack closes his eyes. But after a few seconds…
JACK
I can’t.
Beatrice slaps him.
BEATRICE
Come with me.
Beatrice holds onto to Jack’s arm as they make their way through the house to the kitchen elevator.
EXT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT
Victoria flattens herself against the house. Signals to Daniel to go around the house. Victoria joins him there.
DANIEL
Well?
Victoria shudders. Makes a circle with her thumb and index finger of one hand. Inserts back and forth with the index finger of her other hand.
DANIEL
What is that?
VICTORIA
You know…mother and son.
Daniel shakes his head.
VICTORIA
Together. Intimately.
DANIEL
Oh.
VICTORIA
These two are really fucked up. Literally.
DANIEL
Where are they going?
VICTORIA
There’s a cellar.
DANIEL
Is there a back door?
VICTORIA
This way.
EXT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT
Victoria leads the way around to the back of the house. Tries the back door. Locked.
Daniel hands her his flashlight. He takes lock picks out of a jacket pocket. Victoria turns the flashlight on. Shines it on the lock.
Daniel crouches. Releases the lock in seconds. Holds the door. Victoria enters. She turns the flashlight off.
VICTORIA
Aren’t you full of surprises?
Daniel shrugs.
INT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT
Lights are on throughout the house. Victoria quietly sneaks down a hall. Around a corner.
Victoria opens a door.
OFFICE
Victoria flashes her flashlight into the dark. A desk. Full bookcases. Cupboards. Several computers and printers. The drapes are closed.
Victoria eases the door shut.
Daniel turns on the desk light.
DANIEL
How do you know your way around?
VICTORIA
I was here for my investor interview. Beatrice gave me the tour.
Daniel nods. Looks around. Pictures of women in various stages of undress are plastered on a cork board.
DANIEL
Looks like the nerve centre of the operation.
VICTORIA
You take the desk. I’ll take the cupboards.
They rifle through papers, drawers, books.
Victoria looks at the pictures of the women on the board. She takes one of the pictures down. Looks at it. Puts it in inside her jacket.
Victoria takes all the pictures of the women off the board.
DANIEL
Don’t do that.
VICTORIA
Why not?
DANIEL
They’ll know.
VICTORIA
We need evidence.
DANIEL
Probably won’t fly in court.
VICTORIA
Different rules remember?
Daniel sits down at the desk. Fiddles with the mouse.
WHISTLES.
VICTORIA
What?
DANIEL
Closed-circuit.
Victoria comes to stand beside Daniel. She rolls the pictures of the women.
A large computer screen with multiple windows are displayed. Daniel moves the mouse around.
DANIEL
(points)
Where is this?
Victoria looks closer.
VICTORIA
The cellar.
(beat)
Shit.
Victoria points to the window focused on the elevator.
Daniel types on the computer.
VICTORIA
What are you doing?
DANIEL
Is there another way out?
VICTORIA
The window. That elevator is located between the front and back door.
Daniel finishes typing.
Daniel moves to the window. Flings the drapes back. Studies the locks. Wrestles with the locks. Struggles to open the window.
ELEVATOR
The elevator opens. Beatrice and Jack step out. Beatrice heads to the back door.
JACK
What is it?
BEATRICE
The door’s open.
Beatrice turns. Strides down the hallway.
OFFICE
Daniel turns back to Victoria.
DANIEL
The outside window doesn’t open.
VICTORIA
Break it.
Daniel grabs a statue. Hefts it. Strides to another window.
Victoria shrugs out of her coat. Hands it to Daniel. He wraps the statue in her coat.
Victoria pushes a table against the door.
Daniel pounds the statue along the window.
HALLWAY
MUFFLED CRASH. Jack runs after Beatrice. He gets to the office door first. RATTLES the doorknob. Locked.
SLAMS his shoulder into the door. Nothing.
OFFICE
Glass FLIES out the window. Wood splinters from the door fly into the office.
Daniel shakes the statue free of her coat. Lays Victoria’s coat on the window sill.
DANIEL
Ladies first.
Victoria rolls her eyes.
EXT. BAKER HOUSE – NIGHT
Victoria hops out the window. Daniel follows. He takes her coat. Shakes it out. Hands it back to her.
Victoria and Daniel run for their cars.
INT. BAKER HOUSE – HALLWAY
Jack backs up.
JACK
Stand back mother.
He takes a run at the door with his shoulder. It bumps against something.
He pushes hard against the door. Gets it open enough to shimmy through. Runs to the broken window.
BEATRICE
Shit.
JACK
What?
BEATRICE
They’ve taken the photos of the girls.
Jack leans out the broken window.
Beatrice comes to stand by him.
BEATRICE
Anyone we know?
JACK
Hard to tell.
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Mark’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment is that I am pretty confident I get get these action emotions working in a script. My final draft will differ somewhat from the scene below, but a longer, more detailed version should push all the correct buttons.
EXT. LOS POLLOS HERMANOS FRANCHISE – DAY
The Bomb Squad Truck draws up. FRED, CHARLIE and MEGAN get out.
The Franchise MANAGER hurries over to meet them.
MANAGER: Thank God you’re here. I’m losing all my customers.
FRED slips into his blast suit.
FRED: Where’s the bomb?
MANAGER: It’s in that dumpster.
Fred and Charlie exchange puzzled looks.
CHARLIE: You moved it?
MANAGER: I didn’t want it on the premises. You know how much these franchises cost?
Charlie shakes his head in amazement.
CHARLIE: Ok, let’s check it out.
Fred steps forward. Megan follows.
CHARLIE: (to Megan) Not you, rookie. Wait over there and watch, while I call it in.
Disappointed, Megan goes over and sits on a bench. Charlie climbs back into the truck and radios the Bomb Squad office.
Megan notices a MAN in the park operating a remote control device. His face is shadowed by his hood.
Fred, across the parking lot, gently extracts the IED from the bin.
A remote-controlled TOY CAR shoots under the truck and stops.
Megan reacts.
MEGAN: Bomb! (Shock)
Fred, startles, almost drops the IED.
CHARLIE: For Chrissaskes, Megan, don’t ever shout ‘bomb’ – you’ll have everyone panicking.
MEGAN: But –
CHARLIE: If you see something, just whisper ‘IED’.
MEGAN: IED.
CHARLIE: That’s right.
MEGAN: No. I.E.D!
CHARLIE: What?
MEGAN: Under the truck.
CHARLIE: Shit.
Charlie hops out and peers under the truck, sees the toy car waiting there, an evil menace.
CHARLIE: Fred, when you’ve done with that, come check this out.
Megan gets down on her hands and knees.
CHARLIE: Didn’t I just tell you to stay back. This is no place for a rookie.
Megan backs off, reluctantly.
Fred takes her place, peering intently at the toy car.
CHARLIE: What d’ya think?
FRED: Explosive charge in the chassis, is my guess. Move the truck forward.
Charlie hops back in the truck, starts up the engine.
FRED: Easy does it… (suspense)
The Truck moves off slowly, exposing the model car to daylight.
Fred crawls on his belly towards the toy car –
Which is suddenly snatched up by a young BOY.(Surprise)
BOY: That’s mine!
He hurries away with the innocent toy tucked under his arm.
Fred gets in the truck alongside Charlie.
CHARLIE: What about the IED?
FRED: False alarm. Somebody’s idea of a joke. Let’s get out of here.
CHARLIE: What about Megan?
FRED: Let her walk. Be good for her.
Charlie guns the truck forward fifty yards and stops. He sticks his head out the window.
CHARLIE: Hey Megan! Want a ride home?
Megan, pissed, heads towards the truck.
Megan: Very nice guys, great fucking manners.
BLAMM! (shock!)
A booby-trapped vehicle beside the truck EXPLODES, sending the blazing truck flying into the air, bowling Megan off her feet.
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Evelyn’s Level 2 Action Emotions — surprise, shock, and suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is the high value of building in the specific set of emotions before I write the scene or sequence, using a deliberate structure of setup and payoff.
This scene sequence is in act two, around the time of the midpoint.
INT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – GUEST ROOM – DAY
Shayla sits at her worktable, humming under her breath while she cleans the sniper rifle.
Hearing a dog bark, she gets up and glances out the window, with its view of her backyard. No one is there.
Satisfied, she picks up her rifle and loads it with 223 Remington ammo.
EXT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – STREET – SAME
Shayla’s parents, Jaynie and Marv, get out of their parked car a few doors up the street from Shayla’s house, even though there is parking in front of it and approach.
Jaynie carries a flowering plant in a pretty container.
JAYNIE: She’s gonna be so surprised!
They smile at each other and quietly move to the front door, where they use a key to enter.
INT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – GUEST ROOM – SAME
Shayla hears the front door open.
[SURPRISE]
She sets the rifle against the wall behind the door to the hall, then eases the door open and glances out.
She sees her parents, and silently ducks back inside.
[SHOCK]
INT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – SAME
Jaynie neatens up the coffee table clutter and places the plant on it.
Marv takes a thick cash envelope from a pocket and puts it next to the plant.
Jaynie moves the envelope, propping it against the plant.
They smile at each other, giddy.
The envelope has Shayla’s name handwritten on it.
There’s a sudden noise from the guest room, something falling.
[SURPRISE]
Jaynie and Marv look up, startled.
INT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – GUEST ROOM – SAME
Shayla picks up the rifle that fell over, and calmly opens the door.
INT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – SAME
As Shayla comes out of the guest room holding the rifle at her side, her parents look at her, startled.
JAYNIE: You said you were going to Reno for a couple days.
SHAYLA: I lied.
MARV: We just wanted to leave a little surprise for you to come home to.
SHAYLA: Who gave you a key?
JAYNIE: Well, honey, don’t you remember? When we hired the contractor to renovate this property for you, he gave us a spare set, for emergencies.
SHAYLA: He shouldn’t have done that.
MARV: Uh, what’s the gun for? Going to a shooting range?
Shayla notices the flowers, then picks up the envelope.
[SURPRISE]
Jaynie and Marv chuckle nervously.
JAYNIE: We cashed out a retirement fund.
MARV: You were listed as the beneficiary anyway, so we figured you might as well have it now, since you’re running a little short lately.
SHAYLA: Ever heard the expression “too little, too late”?
MARV: It’s fifty-eight thousand. Are you saying you’ve got some kind of debt bigger than that? What kind of trouble are you in, Shay-shay?
Jaynie looks at Shayla’s flat expression.
[SUSPENSE]
JAYNIE: What were you doing in the guest room just now? What is the rifle really for, babycakes? You’re not… you’re not thinking of self-harming are you?
MARV: If you are, there’s no shame in it. We’ll get you the help you need. It’ll be our little secret, like always.
[SUSPENSE]
Not waiting for permission, Jaynie dashes to the guest room door and looks in.
She gasps, staggering back into the hall.
SHAYLA: I really wish you could ever catch on that my life is my life, not yours.
MARV: What’s going on?
He jogs over to the guest room door and looks in.
MARV: Omigod. You’re the one who put Reinaldo in a coma? Almost killed Mikki?
JAYNIE: I don’t understand what we did wrong. You and Mikki are like sisters.
SHAYLA: Just because you say that again and again doesn’t make it true.
JAYNIE: Shayla. Tell us the truth. You know we won’t stop loving you. Do you have anything to do with why Ava is missing?
Shayla blows out a heavy sigh.
She picks up the TV remote, tunes in to a war movie and turns the volume up as far as it goes.
JAYNIE: Turn it down. I mean, please. The neighbors might complain.
Shayla calmly shoots her mom between the eyes.
[SHOCK]
Jaynie falls, dead before she hits the floor.
Marv gapes.
SHAYLA: Sorry, daddy. You shoulda stayed home today.
She shoots her dad, killing him.
[SHOCK]
Shayla snaps off the television, and looks at the two bodies thoughtfully, frowning to herself.
EXT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – ENCLOSED BACK PORCH – SAME
Tucked behind wicker chairs and a free-standing heavy bag is a large plastic dog kennel with side vents and a latched wire door.
Peering inside, we see Ava curled up on a blanket, sleeping heavily, a scarf tied around her mouth, her hands tied behind her back.
On a patio table we see a half-empty RX bottle of Ambien and a couple of empty mini-milk cartons and packets of cookies.
[SHOCK — reveals Shayla is the kidnapper]
INT. SHAYLA’S HOUSE – GUEST ROOM – SAME
Shayla stands in the center of the room and slowly turns, taking in the chaotic display of photos and newspaper printouts pinned to the walls, cataloguing Shayla’s obsession with her cousin Mikki’s life and career, and giving evidence of her plan to kill Mikki in the car crash, and usurp Mikki’s life as Reinaldo’s wife and Ava’s mommy.
Photos of Mikki with her husband and Ava — but in each one, Shayla has Photoshopped her own face over Mikki’s.
[SHOCK – until this point, we haven’t seen the entire wall]
She looks at a photo of Mikki holding up her championship MMA belt in the ring, grinning despite the bruises on her face.
Picking up a Sharpie pen, Shayla blacks out Mikki’s face, humming tunelessly to herself.
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John Woodward’s Level 2 Action Emotions.
Doing this assignment, I learned SURPRISE and SHOCK often occur repeatedly in an overarching SUSPENSE scene.
Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.
SCENE:
Footfalls and muffled voices indicate the gang prowls the alley. Domino ducks behind a tarp which hangs on a wall. Trey joins him, draws the pistol.
[SURPRISE]
Domino notices they lean against a massive door fortified with wrought iron. A bone‑white leopard skull contrasts dark splintered wood. The carved Congo tribesman talisman dangles on a strand of zebra skin from the cat’s fangs. And if you haven’t realized it, Trey and Domino picked the wrong house to hide in — Kwa’s house. Domino examines the talisman.
TREY: Dayum! What kinda freaky voodoo shit they rockin’ up in this bitch?
Domino lifts the enormous fortification timber.
INT. BASEMENT STAIRS ‑ DAY
The door CREAKS open, reveals steep rock steps. Domino CREAKS the door back and forth to unnerve his brother.
TREY (ghostly): Woooo. Wooooooo.
DOMINO: C’mon dog, this ain’t time to play. Gar’s boys are still out there.
Trey steps onto the first stair, inadvertently nudges a bucket. It CLATTERS down the stairs with an EERIE ECHO.
DOMINO: Stop clownin’! Y’gonna get us killed.
Trey plays like a kid in the tunnel of horrors.
[SURPRISE]
TREY: Hello down there. Anybody down there? (jumps at Domino) BOO!
DOMINO: Hey!
TREY (feigns fright): I saw somethin’.
DOMINO: That ain’t funny, man.
TREY: Really, I think I saw somethin’. You go first.
Trey pushes Domino into the doorway. Domino spins away.
TREY: All right, step back, little ho. Step somewhere and take off that dress. Let a man handle this.
Thick silence engulfs Trey as he descends a few steps.
TREY: Hellooo down there? (throws voice) Hello up there. (loud) Anybody down there? Hellooo
Something CREAKS almost imperceptibly from the darkness. Trey’s cocky smile vanishes.
TREY (softly): Hello?
DOMINO: What do you see?
Trey whistles to mask his fear, inches to the bottom, faces a pack rat’s wet dream of junk, bulging boxes, and discarded furniture.
DOMINO: C’mon, Trey, let’s roll before this gets ugly.
TREY: Calm down, ho, before you pee in your panties.
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Domino follows Trey between stacks of junk into the claustrophobic nightmare of the basement’s depths. The high-pitched SQUEAL of a dying rat ECHOES from the darkness.
DOMINO: You hear that?
TREY: Sounded like a rat.
DOMINO: A rat?
TREY: Dog, we live in the projects. You should know a rat when you hear one.
TREY’S POV ‑‑ A few yards ahead, the path ends against a brick wall. From beneath the floor, light shines through the iron bars of a trap door.
Domino and Trey draw close to the light.
THEIR POV — A reinforced shaft plunges from the basement’s dirt floor to an even lower chamber. A bare bulb glows at the bottom of a 14-foot ladder.
DOMINO: Aw, hell naw! I ain’t gettin’ caught up in no dungeons and dragons voodoo! I’m steppin’.
TREY: Hold on, dog. We came this far without meetin’ no fire-breathin’ monsters –- let’s see what’s up.
Trey checks over his shoulder, carefully opens the trap door, descends the ladder. Domino follows.
INT. LOWER CHAMBER ‑ DAY
At the bottom of the ladder, a tangle of junk rises from floor to ceiling, offers one path into the chamber’s depths. Trey heaves an empty wine bottle over a wall of barrels and crates. An ECHOING SPLASH indicates an area of hidden water. Floating bottles CLINK against one another, create a surreal ambiance.
DOMINO: We best bounce outta here while we can still bounce.
TREY: Meow.
DOMINO: Oh, now I’m pussy?
TREY: Didn’t say that at all… Meow.
TREY twists through junk piles, sloshes through a foot of water. Domino follows reluctantly. As the floor slopes downward, water rises to their knees.
[SURPRISE] Something catches Domino’s cuff! Domino kicks to free himself, smashes the foe with his free foot! Domino jerks his ankle loose and with it ‑‑ a coil of barbed wire and a rusted chain.
Domino traces the chain to its source in a relatively open area of the gruesome chamber. As he tugs on the chain, something SNAPS, splashes under the water! Two more violent movements in quick succession. Domino and Trey tumble backward into the muck, train their eyes on the spot.
The water settles. Slowly, Domino traces the chain, pulls three rusted bear traps from the murky water.
DOMINO: Daaaamn!
Domino probes the water with a busted board, upsets more traps, piles them on a barrel.
TREY: What is this place?
DOMINO: One thing’s sure. Whoever put ’em here ain’t layin’ out no welcome mat.
TREY (touches a trap): Bear traps?
DOMINO: Coon traps is more like it.
A deep, sinister VOICE echoes from the darkness.
[SURPRISE]
VOICE (O.S.): They keep the mice down.
The guys jump, turn to the voice.
Strands of mold‑covered rat paws hang like a beaded curtain from rusted iron bars, provide privacy for a crude cage. Gnarly fingers push the curtain aside. Light spills into the dismal cell.
ELDRIDGE MAKEPEACE, a tall, pale, abominable old rogue with a ruggedly handsome face, wears ragged earth‑stained clothes, peers with a shrewd, prying intensity from the cell. His hair hangs in a braid below the shoulders of his soiled blouse.
A livid scar from a saber slash traverses his neck from earlobe to earlobe. A tattoo of a man hanging from a gallows adorns one sinewy arm. Another tattoo, near his shoulder, reads “A FAIR WIND.” He speaks in the antiquated vernacular of an 18th century British seaman.
MAKEPEACE: We haven’t any trouble with mice here. Mice nor rats.
Domino and Trey step from the sludge to a dry part of the floor, gaze into the cage.
TREY’S POV — Decades-old, frayed magazines and artifacts assembled from rat bones decorate the cell.
TREY: Man, whatchu doin’ in there?
MAKEPEACE: Strangers, sonny, strangers. I don’t like strangers comin’ upon me sudden like. This port’s full of the most unreliable men. Be you lads cast adrift?
DOMINO: We musta made a wrong turn.
TREY: Fuck that. We’re lost.
MAKEPEACE: Aye. Lost, indeed. Could anyone be more entirely lost than you?
Trey glances at Domino, confused by the remark.
MAKEPEACE: I reckon you and me will have to sign articles: You lads set me free, I’ll escort you out. Look see if that box of figs don’t hide the key. Across there. Against the wall. See it?
In such a horrifying setting, the prisoner’s crafty formality magnifies the mystery. Domino looks in a crate marked “FIGS.”
MAKEPEACE: Many’s a long night I dreamed of freedom and woke up again and here I were.
Kwa, the huge, tattooed, black man from the first scene, emerges from the darkness, slides a big hand around an axe handle, sneaks up behind Domino and Trey, lifts the club. It appears Makepeace has set them up, but then —
MAKEPEACE: Look out, lads!
Trey and Domino duck away from Kwa.
MAKEPEACE: Hold steady. Keep your weather-eye open, lads.
KWA: You boys would be wise to leave this place and be quick about it.
MAKEPEACE: What can he do? Summon the authorities? Charge you with trespass upon his prison?!
Kwa lifts the club. Domino trumps him, raises the Colt, cocks the hammer — arm extended, hand almost steady.
DOMINO: What’s goin’ on here?
MAKEPEACE: Yes, tell these brave buckos who’ve been so kind to come to me aid.
DOMINO: Why you got him locked up with all these traps and crap danglin’ on everything?
MAKEPEACE: Don’t wait on his tricks, mate! Cut ‘im down like that much pork. Dead men don’t bite. You hear me? Blaze away, you crawlin’ squid, or give me the gun!
Trey waits for Kwa’s move. Kwa lowers the axe handle, mouths a cigarette, searches his pockets for matches. Domino lowers the pistol.
DOMINO: Why you got him locked up?
MAKEPEACE: Don’t listen to the fat scurvy clam!
Kwa lights his cigarette, takes a leisurely drag. His deep, gravelly voice and mulish pace cast a spell.
KWA: Two hundred years ago, a ship laden with rum and firearms docked on Africa’s “Slave Coast.” Muslim slave traders provided the human cargo. A certain African name of Bol Enkay was loaded on a ship bound for America, but he didn’t fancy the prospects of life as a slave so he rallied the captives to seize the ship.
MAKEPEACE: Not the slave story, by thunder!
Kwa bangs the axe handle against the bars to silence Makepeace, but the prisoner doesn’t flinch, smiles defiantly at his jailer. These two have been at each other for years.
DOMINO: The brothers fought back?
KWA: Of 200 captives, ten survived.
TREY: What about the cats on the other end of the whips?
KWA: Slaughtered. Including the captain. They slit his throat.
Domino glances at the scar on the prisoner’s neck. Makepeace smiles, dares Domino to believe the worst.
DOMINO: It’s time to roll, dog.
TREY: Hold up, fool. Let him finish.
KWA: In their enthusiasm for freedom, our tribal brothers lost sight of two crucial facts: they were in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean and not a brave warrior among them had a sliver of sailing experience.
TREY: Them cats had a problem.
KWA: Bol Enkay had an answer. He was an African obeah man.
DOMINO: Obeah what?
Kwa hesitates. Makepeace interrupts, puts an overly dramatic spin on Kwa’s story.
MAKEPEACE: Witch doctor! Feeble clam brains, he’s spewing witch doctor fibs.
TREY: The obeah guy was a witch doctor?
Kwa nods.
MAKEPEACE: If ever a trickster come to port, it’s that one there. Do you know what whopper he’ll have you swallow next, lads?
Trey glances at Domino.
MAKEPEACE: The savage stitched the captain’s wounds like so much zebra hide. And what think ye, the heathen done next? Tossed the poor captain overboard to feed the sharks? No. He summoned spirits to revive the Captain so as he could chart a course back to Africa. Would anyone but a fresh-water swab believe such rubbish?
KWA: Bol Enkay’s pleas were answered, but they were answered by <u style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>evil spirits. The evil magic revived the captain, doomed him for all time to the realm of the undead.
Makepeace traipses around his cage like a zombie.
MAKEPEACE: Come now, are you lubbers so dense as to swallow this drivel?
KWA: The fiend charted a course, but not for Africa, he ran the ship aground on the American coast. The spell persists. This is the captain. Captain Eldridge Makepeace.
DOMINO: He’s dead? Been dead and locked up for 200 years?
Kwa nods.
MAKEPEACE: You can hear me, can’t you, boy? Well, surely, you know — nothin’ but flesh can talk!
KWA: You can’t kill what’s already dead. The best we can do is contain him — generation by generation.
DOMINO: You’re serious.
KWA: Dead serious. I’ve kept him locked up like my Daddy, Granddaddy, and Great Grandaddy done before me. It takes powerful voodoo.
MAKEPEACE: Well now, I’m no scholar, but you boys are lads who can read and figure, and to put it straight, do you take it as a dead man is dead for good, or do he come alive again? Do you call that a head on your shoulders, or a blessed dead eye?
TREY: Domino, these cats been rockin’ the pipe. Open the cage.
DOMINO: Then can we bounce?
Domino pushes strands of rat paws away from the lock. Makepeace returns to his fawning, sneering manner.
MAKEPEACE: That’s a good boy, I’ve taken quite a fancy to you, don’t you know.
DOMINO: “Boy”?
MAKEPEACE: Aye. I had a son of my own, as like you as two blocks, and he was all the pride of my ‘eart.
Kwa jerks Domino away from the cage.
KWA: I’ve tended this evil bastard in this dank hellhole for 40 years. I ain’t about to let a couple of slack-jawed dim-witted punks turn him loose on the world.
TREY: Well, if you don’t want this slack-jawed punk to pop a cap in your old ass, then you best let my brother go.
[SURPRISE]
Trey cocks the pistol, waits for Kwa to obey. Suddenly, a trap SNAPS in the darkness! Water SPLASHES. Someone SCREAMS.
Trey turns. Chico and Flip pry the trap from Pete’s ankle. Trey hides the Colt in his pants, covers the bulge with his shirt. Gar emerges from the sludge, pistol drawn.
GAR: What the fuck this is, a giant rat trap?
MAKEPEACE: Dear, deary me, that’s a nasty gash. But not so bad as ye can’t save the knee. Still, ’tis a shame to trade a leg for a peg. And him such a strong young bucko. His whole life ahead of ‘im. It’s a pleasant thing to be young and have ten toes, and you may lay to that.
Makepeace’s antiquated accent bewilders Gar.
GAR: Who the fuck you is, English faggot motherfucker?
MAKEPEACE: I’ll grant I never had a pious mother, but there’s no call for slurs.
GAR: You one of them freaky white boys, ain’t you? S&M, bondage, and shit. You like to give it up, old man?
MAKEPEACE: I’ve been high and low, my friend, broad and wide, far and near; I’ve lived so rough as you’d be ashamed to hear of, but fear me not for I have yet to “give it up.”
Gar chuckles, shakes his head in disbelief.
CHICO: Come on, Gar. Pete needs a doctor.
FLIP: He’s right. Somethin’s fucked up, dog. Let’s get d’fuck outta here.
GAR: Since when do you give the orders, niggah?
MAKEPEACE: That’s right, sonny, don’t abide their frippery. The best thing for boys is discipline. Now, had your mates sailed with me, they wouldn’t have to be spoke to twice. That was never my way. Nor the way of such as sailed with me.
GAR: What you yakkin’ about now, caged-up monkey-ass motherfucker?
MAKEPEACE: How many savage lads, think ye, have I seen drying in the sun from the executioner’s rope? And all for lack of discipline. I seen a thing or two, I have. But you won’t listen! I know you. You like a bit o’ fun. You’ll take your jolly fling, a mouthful of rum, and go hang.
GAR: You hear that? He thinks you savage motherfuckers ain’t got discipline.
MAKEPEACE: Aye. Mine was the roughest crew afloat; the Devil himself would have feared to go to sea with them. Lambs wasn’t the word for my old crew. Some was feared of my boatswain, Will, and some was feared of the first mate, Blue; but Blue his own self was feared of me.
Gar studies Makepeace, and tries to make sense of a man who refuses to fear him.
GAR: You yak too much, motherfucker.
Calm and steady, Makepeace speaks so that all can hear.
MAKEPEACE: I see you ride well-provided. Do you possess the fortitude to use your weapons — motherfucker?
A battle of glares. Slowly, deliberately, Gar aims his Glock automatic at Makepeace.
MAKEPEACE: Hardly good sport — might as well shoot fish in a barrel as fire upon a man in a cage.
Gar eyes Makepeace, then blasts the cell’s lock.
MAKEPEACE: Aye, let’s clear the decks for pleasant action.
KWA: No!
Kwa rushes at Gar. Gar fires. Kwa pitches over, gasps for air. His face contorts in pain. Trey tends him. Gar tears the rat-paw curtain from the cell. The brighter light reveals the gallery of lynchings.
KWA: Look.
TREY’S POV — Decayed rats dangle from nooses. Pinned to the rats — photos of black leaders — Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Walker Jones, and Patricia Hamilton.
Trey glances from the horrific sight to the dying old man. Kwa grits his teeth, gasps for breath, coughs blood.
KWA: Stop him. For God’s sake, stop him.
Gar swings the cell door open, aims his pistol.
GAR: A’right old man, I’m gon’ count three. If my dark brown ass gets past two and a half without hearin’ some serious beggin’, you assed out. One… two…
MAKEPEACE: If you don’t put that pistol this instant in your pocket, the world will soon be rid of one very dirty scoundrel. And you may lay to that, sonny.
GAR: Three.
Gar fires, but the shot hardly fazes Makepeace. He twists Gar’s wrist, forces the pistol while still in Gar’s grip to the gang leader’s head.
MAKEPEACE: Die knowing it’s by your hand, by your unbridled hate that I am free! (gleefully formal) Any last words?
Gar trembles, fears for his life, but remains defiant.
GAR: Eat shit, motherfucker.
[SHOCK]
Makepeace’s finger closes down on Gar’s trigger finger. Gar struggles but can’t match the older man’s strength. BANG! Point-blank in the head. Gar pitches over.
[SHOCK]
The gangbangers open fire on Makepeace. Their bullets hardly phase the Captain. Pete squanders his ammunition. Makepeace executes Pete with cold dispatch, shoots Chico in the chest.
[SUSPENSE]
Domino and Trey bolt for the ladder. Makepeace fires several rounds into Flip. He topples over, dead. Trey sprints through the sludge ahead of Domino. SNAP! A trap closes on Domino’s leg.
DOMINO: Trey!
TREY: Hold on, bro, I gotcha! HOLD ON!
Trey crouches to pry the trap from his brother’s leg. A bullet SLAMS into Domino’s back! Domino slumps to his knees, coughs blood. Trey holds his brother, keeps him above the water.
TREY: NOOO!
Domino presses the Colt into Trey’s hand. Trey glances from Domino’s panicked eyes to the pistol, then across the room.
TREY’S POV — Several yards across the sub-basement, Makepeace takes aim at Trey, but Domino remains directly between them.
Trey struggles to drag Domino behind a crate. Makepeace fires. Another bullet smashes into Domino. Trey carries his brother to cover, applies pressure to the wounds.
TREY: Don’t die, bro, don’t die.
[SHOCK]
A lifetime of surviving inner city streets comes to this. Domino dies in Trey’s arms. Trey breaks down, tries desperately to revive Domino’s limp body. In an instant, Trey loses his brother, gains the sole responsibility to stop Makepeace. But before Trey can shoulder that burden, he tackles the most primal of all challenges –- survival.
Makepeace sloshes through the water toward Trey’s position. Trey empties the gun on Makepeace.
TREY’S POV — As the smoke clears, Makepeace aims, fires.
Trey flees through the sludge, scrambles up the ladder. Bullets splinter rungs below Trey’s feet as he disappears up the shaft. Gar’s pistol CLICKS empty. Makepeace tosses it into the sludge, jerks Kwa up by the collar.
MAKEPEACE: I know you hear for death cannot veil the certainty of my words. The world is ripe. My time has come!
Makepeace gathers the photos depicting his assassination fantasies, steps over Kwa’s lifeless body, wades through sludge after Trey.
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ACTION LESSON 11: Level 2 Action Emotions
ASSIGNMENT
BG’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned doing this assignment: This lesson provided a really helpful framework for constructing a fight scene and adding detail to it.
2. Create an outline of the scene that includes each of the three emotions.
SETUP: After discovering his friend’s flat has been ransacked, REPORTER is walking back to his cheap hotel.
SURPRISE: ASSASSIN jumps out of the shadows and attacks him. REPORTER is surprised — do muggings occur in London?
SHOCK: He soon discovers this is no mere mugger. He’s terrified.
SUSPENSE: Will an untrained novice, struggling on the basis of instinct, survive an attack by a trained professional?
SURPRISE: REPORTER doesn’t know hand-to-hand combat, but he does know about the forces of nature, like gravity.
RELIEF: REPORTER pushes ASSASSIN off his center of gravity and topples him down.3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
As REPORTER walks along the dark alley behind HACKER’s apartment building, deep in thought — a slight RUSTLE — REPORTER turns his head to look, as —
A kosh grazes the side of his head and lands on his shoulder. His eyes open wide in surprise — do these things happen in London?
He leans into the attack, his arms going up instinctively, trying to keep body close — trying to turn — get his arms around him to prevent him from hitting again —
For a second, REPORTER gets to look into ASSASSIN’s eyes. Cold, business-like. REPORTER tries to cling tighter, surprise giving way to shock — fear —
It is a deadly struggle between a trained professional and a total novice — with nobody around to watch. In one smooth move, the professional slides out of the clumsy embrace, throwing off the novice onto his back.
REPORTER rolls away, desperately rummaging in his pocket. ASSASSIN no longer looks cool — he’s angry now. He takes out a switchblade. As he approaches to deliver the coup de grace, REPORTER throws himself toward the space between ASSASSIN’s legs, stabbing upwards with his screwdriver — the handle end.
By the time, he realizes his mistake and tries to turn it around, ASSASSIN is already bending over, trying to reach the coiled pest between his legs with the switchblade.
REPORTER squeezes through, uncoiling and pushing himself back with his own legs, taking ASSASSIN’s legs with him. ASSASSIN falls forward, forehead hitting concrete, switchblade flying off.
REPORTER rolls toward the head end, stands up and dusts himself off.
REPORTER
(muttering)
Phew, that was close!He peers down. ASSASSIN’s not out! He’s glaring, trying to raise himself. If his eyes could kill…
REPORTER hesitates, then kicks him gently on the on the side of the head — taking care not to kick the guy’s nose into his brain. He bends over to make sure he’s out this time. As he searches him —
REPORTER
(to the unconscious guy)
I gotta hit the library — I should learn some judo.The kosh, the switchblade, no gun, no wallet or identification.
REPORTER
And who the hell are you?Looks like he’s about to kick him again — but doesn’t — bends down to the unconscious man —
REPORTER
You attacked the wrong waiter, didn’t you? -
ASSIGNMENT:11
Subject line: Pat Galbraith’s Level 2 Action Emotions
What I learned in this assignment is how to develop more interesting scenes.
1.Look through your outline and choose a scene that could use surprise, shock, and suspense. Create a scene that uses all three of these Action emotions.
2. Create an outline of the scene that includes each of the three emotions.
Outline:
Myra’s gang learns where the renegades are camping on a hill outside town.
A rider alerts their gang that the warmongers know their coming.
Her gang is met by a small scouting troop.
Her gang chase them back to the campsite.
ride there with plans to kill them all.
They are outnumbered. It’s a dark day.
3. Write the scene as a first draft, highlighting surprise, shock, and suspense.
First Draft
EXT. CAMPFIRE – NIGHT
Surprise: Myra’s scout rides into camp. Jumps from his horse screams out.
Scout
Warmongers are sending out a Scout team. They will be here any minute!
Myra
Get on your horses!
Myra’s gang ride toward the camp. They see the scouts come up over the hill. Warmonger scouts turn and Myra gang chase them back to the camp!
Shocked At the camp shocked by the number of men in the camp and they are over run.
Suspense: They turn and run for their lives with the warmongers on their tails.
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Patricia’s Level 2 Action Emotions: Surprise, Shock, Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is that I’m doing myself zero favors by second guessing what I’m doing with this draft. I need to throw out “is that right?” and just try things, even if they don’t work.
EXT. FOREST – Dawn
Frigid and silent. It’s dawn, but the light barely filters through the barren trees. Nothing stirs, until —
SNAP!
A booted foot stops atop desiccated leaves and a twisted tree branch.
FBI AGENT #1
(whispers)
Shit.
An agent in full gear, clearly freezing, winces, as the forest waits. His partner noiselessly joins him.
FBI AGENT #2
(whispers back)
You’re gonna be that loud, we could just ring the bell.
FBI AGENT #1
(chagrined)
Screw you. We don’t even know if he’s still living out here.
(muttering to himself)
Cocky son-of-a-bitch.
FBI AGENT #2
(nods)
Tell that to Jonesy.
Both agents glance behind them at a team of 10 agents, fanning out to scour the forest floor to the west — the only sound the occasional muffled rumble of distant walkie talkies.
The wind starts swirling around them as they inch over the earth, not knowing what lives beneath them.
EXT. FOREST DUGOUT – Dawn
A set of eyes come into focus amid the darkness of a dugout below the agents. Early light reveals DONOVAN, exhausted by the world, bearded and scarred, he waits. Will he escape again? They’ve never been this close.
Donovan settles a backpack on his back, secures his hatchet to it and is ready to run. No panic here — he moves through the near darkness of what looks like a warren of self-dug caves, filled with survival gear, a hacked solar cooking system, and books.
The sound of the footsteps suddenly ring hollow above Donovan. FBI Agent #1 is standing next to one of the dugout’s vents.
EXT. FOREST – Dawn
FBI Agent #1 crouches down to inspect the vent. Just as he turns to alert his partner, his weight shifts, and he shouts as he crashes down into the dugout. Writhing in pain, he comes face to face with Donovan.
FBI AGENT #1
HERE! HERE! HERE!
Decision made.
Donovan runs through an opening hidden by leaves, sprinting into the trees, just as FBI agent #2 responds to his partner’s warning. He grabs his walkie, as he starts to pursue.
FBI Agent #2
Quadrant 4! Quadrant 4! Suspect is on the move. Agent is injured. All agents! Quadrant 4 — In pursuit.
Donovan is a blur, but the much younger agent is gaining. Donovan knows he can’t outrun him, but he knows the forest. He makes a turn and suddenly —
The young agent stops. Scans the trees around him.
FBI Agent #2
(to himself)
Where the f —
He hears the other agents in the far distance responding to the call, just as he spies movement near the river. He crosses the distance, jumps down the bank — emptiness.
Because Donovan is behind him coming out of the water.
The agent turns, and Donovan strikes — the heel of his hand lands a punishing blow to the agent’s throat.
The young agent wheezes and staggers back. Reaches for his gun, and for Donovan’s now sodden jacket with his free hand. Donovan kicks the legs out from the agent, but the agent holds firm — sending them both tumbling into the rushing water.
Donovan jackhammer punches the agent’s nose — blood spraying and mixing with the river. The young agent momentarily stumbles and sinks.
Donovan turns back toward the bank, adrenaline pushing him forward.
But the agent staggers after him — clawing at him — sending Donovan sprawling face down onto the muddy bank.
Donovan rolls to his side, reaching for his pack — he kicks out again, slamming the agent against the rocks. The young agent slides to the ground, still determined.
FBI Agent #2
(gasping for air)
We’re taking you —
Silence.
Donovan is holding the hatchet.
The agent’s gun is useless. He knows it. Donovan knows it.
Donovan rises.
The young agent looks Donovan in the eye. He refuses to beg.
But Donovan doesn’t swing the hatchet. He doesn’t run. He just looks at the young agent.
And he drops the hatchet.
Laces his hands behind his head.
And waits.
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Dan’s Level 2 Action Emotions
I learned during this assignment that original shock, surprise, and suspense are tough to create.
SCENE: Jordan gets recruited by the D.I.G. U.S.A. Security and Operations Team during his team’s semi-annual EXEVAL.
Outline:
SETUP: Walking with his PLEX and his TAC Sergeant, Jordan Hendrix enters his briefing room before their EXEVAL. He immediately starts a slide presentation. After explaining the operation’s order, he introduces the head of their new OPFOR team. Jordan heads across the hall to his considerable but spartan office and puts on his gear for the exercise.
SHOCK: The exercise becomes real as the OPFOR is NOT using training rounds or pulling their punches.
SUSPENSE: The series of battles, team on team, with varying outcomes.
SHOCK: Jordan’s TAC Officer is shot multiple times, then recovers. He discovers the OPFOR are using non-lethal munitions.
SUSPENSE: Jordan defeats an OPFOR duo, takes a pistol with rubber rounds, and hunts the OPFOR OIC. An intense side arm-to-hand-to-hand battle ensues.
SURPRISE: Jordan is about to finish him off when the OIC steps back, hand out, and yells ENDEX. Lights come on. In the split second of adjustment to the lights, Jordan has closed the gap and knocks him out. Next, Mr. Sato explains that the OPFOR evaluated them for positions aboard D4. The scene ends with everyone on his team angry, though pleased with their 100K bonus, the half-dead OPFOR limping off, and Mr. Sato, the D4 op & sec team, and Jordan discussing the opportunity to lead D4’s op & sec section.
Draft:
TBP
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Bent’s level 2 action emotions
what I learned doing this assignment is this……. I’m structuring my dialogue to be effective. I’m aiming for a specific emotion to make my audience feel the story and stay intrigued.
surprise shock suspense
SUSPENSE
EXT. SLEIGH HANGAR – EARLY EVENING
Indigo the elf searches for his sister Hazela and goes from sleigh to sleigh. All around him are sleighs in line for take off. Each one filled with presents so he can’t see who is piloting the sleighs until he gets to one.
EXT SLEIGH
He sees a sleigh and there in the back it looks like his little sister.
SHOCK
INDIGO- That’s her! HAZELA! GET OUT OF THERE!
He runs up to the sleigh and puts his hand on the elf’s shoulder. That elf turns around and it is not her.
SURPRISE
ELF – GET AWAY!
INDIGO- I thought you were….
ELF – I’M A CO PILOT!
Indigo steps off the sleigh. The sleighs are taking off and can’t find her.
SHOCK
He looks at the sleighs departing. There in the back is Hazela holding her hands up in the air like she’s in a rollercoaster. He chases after the sleigh as it is leaving the tarmac. Too late. It takes off. Much to her excitement.
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Andre’s Level 2 Action Emotions.
End of Act 2, Begin Act 3…
Landing On the Moon.
· Setup-
Negative – Positive. Science/engineering vs. human emotion.
New Threat – Unexpected Support. Untested Unproven equipment.
· Transition-
Plan Fails – Plan Succeeds. Original landing zone, no go. Running out of Time and Fuel, Must land somewhere.
Danger – Safety. Learning to live with danger as the new norm.
· Tragedy-
It just got worse – It just got better. Constant failures of expectations, new realizations based on challenges; Space is hard/difficult and unforgiven.
Lost Resources – New Resources. Running out of Time, Air, Fuel, Oxygen, EVERYTHING. MUST Land somewhere. Expendable resources, far away from home.
Ωmega (Ω). “My real interest is-and has been for many years-to understand the nature of consciousness and the relationship of body to mind.”
Omega (Ω) symbol for consciousness and Noetics.
Paraphysics, a new field within Noetics that extends the laws and methods of physics in an attempt to explain some paranormal phenomena.
On the moon
But not as planned.
New location. What resources remain? Oxygen, Fuel, Time, hope and confidence.What I learned from doing this assignment … Pattern for Surprise and Shock are
· Setup.
· Transition.
· Tragedy.
Shock is a sudden or violent disturbance of the mind, emotions, or sensibilities.
How to create Shock? Create Surprise that elevates the level of fear and has significant repercussions. Difference between Shock and Surprise is Shock has a traumatic impact. Something terrible has happened that was done in a surprising way. It is sudden, but it is also lasting.
Surprise is to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly; to elicit or bring out suddenly and without warning.
How to create Surprise? Create an unexpected situation that startles. The key to surprise is “unexpected”. This may or may not be a violent situation. A surprise could happen while the character is in a relaxed state- and something unexpected occurs – or it could be in the middle of the action, and suddenly, the attack comes from new direction or source.
The structure is simple: Setup/Surprise. The setup is the normal situation that we expect to continue on course. The Surprise is the unexpected, done in a way that startles or comes out of nowhere.
Suspense is a state or feeling of excited or anxious uncertainty about what may happen.
How to create Suspense? Set up significant consequence and delay delivery.
Firstly, there must be a perceived consequence. Whatever the situation, a significant consequence could occur.
Secondly, I could delay the delivery.
BEAT creates more suspense.
Every good Action
sequence has suspense and Delay built into it.-Andre
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