Lesson 12

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is this exercise really helps elevate the drama.

I added a new introduction scene a couple of days ago and rearranged other setup scenes (all of which demand serious rewriting), so I now have thought up a lot more challenges to be added that also help bring out the characters’ core traits while creating more exciting drama and humor.

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SCENE 1 (a new opening scene in screenplay):

A. CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE: In the college library Ellie and Luz fish out paper from recycling bin to reuse for flyers, while Jim on cell passes and smiles at Ellie — Luz responds, Ellie doesn’t see him. Then Jim frowns as Uncle Fred lays into him.

B. ESSENCE: Introducing Ellie and Jim with some of their core traits, goals/needs, story setups.

C. BRAINSTORM LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES to Ellie and Jim (the 2 protags)

ELLIE:

– GOAL/VALUE: librarian gives her a tougher time, pointing out that paper is for recycling, pulling the paper from her hands — tough-of-war (PHYSICAL, also HUMOROUS), while Ellie tries to explain that reuse is a higher principle than recycle.

– NEEDS: Luz tries to get Ellie interested in romance or mentions how some guy (Jim) is giving her the eye; Ellie denies her need for such relationships, they only obstruct doing what needs to be done and cause misery (subtext re father abandonment WOUND). Ellie: please, I don’t need complications. The place is crawling with creeps, full of sex maniacs. Luz: It’s a college campus, Ellie. Nothing better than a quiet library pick-up…..

– GOAL of promoting eco-actions: Instead of Ellie suggesting she go arrange for the off-grid ranch trip (doubting she can arrange it), Luz asks her to go and Ellie tries to explain there’s no hope (WOUND – eco-despair, father abandonment would). Luz: can you see about a trip to the ranch. E: I don’t think he’ll agree. L: why not. I mean, after all you do for him… E: I don’t know, that’s just the way he is – gets upset at the slightest thing…. Or don’t want to upset him… more than necessary. L: what’s his problem. E: I don’t know. MAYBE JIM hears about off-grid (at this point in the script, rather than a couple of scene later), perks up with interest??? Ellie reluctantly ends up agreeing to go to the ranch to try…

JIM:

– PHYSICAL: Jim tries to get E’s attention, stumbles, circles around, she keeps her head down sorting the used paper. Ellie: has the creep gone?? Luz: He’s a good-looker, Ellie….

– WOUND: on cell with Uncle Fred – frowns, tries to protest, librarian shakes finger at him for talking. Jim (with tinge of grief): Dad would not have said/done that…. (setup/mystery)

– GOAL of attracting Ellie, then defying uncle: Jim ends up in defeat joining Mack in next carrel. Jim: just not my day….

D. QUICK SUMMARY of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Will incorporate the used paper struggle between Ellie and the librarian, and Jim struggling to see Ellie, and perhaps some others from above.

E. NEW SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie struggles with getting used paper for eco-club flyers and overcoming reluctance to arrange the off-grid ranch trip, while Jim struggles trying to attract Ellie, then defying his uncle. Ellie succeeds, Jim fails.

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SCENE 2 (this is most of Scene 6 moved to Scene 2):

A. CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie tries to get her Great-uncle Layo to allow the Eco Club to visit his off-grid ranch, but he refuses.

B. ESSENCE: Introduces obstinate, misanthrope Layo (with serious wounds from the past) and his whacky off-grid ranch, and shows Ellie’s loving but difficult relationship with him.

C. BRAINSTORM LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES

– WOUND – Layo brings up something about her no-good father (triggering her father abandonment wound)

– GOAL: Ellie wants to help save the Earth but doubts her commitment to help Layo on his off-grid ranch will do anything re that goal (or even his goal to save the earth)

– NEED: Ellie needs love and family; Layo, an misanthrope, needs love and family… but he is warping and obstructing that need in her. He accuses her of planning to marry and leave him to die alone on his ranch… to which she vehemently disagrees, professing her commitment to help him, that his alt energy inventions are important, tho they both know he is refusing to sell or share them (GOAL, thwarted GOAL) – humorous catch-22.

VALUES: Layo selfishly expects Ellie to give up everything to help him AND blame her for not buying him Cheapo Mercado toilet paper because it’s better for his methane disgester, even tho it dissolves when he wipes his butt, which he constantly complains about.

PHYSICAL: Ellie gets to the ranch but searches and searches, calling Tio; he never responds and she finally finds him on the human hamster wheel, totally ignoring her.

D. QUICK SUMMARY of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Will use bring in Ellie’s commitment to live on the ranch and help with it, but doubts that will do much to help save the earth. Will increase the struggle and argument between Ellie and Layo. Not sure if bringing up her father will work here, but will try and see (note: it comes out in Act 4 that Layo was in part responsible for her father leaving her mother and her).

E. NEW SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie struggles with her obstinate, misanthropic Great-uncle Layo to arrange an Eco Club visit to his off-grid ranch, which he refuses by excoriating her for not bringing flimsy toilet paper.

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SCENE 3 series (original Scene 1, now Scene 3):

A. CURRENT SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie and Luz try to get others interested in the turtle trip and potentially in joining the Eco Club and doing things to help save the earth. But they fail.

B. ESSENCE: Ellie’s eco-despair is partly justified and the weather is unusually hot for mid-September

C. BRAINSTORM LIST OF POSSIBLE CHALLENGES

– WOUND – When students rebuff Ellie and Luz’s attempts to get students interested in the turtle trip and other eco-issues her eco-despair opens up into her father abandonment despair

– GOAL: bigger struggle between Ellie/Luz vs. other students. Struggle between Ellie & Luz??

– PHYSICAL: ?? some authority comes and tears down their poster (?? They didn’t get permission) – they plead with him, almost a fight. They didn’t get permission because they knew it would be denied…. the club has not yet been reinstated. It’s scheduled to be reinstated in 4 days on Friday (the day before the turtle trip).

VALUES: following rules vs. saving the whole world

D. QUICK SUMMARY of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

E. NEW SCENE LOGLINE: Ellie and Luz work against the rules and the Dean of Students to try and get more Eco Club members.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Do the stakes not seem too low for you? Will audiences feel as committed to ecological issues?

[Brenda Boddy]

SCENE 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Justice stops in the town bar to have a quiet bite to eat while waiting for his son.

B. Essence: This scene is to show who Justice is: a Texas Ranger in 1908, quiet, old-fashioned, family man, good at his job.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

Kathleen (town whore) gets in a fight with Crazy Tom over Justice about who gets to spend time with him. She wants to take him upstairs.

Crazy Tom (town crazy) rambles about Justice’s future.

Justice’s dinner gets knocked in his lap. The bartender ends up bringing him cold jerky because it’s late and he’s out of hot food.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Justice enters the bar (after riding into town with a dead man draped across his horse) and grabs a drink from the bartender, settling down at a table to wait for his dinner which is set in front of him right away.

Crazy Tom immediately wants to join him and talk about the future, despite Justice making it plain that he’s tired and just wants to eat and go home with his son.

Kathleen joins the table, trying to be affectionate and persuade Justice to come upstairs, but Justice wants to go home to his son. She pushes him to have a new woman in his life, but he makes it plain that he does not want to replace his dead wife.

Crazy Tom and Kathleen argue, and Crazy Tom is rude to Kathleen. Justice’s dinner gets dumped in his lap. He insists Tom apologize for being rude to a lady.

The bartender brings cold jerky to replace the hot dinner. Justice pays for his dinner, intending to leave, go home to his son, and sleep.

A blast rocks the bar (from the blown bank). Justice pulls his gun and runs into the street.

SCENE 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Justice wakes up in the future and tries to figure out where he’s at.

B. Essence: This scene shows Justice’s reaction to his new body and who he now is.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

He’s in a modern hospital.

A woman doctor is taking care of him. He doesn’t want her to examine him.

Nobody knows who Henry (his son) is.

When he pulls the IV out, he can see the needle wound physically heal.

The family that arrives to visit him consists of a black wife and a biracial daughter.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Justice wakes up in the hospital and notices the IV. He pulls it out and is freaked out to see the blood spot shrink back into his arm. The woman doctor, reading his chart, wants to examine him, but he refuses. He doesn’t believe the family that comes to visit is his. He’s beginning to understand what happened when he sees his modern haircut in the mirror and the automobiles driving on the streets below his window. He leaves the hospital despite the protests of the nurse and his family.

[Jeremy Cooke]

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the value of going through the different passes.

A. Current Scene Logline: Emma is introduced to village society

B. Essence: Emma is quickly put in her place.

C. List of possible challenges.

A. GOAL – to impress the Doctor and his guests.
B. NEEDS – to stake her place in the society.
C. VALUES – those of a genteel nature.
D. WOUND – Miss Delacherois slights the memory of Emma’s husband.
E. PHYSICAL – Emma eats asparagus the wrong way.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

INT. DINING ROOM – EVENING
At dinner that evening with the Doctor, the Parson, and his daughter Miss Delacherois who regales them with the latest gossip from the town including the story of Ezra.

The Doctor tells the company that Emma’s husband gave his life in the Crimea on Her Majesty’s service.

Miss Delacherois asks was he an Officer.?Emma replies “Yes, in the Commissariat”.

Miss Delacherois remarks to the company that in her brother’s regiment the Commissariat were regarded more as shopkeepers than Officers.

After the soup course asparagus is served and Emma starts eating her spears with a knife and fork. The other guests who are eating their asparagus with their hands pause to look, Miss Delacherois giggles and remarks is that how they eat asparagus in the Commissariat. The company laughs then continues eating with their hands. Emma puts her knife and fork down and Miss Delacherois calls to the Cook for fresh cutlery for Emma.
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A. Current Scene Logline: Miss Delacherois scorns Charlie’s father and Charlie bites back.

B. Essence: The biter can be bit.

C. List of possible challenges.

A. GOAL – to defend his father’s memory.
B. NEEDS – to stand up for himself.
C. VALUES – of equal worth to Miss Delacherois.
D. WOUND – Miss Delacherois slights the memory of Charlie’s Father.
E. PHYSICAL – Charlie wets himself.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Miss Delacherois calls with her father and Charlie is asked to show them how he has mastered his tables. Miss Delacherois puts Charlie through his tables which he performs well at. Then Miss Delacherois ramps up the difficulty with increasingly difficult sums and Charlie falters then burst into tears.

Miss Delacherois remarks that she has always felt that the servant class has no need for tables or much beyond simple addition and subtraction unless they are for trade, or the Commissariat for that matter which laughing are much the same thing..

The Doctor protests that the boy’s father laid down his life for his country.

Charlie is rude to Miss Delacherois. “You’re not my Mummy. My Mother is prettier than you!”. She demands that Charlie is punished.

[Yannis Zafeiriou]

Yanni Challenging Situations

Scene 1:

AVI’s Character Traits: Extremely Protective, Witty, Independent, Extremely Resentful.

Current Scene Logline: Avi and his boyfriend, Ben, drive to his mother’s funeral talking about the rules of the formal mourning process to come after the funeral. Avi explains the reasons why his family doesn’t deserve to know Ben, even though Ben wants to support Avi during the funeral and mourning process.

Essence: Ben has to understand why Avi is so hesitant to go to the funeral, so that their own relationship is on solid ground, before they have to deal with the supernatural entity together.

Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

Goal: To explain to Ben clearly why he should not meet his family.

Ben could be insulted that Avi doesn’t want him to meet his family.

Ben might think that Avi is lying to him.

Avi could get emotional and not explain things properly.

Needs: He needs Ben to support his decision.

Ben can disagree with his decision.

Ben can play devil’s advocate with Avi’s family.

Ben can be insulted.

Values: He wants to protect Ben emotionally. He prioritizes their relationship.

He insults Ben by accident.

Ben thinks Avi prioritizes his relationship with his parents all of a sudden.

Ben attacks Avi and tells him he needs no protection, and accuses him of patronizing.

Wound: Avi doesn’t want to get into his trauma with Ben.

Ben pushes Avi to talk about the trauma.

Avi accidentally reveals some wild detail about the trauma.

Physical: He wants to get to the funeral on time.

They get lost.

They get in an accident.

They miss their exit.

They run out of gas.

Their tire blows and they need to change it.

Ben asks to go back home, so they fight.

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge:

He insults Ben by accident. (Values)

Ben can be insulted. (Needs & Goal)

They miss their exit. (Physical)

While driving to the funeral, Avi fills Ben in on what he can expect during a religious Jewish burial. Ben is insulted that Avi doesn’t want him to meet his family, and while they argue, Avi misses the exit, which will make them late to the already tense funeral.

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Scene 2:

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>THEO’s Character Traits: Idealistic, Creative, Hard-Working, Coward.

Current Scene Logline:

On the last day of his boring temp job, Theo is misnamed on his “thank you” cake in the breakroom.

Essence: Theo suffers when his creativity is stifled.

Brainstorm list of possible challenges:

Goal: Theo’s goal is to make it to the end of the workday without drawing negative attention to himself.

Supervisor comments on the bull sculpture he constructed out of post-its

Someone comments on his binge eating when they see the trash at his desk.

Office bully disparages him, he doesn’t say anything.

Needs: Theo needs this job to survive.

Maybe it’s not his last day, it’s his birthday. And he gets fired.

He finished his work, so he was working on his sculpture and the supervisor came by.

Values: Creativity, independence.

His creativity and his independence are what gets him in trouble. He is independent, but that gets him in trouble with his supervisor who accuses him of slacking off on company time.

A coworker (or his supervisor) ruins his sculpture.

Wound: He is self conscious about his weight and suffers from binge eating disorder.

Somebody brings up his weight.

Somebody makes a snarky comment about the cake being a single serve cake for him.

Somebody comments on the amount of trash wrappers at his desk.

Somebody is like–you are always working on your little art project, so we made a collage of all the trash wrappers we took out of your trash can.

Physical: Something physical happens on his last day of work.

He trips.

Someone drops the cake on him.

He smashes the cake on the bully.

He falls asleep at his desk.

His pants rip when he bends down.

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

Maybe it’s not his last day, it’s his birthday. And he gets fired. (Needs)

He is independent, but that gets him in trouble with his supervisor who accuses him of slacking off on company time. (Values, Needs, Goal)

Somebody makes a snarky comment about the cake being a single serve cake for him. (Wound, Goal)

Somebody comments on the amount of snack wrappers in his bin. (Wound, Goal)

He smashes the cake on the bully. (Physical, Goal)

Theo finishes his work-load for the day, in his boring data-entry job, so he turns his attention to the sculpture he has been making out of post-its and other office supplies. His supervisor comes bringing a birthday cake for him (and his name is misspelled but doesn’t say anything), and catches him working on the sculpture instead of working. Then an office bully makes a snarky comment about the cake being single serve and also points to the snack wrappers in his bin. This pushes Theo over the edge and he smashes the cake on the bully, which gets him fired from his job.

[Brenda Boddy]

Good job.

[Jack Sherry]

Jack’s Challenging situations

What I learned from this assignment is to brainstorm ways to challenge my characters

SCENE 1

Scene logline – Thatcher takes Sara to her first farmer’s market

Essence – City-girl Sara needs to be taught food doesn’t come from the grocery store

Brainstorm challenges –

1. Thatcher’s girlfriend Jenny shows up, taking Thatcher’s mind off Sara

2. Vendor sees resemblance of Sara to her father, but not Thatcher, whom he is supposed to resemble but doesn’t

New Summary – now the scene challenges Thatcher’s thinking he is his father’s son when she looks like their father more than he does

Also, now we see a new challenge in how Thatcher handles women and find out he has no skills with them

SCENE 2

Scene logline – Sara speaks at the public meeting about saving the environment

Essence – Sara shows her legal skills but they are not enough

Brainstorm

1. Sara sees Thatcher’s girlfriend Jenny and her mind is taken off her speech

2. Thatcher’s mother is at the hearing and tells her son he should not be on Sara’s side

3. Thatcher fails to impress Sara and she is done with him

4. Sara plans to blackmail her way to get what she wants

New Summary – Sara realizes she must change from using legal skills to using political threats which she previously hated to get what she wants

[Alfred Dunham]

Alfred Dunham – Challenging Situations

What have I learned that is improving my writing?

1. I found this process deeply uncomfortable, yet I have to admit that these are exactly the kinds of scenes I’m drawn to.

2. I got some really bad advice, once, on Coverage. I was told that my script was too violent, yet John Wick is 20 times more violent, and they continue to produce Wick films. I was also told that a school bully who got beat up wouldn’t hold a grudge for 10-15 years. I guess they never watch the news. My biggest impediment has been in writing “nice guy” scripts, and I need to stop that. The guy might be a nice guy but with a past. I need to not be afraid to expose his other face.

What is the overfall Journey my Main Character/Protagonist is on?

1. Jake has lost his wife.  There is a huge hole left in his life.  He has regrets which he had planned to compensate for, but now he can’t.  The life he thought he had, is gone; and he’s beginning to think that maybe it’s over – until he meets Raisa.  She changes everything.

2. He has a new overall GOAL of being a part of Raisa’s life in any way he can.

3. He feels the NEED for simple communication, approval, and if he’s lucky, love.

4.  Jake was a physician, so he VALUES being of help to others – and, perhaps the praise that goes with it.

5. His WOUND is his great loss, combined with his regrets for many of his minor losses – family.

6. His PHYSICAL loss is, literally, his age.

Scene 1:

Script Scene 12, Page 29 — INT. CAFÉ TABLE – DAY

Jake, the great independent physician, has just been released from the hospital following surgery, after having been stabbed by Raisa’s boss, in Act 1. He is now completely at Raisa’s mercy to take care of him until he heals. That’s difficult for him.

A.  Goal            Jakes goal is to help Raisa and her daughter at all costs.

B.  Needs         Jake needs to heal before he can do much else, but his need of Raisa is clear.

C.  Values         His values have not changed.  He still has the urge to help/heal.

D.  Wound       His wound is quite literal, now, as well as emotional.

E.  Physical      There is not much Jake can physically do, so he must rely on his mind.

A.  Current Scene Logline:

                            Jake is in deep trouble via Raisa’s troubles, and he must find a way past it.

B.  Essence:

                            Jakes deep LOVE for Raisa drives him to attempt the impossible.

C.  Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

                            1. Raisa and her daughter will be sent back to Russia unless he finds a way to save her.

                            2. Even if he does find a way, he may have to settle for “friendship.”

                            3. Best scenario, he keeps her in the U.S. and they eventually marry.

D.  Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

                       1. As they work their way through the immediate problems, they begin to drop more and better hints of their feelings for each other.

                       2. Ian/Bubba makes it clear that he’s out for revenge, even though he’s the “perp.”.

Scene 2:

Script Scene 14, Page 34 – INT. CAFÉ TABLE – CONTINUOUS

Jake’s attacker and Antagonist, Ian/Bubba, is in prison. But he owns the Café and [even though his marriage is an illegal sham] he is married to Raisa. Out of revenge, he’s willing to destroy the Café and send Raisa back to Russia. However, Jake holds the keys to his jail cell. Bubba did stab Jake, and he has violated immigration laws. He’s in big-time trouble.

A.  Goal            Jakes goal is to make everyone a winner.

B.  Needs         He needs Raisa free, and to do that, he needs for Ian/Bubba to be set free.

C.  Values         He values in a stacked, ethical manner, i.e. Ian deserves a chance, but not at Raisa’s expense.

D.  Wound       Jakes’ emotional wound has been made worse, having reduced him to patient status.

E.  Physical      Jakes options are limited.

A.  Current Scene Logline:

                            Ian/Bubba is bent on revenge.  Jake must convince his lawyer that that is not a good idea.

B.  Essence:

                            Jake understands that this is about SURVIVAL for everyone involved.

C.  Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

                            1. Raisa may be willingly to try to sacrifice herself for her daughter and Jake.

                            2. Ian/Bubba may refuse all offers, in favor of revenge.

                            3. The attorney may decide to not help – just let things slide through court.

D.  Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.

                            1. Jake needs to square with Raisa about his feelings for her.

                            2. Jake must convince the attorney that this is a worthy cause, despite Bubba’s nonsense.

[Jo Nickel]

Lesson 12

Jo’s Challenging Situations

What I Learned: The more challenging the situation, the deeper the characterization becomes. The harsher the character’s hardships, the more the audience will identify with or feel at one with the character. Challenging situations, handled well by the writer, will draw the audience into the story.

Scene 1

Current Logline: Barrett Scott shoots at the protest crowd below his office window.

Essence: Barrett Scott is frightened for his life.

List of Possible Challenges:

—Barrett Scott reloads his shotgun, aims at the protest crowd below his office window and pulls the trigger to spray buckshot on them. (goal)

—Barrett Scott curses the protest crowd below. (need to be in control)

—Barrett Scott is shot at by the protest crowd below his window.(wound)

—Barrett Scott is wounded by a ricochet bullet below his office window. (wound)

—Mrs. Scott threatens to leave Barrett with the promise of leaking his myriad misdeeds. (values)

—The gunfire outside triggers a flash back of the abuse by his father that Scott endured as a youngster that made him feel helpless and useless. (wound, physical)

How I rewrote the Scene With the New Challenge:

I inserted Scott having a flashback from his childhood beating that made him feel helpless and useless. (wound)

He is beaten severely by his father because Scott lost his lunch pail to school bullies. His father wanted a strong son who would win his fights instead of a cowardly cripple with a club foot. Scott’s father, during this tirade, threatens to hang his only son from Whiting Bridge. The father holds the barrel of his shotgun against the young Scott’s head and threatens to end what the father determines is a worthless life. (physical) Scott lays on the ground in a fetal position, whimpering, wiping the blood from his mouth, fearing he might die during the next beating that was sure to come.

The adult Barrett Scott stays crouched on his office floor in the dark, trembling, long after the crowd has dissipated. (wound)

Scene 2

Current Logline: Barrett Scott is caught by vigilantes.

Essence: Barrett Scott dies a heroic death.

List of Possible Challenges:

—Vigilantes take Scott to an abandoned soddy, beat him, then hang him from Whiting Bridge. (physical)

—Vigilantes follow Mrs. Scott’s buggy to O’Neill, burst into her house and threaten violence unless she produces the money Barrett stole from the Treasury. (values)

—-Scott tells vigilantes he will show them where he hid the money and leads them on a wild goose chase giving Mrs. Scott, Fannie and Etta time to escape. (needs)

—Scott names Josh Paddock as a vigilante (which he is not) so the law will eliminate Mrs. Scott’s secret lover without involving him. (wound, values)

I Rewrote the Scene With the New Challenge:

The armed vigilantes on horseback stop the Scott homeward bound buggy. They shoot to kill the Scott team of prized grays. Due to Barrett’s pleading for the lives of his women folk, (values) the vigilantes put Fannie, Mrs. Scott, Etta and Fannies’s cat in another wagon. This wagon takes them within a mile of the Scott house. The women walk the rest of the way in knee deep snow. The second wagon takes the bound Barrett Scott to an abandoned soddy to interrogate (wound) and beat him to near death. (physical) Then they put his limp body into the wagon and drive to Whiting Bridge where he is hanged. They leave his body to the December elements.

[Beth Zurkowski]

Beth Zurkowski Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving
my writing is I need to add more challenges to scenes.

Scene 1:

 A.  Current Scene Logline: NOVA (11) is waiting for her friends to arrive and they bring a magic trick.

 B.  Essence: It's a scary time for Nova.

 C.  Brainstorm list of possible challenges: Nova trips on her cat, the power is not working,  and the computer has a virus. 

 D.  Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge.  Nova comes down the stairs and trips on her cat almost falling on her face. She is excited her new friends are coming over. She goes to get breakfast and   Nova gets on the computer but finds there is a virus. It looks creepy outside as Nova waits for her friends. They soon arrive using a magic trick to spook Nova and to knock on the door in front of the house by now they are over by the kitchen. Nova lets them in and they get ready for a picnic in the horse pasture in the woods to discuss ghosts and how to get rid of them. 

Scene 2:

 A.  Current Scene Logline: NOVA (11) and her friends get ready to go in the back pasture for a picnic.

 B.  Essence: Determined to have fun and figure out how to defeat the ghosts.

 C.  Brainstorm list of possible challenges: big swarm of gnats surround kids, ticks crawl all over them, when they take a dip in the creek the blood suckers get on them.

 D.  Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Nova and her friends go out to the horse pasture and sit around an old campfire pit. They get a swarm of gnats around them and ticks crawl up them.when they take a dip in the creek the blood suckers get on them. They walk with water squishy shoes as they dry out. Max Kim does a magic trick of pulling stuff through a mirror and Nova sees a conflict going on in the mirror in another dimension. Then Nova reads the lips of the bad Neanderthal and he says he coming to get her. Ghosts attack them and in a stampeded of horse they barely make it back to the farmhouse. Benny tries to see if his autogyro can run as fast as a horse when a horse kicks it and it's totaled.

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• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  Beth Zurkowski.

[David Penn]

David’s Challenging Situations

What I learned from the assignment is the value of increasing tension in every scene, i.e. make the situation more challenging.

Scene 1: Current Scene Logline: The guys get pulled over by the cops with the Cup in the trunk

Essence: Victor talks his way out of it

Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

A. Goal: To not have cop check trunk… the cop’s suspicious, notices eyes go to trunk, taillight’s out, checks it with Victor, cop sees disguises in backseat, skeptical, Vic mistakenly says trunk

B. Needs: to get Cup to Philly… all the obstacles above, more cops converge on the scene, helicopter, over the CB news Cup being stolen

C. Values: freedom… tags are old, Vic claims working man, cop sees disguises

D. Wound: Charlie has record… maybe cop checks background, maybe run license- Vic’s is no good, didn’t pay insurance or registration, they’re fucked

E. Physical: cop asked to see what’s under hood, accidentally opens trunk instead of hood- adds tension, burps in cop’s face, farts, sneezes- pretends he’s sick, coughs, seizure

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Have trunk open, tags expired, cops runs plates, add more tension

Scene 2:

Current Scene Logline: The guys steal the Stanley Cup

Essence: Using Charlie’s gameplan, the guys pull off the heist

Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

A. Goal: steal the Cup… bodyguards, NHL official, security cameras, partygoers, wait staff, manager, Roski, supermodels- all potential obstacles

B. Needs: to pull it off with a hitch… can’t find electric panel, too dark, Igor challenges Vic, waiter challenges Vic, manager challenges both, Charlie’s mustache falls off, Vic loses accent, dreadlocks,

C. Values: freedom… doors locked, trapped inside;

D. Wound: Charlie went to juvy, Victor’s a con man… Vic’s charm backfires, Igor calls him out, knows all the couriers in the city, maybe spelled name wrong or should be in Russian, it’s not

E. Physical: trips over bodies, can’t lift the Cup, cell phone goes off during heist, pulls wrong wires, smoke bomb explodes in pocket, catches on fire, night vision goggles fog up- can’t see anything, box isn’t big enough- hefts the Cup without it, drops the Cup, watches oblivious couple have sex instead pulling off heist

Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. Add complications: smoke bomb goes off in pocket, Vic’s pants catch on fire, NVG fog up looking at couple have sex, Charlie’s mustache falls off in front of manager, spelled name wrong on cardboard box, Igor knows all couriers, Vic stammers

[Brian Walsh]

Brian G. Walsh’s Challenging Situations

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that challenging the characters raises the interest significantly.

List the character’s answer to their goal, needs, values, wound, and the physical situation.

Scene 1:

Goal: Bill wants to get Marie to drop the case and let him handle the investigation.

Needs: Bill needs to keep his secret that he is her father.

Values: Protective of Marie and of his own secret.

Wound: Bill is haunted by walking away from Marie’s mother when she got too deep in drugs and prostitution. Bill is ashamed of not having been a father to Marie and Mariah, and now Mariah is dead.

Physical Situation: Argument at restaurant

A. Current Scene Logline: At an evening dinner at a nice, quiet restaurant, Bill Ryan tries to talk Marie off the case, promising that he will remain on it until it’s solved but she refuses to stop, even if it costs her job. Marie tells him she appreciates his help but she won’t give up the case until her sister’s murder is solved. They eat in relative silence, the tension building but relations still calm.

B. Essence: Bill is afraid that Marie will find out he is her father and that she will blame him for her sister’s death somehow.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges: Bill will tell her that her sister, Mariah, wouldn’t want her to destroy her career. Marie gets angry and asks how Bill would know what her sister would want. She is grateful for his help but wants him to stay out of her personal life. Bill is angry because he never got to know Mariah because her and Marie’s mother wouldn’t let him. They never married and she didn’t want them to have a cop for a father. Bill was in love with their mother but didn’t want to get married. She broke up with him and became a junkie and a prostitute.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. – At a restaurant after work, Bill tells Marie to drop the case and let him handle it. She refuses to give up until her sister’s murderer is discovered. Bill chastises her for not giving her best to her other cases, for cheating the victims of her other cases because she’s distracted. He doesn’t want her to learn that he is her father. He is too old to start being a father now and feels guilty about not caring enough to track her down years ago. He says her sister wouldn’t want her to lose her job over this. Marie is angry now. “Who the fuck are you to tell me what my sister would want?” The room goes quiet. Other people turn to look. Bill tells her to calm down, but she’s just getting started. She tells him she understands why he had so many partners. He wants to control everything, wants to tell everyone how to do their job. She doesn’t need his help. She doesn’t need anyone’s help. Bill tells her he believes her sister was murdered because of someone from her mother’s past. Marie doesn’t believe him. Bill tells her he knows what her mother was and how she destroyed her life. Marie has totally lost it now. She tells him to get the hell out and stay away from the case. Bill tells her he’s worried that Marie might be targeted for the same reason her sister was. She asks how he knows so much about her mother. He tells her it’s because he was in love with her and tried to stop her from destroying herself with her obsessive compulsive behavior, which is Marie’s problem, too. Only her mother’s obsession was drugs, which led her into prostitution and her eventual death.

Scene 2:

Goal: Find out what is in Michelle DuClaire’s confidential psychiatric file

Needs: Solve this case before it consumes Marie or gets her killed

Values: Keeping his daughter safe from harm and from learning he is her father because he doesn’t feel worthy

Wound: The end of his relationship with Michelle, who was the only woman he ever loved

Physical Situation: Caught breaking and entering doctor’s office

A. Current Scene Logline: Bill Ryan breaks into Dr. Smithers’ office and grabs his files of Michelle DuClaire, mother of Marie and Mariah. He barely escapes before Smithers enters the office.

B. Essence: Bill knows Michelle was a patient of this psychiatrist. He is looking for confidential information she may have told him that could help him discover clues to Mariah’s murder.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

D. Quick summary of how you will write the scene differently with the new challenge. – Bill breaks into Smithers’ office because the psychiatrist refused to let him see Michelle DuClaire’s file, citing patient confidentiality rules. Bill breaks into a locked filing cabinet and removes her file. He reads through some of it, notices something significant and runs it through the office copying machine, folds the copies and stuffs them into his coat pocket. He goes back to the filing cabinet. The office door opens. Dr. Smithers stands there. Smithers tells him he was recorded on video breaking into the office. He recognized Bill immediately. He wants to know what Bill’s looking for. Bill tells him he needs this file to solve the murder of Mariah DuClaire and that he believes it holds a clue to Michelle DuClaire’s death, too. Smithers tells him Michelle died of a drug overdose. Bill tells him he believes Michelle was murdered. Smithers has to help him. Flashing blue lights outside. “Too late, Mr. Ryan,” Smithers said.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Brian Walsh.