Lesson 14

[Jacqueline Escolme]

Jacqueline’s meaningful action

What I learned from this assignment is that even small action can be meaningful and small, precise action can be as impactful as big, dramatic action.

I went through my script and elevated at least 50% of scenes using this technique – too many to list and I did it a week ago so now can’t remember the details for all! My favourite though is one of the ending scenes where she’s leaving him, and a life she realises she no longer wants, but she’s not packing up all the stuff they’ve accumulated in their quest for the perfect life, she just takes her books as these are what have real meaning for her. They represent who she always was and the woman she’s destined to be.

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is to think outside the box. I have several scenes where the undercover team meet and plan their next move. Had to figure out how to make those more interesting.

Tell us the numbers of the scenes and how you expressed the meaning through action:

Scene 13: Meaning: Victoria and Serena meet the head of the human trafficking ring, Beatrice, in a hotel bar. Action: More action could be expressed if men who know Beatrice come over during their meeting and they swear they know Victoria also.

Scene 16: Meaning: In the car after the meeting, Victoria and Serena discuss how the meeting went. Action: More action could be expressed if they are being followed and need to lose their tail.

Scene 51: Meaning: Victoria and Daniel are eating at a bar discussing the case. Action: This is where I want to put more sexual tension between the two as I’ve set it up previously.

Scene 65: Meaning: Victoria and Daniel are staking out where some of the kidnapped women are. Action: More sexual tension but a “customer” shows up, they’re going to take him down.

Scene 82: Meaning: Daniel has to reassert his authority with Victoria and Serena after they went rogue. Action: Victoria and Serena are cleaning their guns when there’s a knock at the door and another officer is there telling them the auction of the women is going down – they spring into action.

Scene 86: Meaning: Arrest and process the men of influence in Toronto who were caught using the services of the trafficked women. Action: An enterprising reporter gets past the guards and starts taking pictures of them, including Robert.

Need to elevate the 3 times there are “planning” scenes for the mission.

[Pat GALBRAITH Galbraith]

ASSIGNMENT 14

Pat Galbraith’s Meaningful Action

“What I learned doing this assignment is how to express meaning through action.

1. Look through your script and make a list of all the scenes that don’t currently have meaningful action.

2. Go to the first scene and ask the following questions:

• 1. What is the meaning of the scene?

• 2. How can that meaning be expressed through action

• Meaning of scene 18: Shows that they are excited and nervous about their plan not working.

• Original Scene 18: Rob Broadrick sits across from George. Rob lights a cigarette.

Rewrite Scene 18: Rob lights a cigarette as he squirms in his seat.

• Meaning of scene 20: Ronnie’s first drop off is in a place not familiar to him

• Original Scene 20: Even though it’s daytime, the bar is dark as Ronnie walks in. He spots a guy wiping the counter.

• Scene 20: Rewrite: Ronnie scats into the dark bar. Spots a guy wiping the counter. (His hurrying)

•

• Meaning of scene 38: Beth is excited to know what’s wrong with Ronnie.

• Scene: 38 Beth stands at a table totaling an order, lays check on the table. Glances up to see Ronnie arrive on his skateboard. Ronnie runs through the door.

• Scene 38 Rewrite: As Beth lays a check on the table, she glances up to see Ronnie run

• through the door

• Meaning scene 47: The kids are interested in what Ronnie has to tell them.

• Scene 47: Jody and Luella arrive at the park and hit the walls. Charlie arrives and gets with them. As Ronnie skates up, the three skate over to him.

• Meaning: The boys are nervous and want to solve the problem.

• Original Scene 68: The boys stand outside.

• Rewrite: The boys pace discussing what to do.

• Meaning: Beth and Ronnie discuss going back to the police.

• Original Scene 69: Scene: Beth and Ronnie finish eating. Discuss going to the police.

Rewrite: Beth and Ronnie clean the dishes from the table. Discuss going to the police.

[Connie Barr]

Connie’s Meaningful Action list

What I learned from doing this exercise is how much action can convey the subtext, character motivation, and what is going on under the surface.

1. What is the meaning of the scene?

2. How can that meaning be expressed through action?

Scenes #4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 22 & several others added some body language. I found that the majority of scenes had body language that matched the scene’s meaning but it was good to add more.

Scene #22 Sam’s Motorcycle shop

1. Meaning of the scene: Buck’s buddy, Ernie tries to convince him that he’s made a monumental mistake by making a deal with Daisy’s dad, Frank.

Originally Buck and Ernie chat as they admire the new bikes in the showroom after leaving Buck’s bike for repairs.

2. Expressing that meaning through action:

I changed the setting to a workout area at the YMCA where the guys are boxing. Ernie pummels the punching bag as he makes his point to Buck and Buck punches Erni’s arm retaliating. (The physical action mirrors their strong feelings)

Scene #43 Daisy’s home

1. Meaning of the scene: Daisy, her daughter, sister and her BFF have a girls night in preparation for the group heading to Canada for Izzy’s dream wedding.

Originally the ladies are all relaxing with facial masks on and talking.

2. Expressing that meaning through action.

Dance is such a big thing in their family that I added Izzy jumping up to dance to her favorite song and pulling her mom into dancing with her.

I found opportunities to add body language and characters’ action to enhance several scenes.

[Frances Emerson]

Fran’s Meaningful Action

What I learned: I’m learning alot about rewriting and how to get it done and about my characters. what I need in each scene to make it much better.

As I stated before I came into this class pretty much knowing most of the script needed a total overhaul. I’ve barely touched on it, but do know what I need to do now.

Thanks for turning this around for me.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Meaningful Action

What I learned is to avoid talking head scenes by adding meaningful action.

In adding a B story to my script, I have a young couple that’s about to be engaged. Joy thinks that Seth is making excuses, while Seth’s fears are genuine. He’s had a front-row seat to Thomas’ grief.

The couple runs into each other in front of the jewelry store, and Seth tries to avoid Joy. She catches him and isn’t happy. The whole time there is a person inside the jewelry store that’s eager to show Seth the ring that he ordered and suppose to be picking up now. Though the conversation is serious, the action playing out in the background is comical.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Tracy Cheney]

Tracy’s meaningful action

What I learned is that my midpoint is all talking heads. But I’ve thought about it for a couple of weeks and haven’t found a way into how to break this into meaningful actions — yet.

The rest of my effort has been spent on the opening 12 pages of the script, rearranging scenes, adding a scene to set up the B story, improving the action in these first 10 scenes.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Tracy Cheney.

[Robert W. Daniel]

Subject Line: [Pro Rewrite] Lesson 14 Assignment – Robert Daniel’s Meaningful Action

What I learned doing this assignment is that these last lessons for me are very confusing and I will wait till the end of the lessons to all of my Master Sheets and Diagnostic passes all at once during a 3–4-day session.

I have numerous scenes to rewrite, Thankz.

[Susan Rose]

Susan’s Meaningful Action

What I learned: I am having difficulty with this assignment I think because I continually associate the term “action” with fights and car chases not just the physical aspect of the word. That being said I did try to beef up the first three scenes with more action involving the two brothers repeatedly abandoning their father and finally leaving him for dead, which includes many inferences and subtext to the final showdown at the end of the story.