Lesson 13

[Diane Keranen]

Diane’s Max Interest 2

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to let the audience in on the concepts that are playing back and forth between the characters so they can experience the challenges faced by Stewart in this scene.

ESSENCE: This scene is a set-up for a pay-off a few scenes later. To Stewart, Woody sounds as if he’s giving up on life.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES: I’m using Mystery (what is Stewart worried about concerning Woody?), Prediction (Woody’s literal “last words” that Stewart is unsure he heard), Awkward Moment (Annie asks for a ride), and Dilemma (married Stewart is being seduced by Annie).

SCENE:
INT. FELLOWS BAR – NIGHT
Stewart and Woody at the bar drinking beers. Woody is agitated.

WOODY
(a bit drunk)
Fuck it. And all of ‘em who don’t know shit.

Holds up his beer for Stewart to join him in his toast. Stewart raises his and gives Woody’s beer a light tap.

WOODY
I’m outta here. Buggin’ out you might say.

Woody gets up from the bar stool, reaches for his wallet, Stewart waves him off.

STEWART
(less drunk than Woody)
I got it, Woody. Get your ass home.

Woody gives Stewart a friendly slap on the back. Grips Stewart’s shoulders with a friendly shake.

WOODY
Good man. Good. Man. And you. You should go home to that wife of yours. Home home. Not what you got going on with her at her folks’ house.

STEWART
Don’t you start now.

Woody smiles.

WOODY
Fuck. Even you don’t know man. She’s a treasure, that Claire. Not like my wi… ex-wife. She took off to I don’t even know where!
(gets serious)
Get her back, man. You need… everything… she brings to your life. So, you can live it. Not like what I got.

Stewart scoffs.

Woody turns to leave, despite being drunk, he’s surprisingly steady.

WOODY
That’s it for me. It’s time. Enough of this bullshit.

Stewart motions to the bartender and drops money on the bar that he’s covering his and Woody’s bill.

STEWART
You okay to drive.

Woody waves off his concern and turns to leave.

ANNIE, dressed in 70s sexy short dress, 20-something, notices Woody get up to leave and approaches Stewart at the bar. Woody intercepts her and leans over to whisper something. He waggles his finger at her and looks back to Stewart.

She pushes Woody’s gesture away to hide his warning.

WOODY
(to Stewart)
Keep away from this one.

Stewart looks at but doesn’t really register Annie.

STEWART
Let me give you a ride, man.

WOODY
No need. I got it.

STEWART
Well. I’ll catch ya later, then.

Woody turns and walks out of the bar and raises his hand in a good-bye.

WOODY
Yeah. Later.
(to himself but drunk-loud)
There ain’t no later. This is the end…

The door closes behind him.

Annie leans against Stewart and brings his attention away from Woody.

STEWART
What’d he say?

ANNIE
Hey, Stewie.

STEWART
Don’t call me that, Annie.

ANNIE
I’m sure it was nothing. Probably just the booze talkin’.

He looks at her, assesses her motives. She leans on him for a moment. She’s had a few beers.

Stewart stares after Woody and looks through a window and catches a glimpse of him as he drives off.

ANNIE
So, I finally catch you alone.

Stewart turns back to his unfinished beer.

ANNIE
I heard you offering rides. I could use a ride home.

He gives her a tired-of-this glance.

STEWART
Don’t start.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom – Maximum Interest 2 (Lesson 13)

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is …the Max. Interest Techniques. I have been using them without overtly understanding what they were. I was going on instinct. This is the game we are playing…do we go by feel or do we try to elevate things by adding/using these advanced scene methods? What I’ve learned is… use both. If a scene is flat, you can use the Max Interest list and try to bring it higher. This class has shown me ways to increase my range as a writer and gain more control over my art. Sometimes more is better. When that is the direction the scene requires… here is one solid dependable way to get there. It is everything I have been trying to learn. Thank you Hal and SWU.

Logline – Vivian is going out on her first call as a mental crisis first responder. The new client in need turns out to be her sister.

The essence of this scene is that our protagonist is venturing into a dangerous new field of combining social worker/crisis intervention with police work. She is a new breed of first responder, however, to her surprise, her first client turns out to be her younger sister. Unknowingly, her sister has used her to gain access to the policemen who she believes were involved with killing their mother many years previous. I wanted to show how talented Vivian is at working with clients in crisis, yet it is really her sister who is showing deep hidden talent by working her to get to them.

Max. Interest Techniques – Mystery, Creating a future, Uncomfortable Moment, Dilemma – I wanted to begin a big mystery about (What is her sister doing here? Will it threaten Vivian’s new job?) Creating a future – (Will her sister stay in the program?) Uncomfortable Moment of unexpectedly having family in a surprising place. Dilemma of helping a client in crisis.

EXT. SAN DIEGO FLOPHOUSE – AFTERNOON

VIVIAN has her phone to one ear as she passes several DEPUTIES swarming around the front yard.
A handcuffed MALE suspect, ANTONIO, from the Brinks Truck earlier, is being forced down a front walkway by a DEPUTY.
DEPUTY KAYE is walking with the others as all three stop near Vivian. They see a CREDENTIAL hanging from her belt.

DEPUTY KAYE
Just so we’re on the same page we already have one victim. If it gets outa hand…get backup.

VIVIAN
Got it.

DEPUTY KAYE
It was reported as a suicide attempt.

VIVIAN
Where are they?

DEPUTY KAYE
Female. Twenties. She’s inside. No ID yet.

ANTONIO breaks free of the Deputy. Lunges toward VIVIAN.

ANTONIO
Whatever she says…I didn’t fucking do it.

DEPUTY KAYE
Alright…Keep moving.

Kaye points VIVIAN toward the HOUSE.

DEPUTY KAYE
It’s cleared.

VIVIAN
Paramedics already stopped by?

DEPUTY KAYE
She’s stable. I’ll hang around for transport.

VIVIAN gathers herself and turns.

INT. SAN DIEGO FLOPHOUSE – SAME TIME
Vivian sees a DISTRESSED WOMAN sitting on a worn couch. Her back is turned. She is holding an ice pack against her FACE.

VIVIAN
Can I help you?

The WOMAN lifts her head.

VIVIAN
Are you ok?

WOMAN
What!!!

The woman turns to Vivian. We see it is JEWEL. Vivian goes blank for a SECOND. Restarts.

VIVIAN
I’m here to help.

JEWEL
I didn’t call you.

Jewel throws the ice pack on the floor.

VIVIAN
You want to go to the hospital?

Jewel shakes her head “No.”

VIVIAN
It’s important to document everything.

JEWEL
Everything??? Where do we start?

VIVIAN
We have people who can help.

JEWEL
The cops sent you?

VIVIAN
I can get someone.

JEWEL
I don’t want any other cops.

VIVIAN
Trying to kill yourself…We can find a better choice.

JEWEL
God you can be so stupid…I was trying to kill him.

VIVIAN
But you didn’t.

JEWEL
I can’t talk to you.

VIVIAN
Let me call someone else.

JEWEL
Can you just shut up for a minute. Shut up!

Vivian pauses… RETHINKS her strategy.

VIVIAN
How about something by yourself? I can get you your own place.

Jewel chews on the idea for minute. Starts to warm to it.

JEWEL
Away from him.

VIVIAN
You won’t ever have to see him again.

JEWEL
Then what?

VIVIAN
Then you start getting smart.

JEWEL
I don’t have to take his shit?

VIVIAN
No.

JEWEL
You can do that?

VIVIAN
One call.

JEWEL
This isn’t going to mess with my parole.

VIVIAN
Doesn’t have to. No charges.

JEWEL
That could work…Fuck yeah.

EXT. SAN DIEGO FLOPHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
VIVIAN edges JEWEL near a transport car. Kaye is waiting.

VIVIAN (TO KAYE)
I suppose I should let you know… it’s my sister… It’s all set. You can go ahead and transport.

She pushes send on her PHONE.

DEPUTY KAYE
Family…oh well..She’s in…Ok… We’ll take extra good care of her.

He looks at the message. Nods. Vivian turns to Jewel.

VIVIAN
I found a bed… through Frances. She’s always been fair to you. But you have to promise me… stay… the whole program.

JEWEL
Got to take care of myself.

VIVIAN
Nobody else here. Just us two. 30 days.

JEWEL eases into the backseat of the Deputy’s Sedan.

• This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.