Lesson 12

[Rick Whitney]

R Whitney Challenging situations

What I learned: By creating a more challenging situation in the scene, it does more to deliver on the essence of the scene and helps develop the characters change.

Current Scene 1: Centurion Markus is starting to see that there maybe a life outside of the one he’s known as a solder.

Essence: Marcus debates his superior about how different these people are from the one’s he’s encountered in previous Roman occupations.

Brainstorm: Possibly his Superior begins to argue his debate. Possibly his Superior doesn’t listen and bluntly orders him to forget this and obey. Possibly his Superior doubts Marcus’s loyalty and suggests giving the order to some one else.

Summary: By adding a more confrontational situation to the scene, it increases the internal conflict Marcus has and it increases the interest to the reader. Previous scene was flat and on the nose.

Current Scene 2: Centurion Marcus is learning about the Hebrew society and their beliefs.

Essence: Marcus meets with his future wife at a wedding ceremony.

Brainstorm: Possibly his interest makes a local man jealous and they confront each other. Possibly his future wife wants nothing to do with him since he comes from the outside. Possibly Marcus stumbles on his words as he deals with his new feelings towards his future wife.

Summary: By adding one or all these confrontations, it creates more challenge for Marcus to win his future wife. The current scene doesn’t deliver much except move the story forward.

[Karin Armbrust]

Karin Armbrust Challenging Situations:

Scene 1:

A. Current Scene Logline: Daniel, caught in a lie, tries to get out of it.

B. Essence: Daniel needs Barbara to believe in him, but her faith has cracked.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

1. Goal – To get out of admitting that he lied

a. Says something that inadvertently gives info to Barbara

b. Tries to seduce her, unsuccessful. He is rebuffed.

c. Attacks Barbara for something stupid

d. Accuses Barbara of something, being secretive

e. Tries to do laundry (red in the whites)

2. Needs – For Barbara to believe in him, for peace

a. Barbara questions her belief in him

b. Tries to relax her with a massage, fails

c. Tries to tell her about a vacation coming up, fails

d. Lies about something stupid and is caught

3. Values – peaceful life

a. He pulls out a gun and threatens to end it

4. Wound – Violent dad and abused mother

a. Barbara accuses him of being like his mother, he retaliates about her being like his dad.

b. After the grab, maybe he’s more like his dad!

5. Physical

a. Grabs her a bit too hard

b. Makes a mess of the laundry

c. Steps on foot in a dance.

D. Summary:

Daniel starts by trying to distract Barbara by trying to seduce her the moment they enter the bedroom, his efforts getting crazy as she insists that they need to talk.

He then goes off on a tangent about a vacation to Paris he wants to go on. He dances with her and she is getting into it until he steps on her foot. They need to talk!

About what? Doesn’t Barbara believe in him? That he wouldn’t do everything he could for both of them? Barbara tells him “you lied!”. He brings up a lie that she told and is told that that was in middle school!

Come on Barbara, you’re so tense, let me give you a massage! A foot rub!

Barbara tells him that she does everything around here and all she asks for is some honesty. Daniel responds by deciding to do the laundry. He sorts the clothes taunting her about her hard job as a housewife. He throws something red in with the white and she goes after him about it, how he’s incompetent. Maybe he’s just like his mother.

She goes for the red item and Daniel grabs her and shakes her again. She tells him she was wrong, he’s just like his father! What are you going to do Daniel?

He takes out a case, unlocks it and brings out a gun. He sits on the bed and looks at the gun. Barbara questions whether he’s going to use it on her. He says he’s going to use it on himself. Barbara sits down next to him and takes the gun. It’s not even loaded.

He tells her he can’t be like his parents. She tells him to prove it, by being honest now. They talk.

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Scene 2:

A. Current Scene Logline: Anne confronts Dahlia, her captive, who has been left her chained up in a basement for three days

B. Essence: Anne wants Dahlia to tell the truth and has tried to wear her down first.

C. Brainstorm list of possible challenges.

1. Goals: To get Dahlia to tell the truth

a. Dahlia tries to make friends with Anne

b. Dahlia goes on the defensive

2. Needs: retribution for her sister’s death

a. Dahlia doesn’t even remember her sister

b. Dahlia justifies her actions

3. Values: honesty and decency

a. Is Anne decent for her actions of kidnapping Dahlia?

b. Is Anne blaming Dahlia unfairly?

c. The food has run out and so has the toilet paper

4. Wound: She could never help her sister.

a. Dahlia accuses her of hurting Janet the most

5. Physical:

a. Dahlia, who has unchained herself, attacks Anne

b. Dahlia, throws the canister of poison gas, infecting both of them

c. Dahlia, threatens to throw the contents of the pail at Anne

D. Summary:

Anne comes into her house with a suitcase and a fast food bag after being gone for three days. She looks through her mail.

Anne goes down into the basement, where Dahlia is chained up to a wall. She’s dirty and wild looking. There is a mattress, empty food wrappers and water bottles all around her. A stench is coming from the bucket.

Anne takes the food bag over to a counter, reaches in and grabs a fry and eats it, ignoring Dahlia.

Dahlia starts with trying to be a friend. Anne was gone so long and she missed her. Anne tells her that if she missed her so much, tell her about what happened to her sister. Dahlia denies even knowing her sister. Tells her that the food ran out, and so had the toilet paper.

Anne points at the toilet paper on the counter, which has been just out of reach for Dahlia and taunts her about not being able to reach it. Dahlia calls her a monster.

I’m the monster? Asks Anne. She tosses her the food bag and Dahlia catches it. Dahlia opens it and notices that Annes key ring is in there. She eats a fry and takes out the key ring with Anne isn’t looking. She repeats that she knows nothing about her sister.

Oh, you remember her, says Anne. Dahlia had been walking down the street and was approached by a homeless woman who got too close, Dahlia shoved her and the woman fell into the street and was hit by a car and was taken to the hospital.

Dahlia now knows what this is about. She defends her actions. The woman was coming at her, she had a right to defend herself! She’s entitled to feel safe on the streets!

And where was Anne? Why wasn’t she helping her sister? Why was her sister on the street? Maybe Anne is the one who is responsible here. Dahlia rubs it in a bit. Get off your high horse and let me go.

Anne goes on the defensive herself, she should die for your entitlement? It stinks in here! You live like a pig! Push that pail this way.

Dahlia refuses. Anne is a monster, treating her like this. This like a concentration camp! She threatens to throw the contents of the pail at Anne. Anne tells her to do that if she wants to live in filth, go ahead. She’ll leave her down there in the filth a few more days. Dahlia backs down and pushes the pail toward Anne.

Anne goes to the basement restroom to deal with the pail. Dahlia unchains herself. Anne comes back in and puts the pail just out of reach, with a smile, along with a toilet paper roll. She turns to the counter and touches a white cannister of something.

Dahlia attacks Anne while her back is turned. They fight. Dahlia grabs the cannister and hits Anne with it. The cannister drops, rolls over to the mattress, and starts leaking gas. We see that the cannister has poison symbols all over it. They stop fighting and look at it.

Anne tells Dahlia that that’s that. They are both goners. She hands Dahlia a water bottle and takes one for herself and goes over to sit on the mattress. After a moment Dahlia joins her.

Anne tells Dahlia that Janet died today. The both drink water.

Dahlia admits that she remembers the incident. That Janet had scared her, in more ways than one, and that all she wanted was for Janet to go away, forever. That she was scared of homeless people because they represented her own fear of being helpless and homeless.

They both slowly keel over due to the gas.

After a moment, Anne looks up to stare at the dead Dahlia who is still holding the water bottle.

Anne reaches over and removes the stickers on the cannister, it was just oxygen.

Seeing her keys laying there, she takes them and puts them in a pocket after removing a plastic bag.

She reaches over and carefully taking the water bottle out of Dahlia’s hands and puts it in the bag.

She says “thank you for your honesty.”

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What I learned was that if I get really creative with the nightmares I can write an exciting scene that moves the story forward.

[William Whelan]

William Whelan: Challenging Situations

Scene1:

Logline: Grady explains that skinny dipping is totally permissible at the swimming hole after Betty states she did not pack a swimsuit. Jim chokes on the iced tea he is drinking and spits some out in front of him.

Essence: Grady explains the lifestyle at the Artist retreat is totally uninhibited.

Brainstorm:

n Jim tells Betty they will go immediately to the store to buy her a swimsuit.

n Jim tells Betty she cannot swim at the swimming hole since it is probably polluted.

n Jim loses his temper and tells his father that the mores at the Artist retreat are unacceptable.

n Jim spits his drink out and it lands on Grady’s face and neck.

Summary: Jim spits his drink out landing on Grady’s face and neck. Grady accuses Jim of doing it on purpose despite his protestations that it was an accident. Betty becomes very upset with her father’s actions.

Scene 2:

Logline: Lance distributes CBD gummies for pain relief. Jim forbids Betty from taking a gummie for her discomfort since she is underage. Margaret says she wants a gummie for her discomfort and that she is overage.

Essence: Margaret pushes back against Jim for denying Betty pain relief.

Brainstorm:

n Jim berates Margaret for setting a bad example for their daughter.

n Jim states that he cannot abide by the drug culture at the Artist retreat and that they are leaving.

n Jim tells Lance to put the gummies away and sit down.

n Jim grabs the bottle of gummies from Lance.

Summary: Jim grabs the bottle of gummies resulting in a hand tussle between him and Lance. Lance pulls the bottle from Jim’s grip and the bottle goes flying across the patio.

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to increase action and conflict in my scenes.