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Lesson 13
Reply to post your assignment.
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7 Replies
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Hi Folks:
This week-end, I’m off to Arizona on business.
So I might be late on my next lesson post.
Eve Williams’ Scene with Scares, Releases, and Creepy Moments
What I learned from doing this assignment is that even small things can be unnerving.
INT – BATHROOM – AFTERNOON
Maria turns on the faucet and sticks her reddened hand under the cool water.
From the mirror, her frightened reflection stares back.
She leans down and bathes her face with the cool water.
As she straightens up, she grabs a hand towel and dries her face.
Wincing a bit, she places her hand back under the cool water.
The water suddenly runs hot, and Maria jerks her hand away.
In the fogged mirror, a dark, blurry shape is seen behind her.
Maria wheels around to see…nothing. Nothing but a patterned shower curtain. Maria moves the shower curtain, and releases that the blurry shape was the pattern on the shower curtain.
Involuntarily, Maria shivers, then lets out a relieved sigh.
She turns off the faucet and raises the hand towel to clear the steamed mirror.
On the mirror are the letters P-E-E-K
Maria gasps, and steps back to watch as more letters appear on the mirror.
A-B-O-O…
A quick wipe at the mirror erases the letters.
Uneasily, Maria places the hand towel on the rack and walks to the door.
As she switches off the light, a man’s low chuckle…
She immediately switches the light back on to see…Nothing.
Trembling a bit, Maria leaves. The bathroom light goes off…
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Tom’s Scares, Releases, and Scary Moments
What I learned: These prompts give me other simple horror techniques I can use.
(BACKGROUND: In Act I, Angel argues with the Captain, who says he wants to prevent panic—orders them to keep the cause of Dr. Patel’s and Dave Osmond’s deaths– the worm– secret from the crew until he/they can figure out a way to kill it.)
INT. MESS HALL – NUCLEAR SUBMARINE – LATER
First Mate and constant cut-up CONNOR MCCAFFERY, 32, stands next to Seaman ANDY CHAVEZ, 23 at a table with four CREWMATES, also from the missile section known as the Bomb Squad. Connor produces a small, badly wrapped package.
CONNOR
Andy Chavez, as your First Mate,
It is my honor to present you with this pin,
signifying your promotion to Seaman First Class.
Connor sits down to film the moment with his cellphone. The Crewmates smile and applaud. Chavez examines the present and gently tears off the wrapping.
CHAVEZ
Wow! Thanks guys. I don’t know what to say.
He opens it. C.U. on the box as a cloth “snake” springs out.
Chavez emits a high-pitched scream.
When he recovers, he holds up the “snake”, shakes his head, and retrieves the actual pin. Connor and the Bomb Squad laugh, congratulate him, etc. They huddle together watching the video replay. POV: Something approaches the men’s feet along the floorboards. The mess hall lights go out. Darkness.
CONNOR (O.C.)
Hey, wha—AAUAACK!
Loud screams, bellows, and other tortured noises erupt in the darkness.
INT. PASSAGEWAY – NUCLEAR SUBMARINE – SAME
Angel and Ray Ray, still furious from their meeting with Captain Vanderpool, pass by the noisy, darkened mess hall. They exchange a worried glance.
RAY RAY
Hey, what’s with the noise? Silent running, righ–
He clicks on the light, revealing a grisly tableau.
INT. MESS HALL – SAME
Every sailor is missing an eye and has been ripped open by the worm. Bloody corpses are strewn everywhere, like an explosion at a meat packers.
ANGEL
Fuck! Shut the portal, quick!
Ray Ray quickly slams the portal and turns the wheel.
ANGEL
Now what.
Ray Ray vomits.
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Mike’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!
I learned to elevate this area of the screenplay. It needs much more work, since it’s basically a first draft, and I need much more practice to utilize these in a more professional way, but had fun thinking about it, escaping into it, and writing it.
Scene
EXT. WHISPERING THICKET
Creating Scares/Creepy Moments: Disturbing Environment
Sam disoriented in the rush of things, and lost, too! He’s alone and that’s when the WHISPERS come to him. He can’t make them out. He tries to get his bearings, pointing his flashlight in every direction.
The flashlight shows some brush, twigs, and trees but can’t penetrate the darkness beyond. A wall of uncertainties. More muffled WHISPERS.
SAM
What do you want?
A THWACK on a tree behind him makes him jump in terror. He cries, begging.
SAM
Just let us go, that’s all we want. Just let…please…please…”
He waits. Nothing. No sound.
He jumps up and wipes his face.
SAM
Real smooth, hero. Just be glad no one saw you.
That’s when the Masked Stranger steps out. And Sam can’t seem to move.
SAM
What do you want? We just want to leave.
MASKED STRANGER
I have not stopped you from leaving. Your fear has done that.
SAM
There’s something huge, some creature.
MASKED STRANGER
The night brings on many sounds that are hard to interpret when you can’t see.
SAM
We could smell it, hear it, see enough of it.
MASKED STRANGER
So, this supposed ferocious creature and here you are, still alive.
SAM
I’d like to stay that way.
MASKED STRANGER
Why? Wasn’t this your idea?
SAM
You killed Danny. I saw you, you were there.
MASKED STRANGER
He killed himself, not by me but by the fear instilled by something else. You can leave any time. Go and do not—
Flint clicks off the gun safety and fires a warning into the ground beside the Masked Stranger.
FLINT
I coulda shot ya. Ol’ Flint ain’t much of a miss when it comes to huntin.’
Declan arrives with Nate and Sam runs to them.
FLINT
Get ‘im outta here, he ain’t got the guts to see these guts splayed.
Declan leads Sam off. Nate remains behind. The Masked Stranger looks unfazed.
FLINT
Get lost, kid, this ain’t a viewing for amateurs.
NATE
You’ve got the gun. It’s the safest place to be.
FLINT
Then stay close but not too close, ‘kay? There’s punch in this and you don’t want to feel none o’ that.
Nate keeps close but not too close.
Meanwhile, Declan stops at a tree. He notices markings. He takes a photo of them with his phone.
SAM
I think it’s time we use the phone. We have to call someone.
DECLAN
We’re close, Sam. We’ll phone as soon as the morning comes, but we are so close. This could be are one chance of finally getting DNA from a Sasquatch. We can sequence the genome, maybe clone it.
SAM
How many more lives is it worth?
DECLAN
Look at this.
Declan shows him the photo of the markings zoomed in on his phone.
DECLAN
These tell us something.
Sam nods, pretends to agree and feign amazement. Then, in one split moment he snatches the phone and tries to call for help. Declan tackles him and wrestles the phone back before Sam succeeds. It doesn’t last long before Sam yields and that’s when they hear…
The girls! The girls are close! Sam forgets the phone and calls out to them.
SAM
Maddy? Katie? Megan?
KATIE
Sam?
Declan follows and they meet up with the girls. Sam hugs them and they all speak over each other trying to relate what’s happened.
DECLAN
Hang on. Hold it. One at a time. Now, what about this cave? And more importantly, what did you see?
At the same time, Flint moves toward the Masked Stranger who tries to move but Flint fires another shot.
FLINT
Next time I’ll hit a leg, or foot, or darn well hit ya and be done with ya.
Flint manages to remove the mask: it’s a woman. Nate recognizes her. The same woman they met as a solo hiker on the way up.
NATE
You?
FLINT
Where’s your pretty l’il pet, sweetheart?
Release Moment
Katie focuses on the markings from Declan’s phone. Sam’s signing to her to dial something but she’s too intrigued to pay much attention.
KATIE
I’ve seen these on the internet. On a site belonging to some discredited anthropologist.
DECLAN
That’s where. She researched Sasquatch. Fashioned herself the Diane Fossey of Bigfoot.
MEGAN
Didn’t Diane Fossey use some extreme methods in her conservation efforts?
DECLAN
It was a different time. The horrors she saw done to the gorillas she loved, well, she loved them, didn’t she?
KATIE
I can’t remember her name.
DECLAN
Dr. Eleanor Sable.
Creepy Moment
The Masked Stranger/Woman refuses to engage.
FLINT
See, thing is, Doc wants some DNA, just wants to study it. But I’m needin’ a bit more. I’m gonna find that beast and I’m gonna put a bullet or two, right in its blood-pumper. Then, I’m gonna get it stuffed and stand it as my prized trophy, the first to bag a Bigfoot.
Flint cocks his gun, with the barrel to her head.
FLINT
And I think, just maybe, you be the perfect bait.
A tree-snap in the woods and a SNARL causes Flint
Flint turns and fires, when…SMASH. The Masked Stranger/Woman savagely attacks him. Nate grabs gun and backs away, trembling.
The Masked Stranger/Woman reaches down and grabs a branch and bashes Flint to death repeatedly smashing his skull in, almost maniacal while she does it.
Nate still trying to figure out the gun. Shaking.
Katie and the others hear the noise and head for it.
Nate sees a Sasquatch approach but he’s shaking too much to get a shot off.
The Sasquatch picks up theMasked Stranger/Woman and swiftly moves away.
Scares Moment: Shocking
Nate finally figures out the gun and shoots at the Sasquatch but he’s has terrible aim. The gun jerks his arm back but he takes aim, again. Right then, his friends appear at the top of a hill the Sasquatch climbs and as it ambles over the top, Nate fires another shot at it, still trembling, and it hits Katie, instead.
Katie drops and Megan eases her down.
SAM
Put the gun down, it’s us!
Another shot misses.
SAM
It’s us, Nate! You shot her! You shot Katie!
Nate trembling, in tears, drops the gun, then stops and picks it up again.
NATE
I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have made us go on this stupid hike. Is she okay?
MEGAN
Not okay, Nate.
Katie bleeds out, unable to speak. Megan, Maddy, Declan surround her. Sam stands and looks on, helpless.
Nate puts the barrel in his mouth. Sam sees him do it.
SAM
Nate, put the gun down, you didn’t mean it, put it down.
BLAM!
Nate blows his brains out.
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Kevin Lobo’s – Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments
What I learned doing this assignment is…one has to really think deep to find those small moments to provide these essential moments which are so key to a successful horror.
SCARES / RELEASES / CREEPY MOMENTS
EXT. THE CEMETERY – NIGHT
Kimberly’s kneels by the grave and dusts it. She reads the page quietly as her whole body goes into a rigor. She does it again and jumps up shrieking in fear as…
Bradley grabs her from the back.
BRADLEY
Gotcha!
Kimberly screams. Turns around and punches him.
EXT. THE CEMETERY – DAY
(In this scene, Kimberly, Jason and Glen have secretly ventured into the cemetery, leaving Ruth, the possessed one behind. They’ve checked on the way that she is home).
They reach the grave, still hunched low, grip hands, cold hands sending shivers down their backs. Kimberly pulls out the spell.
KIMBERLY (cont’d)
Ready?
RUTH
(Right behind them)
Ready.
They leap at the sound of her voice right behind them, muffled moans and screams.
(Further –
Ruth reaches out to the fallen Kimberly offering her a hand to pull her up – Kimberly accepts hesitantly – again it turns out to be a normal Ruth.
The possessed Ruth invites them for a group hug as in the past – they oblige cautiously, petrified that the Evil Spirit may suddenly surface – it turns out to be a harmless group hug).
Kimberly, left kneeling at the grave, shivers violently, a trembling cry breaks out of her voice as she looks up at Ruth standing right above her – a grin on her face.
KIMBERLY
Hey… you… didn’t see –-
RUTH
The party queen? Not fair, Just the four of us left, we got to stick together.
Ruth reaches out her hand… Kimberly takes it hesitantly, her body frozen in fear, wanting to but not daring to look into Ruth’s face.
RUTH (CONT’D)
Group hug? Guys, come on.
Jason and Glen come around pensively… peering closely at Ruth’s face… any signs of the evil spirit surfacing… listening for any change in her voice.
Ruth gathers them up in a big hug and let’s go. They relax a bit as she sits… they creep as far as they can. She begins to weep softly.
int. tom’s living room – night
SLAM… the large doors slam shut as if pushed by someone… the silence and darkness return.
She searches for a switch, finds it but draws away, tip toeing along the wall… a window… she looks out and catches the droning chant again, faint…
She works her way back to the door, feels for the knob… when… the doors blast open and…
The storm, the droning voice and the possessed Kimberly with her deathly scream all burst in together.
int. THE SECRET CHAMBER BELOW THE BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS
A short tumble into a lower sub floor… the door swings back shut and SILENCE.
Julia lies in her collapsed position, broken, bloodied… suddenly numb to the pain.
She finds herself desperately covering her nose… the bile in her throat ghastly… she spits hard… covers her nose hard looking around for the source of the deadly stench…
She sees Kimberly in the crashed panel… silent and still.
She rises slowly, taking in the room, turning round and round as if under a spell. Upside down crosses, frames of burnt crosses, hooded folks in pictures, skulls, witch craft objects and in all of them the same large man…
Julia collapses, head spinning… Kimberly screams…
Julia grabs a low table to rise but the unattached table top flips over with a loud THUD…
Julia tumbles flat to the floor… crushes her right shoulder, reaches to soothe another injured part and freezes, eyes bulging, her body convulsing…
Inside the low glass table, inches from her face are…
The rotting, maggot filled heads of Bradley, Sarah, Ruth, Jason, Glen, and in their middle…
A skull… clean white, a bullet hole right in the center of its forehead and a very crooked jaw.
A dirty taste fills her mouth… the oily gravy from dinner…
She opens her mouth to spit it, but her hands instinctively cover her ears from her own long, endless, piercing shriek…
She chokes on the blood and the vomit in her mouth…
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Karen Crider’s Scares, Releases and Creepy Moments/13 Re-do. I made mistakes in this scene. I re-wrote it…
What I learned: Applying what cannot be understood is in itself am experiment. But all writing to one degree or another is. Shuffling through words that invoke the journey carry us there…
INT./EXT. FARMHOUSE
Chron moves into a bereft farmhouse, alone. Barnaby, a covert vampire trails him.
Mabel is dead. His nephew, Alan Eaton is also, while Alan’s brother, Benny, is hospitalized.
Barnaby, a master vampire, is a high priest of time– something we all serve. He prefers a dark residence to ward off the sun. He watches Chron, splatting a paint roller up and down a wall. The paint soaks in faster than it can be applied.
Though it’s cool in the room, Chron sweats. He takes off his shirt.
Barnaby admires his biceps, his broad chest, how his muscles ripple beneath his frame; the lub, dub, lub of his heart. He moves closer, closer to Chron. Barnaby ignores the slap of paint, the grind of his paint roller.
Chron over-reaches and the ladder weaves. The room spins. He goes flying, knocking over a book shelf. Books land all around him. A Bible among them.
Chron’s amazed. Nothing’s present to induce a fall. He rubs his eyes collecting himself. He shoves the books to the side when he notices the Bible. He idly thumbs through it, wondering who it belongs to. A chill fogs the room.
Barnaby backs away frustrated. A chair flies across the room. Chron ducks. He grabs his shirt, hyperventilating.
Chron can’t move. He cups his hands and tries to re-breathe his breath, forcing himself to slow his breathing. The foundation creaks. He jumps.
CHRON
Who’s there?
He staggers out the door.
EXT. FARMHOUSE – DAY
Chron shivers. Weeds billow the wind. Out-buildings sway into it. No birds light the fences.
No mice sprint the corridors of Chron’s farmhouse. Perhaps, they’re not as low on the food chain as man. A ray of sunlight pierces the clouds. Chron climbs into his car, and locks the doors. He grabs a blanket and sleeps fitfully.
He awakes cold and hungry. He cracks the car door, pausing to listen. He slowly makes his way to the front door. Its hinges squeak .
INT. FARMHOUSE – DAY
The only other sound is the wind moaning inside the chimney. Acrid remains of dormant fires spite the house with its stench.
Gray paint bleeds through on the walls, stark and unyielding– no matter how many coats of fresh paint he has applied.
Isolated, and with his fears mounting more and more, Chron decides to calls FATHER JOHN, who specializes in spiritual cleansings for an appointment.
Father John arrives early donned in zeal. He waves incense and intones prayers in Latin.
Thunder crashing the house. Lightning flashes. Darkness shadows the interior. But when blood floods the room like surf off the ocean, Chron is terrified.
A cold wind billows Father John’s coat into a wide, black cloak. His face contorts into a mask of evil. He overtakes Chron, his fangs exposed. Despair fills Chron to the point he wants to surrender.
leashes an incantation, something only hell understands, beckoning the forces of evil.
Legions of vampires crowd the room–chanting, hissing, leashing an incessant incantation, something only hell understands
Chron trips over his feet. He whacks his head against the wall. A cross on the wall illumines. Chron yanks it into his hand.
The priest and his cronies back off as if the cross is kryptonite. The vampires wail, wilt, puddle and flame in a lava-like sludge. Their wails so loud, Chron covers his ears.
Father John is history, and so are his cronies…
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Brett Born’s Scares, Releases and Creepy Moments!
What I learned doing this assignment is how to use different types of moments to build tension and maximize the audience emotional reaction.
Scare: A stranger in a car tracks Javier as he runs along the side of the highway. He flags them down.
Release: It’s a woman who considers picking up Javier, but his erratic behavior causes her to reconsider and drive away. Javier then sees the safety of the bus shelter.
Creepy Moment: The next car that comes along is the killer. Stalks Javier. Kills him.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
The heels of Javier’s dress shoes click against the pavement. The sound of the tapping echoes.
He GRUNTS and HUFFS… struggles to suck in air.
Headlights.
Javier turns. Jogs backwards and faces the vehicle. Waves his arms.
The car slows.
JAVIER – Stop! Please!
The car draws closer to Javier.
Javier stops. Bends over to catch his breath. Waves his hand.
JAVIER – Hey!
The car pulls along side Javier. Through the window, a WOMAN stares at him. She looks uncertain.
JAVIER – Help me!!!
Javier charges the car.
The woman panics. The car accelerates away.
JAVIER – No! Wait! Come back!!!
Javier chases the taillights. They quickly disappear around the bend in the road.
Javier comes to the bend.
A hundred yards away… a dim light glows from the bus shelter’s flat roof.
CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK. It’s coming from behind Javier. Steady. The sound draws closer.
Javier spins around.
Headlights shine at the bend in the road.
Javier raises his arms… thinks twice.
The car travels at a slow clip. Something’s not right.
Javier turns back around and runs full speed for the bus shelter.
Bright rectangular headlights in front of him. It’s a bus… it’s almost to the stop.
The steady CLUNK stalks Javier. It’s so loud now.
Javier waves frantically at the bus.
JAVIER – Hey! Help me! Help me!!!
The bus rolls to a stop. The DRIVER peers through the windshield.
Javier clomps awkwardly in his shoes… one of his shoes flies off his foot. He gasps and tries to scream.
JAVIER – Please.
The bus driver stands inside the bus. Watches Javier through the glass.
CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK. It’s right behind him.
Pure panic. Javier flails his arms.
The bus. The side door swings open.
Javier runs into the light of the bus shelter. Less than ten feet from the bus…
The Honda accelerates. Swerves into Javier.
Javier SCREAMS as the car clips him… he flies through the air… slams into the side of the bus… crashes to the ground… slams his head against the pavement.
The Honda brakes hard. Tires smoke against the pavement. Taillights show bright red.
Javier moans. His eyelids flutter. He tries to regain his senses.
The Honda… taillights dim… tires squeal. It reverses full speed.
Javier rolls over… tries to dodge the Honda.
His eyes grow wide.
Tires come right for him.
The Honda hits Javier in the head. He WAILS in pain as the car rolls up on his head and parks on top of him.
His head crushes beneath the car’s weight… blood and brains explode on the road.
The driver hurries out of the bus… freezes… puts his hand to his mouth, repulsed by the sight of Javier.
CLUNK. CLUNK. CLUNK. The Honda disappears around the bend.
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Tasha’s Scares, Releases, and Creepy moments!
What I learned doing this assignment is that you can brainstorm from the list of each emotion to round out your scene and pack it full of all the fun horror stuff.
Write a scene that uses scares, releases, and creepy moments.
1. Pick a scene from anyplace in your script that could use these three horror moments.
INT. TARG’S HOUSE – DAY
Targ is confronted with Sheena’s ghost and runs out of his house.
2. Create an OUTLINE of that scene and build in a scare, release, and a creepy moment.
Completed
3. Write the scene.
Completed.
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