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Lesson 12
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22 Replies
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Megan Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is… at first, when I saw the assignment was to finish the rest of Act 1, it sounded like a tall order. I had at least four unwritten scenes left in Act 1 and previous to this point, the most I had completed was two scenes in a day. However, I found that writing these connecting scenes did not take nearly as much time as writing the key scenes did. I just stuck to the beat sheet, outlined, and drafted. It’s so simple that I found myself wondering why I’ve rarely used this process in the past to get screenplays completed.
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Wendy’s Finished Act One.
What I learned from this lesson is that I needed to fit the theme in to page 5 and it was hard. I feel there should be more explanation, to the flip in the scene jumping back in forth, but it is my first draft , so it is a work in progress. I am very happy it is turning out the way it is. It is sooo hard not to wordsmith at this point.
THE RING:
STORY LINE: A divorced mother of three children comes home one day after work only to find out that her children have been kidnapped by their father and the Krensha mob during their summer visit with him. The father has a bad gambling habit and has lost a substantial amount of money in trying to cover his losses, he embezzles money at work from a dormant account not knowing that it belongs to the Krensha mob.
The Krensha finds out and threatens him to get the money back as is roughed up by two thugs. As they digs through his wallet they find a picture of his ex-wife and their children. One of the thugs recognizes her and the missing ring that belongs to the boss that holds the information to the foreign bank vault of the mob. Michele must now return to her former hidden life as an FBI agent to save her children from the mob.
EXT. MICHELE’S COUNTRY HOME – LATE EVENING
MICHELE DUNN, early 40’s, deadly beautiful and beyond bougie, regardless of her living choices. She gets out of her 3/4-ton truck with a couple of grocery bags and her expensive hand bag.
INT. MICHELE HOUSE KITCHEN – EVENING
Michele sets the bags down and puts her phone on speaker setting it onto the counter and listens to her messages. Michele begins to put the groceries away.
CAROL (V.O.)
Hi Lisa, it’s just me calling you to remind you that it is our movie night tonight. I hope you didn’t forget the popcorn.
MICHELE
Right here.
CAROL (V.O.)
And I do hope you picked a comedy. I am NOT in the mood for drama or excitement tonight.
MICHELE
(surprised, apologetic)
Oh my gosh! I forgot it was my turn to get the movie!
CAROL (V.O.)
Well, I should be there about 7, See you then. Bye.
Looks at her WATCH {6:48}
MICHELE
Oh great, it is almost seven now. It looks like an out movie tonight.
Michele continues to put away the groceries.
PHONE
(beeps)
You have one new message from A.H.
She rolls her EYES at the phone.
Michele opens the CUPBOARD DOOR and puts an item away. Without closing it she bends down to put something else away.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy?
MICHELE
(surprised)
Oh, Hi sweetheart.
MEGAN (V.O.)
Mommy, Daddy told us you died yesterday,
Michele stands up in surprise and hits her head on the cupboard door.
MICHELE
(surprised and questioning with disbelief)
What??!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Is that true? Daddy says our house caught fire and he didn’t want to have us sad so we are gonna’ go live somewhere else.
MICHELE
(stunned, whispering)
NO!
MEGAN (V.O.)
Daddy’s friend says he is going to take us to hear the monster song to lift our spirits. What’s a spirit mommy?…. Well, I guess daddy was telling the truth or you would be home from work now. I love you, mommy… bye.
MICHELE
(voice escalating)
NO NO NO NO!!!!
She stops and listens and hears a ticking sound coming from the OVEN and she looks closer inside where there is a silhouette of a bomb with a blinking light.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
NO!!!
EXT. COUNTRY HOUSE – EVENING
Michele’s friend CAROL CAMP has just pulled up to the house in her CAR. Michele scrambles to get in.
MICHELE
(great urgency and distress)
We have to get out of here! GO GO GO….. NOW, Carol, NOW!
Carol is stunned but speeds off SHOT of house in the distance exploding.
CAROL
Oh my gosh! Please don’t tell me that was the electrical problem you told me about.
Michele stares intently into the distance with a set determined look on her face.
MICHELE
(low toned, almost a growl)
I need to borrow your car tomorrow.
CAROL
(confused)
Um, Yeah… sure. You’re not going to blow my car up too, are you?
INT. FBI OFFICE – NEXT MORNING
INT. FBI OFFICE RECEPTIONIST’S DESK – DAY
Michele is in the middle of a conversation with the RECEPTIONIST.
MICHELE
I don’t think you understand, they blew up my house I have to talk to someone immediately!
RECEPTIONIST
Ma’am, did you go to the police and file a report?
MICHELE
That is the exact part you are not grasping. They need to think I’m dead!
Just then DEAN SHERR, mid 40’s, tall, slender medium build. his face is set in anger and it appears to be like that permanently, enters the lobby. His walk is hurried but meaningful. His mind is cluttered and his eyes seem to look right through people.
DEAN
(to the receptionist)
Can I help you?
RECEPTIONIST
She……
MICHELE
Save it!
Michele holds out her HAND to the receptionist in a “STOP” fashion.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
Sir, my name is Lisa Edmonson, my kids have been kidnapped by the Krensha and they blew up my house trying to kill me.
DEAN
Oookayy, this should be interesting. Follow me, this way.
MICHELE
Fine.
INT. MR. KREN’S HOME – DAY
Joel paces as he talks.
JOEL
Are you sure she is not dead?
MR. KREN
Yes, but now she is too weak, she will never beat us this time.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
Dean’s office is small and compact. His desk has a few folders and typical desk top items all in neat arrangement. Dean has OCD quirks.
Dean sits and begins to work on some papers while talking without looking up.
DEAN
Please, start from the beginning.
MICHELE
(deep breath)
I received a phone call from my daughter stating that my ex-husband has taken them and is moving somewhere else with them, and she thinks I am dead…
DEAN
So if your daughter thinks that you are dead… then why did she call and who are THEY?
Dean briefly glances up at Michele.
MICHELE
THEY would be my children and my daughter is only 5, she doesn’t quite understand.
DEAN
(snorting)
She is not the only one.
MICHELE
If you would just listen!
DEAN
So tell me why you didn’t go to the police?
MICHELE
They have to think I am dead, or I don’t stand a chance of getting my kids back!
DEAN
Who has to think you are dead, the police or your children?
Michele stands.
MICHELE
The Krensha, you idiot!!
Dean finally looks up from his paperwork. As he talks, he leans back in his chair.
DEAN
You want me to believe that the mob has taken your children, and now they are trying to kill you.
(smirking with a “whatever” attitude)
And just why is all this happening?
MICHELE
FIRST off, my husband has my kids and is being held by the mob, and SECOND, my real name is Michele, I used to be an…….
Dean throws pen down, stands, puts hand on hip and gestures with the other hand.
DEAN
(interrupting)
Hold it right there, NOW you are telling me that you are someone else. Lady, I think what you need right now is a strait jacket and a good psychiatrist!
Enter MR. EDWARD HENDERSON a man in his late 50’s, medium height, pot belly, stern face calloused by the years, very distinguished business appearance.
EDWARD
What is going on here Dean?
DEAN
Mr. Henderson….
MICHELE
(interrupting Dean)
Edward!
DEAN
You know this lunatic?
Edward holds out arms to hug Michele. They embrace with warmth and affection. Dean is completely astounded. Michele starts to cry.
EDWARD
I thought that was your voice I heard!
MICHELE
They have my kids.
EDWARD
I’m sorry.
(beat)
Come with me, I have something for you.
Edward walks down the hall towards his office, practically dragging Michele behind.
EDWARD (CONT’D)
You too Dean, my office, NOW!
DEAN
WHAT?!
INT. EDWARD’S OFFICE – DAY
The office is large, spacious, with lavish decor. Anyone can see that this corner office is of great importance. The large WINDOWS have a great view of the city skyline.
DEAN
Would someone like to tell me what is going on here??
Michele and Edward talk as if Dean does not exist. Michele’s tears are drying up.
MICHELE
Well, I see you got quite the promotion.
EDWARD
You know this office would belong to you if you hadn’t left. But… because I was your partner through the bust…. I was next in line for the promotion.
DEAN
What bust?
Edward retrieves a locked box from the bottom drawer, talks as he fumbles for the key and opens the box, treating it as if it were precious jewels.
EDWARD
(to Dean)
Thirteen years ago, Michele and I were partners, and together we took out most of the Krensha.
DEAN
You mean to tell me that she …. she is the one who…
(beat)
But this can’t be possible.
MICHELE
And just why not?
DEAN
Because….
MICHELE
Because I am a girl, or just that I’m not an ugly, nerdy girl, and not your idea of an FBI agent.
DEAN
Well..
MICHELE
Ugh! You are a male chauvinist!
DEAN
(backpedaling)
No.. I..
Edward hands Michele the opened box. Michele stares intently as if she has seen a loved one come back to life.
MICHELE
Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you kept all this stuff. And my resignation papers
(beat)
You never turned them in!
EDWARD
I kinda’ did. Look closely at the papers. I sent you on a special assignment… to Turkey.
Michele squints in an effort to focus.
DEAN
TURKEY?
EDWARD
Dean? Do you have something to add?
Dean motions a sarcastic “no”
EDWARD (CONT’D)
Michele, I knew you would be back someday. Frankly, I’m glad to have you back where you belong. I know that with the two of you as partners this whole mess about your children will get solved quickly.
MICHELE
WHAT!? Him as my partner?!… Never!…. He can’t help me find my kids; I’m surprised he can find his way to work every day.
DEAN
HEY!!
EDWARD
Then it is settled. You two will make a fine team.
DEAN AND MICHELE
WHAT???!
DEAN
Why me?
MICHELE
Yeah, why HIM!
EDWARD
Dean, you picked up where she left off, you are up to date with the most information and… quite frankly YOU need her expertise on this matter.
DEAN
What expertise?
EDWARD
SHE has already taken them down once, which is something you have failed to do so far.
DEAN
No, there are regulations against this.
EDWARD
And they would be?
DEAN
Well… department members cannot work on personal issues.
EDWARD
You may have a valid point.
(stares out the window and points at it)
Out there she is known as Lisa Edmonson.
(gestures to inside of building)
In here her real identity is Michele Dunn. Two different people entirely, and if you have a problem with it there is a special assignment needing to be filled …
(voice escalating)
In Turkey, where she just came from! GOT IT!
DEAN
(deflated)
Yes sir.
EDWARD
Both of you sit. Now Michele, tell me what you know.
DEAN
(under his breath)
This should be rich.
Michele carefully thinks about each event before answering.
MICHELE
My kids were at their fathers for the summer break… There was a phone call from my daughter, she left a strange message… she said that they were moving somewhere else to lift their spirits, because I was dead…. Then I saw the bomb and ran. She did say…
Michele excited, sits up straight in her chair and almost falls out.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
That they were going to go…
Michele’s eyes become full of thought, and it almost seems as if she has mentally left the room.
EDWARD
And that means… where?
Michele’s eyes widen with glee.
MICHELE
Yes, YES, that’s it! The monster song!
DEAN
Goody, we get to sing a song.
MICHELE
Its not just a song.
DEAN
Oh, so we are going to be chasing monsters?
MICHELE
No, No, NO! What I mean is Trout Fishing In America…
DEAN
(interrupting)
Perfect. First we are singing, then chasing monsters, now we are going fishing. What next… a safari?
MICHELE
No. You must lead a sheltered life. It’s a band.
DEAN
The monsters are a band?
MICHELE
Nooo. Trout Fishing in America is the band.
DEAN
A band of what?
MICHELE
Musical, you know instruments, singing, the usual kind of band things.
DEAN
Singing fish?
MICHELE
Humans!
(to Edward)
Look, my ex may be an idiot, but I don’t think that he would have told the kids that they were going to see them and not go through with it.
EDWARD
So what you are saying is that if we find this band we will find your children.
MICHELE
Yes, but I’m afraid that it is not as simple as it seems.
EDWARD
Why is that?
MICHELE
Finding them is not the problem, the problem is keeping up with them and not being caught.
DEAN
Hey, I’ve got it! We will just be groupies. I know that I have waited my whole life for this kind of opportunity to become a roadie.
Michele and Edward glance at each other with surprising interest, then together they look at Dean.
DEAN (CONT’D)
Aw, common. You don’t think that I was being serious… do You?
TWO DAYS EARLIER
INT. PARKING GARAGE – NIGHT
Few scattered cars, it is easy to tell that it is long past normal working hours. JOEL EDMONSON, 44 yo, a slender normal white-collar worker, somewhat G.Q., but not quite there. He is walking in a scurry to his car with his head down as if someone is following him and raises his head just in time to see two unknown ORIENTAL MEN dressed in business suits attempting to open the drivers side door of his expensive sports car.
JOEL
Hey guys, uh, excuse me but this is my car!
THUG 1
Is that so? Well, I think it belongs to me now.
JOEL
And just why would you think that?
THUG 1
It seems you own my boss a lot of money.
JOEL
I don’t know you and I don’t know your boss, so if you will excuse me…
Scuffle: THUG ONE punches Joel in the stomach causing him to hunch over in pain. THUG TWO raises his knee to Joel’s face giving him a bloody nose. Thug Two grabs Joel’s WALLET from his pocket.
THUG 1
Didn’t you ever learn that it is not nice to steal form other people? I ought to tell your boss about your little embezzlement problem.
JOEL
But how did you ….?
Thug one sends another blow to the stomach.
JOEL (CONT’D)
Offff…owwwh!
Thug two searches through Joel’s wallet finds a PICTURE of Michele and her 3 kids, JOHN EDMONSON, 11 YO, PAUL EDMONSON, 8 YO and MEGAN EDMONSON, 5 YO. Turns to show it to Thug One.
THUG 2
Hey, look at this.
THUG 1
You know who she is don’t you?
THUG 2
(puzzled)
She looks familiar.
THUG 1
She should!
(Voice growing in anger)
She killed out uncle and took the information to the bank vault. See the ring?
The thug one holds up Joel’s head up by the hair and pushes the picture into his face. We see the picture and Michele has a RING on her thumb that resembles a wedding ring.
THUG 1 (CONT’D)
Buddy, forget the money… WHERE IS THE GIRL?!?
INT. MR. KREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Joel is seen in the shadows of the bedroom as he tucks in the kids, then quietly closes the door on the way out of the room. The Thugs are waiting in the living area for him.
JOEL
Is she dead yet?
THUG 1
We haven’t found the body yet, but she could not have of survived.
JOEL
I’m still tellin’ ya… you’ve Got the wrong person. She was never an FBI agent.
EXT. STUDIO PARKING LOT – EVENING
Agent tells the band that Michele is to be their driver but hides that she is FBI.
EXT. PARKING LOT OF TROUT FISHING IN AMERICA’S RECORDING STUDIO EULESS, TEXAS – EVENING
KEITH AND EZRA, (the only two that make up the band) are protesting the idea of a driver to their manager, DICK SHUMACKER, late 50’s, is the typical agent type, snappy casual apparel, cares deeply for the guys.
.
Michele, on the other side of the TOUR BUS, wearing a T-shirt, blue jeans, baseball cap, and shoes that have a metallic glimmer to them, refusing to give up some of her glamorous life.
Michele looks longingly at her hands where her nails and rings used to be. The wedding ring is the only reminder that remains. She pats her neck in disgust that there is not a diamond there either.
With a deep sigh she pulls out a makeup mirror out of her large no name purse and stares at her face. Touching her cheek and begins to cry.
KEITH
(Angrily pleading)
But we don’t need anyone to drive for us.
KEITH GRIMWOOD, 5’ 5”, husky build, reddish brown curly hair, rosy cheeks giving the impression that he smiles a lot but is grumpy about the current situation. His voice is distinct with an almost slight crackle. His selection of clothes alludes to nothing short of being at a Jimmy Buffet concert.
DICK
(looking at ground)
Look, you have a very heavy schedule ahead of you for the nest few weeks and I don’t feel comfortable without a driver.
DICK SHUMACKER, Late 50’s, is the typical agent type, snappy casual apparel, cares deeply for the guys.
EZRA
But why a, a, a, her?
EZRA IDLET, Mid 30’s, 6’8” his body frame is large but he is not overweight. His long truly blond hair would cause one to assume he is a constantly happy person with a child like take on the world lost in thoughts of tree houses and clouds, until duty calls upon him to be the man that he is, totally content with being a grown up kid.
KEITH
Yeah, she is a her. Our wives are going to kill us.
DICK
I’ve been through all of this with the two of you. There is no other option.
Dick turns away, he can’t argue any more, he knows that they are right, but he also knows that this must be the way it is.
Michele hops into the van with boldness like a new fighter pilot on their first mission. Keith and Ezra draggingly follow. After they are seated and belted, they look at Michele with anger and anxiousness. Michele, usually having fun with life, decided to try and break the ice of the vexing stare.
INT. TOUR BUS – EVENING
MICHELE
So’wha how do you start this thing?
Keith leaning out the window trying to catch Dick’s attention as he slowly makes his way back into the building, his shoulders are slumped as if he has just sent his only child off to war.
KEITH
Renko!
Dick picks up his head as if to turn around but doesn’t.
MICHELE
(Rolling eyes)
Gosh, I was just kidding.
As Michele starts the van, as it begins to drive away, a serene , mischievous smile brightens her face.
MICHELE (CONT’D)
So, on to Texas.
KEITH
Right, no, wait… we are in Texas.
MICHELE
Okay, then it is onto San Antonio.
KEITH
YES.
Michele, looks at the controls and can’t find the parking brake. Closing her eyes she grabs a lever and pulling it the bus begins to roll.
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Kevin’s finished Act I
What I learned doing this assignment is that moving through the story, sections reveal themselves and scenes get richer and even flow in their own directions as you move toward the end scenes. You can even build in callbacks while filling in earlier scenes that aren’t part of the key scenes we wrote first.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – NIGHT
BRUCE WAYNE, 62, sits in a comfortable easy chair, beer in hand, chips strewn about, eating a NY slice of pizza. He is 80 pounds overweight in a T-shirt and shorts, looking more like Archie Bunker than Batman.
An NFL game is on the wall sized television in front of him. He tosses a handful of chips at the screen.
BRUCE
Damn it, catch the fucking ball! You have hands, not flippers, what are you, a penguin?!
He grabs a dart from a box full of then on a side table and squints at the wall to his left. It’s full of news articles of past villains he has defeated. He chugs his beer.
He takes aim at the article with a photo of Penguin on it and flings the dart. It misses wildly and lands amongst the plethora of other darts scattered across the wall.
BRUCE
Fuck you too. Rot in hell with the other cockroaches!
EXT. PLAYGROUND PAGODA – DAY
THE JOKER, 65, too thin, is in typical clown gear, clearly drunk, moping about trying to scare the children who are running around him. The theme of the party is super heroes. The Children are all capes and logos.
JOKER
Come here you little Bat!
He swipes at a mini Batman, who evades his grasp and punches at the bells on his tunic, setting them jingling.
JOKER
I’ll get you next time, just wait!
He sticks out his foot and trips a Green Lantern who is trailing… he lets out a cackle. Wonder Woman whips at his head and pulls off the green wig atop his balding head.
JOKER
You little cowards! Come here, I’ll make you pay for that!
He falls awkwardly, his jester’s stick locking itself between his legs as he falls, causing him to double up in pain. The children laugh and mock him.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY
Bruce is asleep in his chair, debris littering his chest and the room. ALI, 27, buff and beautiful walks in softly, the only light the television on a streaming landing screen.
ALI
Sir? Mr. Wayne?
Bruce is in a food and drink coma. She flips a switch on the wall. Gentle cinema lighting slowly fades in.
ALI (CONT’D)
Mr. Wayne? Are you awake?
Bruce is unaffected. She gives an irritated look and flips the switch all the way up, harsh lighting floods the room. Bruce doesn’t move.
ALI (CONT’D)
Gluttonous asshole.
She kicks the lever on the side of the recliner and it snaps into position dumping Bruce on the floor. He falls face up and sputters as the drink on his chest is now all over him and has nearly drowned him.
ALI
Oh, Mr. Wayne, you’ve fallen out of your chair. Let me help you.
She rolls him over with her foot so he’s lying face down. He wheezes for air. She walks over him putting her weight on his stomach as she does so. He sputters some more and crawls up to his hands and knees, coughing.
ALI
Are you all right sir? What can I do for you?
BRUCE
Nothing, nothing. What’s going on?
ALI
I don’t know what you mean sir. I was just coming in to inform you it’s nearly noon in case you were interested in starting your day.
BRUCE
Starting what day? What day is it?
ALI
It’s Tuesday sir.
BRUCE
What difference does it make? They’re all the same.
ALI
You do have a board meeting today sir. 2 o’clock. If you start getting ready now you can just make it.
BRUCE
Board meeting? Let Pennyworth take care of it. I won’t be going.
ALI
But sir,
BRUCE
Pennyworth, you hear?! I have to get some rest.
Bruce finally finds his feet, very unsteady, and grabs the back of the chair to steady himself.
ALI
Alfred died several years ago, Mr. Wayne.
BRUCE
What? Oh. Yes. Then the new CFO, what’s his name?
ALI
Her name, sir. Allison.
BRUCE
Right. Her. Let her do it.
ALI
Sir, with all due respect,
BRUCE
If you had any respect, girl, you’d shut up and help me to my bed!
Ali puts her foot on the handle of the chair and pushes down. The chair reclines sending Bruce once again to the floor.
ALI
Are you all right sir? You seem to have fallen again.
BRUCE
Fucking chair, what the fuck? Clean all this up, girl. What do you think I pay you for?
He grabs on to the door frame and pulls himself up. He slinks down the hallway beyond holding on to the walls as he goes. Ali looks after him.
ALI
Running this entire enterprise it seems.
She speaks into her phone.
ALI
Housekeeping.
HOUSEKEEPER
Yes, Miss Pennyworth?
ALI
Please send someone up to the film room. It’s a mess again.
HOUSEKEEPER
Right away ma’am.
ALI
Thank you.
EXT. PLAYGROUND PAGODA – DAY
Joker is lying on the ground, his pants having been pulled down to his ankles, wild polka dotted shorts flin in the wind about his waist.
JOKER
You little shits! I’ll show you how to play tag. Tag this… Oh Batman!
The Batman birthday boy runs over to Joker and kicks him. Joker grabs his leg and pulls him down.
JOKER
Come here kid, I have a special birthday treat for you!
They both get up and the Batman awaits patiently as Joker pulls his pants up, reaches in and pulls out a sucker, handing it to him.
BIRTHDAY BATMAN
Suckers are lame! I want a real candy bar!
JOKER
Sure kid, I have a nice Butterfinger (product placement) here in my bag for you!
He turns and walks over to his bag, reaching in and pulling out a handful of candy bars and dumping them on the picnic table.
BIRTHDAY BATMAN
Oh boy, a Butterfinger!
JOKER
Take your choice, I have all kinds.
Joker stands aside motioning to the pile of candy. Birthday Batman rushes to the table greedily putting a handful in each front pocket of his costume.
Joker pulls a firecracker out from one front pocket and a lighter out of the other. He ignites it and drops it in Birthday Batman’s back pocket just before he turns around. He kicks Joker in the shin and runs off.
JOKER
Happy Birthday!
Joker winces and smiles at the same time, giving out a little cackle. He watches Birthday Batman sprinting across the park as the firecraker blows up propelling the child forward and flat on his face as parents and children are horrified and Joker bursts out in glee.
The Dad comes vaulting toward Joker, who takes an innocent stance and shrugs ‘I dunno’.
JOKER
Don’t look at me, but he did have it coming!
Dad punches him out.
JOKER
Hey, whadid I do? They’ve been harassing me all day!
DAD
I don’t care what they did to you, they’re just little kids. You’re fired asshole!
JOKER
Take it easy.
DAD
And I’m going to be suing you, and the cut rate company you work for, for everything you’re worth!
THE DAD grabs Joker by the britches and collar and throws him through the bushes nearby, into a stream beyond.
JOKER
Hey watch it, you don’t know who you’re messing with. Hey, my gear!
DAD
I hope it hits you in the ass on your way out!
He grabs the bad and hurls it over the hedges, nearly hitting Joker, who is trying to fight the current of the stream. He lunges for the bag and goes in head first.
JOKER
Break out of jail to go straight for this? Fuck ‘em all. I’m done with this shit.
He drags himself out and slinks off, drown rat that his is, to a beaten down car.
INT. JOKER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Joker gets out of the shower and puts on a robe. he goes to his fridge that only contains Celcius. He grabs one as the news comes on the television.
COMMISSIONER PARSONS
As the new commissioner of police, I am proud of the work done by the previous administration, building on the famous Commissioner Gordon and the legendary Batman, in cleaning up this city and making it a shining example of law and order.
Joker tosses the can through the television set. He grabs a big gun from a drawer and begins shooting.
JOKER
You motherfuckers! Law and order my ass, meet crime and punishment!
He shoots the television and then takes aim at anything he can see that looks like a target. A muffled voice ring out.
VOICE
What the hell is going on? Is that gunfire? Stop that right now or I’m calling the police!
JOKER
Fuck you! Meet Disaster and Chaos!
He turns the gun on the walls and shoots up the entire apartment. Screaming rings out in all directions and bullets tear up sheetrock, explode windows, and ricochet off of stovetop and refrigerator.
He puts the gun to his head and winces, but cant do it.
JOKER
One last dance, Bat. You and me. Only this time you’re breaking that one rule of yours!
He opens his laptop, lying at his feet, the only thing spared the carnage. He searches Daycare facilities, chooses one randomly and heads out, grabbing a bag from his closet,, riddled with bullet holes.
JOKER
Welcome back to the good old days, Gotham! Joker is back in town!
He Crashes through the broken window onto the fire escape, laughing maniacally, climbing toward the roof as sirens fill the air.
EXT. DAYCARE CENTER ONE – DAY
The Center is full of PLAYING CHILDREN. A DAY CARE WORKER kneels down to help one of the little ones tie their shoe. The Joker walks out the front door with a gleam in his eye and a wry smile on his face.
JOKER
And so the cat pounces on the little bat and squeezes til it hurts!
He reaches into his pants and grabs his crotch. He squeezes wincing as he lets go. He does a little shake and pulls out a detonator in his hand.
JOKER
Boom!
He cackles with glee as his thumb presses down on the red button. He starts counting down from 10. When he gets to two the facility explodes behind him with a force that catapults him forward knocking him unconscious.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY
A television blares footage of the destroyed facility with sirens blazing and chaos in the background. Bruce lies in bed passed out. Ali races into the room and kicks Bruce in the head.
ALI
Wayne! Get the hell up, now!
Bruce grabs his head in pain not sure what from, hung over and blurry.
BRUCE
What the hell?
Ali points to the screen covering the wall opposite the bed. A news anchor is in tears.
NEWS ANCHOR
Dozens of innocent children were killed along with three day care employees. The message scrawled across the roof reads Batman did this!
BRUCE
What the fuck?
NEWS ANCHOR
Authorities say they are waiting for Batman, after decades out of sight, to respond or reach out.
BRUCE
What’s going on, Ali?
ALI
Someone destroyed that daycare in your name.
BRUCE
I didn’t do it.
ALI
No shit, you couldn’t tie your shoes.
BRUCE
That’s not nice.
ALI
We don’t have time for nice. You need to find out what’s going on, and who’s behind this!
BRUCE
On it.
Bruce tries to get out of bed but his feet and head dont cooperate and he falls to the floor.
ALI
Oh for God’s sake.
She helps him to his feet. As he stands he’s in a dead stare with the charred remains of small children and stuffed animals. Ali breaks down in tears, he sinks to his knees, devastated and joins her.
The screen suddenly goes blank and a beeping sound emits. Then an image of The Joker appears in the center of the screen.
JOKER
Good morning, Gotham. Or rather good mourning. Sadly I’ve been away on a decades long sabatical, but guess what? I’m back, baby!
BRUCE
Of course it’s you.
JOKER
Sadly, The Batman has also decided to retire and leave you all subject to the criminal element. Sadly, they have no vision, but I’m here to enlighten them!
BRUCE
Where did you crawl out from?
JOKER
I’ve been trying to reach the rodent hero for weeks now, but all I’ve gotten is a cold shoulder, so I decided to heat things up. Hot enough for you now, Batman?
BRUCE
I’m going to extinguish you!
JOKER
You have 48 hours to show yourself and be man enough take responsibility before the next one goes up in flames! I’ll be waiting for your rsvp.
Joker cackles as an envelope pops open on the screen with an image of a mini Batman, the birthday boy we saw earlier, being drawn and quartered, then his torso flying forward to fill the screen blacking it out and cutting back to the reporter, who stares blankly at the camera.
Bruce stares blankly ahead, the falls backward onto the floor, Ali still sobbing, looks down on him.
INT. JOKER’S LAIR – DAY
Joker is in an all out hysterical state, laughing gleefully and dancing around his apartment, now cluttered with bomb making materials and stacks of cash.
JOKER
Batman, Batman, where are you? Come and get me!
The television in the background shows footage of the daycare smouldering and reporters watching as rescuers comb through the debris looking for survivors.
REPORTER
Still no word from Batman as the city and its officials wait and wonder.
The camera cuts to the police commissioner.
COMMISSIONER PARSONS
This is a tragedy of epic proportion the likes of which the city hasn’t known in decades. Batman, if you are watching, the phone lines are jammed. We urge you to contact us, in person if necessary.
INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY
Bruce is on a treadmill walking slowly as sweat pours down his face onto his drenched t-shirt. The television is on the wall in front of him.
COMMISSIONER PARSONS
To the public, please free the emergency lines unless you have a genuine emergency, we are giving you information as soon as we know what’s happening. Please don’t add to the chaos in the streets by calling 911 for non-emergencies.
Ali walks in with a shake in one hand and a syringe in the other. She hands Bruce the shake. He takes a drink and spits it out.
BRUCE
What is that?!
ALI
It’s a weight loss protein shake. It won’t work miracles, but it won’t hurt!
BRUCE
Tell that to my taste buds.
She sticks the syringe in his arm and injects.
BRUCE
Ouch! What the hell, and watch it!
ALI
What the hell is vitamins and a special formula to kick your ass. And I meant for it to hurt!
BRUCE
Careful not to bite the hand that feeds you!
ALI
Hah! If uncle Alfred were here, he’d have kicked your ass!
BRUCE
Huh. Probably right.
ALI
You know I am. If I had any balls I’d do it right now.
BRUCE
Well, thank God you don’t. Besides, that isn’t going to motivate me any more than I already am.
ALI
Then let’s get to work, shall we? What’s the plan?
BRUCE
I think we wait. Get me back into fighting shape, as much as possible. He said 48 hours, so we wait until the 47th hour and lead him in a new direction. Take the lead and not fall into his trap.
ALI
Fighting shape? In 48 hours? It took 480 months to degenerate into this. You couldn’t get into pear shape by then.
The television glitches into static and begins playing circus music. Joker appears on the screen once again.
JOKER
Boring, boring, boring. I’m so tired of all this talking, saying the same thing over and over… blah, blah, blah! Let’s ratchet up the action! Now the timer is set for tomorrow at noon. If we don’t have a Batman sighting, explaining his lack of compassion and action there will be another little cataclysm and this time it won’t be such child’s play… come on Batman, come on out of the cave and fly to the rescue, or little birdies everywhere will fall from the sky!
ALI
What does he mean by that?
BRUCE
Airlines. Call up the Air Traffic server.
Bruce hits a button on the treadmill stopping it and tries to vault over the side, feeling his old motivation. His new physique however doesn’t cooperate and he just smashes into the side taking the entire machine over with him.
-
Rita’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment:
- Call backs and foreshadowing are showing up on their own.
- Unknown reasons, like, “why is there a character called Crater?” will reveal themselves at the perfect structural moments.
FADE IN:
INT. UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM – MORNING
Tiered lecture hall is packed. Students sit awake and engaged. Several hands raise.
DAWN (30s) a breezy and understated pretty professor, turns toward her rapt audience. Small but in charge of her familiar environment. She points to STUDIOUS GIRL in the front row.
STUDIOUS GIRL
What will you be reading this summer Ms Dawn?
Several students get their pens ready for a hefty list.
DAWN
To tell you the truth, I think I might give my brain a break. Maybe do some home improvements.
Studious Girl’s pen drops in disappointment.
ZAK (20) who looks more like a surfer than a psychology student, volunteers.
ZAK
Need any help? I’m good with a paintbrush. And a hammer.
SMARTASS in the back pipes up.
SMARTASS
Good at getting hammered.
Chuckles from most seats. Studious Girl rolls her eyes.
Dawn ignores all of it.
DAWN
Just remember, the most important aspect for mental health is honesty and engagement. Find your passions and spend your summer pursuing them.
(directed at Zak)
Whatever they are.
Zak shoots her back a thumbs up and a nod.
DAWN
See you next semester!
The class files out but Zak barrels down the steps toward her like a happy puppy.
INT. PAINT STORE – MORNING
Dawn slides fabric swatches across the counter. Dark blue, light blue and other blues.
FRANK, the store manager (50s) looks at her with magnified eyes through thick glasses. Even he can see that she might need a little variety in her life.
FRANK
Do you maybe want a warm accent?
DAWN
I have it all planned.
(points to one swatch)
Just a quart of this one.
Frank waves the swatches at his clerk with a look while Dawn browses the painter’s pants.
FRANK
(to clerk)
The psychology professor looks like she wants to be depressed.
DAWN
Can I try these on? Might as well look the part, right?
Dawn heads for…
INT. PAINT STORE BATHROOM – DAY
Dawn admires the fit. Turns and twists to see the back view.
DAWN
Not bad. Maybe I’m a closet blue collar girl.
She flings the yoga pants she wore in over her shoulder.
MUFFLED VOICES pass through the closed door. Friendly banter of working men.
Dawn wrestles with the stuck door to get out.
INT. PAINT STORE – MORNING
A tall, sturdy man, TOM ABERNATHY (40s) whose wardrobe says construction wear model, slaps Frank on the back. They both laugh. He turns the noise.
Rattles from the bathroom door gets louder.
Tom steps up to the rescue.
Dawn frees herself and tumbles out, just as Tom reaches the door. He wears a collared shirt with a contractor’s logo. Astute, he eyes Dawn looking good in her painter’s whites.
Dawn registers the presence of testosterone and quickly shoves her sweat pants into her bag.
TOM
You’re new. Are you holding out on me, Frank?
FRANK
No, I… she just —
Dawn nervously moves past Tom. He follows as she grabs random tools and some tape. Slaps them down on the counter.
Adds a can of turpentine to look cool.
FRANK
I don’t think you’re gonna need —
Dawn moves in to pay.
Frank shrugs and loads her purchases into a box.
TOM
My painter just bailed on me. Are you reliable?
DAWN
Me? Of course, I work over at the Allen State.
TOM
You won that bid? Wow, good for you. They’re doing a lot of renovation over there this summer.
Frank opens his mouth to interject but Zak charges through the door. His painter’s whites are already smeared with various colors.
ZAK
Sorry I’m late!
TOM
(to Dawn)
Typical, am I right? Just be glad he showed up.
DAWN
Yeah, I know what you mean. But Zak’s always comes through.
Zak beams. At everybody.
ZAK
Are these yours? I’ll load ’em up.
He takes paint cans out to her car.
TOM
Maybe I can come by and see your work. I a have new house that’s about ready for finish work.
He hands her a card.
TOM
What’s your schedule look like?
DAWN
I um…
FRANK
No, she works at the college.
TOM
Yeah, I bid that job for drywall but Curley got it.
FRANK
No, I mean she —
Dawn cuts him off, offers Tom a handshake.
DAWN
Nice to meet you. I um…
She scans the showroom for what to say next.
Frank puts her blue fabric swatches in a bag for her. A sunrise poster hangs behind the counter.
DAWN
Blue… Dawn… Blue Dawn Painting. That’s me.
Frank stands immobilized. Stares at Dawn, dumbfounded.
A quart of blue paint rolls off the counter, hits the floor.
Tom pulls out his phone.
TOM
What’s your number?
(typing)
Blue. Dawn…
Dawn waves his card.
DAWN
I’ll hit you up when I get a break in the schedule.
TOM
Great! We need a new paint company around here. Glad I stopped in. See you later, Frank.
Zak holds the door open for Tom.
ZAK
Have an awesome day, man.
TOM
You too, buddy.
(to Dawn)
This one’s a keeper. Treat him right.
ZAK
I always get an A+ from Ms Dawn.
Tom gives Zak a friendly punch on his way out.
Frank eyes Dawn as he rings up her bill.
FRANK
Are we starting an account here, Blue Dawn?
Dawn doubles over onto the counter.
DAWN
What did I just do?
ZAK
What did you do?
FRANK
You just told the biggest builder in town that you’re a painting company.
ZAK
We are? Cool!
(fist bumps with Frank)
Follow your passion, dude.
FRANK
That sounds about right.
DAWN
Please don’t rat me out.
Frank shakes his head.
FRANK
I’m just here to sell paint.
DAWN
I’ll figure out a way to explain whatever happened here.
FRANK
As far as I know, you have a crew somewhere waiting for you.
ZAK
Nice. Can I be the foreman?
He pulls out his phone and thumbs away.
Dawn hands Tom’s card to Frank.
DAWN
Take it. There’s no way —
Zak slumps in a rare frown as pathetic as a golden retriever waiting for someone, anyone to pick up his ball.
ZAK
Aw, so I’m not a foreman? I already texted my mom.
Dawn snatches the card back.
DAWN
Maybe he’ll see it as endearing.
FRANK
I’ve known Tom a long time. I’ve seen him fire guys for less. Just look at his card.
Zak takes the card from Dawn and reads.
ZAK
“Abernathy Builders. Honesty. Integrity. Passion.” Hey, just like your last lecture!
DAWN
Great. Perfect. I blew it. Give me that!
She shoves the card in her stiff new, white painter’s pocket and stomps out. Zak follows, loyal companion that he is or hopes to be.
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – DAY
Dawn and her one-man crew, Zak, move furniture away from the walls of her living room.
DAWN
I’ll pay you extra if you promise not to tell any other students what happened. Or where I live.
ZAK
I know lots of teachers who paint houses in the summer for some extra cash. How do you think I know what a five-in-one is?
(or some other tool)
DAWN
I really appreciate your help. I’m not exactly the physical labor type.
ZAK
Yeah, you’re too much in your head.
Dawn leans on the arm of the couch, somewhat menacing.
DAWN
What do you mean, too much?
ZAK
Whoa, don’t take offense. You’re all about intellect whereas I…
(lifts his end of the couch)
Am all about the spiritual.
DAWN
What are you taking my classes for anyway? Aren’t you an art major?
ZAK
Art is a representation of the human condition. What good is art if you don’t know anything about people? For that matter, what good is psychology if you don’t know people?
He gestures around her one-person cottage.
ZAK
No offense.
DAWN
Plenty of offense taken. I know people.
ZAK
Riiiight.
DAWN
Your A+ is looking pretty shaky right about now.
ZAK
I’m just saying, if you don’t mind me saying —
DAWN
It’s highly likely that I do.
ZAK
That construction dude was into you. You didn’t need to pretend you own a painting company. But it’s cool that you do now! I know some guys I can hook you up with. We’ll knock out a few houses this summer and I’ll be able to pay for tuition in the fall after all.
DAWN
After all?
Zak’s demeanor goes dark for just a moment.
ZAK
It’s nothing, just some family stuff. Hang on, I’ll get my gear.
He runs out to his truck.
DAWN
Gear. I don’t have gear. A painting company would have gear.
Zak reappears and unfurls a drop cloth with a flourish.
ZAK
Let’s paint!
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – LATER
Zak rolls the last section of blue onto a previously non-blue wall.
Dawn drops, exhausted, into the couch. She immediately catapults back up, inspects her pants which are now loaded with blue splotches.
DAWN
Shit! Did I just ruin my couch?
ZAK
Never underestimate the necessity of a drop cloth. That’s what my gym teacher always used to say.
Dawn opts for a step ladder to sit and inspect their work.
DAWN
This looks damned good!
ZAK
I told you. Now maybe you’ll believe I’m a no-bullshit kinda dude. Sorry, bull crap. I get a roller in my hand and proper vocab goes out the window.
Dawn waves it off.
DAWN
You’re coming back in the morning, right? What kind of pastries do you like?
Zak sits on a paint can facing her, suddenly all serious.
ZAK
Listen Ms Dawn, I gotta make some serious cash this summer so I can’t —
DAWN
No! You can’t bail on me now.
ZAK
I’m not bailing. I mean, we can actually do this thing.
DAWN
I know! My house will be beautiful.
ZAK
Think bigger. If you can spot the expenses until we get going, after a couple of houses…
(rubs his fingers together)
…we’ll be rolling in it.
DAWN
I don’t follow. What houses?
ZAK
You’ve already got a direct line to the biggest contractor in town.
DAWN
Abernathy? Yeah, I’m not calling him. He’ll think I’m an idiot.
ZAK
Not if we show up with a crew.
DAWN
You and I do not a crew make. I don’t know anyone, as you’ve already pointed out multiple times.
ZAK
But I do. You get your hunky date —
DAWN
Please tell me did not just say hunky.
ZAK
You get a night out with every woman’s rugged hottie dream-man.
DAWN
Until he finds out I’m a liar.
ZAK
That’s just it. I’m gonna make an honest woman out of you.
Dawn flings a paint rag at him.
DAWN
This town runs on rumors and they all start at Allen State. People already whisper about how you always run up to me after class with your little tail wagging.
ZAK
So throw me a bone. You’re teachable, Teach.
Zak FWAPS her pants with his blue-loaded brush.
She returns the favor with the underside of a paint lid right on his butt. A navy-colored circle.
DAWN
More like Blue Moon Painting.
ZAK
Woohoo! We’re open for business.
DAWN
I didn’t say that.
ZAK
You didn’t not say that.
He stacks his tools in a corner, folds the drop cloths.
Dawn rests her chin on her hand. She laughs and raises her t-shirt to wipe blue off her chin.
Zak notices. There’s a womanly shape after all under her shapeless professor wardrobe.
EXT. DAWN’S HOUSE – MORNING
Dawn shuffles out to the curb in slippers and bathrobe dragging the trash bin. Not only shapeless but disheveled.
Quiet morning. She stretches and yawns. Birds chirp until…
A blast of MUSIC increases in volume as it gets closer.
Zak pulls up with a pickup load of ladders, poles, buckets.
He unloads everything almost before he throws it into park. It’s a sudden blur of activity.
ZAK
I figured with a name like Dawn… I would’ve called first but I don’t have your number. Neither does Mr Tom. Not yet anyway.
Dawn hugs her bathrobe closed. Smooths her hair. Drops her glasses. Fumbles around in the grass looking for them.
DAWN
Listen, Zak, I don’t see how —
But he’s already hauling things into the house.
DAWN
Zak, hold on!
INT. DAWN’S HOUSE – MORNING
Dawn finds him in the bedroom moving furniture.
DAWN
Hey, just come on in.
ZAK
We’ve run into a slight set back.
DAWN
Really? I couldn’t tell.
ZAK
None of my usual guys are available. They’re our competition.
DAWN
It’s just as well. You can get a job with them, right?
ZAK
No way. I gave my word. We’re doing this, Blue Dawn. Rule #2, integrity.
He holds up a paint-loaded roller and goes to it.
DAWN
Yeah, we’re doing this.
(gestures at the walls)
But then we go back to reality.
ZAK
You underestimate yourself Ms Dawn.
Dawn straightens up, offended.
DAWN
You’re going to analyze me now?
ZAK
Everybody does, underestimates themselves, I mean. Do you like how your life is going?
DAWN
I love teaching.
ZAK
Teaching isn’t life. It’s temporary people conveyer-belting through. They’re here, then they’re gone.
DAWN
Promise?
ZAK
Is that what you like?
She sits on the bed, then quickly switches to the armchair. There’s a male student in her bedroom for God’s sake!
She stands.
DAWN
I should get dressed.
ZAK
Yeah, get with it Boss Lady.
Dawn can’t help but smile. Boss Lady sounds good.
She grabs her white pants, sighs and drags them to her study.
INT. DAWN’S STUDY – MORNING
It’s really an extra bedroom with a desk. She unfolds her whites and slides one leg in, removes it, wads the pants and throws them in a corner like they’ve done her wrong.
She looks through the closet. Books. Shirts. No pants.
DAWN
This is so insane. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
She grabs the whites again and yanks them on.
DAWN
I was perfectly fine yesterday. Just a normal professor planning her summer. Then some guy changes my whole life? How pathetic is that?
She finds a ratty, old, over-sized shirt. Drags it over her head. Momentum dissipates. She slumps into her computer chair to cry.
DAWN
What is happening?
Tears start. An inordinate amount of bawling.
Zak appears in the doorway, concerned.
ZAK
Whoa, what’s happening?
Dawn pulls it together, wipes her nose.
DAWN
I don’t know! I’m just…
She pretends to look for something in the closet. Far inside.
ZAK
It’s okay to have feelings, you know.
DAWN
I know! I told you that last semester.
ZAK
So, have some.
SILENCE.
Zak sits on the floor next to the closet.
INDISCERNIBLE MUMBLES.
Zak waits.
DAWN
(loud)
I can’t do this, okay?
ZAK
Sure you can. You can do anything.
She crawls far enough to poke her snot covered face out to look at him.
DAWN
Why would you say that?
He hands her a paint rag. She blows her nose.
ZAK
I just feel it.
DAWN
Feel what?
ZAK
How amazing you are.
DAWN
Stop it! Stop lying to me.
She throws the snot-filled rag at his face. He bats it away.
ZAK
Gross. I don’t lie. Neither does Mr Tom.
DAWN
How would you know?
ZAK
You know it too. That’s why we have to do this.
DAWN
I can’t paint houses! I’m a book worm.
ZAK
Listen. When I signed up for your class, I was a mess. I had no self-confidence. I was Mr A-Grade Fuck-up, pardon my French. I only showed up to maybe not kill myself.
Dawn crawls further out of the closet, shocked at this news.
DAWN
I didn’t know. I mean, I saw a change in you, but that’s common at early adulthood.
ZAK
I hoovered up all the reading and then some. But all that academic stuff is missing a big piece.
Dawn’s defenses perk up again.
DAWN
Oh, really?
ZAK
How a person actually feels. Take you for instance.
DAWN
Must we?
ZAK
You’re successful, pretty, smart. You appear to be stable but…
(gestures to her whole being)
You’re in a closet. With a formerly suicidal fuck-up talking you out into the world.
She crawls back in.
SILENCE.
Zak waits.
DAWN
Point taken.
Zak smiles. He holds his fist up toward the closet opening.
Dawn’s fist appears to bump his.
EXT. PRINTER – MORNING
Dawn and Zak stand on the sidewalk and admire their newly printed bling.
DAWN
You did a great job with this logo design!
She holds a colorful BLUE DAWN t-shirt up to her torso.
Zak peels off his ratty shirt and replaces it with a new, creased company T.
ZAK
I feel so official.
DAWN
It’s only one house. ONE. Right?
Scout’s honor from Zak as they walk to the truck.
ZAK
Except, there will be more. Just wait.
Dawn stops.
DAWN
No. There will not be more. You just did the scout’s honor, that’s a promise move.
ZAK
I promise, there will be more.
She slides the box of T’s onto the seat and positions a door magnet with her new business logo.
DAWN
All I have to do is pull the plug as soon as you have your tuition.
Zak goes into his Yoda-R2D2 combo, wise but goofy. He sits on the tailgate, all smiles to hand out cards to each passerby.
ZAK
But you won’t.
Dawn ignores him. backs up to admire the whole enterprise and its new look.
EXT. PAINT STORE – DAY
Dawn reaches for the door just as Abernathy exits. Almost smacks her in the nose.
TOM
Oh gosh, pardon me, ma’am.
Eyeball — “ma’am”? Really? Dawn bows dramatically, lifting a business card above her head.
DAWN
You first, my liege.
He looks at her quizzically but takes the card.
She straightens up, now embarrassed.
DAWN
Liege. Lord. Never mind.
She hurries through the door.
He slides the card in his shirt pocket. He’s got her number.
INT. ABERNATHY’S WORK TRUCK – DAY
Tom types Dawn’s info into his phone and positions her card on the dash. Phone rings.
PHONE: Mom
Tome sighs but picks up, all business.
TOM
Hello.
TOM’S MOM
Hi Tommy. How’s your day going?
TOM
Fine, Mom. What do you need?
TOM’S MOM
Just checking in. Anything new?
Tom eyes Dawn’s card.
TOM
Nope. Same as last week.
TOM’S MOM
What are you working on?
Tom watches Dawn through the store windows. She spies him back then ducks behind some shelving.
TOM
I’m on my way to a job site.
(starts his truck)
I’ll have to talk to you later.
TOM’S MOM
Okay, I just had a feeling you maybe had something —
He hangs up and throws it in reverse.
EXT. BOX STORE – DAY
Dawn and Zak wear their bright new Blue Dawn Painting shirts. They scope out the parking lot like they might be creepers looking to nap a kid.
Dawn grabs Zak’s arm.
DAWN
Over there. That one!
She points to Super-dork Dad-man.
ZAK
Naw, that guy for sure already has a job.
DAWN
Just look at him. He’s oozing desperation. And if he’s got a job, why would he be here in the middle of the day?
They approach him.
EXT. ZAK’S PICKUP – DAY
Super-dork Dad-man, aka HAROLD, sits on the tailgate, a front row seat to the hiring procedure of these two sophisticates.
Zak points out a hoodie wearing, stocky, almost square shaped person due to a mass of muscle.
ZAK
What about that one? He can haul the ladders.
Square-man sheds the hood. Correction Square-girl.
HAROLD
Mind your pronouns, friend.
DAWN
I’ll handle this one.
Dawn approaches and displays her shirt as a means of explanation.
BILLIE, peels off the hoodie to slide on the new shirt. More muscles than Zak and Harold combined.
HAROLD
Whoa.
ZAK
Whoa.
And so it goes until…
EXT. CUSTOMER’S HOUSE – DAY
A crew of four guys and a girl pile out of Zak’s pickup looking highly professional in the whites and company shirts.
Dawn and Zak admire their new employees, feeling accomplished.
DAWN
They look good.
ZAK
(fist bump)
Yeah, man. We did it!
Three of the them wander to the porch and sit in the shade.
Harold admires the gazebo.
DAWN
At least Billie gets the idea.
Billie hefts every tool there is to heft, parades her haul past the men.
BILLIE
Look alive, losers.
The others haul themselves off the steps, because– girl power.
Zak hurls a drop cloth to Harold. It nearly knocks him over but it wakes him out of his super-dork stuper.
Zak rounds up his crew to explain their plan of attack.
DAWN
I guess we’re doing this.
Dawn approaches the front door to alert the homeowner that work is underway.
INT. PAINT STORE – DAY
Abernathy signs a receipt at the counter and chats it up with Frank when Dawn comes in.
Like a pro, she loads up on grids and rollers.
All confidence now, she throws her shoulders back to better display the new Blue Dawn company work shirt. She lays them next to Tom’s drywall mud.
DAWN
How’s it going, Mr Abernathy?
Tom eyes her shirt. Quickly repositions his line of sight away from her chest area. He puts his hand out, for a professional shake, contractor to contractor.
TOM
Glad I ran into you Blue Dawn. I was going to ask you —
An frail GRANDMA struggles to lift a gallon can up to the counter.
Dawn helps her out.
GRANDMA
Thank you so much, my grandson was supposed to meet me here, he’s going to paint my — oh, I like your t-shirt!
Dawn peels off a newly printed card to give to her.
DAWN
If your grandson doesn’t come through, you can call us, we’ll take care of you.
GRANDMA
Blue Dawn, I like it. I think he just lost his job, I told him he had to show up on time.
Tom waits patiently while Dawn gets more work, just by being friendly.
DAWN
(points to Tom)
And, if you need any carpentry done, this would be the man to talk to.
She nudges Tom while the woman pays Frank. Motions to hand out a business card. He snaps to.
Frank chuckles.
GRANDMA
I just might. And you know, my neighbor was talking about painting their house too. It’s so big I think it’s too much for him.
Dawn takes the woman’s paint out to her car, chatting the whole way.
FRANK
Looks like she’s off and running.
Tom nods, mesmerized by white pants, until a bell on the door jingles. He snaps out of it and goes for his mud.
Dawn returns the gaze toward the back side of hunky-contractor-man while she holds the door open for Grandma/new customer.
EXT. CUSTOMER’S HOUSE – DAY
Dawn, all happy, calls to Zak up on an extension ladder.
The others are scraping away on various parts of the house.
DAWN
Come on down. I have good news!
ZAK
Lemme guess. We’ve got more work.
Dawn puts on a pouty frown.
DAWN
Well. Yes. We do.
Zak climbs down and calls out to the crew.
ZAK
Did you hear that guys? Oops sorry, Miss Billie.
BILLIE
Don’t worry about it. I’m the Cool Chick, one of the guys.
ZAK
Cool, Cool Chick. Ms Dawn got some more work for us so let’s get this one knocked out!
The crew nods approval, thumbs up, fist bumps all around.
Harold scrambles up the ladder Zak was on.
HAROLD
We’re on it, Boss Boy.
Half way up, the aluminum starts to wobble like a bridge in an earth quake. He holds on but it won’t stop.
CRATER, (20s) the recovering addict/parolee, tattooed up, with heavy dagger earrings steadies the ladder for Super-dork. (No idea yet why he’s called Crater.)
CRATER
I feel you man. It’s hard to shake the shakes once they get started.
HAROLD
Thank you kindly, sir.
Crater’s eyebrows raise. “Sir” isn’t what he’s usually called.
ZAK
(to Dawn)
You might want to get insurance.
Harold steels his nerves and continues up to the roof’s peak.
Dawn nods a definite yes to that.
DAWN
I’m on it, Boss Boy.
Dawn pulls Zak aside.
DAWN
But don’t get their hopes up, I mean, keep them working but, you know, this isn’t a career path.
ZAK
Don’t worry, Ms Dawn. We’ll take care of what we need to and move on.
DAWN
Good, I’m sure these guys… and gal will all be just as happy to get back to their lives as I will be.
Huge laughter in the crew as TODD (50s) cracks a joke.
ZAK
He’s been at it all day, like this is a comedy club. Keeping us all entertained at no extra cost.
Dawn watches the beehive of activity, mixed with laughter. Her employees.
Across the street is a white, work van with a FOR SALE sign in the window. She steps off the curb to scope it out.
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Alex’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is: I’m happy with these 20%. There is a good flow, I’ve introduced the characters, theme and a basic outline I need and some twists… happy to know I am still missing 80%, yay.
I have a history of always starting from scratch… and restarting again and all the characters change… but hey, this was easier than ever… so LET’S GET ON WITH IT 😉
OUTLINE ACT 1
PAGE ONE
INT. JAIL – DAWN (1854)
BERNHARD MATTER is in his execution cell.
A blinding guardian angel appears.
(It is Oona with the flashlight on cell phone in hand?)
He begs for absolution of his soul.
The executioners come in.
As Bernhard has slipped away, they take the angel… a 17 year old girl… dressed in an oversized white hoodie. Hello Billie Eilish!
EXT. EXECUTION SCAFFOLDING – DAWN
OONA is sitting tied up on the execution chair, the executioner swings his sword.
She looks out to the audience rubbernecking, gasping at her in dismay and excitement.
Act 1
INT. CLASSROOM HISTORY – DAY (2024)
Oona awakens with a scream, struggling. Hoodie over her eyes.
She has fallen asleep on her chair head back drooling.
Wrapped in her laptop and cellphone charging cables.
The class laughs. No one comes to her aid, but watches her unravel herself.
Hot Mess ROSEMARY films it on the phone and posts it.
HOT TEACHER calms class down and wipes black board: History lesson Switzerland Justice Reform: The right for men to vote was introduced in 1848. For women it lasted until 1971.
One of the dudes says: Hot Mess ROSEMARY does ‘Field Research Justice Reform’.
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Oona sees the post of her drooling, is embarrassed. At least it got some likes. She herself has no followers.
Suddenly she sees feet in the stall next to her. Rosemary.
They both silently wash their hands.
Rosemary asks if Oona how it feels to have narcolepsy… does she ever have visions?
Oona does not know why she should trust her.
Rosemary deletes the Insta and apologizes. She admits she is weird too, confides that she pukes and is into weird things: Shows her a teaspoon around her neck she twisted in ESP extra curricular. Says: You have to focus and imagine the sun is shining on it to melt the iron. Oona tries twisting it, but it won’t budge.
Rosemary asks, if Oona wants to film her taming the wild animals?
EXT. YOUTH PRISON LENZBURG – DAY
Rosemary drags Oona up the hill to the prison.
Juvenile delinquents are out in the yard playing soccer.
ALPHA BOY signals gang to fence towards the girls… or better, directly over to cute blonde Rosemary in her short summer dress.
She looks over to Oona: ?? What are you waiting for? Film me on Insta Live! She does.
BETA BOY saunters over to Oona: You’re cruel. I sense under that baggy hoodie you’re hiding a really nice pair of tits – why won’t you let the world see them?
Oona turns bright red. Alpha wants to call Beta off.
But Oona counters: You’re cruel! I sense unter those swooping bangs you’re hiding a few brain cells – why won’t you let the world see them?
To the sound of thunderous laughs from the mates, Oona does a hair flip, an expert booty twerk and sashays away down the hill towards the trees.
From a safe distance, Oona wipes a tear from her cheek with her sleeve, takes out her cell and snaps a few artistic shots of the apes behind the fence drooling over Rosemary.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
From Oona’s Mother Barbara’s room comes angry screaming. Sounds like sex, but it is in fact a patient. Her mother is a guidance counsellor.
Barbara opens the door and mouths ‘There is food in the microwave’.
Rosemary appears behind Oona. Asks Barbara if they can go to her closet? She is taking Oona to the Salsa Club in Aarau.
Barbara is astonished Oona is hanging out with her… but decides to trust her daughter… asks her not to drink… in her condition… and goes back to her patient.
INT. SALSA PARTY IN TOWN – NIGHT
They get out of Rosemary’s car. Oona is wearing a dress from her mother.
Rosemary hits the dance floor, asks Oona to film her.
Takes off with a boy kissing.
The music changes to slow time.
A YOUNG MAN asks Oona to dance. He takes her hand, pulls her towards the dance floor. She is excited, but stumbles over her own feet, is embarrassed, pulls her hand away. Excuses herself and sits down alone on a chair.
Rosemary has watched this and decides Oona needs to loosen up.
She slips something in her drink.
Oona falls asleep, slides from the chair and hits her head.
KEY SCENE THREE
INT. TAVERN 1850 – NIGHT
Oona awakens under a table. She has no idea where she is.
She sees feet of men in old timey shoes.
The music is Ländler. She wants to sit up and hits her head.
BERNHARD looks under the table and laughs.
He helps her out from under the table, sits her down.
Orders her a glass of wine. She asks for water.
He goes back to telling a wild story about some break in (in code?).
Oona feels like she’s seen his face before. So does he.
A GANGSTER opens the door and motions to Bernhard. He takes his leave and goes outside.
Oona follows him to the door.
But when she opens it, it does not lead outside.
When it closes behind her, she is standing in a
INT. PFARRHAUS – NIGHT
She hears them stealing something in the next room.
Then Pfarrer wakes up.
Oona saves them from getting caught.
They run out into the forest. She can’t run. He lifts her up and runs with her.
She falls asleep.
INT. CAR – DAWN
Oona wakes up in the car that is shaking.
Rosemary laughs that earlier she was running like a dog in her sleep.
She was out for hours.
Oona shares she had a crazy dream. (Rosemary suggests she should post it?)
PLACE HOLDER
Oona creates a new account under a fake name.
PLACE HOLDER
Bernhard in 1850.
In prison?
He sees a picture of an angel with Oona’s face?
Jail breaks and goes to see his wife… he needs to change things… he needs to find that angel…
INT. ROSEMARY’S ROOM – DAY
Rosemary shows Oona a picture of Bernhard Matter (in the comic?). Oona realizes he was the man in her dream and in 1850. (The picture speaks? They listen to the song?)
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
There is hardly anything on the internet. Oona researches Matter Book. She reads.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona hears Bernhard talking. She freaks out.
INT. OONA’S HOME – DAY
Wants to tell her mother but doesn’t want to get her worried… or committed again.
INT. MC DONALD – DAY
She steals a large portion instead of taking her small one.
PLACEHOLDER
Oona finds the picture on her phone of Bernhard in the execution cell?
And bends a large spoon.
Her post blows up.
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Chris Dorsey’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is how to add lead up and after scenes to the inciting incident and Act 1 Turning Point. I added scene placeholders to show the Protagonist’s world prior to the Act 1 Turning Point.
Concept — When an innocent man is incarcerated with some of the country’s most dangerous psychopaths, he must rely on/embrace his voices/his mental illness to win his freedom.
Main Conflict — The Antagonist and the system try to shut up, stop, and eventually kill the Protagonist, because the Protagonist is a threat to the prison’s status quo — SURVIVAL.
Old Ways — Avoidant/hiding (hiding his own MH symptoms), super helpful and optimistic, Polly Anna-ish. Connects with others but through his “silver lining” approach.
New Ways — Empathetic/connects to others on a real level, group leader, courageous, fights for the rights of mentally-ill inmates.
THEME (add): Fair and humane treatment of the mentally ill. Good verses evil and the apathetic. Overcoming challenges to heal and/or live with a mental illness; acceptance and healing.
BEAT SHEET
ACT I
INT/EXT. PRISON GATE – DAY
The sign outside reads: “XXX [insert].”
OPENING: A caged bus transports Wilbert McNutt and a dozen inmates through the prison gates. Wilbert, unlike the other inmates, is wearing a straight jacket. He’s also relaxed and smiling. The other inmates keep their distance.
INT. SHOWERS – LATER
Wilbert showers by himself. Another inmate enters and checks him out. Wilbert smiles, uncomfortable, then turns to the side to hide his private parts.
INT. INMATE BARBER SHOP – LATER
Wilbert gets a haircut from the PRISON BARBERS. It’s the worst haircut he’s ever gotten. His bangs cut down to the nub, his sides kept longer. The Barbers hand in a mirror to Wilbert and laugh at his reaction. He begrudgingly thanks the Barbers for the haircut.
INT. LARGE ROOM – LATER
Beginning: Wilbert starts chatting to another new, mental health inmate. The other inmate gives him some tips on how to stay safe and survive prison.
Middle: Antagonist Beat #1: Meets Wilbert McNutt in intake. The Antagonist stares at another inmate (his new roommate) and other inmate drops dead on the spot — “if looks could kill?” The officers are slow to respond. The officers give in and give the Antagonist a cell of his own.
End: He gets shouted at by the DEPUTY WARDEN for asking too many questions. Wilbert might be responding to a voice in his head. The officer responds, “I wasn’t talking to you, McNutt. And, by the way that has to be the dumbest haircut I’ve ever scene. No wonder you’re here.”
INT. MEDICAL UNIT, EXAMINATION ROOM – DAY
Wilbert undergoes a medical/psychiatric evaluation. He’s on medications to help control his voices. The PSYCHITRIST goes over Wilbert’s mental health and criminal history.
Beginning:
Middle:
End:
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Insert dorm scene where another inmate jumps off the second floor and lands on the ground right in front of Wilbert. ALPHA DOG (aka A-DOG), another building sociopath, seems to somehow be responsible for this.
TE1: Wilbert witnesses the Alpha Dog, and his group, rev-up another mental health inmate before this inmate freaks out. The inmate is cuffed and hauled off by the officers. He realizes that mental health treatment might be the last thing he’s going to receive in this prison.
Antagonist Beat #2: He takes on the current dorm alpha dog and wins. He takes over the dorm businesses and lays down the law to his “workers.”
PLACEHOLDER: Snapshot — “He [the Antagonist] did this at another prison… Stay away from him.”
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert seeks legal advice to have his case appealed.
INT. CELLBLOCK – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert settles into the unit and the routine. The do’s and don’t’s, how it works, and the calm before the storm.
Beginning: Wilbert eats an awful tasting breakfast, but he puts a positive spin on it. “Why do they put all the jackers in the kitchen?” “Jackers?” “Yes…”
Middle: [insert] a funny scene, like DR court or Warden & Deputy Warden rounds.
Middle: His cellmate/sidekick casually tells Wilbert what different people havE been convicted of — “Him over there, he ate a bunch of people… That one over there, he was a cult leader. The feds burnt down his compound, but he managed to escape. Stay away from him, he’ll try to recruit you to his new “religious” discussion group. It gets worse as it goes on. “Like him, what did he do?” He can’t hear you… toothpaste in his ears.
End: Lights out. Wilbert goes to sleep. He sighs to himself; today wasn’t that bad.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NEXT MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: “6:00 AM” appears on the screen. A loud siren wakes Wilbert out of his sleep. He sits up in his bed in shock.
INT./EXT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert witnesses the Antagonist slap around another inmate.
Beginning: Wilbert hears some commotion and stops outside the Antagonist’s cell. The Antagonist has another inmate by the collar. He slaps the inmate across the face.
Middle: Wilbert slips away without being seen.
End: Wilbert approaches the slapped inmate later. The inmate asks Wilbert to help him.
INT. COUNSELING OFFICE – DAY
INCITING INCIDENT: Wilbert “snitches” to his therapist that the Antagonist is bullying and causing harm to other inmates in the dorm.
Shortly after, the Antagonist gets cuffed and hauled off to the Isolation Unit. He threatens to kill whomever ratted him out. Wilbert reluctantly, and with the help of the voice,
Beginning: Wilbert’s voice talks him into meeting with his Mental Health Counselor.
Middle: Wilbert tells him about what the Antagonist is doing in the dorm; drugs, prostitution, and other misdeeds.
End: The Mental Health Counselor assures Wilbert that this will be investigated and the Antagonist will most likely be transferred to general population at another prison.
PLACEHOLDER: The CAPTAIN investigates the allegations against the Antagonist.
Beginning: He reviews camera footage, but sees nothing. He tells his Lieutenant to investigate further.
Middle: The Captain reviews statements — “He’s a great guy.” “No issues here.” “If I don’t get statements.”
End: The Captain captures something on video that no one else sees.
Turning Point: The Antagonist is cuffed and removed from the building.
Beginning: The CERT Unit storms the dorm. The Antagonist puts up a fight, takes a couple of hits from the shock shield, but eventually goes down.
Middle: The Antagonist is told to say goodbye for good to all the inmates in the dorm. His days of taking advantage of others is over.
End: The Antagonist is cuffed and dragged out of the dorm. The dorm celebrates. The slapped inmate mouths “thank you” to Wilbert. Wilbert smiles back at him.
ACT II
PLACEHOLDER: ADD filler and downtime from the Antagonist.
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert in therapy and resistant to tackling his issues.
PLACEHOLDER: DR COURT. Wilbert is asked to stand in as a Peer Advocate. “Hey, McNutt, we need…” Bee in the pants — “I think that’s plausible.”
PLACEHOLDER: The mop.
INT. CELLBLOCK, UPPER TIER – NIGHT
Beginning: A jacker with glaucoma tells Wilbert to move because he’s blocking his view.
Middle: Wilbert and his sidekick look around to look for the pretty officer with blond hair. They see no one.
End: It’s a mop.
PLACEHOLDER: Jumper scene.
PLACEHOLDER: Store trip/goods process.
PLACEHOLDER: Tossing cells for contraband.
PLACEHOLDER: The Antagonist doing everything he can not to get transferred to general population at a new prison (charms, fakes a suicide attempt, etc.).
PLACEHOLDER: Instead of being transferred to another prison, the Antagonist manipulates his way back onto the cellblock. An additional 5 years have been added to his time and he is out for blood. Wilbert realizes the system is broken and the guards are in on it.
New plan — Win the Antagonist over at any cost.
Wilbert has to handle/fix this situation himself.
Plan in action — He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness. He’s going to ignore the voices in his head.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert is going to win the Antagonist over at any cost. He is going to kill the Antagonist with kindness.
Antagonist Beat #3: Investigates/interrogates other inmates to see who ratted him out.
INT. CELLBLOCK – NIGHT
PLACEHOLDER — Wilbert uses self-help techniques with the other inmates in his circle.
Antagonist Beat #4: Shuts Wilbert down/argues with during group therapy.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: A therapy session to challenge Wilbert’s defense mechanisms. Wilbert expressed concerns that his medications are keeping him from living a real life.
INT. AUDITORIUM – DAY
The Antagonist requests Wilbert be transferred to his cell.
INT. CELLBLOCK – MORNING
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert stops taking his psychiatric medications and his voices slowly shift from nice and manageable to mean and out of control.
Midpoint Turning Point: The Antagonist tries to kill Wilbert.
INT. ANTAGONIST’S CELL — NIGHT
The Antagonist manipulates Wilbert in to fessing up to snitching on the Antagonist. The Antagonist goes berserk and strangles Wilbert almost to death. Wilbert is saved by the other inmates. The Antagonist goes back to “the hole.”
Wilbert seeks external legal help for protection after this event. He also asks for his case to be appealed.
TE 3: Wilbert stops taking his medications and learns his auditory hallucinations may actually help him survive in prison.
TE 4: Wilbert uncovers evidence that could lead to his conviction being overturned in the appeals process.
TE 5: Wilbert gets shanked in the back.
PLACEHOLDER: The voices start telling/making Wilbert do bad things. It gets him some respect but also gets him sent to “the hole.”
Antagonist Beat #5: Manipulates Wilbert, through Wilbert’s auditory hallucinations, to turn on the other inmates.
INT. LAW LIBRARY – DAY
PLACEHOLDER: Wilbert researches case law for his appeal.
PLACEHOLDER: A newly assigned pro bono attorney responds to one of Wilbert’s letters and meets him in person.
ACT 3:
Antagonist Beat #7: Plots to kill Wilbert by someone else’s hands and to make it look like an accident. Wilbert, by dumb luck alone, escapes these attempts.
Rethink everything — He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
New plan — Wilbert realizes that the voices in his head (i.e. Auditory hallucinations) are actually there to help him. He embraces the voices and he taps into his bad side.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift — His bad voice takes control and forces him to fail.
INT. VISITATION ROOM – DAY
TE 6: After his friend dies (by suicide or homicide), he discovers that prison staff (i.e. Guards and the Warden) are purposefully putting his life at risk and covering up other crimes/inhumane treatment of inmates.
Antagonist Beat #6: Manipulates the mental health and prison staff to stay in the mental health dorm when others point out that he may not be mentally ill. Bribes others.
INT. THERAPIST’S OFFICE – DAY
TE 7: Wilbert has a breakthrough in therapy that helps him discover why he is the way he is — he’s too nice. This is the information he needs for his internal transformation. He learns that he developed a reactionary set of coping mechanisms from loss that no longer suit him.
PLACEHOLDER: He discovers that acknowledging one’s own pain, instead of being in denial, and “getting real” is the only way he will ever be able to defeat the Antagonist.
INT. CELBBLOCK – DAY
TE 8: Wilbert verbally calls out the Antagonist in front of the whole cellblock. With more than half of the inmates in the dorm on Wilbert’s side, Wilbert spells out and challenges all of the Antagonists warped ways of thinking and behaviors. The Antagonist challenges Wilbert to a fight to the death.
ACT 4:
CLIMAX: Wilbert fights the Antagonist in mortal combat and beats the Antagonist. He realizes that somewhere in the middle, between overly positive voices and bad voices, is where he should be. He spares the Antagonist’s life. He exposes the corrupt prison system and makes the corruption public (through either a counselor or another outside source).
INT. PRISON YARD – NIGHT
RESOLUTION: Wilbert wins his freedom and does a press conference. With his new found confidence, is able to confront his ex-wife, win his children back, and take control of his life in a real and meaningful way. He starts an organization to help incarcerated inmate with mental health disorders.
EXT. PRISON GROOUNDS – DAY
Wilbert tells his story to the news.
INT. COURT – DAY
Wilbert is granted a divorce and keeps his house. He is granted half-custody of his two children.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Wilbert opens his office and welcomes his new employees; ex-inmates with mental health disorders.
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Lisa Long’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is… I am working on finding the acts as I wrote this before any training and it is probably a full series.
Mindshift – First Draft was, 1997. Registration copyright: PAu-4-056-820 – November 27th 2020.
INT. BIG HOUSE/BRKFAST NOOK – DINNER: THROWING PLATES
Norma coming from a restaurant background, cooks a huge county breakfast every Saturday. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, sausage, country potatoes, homemade cornbread, muffins, gravy, coffee, orange juice. The table is spread with beautiful abundance. Everything timed perfectly, except, todays cornbread was a little burnt.
JOHN
(emitting dark energy)
Goddamn it, I can’t eat this shit. You burn’t the fuck’n cornbread.
John throws the cornbread down hard on the table in discuss.
Can’t you get anything right.. I work my ass off all week to put food on the table, you stay home and sit on your ass and you can’t even cook fucking cornbread.
Dark energies flow from him over the food on the table and then to Norma. Norma, standing at the kitchen counter, has had enough. The energy from John is so heavy it covers the food in swirling worms. The kids stomachs start to turn. They can’t eat.
NORMA
You son of a bitch!
She starts throwing plates at his back. Bang, hits him in the back of the head.
JOHN
What the hell!
Plates crashing all around him, he starts ducking.
The kids also have to duck as her shots go array. She grabs another plate, looks at it, puts it back and grabs a chipped on and throws that one at him.
The energy starts to get lighter, Mama is taking back some of her power.
JOHN
Damn it Norma, enough.
You kids eat your food. Your mom went to all this trouble, you will eat it!
The children look down at the food. Lisa sees the swirling worms. She cries. Then tries to not gag as she obeys him.
INT. BIG HOUSE/BRKFAST NOOK – DAY: MIND CONTROL
NORMA
Your dad is into mind control. He uses it all the time. He learned it at that Shriners thing he goes to every week. He uses it on us all the time.
LISA
What’s mind control Mama?
NORMA
He orders us to do stuff and we feel we have to do it. If we try to not do it, we are faced with dark voices. Fuck’n mind control asshole.
(End of Act 1?)
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Tita’s Finished Act I (Assignment 12)
American Tory by T. Anntares
I.1 EXT. BOSTON DOCKS 1764 – DAY
[Ship has arrived from London to busy, chaotic docks, as wealthy travelers disembark down one exit ramp, the poor of England and parts of Europe disembarking down a second exit ramp, crowds on dock greeting, hawking wares, just watching. A sheriff (Greenleaf) forces people to part the way for an elegant American man, 50s, in light blue satin (Acting Governor Thomas Hutchinson) and his hunched over companion in black (Judge Peter Oliver).
Hutchinson’s African slave (Andrew), well dressed as a European servant, pushing an empty cart, helps the sheriff clear the way. In the hub-bub, they pass a gold plaited carriage near a wooden wagon with working men hanging effigies, two trading punches near the wagon.
Near the carriage an even more elegantly dressed man (John Hancock) in red satin with lace cuffs and neck collar tries to stop them but all three ignore him… when the working men on the wagon jump down to the street to salute the man in blue, Sheriff Greenleaf pushes them aside – but Hutchinson, stops for a second, to nod acknowledgement to them.
At exit ramp, Sheriff Greenleaf calls out the name “Commissioner Robinson?” and a flamboyant Londoner waves to identify himself, gesturing for his servants to push through the crowds to connect with the group.
GOV. THOMAS HUTCHINSON
Commissioner Robinson?… So sorry about this. Untimely.
COMMISSIONER JOHN ROBINSON
Governor Hutchinson?
HUTCHINSON
And my cousin, Judge Peter Oliver. Just leave your bags here. Andrew will handle them.
[Andrew starts to take the bags from the Commissioner’s white servants, confused and envious, hesitate giving them. Hutchinson snaps his fingers for them to put the bags on cart, They obey]
COMMISSIONER
Disgusting – oh, excuse me: Not just Boston – London has worse rabble. But I thought – envisioned a quiet little shipping town carved into woodlands
JUDGE PETER OLIVER
The crew probably raced to get here in time for Pope’s Day. What we call Guy Fawkes Day here.
COMMISSIONER
Thank God, then you’re not always – ah – like this.
[Hancock, the elegantly dressed man in red and lace pushes close up.]
JOHN HANCOCK
Welcome to Boston, Commissioner. I’m John Hancock.
[to Hutchinson]
I brought my carriage for him. Keep him safe from all this.
COMMISSIONER
How kind! Where…?
HUTCHINSON
No, ours is right over here. Come, Mr. Robinson – we need to settle you in then go over what these new taxes will cover.
[Abruptly guides Commissioner away from Hancock. Judge Oliver hurries to catch up, Andrew and servants follow with suitcases. Hancock stands rebuffed.
JUDGE OLIVER
He’s just a country parson’s son. His uncle had no heirs.
COMMISSIONER
Better than most of them – thrown out of our poorhouses and jails. I hope my quarters will be far from the crowds.
[Behind them, as they hurry off, a man (Sam Adams) puts his arm around Hancock and guides him back towards his carriage]
HUTCHINSON
No worries. A private residence next to the best inn. My daughter has personally supervised the servants to make sure the apartment is fully equipped and prepared for you.
COMMISSIONER
. Your savages are probably more civilized than the excrements we sent off to the New World. Just –
HUTCHINSON
When you get to know them…
COMMISSIONER
I won’t be staying long in this God-forsaken place, thank heavens
HUTCHINSON
Ah… many came here with nothing, no one helping them – and they…
COMMISSIONER
Terribly sorry, Mr. Hutchinson. I forgot you – I should have remembered from your accent. You’re one of them, too. They told me your grandmother fought off the Indians-
HUTCHINSON
Come – our carriage is right over there. We’ll leave your luggage and go over Parliament’s tax plan.
COMMISSIONER
Well, I hope you’ll be able to control them better than our former governors. His Majesty told Parliament the colonials might be a bit more manageable if their Governor was one of them. King George is depending on you.
HUTCHINSON
Believe me, the docks are the worst. At lunch, I’ll tell you about the very fine people I’m writing about in my history of our colony.
COMMISSIONER
You actually filled more than ten pages? Ah, which governor did they tar and feather before they shipped him back home?
I.2 EXT. WOODEN CART ON DOCKS – CONTINUOUS TIME
[Sam Adams, the man we saw earlier in the distance, has guided Hancock back to his golden carriage – but near it, workmen are hanging effigies. A large muscular man, Ebeneezer Mackintosh, leader of Boston’s South End mob, mocks him]
MAC
Aw, poor Mr. Hancock. Richest man in the colony of Massachusetts Bay – and the nobs still won’t give you the time of day!
[A smaller, wirey man jumps off cart to hit Mac – he is Henry Swift, leader of Boston’s North End mob]
SWIFT
Stop riding him, Mac.
HANCOCK
Thank you, Henry Swift.
MAC
Watch out, Mr. Hancock – When Swift kisses up, he’s ready to swindle you out of something.
SWIFT
No problem, Mr. Hancock, Sir. By sundown, me and my North Enders’ll meet on the bridge and dump his wagon and all his stinking boys into the Bay. We should throw that tax collector from the ship with them tonight. Mr. Adams – you found out what the King’s taxes will be for?
SAM ADAMS
Parliament’s taxes. We’ll let you know as soon as we know.
MAC
Swift don’t got no money to tax. But me and my men – soon as our King hears how tough we are – you’ll be looking at me, leader of his royal guard in the colonies. And I’ll be mopping up dock scum like you!
SWIFT
Lords of Parliament already told me to protect that fellow that just come off the boat.
MAC
Hell with the damn Lords. We’re in a world of kings. Every nation’s got one. When King George hears how me, Ebeneezer Mackintosh and my South-
SWIFT
Our king – you’re nothing. The king’ll hang you before he ever asks your name.
SAM ADAMS
Do you care what the king actually thinks of you? Don’t you realize each of you is just as fine as any king or aristocrat on earth?
[Swift and Mac laugh, ridicule the idea by prancing around like foppish rulers. Hancock is edging away.]
SAM ADAMS
Every one of you is as fine as any nobleman or king.
[More laughter]
Are you gentlemen blind?! Mr. Swift – Mr. Mackintosh – don’t you see the gold right in front of your eyes?
MAC
Where?!
SWIFT
You jerk. He’s pulling your leg again.
SAM
No, I’m being very serious. John Hancock, would you ever claim you’re better than other people just because of your uncle’s fortune, would you?
HANCOCK
Of course not!
SAM
Or blind you to the troubles regular people?
HANCOCK
No!
SAM
You hear that? Mr. Hancock is proud to be one of us.
HANCOCK
A year ago, I was regular people. I never expected –
SAM
You said it yourselves. Every nation’s got a king. But what about the people, not just the rulers of nations. Have we got a king looking out for us? A king to stop people like Governor Hutchinson filching all the royal appointments for himself and his family – treating a fine citizen like dirt. Didn’t we all see how he treated Mr. Hancock today?
HANCOCK
He never would have treated my uncle like that..
SAM
The people respect you. We see who you really are, don’t we?
MAC
Who… what?
SAM
John Hancock comes from a country town. He knows how hard farmers work the fields, moving rocks, clearing land, caring for the food that feeds all of us in Boston, doesn’t he?
SWIFT
What’re you –
SAM
[To Swift, with a wink]
Did you see how Hutchinson and his fancy tax collector showed no respect for our own Mr. Hancock.
MAC
“Our own”?!
SAM
Yes! Mr. Hancock has received the gift of riches but he has not forgotten us. A true leader of the people of the earth! We live in a world ruled by kings – but can’t the people have their own…? Can’t we honor a very wealthy man who knows he is one of us? The people’s own leader…
SWIFT
Or King?
MAC
King!
[Grabs a bottle of rum]
Come on, Swift – get your men to give a toast to King Hancock!
[All men on wagon hold up cups, empty bottles as MAC pours a round and all burst out with cheers, of “King Hancock!” Swift toasts to Sam with an admiring smile.]
I.6 INT. HUTCHINSON’S PARLOR- CONTINUOUS TIME
(Structure: Reaction to Inciting Incident)
[Hutch alone with his daughter Peggy after the storm has subsided. She is leafing through a large notebook on a desk. Andrew is on duty.
HUTCHINSON
Peggy, you heard him. He wants to ruin me. And he can. Andrew – you can take the rest of night for yourself. Thank you for your support today.
ANDREW
Thank you, Sir. You’ve always said British citizens in America are much more rational and compassionate. He proved it.
HUTCHINSON
We’ve had to survive. No matter how wealthy. No one to help us. Andrew – whatever happens. Please be my eyes and ears.
ANDREW
Of course, Sir.
[Andrew leaves]
PEGGY HUTCHINSON
Wait til the news gets out and the people learn what Parliament will be taxing. Throughout the colonies. Stupid House of Lords. Should’ve asked their Ladies.
HUTCHINSON
Damned House of Lords. Even if the tax is perfectly legal – how can I defend such an outrageous, stupid use of Parliamentary power?
PEGGY
Then don’t. You, Otis and Adams would make odd bedfellows. But… You don’t have to defend the tax. Not just our colony but all thirteen will be up in arms as soon as they hear the details. You can just sit it out. So what if the king takes back your appointment as governor. We can farm.
HUTCHINSON
I wish. Life is treacherous. We came from nothing. I’ve laid a foundation of wealth and influence for the family. Not so I could get royal appointments to higher and higher positions. To make sure your brothers start life well. And you and your sister marry well. As she was dying, your dear, lovely mother was so sorry she could not help me launch each of you well. We could lose everything.
PEGGY
You’ll handle it well.
HUTCHINSON
What makes you so sure?
PEGGY
Your grandmother. My great grandma. Didn’t like stodgy Puritans so she upped and started a new religion in next door Rhode Island… Then survived a bunch of angry Mohawks. You’ll survive a bunch of angry colonists.
HUTCHINSON
Easier than a bunch of angry Lords of Parliament. Poor King George. He has to deal with them every day.
PEGGY
You need some rest. Actually I’m worn out from this day!
[He gives her a good night hug]
HUTCHINSON
You and your brothers and sister – you are so precious to me.
PEGGY
And we love you.
[She goes. Hutchinson collapses on a chair, head in hands.]
###
I.7 EXT. GREEN DRAGON TAVERN – DAY
(Structure: Turning Point Script – Beginning)
[Sam Adams on porch with two mob leaders, Henry Swift (a dockworker) and Ebeneezer MacKintosh (a cobbler) and two well-dressed shipping merchants, John Hancock and John Rowe. Very opposite looks – and each very skeptical, wary about each other. Clearly resisting something none of them like.]
SAM ADAMS
Have you heard the details? If so, you know this Stamp Act will tax everything and everyone – newspapers, weddings, funerals [ADD OTHERS] – [to mob leaders] your playing cards.
[Grumbles from all]
All of us will suffer the costs. No matter who we are. If we’re going to suffer together, do you think it makes sense to join together. Work together to do something? Don’t worry -of course, something legal.
[Resistance from all -merchants are sure the mob leaders will take criminal actions, the mob leaders want to]]
We all want to stop this tax… Can we just try a simple handshake?
[Reluctantly, begrudgingly all shake hands with each other… although the merchants secretly wipe their hands clean on their pants after.
James Otis – the lawyer who interrupted Hutchinson’s meeting with the royal Commissioner earlier – rushes up the steps to join them on the porch. His wife, Ruth, an elegant and beautiful woman in her 40s, yells at him from a black carriage in the street]
RUTH CUNNINGHAM OTIS
James! James!! Come back!
JAMES OTIS
Ruth, I told you – just a short meeting –
RUTH
You’ve caused enough trouble!
OTIS
Apologies for being late. My lovely wife, heard about yesterday. Poor dear is worried for me. Thanks for coming. I can’t do this alone – Sam, did you brief them?
SAM
Let’s go inside the tavern are waiting for us. We just had to get some fresh air –
OTIS
Come on! We’re going to stop that damned tax!
[some scoff – he ignores them and guides them into the tavern]
Trust me! We’re going to forge together our power as British citizens – you’re going to the founding members of the Sons of Liberty!
I.8 EXT. ROYAL GVERNMENT OFFICE BALCONY – DAY
(Structure: Turning Point – Middle)
[Point of View of Royal Commissioner Robinson, watching from the doorway behind Hutchinson]
HUTCHINSON
In closing – this is not just about paying the tax. Of course the King gave us the right to elect our own representatives and govern ourselves. It wouldn’t be practical to wait two months for a ship to come with laws. Wait – just one minute more!
[A shout – “We got our own assembly for Massachusetts!”… “Yeah! All our colonies elect people – and all the damned buggers tax us.” Hutchinson looks toward Commissioner who gestures to keep going]
Yes! Of course our elected representatives tax. But Parliament has every right to tax us to help repay the debts from the war against the French.
[Shouts – “We did the fighting…. Yeah, with our own guns and ammo…London didn’t give us a penny!]
Parliament never gave up their right to tax us. They protect us every day. And the world is getting more and more dangerous.
[Shouts – “We just won the bloody war against the French Empire…”]
Tyrants run every other nation in the world. Parliament – This Stamp tax will fund stronger protection against –
[Shouts – “We fought off Indians without No help from Parliament!..” Approval… Grumbles… then silence as Hutchinson watches people just walk away. Hutchinson comes towards door.]
COMMISSIONER ROBINSON
Well, Lieutenant Governor, you tried.
HUTCHINSON
They just left. I explained to them the law.
ROBINSON
You wasted your time. We’ll see how you do we start stamping tax payment. Please don’t take this personally. But it is my duty to report. In addition to your Boston mansion, you also have a farm, don’t you? Somewhere in Milton? [] I’m sure you can survive there. If we have to take back your appointments.
HUTCHINSON
Excuse me. I have to get back to my office.
ROBINSON
[Following him into the building]
But if you find a way to get these people under control. Make them respect the law… If I propose you to become the first American-born Governor of this colony, I know His Majesty will approve the appointment!
INT. HUTCHINSON’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS TIME
(Structure: Turning Point – Ending)
[Hutchison, opens door to his office, doesn’t notice Ruth Otis as she arrives. He yells back to Robinson.]
HUTCHINSON
I’ll be fine! I love my country place. And I don’t need to be anyone’s puppet. Dangle that position to someone willing grovel!
ROBINSON
Rude, uncivilized provincials. Lord help me!
[Robinson passes him, leaving in a huff, ignoring Ruth]
RUTH
You can’t!
HUTCHINSON
Mrs. Otis! So sorry about your husband yesterday.
RUTH
Me too!
[She escorts him into his office, checks in hall for Robinson – not there – and close the door behind them]
HUTCHINSON
I made sure your husband was not arrested.
RUTH
You should have…. Arrested him.
HUTCHINSON
I understood he was upset about
RUTH
You should have…. Arrested him.
HUTCHINSON
– “arrested” him??
RUTH
I was going to come to apologize to you for my husband’s rudeness yesterday. I heard he barged into your meeting with the tax commissioner. But then I saw him plotting with people at the Green Dragon today. So I wanted to warn you, too. And on the way, I heard your fine talk on the balcony.
[Hutchinson gestures for her to sit. As she speaks, he pours two sherries. Takes another chair.]
RUTH
Then to hear you telling the Commissioner you’d rather quit. Mr. And if the Commissioner can get you appointed as Governor, we will be even safer. I realize he’s an arrogant idiot, but we need you in government Hutchinson. We need you to protect us.
HUTCHINSON
When I talked about the tyrannical governments surrounding us, I just –
RUTH
Spain, France, the Ottoman empires – they’re not the danger… We need you here – to protect us. My husband… he… it’s unspeakable
HUTCHINSON
Your husband – protect you from James?
RUTH
Not just him. All of them – they’re all joining up. The lower sorts, the ship owners, storekeepers. A nightmare alliance. Against Parliament. You must stop them.
HUTCHINSON
Parliament’s stupid tax. I was afraid this tax would stir everyone up. Parliament has the right to tax. They just let the colonies have their own local assemblies as an indulgence. And practical.
RUTH
It doesn’t matter who can tax us. If they turn against Parliament our King can’t protect us. Our children – just starting off in life. Your sons and mine… starting careers. Our daughters – ready for good right marriages… – I just see Jemmy revelling with the worst of the worst. I hope you don’t think I’m just an angry wife. I just needed to warn you.
HUTCHINSON
Not at all. It takes courage to come here. Warn me.
RUTH
That crowd. They didn’t listen to you. Jeered at you when you simple asked people to stay loyal to the most free nation in the world. They only listen to my husband
HUTCHINSON
I’ve already written several people I know in the House of Lords. They think they can just tax the colonies to repay the crippling debts from the wars in India and Canada. They don’t understand.
RUTH
You must stay. And when Governor Bernard goes back home, become our Governor. I understand why you’d like to just leave Boston, go off to the comfort of your beloved country home. I watched you from afar. You’ve raised six beautiful children. Time to relax. After Margaret died, I wanted to help you with the children. But each time you were promoted to a position, my husband would start ranting.
HUTCHINSON
I only wanted the royal assignments to make sure my sons would have a good start to their lives. And my daughters find good husbands.
RUTH
I couldn’t say anything, but I knew you were always doing what’s best for your children and their futures – but my husband? What kind of father quits a royal appointment as the colony’s attorney general and depriving his family of his salary. His arrogance. Forgets his family, gives up everything to defend the rights of smugglers! to bar customs officials from searching for their homes and businesses for looted treasure!
HUTCHINSON
Your husband’s words are his sword. “A man’s home is his castle” – and yesterday – “Taxation without representation is tyranny.”
RUTH
That’s why you must save us from him. And I know that’s a lot to ask. You will be alone. I’ve seen it start. My husband and that Sam Adams, They are courting the people of Boston. Against you. But you can steer the ship to safety even if you have to do it alone.
HUTCHINSON
Your confidence in me. I know I’m not alone.
RUTH
Both of us are alone. You are alone, widowed. I am alone, married.
[She puts her hand on his arm. Hutchison is nervous.]
I, ah… – our colony needs your protection.
[Hutchinson relaxes, takes her hand.]
### End Act I, Draft 1
-
KAREN SINCLAIR’S FINISHING ACT 1
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
I’m a little lost on writing format at this stage. In the assignment it states:
1. Outline any other scenes left to write in Act 1 (or use Placeholder) – I have done this
2. Write a 20% draft of those scenes – for this part I carried on with the Beg, Mid, End format but included almost no dialogue. I see others including dialogue. Should I be?
The BEATS and OUTLINE below are similar to Assignment 11 because I had gone to the end of Act 1 in that assignment due to speed writing (love it) and momentum. In my final review of Act 1 I made a few changes.
ASSIGNMENT 12
Concept
Ad Exec Sadie Hilliard goes out for a noontime run to get in the right state of mind to make a presentation to her agency’s most significant client. While running, she receives a call on her cellphone threatening the lives of her and her family if she should stop running.
Theme
Sadie has never had to think about anyone but herself. Because of that, she places very little value on relationships and family. She is confident as it relates to her skills in her career but insecure as a partner and family member. Can the right person make the difference in her life or is she destined to be a loner.
———————————————————————————
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING (Introduction of Protagonist)
SADIE runs through Central Park looking like a pro and listening to music when she receives a phone call from her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend THOMAS.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – MORNING (Introduction of Protagonist)
BEGINNING: Sadie runs on a trail through central park, decked out in the latest running gear, wearing a set of bone conduction headphones, and listening to her favourite running music from an iTouch in her sleeve cuff. She ducks and weaves between other parkgoers using the trail.
MIDDLE: Sadie receives a call from her supposed-to-be ex-boyfriend THOMAS.
END: She plugs an earbud and hanging microphone into her ear and answers.
———————————————————————————
INT. TOWNHOUSE FAMILY ROOM – MORNING (Introduction of Antagonist)
Thomas sits on a sofa playing a video game. He stops his game to tell Sadie he is not accepting that they are done and tells her that she cannot make a unilateral decision to end their relationship. They need to talk.
INT. TOWNHOUSE FAMILY ROOM – MORNING
BEGINNING: Thomas sits on a sofa in the family room of Sadie’s Townhouse, with a remote control on his lap and a video game frozen on Sadie’s TV. He proceeds to tell Sadie that after two years together, she cannot unilaterally cut things off with no discussion.
MIDDLE: He tells Sadie they need to talk.
END: He reactivates his game.
———————————————————————————
PLACEHOLDER: I would like there to be a scene that alternates between Sadie running and an avatar running on a close-up of the video game Thomas is playing. The theme being, they are both running.
———————————————————————————
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – CONTINUOUS
Sadie tells Thomas they have come to this point way too many times before. There is nothing left to talk about, and she would like for him to be gone when she gets home. She yanks the earbud out of her ear.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – CONTINUOUS
BEGINNING: Sadie tells Thomas they have come to this point way too many times and that there is nothing left to talk about.
MIDDLE: She lets him know that she should have ended it sooner, but she has been too busy at work, and she let things slide. She tells him that letting it slide was her fault. She reiterates that she wants him gone when she gets home, yanks the earbud from her ear and ends the call. Sadie receives a call back from Thomas, but she ignores it.
END: The phone vibrates again. Sadie ignores it again, at first, and then realizes it is her work phone. She hurries to take the call from a phone in her running tights leg pocket. There is a voicemail from SHEILA, the Executive Assistant for her company’s CEO MITCHELL BAKKEN advising Sadie that Mitchell would like to see her right away as soon as she gets into the office.
———————————————————————————
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Sadie approaches the building where she works. She runs up the staircase. The double glass doors automatically open as she nears, and she disappears into the building.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK – MOMENTS LATER
BEGINNING: Sadie takes a sharp turn to head back towards her office building.
MIDDLE: Stopping at the foot of the steps to her building, she catches a final breath and runs up the steps to the front doors.
END: Sadie disappears through the sliding glass doors of the building.
———————————————————————————
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – MORNING
Sadie arrives at work through automatic glass doors. She drops her items with a young lady standing at a nearby desk, who takes the items and hands her a clipboard. She proceeds to the CEO’s office.
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie, now coiffed and fully dressed in business attire, bursts through the automatic doors into the office bullpen removing her jacket as she goes. She hands her jacket and her purse to a young lady standing at a nearby desk who receives the items, says good morning, and hands Sadie a clipboard and pen. Sadie does not respond and keeps moving toward the CEO’s corner office.
MIDDLE: As she approaches the glass door she can see that her direct boss, OLIVER NAM, is in the CEO’s office as well.
END: Sadie stops at the door, straightens her blazer, touches the tight bun on the top of her head, tucks the clipboard under her arm and peaks her head in the door first, and then enters.
———————————————————————————
INT. CEO’S OFFICE – MORNING
Mitchell, the CEO of New York’s Global Advertising Management Executives (GAME) offers Sadie an opportunity to start a new branch office in Vancouver, BC.
INT. CEO’S OFFICE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie enters the CEO’s office. Mitchell and Oliver are standing, Mitchell behind his chair with his hands resting on the back of the chair and Oliver leaning on the end of the CEO’s desk with his arms folded across his chest. Mitchell motions to a chair and for her to take a seat. Sadie opts to stand behind the guest seat with her clipboard resting on the back of the chair.
MIDDLE: Mitchell tells Sadie that he would like her to take on a big project for the agency, one of opening a branch on the West Coast of Canada, in Vancouver, BC. He assures her that with her work ethic she is the best person for the job. She will need to find a location and hire her own staff. Oliver nods in agreement, tells her that he does not know how he will replace her.
END: Sadie asks if she can think about it over the weekend. Mitchell agrees and advises her that a potential partnership could be hinging on her decision.
While Mitchell is talking Sadie’s personal phone vibrates in her pocket.
———————————————————————————
INT. HALLWAY – MORNING
Just as Sadie is leaving the CEO’s office, she retrieves a text message from Thomas advising her that he will have dinner ready when she gets home so that they can sit down and talk.
INT. HALLWAY- MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie stops suddenly in the hallway outside the CEO’s door to retrieve a text from Thomas that was delivered while she was in the meeting.
MIDDLE: Thomas tells her he will make dinner so that they can sit down and talk. Sadie slides the clipboard under her arm freeing up both arms to type.
END: She tells Thomas they are done. She sends him a message that says simply, ‘GET OUT.’
———————————————————————————
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN – DUSK
Sadie shuts down the office to begin her run home.
INT. OFFICE BULLPEN/HALLWAY – DUSK
BEGINNING: Always the last to leave, Sadie thrashes about outside her office, closing blinds, flicking off lights, pulling doors shut and locking doors.
MIDDLE: Sadie picks up her backpack, flips it onto her back, looks down at her phone and sees no further messages from Thomas.
END: Sadie walks to the elevator in the hallway, pushes the button, places her hand up on the door and rests her head on her arm. The door opens. She jolts upright, walks in, turns around and leans against the back wall as the doors slowly close.
———————————————————————————
EXT. STREETS – DUSK
Sadie bursts out of the building through the automatic glass doors on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
EXT. STREETS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie bursts out of the building through the automatic glass doors on the main floor and heads out running into the city.
MIDDLE: She ducks and weaves between cars, both parked and moving, not waiting for crossing lights, distracted and eager to get home. Cars honk as they avoid her.
END: She leaves the street and heads toward a crowded sidewalk.
———————————————————————————
EXT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
Sadie runs recklessly, down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening to get home quickly.
EXT. SIDEWALKS – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie hops onto a sidewalk and off the busy street.
MIDDLE: Sadie runs recklessly, shoulder-bumping people as she heads down a busy sidewalk on a Thursday evening. Her backpack knocks someone off their bike as she demonstrates total disregard for bystanders.
END: She hops off the sidewalk and turns the corner to her street.
———————————————————————————
EXT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
Feeling the pressure build, Sadie starts to sprint at full speed down her street to the foot of the steps of her townhouse.
EXT. SADIE’S STREET – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie slowly picks up speed until she is at a full out sprint down her street.
MIDDLE: She runs up the sidewalk to the foot of the steps of her townhouse, stops abruptly, and bends over, out of breath. Catching her breath, she glances up to see a shadowy figure moving about her kitchen.
END: Sadie rips her backpack off her back, stomps up the stairs and bursts through the door throwing her pack in the corner. She can smell something cooking; evidence that Thomas is still not taking her seriously about it being over.
———————————————————————————
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
Sadie confronts Thomas. She tells him this is it; they are done.
INT. TOWNHOUSE KITCHEN – DUSK
BEGINNING: Sadie storms into the kitchen confronting Thomas who is playing a video game through the doorway on the TV in the adjoining family room. The table has two place settings, a couple of beers and condiments for spaghetti and meat sauce. She yells, this is it, they are done. He still does not seem to get it and suggests they sit down for a meal and talk.
MIDDLE: To prove they are done Sadie yanks the garbage can out from under the sink and dumps everything on the table into the can. She walks over to the island and clears all contents to the can as well. Sadie grabs a pot of hot water with spaghetti noodles from the stove. She tells him she is done being held hostage by him in her own house. She throws the boiling water against the back of the sink. The boiling water splashes up on the window behind the sink and the glass cracks. The noodles end up in the sink.
Thomas, with a controller in one hand, takes a step towards her.
Sadie picks up the pot of simmering spaghetti sauce with an oven mitt threatening to throw it in his direction if he does not leave right now.
END: He finally gets the message and snaps, yelling obscenities as he storms out and slams the door, taking nothing and creating yet another reason for returning.
———————————————————————————
EXT. TOWNSHOUSE STREETSIDE – NIGHT
Thomas returns.
EXT. TOWNSHOUSE STREETSIDE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: An hour later, Thomas pulls in behind a huge white van marked LOCKSMITH.
MIDDLE: The van doesn’t register with Thomas until he sees the locksmith working on Sadie’s front door.
END: As Thomas starts up the sidewalk, he sees a half dozen clear plastic bags piled up on the stoop., bags that contain his belongings.
———————————————————————————
EXT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
Thomas engages a locksmith changing the locks to Sadie’s Townhouse. He has also been paid to deliver Thomas’ belongings to his apartment.
EXT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Thomas walks to the stoop. The locksmith asks him if the containers are his to which he affirms they are. He tells him the lady who lives here gave him five $100 dollar bills to deliver the bags to his apartment address.
MIDDLE: Thomas says he will take them and starts loading his car. The locksmith helps him, all the while consoling him about the obvious breakup.
END: The locksmith rings Sadie’s doorbell to let her know he is done, but no one answers. He slips an invoice for the job through the slot and is about to follow up with the five $100 bills. Instead, he hesitates. The bills go in his pocket.
———————————————————————————
INT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
Sadie sits on the floor with her back against the inside of the front door sobbing. It is finally over.
INT. TOWNHOUSE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie hears Thomas’ car pull away. She looks through the peep hole to confirm he is gone.
MIDDLE: She turns her back to the inside of her front door and slides down to the floor.
END: Sadie puts her head in her hands and sobs.
———————————————————————————
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CEO OFFICE – MORNING
Sadie tells the CEO, on Friday morning, that she will accept the project of opening the new office in Vancouver, BC.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE CEO OFFICE – MORNING
BEGINNING: Sadie tells the CEO, on Friday morning that she will accept the project of opening the new office in Vancouver, BC.
MIDDLE: He tells her that during the following week’s marketing conference in Whistler, BC., her appointment will be announced. He then suggests that she stay in Vancouver for a few days after the conference to do a location assessment for the new office. He will hook her up with a young man named RANDY who will help her out. He comes highly recommended, and she may want to consider hiring him as her assistant.
END: Sadie sees the Vancouver project as a way of breaking from Thomas and having a fresh start.
———————————————————————————
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
From her office, Sadie spots Thomas talking to her assistant Sheila.
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie walks through the Bullpen towards her office.
MIDDLE: She sees Thomas chatting with Sheila, Sadie’s assistant.
END: She enters her office and drops a folder on her desk labelled ‘New Office Project, LOCATION: Vancouver, BC.’
———————————————————————————
INT. SADIE’S OFFICE – DAY
Sadie tries to ignore Thomas and focuses on the folder in front of her.
INT. SADIE’S OFFICE – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie sits at her desk, pulls the project folder in front of her, opens it and pretends to focus on its contents. Thomas follows her in and asks if she wants to go downstairs and grab breakfast at the diner. She closes the folder and does not reply. Sheila appears with two cups of coffee. Sadie takes one of the cups and tells Sheila they won’t need the other one. Sheila looks confused but complies.
MIDDLE: Thomas motions to the folder and asks if Sadie is planning a move. Sadie still does not reply. Thomas reaches down, grabs the tab on the folder to open it. Sadie slams it down and tells Thomas that she prefers not to make a scene but if he does not leave her office immediately, she WILL call security.
END: Thomas leaves Sadie’s office. She quickly closes her door. Thomas doesn’t leave the bullpen right away. He continues to stop and talk to almost everyone on his way out. She realizes that, over the years, he has really inserted himself into her life.
———————————————————————————
EXT. MOUNTAIN – DAY
Sadie is lined up with a bunch of other conference attendees taking a ski lesson provided by the host city. She is partnered with a guy from one of the exhibition booths.
EXT. MOUNTAIN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie awkwardly shuffles on her skis into a lineup of students ready for a ski lesson provided by the host city of the conference. She is partnered up with a guy from one of the exhibition booths. His name is ADAM.
MIDDLE: They make small talking discovering that neither of them has ever skied before. Someone at the end of the line falls and the entire lineup of new skiers fall like dominoes. Sadie lands on Adam. She is embarrassed and apologizes while realizing that she cannot stand up. An instructor moves along the line pulling skiers to their feet.
END: The instructor tells the group, ‘Ok, our first lesson will be how to get up when you fall.’ Everyone laughs.
———————————————————————————
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
Sadie sits at a table with a vacant seat beside her. Mitchell sits down and again thank Sadie for taking on the challenge of the Vancouver, BC., office. Sadie thanks him for the opportunity and asks if TRISH, his wife, is here. He advises her that she won’t likely be coming to any more conferences as they have separated.
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie sits at a table with a vacant seat beside her. Mitchell sits down and again thanks Sadie for taking on the challenge of the Vancouver, BC., office. She thanks him for the opportunity and asks if his wife TRISH is here at the conference.
MIDDLE: Mitchell advises Sadie that Trish will not be attending any more conferences as they have split up. He says she refuses to continue ranking second to the agency.
END: Sadie is saddened and expresses to Mitchell that she will miss spending time with her at these events.
———————————————————————————
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
Adam approaches the table just as Mitchell is standing up. He sits down beside Sadie and sets two drinks on the table in front of them.
INT. BANQUET ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Adam approaches a table with a couple of drinks. He sees Mitchell sitting in his seat but also notices that he is starting to stand up. Once Mitchell bids adieu, Adam sets one down in front of Sadie and sits with the other one beside her. A speaker, the MC, at the front of the room taps his microphone to get everyone’s attention. He announces that this is the section of the night called ‘Movers and Shakers’, where we give you an update of who is moving where and when.
MIDDLE: The MC invites the group to thank the chef and her staff for the meal. The group claps vigorously. He then proceeds to make announcements of all the movements there have been over the past year and shortly to come. They get to Sadie when the speaker announces that SE Hilliard will be re-locating to Vancouver, BC, to open a branch of GAME, aka Global Advertising Management Executives. He asks the group to give her a hand.
END: Adam claps particularly vigorously.
———————————————————————————
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT
Sadie and Adam linger awkwardly at her hotel room door thanking each other for a great evening. They decide to spend a little more time together.
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie and Adam stop at the door to Sadie’s hotel room. They stand awkwardly and start to thank each other for a great evening.
MIDDLE: Adam tells Sadie he hopes to have a chance to see her again when she moves to Vancouver. Sadie assures him she would love that. He says he doesn’t want the night to end.
END: Sadie opens the door behind her back and slowly moves her and Adam into her room.
———————————————————————————
EXT. BUILDING STEPS – DAY
Sadie and Randy come out of a building in downtown Vancouver. She offers him the job of being her executive assistant and they shake hands.
EXT. BUILDING STEPS – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie and Randy exit the building and stand on the top of the steps. Sadie motions to the beautiful scenery which is a renowned seawall that is just across the street. She comments that the location couldn’t be more perfect.
MIDDLE: Randy agrees and confirms that this is the right choice for the agency. He informs her that, coincidentally, he lives in an apartment just down the street.
END: Sadie takes the opportunity to offer Randy a job as her executive assistant to which he accepts, and they shake hands.
———————————————————————————
MONTAGE – VARIOUS
INT. AGENCY OFFICE – DAY
People coming and going, painting, hanging up pictures, moving desks into place, and hanging up the company signage on the front glass window.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Sadie and Adam enjoy lunch in his favourite restaurant.
INT. BOARDROOM – DAY
Sadie doing a presentation to her team in a board room with Randy by her side flipping slides on the computer.
EXT. SEAWALL – DUSK
Sadie and Adam running along the seawall in one direction.
EXT. SEAWALL – DAY
Sadie and Adam are running along the seawall in the other direction with his two children riding their bikes alongside them.
INT. ADAM’S HOME OFFICE – DAY
Adam reclines back in his chair Facetiming with Sadie on his computer monitor.
INT. AGENCY – DAY
Sadie cuts the ribbon on the opening of the Vancouver office. Mitchell is there to shake her hand.
EXT. PARK – DAY
Sadie and Adam pose for a wedding photo in a park with his two children standing beside them.
END OF MONTAGE
———————————————————————————
INT. BULLPEN/BOARDROOM – DAY
Sadie walks through the bullpen telling her team members it’s time for the mock presentation in the boardroom. She reminds them how important the account is and shows signs of her micro-managing nature.
INT. BULLPEN/BOARDROOM – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie walks through the bullpen corralling her team into the boardroom for a mock presentation in preparation for the real presentation she is scheduled to give in a week. She thanks them for their contributions and lets them all know how important this account is and how it will be a real boon for the agency.
MIDDLE: The boardroom is all set up. Each member has done their part. Randy is at the computer ready to run the slides for Sadie. CANDACE, a technology whiz, dims the lights.
END: Randy starts the slide show.
———————————————————————————
INT. BOARDROOM/BULLPEN – DAY
Sadie finishes the presentation and asks the group for comments. They praise her delivery. This is where she excels. Sadie suggests they go around the table and ask each member for their comment or suggestions for improvement. Every suggestion is explained away by Sadie with a reason she has it the way it is. She is very confident in what she has done, and it shows.
INT. BOARDROOM/BULLPEN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie finishes the presentation and asks the group for comments. They praise her delivery. This is where she excels.
MIDDLE: Sadie suggests they go around the table and ask each member for their comment or suggestions for improvement. Every suggestion is explained away by Sadie with a reason she has it the way it is. She is very confident in what she has done, and it shows.
END: The group disburses back into the bullpen. Candace is looking discouraged at having her tech ideas rebuffed.
———————————————————————————
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Sadie calls Adam to tell him she won’t be home for dinner as she is putting the finishing touches on her presentation. She doesn’t realize she will miss Ada’s fifth birthday. She doesn’t change her mind.
INT. LOCATION – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie calls Adam to let him know she will not be home for dinner. She is putting the finishing touches on her big presentation.
MIDDLE: Adam reminds her that he is hosting Ada’s fifth birthday at dinner to which Sadie apologizes but does not offer to try and make it.
END: Adam tells her he will invite Ada’s mom, his ex-wife HANNAH to fill the empty seat at dinner.
———————————————————————————
INT. BAR – NIGHT
After Ada’s birthday party and dinner, Hannah takes the kids home to get ready for school the next day. Adam goes to meet a friend at a bar.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Adam enters the bar and joins a friend, WILL, at his table. They greet each other with a dude’s handshake. Adam sits down. WILL asks him how married life is treating him.
MIDDLE: Adam shares with Will that he knew Sadie would be busy opening a new agency, but he wasn’t quite prepared for how much time she puts into that project as compared to the amount of time she puts into their family and being a new Stepmom to a couple of young children. Will, being a good friend, listens intently. He offers an opinion that maybe once she’s got this big presentation under her belt she’ll settle in a bit.
END: Adam suggests that they drop that topic and shoot some pool.
———————————————————————————
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Sadie receives a phone call in the afternoon. It is Adam telling her she forgot to pick up the kids from school. Hannah couldn’t do it and Adam was busy with a client as well. Sadie had agreed to pick up the kids.
INT. OFFICE – AFTERNOON
BEGINNING: Sadie sits staring at her computer screen when her phone vibrates. It is Adam. She answers.
MIDDLE: Adam asks Sadie if she is supposed to be somewhere. Sadie suddenly remembers she was supposed to pick up the kids from school. She jumps up and assures Adam she is on her way.
END: Adam tells Sadie it does not work that way. He tells Sadie the school called Hannah and Hannah called Adam who had to cut off his meeting with his client go get them. He advised Sadie that her name was ‘mud’ for the moment. He tells her she will need to call Hannah and apologize and then apologize to the kids.
———————————————————————————
INT. FAMILY ROOM – NIGHT
Sadie and Adam have a conversation about the missed pickup. He tells her that stopping by to talk to Hannah in person was a nice touch as was reading the kids two bedtime stories instead of one. He brings up the idea of a honeymoon which they haven’t yet had.
INT. FAMILY ROOM – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie and Adam have a conversation about the day’s activities, specifically forgetting to pick up the kids from school. Sadie makes amens by stopping by in-person to apologize to Hannah and assures her it won’t happen again. She reads the kids two bedtime stories instead of one complete with animated voices. She has never read them bedtime stories before.
MIDDLE: Adam thanks Sadie for her efforts to smooth the waters and suggests that it is time for them to think about finally going on a honeymoon.
END: Sadie agrees but asks Adam if that discussion can wait until she has finished the big presentation she is preparing. Adam agrees.
———————————————————————————
PLACEHOLDER: need to include a few scenes where Sadie and the two kids interact. When they are together they all get along. But often, Sadie lets them down by not being able to attend sporting events or school activities.
———————————————————————————
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
Thomas calls Sadie at her office. He just wants to ask her how she is doing. He tells her he went for a beer with VJ KILMER the other day who told him that he and Sadie would be competing for business in the big presentation.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Sadie’s cellphone rings while she sits at her desk at work still preparing for her big presentation. It is Thomas who has just called to say hello and ask her how she is doing. She responds that things are going well and she’s just preparing for a big presentation so she can’t talk long.
MIDDLE: Thomas tells her he knows about the presentation because he had a beer last night with VJ KILMER, Sadie’s competition from a New York advertising agency.
END: Even though Sadie knows that Thomas made a few friends in the industry when they were together, this association makes her a little bit nervous. She tells him she has to go, and they end the call.
———————————————————————————
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
The big day has arrived, the day of the presentation. Sadie is talking to her team in the bullpen, giving them instructions for getting set up in the client’s boardroom. She is dressed in her running gear.
INT. BULLPEN – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie stands in the bullpen talking to Randy about making sure that everyone knows what they must do to get set up in the client’s boardroom. She is dressed in her running gear and lets him know that she will be going out for a quick run and will join him in the boardroom for a run through in an hour and a half.
MIDDLE: Randy assures her that everything is ready to go. He wants to bring the team along for the presentation, but he is pretty sure that if he asks, Sadie will say no, so he doesn’t ask.
END: Sadie heads out for her run. Randy rallies the troupe.
———————————————————————————
INT. STREETS – DAY
Sadie heads out of the building into the streets of Vancouver. Barely out the door, her cellphone vibrates. She plugs her earphone/microphone piece in. It is Mitchell calling from New York to wish her good luck and remind her that a potential partnership is riding on things going well.
INT. STREETS – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie bursts through the front doors of her building and runs down the steps. She has barely stepped out onto the street when her cellphone vibrates in her leg pocket. She pulls up the earpiece and hanging microphone and answers. It is Mitchell, her New York City CEO.
MIDDLE: Mitchell knows that Sadie always goes for a run before a big presentation but jokingly asks her if she is out running. She laughs and responds ‘of course’. He wishes her good luck and asks her if she feels ready. She responds ‘absolutely’.
END: Mitchell wishes her luck again and casually reminds her what is potentially riding on this presentation to which Sadie responds, ‘no pressure.’ He laughs and signs off.
———————————————————————————
EXT. STREETS – DAY
Sadie makes her way out of the downtown core and into a section of the city that is not quite so busy. Her music is playing, and she is in the zone. Suddenly, her phone vibrates again. Her first thought is that it is Mitchell calling back with something he forgot to say. It is not Mitchell. It is a stranger telling her she needs to KEEP RUNNING.
EXT. STREETS – DAY
BEGINNING: Sadie winds her way through cars, bikes, buses, and people, she finally makes it to a part of downtown that is not quite so congested. Her music is playing through her bone-conducting headphones, and she is in the zone.
MIDDLE: Her phone vibrates on her leg. Thinking it is probably Mitchell with some forgotten item from the last call, she grabs her phone out of her tights leg pocket and sees that it is not Mitchell. It is an UNKNOWN CALLER.
END: The text reads HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION?
———————————————————————————
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
Sadie turns off her music and tries to focus on what is going on. A second text tells her if she doesn’t keep running her family will be hurt.
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
BEGINNING: Sadie stops running and turns off her music. She looks at the text.
MIDDLE: The caller says she needs to KEEP RUNNING. They text again, ‘HAVE I GOT YOUR ATTENTION?’ ‘IF YES, RAISE YOUR ARM’. Sadie is frozen.
END: In all capitals comes a text that says IF YOU LOVE YOUR FAMILY…START RUNNING. And a photo of Ada and Wilf pops up on her phone followed by a photo of Adam.
———————————————————————————
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
Sadie starts running.
INT. STREETS – DAY [CONTINUOUS]
BEGINNING: Sadie slowly starts running. As she goes, she types WHO IS THIS?
MIDDLE: The caller tells her to look to her right when she crosses through the next intersection. When she does, she sees someone on a motor bike shining a flashlight in her direction. They say, THAT’S WHO!
END: The caller texts a FACE SCREAMIG IN FEAR emoji followed by a CRYING emoji.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Karen Sinclair.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Karen Sinclair.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Karen Sinclair.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by Karen Sinclair.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by
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Lonnie’s finished ACT I
What I learned from this assignment: Still learning to “speed write”. This lessoned helped me in that direction. Used some “placeholders” in places where more detail/research is required, as this is an historical fiction script.
(Robert F. Kennedy’s Final Speech Los Angeles, CA, June 1968)
SUPER: Ambassador Hotel, Los Angeles, CA June 1968
Start: 7:53 “…the Country wants to move in a different direction…”
End: 8:02 “…. Peace in Vietnam.”
Freeze Frame
Black Screen
One, echoing gunshot.
(Martin Luther King’s “I’ve Been to the Mountain Top” speech, Memphis, TN, April, 1968)
SUPER: Memphis, TN, April 1968
Start: 40 seconds to 1:02
Freeze Frame
Black Screen
One, echoing gunshot.
(John F. Kennedy’s Peace Speech/American University June 1963)
SUPER: American University June 1963
Start: 2:55 “…I’m talking about genuine peace..”
End: 3:28 “…total war makes no sense…”
Freeze Frame
Repeat: “…total war makes no sense”
Black Screen
One, echoing gunshot
CLIP of actual taped recording of Nixon in ‘69 talking with Henry Kissinger at White House.
NIXON
For once we’ve got to use the maximum power of this country against this shit-ass little country.
HENRY KISSINGER
I’m concerned about the civilians…
NIXON
Henry, the only place we disagree is about the bombing. You’re so goddamned concerned about the civilians…I don’ give a damn! I don’t care.
Blank screen.
NIXON (V.O.)
…I don’t give a damn…I don’t care–
INSERT VIDEO (FROM D. ELLSBERGS’ DOC)… THROWING BODIES INTO MASS GRAVE
(2) Suggest: “PEOPLE GOTTA BE FREE” YOUNG RASCALS fade in
SUPER: MUNCIE, INDIANA MAY 4TH,1970
INT. LIVING ROOM – SMALL RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT
TWO COUPLES (20ish) watch a black & white TV with rabbit ear antennae in an unkept living room, all four sipping Stroh’s beer, laughing, jovial mood. Cigarette smoke fills the room.
MUSIC BLARES IN BACKGROUND
JEFFREY SHELTON, in cut-off jeans and T-shirt sits in old recliner. REBECCA, a cute blond co-ed, sits in his lap. Jeffrey’s hair in pony tail, face rough shaven.
Rebecca lights a joint, but Jeffrey puffs a cigarette and shakes head on the joint, declining.
The other couple, JACK DIXON (20), conservatively dressed, short hair, and STEPHANIE (20), tall neatly-dressed brunette, are stretched out on a worn couch.
JEFFREY
I gotta study, guys, big physics test tomorrow. Didn’t do so hot on my last one.
He puts his cigarette out.
JACK
Hey, check that out! Turn off the stereo!
Jeffrey jumps up, turns off turn table.
Jack sits up, points to TV emphatically. Jumps to old the small TV and turns it up.
JACK
Shee..it!
JEFFREY
Are you shitting me?
All four sit up in attention. Rebecca knocks over a beer.
Evening news shows National Guard at Kent State University marching down a hill, firing rifles at students hundreds of feet away.
NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
…and the names of the four students killed today at Kent State University are being held until all the families have been notified…
The room is silent. The four are dumbfounded. They all shake their heads, stare at each other in shock.
Rebecca, frozen, watches the ashes build on her joint, then falls on the dirty carpet.
Jeffrey sets his beer down on a dilapidated end table next to other empty beer cans and a glass astray packed with cigarette butts.
JEFFREY
Now they’re shooting students for Christ sake! First they kill us in wars, they assassinate our Presidents and leaders, and now us!
He pulls a cigarette out of his shirt pocket. The six-foot-tall Jack Stidham stands up, scratches his near burr-cut head.
JACK
Don’t know what to say, man–
JEFFREY
Nothin’ to say. This government is out of control with their control. Nixon said he would get us out of ‘NAM–
JACK
Dude, this wasn’t caused by Nixon–
JEFFREY
Hell if it wasn’t, he promised to get us out of ‘Nam, and now he just sent troops into Cambodia. We’ve got to do something about this madman!
(2A)
INT. OFFICE – RAND CORP. SECTOR – PENTAGON – WASHINGTON D.C. – DAY
BUSINESS MAN (mid-40’S) slowly turns combination lock on large safe. Glances over many files and books.
He spots files: “VIETNAM–TOP SECRET”, then pulls out a few hundred pages and slides them in his briefcase.
Turns off office light. Exits, locking door behind him.
INT. LIVING ROOM – SMALL RENTAL HOUSE – DAY
STEPHANIE
Not much we can do, I feel helpless, and I ain’t bombin’ no buildings.
JEFFREY
Jack, it was the “National Guard” right? Nixon loves guns and war. That shit flows downhill–just like the draft he put in place back in December. He would nuke “Nam if Kissinger would let him–
STEPHANIE
I’m outta hear. I have a special ed class in the morning. This whole thing is so sad…so sad.
REBECCA
I’m with you. Let’s bolt. I can’t handle this shit. Are those military dudes at Ball State?
JACK
You guys are over-reacting. There’s no guard here.
JEFFREY
Sure ‘bout that?
JACK
I just had class at 4. Nothing happening on campus.
BAM! Dilapidated front screen door slams as the two girls head out.
JACK
Wanta go down stairs and crank up some CCR or Doors?
JEFFREY
I feel like it, man, but need to study. Test in the morning. I’m on for this weekend, though. There’ll be a lot of chicks here.
JACK
Oh yeah…forget it’s your brother’s birthday party. We gotta get a keg.
INT. DINING ROOM – COLLEGE RENTAL HOUSE – NIGHT
Jeff walks in and sits down to his Rogers drumset. He picks up his sticks and starts to play, then suddenly throws his sticks down, disgusted.
JEFFREY
War….who needs war? I don’t get it.
(3) he goes to his bedroom.
INT. BEDROOM – SMALL RENTAL – NIGHT
Describe: Track ribbons, trophies, mattress on floor. Jeff head in hands, lights a ciggy then picks up physics book and studies.
(4) KSU campus: day: Chuck Ayers with Karen…Karen’s crying. trying to get off campus…phone lines tied up/all highways busy…blue vw buG…)NEXT ACT?)
(6) EXT. BALL STATE UNIVERSITY – MIDDLE OF CAMPUS – DAY
Weather perfect. Light spring breeze. Buildings in center of campus for a rectangle, with lush grass and tall trees filling the middle.
Criss-crossing sidewalks connect the Student Union with the various class buildings.
Jeffrey walks west into this “square” on one of the sidewalks, books in hand.
He has the same Tshirt on as the previous night, but now dons tie-dyed jeans.
He is hypersensitive, as he enters the open area. He slows his walking pace and diligently looks around.
JEFFREY (V.O.)
I wondered in that moment: Could the National Guard be here? Are they watching me? Are they hiding behind these buildings…ready to shoot?
He picks up his pace.
JEFFREY (V.O.)
I continually looked around for signs of military. I started walking at a near-run pace toward the science building. I was scared.
He nearly knocks over a gorgeous brunette, BARB CAIN, in sorority-style attire.
BARB
Hey, Jeff, haven’t seen you in a while.
JEFFREY
Yeah, got caught up in some stuff.
He looks all around as he talks to her.
BARB
You haven’t called in while, figured you met someone else.
Jeffrey looks away.
JEFFREY
Hey, we’re having a party Saturday…my brother’s birthday. He’s turning 19.
BARB
(gloomy)
I’ll see. Last time I came to your house, you had plenty of girls there.
She gives a smirkish smile.
JEFFREY
I’ll be better. I gotta run. Test you know.
BARB
Ok.
JEFFREY
(yells back)
Don’t forget Saturday.
He stops and looks around. Takes a seat on nearby concrete bench in the shadows of a towering willow tree.
(7) JEFF’S MINDSCAPE: from previous night’s news cast: Pic of JEFF MILLER (19)face down, deceased, on pavement in the parking lot on KSU campus.
(8)Jeff reluctantly picks up his physics book and slowly heads toward the old science building.
JEFFREY (V.O.)
Were the students violent? Did they have guns? Was it a peaceful protest? Were they just walking to class? No way to know back then…no internet, cell phones, or even cable news.
Jeffrey stops just in front of the steps to the science building, looks around one more time, then heads up the stairs.
(9) INT. BALL STATE UNIVERSITY – SCIENCE BUILDING
Jeffrey races up a packed stairway, hundreds of carefree students scurry up and down.
LOUD CHATTER (V.O.)
JEFFREY (V.O.)
That day…that emotion is forever embedded in my mind and heart. How can this be? How can students get killed going to class. Years would pass before I would be able to process the full story…and the cover-up.
NEXT DAY…
(9A) INT. LIVING ROOM – SMALL RENTAL – DAY
Jeff frantically calling on wall phone..line busy.
He then dials another number:
JEFFREY
Hey, Mom, can you give me Cousin Chuck’s number in Akron? I can’t get a hold of him at school.
Jeff scribbles it down on the wall.
Dials frantically
CHUCK (V.O.)
(traumatized/shaking)
S;lkfasflk. Hello…I’m still in shock, dude. This is too much…………….
JEFFREY
I’ve got a test Friday, then I’ll head up…Dave has a birthday party here, but I’ll skip
“What happened man, what’s goin on?”…we gotta meet, here’s the story:
(9B) Jeff goes to Chuck’s house in Akron, they pop a beer and ciggy’s….Chuck Tells his story:
(10) KSU campus: Chuck is visiting SDS meeting, big rap session: SDS meets here, crash house/flop house. HAUNTED HOUSE/CRASH HOUSE Sds heated discussions…peeps unknown..Chuck joins in conversation.
SUPER: Thursday, April 30, 1970
CHUCK AND KAREN GO TO CLASS, BRING TV AND WATCH NIXON’S SPEECH where he announced going into Cambodia.
(12)lots of talk on campus about the speech on Cambodia.
(12A) haunted house in kent from Psycho P.76-Michener. p.78 Key note. Kids from Berkely, Harvard, Michigan–it was headquarters for SDS… mentin Debie Shryock and Rick Erikson also p.83
(12B) House on Ash st + haunted house….radicals. 1/2 not students
Corky benedict p.87
(13) chuck and karen…..chuck taking pics of the scuttlebutt
(13A) 5/1/70 noon, students, GET NAME FROM MICHENER’S BOOK “bury constitution”….it’s Dead, no longer follow it!
Terry Norman taking pics of ceremony
(13B) Rudy Perry, black leader, calls meeting, keeps the blacks out of site. He doesn’t want the black community on campus to be blamed for any of the protests/riots.
See pgs 32-34 Michener’s book,(13C) quotes from Weathermen p.61 – Michener, and SDS stuff here
(13 D) house on Ash st, p.66 – Michener. Flop house, hard to describe, but typical college type / wide variety for sure. Good description on p. 72..p.74 Some violent plans
ermerged from here…SDS problems in ‘69 see pgs99,100, 103
(13E) INT. KENT CITY MAYOR’S OFFICE – KENT, OHIO – NIGHT
Kent mayor makes initial call to Columbus for nat’l guard (calls governor’s office) dialogue on p.114
(14) EXT. KENT, OHIO – DOWNTOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Bar scenes/students spill into the streets after they get kicked out of bars…early curfew, they’re now even more upset and full of beer!
(13F)INT. BEDROOM – DINGY APARTMENT – KENT, OHIO – DAY
Terry Norman (25), slender, dark hair, conservative dress looks out of his bedroom window at the many students parading toward downtown Kent, Ohio.
He pulls a revolver out of his dresser, looks it over. Places it in his jacket pocket. Heads out.
The Cobra BIKERS from Youngstown arrive.
(15A) INT. NATIONAL GUARD CAMP – COLUMBUS, OH – NIGHT
Captain Snyder was reading to his troop about their official behavior: p. 118 (see Michener for details)
(16) A few young people break windows, start fires.
(16a) Kent police arrive
(17) Chuck takes pictures. He spots a suspicious male student taking pics as well. This man goes to a pay phone. Looks around suspiciously.
(19A) INT. PENTAGON SECURITY EXIT DOOR – NIGHT
Dan Ellsberg leaves with briefcase full of classified documents. Security Guards look at him, but do not examine the breifcase.
EXT. KENT, OHIO – OUTSIDE PAY PHONE – NIGHT
Chuck walks up to man, overhears conversation:
Suspicious student, Terry Norman takes one last picture, then walks over to pay phone.
Norman: “Things are really heating up here at Kent”.
(V.O.): “You have your weapon. Use it if you need to.”
Norman: “The Guard isn’t here yet, but the Mayor will probably call them in tomorrow”.
(V.O.): “When the shit hits the fan, do what it takes to show those kids whose in charge.”
Norman: “Got it”. Hangs up phone. Looks around, doesn’t see Chuck, pulls out pistol….checks loaded gun chamber. Slips gun back in his pocket.
-
Margaret’s Finished First Act
What I learned completing this assignment is I still have a ways to go to writing fast. I spent a couple of days finishing act I because there were some problems that needed to be solved before I headed off to Episode 2. I don’t feel entirely bad because I’m very happy with the solutions I came up.
Open
Int. mom’s spare room – day
LAKE TURNER, 30s, a failed corporate type, is under the covers with a pillow over her head, her eyes stubbornly shut as the faint SOUND of an alarm rings.
Lake
No. You can’t be here.
Blake, 30s, with a self-absorbed intensity to him, sits on the edge of the bed fiddling with his wedding ring. He is casual in his expensive, slouchy clothes.
Blake
Get up.
Lake
Not yet.
Blake
You’re never going to get anywhere like this.
LAKE
I’m not ready.
Blake
It’s time. Time to get on with it.
Lake
I can’t.
Blake
You’ll never amount to anything if you don’t move.
Alarm NOISES getting louder.
Lake sits up and shouts. Over the insistent SOUND of a blaring alarm.
Lake
Shut up!
The mattress she is on is surrounded by all manner of junk and paraphernalia. A hoarder’s dream.
She looks around. She is alone in the room.
She fumbles for her phone. She grabs it but it falls off the side of the bed onto the floor.
The floor is cluttered. Lake’s hand locates the phone and shuts off the alarm.
The door of the room bursts open with MOM, 60s, a wild-eyed middle aged woman in a matching sweatsuit.
Mom
How could anyone sleep through that? Do you know how long it’s been going off?
Lake
Sorry, I couldn’t sleep last night.
Mom
You weren’t up cleaning I hope?
Lake
For the last time I didn’t throw anything away!
Mom
I couldn’t sleep either. The President said we should be raking our forests. Maybe that fire wouldn’t have happened…
Lake
I thought it was the lasers?
Mom
If there wasn’t the fuel…
Lake
Don’t believe everything you hear mom.
Mom
You think YOU know more than the President?
Lake
I think I’m gonna be late. I gotta start my shift.
TITLE: GIG ECONOMY
INT. CAR DRIVING – DAY
Lake drives a zippy Mini Cooper, bright yellow with black stripes on the sides, the last vestige of her former life.
On the passenger seat is an unfolded map of Sonoma County with red Xs marked over it and black Rs.
JEZeBEL
(electronic voice)
Turn right now.
The only thing visible is a residential wall as far as the eye can see blocking off the generic, similar backyards from the sidewalk and thoroughfare.
A large SONOMA STRONG hand painted sign hangs from the fence.
LAKE
You did it again, didn’t you? You little hussy.
She expertly flips a bitch and heads off in the other direction on the wide, shady street. She stops at the first stop sign and turns left.
JEZeBEL
Return to the route…
LAKE
Whatever.
JEZeBEL
Return to the route…
LAKE
This IS the damn route.
She takes another left.
JEZeBEL
Return to the route.
Lake pulls up in front of a two story, moss colored house.
LAKE
You wouldn’t know the route if it was crammed up your…
JEZeBEL
Arrived!
INT. PARKED CAR – DAY
Lake, puts the car in park, switches the emergency brake on, pushes off the ignition, hits arrived on the delivery app on her phone and hops out of the car.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
She opens the hatchback revealing a large, red bag with white lettering spelling FOODEASE on the side.
Lake grabs the bag by the straps and flings the straps over her shoulder. She heads toward the generic, middle class house, carrying her phone and keys.
She unzips the bag at the door step, takes the white plastic bag with the white styrofoam food container and places it ever so carefully on the step in front of the door.
She knocks twice quickly, hits the send on a text on her phone that reads: This is your FOODEASE driver, Lake. I’ve arrived and your order is outside your door. Enjoy!
Lake places the empty FOODEASE bag in the back of the car and slams the hatchback.
Her phone buzzes.
She looks down for directions to her next restaurant pick up.
INT. SAM’S LIQUOR & DELI – DAY
AZIZ, the owner, shows Lake two bottles. Next to him is a tall plexiglass case filled with small bottles of alcohol like those on airplanes.
AZIZ
Here we have a bottle of the finest, low brow, red table wine. This followed by a bottle of cheap champagne guaranteed to give you a headache before your night is over.
Aziz puts the bottles in a brown bag.
LAKE
Check. Check. Thanks Aziz.
AZIZ
Stay safe out there.
A drunk man stumbles up to the counter talking to himself as Lake packs the brown bag into her insulated food bag.
LAKE
You stay safe in here.
Lake slips the straps more carefully over her shoulder and exits the liquor store passing the drunk man’s shopping cart filled with all his worldly possessions just outside the entry door.
EXT. REMOTE ROAD – DAY
The zippy Mini Cooper drives on a remote road next to a river. The yellow car stands out in all the green.
JEZABEL
Turn left now.
Lake slams on the breaks.
She cranes her neck to get a better view over the hood.
A squirrel emerges and runs to the side of the road and up a tree.
Lake looks visibly relieved.
LAKE
Whewww, That was close.
JEZeBEL
Return to the route. Return to the route.
LAKE
I’m going.
Blake shows up in her passenger seat.
Lake
Jesus! I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy.
Blake
Calm down.
LAKE
I must be having…
Blake
A vision.
Lake
A hallucination.
BlAKE
You were calmer this morning.
Lake
This morning I thought I was having…
Blake
A dream.
Lake
A nightmare. Calm down. Don’t you tell me to calm down.
Blake
Still the same I see. Still a stupid bitch.
Lake
How are you the same!? You…you…
Blake
Still got it.
Lake
You are dead. Go back from where you came!
Blake
Still here.
Lake
You’re dead! Go be at peace or whatever.
Blake
That doesn’t actually work.
Lake
Why? Why doesn’t it work?
Blake
We’re not finished.
Lake
I am finished. Oh, I’m so finished.
Blake
Besides, you’ll never make it without me.
Lake
I won’t make it without you? How can a ghost be such an asshole? You just watch me. Can’t make it without you.
Blake is suddenly gone.
Lake
Thank god. Make it with out you. I’ll be so successful…hell, I’ll… I’ll be famous!
INT. CAR DRIVING – DAY
Lake squints into the evening sun, descending in the west.
LAKE
I don’t see a road, you stupid bitch.
JEZeBEL
Turn left. Now.
LAKE
You’ve GOT to be kidding me.
EXT. SIDE OF ROAD – DAY
A hand painted sign barely hanging onto the post it is nailed to reads: RIO VERDE ROAD.
INT. CAR DRIVING – DAY
Lake turns down the grown-over dirt road.
The sides of the rough road are wild and encroach on the drive.
LAKE
Fuck me.
JEZeBEL
Your destination is a quarter of a mile on the right.
LAKE
You ever seen the movie Deliverance, Jezebel?
JEZeBEL
Arrived!
Lake stares out at what looks like a wood shed with a second story built over top of it. A rickety stairway ascends to the top floor on the right of the “home”.
LAKE
Affordable housing in Sonoma County.
She turns off the ignition and steps out of the car.
LAKE
If I don’t make it out alive, it’s been a real pleasure working with you, Jezebel.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Lake sits in the car in front of a tract home in the dark.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Lake places the map in the back seat carefully and begins to collect her things.
She changes her mind and drops her stuff back on the passenger’s seat.
She opens her glove box and little bottles of alcohol threaten to spill out. She takes one, Grand Marnier out, cracks the cap and guzzles it.
Lake makes a sour face.
She pulls out a folded flyer for a house for sale from the glovebox. She carefully unfolds the paper and looks at the property.
She pulls out her phone and dials her her sister.
INT. home gym – night
EMBER, 30s, type A personality, runs hardcore on a treadmill. Her phone is strapped to her arm with earphone up to her ears BLASTING a song.
Her phone rings. She hops off in one swift move and answers the call.
Intercut with above
Ember
What is it? How’s mom?
Lake
The same.
Ember
I keep hope alive.
Lake
Tigers always hope.
EMBER
I’m busy, why are you calling me?
LAKE
I want to look at a house. (Gives the address and MLS#)
Ember
Out of your price range.
LAKE
Show it to me anyway. I want to see if it fits.
EMBER
It isn’t a pair of jeans.
Lake
You want me to call Addison Ray?
Ember
No. Fine.
Lake
Tomorrow at 6:00?
Ember
I’ll be there.
Lake
And bring your appetite, I’ll bring dinner.
Ember
It’s not a date.
LAKE
I told you, I’m trying on the house. See ya.
EmBER
Bye.
Lake ends the call. She looks closely at the flyer and sighs.
Lake
Watch me.
EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Lake stands for a long moment in front of the house. She steels herself and breaths in deeply.
She puts the keys in the lock and opens the front door.
INT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Lake looks around and sees no one. She tiptoes toward the hall.
Mom steps into the kitchen entry.
MOM
They’re bulldozing Blake’s studio Friday afternoon.
LAKE
Jesus. You scared me.
MOM
I don’t think you can put it off anymore.
LAKE
OKAY, mom.
MOM
It’s time.
LAKE
Good night.
MOM
I’m just sayin’ you gotta do it.
LAKE
I hear ya. Good night, mom.
INT. SPARE ROOM – NIGHT
Lake lies on a mattress in sweats and a tank top.
Lake checks her earnings for the day on her phone.
She smiles at the phone in a satisfied sort of way.
She initiates an instant deposit and almost immediately receives a confirmation message.
She signs on to her bank account. The deposit’s not enough to cover the negative amount in the account. She frowns.
She plugs in her phone and turns off the light.
Lake turns off her phone…
LAKE
Good Night, Jezebel.
…and turns over in bed.
INT. CAR DRIVING – DAY
Lake drives down a two lane road with a left turn lane at a light. Lake is nearly at the light.
JEZeBEL
At the stop light turn left.
There are eight cars in the left hand turn lane and there is no possibility of her getting over.
LAKE
You are really pissing me off right now, Jezebel.
Lake goes through the green light and turns left into a shopping center. She cuts through the parking lot.
She cuts into traffic. On her right is a long row of dilapidated motor homes parked on the side of the road.
Behind the back vehicle is a red and green plastic container.
EXT. BEE’S ORGANIC FAST FOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
A modern farmhouse looking building with a living roof.
The Yellow Mini Cooper with its distinctive black stripes pulls up outside the busy restaurant.
A sign reading: Welcome Bee’s Delivery Partners, stands at the end of the parking space.
INT. BEE’S ORGANIC FAST FOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
Lake approaches a counter with her Foodease bag, keys and phone in hand.
A rather good looking man, turns around to help her. MITCH, 30s, has cropped hair. He is tall and fit and looks like a lawyer that got lost in his light blue, button-down shirt and Khaki pants.
LAKE
I’m picking up for Mark C. today.
Mitch
FOODEASE – Let’s see Mark C.
LAKE
Eight items.
Mitch
What is someone like you doing delivering food?
LAKE
Asks the grown man working at a fast food restaurant.
Mitch
It’s organic!
LAKE
There’s a drive through.
Mitch
Yeah, I’ve got nothing.
Mitch hands her a full bag and displays a dazzling smile.
Mitch
Thank you for being our partner and providing excellent food to Sonoma County.
LAKE
You should do the commercial.
EXT. HOUSE – DAY
Lake steps out of her Mini Cooper and lifts the hatchback. She grabs her Foodease bag and walks up to the house.
Around the door is a decorative lantern next to a bench and a large candle on a little round table with a few beautiful potted plants.
Lake places the bag in front of the door that Mitch handed her carefully and knocks.
INT. MAE’S CHINESE DELIGHT RESTAURANT – DAY
LAKE
Hi Mae. I have a pick up for Lucy M. today.
Lake’s phone buzzes. There is a message from Mitch that reads: do you ever eat out? Sincerely, The grown man working at Bee’s.
INT. GRAIZE EATERY – DAY
Mitch and Lake sit across from each other in a casual eatery looking at their respective menus.
LAKE
It’s kind of weird to actually be eating in a restaurant. I can’t remember the last time…
INT. DIFFERENT RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lake sits with Blake. Both look at their menus. Both wear wedding rings.
BlakE
So, what are you gonna get?
LAKE
I’m ping-ponging between the sword fish and the shrimp scampi. You?
Blake
Definitely the salmon. Unless, I choose the linguini with clams that is.
LAKE
Decisive couple we are husband.
Blake puts down his menu and holds up a glass of champagne, an almost clear liquid with the tiniest of bubbles.
Blake
Happy Anniversary, Lake.
She puts down her menu and picks up her glass and smiles at him.
They touch glasses with a TINK and each take a sip of the pale, golden liquid.
INT. GRAIZE EATERY – DAY
Lake puts down her menu and squares to Mitch.
LAKE
So what kind of name is MITCH?
MITCH
I don’t know LAKE.
LAKE
Yeah, I’m definitely changing that. Lake. Meadow. Fawn. Great names for the under twenty-five crowd…not so much for a woman in her thirties…and middle aged. Uggh!
MITCH
So what’s your story, the woman who’s about to formerly be known as Lake?
LAKE
Let’s not exchange our stories just yet. I find it’s best to know as little as possible sometimes. Don’t you agree?
MITCH
Rubbish.
LAKE
Rubbish? What are you British? And I’m still not talking.
MITCH
Work?
LAKE
This again?
MITCH
What do you like about delivering for FOODEASE? We do need to talk about something.
Lake reaches over with a fork and plucks a piece of blackened tuna with green wasabi sauce and quickly puts it in her mouth.
LAKE
Yum.
MITCH
Did you really just eat from my plate?
LAKE
I like to try everything.
MITCH
(clears throat)
So, Foodease?
LAKE
I like to observe humans in their natural habitat. Especially the endangered species.
MITCH
Such as….
LAKE
Uneducated white males.
MITCH
Funny.
LAKE
How did you get my number anyway?
MITCH
One of the benefits of management. I hope I didn’t overstep?
Blake shows up.
Blake
No one is ever going to want you.
Lake
Go away!
Mitch
What?
Lake
Not you.
Mitch
So, I did overstep?
INT. GRAIZE EATERY BATHROOM – DAY
Lake’s jeans are around her ankles almost covering her boots and Mitch’s khakis are similarly bunched up at his loafers. She leans against the bathroom tile with him taking her from behind.
Someone tries to open the door. The two continue to go at it.
Lake is distracted by Blake, arms crossed leaning against the wall watching.
Blake
I did not see this coming.
A knock…
RESTAURANT PATRON (O.S.)
Hello?!
MITCH
Almost finished.
Lake
Almost finished.
Blake
Finish already.
He finishes.
EXT. GRAIZE EATERY BATHROOM – DAY
Mitch and Lake walk out past the disapproving restaurant PATRON.
LAKE
We just both had to go and we were together so you know, efficiency.
Mitch pushes her from behind and smiles guiltily as they pass the waiting patron.
EXT. GRAIZE EATERY PARKING LOT – DAY
Mitch and Lake stand awkwardly next to her car. Mitch tries to kiss Lake. She pulls away.
LAKE
I’m not ready for that yet.
MITCH
We just had sex in the bathroom and you won’t kiss me?
LAKE
Oh, I never, before the third date.
MITCH
Well…
LAKE
Come on…I know you want to say rubbish!
MITCH
I’m not sure about you.
LAKE
Well, that makes two of us.
Mitch
It felt like there was three of us in the bathroom.
Lake
What?
Mitch
A ghost of an old boyfriend perhaps.
Lake
I have a shift that starts in about a minute. We’ll have to visit ghosts of lovers past some other time.
Mitch takes her hand in his and gently brings her hand up to his lips and kisses just so.
Mitch
Mi’lady.
EXT. house for sale – day
Lake pulls up to the house. She looks at her phone, it’s a few minutes to 6:00 p.m.
She exits the car and looks up and down the street. She looks at the front of the house appraising it’s situation.
She approaches the front door. There is a lockbox. She walks over to the first window she sees and looks in.
The living room is staged with furniture. She looks down at the time on her phone. It’s 6:00 p.m. exactly.
Her phone rings. Ember is calling.
Lake
Where are you?
Ember
I got caught up writing an offer. We’ll have to see the house some other time.
Lake
Are you serious? I’m here now standing outside the house.
Ember
I’m not going to apologize for being successful.
Lake walks over to the lockbox.
Lake
Give me the code to the lockbox.
Ember
I could lose my license.
Lake
Then get yourself up here.
Ember
One, zero, zero, two.
Lake
That’s the security code,
One, zero, zero, two?
Ember
Fuck off. Lock up when you’re finished.
Lake enters the numbers and the box opens revealing the key. She pulls out the key and looks around.
She goes back to the car and takes out her Foodease bag, unlocks the front door and enters the house.
INT. House for sale – day
She walks room to room. She smiles.
Lake sits down at the table in the dining room in the open concept and starts unpacking the dinner.
She pulls out a bottle of red wine and a wine opener. She pulls out to wine glasses wrapped in a towel, salad and crab pasta.
She pours herself a glass.
She tips the glass up and takes a sip.
Blake
Happy Anniversary baby.
Lake
Jesus, I wish you would stop showing up like that.
BLAKE
This looks good. I wish I could still eat.
***Insert scene here new day
INT. MOM’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Lake and her mom sit at a generic kitchen table covered by many open sushi takeout containers.
MOM
I’m not used to eating this late.
LAKE
I’m starving. God I love sushi.
MOM
Isn’t sushi expensive?
LAKE
I had a good day. Aren’t you enjoying this? These, with the hamachi, are amazing – try one.
MOM
Everything’s very good Lake. Thank you. I just think it’s time you moved on.
LAKE
What?
MOM
You just need to get unstuck and I think finding a place of your own is the perfect way to begin moving forward.
LAKE
Why can’t you just enjoy dinner and stop harassing me for a few minutes?
MOM
The fire happened in October.
LAKE
And it’s March! I don’t even have the insurance check.
Mom
They’ll never release that check until you go and tour the site and sign the paperwork for the clean up.
LAKE
I’ll go soon.
Mom
When?
Lake grabs her keys and heads towards the door.
Mom
Where are you going?
Lake
For a drive.
Mom
You don’t belong here, Lake.
Lake
I know. Just trying to figure out where I do belong.
Comes back and starts packing up the sushi.
Lake
This sushi is coming with me.
Lake heads for the door.
Mom
The sushi was fine dear. I didn’t mean to…
The door slams behind Lake.
INT. CAR PARKED – HILLSIDE PLOT – NIGHT
Lake is sitting in her car in front of an empty, burned plot of land where a house used to be.
She is breathing heavily, the remains of her sushi dinner on the seat.
She opens her glove box and takes out a few of the little bottles of alcohol and starts drinking them one at a time and tossing the empty bottles over the seat.
She pauses and opens the window and breaths in deeply.
She coughs and closes the window.
EXT. CAR PARKED – HILLSIDE PLOT – DAY
The sun rises over the burn area.
A large hand painted “SONOMA STRONG” sign is nailed to what remains of a burned oak tree.
INT. CAR PARKED – HILLSIDE PLOT – DAY
Lake is asleep with her mouth open on the reclined driver’s seat in her Mini Cooper.
An OLD MAN NEIGHBOR knocks on her window.
She is startled awake.
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
Lake. Are you alright?
Lake looks around squinting in the brightening sun.
LAKE
Good Morning.
She unrolls her window.
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
You OK?
LAKE
You know, totally unmoored. How are you and your wife?
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
Its strange being the only ones still here.
LAKE
They let you back up then?
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
Just a couple of weeks ago. Are you going to rebuild?
LAKE
I… not sure…
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
Understood.
LAKE
Do you think it will ever stop smelling like smoke?
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
Eventually. I hope. Let me get you a cup of coffee.
LAKE
No. I should be going. I have to get to work.
OLD MAN NEIGHBOR
Let me do this one thing. It would make this old man happy.
He turns towards the only remaining house in a sea of ash and disappears.
Tears begin streaming down Lake’s face and she brushes them away angrily.
EXT. HILLSIDE PLOT – NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
The old man neighbor comes out with a mug of steaming coffee in his hands.
The place where Lake was parked is empty.
He looks disappointed, but not surprised.
EXT. YELLOW HOUSE WITH THE PEELING PAINT – DAY
Lake at the front door. She knocks.
She hears someone but no one comes to the door. She knocks again.
Finally, a young man, UNDER TWENTY-ONE, opens the door.
UNDER TWENTY-ONE
Hi.
LAKE
I need to see an ID.
He hunches over slightly, pats his pants slowly, theatrically.
UNDER TWENTY-ONE
I’ll be right back.
He closes the door in Lake’s face.
LAKE
We know how this one goes, don’t we Jezebel.
After a long time, Under Twenty-One opens the door again.
UNDER TWENTY-ONE
I’m sorry I wasted your time. I can’t even find my keys.
He swings the door shut in Lake’s face.
LAKE
Maybe wait until your 21st birthday next time.
INT. BEE’S ORGANIC FAST FOOD RESTAURANT – DAY
Lake enters Bee’s her bag over her shoulder and keys and phone in hand.
She walks up to the counter. There is a young woman, COUNTER HELP, smiling ready to help. Lake looks disappointed.
LAKE
Hi, I’m picking up for Annie L. today.
COUNTER HELP
Just a minute.
Counter Help begins looking through the various bags on the pick up shelf.
Mitch appears and speaks to the young woman who disappears to the back.
MITCH
That’s Annie L?
LAKE
Yes, thank you.
MITCH
So, woman about to formerly be known as Lake, what goes on?
LAKE
Oh, you know, brain surgery. You?
MITCH
About the same.
He hands her a bag.
LAKE
Thank you.
He walks around the corner and begins to walk her out.
MITCH
May I walk with you?
Mitch motions towards the door.
LAKE
But of course.
The STAFF at Bee’s watch the two eagerly as they exit the restaurant.
EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Mitch and Lake are at her car, the food already in the hatch.
LAKE
You didn’t call?
MITCH
I was embarrassed. It felt…you know…too casual.
LAKE
Hey.
Lake reaches up and kisses him on his cheek.
LAKE
It may have seemed casual but truth be told I haven’t slept with anyone since Blake…
Mitch
Break up?
Lake
My husband. He died in the firestorm.
MITCH
Oh. Ummm, you want to talk about it?
LAKE
Noooo. Definitely, no.
MITCH
You should have told me.
LAKE
I was nervous, ya know. I thought just pull it off like a bandaid.
MITCH
You’re so romantic.
LAKE
I know, right.
MITCH
Second date?
Blake shows up.
LAKE
Not you again.
Mitch
I’m getting mixed signals here.
LAKE
Sorry, I’m definitely down for that second date. Now I have to deliver this food before it gets cold and take care of something I’ve been putting off for a very long time.
He opens the car door for her as she steps into the driver’s seat. He closes the door for her after she gets in.
He waves and she smiles at him as she pulls out of the parking lot in her yellow and black Mini Cooper.
EXT. HILLSIDE PLOT – DAY
Lake pulls up to the hillside plot but this time parks in the driveway.
The area has been grated except the plot where her house burned is exactly the easy it was after the fire.
She looks over wearily at her old man neighbor’s house one of the only still standing.
A CONTRACTOR approaches her car.
CONTRACTOR
Good afternoon, Mrs. Logan.
LAKE
It’s Turner. I changed it back to my maiden name after…but you can just call me Lake.
CONTRACTOR
Here are a pair of gloves. Do you want me to accompany you or would you rather be alone.
LAKE
I’d rather do this alone. Thanks.
Blake follows her.
Lake
I said I’d rather do this alone. That means you too, whatever you are.
Blake
Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.
Lake walks through where her house used to stand which is nothing but soot and ash.
She walks up the driveway and back towards a partially burned back building with a large tarp over it.
EXT. STUDIO – DAY
The contractor follows her up to the destroyed structure.
He pulls the tarp off a pile of what used to be a building and folds it up.
CONTRACTOR
You shouldn’t do this alone, ma’am.
She looks at the ghost of Blake.
Lake
Don’t worry, I’m never alone anymore.
CONTRACTOR
You just holler if you need anything.
LAKE
Thanks.
The Contractor walks away.
Lake turns towards Blake’s destroyed studio still holding the gloves but doesn’t approach.
INT. Blake’s studio – DAY
Lake walks into Blake’s studio as he paints a colorful abstract. The studio is tastefully decorated with his pictures displayed and framed magazine covers touting his accomplishments.
LAKE
I brought lunch. You hungry?
Blake
I’m not sure.
LAKE
Had a late night in the studio?
Blake
No. I’ve been staying up late working on a painting.
LAKE
Isn’t that what I just asked? Are you gas lighting me? You’re always gas lighting me.
Blake
You dumb bitch that isn’t what I meant.
Lake heads towards the door but Blake is up and blocking her way.
LAKE
Let me out.
BLAKE
You wouldn’t be anything without me.
Lake
Let me out.
Blake
You’re pathetic.
Lake
Get out of my way.
Blake tries to push her back. She pushes him with an almost super human strength.
He falls back and hits his head on the brick around the wood burning stove.
Lake runs out of the room.
Blake still on the floor not moving.
EXT. STUDIO – DAY
Gloves on, Lake searches through the wreckage of Blake’s studio.
She overturns a piece of burned metal. She uses her foot to comb through sticky ash. Nothing.
Lake spots something and pulls it out of the rubble. She wipes black ash off an intact crystal vase with the side of the glove.
She moves toward the corner of the structure where partially burned wood boards remain.
She moves some boards aside and finds a partially burned canvas covered with an abstract painting.
She picks it up and carries it outside the wrecked building.
She surveys the destruction of the structure and the whole area where the fire’s burned with a look of overwhelm.
She looks down and sees her boot is over a burned and faded picture of her and Blake.
Blake
See it wasn’t all bad.
Lake
Stop haunting me.
Blake
Who else would l haunt?
Lake
Why me?
BLAKE
You killed me.
She stares at the image for a few minutes and then moves her boot over the picture and grinds the image further into the layer of dirt and ash.
Lake
And I didn’t kill you!
The contractor looks up from the clipboard with papers he is looking at.
Blake
You left me for dead which is the same thing.
Lake
I didn’t kill you.
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Jane’s Act 1: Finished!
By doing this assignment I was surprised at how little I actually wanted to add. Just a couple of scenes that are flashbacks to their childhood. My plan is to keep my acts sketchy until the end. Then I’ll have things that I don’t know about now but will want to incorporate into earlier acts. Don’t know if this is a good idea or not, but I think it will help me to keep writing faster without worrying too much about what links up with what. My goal is to do this draft VERY quickly.
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Alice’s Act 1
EXT. AIRPORT – DAY
Elizabeth tries Albert’s cell, but line is busy.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth opens entrance door with her key. Pulls baggage.
Apartment is suspiciously empty. She senses it right away. Looks at a side. No nothing.
Elizabeth walks one room from another to see how all Albert’s things are gone.
Empty closet. Nothing on a rack. Neither on the desk.
She opens drawer. Nothing.
On the blank paper sheet on the desk are garage keys. She grabs it.
EXT. GARAGE – DAY
She slides it up. Motorboat is in there.
EXT. OCEAN – EVENING
It’s darkening. Elizabeth sits motionlessly on motorboat on water plane. Contemplates empty beach.
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Elizabeth joyfully opens the door for the landlord, petite brunet lady in her 40’s.
Greetings from both sides.
LANDLORD
This apartment is rented for two years. After this it would be gone, unless they renew agreement.
ELIZABETH
Who rented it?
INT. ALBERT SCHENKE’S APPARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Elizabeth opens envelope. Inside are copies of rental agreement.
She reads company’s logo.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Elizabeth hacks company records. Amid lists of apartments there is one flat in England.
She watches you tube video, to prepare the tool.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lisbeth in her media on the comp.
Copies company name into browser. Gets on the net and gets the list of apartments, rented by the same company.
Various places at various countries.
Her look stops at one rental. That is a flat in London.
INT. FLAT IN ENGLAND – NIGHT
Opens flat’s door without a key. Flat is empty.
EXT. LONDON STREET – NIGHT
As she gets out, Albert watches her from across the road. He suffers, and calls at her. They come together.
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LESSON 12.
Place holder.
I LEARED THAT SOME scenes are vary lengthy. Or two much storm description keeps you away from the theme.
<s> </s>1.Opening SCENE
POLICE chasing jeff.
2. introducing Mike and Andrew.
3.introducing matt Robinson, and Jackie
4. Andrew sees jeff van flickering light.
5. Andrews in YMCA defeated by dad Robinson while swimming.
6. introducing KITTY, JEFF’s grandmother.
7.robinson house late evening preparing for storm
8.robinson house severe storm hit the fort Myers.
9.robinson family undecisive to move or stay . 10.Robinson tries to anchor the boat he vanishes in the waves.
11.Andrew tries to save the dad who disappeared in the WAVES
12 Andrews DROWED 13 later declared dead.
.
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Day 12 Finish Act 1
James’ Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is… the lead characters’ journeys are becoming clearer as also their nuances are showing themselves. This allows me to dive deeper into what makes them tick and take action. The romantic couple in my story have very distinct backgrounds, which they withhold from each other creating the opportunity for subtext and interesting situations.
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Susan’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment: To keep forging on! The process is not moving quite as readily as it was at first, but I think that I am trying too hard to force the “com” of this rom-com. I learned that I have to let that go for right now.
ACT 1
INT. TENT – NIGHT
Six-year-old, SHELBY, snuggles with her ragdoll, Pink Baby, in her sleeping bag beside her older brother KYLE (age 9). She reaches out of the bag with a twig and runs it through Kyle’s hair. He jumps startled, swatting at the object. Shelby GIGGLES.
KYLE
Cut it out, Shelby, and go to sleep!
SHELBY
I’m not tired.
KYLE
Of course, you’re not tired, you don’t ever have to do anything.
SHELBY
What am I supposed to do?
KYLE
Nothing, you’re too small.
Kyle rolls over in his bag, presenting his back to his sister.
SHELBY
Am not!
She attacks him again with twig. He sits up.
KYLE
I mean it Shelby, knock it off before you get us in trouble!
SHELBY
Don’t be mad, Ky, I can’t sleep.
Outside the tent, THUNDER claps and heavy rain drops SPLAT against the canvas. From across the tent, DAD SNORTS in response to the incoming storm, the siblings GIGGLE.
KYLE
Well, Dad’s having no problem sleeping.
The rain falls now in earnest, beating against the tent.
SHELBY
Ky, why don’t you like camping? I love it!
KYLE
I don’t hate it, it’s just a lot of work. I’d rather go to a game or just go fishing.
Water drips through the canvas on top of Shelby’s head. Kyle tries to hold back his laughter, GIGGLING at her shocked face.
SHELBY
Hey, that’s not funny!
KYLE
Yeah it is. Come here, you can sleep with me.
Shelby no sooner settles in with Kyle and Pink Baby when the heavy rains begin flooding the tent. The sleeping bags are quickly drenched.
KYLE & SHELBY (in unison)
MOM! DAD!
Their father, BOB, and mother, TERRY, pop up on the air mattress. Bob turns up the lantern readily surveying the interior.
BOB
Shit!
TERRY
Bob, language.
BOB
Terry, get the kids to the truck… NOW!
Terry rolls from the mattress stepping into ankle high water.
TERRY
Oh Shit! Kids come on!
Terry grabs her children’s hands leading them from the tent.
EXT. CAMPSITE – NIGHT
The rain is cold and unrelenting. Bob is frantically throwing gear into storage bins as he eyes the water rushing down the mountainside, overflowing the narrow river along their site. Terry takes the kids hands and links them together.
TERRY
Kyle, take your sister and get to the truck!
Kyle helps Shelby into the back seat, her teeth chattering.
KYLE
Do you still LOVE camping?
SHELBY
Ye… ye… yes, this is awe… some!
KYLE
Stay here, I’ll be right back.
He closes the door running back to the tent shielding his eyes from the pelting rain. He nearly collides with his parents as they carry bins to the SUV.
BOB
Kyle, get in the goddamn truck!
KYLE
I have to get something.
Ignoring, his father’s angry scowl, Kyle scurries into the tent.
Shelby’s face is pressed against the window to get a glimpse of the activity outside. Her curiosity turns suddenly to panic as she sees Pink Baby floating toward the racing river. She BANGS the glass.
SHELBY (from inside the truck)
Daddy! Pink Baby!
They are too distracted to see or hear Shelby. She opens the door and jumps out, slogging through the mud to save Pink Baby.
Kyle exits the tent with a blanket from his parents bedding. He races to the empty truck finding the door open.
KYLE
Here, this should keep you warm…
He spins frantically around searching for his missing sister. Bob and Terry cram more equipment into the SUV.
KYLE
Shelby! Dad, Shelby’s gone, she was just here!
All at once the family sees Shelby reaching into the water for her rag doll before the heavy stream carries it away. She slips in the mud, sliding to the river’s edge, the current snatching the child into the rushing waters. Shelby SCREAMS.
SHELBY
Mommy! Daddy!
TERRY
SHELBY!
Without a word, Bob throws the keys to Terry and takes off.
Shelby clings to Pink Baby and a fallen branch holding fast against the hungry current. Her hands slip on the moss coated the branch. Just as her strength fails her, she is yanked from the chilly waters. Clutching the fragile child in his arms, Bob takes off.
As he nears the SUV, the passenger door is thrown open. Bob practically vaults into the front seat, hand SLAMMING the dash.
BOB (yelling)
Go! Go! Go!
Terry guns it. All four wheels spin for a second before gaining traction and taking off. The parents watch in the mirrors as a landslide races down the mountainside consuming the remains of their campsite. Kyle gingerly passes the blanket to the front seat.
SHELBY (sniffling)
Daddy, me and Pink Baby don’t ever want to go camping again!
BOB
No, Shelby girl, if you don’t want to, you’ll never have to camp again.
Shelby pulls the blanket tightly around herself and Pink Baby.
SHELBY (mumbling)
I hate camping.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT, 20 YEARS LATER
The open kitchen rings with feminine LAUGHTER. Shelby, now 26, tall and lithe with flowing dark hair, uncorks a wine bottle. Her best friend, ABBEY, smaller in stature with lighter golden features, places the glasses on the island counter.
SHELBY
God, I hate camping! Thank heavens, that is Liam and Sam’s gig. I think I would curl up and die if I EVER had to go through that hell again!
ABBEY
Come on, you always say that, but it wasn’t that bad.
As Shelby contemplates Abbey’s statement, she pours the wine, and they each take a seat on a barstool.
SHELBY
We have been friends since we were each 10.
ABBEY
Best friends.
SHELBY
Best friends, since we met.
ABBEY
At camp.
SHELBY
And we became blood sisters…
ABBEY
At camp.
Shelby cocks her head, annoyed by the constant interruptions.
SHELBY
AND, we played spin the bottle and kissed our first boy.
ABBEY (sighs heavily)
At camp.
The best friend takes a sip of wine. She then twirls the glass, staring mesmerized by its dark contents.
ABBEY
Do you see a pattern here? It wasn’t all bad.
Shelby empties her glass, reaches for the bottle and pours cabernet nearly to the rim.
SHELBY (slow and deliberate)
I… am… a… jinx! Every summer was a debacle!
ABBEY
Not true.
SHELBY
No? What about the year I started my period? In the pool no less! I thought I would die… Oh, God, I feel the panic coming as we speak.
ABBEY
At least you weren’t Flabby Abbey.
SHELBY
No, I was Bloody Shelby! Bloody Mary had nothing on me!
ABBEY
Touche!
They clink glasses, and drink.
ABBEY
Ok, ok then. YOU didn’t get shot by an arrow.
Shelby is in mid-sip. She chokes and wine spills from her nostrils. Several seconds pass before she can speak.
SHELBY
No, I shot the arrow.
ABBEY
Oh, yeah, (shrugs) at least it was a clean shot.
SHELBY
Lucky for you, they were practice shafts and not true arrowheads. Admit it, I’m a jinx, and have been since I was six.
She immediately holds up her hand to silence any rebuttal from Abbey.
SHELBY
And don’t even get me started on that!
INT. FOYER – NIGHT
The front door OPENS, Shelby’s fiancé Liam (28) enters. He is tall and lean, dressed in dusty jeans and flannel, his lion’s mane contained beneath a ball cap. He carries in a bag of Chinese food a bottle of wine. A burst of LAUGHTER explodes from the kitchen, he shakes his head chuckling, kicking off his boots.
INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT
From the foyer, they hear the front door OPEN and CLOSE.
Liam strides into the kitchen and Shelby catches her breath. After five years together, he still makes her swoon. He would never grace the cover of GQ but Liam is the epitome of masculinity created from working construction, hair and skin kissed by the sun.
LIAM
Hey babe, Abbey, welcome home; it sounds like you two are up to no good.
Liam comes behind Shelby, nuzzling her neck, his arms come around her placing his offering on the counter.
Shelby offers Abbey an imperceptible shake of her head, while nonchalantly raising her index finger to her lips before reaching up to caress Liam’s stubbly cheek.
LIAM
I know you ladies just flew in, so I come bearing food and drink.
Abbey observes the lovers, not envious, but happy for her best friend, then empties her glass and sighs.
ABBEY
Enough already! Shel, where can I get one of those?
SHELBY (blushing)
Ask my man here, his best friend Sam, has recently become available.
Abbey openly scoffs.
ABBEY
That oaf? No thank you, I’d rather break down and get a dog.
LIAM
Same difference.
He refills their glasses with the remaining wine.
LIAM
Speaking of Sam though, Shel, I’ve got great news. Sam’s father took a spill at work and his mother needs him to come home to help out for a week or two.
SHELBY
That’s great news? That’s horrible! Is his dad ok?
LIAM
No, I mean yes. His dad will be fine.
Shelby raises her glass.
SHELBY
A toast then, that is great news.
ABBEY
Salud!
LIAM
Yes, that is great news but not my news. We have planned everything out for this year’s camping trip and now he can’t make it.
SHELBY
Damn, that sucks. Who are you going to take with you? Can Charlie or Jim from your crew get time off?
Abbey’s eyes dart back and forth between the two, sips her wine, then extracts a lumpia roll from the greasy bag.
LIAM
No, that was not exactly what I had in mind. You know, I’ve been going off for the last five years we’ve been together, leaving you home.
SHELBY
Hon, you know I don’t mind. Abbey and I always manage to find some kind of mischief to occupy us.
Liam sits in the barstool next to Shelby. He takes her free hand, while she sips her wine from the other.
ABBEY
Ruh Roh, Raggy, I think Freddy’s about to explain his plan.
Abbey holds her glass to her lips without drinking, anxiously anticipating the next exchange.
LIAM
My good news, Shel, is I’m going to take you with me this year. You’re going to love it!
The color drains from Shelby’s face, her glass SHATTERS on the floor. Liam lunges forward to catch her before she lands amongst the shards at his feet.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Shelby lies on the couch and GROANS. She reaches for the cold compress across her forehead.
Abbey, in a nearby chair, peeks over the top of her book.
ABBEY (ghoulishly)
SHE’S ALIVE!
From the couch, Shelby opens and closes her mouth, trying to create some moisture so she can speak.
SHELBY
Where’s Liam?
ABBEY
In the shower. He hasn’t left your side, but I finally convinced him when you woke up the last thing you’d want is his sweaty body over top of you.
Shelby raises an eyebrow.
ABBEY
Ok, well maybe not, but I guarantee you he won’t be long.
SHELBY
What happened?
Her friend closes the book and moves to the edge of the seat.
ABBEY
In a nutshell? Your man announced that he was taking you camping and you… Well, you didn’t curl up and die, but you did pass out at his feet.
Shelby sits upright trying to breathe, grabbing at her chest.
SHELBY
No, no, no, I can’t. It’s not possible. You have to help me, I can’t go camping with him!
ABBEY
Oh, honey, it is, I can’t, and I don’t think you have a choice.
Shelby WINCES and falls back on the couch throwing the blanket over her head.
SHELBY
NOOOOOO!
INT. PLANE GALLEY – DAY
Shelby steps out of the lavatory and in another step is shoulder to shoulder with Abbey in the galley. Her hair is disheveled, uniform wrinkled, and make-up smudged.
ABBEY
Girl, what is up with you? You really look like shit.
SHELBY
Thanks so much for your support. You know darn well what’s wrong with me. You should be helping me, not criticizing me.
ABBEY
Fine, give me a minute.
Abbey opens a closet door and pulls out some hair accessories, pulling Shelby further into the tiny space. She sweeps the hair back, pinning it out of Shelby’s face, then snatches a Kleenex holding it under Shelby’s nose.
ABBEY
Here, lick.
Shelby sticks out her tongue so that Abbey can moisten the tissue, then works to clean up the dark smudges under Shelby’s eyes.
A well-manicured male hand touches Shelby’s arm and she nearly erupts from her own skin. Spinning, both women are staring at the First Officer, KEVIN O’REILLY, a well groomed, attractive thirty year old, who is overly confident in his looks and status.
KEVIN
Is everything aok, ladies?
He smiles as if he is in an Orbitz commercial, Shelby looks at her watch, then looks away, he’s late. She is unaffected by what he thinks is charisma.
ABBEY
Yes sir, everything is absolutely aok.
KEVIN
And you Shelby? You don’t look yourself. (back peddling) I mean you are beautiful as ever, but just, you know, not yourself.
Both women roll their eyes, exasperated by his ongoing interference.
SHELBY
I’m fine sir.
He touches her again, his hand lingers, rubbing tendrils between his fingers.
KEVIN
Good, that makes me feel much better. Would you be a doll, and bring me a coffee? When you get a chance, of course.
SHELBY
Of course, as soon as I get a chance.
The peacock nods, hesitant to remove his hand, while Shelby strains to keep from slapping it away. He finally retreats to the cockpit.
Shelby opens and closes galley doors, shuffling items in each until she finds a barf bag. Cramming herself into the corner she discreetly relieves her stomach.
ABBEY
Shel, this is out of control, the worst I have ever seen you; and yet, it doesn’t stop Prince Charming from making advances.
SHELBY
Him? Seriously, he doesn’t hold a candle to what I have at home.
GATE AGENT (OS)
Ahem, hello?
The women turn suddenly aware of the time and their whereabouts.
The GATE AGENT is a petit woman, neatly dressed in her pressed uniform and colorful neckerchief. She straightens her glasses before impatiently extending a packet to the flight attendants.
GATE AGENT
Here is your paperwork and your numbers. We have (she looks at her watch) one minute to close the door for an on time departure. Are you ready?
Like a cat, Shelby, prepares to pounce but Abbey grabs her shirt tail to hold her back.
ABBEY
Absolutely, let’s get that door closed and out of your hair…
She turns back to Shelby mouthing the word “bitch”! Abbey closes the main cabin door, as Shelby snatches the microphone of the PA system. She smoothes her hair and uniform, clearing her throat.
SHELBY
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to welcome you to your nonstop flight 666, bound straight to Hell…
Abbey spins, eyes like saucers, she snatches the microphone from her best friend and shoves her into the galley.
ABBEY
Surprise! That’s our early April Fools. We welcome you today to our non-stop flight to sunny Orlando FL where sometimes it may feel hot as Hell, but we have Mickey Mouse! So, please get buckled up, sit back, relax, and we will be taxiing shortly.
Abbey throws the mic at Shelby, wincing as it hits her collarbone. Abbey storms down the aisle checking seatbelts and slamming overhead bins.
Shelby
Errr! God, Abbey, I’m sorry.
INT. LIAM’S PICKUP TRUCK – DAY
Shelby dials a number on her cell phone and listens, no answer. She disconnects, glances around the truck, and then dials the number again. This time she waits for the voice mail recording.
SHELBY
Abbey, if you’re there, please pick up. You can’t stay mad at me forever… can you?
She grabs at her chest, rubbing the left side.
SHELBY
I’m sorry, so very sorry? I never meant to piss you off, I swear! I don’t know what to do… please, Abbey? I can’t do this without you. What can I do?
There is a click on the other end.
ABBEY (VO)
You can start by saying that you’ll NEVER pull that shit again, and continue by telling me that you will actually try to have a good time.
Nearly in tears she kisses her phone.
SHELBY
Abs, I will never pull that shit again, I promise; and I’m going to try, for Liam’s sake but what happens when he sees the truth?
ABBEY (VO)
What truth? You mean all that nonsense about being a jinx. STOP!
SHELBY
You, of all people know the truth.
ABBEY (VO)
I know that you are always looking for bad things to happen and you are an expert at finding them. Follow Liam’s lead, he’s been doing this all his life. For once, let someone else take the helm.
Just as a calm settles in, Shelby sees Liam heading for the truck.
SHELBY
Oh, God, he’s coming. We’re really doing this! I can’t breathe.
ABBEY (VO)
You are going to be fine. Did you find the little bottle I left for you?
SHELBY
What bottle?
ABBEY (VO)
In your purse, I left you some Xanax. Start with half a pill and increase as needed.
SHELBY
I am not resorting to drugs. I never have and never will.
ABBEY (VO)
Then you better find something to resort to…
Liam opens the door and jumps in, looking like an excited kid.
LIAM
Ready?
Shelby, lowers the phone to her lap, feigning a smile and nods.
LIAM
I know you are having reservations, but I’m so happy that we are doing this together.
ABBEY (VO)
Shelby? Shel? Are you still there?
Shelby shakes her head, forgetting about Abbey and her phone.
SHELBY
Yeah, I’m here, we’re on our way.
The truck backs out of the driveway.
ABBEY
Shelby, take the drugs, don’t take the drugs, but whatever you do, this is obviously important to Liam, don’t ruin it for him.
EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – DAY
Placeholder: Liam is doing most of the work setting up the site, every time Shelby tries to help, something goes awry.
SHELBY
Wow, we are really out in the middle of nowhere.
LIAM
Isn’t it great?
She looks around at the tent and the woods surrounding them, she mutters more to herself than to Liam.
SHELBY
Not exactly the word I would use.
Shelby turns back to Liam, attempting to exude excitement.
SHELBY
You did a fine job setting up camp, sorry I wasn’t more help.
He takes her in his arms.
LIAM
Babe, I know this is all new for you but once you get the swing of things, I truly believe you will love these trips as much as I do; it might take another year or two or ten…
She chokes pulling away from Liam.
SHELBY
You’re so sweet, but I know this is your boys’ trip, bonding time and all for you and Sam. I wouldn’t dream of breaking that up.
LIAM
Stop being so magnanimous, you’re always worried about everyone else. I would rather share this experience with you than Sam any day.
Shelby’s shoulders slump and she hangs her head ashamed.
SHELBY
The last thing I am is magnanimous. If this (she raises her arms) makes you happy, than let’s do this, turn me into a camping geek.
He takes her face between his hands and kisses her mouth.
LIAM
This is why I love you!
SHELBY
I’m starving though and I have to pee, so point me toward the nearest restroom and then let’s get dinner. I didn’t see a restaurant nearby, will we have to drive too far?
LIAM
We won’t have to drive at all.
SHELBY
Oh, they have a camp diner here? I guess I missed it.
LIAM
No, no diner, just a short walk to the river.
She immediately pales.
SHELBY
We’re near a river? Is it supposed to rain? You know, if it rains, the river can flood, wash away the entire camp.
LIAM
Shel, we are fine. We’re going to the river to catch our dinner, and it’s not going to rain, the forecast is clear for the entire weekend. Are you all right?
She is not fine, Shelby feels like she is about to swoon.
SHELBY
Yes, silly, this sounds like we are in for so much fun. I better get to the restroom so we can wrestle up some dinner. Which way did you say was the little girl’s room?
He looks sheepishly in all directions before hesitantly proceeding.
LIAM
There’s one there (pointing at a tree), and there, and there…
SHELBY (Stammering)
There’s no… no… toilet?
Liam scrunches his face, shaking his head.
SHELBY
No shower either?
LIAM (Beaming now)
Yes, of course, just a short walk –
TOGETHER
… to the River.
Shelby fights the urge to crawl into the tent and bawl.
SHELBY
I really need to relieve myself. Do we have paper, or should I collect leaves on my way?
LIAM
I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of all your amenities.
He pulls a roll from a plastic tub and tosses it to her.
SHELBY
Just one of the many simple things I have taken for granted.
She turns to the woods and pauses trying to determine her path.
SHELBY
This may take a while, I’ve never been very good with a plethora of options.
LIAM
Try not to be too long, it’ll be getting dark soon and we still need to get to the river.
Shelby steps toward the woods, clutching the TP to her chest.
SHELBY
So many trees, so little time.
LIAM
Leaves of three let them be.
SHELBY (VO)
What’s that?
LIAM
Leaves of three let them be; that’s poison ivy, stay away from it!
SHELBY (VO)
So, we came out here to become one with nature, but keep your ass away from nature!
LIAM
Yeah, pretty much.
EXT. CAMPSITE 2 – NIGHT
Shelby and Liam sit bundled by the fire, drinking a beer.
SHELBY
Well, I have to hand it to you Mr. McPherson, you can cook the hell out of the catch of the day.
She raises her bottle to salute her fiancé. They drink together.
LIAM
And your preparation of the side dish was exemplary.
Again, they raise their bottles and drink.
SHELBY
I am after all a chip connoisseur and can appropriately pair any fried potato in a bag with the main entrée.
She looks at Liam, he smiles. They sit listening to the night sounds, toads, insects, rustling leaves and the crackle of the fire.
SHELBY
Thank you Liam, this has been a wonderful day. I can’t remember the last time I have felt this happy.
LIAM
Me too, I know it’s not your idea of a vacation, but I’m so glad you agreed to come.
Shelby sits up, ears perking.
SHELBY
Do you hear that?
LIAM
Hear what?
SHELBY
The trees are calling and I must go.
Shelby jumps to her feet. After kissing Liam, she grabs the toilet paper and flashlight.
SHELBY
If I’m not back in five minutes, send help.
She disappears into the woods, only a dancing beam for Liam to keep an eye on.
Liam sets to work organizing the site, packing odds and ends, while drinking the last of his beer. The peaceful night is shattered by Shelby’s horrific SCREAM. Liam takes off for the woods and nearly collides with Shelby, retreating from the opposite direction.
LIAM
What the hell? Are you ok? What happened?
SHELBY
A snake! I swear I saw a snake!
LIAM
Where?
Shelby flamboyantly uses her arms to reanimate the confrontation with the snake.
SHELBY
In the brush over there. I was walking out and he squiggled, ZIP, right across my path and into the brush.
LIAM
It didn’t bite you, did it?
SHELBY
No, but I dropped the flashlight and now it doesn’t work, and the paper is in the brush. What if the snake is still there? I can’t go get it.
Under the full moon, Liam can see the white roll in the brush.
LIAM
Stay here, I’ll get it.
Liam nears the brush cautiously, toeing the ground to scare off any critters that may be hiding in there, he slips landing next to the roll of paper. A hand connected to an arm, holding the rolled paper pops up from the brush.
LIAM
We have saved the paper!
He rolls over and jumps to his feet jogging out of the brush.
SHELBY
Are you ok? What happened?
LIAM
I’m fine, the leaves were wet and I slipped, it’s all good.
SHELBY
Babe, I’m so sorry.
LIAM
Hey, it’s fine, no harm done and we have paper to wipe another day.
SHELBY
My hero! Come here, you’re covered with leaves, at least let me knock them off.
Liam rotates as she swipes him clean. She reaches for one last cluster snagged in his collar. Shelby’s eyes grow wide.
SHELBY (Whispering)
Leaves of three let them be.
LIAM
What was that?
SHELBY
Nothing, I was just saying, all these leaves let me see.
Tucking her hand in her sleeve she knocks the poison ivy from his collar.
SHELBY
All done. Gosh, I’m tired, is it time for bed yet?
LIAM
I was thinking that very thing, let’s get you tucked in for the night.
SHELBY
After you.
Liam disappears into the tent while Shelby kicks the offensive leaves of three to the edge of the camp, then follows Liam inside.
INT. TENT – NIGHT
Shelby tosses and turns in her sleeping bag next to Liam, unable to find the slumber that overtook him as soon as he lay down. She finally relaxes, her eyes heavy.
Beside her, Liam’s breathing grows raspy, almost labored.
SHELBY
Liam?
No response. She reaches out to shake his shoulder.
SHELBY
Liam? Hey, wake up, are you alright?
With his breathing worsening, Shelby gets up and stumbles around to find the lantern. She turns up the propane glow and nearly drops the light. Liam’s neck is swollen and covered with red welts that seem to be creeping up to his jawline.
She falls to her knees, shaking Liam into consciousness, his eyes wide and straining to force air into his lungs. Shelby dives across her sleeping bag to retrieve her phone and immediately dials 911.
SHELBY
Hello? Hello, I need an ambulance right away! My fiancé can’t breathe, I believe he is having an allergic reaction. (Beat) Where am I? We’re camping in the woods. (Beat) What woods? Shit I don’t know. Liam what woods are we in?
Liam is struggling to speak.
LIAM
My b… bag… erm… kit…
SHELBY
Hold on ma’am, no I don’t know. I have to go, I need to help him.
Shelby rips through Liam’s bag and finds the small emergency kit.
SHELBY
Got it! What do you need?
Liam is lying on his back, unconscious, breaths barely audible.
SHELBY (Frantic)
NO, NO, NO! Dear God, please help me… LIAM!
INT. HOSPITAL ER – NIGHT
Shelby paces back and forth outside the small curtained cubicle with her phone to her ear.
ABBEY (VO)
Hello…
SHELBY
Abbey, its happened again.
ABBEY (VO)
Shelby? Do you realize what time it is? Are you guys alright?
SHELBY
It happened again, Liam almost died. I can’t get this monkey jinx off my back!
ABBEY (VO)
Shelby, what are you talking about? Where’s Liam?
SHELBY
We’re in the Emergency Room, he’s sleeping now, but I almost killed him. Leaves of three, Abs, leaves of three, we didn’t let them be.
ABBEY (VO)
What the hell are you talking about?
SHELBY
Poison Ivy! I had to pee, there’s a snake, the paper drops, Liam retrieves it, slips I guess in the poison ivy… because of me. I’m a murderer Abbey. God, I hate camping!
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30-Day Screenplay Lesson 12: Finish Act 1
Bonnie’s Finished Act 1
What I learned doing this assignment is how satisfyingly thrilling it feels to have completed a first draft of Act 1! And I feel great at having resisted the urge to wordsmith.
EXT. SCHOOL YARD – DAY
Key Scene 1: OPENING:
BEGINNING: As kids, (10-12) Rafi and Yuri are bullied at school because of their synesthesia.
MYKA, 10, sturdy, square build, wearing a red sweater, plays with her curly red lion’s mane. She leans against the wall watching three Bullies approach two of the new kids, shy Yuri, in blue teeshirt and jeans, 10, and Rafi, 10, hiding behind her green hoodie.
In golden orange sundress, whispy blonde-haired GABI, 10, looks on from the opposite building corridor. Her eyes meet Myka’s, she swoops in like a whirlwind.
Two bullies shove Yuri against a bench, get in his face. One bully plays with Rafi’s hood, flipping it on and off of her head, laughing and mocking.
MIDDLE: Myka and Gabi step in and let the bullies know it’s not okay. Myka says something that floors the big one. Gabi reacts in kind to the other two bullies.
END: The four of them strut off in victory, glancing back at the disgruntled bullies.
Myka always wants to be the leader and usually gets her own way. Gabi exchanges glances with Yuri and Rafi that says, “Yeah, it’s less hassle if you just let it go.”
EXT. WOODS – DAY
TE 1: Myka gets her friends to help her build a treehouse in the woods.
INT. TREEHOUSE – DAY
Myka, Gabi, Rafi and Yuri hang out together, experiment with their synesthesia. They make a “Synesthete Friends Forever Pact” to always be there for one another.
INT. UNIVERSITY – DAY
At their university, years later, when they’re in their 20’s, Myka recruits Gabi, Rafi and Yuri to help demonstrate her Master’s Thesis research in “The Dreamscape of Synesthetes”. They’re thrilled and agree.
INT. MYKA’S LOFT – DAY
Myka describes what she’s researching, and that she wants them to go to sleep for a couple of hours, wake up and describe what they’ve experienced as synethestes in their dreams. She asks a series of questions:
MYKA
Okay, I need to know how often you dream, if you recall your dreams, and if you ever become aware you’re dreaming and if so, how often. Are you able to control your dreams? Do you ever have the feeling you’re entering other dimensions or realities?
INT. UNIVERSITY CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
SUPER: YEARS LATER
Key Scene 2: INCITING INCIDENT:
BEGINNING: At her “Master’s Thesis Defense” meeting, MYKA, 20’s, presents her Master’s Thesis: “The Dreamscape of a Synesthete” to the Thesis Committee.
The lights are dim. GABI, YURI and RAFI, all in their 20’s, lay on mats in the center of the floor, their heads on pillows, each covered with a blanket, eyes closed. Myka explains what she’ll be demonstrating.
MYKA
The three subjects have consumed mugwort tea a few minutes earlier, and are now in REM dream state. It’s as if they’ve entered another
dimension together.
MIDDLE:
20 MINUTES LATER
The three wake up. Myka demonstrates their experience in a multimedia holographic presentation, including sight, sound, and scent, a typical example of their shared dream in which they’ve explored heightened synesthetic dream experiences.
COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN
Well, Myka, I believe my colleagues
and I would agree that was an
extraordinarily delightful and
entertaining experience.
Myka exchanges glances with Gabi, Yuri and Rafi, who are now seated next to her opposite the Committee.
MYKA
Thank you.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
Four stars, Myka! It was missing only one thing.
Myka shrugs, crosses her arms.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
(chuckles)
Hot buttered popcorn!
COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN
As delightful as it was, Myka,
I’m afraid it’s not Masters
Material, as I’ve often said.
It appears you’ve simply
chosen to ignore my advice.
END: She is crushed and humiliated by the Committee, as they give her a harsh critique. Myka overhears the male committee member whisper to the Chairwoman.
MALE COMMITTEE MEMBER
(whispers)
What an outrageous thesis, I thought you were mentoring her. The woman’s delusional.
Gabi grabs Myka and tries to pull her out the door.
GABI
Myka, come on, time to go.
Myka, speechless, storms off in a fury.
INT. HALLWAY / COMMITTEE ROOM – 3 MINUTES LATER
BEGINNING: Key Scene 3: Myka reacts emotionally, tells off the Committee members, and blames her friends for the failure.
The four of them strut along the hallway, Gabi and Myka arm-in-arm in the middle. Myka’s face is red. Gabi speaks softly to her, trying to calm her down.
MYKA
No.
GABI
What do you mean, no?
MIDDLE: Myka turns on her heels and marches back into the Committee Room.
INT. COMMITTEE ROOM – SAME
She walks determinedly to the long table where the Committee members are still gathering their belonging and pushing in their chairs. Places her hands on the table and leans in, speaking in a calm, but firm voice.
MYKA
This is some classic bullshit.
You call yourselves advisors?
Sitting up there in judgement
At my innovative field of study?
Gabi, Yuri and Rafi enter and move cautiously towards Myka.
GABI
Myka?
Myka continues without a hitch.
MYKA
Pull those sticks out of your assess and wake up! My friends and I are visionaries so far ahead of you, you just can’t see us. Your minds are just so locked up behind outdated irrelevant rules and regulations, you’ve become a flock of baahing sheep.
Yuri steps up next to Myka.
YURI
Myka, stop, it’s enough.
MYKA
Unimaginative philistines!
GABI
Let’s go.
END: Gabi takes her by the hand, they turn and walk away.
RAFI
It’s not a complete bust, we can fix this, but we have to leave now.
GABI
Shit, Myka, you’ve really outdone yourself this time.
YURI
Yup, there goes that Master’s.
RAFI
It’s going to be okay, she just needs to cool off.
INT. CAFE’ – DAY
Gabi, Yuri, Rafi and Myka sit at a table having coffee. They talk about how Myka has just jeopardized her chances of ever receiving her Master’s Degree. Worst of all, she’s alienating her friends, who have had enough of her. Myka storms out.
INT. MYKA’S ADVISOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Gabi pleads with Myka’s advisor to give her a second chance. Allow her to rewrite her Thesis and present it again. The advisor reluctantly agrees to discuss it with her colleagues, on the condition that Myka apologizes for her temper tantrum and has no more angry outbursts.
INT. MYKA’S LOFT – NIGHT
Gabi tries to convince Myka to apologize to her advisor and to the Committee, and suggests she rewrite her Thesis. Myka stubbornly refuses.
Gabi professes her support and admiration for her and her research. She kisses her, but Myka can’t handle it, and tells her to go.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
Myka wanders the streets alone, her senses spinning chaotically. Seen through Myka’s POV synesthesia senses. Sight, hearing, color, movement, etc.
INT. MYKA’S LOFT – DAY
TE 2: For the next year, Myka loses contact with her college friends. She isolates herself in her own synesthetic world of art and dreams. She paints and composes music. Creates a series of work.
EXT. CITY STREET – DAY
MONTAGE: Myka goes from gallery to theater to gallery, laptop and case of equipment in tow, until finally…
INT. GALLERY – DAY
Myka gets gallery representation and has a show.
INT. GALLERY – NIGHT
TE 3: Starts drinking, becomes ruled by her hot temper and impatience. Makes a scene at her opening. The gallery drops her.
INT. BAR – NIGHT
She’s lost her friends, her dreams, inspiration and lust for living. Falls into a funk.
EXT/INT. MYKA’S LOFT – NIGHT
BEGINNING: Key Scene 4: TURNING POINT: She finds an eviction notice on her door. 72 hours to move out.
INT. MYKA’S ROOM – SAME
Myka lies in bed and rips the eviction notice in pieces. She pours a brandy, takes a gulp, lights up a joint and falls asleep.
MIDDLE: MYKA’S NIGHTMARE
The Multiversity is crumbling. Dark beings attack The Hall of Ancient Wisdom, The Academies of Art, and Music, and destructive forces consume The School of Dreams, Cinema and Memory.
END OF MYKA’S NIGHTMARE
She wakes up screaming.
MYKA
Oh, my god, what’s happening
To ancient wisdom?
I can’t live without art and Music,
and what’ll I do when my dreams
and memories fade into oblivion?
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What I learned doing this assignment is all it takes to challenge the Old Ways is to simply have them fail
Philips Act 2 Middle Scenes
1. Outline Key Scenes 2 & 3.
Key Scenes 2
The band decide on no expenses spared hotel and travel accomodation, Dmitri points out they won’t have any money left to pay the debt
Intead they hire a cheap touring bus to drive to their gigs. They try playing the songs from Dmtris old band but the audience reaction is poor
and they get booed off stage
Key Scenes
The manager tries to sabotage the bus to prevent them getting to the next gig and they are forced to hitch hike while toady brings the gear.
There money gets stolen and they have to busk for money to eat.
They start rehearsing old blues songs which again their audience finds dated. They need to find a new direction so they include riffs from the blues
songs into their own which starts to get interesting
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“What I learned doing this assignment is the need to be logical in terms of timeline and plot”
Subject line: Philip Finished Act 1
EXT/INT. dining hall – DAY/NIGHT
BEGINNING: L’Diabla is eating breakfast after returning from slaughtering the band, she summons Toady to report on Dimitris progress
Toady tells her that her daughter Virginia has runaway with Dmitri after he seduce her to start a new life in showbusiness.
L’Diabla vows to take revenge and kill Virginia just like the other girls because of their betrayl
MIDDLE: L’Diabla needs to transform into a different form to continue the search against Toady’s advice She decides to kill 2 birds with 1 stone by becoming the bands new manager, in the form of a world heavyweight wrestler. However this means L’Dialbla loses his powers and can only act as a human
END: As Diabolo The Great she kills the current manager and steals the bands contract to prevent them from completing the tour.
Toady is assigned to becoming the roadie while they search for Virginia
INT. Record company offices – DAY
BEGINNING: Dmitri is summoned to meet their new manager – Diabolo The Great and they go through the terms of the contract and the tour dates.
Diabolo realises that the terms of the contract mean Dmitri will never be able to repay his debt and Diabolo will lose his gold
MIDDLE: Diabolo the Great doesnt recognise Virginia in her disguise as Vincent the androgenous member of the band so the search goes on
END: Toady warns Dmitri that the locations may look like 1970s America but its actually a lot like Hell. The manager decides to plot the bands downfall when he realises how good they are
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Laura Woodworth’s Finished Act 1
What I learned in this assignment – is that after re-reading my quickly written draft, I realized it was better than I thought. It helps that the main beats/turning points are already in place to ensure my character arc. I’m committed to keep writing using the high speed writing rules so I can get through this first draft.
(Note: for this assignment, scenes were outlined on a legal pad and inserted into my script I’m at page 25-26, which is where I hoped to be.)
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Lesson 12 Finish Act 1
Subject Line: Patrick McCormick’s Finished Act 1
What I Learned: Doing only the assignment and not the extra stuff allows for greater efficiency and freedom to create by keeping it very simple.
Title: THE THRIFT STORE
Genre: Sci Fi Drama
Protagonist: Cody Thayer
Change Agent: Elizabeth
Antagonist: Jesub
Overall Theme: Change – the Constant in the Universe
FINISHED ACT 1 – REMAINING SCENES OUTLINE
OPENING SCENE
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
BEGINNING: A customer brings in an antique to Elizabeth. Elizabeth admiring it touches it and has a vision the object was involved in some major historical event, and takes it.
MIDDLE: Elizabeth was straightening items in her store when Cody arrives and applies for a summer job. She wants the job but is unsure of herself.
END: Cody feeling better now that she’s hired, eyes the quaint thrift store as she’s leaving.
EXT. STREET – DAY
BEGINNING: Cody calls her mom to tell her the news.
MIDDLE: Mother congratulates her, in an subtle overbearing tone.
END: Cody shows mix of emotions, happiness and un-surety as she wanders and window shops.
FINISHED ACT 1 – REMAINING SCENES
OPENING SCENE
INT. THRIFT STORE/CUSTOMER AREA – DAY
FROM STREET POV
We see a quaint THRIFT STORE storefront. Entering, we see it is full of special collectible thrift items. It seems normal on the surface, but underneath we can tell there’s something different.
ELIZABETH the store owner, a finely dressed UMC dark haired woman with an austere quality of retired socialite, tending to one of her shelves.
As the overhead door bell rings, a client enters, bringing a unique item to see if Elizabeth would like it for her store.
ELIZABETH
Hi Janet. Ohh, what did you bring?
JANET
I got this and thought of you.
Unwrapping it on the counter, Elizabeth inspects it with an experienced eye.
ELIZABETH
Hmm, good quality.
Rotating it one, then the other way, she carefully picks it up, a charge of energy travels into her arm, giving her a vision the object was involved in some major historical event.
ELIZABETH
This will go nicely with my collection. I’ll take it. Thank you.
As Janet leaves, CODY THAYER, a young 17 year old dark-haired girl, pretty for her age but low key enters, looking at the first items. Elizabeth keeps straightening items behind the counter.
As Cody approaches…
ELIZABETH
Can I help you?
CODY
unsuredly
Ah yeah, I’d like to apply for the store assistant position. You have really nice things.
ELIZABETH
Thank you. A few interview questions.
Well, it seems like you’ll do just fine. Do you want to start tomorrow, say 9am?
CODY
in a lighter tone
Ah, yeah, that’d be great. See you then.
Feeling better, Cody eyes the quaint thrift store as she’s leaving.
EXT. STREET – DAY
Cody calls her mom to tell her the news.
OTS – STREET VIEW
CODY
I got the job mom.
JOYCE (mother)
subtle overbearing tone
That’s great dear. I knew you could do it. Now you have something to do, and get paid.
Cody strolls, feeling a mixture of lighter emotions, as she wanders and window shops.
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