Lesson 12

[June f]

12 June Fortunato Scene Ratings for

Act 1 of Katie and Ti or Liberation

What I learned from doing this assignment: While the process is a bit tedious, it’s well worth the backward journey. I am able to identify 5 scenes that can be amped, and one that can be cut. Thanks for the adventure.

Emotion, Intrigue, Anticipation value ratings and average of the three

42) 7,5,8 = 6.6

41) 8.5, 9,9 = 8.8

40) 8,7.5,8 = 7.8

39) 5,2,6 = 4.3 needs improvement

38) 8.5,2.5,7 = 6 scene is one line

37) 6,6,9 = 6.3

36) 6,5,8=6.3

35) 9.5,7.5,9.5=8.9

34) 8,4,5 = 5.7 scene is non-verbal

33) 2.5,4.5,6=4.3 scene is last image of previous scene and non verbal

32) 7,2.5,5= 4.33 scene is a hug goodbye

31) 4.5,8,8= 6.33

30) 4.5,8.5,8.5=7

29) 7,8,8=7.6

28) 6,3.5,9.5=6.3

27) 9,2,2=4.3 scene is one comic line

26) 3,2,4=3 needs improvement

25) 8,7,7= 7.3

24) 9,2,9=6.7

23) 7.5,6,9=7.5

22) 2.5,2.5,2.5=2.5 needs improvement

21) 8,6.5,9=8.8

20) 9,4,8=7

19) -,9,8=6 scene is visual one shot of car speeding away

18) 7.5,7,9=7.8

17) -, -, 10 Not otherwise ratable as baby laughs over scene transition

16) 5,3.5,7=6.8

15) 9, 2, 5=5.3 needs improvement

14) 7,3,9=6.3

13) 7,8.5,8.5= 8

12) 4.5,6.5.6.5=5.8

11) 4.5,8,8= 6.8

10) 7,9,8= 8 Longest scene in the first act

9) 8,5,9= 7.3

8B) 2,6,2= 3.3 Scene-let. Improve?

8A) 6,7,4=5.6 Scene-let.

8) 4,7,2 = 4.3 Scene-let Improve?

7) 6,4,6 = 5.3 needs improvement

6) 2,9.5,9.5= 6.8 (payoff)

5) 3,3,7=4.3 scene is one line

4) 5,9,9=7.6

3) 5,-, 6 = 4 scene is one short visual

2) 7,9,8.5=8.1

1)7.5,7,8=7.5

[Jacqueline Escolme]

Jacqueline’s scene ratings – WhatI learned doing this assignment is that my first act needs to be more entertaining! There’s a lot of set up in there which isn’t amusing or engaging enough and I know I can add more emotion also.

My interpretation of the rating is that anything under 5 needs work. I have 15 scenes I want to improve. Some of these I already knew about and some scored a 6 but I know they can be better and I’m keen to see what evolves. What surprised me was that, upon reflection, my midpoint needs to be a whole lot more entertaining – it’s dramatic but still kinda boring so I need to have some fun with it!

[Monica Arisman]

Lesson 12: Rate Your Script’s Entertainment Value ASSIGNMENT

Subject: Monica’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment is where I have to improve and re-write scenes, combine scenes, and/or delete scenes.

1. Number the scenes in your script. That way, you can easily refer to the scenes you want to change.

2. Opening Image: E8

Inciting Incident: E8

Twist: E7

Turning Pt: E7

Act 2: E7

Twist: E8

Twist: E7

Turning Pt: E7

Plan in Action: E7

Mid-point/TP: E9

Act 3: E7

Climax: E9

Twist: E8

Act 4: E9

Resolution: E7

Final Scene: E9

3. Tell us your interpretation of the ratings – I’ve re-written this so many times with feedback from producers that I knew where I still had some work to do.

Which of the scenes do you already know you want to improve? There seems to be a beat discrepancy so I’ll work on those.

Were there any that surprised you? Some of the ones I’ve come up with in this course need elevating.

[Pat GALBRAITH Galbraith]

ASSIGNMENT 12 Pat’s Scene Ratings

“What I learned doing this assignment is: it’s an excellent exercise to improve quality of script by asking the following questions.

With each scene, asked the following questions.

A. To what degree does it evoke
emotion?
B. To what degree does it
intrigue or create curiosity?
C. To what degree does it
create anticipation of future.

Scenes starting from 50 and moving to the beginning.

Scene ) Emotion, Intrigue, Anticipation Average

50) 5 6 6 5.6

49) 6 6 6 6

47) 6 6 6 6

45) 5 5 5 5

44) 7 7 7 7

43) 7 7 7 7

42) 7 7 7 7

41) 8 8 8 8

40) 7 7 7 7

39) 7 7 7 7

38) 7 7 7 7

37) 6 6 6 6

33) 6 6 6 6

31) 7 6 6 6.3

32) 7 7 7 7

30) 7 7 7 7

29) 7 7 7 7

28) 8 8 8 8

27) 6 6 7 6.5

26) 5 6 5 5.3

25) 7 5 7 6.2

24) 5 5 5 5

23) 7 7 6 6.6

22) 6 6 6 6

21) 5 6 6 5.9

20) 5 6 6 5.9

19) 5 6 6 5.9

18) 5 5 5 5

17( 6 6 6 6

16) 6 7 7 6.6

15) 7 7 7 7

14) 5 6 7 6

13) 6 7 7 6.6

12) 5 5 6 5.3

11) 7 7 7 7

10) 7 7 7 7

9) 7 7 7 7

8) 6 6 6 6

7) 7 5 5 5.6

6) 7 5 5 5.6

5) 7 7 6 8

4) 7 6 6 6.6

3) 7 6 7 6.8

2) 6 5 6 5.9

Interpretation of ratings: This lets me know where I need to work on scenes.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ’s Scene Ratings!

WIL: I have seen and done this before but it has fallen by the wayside- a good reminder that this is an important step!

Interpretation of ratings: A good 80 – 90% of scenes since this is meant to be an action thriller needs to be at a 7 or higher. The scenes that are not action still need to be entertaining while allowing the audience to collect their breath!

It also made me pull out my Skill Mastery sheets from the Thriller and Action classes!

ASSIGNMENT

Many of the scenes go together but are intercut between two things happening simultaneously so trying to bunch the scenes that go together.

Opening:

S1 thru 3– E8 Opening

S4 & 11 – 20 – E8

S5 – 10 – E 7 – Inciting incident

S25 – Escalation to further the villain’s plan – 7

Act 2

S45 – 53 – new plan –

S54 – Midpoint – E-7

Most scenes are between 6 – 8

Act 3

Several scenes here are E4 -5 — this area needs the most attention!

Others are between E7 -8

Act 4

With Plot twist – E-9

Ending – E 8

Over all the potential is an 8 – now to deliver against it in the most powerful and interesting way!

[Judith Watson]

I see people have posted lesson 12 in the lesson assignment section. yet, I am not able to open the lesson to do the assignment. Please helped me get into my lessons. The last one I could open was 11. The page for 12 opens, but there is no lesson, just the complete button. best, Judith Watson

[Judith Watson]

I cannot access my pro rewrite class. I am not getting the lesson emails either. The last lesson I was able to access was lesson 11. After that the only thing that comes up is the name of the class and the mark complete button. See file below. I hired a person to check my computer and he found nothing wrong. I changed my password and your website accepted it. Please fix this problem so I can do my lessons. Please send me the lessons to my email at cinemaself@aol.com so I can continue the class. best, Judith Watson

[Charles Jessen]

I’ll send it to you Judith.

[Judith Watson]

Thank you, Charles. Do you have lessons 13 and 14 too? best, Judith my email address is cinemaself1@aol.com

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  Judith Watson.

[Connie Barr]

Connie’s Assignment #12 RATE ENTERTAINMENT VALUE

Connie’s Scene Ratings

What I learned from doing this exercise: This is a new technique that I found most useful, especially the idea of starting from the end of the newly revised script and rating each scene 1-10 for its appeal and potential to keep the reader or audience engaged and NOT BORED! It helps assess the appeal of each scene on a stand-alone basis.

I identified 14 number 5s and 13 number 6s, out of 93 total scenes, which was surprising. I plan to elevate all 27 of them.

#93. E 10 – FINALE

#92. E 9 – RESOLUTION

#91. E 5

#90. E 8

#89. E 8 – CLIMAX

#88. E 5

#87. E 8 – TURNING POINT

#86. E 7

#85. E 8

#84. E 7

#83. E 8

#82. E 9

#81. E 8

#80. E 7

#79. E 7

#78. E 7

#77. E 7

#76. E 8

#75. E 6

#74. E 8

#73. E 8 – NEW PLAN

#72. E 8

#71. E 8 – TURNING POINT

#70. E 7

#69. E 9

#68. E 8

#67. E 7

#66. E 5

#65. E 8

#64. E 7

#63. E 7

#62. E 6

#61. E 7

#60. E 5

#59. E 5

#58. E 5 REACT/RETHINK

#57. E 7

#56. E 5

#55. E 6

#54. E 6

#53. E 8

#52. E 8

#51. E 9

#50. E 8

#49. E 6

#48. E 5

#47. E 5

#46. E 8

#45. E 5

#44. E 7 MIDPOINT TURNING POINT

#43. E 6

#42. E 6

#41. E 5

#40. E 6

#39. E 6

#38. E 7

#37. E 8

#36. E 5

#35. E 8

#34. E 8

#33. E 5

#32. E 7

#31. E 7

#30. E 7

#29. E 8

#28. E 8

#27. E 7

#26. E 7

#25. E 6

#24. E 8

#23. E 9

#22. E 8

#21. E 7

#20. E 6

#19. E 8 – PLAN IN ACTION

#18. E 8 – NEW PLAN

#17. E 8

#16. E 7

#15. E 8

#14. E 8

#13. E 7

#12. E 6

#11. E 8 – TURNING POINT

#10. E 7

#9. E 8

#8. E 8 – INCITING INCIDENT

#7. E 8

#6. E 7

#5. E 8

#4. E 7

#3. E 8

#2. E 5

#1. E 6 – OPENING

[Elisabeth Decesso]

Elisabeth’s Scene Ratings

What I learned doing this assignment:

So far I cannot do this lesson since I have to write a completely new script and my outline needs massive improvement for it is way too short.

But I have the same problem as Judith:

I did not get lesson 13 though. Could anybody send it to me, please?

elisabethldecesso@gmail.com

Thank you

[Frances Emerson]

REWRITE ASSIGNMENT TWELVE

FRAN’S SCENE RATING

WHAT I LEARNED: That I still have a lot of work to do on this script. And on another script I’m trying to finish. There’s a lot to do yet. About 80% is my estimation.

I just need to dig in and get it done!

[Robert W. Daniel]

[Pro Rewrite] Lesson 12 – Robert Daniel – Rate Your Script

What I learned doing this assignment is that this lesson enables you to grasp the value of each scene and gives you a head start on re-writing each scene for the next lesson.

Rate it on an Entertainment Scale of E1 (dull) to E10 (extremely entertaining) and continue to rate each beat until you reach the opening scene.

I have 18 scenes that need improving.

Here’s the front to back version:

Scene 1. E 9 Opening Scene

Scene 2. E 4 “5 years earlier”

Scene 3. E 3

Scene 4. E 4 Inciting Incident

Scene 14 E6

Scene 16 E5

Scene 22 E4

Scene 28 E4

Scene 33 E3

Scene 41 E2

Scene 45 E4

Scene 51. E 6 Midpoint

Scene 52. E 4

Scene 60 E 7 Act 3 Turning Point

Scene 64. E 9 Climax

Scene 65. E 7 Additional twist

Scene 66. E 4 Resolution

Scene 67. E 3 Final Scene.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Scene Ratings

I avoided doing this assignment for a while. I still have new scenes to add, but I rated the ones I have so far for the sake of moving on. I’m not sure how objective I can be with my own writing, but I feel that my key scenes are strong, and there are many scenes where I need to increase the entertainment value.

41. Ending E9

36-39. Resolution E8

35. Climax E8

34. E6

33. E8

32. E7

31. E7

30. E6

29. E8

28. E6

27. Turning Point E8

26. E5

25. E6

24. E8

22. E6

21. E6

20. Midpoint E8

19. E9

18. E7

17. E7

12-16. E8

11. E 7

10. E5

9. E8

8. Turning Point E8

7. E7

6. E6

5. E5

4. Inciting Incident E8

3. E5

2. E6

1. E9

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Scene Ratings

What I learned: I am fortunate to have worked on this with the ProSeries, so my scenes are better than I might have expected. I hope to work on any scenes less than a 6, and definitely anything rated 5!

KILLING TIME SCENE RATINGS:

· Scene 62, E 9, Final Scene

· Scene 61, E 9, Resolution

· Scene 60, E 8, Climax

· Scene 59, E 7, TP

· Scene 58, E 6, Mary/Jack search for John in 1888

· Scene 57, E 5, Ryan has one day to find family “in the past”

· Scene 56, E 7, Ryan in pub in 1888

· Scene 55, E 6, Mary realizes she has leaped through time

· Scene 54, E 8, TP; Ryan finds Jack and Mary have traveled to 1888

· Scene 53, E 8, Climax to Act III; Jack has “leaped” without Ryan

· Scene 52, E 7, Twist; Ryan mislead with decoy

· Scene 51, E 7, John travels back in time; Jack/Mary follow

· Scene 50, E 5, Mary is MIA; Ryan forced to follow lead

· Scene 49, E 6, Jack introduces Mary to time travel

· Scene 48, E 5, Ryan misses urgent call from Jack

· Scene 47, E 7, Mary confronts Jack

· Scene 46, E 6, Jack reveal plan to catch John

· Scene 45, E 5, Jack and Ryan plan “Operation Daddy Death”

· Scene 44, E 7, Mary confronts John (the mysterious stalker)

· Scene 43, E 6, Mary requests to take lead from Ryan

· Scene 42, E 8, Jack reveals photos of John “in action”

· Scene 41, E 6, Ryan finds Jack in panic attack

· Scene 40, E 7, Surprise/Betrayal; Intervention with Jack

· Scene 39, E 5, Mislead/Betrayal; Ryan sets up lunch with Jack

· Scene 38, E 6, Ryan receives call from Jack’s therapist

· Scene 37, E 8, Betrayal by Jack

· Scene 36, E 7, Ryan intrigued by Jack’s secrecy

· Scene 35, E 7, Intrigued by suspicious character

· Scene 34, E 8, Betrayal, Twist by Mary

· Scene 33, E 8, Climax to Act II (Jack guilty?)

· Scene 32, E 7, Suspense to Ryan’s suspect list

· Scene 31, E 8, Intrigue (caught in the act?)

· Scene 30, E 5, Mystery (follow up on clues)

· Scene 29, E 7, Reveal (Bartender supports Jack’s claim)

· Scene 28, E 7, Intrigue (Mary observes “stalker” outside Kyle home)

· Scene 27, E 7, Misinterpretation (Ryan accuses Jack of windshield prank)

· Scene 26, E 6, Uncomfortable (Ryan is locked out of the Kyle home)

· Scene 25, E 7, Misinterpretation/Myster; Ryan finds threatening note on windshield

· Scene 24, E 6, Brothers argue over Jack’s suspected involvement in murder

· Scene 23, E 5, Jack changes lock after break in

· Scene 22, E 8, Mary suspects Jack of murder; Ryan vehemently defends brother

· Scene 21, E 8, Mary and Ryan review forensics of crime scene; Mary makes discovery

· Scene 20, E 7, Jack tries to convince Ryan of father’s return; Ryan makes ultimatum

· Scene 19, E 8, Jack receives a call from his dead father

· Scene 18, E 5, Ryan cannot reach Jack

· Scene 17, E 7, Missing time travel paraphernalia

· Scene 16, E 8, Jack finds home broken into

· Scene 15, E 6, Ryan chastised by Sgt for tardiness

· Scene 14, E 8, Ryan/Jack discuss Jack’s “episode” the night before

· Scene 13, E 8, Twist; Jack exclaims “dad is back from the dead”

· Scene 12, E 8, Mary finds earring and full bottle of meds

· Scene 11, E 9, Climax to Act 1; Ryan finds Jack incoherent and bloody

· Scene 10, E 8, Ryan searches house for intruder

· Scene 9, E 7, Mary watches Ryan cautiously enter house

· Scene 8, E 8, Ryan finds brothers home unsecured

· Scene 7, E 5, Ryan unable to reach Jack; banter with Mary

· Scene 6, E 6, Ryan begrudgingly stuck with Mary

· Scene 5, E 7, Inspecting gruesome crime scene, Ryan forced to work with new partner

· Scene 4, E 8, 17 y/o Ryan runs truck into bay with father bound inside

· Scene 3, E 8, Junvenile Kyle brothers work to dispose of “dead” father

· Scene 2, E 9, Kyle brothers return from past, try to destroy time travel works

· Scene 1, E 9, Kyle father and sons with slaughtered woman in 1888

[Jenifer Stockdale]

Jen’s screen Ratings

Spent a lot of time on this and combined with lesson 13 – if it was low, I did a lesson 13 elevation on the scene. I am writing a rubric for myself to help judge my own scenes as it is difficult to judge – if I thought it wasn’t good, I would have made it better in the first place.

[Tracy Cheney]

Tracy Cheney Scene ratings

What I learned is that it’s definitely hard to catch up once I got behind. We’ve had several little trips and family events, and I found myself thinking more about a new feature I want to write than coming back to this. Since I’m writing a comedy, I reread a couple of books on comedy while travelling. So then it was hard to rate the entertainment value. I don’t think I’m funny on the page. I think everything is written as a drama first. But I am very happy with my opening scene. And I like the ending!