Lesson 12

[Rodney Cavin]

Plot Twists and Turns

What I learned from this lesson was how to create twists changing the path of the story. found some already already present and created new ones.

I added twists in the opening, at the inciting incident and at turning point 1.
Again after the billion first meets Kelli and another the Richachard refuses to vouch for her to Detective Aldrich.
More when Kelli can’t find a place to stay, the following road crash and when Anthony captures her.
The final twist is when Richard is revealed to be the red herring.

New structure:

OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1:
Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli.
Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2:
Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder
Twist: She find a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3:
Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
Billy tells Richard that Kelli must have the chip and Richard agrees.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4:
Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift.
Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5:
Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes.
Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
Richard follows her.
Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6:
Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened.
Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Life Threatening 4: Anthony tells his attorney he’s had enough of his polite schemes he’s going to do it his way.
• Life threatening 5: When Anthony is revealed as the Villain, he’s one of Kelli’s nice customers.
• Mystery 9: What will Anthony do next.
• Villain’s Plan 4: Anthony will get the chip from Kelli if he has to kill her; and probably will when he does get it.
• Mystery 10: Will Kelli survive?
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7:
Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel.
Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8:
Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights llbelhind the attacker.
Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli.
Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves.
Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9:
Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli.
Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard cup to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.

RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom Day 12 Clue Trails

What I learned is…part of the artistry of the thriller is when to be overt or covert. Sometimes we need to be heavy handed with our clues, so the audience doesn’t get confused. Also, I found it interesting that you opened with clarifying the difference between reveals vs. clues. According to Hal…a reveal is a dramatic moment and a clue nudges the story into the future. The specifics about these pieces of the script can be difficult until we actually have to man up and start writing the pages. To me it’s like going to Europe on a three-week vacation and knowing what you are going to have for breakfast on the twelfth day. This stuff takes a lot of vision, soul searching, and knowledge of character and world. Pulled out of context feels odd and sometimes forcing a character into something they might not chose but has to happen because it is time for it to happen. Making it seem natural is a big part of the skill.

Mysteries from My Story

1. Big Mystery – Why was Ana killed?
2. Why has Jewel returned to San Diego after 10 years?
3. Who are The Miranda Men?
4. Is Mayor Doud responsible for Ana’s death?

Mystery – Why was Ana killed?
End result – Margaret Doud had Ana killed because she uncovered a group of deputies who killed the Mayor’s political opponents (The Miranda Men).

*Clue Trail for Big Mystery

– We see Ana killed by Gary Gilmour.
– Gary is a professional hitman and why would a professional target a single mother? (Clue 1)
– Her two daughters are placed in the system and have returned after two very different experiences. (Clue 2)
– One helps people with their mental crisis and the other is a parolee from prison.
– Vivian is assigned to help her sister.
– Jewel escapes and refuses Vivian’s help. (Clue 3)
– Vivian finds out Jewel is living with a drug dealer and setting him up for police. (Clue 4)
– Jewel is almost killed in a drug sting. (Clue 5)
– Vivian finds out her sister has returned to bring their mother’s killer to justice.
– Their mother’s body is discovered. (Clue 6)
– Jewel has evidence the Miranda Men are involved.
– They try to kill Vivian. (Clue 7)
– Ana was a whistleblower (Clue 8)
– Vivian and Jewel discover Mayor Doud created the Miranda Men.
– Ana, their mother discovered the Mayor had a group of deputies to kill political opponents – The Miranda Men. (Clue 9)
– Ana was killed by Doud to protect her secret. (Clue 10)

Latest Thriller Map 12

Opening – A single mother going on a first date with a co-worker and her two daughters.

Life threatening 1 (Twist – 9. A trust is violated, 1. Something planned for doesn’t happen) – Her date steals her credit card.
Life Threatening 2 – Ana finds out the card is stolen and notifies the police. (Twist – 4. A New problem occurs)
Mystery #1 – Who stole her card? Was it really her date? Why?
Life Threatening 3 – She calls her date, Gary to come help her because she doesn’t suspect him and doesn’t have anyone else.
Mystery #2 – Why did Gary remove all evidence and drug Ana? (Twist – 5. A lie is uncovered, Twist 11. It just got more dangerous.)
Reveal 1 – We see Gary as a friendly date, but Gary is really a trained killer. (Clue 1)
Villain’s Plan 1(Twist 11. It just got more dangerous.) – Hide Ana’s evidence/body.
Life Threatening 4/Catalyst – Gary kills Ana and drives her car off a cliff w/body.
Life Threatening 5 – (Twist 6. New Consequences emerge) Her daughters are left alone not knowing what happened to their mother.
Reveal #2 -Gary kills Ana and her two daughters are put into the system.
Overall Big Mystery – Why was Ana killed?
Mystery #3 -What is going to happen to Vivian and Jewel now?

Inciting Incident – 10 years later and Ana’s daughters have taken 2 very different paths from the system. Vivian has flourished to help people and police during crisis. Jewel ended up spiraling downward and going to prison. Jewel has returned to Vivian’s life and moved in with a known drug dealer. Vivian takes it upon herself to try and help her. (Clue 2)
(Shorthand – Jewel comes back into Vivian’s life after being separated for 10 years)

Life Threatening 1 – Vivian works at a Suicide Hotline and gets a call.
Mystery #4 – Is the caller her sister?
Distrust – Sister returns from tragic past with little explanation
Mystery #5 – Why did her sister return to San Diego?
Reveal #3 – 10 years later Vivian and Jewel come out of the system changed.
Life Threatening 2/Mystery #6 – Jewel moves in with a drug dealer.
Trust – The mayor is sponsoring her new business
Distrust – Kaye doesn’t like assignment w/Vivian
Life Threatening 3 (Twist 10. We see an unexpected side of someone.)– Vivian is opening a business working with police and people in crisis.
Mystery #7 – Who are her new police contacts?
Trust – Jewel asks Vivian for help
Life Threatening 4 – She suspects Jewel called the hotline to be helped. Gets her into a facility.
Mystery #8 – How will Jewel respond to Vivian’s help?
Trust – She assigned Vivian to help her sister as a test case
Distrust – Jewel breaks rules of treatment (Clue 3)
Life Threatening 5 (Twist 6. A lie is uncovered) – Vivian uncovers Jewel has agreed to work with Sheriff Kaye’s Unit as an informant against her drug dealing boyfriend. (Clue 4)
Distrust – Kaye doesn’t tell Vivian he is working with her sister.
Distrust – Jewel working w/Kaye as a CI
Mystery #9 – Why is Jewel working with Police?
Life Threatening 6/Mystery 10 – Jewel escapes rehab.
Distrust – Sister is almost killed during undercover assignment
Life Threatening 7/Mystery 11 – Jewel is almost killed on her first Informant assignment with Kaye. Flees the scene. Why did they try to kill Jewel? (Clue 5)
Distrust – Jewel almost killed during operation
Distrust – Doud insists she find her sister
Villain’s Plan #2 – Kill Jewel.
Distrust – Doud tries to kill Jewel

TP#1 – Deputy Kaye and Alex try to kill Jewel at a stakeout.

Life Threatening 1 – Vivian tries to track a missing Jewel.
Mystery 12 – Is Jewel still alive?
Distrust – Kaye wants to find Jewel
Life Threatening 2 – Frances gets Vivian files about her disappearance.
Life Threatening 3 – Discovers Jewel is alive and in hiding from a covert group.
Mystery #13 – Who is Jewel hiding from?
Trust – Jewel returns w/explanation
Reveal #4 – Jewel is positioning herself to uncover Ana’s killer.

MP – Ana’s body is recovered. (Clue 6)

Life Threatening 1 – Frances is found dead.
Mystery 14 – Who killed Frances?
Life Threatening 1 – Reports/Evidence/Surveillance reveal someone killed Ana.
Mystery 15 – Who killed Ana?
Distrust – Jewel shows her evidence that Doud was the trigger person on Ana’s killing (Clue 7)
Life Threatening 2(Twist 1. Something unplanned for happens) – Jewel reveals to Vivian Ana was a whistleblower. (Clue 8)
Mystery 16 – What did Ana expose as a whistleblower?

TP #2 – The Miranda Men make an attempt on Vivian’s Life.

Distrust – Doud tries to kill Vivian.
Mystery 17 – Who tried to kill Vivian?
Villain’s Plan 3 – Kill Vivian.
Life Threatening 1 – Mayor orders the Miranda Men to kill The Loco Girls (Vivian and Jewel).
Reveal #5 – Margaret is positioning herself to protect her secret by using Vivian to weaken Jewel.

Villain’s Plan 4 – The Mayor created the Miranda Men to fend off threats. Ana found out.
Reveal #6 – Margaret created the Miranda Men for protection. (Clue 9)
Distrust- Kaye is killed by Doud
Mystery 18 – Will The Miranda Men kill them?
Life Threatening 2 – The Miranda Men surround the Agave House.
Reveal #7 – The Miranda Men are trying to kill Vivian and Jewel to protect their secret. (Clue 10)
Trust – Jewel saves Vivian from hit attempt by Doud.
Reveal #8 – Margaret won’t stop until Vivian and Jewel are dead.

Crisis – Vivian decides to help her sister fight the Miranda Men.
Reveal #9 – Margaret is going to use Gary to take the fall for Ana.
Twist – The Mayor is killed.
Reveal #10 – Miranda Men kill Margaret.
Climax – Vivian and Jewel escape.

Resolution –They have a funeral on the beach for their mother.

• This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.

[Rodney Cavin]

Correct upload error

Thriller Day 12

Engaging Clue Trails

What I learned about this lesson was how to develop clues for he audience to solve and how to add them into the Thriller Map.

The main mysteries?

• The villain must find and destroy the micro chip.
• Can Kelli discover the villain and survive?
• Where did Kelli hide the chip?

List of clues for mysteries:
Mystery 1: To protect himself, Anthony must find and destroy the chip, and will kill all those involved.
End Result: Anthony, is stopped by Kelli.
Overt:
• Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s.
• Anthony let’s his lawyer attempt to buy the chip to protect a client.
• When buying doesn’t work, Anthony will do it his way.
• After Kelli’s arrest, Anthony bribes officials to free Kelli so he can get the chip from her.
• Finding her after the wreck, Anthony offers her a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to find the chip and kill her.
Covet:
• Kelli’s house is searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend’s apartment is searched, the boyfriend killed.
• Kelli’s house is thoroughly searched.
• Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his apartment searched.
• Anthony causes Kelli’s near fatal auto accident.
• Anthony captures Kelli.

Mystery 2: Can Kelli Survive?
End Result: Saved by Richard.
Overt:
• After seeing Billy with Richard, she believes he’s also involved.
• When the lawyer can’t tell her his client’s name she refuses to give his the chip.
• Kelly becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aided by Billy and ever possibly the police Detective Aldrich.
• Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parent’s farm.
Covert:
• Richard follows Kelli to her parent’s farm.
• Anthony offers Kelli a ride after her accident.
• Kelli is run off the road, almost killed.
• Anthony comes to her rescue.
• Kelly learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.

Mystery 3: Where did Kelli hide the chip?
End Result: In her cat Tiger’s worn flea collar.
Overt:
• After searching Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and gets her little tools kit.
Covert:
• Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip he chip in her house.

Which clues to keep:
To save space, I just listed the keepers above.

Clues added to the new version of the Thriller Map:

OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
Twist 1:
Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli.
Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Mystery 1: (The main mystery.) The micro chip contains incriminating evidence against the villain who must find and destroy the chip and kill all those involved. How will he do it?
• Twist 2:
Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder.
Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Mystery 2: Kelli has the chip and soon learns it can cost her life. Will she survive?
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: What can Kelli do to save her life?
• Twist 3:
Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
• Clue 1: Kelli searches for a place to hide the chip in her house.
• Clue 2:After searching, Kelli tells Tiger she knows where to hide it and e her little tool kit.
Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip intended for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted.
Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip.
The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house.
Mystery – Who is Richard?
Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house.
Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Clue 3: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Clue 4: After seeing Billy with Richard, Kelli believes he’s also involved.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees.
Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted.
The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder?
Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust?
Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Clue 5: Kelli becomes convinced that Richard is the villain, aired by Billy and ever possible the police Detective Aldrich.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Clue 6: Kelli’s house is searched.
• Twist 4:
Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift.
Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
• Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Clue 7: Anthony’s lawyer tries to buy the chip from Kelly.
• Clue 8: When the lawyer refuses to reveal his client’s name, Kelli refuses to sell him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Clue 9: Anthony becomes a friendly customer of Kelli’s, asks about all the recent excitement.
• Twist 5:
Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes.
Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
• Clue 10: Richard follows Kelli to the farm.
• Clue 11: Kelli’s ex-boyfriend is killed, his house searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6:
Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened.
Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murder weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment.
The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger.
Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her?
Mystery – What will Anthony do next?
• Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will.
Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Clue 12: Anthony’s lawyer bribes officials fee Kelli so she can lead them to the chip.
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way.
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Clue 13: Kelli is run off the road, almost killer.
• Twist 7:
Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel.
Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8:
Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker.
Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli.
Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves.
Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
• Clue 14: Anthony offers Kelli a ride to her parent’s farm.
• Clue 15: Kelli welcomes Anthony’s offer and even tells him how to get to her parents farm.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Clue 16: Anthony takes Kelli prisoner to force her to give him the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9:
Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli.
Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Clue 17: Kelli learns the truth about Anthony and with Richard’s help, takes him down.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.

RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.