Lesson 13 Assignments

[Elizabeth Dickinson]

Module 4 Lesson 13 – Description Part 2

Elizabeth Dickinson Has Great Introductions

What I learned doing this assignment is that my revised, ironic character descriptions created more clarity and depth, and actually allowed me to imply where the relationship liaisons would lie. In sub-world description, I was also able to show how unprotected my indigenous world was by addition of one line.

I added some dialogue to my first Celt scene with his youngest sister to introduce both his protective nature and the matriarchal culture, and that he believes women can do anything, but he’s not so sure for himself.

In the Oversoul scene, I added ironic/contradictory character descriptions for each for the future season starring roles that are introduced.

Celt- strengths compromised by self-doubt

Abbess – compassionate, cocky,

Torturer – weak, determined,

Actuary – obstinate people-pleaser

Journalist – retiring, courageous

Writer – tentative, tenacious

And then did the same for supporting characters:

MARTA (60s) cautious, privileged village wise woman

SIRIUS (20s), sensitive, diplomatic fanatic

CLU (40s), obsequious, plotting Celt trader/translator from a neighboring tribe, hair cut short like a Roman to show allegiance, tutors the Romans.

The ROMAN COMMANDER (40s), forceful, fluctuating

CLETUS (20s) a coarse, handsome legionnaire, wants to rise above his origins, rubs his crotch.

RUDHEK (13), large, angry, wants to be leader without earning it, grabs the stick.

ULF (60s), Marta’s male partner, unacknowledged wind beneath her wings, raises hand to quiet everyone, captures the stick.

AIOLFE (13) Marta and Ulf’s daughter, Bronwen’s friend, secret rebel, nods in agreement behind her parents.

Taranis bumps into golden-haired BRIGIT (20s), goddess of the forge, crafts, and prophecy. A no-nonsense knock-out, capable of delivering them when necessary. She slaps Taranis’ face, hard.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley Has Great Introductions!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I loved this step in setting up my characters in great ways, either by using an ironic set up for my main (showcasing his “ordinariness”) or by inserting the primary antagonist directly into the action and using intrigue and action to make his a juicy part.

My original set up for Alex had him just ordinary. But, I set up two scenes for him in the opening act to showcase his “abilities” that he doesn’t know he has but has always relied on.

For Edris, I rewrote the entire scene with amazing description to make him seem vulnerable yet at the same time in command as he dispatches a squad of soldiers.

[P.G. Sundling]

5. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

I always try to fit in irony where I can. I actually downplayed one of the ironies, a girl who likes to wear sexy outfits who hates sex. Instead, I’ve added more justification to her wearing the outfit to avoid complaints of wearing sexy outfits unnecessarily. Irony is too subtle for people on sensitive topics. I’ve also made it clearer in passing comments, why the sexy power suit is plot relevant.

1. Go straight to your introduction of the main sub-world. Improve it if you can by delivering tone, subtext/meaning, and intrigue through the specific images and situations you present.

2. Look at each major character introduction. Improve those intros by increasing Intrigue, uniqueness, action, and relationship.

Act 1 intros James, Maria(her intro starts in the 90-second teaser and into act 1), and Renquist.

Intrigue: Renquist is trying to plot with Maria against James. Embroiling all three in intrigue over ownership of the company. Maria even warns James to be careful who he trusts. She seems to betray James right after, but it’s a ruse to get Renquist alone to kick his ass.

Uniqueness:

Maria- beautiful and strong, but hides both traits. Even in the face of the world ending, she reacts with a quick quip and pursed lips, not fear.

James- pet ants in his office. Has made a custom-made lightsaber that makes fart sounds in homage to the company’s first app, a fart app. Creative, intelligent, and still willing to put up a fight, even when futile.

Renquist – all teeth, a shark eater. if greed is good, he’s a saint. He steals their billion-dollar company using only a contract. He can outsmart a genius with his complicated contracts but falls for seduction easily.

Action: Renquist sexually assaults Maria, Renquist kills James’s pet ants, and makes him watch, Renquist humiliates James by removing his from the building publicly by force, Maria kicks Renquist’s ass after pretending to seduce him

Relationship: The status of Renquist as a sworn enemy to James and Maria is established immediately. There is also a hint of a strong James/Maria relationship. Although she seems to betray him before her ruse is revealed. The scenes right after the intros show the deeper James/Maria relationship.

3. Find three or four places in your pilot that irony can be used effectively in the description. Just put two opposites together in a meaningful way.

There’s already so much irony starting from the first line in act 1, an elegant executive suite is decorated like a teenager’s bedroom.

“Good news. You’re fired.”

“I’m a billionaire…without any money.”

A beautiful woman, who likes to wear sexy clothes, but wants to avoid sex is actually downplayed and given alternative motivations.

The cancellation clause meant to protect them, instead made it so James and Maria could afford to escape the deal.

James is a genius, but he gets outsmarted with a contract.

4. Tell us how you improved each of these areas.

The biggest improvement over the book is the creation of the teaser, which shows Maria as president while the world faces nuclear war. Even worse, something steps out of the nuclear blast. This creates lots of uniqueness, intrigue, and action for Maria. It also makes it clear she plays a central role, despite playing a secondary role to James.

Maria now hurts Renquist on the same cheek where he touched her. New lines were added to give further justification to her sexy power suit.

The teaser sets up anticipation for Maria to be president, but ironically, James runs for president, not Maria.

Shorten sequences to heighten the impact.

The biggest ironic change is an improvement in timing to have the visual reveal of the destroyed furniture happen while he decides his new plan is to sell his furniture to make rent.

Added line where Maria warns James who to trust right before Maria seems to betray him.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment 13

Wendy Weising Has Great Introductions!

What I learned doing this assignment was that I am fine tuning everything.

World Intros

I changed the teaser’s opening to describe more of tranquil setting near a pool in a forest—a place that Jane would like to be but instead, she has to strap on armor and fight a war. (Irony)

Later, I introduced a new group of creepy characters that roam the halls to help with the mood and give the audience another clue (tone).

Character Intros

I gave some direct description because it has to do with the story. I was also able to use pieces of clothing like a high-heeled white shoe stepping over a body to show how cold and calculating one character is. Most of my characters are different and a bit odd already.

I have a lot of irony. I was able to put a little bit more in with the new characters and opening.

[Avi K]

Avi Kapurala Description 2

Completed this a while ago but neglected to post.

What I learned doing this lesson is: with the techniques in this lesson, I was able to add more subtleties to the pilot and reflect the states of the characters, etc., better at key points.