Lesson 14

[Yannis Zafeiriou]

Lesson 14, QE Cycle #3 – Draft 1 (Tried to use all 5 challenges and all 9 new interest techniques, as well as some of the previous 10.) Let me know if I succeeded.

Logline: Two graduate students go head-to-head after being forced to work on a project together to make a standard anti-gravity device

Essence: Nancy needs to prove herself, by any means necessary.

INT. CALTECH SCIENCE LAB 4 – DAY

A blinding flash of silver light fills everything, then recedes.

Dozens and dozens of futuristic machines and equipment fill the space, all sorts of lights flicker, and a steady electrical hum seeps out of the lighting on the ceiling.

NANCY (24, all business) lifts her goggles off her eyes and turns to her lab partner.

NANCY Well? What you’re waiting for? Hit it!

SQUIRE (24, if Starlord were a scientist) looks around the room and then at her. He seems confused.

SQUIRE I mean… I just did?

Now it’s Nancy’s turn to be perplexed.

NANCY Fuck. What did you do?

SQUIRE What do you mean? I did what you said?

NANCY Did you finish setting the coils like I showed you?

Squire takes off his own goggles and looks away from her.

SQUIRE Nancy, we’ve been through this. I’m not an idiot.

NANCY Show me.

Nancy grabs the weird, buzzing, metallic contraption in front of them. She pulls it apart, into two formerly conjoined halves. The buzzing sound stops.

Nancy looks at her own half.

NANCY My core is perfect. Show me your facilitator.

Squire takes a step back. He seems amused.

SQUIRE Oh, so it’s gotta be me who messed up, not you? Huh?

She looks at his half, but it all seems fine.

NANCY Hmmm.

SQUIRE Let’s go again, what’s the worst that could happen?

NANCY This isn’t a joke, Squire. If you fuck this up, we could both die. Or worse. We’re not making a toaster here.

Squire finds this even funnier.

SQUIRE What’s worse than dying? Dying twice?

NANCY (muttering under her breath) Being beaten within an inch of your life, only to become a mentally unstable alcoholic who ruins your own life alongside the lives of everyone who’s ever had the misfortune of entering your orbit.

Wowza. Squire didn’t exactly expect this outburst.

SQUIRE Dark. I thought you were gonna say “dying three times”.

Nancy’s eyeballs look like they want to stab him.

SQUIRE Get it? Cause I said “dying twice”, so you would say-

NANCY It’s thrice.

SQUIRE Right! And what if we get caught in an endless time loop and start dying over and over again? That’s way worse than dying once. Or twice. Or thrice.

Yikes. She’s definitely not in the mood.

SQUIRE Relax. Dr. Horton said we have all weekend. We shouldn’t rush. Wanna go get some drinks instead?

NANCY No, yeah, that’s a great idea. Let’s get some alcohol in our bodies and then try again.

SQUIRE That’s the spirit!

NANCY Let’s impair our judgment, fine motor skills, and reflexes, and then try to defeat gravity.

Squire gets the sarcasm finally.

SQUIRE Alright. I get it.

NANCY It’s not like my entire future depends on us building this.

SQUIRE Hey this is my thesis too. We’re in this together.

NANCY Not by choice. Horton seems to think we’ll reach a higher purpose or something if we work together.

INT. PROFESSOR HORTON’S OFFICE – DAY

DR. HORTON (60s, and smarmy) watches intently into his LAPTOP. Several windows on the screen. All show different CCTV angles of Nancy and Squire in the lab right this very moment. The rolling timecode in camera two’s window shows APRIL/23/2042/11:02:54. Then, APRIL/23/2042/11:02:55.

Horton leans in to hear what Squire is about to say.

SQUIRE That’s deep.

Squire approaches Nancy and looks deep into her eyes. Lightly presses his hand on hers.

SQUIRE He paired us up cause you and I, we’re the class superstars.

Horton glances at a couple of files open on his desk, and then types something up on his futuristic tablet.

INT. CALTECH SCIENCE LAB 4 – DAY

Nancy abruptly removes her hand. There is a flush of red on her cheekbones. Squire is a very attractive guy. In a golden retriever kind of way.

NANCY Please, do not equate my intellect with your charm.

SQUIRE You think I’m charming.

NANCY I most certainly do not.

SQUIRE You do, you just said it.

NANCY You think you’re charming.

Squire smiles.

SQUIRE There. You said it again.

NANCY No. You do. And you actually think you’re smarter than me. Which is laughable.

SQUIRE You know what’s funny, when people say laughable, instead of just… laughing.

Nancy will not be bested.

NANCY I bet you that my half of the anti-gravity core scores better than yours.

Squire is intrigued.

SQUIRE I’ll take that bet. What do I get when I win?

NANCY Don’t you already have everything?

SQUIRE If I win, you go on a date with me.

NANCY That’s absurd. Absolutely not.

SQUIRE So you clearly think I’ll win. That’s why you won’t do it.

Nancy takes a moment. Then thrusts out her hand.

NANCY Deal. But when I beat your ass, you tell me how you got into this program in the first place.

Squire takes her hand into his and shakes it gently.

SQUIRE Hard work and good grades.

He gives her the biggest shit-eating grin in the history of the planet and wipes his model-gorgeous hair out of his eyes. What a douchebag.

He takes her hand and pulls her in front of his half of the device. She jerks her hand back.

SQUIRE I think we actually need to reverse the polarity of these coils.

Nancy is taken aback.

NANCY That’s… That’s not-

SQUIRE I already set them like you showed me. But if we reverse their poles, it could actually increase the magnetic field by as much as 33%.

NANCY 48% actually. But… This might work.

She throws him a weird look.

SQUIRE Don’t gotta look that surprised.

NANCY No, it’s… Why didn’t I think of that?

Squire grins.

SQUIRE Maybe you’re not as intellectual as you thought you are.

NANCY Shut up. Look. You missed the connections on the facilitator.

She uses a futuristic welding gun to carefully melt and connect the joints of the facilitator that Squire missed.

SQUIRE Nice. Thanks for catching that.

NANCY Nice try. Now you do the other ones.

She offers him the tool. Squire pauses and doesn’t take it.

SQUIRE Uhm.

NANCY What?

SQUIRE Welding’s never been my thing.

NANCY How come? You’re about to graduate with a master’s in Applied Quantum Physics from the number one school in the country, and you can’t even weld a freaking connection?

SQUIRE Can you please do this? For me?

NANCY Maybe I should let you fail.

SQUIRE If I fail, we both fail.

Nancy takes a moment to think. Fuck. He’s right. But there is only one way out of this quagmire.

NANCY Fine, move.

She crouches down over his half of the project. Forcefully aims the welding gun down at the joints.

NANCY 1… 2… 3…

SQUIRE (under his breath) Go. For. The knee.

Nancy freezes.

NANCY What did you say?

Squire pauses.

SQUIRE Nothing.

NANCY No, you just said something. Go for the knee.

SQUIRE Oh. Yeah it’s nothing. Just one of those things you learn in preschool.

NANCY Hm.

She turns her attention to the connection. Her hands shake.

NANCY So did you grow up around here?

SQUIRE Yeah, Eastside, Los Feliz, born and bred.

NANCY Same.

SQUIRE Small world.

She welds part of the second connection. Her knuckles are white.

NANCY It’s kind of dark, you know.

SQUIRE What is?

NANCY (her voice shaking) 1-2-3, go for the knee. It’s dark. For a preschooler. Don’t you think?

SQUIRE Yeah, it’s fucked up. Like all kids are gonna repeat it. You know, that’s what we’re primed to do.

Nancy pretends to focus on her work, but her attention is elsewhere.

SQUIRE We’re pack animals. We follow our leader… even when our leader is evil.

NANCY You say that like you have experience.

SQUIRE Yeh. Something like that. I tried to block it out, but I think about it every day, actually. Kind of what made me wanna come here. Understanding the nature of reality makes me feel even less significant than I am.

NANCY Free will is real, until the moment we make a choice. And that choice takes away other people’s free will.

Squire has no idea what she’s talking about.

NANCY For example, what is there preventing me from taking this welding gun, and burning a hole through your temple?

INT. PROFESSOR HORTON’S OFFICE – DAY

Dr. Horton leans in. His eyes hanging over Nancy’s words on the screen of his laptop.

NANCY Just like there’s nothing preventing a pack of preschoolers from maiming a father. Life isn’t random. It’s fucked.

Squire is not sure what’s going on. He glances at the welding gun in her hand. It’s dangerously close to his face.

NANCY I can change my reality-and yours- with just a simple flick of my wrist. Just like you and your friends-your packmates-did to my father.

Nancy puts the welding gun down and picks up the coil. Squire slowly pieces this together.

NANCY But I’m not like you.

Horton smiles. Sick bastard.

INT. CALTECH SCIENCE LAB 4 – DAY

Squire is hit by the memory of that day.

Nancy carefully reverses the coil’s orientation.

SQUIRE But. But he killed Gwyneth Poultry…

The mention of that name is like a slap in Nancy’s face.

Her eye twitches and her hand shakes. The coil makes contact with the wrong part of the facilitator.

Electricity crackles.

Just barely missing Nancy’s hand, the facilitator on the table makes a hollow noise, and in a fraction of a second propels itself towards Nancy’s nearby “perfect” core.

The magnetic pull joins the two halves as one.

As the device begins to attract other loose metallic objects onto it, the two grad students only have a fraction of a second of recognition in each others’ eyes, but it’s long enough to know they fucked up big time.

A blinding flash of silver light fills everything, then recedes.

Dozens and dozens of futuristic machines and equipment fill the space, all sorts of lights flicker, and a steady electrical hum seeps out of the lighting on the ceiling.

Nancy lifts her goggles off her eyes and turns to her lab partner.

NANCY Well? What you’re waiting for? Hit it!

Squire looks around the room and then at her. He seems confused.

SQUIRE I mean… I just did?

Now it’s Nancy’s turn to be perplexed.

NANCY Fuck. What did you do?

SQUIRE What do you mean? I did what you said?

NANCY Did you finish setting the coils like I showed you?

Squire takes off his own goggles and looks away from her.

SQUIRE Nancy, we’ve been through this. I’m not an idiot.

NANCY Show me.

Nancy grabs the weird, buzzing, metallic contraption in front of them. She pulls it apart, into two formerly conjoined halves. The buzzing sound stops.

Nancy looks at her own half.

NANCY My core is perfect. Show me your facilitator.

Squire takes a step back. He seems amused.

SQUIRE Oh, so it’s gotta be me who messed up, not you? Huh?

She looks at his half, but it all seems fine.

NANCY Hmmm.

SQUIRE Let’s go again, what’s the worst that could happen?

[Jeremy Cooke]

Very “Black Mirror” – I like the situation.

I don’t know if you need to cutaway to show us the Prof. A glance at a camera in the lab and a muttered comment may be enough?

You may want to polish the dialogue a touch – there’s too many whole sentences for me but the personalities do come through.

A possible twist would be that they realise that they are in a loop and try to break it…again and again for ever.

[Brenda Boddy]

I liked it.

[David Penn]

Looks like you nailed it, particularly the subtext of both characters. Well done, Yanni- once again.

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two reluctant partners are teamed together to do a job.
ESSENCE: Partners pulling in different directions will end badly
INTERESTING SITUATIONS: defuse a bomb; paint a room; stop a leak in a submarine/nuclear reactor; land an aeroplane; pitch a tent; escape zombies; trapped in a flooding mine.

INT. FLOODED MINE SHAFT, PUMP HOUSE

INTERCOM
Surface here. We can’t get through. You’ll have to close it down yourselves. Who’s in charge down there?

NANCY
(quickly)
That’ll be me.

SQUIRE
I thought I

NANCY
(firmly)
Me!

SQUIRE
(beat)
Yeah whatever.

NANCY
Do you have a problem with that?

SQUIRE
Nope I’m fine. So what’s the plan…boss?

NANCY
We need

SQUIRE
Do you want me to clear some of the debris away so that you can see what we’ve got?

NANCY
Exactly. Let’s go.

Nancy and Squire start man-handling fallen debris. Squire climbs up on a large piece to reach smaller pieces.

NANCY
Be careful. That lot looks unstable.

SQUIRE
(grins)
If it falls on top of me I’ll sure you’ll rescue me.

NANCY
I don’t want to have to rescue you.

SQUIRE
Pity…I was looking forwards to a bit of mouth-to-mouth.

Squire wrestles the last bit free.

SQUIRE
Wait it’s heavy. Let

NANCY
I can do it!

SQUIRE
I know but

Squire reaches out to take a grip of the load.

NANCY
(struggling)
I told you I can do it!

SQUIRE
(admiringly)
I know you can girl but

Nancy slams the debris to the ground narrowly missing Squire’s foot. He jumps aside.

NANCY
(gasps)
There I told you.

Squire is down on the ground looking at a gap in the debris.

SQUIRE
You know I reckon I could

Nancy pushes Squire aside.
NANCY
Let me see.
Nancy wriggles a little way in.

NANCY (cont’d)
I can see the valve panel and

SQUIRE
And just beside it the elevator! Let me

NANCY
Oh no Jose…as soon as you get there you’ll be away back to the surface like Flynn and leave

SQUIRE
No way. It’s just…can you turn the valve?

NANCY
I’m in charge! You heard the man! Give me that spanner!

Squire hands Nancy the spanner.

SQUIRE
It was a robot.

NANCY
Well yes…but a senior robot.

Nancy starts wriggling down the narrow passage.

NANCY
Watch me.

SQUIRE
Mmmm…I am.

Nancy wriggles back and stands.

NANCY
Were you looking at my arse?

SQUIRE
I couldn’t really help it.

NANCY
I order you not to look at my arse.

SQUIRE
I can’t really not if you go first.

NANCY
Right…well I order you to go first.

SQUIRE
That’s what

NANCY
Don’t you backchat me. Get in there…now.

SQUIRE
Yes Maam.

Squire squeezes himself into the gap. The debris pile shudders and shifts as he wriggles his way deeper. He stops.

SQUIRE
I’m stuck.

NANCY
Stop fecking around.

SQUIRE
No seriously

NANCY
I order you to come back.

Squire squirms a bit more.

SQUIRE
Nope it’s settled behind me I

NANCY
(furiously)
That’s your big fat arse.

SQUIRE
Hey! I don’t

NANCY
Well go forward then.

Squire struggles the debris pile shifts again.

SQUIRE
(grunting)
Nope…I…can’t. It’s settling behind me.

NANCY
You can. Just stop the flow and we’ll figure the rest out later. Go on!

SQUIRE
But you’ll be struck?

NANCY
We’ll clear that once the flow is switched off. You can make it…I order you to go forward!

NANCY
I’m already stuck here. Stop the bloody flow or we’ll both die.

SQUIRE
(pause)
You’re right.

Squire gives wriggle, a squirm, and as the debris pile closes behind him he pops free.

SQUIRE
I’m out. I’m by the panel. Where’s the spanner?

NANCY
(weakly)
Here.

SQUIRE
Where!

NANCY
Here…I forgot.

The sound of the elevator doors opening and closing then…silence.

[Alfred Dunham]

It’s funny how we come up with such different stories yet share some of the same situations. I flooded a pet store. LOL

[Jeremy Cooke]

I think that’s what impresses me about the concept of the “essence”. You can show it in a starship or a medieval castle.

[Alfred Dunham]

Alfred Dunham – Lesson 14 – QE Cycle 3

LOGLINE:

Two polar-opposite individuals are ordered to work together on a project that ends in chaos.

ESSENCE:

Solidarity in the face of chaos

SCENE ARC:

From being forced together to:

Making a total mess out of the situation.

1. Nancy and Squire are ordered to work together.

2. Nancy and Squire argue over everything.

3. With their assignment in chaos, they make up.

NANCY: Traits

confrontational, stubborn, scheming, caring.

NANCY: Subtext

Nancy is a scheming lady who is covertly competitive with peers.

Subtext 2 – Nancy has done some short-term jail time for trying to setup a small-potatoes Ponzi-like scheme.

SQUIRE: Traits

evasive, selfish, happy-go-lucky, seductive.

SQUIRE: Subtext

Squire is a seductive guy who uses his charm to control others.

Subtext 2 — Squire has an illegitimate child, which he uses as leverage to get whatever he wants – i.e., he controls the mother.

SCENE: Squire and Nancy – First Draft (Hemmingway’s “shit draft”)

INT. PET STORE – DAY

A new pet store, Pet City, is scheduled to open in a couple of weeks, but the animals are still being housed in a state of total disarray.

The Manager has called Nancy and Squire into her office.

MANAGER

(to Nancy)

Nancy, you seem to have an ordered, caring mind. I want you to oversee arranging the pet quarters.

Nancy glances at Squire with her well-practiced air of superiority.

MANAGER

(to Squire)

And you, Squire, I want you to help Nancy with the moving and setup.

Squire just smiles and nods in approval.

MANAGER

Good. Go to it.

THE BACK AND EAST SIDES OF THE STORE

NANCY

I think it would be cool to arrange the animals Biblically.

SQUIRE

Say what?

NANCY

You know, the fishes first and then the reptiles and birds —

SQUIRE

So which came first – dogs or cats?

NANCY

Cats, of course.

SQUIRE

Why cats?

NANCY

Cats are considered more female-like, and dogs are considered more male-like.

SQUIRE

Well, there goes your scheme. The way I heard it, Adam came first.

NANCY

Well, they got that wrong.

Squire laughs.

NANCY

You’ve never heard of parthenogenesis?

SQUIRE

What’s that?

NANCY

Females don’t need males to reproduce.

SQUIRE

So what’s the fun in that?

Squire fondles Nancy’s hair.

NANCY

Squire! What are you doing?

SQUIRE

Your hair is so soft and nice —

NANCY

Well, don’t. You already have a wife.

SQUIRE

No, I don’t.

NANCY

Then where’d your kid come from?

SQUIRE

Maybe that thing you said?

NANCY

(disgusted)

Nope. He looks like you, not her.

SQUIRE

Very well, but you’re missing out on all the fun.

NANCY

You’re a pervert. Just move the damned fish tanks over there, against the wall.

SQUIRE

Why?

NANCY

Because I say so.

SQUIRE

Okay, but you don’t have to be so snarky about it. What’s in it for me?

LATER

The reptiles, rodents, and birds have been moved into place against the east wall, along with the fish tanks.

And Squire is filling one of the tanks with filtered water, via a long hose.

Nancy is busy with the cats and dogs. But having the cats that close to the dogs has not worked out well.

Nancy screams —

NANCY

Squire, come help me; the dogs are out.

Squire races to Nancy who is desperately trying to round up the dogs who have escaped their enclosure.

Some of the dogs have found the cat cages and have knocked them over. Some of the cats have also gotten loose and are now being chased around the store by dogs.

LATER

One by one, Squire has managed to chase down and return the dogs to their reinforced enclosure. But the fish tank has overflowed.

Squire rushes to turn off the water.

Bags of dog food are soaking up the water.

Bird cages have been overturned, letting the birds out, and one unperturbed cat is perched atop a bird cage finishing its finch dinner.

Nancy screams again —

NANCY

Where’s Kaa?

SQUIRE

You mean, the snake?

NANCY

Yes. Kaa.

Squire searches, his shoes wet, and finds Kaa in one of the rodent pens.

Kaa has managed to open the door to the mouse cage and let the mice out – well, all but one. Only its tail can be seen.

LATER

Even with all the animals rounded up and returned to their cages/pens, the store is in chaos. Hundreds of dollars of product sit on the wet floor, ruined.

Nancy sits on a still overturned cage – cries.

Squire sits down beside her and puts an arm around her.

SQUIRE

I’m sorry, Nancy.

Nancy wraps both arms around Squire – continues to cry.

NANCY

So am I.

[Jeremy Cooke]

Liked the scenario – real potential for comedy there – the only critism I would offer is that the dialogue may get a bit lost in the action. Maybe aim for more “zingers”.

I’d also suggest the last two lines are unnecessary – an arm over a shouder should suffice.

[Alfred Dunham]

I just thought you should know. I liked your theme. I used to go to Cal Tech when I was working on my Ph.D. in molecular genetics. ‘Met a lot of interesting people there. Not everyone likes the seamy, one-dimensional movies that are rampant. I want to feel informed and encouraged to think.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s QE Cycle #3: Nancy and Squire Make a Mess Together

What I learned from writing this scene that is improving my writing is I needed to figure the larger context first (the basic gist of the movie), which helped me to included some of the max interest techniques. So it’s a bit long, a series of scenes, but each have some interest techniques.

=================================================================

LOGLINE: Nancy reinvestigates Squire’s case and it blows up.

ESSENCE: Nancy’s investigation twist-turns against Squire.

================================================

EXT./INT. CITY STREET/CAR – DAY

A car pulls over to the side in front of the Police Station. NANCY COLMES (29) in a sleek dress suit slides into

INT. THE CAR on the passenger side.

You wouldn’t know it was an unmarked police car, except for the interior: police lights on the rear and front windows, the radio/control board with knobs and buttons, the computer, and the stash of notepads and clipboards.

In the driver’s seat JOE SQUIRE (32), jacket-no-tie, gives her a quick smile.

SQUIRE: Let’s get this straight. I don’t need another partner. [uncomfortable moment]

NANCY: The P.D. said I needed one. To show me the ropes. And while I really wanted to get into investigation, I’m not exactly happy you’re the one to show me… [uncomfortable moment] But I can understand how you feel with Barb’s death… [hook, scheming, suspense]

SQUIRE: Leave Barb out of this. Internal Affairs cleared me of any part in her suicide, if that’s what you’re angling at. [mystery] Her affair was with someone else… And outside her personal life, she was okay as a partner. But I don’t want go through this again. (gives her a hard look) [mystery, suspense – what is “this”?]

Nancy seems to be making mental notes of what he’s saying. [scheming] They sit in silence a while, then–

SQUIRE: So what made you want to leave patrol? I know, I know, (wink-smiles at her) [seductive] you have your masters in criminal justice with police academy training in detective work, top of class.

He gives her an alluring smile [seductive], then he starts driving down the street as they talk.

NANCY: Good job, Squire! On investigating me. [competitive – damning with faint praise] So, yes, I thought I might put my skills and education to better use.

SQUIRE: (flashing brows, sexual humor) And female intuition?

NANCY: That, too. (strained smile)

SQUIRE: So what’ll it be, Dinky Donuts or Ranch Burgers? Great places to investigate. [happy-go-lucky]

Nancy gives him a sly glance as she pulls her note pad from her purse. She pretends to read it.

NANCY: Fulcrum. We need to go to there.

SQUIRE: (worried) But that suicide-murder investigation is long over. [fear, character change, anticipatory dialogue (subtext)]

NANCY: Apparently not, according to Lieutenant Whitney. He told me to start there.

SQUIRE: (looks dagger at her) He’s wrong. Must not have read the final report. [uncomfortable moment, hook] The guy was fired from Fulcrum Upholstery, had marital difficulties — he killed her, then himself. A typical case. (off her obstinate glare) It’s a one company town. He’d lost his only chance in life.

NANCY: But Whitney wants me to investigate the Fulcrum case. (turns on charm) Maybe just for practice.

SQUIRE: We aren’t going there, Nance, if I may call you that. It’s out in the boonies. And that’s final.

NANCY: Then I’ll just have to go there myself. [Stubborn]

SQUIRE: (really worried) Okay, okay, M’am. But you’ll regret it. [dilemma (neither choice appears good to Squire), anticipatory dialogue]

NANCY: And why’s that?

SQUIRE: For one thing, it’ll take away time from real cases. [contradiction=subtext mystery/suspense/creating a future – he wanted donuts] And I know you’re an efficiency expert.

NANCY: And?

He clams up [mystery, creating a future] and they head out on a two -lane highway.

LATER

They pass ranches and barren land.

LATER

They see a small town in the distance and a big ugly industrial plant with smoking smokestacks. As they approach, a sign comes into view, “FULCRUM, pop. 359,” then the plant sign, “FULCRUM UPHOLSTERY.”

NANCY: Stop here at the plant.

SQUIRE: (totally disturbed) Why?! The family of that couple is on the other side of town. [fear, mystery]

Squire drives past the plant entrance.

NANCY: Then I’ll just have to come out here myself. [stubborn]

Squire does an angry donut on the road and heads in through the plant’s open gate. They get out at the office building. Nancy scrunches her noise, holds it, makes a “Phew” sound. [something unseen, but smelled]

INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY

THE MANAGER (50s), behind the desk. Nancy and Squire, in front.

MANAGER: That’s all I can tell you. We had to let him go. It’s unfortunate that he took it so hard.

Nancy is scribbling notes. She’s LEFT-HANDED [set-up]. Squire is trying to look bored, dithering on nervous [why?].

MANAGER (CONT’D): (rising) So if there’s anything else we can help you with…

Squire stands, but Nany remains seated.

NANCY: What I don’t understand is there’s no termination notice and his family says they weren’t aware he was fired.

MANAGER: (upset) He probably threw it in the trash… Now I really have some important work…

Nancy jots down her final notes, closes her notebook, and gets up.

NANCY: So what is it you manufacture? Upholstery?

As they walk out the door into

THE CORRIDOR

the manager explains.

MANAGER: Not exactly. We manufacture the D.E.H.P. that goes into making upholstery and other products. (off Nancy’s questioning look) Di-2-ethylhexyl-phthalate. It’s what makes synthetic materials soft and pliable. [creating a future, something unseen, fear? Mystery? Why is the plant called by the innocuous name Fulcrum Upholstery?]

He gives her a stiff smile, and backs away to leave.

NANCY: And, of course, you’d have a copy of the termination notice.

The manager turns heel and strides down the corridor. [creating a future, hook, uncomfortable moment, mystery]

SQUIRE: Nice work, Nance. You just severed our most important tie to the community here.

Nancy gawks a shocked face. [hook… why is Squire siding with the manager, why is he note interested in important case details?]

SQUIRE: (sassy) So now I suppose you’ll want to meet the parents.

INT. SMALL RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – DAY

THE MOTHER and FATHER (60ish) sit in arm chairs, Squire and Nancy on the sofa, Squire looking bored.

NANCY: According to the report you said you didn’t know anything about your son being fired.

MOTHER: We hadn’t been on good speaking terms with our son and daughter-in-law for several months before they passed. (grief sob)

FATHER: (harsh) This is a one-company town. You can’t buck the company. Likely he WAS fired. That’s all I’m gonna say. [mystery, hiding something ?]

Seems the father may be hiding something, Nancy studies him.

NANCY: Now I understand they had a baby. Are you the guardians?

MOTHER: No, his sister is. She knows more about him and his wife. They were close.

Nancy flips through the report, then glances at Squire with slight astonishment.

NANCY: Seems she wasn’t interviewed… Do you have her phone number and address. (sly glance at Squire) [competitive, doing better than Squire]

The Mother goes to the dining table and start writing down the info. Squire gets very worried and stands.

SQUIRE: This isn’t necessary, Nance. We need to get back and deal with real cases.

NANCY: And donuts?

Squire’s at the door, Nancy stands in place. They wait. The Mother comes and hands the note to Nancy.

INT. CAR – DAY

Squire and Nancy are on Fulcrum’s small town street, looking for the house, when the radio buzzes.

WHITNEY (O.S., RADIO): Lieutenant Whitney here… Sergeant Squire, I see you and Corporal Colmes are in Fulcrum. Why did you go there when the case was closed? [surprise, twist]

Squire in total shock stops the car and turns to Nancy.

NANCY: Lieutenant Whitney, Sir, I found some holes in the report and thought should be investigated.

Squire is about to blow his top then Whitney responds.

WHITNEY (O.S., RADIO): Good work, Corporal. I myself had questions. Proceed then…

The radio off, Squire turns to Nancy in hot rage.

SQUIRE: You-you, bitch. You think you can outdo everyone. This case is now officially closed and we’re headed home. [mystery why he’s so angry]

NANCY: Not until we interview the sister! [creating a future, anticipatory dialogue]

INT. A DIFFERENT RANCH-STYLE HOUSE – DAY

A smaller home. SISTER (24) is on the sofa, holding an ANENCEPHALIC BABY (6 months, small, flattish head). [surprise, hook, uncomfortable moment] Squire and Nancy sit in plastic lawn chairs.

SISTER: He wasn’t fired to my knowledge, and he and Sarah, his wife, were getting along well, considering they were worried about their baby, her anencephalic brain deformity. (she rocks the baby) He said it was caused by Fulcrum Upholstery. Also the cancers. Quite a few in Fulcrum. [mystery, hook,

Nancy is busy on her cell. Squire gets huffy.

SQUIRE: Well, he isn’t a scientist, so–

SISTER: That’s what he said, so he got the company to hire a scientist. But the scientist said Fulcrum’s population was way too small to make any determination.

SQUIRE: See–

SISTER: But my brother wasn’t satisfied. [hook/mystery-did brother investigate further?] He was a good worker, a perfectionist. [twist – good worker, not fired]

NANCY: (looking up from her cell) Yes. D.E.P.H. is linked to anencephaly AND cancer.

EXT./INT. CAR ON A COUNTRY ROAD – DAY

Squire drives. Nancy scribble notes, looks at Squire.

NANCY: It seem more like a double murder. Maybe the company felt he knew too much… [creating a future, mystery]

SQUIRE: Good work, Nance. You’re such a better detective than me.

Squire makes an abrupt turn onto a dirt road. [suspense]

NANCY: (alarmed) Where are we going?

SQUIRE: I have to show you something before we leave this god-forsaken place. (wink-smiles at her) [charm to control, seductive] Don’t worry I’m not about to seduce you. (another smile)

Well off the highway, he stops the car and gets out. Nancy exits her side and looks around.

NANCY: There’s nothing here. What is it you have to show me. [suspense]

Squire pulls a gun on Nancy. [surprise, cliffhanger]

SQUIRE: This. I took the liberty of taking your gun.

He shoots her in the head, blood and brains splattering. She falls to the ground.

SQUIRE: Why-o-why do these suicides keep happening?

He wipes the gun and pushes it into her dead RIGHT hand. [payoff (re her left-handedness); cliff-hanger]

[Jack Sherry]

Jack’s Lesson 14 Scene

INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY

SQUIRE (20s) sits at a table sipping his coffee. He notices NANCY (20’S), sitting alone at a nearby table. He stands and approaches.

SQUIRE (smiling)

Well, well, well. Look who’s here. How are you, Nancy.

Nancy looks up, slightly irritated.

NANCY (sarcastically)

Hello, Squire. What do you want this time?

SQUIRE (playfully)

Me, want? Can’t a guy simply enjoy a cup of coffee in the presence of a beautiful lady like yourself?

Nancy rolls her eyes but can’t help but crack a smile.

NANCY (slightly intrigued)

Yeah, right. What’s your angle this time? You always want something.

SQUIRE (leans in)

I need your help, Nancy. I can’t stop thinking about Emily. Could you put in a good word for me, you know, help me get a date with her?

Nancy raises an eyebrow, skeptical but curious.

NANCY (suspiciously) And why would I help you get a date with Emily?

SQUIRE

Flashing his trademark smile

Because you know how to get things like this done, being social and all.

Come on, put in a good word for me,

Nancy’s interest is piqued.

NANCY (mockingly) So, you think your charm won’t be enough to win her over?

SQUIRE

Emily’s father’s my boss, and he’s a huge guy with a lot of tough friends. One of them is called Gorilla. If I were to pursue her directly, it might create complications and they might come after me. But with your help, maybe she’ll give me a chance, you know, without my boss knowing about it..

Nancy’s expression changes, indicating intrigue mixed with disbelief.

NANCY (confused) Wait a minute. Who is your boss? My dad knows a guy called Gorilla. Black hair, big tattoo of a monkey on his arm?

SQUIRE

Yeah, that’s him. You know him?

NANCY

Not really, just of him. Who’s your boss?

SQUIRE

That’s not important. Emily’s the one I’m talking about.

NANCY

Tell me who your boss is and I’ll help you.

SQUIRE

I don’t know his real name. Everyone calls him Cheese

NANCY

What’s he look like?

SQUIRE

Tall, bald, glasses.

Emily stares at him, mouth open.

EMILY

What kind of clothes does he wear?

SQUIRE

Mostly blue jeans and a sports jacket, always has a nice shirt.

Emily stands up, paces.

EMILY

What do you do for him?

SQUIRE

It’s confidential. Not full time, you know, I do things for him when he calls me.

Different stuff.

NANCY (stunned)

This can’t be right. Your boss is… my father?

SQUIRE (apologetically)

I had no idea.

NANCY

Oh, my God. Emily’s my half sister!

Nancy’s emotions fluctuate between anger and hurt.

NANCY (teary-eyed)

Maybe we can help each other out, here.

Why don’t you come over to my house for dinner?

I’ll tell Mom and Dad you’re my new boyfriend.

SQUIRE (softly) I understand how you feel, but this may really piss him off.

He may send Gorilla to see me because of you, not Emily.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Lesson 12, QE cycle #1

Logline: Two employees are left to close the gym together.

Essense: Neither employee wants to take responsibility.

INT. GYM – NIGHT

Nancy (19), leggings and a tank top with the gym logo, stands talking to an older LADY sitting on a Lat Pull Down machine. The Lady reads a piece of paper.

Nancy glances at the clock and then out at the nearly empty gym floor.

NANCY

Try that dog food recipe. I swear my little Angus hasn’t had an allergy in a year.

The Lady tucks the paper in her bra and squeezes Nancy’s hand.

LADY

Thank you, Nancy.

SQUIRE (21), looking like an upside-down triangle, all biceps and no legs, stands chatting with an attractive BLOND, on the ab machine. He also wears the gym logo on his shirt.

Nancy looks at the clock again.

NANCY

I’ve got to get back to work. Enjoy your workout.

Nancy meanders up to Squire.

NANCY

Can I borrow Squire for just a second?

The Blond and Squire smile at each other.

SQUIRE

Of course.

(to Blond)

I’ll be right back.

Squire moves to the side with Nancy.

SQUIRE

What’s up?

NANCY

You’re fifteen minutes over on her training. I need some help with closing.

SQUIRE

Just going over some final tips. I’m almost done.

NANCY

It’s an ab machine. How many tips does she need?

SQUIRE

Oh…we’re talking nutrition and other things as we’re finishing up. You go ahead and start the bathrooms.

NANCY

I always end up doing the bathrooms. It’s your turn.

SQUIRE

I’ll help you in a minute. We’re almost through.

Squire returns to the Blond, a warm smile on his face.

Nancy stalks over to the cleaning closet and disappears inside.

BLOND

If you have to go, I can stretch myself out.

SQUIRE

I’ve got plenty of time. Let’s hit the mats.

Blond and Squire pull out mats and lie down. Squire pulls his knee toward his opposite shoulder. Blonde mimics him.

Nancy returns to the floor with the cleaning cart. She pushes the cart extremely close to Squire as she passes, forcing him to move his arm.

Squire deliberately flashes Nancy a smile and then returns to the Blond.

SQUIRE

It’s the best hike in the area. The views are amazing. We could do a leg day on the trail. Make it part of your routine next week.

Nancy enters the bathroom. She immediately staggers back out, her mouth open in disgust. She gulps in air. She stands looking around the gym, hands on hips. Everyone has gone home, except for Squire and the Blond, still lying on the mats, just talking, no stretching.

Nancy notices barbells and equipment left lying around the gym. She picks up a string and a few wisps of grass from someone’s shoes. She gets out the vacuum.

The two on the floor haven’t moved. Nancy approaches the two smiling sweetly.

NANCY

I’m sorry to bother you two again, but Squire will have to quit flirting and help me close this place up.

Squire rolls to his feet and pulls the Blonde to hers. He looks at Nancy his mouth tightening, then turns his full charm on the Blond.

SQUIRE

Let me walk you to the door.

Squire moves to the cubbies with The Blonde. He carries her bag to the door. They stand laughing together at something Squire said.

Nancy approaches them with a clipboard. She holds the door open as the Blond scurries out. Squire turns to Nancy.

SQUIRE

Hey, gal. Why the push? We were just talking.

NANCY

We’re supposed to be doing the closing list together.

SQUIRE

Did you get the bathrooms done?

NANCY

I always get stuck with the bathrooms, even when you promise to help. I’m not doing them tonight.

SQUIRE

It’s my dad’s birthday. I can’t stay late. You should have started something on the list.

NANCY

While you hustled your client? That’s not how a team works.–Shit. It’s six now. I can’t be late either. I have a date.

Nancy runs to lock the office and head for the door. Squire trails after her.

SQUIRE

The boss will have a fit if we leave the gym like this.

NANCY

I can’t help it. You’ll have to stay.

Nancy opens the door.

SQUIRE

My evenings as important as yours. I’m leaving too.

They both walk out.

Lady walks out of a second bathroom. No one is around. She meanders past the vending area, looking over her shoulder. There is still no one around.

LADY

(calling out)

Nancy?

The gym is quiet. Lady takes several handfuls of protein bars and stuffs them in her pockets. She takes a magazine and tucks it into her shirt. She exits the gym.

[David Penn]

Draft 1

LOGLINE: A newly hired political consultant joins the campaign manager to promote their candidate on a talk show.

ESSENCE: Squire uses his seductive charm to control Nanacy

INT. GREEN ROOM, TV STUDIO

NANCY (40s) paces the room, intently studying her index cards. She’s a campaign manager for a Presidential candidate.

MAN (o.s.): Cramming for the S-A-T’s?

Flustered, the cards spurt out of her hands.

N: Ah, Jesus fucking Christ!

SQUIRE (50s) ambles into the room, debonair and carefree. He’s a newly hired consultant for the same candidate.

S: Memory serves, I scored 90 points higher than you. (beat) Intelligence is the greatest aphrodisiac… as you well know. (winks)

Nancy picks up her index cards, fuming that he’s here- these two have a history. She springs to her feet.

N: Heard you got hired- God knows why- but lemme set things straight: I am the campaign manager. Capische? I call the shots, not some two-bit ‘consultant.’ Do NOT step on my toes.

S: Well, to be fair, that would be payback for Philly.

She glares at him.

S: Hey, it’s not my fault you can’t dance.

N: You know, it’s… I actually did care about you at one time. Hmph. Mea culpa.

S: Oh, we’re doing Latin now? How ’bout ‘veni, vidi, vici?’ (smirks)

N: Caeser got stabbed, so…

Cross her fingers emphatically as a young production assistant strolls in with a clipboard and headset.

PA: You guys are up.

Squire gestures grandly for Nancy to lead the way.

N: I don’t need your permission to take the lead.

And sashays toward the set. Squire admires the view of her ass.

N: Just back me up and be professional. Pretend we’re a team.

S: In bed.

N (whirls around): What?!

S: Oh, c’mon. You never read a fortune cookie? You always end it with ‘in bed.’

N: Ugh, you’re neauseating. (a beat). In bed.

And grins as she enters the set.

TV STUDIO.

Nancy and Squire take their seats next to the attractive co-hosts.

FEMALE HOST: Thank you both for being here. And congratulations, Squire, on your recent hire.

S: I look forward to working under Miss Blythe. I know she likes to be on top- call the shots- and I’m perfectly fine with that.

MALE HOST: So let’s talk about Philadelphia.

S: Whoa! Seriously? What, you heard us backstage? Wow, that’s crazy! And honestly, kind of a turn-on.

N: No, idiot. The convention.

S: Oh- right. Mea culpa. Sorry, I… what was I thinking? No one wants to hear about our sex lives.

N: Ohmigod.

MALE HOST: Uh, think we’ve gotten off topic.

FEMALE HOST: Hold on- inquiring minds… spill a lil’ tea, Squire.

S: Okay, so, there we were…

N: No! What are you doing?!

S: Answering her question. Be professional.

N: Okay, no. This is not happening.

S: … It was a dark and stormy night….

She reaches over and grabs for the mike on his suit jacket.

S: Yep, this is exactly how Philly started.

N: Can we go to commercial? Please.

She rips his mike off. He retaliates, snatching hers off her blouse. Wait- did he just cop a feel? Nancy slaps his hand. Squire feigns ignorance.

Enraged, she lunges at him- they tumble off the chair, onto the floor- the hosts leap to their feet, startled- Nancy straddles Squire, throwing haymakers at a bemused Squire. A complete and utter shit show.

S (to the hosts): Told you she likes to be on top.

Nancy punches him in the face as the screen goes BLACK.

[Beth Zurkowski]

Lesson 14 QE cycle #3

Logline: Nancy the bounty hunter has trouble with another jerk bounty hunter.

Essence: Nancy needs to relax.

INT. NANCY’S APT. -DAY

Dressed in leather, Nancy is sitting in a chair at the desk cleaning her Beretta and gets a call on her cell phone. She puts her gun down and snubs out her cigarette and takes a drink of a burban before she picks up her phone.

NANCY

Croger here.

PETER

Nancy, come into the agency. I have a job for you.

NANCY

Peter how soon will you be handing out awards for the bounty hunters?

PETER

Tonight is the night.

NANCY

Well, I’m gonna win for sure.

Nancy hangs up.

INT. AGENCY- DAY

Peter calls a different number. A scruffy looking man like a biker almost picks up the cell phone.

SQUIRE

Lindal here.

PETER

Squire, I need you to come in. I have a job for you. You’re working with Croger.

SQUIRE

(happy)

Cool.

They hang up. An hour later Nancy and Squire enter the agency. Both are in leathers and carry guns.

PETER

There you are. You two are working together in picking up the head of the syndicate Robert Rodregis.

NANCY

What? I don’t trust Squire.

PETER

Don’t be so stubborn Nancy. You’re working with him whether or not you want to.

NANCY

Fine, just this once.

To Sqiure

NANCY

What’s your phone number?

SQUIRE

That’s on a need to know, baby.

NANCY

We then will use my car but you’ll have to pay for gas.

SQUIRE

Okay, sweetcheeks.

Nancy rolls her eyes. The two bounty hunters leave the office and go to the parking lot.

EXT. NANCY’S MUSTANG-DAY

Nancy rushes to the driver side door. Squire pushes her away.

SQUIRE

I’ll drive, baby.

Nancy pushes him back.

NANCY

No, I’ll drive. It’s my car.

NANCY

(sarcastic)

Baby.

SQUIRE

I’ll let you drive your car home, punkin. But I gotta look the part.

NANCY

And what part is that?

Nancy looks up in the air and points. Squire looks up and Nancy punches him in the throat. He graps his neck and couches not able to breathe. She graps him by his hair and pulls him closer, holding a gun at his cheek.

NANCY

I could kill you right here and now, but I care about your sister and I understand you’ve been helping me take care of her.

SQUIRE

Uh huh.

Nancy lets him go and gets into the drivers seat.

NANCY

Get in.

Squire sighs and gets into the passengers seat and they drive off down the road.

[Brian Walsh]

Brian G. Walsh – Lesson 14: QE Cycle #3: Write this Scene

Nancy and Squire

LOGLINE: Two underground agents flee German-occupied France to inform the Allies of a coming attack before it’s too late.

ESSENCE: The last surviving members of their underground unit, Nancy and Squire don’t know each other and don’t trust each other. Nancy wants to get to the American lines while Squire just wants to escape the danger. They don’t trust each other, but each wants something from the other.

SCENE:

EXT. WOODS

NANCY, 18, and SQUIRE, 35, move swiftly through the woods. They dart from tree-to-tree, stopping to take cover only for a moment.

Squire stops under an apple tree. An apple hangs right in his face.

Nancy stumbles over a tree root and falls.

Squire turns and looks at her. He tosses the apple to her underhanded.

Nancy catches the apple and tosses it over her shoulder.

NANCY

Help me up, you fool!

Squire sighs theatrically. He walks towards her.

Nancy holds her hand out to him.

Squire walks past her, picks up the apple, rubs it against his shirt.

SQUIRE

Food is not so easy to come by when you

are being hunted.

Nancy gets up, brushes herself off. She shivers, then hugs herself.

NANCY

You’re a little too calm for my liking.

SQUIRE

What good would it do to be hysterical?

NANCY

A lot of good people died back there. I’m

going to make sure they didn’t die for

nothing.

Squire sidles up to her, puts his arms around her, rubs her arms.

SQUIRE

We are alive, mon cherie. I want it to

remain that way.

NANCY

They’re all gone.

SQUIRE

Yes, all gone. And for what? A lost cause. But

I don’t intend to throw my life away.

Nancy’s eyes fill with tears.

SQUIRE

Shh. Things are not so bad. We can hold up

at the Chennault Horse Ranch. There is fruit

around there. A freshwater stream. We can

perhaps snare small game.

Nancy wipes her eyes. Squire kisses her cheek. He turns her

face to his, gently kisses her. He pockets the apple. The kiss

becomes more passionate.

SQUIRE

It could be a good life for a little while. Just

you and I. At least until it’s all over.

NANCY

You and I, yes. But not now, no.

Squire’s hands are all over her now. She runs her fingers through

his hair.

SQUIRE

Your mouth says no but your heart screams yes.

NANCY

We make love later, when we are safe. We go the

Americans now, yes?

SQUIRE

(Sighs)

No.

Nancy pulls his hair hard, slaps his face, pushes off him.

NANCY

Pig! They’re looking for us right now!

Squire rubs his head, winces.

SQUIRE

Yes! And the only way we will survive

is by doing what the boche do not expect.

NANCY

We’ve got to tell the Americans about the

offensive that is coming!

SQUIRE

And we shall. When we are safe.

(beat)

We go to the horse farm.

NANCY

They burned it down after they stole all

the stock. You should know that.

SQUIRE

Exactly.

(beat)

You want the apple or not?

Nancy considers the apple. She nods.

Squire polishes it against his shirt some more.

NANCY

You’re going to run away. To hide like a scared

rabbit. To let the Germans kill the Americans.

SQUIRE

You were hopping away pretty good yourself,

little bunny, after you saw what the Huns did

to our former friends.

Squire scans the woods, sighs.

SQUIRE (CONT’D)

I want the Germans to not kill us!

NANCY

I know you are afraid. I am, too, but we must

not derelict our duty. Are you man or mouse?

Squire bites the apple, chews.

SQUIRE

Go to your precious Americans.

Nancy stares at him.

NANCY

We’ll only be safe if we reach the Americans!

The SNAP of a branch freezes them.

Squire drops to all fours, crawls behind a large tree.

Nancy runs over to him, tries to hide behind him. Squire

pushes her away.

SQUIRE

Find your own tree!

Nancy scrambles behind another tree.

The SOUND OF MARCHING FEET approaches.

They wait, petrified.

The marching feet softens, moves off past them.

Nancy comes out from behind her tree.

SQUIRE

(eager)

Did you see them? Were they Germans?

Nancy studies him. She narrows her eyes.

NANCY

If they were, would you have called out to

them?

Squire turns to her. He frowns.

SQUIRE

Are you insane?

NANCY

I’ve been wondering how the boche found

out about the meeting.

SQUIRE

They have spies everywhere.

NANCY

When I saw you near the entrance to the woods,

it seemed like you were heading away from the

village square. Where the Gestapo outpost is.

SQUIRE

Ridiculous.

NANCY

You and I were the only one’s lucky enough not

to be at that meeting.

SQUIRE

Perhaps you have a friend in the Gestapo. Perhaps

someone more than a friend, eh?

NANCY

You really are a pig.

SQUIRE

You are not quite the Snow White you

make yourself out to be.

Nancy tenses. She takes a step towards him.

Squire stares at her, expectant.

NANCY

We could wait until night. There will be

a full moon tonight.

SQUIRE

There will not.

NANCY

As sure as Somerset Maugham wrote

“The Moon and Sixpence.”

SQUIRE

As American as apple pie and doughboys.

They rush to each other. Nancy holds up two fingers on

her right hand. Squire holds up all ten fingers.

SQUIRE (CONT’D)

Incredible.

NANCY

The game-playing is over. We have to get

to the Americans. Sturmbannfuhrer Kohler

wants to make sure they walk into the trap.

SQUIRE

Of course, of course.

NANCY

Herr Kohler will not be pleased to learn

you were trying to run away.

SQUIRE

Nonsense. I was testing you. Now let us

have no more of this foolishness. We go

to the Allies.

A SQUAD of American Army soldiers led by a CORPORAL, bleeds out from the woods to surround them.

CORPORAL

Don’t bother, Fritz. The Allies have come

to you. We heard every word you said.