Lesson 12

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Assignment 12 Tita’s Scene Ratings

What I learned

– Every scene for me seems highly entertaining – all with Intrigue, Curiosity/Anticipation and/or Emotion. But I’m writing the story so my ratings may just be my ego tripping. I controlled myself, didn’t give them all a 7-10 rating and tried to focus on one, not all, of the emotional, curious/anticipatory and intriguing aspects of each scene.

– I’m sure that in table readings I’ll find out parts of the script are boring to some or many people even if not to me. So I’ll need to be more aware of which of the three entertaining hooks is the main one in the scene in order to focus on what to strengthen. Where I gave middle level ratings, I will probably shorten the scenes as well as strengthen them… although maybe it’s okay to have some pauses/temporary plateaus before revving up.

Note to me – Key to Ratings: Entertainment Value from E1 (boring) to E10 (highly entertaining) – rating is based on the degree to which each scene evokes emotion, intrigue or creates curiosity/anticipation of future… based on my subjective bias as the writer. Question for Hal/SU: Where can we fit the 12 or 16 interest techniques from past courses? Maybe they fall under one of the 3 values – curiosity/anticipation, intrigue, emotion?

SAM’S RABBLE –Stage Play (not Filmscript)

Act I – Structurally, Act 1

Opening – E8 (Intrigue, Emotion) Two actors, Dan and Sam, rush out to stop the lights from going down. In front of a hand-painted backdrop, he warns the audience that the play is prejudiced against today’s patriotic groups like those on January 6 2021, in the tradition of Captain Daniel Shays who led an armed rebellion in 1787 to force the new nation of Massachusetts to protect their rights. But the other actor shows the same praise for armed rebellion on the t-shirt worn by our homegrown terrorist who bombed innocents in 1995.

Prologue –E5 (Curiosity, Emotion) Actress, putting on her costume to become tavern owner’s widow, stops their ranting, gives them jackets as costumes, starts the story, revealing a covered wagon with Native American tied by his neck to wheel and guarded by a drunk near Havens Inn, a ramshackle tavern. Settlers are gathering around a campfire. Widow Havens starts the story of why these veterans are leaving their new democracy to risk their lives in Indian Country. As she entices the drunk to free the captive before others kill him, she recognizes him as Captain Shays, amazed that only ten years ago this pathetic drunk could have terrified all 13 new nation states into uniting under one Constitution.

I.1. E4 (Curiosity) African American Colonel Middleton tries to stop Sam Adams from joining a troop of soldiers that includes former Boston gang members because he must return home looking like a future leader, not the head of the mobs, but Sam tricks him, rushes to his friends.

I.2. E5. (Emotion, Intrigue) Sam celebrates victory with his friend Captain Shays, telling the soldiers and camp-followers that they are equal now and as good as any Lord or Lady. Even Captain Shays may join the Society of the Cincinnati, a group planning to create a ruling group of Revoutionary War officers, other privileged men. Sam is shaken as he breaks up their fight over illegally stolen spoils and who will be richer more powerful than others – Structure: Inciting Incident for Sam who sees he cannot just assume democracy will happen.

Structurally, Act 2

I.3. E3 (Curiosity) Homecomings – the soldiers and campfollowers, even Captain Shays, return to debt, evictions and post war devastation.

I.4. E9 (Emotion, Curiosity) Sam and his wife Betsy reconnect after six years of war– sensual longing vs. need to catch up, e.g., Betsy’s political surprises. Love wins over politics.

I.5. E5 (Emotion, Curiosity) On their way into Masons’ memorial for James Otis, an early patriot, with Otis’ adopted Native American son, Sam and Betsy break up fight over a wagon between Mac and Swift, two former mob leaders, now jobless.

I.6. E8 (Emotion, Intrigue) To celebrate the first elections, Mac, determined to become rich and powerful has brought the wagon to country folk with Paris fashions, discarded by a ship captain because of mold. He swindles Shays and his wife and swindles everyone out of their army pay certificates – a celebration dance is interrupted by a call to help a neighbor being thrown into debtors’ prison, his family evicted from their farmhouse.

I.7.E8 (Intrigue) Ruth, the elegant Tory widow, tempts John Hancock into joining a “Society of the Cincinnati” for future leaders, maybe an American aristocracy… or more. Sam, warned by Otis’ son, interrupts the session, shaming Hancock.

Stage Play Act II – Structurally, Act 3

II.1. E8 (Emotion, Curiosity/Anticipation, Intrigue) Shots ring out. Swift, jobless, takes out his anger on Otis’ Native American son then African-American Colonel Middleton who has his tailor shop back. Sam puts his body in front of the gun.

II.2. E6 (Emotion, Curiosity/Anticipation) Ruth Otis, the Tory widow, ridicules and shames Sam – his beloved People are closing courts at gunpoint, the new government can’t even get people to pay their debts and his precious democracy is a mob-o-cracy.

II.3. E7 (Emotion, Anticipation) Sam meets Shays in countryside to ask protestors to use the vote, not violence, but they humiliate him.

Structural Mid-point – Changes Sam’s trust in people

II.4. E10 (Emotion, Curiosity) Shays refuses to join rebels and with wife hog-tie rebel Job Shattuck to stop violence and wait to vote.

II. 5. E6 (Curiosity) Lt. Col. Solomon Bush is warning Sam and John Hancock that “General” Shattuck has armed men taking over a town. They must deploy the army or the Order of the Cincinnati will.

II. 6. E9 (Emotion, Curiosity/Anticipation) As Bush pays condolences for death of Sam’s son, Mac, drags in Shattuck, wounded. Sam tries to help but Shattuck lashes out against Sam.

II.7. E11 (Emotion) In their bedroom, against Betsy’s wishes, Sam decides he must call out the army to shoot or arrest and hang the insurgents. [Structure: Turning Point for Act III]

Structurally: Act 4

II.8. E8 (Emotion, Intrigue/Anticipation) Shays prepares for war, making African American private Moses Sash one of his Captains but refuses the title of General for himself.

II.9 E6 (Curiosity) Relieved the rebellion is being crushed, Sam and Hancock hate the proposed Constitution, argue fight over giving rebels amnesty but farmer bursts in, demanding amnesty

II.10. E7 (Emotion, Curiosity) Swift helps Shays’ wife flee.

II.11. Crisis. E11 (Emotion, Intrigue, Curiosity) Rebels sneak Shays into Sam’s home to ask for amnesty. Major confrontation. Sam understands the insurrection but would hang rebel with his own hands.

II. 12. Climax. E12 (Emotion, Intrigue, Curiosity) Shays chained in dungeon, mocks Sam, challenges Sam to hang him. Major confrontation, continued. Will Sam hang him?

II.13. Resolution. E6 (Emotion, Curiosity) Sam’s Inauguration as Governor. Confrontation with Shays (hiding in wagon) toasts Sam as Mac tries to arrest him, Swift protects him – Shays now out of debtors prison but wife died in exile.

Epilogue. E8 (Emotion, Curiosity) (1795) Shays sees settlers dragging in body of the Native American. He can no longer kill for a better live. He leaves wagon train to stay with widow…or maybe her rum.

[Julie Dod]

Subject Line: Julie Dod’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is what I have had trouble with through all my drafts – my beginning and ending are not strong enough – I’m not getting the script to where it needs to be. These scenes had more E5s that I would like. Also, one of my secondary characters – Venus – I only have one strong scene with her, and she is the person who my protagonist sees throughout the film who symbolizes who she wants to be; i.e., happy with herself and her life. E5 is mediocre, and E8,9 meant I was hitting the entertainment value I was aiming for. I only rated one scene an E10, and none lower than an E5, although I was probably being too generous with myself. Good assignment!

[ZhiMin Hu]

I just finished rating scenes. I’m so glad that I did that. Now it’s clear for me which scenes that I need to work on and which scenes that I like and why. A lot of room to improve. The class really points me to the right direction.

[J.R Riddle]

What I learned: Really? I’ve learned so much that I could fill several sheets on this page, however, I won’t bore all of you with a long diatribe. I’m pleased that I can rate my scenes in such a fashion to know exactly what I’ve written – does each scene create what keeps an audience engaged, waiting for more.

I love these techniques. Now I’m detached from each scene and each beat – like reading the script for the 1st time, and it’s not mine. I believe that I have a good script that is becoming better. None of my scenes is a “10” because that would be perfection. I want to continue improving, so the highest rating I gave the scenes is a 8 but none lower than a “5” thanks to the class. Now I’m realizing what I have to still change to create a great script. I am more able to see/read/analyze if the scene turns positive to negative or negative to positive arc, plus if I’ve placed “hooks” where I need to entice the audience.

I am going to contact “Support” directly about understanding how to number the scenes.