Lesson 14

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is how to sort through my thriller map and condense it by taking out overlapping and un-needed parts. After putting it into a more readable form, I now have a start on the script outline.

Opening:

INT. VIRGINIA BEACH CONVENTION HALL – NIGHT

JADE OLIVER, age 22 and former child singer and new pop star sensation, stands on a stage before a prosperous looking audience. She sings an accapello rendition of HOW GREAT THOU ART just before intermission. It’s not on the program or her genre. Her performance mezzmerizes the audience. She finishes to silence and walks off the stage to thunderous applause and away from her career.

EXT. VIRGINIA BEACH CONVENTION CENTER – NIGHT

Rain pours down on a lone small woman wearing a backpack darting through the parking lot, hiding her trail behind parked cars.

EXT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT

A service truck pulls into the driveway and parks, he lettering on the truck, Across the Cloud Networking and Security Systems. A man exits wearing a raincoat and carring a bag of fast food. He enters the the house.

INT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT

JACOB ADANICH, age 42, under six feet, thin but muscular and dressed in a work uniform, locks the front door and heads upstairs to the living area where his Boston Terrier, Max, greets him. He talks to his dog. Max with perked ears and tilted head listens and soon appears restless and Jacob opens a sliding glass door to the deck with stairs to a high fenced garden. Max shoots down the stairs.

EXT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT

Jacob in raincoat with flashlight, quietly follows Max. Jacob shines the light on a soaking wet girl in his garden. Frightened and emotional, she begs Jacob to hide her.

INT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT

Jake hands the girl a towel, introduces himself, and asks her name. Olivia Kurk she responds. She is fleeing from her abusive boyfriend and her life in danger. She appeals to Jacob to protect her.

Inciting Incident: Against his better judgement he grants her asylum for the night. The girl is skin and bones and shivering.

INT. DUPLEX HOUSE – DAY

The next morning Jacob cooks breakfast and he invites Jade to eat. She looks like 14 cleaned up. She notices that he lives alone. He prefers a reclusive life, one with out drama, just he and Max and work. Jacob turns on local morning TV news. The big story is about the police searching neigborhoods around the convention center for a missing singing star suffering a mental breakdown. Jade pleads again for his protection. The abuser is her manager, owner of the music company and that he holds her captive. The girl looks anorexic.

INT. VIRGINIA BEACH CONVENTION CENTER – DAY

Jacob, a security camera specialist, helps the police and Louis Martz, Jade’s manager, view the tapes from the center’s security cameras. Martz mentions that that the girl is a vegan nut job and might be faking a breakdown as an excuse not to go on tour. The videos show that Jade fled the convention center in the opposite direction from his neighborhood.

INT. DUPLEX – SAME TIME

With Jacob at work, Jade explores his house. His bedroom is neat and clean. The bible on his nightstand is worn and full of notes and bookmarks. She notices a baby cup and bowl on the top shelf of a kitchen cupboard and finds a music room full of instruments and recording equipment just off the main entry.

Jake returns home unsure about Jade’s honesty. She denies the Martz’s claims and shares about more of her situation. Jake shows compassion and contimues to act respetful.

INT. DUPLEX – NEXT DAY

Jacob retuns home from a job and finds Jade in his music room. He dismisses her questions about the instruments and recording equipment. She picks up a guitar and begins to sing a song he wrote. Intrigued, he accomapnies her on the keyboard. The two share the gift of perfect pitch and love of music.

She asks about the song and the woman, the love of his life. He denies the song is about a woman.

Turning point 1:

INT. DUPLEX – NIGHT

Martz appears on the evening national news claiming that he received a ransom note for ten million dollars and that the FBI is now involved in the search. He asks Jade to turn herself in so he’ll not be branded as a kidnapper and face a life in prison. She assures Jacob that she did not write the ransom note and mentions that the tour has a financial backer and names the mid-eastern countries she will tour. She confides that the stress of intensive travel and performing will kill her.

Midpoint:

EXT. JACOB’S NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY

Armed men dressed in black conduct a door-to-door search in the neighborhood. They show fake detective badges and search warrants and carry guns.

INT. DUPLEX – DAY

Jake receives alerts on his phone from the security camera around his house and sees the men in the videos. He hides Jade in a secret space int a closet under the stairs behind insturments and speakers. She finds a baby quilt in the space. Jacob allows the men to search his house. He recognizes one as being CIA and they exchange a few words. The men do not find the cleverly hidden singer.

INT. DUPLEX – LATER

Jacob cuts off Jade’s long hair and gives her a buzz cut with his clippers. She showers and he gives her another pair of boy’s jeans, a long sleeved tee-shirt, and a hoodie in her size. He allows her to keep her earings.

INT. DUPLEX GARAGE – DAY

They load equipment from Jacob’s work van into his pick up truck and several backpacks, a bin of supplies for Max, and a shotgun case.

EXT. HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS

They drive away. As they approach Norfolk, Jade pulls out a cell phone and dials. Jake snatches it, removes the chip, and tosses it out the window. They drive through southside Virginia towards the mountains. Max growls at Jade.

EXT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – LATE AFTERNOON

They park at a secluded tourist cabin near a mountain top at Meadows of Dan. Jake unloads camera from the truck and sets them up around the parimater.

INT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – NIGHT

Max barks and Jake awakens to the alert from the security camera, too late. Two armed bopunty hunters capture them before they can escape. Jacob diarms both using hand-to-hand combat. Jade becomes frightened. Who is he, really?

Jake ties up the bounty hunters, interrogates them, and learns that Martz put a $100K bounty on their heads. Why so much? How did they find his location? Jacob uses one of the men’s phone to call Martz, tells him to come to the cabin to pick up Jade. Jacob, Jade, and Max drive away,

EXT. HIKING CABIN – DAY

The cabin is located on a farm just off the Appalachian Trail in no-where Virginia. Jacob sets up cameras.

Men in black find the hideout. Max helps Jacob capture one, the CIA agent from Virginia Beach. Jacob asks if Martz sent them. The agent nods negative. If not Martz, who? The agent answers, the Big Guy. “The girl must be really important to him. Sorry Jake, our orders were to take you out than grab the girl.”

Turning Point 2:

INT. EMPTY SKI CHALET – NIGHT

The couple’s next hideout is an empty chalet near Hawks Nest in the North Carolina mountains. Jake receives and alert from a camera at the beginning of the dirt road. He sends Jade to hide at a house two doors away. The intruder turns away from his location and heads in the direction where Jade hides. Jacob stalks him and shoots him in the knees and interrogates the fallen man. Arabic accent, not CIA but a hired assain. Mertz send you? No, Sarnoff. Better slit my throat now. I’m ready. Either way I be a dead man. Who’s Sarnoff? The man shrugs, bites down hard with his teeth, his mouth foams, and he slumps into death.

EXT. HIGHWAY IN NORTH CAROLINA – EARLY MORNING

Jake decides to take Jade to a secure paramilitary training center near coastal North Carolina. After two hours on the road, he spies a car following them. Paranoia? They escape the tail.

EXT. SIDE ROAD OFF HWY – DAY

An hour down the road, Jake pulls in to a secluded spot, pulls Jade into the woods, searches her body. Jade freezes in fear. Where is it, the tracking device. Don’t lie to me or I’ll strip. You naked and find it. Jade, bewildered begins to cry. He orders her not to move and calls his business parter for help. He finds a tracking device implanted in Jade’s earlobe and removes it, her earing the power source and top secret technology. Is someone high up in government involved? Did he find the device too late to protect their next hiding place?

EXT. TRAINING CENTER IN NORTH CAROLINA – DAY

They enter a back gate in the middle of nowhere of a compond surrounded by a high chain link fence topped with razor wire. Jacob swipes his card and an eye ball identification. The gate opens, they drive inside, gate closes. They drive across dirt roads until they reach the buildings in the middle. They stop in front of an empty cottage. Jacob ushers her inside; Max follows.

INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY

Jacob goes to the supermarket to buy vagen food for Jade, and approached by one of his fomer clients. After a brief exchange, Jake leaves. The man lingers behind at the check out.

INT. COTTAGE – DAY

Jacob cooks a meal for the two of them. Jade is impressed. He tells her a little about the self defense training camp. The center trains security guards, contract mercenaries, retail business owners especially those in crime ridden areas, and citizens interested in protecting life an property. The main trainers are former Navy Seals and Army Rangers.

INT. RECORD COMPANY OFFICE – DAY

VICTOR SARNOFF, a multibillionaire arms dealer, enters Martz’s office with an entaurage of body guards.

Sarnoff chastizes Martz for not finding the girl and reminds him of the cost if the she doesn’t go on tour. Martz agress about the big financial loss and suggests they could postpone it. Sarnoff mentions about his big investment and timing. She will tour on schedule. Sarnoff warns that Martz has two days to find Jade or be eliminated. Martz receives a phone call from one of his scouts, target spotted.

Climax:

EXT. SUPERMARKET – DAY – CONTINUOUS

Martz and two burley armed body guards capture Jacob at the supermarket. They force Jacob to drive them to the training center at gunpoint. Why didn’t Jacob take them out in the parking lot?

INT. COTTAGE AT THE TRAINING CENTER – DAY

Max barks and Jade freezes when she sees the guns pointed a Jacob’s head. Martz asks the girl to come quietly and no one will be killed including her family. Jacob asks why Martz sentbounty hunters, CIA, and assains to find them. Martz admits to the bounty hunters but not the CIA or assains. He admits to only following orders and being only a tiny part of a more significant threat.

Jacob tells Martz that armed soldiers surround the cottage. Instead of shooting Jacob, Martz proposes a deal for joint survival as he is on Sarnoff’s death list too. Rodriguez, Jacob’s business parther, bursts into the room followed by several men in miltary gear, part of a covert anti-deep state militia made up of disillusioned former FBI, Secret Service, and CIA agents. Marts joins forces with them to trap Sarnoff into revealing his plan and the politicians he controls.

INT. TRAINING CENTER OFFICE – DAY

The office belongs to General Adams, a former member of the joint chief of staff and a holdover from a previous administration. Martz tells about the concert being a cover for Sarnoff’s plan to put his players in place in each country to agitate simultaneous multiple revolutions around the globe.

Using a secure but recorded line, Martz calls Sarnoff and tells him he will bring the girl. He then bates Sarnoff into disclosing the diabolical reason for the world tour.

Resolution:

EXT. RECORD COMPANY PARKING LOT – DAY

Sarnoff and his enterage shows up to meet Martz and secure the girl. As they get out of their cars, they are surrounded by and army of armed men and the cars disabled. Sarnoff is ushered into the office.

INT. RECORD COMPANY OFFICE – DAY

Martz produces Jade. Agents annouce Sarnoff’s arrest and inform him about the raid on his office. They sit him in a chair and turn on a television. The program is interruped by a News Alert. The audio tape of his call with Martz is released on national television along with photos and communications between Sarnoff, the President of the United States, and the other polititions around the world that he controlled. The general informs Sarnoff that his outburst and confession are also recorded. Sarnoff is cuffed and led away in an armed vehicle. Jade goes limp, falls to to the floor.

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – SAME TIME

Jacob and Rod high five. They pulled it off, a fake televison broadcast cabled directly to the record company’s office.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY

Jade lies in bed connected to machines and IV’s. Jacob enters and nears her bed. They discuss her run down condition and recovery. Jade expresses appreciation to Jacob for saving her. She asks why he risked his life for her, a stranger? At first he evades the question then opens up. He was sole caregiver for his baby girl from three months after her mother disappeared. The former girlfriend, high on drugs, returned two years later and abducted the baby to sell her. They both died in a horrific car crash during a police chase. Jacob wrote the song about his baby girl to cope with the loss, but sunk into depression. Her name was Olivia Jade. Tears stream down Jade’s face.

INT. GENERAL ADAMS OFFICE AT THE COMPOUND – DAY

Jade, now uses her birth name, Olivia Kurkowski. She looks healthy, having gained weight in the treatment center. Jacob enters the room. The general tells them about Jade’s relocation and new identity. She expresses her concern about going alone without family. Her parents incarcerated for their involvement with Sarnoff and Martz. The general leaves ther room. Jade agian expresses her fear of being alone on her own. Who will protect her? She begins to cry. Why are good-byes so hard. Jacob smiles and comforts her. The general opens the door and Max flys in to greet Jade his tail wagging. She hugs the dog. The General asks Jacob if he’s ready to go, and shows Jacob’s new passport to Jade, I thought you might like a father to go with you on this new journey.

New Mystery: Sarnoff and the President of the United States escape custody and disappear.

[Carmen Radtke]

Carmen’s thriller map version 1

What I’ve learned is how much suspense is needed and how tight the plot has to be. I’ve also learned just how much I love the genre, even if I need a lot more practice.

INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

WYATT plays chess with his friend NOAH. He’s surprised at how easily he wins and how fidgety Noah is. Troublesome assignment? Although he understands Noah can’t really talk about it. Noah fakes a laugh. Not really, except – he got this job and he can’t afford to screw up again.

They set up the chess board again. Noah stops. Maybe Wyatt could help after all, just spitballing ideas.

Wyatt is surprised, but agrees. What does Noah need to do that a desk analyst like him could help?

Noah opens the game. It was a stupid idea to ask Wyatt. He’ll come up with a way to magically unlock the safe room.

INT. Restaurant – DAY

Waitress LANEY stands ready to takes an order from a Barbie-esque wannabe actress and her entitled mother. In between ordering the daughter makes fun of everybody claiming they’re really an artist these days, as if there’s something wrong with being a waitress. It’s a dig at Laney who has to stand there smiling. The mother makes it worse, by telling her to bring Champagne, the real stuff, because her daughter just landed a role in a movie.

The daughter shrugs it off. There was no real competition. It’s another dig at a Laney who’s had enough and sweetly answers, copying both mother and daughter spot-on while staying clear of being insulting.

She moves on to Wyatt’s table, notices his grin. He compliments her and she tells him he ain’t seen nothing yet. She hands him a flyer for an improv night. The audience delivers cues, and she and her partner deliver the show.

He orders and asks her to save him a ticket. Sure – what name? A tiny pause as his gaze flits over the bottles at the bar and fixes on Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. He says, Jim Daniels.

EXT. STAGE EXIT – NIGHT

Laney and her artistic partner and BFF, ONE-TAKE JAKE, leave the theatre, discussing a scene. Wyatt aka Jim waits under a street lamp, applauds them.

Laney and One-Take are flattered.

He offers to buy them a drink. He might have a job for them …

Acting?

Sort of. He flashes a FAKE ID, it’s a test to check on security measures without risking the target being warned.

INT. MANSION – DAY

Laney and One-Take pose as Hollywood location scouts, with Laney schmoozing the star-struck lady of the house, and One-Take taking pictures and miming camera angles. It’s all perfect, perfect, perfect, except – could they have a sneak peek into the safe room? Jennifer hasn’t one hundred percent said yes yet, but … The woman flips a photo of herself and her husband and keys in the code on the keypad underneath, which Laney secretly films. They promise to be in touch, and the woman mentions that she’ll join her husband in Dubai, but they’ll be back in a week.

INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY

The BOSS, HANDLEY, dictates a confidential memo to his SECRETARY, that the drive with the access codes to 50 million in bank accounts will be retrieved in two days. The door isn’t properly closed, and listening in an ante-room are THREE AGENTS, among them TURNER.

EXT./INT. MANSION – NIGHT

NOAH is prepared for a break-in. He hesitates, sends a quick message to HANDLEY. Change of plans, going in now.

Noah opens the safe room and searches for a hard drive with a unique symbol. Swaps it for an identical one.

INCITING INCIDENT

EXT. STREET – NIGHT

Noah hands a padded envelope to a courier. He heads for his car. Shots ring out. He crumbles to the ground, dead.

Gloved hands search his pockets.

INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – DAY

The courier hands a half-dressed Wyatt the envelope. He tears it open. Out slide the drive and a handwritten note. “If I don’t pick this up tonight, you’ll know what to do.”

Wyatt doesn’t really. He calls Noah. No answer. Then he looks through his contact list.

INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY

HANDLEY informs the three agents who listened in before about the murder of an agent, and the disappearance of a drive containing vital information for national security.

His secretary interrupts and calls him, You want to take this, sir.

INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT

Handley informs Wyatt of Noah’s death. He must under no circumstance come to the agency, because there is a traitor amongst them. Handley needs time to flush them out. Instead, Noah needs to go on the run. There will be fake IDs and credit cards waiting. Wyatt is only to talk to Handley or his secretary.

Panicking, Wyatt packs a bag.

Turning point 1

EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Wyatt stops Laney from entering, insists she needs to come with him. She declines, thinks he’s crazy. He tells her their lives are in danger. They need to get One-Take, now, before it’s too late. Please. She wavers. He pulls out money.

INT. THEATRE – DAY

The theatre is empty, except for Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take. They accuse him of lying to them and using them. He tells them he didn’t know, he only wanted to help a friend, who’s now dead after sending him a drive. Whoever the killer is, he is sure to come after everyone who might lead him to the drive – and he might discover the payment linking Laney and One-Take to the operation.

They still don’t trust him. He shows them an article about Noah’s murder. Shit.

INT. TRAIN STATION – DAY

Wyatt takes a small bag from a locker. It contains fake IDs and credit cards. They’re good to go. Laney and One-Take stop him. They have a better idea. They withdraw cash and put it on pre-paid cards. Now for the harder part. Where do they go?

Wyatt thinks, hard. Far away. He’ll have to figure it out. But first, they need to get rid of their phones. He’s bought burners for them.

Laney says no. Her phone is her life. What if her agent contacts her? Or One-Take’s agent? They’ve spent years trying to make it as actor and screenwriter. They’re not sacrificing that.

So, they’d rather die than miss out on an unlikely chance, because their phones can be traced? It’s a stand-off.

INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY

Handley updates the three agents who eavesdropped earlier on the search for Noah’s killer. He has reasons to believe that the drive ended in Wyatt’s hands. Considering he’s only a desk analyst with no field training, he shouldn’t be hard to track down.

INT. LIBRARY – DAY

Wyatt argues with Laney and One-Take about their next steps. He’s still shaken by the idea of a double-cross, while Laney and One-Take are blasé about it, because there’s always a double-cross among spies. Always. And they are better equipped at dealing with the situation. Their phones are shown wrapped in tin foil.

One-Take and Laney use library laptops to bring up travel research.

INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY

Turner, Handley and his Secretary watch a screen where one message pops up. A flight’s been booked using one of the credit cards, and a fake ID which shows up with Wyatt’s photo.

Turner smirks. They’ve got him.

Then another flight booking pops up. And another. And a Greyhound ticket. All with different starting points and destinations.

INT. CAR/RESTROOM – DAY

Laney and One-Take are cleverly disguised. Wyatt – not so much, but he’s under orders not to show his face at all.

They stop at a restroom.

Wyatt and One-Take head for the facilities.

Laney takes out her cell phone, unwraps it and quickly checks messages. She has one from her agent about a second audition in Chicago. She types a reply, confirming she’ll be in Chicago in two days. She wraps the phone again.

Wyatt uses his burner to contact the office. Any news? Can he send the drive to a safe address?

He scribbles an address in Seattle on a piece of paper and repeats instructions. He needs to get the drive there, because there’s only one man who can decrypt the drive – the man who created the encryption. Wyatt is unsure but agrees, if that’s what it takes to keep them all safe.

INT. AIRPORTS/BUS STATIONS – NIGHT

AGENTS sweep departure and arrival halls, searching for Wyatt. Nothing.

INT. CIA OFFICE – NIGHT

The Secretary asks Handley if he really wants to leak intel about Wyatt’s destination – it could get him killed. After all, they already lost Noah. Handley says they have no better alternative and it wouldn’t have happened if Noah had stuck to his instructions.

INT. CAR – NIGHT

Laney’s phone rings. She grabs it, only to have One-Take take it from her. The tin foil opens and reveals the messages. Is Laney out of her mind? Risking being traced for one lousy role that’s going to be another two line part that ends up on the cutting floor? After everything they’ve done to cover their tracks?

Oh yeah? Then why are they sitting in Laney’s car? And if One-Take had a taker for a script, she’d be there like a shot too.

EXT. CITY CENTRE – DAY

Laney parks her car in a garage. They all carry small bags as they make their way to a shopping mall. It’s crowded.

Laney and One-Take bicker. Then Wyatt is alarmed. He’s spotted one of the agents seen at the CIA. The agent has a gun! On a cue from One-Take, Laney creates a scene, causing people to back away. They block Wyatt from view long enough for him to double back to the garage.

INT. CAR PARK – DAY

Wyatt opens the car door when a syringe is plunged into his neck. Turner drags him to a limo with tinted windows while A HENCHMAN stands guard.

He doesn’t see Laney and One-Take who watch, horrified, as Wyatt is bundled into the boot.

EXT. STREET – DAY

The limo drives away, strictly keeping to the limits. The driving henchman keeps an eye on the cars behind him. But on the sidewalk, two women on e-scooters give chase – Laney and One-Take.

EXT. MOTEL – NIGHT

The limo pulls up outside a roadside motel. The car park is almost empty.

Another car rolls to a stop as Turner gets out and enters the reception.

Laney, in yet another disguise, distracts the limo driver, while One-Take picks the boot lock. Inside is Wyatt, by now conscious but bound and gagged.

Laney gets the limo driver to leave the car and help.

One-Take sneaks into the driver’s seat and careens out of the car park.

The henchman is dumbstruck but recovers fast enough to shoot at the limo.

Turner comes running and stops the shooting. They don’t want cops.

Meanwhile, Laney has disappeared.

EXT. CORN FIELD – NIGHT

Laney picks up One-Take and Wyatt. Wyatt doesn’t understand how she found them until she takes an air tag from his pocket.

They leave the stolen limo hidden in the corner field.

INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – DAY

They’re done running. It’s no use using Wyatt’s playbook against people who know every move better than he does. Instead, they’ll use One-Take’s and Laney’s skills. But first, they need to figure out what the hell is going on, because nothing makes sense.

Wyatt has to admit it, and he remembers Noah’s unease about his mission. Come to think of it, Noah had never screwed up anything, so why ask Wyatt for help?

Why not just send agents while the home owners were away, to break into the safe room?

Wyatt can answer that, because the safe room had a mechanism that would trigger an electrical current if breached.

Laney and One-Take laugh. That’s the most ridiculous scenario they’ve heard. It would make the safe room almost useless. They demand Wyatt walk them through everything …

INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – NIGHT

Wyatt, Laney and One-Take are busy with a borrowed hotel laptop. They’re researching the couple who owns the mansion. The blood drains from Wyatt’s face as they see a photo from a charity gala, with the owner and Handley seemingly best buddies.

What is really going on?

INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY

Handley is furious that they and Turner both seem to have lost Wyatt. He should have been in touch by now, or arrived in Portland.

The Secretary comes with a message. Wyatt’s burner phone (known to Handley because Wyatt used it to communicate with him) just pinged off an airport cell tower. Now they can read the messages as well.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY

Turner has the same information on his phone. He uses his earpiece to send his henchmen to the airport, just in case, as he reads again message from Wyatt send to another burner phone – about instructions Noah gave him about irrefutable proof of wrongdoing. But first, he’ll deliver the drive.

EXT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – PORTLAND – NIGHT

Woods surround the farmhouse. Moonlight glints off a gun barrel as a person looking like Wyatt approaches. The barrel is aimed at him, only to be jerked back and fall to the ground – next to Turner’s dead body. Close by are the dead bodies of the henchmen.

The man who looks like Wyatt has disappeared.

INT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – NIGHT

A MILD-MANNERED MAN in his sixties, DUARTE, hears a morse signal on his door bell and shuffles to let in Wyatt and a dolled-up Laney, wearing a blingy necklace.

Duarte makes sure they’re alone and ushers them in.

Wyatt acts nervy, can’t wait to hand over the drive. Only it isn’t the one Noah sent him – there’s a small difference. Duarte doesn’t notice! He’s never seen the drive before…

Wyatt takes his phone to call Handley.

A gun is pressed against his head – Handley.They shouldn’t do that, they can never be sure who listens.

Laney shrieks. Wyatt begs Handley to let her go.

Handley says he can’t. He’s sorry.

She cries. It’s been him all along, hasn’t it? Why? Did he use everyone to create a rogue agent scenario, so whatever was on the drive could be stolen and taken to Duarte without anyone making the connection?

For a moment, Handley is silent, before he admires her cleverness. He’ll actually be sad about the waste of her talents when he has to kill her.

He’s barely finished when his words are repeated – on Wyatt’s and Handley’s phones.

INT. VAN – SAME TIME

One-Take sits in the van, surrounded by laptops. She edits the action in the farmhouse as she streams it from Laney’s necklace camera.

She zooms in on Handley’s furious face as Laney shows him the footage on her phone and warns him that it’ll go out stat to a dozen reporters and broadcasters if anything happens to them.

Then she stomps on the drive before Handley can see it’s the wrong one.

INT. HOTEL – DAY

Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take linger over breakfast as the local newspaper arrives. A tragic accident takes up half the front – two men died of carbon dioxide poisoning in a farmhouse – Handley and Duarte.

There’s no mention of the bodies of Turner and henchmen.

Laney and One-Take take it better than Wyatt. He just needs to make sure that his report goes to several people, and they’ll be safe.

Wyatt apologises for dragging them into this mess, and for making Laney miss her audition. She shrugs it off. It would have only been two lines anyway, that were destined to end on the cutting room floor. She’s decided it’s the lead for her or nothing, written by One-Take.

INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Laney hands menus to TWO CLASSY GUYS. Only this time she wears her necklace with the hidden camera, and an earpiece where she listens to One-Take’s voice. In a corner sits Wyatt.

[Agnes McCourt]

Subject: Agnes’s Thriller Map Version 1

What I learned is there was a lot of repetition in my story and plot throughout the original thriller map that needed to be removed. I had to reorganize several parts so that the story would flow properly and in sequence to events. But, doing it this way allowed me to see my story more clearly once I cleaned up the duplication and organized it better. I also found that I needed to add my ending to my entire story.

Thriller Map Version 1

INT – SMALL TOWN FARM HOUSE (1942)

A man shoots his wife, and turns the shotgun on himself, leaving a young 2 year old an orphan, John Roberts. He is raised by another family, but is marred by his father’s actions in the small town.

EXT – PARK IN SMALL TOWN – DUSK (1960)

A troubled wife goes missing suddenly during a daytime picnic. Helen Roberts disappears suddenly without a trace. No one sees her disappear.

John Roberts trusts wife and father-in-law. Father-in-law is quick to blame John once his daughter disappears mysteriously. John no longer trusts his father-in-law and has no idea what happened to his wife.

No one can remember seeing her go missing from the picnic, least of all her own husband, who worked late at her father’s bank. Helen vanished into thin air.

Does Helen suffer from the same mental illness her mother suffers from? Is Helen mentally ill (or faking her mental illness?)

Her father, Mike Deans, is not searching for his daughter immediately knowing she has done this on two previous occasions. He is more intent on removing the unwanted and unpopular son-in-law, John Roberts, from his bank business forever, whatever it takes.

There are two reasons for Mike Deans wanting to have John Roberts convicted and sent away. John Roberts knows about Mike Deans’ wife’s mental illness. Mike Deans wants his wife’s mental illness covered up and to never be revealed.

Mike Deans is hiding secrets he does not want revealed that could destroy his career and standing in the community. Mike Deans is willing to do anything to cover up his secrets whatever it takes.

Mike Deans is quick to conclude that John Roberts, his son-in-law, somehow murdered and hid his daughter’s body in the nearby woods, when he knows she has disappeared before.

INT – POLICE STATION – SAME NIGHT

John Roberts is arrested for murder and causing her body to disappear as she is never found. John trusts the system as he knows that he did not murder or hurt his wife.

John Deans is quick to accuse John Roberts of murdering and burying his daughter’s body in the nearby woods near the picnic area. He has a lot of sway with the authorities in the town. John Roberts is shockingly arrested, and charged with murder.

INT – THREE MONTHS EARLIER – JOHN AND HELEN’S WEDDING

Helen pushed for a quick wedding with John as they had been close friends since they both started school together. He wasn’t ready but she said they could make it work.

Mike Deans, the father-in-law trusts his son-in-law, John Roberts and lets him marry his daughter and gives him a job at his bank, but deep down he does not like her choice for husband because of his troubled childhood experience.

INT – ROBERTS’HOME – NIGHT BEFORE HELEN DISAPPEARED

John Roberts felt guilty that their marriage was not working out after all the effort he had put into that relationship. Helen accused him of “beastly behaviour” wanting marital relations all the time. They quarreled frequently over this matter.

INT – COURTROOM – DAY

John Roberts trusts townspeople and jury to find him innocent. No one listens to John Roberts when he proclaims his innocence and they quickly judge him as guilty. John can find no allies to help him in his case and he is quickly judged as guilty. John is betrayed by his own father-in-law and accused of murder. John loses faith in the system once he is found guilty without evidence and he is sentenced to 20 years for her murder in the penitentiary.

Mike Deans allows John Roberts to be blamed for Helen’s disappearance this time. Mike Deans is sure that they will find his son-in-law guilty and lock him up, despite knowing that his daughter has disappeared on previous occasions on her own. His dislike for his son-in-law makes him want to have him take the blame for her sudden disappearance and to get him out of his life.

Deans is hiding family secrets from the police and townspeople about his private life. His hatred of his son-in-law, allows him to let his son-in-law take the blame instead of telling the truth about the family secret of mental illness. It’s more efficient to have John Roberts removed from his life permanently than for the town to find out that Mike Deans has some dark secrets. If Mike Deans’ secret is revealed, it can affect both his reputation and his career in the small town.

INT – DEANS FAMILY HOME

Molly Deans is suffering from a mental illness and but John Deans’ previous actions made her mentally ill.

Mike Deans plans to keep John Roberts locked up for 20 years to get him out of his life.

Mike Deans’ secret is so severe that he will have an innocent person locked up. John Roberts knows about Mike Deans’ family secret through his wife, Helen Roberts, but not everything.

We discover that John Deans’ wife, has been suffering with some form of a mental illness for years, and he has suspected that his own daughter is also suffering with the same mental illness, and she has disappeared before and then returned.

INT – STATE PENITENTIARY – 1960

Mike Deans underestimates John Roberts’s resilience in fighting for justice. Incarceration does not destroy John Roberts. He makes good use of his time in prison. John Roberts becomes a model prisoner, and starts taking college studies to improve his chances for a better job later when he is released.

Mike Deans underestimates John Roberts’s ambition to achieve higher education and become a model prisoner and helps other inmates successfully with their Appeals as he eventually obtains all his qualifications as a lawyer. John never gives up on his proclaiming his innocence and decides to work within the system to prove his innocence, via appeals.

Mike worked hard to make John give up all his appeals so that he will never be released to return to town. John hates his father-in-law and after a while he no longer trusts his own wife and starts to forget about her.

INT – SMALL HOME TOWN – (1964)

Mike Deans is not actively looking for his daughter and prefers everyone believe she is dead. Mike Deans knows his daughter is not dead and lets his son-in-law get convicted for her death though no evidence is ever found. Mike Deans suspects his daughter suffers from the same mental illness as his wife and that she has disappeared on two previous occasions and returned on her own. Mike Deans feels secure that his secret will remain secret if his son-in-law is locked away for murder. He is not quite sure what he will do once his daughter resurfaces in the future.

EXT – NEAR PARK – DURING THE PARK PICNIC – (1960)

Helen is lured away by a strange hitchhiker and seems to not remember her own name. Helen leaving with a complete stranger can put her life in danger. Helen appears to be suffering from a mental illness or amnesia. Is it learned behaviour or is she really mentally ill? Her disappearance puts John Roberts in jail for murder, and in danger.

INT – FLORIDA (1964)

Helen is no longer happy with her new boyfriend and starts the same mental health issues she had with her husband in a far away state.

INT – STATE MENTAL ASYLUM (1964)

Helen (Red Herring) is alive but appears to be suffering from amnesia. She gets locked up in a state mental asylum far from home. She writes letters and envelopes every day and only one nurse assistant is interested in what she is doing. They do not know who she is. Helen is locked up in an asylum by her boyfriend but Helen is writing letters everyday in the asylum. The asylum is unable to determine Helen’s identity. Helen writes letters and addresses envelopes daily. Helen is not sure who she can trust in the asylum with her letters.

INT – SMALL TOWN (1968)

Mike Deans continues the cover-up of his daughter’s disappearance and lets John Roberts rot in jail. Mike Deans is taking his time in searching for his daughter till he’s retired and not sharing his previous experiences with authorities about his daughter’s previous disappearances.

Mike Deans is not in any rush to find his daughter, but starts thinking about hiring a private investigator to find her. That’s in just in case, she suddenly shows up, he can prove that he did look into his daughter missing and she was not dead. Mike Deans loves his daughter and deep inside knows she just disappeared but is in no hurry to locate her. Mike Deans is satisfied that his daughter is probably fine and is glad to have his son-in-law locked away for a long time.

He is more concerned with his position in town, than looking for his missing daughter and having his son-in-law released. He is concerned about what will happen once she does reappear and John is released. Mike Deans knows that his daughter will resurface and then there will have to be an explanations and possible consequences to face for having John wrongfully convicted.

INT – STATE MENTAL ASYLUM (1968)

Helen Roberts’s identity is finally discovered by the envelopes she keeps addressing and the name of the return address on the envelopes. Helen is released and returns home to her small town.

INT – PENITENTIARY – (1968)

John Roberts is released and reunited with his wife who has been missing for 8 years.

John Roberts’s faith in the law is renewed and further he is successful in suing for wrongful imprisonment.

INT – SMALL TOWN RECEPTION (1968)

John is no longer treated badly by the townspeople, but he has lost all trust in his father-in-law and his wife when she reappears.

INT – MIKE DEANS HOME (1968)

Mike Deans believes his daughter is suffering from the same mental illness his wife has but has not shared that information with anyone. Mike Deans is not certain that John Roberts knows his secret about his wife, Molly Deans, and why she is so mentally ill. Mike Deans underestimated John Roberts’s ambition and ability to succeed in prison not only as a model prisoner, but as a scholar.

INT – JOHN ROBERTS’S HOME (1968)

John Roberts’s immediate release and successful lawsuit against the state for wrongful imprisonment affects Mike Deans. There are many changes in John Roberts’s financial situation once he receives a huge settlement for wrongful imprisonment. John regains his trust in the system and his life improves.

He has no love for his father-in-law or his wife who has not changed at all. But he endures the situation for a few years.

INT – ROBERTS’S HOME (1968)

John Roberts is released and he has to face Mike Deans and the townspeople that had him convicted wrongfully. John Roberts accepts his wife’s strange disappearance and they return to living together as husband and wife. The townspeople now welcome him back and see that they had misjudged him.

John Roberts is now a successful lawyer who sues the state successfully for being wrongfully incarcerated and wins a large amount of money to set up his small law practice and buys a beautiful home back in his home town beside the very park where the original picnic and woods are located.

John appears to live happily ever after with Helen but there are changes in their marriage arrangement. He no longer trusts his wife or his father-in-law.

John Roberts appears to continue his life successfully and becomes well respected in the town as he seems to hold no grudge for the years he spent behind bars for no reason. It all appears as though, all is forgiven and forgotten to everyone in town. John Roberts is also a pillar of society now and sits on town council meetings.

INT – MIKE DEANS HOME (1968)

Mike Dean’s reaction when his daughter returns and John Roberts is freed.

INT – JOHN AND HELEN’S HOME (1968)

At first, John accepts his wife’s “mental illness” as the excuse for her disappearance.

John Roberts discovers in an argument that his wife was only “faking her mental illness” to get back at John for his “beastly behaviour” and that she has watched her mother’s behaviour since childhood and simply copied that behaviour.

Helen also reveals that her father had made her mother have an illegal abortion before they were married and she never fully recovered from the experience. This was the reason Molly Deans was so mentally ill.

John seeks revenge for the years he lost for the false accusations of murder.

Mike Deans wronged John Roberts and never explains or apologizes for misjudging him. John Roberts’ decides to take revenge on both for losing 8 years of his life.

John plans for over two years on how he will rid himself of this troublesome wife that took 8 years of his life away and has no remorse whatsoever for her behaviour.

When she finally reveals that she had only been “faking it” to get away from him and that town, he loses all trust in her and starts planning his revenge.

INT – MIKE DEANS HOME

Mike Deans fear once his daughter returns and she and John are reunited. John Deans keeps a close eye on his daughter daily and his son-in-law. John Deans keeps waiting to see what John Roberts will do about his participation in having him incarcerated wrongfully.

Mike Deans continues to believe that his daughter has the same illness as his wife, but on occasion wonders about it. Mike Deans keeps a close eye on his son-in-law in case he finds out that his daughter has disappeared before and that she may not be suffering from any mental illness. Mike keeps daily tabs on both his daughter and his son-in-law.

Mike Deans trusts that all is going well now that his daughter has returned and is living in good style with her husband who has been released for being wrongfully incarcerated for 8 years.

His entire secret never surfaces publicly, but he keeps close tabs on is daughter in case she gets the notion to disappear again. He’s not sure if he can trust his son-in-law but has no choice at this stage.

EXT – NEARBY PARK TO JOHN’S HOME

Incarceration has taught John patience and he plans his actions over the course of two years, as nothing has changed since his wife returned. She still cannot cook anything. She still does nothing around the house. She still avoids him and has her own bedroom.

John quietly plots his successful revenge towards his cheating and lying wife who cost him 8 years of his life. He is also plans to pay back his father-in-law at the same time he takes his revenge.

John Roberts walks through the nearby park daily as his law office is on one side of the park and his home is adjacent to his law office. Sometimes he approaches his home from the front walkway. Other days, he walks through the woods and enters his home climbing a small hill and enters his home through the back door.

He’s learned about the park and what grows in the park over the years. He feels the ground and how it feels when it is wet and when it’s hard during a dry spell. He notices its bounciness after rainfall. He learns the amount of rain that makes it soggy and how much makes it muddy. He tests it with a stick to see how it enters the ground easily and cleanly with lesser rain. He has waited over two years, and the time is right for his plan.

INT – JOHN’S REVENGE – (1970)

After two years, its finally time, it’s now 1970. He has had two years of freedom. He’s got the town’s respect with his success as a lawyer and forgiving husband.

Being September the time is right now. It will be darkening about 5:30pm in the evening. By 6pm, the hill will be dusk, and by 6:30pm it will be dark.

As he enters his kitchen, he’s cheery and Helen turns from the stove and offers her cheek to him which he barely brushes with his lips. She’s frying up some steak, which will be inedible, and she blames the butcher for the cut of the meat. She mentions that her father had stopped by to visit her earlier but she does not speak about her mother, she seems to have forgotten just as the town has forgotten her mother. She complains about the house being too much to care for. John promises to speak to the butcher about the cut of the meat. He talks about getting some help for her with the house. He planned this for himself already months ago.

John checks his watch and it’s almost 6pm as he looks through the kitchen windows and it’s nearly dark. He tries to hurry Helen’s dinner preparations but she’s always taking so long to do anything.

She wants a drink before dinner, though she rarely drinks. She reminds John that he doesn’t have to get to the Council Meeting until 8pm. She wants to serve the dinner in the dining room instead of the kitchen where they normally have their dinners. Helen had set the dinner table, drank her Rob Roy and burned the steak until 6:30pm. John is thinking he could have killed her by 6:30pm and he was getting anxious. His plan is running late.

He’s checking his watch to rearrange his time, but Helen wants another drink before she sits down for dinner. He counts fifteen minutes for the drink, a half hour for dinner, fifteen minutes to clear the table and get the dishes washed. So, now it will be 7:30pm before he can kill her, drag her body down to the woods and bury her, get back to the house, call Deans and leave for the Council meeting by a quarter to 8pm.

INT – MURDER DONE RIGHT (1970)

John reaches across the drinks, puts his hands around her neck which is long and slim and presses tightly. Helen’s body drops to the floor by 6:38pm, dead. He stares for a moment recalculating his plans and changes how much time he now has to add to running late. He changes the order of his plans to make up for lost time.

He quickly goes upstairs to Helen’s closet to locate her new fall coat and slowly walks down the stairs, to calm him. In the kitchen, He thrusts Helen’s limp arms into the coat sleeves. He memorizes Helen’s black pants, white sweater.

It’s now 6:50pm and he can smell the steak burned dry. He quickly turns off the stove and dumps the steak down the garbage disposal filling the pan with water to soak the burned pan. While he’s disposing of the steak, he dumps the salad and looks around quickly for any other food that they may have eaten for dinner. He scrapes the pan of carrots and turns back to Helen on the floor.

Helen’s eyes are wide and blue in death, with no more expression than when she was alive. Her lips are slightly parted. John feels glad that she is now dead finally.

EXT – BODY DISPOSAL – (1970)

It’s now 7pm, and he goes back into his mechanical plans to dispose of her body. He puts on the gardener’s boots and gloves, gets the wheelbarrow and shovel from the tool shed out back and lifts Helen’s body from the kitchen floor to the wheelbarrow to wheel her through the dark, and down the grassy hillside to the edge of the woods that are around the park. There’s a soft cool wind blowing through the trees and clouds are colliding in the sky, suggesting another rain, which is good, as long as it doesn’t start for a few hours.

The soil is just as he wants it to be, easy to dig through, just right to lift out shovelfuls of sod and lay them aside, loose so that he can work quickly. John begins to sweat in the cool breeze so he takes off his suit jacket and puts it over Helen in the wheelbarrow, concerned if he’ll have enough time to change his shirt, checking his watch. It’s too dark to see the time clearly.

He works as fast as he can, digging a narrow grave, but deep, using the shovel to measure the depth regularly, the sod is on one side, while the soil is on the other, until he feels the grave is deep enough.

He puts down the shovel carefully and tries to cool his shirt from all the perspiration. He takes his suit jacket from the body and puts it on. Then, he tips the wheelbarrow so that the body falls into the grave he has dug. He’s careful not to kneel on the soft earth, and straightens her out. Then, he shovels the soil, pressing it down with his gardener’s boots. When there is only about three inches of soil missing, he fits the sod over it, using the shovel to press the sod down over the grave. He scatters the remaining soil displaced by her body in small heaps under nearby trees.

John puts the shovel in the wheelbarrow and quickly pulls it up the hill. The lights in the kitchen provide him the light he needs to get to the tool shed. Looking at his watch he sees it is now 7:30pm. He’s still running on good time and pleased with himself. He puts the wheelbarrow, shovel, boots and gloves back in their place. He shakes his trousers back into a good crease and goes back into the house kitchen.

INT – ALIBI – (1970)

It’s 7:32pm and he still has dirty dishes to clean!

He decides to call Mike Deans and put a cheery note in his voice to suggest that he can pick him up before eight and that they could go to the Council meeting together, no point taking two cars.

John runs back to the kitchen, takes off his coat and tosses it on a chair, then rolls up his shirt sleeves to clean the dirty pans. He finally stacks the unused clean dishes back in their place in the cupboards along with the silver ware and glassware. He removes the tablecloth and folds it neatly and puts it away and puts the usual centerpiece back on the table. It’s close to 7:47pm so he has no time to change his shirt.

He goes to the living room to turn on the TV, piles the pillows the way Helen liked them piled on the sofa and makes the pillows appear as though a head had been resting on it. He leaves a lamp light on.

The lights in the dining room are now off, so he grabs his suit jacket and puts it on, buttoning a button, takes a quick look around the now tidy kitchen, and checks his watch indicating its now 7:52. He turns off the kitchen lights, slams the door, making sure it’s locked and runs for the garage to his car.

He picks up Mike Deans around 7:59pm and they arrive at the meeting at about 8:10pm where he pays close attention to the meeting but without hearing a word of what they were saying. He’s listening for rain. A gentle rain will do the job. It will remove any evidence of trampled grass and the sod on the grave will spring back up. The soil he scattered will sink further down into the ground.

INT – JOHN INVITES MIKE TO HIS HOUSE – (1970)

John thought that if the meeting had been a long one, he might have invited Mike back with him to explain the lateness of the hour, but the meeting is over by 9pm; so he opened the door for his father-in-law and offered an alternate suggestion. He felt it was still early and so he could drive him to the house first, and they could have a nightcap and Helen and he can both drive him home. John suggests that Helen could use the fresh air after a night of watching TV where he had left her.

The rain started as he unlocked the back door and heard a familiar commercial advertisement. He laughed and called out to his wife, telling her that he’s brought a guest home to visit her for drinks.

John waits, as the rain now grows stronger against the windowpanes. John goes to the living room to see the dented pillows, and no Helen.

INT – HELEN IS MISSING, AGAIN – (1970)

John yells for Helen as he runs up the house stairs. He’s now going from room to room, turning on the lights, opening and closing doors. He runs downstairs and turns off the TV. He pushes Mike aside as he searches the downstairs rooms, cupboards, closets, and even the basement of the house.

From the kitchen, John runs out to the tool shed, turning on the garage lights and comes back in soaked from the rain. He walks back to the hallway, with his shoulders slumped, and dials the number of the police. He speaks in a broken voice. By now he’s sobbing to the police.

He turns to Mike and tells him Helen is gone. It’s happening all over again, just like it did before, Mike just comprehends the situation and while it is happening again, this time he could not accuse Mike of the crime that he had committed having once accused him of the uncommitted crime.

The police chief arrives in minutes, eager to help solve the problem without jumping to a quick conclusion as they had before. John is able to identify all the clothes Helen was wearing, and the new brown coat that was now missing. She had not taken any identification as her handbag was left behind. The police chief simply shakes his head, and says that all they can do is put out an APB, and focus on the asylums between here and Florida. The police chief doesn’t feel he owes Mike Deans anything else.

John is seen as a hero and a romantic martyr. Meanwhile Molly Deans didn’t even realize her daughter had been missing, returned, and has gone missing again.

Mike Deans has no way of knowing whether Helen disappears on her own, or not, and they will not charge John with the same crime again

John Roberts finally feels that it had been worth every minute of his eight years in prison for Helen.