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Lesson 12
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13 Replies
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I learned a few things:
– I added a fifth main mystery which is, “What is the Catalog?” which is the title, after all, and nowhere thus far had I referenced the title!
– I came up with some cool clues to add. Most took what’s in the current outline a little deeper. I kept all of the clues.
– This turned out to be a pretty fun exercise. It’s scary how diabolical a writer can think. 🙂 However, in the new map there’s a ton crammed in and a lot of redundancy. It’s counter-productive to just cram everything in, in “order,” without having a clear, concise outline or flow. I think it would be easier to plant/extract clues from current items after the flow is honed to a larger degree.
Tina Gives Great Clues!
1. Main Mysteries
1. What is the Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?
2. What is Caretaker Peters hiding?
3. Who is the Operator, really?
4. Will the Operator kill Julie and take her baby?
5. What is the Catalog?
2. List Clues for Each Mystery
1. What is the Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?
Covert: (This wakes Julie) Rumbling past her door, the Cleaners roam the hallways with a full laundry cart.
Covert: The Cleaners seem as stressed and fearful as the others.
Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.
Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.
Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.
Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.
Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.
2. What is Caretaker Peters hiding?
Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.
Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”
Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)
Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.
Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he’ll put in a service request.
Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.
3. Who is the Operator, really?
Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.
Covert: The Operator eavesdrops on employee conversations in the patient rooms.
Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.
Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.
Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.
Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)
Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.
Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.
Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.
4. Will the Operator kill Julie and take her baby?
Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.
Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.
Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.
Covert: Julie is hiding, sees Cleaners wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and cleaning up the blood.
5. What is the Catalog?
Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band with “Doe, Julie.” and a number.
Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen with password-only access.
Covert: Comment about a “cute one” on page 65.
Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.
Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.
3. Which Clues to Keep & Sequence
Covert: (Julie wakes to) Rumbling past her door, Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart.
Covert: The Cleaners seem stressed and fearful.
Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.
Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.
Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.
Covert: Comment about the “cute one” on page 65.
Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”
Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)
Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.
Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he has put in a service request.
Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.
Covert: (Intro) The Operator eavesdrops on employee conversations in the patient rooms.
Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.
Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.
Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)
Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band has “Doe, Julie.” and a number.
Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen has password-only access.
Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.
Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.
Covert: Peters warns about the room bugged, writes out instructions. Gives Julie 5 min. to roam and make up her mind.
Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.
Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.
Covert: Julie is hiding, sees a Cleaner wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and the other one cleaning up the blood.
Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.
Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.
Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.
Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.
Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.
Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.
Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.
Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.
Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.
4. New Map with Clues Added
OPENING:
Direction: Julie dreams of being in a car accident.
Mystery 1: Julie has a jumbled dream about a car accident in which she’s driving and crashes.
Reveal 1: It’s a flashback/dream.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Intrigue: Frantic breathing in the dark.
Covert: (Julie wakes to) Rumbling past her door.
Reveal 2: Julie wakes up from a coma
Mystery 2: She can’t remember who she is. She wonders that she’s pregnant. She scrutinizes her face in the mirror, looks old to herself.
Twist: Julie wakes up in the futuristic Facility, plugged into medical tubing.
Covert: Julie’s wrist identifier band has “Doe, Julie.” and a number.
Covert: The Catalog on the computer screen has password-only access.
Overt: Julie’s door is locked from the outside.
Twist: She hears a woman screaming, people running down the corridors, a baby crying.
Mystery 3: What is The Facility and why is ‘Julie Doe’ here?
Mystery 4: She hears a woman screaming and a baby crying.
Mystery 5: Why is her door locked from the inside?
Reveal 3: Julie’s a prisoner.
Red Herring’s Plan 1: Caretaker Peters is cruel, gives orders to the staff, and appears to be running things.
Direction: Julie pretends to still be comatose.
TURNING POINT 1:
Overt: Caretakers discuss being perpetually short-handed. It’s hard to get good people.
Covert: Caretakers discuss (Julie) coming due soon.
Covert: Employees sweat, on edge, and try to hide this with banter.
Covert: Comment about the “cute one” on page 65.
Overt: Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.”
Overt: Watch out, a cleaner will come for you. (grim)
Covert: Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.
Twist: Peters knows she’s awake but lets it slide.
Covert: Peters ignores Julie’s brainwaves; he has put in a service request.
Covert: An employee talks about how cold the Operator is.
Covert: (Intro) The Operator eavesdrops on the conversation.
Covert: The Operator skips a word or a step.
Covert: The Operator coils a USB cable and puts it in her pocket.
Covert: The Operator carries a pair of surgical scissors in her pocket distinguished by a ribbon or pacifier (pacifier could be the symbol.)
Trust: The Op handles Julie tenderly.
Distrust: She talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms.
Life threatening 2: Peters and the other Caretakers on their daily rounds believe Julie’s still comatose. They’re only concerned about Julie’s baby.
Mystery 6: One of the Caretakers thinks Julie’s brainwaves are too active but Peters ignores this/he shuts off the monitor.
Life threatening 3: Painful medical procedures are performed on Julie when she’s faking the coma.
Mystery 7: What is Caretaker Peters hiding?
Direction: The suspicious Operator observes Peters’ activities and makes notes.
Twist: The Operator announces that Julie will be scheduled to have her baby harvested.
Mystery 8: Caretaker Peters updates The Operator about Julie’s “procedures” in a few days once she’s ripe enough.
Distrust: Peters lies to The Operator about Julie’s condition.
Trust: He protects Julie’s wellbeing.
Direction: The Operator carries a newborn she says is dead.
Twist: The newborn isn’t dead.
Too many “assets” are not surviving. She blames this on Peters.
Trust: She reprimands Peters for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy.
Distrust: She lets Peters continue to tend to Julie.
Villain’s Plan 2: The cold Operator claims the facility needs to show zero losses.
Life threatening 4: Everyone will follow the Operator’s rules or pay the price.
Villain’s Plan 3: The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. But is devoid of real emotion (which is realized when she exits). It’s “never about the money, it’s about being of service.”
Direction: Why does Peters so readily take responsibility for newborn “deaths?”
Reveal 5/Twist: The Operator tortures the employees if they disagree.
Direction: The Operator takes the dead newborns away before autopsies can be performed.
Twist: The not-dead newborns are taken to a secret locked room.
Trust: She weeps for every newborn that doesn’t survive.
Distrust: She won’t let Peters examine the dead infants or perform autopsies.
Villain’s Plan 4: Where does the Operator take the tiny bodies before autopsies that could help them understand the fatalities can be completed?
Life threatening 5: Julie’s baby could be harvested at any moment while she’s awake.
Life threatening 6: Julie has labor pains.
Reveal 4/Twist: Caretaker Peters wants to use Julie in his own escape plan.
Mystery 9: Caretaker Peters wants Julie to help him in some way (escape? Bring down The Operator?) (but can Peters be Trusted?).
Distrust: Peters threatens Julie to help him.
Trust: He handles Julie with the greatest of care.
Covert: Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart.
Covert: The Cleaners seem stressed and fearful.
Covert: Peters warns about the room bugged, writes out instructions. Gives Julie 5 min. to roam and make up her mind.
Overt: The Facility is cold and prison-like.
Overt: Peters’ and Julie’s quid quo pro.
Overt: Julie sees many other coma patients locked in rooms like hers.
Covert: Julie is hiding, sees a Cleaner wheel a dead body out of an O.R. and the other one cleaning up the blood.
Mystery 10: Julie wants him to tell her who she is but Peters says he has no personal data on patients which keeps them from getting emotionally attached.
Distrust: Peters says he doesn’t know Julie’s true name.
Life threatening 7: Caretaker Peters will give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear. When he returns, she’d better do his bidding or he’ll put her back in a coma.
Direction: Under threat, Julie agrees to help Peters, but only if he helps her. He leaves her door unlocked.
Reveal 6/Trust: He leaves a computer screen open with her info so she can see her father’s address and phone number.
Distrust: Peters says he’ll help Julie escape.
Trust: He leaves her door unlocked.
Life threatening 9: Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does.
Direction: Julie finds surgical rooms. Many comatose patients. Rooms full of infants. The locked “dead infant” room. Breakaway fire doors padlocked. Peters and the Caretakers locked in their rooms until rounds.
Twist 12: The only way out of the building is through the guarded front door.
Reveal 7/Villain’s Plan 10: Julie finds a remote room with the “dead” newborns plugged into A.I. technology; DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.
Mystery 11: Who is The Operator, really, and what’s going on here?
Overt: Peters asks other employees why the one who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift.
Covert: The Operator has blood spatters on her shoe.
MIDPOINT:
Direction: Julie gets into The Operator’s office.
Direction: Julie remembers more about the car accident.
Twist: She was driving, killed her mother in the crash, ended up in a coma.
Mystery 12: Through another flashback, Julie begins to remember who she is. Now in her 30s, she had the car crash that killed her mother and put her in a coma at age 18.
Mystery 13: Julie sneaks into the offices looking for a key, key card, phone, etc.
Direction: Julie finds an auction announcement in The Operator’s office.
Twist: Someone wants to purchase infants.
Direction: Julie overhears The Operator’s online meetings.
Reveal 8/Twist: Julie discovers The Operator’s diabolical plan: She’s selling transhuman infants.
Overt: Julie’s baby is listed for bid with the same identifier number as on her wrist identifier band.
Overt: Julie learns what the Catalog is.
Overt: the Operator takes her USB cable out of her pocket and plugs herself into a charging device.
Mystery 14: Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for.
Villain’s Plan 11: The Operator Zooms with the corporation and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about auctioning infants to wealthy parents. But her objective doesn’t align with theirs.
Villain’s Plan 12: On a second Zoom call, the Operator is running another business, a super-secret transhuman infant-selling ring. Why?
Direction: Julie finds a way to call out.
Twist: Her father thinks she’s pranking him – he buried his daughter and his wife.
Mystery 15: Desperate Julie finds The Facility’s address and a way to call outside.
Reveal 9/Mystery 16: Her father answers but thinks it’s a cruel prank because they buried his daughter. She gives him the address/she says something (about the accident, she killed her mother?) that should pique his interest, but it doesn’t and he hangs up on her.
Direction: Julie starts to have labor pains.
Twist: She watches the Operator plug herself into electronic equipment.
Life threatening 13: Julie has worse labor pains and takes steps to keep herself and her baby safe.
Mystery 17: Julie hides and when the Operator comes back and Julie watches her plug into electronics and go “offline”.
Red Herring’s Plan 5: Julie sneaks back to her room. Peters is waiting.
Direction: Julie asks Peters what’s up with the operator?
Reveal 10/Twist #: The Operator is transhuman A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants.
Reveal 11/Red Herring’s Plan 6: What’s up with The Operator? Peters confesses that the Operator is
Red Herring’s Plan 7: The Operator had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate so to protect them he left them behind and joined The Facility. He wants to go home.
Direction: The Operator discovers Peters lied about Julie and takes the key card away.
Distrust: Peters tells the Operator that Julie stole his key card.
Reveal 12/Trust: Peters has taken the missing employee’s keycard and leaves it with Julie.
TURNING POINT 2:
Life threatening 14: The Operator discovers Julie’s not in her room.
Life threatening 15: The Operator had suspected Peters, Julie’s only ally, questions him.
Reveal 13/Twist: The Operator kills Peters.
Covert: The Operator’s scissors stick out of Peters’ temple; he’s dead, of course.
Covert: Cleaners stuff Peters into a laundry bin.
Life threatening 16: The Operator catches Julie.
Reveal 14/Twist: Julie’s baby will be turned into a transhuman.
CLIMAX: The Operator has a failsafe.
Life threatening 18: The Operator catches Julie and takes her to the O.R. to harvest her infant.
Covert: The Operator has an O.R. prepped.
Overt: The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her.
Life threatening 19: The Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder. Reveal 15/Twist: Julie has birthed 5 children over the years.
Direction: Julie is being put back into a coma.
Twist: Julie fights back, escapes.
Reveal 16/Life threatening 20: Julie wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., The Operator and other health workers and security guards in pursuit.
Trust: The Operator gaslights Julie and it appears Julie falls for it.
Distrust: She chases her, tries to capture her.
Trust: She says keeping Julie locked down will be good for her baby.
Distrust: Julie’s too much trouble and The Operator will kill her after the baby’s delivered.
Life threatening 21: The Operator threatens to blow up the facility and kill all the babies so as to leave no evidence.
Julie disables The Operator and the Workers and Security take over and tear her apart cog by cog.
Reveal 17/Direction: Julie makes it outside the building.
Twist: The Operator follows her, catches her, Julie kills her.
Direction: Alone and about to give birth, Julie makes it to the front gate.
Twist: Her father arrives with police and ambulances
Twist: Something Julie had told her father about her mother rang true.
RESOLUTION: Julie’s father and police break into The Facility and free Julie.
Twist: Something she said rang true.
– Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/released/hospitalized. Julie and her baby go home with her father.
Mystery18: But what will happen to the transhuman infants?
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Tina Howe.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Mariannjely Gives Great Clues!
What I learned doing this assignment is that it should be a good balance between overt and covert clues to make a mystery enjoyable and solvable at the right time. I noticed some of my clues coincided with the intrigues/ life threats.
Opening: A woman screams from inside a wine barrel until the screams stop.
Life threating: a woman was locked and left to die inside a barrel.
Clue: Screams are heard. Women’s voice.
Mystery: Who is she?
Mystery: Why is she inside a barrel?
Inciting Incident: Ariana accepts a summer program invitation and travels to the U.S from Venezuela.
Villain’s plan: there is a website with testimonials and great pictures for the program. All expenses paid.
Life threating. Clue: Ariana’s roommates mention the danger of going to another country where you don’t know anybody else.
Clue: Talk about the beauty standards in Venezuela.
Intrigue. Clue: Participants in the program are all beautiful foreign women, between 18-26.
Intrigue. Clue: Ariana’s passport is taken away at the vineyard’s entrance.
Intrigue. Clue: Everybody in the vineyard is monitored 24/7.
Intrigue. Clue: No phone service.
Villain’s plan: location is too remote for service. Very happy employees. Karen is extra accommodating and nice.
Mystery: What’s Karen intentions?
TRUST: Karen is the owner of a prestigious Vineyard. She is nice and overaccommodating.
Clue: Karen looks as young as she can be.
DISTRUST: She takes Ariana’s passport.
TRUST: Karen tours the vineyard. The employees seem to love her.
TRUST: Nick gives Ariana pointers about how to impress Karen.
TRUST: Karen acknowledges Ariana’s talent with wine in front of everyone.
Intrigue. Clue: There is an area off limits.
Intrigue. Clue: Participants get their blood drawn.
Clue: A woman is sent home because of STDs.
Intrigue: Karen’s right-hand flirts with Ariana.
Twist: Karen’s right hand, 20 years younger, is Karen’s secret lover.
Turning Point 1: Ariana tastes the popular wine at the tasting night.
Villain’s plan: tasting night where clients can see the new women in the program.
Life threating: Ariana starts asking questions about the wine.
Intrigue. Clue: Ariana gets a rare taste of the wine she can’t explain.
Mystery: What’s in the wine?
Intrigue. Clue: the clientele is all prestigious women 40+ years old.
Clue: Clientele conversation revolves about looking young.
Life threating. Clue: Karen visits the off-limits area, where women are locked.
Twist: The wine has blood in it.
Midpoint: Ariana finds a body in a barrel. She is locked in a room.
Life threating: Ariana goes to the off-limits area.
Life threating: Ariana finds the body of the girl who was “Sent home”
Mystery: why was she killed?
Life threating: Karen’s right-hand sees Ariana find the body.
Twist: He wants to help Ariana. He’s also a victim.
DISTRUST: Ariana finds a body of Kathy. Nick killed her.
TRUST: Nick opens up to Ariana about being an orphan. They bond.
TRUST: Nick tells Ariana what’s happening in the Vineyard. He’s a victim too.
DISTRUST: He shows her the area where women are locked.
Reveal: human trafficking in the vineyard. Woman are made to donate their blood with the purpose to add it to an anti-aging popular woman.
TRUST: …They make a plan together to escape.
Villain’s plan: Karen has been watching them in the cameras all along.
Turning Point 2: Ariana is locked by Karen and makes a deal with her.
Life threating: Ariana finds the area where women are locked. She is set to meet with Karen’s right hand.
Twist: Karen shows up instead. She killed the young man.
Mystery: Karen didn’t care about the young man.
Villain’s plan: Karen locks Ariana in room.
DISTRUST: Karen locks Ariana in a room.
TRUST: Ariana makes a deal with Karen. She’ll help her find new young foreign women.
DISTRUST: Karen warns her she’ll be dead if she betrays her.
Life threating: Ariana is locked in a room.
Life threating. Twist. Ariana offers a partnership deal with Karen. She’ll help her get more women as exchange of her life.
Life threating: Karen tells her if Ariana tries to betray her, she is dead.
Villain’s plan: Use Ariana to get more clients from Latin America.
Life threating: Ariana plays the game with Karen and get to know her, also her employees.
Intrigue. Clue: the Hispanic employees are scared of Karen.
Climax: Ariana fights Karen for her life.
DISTRUST: Ariana calls the police. The police show up revealing Karen bought them.
DISTRUST: Karen goes after Ariana, to kill her.
Life threating: Ariana betrays Karen contacts the police.
Life threating: the police show up.
Twist: Police in the town works for Karen.
Life threating: Karen locks Ariana again.
Twist: The employees turn to Karen and help Ariana.
Life threating: Vineyard burns. Ariana fights Karen.
Resolution: The vineyard burns alongside Karen, Ariana survives. She receives a U visa to stay in the United States. She becomes a sommelier.
Intrigue: a client has requested Ariana for her table.
Clue: Client has red hair, just like Karen.
Twist: Karen’s daughter who was in Europe is back, and knows what Ariana did.
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Norene Gives Great Clues!
What I learned from this assignment was some of my main mysteries were more solid that others. They had more viable possibilities when building clue trails. Others could not withstand the exercise of creating the clues. Brainstorming ways to amend and strengthen the weaker mystery or change them altogether. Asking questions.
MYSTERY: What does Gabby Taylor want from Henry Quinn and his family?
POSSIBLE CLUES:
OVERT:
• Gabby blames Archer for vandalism at the Eco-adventure centre<div>
•Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent
<div>
• Gabby encourages kids to explore potentially dangerous terrain
• Gabby fosters fear of unexplained events and superstitions
• Gabby fosters a close dependant relationship with ten-year old Rowan
• Gabby drugs and seduces Henry
• Gabby alters Henry’s report and leaks negative info to media
• Gabby accuses Henry of rape
• Gabby declares Henry is Talulah’s father
COVERT:
• Gabby throws Henry’s reputation into question </div><div>
• Gabby fosters animosity between villagers and the Quinns
• Gabby’s flashes of anger and self-loathing
•Gabby’s unpredictable behaviour
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MYSTERY: What happened to Maeve Quinn?
POSSIBLE CLUES:
OVERT:
• no funeral after car accident • Henry avoids talking to children about their mother </div><div>
• Henry hides letters from Maeve to her children
• letters feel like they are saying goodbye; why would she have written them?
• Henry has kept Maeve’s belongings; refuses to let them go, including an intricate necklace made from shells
COVERT:
• Archer learns of Selkie legend about seals shedding skins to take human form once a year </div><div>
• Henry’s insistence on vacationing in Jiggers Cove during summer solstice (Midsummer’s eve)
• Henry’s past connection to the village of Jiggers Remorse as a student in marine biology
• Gabby’s reference to Maeve being the most beautiful mesmerizing creature ‘you couldn’t resist her’
• talk about ‘abandonment’
• references to shape shifting and transformation
• large number of seals in the area sunning on rocks
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>MYSTERY: What is secret of Jiggers Remorse?
POSSIBLE CLUES:
OVERT:
• villagers are superstitious </div><div>
• lights and shrouded figures seen when there are tourists around
• Archer and Talulah discover robes stored in chests in the Fairy Caves and evidence of some kind of ceremony there
• Seamus is carrying a robe when he rescues Rowan and Archer from the hunters trap
• villagers make sure people are aware of the mysterious lights and figures with dire warnings
• lanterns in Oona’s community hall, general store, postoffice etc
• yearly rite at the Fairy Caves on Midsummers Eve.
COVERT:
• barrens are dangerous, especially at night; only a local would be able to navigate without a guide </div><div>
• soulful music can be heard from the beach
• Oona not available to meet Archer at night
• villagers want the area to be declared a fragile heritage environment and off limits for human interference.
• Oona calls Archer and Rowan ‘sliocha nan ron’ (gaelic for descendants of selkies)
• reference to some traitorous thing Gabby did when she was younger that caused village to treat her as an outcast.
REVISION 4 THRILLER MAP – THE MAW:
OPENING: Quinn family driving to Jiggers Remorse. Archer arguing with father Henry about being forced to go.
MYSTERY 1: What happened to his mother?
MYSTERY 2: Why are they going to Jiggers Remorse?
LIFE THREATENING 1: Death of mother in a car accident.
MYSTERY 3: Why is Archer so angry with his father?
INCITING INCIDENT: An approaching van veers, nearly forcing their car off the road to teeter on edge of a cliff. Henry has to call for a tow truck to take them to the island. TWIST: Archer is furious with father but depends of him to save the day in crisis.
LIFE THREATENING 2: Near fatal car accident.
VILLAINS’ PLAN 1: Were they intentionally driven off the road?
MYSTERY 4: Driver stops but when it looks like they were coming back to help, sped up and raced away. DISTRUST: Is someone trying to intentionally hurt them? (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 3: Car slides off the cliff
TWIST: Just when it looked like they have been saved with the arrival of the tow truck, the car slides off edge and violently crashes to the bottom of the cliff, narrowly taking Archer with it. DISTRUST: Was the car pushed over the cliff? (RED HERRING)
MYSTERY 5: What kind of dialect are the locals speaking?
MYSTERY 6: What is different about Rowan? She hasn’t spoken since her mother died. She is fey, almost strange affinity for animals. Stray dog starts following her around. (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 4: Fire in equipment shed at the Eco-Adventure Centre after Archer and Talulah had been there sorting ropes, preparing for the next day. (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 5: Archer tries to put the fire out, burning his hands.
TWIST: Archer is suspected of starting the fire and interrogated by RCMP from mainland. Kerosene and explosives also found in the shed. TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer is attracted to Talulah. Thinks of her as a friend or more than that. Archer is shocked that Talulah does not speak up to defend him. (RED HERRING)
VILLAIN’S PLAN 2: Gabby tries to convince Henry that his environmental report for the village will be a strong component of her initiative to have the limestone cliffs and surrounding area declared a heritage site,even though the Village council is uneasy about this affect to their way of life. (CLUE) TWIST: The council has hired Henry to demonstrate that it is a delicate eco-system that needs protection from human interference.
TRUST/DISTRUST: Henry agrees to do the report in good faith not realizing Gabby is using him to cause more distress to the village and alienating him from the locals.
TWIST: Henry has come to the island for more quality time with his kids but he seems to easily brush them aside. He buries himself in work to forget about his wife.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 3: When Gabby intentionally taunts and dismisses villagers, the operation of the Eco-Adventure Centre becomes mired in red tape. Gabby is looking like a noble victim to Henry.(CLUE)
TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby says she wants to bring prosperity to the area and attract more visitors and business. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ But her eco-adventure venture is being used to endanger the village secret. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 7: What happened in the past that caused Gabby to be shunned and treated as an outcast? TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby blames the villagers attitude on their backward superstitions but as a teenager she tried to expose the Selkies connection to the area, alienating her. (CLUE)
VILLAIN’S PLAN 4: Increased vandalism of the Eco-Centre.(CLUE)
MYSTERY 8: Why is everyone so superstitious in Jiggers Remorse? (CLUE)
VILLAIN’S PLAN 5: Gabby appears to find local beliefs charming, an attraction. TRUST/DISTRUST: But she really thinks they are backward and uses their beliefs and fears to manipulate them. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 9: What are the mysterious lights and shrouded figures on the barrens at night? TWIST: The villagers want to keep people away but this just attracts more visitors and media attention.
TURNING POINT 1: Archer finds good-bye letters from mother Maeve that Henry had kept secret.(CLUE) TWIST: Henry was trying to keep Maeve’s secret but Archer now distrusts father for keeping something so important from him, increasing their discord. The letters just add fuel to Archer’s curiosity about his mother. TWIST: Maeve was from Jiggers Remorse. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 10: Why did Henry hide Maeve’s letters? TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer always felt he could count on his father to tell him the truth but now he realizes that Henry has been hiding the real facts about her death/disappearance. Archer now questions everything Henry says.
LIFE THREATENING 6: When Archer asks too many questions in the village, locals treat him roughly and threaten him. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 11: Warnings not to go exploring without a guide outside the village because of dangerous terrain. DISTRUST: When Archer asks, there are never any guides available and he begins to suspect that dangers are exaggerated. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 12: Why are locals denying knowledge of Maeve? DISTRUST: Archer knows she was from the island. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 13: Why does Oona become agitated when she notices ridges on Archer’s hands? Tries to reach for Rowan but Archer steps in and protects his sister. (CLUE) TWIST: Oona becomes more welcoming.
MYSTERY 14: Why is the Rowan’s stray dog frantically barking at night? (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 7: When scaling rock wall, Talulah spontaneously takes Archer’s turn. TWIST: The climbing rope breaks and she falls, leaving her bruised and shaken.
MYSTERY 15: Gabby points out that someone has tampered with the equipment and cut the rope. She does not hesitate to blame Archer. (CLUE) TRUST/ DISTRUST: Archer knows he didn’t do it but will anyone believe him?
MYSTERY 16: What does Gabby have against Archer?
MYSTERY 17: Who really cut the rope?
MYSTERY 18: Why doesn’t Gabby report vandalism?
VILLAIN’S PLAN 6: Gabby drives a further wedge between Henry and his son. Gabby ingratiates herself with Henry, making him feel like she doesn’t want to get Archer into trouble. TWIST: Gabby spreads rumours about Archer being a delinquent. (CLUE) TWIST: Henry says he trusts Archer but believes everything Gabby tells him. TRUST/DISTRUST
LIFE THREATENING 8: The ominous Seamus Dromgoole rescues Archer and Rowan from hunter’s trap on edge of barrens. TWIST: The kids tried to obey the warnings but still found themselves in a dangerous situation. Danger is everywhere. (CLUE) Seamus is carrying robe.
LIFE THREATENING 9: Henry meets up with Seamus and Cormac at local pub about the environmental report. When they say he should rein in his trouble- making son, a fight breaks out. TWIST: Henry defends Archer, accusing them of endangering his kids by setting traps near walking trails.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 7: Stories of a predator killing local pets in the village. Gabby instills fear in Rowan for the stray dog, making her more dependent on her. (CLUE)
VILLAIN’S PLAN 8: Gabby makes an effort to be friendly saying she has been under stress and overreacted. She entertains kids with stories about the Fairy Caves and smuggled treasure. She tells them about the path down to the beach and shows them an old broach she found there. TWIST: She wants to increase their curiosity about the caves. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby would never encourage the kids to do something dangerous, would she? She neglects to tell them about the dangers of the tides. (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 10: Kids exploring Fairy Caves discover evidence of activity – robes, fire pit, old chests with animal skin in one. (CLUE) When the tide rises cutting off the way out, they have to climb the rock face to safety.
MIDPOINT: Since the terrifying experience in the caves, Archer notices Rowan is changing, avoiding him. She is more outgoing, preferring to spend time with Gabby who treats her more like a daughter than she does Talulah. (CLUE) TRUST/DISTRUST: Archer feels he has lost Rowan’s faith in him. Gabby undermines their relationship even further.
MYSTERY 19: Gabby leaves out a book on arcane traditions and local legends about Selkies for Archer to find. He learns about Sekies shedding their seal skins to take human form. (CLUE) TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby warns Henry that Archer is developing an unhealthy interest in the arcane and the occult. (CLUE)
REVEAL: Gabby is confronted by Seamus. He accuses her misappropriating investors’ funds. He has proof. She asks Henry for help. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby says she is being persecuted, that the village has never forgiven her for what she did in the past. (CLUE)
VILLAIN’S PLAN 9: Gabby wants to invoke Henry’s sympathy and distort the truth.
MYSTERY 20: Archer and Talulah secretly visit community hall archives to get some answers from Oona about the Selkies. When she takes off her gloves, Archer sees that Oona’s hands have evidence of old scars like his. (CLUE)
TWIST/REVEAL: Archer learns that his mother was a Selkie and the ridges on his hands are where webs have been removed when he was an infant. The Fairy Caves are the legendary gathering place of the Selkies on Midsummers Eve. (CLUE) TRUST: Archer feels Oona is one of the few people in his life who tell him the truth. DISTRUST: But the story is unbelievable. Is Oona crazy? TWIST: Archer and Talulah become closer.
MYSTERY 21: Does Henry know about the Selkie’s and Maeve? Did Henry hide Maeve’s seal skin to force her to stay in human form and live on land with him? Archer can’t imagine it but it is just another reason to distrust his father.
MYSTERY 22: Screeches heard at night. (CLUE) Local stories of banshees foretelling imminent death.
LIFE THREATENING 11: Archer and Talulah find day hikers injured. They are airlifted to hospital on the mainland, but not before warning them about about a large animal that chased them. (CLUE)(RED HERRING)
MYSTERY 23: Is there a predator on the loose? Rumours run rampant through the village and media from the mainland arrive to cover the story. (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 12: Major storm warnings.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 10: Gabby drugs Henry and seduces him.(CLUE) TWIST: An earlier relationship is revealed. (CLUE)TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby tells him that Talulah is his daughter. REVEAL! (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 13: Wind and high tides cause cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Eco-Centre, forcing the Taylor and Quinn families to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in community hall. REVEAL! Gabby had endangered the secret of the Selkies as a youth and been shunned by the village and estranged from her mother ever since. (CLUE) TWIST: Oona is Talulah’s grandmother.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 11: Gabby snoops through Henry’s environmental report. TWIST: Archer sees her and tells his father who doesn’t believe him. TRUST/ DISTRUST
TWIST: Gabby leaks negative/false information about the report to media.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 12: When Henry questions how information got to media, Gabby redirects him to suspect Archer, then Oona. When he refuses to believe this, Gabby explodes, accusing Henry of raping her. A horrified Archer is further alienated from his father. (CLUE) TWIST: Archer and Talulah feel weird around each other .
REVEAL: Henry realizes Gabby is unstable. (CLUE) TRUST/ DISTRUST: Can Henry believe anything Gabby says?
MYSTERY 24: Is Henry really Talulah’s father? If not, who is?
TURNING POINT 2: Rowan disappears.
LIFE THREATENING 14: Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog in the night. Storms terrify Rowan. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone. (CLUE)
LIFE THREATENING 15: A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the town hall, viciously eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear.
MYSTERY 25: Has Rowan wandered out on the barrens in search of her dog? Has she been a victim of the predator? TWIST: Armed villagers work together with Henry to organize search parties.
LIFE THREATENING 16: Henry decides to send Archer back to the city for his own protection. TRUST: Archer wants to protect Archer from Gabby or whatever is out there. DISTRUST: Archer thinks Henry doesn’t trust him to help. and wants him out of the way. He is desperate to find his sister. He feels something is terribly wrong. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 26: What is Henry trying to protect Archer from?
LIFE THREATENING 17: Causeway damaged. TWIST: Island is cut off from the mainland during the storm. No one is going anywhere.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 13: Communications down. TWIST: Gabby cut the lines.
LIFE THREATENING 18: Archer and Talulah take off on their own to find Rowan.
LIFE THREATENING 19: Archer and Talulah find Rowan’s dog, bleeding and injured, whining at the top of the cliff above Fairy Caves. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 27: Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.
CLIMAX: Archer and Talulah discover Rowan tied up and captive in the cave. She is too terrified to tell them anything. (CLUE)
MYSTERY 28: Who did this and why?
REVEAL: A crazed Gabby appears from the back of the cave with a knife, threatening to kill Rowan if they don’t do as she says. Gabby orders Talulah to tie Archer up. TWIST: Talulah complies but leaves it loose. TRUST/DISTRUST: Gabby thinks Talulah will do as she says but Talulah decides to take a stand against her mother.
VILLAIN’S PLAN 15: Gabby has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy the gathering place of the Selkies. She would be happy if the whole village was destroyed.
LIFE THREATENING 20: Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is now cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan.
LIFE THREATENING 21: Dog attacks Gabby, causing her to lose her hold of Rowan. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is fighting off the dog, a voice calls to her.
REVEAL! Maeve is alive! Maeve and other Selkies emerge from ocean removing their skins, beckoning Gabby to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, drops the knife and follows Maeve into the water until they disappear.
REVEAL! TWIST: It was Maeve who Gabby loved all along and hated Henry for taking her away.
LIFE THREATENING 22: Archer helps Talulah and Seamus throw the explosives into the ocean.
MYSTERY 30: Will Gabby drown? What will the Selkies do to Gabby?
RESOLUTION: Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah with rest of the villagers watch as Maeve appears one last time and then disappears into the ocean.
MYSTERY 31: Will the Quinn family help protect the secret of Jiggers Remorse?
MYSTERY 32: Will Archer resolve his problems with Henry?
MYSTERY 33: Will Archer and Rowan ever see their mother again?
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Norene Smiley.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Clues
Mystery – Who is in charge of the illegal transplants?
She hears Sandy and George talking
Finds George’s Harvard transcripts as an intern in the Transplant program
She learns that Alan and George were friends in the residency program
Who is warning her off the case and why?
Her locker is broken into
Mysterious calls
Her tires are slashed
How much does the patient know and will he go along with the plan?
She finds a photo of the patient and her friend in his drawer
Pt says the will pay her handsomely to go with him to China.
Pt says he’s afraid of death and really wants to live.
Why do they insist she go to China with him?
Accident is arranged and her blood for DNA testing
Pt has been on list for a while and been rejected.
Who can she trust?
Alan is distant at first but then becomes romantic to her. Tells her that she must trust hjim.
She tries to talk to Sandy but then Sandy is murdered.
She realizes her friend who sent her to the hospital it the patient’s niece.
Her home is searched.
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KEN CALLAWAY GIVES GREAT CLUES
What I learned… This assignment brought me back to assignment # 8 where the (hopefully) singular thread that (hopefully) runs through the story has an effect on the entire work.
That said I feel I will need to work much harder to interweave my clues to deliver the necessary payoff for the audience… the OMG ‘I totally should have seen that coming’ as opposed to the OMG I what a great but impossible to figure out twist (see The Usual Suspects, cuz who really saw that one coming?)
· Main Mystery 1: Who is Kevin Frye?
· Overt Clue: Kevin the mystery baby in first scene
· Overt Clue: Imagines he’s a fairy hunter, is he?
· Covert Clue: Is Kevin blind or going blind?
· Overt Clue: Is he even Mae’s son?
· Covert Clue: Could Kevin be a fairy?
· Main Mystery 2: Is Genevieve Oakwood a fairy?
· Covert Clue: How does she know Kevin?
· Covert Clue: Does she know what is going on at Oakwood?
· Covert Clue: Did she kill her sister?
· Overt Clue: Is Genevieve Genevieve?
· Overt Clue: How does she know she & Kevin are on the same path?
· Covert Clue: Is Genevieve insane?
· Main Mystery 3: What is the connection between the two?
· Overt Clue: Are they actually on the same path?
· Covert Clue: Can what Kevin has seen be believed?
· Overt Clue: Will Kevin and Genevieve lead the war against humankind?
LIST OF MAIN CHARACTERS
· Hero: Kevin Frye
· Villain: Genevieve Oakwood
· Red Herring Character: Hugh “Hux” Huxley
· Trusted but shouldn’t be: Genevieve Oakwood
· Isn’t trusted, but should be: JRR “Tolly” Tolkien
CHARACTER’S BASIC STATE
· Hero: Kevin Frye – Trustworthy
· Villain: Genevieve Oakwood – Untrustworthy
· Red Herring Character: Hugh “Hux” Huxley – Trustworthy
· Trusted but shouldn’t be: Mae Frye, mother – Untrustworthy
· Isn’t trusted, but should be: JRR “Tolly” Tolkien – Trustworthy
HOW TRUST and DISTRUST UNFOLDS
· Hero / Villain: The deeper Kevin Falls for Genevieve the less he can trust her
· Hero / Red Herring: Kevin discovers Hux is actually fighting against the fairies
· Hero / Trusted but shouldn’t be: As the story progresses the Kevin learns that his blood pits him against humankind
· Hero / Isn’t trusted, but should be: When Kevin learns his true nature he has no choice but to join the fairies
OPENING: Three frightening nurses hand a young woman an infant with bloody, bandaged eyes during London’s blitz bombings.
· Life threatening 1: Will the boy live?
· Mystery 1: Who is the child? Who is the woman? Who are the nurses?
· Trust: The woman seems caring
· Distrust: The nurses seem otherworldly
· Reveal 1: As the woman turns away she seems uncaring – Covered up by her initial response.
· Direction: Woman leaves with child
· Intrigue: Where is she going?
· Twist: The building falls on nurses
· Mystery 2: The boy, now twelve years wears an eye-patch
· Overt Clue: Kevin the mystery baby in first scene
· Intrigue: He and three others sail an old boat through a crashing storm
· Trust: Kevin seems sympathetic
· Direction: Boys are in a dire struggle
· Trust: They appear to be brave
· Reveal 3: Boat is not at sea – Covered up by perspective & action
· Reveal 4: The boat is in a muddy, urban scrap yard – perspective & action
· Intrigue: The four are just playing in the rain. Where are their parents?
· Mystery 3: Kevin plays a different game; he’s a fairy hunter, they are pirates
· Intrigue: What is his obsession with fairies?
· Overt Clue: Imagines he’s a fairy hunter, is he?
· Direction: The others object, the game gets dangerous
· Reveal 5: Kevin pulls a real knife on his friends – Covered up we expected wood swords
· Intrigue: – Kevin takes game too seriously
· Intrigue: – Kevin almost loses his only eye then falls overboard
· Covert Clue: Is Kevin blind or going blind?
· Distrust: They don’t like Kevin’s game
· Twist: Kevin pops up, out of the mud
· Reveal 6: He’s okay, smiling – Covered up as he was hit very hard
· Twist: His friends are elated
· Trust: Even though they were playing rough Kevin stays positive, fun
· Direction: A priest, Father John (Tolkien) convinces Kevin’s mother, Mae to send him to the scout jamboree at Oakwood Green
· Distrust: Why is it so important to his mother for Kevin to go?
· Twist: Kevin thanks his mother
· Covert Clue: Is he even Mae’s son?
· Reveal 7: Kevin is scared – he does not want to go – Covered up as he appeased his mother
· Direction: Kevin and his friends board the transport truck
· Direction: Kevin’s friends half-heartedly convince him it will be fun – “maybe you can hunt fairies there.”
· Twist: Kevin takes the dig then excitedly calls a warning to the fairies from the transport truck. His friends laugh.
INCITING INCIDENT: The priest’s father, JRR “Tolly” Tolkien arrives to hear Kevin’s cry to the fairies then spouts parallel fairy lore. Kevin’s interest is now more than piqued. Tolly had agreed to tell scary fireside stories for the week-long outing.
· Direction: On the ride to the jamboree Kevin and his friends begin having fun
· Twist: Older scouts from a different pack ‘Hux,’ ‘Pisser’ and ‘Ace’ bully Kevin
· Distrust: Hux has it out for Kevin
· Direction: Scouts arrive in the village of Droitwich
· Reveal 8: Kevin can’t find his kitbag, his father’s knife is gone – Covered up as he was sitting on it
· Mystery 4: Did Hux take it?
· Distrust: Kevin thinks Hux is to blame
· Mystery 5: Kevin is distracted by intriguing mystery girl. She taunts him then slips into a sweets shop
· Covert Clue: How does she know Kevin?
· Direction: Kevin’s and his friends enter the shop
· Trust: Kevin’s friends play along with him
· Twist: The girl has vanished and the strange shopkeeper claims she didn’t see the girl
· Distrust: The shopkeeper appears to be lying
· Direction: Kevin presses the shopkeeper
· Reveal 9: The shopkeeper knows something – Covered up, she had to have seen the girl
· Mystery 6: she gets spooked, abruptly asks them to leave
· Twist: Kevin exits last. The shopkeeper gives Kevin a dire warning about the girl
· Reveal 10: There is a connection between Kevin and the girl
· Distrust: Kevin feels threatened
· Direction: The scouts begin setting up camp, Kevin sneaks back to the village to find the girl – to no avail
· Twist: On the way back to Oakwood Kevin is followed by small, frightening fairies
· Intrigue: Kevin begins running, gets turned around
· Direction: Kevin sees a girl riding a horse in the distance
· Distrust: The girl ignores Kevin
· Twist: He follows the rider to Oakwood Manor as the fairies chase him
· Direction: Kevin is panicked, out of breath is closing in on the rider
· Twist: Native American priest, Father Fox stops Kevin then sends him back to camp
· Distrust: Father Fox changes Kevin’s trajectory
· Direction: Kevin missed the first day’s craft activity; making a longbow
· Twist: The scouts must use their bows in the first night’s scout challenge
· Direction: Hux taunts Kevin knowing he did not make a bow. Tolly has Kevin use Jacko’s bow
· Distrust: Tolly knows Kevin will not win the game
· Twist: With great difficulty Kevin draws the arrow back, drops it then dry fires – the bow breaks
· Direction: Tolly has Kevin borrow Hux’s larger, much stronger bow
· Distrust: Tolly knows the stronger bow creates a greater challenge
· Twist: After several attempts Kevin can’t budge the string. He lies on his back, uses his feet and wins the challenge
· Trust: Tolly’s faith in Kevin builds
· Direction: Kevin and Hux are assigned to dig a latrine. Hux walks off leaves Kevin to do the work
· Distrust: Hux abandons Kevin
· Twist: While digging Kevin finds what appears to be his father’s knife under a rune stone
· Reveal 11: Fairies are real – one appears from the hole – Covered up as it was just Kevin’s imagination
TURNING POINT 1: Kevin accidentally kills the fairy
· Direction: Kevin yells, Hux returns to find Kevin crying, holding something
· Trust: Hux appears concerned
· Twist: Kevin shows Hux the dead fairy
· Reveal 12: Hux says he sees a rabbit – Covered up as we see the fairy
· Distrust: Hux is lying, threatening Kevin
· Mystery 7: Why can’t Hux see the fairy?
· Direction: Hux attempts to take the “rabbit” back to camp
· Twist: Kevin fends off Hux, buries the fairy
· Direction: Back at camp Hux taunts Kevin as he tries to tell his friends about the dead fairy.
· Twist: Tolly interrupts Kevin
· Distrust: Tolly doesn’t believe Kevin’s story
· Villain’s Plan 1: Tolly’s first fireside tale describes an evil fairy named Genevieve that lures scouts to their demise
· Twist: Kevin is convinced his mystery girl is Tolly’s fairy
· Trust: Kevin believes Tolly’s story
· Mystery 8: Kevin sees scouts leaving camp, heading toward Oakwood Manor
· Direction: Kevin follows behind the scouts, sees girl riding horse across pasture
· Distrust: She’s not Kevin’s mystery girl
· Twist: Kevin stops the rider, asks if she is Genevieve
· Reveal 13: she points to the bramble nearby – Covered up as we see the mystery girl
· Direction: The mystery girl runs toward them, the horse spooks
· Distrust: Why would she purposefully jump between Kevin and the horse?
· Life Threatening 2: The horse goes crazy, strikes at Kevin repeatedly
· Direction: The horse kicks the girl
· Twist: Kevin fights the horse off, pulls girl to safety
· Trust: Mystery girl saved by Kevin
· Direction: The horse and rider run off
· Twist: Kevin helps the girl up, her left eye is bloodied
· Reveal 14: The girl introduces herself as Genevieve Oakwood – Covered up, she can’t possibly be the fairy Genevieve
· Direction: Kevin helps Genevieve to Oakwood Manor
· Reveal 15: Kevin is met by two odd nurses – Covered up the grand manor now seems institutional
· Distrust: Kevin is unnerved by the nurses
· Covert Clue: Does she know what is going on at Oakwood?
· Twist: Genevieve tells the nurses her sister tried to kill Kevin then is quickly whisked away
· Distrust: Kevin is unsure the rider tried to hurt/kill him
MIDPOINT
· Direction: Left alone, Kevin searches through the house
· Reveal 16: Kevin sees a horribly disfigured (dead?) man lying back in a dental chair being tended by a nurse – Covered up as the room is hidden away
· Distrust: The shocking sight panics Kevin
· Life Threatening 3: Oldfather Oakwood is rejuvenated as the nurse “assembles” (transforms) him
· Reveal 17: Oldfather sees Kevin – Covered up as Oldfather is very much alive
· Direction: Kevin runs to a great hall
· Reveal 18: He sees the family elders leading scouts into a hidden cavern below the manor – Covered up as the scouts are all here
· Distrust: Everything at Oakwood seems evil
· Direction: Kevin runs from Oakwood, back to the camp
· Twist: Scoutmasters, Martin and Beatrice Shipley don’t listen to Kevin send him to peel potatoes with Jacko and Danny
· Distrust: The Shipleys don’t believe Kevin, say Father John said this might happen
· Direction: Kevin asks where Jim is. Jim may be missing, Hux interrupts them
· Twist: Kevin snaps at him and Hux cuts Kevin’s hand
· Direction: The camp war games begin, Kevin’s group is paired with Hux’s group
· Twist: The group wins the camp-wide war games championship, get invited to Oakwood Manor for a dinner
· Trust: Hux appears to warm up to Kevin, apologizes
· Direction: The scouts begin the next craft, neckerchief woggles. Kevin carves a wood woggle with his rune knife
· Twist: Father Fox trades his “magic” carved bone woggle for Kevin’s woggle
· Trust: Father Fox appreciated Kevin’s talents
· Direction: Tolly delivers another scary fireside story, a small group of rangers fighting a band of fairies
· Distrust; Kevin feels that Tolly knows more than he is letting on
· Twist: Kevin enlists his friends to find Jim
· Direction: Kevin, Jacko and Danny look around the expansive camp for Jim
· Twist: Hux stalks them through the darkness
· Distrust: Kevin believes Hux may be involved in the disappearances
· Direction: Kevin theorizes Jim may have been taken to Oakwood Manor
· Twist: Kevin asks his friends to help him search for Jim during the Oakwood dinner
· Direction: Hux overhears them
· Life Threatening 4: At the Oakwood Manor dinner Kevin follows Hux, gets separated from his friends
· Reveal 19: Kevin discovers Genevieve’s sister is dead, stabbed – Covered up, she’s hidden in closet
· Covert Clue: Did Genevieve kill her sister?
· Distrust: Kevin believes Genevieve may have killed her
· Direction: Kevin runs into Hux
· Trust: Kevin reluctantly relays his fears
· Twist: Hux tells Kevin he is a ranger hunting fairies
· Trust: Hux tries to give Kevin back his knife
· Twist: Kevin tells him to keep it
· Villain’s Plan 2: Kevin overhears fairy elders discussing the looming war with humankind
· Mystery 9: Kevin tells Tolly about Jim, Genevieve and the fairy’s plan. Tolly discovers Kevin is almost blind, can’t truly trust what Kevin has “seen”
· Covert Clue: Can what Kevin has seen be believed?
· Direction: Tolly tells Kevin that Jim’s parents picked him up for an emergency trip to India.
· Distrust: Kevin doesn’t believe him and runs away
· Direction: Halfway across the pasture Kevin stops, turns back meets Genevieve, he tells her everything
· Twist: They find Hux, he’s been stabbed
· Reveal 20: Hux was stabbed with Kevin’s knife – Covered up, could Kevin be a suspect?
· Life Threatening 5: Genevieve admits to killing her sister and Hux to protect Kevin
· Twist: Genevieve tells Kevin he is the blood fairy king
· Direction: Genevieve tells Kevin they have always been on the same path
· Overt Clue: How does she know she & Kevin are on the same path?
· Covert Clue: Are they actually on the same path?
· Twist: Genevieve tells Kevin he was adopted
· Distrust: Genevieve’s “path” story matches the shopkeepers
· Direction: Kevin runs away, heads back to camp
· Trust: Kevin enlists the help of the Shipleys
· Direction: The Shipleys take Kevin back to Oakwood
· Twist: They speak to the two nurses who call Oldfather Oakwood
TURNING POINT 2: Oldfather tells the Shipleys that Genevieve is actually Grace Greene, a blind patient at Oakwood Asylum
· Overt Clue: Is Genevieve Genevieve?
· Covert Clue: Is Genevieve insane?
· Reveal 21: Kevin is now completely blind – Covered up, he’s been working hard to keep it a secret
· Direction: The Shipleys take Kevin back to camp
· Trust: Kevin opens up to the Shipleys
· Distrust: Kevin asks about Jim’s parents and the trip to India, they don’t remember anyone named Jim
· Villain’s Plan 3: Kevin stumbles around camp searching for his friends, they are all missing – “the war” has begun
· Direction: Tolly finds Kevin and leads him to the truck
· Distrust: Hands Kevin his kitbag
· Distrust: Kevin knows his kitbag was lost
· Reveal 22: Kevin is on the wrong truck, there are no scouts, just gear – Covered up, perspective & timimg
· Mystery 10: On the ride home Kevin replays everything he had seen
· Trust: Tolly was right, Kevin could have imagined it all
· Direction: Kevin realizes he could have been mistaken about everything
· Reveal 23: The fairies chasing him were rabbits, the fairy he killed – a rabbit, Genevieve’s “dead” sister was a large doll, Oldfather’s transformation, Hux’s body, the missing scouts… everything including Genevieve – Covered up, all this was imagined
· Mystery 11: Now home, Kevin’s life is sitting around the house
· Reveal 24: Kevin sits with his blind, catatonic father – Covered up, assumed his father was just blind
· Direction: Kevin feeds his father
· Twist: Wipes his face and puts his father’s mask on
· Direction: Kevin asks his father “Who am I? Am I adopted?”
· Overt Clue: Is he even Mae’s son?
· Reveal 25: Kevin’s mother sits next to them answers, “He doesn’t know.” Covered up, perspective & timing
· Mystery 12: Kevin asks his mother about his true origin, the three nurses and their fairy stories
· Direction: His mother says “Kevin you were not adopted”
· Reveal 26: She says “You were given to me.” Covered up, assumed that Kevin was her child
· Mystery 13: A postman drops a letter through the mail slot
· Direction: Kevin’s mother says the letter is from Tolly, Kevin is elated
· Twist: She “reads” it saying it was from someone named Tolly. “He hopes you are well. He says he always wanted to believe in fairies, but they are not real.”
· Direction: His mother sets the letter down
· Reveal 27: The letter is from Oakwood Asylum – Kevin has been accepted as a patient – Covered up as Kevin is blind
· Life Threatening 6: Kevin’s mother takes him to Oakwood Asylum
· Covert Clue: Could Kevin be a fairy?
· Direction: Oldfather Oakwood greets Mae and Kevin then calls for an escort to show Kevin around the grounds
· Reveal 28: His escort, Grace Green takes his hand – Covered up, Kevin is blind
· Trust: Kevin asks her name
· Reveal 29: She answers – “Genevieve.” Covered up, assumed she is actually Grace Greene
CLIMAX: Kevin in the great hall sits back in the dental chair
· Direction: Oldfather watches as the nurses “assemble” Kevin with new eyes
· Twist: Genevieve looks on
RESOLUTION: Oldfather and the three nurses, as in the first scene, wrap Kevin’s eyes
· Direction: Oakwood Asylum, a grand hall.
· Reveal 30: Kevin and Genevieve sit in matching thrones, smiling, looking into each other’s eyes
· Distrust/Intrigue: Will Kevin and Genevieve lead the fairies against mankind?
· Overt Clue: Kevin and Genevieve will lead the war against humankind
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Subject line: (Your name) Gives Great Clues!
What I learned from this assignment:
I learned the difference between clues and reveals and their value. I want to re-look at all my clues when I get to writing my script.
List of Mysteries:
1. Why was Eric Neilsen the target of a mafia-style “accident?”
A. Threat by John Salyer
B. Bill Hancock was forced to be the killer.
C. Bill’s face tells us it was a mistake.
D. Eric Learns from Cayla that the car accident was intentional.
2. Is it related to his device?
A. At this point, the only connection to a hit or mafia would be the device or John.
B. Sarah tries to get Eric to accept funding and her help.
C. Bill was told to hit the black Mercedes.
D. Who else owns a black Mercedes?
3. Who were they really after?
A. Who else owns a Black Mercedes like Eric’s?
B. Who drives that road every day at that time?
C. Is there a link between Eric and the guy they’re after besides the car?
D. Is the villain REALLY interested in killing Eric and getting the device, and the audience is thrown off by the vehicle coincidence?
E. (Top secret) The villain uses the car accident for two reasons. To send a message to the Congressman and get Eric’s device so HE can learn the TRUTH from anyone he wants.
4. What does that person know that is worth an assassination attempt?
A. It Must be something big to hire a guy like Norman Lurusha
B. Norm is a political fixer, mostly.
C. Who hired Larusha?
D. Why do they want him dead?
E. What does he/she know?
F. What are the bad guys afraid of?
Map:
1. Eric’s device can find the truth by asking the right question causing the person to remember. It produces images and precisely measures lies or truth.
2. Set up a VERY loving family relationship with Thor, Eric & Catherine, all excited about the new member of the family and the closeness of the existing family and their tight relationship. (Because of You Neyo – Ain’t no sunshine – Thor cares for his mother.)
3. The veiled threat by John Salyer makes up wonder who wants his device – Who will go after Eric to get it?
4. Bill Hancock’s face says this was all a mistake.
5. Eric gives Catherine a blessing in the ambulance.
6. Eight Navy seals dressed in full dress attire to civilian clothes pray with Eric at the hospital.
7. Eric tells SEAL friends that Catherine will live despite the c-section and brain surgery. A Doctor questions Eric’s pronouncement. “Bobby says – I’m not that close to God personally to know. But I believe in Eric. And if Eric thinks she’ll live. Trust me. She’ll live.
8. Sarah’s appearance is a clue that Eric’s device is wanted.
9. Eric talks to Bill and establishes a bond.
10. Cayla appears, and Eric learns Thor’s death and Catherine’s demise were a planned hit.
11. Clue Catherine is in there—a tear when Cayla talks.
12. HIS attorney tells Bill to go back to jail – a clue that Bill is about to be silenced. Why?
13. Eric messes up the villain’s plan by posting Bill’s bail.
14. Bill tells Eric he was told to hit the black Mercedes at that time and place. (clue to the actual target)
15. Bill is forced to reveal their location.
16. Eric has a loose cannon side. He was booted from Seals because he can become unhinged by hateful C.O. He avoided a court martial by becoming a doctor. (When/How to reveal that?)
17. Eric goes ballistic –Shoots the guy in the van through his picture window. They turn the tables on Norman.
18. Norm knows about Eric’s device and the people who want it.
19. Clue Catherine is in there. A tear when Cayla talks.
20. Norman Larusha is a mafia fixer who orchestrated the hit.
21. Whom is Larusha working for?
22. Cayla is semi-rogue FBI agent.
23. Why was her partner killed? Why didn’t the FBI investigate?
24. Cayla has enemies.
25. Who is Larusha’s intended target if it is not Eric?
26. Cayla gets Eric and Catherine together in Larusha’s home.
27. They sift through facts and clues. (Reveal Eric’s unhinged past?)
28. The clever reveal of the congressman and his Mercedes.
29. Why was the Congressman targeted?
30. What does the Congressman know?
31. Eric talks to the congressman. Congressman got the hint when he saw Eric’s car and
32. Clue – Congressman’s CIA college roommate is framed as a philandering man in a bad neighborhood and killed.
33. What is the connection between Congressman Brad Phillips and the dead CIA analyst?
34. John Salyer was not just a serial killer. He was a hitman on a contract.
35. How are Sarah Carrion and Norm Laursha connected?
36. People want Eric’s device and are willing to kill for it.
37. What did CIA Jermain discover that got him killed?
38. What did Jermain do with what he knew?
39. How much does the congressman know, and where is it?
40. CIA – FBI – NSA- Justice department are all involved in cover-ups, hits, and clandestine work for an overseeing power.
41. Villain captures Catherine. Villain’s minion tries to squeeze Eric. Eric calls his bluff. You touch my wife, and aborigines in the deepest part of Australia, the Amazon, and Asia will know every detail of what you have done and what you’re planning. Do you really expect me to believe that you will honor your word and let us go?
42. Eric has friends – Former Seals & the Quorum
43. The quorum of the 12 secret organization set up. Saves Eric and the whole thing.
44. Eric’s device does NOT do audio.
45. Minions mess with Eric’s device, and NOW it gets audio, and they are nailed! CLINCHER!
The EVEN newer twists and turns are in bold.
1. Eric meets with John Salyer and establishes that Eric was a Seal first and a doctor 2nd. Eric says, “Anger management is not a strong point.” John says something threatening. Setting up later that someone is interested in Eric’s device. Intrigue, foreshadowing, and mystery. Who is that person/persons? Why is John a work-alone serial killer working with someone? Who? We learn that Eric’s device is valid and very accurate in finding the truth.
2. Bill Hancock is forced into being a killer. His and his family’s lives are threatened if he does not cooperate. Does not go as expected. Missed hit sets up consequences for Bill. Congressman sees the accident – no clue of impending danger.
3. Eric is approached by His hospital administrator Sarah Carrion to finish his accreditation as a brain surgeon. She Offers to fund his device research. It is subtly obvious that She wants Eric as a trophy husband and knows about his research. She wants in on several levels, and he is not interested in a controlling older woman. Sarah becomes a suspect as a tool in the villain’s plan, and her own desires make her very suspect. She has unwittingly sent Eric into trouble by making him see that he needs to get past his hatred and talk to Bill.
4. Eric talks to Bill, and a bond is formed. Bad for Bill, bad for Eric. Larusha learns about it, and Bill goes back to jail to be killed.
5. Cayla arrives. Eric saves her from a kidnapping. Eric learns his accident was a mafia-style hit. Stakes are now up because Eric is just getting started on the Big Picture. Who are Cayla’s enemies? Are they now Eric’s? (We throw in an enemy to Cayla that has nothing to do with the Villain but threatens their lives? Added mystery? Tension? Intrigue? Confusion? Are the two related? Is this guy with the Villain or working on his own? (MAYBE)
6. Why is Cayla going rogue on the FBI? What happened to her Partner?
7. Eric sees Bill will be killed in jail and bails him out. As a good Christian, and to avoid losing a potential witness to his support, his story.
8. Cayla goes to see her FBI boss, James Shaydie, who is a possible tool of the villain because he let her partner die and did nothing, and he will use all his resources to help in the hunt for Eric and Cayla. Shaydie is getting played by the Villain AND several other of the villain’s friends. Actually, a decent guy in the end.
9. Cayla meets Bill’s two daughters and wife. Eric is in his study when Bill confides that he has given their location, or his KIDNAPPED son will die.
10. Eric goes off the rails and shoots 5 of Larusha’s men and forces them to take them to Larusha’s. We discover Eric was let go by the Seals. When he lost it. Eric has anger management issues.
11. Eric uses the pizza girl to get into the house, and Larusha has the tables turned on him. Eric gets all of Larusha’s money, contacts, dirt on politicians, files, and computer.
12. (Larusha knows he is marked for death. Eric rushes Larusha to his hospital and removes the implant from Larusha’s head. Larusha disappears. Eric gets Larusha’s chest of hard drives and paper files which is a wealth of information. They pretend his death to ensure his safety. (hide this from the audience, possibly?)
13. Eric, Cayla & Catherine are forced into hiding while they go through Larusha’s computer and files. Eric transfers all of Larusha’s money into his account.
14. Eric sees that Minnesota Congressman Brad Phillips’s car is exactly the same as Eric’s, and he uses that car to get to work every day. Eric realizes he was a mistake.
15. Jermain CIA analyst, is killed.
16. Eric has the chance to “get out” and does not take it.
17. Eric approaches Brad Phillips, tells his story, and asks why Norm was told to kill him. Brad is freaked. Brand got the message about being silent when he saw Eric’s car. He tells Eric about the CIA analyst buddy Jermain Cross who was found robbed and dead in an alley in a bad part of town. Framed for cheating on his wife, and no serious investigation by the police or the CIA. FBI does a perfunctory investigation, and it is quickly all over with.
18. Eric uncovers that Sarah told Larusha about his device after Salyer told him about it. Larusha was using Sarah to get it. He figures out that Larusha paid Salyer to murder several people.
19. Brad Phillips is killed shortly after getting Jermain’s CIA file. Eric gets framed for Brad and Norman. Salyer says Eric told him he was going to kill Brad and Norman. Then Jermain is tagged onto his supposed killing spree.
20. Eric becomes an enemy of the state as well as several more attempts on their lives. Larusha’s hard drives self-destruct. They ditch both their phones for burner phones. Eric could be exonerated by having Larusha testify. Larusha has cut off all contact. Double-crossed Eric and remains in hiding. Enter the Seals helping Eric.
21. We reveal the connection between Jermain at the CIA and Cayla’s partner at the FBI.
22. We have a Sarah-hired character who attempts to kill Eric and take his device, which has nothing to do with the villain.
23. Eric sends proof of his whereabouts to the FBI, proving he killed no one. He waits to see what they do. When they do not rescind his warrant, and he talks to them, he goes public. Eric does give the FINAL absolute proof, settling in his mind that the FBI can’t be trusted. The villain possibly owns the FBI, CIA, NSA, and military. Eric soon discovers he has international enemies when he is attacked by a foreigner who wants the device.
24. Catherine and Eric have time together. Cayla gets in trouble, and Eric has to rescue her. He learned of her predicament from Catherine. !!! Wow. Catherine and Cayla are linked.
25. Eric is captured and then saved by the FBI. FBI seems owned by the villain, who is dying to know what Eric knows, what files he has, and where they are. Eric tells the FBI, “You KNOW I’m innocent – Why aren’t you publishing the facts? I was nowhere near any of the 3 men at the time of their deaths. I can prove where I was.” Shadydie’s boss wants Eric’s files. They let Eric go to follow him. Cayla’s trust comes into question here as they follow Eric. How did they know unless Cayla told them?
26. Eric finds the congressman’s file. The world is about to come down on him! Eric is surrounded, and they will kill him and take all his files when the Quorum of the 12 saves him. The 12 open the door revealing the global plot.
27. Villain gets his own copy of the congressman’s file and learns Eric really has very little of the global plan.
28. Eric bluffs that he knows more than he does because of his device. Larusha’s file, and with the congressman’s, is pretty good, but it, too, is not complete. Just a list of the things the Congressman was privy to and some names and incriminating stuff without solid proof. Eric starts to turn the tables a bit. Larusha’s computer gives him some insights as to who is on the villain’s team.
29. Eric pretends to have information from his device and gathers new information by asking John Salyer very specific questions. The villain is getting concerned, which ups the ante.
30. Villain gets Catherine – The villain tells Eric Catherine is with child and tells Eric to give him all the files or he will kill both of them. Eric says you harm either one, and every agency in the world will know every detail of your plan and who you are. You are a liar – You can’t allow us to live. Eric placed a tracker in Catherine’s foot.
31. The quorum of the 12 gives him details and facts he had no clue about regarding the global scope of what is happening. “Banking – inflation – the division of America – the invasion of Ukraine” It’s like you are taking a patient’s temperature that hours to live. You’re seeing symptoms, not the disease.
32. Eric gets Catherine back but loses Cayla. Villain has framed Cayla as an informant. Eric believes it is a lie. But – SHE MIGHT BE. Eric bluffs and says – She was working for you anyway. Go ahead, kill her. Eric finds Cayla and saves her but is captured by the FBI. He is on trial and brings in his device to question the congressman and several others.
33. Villain’s minions tamper with Eric’s device to discredit him. Now it has audio with the video.
34. Eric goes public with Everything he can prove.
35. The Villain does damage control and doubles down on Eric in the next installment.
36. Next episode: “A Thousand Words” Eric’s airtight proof comes into the hands of a master spin doctor, and he becomes the victim.
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Maggie Tsavaris Gives Great Clues (Assignment 12)
What I learned is: This is a good time during the Thriller Map creation to think about clues.
Clues woven into the thriller map:
OPENING (p. 1): Leyla is at a café hidden away on a backstreet in Erbil, Iraq. She is drinking tea and talking with an Iraqi man, Amir. REVEAL 1: Mystery–Who is the Lebanese man on his phone across the street? Intrigue—Why did he just hand his phone to another man and walk toward the café? TWIST: A bomb goes off inside the café. TRUST/DISTRUST: The Lebanese man, Haasim, rescues Leyla. DISTRUST (and CLUE that Haasim targeted Linguist Leyla to procure for him, under false pretenses, highly classified info—the names of U.S. informants): How convenient that a knight in shining armor happens to be there to rescue her. Leyla sees Amir escape uninjured. Leyla and Haasim exchange numbers.
♦ Back at the base, Leyla is translating a document from Arabic into English at a computer in the linguists’ office when Haasim texts her (on Signal) to see how she’s doing. They text back and forth.
♦ Lead Linguist, AJ, comes in with a document. Leyla quickly slips her phone into a desk drawer. AJ hands the page to Vivienne (“Viv”– Leyla’s friend and fellow linguist) and tells her “Need your speed on this one.”
♦ Leyla and Vivienne are at lunch in the DFAC on base. REVEAL 2: Intrigue—Why is Vivienne flirting with several guys who pass by? Is she sleeping with them? Reveal later to Leyla that she wants to enjoy life while she can in case her ovarian cancer, for which she underwent chemo a year ago before her latest deployment, doesn’t stay in remission.
♦ Haasim texts to ask Leyla to join him for dinner in town. Vivienne sees Leyla’s sudden smile and asks her if she’s making up with her daughter. Leyla tells her no. Vivienne asks what’s up. Leyla plays coy, gives Vivienne sparse details about Haasim.
♦ Leyla texts Haasim how difficult it is to get permission to leave the base for non-work-related reasons.
♦ TRUST: Her friend, Vivienne tells Leyla how good it would be for her to start dating, have a little fun, find “your person” amid the chaos, good for the soul. DISTRUST: Viv obviously practices what she preaches, but will this get Leyla into trouble—after all, she just met this Lebanese guy (who she knows nothing about) during an explosion at a café while talking with perhaps a local informant.
INCITING INCIDENT (p. 11): TWIST: Haasim is persistent and flirty, so Leyla decides to go to her onsite manager for permission.
♦ She gets a plate of cookies from the DFAC (dining facility).
♦ Leyla takes the cookies to her onsite manager, Kain, who is drinking from a thermos of coffee and whiskey and cleaning his favorite firearm. Jinx, his dog, is asleep under a desk covered in disorganized paperwork. Leyla sets the plate down on the desk.
♦ TWIST: Kain’s gun goes off, fortunately it’s aimed at the ceiling.
♦ DISTRUST: Kain curses, takes another drink, notices the cookies, and samples one.
♦ He hasn’t really noticed Leyla, but she asks him for permission to leave the base. He tells her she can go, but for only two hours after shift.
♦ At a restaurant off-base for dinner, with Haasim’s bodyguards keeping watch from across the room. Leyla and Haasim are enjoying dessert. TWIST/TRUST & CLUE that Haasim is trying to win over Leyla just to get top secret info: Haasim tells Leyla how beautiful she is and he’s never met anyone like her. DISTRUST: Leyla is both flattered and unsure of whether he just wants to sleep with her.
♦ Next, in another TWIST: Haasim asks Leyla to get him the names and contact info for certain U.S. human assets/informants. TRUST OR DISTRUST: He tells her he wants to hire these skilled people and pay them 3 or 4 times what they’re probably trying to survive on now. He tells her that she must keep this entire dinner conversation top secret. REVEAL 3: Mystery—Is this really why he wants the names? Intrigue—what if he wants the names for evil reasons? Mystery—Will Leyla do this for him? Revealed for certain later.
♦ On return to the base, Vivienne asks Leyla how dinner was, and Leyla confides in Vivienne only the part about Haasim complimenting her. Vivienne tells Leyla that Haasim is only speaking the truth.
♦ TWIST: a vehicle suddenly lurches out of the darkness and swerves at them. Vivienne and Leyla have to leap out of the way. DISTRUST: They catch a glimpse of their boss, Kain, at the wheel, and his dog riding shotgun.
♦ Later, Leyla FaceTimes her daughter. The conversation is strained as always.
TURNING POINT 1/BREAK INTO 2 (p. 25): Leyla asks Lead Linguist, AJ, to transfer her to the quieter graveyard shift. TRUST/DISTRUST: When Vivienne asks her why she wants the graveyard shift that everyone hates, [CLUE] Leyla says she needs a quiet office with fewer distractions so she can get more translation work accomplished. REVEAL: Mystery—uh oh, did she decide to get the names for Haasim? Revealed for certain later.
♦ Leyla translates a classified document and communicates with an asset named “Rick.”
♦ Leyla starts baking treats for the team leader and lead linguist and hanging around the office, even when her shift is over and returning before the next shift begins.
♦ Leyla confides in Viv that she (Leyla) does not want to grow old alone, and maybe she is enjoying her texts with Haasim and starting to imagine a future with him.
♦ Leyla accesses highly classified details about an asset known as “Jimmy” and writes it on a paper she pockets. After shift, she texts the details to Haasim, then slips the note under her mattress.
♦ DISTRUST: Vivienne begins to suspect that Leyla is up to something.
♦ TRUST: Vivienne cannot get in touch with one of their local assets, Amir (with whom Leyla was talking when the café was hit), and asks Leyla whether she has been in touch with him, but Leyla has not.
♦ At shift change, Vivienne sees a message come through on Leyla’s phone. DISTRUST: Vivienne sees that it’s from Haasim and he’s asking for Amir’s location.
♦ TWIST: Base is hit by a drone.
♦ Afterwards, Vivienne talks to Leyla about the text message from Haasim, but Leyla assures her that Haasim is doing this for a good purpose. REVEAL: Mystery–Viv asks how Leyla can know this. Intrigue–Leyla tells Viv she has to trust her gut, but Viv is unconvinced that Leyla can be objective about this man.
♦ DISTRUST: Vivienne goes to talk to Kain about her concerns.
MIDPOINT (p. 55): TRUST: Kain assigns Leyla and Vivienne to a mission off-base to take down insurgents. DISTRUST & REVEAL: Intrigue–Vivienne expresses a smidge of concern to Leyla about the skills of the local interpreter Kain sent with them. Mystery—Leyla asks her why. Suspense—Viv tells Leyla that the local interpreter’s Kurdish (Leyla speaks only Arabic and Viv speaks both Arabic and Kurdish) is off.
♦ Later, Vivienne is killed by mortar fire right in front of Leyla.
♦ DISTRUST & REVEAL: Mystery–Back at the base, Leyla has a heated exchange with Kain. Is he responsible? Intrigue–She blames him for his choice of a local interpreter who mistranslated radio chatter that probably got Vivienne killed. Mystery—who got Vivienne killed? Was it the local interpreter, was it actually Kain, was it just another unfortunate death in the field, or could it have been Haasim (because Viv was trying to caution Leyla and trying to warn Kain)?
♦ TWIST & REVEAL: Mystery–Kain is furious with her for accusing him of responsibility for Viv’s death, but is he responsible? Suspense–Kain threatens to reassign her to Afghanistan.
♦ Leyla must persuade Kain not to send her to Afghanistan. She does not want to lose Haasim.
♦ Kain tells her he needs someone to procure women and alcohol for a party, and Leyla tells him she’ll take care of it.
♦ Leyla recruits AJ who has connections in town, to help her. AJ wants to be in good stead with Kain because he likes going off base as often as possible, so he’s pleased to help Leyla with this project.
♦ TWIST: As AJ drives them from his cousin’s liquor store to a nightclub where prostitutes hang out, he suspects they’re being followed, so makes some crazy maneuvers and loses the tail.
♦ CLUE: Inside the nightclub, Leyla thinks she recognizes one of Haasim’s bodyguards from the restaurant lurking in the shadows. If Haasim finds out that she’s hiring prostitutes, he might call off their marriage, which Leyla couldn’t bear.
♦ She goes to talk to him, but he has disappeared. She runs into the parking lot and sees him jump into a car and drive off.
TURNING POINT 2/BREAK INTO 3 (p. 85): On the way back to the base, they stop at a market so Leyla can bake for Kain and AJ and some of the others.
♦ TWIST: An Iraqi woman comes up to Leyla and asks her if she knows anything about her husband, Amir, whom she hasn’t seen in two days. CLUE and REVEAL for later: Leyla hasn’t seen him since the café incident, but was sure he’d gotten away unscathed.
♦ DISTRUST: Leyla begins to suspect that Haasim is not using the details about these assets for peaceful purposes at all. Two of the assets have vanished, and Vivienne, who tried to warn her, is dead.
♦ TRUST/DISTRUST: Haasim tells Leyla he will marry her and give a life of wealth and comfort, and she will never be alone again.
♦ Much more to come as I flesh out Act 3.
CLIMAX: Leyla is arrested, and the FBI finds the note in Arabic hidden under her mattress.
DENOUEMENT (p. 108): Leyla is escorted to her prison cell. Meets her cell mate, Jolene. When Jolene asks her how long she’s in for, Leyla tells her 23 years.
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Thriller Day 12 Assignment: Gives Great Clues
What I learned is the combination and interaction of clues and reveals can both move the story forward and keep the audience guessing.
List out the three or four
main mysteries in your story:Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
1. Is there something irregular happening in this County?
2. What’s really going on in this County?
3. Who’s involved?
4. Will they get away with it?
Create a list of clues for each
of the main mysteries in your story.1. Is there something irregular happening in this County?
A. Richard’s father has to come after Richard as the family attorney did not
want to get involved in freeing Richard.
B. What will happen to the other cellmates.
C. The critically injured cellmate.
D. The jailers plotting to get rid of Richard.
2. What’s really going on in this County?
A. The Justice-of-the -peace Kangaroo Court.
B. Conversations with cellmates.
C. Hijacking of Plane.
3. Who’s involved?
A. Jude’s comments: “If we speak out , we’ll disappear,” and “”If they make
court, a local lawyer will be assigned and …”
B. Jude’s comment ” None of us rightly know, though we think it must be
about the cave.”.
C. Bumpus comment: “they got clout!”
D. Leroy’s reference to “Hombres!”
4. Will they get away with it?
A, reference to “white Cadillac.”
B. Appearance of Jerod Nicely, County Attorney
C. Large truck with camouflage load headed to la arge guarded vault far into
depth of cave.
D. Call from Governor, reference to FBI, and holding of TV News at Hospital.
Decide which clues you want to
use and sequence those into clue trails for each mystery: In place.
Add the clue trails to your
Thriller Map; In place.Give us the latest version of your Thriller Map. OPENING: Another airplane cuts into the landing pattern of student pilot (protagonist) attempting to land.
ACT ONE
Plane cuts into landing pattern.
Twist 1: Direction: Richard is soloing as a student pilot making a
Landing.
Twist: and is cut off by another plane.
Twist 2: Direction: his flight instructor (Lou) is waiting by the side of the
runway to congratulate him on his handling of the situation and
progress and hands Richard an envelope.
Twist: Richard opens the envelope, reads & says he must quit
flying and leave.
What is in envelope why is protagonist quitting flying and leaving?
INCITING INCIDENT: Protagonist tells parents he is leaving home.
Twist 3: Direction: His father asks him to deliver package across state-
line by morning.
Twist: Ignoring that son is leaving and directing urgent errand.
Twist 4: Direction: Richard goes by long-time, but chaste girlfriend’s.
house to break-up.
Twist: Upon his arrival, her parents are leaving, once alone,
She will not listen & wants to jump his bones. Her father a
TV investigative Reporter) unexpectedly returns and walks in
on them. Richard makes a hasty retreat and begins his
delivery trip.
TURNING POINT 1: Protagonist is stopped by officer in small-town
speed-trap and jailed in cell with several rough looking inmates.
Jailed in same cell with rough appearing inmates.
Has initial skirmish with one inmate.
Twist 5:Direction:Richard stopped in speed trap.
Twist: he is jailed in same cell with other prisoners.
Who are these inmates and why are they in jail?
Villains plan is in place that allows for corrupt County.
MIDPOINT: Protagonist shown mortally wounded prisoner in jail cell and overhears jailers plotting on what to do with protagonist.
He sees injured inmate and learns that authorities responsible.
He overhears jailers plotting on what they should do with him.
What has caused injured inmate’s injuries and why is he held in cell? .
Police are worried that he may be able to expose corruption.
Why would jailers want to do something with protagonist?
Twist 6 Direction: Richard is shown mortally wounded cellmate by
other inmates.
Twist: Why is this person in the cell without medical
assistance?
Twist 7: Direction: overhears jailers plotting on what to do with him.:
Twist: Why is he a problem, and what will they do to him?
TURNING POINT 2: Protagonist gets out of jail, completes journey on a small airplane with his flight instructor; airplane hijacked. Plane is hijacked and hijacker does not know how to fly.
Twist 8: Direction: Richard taken from cell and about to be taken from
the jailhouse.
Twist: Just as this was about to happen, his father appears
and bails Richard out.
ACT TWO
Twist 9 Direction: Once back underway, he realizes he is short on
time to make the delivery.
he was taking flying lessons.
Twist: he arrives at he airport where he was taking flying
Lessons and his former instructor agrees to let Richard fly.
Twist 10 Direction: Another plane cuts off Richard as he makes his
approach.
Twist: Someone unseen drops out of the other plane as it
briefly touched down.
Twist 11 Direction: Richard and flight instructor briefly leave their
plane.
Twist: Intruder crawls into plane storage compartment behind
cockpit.
Twist 12: Direction: Once in air, hijacks plane at gunpoint.
Twist: Hijacker (Sanchez) is not a pilot: Instructor seems to
know how to handle situation.
What is background of flight instructor?
Why are they being hijacked and to where are they being taken?
Twist 13 Direction: Hijacker directs them where to fly.
Twist: Hijacker tells them to land at old farm in County
where Richard was jailed.
Villian has sent hijacker after protagonist.
CLIMAX: Hijacked airplane landed in farm above caves in county of jail, plane taxis inside of barn which is disguised large hanger. Hanger above caves.
Twist 13 Direction: Richard and Lou taken to cell in cave below.
Twist :Jail Guard same as in town jail.
Twist 14 Direction :person running operation is large burly man
(Salvatore).
Twist: Salvatore offers to let Richard and Lou leave in their
Plane if they sign an NDA and take along Sanchez.
Twist 15 Direction: Why are the Richard and Lou let go?
Twist: Is the plane rigged to explode?
Will they really escape?
Twist 16 Direction: Sanchez bails on takeoff, the plane will explode.
Twist: Richard and Lou bail before sending the plane to
crash.
Twist 17: Direction: Can they escape this and find their way back to
the farm and caves?
Twist: They find it in a different direction.
Twist 18: Direction: An armed Guard in Jeep is patrolling the property
fence-line and stops.
Twist: to relieve himself and they take his jeep.
Twist 19: Direction: They follow the fence-line road toward the barn.
Twist: Sanchez finds them: they strip and put Sanchez in
compromising situation and continue to barn.
Twist 20: Direction: They reach barn, hide jeep and approach side.
entrance to barn.
Twist: Salvatore exits that side entrance.
Twist 21: Direction: They compromise Salvatore in similar manner as
they did Sanchez leave him bound face-
down and enter Hanger.
Twist: The new Guard shift of Jailers from town enter
Salvatore’s office as Richard and Lou disappear through a
an office ceiling tile.
Richard and Lou have climbed above Hanger Office ceiling and mad their way to the cave entrance.
What is really going on in caves.
Twist 22: Direction: They climb over what appears to be the Guards’.
Locker Room.
Twist: Guards suddenly enter Locker Room and change
clothes.
Twist 23 Direction: Richard and Lou drop into Guards’ Locker Room
and change into their uniforms and keys.
Twist: Now dressed as Guards, they enter the cave.
Twist 24: Direction: Jailers do not find Salvatore in his office and go
outside looking for him.
Twist: Jailers find Salvatore stripped and bound face down
outside barn/hanger.
Twist 25: Direction: Jailers leaning over Salvatore with knife to cut his
bindings.
Twist: Guard/Driver whose Jeep was stolen arrives and
see Jailers with knife bending over bound Salvatore,
assume they are attacking him and injure a Jailer.
Twist 26 Direction: Guard/Driver whose Jeep was stolen take
Jailers into custody in Salvatore’s office.
Twist: An assumed dead Sanchez comes in through side
entrance from outside into Salvatore’s office during
interrogation.
Meanwhile, back at Richard’s and Debbie’s houses, Debbie calls Richard’s mother to say that her father wants Richard to come over and explain what happened the night before..
Twist 27:Direction: Richard’s mother calls her husband to extend
request.to Richard.
Twist: Richard’s father had requested that Debbie’s father
to send a TV news’ crew to the County Jail where Richard
had been incarcerated.
Meanwhile, back at the County Jail
Twist 28:Direction: Jailers take remaining inmates their dinner.
Twist: Inmates lock up Jailers and two swap uniforms and request
an ambulance.
Twist 29 Direction: Inmates prepare to take mortally wounded prisoner
for medical attention.
Twist: They are met at door of Jailhouse by TV news’ crew and State
Police.
Twist 30: Direction: Prisoners convince State Police and TV crew to provide
an escort to hospital for ambulance and their County police car.
Twist: Prisoners do uey out of procession on way to hospital. State
Police car follows them.
Richard and Lou descend into cave and discover a large warehouse that appears to house State archives., then decide to look further within the depths of the caves.
Twist 31:Direction: Richard and Lou proceed further into cave .and see manned
guard booths from each side of a large vault door.
Twist: an alarm sounds and armed personnel emerge.
Twist 32 Direction; Richard and Lou hear a large convoy coming from the other
direction towards them, they can retreat to the warehouse.
: Twist: Salvatore has stationed a guard at the warehouse and is
also accompanying the jailers and guards down into the cave.
…
Caves contain activities the county is hiding, and the protagonists are
trapped in the caves with the heavily armed antagonists in pursuit
They are trapped with armed personnel coming at them from both
directions and there appear to be several layers of antagonists.
Twist 33: Direction: Richard and Lou make it to the warehouse loading dock just
in time to avoid an extremely large escorted and well-guarded semi-
trailer truck with a quite large camouflage-covered payload, the
dispatched guard awaits.
Twist: The dispatched guard lays down his radio and enters the
warehouse for a bathroom, leaving the warehouse door unlocked.
Who are these people, who is responsible and how are they getting away with it? .
Twist 34: Direction: Now Richard is intrigued and wants to find out more about
what’s going on inside the cave.
Twist: Lou just wants to escape.
Twist 35: Direction: Another guard arrives by Jeep to check on the first guard, .
Twist: Richard agees with Lou, take Jeep and head to the cave entry.
ACT THREE
Twist 36: Direction: As the jeep approaches the hanger door, it opens to admit a
white Cadillac and Salvatore and Sanchez approach the jeep with
bullwhips
Twist: The Jeep just scrapes by the closing door allowing Richard and
Lou to jump out and head toward the old crop-duster plane.
Twist 37: Direction: The clamber aboard the old crop-duster plane.
Twist: The engine will not turn over and the hanger door is opening.
Twist 38: Direction: State Police, Ambulance, and TV News car r3ach Hospital
ER and find Jesse.
Twist: Jesse confirms that the other town patrol card held escapees.
Twist 39: Direction Escapees in Town Police car approach Barn/Hanger.as white
Cadillac exits hanger.
Twist: Prisoners take over white Cadillac and escape.
Twist 40: Direction: Richard and Lou find hidden Jeep.
Twist: San and Sal are able to start old crop-duster biplane and taxi off.
Twist 41: Direction: Richard and Lou head off old crop-duster biplane on runway.
Twist: Richard and Lou take off in old crop-duster biplane.
Twist 42: Direction: State Police hold Mayor, Debbie father, Jessie, and others
at hospital ER for questioning, Mayor asks to make a phone call.
Twist: State Police receive a message from Governor to hold Debbie’s
father and release all others.
Twist 43: Direction: Old crop-duster biplane engine sputters with Dichard and Lou
Aboard.
Twist: They do land and Richard avows to leave state.
Twist 44: Direction: Richard home and calls Debbie learning that her mom has
gone overnight to pick up her father.
Twist: Richard off to Debbie’s house.
.
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Lenore Bechtel gives great clues
What I learned is that a script needs enough clues that the viewer will think he should have figured out the villain, but not enough for the viewer to actually figure it out. I added several things to my thriller map.
Main mysteries:
Who killed Daniel? (All covert)
Clues: Shay reports that Meltantha frequently lies canisters of milk to orphans.
Returning a casserole dish, Elijah sees Melantha loading a canister into her van to take to the airport.
Sonny unknowingly reveals that on one trip believed to be for orphans, they didn’t even land.
Melantha’s plane swoops low over Main Street and past the church.
What did Daniel view that caused him to be killed? (All overt)
It had to be something too big for Janeen to handle or he wouldn’t have been on his way to the FBI.
Whoever made the Cassandra hologram is probably who killed Daniel.
Zoe whose movie role had Cassandra’s dialogue was directed by an effeminate man.
The cloaked figure that came for Sonny after he sprayed Elijah had a feminine voice.
Has Elijah already lost his limited remote-viewing ability?
Buzz and Elijah argue about the night Buzz got him drunk and he misused his gift. (Overt)
When Cassandra asks him to view her bedroom, he explains the gift comes to him only when needed. (Overt)
Lucy helps an animal in need without Elijah telling her to. (Covert)
Elijah prays to get his gift back. (Overt)
Were Janeen and Daniel lovers?
Shay reports she was cool and calm when she and Kevin pulled Daniel’s body from the wrecked car. (Covert)
At Daniel’s memorial service, she’s overly sad and emotional. (Covert)
Lucy shows Elijah a picture of Janeen and Daniel kissing. (Overt)
She’s in the bathroom puking when Elijah stops by in the morning. Morning sickness? (Covert)
Kevin often compliments her beauty and her policing ability. (Covert)
THRILLER MAP
Daniel’s graveside service: Unnamed people hug a distraught Elijah and oldsters tell him the Gift will now be his. Mention of Daniel’s excellence as a minister. Mention of his grandmother and his great grandmother and the sadness of losing his mother only a few months ago. Assurances that no one will ever replace him Janeen (red-eyed and weeping, being consoled by Kevin) tells him she’ll now depend upon him to let her know any crimes being planned in Bellamounta. Kevin agrees, but disagrees when Elijah says his father was murdered. Melantha assures Elijah he’s right to think someone murdered his father. Zayden tells Elijah his offer to buy the Evans’ property still stands. His wife Vera reprimands him for bringing up the subject at this time.
Buzz assures Elijah that Cassandra was not being disrespectful by not coming to the funeral. They talk about her father’s unreasonable restrictions that control her life. Buzz clearly doesn’t support Elijah’s belief that his father was killed. Elijah thinks he’s lost his gift because of misusing it.
Melantha brings a casserole to Elijah with Sonny along. Mention of Sonny’s beard and long hair.3. Nighttime: Elijah goes early to the mausoleum where he meets Cassandra, waits until 10 minutes past their usual time, starts to leave, glances back over his shoulder, and she’s there. She tells him he’s right to think his father was murdered. They talk about their gifts: hers is psychic, his is remote-viewing.
4. Lucy Addams comes to Elijah’s home next door to the church. Daniel’s death occurred on Tuesday, the weekly’s publication date, and the funeral on Friday. Now it’s Saturday and Lucy, a brand new reporter also new to Bellamounta, has the task of writing more than an obituary about Daniel. The story was planned before her predecessor left to report for The Daily Intrigue that publishes exposes. He left behind the newspaper’s camera he used with pictures he’d taken Elijah is flabbergasted to find many of Daniel and Janeen showing much too much familiarity to each other. In one they are kissing and Janeenl has her hand firmly on his butt.
4a Elijah returns casserole dish to Melantha and sees her loading canisters into her van. Elijah say to Sonny, “Gonna drop more milk at the orphanage?” And Sonny says, “No, just taking a plane ride to swoop down over Main Street.” Elijah says, “And the church. Melantha always flies over it too.”
5. Elijah tells Buzz about Daniel and Janeen possibly being lovers. Buzz says maybe Janeen pushed his mother down the belfry stairs to make Daniel a single man. They see Melantha’s plane swoop low over Main Street and up over the church.
6: Cassandra tells Elijah that Daniel’s car contains a clue to his father’s murderer. She asks him to use his gift to view see the bars on the wall of her bedroom. He explains he can only use his gift when it comes to him because an animal is in danger, but he’s expected to inherit bigger sight at his father’s death.
7. Helicopter pilot Shay, flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, tells how Janeen was cool and collected when he flew her and Fire Chief Kevin to pull Daniel’s body from the smashed car. Also talk about how the airport couldn’t keep operating without eccentric Melantha’s frequent use of her private plane. She was just there yesterday loading the plane with large canisters, probably to take milk to some orphanage.
8. To gain entrance to the wrecked car, Elijah and Buzz tear off the passenger door. Elijah crawls in, finds Daniel’s cellphone and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames. Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.
9. Shay’s helicopter lands and they find Zayden waiting to drive them home. Sonny comes up to the plane with a broom as the men are disembarking. He bemoans the mess Buzz and Elijah make in their filthy condition. Zayden offers Elijah a higher price for his property. Buzz and Zayden argue about his not taking no for an answer.
10. Buzz asks Elijah how he knew to dive out of the car, and Elijah said the tick scared him, and a voice said “Go!” Buzz says that’s proof that he hasn’t lost the gift because of what he viewed the night they both got drunk. Elijah’s not so sure—wouldn’t the voice be telling him who killed Daniel? They argue because Buzz got Elijah drunk and talked him into viewing a girl undressing in her bedroom.
10. Elijah finds numerous phone calls to Janeen on his father’s phone and a text to Grayson Crowe which read, “Got a bad one,” with the reply, “I’m here. Come any time.” Elijah calls the number, finds that Grayson is an FBI agent who followed up on Daniel’s tips outside the Bellamounta area. Grayson wondered why Daniel didn’t arrive that day and is sorry to hear about his untimely death.
10a. Janeen brings Elijah a quiche for either breakfast and Elijah tells her about her pictures with Daniel.
11. Cassandra takes credit for tipping Elijah off about a clue in his dad’s car. She’s so sorry her psychic skills hadn’t told her about the ticking bomb. Sonny passes and tells Elijah he looks like a guy who loves a girl. Elijah tells him he that ever since he grew that beard, he looks like a holy man. Sonny says, like Jesus? He says Melantha wants him to look like Jesus.
12. Slumped over her desk, Lucy awakens and finds the camera missing. When she call Elijah to ask for more pictures, she tells him she thinks someone put a sedative in her afternoon tea. Who but Janeen would want that camera?
13. Elijah and Buzz ride bikes down The Snake, a winding trail that leads from upper to lower Bellamounta where they attend high school and are now going for rehearsal for their graduation. Both take a treacherous blind curve without reducing speed.
14. Cassandra and Elijah take a walk, talking about how wonderful it will be when she turns eighteen and can legally leave her father. She yearns to be in Elijah’s arms as much as he years to hold her. She says each time he looks at her, she feels a flush in the pit of her stomach. “Look at me now ‘cause I’m very cold,” she says. Elijah takes off his jacket, looks at her, and puts the jacket around her shoulders. Suddenly she’s gone. Poof! Vanished in thin air. He picks up his jacket, turns on his cellphones flashlight, flashes it around looking for her—finally noticing his next step would have taken him into an open grave. Hearing a sound in some shrubs, he runs there and finds Sonny at the wheel of a backhoe. Melantha is soon beside him. She had told Sonny to fill in a grave that had been dug in the wrong place. She was afraid someone might fall into it. No, she hadn’t seen a girl run away.
15. Sitting on Elijah’s front porch as Sonny cleans weeds from the front shrubs, Buzz tries to convince Elijah that Cassandra could not possibly have vanished into thin air, and Elijah says not unless she was a hologram. They reminisce about seeing holograms at Disneyworld, but can’t seriously think Cassandra was one. Sonny tells them he liked Disneyworld, which he got to live close to when Melantha worked there behind the scenes.
16. When Lucy returns pictures to Elijah, she’s very upset at having passed an injured calf that she stayed with until Fire Chief Kevin could get there to take the calf to the town veterinarian. Elijah knows then that he’s lost his gift because if he hadn’t, he would have seen the calf and called for help. The camera was back at the office. Someone dropped it off on her desk.
16a Zayden asks Elijah and Buzz to ride their bikes to graduation so he can get their pictures in their caps and gowns coming off The Snake.
16c. In their graduation caps and gowns, Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake and crash into a tree trunk blocking the path around the blind curve. Though severely injured himself, Elijah drags Buzz, who’s lost consciousness, down toward lower Bellamounta.
17. In the hospital Zayden gives them their diplomas. He says he now agrees that someone is trying to kill Elijah. He offers to pay all Elijah’s college expenses if he will write a will naming him as the beneficiary to receive his house. When both boys are sound asleep, Vera and daughter Zoe enter and tell Zayden they hope he hadn’t tried to talk property to Elijah in this condition. Openning his eyes, Elijah sees Zoe and says “Cassandra!”
18. In a small hospital room a doctor accesses Elijah’s mental health, and Elijah lies, saying he’d never seen Zoe before this very day.
18a. Melantha arrives and insists Elijah must spend the night with her and Sonny rather than home alone. Vera wants Elijah at her home in case she gets called back to the hospital to see Buzz, who is too weak to dismiss. Vera wins.
20. Elijah calls Grayson and tells him of his narrow escapes from death. Grayson agrees Daniel was killed, but without his remote-viewing to show him, he has no way of finding out why.
20. Zoe’s and Elijah’s interaction concludes with Elijah knowing that Zoe recently had a short role in a movie, during which she was required to pronounce A E I O U many times. Her recitation of some of her dialogue was word-for-word what Cassandra had said. Elijah tells her what he did when Buzz got him drunk, and Zoe starts putting her brother down, calling him a Daddy’s boy who’d do anything to get praise from gruff Zayden. Elijah defends Buzz, and they argue until Zoe ends their fray with a a kiss, which Elijah quickly gets into.
21. Elijah, alone in the church, asks God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift and pleads with Him to give it back so he can find his father’s killer and save his own life. As he exits he bumps into Melantha, carrying a shopping bag. She says she’s there to water plants.
22. Elijah goes to tell Janeen he’s lost his gift and won’t be able to help her prevent crime the way Daniel did. Before he can finish, she runs and throws up in the bathroom. Does the thought of pushing my mom down the belfry steps so you could have my dad to yourself make you sick to your stomach? She cries and tells him the nausea is morning sickness. Stunned, Elijah runs off, shouting back that she stole Lucy’s pictures too late. He already knew.
23. In bed that night, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift. His doorbell rings. It’s Janeen there to tell him she tried, but she didn’t get to first base with Daniel. And she deleted the pictures from the newspaper camera to keep Kevin from knowing she’d ever had a crush on another man.
24. The next morning in his pajamas, Elijah takes a full trash bag out of a plastic waste can, ties a knot in it, and opens the back door to take it to the trash can. As he steps off the porch, he’s blasted with a spray so hard it makes him stagger and finally fall. Sonny drops the hose, dials 911, and quick-dials another number.
25. Seeing Elijah passed out on the lawn, a cloaked figure in rubber gloves detaches the hose from a huge canister and attaches it to the house’s outside faucet, then grabs Sonny and they run away.
26. Janeen, Kevin, and medics arrive on the scene and can smell the gas that knocked Elijah out. The medics wheel Elijah away, and Kevin detaches the hose and takes it with him.
27. Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed next to Buzz.
28. Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly concoction found in the hose.
29. Elijah awakens, calls Zoe Cassandra and asks her to use her psychic skills to find Daniel’s murderer.
30. Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.
31. Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital. The women are perplexed that he’s wondering where a projector would have to be to project a movie on the wall of the mausoleum. They let him out at home, and while he’s waiting for them to drive away so he can head for the church, Sonny comes out of the bushes, hugs him, and tells hi how happy he is he wasn’t hurt badly. Elijah then goes to the church and starts up the spiral staircase to the belfry. Cut to:
31. Elijah leads Grayson up the staircase. Grayson takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. It can be set to project at a particular time. The FBI has been monitoring a global syndicate they suspect plans to use holograms some way toward their goal of population control—something to gather people together so masses can be gassed simultaneously. Elijah thinks the canisters Shay saw Melantha putting in her plane might contain something other than milk for children.
32. At the airport Grayson’s men unload eight canisters, from Melantha’s plane, open one enough to sniff, and say they’ve found the culprit. Elijah tells Lucy, who has followed them, that she’s going to get the scoop of the century, and she keeps following.
33. Sonny tells Grayson and Elijah that his sister went to the church to pray. He tells Elijah how happy he is to see him well. He was worried.
34. Grayson and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she wants them to be the first to know the treat she has planned for the community. She tells her history—how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.
35. At Elijah’s request Fire Chief Kevin orders both firetrucks to speed through neighborhoods announcing over loud speakers for all to watch the sky over the mausoleum at that exact hour. They drive through lower Bellamounta also and notify radio and TV. People are abuzz, and Melantha is ecstatic.
36. Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.
37. At the exact hour expected a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”
38. Using a loud speaker Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.
39. A year later: Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd. Zayden gloats and Vera look relieved at the construction in progress, Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby, Melantha does exercises with other patients obviously in a mental institution. Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gifts is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson. Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamounta—all because the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus, which looks very impressive on the TV screen.
#
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John Duvall Gives Great Clues
What I learned is: The audience must receive overt clues to keep them engaged in solving the mystery, and covert clues that help explain the surprising conclusion.
ASSIGNMENT
List out the three or four main mysteries in your
story.1. How and why did Monsignor Dennehy die?
2. What is the backstory relationship between Dennehy and Teresa?
3. Why does Sister Teresa turn against Bloom so abruptly?
4. What is the relationship between Teresa and Hargraves?
Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries
in your story.How
and why did Monsignor Dennehy die?a. No evidence of suicide
b. Missing diary suggests a coverup
c. Does Teresa’s ambiguous history with Dennehy suggest her involvement?
2. What is the backstory relationship between Dennehy and Teresa?
a. They had been close since she was very young.
b. Dennehy has acted as her supporter and mentor as a nun.
c. Dennehy has not been transparent about their relationship.
3. Why does Sister Teresa turn against Bloom so abruptly?
a. She became Bloom’s lover so impulsively.
b. She denied their affair when questioned.
c. She had a very negative reaction when Bloom questioned her.
4. What is the relationship between Teresa and Hargraves?
a. Hargraves implies Teresa may have secrets involving Dennehy.
b. Bloom sees them having an intimate conversation in private.
c. Later Bloom witnesses a passionate interaction between them.
Note: Most of these are covert clues, based on the contradictory behavior of charcaters.
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Caroline Gives Great Clues!
What I learned: I see how this can help with the story but I am repeating myself. It was still helpful.
1. Callahan is a secret agent
Aaron is involved in Gabrielle’s disappearance
The CIA knows about Gabrielle2. Callahan is a secret agent
Eyes like a hawk
Has and earpiece and is listening to his comm man
Has a satellite phone and fun gadgets
Has special knowledgeAaron has a safe full of cash
Aaron refuses to call the police when Gabrielle is kidnappedAaron disappears during the ransom drop
The CIA insists Callahan leave the U.S.
The CIA follows Callahan to Mexico
The CIA arrive at the lair to take down the bad guys3. Opening: Callahan is at a diplomat’s party. He tackles a terrorist. His cover is blown!
Covert Clue: Callahan is watching everyone at the party.
Covert Clue: He has an ear comm and someone is talking to himDirection: Callahan is standing at a party as a diplomat.
Twist: Callahan takes down a terrorist!
Life Threatening #1: Callahan gets into a fight with a terrorist!
A. Reveal: Callahan is a secret agent.
B. It is covered up because Callahan is acting like a diplomat
C. Who is this guy?
D. He looks like a nerd but is a bad ass super agent.
Mystery #1: Who is Callahan?
Callahan is trustable but appears not trustable because he is secretive about his work.
If he needs to lie to protect people then he could seem not trustable.Inciting Incident: Callahan is forced on vacation, so he visits his late wife’s friends in the states.
A. Reveal: His wife was killed in a terrorist attack because of him
B. Callahan is trying to move on with his life
C. What is the mysterious reason he is alone?
D. In a shocking flashback
Direction: Aaron asks Callahan to go to the store, but Gabrielle goes instead.
Gabrielle appears trustable but she isn’t because she planned her own kidnapping to lure her best friend’s husband to his death.
Twist: She is kidnapped!
Life Threatening #2: Gabrielle is kidnapped!
Mystery #2: Who took Gabrielle?
Mystery #3: Why is Aaron not over upset by Gabrielle’s kidnapping?
Life Threatening #3: Aaron refuses to get the police involved and insists they drop the money off themselves, putting them and Gabrielle in danger.
Overt: Aaron refuses to call the police.
Mystery #4: Why does he refuse to call the police?
Mystery #5: Where is all of the money in his safe come from?Overt: Aaron has a safe full of money
Direction: As a CIA agent, Aaron has a lot of contacts who can help get his wife back.
Twist: He refuses to call the police.
Clue trail: Callahan equips himself with a gun and satellite phone to go to the ransom drop with Aaron.
Turning Point 1: Aaron disappears at the ransom drop.Life Threatening #4: At the ransom drop, Aaron disappears, thugs show up with weapons drawn, and the police have been alerted. Callahan has to run away; he ubers back to Aaron’s house.
Mystery #6: What happened to Aaron?
Direction: Aaron and Callahan go to the ransom drop to get a lead on Gabrielle.
Twist: Aaron disappears!
Overt: Aaron disappears
Aaron appears not trustable because of his refusal to call the police and his cryptic behavior.
Threatening #5: At Aaron’s house, Callahan gathers his suitcase and leaves in his rental car; unwilling to be interrogated by the police because he isn’t sure what is going on.
Threatening #6: He hides out in a hotel using one of his undercover identities and talks to his team back in the UK. They have bad news: the man behind the kidnapping is the arms dealer who is suspected of killing Callahan’s wife three years ago.
Threatening #7: Callahan’s boss reaches out and tells him the CIA knows he is in the country and are insisting he go in for an official interview at CIA headquarters. It’s a set up!
Midpoint: The CIA demands Callahan stop investigating the case.
Overt The CIA demands Callahan leave the country
Life Threatening #8: The CIA escorts Callahan to the airport, in effect deporting him from the country.
Life Threatening #9: Who is going to save his friends?
Mystery #7: Why doesn’t the CIA listen to Callahan?
Direction: Callahan leaves the U.S.
Twist: Callahan instead flies to Mexico, where his colleague, Ariana, is waiting for him and where the bad guy lives.
Turning Point 2: Callahan and Ariana travel to the lair.
Mystery #8: Who is following them? The bad guys? The CIA?
Clue trail: The CIA is following Callahan and Ariana
Life Threatening #10: Callahan and Ariana are almost killed in an ambush!
Covert: Callahan uses special knowledge to get out of a sticky spot.
Direction: Callahan has found Gabrielle unhurt!
Twist: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain! She is the villain!
A. Reveal: Gabrielle is the villain
B. She loved her friend, Callahan’s wife
C. Gabrielle disappears and seems to be in danger
D. Gabrielle shoots Aaron
Climax: Gabrielle is in cahoots with the villain!
Life Threatening #11: There is a shoot out at the lair when Callahan tries to rescue his friends.
Direction: Aaron is in cahoots with this wife
Twist: Gabrielle kills Aaron.
A. Reveal: Aaron is not the bad guy
B. By Aaron’s uncooperative nature
C. When he disappears, we think he is in on the plot.
D. Gabrielle shoots him, declaring him innocent.
Mystery #9: Why does Gabrielle want to kill Callahan?
Resolution: The arms dealer gets away.
Mystery #10: Where did the arms dealer go?
Direction: The CIA is closing in; the arms dealer can’t get away.
A. Reveal: The CIA knew about Gabrielle
B. By forcing Callahan to leave the country
C. The CIA refuses to listen to Callahan and it makes it seem like he is in danger of being arrested.
D. The CIA shows up at the bad guy’s lair.
4. Twist: The arms dealer gets away.
Overt: The CIA shows up at the lair to help in the firefight.
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Macondo Gives Great Clues
What I Learned from this: Sequencing the clues is tricky. My question is how to keep up the suspenseful pace without giving away too much.
Mystery 1: What is Chuck’s real mission?
· Overt: Chuck makes secretive calls in the airport terminal. We hear him ask for a fictitious person. We know Chuck has an ulterior motive.
· Over: Chuck has a document in the diplomatic pouch addressed to him ‘eyes only.’ Chuck opens it at gets out a code.
· Covert Max wonders aloud why secure communications equipment has recently arrived.
· Overt: Chuck makes a secure call to Washington and just confirms he has arrived. We now know that Chuck is involved with some kind of plan involving Washington.
· Covert: Chuck finally meets up with Pancho. Chuck is surprised to see Carmen there but Pancho assures Chuck that she is part of the plan. With the special code, Pancho confirms the money transfer. We then learn the real mission
Mystery 2: What is going on with the visas?
· Covert: Chuck hears rumor about predecessor leaving suddenly
· Overt: Chuck has discrepancy at end of week
· Covert: Chuck sees local employee acting suspiciously
· Covert: Chuck sees Max entering a building with Max
· Overt: Max suggests local employee was involved. Chuck investigates, it is not her.
· Overt: Chuck gets tip from a friend. It begins to make sense, but Chuck can’t believe Max is the culprit.
· Covert: Carmen makes comment about Max. The inference provides the missing piece to the puzzle.
Mystery 3: What is Carmen’s end-objective?
· Covert: Carmen makes comments to Max at first meeting about arms shipment
· Covert: Carmen is seen talking with the pilot
· Overt: Chuck finds out from junior security officer about the relationship between Max and Carmen.
· Overt: Max tells Chuck about the plans to divert the flight. Chuck rushes to the landing strip to destroy the plane and the arms.
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ASSIGNMENT 12
Brendan gives great clues for ‘Kangaroo Island’.
What i learnt was how difficult it is to add extra clues at this stage without them feeling overt and clunky. I managed to add just one extra clue which alludes to the main mystery. For the other two mysteries, i considered all sorts of places to add extra clues but decided not to as i don’t believe they will enhance the thriller elements of the story.
List out the three main mysteries in your story / 2 Create a list of clues for each of the main mysteries in your story.
MYSTERY a) Villain presents as a successful grazier/charming country gentleman with temporary cash flow problems only, to hide his true self; a financially stressed, bitter divorcee who instills fear in female migrant workers, controlling if/when they leave his employ.
CLUE Wayne rejects advice from Bob to fix wool shed safety issues.
CLUE Vinnie walks out on Wayne due to payrate dispute.
CLUE Wayne starts receiving threatening phone calls from creditors
FINAL REVEAL Nat breaks into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills, some threatening legal action. She tries to hack his wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car approaching.
MYSTERY b) Why does Villain have such influence over local towns folk, pressuring them never to reveal details of his failed marriage or previous worker complaints against him?
CLUE (FALSE) Nat discovers the neighbours are a lovely couple with two teenage daughters, all sing Wayne’s praises.
CLUE Nat meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Nat about something but is reluctant to speak with Wayne staring at her
CLUE Nat meets Beryl for a second time, who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”.
FINAL REVEAL Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo.
MYSTERY c) Villain bribes local police to discreetly deal with any worker complaints raised against Villain.
CLUE Nat meets German girls who tell Nat how they fled his employ after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his sleazy mates. How the police arrive and catch them red handed. How the police let them off with just a warning.
FINAL REVEAL Wayne gets call from local cop mate who says Sydney Police HQ rang to say a female worker is being held there against her will. What do I tell em mate?
OPENING:
Adventurous US traveller, Nat, touches down on wild Kangaroo Island, meets her new boss, country Aussie larrikin, Wayne Hacken.
Villain’s plan 1: Wayne is charming as they chat on the long drive to his remote sheep station. Nat meets other migrant workers Lucy, Bella and Dan. Wayne welcomes everyone, proudly leads workers on a tour of the colonial homestead and wool shed, briefs them on the shearing job ahead.
INCITING INCIDENT:
Mystery 1: Nat soon discovers her Vodafone plan provides no mobile service, no wifi, no communication with the outside world. Can she survive out here for 88 days with no phone?
TWIST The locals are all with Telstra or on satellite plans.
TRUST Wayne promises to take Nat to town to buy a Telstra sim card once the mustering is done. DISTRUST Wayne keeps making excuses.
Villains plan 2: End of Day 1, Nat lies alone in her bedroom exhausted after a long day’s work, almost asleep. She hears footsteps that stop outside her door, hears a soft voice ask ‘Can you hear me?’ then silence. She freezes.
Minutes later, she hears soft, slow whispering through the thin wall. Can…… You…… Hear ……Me?
Mystery 2: What the hell is Wayne doing? Is he trying to freak Nat out? Why?
Villains plan 3: Wayne drives Nat and Dan on a dirt road at breakneck speed to farm next door to help Bill and his family with lamb marking and tail docking. Nat enjoys the taste of rural Australian life, discovers the neighbours are lovely people with two teenage daughters, all sing Wayne’s praises.
Villains plan 4: It’s hot driving home, Wayne stops at the local pub, invites Nat and Dan in for a cold beer. Still wearing blood stained overalls, Nat reluctantly agrees. Inside, a group of Wayne’s mates shout and jeer, joking about his new girlfriend. TWIST: Dan responds with a put-down of Wayne for embarrassing Nat, infuriating Wayne.
Mystery 3: At the pub, Nat meets Beryl, wife of a bossy school teacher, who tries to warn Nat about something but is reluctant to speak with Wayne staring at her. Wayne downs his beer, calls time to go.
TURNING POINT 1:
With shearing set to start, Wayne tells workers it’s time to sign employment contracts if they want to join the shearing team.
Mystery 4: Nat and fellow workers agree Wayne can be weird and temperamental but hardly dangerous.
Besides, Nat’s on her dream working holiday of a lifetime and no one is going to stop her. Eager to work, she signs the contract. MYSTERY Why is she so confident?
CLUE Wayne starts receiving threatening phone calls from his many creditors; starting with last year’s shearing contractor. Wayne assures the caller the final payment will be made soon.
TRUST Wayne throws bales of hay to sheep from the back of the ute, driven slowly by Nat. Wayne goes ballistic, yells at Nat to stop, jumps down and cradles sheepdog Max as if injured.
DISTRUST Wayne suddenly turns and laughs at the look of shock and horror on Nat, who thought she’d driven over Max.
Mystery 5: The Shearers union rep arrives on the station unannounced to do a safety audit of the shearing shed. Wayne and Bob argue about something. Bob warns he may boycott the station if Wayne doesn’t agree to his demands. Wayne orders Bob off the property. Bob leaves, vowing to return.
COVER UP: Wayne rings the AWU office to file a complaint against Bob, accusing him of being aggressive and intoxicated while inspecting Wayne’s shed.
Villains plan 5: A rainy day, wet sheep, can’t work. Wayne takes Nat on an ocean fishing trip. Wayne gives the outboard full throttle, hits some big swell and almost tips the boat over. Nat’s adrenaline is pumping.
They bait up and fish in silence. Wayne gets seasick, heaves overboard. Nat is fine.
Life Threatening 1: The sea gets rougher, Nat cautiously suggests they bail. Wayne refuses, goes ballistic because she’s not seasick like him.
TWIST Wayne falls off the boat trying to land a big tuna, looks to be drowning. Nat stares briefly at keys in the ignition…. looks at Wayne struggling to get back on board …. decides to save him.
TRUST Wayne drives Nat and Dan to Bill’s 60th birthday party next door. Big night of eating barbecue fish, drinking and arguing, mainly with Wayne, who later insists he’s OK to drive home, tells Nat and Dan to get in the ute, time to go.
DISTRUST Dan accepts a lift with Wayne but Nat refuses, knowing how much he’s drunk.
Nat offers to drive, given she’s only had a couple of drinks all night.
Wayne goes ballistic, demands she do what she’s told and get in the ute. Nat laughs at him, opting instead for a long walk overland by moonlight back to the homestead.
Mystery 7: Nat discovers Lucy and Bella haven’t shown up for breakfast. She asks Wayne where they are. Wayne claims he woke in the night to see what looked like a Taxi leaving. Must have been them, the slackers!.
Mystery 6: It’s pay day. Lead shearer Vinnie is not happy, he confronts Wayne, accusing him of underpaying the shearers. They argue, Vinnie says he’s too old for this bullshit, walks out in disgust, leaving Wayne with three young shearers to finish the job.
A week later, Wayne declares shearing will be finished by midday tomorrow. Wayne sings the team’s praises, shouts a slab of beer and a spit lamb roast for dinner.
Next morning, the shearers are in fine spirits, with the end of shearing in sight. Until one shearer calls ‘Lousy Sheep’.
All shearers down tools, reminding Wayne they are within their right to refuse to shear lousy sheep. Or wet sheep for that matter, reminding Wayne it’s all in the contract.
Wayne refuses to accept that any of his sheep are lousy … or wet.
Wayne demands the shearers finish the job they were hired for or he won’t be paying anyone for any work done to date.
The shearers walk out in solidarity, threatening to report Wayne to the industrial umpire.
Furious Wayne tells them all to bugger off, decides to shear the last few hundred sheep himself!
Now he desperately needs Nat and Dan to stay to run the shed.
Villain’s plan 6: Determined not to lose them, Wayne offers a pay rise. In need of the money, Dan and Nat accept.
Villains plan 7: Nat baths in homemade Hot Tub after a hard day’s work in the shearing shed. Wayne presumes to join her? As soon as he steps in, Nat bales. Wayne feels jilted.
Villains plan 6: When Nat awakes one morning, Dan is nowhere to be seen.
CLUE: His backpack is gone but his hat and some personal belongings remain.
Life Threatening 3: Nat confronts Wayne, who is evasive. She persists. He says Dan probably shot through in the night … ‘like the rest of the useless workers, i’m guessing’.
Wayne tells Nat she’s the only one he can really trust.
Mystery 9: On a second trip to the pub with Wayne, Nat meets German girls who have heard about Nat and are desperate to warn her about Wayne. They tell Nat how they fled his employ months earlier, after being coerced to undress and wash cars for Wayne and his mates. How the police arrive and catch them red handed. How the police let them off with just a warning.
Mystery 10: At the pub, Nat meets Beryl again who finally tells Nat “you’ll be alright dear, but whatever you do … just don’t upset him”.
Villain’s plan 8: Wayne watches intently while Nat and Beryl talk, he suddenly demands Nat leave with him now.
Life Threatening 3: Nat stays calm, convinces herself she must go back for her passport and luggage, she gets in his car. Nat fears a confrontation. Wayne drives in silence, faster, more reckless than ever.
Nat demands Wayne tell her what he made the German girls do. Is it true what they said? Wayne is defensive, hits the accelerator, almost hits a kangaroo.
Nat fears a car crash.
MIDPOINT:
REVEAL Wayne swerves sharply to avoid hitting the kangaroo. The glove box flies open and an official badge falls out onto Nat’s lap. She recognises it as belonging to the Union rep who Wayne ordered off the property weeks ago. Dread courses through Nat.
Life Threatening 3: Back home, Wayne has cooled down, offers to cook Nat dinner. Nat tells him she has a searing migraine and won’t be eating tonight. Nat goes to her room and secures her door from inside with a makeshift lock. Wayne hears the unexpected sound of her door locking. Quietly fumes. Nat packs her passport, wallet and basic survival pack. Lies in bed, plans her escape.
Early next morning, she walks the property boundary, onto a dirt road, looking for a bus stop, a friendly tourist, any chance of escape to civilisation.
A few utes drive past, all men, most looking groggy, some with dogs chained in the back. Eventually a car pulls up and a friendly guy gets out, waves Nat over.
It’s Bill, the farmer next door. Nat walks up to him and shares her concerns about Wayne, asks him to take her to town. Bill says of course, what’s the problem? She gets in and explains but is taken back to Wayne’s homestead.
COVER UP Wayne tells Nat she’s the best worker he’s ever had, 10 times better than Dan. Better off without him.
Life Threatening 4: Nat wakes at 2am to the sound of vehicles honking, spotlights flashing. Wayne’s gang of mates gather on the verandah outside Nat’s window, drinking and heckling her to come out and entertain them. Full of sexual innuendo. Nat fears the worst. Wayne sits apart, wallowing in his power over Nat, over his mates, only calling them off when Nat passes out. She wakes early in the morning to silence. Checks her clothing. All intact.
TURNING POINT 2:
REVEAL Villains Plan 9 : Nat discovers friend Dan at the bottom of a dry well.
Mystery 12: Dan’s not responding to her calls and lies motionless. Is he unconscious or dead? She hears a faint groan, returns to homestead, finds Wayne passed out in front of the television watching replays of AFL grand finals he once starred in.
Mystery 13: Nat sneaks out into the night to look for Dan.
Life Threatening 5: Wayne wakes at midnight, suspects Nat is probably searching for Dan. He goes to her room but she’s gone.
Wayne jumps in the ute and drives around the station, swinging a spotlight out the window. Nat watches from a secure hiding place as Wayne drives to a clearing in the woodland, stops briefly to walk around, as if checking on something, then resumes driving.
Mystery 14: When Wayne returns, Nat is asleep in her room. Why would she return to the house with Wayne there? Does she have a hidden weapon she plans to use? TWIST: Is it Nat or pillows arranged to look like her? Nat gains more time to help Dan. Now that Wayne has unknowingly revealed where Dan might be.
Life Threatening 6: Wayne leaves house early for town to buy supplies to finish shearing.
REVEAL Nat seizes the opportunity to break into Wayne’s farm office through a window, discovers piles of unpaid bills. She tries to hack his wifi but can’t find the password. Finally discovers it written faintly under modem. She hears Wayne’s car approaching.
Nat connects, her phone goes ballistic with incoming messages. She tears up with relief. She gets a text message to her friend Charlotte in Sydney, begs her to call the KI police HQ. She scrambles back out through the office window, slams it shut.
Life Threatening 7: Wayne returns to the house, sullen and brooding. Nat stays calm, puts on her cheerful demeanor and offers to cook Wayne’s favourite meal. Minestrone soup. He grunts, then sees her phone sticking out of her pocket and asks why she’s carrying it around?
“I’ve just been taking pics of the dogs, here wanna see?” Wayne fobs her off.
Villain’s plan 10: Nat is outside feeding the dogs when Wayne gets a call from local cop mate who says a big boss in Sydney Police rang to say a worker is being held there against her will. What do I tell them mate?
Villain’s plan 11: Wayne tells the cop he will deal with Nat. TWIST Wayne agrees to bring Nat to local police station tomorrow, if that’s what she wants..
Furious Wayne hangs up, confronts Nat, “ yeah i will take a look at those dog pictures.”
“Too late, I deleted them.”
CLIMAX:
Life Threatening 8: Nat and Wayne are locked in a tense cat and mouse chase through the woodland near the farm homestead at night. He’d rather kill Nat now than have her leave him like the others.
Exhausted and paranoid, Wayne thinks he finally has Nat cornered in the wool shed, demands she come out of hiding or he’ll shoot the two dogs.
Life Threatening 9: From on top of the wool stack, Nat rolls a wool bale down onto Wayne, knocking him over, severely winding him.
Wayne drops rifle, struggles to push the bale off. Nat grabs his rifle, runs for the road, both dogs in tow, hoping to intercept police due to arrive any minute.
TWIST. Wayne’s neighbour Bill shows up at the shed, sensing Wayne may be losing control and becoming dangerous. BIll helps free Wayne, tries to calm him down.Wayne goes ballistic. Attacks Bill. They wrestle, Bill struggles to subdue Wayne.
Life Threatening 10: New police woman Margo pulls up, Nat jumps in while the police car is still moving, explains Dan’s in trouble, says Wayne’s thrown him down and well, tried to kill him.
Margo picks up Nat, they drive to the homestead to find neighbour Bill has Wayne in a headlock. Margo takes control, approaches the men with her handgun aimed and cocked.
Wayne is arrested and handcuffed and bundled into a paddy wagon. Nat leads Margo to well where Dan lies, now almost dead. They hoist him out with ropes and give first aid. He survives.
Police charge Wayne with attempted murder and deprivation of liberty.
Nat moves to Sydney, becomes an Aussie, settles here.
RESOLUTION:
Nat sets up a dedicated service to support migrant workers, backpackers and international travellers working in remote locations of the world.
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