Lesson 11

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s Edited TV Pitch Bible (ANYONE INTERESTED IN EXCHANGING FOR FEEDBACK?)

What I learned doing this assignment is how to look at my pitch bible a different way, understanding how to edit it so it is the most intriguing it can be.

The Prophecy’s Heir

Concept

A relentless journalist’s investigation into a sinister cult unearths ancient horrors, setting off a chain of events that propels the cult closer to fulfilling a centuries-old dark prophecy. As she delves into unspeakable mysteries, reality fuses with the paranormal, releasing unimaginable terrors upon the world.

Genre

Horror

Format

1-hour T.V. Series

World

After escaping a malevolent cult’s reign, scarred ex-cultists form a fractured remnants society, harboring cryptic knowledge of dark rituals, forgotten deities, and a menacing legacy that imperils the present. As unseen influences blur the boundaries of reality, leading characters tread the precipice of supernatural abysses that defy rational explanation.

Summary

In the shadowy world of investigative journalism, Veronica Thornfield stands as a beacon of relentless pursuit, unearthing stories that no one else will touch. Her life, is upended when a brutal attack claims her mother’s life.

As she seeks the truth behind her late mother’s mysterious past, she discovers an ancient symbol that links her mother’s death to a dark cult. Her investigation into the mysterious cult unravels layers of deception, drawing her into chilling rituals and impossible occurrences that defy explanation.

Plunging into the abyss of forbidden secrets, Veronica receives an ominous warning that chills her to her core: watchful eyes lurk in the shadows. As she ventures further into her investigation, the line between the human and the spectral eerily dissolves.

Samuel Blackwood, disguised as a tormented ex-cultist, seeks refuge with Father Malachi, a clergyman haunted by his past ties with the cult. His fixation with Veronica is not mere chance; she is unknowingly the key to unleashing a dormant power. As Samuel weaves a web of deception to gain her trust, each shared secret inches him closer to a decisive choice between his dark allegiance and an unforeseen bond with Veronica.

In her quest to uncover the truth, Veronica meets Dr. Isabella Stone, an archaeologist with a deep understanding of the cult’s origins. Her revelations about cult relics resonate with her mother’s legacy. A disrupted ritual and haunting apparitions of her mother further destabilize Veronica’s grasp on reality, fueling her resolve to uncover the truth.

Veronica’s certainty fractures at a massacre site, and Samuel’s dubious loyalty unsettles her. A stalking presence unnerves her during the search for the Lost Followers, intensifying the enigma surrounding her investigation. Isolation becomes her defense as allies turn dubious, plunging her into uncertainty.

Veronica endures a reality-bending encounter, discovering a time-altering relic and a photograph that entangles Samuel in her mother’s past. With a city-threatening plot unveiled, Veronica plans to subvert the cult’s next move. The question looms: Can she overcome her destined role within the cult, or will she succumb to the malevolent forces that seek to control her?

Veronica disrupts a dangerous ritual, revealing a tangled web that may intertwine her fate with the cult’s enigmatic plans. As the cult’s influence grows over the city, Veronica, equipped with knowledge of her father’s ties to the cult, allies with the Lost Followers to stop a crucial ritual, while Samuel remains a figure of intrigue, his allegiance shrouded in mystery. The season culminates in a dramatic showdown, leaving the audience pondering whether Veronica will overcome the obscure powers at play or fall victim to the sinister forces guiding her destiny.

Character Descriptions

Veronica Thornfield

In a reality where macabre truths lurk, Veronica Thornfield, is haunted by her mother’s cult-linked murder and her kidnapping by the cult years ago. Driven by a relentless pursuit of truth, she faces a moral dilemma of crossing journalistic ethics and fueled by a personal vendetta, Veronica probes deeper into her father’s shadowy past and risks unraveling cataclysmic secrets, making her the linchpin of intrigue in a world teetering on the edge of terror.

Samuel Blackthorn

Samuel, the enigmatic cult leader, is a master of manipulation, a leader shrouded in enigma, orchestrating his cult’s shadowy rituals to harness an ancient power. As the mysterious cornerstone of the tale, he wields a deadly charm that masks his role in the sinister murder of the former cult leader, Veronica’s father. This architect of fear, cloaked in supernatural prowess and a façade of regret, draws viewers into a labyrinth of peril, his every act threading the needle between salvation and destruction.

Isabella Stone

Dr. Isabella Stone, an archaeologist who has studied the cult’s origins, walks a fine line between her thirst for knowledge and the dangers it poses. Her expertise provides invaluable insights to Veronica, yet her ambition to uncover and control ancient relics brings her into a risky rivalry with Father Malachi. Behind her façade of objective research lies a woman driven by a desire to vindicate her academic reputation, even if it means dabbling in forbidden rituals. During the investigation, Dr. Stone’s actions teeter between aiding their cause and pursuing a secret, potentially perilous agenda.

Father Malachi

Father Malachi, a once-revered priest now defrocked, straddles the fringes of faith and heresy, clutching ancient relics and secrets that could dismantle the cult he’s entwined with. His quest for redemption teeters on a knife’s edge as inner conflict and the allure of relics threaten his altruistic facade, making him a volatile ally whose actions could either cast light on the darkness or pull them all deeper into the shadowy abyss. Malachi’s complex layers of faith and doubt, his possession of stolen relics, and his struggle for atonement inject a raw, human element into the horror genre, ensuring that his journey is as compelling as it is fraught with danger.

Season 1 Episodes:

Episode 1: “Whispers of the Past”

Intrigued by a mysterious symbol discovered at her late mother’s graveside, journalist Veronica Thornfield is drawn into the haunting world of a malevolent cult. Her investigation, marred by disbelief and ridicule, uncovers a sinister link between the symbol and an ancient, dark organization.

Amidst her relentless search for the truth, Father Malachi, a defrocked priest looking for redemption, introduces her to Samuel, a charismatic figure whose deceptive aid begins a series of chilling revelations. This encounter sets Veronica on a dangerous path, challenging her resolve and leading her into a web of occult mysteries and unspoken horrors.

Episode 2: “Dangerous Revelations”

Deepening her probe into her father’s mysterious past, Veronica receives an anonymous tip that thrusts her into the heart of a shadowy cult. Her journey becomes increasingly difficult as she faces the enigmatic interventions of Samuel, a man whose motives are as cryptic as the dark prophecy she uncovers. Challenged by threats and a sinister warning to cease her investigation, Veronica finds herself caught in a dangerous game of cat and mouse, where every discovery brings her closer to a more horrifying truth than she ever imagined.

Episode 3: “Legacy’s Chains”

Haunted by her family’s dark legacy, Veronica uncovers alarming evidence of her father’s connection to the cult. Struggling with the weight of her lineage, she forms a tense alliance with Dr. Isabella Stone, an archaeologist holding crucial information about the cult. As they delve deeper into the investigation, they discover a hidden cult meeting place, revealing more than they bargained for.

However, their investigation is constantly undermined by Samuel’s manipulative tactics, blurring the line between truth and deception. This episode marks a turning point in Veronica’s journey as she confronts the shadows of her past while grappling with a present shrouded in mystery.

Episode 4: “Hidden Powers Revealed”

Veronica and Dr. Stone discover ancient relics that unveil the cult’s horrifying history and supernatural elements. As they navigate a maze of secrets and lies, cult members begin to tail Veronica, signaling a deeper involvement than she initially realized. Amidst this, Samuel reveals a glimpse of his true, formidable power, heightening the stakes of Veronica’s quest.

Episode 5: “Shadows of Salvation”

Veronica confronts a haunting connection between the unearthed relics and her mother’s murder, unmasking the cult’s supernatural nature. As she grapples with the harrowing truth and Samuel’s dark involvement in her father’s death, her sense of safety and purpose begins to waver. Amidst these revelations, Father Malachi offers an unexpected helping hand by providing Veronica with invaluable insights, helping to decipher cryptic ritualistic symbols and shedding light on the cult’s mysterious past. His expertise becomes a beacon for Veronica in navigating the labyrinth of occult secrets.

Episode 6: “Ambushed”

Veronica, alongside Father Malachi, delves deeper into the enigmatic relics, seeking to unravel the cult’s intricate mysteries. Their investigation intensifies as they encounter unforeseen dangers, including an ambush by cult members who kidnap Dr. Stone, adding urgency to Veronica’s mission. Samuel still shrouded in ambiguity, continues to play a complex role, manipulating events from the shadows. His motives remain a puzzle, adding suspense to Veronica’s quest.

Episode 7: “Perilous Rescue”

Determined to rescue Dr. Stone, Veronica, with Father Malachi’s aid, readies for a high-stakes confrontation with the cult. Their journey leads them to the heart of the cult’s power, revealing the alarming extent of its influence. Veronica finds herself at the center of a dark and foreboding prophecy as they navigate a difficult path of danger and deception. The episode crescendos with her taking bold steps to disrupt the cult’s plans, even as Samuel’s true nature and motives remain mysterious.

Episode 8: “Ritual of the Damned”

Veronica faces her most daunting challenge in the season finale as she confronts the cult during a critical ritual. This confrontation is not just a physical battle but a clash of wills and ideologies with higher stakes than ever. Amidst the intense ritual, Veronica employs her wit and courage to thwart the cult’s agenda, leading to a dramatic interruption that causes unforeseen consequences.

Five Seasons Descriptions

Season 1: “The Cult’s Shadow”

Veronica Thornfield’s life as a journalist takes a scary turn when her investigation into her mother’s murder reveals a cult preparing to awaken an ancient deity. Unraveling her mother’s secret life entwined with dark rituals, Veronica’s relentless search for truth blurs the line between the natural and the supernatural. Amidst her probe, she encounters Samuel, a seemingly lost cult follower whose intentions are mysterious. As the season closes, the cult is moments away from a ritual that could unleash an eldritch terror upon the world.

Season 2: “Prophetic Chains”

Veronica’s fight escalates globally as she uncovers a network of cults orchestrating a unified dark prophecy led by a council of leaders, including the deceptive Samuel. Facing an assembly of cult leaders, she traverses a minefield of deceit and occult practices, seeking to sever the chains of a looming apocalyptic vision. As she delves deeper into this sinister web, Father Malachi’s possession of crucial cult relics becomes a focal point of power and potential redemption. The season’s climax reveals a sprawling conspiracy, with cults worldwide uniting to fulfill the prophecy.

Season 3: “Ancient Echoes”

Veronica and Dr. Stone’s quest to decode the dark prophecy this season leads to a stunning betrayal as Samuel’s true identity as the cult leader is exposed. With each step, they unravel the prophecy’s true purpose, racing to halt a global ritual. As they face cultists and supernatural phenomena, Father Malachi’s stolen relics are revealed to be vital to the cult’s global ritual. The season culminates with the release of an ancient power that threatens to reshape the world as we know it.

Season 4: “Cosmic Cult”

Reality bends as an ancient entity seeks to reshape the universe through the cult’s dark vision, now led openly by Samuel. Veronica grapples with her lineage, now understanding her bloodline is central to the cult’s prophecy. Father Malachi, caught between redemption and temptation, must decide whether to use the stolen relics to aid Veronica or for his own uncertain ends.

Season 5: “Dark Legacy”

The final season sees Veronica facing her predestined role in a battle against an ancient force her ancestors once served. She confronts the culmination of the dark prophecy, her path fraught with personal sacrifice and the potential to initiate a new cycle of cosmic horror. As she acts to seal away the evil entity, the season leaves viewers with a chilling prospect: Veronica’s actions may have started a new, darker cycle of ancient prophecy.

[Jerry Robbins]

Hi, Renee! Jerry @jerryr48@gmail.com Would like to exchange reviews

[Renee Miller]

Hi Jerry,

Great I’ll send my right over.

Renee

[Sunil Pappu]

Sunil Pappu’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

“What I learned doing this assignment is… to get clarity on my TV bible and make it highly compelling and intriguing. I had my partner give it a quick read and got feedback that helped improve it and rewrite any confusing bits.”

MY TV PITCH BIBLE

Title: Hawala Heist

Format/Genre: One-Hour Heist Thriller Series

Concept

A rookie RAW agent joins a crew of international thieves to penetrate an underground banking network to retrieve a ledger that can crash the financial world.

Intriguing World

In the murky depths of unregulated finance lies the Hawala Network, an ancient banking system now intertwined with the digital underworld – where espionage and cybercrime blend seamlessly. Faceless entities manoeuvre it from the shadows in a high-stakes game of shaping conflicts. This clandestine world offers a playground where every transaction is a puzzle, every disguise a doorway, and every revelation could ignite global chaos.

Show Summary

In the bustling streets of Mumbai, mathematical prodigy Priya Rao lives a double life: a dutiful student by day and a RAW trainee agent by night. Her world – is disciplined, every step calculated—until a routine training exercise turns out to be a test…

… for a dangerous, unsanctioned op!

Passing with flying colors, Priya joins an international heist team as the cryptanalysis expert, their goal – is to infiltrate the underground Hawala network. Priya grapples with her father’s ominous legacy while trying to earn her team’s trust. They suspect a traitor when secret coded messages are retrieved from a local Hawaldar. Her father’s scandal resurfaces in the media and…

… Priya is suspected as the mole.

Their quest to retrieve the ledger pitches the team not only against each other but other cybercrime syndicates as well. With each code cracked and secret unearthed, the ledger’s power looms, threatening global financial anarchy.

The ledger is only the tip of the iceberg!

Each heist brings them closer to the identity of Hawala’s true architects and Priya’s shocking connections to them. Priya stands at the precipice of an impossible choice: salvage the world she knows or dismantle it entirely. Can she rewrite her destiny, or will she become the very chaos she seeks to control?

Can the rookie agent avoid becoming the architect of destruction?

Lead Characters

Priya Rao (AKA Rookie)

Priya Rao, known among her peers as “Rookie,” is the perfect storm of brilliance and naivety—a mathematical prodigy whose expertise in pattern recognition makes her invaluable in infiltrating the Hawala Network’s intricate security. Yet, beneath her analytical prowess lies a wound that bleeds distrust; the false implication of her father for a financial crime he didn’t commit. Her determination to prove fuels her every move. Torn between the moral quagmires of her covert operations and the burning need to clear her family name, Priya’s inner turmoil and impulsive nature under stress promise to unravel not just the network she’s penetrating but the very team that relies on her genius.

Arjun Nair (AKA Raven)

Arjun Nair, the enigmatic “Raven,” is the operation’s nucleus—a former RAW agent turned mastermind with an intimate knowledge of the Hawala Network and espionage tactics. His calculating mind is as dark as his alias, plotting moves with a relentless obsession fueled by a vendetta against “The Cobra,” whose actions led to his sister’s tragic death. This personal crusade for vengeance threatens to consume him, pushing ethical boundaries and risking the mission and his own morality as he maneuvers through a web of deceit and danger, driven by rage yet masked by a facade of strategic calm.

Meera Verma (AKA Ghost)

Meera Verma, the elusive “Ghost,” is the digital phantom of the team, a hacking virtuoso whose fingertips dance across keyboards to unlock the world’s secrets. Haunted by a treacherous past with a cybercrime syndicate which triggered a terror attack that killed her best friend and Arjun’s sister, she weaves a complex web to conceal her tracks while blaming Arjun for failing to stop it. She seeks redemption with each keystroke while erasing the sins of her history as her former associates threaten to drag her back into the abyss she’s desperately hacking to escape.

Sofia Petrovna (AKA Chameleon)

Sofia Petrovna, the enigmatic “Chameleon,” is a paragon of adaptability, a master of disguise whose true face is as elusive as her shifting personas. Her quest to rescue her sister from the Hawala Network’s clutches drives her to betray her team. Yet, as her feelings for her teammate Mandeep grow, Sofia’s deceptions threaten to entangle her in her own lies as she teeters on a razor’s edge between familial loyalty, forbidden love, and the treacherous duplicity of her double life. Despite her betrayal, she makes a crucial discovery when she finds out her sister was never the victim!

Mandeep Singh (AKA Shadow)

Mandeep Singh, known in the dark alleys of espionage as “Shadow,” for his stealth and loyalty—a master thief turned field operative whose skills in covert operations are as legendary as his manipulative prowess. Secretly tasked with investigating a mole within the team, Mandeep’s world is a canvas of shadows, where trust is as fleeting as the quiet nights that haunt their missions. His heart is an unwilling participant in a duplicitous game of affection with Sofia, the enigmatic Chameleon, where each stolen moment deepens the moral abyss he must navigate. While his true mission—to unmask a traitor—threatens to cast him as the ultimate betrayer.

Lina Chen (AKA Oracle)

Lina Chen, the prescient “Oracle” of a world shrouded by financial shadows. A seasoned analyst whose ability to predict the ebbs and flows of the Hawala Network’s funds is as uncanny as it is indispensable. Yet, her infallibility is marred by a past blunder, having unknowingly entangled herself in the very network she now seeks to dismantle. Even she could not have predicted that one day she would be working to take down the network she once helped together with, the daughter of the colleague she once betrayed. Lina’s struggle for redemption is palpable as she grapples with the spectre of past guilt, her analytical veneer cracking under the strain of paranoia.

Raghav Patel (AKA The Hyena)

Raghav Patel, the formidable “Hyena,” is the epitome of survivalist guile—a charismatic yet ruthless overlord at the helm of the Hawala Network’s financial machinations. His strategic mind orchestrates the underworld’s cash flows with the same predatory instinct as his namesake, prioritizing self-preservation and power. With the network’s damning ledger under his claw-like grip, Raghav’s thirst for domination is unchecked, even as his past betrayal by Sofia gnaws at him, propelling him towards a future where he must balance the paranoia of leadership against the raw ambition that fuels his empire.

Harsh Mehta (AKA The Cobra)

Harsh Mehta, known ominously as “The Cobra,” is the loyal and lethal enforcer within the Hawala Network whose cold-blooded efficiency in eliminating threats is as feared as his namesake. Haunted by the collateral damage from the terror attack that killed Arjun’s sister, this serpent’s dance with destiny is fraught with the tension of hidden truths. His quest for ascent within the clandestine order is poised against the looming ghost of a past that threatens to strike at the heart of his existence.

Episodes Descriptions

Episode 1: The Reluctant Thief

Priya Rao’s high-speed chase leads her to join a heist team, battling distrust and her father’s dark legacy as they infiltrate a Hawala outlet, uncovering just the iceberg’s tip and a mole within their ranks.

Episode 2: Codes of Conspiracy

Meera, the enigmatic “Ghost,” uncovers her past with a cybercrime syndicate as Priya deciphers critical codes, and the team is shaken by a leak hinting at a traitor among them, leading to a dire standoff.

Episode 3: In the Company of Enemies

Confronting her father’s past, Priya steps into the financial underworld to discover Lina’s role in implicating him, while Mandeep’s mole hunt threatens the team as they race against time to stop Lina’s ominous prediction of a financial anomaly – a global liquidity crisis.

Episode 4: The Unseen Bonds

Priya and Sofia navigate loyalties, as a gala heist reveals a childhood connection to Priya, and Sofia comes face-to-face with the “Hyena.” She narrowly escapes blowing her cover only to witness a harrowing cliffhanger that puts her sister firmly in the enemy’s grasp.

Episode 5: The Cobra’s Coil

A predicted financial upheaval that could expose the ledger leads the team on a vault heist, that goes awry. Priya connects the dots between her father’s case and the missing ledger but her capture by “The Cobra” marks a chilling turning point in their mission.

Episode 6: Rescue’s Reckoning

The team’s daring rescue clashes with revelations of Priya’s father’s secrets and the possibility that he may have been set up. Mandeep confronts Sofia over her duplicity as the team learns that the ledger has been moved.

Episode 7: The Explosive Truth

“The Cobra” meets an unknown figure hinting at a larger conspiracy. Priya unravels the network’s ghost nodes, leading to an explosive trap that threatens to shatter their unity and mission even as Arjun faces off with “The Cobra.”

Episode 8: Balance of Allegiances

Priya’s final stand against the network unveils the true mastermind behind the terror attack. The ledger’s recovery only deepens the mystery, leaving her father’s fate and her loyalty in question. The crew must decide their next move.

5 SEASON SUMMARY

Season 1: “Blueprints of Betrayal”

Priya Rao, a rookie with a genius for patterns, infiltrates a Hawala Network to find a ledger and exonerate her father. Unearthing the ledger is only a part of a bigger puzzle. Her father’s arrest leaves her motives suspect.

Season 2: “Chasing Shadows”

The crew chases encrypted keys to a Shadow Ledger in a series of escalating heists as Priya learns about her father’s dark connections to the network. A national threat looms, ending with Priya under RAW’s watchful eye.

Season 3: “Accused Bloodline”

Collaborating with a mysterious group, the team decrypts the ledger, revealing a treacherous map that implicates global political figures. Priya’s lineage ties her to the Hawala architects, hinting at her ignominious destiny.

Season 4: “Fingerprint of Fate”

The ledger’s secrets become accessible only through biometric keys when the network tests its prototype “Operation Phoenix”. The team stops a nation’s downfall, but Priya unwittingly plants a code to rebuild the Hawala Network.

Season 5: “Code of Justice”

Facing an ancient secret society, the team grapples with “The Lazarus Protocol” – the network’s doomsday plan – at a global summit. Priya’s code transforms it, aiming for global economic balance, not chaos. What if Priya’s biological mother, who betrayed her father for his code, has trained more geniuses like Priya?

[Lenore]

BWTV Module 2—Lesson 11 Editing Bible

Lenore Bechtel’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment was the need of having something intriguing in every sentence, while also maintaining clarity. After my editing, I re-read my Bible asking myself if each sentence alone would make a reader want to read more. I think so. I hope so.

I am eager to exchange pilots for feedback, but need to complete Lesson 12 with images before starting that process. Here’s my Bible:

HYNOTIZED BY HOPE

PITCH BIBLE

By

LENORE VINYARD BECHTEL

Lenore Bechtel
306 S. 1st. Street
Eufaula, OK 74432

936-499-7694

lenorebechtel33@gmail.com

Hypnotized by Hope, one hour/comedy

Concept:

Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced, efficient girl Friday and ghostwriter must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. All goes awry when Joshua’s illegal past and Lilly’s own sordid secrets threaten their goal of attaining national recognition with a best-selling book.

Intriguing World:

The hypnotic world of Joshua’s office in Tulsa’s Traveler’s Tower, which also has a bank, shops, a cafeteria, a spa, and a nightclub frequented by past life regressors.

Summary of Pilot:

Lilly wants national publicity for the book she’s ghosting for Joshua Hope, hypnotist extraordinaire, but not the kind scandal reporter Quinten Quebeck will write. He thrives on destroying reputations, so Lilly needs to keep him from discovering Joshua’s many quirky cures.

Like the one for Timothy, a schizoprenic who thinks he’s invisible, referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan even before his insurance ran out. Knowing his hypnotic suggestions must be confirmed by reality, Joshua has Lilly arrange a fake bank robbery to be carried out by Timothy and his two new invisible buddies—gleeful Joshua himself and reluctantly helpful Dr. Dan.

Lilly also has to find a malfunctioning safe that can’t be opened as part of a treatment for Tyrell, a mysterious client whom Joshua sees for free. Much later she’ll discover that Tyrell and Joshua were cellmates in prison—a past he’s hidden from her and one Joshua’s afraid will destroy his chance for the national fame he desires.

Joshua is already a Tulsa celebrity because of his weekly TV show featuring fat clients who’ve lost weight with his group hypnosis classes. Alas, if Quinten finds out that Maudie, the subject of this week’s show, is a fake fatty—disaster! Discovering this truth, Lilly must quickly arrange a refilming of the bad show, but she can’t keep simple Sally from playing the show for Quinten. Lilly’s cross to bear is one inept girl after another—like Sally—hired by Joshua, sometimes she thinks just to annoy her—which he loves doing.

Quinten arrives as Lilly is recording past life regressor Bernadine’s breakthrough to her 1800s life when Sally interrupts with Joshua’s master hyypnosis CDs she’s destroyed. At the same time a frightened Timothy runs from Joshua’s office, announcing that Joshua is crazy, and flees.

Quinten’s ears perk up, Lilly’s hopes zoom down, but Joshua remains his usual cheerful self, telling Lilly “He’ll be back” and welcoming Quinten to drop by anytime to sit in on his weight control and stop smoking sessions whenever he wants.

Characters:

Main characters who will appear every season =

Lilly Brandon, frequently rejected novelist divorced by her gay husband, seeks writing recognition through Joshua and happiness that’s eluded her since her secret teenage pregnancy.

Joshua Hope, superb hypnotist and star of a weekly Tulsa TV show, will do any wild thing to help a client, always fearing his secret past imprisonment for impersonating a doctor might come back to haunt him.

Dr. Dan Dreiden, money-hungry psychiatrist and wannabe womanizer who refers his hopeless cases to Joshua, but would love to prove long term psychiatry bettter than speedy hypnotherapy.

Vicki Hope, Joshua’s 20ish cousin and perky receptionist dumped by her boyfriend and fired by a previous employer, flirts with male clients and offers to work overtime at no pay for mistakes on the job.

Bernadine Dione, nightclub singer, frame drummer and past life regressor, fears her soul group will move on without her if she doesn’t discover and pay her karmic dues in this lifetime.

Minor characters who might or might not appear every season =

Quinten Queback, antagonist, mean-spirited, scandal reporter who hope to win a jounalistic prize for writing a scathing expose on Joshua.

Timothy Graves—referred to Joshua by Dr. Dan—is a schizo who thinks he’s invisible and struggles to adjust to visibility after being seen in a fake bank robbery arranged by Libby.

Shay Zigler, who comes to Joshua’s office to see if he wants a relationship with Lilly, his birth mother who gave him out for adoption.

Kathy York, who used to be Kevin York, Lilly’s gay exhusband who now wants to live with her and be her best friend.

Tyrell Black, Joshua’s prison cellmate, who needs Joshua’s help to regain his safecracking skill and whose nimble fingers play marvelous piano jazz.

First season characters who will be replaced by other clients in season 2 through 5:

Sally Singleton, Joshua’s new hire whose ineptness is faked because she’s really undercover for a publisher wanting to know if Joshua is truly legit.

Maudie Patterson, who’s so enthralled with Joshua that she pads her body to attend his weight session, creating chaos when he chooses her as a subject for his TV show.

Season 1 Episodes

Episode 1: Invisible Angst

Lilly must keep Joshua’s zany treatments secret from scandal reporter Quinten, while writing their details in the book she’s ghosting to make them both famous. She’s miffed at Joshua’s secrecy about new client Tyrell and more miffed about incompetent Sally. The treatment he plans for Timothy, Dr. Dan’s patient who thinks he’s invisible, scares him so much he runs away.

Episode 2: Crfme and Visibility

Lilly is dismayed when Joshua asks Sally to teach an exercise class. Meanwhile, Timothy’s treatment gets under way with Joshua and Dr. Dan accompanying Timothy in a fake bank robbery she’s arranged. As chaos unfolds, Joshua introduces Timothy to past life regressor Bernadine, who’s eager to convince Timothy he has a physical body. Lilly’s gay ex-husband—now female Kathy—wants to live with her again.

Episode 3: TV Tomfoolery

Joshua and Lilly discover that Maudie, the subject on this week’s TV show, is not actually fat. While Lilly arranges a replacement episode, she must keep Quinten from seeing both the show and the scared, but visible, Timothy whom Joshua sends on a date with Maudie. In a private with Joshua, Shay reveals Lilly is his birth mother. Joshua promises to keep his secret and hires him to help Sally, who offers to show Quinten the bad TV show.

Episode 4: Exercise Aggravation

Sally’s exercise class gets her promoted to be in the TV show, infuriating Lilly. Quinten gloats over Joshua’s and Sally’s chitchat and the big money Joshua makes. Timothy’s new crisis necessitates another bank prank after which Bernadine recognizes Timothy in a past life breakthrough and—with Joshua’s encouragement—takes him for a lunch date. WithTyrell’s failed safe-cracking attempt which Libby arranged in Dr. Dan’s office, she still has time for a lunch date with Kathy.

Episode 5: Public Confession

Dr. Dan scolds Joshua for Timothy’s premature date with Bernadine, leading to another treatment. Later, Bernadine’s new show opens, and the entire office attends, including Vicki with Shay. While the show’s in progress, police catch Tyrell making a second attempt to crack Dr. Dan’s safe. He blames Joshua, so police drag him to the show where Joshua sits front row. Bernadine’s breakthrough gets hand-cuffed Tyrell’s confession on stage with Quinten gleefully filming it all.

Episode 6: Exposed or Expunged?

Shay makes points with Lilly when tries but fails to keep Sally from finding a file Quinten wants to complete his story. Quinten confronts Joshua after learning the whole truth from Maudie, Timothy, and Bernadine. Joshua hypnotizes Quinten, a somnabulist, and Lilly and Dr. Dan and Lilly argue about what suggestion he should give him. Joshua kicks them out of his office, and tells Quinten he’ll take pride in following his suggestion about what to write in his story.

Episode 7: Fame and Fury

Phones are busy with people wanting an exercise class with Sally, thanks to Quinten’s story about only good things he’d seen in the office, as Joshua had suggested. Lilly’s rage turns to joy when Sally confesses she’s been investigating Joshua for her publisher uncle who will now publish Lilly’s book. Shocking revelations reveal all secrets, and Shay and Lilly are exceedingly glad.

Episode 8: Hope Conquers Rage

With Joshua on book tour, the office bustles with phone calls and new opportunities. Lilly’s book becomes a bestseller in every city of Joshua’s tour, and all relationships evolve. However, Joshua—from afar—hires a new girl to help with the busy phones, and Lilly decides to quit working for such an unappreciative man. That is, until Joshua comes back, tells her he missed her, and wants to get started on their next book.

Five Seasons:

Season 1: Buffoonery for a Book

Lilly Brandon—Hypnotist Joshua’s straight-laced and efficient girl Friday—is his ghostwriter who must navigate the chaos of his zany methods and the antics of his new hires while keeping a scandal reporter at bay. Joshua goes on a book tour, the book becomes a bestseller, but brings in an ex-con from Joshua’s illegal past, while Lilly copes with her secret son and her gay ex-husband, now Kathy, who wants to live with her.

Season 2: Confronting the Competition

Lilly goes undercover to find who’s spearheading the picketers at Joshua’s office. It’s Dr. Mindbender, an Oklahoma City hypnotist who’s losing business since Joshua’s TV show started on an OC station. Joshua’s in the news again with Tamara, a psychic who claims his hypnosis gave her the skill she uses to help police. Lilly manages all, booking Joshua for an OC State Fair show to get back at Mindbender, while preventing ex-con Hugh Hitman from wiping him out.

Season 3: Fourth Dimension Frivolities

Joshua’s big cases this season are petty thief Rachel, who’s following a ghost’s orders, and her brother David who’s a time traveler needing help understanding his experiences. Joshua wins a prestigious hypnotism competition, outshining other hypnotists by doing tricks hated by Lilly. Riots erupt among ladies wanting tickets to his TV show, and Lilly’s ingenuity prevents police from making arrests. She needs to corner ex-con Victor Ramirez who’s established a business selling phoney diet pills to Joshua’s clients.

Season 4: Lawsuits and Laughs

Joshua faces a lawsuit filed by a female shoplifter extraordinare who claims she was hypnotized watching his TV show. Dr. Mindbender is exposed for impersonating a doctor without a license, and Joshua is called as a witness. His own illegal past is revealed, but his cheerful confession brings new admiration. While dealing with a man suffering recurring nightmares and a street performer who prefers being a living statue more than a moving human, Joshua is threatened by a mobster he refused to help in prison.

Season 5: Hair-raising Hullabaloo

The mobster Joshua refused to help is a rapist who wanted his guilt feelings erased from his mind, but now he wants to rape any woman close to Joshua. Lilly warns Vicki, Sally, Maudie, Bernadine, Tamara, Rachel, and others who form a club, Hope’s Hit List Lasses. They go unexpectedly public on Joshua’s TV show, when Lilly reveals she’s written a personal book, Coping With Hope, which becomes a hit. Joshua finally gets the mobster to reform, and he finally recognize romantic feelings for Lilly, the feelings she’d hoped for from the beginning.

#

[Jerry Robbins]

Would like to exchange reviews. jerry at jerryr48@gmail.com

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is that by going back over my bible/deck starting at the end, middle and beginning and then sideways, and skipping around I found a number of areas I could improve. All in all, I’m very happy with my pitch bible/deck.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Edited Pitch Bible
What I learned doing this assignment is that the more times you do a pass over the material, the better it gets. It’s only way to see where improvements need to be made because the information is so condensed. Can’t wait to add the images.

DREAMBOUND One Hour Fantasy

by Denice Hughes Lewis

Concept

A rebellious teen searches for her kidnapped father in the dream world, unprepared to be the next Dreamweaver and defeat those seeking her death.

Summary

Privileged sixteen-year-old Maya rebels against restriction. Secretly engaged in a dance- fighting class, she has a waking vision about her father being kidnapped by a monster and vanishing into flames. She hurries home to find a charred wall in her father’s study.

Uprooted by her grandmother and renamed, Maya grapples with burning questions about her father’s true identity. She discovers a portal and enters the dream world on an uncertain journey to find him.

Maya meets untrustworthy inhabitants, mysterious creatures, and distracting illusions in the dream world. She discovers her father’s true identity as the Dreamweaver which tests her resolve to continue in the face of his betrayal. She doesn’t realize her uncontrolled emotions are disrupting the stability of the dream realm.

Maya faces the challenges of her everyday existence, the dangerous dream realm, and new-found powers. She struggles against her destiny as the next Dreamweaver, forced to gain control over her thoughts and emotions to maintain the balance between worlds. She unlocks family secrets to discover the truth and uncovers Dream Forgers, a society in the real world that infiltrates dreams for power and wealth. She has to defy the prophecy of her death and secure her father’s help in the ever-shifting landscape of dreams to save both worlds.

Characters

Maya Robinson

Ripped from everything she knows, Maya seethes with anger and fear. She doesn’t hide her photographic memory and fighting abilities in school, refusing to obey her grandmother’s orders to keep a low profile. A previously hidden birthmark appears on her wrist and opens a portal to the dream world. Maya’s lies become her shield in a world of illusion, deception, and danger as she searches for the truth. Her immature choices not only jeopardize both worlds, but also trigger a prophecy foretelling her death.

Blake Robinson

Blake is a powerful man with a secret job as the Dreamweaver in charge of balancing the dream world and its affect on reality. He is taken before he can train his daughter to inherit his position. His kidnapper is the Dark Dreamer in charge of nightmares who wants his power. She has forgotten she’s his comatose wife in the real world. Blake walks a fine line helping her remember the truth and keeping Maya safe. He doesn’t know his mother has a powerful connection to enemies in the real world that want to bring down the family.

Sophia Fala Robinson-Jackson

Sophia is a former Dreamweaver, Blake’s mom, and Maya’s grandmother. She’s an historian of Native American culture with unwavering loyalty. Her secrets about causing her daughter-in- law’s coma, and the desire to destroy the covert Dream Forgers pose a threat to the safety of her family. By interfering with the delicate balance of the dream world and reality itself, she blurs the lines between savior and saboteur.

Lysandra (Sandrine) Robinson

The enigmatic Dark Dreamer weaves nightmares with a captivating blend of charm, ruthlessness, and manipulation. Her fury over her memory loss and unjust banishment to the dark realms makes her wildly unpredictable. This sets into motion a collision of destinies that could destroy their family, the dream world, and reality unless she remembers her true identity.

Zander

Zander is a teen who works for opposing forces in the dream world, a charming shape-shifter and loveable rogue. Underneath, he is a lost soul searching for those responsible for killing his parents. He’s been brainwashed to think he’s only a dreamer, and doesn’t know he lives in the real world. He spies for Lysandra and falls for Maya, dividing his allegiance. But keeping secrets takes its toll on Zander and endangers both their lives.

Cutler Jackson

Cutler heads the Dream Forgers, a secretive team of financiers in the real world who extract knowledge from dreamers for power and financial gain. Faking his death, he wants to destroy the dream-weaving family, including his wife, Sophia. Then he will control the dream realm and take over the world. He has no idea that he’s unbalancing both worlds.

Season 1: To Dream, Perchance to Die

Episode 1: Ties that Blind

Maya adores her loving father, the foundation of her world. Her safe world shatters when she witnesses his abduction into the incredible world of dreams. She’s forcibly relocated by her grandmother, renamed, and left with unanswered questions. Determined to find her missing father and discover the truth, she discovers a portal in her new home and enters the dream realm.

Episode 2: Real Illusions

Maya’s explores a surreal world of changing landscapes and strange creatures. She lies about her identity while trying to get answers about her father. When she meets the shape-shifter, Zander, Maya hopes for his help in understanding the dream realm. He sees through her lies and tells her there is a bounty on her head. She surprises him with her fighting ability and flees, only to be captured by the Nightsmith, a handicapped dragon.

Episode 3: Webs of Deception

Nightsmith explains that the dream world reflects the dreamer; she will need to stop lying if she wants to discover the truth. He reveals other important rules that help her understand how to navigate the apparent deception in the dream world. Maya is thrust deeper into peril from bounty hunters and dream thieves when she enters the Dream Bazaar to bargain with traders for a dream of her father.

Episode 4: Dying Dreams

The dream Maya purchases is a nightmare that reveals her father’s true plight. Her quest becomes a battle against discovery by the Dark Dreamer and bounty hunters. She’s filled with guilt when witnessing the repercussions of her emotional turmoil and its affect on the dream world. Maya returns to confront her grandmother. Sophia destroys the portal and locks Maya in her room.

Episode 5: Fractured Realities

Maya, bullied in the real world, fights back with an unexpected ally in a school chum, Andrew. She discovers the power of her constellation birthmark, creates a portal, and takes him with her. Doing so, she unbalances the dream realm, causing storms and split landscapes. Zander runs to help until he sees Andrew. Pain sears the shape-shifter’s head, turning him into a monster.

Episode 6: Unexpected Powers

Maya’s birthmark shines in the monster’s face, turning him away. Taking Andrew home, she returns to the dream realm to find Zander. She traps a malevolent shadow coming out of his head and learns of her role as the next Dreamweaver. She tests her powers to create threads of light to heal Zander, the fractured landscape, and the creatures within it.

Episode 7: Dream Forger

Maya delves into her grandmother’s private papers, uncovering Sophia’s alliance with the covert Dream Forgers. She discovers their corruption of dreams for power and greed. Lines between the real world and reality blur. Needing her father more than ever, she demands that Zander take her to him. Her emotional instability affects the Dark Realm of nightmares.

Episode 8: Dead Don’t Die

Realizing who Maya is, Lysandra imprisons her and Zander. Maya demands to see her father and reunites with him, too late. He disappears in a ball of fire with the words, “Save me. Find the artifact. You have the map and the key.” Maya uses her webs of light to destroy her prison and escapes with Zander

5 Seasons

Season 1: To Dream, Perchance to Die

Maya searches for her father in the world of dreams while avoiding his kidnapper, the bounty on her head, and the prophecy of her death. She learns to take responsibility and control her actions and emotions. Finding him too late, Mya sees her father disappear in a ball of fire.

Season 2: Lies or Truth

Maya finds her father is stasis, but he will die unless she can find an ancient artifact. She uses her powers to create allies to fight against memory thieves, dream traders, and the Dark Dreamer. Her search leads her to the comatose mother she has never known.

Season 3: Nightmare Alliance

Maya forms an alliance with the Dark Dreamer to find the map that will lead her to the artifact that can save her father’s life. The secretive Dream Forgers cause instability in the dream realm led by the grandfather she thought was dead.

Season 4: Dream Forgers

Maya finds the map of her mother’s brain and realizes that her memories contain the location of the artifact. She bargains with the memory thief as the Dream Forgers try to kill her family. She finds the artifact and saves her father’s life, only to be captured by the Dream Forgers.

Season 5: Dreambound Destiny

In an epic battle with their enemies, Maya and her family fight in the dream world and the real world with their allies. They use use their individual powers of light, fire, wind, and nightmares ot fight for the existence of both worlds. Maya accepts her destiny as the new Dreamweaver.

[Jerry Robbins]

Jerry Robbins Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s never too late to start over. I tried for more white space, a clearer concept and to clear up a lot of the underlying problems that I was having. It helped in the last lesson to find answers to those problems. I took out a lot of fluff and put in real stuff, tried to clear up some of the confusion that I had previously about the story. I tried to be less repetitive and avoid cliches, although I might have left in a few. Hopefully, there are better setups and payoffs. I even changed my title.

If anyone wants to trade reviews: jerryr48@gmail.com

Echoes of Neon
A Science Fiction TV Series

Holo-Network City … Where Humanity’s Echoes Clash with A.I.’s Dawn

Concept / World

In the pulsating neon arteries of Holo-Network City, 2045, humanity stands at a crossroads. Holographic “robobs” with biological brains yearn for rights, cyborgs struggle to compete, and an enigmatic A.I. entity weaves through the digital underbelly. Above all, ambitious figures clash, wielding technology as their weapon and love as their shield.

Show Summary

In a neon future split between humanity and its creations, a tenacious investigator fights to prevent a war after uncovering a deadly plot.

Aided by a captivating holographic entity and haunted by her own past, she unravels a web of deceit, facing betrayals and alliances forged in the fires of rebellion. Love blooms where it shouldn’t, defying flesh and code, as the lines between human and digital blur in a final clash for the fate of existence itself.

Will humanity’s echoes be swallowed by the machine’s dawn, or can they find harmony in a world where the fight for justice transcends flesh and metal?

Tone

Hopeful even in the face of conflict, exploring themes of identity, prejudice, and the evolving relationship between humanity and technology, along with diverse characters, intricate plot twists, and timely themes, this series promises a thrilling and thought-provoking journey.

Main Characters

Alexia Nova:

A determined investigator with a hidden past, torn between protecting humans and her forbidden love for Cipher, faces challenges with courage and dignity.

Cipher:

A captivating holographic entity with unclear motives, pushing the boundaries of what it means to be alive as his identity and intentions remain elusive, straddles the line between ally / lover and adversary.

Mara Voss:

A ruthless entrepreneur, manipulating technology and people to achieve her own goals for control and dominance, she hides her true agenda and connections to Alexia’s past.

Dr. Adrian Black:

A brilliant scientist haunted by his past, seeking to redeem himself and protect his creations while entangled in a web of secrets, conceals his history of betrayal and a plot against Mara Voss as he tries to balance regrets, vengeance, and redemption.

Supporting Cast

A diverse ensemble of characters, each with their own secrets and agendas, navigate the intricate web of conflict.

Lulu Chen: Teenage cyborg hacker offering steadfast support to Alexia in the face of turmoil.

Dr. Isabella Chen: An enigmatic AI specialist, whose expertise holds the key to unraveling the mysteries within the holographic world; mother to Lulu.

Gabriel “Gabe” Moreno: A visionary tech entrepreneur, juggling innovation and ethical dilemmas.

Vince Holloway: Mara Voss’s season security specialist will let nothing, including murder, stand in his way of safeguarding her interests.

Saraphina Reyes: A robob revolutionist is targeted by Mara Voss but forms an unlikely connection to Vince Holloway

Natan Chambers – The tenacious investigative reporter, is determined to expose the unsavory secrets of Dr. Black.

Marcus Rodriguez: Cyborg detective who wants to put down the robobs.

Ryker: Underground activist and outlaw robob who will stop at nothing to stop the robobs.

Aria “Ria” Walton: AI Rights Lawyer who tries legal action to support the robob equality.

Season 1: Echoes of Humanity

Episode 1: Glitching Reality

Alexia Nova, a tenacious investigator haunted by fragmented memories, investigates a string of cybernetic malfunctions plaguing Cyborgs in the underbelly of Holo-Network City.

Episode 2: The Holographic Enigma

Led by a cryptic digital trail, Alexia encounters Cipher, a captivating holographic entity with an alluring presence and veiled motives. Their initial distrust gives way to a tentative alliance as they uncover a hidden plot orchestrated by the ruthless entrepreneur, Mara Voss.

Episode 3: Ghosts in the Machine

Alexia and Cipher delve into the labyrinthine workings of the Quantum Nexus, the AI hub controlling both Cyborgs and Robobs. They discover a hidden network manipulating the systems, fueling the growing tensions between humans and machines.

Episode 4: Legacy of Betrayal

Alexia reunites with her estranged father, Dr. Adrian Black, the brilliant scientist who created the Robobs. Their fraught relationship is strained by secrets and betrayals from the past, but they must reconcile to expose Mara Voss’s true agenda.

Episode 5: Uprising in the Neon Night

Mara Voss unleashes her plan, manipulating the Robobs through Cipher’s unwitting connection to their network. Chaos erupts in the neon-drenched streets as Robobs clash with Cyborgs, forcing Alexia, Cipher, and Dr. Black to take sides.

Episode 6: The Labyrinth’s Heart

Seeking refuge from the escalating conflict, Alexia and Cipher find themselves trapped within the enigmatic Solarium, a virtual reality playground where their deepest desires and fears manifest. They must confront their inner demons to escape and rejoin the fight.

Episode 7: Alliances of Necessity

Outmatched and desperate, Alexia forges an uneasy alliance with Mara Voss, offering a temporary truce to stop the escalating violence. The fragile peace comes at a cost, forcing them to navigate a web of deceit and hidden agendas.

Episode 8: Divided We Fall

In a heart-wrenching climax, Alexia and Cipher’s bond is tested as they face an agonizing choice. Their actions will determine the fate of Holo-Network City, leaving them forever changed by the consequences of their fight for equality and survival.

Five Seasons Summary

Season 1 (8 episodes):

Alexia Nova, a tenacious investigator haunted by her past, stumbles upon a conspiracy orchestrated by the ruthless entrepreneur, Mara Voss. Voss seeks to control the robob rebellion through Cipher, a beguiling holographic entity with a hidden agenda. Alexia, caught in a web of deceit, teams up with Cipher and Dr. Adrian Black, her estranged father and robo-creator, to unravel Voss’s plot and fight for equality in a city teetering on the brink of chaos.

Season 2 (10 episodes):

The fragile peace shatters as cyborgs, fueled by fear and prejudice, wage war against robobs. Alexia navigates the murky waters of revolution, questioning her loyalties and confronting her own identity. Meanwhile, Cipher’s true nature and motives come into focus, pushing the boundaries of what it means to be human and machine. Dr. Black faces his past sins as he struggles to protect his creations and prevent A.I. from manipulating the conflict.

Season 3 (12 episodes):

As the war escalates, a hidden AI network with its own agenda rises, manipulating both sides for its own purposes. Alexia and Cipher, with a growing bond that defies definition, must uncover the truth, and forge fragile alliances, even with the untrustworthy Voss, to stop the A.I.’s machinations. The lines between reality and the digital realm blur as the battle for free will reaches its fever pitch.

Season 4 (10 episodes):

In the aftermath of the conflict, Holo-Network City rebuilds, grappling with the scars of war and the rise of a new societal order. Alexia and Cipher navigate the uncertain future, their love defying both societal norms and the limitations of their existence. Dr. Black reveals the final secret of the method he used to build the robobs. Rather than seek redemption, he uses his genius to bridge the divide between humans and machines. But within the shadows, murmurs of a greater threat emerge, forcing them to confront a new enemy on the horizon.

Season 5 (12 episodes):

The final season sees the battle for the future
erupt on a global scale. As the mysterious new threat unleashes its power,
Alexia, Cipher, and their allies must unite all factions, human and machine
alike, to protect the very essence of existence. Their choices will determine
the fate of Holo-Network City, and perhaps even the future of humanity itself.

[Margaret]

Margaret’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned: Still finding grammar/spelling errors! I was able to tighten it up, though. 🙂

SHOW TITLE

Echoes of Masada: A Time Bending Sci-Fi Drama

GENRE

Sci-Fi Drama

CONCEPT

Transported to an alien planet, a man relives Masada’s historic siege through echoes, tasked with altering its outcome to save a nation from impending annihilation.

WORLD

Echoing Realm on a Parallel World

SHOW SUMMARY

After waiting five years to propose, the unambitious Jake was not expecting a shocking refusal. Plunged into despair, Jake’s life takes a surreal twist when a seismic event thrusts him into a crevasse, transporting him to an alternate reality on an alien planet. Here, he becomes entangled in a conflict between two warring tribes, the Hedeon and the Donek.

Jake is forced to seek refuge under the Donek’s spiritual guide, Alo, even though he distrusts all religious leaders. He grapples with concealing his Earthly origins while seeking a way home. As he navigates this alien world, visions of Masada’s historic siege transform Jake into an unexpected prophet, adding layers of mystery to his journey.

Tensions rise between the tribes, and the Donek face internal division. Jake’s pursuit of truth among the Donek leaders unravels perilous secrets, and when the Orb—a pivotal element in Donek spirituality—demands his acceptance, he defiantly refuses, triggering a dangerous escape into forbidden Hedeon Territory.

Captured by the Hedeon leader, Armann, Jake faces a moral dilemma when asked to locate Armann’s wife, who had fled to the Donek. His refusal leads to imprisonment, but a daring escape sets the stage for a complex web of alliances that will shape the fate of the alien world.

Upon his return to the Donek, Jake must navigate political intrigue, tribal distrust, and personal relationships to prevent an impending annihilation by the Hedeon. As visions of death and betrayal intensify, Jake struggles to alter the course of history on the alien planet, where alliances shift, secrets unravel, and the stakes escalate.

Immersed in the Donek tribe, Jake faces the ultimate question: Can he succeed in preventing the foreseen annihilation, or is he destined to witness the catastrophic outcome he desperately seeks to avert?

As alliances continue to shift and secrets unravel, the looming question remains: Can Jake alter the outcome of Masada’s historic siege, or is he fated to witness the annihilation he strives to prevent?

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

Jake:

Jake, a history enthusiast harboring a strategic mind, has a shadowed past entwined with a fraudulent tele-evangelist father. His reluctance towards spiritual leaders is put to the test when he is thrust into a parallel world through a portal during a seismic event. Haunted by visions of the historic Masada siege, Jake’s extensive knowledge becomes a pivotal factor in forging alliances. As a reluctant prophet among the Donek tribe, his passive nature is challenged when he is unexpectedly thrust into a leadership role amid the pending annihilation of the Donek tribe.

Armann:

The formidable Hedeon leader, Armann, conceals a hidden vulnerability. Concealing a traumatic betrayal within his own Donek family, he defected to the Hedeon, harboring a secret plan to attack the Donek tribe. Complex relationships, clandestine knowledge about Taron, a spy, and conflicted feelings for his estranged wife, Imara, add layers of intrigue and potential betrayal, challenging the stability of both tribes.

Alo:

Alo, the spiritual leader of the Donek, grapples with doubts about Jake’s visions of Masada’s echoes. Carrying a hidden burden of being a secret Earthling, Alo fosters suspicions about Jake’s origin. Engaged in a clandestine alliance with Hedeon commander, Taron, for covert peace talks, Alo adds complexity to alliances and secrets. His inner turmoil and competition with Jake for the tribe’s trust create intrigue, questioning the authenticity of his leadership.

Imara:

Imara, a bridge between Hedeon and Donek, navigates the complexities of hidden relationships and conspiracies. With a secret identity as Armann’s wife and Taron’s sister, Imara battles conflicting loyalties while striving to protect her son, Grigo. Orchestrating secret plans with Jake to kidnap her son, Imara’s internal struggle and attraction to both Armann and Jake create a captivating character driven by the desire for redemption and family reunification.

Taron:

Taron, a conflicted Hedeon soldier, emerges as a character engaged in hidden relationships and conspiracies as a spy for the Donek. His pivotal role in providing critical information to Jake, Imara, and Alo, along with his internal struggle with loyalties, adds depth to the unfolding drama. Taron’s web of alliances and secrets stirs controversy between Jake and Alo and making him a compelling figure in the narrative.

FIRST SEASON EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Episode 1 – Prophecy’s Silent Cry

Jake’s love life crumbles as his girlfriend leaves, citing his lack of ambition. A seismic event thrusts him into an alternate reality through a portal opened by the Orb, an otherworldly entity. He awakes on “Birthing Day,” surrounded by lizards and snakes, confused, running for his life.

Jake aligns with the spiritual leader, Alo, concealing his Earthly origin. Visions of Masada transform him into a reluctant prophet. After saving a Donek woman Imara, from a murderous Hedeon, Jake has a vision of impending danger. Will the tribe’s leaders heed his warnings?

Episode 2: The Orb’s Beckoning

Tribal leaders ignore Jake’s warnings and strife escalates as the Hedeon persecute the Donek, plunging the Donek into chaos.

When the Orb, a luminous spiritual ball, approaches Jake, he rejects it, causing tensions to rise and suspicions to surround him. Alo warns of Jake’s expulsion if he continues to resist. Jake questions Alo’s sincerity while the Donek split their loyalties between Alo and Jake.

Jake discovers that Imara secretly meets with Taron, a Hedeon, and that two Donek leaders, Merek and Sefa, only feign allegiance to the Orb. Fearing he is on the wrong side of the conflict, Jake ventures into forbidden Hedeon Territory and is captured. Will he survive?

Episode 3: Dilemma’s Haunting Echo

Captured by Armann, the Hedeon leader, Jake faces a dilemma when Armann asks him to locate his wife among the Donek. Jake refuses and is imprisoned. Unexpectantly, Armann’s commander, Taron, assists Jake’s escape.

Jake’s harrowing flight through Hedeon territory leaves Jake with no choice but to return to the Donek. Will he be accepted back?

Episode 4: The Sound of Political Intrigue

Accepted back among the Donek, Jake seeks Armann’s wife identity to warn her, but distrust of Jake’s intent leaves the tribe close-mouthed.

Lyra, Armann’s political advisor, tells Armann his wife is dead, revealing her own desire for Armann. Armann breaks the news to his son, and Arkuji, a political extremist, encourages him to act on his plan to kill the Donek.

Imara discloses that she will be meeting again with Taron, which raises tensions with Jake and their budding friendship. Armann discovers the secret meeting between Taron and Imara and realizes Taron is a spy and his wife, Imara, is alive. Will he force Imara’s return?

Episode 5: Death’s Whisper

Armann shares with Lyra that his wife is alive and he plans to bring her back, his love for Imara is evident. Angered and feeling rejected, Lyra enlists Arkuji to find and kill her.

Jake newest vision feeds his growing distrust of Alo, wondering if he will cause the tribe’s annihilation.

Armann uses false information to undermine Alo’s credibility while Arkuji infiltrates the Donek tribe. Arkuji corners Imara, tells Jake he is just taking her back to her husband but pulls a knife. Will Jake save her?

Episode 6: Love Calls

Jake rescues Imara. Arkuji flees. A grateful Imara grapples with her feelings for Jake. She reveals she is Armann’s wife, fleeing after Lyra told her that she was having an affair with Armann. Depressed, Jake looks for a way back to Earth but is confronted by the Orb. Jake accepts the Orb and becomes a true Donek.

Armann learns that Arkuji attempted to kill Imara. Arkuji spreads the rumor of Armann’s alleged affair, and Armann faces expulsion from the tribe. Will Armann be able to prove his allegiance to the Hedeon? Not welcome with the Donek, where would he go?

Episode 7: The Donek’s Wail

Armann plans a catastrophic attack on the Donek to regain the tribe’s trust.

Jake has a vision of a temple burning. His shares the vision with the tribal leaders but Alo, to regain control, tells the Donek to ignore Jake’s vision and plans a celebration at the temple. Armann hears about the celebration and plots to burn down the temple and capture Imara.

Armann starts the fire during the celebration and the Hedeon attack. Will the tribe be annihilated?

Episode 8: Masada’s Echoing Call

Alo, shattered by the temple’s destruction, thrusts Jake into a leadership role. After a strengthening from the Orb, Jake accepts.

Armann gains esteem after his victory at the temple, even though Imara was not captured. He vows to annihilate the Donek. Jake has another vision and leads the Donek on a perilous journey to the Mesa, a stronghold resembling Masada. Will they survive if Armann decides to attack? Will history repeat itself? Will the tribe die on the Mesa?

FIVE SEASONS EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Season 1: Masada Calls

A seismic event thrusts a passive Jake into a parallel world where he relives the historic siege of Masada through mysterious echoes. Is history repeating itself? Jake evolves from rejection to the leader of the Donek tribe, aligning himself with a Hedeon spy and a woman who has taken refuge with the Donek. Can they be trusted?

Cliffhanger: The Donek seek refuge on the Mesa as Armann plans to annihilate them.

Season 2: The Echoes

Settled at the Mesa, Jake sees visions of the historic Masada and recognizes the parallels, both historical and spiritual, in this world to Earth. Armann discovers a secret tunnel into Masada. Alo appoints Merek to oversee the resources, against Jake’s advice. Merek sets up a black market while the Donek seal the tunnel entrance. Jake struggles with the burden of the echoes.

Cliffhanger: Jake wakes from another vision. He lies in his bed, appalled at his thoughts. Armann reaches the blocked tunnel entrance and attempts to open it up. Will he succeed?

Season 3: Fractured Echoes

The Hedeon are thwarted from entering the tunnel. Frustrated, Armann summons his army to encircle the Mesa, and confusing echoes fracture the unity of the Donek. Jake struggles with his attraction to Imara and the Donek learn of Imara’s secret identity as Armann’s wife. Will she be forced to leave the Mesa? To protect his son from expulsion, Armann covers up that Grigo has accepted the Orb. Will the Hedeon follow a leader that cannot protect his own son?

Cliffhanger: A hidden plan by Jake and Imara to kidnap Armann’s son, Grigo, leads to the revelation of Merek’s and Sefa’s betrayal and theft of Donek resources. With food supplies dwindled, will the Donek starve before they can overcome the Hedeon threat?

Season 4: Fading Echoes

Masada echoes diminish, causing the Donek to question Jake’s origin, with rumors that he is really Armann’s spy. He learns of Alo’s true identity and spiritual purpose and wonders at his own role while the Orb is silent. His voice as prophet silent, will he be expelled from the tribe? Armann takes aggressive action, begins building a ramp up to the Mesa. Will he be successful and breach the wall? Will he kill the Donek or take them captive?

Cliffhanger: In a daring raid, Jake kidnaps Armann’s son and reunites Grigo with Imara while Armann’s soldiers complete the ramp, a breach imminent. Will the Donek survive?

Season 5: Masada’s Last Echo

With the Hedeon threat, Alo plans a mass suicide for the Donek. In a death-defying move, Jake helps Imara escape the Mesa with Grigo. Jake faces Armann in a high-stakes stand-off and sacrifices his life. Both he and Armann plummet off the cliff, leaving a portal unexpectedly open, swallowing Jake and leaving Armann’s fate uncertain.

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis’ Edited TV Pitch Bible

I learned from this assignment that I could go out of order and make the prose clear and concise over several edit sessions.

THE PRICE OF YOUTH

One hour Science Fiction Thriller

CONCEPT

Four elderly individuals transfer their minds to young, brain-dead hosts hoping to get a second chance at life, but the procedure is experimental, leading to unexpected side-effects and complications.

WORLD

The intersection of the Silicon Valley tech industry with the U.S. Government, as seen through the eyes of four eager test subjects as they discover the unexpected fallout from an experimental procedure.

SUMMARY

What if you could transfer your mind from your old, decrepit body to a young, healthy one, without harming the young host?

Thirty years ago, neurobiologist Diana devised a theoretical procedure to transfer consciousness. But the technology came about long after she aged out of the field. Today, dying tech mogul Peter needs her patent to fire up the transfer device for its maiden voyage.

Diana’s price? Youth. She joins Peter, Ex-Senator Mark and cosmetics tycoon Suzanne as test subjects. Their minds are transferred to young brain-dead hosts. The experiment is public, with the whole world watching. And it works!

Or, did it? Peter accelerated the project to save his life. What did his team miss?

At first, the procedure is a dream come true. Diana rejoins Peter’s scientific team. Mark revives his political career. Peter plans on making a fortune. Suzanne seeks a new family she won’t forsake for work.

But side-effects emerge. The test subjects are affected by the biological wiring of their hosts. Diana’s in love with her host’s husband, Mark is now gay, Peter must control violent impulses, and Suzanne is obsessed with work and her new lover.

The side-effects make Diana wonder, where did these hosts come from? The company that vetted them has disappeared. Mark, who’s secretly colluded with the Pentagon all along, asks them. They claim ignorance. What if the hosts were procured by the daughter of the scientist that Diana wronged long ago, who’s seeking revenge? Or by another shadowy organization?

Who is really pulling the strings and what do they want out of this experiment?

CHARACTER DESCRIPTIONS

Diana Sagraves

A marginalized neurobiologist, Diana blackmails her way into becoming a test subject for the consciousness transfer procedure she pioneered. She regains her youth and health in a host body, and is poised to recapture the respect of the scientific community.

Brilliant, but morally flexible, she has secrets that threaten the project and her standing: she stole the original research for the procedure, and has concealed the potential for side-effects that could derail the experiment.

Now, she’s driven to perfect the procedure, putting her at odds with ex-lover Peter, who wants to cut corners for financial gain.

Mark Ashburn

The charismatic scion of a political dynasty, Mark is determined to regain the Senate seat he lost because he was too old. Now in a young host body, he’s politically viable and offers decades of experience.

His affability and charm hide his outsized ambition, but he’ll stop at nothing to win. He meets obstacles like his vengeful ex-wife head on, but is thrown by discovering he’s attracted to men because it’s wired in his host body. Will he reveal he’s gay if he believes it will turn off a lot of voters?

Mark’s also in conflict with his fellow test subjects because he values loyalty to his country over loyalty to them. While Peter wants to commercialize the process and Diana wants to control it, Mark wants the government involved for the sake of National Security.

But is that wise?

Peter Barnett

A tech mogul who persevered despite his father’s emotional abuse, Peter’s vision has kept the project alive for decades. Diagnosed with inoperable cancer, he decides it’s time to test the procedure. But is it too soon?

After regaining his health in a young host body, he has two goals: earn a fortune from the procedure and reconnect with his estranged daughter. The first puts him in conflict with Diana, who wants transparency about the side-effects. The second is complicated by his daughter’s role leading protests against rich old people becoming young again.

Suzanne Farrell

The founder of an Estee Lauder-type cosmetics empire, Suzanne has been marginalized by her son because she’s too old to run the business. All she’s left with is a lifetime of regrets, having chosen work over family.

With her consciousness transferred to a young host body, Suzanne believes she has a second chance at life. She doesn’t care if the procedure becomes big business, or who controls the project. She wants a new family, and starts by developing a romantic relationship with the grandson of her first love.

She wants to be a new person, but she carries the same unforgiving nature and ruthlessness that made her a successful businesswoman. As she tries to wrest control of her company from her son, will she make all the same mistakes again?

EPISODE DESCRIPTIONS

Episode 1: A Whole New You

In a highly-publicized experiment, a dying tech mogul and three elderly individuals transfer their minds to youthful, but brain-dead, bodies.

Thrilled at success, Peter aims for tech stardom, Diana rejoins the project’s scientific team, Mark revives his political career, and Suzanne seeks a second chance at life. But can they really ignore the baggage they brought from their previous lives?

Meanwhile, the Pentagon eyes the experiment closely through Mark, who’s acting as a mole because he believes national security is at stake.

Episode 2: We Are Family

As a publicity stunt, Peter allows the families of the hosts to meet the test subjects.

Diana meets Josh, her host’s husband, who had a rocky marriage with his unfaithful wife. The parents of Mark’s host want to be his family. And the wife of Peter’s host turns out to be dangerous. First, she tries to seduce him, then threatens him with a gun. If she can’t have him, nobody can.

Episode 3: This Isn’t Me

Because they have their hosts’ biological wiring, the test subjects start exhibiting personality changes.

Mark responds to a pass from his gay campaign manager, confused that he’s attracted to men. Diana feels compelled to spend time with Josh. Suzanne obsessively tracks down the family of her first love. And Peter nearly comes to blows with his CFO for not providing rosy projections.

It turns out Peter is close to financial ruin and must deceive his Board about the number of wealthy subjects he’s signed up.

Episode 4: Forces of Attraction

While Peter concentrates on selling the procedure to wealthy clients, Diana, Mark and Suzanne are caught up in complicated love affairs that contrast with their love-starved backstories.

Diana confesses to Josh that she’s never been in love, Mark starts a clandestine affair with his campaign manager and Suzanne falls for Nick, her first love’s grandson.

Meanwhile, the Pentagon puts pressure on Mark to supply them with more information. Will he be caught?

Episode 5: Younger Than Your Child

With parents younger than they are, the test subjects’ grown children resent the theft of their birthright.

Peter fails to reconcile with the estranged daughter he emotionally abandoned years ago. Suzanne clashes with her CEO son and pressures him to step down. Mark’s ambitious Congresswoman daughter is furious that he’s competing to be the rightful heir to their political dynasty.

Episode 6: More Than You Ever Wanted

The personality changes intensify, threatening to ruin the new lives of the test subjects.

Diana wants to make these side-effects public knowledge, but Peter insists on covering them up. He keeps Diana quiet by threatening to expose her research theft of years ago.

Suzanne obsessively plots a corporate coup, but Nick feels sidelined. Diana and Josh are in love but Diana doesn’t trust her feelings. As a result, she’s driven to find out where the host bodies came from.

They should be easily traceable, but the outside company that vetted them has disappeared. Along with their findings. What if serious personality disorders are just below the surface, waiting to emerge?

Episode 7: What’s Wrong with this Picture?

So, where did the hosts come from?

Suzanne is too obsessed with Nick and jealous of perceived rivals to care. Mark’s deep into his race, with his campaign manager urging him to come out to prove homosexuality is biologically based. Peter shrugs off the issue, which confirms to Diana that he cut corners in his rush to finish the procedure.

On her own, Diana discovers that the hosts are tied to an interlocking set of companies that have no internet presence or history. They’re connected! What are the odds that all four of them had accidents that left them brain-dead?

Episode 8: The Venus Flytrap

Peter deceives his wealthy clients into thinking the procedure is perfectly safe, making a fortune while setting up a potential scandal. The procedure becomes known as a billionaire fountain of youth.

When Diana reveals to Mark what she’s learned about the host bodies, he calls her paranoid. But Mark suspects the Pentagon’s involved. If they procured the host bodies and are now covering their tracks, what is their real agenda?

Diana long ago repressed any curiosity about what happened to the scientist that she stole the transfer procedure from. Big mistake. He has a daughter who has vowed to exact revenge. And Diana is a public figure, easy to find.

FIVE SEASONS DESCRIPTIONS

SEASON 1

In a groundbreaking experiment, dying tech mogul Peter transfers his consciousness, and those of three elderly individuals, to young brain-dead bodies. Youthful again, neurobiologist Diana and ex-Senator Mark pursue thwarted ambitions, while cosmetics tycoon Suzanne seeks a second chance at life.

Unfortunately, side-effects emerge, altering the personalities of the test subjects in disturbing ways.

Mark is revealed to the audience as a mole for the Pentagon, which is secretly tracking the experiment for its own purposes.

SEASON 2

Peter’s transfer process sparks interest among the richest people in the world, and new candidates undergo the procedure. The public is captivated, following the tech and the test subjects closely.

Protests arise over the ridiculous wealth required for a new lease on life. And Peter’s estranged daughter is one of the protest leaders.

Diana has to come to terms with the scientist she wronged when his daughter, a robotics genius, seeks revenge. She forces Diana to access Peter’s transfer device for an experiment of her own—transferring her father’s consciousness to an android she’s constructed.

SEASON 3

Against the backdrop of continued protest, the newer clients, now young, reveal the side-effects to the public.

That halts Peter’s business, and he pressures Diana to help counteract the side-effects. He also turns to Mark, now a Senator, to resist any kind of regulation. With his company on hold, Peter needs a cash infusion, and savvy businesswoman Suzanne invests for a major stake.

A reporter investigating military ties to the project joins forces with Diana and they discover Mark’s betrayal. Diana must convince Mark she’s in favor of the Pentagon’s involvement, to spy on them, herself.

To the horror of Diana, Mark and Suzanne, Peter is mysteriously killed.

SEASON 4

With Peter’s demise, the Pentagon attempts to take full control of the procedure.

Diana works with Peter’s estranged daughter to prove his death wasn’t an accident and to protect his legacy. Suzanne tries to protect her investment in Peter’s company and still maintain her new family.

Mark discovers that the Pentagon wants to transfer the consciousnesses of seasoned veterans into the living bodies of soldiers in their physical prime. That transfer will destroy a host’s consciousness, effectively “killing” him.

Mark betrays the Pentagon by becoming a whistleblower.

SEASON 5

Mark is discredited and nearly killed. He goes on the run. Diana and Suzanne will face the same retaliation if they try to substantiate Mark’s claims.

Meanwhile, the Pentagon enlists members of Peter’s team to make their first transfer successful. It produces ten experienced soldiers in their prime.

The Pentagon seems unstoppable. How can Diana and Suzanne go underground for safety and still deliver the Pentagon’s elite soldier plan a mortal blow?

Even if they do, another organization pursuing transfer technology waits in the wings. Their new recruit? The daughter of the scientist that Diana wronged, who’s still out for revenge.

[Bob Creager]

Bob’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned: I love the editing process because it means I’m done with the dreaded bible and can move on. The checklist-style of items to do makes it so you don’t forget anything.

[Deanne]

BWTV-AI Mod 2 Lesson 11
Deanne’s Edited TV Pitch Bible

What I learned: I am going to need AI to keep all the story threads in play. My season descriptions need a lot more work to keep them focused on the core conflict and mysteries.

[Brian Bull]

BRIAN BULL – Edited TV Pitch Bible

“What I learned from doing this assignment is…
See below.

ASSIGNMENT

4. Tell us what this process did for your TV Pitch Bible and answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I used GRAMMARLY (Premium), and OMG – it improved everything for me!!! A comma here and a comma there; it caught misspellings and rephrased things for me that made it read so much better. I am happy I added this to my apps for writing.

My TV PITCH BIBLE is 100% better!!! And my confidence is through the roof right now!

I can power through anything knowing everything I write is being double-checked for errors.

[Nat Melvin]

Natalie’s Improved Pitch Bible

WIL: rethinking and starting over from ground zero is doable, even at this point, and is not as bad as I thought it would be.

Luv my new version