Lesson 11: Exchange Critiques on Your Pitches

[Lloyd Shellenberger]

Lloyd’s 4 pitches

Working hard every day to become the best writer I can be and as a result I do become the best writer in Hollywood.

What I learned from this assignment was…how to write a pitch in four forms. This is a valuable skill since I do a lot of pitching to potential Executive Producers.

Title Benjain Greene

Genre Action Drama

1. Elevator pitch

I’ve written an episodic TV series called… Bejamin Greene – Similar to Blacklist and the Unit but it centers around the life of a Special Operations Soldier.

If that catches their attention, then…

It’s about…A Fort Bragg Special Operations Unit that is reassigned to a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency called the Puzzle Works whose mission is to make sure the nation’s secrets stay secret.

2. Phone pitch

Hi, I’m Lloyd Shellenberger and I’m wondering if I could run a quick pitch by you.

Covert Operations are happening every day around the world. What if an audience could get a front row seat to the inner working of a Pentagon spy agency from the comfort of their own home?

It’s an Action/Drama – The only retirement for Colonel Greene and his crew is Amendment.

The pitch goes like this…

Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin, turned special Operations Commander and his crew are brutally recruited into a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency called the Puzzle Works where the mission is to make sure the nation’s secrets stay secret.

3. Pitch Fest pitch

Hi, I’m an ex-psychological operations specialist who performed several tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. specialize in military themed movies and TV shows. This is inspired by true events.

Pitch: I’ve written a TV series that gives its viewers an inside glimpse of the spy game and the life of a Special Operations soldier. There are over 35 open loops and over a dozen mysteries embedded into the series to keep the viewer on the edge of their seats.

It’s a mid-budget pilot – $2.94 million to $4.38 million.

The action takes place around the world, wherever the military is needed. It starts in 2004 in Afghanistan.

After Colonel Benjamin Greene and his crew shut down a government run drug house in Afghanistan they return to Fort Bragg. They find the drug trade is closer than they think.

Four years later, they are recruited by the Puzzle Works to shut down a military-run drug ring On Fort Bragg. The rules are simple; No press; No witnesses; No loose ends.

4. Query Letter

Title Benjamin Greene 1 hour episodic

Genre: Action Drama

Colonel Benjamin Greene, a former CIA assassin turned special Operations Commander and his unit are re-assigned to a Top-Secret Pentagon Agency whose mission is to ensure the nation’s secrets stay secret.

In the opening teaser Greene and his crew shut down a remote drug house, terminating everyone. Four years later, the past comes back to haunt them as they are recruited into the Puzzle Works to finish the job they started years earlier in Afghanistan. The mission: Shut down a drug ring on Fort Bragg. The rules are simple, No press, no witnesses, and no loose ends.

Unfortunately, the ringleader is an old friend and trusted colleague. Greene and his crew have no choice but to terminate the operation with extreme prejudice or be “Amended” themselves.

The pilot ends with Greene successfully shutting down the operation only to find betrayal and murder around every corner. Colonel Greene is an anti-hero and killer with a heart. A perfect lead character for an A-Lister to play.

I can be reached at 747-210-1983 Cell or lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com. I have an IMDB Pro page for any inquiry.

Inquiry letter full form.

Benjamin Greene

Action-Drama 1-hour Episodic TV or Streaming Series.

Imagine if a Fort Bragg Army unit were reassigned to a Top-Secret Pentagon agency knowing there is no such thing as retirement only “Amendment”. How would they handle it?

Colonel Benjamin, a former CIA assassin turned Special Operations Commander, and his unit are suddenly plunged into the spy game where the only rules are kill or be killed.

The show’s teaser begins with Colonel Greene’s unit shutting down a government run drug house in Afghanistan. This first episode sets the tone for an action-packed series.

Four years later, Colonel Greene and his unit are brutally recruited into the Puzzle Works. Their first assignment is to shut down a military unit distributing drugs out of Fort Bragg.

Greene discovers the ringleader is an old friend and military colleague. Unfortunately, the rules are simple: no witnesses, no press, and no loose ends.

Over the next five seasons, the assignments become increasingly difficult. Is this a setup for failure? Who lives, who dies? There are over 35 open loops, and more than a dozen mysteries hidden in the story line designed to keep the audience guessing.

Can Colonel Greene and his crew find an exit strategy before The Puzzle Works “Amends” them?

Bio: Retired Sergeant First Class Lloyd Shellenberger is a former AFN reporter and Psychological Operations Specialist who covered the Iraq war. He has actual war time experience as a soldier.

If you are interested in reading this screenplay or the pitch bible, my contact number is 747-210-1983 or lloydshellenberger@yahoo.com. I have an IMDB Pro page.

Sincerely,

Lloyd Shellenberger

• This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by  Lloyd Shellenberger.