Lesson 13

[Ed Lusk]

Subject title: Ed Lusk loves separating character dialogue!

What I learned doing this assignment is by separating out and concentrating on one character’s dialogue truly helps bring out character and with practice will move my writing away from boring dialogue. I caught myself writing a few lines that are movie dialogue lines! This method is also a valuable way to see and hear if a main character’s journey/arc is being met or not and a way to make that transition happen.

PROFILE

1. Character Name: Father Simon Merchant – PROTAGONIST

Role: Jesuit Priest and expert virologist

Core Character Traits:

High Intelligence /Scientific Acumen

Guilt ridden

Compassionate

Physically Fit

Character Subtext LogLine: Merchant is an intelligent person seeking to do what is right yet is conflicted over what is required of him by God and his peers.

Character Arc: Merchant finds his faith and scientific intellect challenged beyond comprehension until he realizes combining them is the way to salvation.

Secret: He’s conflicted about his feelings towards Olivia.

Mission/Agenda: Merchant will redeem himself over his mother’s death by saving his friends and the world from the vampire illness.

Wants?Needs?: Understand his purpose in life. Need, to sincerely believe. Want, cure the vampires, Need, protect Olivia, the only other women in his life.

What makes this character unique? He’s a paradox, a conflict of doubt and faith, rationalism and spirituality, conflict over guilt, forgiving himself, while being forgiven. He has trepidations yet a strong resolve.

DIALOGUE LINE CHANGES:

MERCHANT: Maybe they read my paper on immunizations and religion.

NEW: As a top virologist there is no doubt they read my paper on immunizations and religion. They either want canonize me or laicize me.

MERCHANT: Such a confidence builder. It’s from the Pope, Olivia. In a round about way he is my boss.

NEW: Olivia, may I remind you I am a Jesuit. We are called to go where ever our superior needs us. No matter the circumstance or inconvenience.

MERCHANT: I’m walking to those ambitions not away from them.

NEW: Maybe I should not go into the Vatican’s hornets nest. You’re right about this nomination. It’s an honor, but I’m not sure I’m the right person to lead the NIH.

MERCHANT: I always do. Come with me.

NEW: My faith will not fail me. It’s probably a terrible idea but why don’t you come with me?

MERCHANT: Good old Le Nguyen, The Cryptology Club reconvened. I believe there’s divine intervention at play.

NEW: There’s divine intervention at play and I don’t trust it, nor do I trust Le Nguyen. The guys got more agendas than a politician and less morals.

MERCHANT: Who’s feelings are you referencing?

NEW: Your empathy is misguided.

MERCHANT: Tired eyes. Last call.

NEW: We deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.

MERCHANT: That you can not do.

NEW: My journey from the head to the heart is incomplete but not forsaken.

MERCHANT: Do you know why I am here, Father Antolini?

NEW: God works in mysterious ways, does he not Father Antolini?

MERCHANT: Maybe. I am famous.

NEW: God has chosen me, why is unfathomable mystery.

MERCHANT: Now, now, we are guests.

NEW: We are servants of the Lord. Let’s not forget that Olivia.

MERCHANT: Doesn’t exactly fit my background.

NEW: I’m probably the weakest link between faith and science.

MERCHANT: A little. I played in prep school. My mother…she enjoyed watching me more than I did playing it.

MERCHANT: Isn’t that Saint Jerome?

NEW Saint Jerome, you know we have a lot in common.

MERCHANT: Why am I here?

NEW: I’m getting the feeling, a bad one, this is not about spreading germs.

MERCHANT: I don’t understand any of this?

NEW: An enigma wrapped in a paradox

MERCHANT: Institutum Pontificum Studiorum Occulti. The Pontifical Institute of Occult Studies?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Father O’Hara, Gerald O’Hara? I read your book on bacterial genetics. It was transformative.

NEW: Father Gerald O’Hara. Your book on bacterial genetics was balm for my soul.

MERCHANT: I’m sorry but what are you doing down here? What is this place?

NEW:I am a stranger in a foreign land. What is your excuse.

MERCHANT: Supernatural? Now hold on.

NEW: You got the wrong person. I am a man of god and a man of science.

MERCHANT: You’re an exorcist?

NEW: Exorcism, supernatural mumbo jumbo. You don’t need a priest, you need a heretic.

MERCHANT: Olivia would love this.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: You can’t be serious. Vampires of elements of fiction , creative lore. This is absolute madness.

NEW: This absolute madness. Participation is this experiment makes me a madmen, which I can say with great certainty I am not.

MERCHANT: What do you mean, infected?

NEW: Are speaking of a blood borne virus, a rare one?

MERCHANT: I think I would know if there was a pandemic going on.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: Freeze that.

(Video paused. Merchant leans in)

They look like spears. A Roman Centurion’s one.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: The bat flu virus’s genome suggests that its internal genes are compatible with human flu viruses.

NEW: No doubt about it. A bat flu virus, like a human blood borne virus, are of the same genetic make up.

MERCHANT: The infection rate is off the charts.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: What is the receptor then?

NEW: The infection rate demands there’s got to be a shared receptor.

MERCHANT: I won’t pretend I understand any of this. I don’t doubt you gentlemen’s intelligence or sincerity in this matter. I just fail to realize what it has to do with me?

NEW: I’ve given up a lot to come here and I don’t doubt your intelligence or sincerity, however, it’s best you come clean as to the reason I am here.

MERCHANT: I’m here to run a vaccine trial? A vaccine to cure vampirism?

NEW: This, vaccine trial, if can call it that, is beyond madness. I won’t be a part of it. Never!

MERCHANT: — this is at the very least immoral, if not totally unethical. These are human beings, are they not? You (to O’Hara)treat them as lab specimens and you, (to Collini) as monsters. Who am I to believe?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: What war?

NEW: Now that I am in this, please don’t hold back on my account. Spill it.

MERCHANT: They? This is not the only vampire?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Tomislov, Tomislov, can you understand me?

NEW: Tomislov, I am Father Simon Merchant. I can help you. Nod if you understand.

MERCHANT: Tomislov, I want to know if you think you are ill?

NEW: What do you think is the nature of your infliction?

MERCHANT: Christ was never inflected with disease. However, he healed many a soul. Do you seek his forgiveness?

NEW: I will offer you forgiveness, if that is what you seek. I can also offer you hope, but the price is much higher.

MERCHANT: What possesses him, be it science or supernatural, is inconsequential. He’s a tortured soul. It is our responsibility to save him from it.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: Father Milszewski is involved in this too?

NEW: Milszewski’s involved ? Well why the hell not?

MERCHANT: When this is over, I promise I will. (off of seeing Olivia in mirror) Right now, Olivia, I have to focus.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I haven’t even accepted yet why I am here. It’s beyond complicated.

NEW: Please Olivia. My mind is clouded my soul is tortured. For now my heart is at peace.

MERCHANT: I’ve come here for a single purpose.

NEW: I’ve come here for a single purpose and that purpose is being challenged .

MERCHANT: Good evening Le, good to see you.

NEW: Last time I saw you Le, they were going to feed you to the Lion’s.

MERCHANT: And when you yelled, “fire,” Le, how that work out for you?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: If only it were that easy to just walk away.

NEW: Not all of us can so easily escape our tormentors

MERCHANT: Who needs a third wheel when two will do the trick?

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: Take care of Olivia, Le. No matter what happens.

NEW: Take care of Olivia, Le, no matter what happened. I have faith you are the one for her.

MERCHANT: Three milliliters should do it.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: No! Close the door.

New: Close the god damn door!

MERCHANT: What have I done?

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: O’Hara?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Was any of that real?

NEW: My science says this does not exist and yet, it can?

MERCHANT: Galileo? Another heretic.

NEW: I’ll be trialed like Galileo.

MERCHANT: He’s done nothing. It’s been an unbelievable day. Where’s your old chum, Le?

NEW: Shouldn’t you be out consorting with Le, worrying about Church matters doesn’t suit you well, Olivia.

MERCHANT: I can’t leave. I have to make this right. I have to convince myself this is real.

NEW: I must convince myself this is worth it, whatever this is.

MERCHANT: You’re in on this too, aren’t you, Le?

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: The Vatican has a secret library a cryptologist would love. Sorry you can’t see it.

NEW: The Vatican has a secret library a cryptologist would love. Based on what I’ve done already getting you down there is only a minor sin.

MERCHANT: Sit down Olivia and try to keep an open mind.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it for myself.

NEW: Seeing is believing and I can’t unsee what I’ve saw.

MERCHANT: Le’s right.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Come to the lab and I’ll show you.

NEW: Once you see the light, Olivia, the dark will never be the same.

MERCHANT: If I can.

NEW: I can, god is at my side.

MERCHANT: God only knows. Here, help me.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I’m sorry I got you into this, Olivia.

NEW: I need your forgiveness Olivia. I was stupid for bringing you here.

MERCHANT: Get behind me.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Are you Ignatius Loyola?

NEW: My patron saint.

MERCHANT: They? Who are they?

NEW: I’m done solving mysteries.

MERCHANT: Am I mad? Where am I?

NEW: Madness. There is no other word for my plight.

MERCHANT: I have not lost faith, Ignatius. It’s just I can’t believe. All of it. None of it. I don’t even believe you are real!

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: What is this?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: As a scientist the simplest explanation is infinitely more likely that I am mad. I am mad for believing in meeting my dead mother and vampires, so as I am for being visited by a dead saint —

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: You can’t deny my rationale.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Wait…

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Stop this!

NEW: Stop! I’ve seen enough, I’ve bared enough. Is there no mercy?

MERCHANT: Why should I have faith when every single thing I’ve encountered in life undermines my beliefs? Rapist and vampires, secret laboratories, abdominal experiments, abject cruelty. Evil surrounds us and yet you showed me nothing to change my views.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: I became a priest for her. Is that not enough?

NEW: My calling answered another’s prayer and that is sufficient for me.

MERCHANT: Wait!

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: You’ve got to be joking.

NEW: Only the ignorant take joy on their jest.

MERCHANT: Shimushel! Shimushel!

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Olivia. Are you real?

NEW: Olivia, speak to me so that I know you are real.

MERCHANT: And of Father O’Hara?

NEW: Same?

MERCHANT: I’m dying and you are doing puzzles?

NEW: There’s more to that puzzle than what can be seen.

MERCHANT: Redacted?

NEW: Some one does not want us to see the light, so to speak.

MERCHANT: An Angel, she had a message from God.

NEW: There is no science to support what I heard. I believe she was an angle and she delivered a message. A message from God.

MERCHANT: If it were not real I dare not imagine what it was.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: (quoting Shimushel)

“It is the God of Light that makes the spirit. It is the God of Darkness that traps the spirit in the flesh.”

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I’m not sure of anything, Father.

NEW: My faith is being tested, Father, one bitch of an exam.

MERCHANT: –the God of Light and the God of Darkness.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: At one time, Olivia, my word was gospel to you.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I’ve seen the wilderness. It’s not that great.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: We got to get to the library.

NEW: I believe the library holds the answer. If only we can find it.

MERCHANT: The statues have eyes. Come on.

NEW: You get that feeling we are being followed?

MERCHANT: The problem is the virus can be spread by non-physical means, call it spiritual transference, if you will. For this circumstance no known vaccine exists.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: –which only goes on to inhabit another soul. It won’t stop the spread. The vampire leader is not only the virus’s host but a,… a,… how would I say…a malevolent divinity.

NEW: It won’t be stopped, this malevolent divinity. Soul by soul will be taken until we find the vampire host and stop it.

MERCHANT: We speak of lightness and darkness, good versus evil and something in between which holds the key.

NEW: I’ve come to embrace the theology of lightness versus darkness, and that gray area in-between. Call it what you want but it is there. I’ve seen it.

MERCHANT: Some say Longinus was blind some say he was not.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: That’s one way to get an…infection.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: In science we call it the experimental method in religion we call it a leap of faith. One way or another I’ll have my answer and If I a am right no one’s going to believe it. Come on.

NEW:Same

MERCHANT: You said so yourself father, there is no explaining how some souls are saved and others turn into vampires.

NEW: In some ways I wish I’d never met you Father Collini. You’ve vexed my faith and made a mockery of my science but I won’t quit. I will find an explanation.

MERCHANT: Don’t drink that. What is missing then is the instant a soul is to rise to heaven, purely arbitrary, unseen phenomena–

NEW: Souls go to heaven, that is undisputed. Yes it is arbitrary and yes it’s a unwitnessed phenomena but we agree it happens.

MERCHANT: What if a person absolutely knew their soul was going to heaven and knew exactly when?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Except there was an intervention, one with an unforeseen consequence. In this scenario the created a most unholy outcome.

NEW: Except in this ascension there was an intervention, one with an unforeseen consequence. In this erratic scenario it created a most unholy of outcomes.

MERCHANT: One in a million, Father, and I’m placing my faith on it.

NEW: One in a mullion, maybe a billion, maybe in an eternity but it happened and I’m all in, my faith, my life, my reputation, all of it.

MERCHANT: My guess is this water is not holy.

NEW: This water is not blessed but we’re well past favors.

MERCHANT: Olivia? Olivia?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Where is she?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: They’ve taken her.

NEW: They’ve taken her away from me.

MERCHANT: Great care has been taken to conceal the truth. A truth that would destroy the church.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: This was written before the Council of Nicaea. So if Yofiel is not the first vampire, then who is? Is there more to this text?

NEW: Look here. This text was written before the Council of Nicaea which means Yofiel came after this reference. There’s some one else out there, some one of great power.

MERCHANT: Enlightenment.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: The original vampire is not Yofiel.

NEW: Strike Line.

MERCHANT: –red herrings. These scrolls are centuries apart. One written in an attempt to cast doubt upon the other. Except this one. This one is not written by Christian or a Jew.

NEW: Same.

MERCHANT: There is a chance the soul of souls was meant for heaven but divinity had other plans. I need to speak to O’Hara.

NEW: Remember how I said there was an intervention. This proves it. Forget about chances. This soul was meant for heaven and O’Hara figured it out what happened. Let’s go.

MERCHANT: Normally viruses attach to host cells then penetrate the cell causing the infection.

NEW: It is standard infection protocol. The virus penetrates the host cell injecting the particles which initiates the infection.

MERCHANT: Look here. The N1PH virus has these spears that pierce the cell membrane releasing the virus genome.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: No virus I’ve studied has ever behaved this way. You may be right Father the virus acts supernatural.

NEW: Standard protocol be damned. You might be right Father, this virus acts supernatural.

MERCHANT: (studying the video)

More like from who? Father Collini, does the Spear of Destiny exist?

NEW: If not of this world than of whose? Father Collini, true or false; The Spear of Destiny exist this day?

MERCHANT: Don’t you see the pattern? Tomislov referenced Longinus and the spear during the trial. My tattoo, the virus itself, a microscopic image of spears.

NEW: It science, there’s a pattern we must follow. Tomislov referenced Longinus and the spear during the trial. My tattoo, the virus itself, a microscopic image of spears. These are not just bread crumbs they are data points.

MERCHANT: I believe there’s a connection and I can prove it. I need that spear.

NEW: I believe, no, I know there’s a connection and I will prove it. I need that god damn spear.

MERCHANT: Be quick about it. We haven’t much time.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: For Olivia.

NEW: We do this for Olivia and we do this for humanity. We can’t fail.

MERCHANT: Captain Ossing, I need the Spear of Destiny. Do you know where it is?

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Olivia will be okay, God will protect her. Right now —

NEW: Olivia won’t be okay in the hands of evil, not even God can save her. Right now we must—(skeptical) Reinforcements?

MERCHANT: This is insane. Olivia is still out there.

NEW: This is insane. Olivia is still out there. The vampires are still out there. Easter Sunday is tomorrow.

MERCHANT: What ever you think you have under control you don’t. It is quite the contrary and the consequences will haunt you, Captain Ossing.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Sorry I got you into this, Le.

NEW: I got you in to this Le. Deep down I knew coming here would bring us together again.

MERCHANT: We need an infection. I should never had brought Olivia.

NEW: Strong women make strong men’s mind go weak.

MERCHANT: How long have you two been together?

NEW: Lighten your load Le, I’ll hear your confession.

MERCHANT: And the vampires? Ossing is probably dead by now. This cure is the only chance we have.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: We’ve been infected.

NEW: We are now infected, thanks be to god.

MERCHANT: Source?

MERCHANT: Given that, I’d say we’re in the right spot.

NEW: Hallelujah.

MERCHANT: Wood of the cross. Sign of his death.

NEW: And the Bible tells us so.

MERCHANT: Don’t be a fool, Le.

NEW: You’re a fool, Le.

MERCHANT: In Collini’s text we trust.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: You did the right thing Father.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Not entirely. The statue!

NEW: In American football there’s the hail Mary. Follow me.

MERCHANT: Wait, wait, I saw something.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: There’s something under here.

NEW: Strike Line

MERCHANT: Olivia, she’s down there.

NEW: (Calling) Olivia? Olivia? I know she’s down there.

MERCHANT: You don’t have to do this.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Sorry father, but we need a witness.

NEW: I need you Father, it’s now or never.

MERCHANT: No, but I have my faith.

NEW:

MERCHANT: Stop!

MERCHANT: Get away from her.

NEW: Stop, get away from her

MERCHANT: Now!

NEW: Now is the day of salvation.

MERCHANT: Keep spraying!

MERCHANT: Don’t believe him, Olivia.

NEW: Believe in me, Olivia, for once. Just me.

MERCHANT: Stop! I command Longinus the Centurion to stand down.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Though you have visited many bitter troubles upon me, O Lord, you will restore my soul; from the depths of the Earth you will raise up and restore to life.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Be enlightened and shine forth, O Jerusalem, for your light has come.

NEW: I am the light. I am your salvation. He has called upon me to surrender my soul should thy will be done.

MERCHANT: Hear me know oh Lord. I, who am your servant despite my unworthiness, call upon you now, invoking the power of your word in communion with all the holy patriarchs of Israel.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I command you, unclean spirit, whoever you are, along with your minions, now attacking this servant of God, by the mysteries of incarnation, passion, resurrection and ascension. By the descent of the Holy Spirit, by the coming judgement, you obey me!

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: I cast you out, unclean spirit, along with every Satanic power of the enemy, every specter from hell, and your fellow companions.

NEW: In my dying breath I cast out unholy spirit, unclean soul, along with every Satanic power. You are our enemy specter from hell, return to you fellow companions to perish in the flames.

MERCHANT: Corpus Domini Nostri lesu Christi custodiat animam tuam in vitam aeternam.

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: A miracle of science and a miracle of faith which could not have been accomplished without you.

NEW: Living proof of a miracle of science and a miracle of faith and the existence of God. You did it Olivia, and I was your vessel.

MERCHANT: Your name is Longinus, Cassius Longinus.

NEW: If you are not Cassius, then who?

MERCHANT: What happened?

NEW: Tell us friend what happened so we may rewrite the word.

MERCHANT: The blood from the wound and blood from your spear landed in your eyes.

NEW: You got an infection you or no one else could have ever imagined the consequences of.

MERCHANT: Blood. Blood from your spear to his blood. There’s, there’s how can I say, parts of the blood that carry demons. His soul rose to heaven, as it was destined, leaving behind a body, a body consumed with a virus A sickness. That is why he bit you–

MERCHANT: As mad as this man who stands before us.

MERCHANT: What do you believe?

NEW: Our beliefs have been altered yet we still believe, don’t you?

MERCHANT: We don’t. They will believe what they’ve always believed for centuries. The words of two Georgetown heretics doesn’t stand a chance against the .

MERCHANT: Let’s try this.

NEW: Strike Line

MERCHANT: On the vanishingly slim chance that a living human being happens upon this writing, I am obliged to forgive her in advance for thinking the author mad. As shall become clear presently, the story to which it bears witness is one that no sane person could accept…

NEW: Same

MERCHANT: Mother?

MERCHANT: Go? Go Where?

NEW: Strike Line

MERCHANT: Ah, yes, of course. Let me finish up here.

MERCHANT: Nooooo!

NEW: We are forsaken.