Lesson 12

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca Gives Great Clues

What I learned: Adding the clues added a richer and emotional experience to my Thriller map. By adding layers from each lesson thus far, I see the story unfolding in ways I never expected earlier.

Thriller Map with Clues Embeded

Opening: A young female singing star, JADE OLIVER, escapes an important concert just before a world tour and hides in the garden of a security systems technician, JACOB ADANICH.

Clue: Despite her anorexia and worn down condition her mentor forces her into a world tour.

Life-threatening – is Jade’s life in danger?

Reveal 1:

Coverup: Jade hides her singing star status from Jacob.
Mystery: Why?
Intrigue: She is frightened and emotional
Suspense: Is her life in danger?
Reveal: She appeals to Jacob for protection from her important but abusive boyfriend.

Mystery 1: What prompted her escape before a world tour?

Inciting incident: Jade begs JACOB for asylum from her abusive boyfriend and he agrees.

Reveal 2:

Coverup: Jacob hides behind his reclusive technician persona.
Mystery: Why does he agree to hide her?
Intrigue: She is skin and bone, anorexic.
Suspense: Will he regret his decision?
Reveal: Jade is a missing singing sensation. Police are conducting a search around the convention center.

Trust: Jacob believes her original story and offers asylum.

Twist: Jacob learns that Jade is a singing star and the abuser is her Manager.

Clue: Canceling a world tour causes a big financial loss but does that justify causing a mental and physical breakdown of the singer. Why don’t they postpone it?

Mystery 2: What else is Jade hiding when she pleads for Jacob to hide her?

Twist and Distrust: Jacob learns from local news that she is a singing star suffering a breakdown and not just a girl hiding from her abusive boyfriend. Police are conducting a search around the convention center.

Trust: After threatening to turn her in, Jade tells him that her manager keeps her captive and she will die if forced to perform on a world tour. She is anorexic, just skin and bones.

Reveal 3:

Coverup: She claims to be hiding from her abusive Manager who is forcing her to go on a world singing tour.
Mystery: Why did she run away?
Intrigue: Is she telling the truth this time?
Suspense: What else is she hiding?
Reveal: She fears that she is forced to perform on a world tour that the stress will kill her.

Trust: The singer’s manager, Louis Martz, hires Jacob to help him view the security camera videos at the convention center. He convinces him that the girl is a vegetarian nut job who reneged on her obligations by faking a breakdown.

Reveal 4:

Coverup: The singer’s manager, Louis Martz, hires Jacob to help him view the security camera videos at the convention center, and convinces him that the girl is a vegetarian nut job who faked a breakdown as an excuse to not tour.
Mystery: Why did Martz say that?
Intrigue: Jacob doesn’t react, remains focused on the tapes?
Reveal: The videos show that Jade fled the convention center in the opposite direction from his neighborhood. Pretty crafty.

Mystery: Why does Jacob continue to risk his life to hide and protect Jade?

Clue: He grants the anorexic girl asylum in his home and acts respectful, sympathetic, and fatherly.

Distrust: Jake is unsure about Jade’s honesty.

Trust: Jade denies the manager’s claims and shares about her situation and her parent’s exploitation.

While Jacob is at the convention center, Jade explores his bedroom and later discovers a music room. She learns he is a musician.

Mystery: There is more to Jacob than being a mere security camera specialist.

Clue: Despite not being religous, Jacob is moral, spiritual, and his bible worn and full of notes and bookmarks.

Clue: Jade finds a baby cup and plate on a top shelf in the kitchen.

Twist: She learns Jacob is a former burned-out but talented musician, and they share the same gift of perfect pitch.

Reveal 5:

Coverup: Jacob dismissed Jade’s question about his music room full of instruments and older recording equipment.
Mystery: Was he a recording engineer or gifted musician?
Intrigue: Why else does he hide about himself?
Clue: She is moved by a song he wrote about love and loss.
Reveal: She picks up a guitar and begins to sing. He discovers her in the music room. Intrigued, he accompanies her on the keyboard. The two share the gift of perfect pitch and love of music. She learns that he once came close to the fame she achieved.
Clue: Jacob remains evasive when Jade questions him about his secluded life.

TURNING POINT 1:

Distrust: Martz changes his story and gives a ransom note to the FBI, now claiming the girl was kidnapped.

Twist: The girl’s Manager, Louis Martz, appears on national television, claiming to receive a ransom note for 10 million dollars.

Danger: The Technician, now branded a kidnapper. The FBI joins the search.

Distrust: Jacob learns about Jade’s kidnapping on the news and that the FBI has a ransom note.

Distrust: Did Jade write it?

Reveal 6:

Coverup: Jacob learns about Jade’s kidnapping on the news and that the FBI has a ransom note.
Mystery: Did Jade write the note or Martz?
Intrigue: Will Jacob be branded a kidnapper?
Suspense: How soon until the FBI finds them?
Reveal: Martz provided the note to get the FBI involved.

Twist and Trust: Jacob threatens to turn her in if she is not more truthful. She tells him more about the world tour and that it has a financial backer. She fears she will die on tour.

Life-threatening: the Technician could get life in prison for kidnapping.

Mystery 3: Why did the singer’s Manager lie, and what other means will he take to find her?

Midpoint: Armed men dressed in black conduct a door-to-door search in the Technician’s neighborhood, show fake detective badges and search warrants, and carry big guns. They search the house but do not find the cleverly hidden singer.

Clue: Jacob appears as a ordinary security camera technician. He hides Jade in a secret space when the security camera’s around his house send an alert on his phone and he sees the men in black.

Clue: Jade finds a special baby quilt in the hiding space.

Clue: He allows the men to search his house and recognizes one from the CIA and they exchange a few words.

Twist: The armed men were CIA agents. New Mystery: Why is the CIA involved? Clue: Who controls the CIA?

Life-threatening: Would they kill him if they found the girl?

Reveal 7:

Coverup: Armed men dressed in black conduct a door-to-door search in the Technician’s neighborhood, they show fake badges and warrants.
Mystery: What other means will Martz take to find her?
Intrigue: Who are these men, not FBI?
Suspense: Will they find Jade’s hiding place when the search the house?
Reveal: Jacob recognizes one of the men as a CIA agent and confronts him.

The Jacob and Jade, in disguise, load into the work panel truck, drive into the Virginia mountains and stay in a secluded tourist cabin near a mountaintop.

Distrust: While on the run from their pursuers, Jade calls her manager, putting their hiding place at risk. Jacob destroys the phone.

Clue: Bounty hunters find them in a seculded cabin on the side of a mountain.

Life-threatening: Jacob’s security cameras show activity, too late. Two armed Bounty Hunters capture them before they escape. The Technician disarms both using hand-to-hand combat.

The bound-up bounty hunters tell him about $100K bounty on their heads.

Reveal 8:

Coverup: Jacob and Jade hide in a secluded tourist cabin near a mountaintop, and Jacob disarms two bounty hunters using hand-to-hand combat.
Mystery: Jacob manages to outwit and disarm bounty hunters and trained assassins at their various hiding places; where did he learn his combat skills?
Clue: When the armed bountyhunters find them, he easily takes them out, and interrogates them.

Intrigue: How do the bad guys keep finding them?
Suspense: Will they ever find a safe place to hide?
Reveal: Jacob takes Jade to a secure paramilitary training center and on route finds a tracking chip implanted in her earlobe.

Twist: Jacob uses the bounty hunter’s phone and calls Martz to come to the cabin to pick up the Jade.

New Mystery: How did the bounty hunters know their location?

Distrust: Jacob frightens Jade when he disables two bounty hunters using hand to hand combat.

Jacob and Jade leave.

Turning point 2: Jake and Jade evade government agents, bounty hunters, and assassins. He takes her to a secure paramilitary training center.

Clue: Assains find them at two other hidden locations. How?

Clue: Jacob notices a car begins to follow them only after two hours of travel. Paranoia or are they being tracked?

Clue: He anticipates, evades, and out wits hired assains and finds the tracking chip embedded in Jade’s earlobe.

Clue: Jacob takes Jade to a paramilitary training compound owned by his security camera business partner, the instructors former Navy Seals and Army Rangers.

Reveal 9:

Coverup: A string of bodies pile up behind Jade and Jacob on their journey.
Mystery: What is the fundamental importance of the singer that causes government agents, bounty hunters, and trained assassins to hunt them down?
Intrigue: Is someone bigger involved.
Clue: Trained assains follow and attack.
Suspense: What will happen when Jacob runs out of ideas?
Reveal: Mertz didn’t send the assians.

Mystery 3: What is the fundamental importance of the singer that causes government agents, bounty hunters, and trained assassins to hunt them down?

Life Threatening: The assassins killed anyone the couple met along their journey or any they spoke with.

Life-threatening: Will the hunters kill both him and the singer to silence them? How do they keep finding their hiding places?

Twist: They discover a tracking chip embedded in the girl’s earlobe. Suspense: Did they find it too late to protect their new hiding place?

Climax: The Martz and two burley guards with guns capture the Technician at a grocery store. They drive him to the training center at gunpoint.

Reveal 10:

Coverup: When captured by Mertz and his bodyguards, Jacob doesn’t take them out and leads them to the training camp.
Mystery: Why didn’t Jacob take them out in the grocery parking lot?
Intrigue: Jacob plays it cool and bluffs that the building surrounded by paramilitary. A bluff?
Clue: The paramilitary training compound is owned by his security camera business partner, the instructors former Navy Seals and Army Rangers.

Suspense: Will Mertz shoot Jacob and Jade after he talks too much?
Reveal: Jacob’s security business partner shows up armed, followed by several men in military gear.

Trust: Martz promises he won’t harm couple if Jacob allows him to meet with Jade.

Distrust: Martz’s two bodyguards pull guns and aim at Jacobs’s head while he leads them to the training camp.

Mystery 5: Why didn’t Jacob take them out?

The Manager tells the couple that he just follows orders and only a tiny part of a more significant threat.

Clue: Who is Jade’s financial backer? Why is he so insistant that the tour take place on time?

Reveal 11:

Coverup: Mertz claims he didn’t send in the bounty hunters or assains.
Mystery: Who is the true Villian?
Intrigue: Mertz claims he only follows orders and a tiny part of a more significant threat.
Reveal: George Sarnoff, a billionaire arms dealer, owns the music company with Mertz as his lackey.

Mystery 6: Who is the true Villain?

Reveal 12:

Coverup: Instead of shooting the Jacob, the Manager proposes a deal for joint survival.
Mystery: Why?
Intrigue: Why is Jade so. Important to Sarnoff?
Suspense: Can Mertz be trusted?
Reveal: George Sarnoff, planned to use the singer’s world tour as a cover to put his players in place in each country for simultanious revolution, and threatened Mertz with death when he complained.

Life Threatening: Will they kill him and take the girl?

Will they target the girl’s family next?

Will they kill the singer at the tour’s end if she complies?

Resolution: The Hero expects the worse and pulls a bluff that armed soldiers surround them.

Mystery 7: Is it really a bluff?

Clue: The center trains security guards, contract mercenaries, retail business owners, and interested citizens about protecting life and property.

Twist: Instead of shooting the Technician, the Manager strikes a deal for joint survival.

Twist: The Manager is a lackey of George Sarnoff, a billionaire arms dealer. Distrust: Martz agreed with using private detectives but not the bounty hunters and assains.

Villain’s Plan: The Villain, George Sarnoff, planned to use the singer’s world tour as a cover to his players in place in each country. Distrust: Sarnoff threatened to put Martz on his death list when he appeared uncomfortable about the bigger diabolical plan.

Twist: The Hero’s business partner shows up armed, followed by several men in military gear, part of a covert anti-deepstate militia that also includes disillusioned ex FBI, Secret Service, and CIA agents.

The Manager joins forces with them to trap the arm’s dealer and reveal his identity, the politicians he controls.

Using a secure but recorded line, Martz calls Sarnoff and tells him he will bring the girl. He tricks Sarnoff.

Trust: Sarnoff discloses the diabolic reason for the world singing tour, to put his players in place to incite multiple simultaneous revolutions around the globe and to sell Jade at the end of the tour.

Distrust: Sarnoff notices Martz’s discomfort and reminds him he will be replaced.

Trust: Martz assures Sarnoff he will go along with the plan but wants a bigger payoff.

Distrust: The militia covertly works against the deep state under the Senate majority leader along with a General and former joint chief of staff, a holdover from the previous administration.

Reveal: Jade and her parents and sister-brother are offered witness protection. Only Jade and her father accept and willing to assume new identities in and undisclosed location.

Before Jade’s relocation to a new life she asks Jacob why he risked his life for her, so unlike anything her parents would do.

Reveal: He confides about his ex-girlfriend abducting their two-year- old daughter, learning he wasn’t the father, and their death in a horrific car crash when she was high on drugs. The name of his two-year-old daughter was Jade who died twenty years earlier

Resolution: The tape is released on national television and worldwide, along with photos and communications between Sarnoff and the President of the United States and other politicians he controlled.

Mystery: Sarnoff and the President disappear.

[Carmen Radtke]

Carmen gives great clues

What I’ve learned: Everytime I think something will be easy, it isn’t. I still need to tidy up my thriller map and put it into a clear, simple structure and get rid of repetition, but it’s also fun, and thrilling to see an idea evolve.

Opening

In her waitress job, Laney demonstrates her impressive acting and improv skills, in front of Wyatt. He hires her to do a job for the government.

Mystery: why does Wyatt need an actor?

He has promised and agent and close friend to come up with a way to gain access to a private safe room without using anyone in the CIA.

Life-threatening: Laney doesn’t really know what she’s hired for.

Trust: Laney believes Wyatt’s made-up cover story

Distrust: Laney finds out Wyatt lied to her and put her in danger

Mystery: Who wants the drive?

Clue trail

Several people, Turner about them, know it’s being retrieved.

Wyatt’s friend, the agent who is sent to steal it, asks Wyatt for help. Why?

He lies to him about the reason he needs help. Why?

Wyatt hires Laney under a pretence.

Laney and her sidekicks are masters at disguise and making up credible stories.

Turner murders the agent but doesn’t find the drive on the body.

Mystery 2: Why doesn’t the agent trust anyone but Wyatt?

Villain’s plan: Have an agent steal the drive

Twist: The inclusion of Wyatt, Laney and her sidekick was not foreseen

Inciting incident:

Using intel gained by Laney, Wyatt’s agent friend steals an encrypted drive

Twist: it’s 24 hours earlier than planned. He mails the drive to Wyatt (another deviation) just before he is murdered by Turner.

Mystery: why does he change the schedule?

Mystery: how does Turner know about the change?

Villain’s plan: Use the drive to see who all comes after it

Trust: Wyatt informs the boss he’s got the drive and is warned against coming in, or trusting anyone

Twist: the change in the schedule causes the boss and Turner to scramble

Turning point 1:

In fear for his life, Wyatt goes on the run with Laney and her sidekick.

Trust: Wyatt feels responsible for Laney and her sidekick’s safety, so tells them what they need to know

Distrust: He’s holding back information and keeps on lying about other things

Mystery 3:

Why does he need to go on the run with Laney and One-Take Jake?

Clue trail

Wyatt receives the drive and a warning message about colleagues from his friend.

Wyatt tells the boss and is told about the murder – and warned to hide until the boss has cleared up who’s behind this.

The payment links Laney to the theft. She’s in danger,

Mystery:

How can Turner track them down?

Clue trail

Turner catches up with Wyatt and Laney, despite originally falling for their false trails.

Laney and her sidekick always expect a double-cross.

Wyatt has cryptic messages from his murdered friend, and a few info crumbs from his boss.

Everyone underestimates Laney and her screenwriter sidekick.

Conflicting information about what’s on the encrypted drive.

Mystery: How can they stay alive?

The boss directs Wyatt towards the one man who can decrypt the drive, thus knowing where Wyatt will go. He allows Turner access to this information. Turner then uses his own network.

Why doesn’t he go to his boss?

Why do Laney and sidekick need to go with him?

How can they cover their tracks?

Where can they run to?

Life-threatening sequence: A killer is after them, and he knows who they are

Twist: the boss allowed Turner to find out about them

Trust: Wyatt believes that Laney and her sidekick understand the danger and will follow his instructions to not interact with anyone

Twist/Distrust: Laney secretly contacts her agent, and gives away her location

Villain’s plan:

Use Laney’s message to stealthily guide both Wyatt and Turner’s steps

Trust: Wyatt gets in touch with the boss, using a burner phone. Receives instructions where to go.

Distrust: The Boss enables Turner to intercept the message

Midpoint: Turner catches up with them and kidnaps Wyatt

Mystery: why doesn’t he kill Wyatt?

Will he find Laney and sidekick?

Life-threatening sequence: Turner and helpers have tracked down Wyatt, Laney, and sidekick

Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion and disappear into a crowd

Trust: Wyatt helps them escape

Wyatt almost gets away, but is taken and put in a car boot

Laney and sidekick chase the car on e-scooters

Villain’s plan: Making sure he will be able to secure the drive and to get rid of Wyatt if he knows too much.

Turning point 2:

Laney and her sidekick free Wyatt and decide to turn the tables.

Mystery: How could Turner could always catch up with them?

Mystery: How can they go on the attack?

Trust: Wyatt promises them no more lies

Twist: They use a library computer to google the owner of the safe room house and find a picture of him and Wyatt’s boss

Distrust: Wyatt is sure the boss is a traitor. But there’s also the problem of Turner …

Laney and sidekick use their own knowledge to create their own misinformation campaign designed to flush out whoever set them all up

Life-threatening situation: Sidekick picks the boot lock. Laney distracts the two helpers, and she and her sidekick take them down, using stage fight skills

Villain’s plan

Boss used surveillance devices and enabled Turner to hack into information network

Twist: Wyatt informs boss of his planned visit to the decryption guy

Distrust: It’s a set-up, and also intended to keep them safe from Turner

Climax:

Wyatt and Laney walk into a trap.

Life-threatening: They are held at gunpoint. They’re going to die.

Mystery: How can they survive?

Clue trail:

Photo of boss and the man the drive was stolen from

Laney has a new necklace

Her sidekick has stayed in a secure place, with a laptop.

Only the boss has the means to manipulate all his underlings.

Twist: They use this moment to get incriminating evidence from the mastermind, Wyatt’s own boss, streaming it live to Laney’s sidekick. The camera is in the necklace.

The villain has no choice but to let them go.

Resolution:

Mystery: what will the villain do?

He dies in an “accident”.

Twist: Wyatt sends all the information to half a dozen people, and lets them know that the media will receive a copy if anything happens to him or Laney and sidekick

Distrust: Because Wyatt no longer can be sure who to trust, he decides to treat everyone with suspicion

Mystery: what comes next for Laney and her sidekick?

They can go back to struggling in the world of showbusiness or keep on using their skills for clandestine operations.

The twists and turns

Direction: Agent is tasked with stealing an encrypted drive Twist: Because he is uneasy, he asks his analyst friend Wyatt for help

Direction: Wyatt promises to come up with ideas

Twist: He hires actor Laney and her screenwriting sidekick

Direction: Laney and sidekick “infiltrate” the house a promised and deliver info to Wyatt

Twist: Although nobody else should know about them, there’s now a payment linking them to the case

Direction: agent dutifully acts on the intel and steals the drive

Twist: He moves the schedule forward

Direction: Turner gets wind of the theft and kills the agent to get hold of the drive

Twist: The agent already sent the drive to Wyatt, together with carefully coded messages

Direction: Wyatt can’t reach the agent and instead contacts his boss

Twist: the boss tells him not to come in – it’s too dangerous. Plants the idea of going on the run

Direction: Wyatt prepares to leave

Twist: He’s afraid for Laney and her sidekick and needs to convince them to join him

Direction: He is going to do this by the book and expects them to ditch their phones

Twist: Laney and her sidekick need their phones, so they use the tinfoil trick

Direction: the boss tries to track Wyatt

Twist: He needs to find them to keep Turner on their tail

Direction: Wyatt remembers what his dead friend told him about the man who created the encryption, halfway across the country

Twist: Laney secretly uses her phone to send a message to her agent – now the boss now where they’re heading

Direction: Halfway through, Turner and two henchmen catch up with them in a city and pull their guns

Twist: Laney and sidekick create a diversion that sends a crowd between them and the bad guys

Direction: Wyatt is kidnapped and stowed away in a boot

Twist: Laney and sidekick chase the car unnoticed on e-scooters – nobody pays attention to them

Direction: Turner parks the car outside a motel and enters

Twist: Laney and sidekick free Wyatt

Direction: They need help. Wyatt is going to contact the boss

Twist: Laney stops him. They need to figure out what’s going on. When they google the owner of the house where it all began, they find a picture of him and the boss

Direction: Wyatt lets boss know where he’s headed

Twist: the boss allows Turner to intercept the message

Direction: Turner and his henchmen are already waiting when Wyatt appears

Twist: So is the boss who kills them

Direction: Wyatt meets the man he’s supposed to give the drive to

Twist: Wyatt, Laney and sidekick have finally deciphered cage dead agent’s messages and have been warned not to trust the man

Direction: Wyatt hands over the drive

Twist: it’s the wrong one – and the man doesn’t know

Direction: the boss enters the scene, with Laney as hostage, and demands the real drive

Twist: she’s rigged up with a spy camera Direction: If Wyatt doesn’t produce the real drive, the boss will shoot Laney

Twist: the camera transmits everything to her sidekick (one of their old script scenarios)

Direction: Wyatt tells the boss he knows they’ve all been set up and gives him a good guess of the reasons

Twist: the boss is flattered – he needed a way to get the information on the drive to the man, without anything connecting him to the drive. That’s why he set up a rogue agent scenario

Direction: Laney hands over the drive. They’re about to die

Twist: Her phone comes alive, and to hear is the boss’s confession. If he doesn’t let them go, it’ll be broadcast everywhere online. Wyatt destroys the drive

Direction: Wyatt doesn’t know who to trust anymore, so he sends a report to half a dozen people and let’s them know that there is a copy the media will be able to access if anything happens to him

Twist: The boss and the man are killed by their shady overlords , so there are no lose ends

Direction: in a scene resembling the opening, Laney is back waiting tables

Twist: she’s doing this following her sidekick’s script, on another job for Wyatt

Reveals:

Wyatt is a CIA desk-analyst, hiring Laney under false pretences for an illegal job.

Suspense: He lied about his name and job. Laney thinks he’s trying to uncover security leaks Reveal:

His soon to be murdered friend calls him by his real name, and we see where he works

Reveal: Laney and her sidekick are great at stagecraft

Mystery: They pretend to be location scouts and trick a woman

Suspense: They secretly film the key code to a safe room in the woman’s mansion

Reveal: they hand over the tape to Wyatt and tell him where to send the money

Reveal:

Something’s wrong at the CIA

Mystery: why would an agent need help from an analyst friend?

Cover up: The agent has botched up a mission before, and tells his friend he can’t have anything go wrong

Reveal:

It’s all about the drive he’s stealing

Mystery: why does he change the schedule?

Reveal: Turner kills the agent

Wyatt receives mail, with the drive, a warning note and coded messages

Reveal:

Laney and her sidekick are in danger

Suspense: How can they trust Wyatt after his lies and betrayal?

Will they stick around?

Answer: They get in car with him

Reveal:

Killer Turner has access to the information the boss gives Wyatt

Suspense: Is anyone on their trail?

Answer: A dozen red flags go up when there’s cash withdrawals using all the cards the boss has made available to Wyatt, and Turner calls on his henchmen

Reveal: Laney and her sidekick are great at spycraft

Mystery: What can an actor and a writer do?

Reveal: They buy plane and train tickets for different destinations, using Wyatt’s alias

And they use tinfoil to cloak their phones

Reveal: The boss is trying to find out who he can trust

Suspense: Does he know about Turner?

Reveal: He has a surveillance tag on him

Reveal: Laney can’t be trusted

Mystery: Why would she use her phone when she knows it can be traced?

Reveal: she messages her agent, confirming a second audition

Reveal: Turner is catching up

Mystery: How can they escape?

Reveal: Laney and her sidekick pretend they’ve spotted a superstar, and a bunch of people rushes to see him

Reveal:

Laney and her sidekick can outsmart the professionals

Mystery: How can they keep up on e-scooters with a car, when Wyatt is caught?

Reveal: Laney slipped him an air tag she’d confiscated from a stalking ex

They can pick locks

Reveal: there’s one man who can save them

Mystery: Who is the man Wyatt’s friend mentioned, and who the boss sends him to?

Suspense: can he be trusted?

Reveal: the boss allows Turner to know about the man and his address

Reveal:

the boss knows a lot more than he lets on

Mystery: Why doesn’t he help Wyatt?

Suspense: There must be someone he can trust – or not?

Reveal: Laney finds a cozy picture of the boss and the man whose safe room they infiltrated

Reveal: it’s all a trap, but for whom?

Suspense: can Wyatt, Laney and sidekick survive?

Reveal: Turner and his henchmen are shot as they lay in wait

Reveal: Laney and Wyatt have the upper hand

Mystery: why doesn’t the man who supposedly encrypted the drive recognise it’s not the real one?

Suspense: the boss enters

Reveal: He holds them at gunpoint, demanding the real drive

Reveal: a trap for the boss

Suspense: where is the drive? Will they give it up?

Reveal: Laney has a tiny camera that transmits everything to her sidekick, and they know how to share videos instantly

Reveal:

The bad guys have lost

Mystery: why all this elaborate cat and mouse game?

Suspense: Does Laney’s blackmail work?

Reveal: She and Wyatt walk away

Reveal: Game over

Mystery: Are they safe?

Reveal: The Boss is found dead in an accident, and half a dozen people in the upper echelons receive Wyatt’s report including the message that the video and the report will be accessible to the media if anything happens to him, or Laney, or her sidekick

Reveal:

New beginning

Mystery: What comes next for Laney?

Suspense: she’s waiting tables again

Reveal: she wears an earbud and uses a script from her sidekick, under Wyatt’s supervision

[Agnes McCourt]

Subject Line: Agnes Gives Great Clues

“What I learned doing this assignment is that while you want the suspense to keep people interested in your story, you cannot give away too much detail or the mystery becomes too easy to solve and then becomes too boring. It needs the right amount of balance to keep the audience engaged.”

1. Four main mysteries in my story.

1. Is Helen Roberts mentally ill like her mother?

2. What are Mike Deans’ secrets?

3. What really happened to Molly Deans?

4. How does John Roberts exact his revenge on Helen and Mike Deans?

2. List of clues for each of the main mysteries in my story.

1. Is Helen mentally ill or faking her mental illness?

2. Why isn’t Mike Deans looking for his daughter?

3. Mike Deans already knows that his daughter is not dead because she has disappeared on two previous occasions.

4. How did Mike Deans contribute to his wife’s mental illness?

5. Why are they so quick to sentence John Roberts to killing his wife? (omitted)

6. How does Helen get locked up in an asylum? (omitted)

7. Why is the asylum unable to establish Helen’s identity? (omitted)

8. John’s reaction to being found not guilty, released and receiving a good settlement for wrongful incarceration.

9. John’s careful plans for revenge against his wife and father-in-law.

Thriller Map

Twist #1:

Direction: Wife Helen Deans pushes for quick marriage with high school sweetheart, John Roberts, even though he is not ready for marriage.

Twist: She arranges a job for him at her father’s bank. But within 3 months she is tired of his “beastly” behaviour of wanting relations and not happy with married life at all.

TRUST: Hero (John Roberts’s trusts his wife, Helen Deans plans to marry and work for her father.

DISTRUST: Wife is quickly unhappy with marriage but John tolerates her behaviour.

OPENING: A troubled wife goes missing suddenly during a daytime picnic.

Twist #2:

Direction: Helen Roberts disappears suddenly without a trace.

Twist: No one sees her disappear.

TRUST: Hero trusts wife and father-in-law.

DISTRUST: Father-in-law is quick to blame hero once his daughter disappears mysteriously.

Life Threatening Sequence #1: Helen faces a life threatening situation and as to what made her go missing. No one can remember seeing her go missing from the picnic, least of all her own husband, who worked late at the bank. Helen vanished into thin air.

TRUST: John trusted his wife and father-in-law.

DISTRUST: John no longer trusts his father-in-law and has no idea what happened to his wife.

Mystery Sequence #1: Is Helen mentally ill? Does she suffer from the same mental illness her mother suffers from? Why is no one able to help her find out her identity?

Reveal #1: Helen Roberts disappears without a trace.

Clue #1 (Overt): Is Helen mentally ill (or faking her mental illness?)

Twist #3:

Direction: Does Helen suffer mental illness like her mother?

Twist: Is Helen mentally ill or faking it?

TRUST: Hero trusts wife but she suddenly disappears and he is blamed for her disappearance.

DISTRUST: Hero loses trust in his father-in-law and the justice system that quickly condemns him for her disappearance.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #1: Father is not searching for his daughter immediately knowing she has done this on two previous occasions. He is more intent on removing the unwanted and unpopular son-in-law, John Roberts from his business forever, whatever it takes.

Reveal #2: Mike Deans is not in a hurry to find his daughter.

Clue #2 (Covert): Why isn’t Mike Deans looking for his daughter?

Twist #4:

Direction: Mike Deans is hiding a big secret he does not want revealed that could destroy his career and standing in the community.

Twist: Mike Deans is willing to do to cover up his secret whatever it takes.

TRUST: Father-in-law (villain) trusts son-in-law, lets him marry his daughter and gives him a job.

DISTRUST: Villain father-in-law knows of his daughters’ disappearing acts, but lets his son-in-law take the blame for his daughter’s sudden disappearance.

INCITING INCIDENT: Hero is arrested for murder and causing her body to disappear as she is never found.

TRUST: Hero trusts the system as he knows that he did not murder or hurt his wife.

DISTRUST: Hero loses faith in the system once he is found guilty with no evidence and he is sentenced to 20 years for her murder.

Twist #5:

Direction: Mike Deans is quick to conclude that John Roberts, his son-in-law, somehow murdered and hid his daughter’s body, when he knows she has disappeared before.

Twist: Mike Deans is hiding a secret from the authorities and the townspeople.

TRUST: Hero trusts townspeople and jury to find him innocent.

DISTRUST: Hero loses all trust in townspeople and system once he is found guilty and sentenced without evidence.

Life Threatening Sequence #2: Mike Roberts felt guilty that their marriage was not working out after all the effort he had put into that relationship.

Mystery Sequence #2: Father (Mike Deans) is not actively looking for his daughter and prefers everyone believe she is dead?

Reveal #3: Mike Deans knows his daughter is not dead and lets his son-in-law get convicted for her death though no evidence is ever found.

Clue #3 (Covert): Mike Deans already knows that his daughter is not dead because she has disappeared on two previous occasions.

Twist #6:

Direction: Mike Deans suspects his daughter suffers from the same mental illness as his wife and that she has disappeared on two previous occasions and returned.

Twist: Mike Deans allows John Roberts to be blamed for her disappearance this time.

TRUST: The Villain, Mike Deans, is sure that they will find his son-in-law guilty and lock him up, despite knowing that his daughter has disappeared on previous occasions on her own.

DISTRUST: His dislike for his son-in-law makes him want to have him take the blame for her sudden disappearance and to get him out of his life.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #2: John Deans is quick to accuse John Roberts of murdering and burying his daughter’s body in the nearby woods near the picnic area. He has a lot of sway with the authorities in the town.

Reveal #4: Mike Deans is hiding family secrets from the police and townspeople about his private life.

Twist #7:

Direction: No one listens to John Roberts when he proclaims his innocence and they quickly judge him as guilty.

Twist: John can find no allies to help him in his case and he is immediately judged as guilty.

TRUST: Deep down the Villain, Mike Deans knows that his daughter is safe and has just disappeared on her own.

DISTRUST: His hatred of his son-in-law, allows him to let his son-in-law take the blame instead of telling the truth about the family secret of mental illness.

TURNING POINT 1: John Roberts is quickly arrested, tried and convicted for the murder of his young new wife.

Twist #8:

Direction: John Roberts is judged quickly for the murder of his new wife, Mike Deans’ daughter, Helen.

Twist: The case against John Roberts is wrapped up very quickly.

TRUST: John trusts the system and the fact that there is no proof he did anything to his wife.

DISTRUST: John quickly realizes he has no allies to help prove his innocence and he is quickly found guilty with the help of his own father-in-law. John is betrayed by his own father-in-law and accused of murder.

Life Threatening Sequence #3: It’s more efficient to have John Roberts removed from his life permanently than for the town to find out that Mike Deans has some dark secrets that he doesn’t want anyone to know about his family and home life. If Mike Deans’ secret is revealed, it can affect both his reputation and his career in the small town.

Reveal #5: Molly Deans is suffering from a mental illness and but John Deans’ previous actions made her mentally ill.

Clue #4 (Overt): How did Mike Deans contribute to his wife’s mental illness?

Twist #9:

Direction: Mike Deans is hiding a secret from everyone that he wants this matter wrapped up quickly and John Roberts out of the way.

Twist: Mike Deans underestimates John Roberts’s resilience in fighting for justice.

TRUST: Mike Deans (Villain) feels secure that his secret will remain secret if his son-in-law is locked away for murder.

DISTRUST: He is not quite sure what he will do once his daughter resurfaces in the future.

Mystery Sequence #3: John Roberts is quickly arrested and accused and convicted for murder getting 20 years at a penitentiary.

Reveal #6: John Roberts is shockingly arrested, charged and quickly sentenced to 20 years for a murder without any evidence.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #3: Mike Deans plans to keep John Roberts locked up for 20 years to get him out of his life.

Reveal #7.1: John Roberts knows about Mike Deans family secret through his wife, Helen Roberts.

Reveal #7.2: John Deans underestimates John Roberts’s ambition to achieve higher education and become a model prisoner and help other inmates successfully with their Appeals as he eventually gets all his qualifications as a lawyer.

Direction: Incarceration does not destroy John Roberts.

Twist: He makes good use of his time in prison.

TRUST: John never gives up on his proclaiming his innocence and decides to work within the system to prove his innocence, via appeals.

DISTRUST: John no longer trusts his father-in-law and after a while he no longer trusts his own wife and starts to forget about her.

MIDPOINT: We discover that John Deans’ wife, has been suffering with some form of a mental illness for years, and he has suspected that his own daughter is also suffering with the same mental illness, and she has disappeared before and then returned.

Threatening Sequence #4: Helen is lured away by a strange hitchhiker and seems to not remember her own name.

Helen leaving with a stranger can put her life in danger.

Her disappearance puts John Roberts in jail for murder, and in danger.

Twist #11:

Direction: Helen appears to be suffering from a mental illness or amnesia.

Twist: Is it learned behaviour or is she really mentally ill?

TRUST: Helen takes off with a complete stranger.

DISTRUST: Helen is no longer happy with her new boyfriend and starts the same mental health issues she had with her husband.

Mystery Sequence #4: Helen is locked up in an asylum by her boyfriend but Helen is writing letters everyday in the asylum.

Reveal #8: Helen writes letters and addresses envelopes daily, but no one can figure out who she is.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #4: Mike Deans is taking his time in searching for his daughter till he’s retired and not sharing his previous experiences with authorities about his daughter’s previous disappearances.

Reveal #9: Mike Deans is not in any rush to find his daughter, but starts thinking about hiring a private investigator to find her.

Twist #12:

Direction: Mike Deans is in no rush to have his beloved daughter found.

Twist: Mike Deans loves his daughter and deep inside knows she just disappeared but is in no hurry to locate her.

TRUST: Mike Deans is satisfied that his daughter is probably fine and is glad to have his son-in-law locked away for a long time.

DISTRUST: He is more concerned with his position in town, than looking for his missing daughter and having his son-in-law released. He is concerned about what will happen once she does reappears and he is released.

TURNING POINT: Helen is alive but appears to be suffering from amnesia. She gets locked up in a state mental asylum far from home. She writes letters and envelopes every day and only one nurse assistant is interested in what she is doing. They do not know who she is.

Threatening Sequence #5: Mike Deans knows that his daughter will resurface and then there will have to be an explanations and possible consequences to face for having John wrongfully convicted.

Mike Deans works actively with the Chief of Police so that John is not released and the truth of the disappearance is never revealed as it would be bad for his reputation so he fights every appeal John makes, but worries what he will do if, and when, Helen surfaces.

Mystery Sequence #5: The asylum is unable to determine Helen’s identity.

Reveal #10: Helen’s identity remains a secret for quite a while.

Twist #13:

Direction: Mike Deans’ reaction once his daughter finally resurfaces.

Twist: John Roberts is released and reunited with his wife who has been missing for 8 years.

TRUST: John Roberts’s faith in the law is renewed and further he is successful in suing for wrongful imprisonment.

DISTRUST: He is no longer treated badly by the townspeople, but he has lost all trust in his father-in-law and his wife when she reappears.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #5: Mike Deans believes his daughter is suffering from the same mental illness his wife has but has not shared that information with anyone.

Reveal #11: Mike Deans does not know that John Roberts knows his secret about his wife, Molly Deans, and why she is ill.

CLIMAX: Mike Deans knows that his son-in-law is innocent because Helen has disappeared and reappeared later on previous occasions, but wants to keep the secret of the mental illness in the family quiet for his reputation and career.

Threatening Sequence #5: Mike worked hard to make John give up all his appeals so that he will never be released to return to town.

Mystery Sequence #5: John Roberts becomes a model prisoner, and starts taking college studies to improve his chances for a better job later when he is released.

Reveal #12: John Roberts behaviour as a model prisoner surprises everyone, especially Mike Deans.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #5: Mike Deans continues the cover-up of his daughter’s disappearance and lets John Roberts rot in jail.

Reveal #13: Mike Deans underestimates John Roberts’s ambition and ability to succeed in prison not only as a model prisoner, but as a scholar.

Twist #14:

Direction: John Roberts release and successful lawsuit against the state for wrongful imprisonment affects Mike Deans.

Twist: The changes in John Roberts’s financial situation once he receives a huge settlement for wrongful imprisonment.

TRUST: The hero regains his trust in the system and his life improves.

DISTRUST: He has no love for his father-in-law or his wife who has not changed at all. But he endures the situation for a few years.

RESOLUTION: Daughter is released and returns home to her small town and husband.

John Roberts is released immediately from prison.

John Roberts is a now successful lawyer who sues the state successfully for being wrongfully incarcerated and wins a large amount of money to set up his small law practice and buys a beautiful home back in his home town across from the very park where the original picnic and woods are located.

The townspeople now welcome him back and see that they had misjudged him.

John appears to live happily ever after with Helen but there are changes in their marriage arrangement.

John seeks revenge for the years he lost for the false accusations of murder; an action from his wife spurs him on.

Threatening Sequence #6: Mike worked hard to make John give up his appeals and never be released to return to town.

Assistant nurse is the only one interested in figuring out what and to whom Helen is writing daily.

Reveal #14.1: Helen Roberts’s identify finally surfaces and she is sent home.

Reveal #14.2: The truth is finally revealed; John is released after 8 years and successfully sues the state penitentiary for wrongful incarceration.

Reveal #14.3: John Roberts is released and he has to face Mike Deans and the townspeople that had him convicted wrongfully.

Clue #5 (Covert): John’s reaction to being found not guilty, released and receiving a good settlement for wrongful incarceration. He buys the property right beside park that Helen disappeared in.

TRUST: Helen (red-herring) had kept writing letters for some reason.

DISTRUST: Helen is not sure who she can trust in the asylum with her letters.

Mystery Sequence #6: How will John react if or when Helen resurfaces?

Reveal #15.1: John Dean accepts his wife’s strange disappearance and they return to living together as husband and wife.

Reveal #15.2: John Dean’s reaction when his daughter returns and John Roberts is freed.

Reveal #15.3: John Roberts’s decision to take revenge for losing 8 years of his life?

Twist #15:

Direction: John Roberts discovers in an argument that his wife was only “faking her mental illness” to get back at John for his “beastly behaviour” and that she has watched her mother’s behaviour since childhood and simply copied that behaviour.

Twist: John plans for over two years on how he will rid himself of this troublesome wife that took 8 years of his life away and has no remorse whatsoever for her behaviour.

TRUST: At first, John accepts his wife’s “mental illness” as the excuse for her disappearance.

DISTRUST: When she finally reveals that she had only been “faking it” to get away from him and that town, he loses all trust in her and starts planning his revenge.

Villain’s Plan (Intrigue) #6: Mike Deans fear once his daughter returns and she and John are reunited.

Reveal #16.1: Mike Deans wronged John Roberts and never explains or apologizes for misjudging him.

Reveal #16.2: John Deans keeps a close eye on his daughter daily and his son-in-law.

Reveal #16.3: John Deans keeps waiting to see what John Roberts will do about his participation in having him incarcerated wrongfully.

Reveal #16.4: How John Roberts takes his revenge successfully.

TRUST: Mike Deans continues to believe that his daughter has the same illness as his wife, but on occasion wonders about it.

DISTRUST: Mike Deans keeps a close eye on his son-in-law in case he finds out that his daughter has disappeared before and that she may not be suffering from any mental illness.

Twist #16:

Direction: John Roberts successfully rids himself of his lying and cheating wife once and for all without anyone being the wiser.

Twist: Incarceration has taught John patience and he plans his actions over the course of two years, as nothing has changed since his wife returned.

TRUST: John gains everyone’s’ trust after he is released and receives a nice sum of money to set up his own law firm and buy a nice new house near the park and woods.

DISTRUST: He quietly plots his successful revenge towards his cheating and lying wife who cost him 8 years of his life. He is also able to pay back his father-in-law at the same time he takes his revenge.

Twist #17:

Direction: Mike keeps daily tabs on both his daughter and his son-in-law.

Twist: Mike Deans has no way of knowing whether Helen disappears on her own, or not, and they will not charge him with the same crime again.

TRUST: Mike Deans trusts that all is going well now that his daughter has returned and is living in good style with her husband who has been released for being wrongfully incarcerated for 8 years.

DISTRUST: His entire secret never surfaces, but he keeps close tabs on is daughter in case she gets the notion to disappear again.

He’s not sure if he can trust his son-in-law but has no choice at this stage.

Reveal #16: John Roberts takes his successful revenge on his wife and his father-in-law.

Clue #6 (Overt): How does John Roberts exact his revenge on Helen and Mike Deans?