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Lesson 11
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DR. AUGUSTUS “AUGGIE” AMADOR’S turning point ONE : “locking in the journey”
Lesson 11: “What I learned on this assignment was that I needed to let my brain simmer down a minute and think outside of the box, that I don’t have to do thinks sequentially and I could re-arrange my thoughts, or “scenes” like any other person or writer. I’ll definitely will be coming back to this scene as it is crucial to get the ‘roller coast ride’ going. I’ll tone down the first fight they have and make it more brainiac funny for this first round. I’ll make their fights more intense and personal as the script progresses.”
INT. SECRET GOV. FACILITY – DAY
General Portman introduces Robert to Rosinski, fight follows. Rosinski makes snide remark about Latinos and government affirmative action: Robert’s emotions are flared/triggered. Army of his colleagues swarm around him. Two teams will fight. But there can only be one, so they arm wrestle. Robert beats Rosinski! Robert will lead the Team to discover intelligent life in the UNIVERSE!
Becomes
INT. SECRET GOV. FACILITY – DAY
BEGINNING: GENERAL PORTMAN officially introduces Dr. Rosinski to Dr. Augustus “Auggie” AMADOR. They fought at conference, there not gonna like each other now.
MIDDLE: There’s a personal history between them: two geeks after the same ‘girl’, an accomplished astronomer in her own right. Rosinski makes snide comment : “you couldn’t hold on to your wife or your girl.” Fight ensues: it’s battle of the nerds! The GENERAL tells them to cool it. He tells them to settle it like real men, they arm wrestle! Who ever wins leads the team!
END: the Battle Royal: Nerd scientists place their bets: has the SOUND and LOOK of classic bar fight/cock fight: Robert “AUGGIE” wins arm Wrestling competition ! He will lead the team his WAY in search for intelligent life in the universe.
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SUBJECT: Mark Napier’s ACT 1 Turning Point
What did I learn? I learned the basic steps to Outlining then laying out the Scene dialogue to capture flow, but to serve as a checks and balances that the story is flowing in the right direction and captures all aspects of characters, to scenes and emotions.
What did I learn? I finally understand the Beat Sheet now after reviewing again lesson #7. The Beat Sheet highlights the scenes (sorta like a table of content of a book) that compose that portion of the ACT in question of the Four ACT Structure. The Outline highlights what to expect from the compositions of each of the scenes beginning, middle and end. The Dialog is a breakdown of each scene. The end state is to program verify that the Dialog, Outline and Beat Sheet are all in sync pushing the same message or story line as depicted and sought after in the Four Act Structure. Transition Events, Turning Points, Inciting Incidents and Place Holders help to fine tune the finished product that hopefully makes the 4 Act Structure worth reading in the first place.
ACT 1:
OUTLINE:
TURNING POINT:
BEGINNING: A hero’s welcome soon falls flat as Chief of Mission who is Acting Chief of Station is stunned into silence for his and the Chief of Security’s mishandling of the investigation and the revelation that child pornography by a repeat offender was overlooked.
MIDDLE: Mark decides it’s time to pop smoke. He has been the whipping boy for Station all because he is covering up his home office’s blunders. Mark demands on returning early from his tour as he is not going to give in to Station leadership’s undeserved ass chewing.
END: The real excitement will begin when the Deputy Chief of Station returns and his temper is anticipated to go nuclear, given he has already contributed to a hostile work environment against Mark. Now he seeks vengeance.
ACT 1:
TURNING POINT 1 SCENE:
SLUG: INT–CIA Station (Mark’s work space outside DCOS/COM offices), Baghdad, Iraq–Day
DESCRIPTION: Mark returns to Station and jumps on his computer to catch up on work and more importantly follow up with his office at Headquarters on the crisis at hand. Mark presumes after 2 days have passed since the incident that his home office, let alone the CIA flight line Security Chief at the airport, has addressed the situation with Station or that Station’s Chief of Security would have at least followed up with Headquarters in Washington. Before Mark can turn his computer on, Banks steps out of his office.
Banks: “Mark!….Job well done!” Banks slaps Mark on the back.
Mark: “Thank you!” Banks returns back to his office. Mark is left wondering out loud.. “I wonder if I should address the child porn?” …shrugs his shoulders … “Nah…they on top of it.”
DESCRIPTION: TE 7: One hour later Banks reappears from his office.
Banks: “Mark I want you write up a cable for Headquarters on the incident.”
DESCRIPTION: Banks walks back to his office without another word. Mark immediately starts working on the cable, but it’s not as easy of a task as COM thinks and proceeds to knock out a rough draft. Four hours later, Banks impatiently walks out of his office.
Banks: “Mark!…Where is that cable?
Mark: “Chief, I’ll send you what I have.”
DESCRIPTION: Banks walks back into his office and after reading the draft and final cable is not seen, nor heard from the remainder of the day.
INCITING INCIDENT: TP 1: Mark’s cable basically reflects Stations incompetence in handling the investigation and injustice of tossing a member of Station out of country for taking the correct action. The cable reveals that not only did Station not understand the facts when the decision was made to expel the staffer in question from the country, but that Station was in a rush to judgment. Evidence that was provided by the employee was dismissed. Furthermore, Mark’s home office at Headquarters and Office of Security were fully aware of the situation when Station and Mark–who is in charge of the Military Liaison Cells–were left completely out of the loop. Mark outlined what events really happened and the course of action he took to verify the information in the cable and while writing the cable, Mark reveals a major unexpected twist.
DESCRIPTION: While speaking to Station’s Chief of Communications (Dale) makes a surprising revelation that contractor (Joe) has a history of downloading pornography on Agency networks. Mark slaps that tidbit of information in the final cable as well and duplicates a copy of his cable and places it in his notes system as backup should Station try to alter his official report.
Chief of Communications (Dale): Is sitting at his desk and turns to Mark….“Hey…I saw Joe around Station this morning at the mess hall. … Did he fly in with you this morning?”
Mark: “Yeah.” Mark nods his head.
Dale: “It’s good to see him. … I’ve known him for 20 years. He’s a good guy. He’s a retired communications officer ya know. … Was he out there in Tikrit as part of your team?
Mark: “Yes,…he was the Cell Team Chief there.”
Dale: “He certainly is a chatterbox and seems all worked up about something. I’ve not seen him act this way since the time he downloaded pornog…” ….Dale pauses for a few seconds not completing his word…”Is that what this is about?”
Mark: Slowly nods his head in confirmation.
Dale: Astonished, he shakes his head negatively and slowly turns in his swivel chair back to his computer and says nothing further.
SLUG: INT–CIA Station (Mark’s workspace outside DCOS/COM offices), Baghdad, Iraq–Day
DESCRIPTION: Mark anticipates tempers will flare and hostilities against him will increasingly persist, once the Deputy Chief of Station returns back to Station. The DCOS is already pissed at Mark for an earlier report that Station and Headquarters were not adequately supporting the US conventional Warfighters on the ground as was the case in 1990, during Operation Desert Storm. The COS routinely referred to the 3rd Infantry Division commander as a jackass and refused to meet with the National Guard Division commander because the army could not spare a helicopter, in sharp contrast to the COS having a whole fleet at his disposal. Mark begins typing on his computer using Instant Messaging system to OMA Branch Chief (Doug).
Mark: “Doug… You there?”
Doug: “Yes.”
Mark: “The shits about to hit the fan here. Banks asked me to write my findings up and I had to be brutally honest in my report. I have not seen him all day and I sit outside his office. He must be shitting himself and it does not look good for me here.”
Doug: “I know….sorry.”
Mark: “When Reilly (DCOS) and the D’Angelo (COS) returns, you know they are going to hit the ceiling. It really did not help for HQ to keep Station out of the loop. They look like a Three Stooges operation now.”…..
….”and I have had it up to here with the hostile work environment and long hours I am having to put in to cover your all’s asses back there…. cuz they think I am screwing things up out here.”
“OMA’s keeps sending non experienced CIA personnel (contractors) with no training on our computer systems and software out to support the mission.”….
…”I had one idiot that did not know how to turn on a computer, much less know how to operate a CIA system… …I have to drop everything to spend 2 to 3 days to bring these guys up to speed and Pedro (that Cuban ass clown hates all women in authority or who make more $$$) sees what’s going and no doubt fueling hostilities with Reilly. ……I mean this is turning in to disorganized shit show out here.”…
…”and let us not forget the raving review from that report by the DCI representative about the CIA still not seriously supporting the US military out here. …I got the blame even though I was busy coordinating logistics for our 5 day trip between Division HQs that nearly resulted in a helicopter crash that I probably would get the blame for, as well.”
DESCRIPTION: Doug not wanting any further chain of evidence leading back to him as the CIA keeps records of all electronic data systems tells Mark to call him on the Green Line that is not monitored as much.
Doug: “Call me on the Green Line.”
Mark: “OK.” Mark picks up the Green Line secure phone and dials up Doug.
Doug: “Hi Mark?”
Mark: “Yes Doug its me…. I need to get the hell out of here. Between COS, DCOS, COM, Pedro and this new Colonel taking sides to be accepted by Station, I am catching a lot of flack.”
Doug: “What do you mean?”
Mark: “I am being excluded from Station meetings and between Pedro’s harassment and the Colonel who thinks that because I am an Army Reservist I have to answer to her…is bull shit…. She is trying to restrict my every move…. She cannot even keep her fucking pistol in the damn holster it keeps falling out…. Thank God she keeps it unloaded.”
Dough: Can be heard laughing on his end of the phone….
Mark: Being serious in tone…..“It all sounds funny, until you are on this end of being in the breach for issues outside my control and being fully blamed… I have covered for OMA far too long….. I told you guys I would come out here for a year…. It’s been 3 months and this child porn case is going to blow the lid off when Reilly gets here…. I am not going to deal with this shit any longer… With or without your help I am leaving Station on the next flight.”
Dough: Taking a more serious tone…”OK Mark I got ya….I have a Liaison officer coming out on a flight and should be there in two days. I will arrange for your return flight on that aircraft…..Hang tight and put a Transition Book together for the follow on guy.”
Mark: “OK will do.” Mark hangs the phone up.
SLUG: EXT–CIA Station, Flight Line, Baghdad, Iraq–Night
DESCRIPTION: Without a word from COM Banks who apparently refuses to speak, Mark waits the two days out, filing his voucher for 3 months pay and boards a helicopter to the airport to board the J-Lo flight back to Washington. Mark decides not to stick around and confront management as they are not willing to listen to him and he would feel the brunt of the storm of anger that would be released. As Mark is about to board the helicopter he sees Pedro disembarking and flips him the bird.
SLUG: EXT–CIA Station (DCOS office), Baghdad, Iraq–Day
DESCRIPTION: COS D’Angelo and DCOS Reilly return to Station where Banks briefs his version of what transpired to Reilly. As predicted both eventually hit the ceiling, but Reilly was far worse and became so filled with the rage of anger and hate toward Mark that he was out for blood and demanded vengeance. Just as he felt following the 9/11 attacks, he became so filled with hate and rage that vengeance was all he wanted against the Taliban who harbored Asuma Bin Laden. That is why he looked the other way when the Northern Alliance left 3,000 prisoners of war to die in the desert sealed in train box cars.
Banks: “Hi…Welcome back for what it’s worth.” Not smiling, Bank holds a copy of Mark’s cable in an extended hand to pass to Reilly with a cup of coffee in the other.
Reilly: “What do you mean by that?” Reilly snaps the cable from Bank’s hand and accepts the coffee with the other which he sits on his desk.
Banks: “Your buddy Mark tossed us under the bus, once again. …Set us up. …. Then left town without a word.”
Reilly: “What?? … He Left?” Visibly surprised and face beginning to flush his Irish red heritage… Banks leaves to go back to his office.
DESCRIPTION: Reilly slowly sits down into his chair with eyes glued to the subject line of the 15 page cable to Headquarter: “BAGHDAD, IRAQ–TQW IMPULSIVE INVESTIGATION MISTAKENLY SANDBAGS WRONG OFFICER FROM COUNTRY WHO WAS ADMONISHING OTHER FOR CHILD PORNOGRAPHY.” Reilly, goes nuclear and Station personnel in the adjoining offices and bay area can hear him.
Reilly: “THAT GOD DAMN SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!! ….THAT GOD DAMN SON-OF-A-BITCH!!!!”
DESCRIPTION: The sound instantaneously follows of a ceramic coffee cup crashing and shattering against the wall. Reilly storms out of the office heading in toward the COS’ Office.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by
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Caitlin Stryker’s tipping point scene, assignment 11. What I learned doing this assignment was to just jump ahead and write the scene assigned even if it doesn’t feel good enough and I don’t have the scenes leading up to it fleshed out yet.
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Outline Act 1 Turning Point
Lock your protagonist into the journey. Point of no return.
Carla goes out for the night. It’s when Harriet sees her in line at the club and she goes in.
Beginning: Carla is at the back of the line. Listening to 20yrs olds around her. She realizes she has no way of knowing if Harriet is there.
Middle: Harriet pokes her head out of the club and calls out to Carla to just come to the front and come in
End: Carla goes up to Bouncer Ron and tells him her friend is inside. He lets her in.
Turning Point Scene
EXT. NIGHT CLUB ON ABBOTT KINNEY – NIGHT
Carla walks up to the club and realizes there is quite the line to get in. SHe walks down to the end of the line past super cool looking 20yr olds. Nervous she stands in line alone. Carla looks at her phone wishing she had gotten Harriet’s number.
CARLA
What am I doing? I don’t even know if she’s here.
Carla overhears a convo between two 22 year old girls in line ahead of her.
YOUNG GIRL #1
Oh my god like when did senior citizens start coming here?
YOUNG GIRL #2
Shh… dude she can like totally hear you don’t be so rude.
YOUNG GIRL #1
Whatever. I told Charlie this place was lame now, but he insisted we come here.
YOUNG GIRL #2
Well we can leave after one drink.
Carla is ready to turn around and go home when Harriet pops out of the club and screams.
HARRIET
Carla!!! Get your ass up here girl! WHat are you doing waiting in line?
Carla startled looks at Harriet like she is making a scene.
HARRIET (CONT’D)
Come on in! Ron is the coolest, he knows you’re with me.
Bouncer Ron sits there collecting IDs as people walk in to the club. He has a nice rappour with folks and isn’t phased by Harriet.
HARRIET (CONT’D)
Ooh that’s my jam!! Meet me on the dancefloor let’s go!
Carla looks around embarrassed by the scene that Harriet just made but everyone around her is absorbed in their phones. No one noticed or cared. Carla tentatively walks up to Bouncer Ron.
CARLA
Hi.
BOUNCER RON
Hello young lady.
CARLA
Umm… I know there’s a long line, but my friend is in there, Harriet, and she told me to just come up and talk to you to get in?
BOUNCER RON
Harriet?
CARLA
Yeah…
BOUNCER RON
Alright, but just this once. I can’t let everyone jump the line who says “their friend is inside” you know what I;m saying.
CARLA
Yeah… for sure. Thank you.
Carla goes to head inside but Bouncer Ron stops her.
BOUNCER RON
Whoah! Whoah! whoah!
CARLA
I’m sorry.
BOUNCER RON
It’s all good. I just need to see ID miss.
CARLA
Oh yeah. Of course. Thank you!
BOUNCER RON
Have Fun.
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Lesson 11 Trish’s Turning Point 1 Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is having skipped some minor scenes to do these key ones is confusing me a bit. I hope to get to those next.
1. Outline your Act 1 Turning Point.
Beginning: Emma has another nightmare. She goes to tell Olivia about it.
Middle: They both share more details than before. How specific the dreams are. Someone overhears and says the same. Emma talks to more people and finds out how detailed and specific the dreams are.
End: They conclude that it’s not coincidence. It has to be on purpose and by someone.
2. Write your Act 1 Turning Point.
INT. EMMA’S HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Emma wakes up from another nightmare. She looks like shit. She flings off the covers.
INT. HOTEL DINING AREA – MORNING
Dressed now, sitting at a table, picking at some food, Emma keeps her eye on the entryway.
At last, Olivia and her husband enter.
Emma waves her over. She comes alone.
EMMA
I have to talk to you.
OLIVIA
Another dream?
She nods.
EMMA
It was so specific. Stuff from childhood. I hadn’t thought about in decades. I’m kind of freaking out here.
Olivia looks like she might throw up.
EMMA
Hey, are you all right?
She looks up.
OLIVIA
Um, no. Mine was like a movie of…well, last time, I said it was a time when a patient died.
Emma nods.
OLIVIA
This was like a play-by-play of everything. I didn’t know I could remember all those details. Not exactly a day I want to remember, you know?
Lucas sits at a neighboring table. He watches them and decides to join in.
LUCAS
I’m sorry to intrude, but I heard you talking about bad dreams. I’ve had them too and I’ve heard others say the same.
OLIVIA
They’re not just bad dreams. They’re vivid memories of my worst day.
EMMA
Lucas, are yours repetitive too?
He nods. Emma ponders.
EMMA
None of this can be coincidence. Everybody having specific, Groundhog’s day-type nightmares? What do we all have in common?
Lucas and Olivia share a glance.
LUCAS
We’re on the same vacation.
EMMA
Exactly. I said before that this place is spooky, but now I think, it’s someone – making it that way.
OLIVIA
You mean, making us have these dreams?
EMMA
Yeah. I don’t know why or how, but look around.
They look at the other guests, who also look like shit.
EMMA
It’s hell here. I have to figure this out.
LUCAS
Let me help. Investigating was my job, you know.
EMMA
It might be dangerous.
She gives him a disapproving ‘once over’.
Olivia grabs Emma’s hand.
OLIVIA
I don’t know what you can do, but please make them stop.
EMMA
I promise.
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