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Lesson 14
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9 Replies
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Mary Albanese’s INSIGHT THROUGH IRONY
What I learned: Irony isn’t that hard to create when you realize it is just opposites that clash. What a great way to think of it! This reminds me of a concept that has been fascinating me for a long time — the antimony. An antimony is the situation that results when you have two diametrically opposed opposites BUT BOTH ARE TRUE. Example: Statement 1: Writing is the most public thing you can do. Statement 2: Writing is the most private thing you can do. These two statements are complete opposites. Yet both are true, which stops and makes you think. This creates big energy, making it pretty exciting. I think using antimonies is another great way to infuse irony into a script. So I will add antinomies to the bottom of my list of ironies for my script.
Day 14 Homework
Five (or more) examples of Irony in my script.
The irony in Opposites:
Heather learns from Guy even though he’s not really there.
Heather loses her mother’s love and finally realizes she hasn’t lost anything.
Heather gets to walk but doubts she deserves it.
Anna becomes a major executive – of a bunch of broken cars.
Ethan is locked away in an institution where he becomes a respected teacher.
Guy influences everyone the most even though he dies young.
Mr. Guth succeeds but can’t shed his hidden pain.
Maddie never walks but finds a way to save others from the same fate.
Maddie finds purpose she wouldn’t have had if she hadn’t been shattered.
Anna pushes for someone to have a meltdown, and the one who has it is herself.
These wheelchair kids are just like every other teenager. At the same time, these wheelchair kids are NOTHING like every other teenager.
Heather’s persistence is annoying. Heather’s persistence is her superpower. Two opposites, but both are true.
Ethan is greatly handicapped and will have a limited life. Ethan’s art will live on forever.
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Mary – would you like to exchange feed back with me?
Leslie Aguillard
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Subject: Jim Thompson’s Thriller Map Version 1
“What I learned is…?” I’m excited to take what I’ve learned and apply it to other unfinished works. This lesson helped me with the overall flow which did cause multiple changes from my earlier tagged map. I know that I could not have gotten this far without the tagged version as we added more and more detail. I realize there is much more work to be done to ‘smooth’ and edit before writing the scenes but I now have a ‘map’ which I can use to put the scenes together. I am looking forward to applying these lessons to the outlining method using Plotr and the ‘Snowflake Method’ on my unfinished books. I have learned a great deal during this course. It met and exceeded my every expectations.
Post your readable Thriller Map.
Act l –
Opening Image:
INT – Fargo, ND — Night
The killing of the seventh Judge goes ‘pear shaped’ with the Judge already awake and in his bathroom. The judge hearing something not normal, comes down the stairs his shotgun out. The Lakota shoots and kills him. However, the judge’s wife grabs a pistol from her night stand, dials 911 reporting an intruder, then exits the bedroom. Seeing her husband at the bottom of the stairs, she immediately begins shooting. The Lakota kills her but the Fargo Police respond to the 911 faster than he had previously timed during reconnaissance. He shoots through the engine blocks of the police cars disabling them, triggers the explosives in his vehicle parked at the curb then causes several explosions in downtown buildings, he exits the house, escaping on a pre-positioned motorcycle.
Setup:
EXT – Fargo, ND – Night
Firemen and first responders in the downtown area start coughing, choking and blistering on their exposed skin. A team from the fire department’s hazmat team recognize the effects of a chemical agent and begin pulling people from the site.
EXT – Bismarck and Grand Rapids, ND – Night
Explosions destroy the courthouses in both cities, the offices of all lawyers, and the residences of every lawyer and judge in both cities. As fire and EMT respond to the disaster, they are affected by coughing, choking and blisters on their exposed skin from the affects of a chemical agent.
EXT – Fargo, ND — Day
Two detectives at the scene of the Judge and his wife’s murder pull video from ‘the ring’ system at the house and using the perpetrator’s image pull video from city closed circuit systems at the traffic lights. By tracking through the lights, the detectives are able to narrow the search for the suspect and cover the area with uniformed police officers and vehicles. Two officers identify what they believe may be where the suspect fled but one officer, a veteran of Iraq, identifies IEDs and the police back off but isolate the house.
INT – Fargo, ND – Day
Two planes land at the Hector International airport outside of Fargo with members of the FBI, DHS, ATF, and US Marshals Service creating the Critical Incident Response Group (CIRG) which includes forensic, chemical warfare, and counter terrorist experts. The head of the CIRG is FBI Assistant Director Frank Walters who includes the Fargo Police Chief of Police, ND State Bureau of Investigations, and the teams in Bismarck and Grand Rapids. The Bismarck and Grand Rapids teams cannot find any video of the perpetrator but do find some indications of remote control of the detonations. Walters asks a question that is on everyone’s mind, why attack North Dakota? This in part is answered by the media who have received a Native American manifesto.
EXT – Fargo, ND – Day
The second plane includes a full squadron of the FBI Hostage Rescue Team (HRT) who take over the located house from the Fargo PD.
Catalyst:
EXT – Fargo, ND – Day
The HRT and ATF Explosive Ordinance Disposal (EOD) experts disarm several IEDs found around the house but they discover all have Mustard agent which would be spread over a large area by an explosion. Jennifer Andrews as part of the HRT Advance Force Operations (AFO) group, helps document the external IEDs and possible locations of internal IEDs for the assault teams. The EOD team warns of probably unknown IEDs inside the house but with indications of a person in the house and pushed for quick results, the HRT assaults the building, taking multiple casualties and causing the building to be contaminated with Mustard.
The FBI HRT and forensic teams work with city, state and federal hazardous material teams to collect evidence using Site Sensitive Exploitation techniques perfected by the military. They find evidence of other sites within all three cities and another in Sioux Falls, SD.
INT – Fargo, ND – Day
Frank Walters calls a meeting of the CIRG including the external members in Bismarck, Grand Rapids, and the Washington Field Office (WFO) as they prepare to take all of the sites simultaneously, hoping to catch one of the terrorists. They also have copies of a manifesto delivered to the media stating this is a Native American extremist organization that is fed up with the Bureau of Indian Affairs and the injustices on Native Americans. The US Attorney General, Secretary of Homeland Security, and Director of the FBI attend the call. Everyone is convinced this is a large and sophisticated domestic terrorist operation.
Debate:
INT – Fargo, ND – Night
The FBI Director calls Frank Walters telling him immediate action and results are needed.
EXT – Sioux Falls, SD – Day
Jennifer Andrews as a member of the HRT AFO, is one of the first members on the ground in Sioux Falls. She along with other members of the AFO place the site under surveillance from both vehicles and in nearby houses. The AFO team discovers the house is owned by Everett Dixon, a member of the Lakota tribe, and he has a SCUBA business including filling tanks with air, NITROX and other mixed gases. This coincides with injuries by power company employees in ND when power transformers explode contaminating large areas with Mustard. The AFO also sees movement inside the house. The HRT assaults the house after the outside has been cleared by EOD but the house explodes killing two members of the assault team and injuring eight others including Jennifer.
After the casualties are taken to the hospital, several teams in protective suits work through the wreckage. They find evidence of Mustard manufacturing and the use of the fill tanks to mix hydrogen and oxygen with the Mustard to create a dispersion device. They do not find Dixon’s body which has been vaporized in an explosion but they do find some body parts that are probably his. These are given to the special coroner flown in by the FBI.
INT – Sioux Falls, SD – Night
The CIRG has put together an operation center while they go through what is left of the ‘safe house’. All of the agencies have scrambled to find out more about Everett Dixon. The North and South Dakota State Bureaus of Investigation work together with the Department of Interior and BIA to put together a dossier on Dixon’s activities. The Department of Defense (DoD) provides information about Dixon’s military service in the US Army Special Forces (Green Berets) where he was an engineering, weapons, and EOD expert with two tours in Iraq and three tours in Afghanistan. By midnight, the SSE teams have found evidence of at least one more safe house in Waukegan, IL owned by Dixon but rented to a Mahmud Bishara. The DoD liaison finds that Bishara has ties to ISIS and disappeared four years ago after traveling to Canada from Mexico.
INT – Fargo, ND – Night
Frank Walters calls a meeting which includes all of the principals of the DOJ, FBI, and DHS to go over the information about Mahmud Bishara’s connection to Dixon. They activate a Joint Counter Terrorist Task Force to go after the foreign perpetrators of this attack. The focus in on ISIS External Operations and the people in charge.
Act ll
INT—Fargo, ND – Day
Jeff Peters and Jorge Robertson, the two Fargo PD detectives who worked on finding the local video, have continued working the massive homicide issue in Fargo. They have categorized the dead by occupation, finding a strange anomaly. There is a group of nearly a dozen people who are all part of the same extended family. Looking more closely at this group, there are no members of this family still alive. Continuing to catalog the victims, they discover fourteen civilians who were all killed by gunshot but are not lawyers. They attempt to correlate the two groups to find some commonality. Jennifer working as part of the FBI’s Fargo contingent as she recovers from her injuries is drawn into their investigation.
As she brings her expertise and FBI contacts to their investigation, they find the fourteen civilians killed had been part of a jury more than 15 years previously. The murdered family had first sued then gotten a criminal trial for murder against a Grace Miller. The murder charge was dismissed but the suit went against Grace, she had to pay them $175k which they claimed she had taken using undo influence on an aunt. Grace Miller died about 15 years ago (shortly after the trial) is survived by her husband Scott Miller a 71-year-old computer consultant and entrepreneur, a daughter serving in the US Army as a Chief Warrant Officer in the Criminal Investigation Division (CID), a daughter married living in Colorado, and a son serving in the US Army Special Forces senior engineering NCO.
Andrews, Peters, and Robertson present their findings to her supervisor, Robert Williams, and then to Frank Walters. He appears to understand and even agree but at the end disagreed that the scope of the attacks, including the new strikes on the Midwest power infrastructure implies a much larger organization. He explains that the intelligence shows ISIS and Iranian Quds force working together.
B Story:
INT – NC – Day
A large room with computer systems and monitors which show multiple views from the top of towers. An artificial intelligence system sorts the images at a rate causing the screens to flicker until one stops with the focus on individuals near the tower. The system identifies these people as farmers for the area, the monitor flickers as the system continues searching for threats.
A second system monitors the surveillance planted within the CIRG in the Fargo offices. It monitors the find by Peters and Robertson, sending a text message to the controller. He programs additional monitoring of the situation with a focus of identifying all principal investigators. Noting the focus shifting toward an individual rather than a terrorist group, the controller has the AI increase the level and intensity of the attacks on the power infrastructure in three more states. He has the AI send instructions for courthouses in eight cities to explode at midnight.
EXT — Iowa — Day
Walters and the Simmons, the Fargo Police Chief, agree to send Andrews, Peters, and Robertson to a site in Iowa which has been identified as a possible site to attack the power infrastructure. As the three approach the site, they are spotted through surveillance on the tower then fired up on by a fifty-caliber machine-gun on the tower which disables the car, kills Jorge and injures Jeff and Jennifer. The machine gun then pivots back firing on the extremely high-power transformer a little over a mile from the site. The machine-gun places twelve rounds through the transformer disabling it then the site has a thermite grenade melt the weapon before the entire site explodes.
Only having a minor wound, Walters walks through the carnage of the tower. She finds evidence indicating a US military weapon was used in the attacks. Getting on the phone, she links with her HRT supervisor SAC Williams, asking him to check on the other tower locations or areas where the infrastructure attacks have taken place to check on the weapons. She believe they will find all of them to have been stolen from the US military. Working with Williams, she finds the fake cell towers were leased by the same company.
INT — Fargo, ND — Night
The ambush of Andrews, Peters, and Robertson is one of many with nearly fifty officer’s or agents injured as the LEAs focus on disrupting the ability of the terrorists to attack the power infrastructure. Director Walters and Chief Simmons use the ambush as proof of a larger terrorist organization with sophisticated resources. However, the evidence of the family group, their legal representatives, and the jury being killed outside of the lawyers and judges in the cities does seem out of what would be expected from a terrorist group.
With the continued attacks, the CIRG move their operation to an FBI field office in Minneapolis, MN which has larger facilities with more communication channels. Using the information Williams and Andrews have put together, the CIRG trace the weapons to a series of commando-like raids on armories and the financing for the Midsouth Mobility, LLC to a number of shell companies and off-shore banks.
Fun and Games:
INT—NC – Day
The computer room monitors show the financial links the FBI is making to shell companies and off-shore banks. Without additional instruction or programming from the controller, the AI transfers funds still in the accounts through a series of banks and accounts in more than a dozen different countries then closes the infected accounts. The AI triggers the dissolution of the shell companies, including some that the FBI might find. After these tasks are completed, the AI sends a short encrypted text message to the controller.
EXT – Waukegan, IL – Night
HRT has taken down the safe house in Waukegan belonging to Dixon. While still monitoring the movement of an individual within the house, they conduct the breach. The house explodes then thermite sets it on fire. The body of the person believed to be Mahmud Bishara has been vaporized with only some body parts remaining and all of those have been burnt in the fire. The HRT takes them to the FBI coroner who has moved from Sioux Falls to Waukegan.
INT – Waukegan, IL – Night
The coroner comparing the findings from Dixon and Bishara makes an call to the CIRG that both sets of body parts recovered have residue which probably are the result of ice crystals. He hypothesizes the bodies of both men were frozen before the explosives blew them apart.
INT – CIRG JOC – Night
Walters in a conference with his SACs and Supervisory Agents takes the call from the coroner. He sits stunned by the revelation. There are three other ‘safe houses’ identified and under surveillance. He orders an expedited assault on all – as soon as they can be approached safely.
He orders his agents to find out as much as possible about the Millers. Particularly the son and daughter who are currently serving in the Army. In a short time, an agent provides information giving preliminary alibis for both because they are deployed overseas. However, their father, Scott, retired from the Army and has served in law enforcement in North Carolina.
A report comes in from the financial investigation that all of the accounts discovered have been closed within the last 12 hours with remaining funds transferred out in a way that obfuscates their final location.
Midpoint:
INT – NC – Day
The computer room continues to hum, monitors flicker as the artificial intelligence runs through thousands of images, video, and audio every second. The feeds from systems in a hundred cities, more than a thousand cell towers, and almost that many fake power transformers upload to the cloud then move to different accounts before processing. All feeds are encrypted using a lattice-based post quantum scheme that will not be broken for at least 25 years, if then. The system sends encrypted text to the controller periodically based on the importance of the information and priorities refined using machine-based learning techniques.
As the controller looks at the latest text, he realizes the FBI will begin an intense focus on him. He does not want to abandon the project yet. So, he again has the AI increase the acceleration level and intensity of the attacks across but this time hitting all 48 states of the continental US. He uses the AI he’s created to ensure the attacks are both random and devastating to both the power infrastructure and the judicial system in a way that will cause the FBI and DHS to question the ability of a single septuagenarian to accomplish.
INT – CIRG JOC – Day
Walters is briefed on what they have found out about Scott Miller. First, Miller looks nothing like the person caught on video in Fargo, ND. Walters stops the briefer and orders the original video to be sent to the FBI labs in Quantico for deeper analysis then has the briefer continue. Second, Miller is 71 years-old and doubtful that he was physically able to run and climb in the way shown in the videos. Finally, Miller was in Atlanta working at the time of the Fargo attacks.
However, Miller is a computer expert in automation and the user of artificial intelligence. He has multiple patents and copyrights for systems and software used by Internet Service Providers and Fortune 500 companies. He has the expertise needed to automate the attacks. He was a member of a NC county Sheriff’s Department including time as an investigator and instructor for their SWAT team. Prior to working in industry, he served in the US Army including more than 20 years with their Special Mission Units. Walters stops the briefer asking what that means and get a reply that he worked at Delta and an Intelligence unit but all of the information from that period is redacted.
Walter requests the DoD liaison find out more about Miller’s service and any projects that might be germane. The briefer does list Miller’s qualifications including Combat Diver Supervisor which would include the user of closed-circuit diving gear and the use of mixed gases. Miller was also airborne, free fall, Ranger, Special Forces – weapons, engineering, and communications, multiple languages including native fluency in Spanish and Portuguese. He could therefore travel to anywhere in Central or South America to disappear.
INT – CIRG – Day
Conference call between Walters, the Director of the FBI, Attorney General (DoJ), Secretary of Homeland Security, and the President. The FBI has already sold the idea of a domestic terrorist group working with multiple foreign terrorists – ISIS, Iranian Quds Force, Hezbollah, and possibly others. How can this be turned around to be a crazy ‘Unibomber’ like Kaczynski? Even the Unibomber did not attempt to kill hundreds of people and injure thousands. The use of the network of cell towers that we are still discovering throughout the country is an unheard-of scope for a single individual. What about money? This cost hundreds of millions of dollars if not close to a billion, I don’t care who this is, no one person could manage to raise that much money without triggering alarms with the FBI and the IRS. This Scott Miller may look good but it cannot be him or at least it cannot be just him.
Bad Guys Close In:
INT – FBI WFO – Day
Andrews, after being injured twice, has been placed at the Washington Field Office (WFO) until she is fit for duty with the HRT in Quantico. Walters and Williams call her to let her know that while Scott Miller is still a person of interest because of the correlations of deaths in Fargo and the trial of his wife over 15 years ago, the search continues for the masterminds both foreign and domestic that have bankrolled and orchestrated this catastrophe. They provide her with the information of Miller that they have but with his alibi for the times in question and the continued attacks even though he is under FBI surveillance, the principals do not see him as a viable lead.
EXT – Pentagon – Day
Andrews cannot believe they are planning on dropping the investigation of Miller. Using her contacts through the HRT, she contacts members of the 1<sup>st</sup> SFOD-Delta’s F squadron who have already been involved due to the use of a Weapon of Mass Destruction (WDM) in Mustard. She lays out what she knows including Miller’s time at Delta and a SOF Intelligence Activity where he retired as a CW4 in 2004 based on the redacted 201 file the FBI has received. She pleads for their help because while he is ‘one of their own’ he is destroying the country.
INT – Foggy Bottom, Alexandria, VA – Night
In a conference call, the Delta operatives talk with their command back at Fort Liberty but also the commander of the Intelligence Support Activity (ISA) which is the other SMU and the one that Miller retired from. The commanders and their deputies have already been briefed earlier. They have copies of an unredacted 201 file for Miller. They also have the information Andrews, Peters, and Robinson collected in Fargo about the family, jury, and how the homicides were committed.
All is Lost:
INT – WFO – Day
Walters flies back to Washington where he and Williams confront Andrews about releasing classified and sensitive FBI information to the DoD. She attempts to present her case that Miller controls all of the attacks through some kind of computer system which has also allowed him to maintain surveillance and move money out of accounts before the FBI can access them. They listen to her patiently but at the end, Walters places her on indefinite suspension and Williams lets her know that even if she is able to return to the FBI it will never be with the HRT again.
EXT – Midwest – Night
The number of attacks increase, now including the use of recoilless rifles and mortars with the machine-guns. Major portions of the Midwest are blacked out with the power companies working to restore unique extremely high-power transformers but their manufacture is foreign and on-demand.
INT – WFO – Day
The FBI and local law enforcement agencies have taken down more than 12 more ‘safe houses’ but again the bodies recovered are only parts after the explosions and fires. However, knowing what to look for, the coroners find evidence of ice crystal formation in everyone.
Dark Night of the Soul:
INT – Delta Compound – Day
The commanders of Delta and the ISA have come to the conclusion that Scott Miller is probably the perpetrator of the attacks on America. Scott was one of the founders of a squadron for doing Advance Force Operations in denied territory and an expert at singleton operations overseas. If they can prove that he is doing the attacks, then they will need to kill him. The units will not have another ‘Marshall Brown’ embarrassment and this would be much, much worse.
EXT – NC – outside Miller’s Residence – Day
Jennifer is doing lone surveillance of Miller. She has been living in her car since being suspended and most of the time within sight of Miller’s home. She is nodding off when four men abduct her, place a hood on her head and take her away. She recognizes the voice of one of the men as an F Squadron operator she’d worked with at the HRT but keeps quiet. They threaten her and warn her off the surveillance effort.
Act lll:
EXT – NC – outside Miller’s Residence – Night
Released, Andrews walks directly up to Miller’s front door, when he answers she introduces herself and asks if she can ask him some questions.
INT – NC – Inside Miller’s Residence – Night
Andrews questions Miller about his wife, her trial, and how it made him feel. She does not ask about his alibi for Fargo, how he got the money, how he managed to put together the fake cell towers, or why he has continued the attacks. Rather, she wants to understand the man.
Miller offers her coffee and some fresh baked blueberry pie as they talk. Over the next two hours, he talks about Grace, their kids and his time after leaving the service. He doesn’t talk about his time in the military or the trial but enjoys this short time talking about his life.
Finale:
EXT – NC – outside Miller’s Residence – Night
Andrews is again abducted when she leaves the Miller residence. This time the operatives are not from the unit but DIA and the Activity. Included in the group are two women, one obviously in charge of the operation. When they have Andrews in a van, she dismisses everyone and talks frankly with Andrews, offering her a job. She states that Andrews will not be welcomed back into the FBI, even if she were to prove Miller as the ultimate perpetrator. Her career there has ended but the Activity is an organization not afraid of the truth, rather they actively seek the truth with a dedication to providing it unvarnished to the SOF community. She offers Andrews a promotion to GS-13, training in intelligence, and continued work in the field if she wishes but she will need to drop the case on Miller. She does offer that Miller will “be taken care of.”
EXT – NC –Miller’s Residence – Night
After talking with Andrews, Miller executes his plan to escape and evade. Within less than an hour, he is in a private plane on his way to Florida where he has another plane in a different identity that will take him to Guatemala. He has further transportation there with another identity to disappear into South America. Eighteen hours after Andrews has left his house, Miller is sitting in his home in Peru.
EXT – Dublin, Ireland – Night
Miller has kept on the bounce living in different countries in South America, Africa, and now Ireland. He has a small three-bedroom cottage. As he steps out of the front door, a man he helped get into the Activity and mentored there steps up, with no hesitation places two rounds into his chest and a third between his eyes.
Sitting in the car waiting for the assassin, Andrews has made the switch from FBI enforcing the law to working for the Activity and the very dirty world of intelligence.
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James – would you like to exchange feedback with me?
Leslie A.Aguillard
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<div>PETER FELIZ THRILLER MAP VERSION 1 (INCOMPLETE)</div>
What I learned today: First sorry for the incomplete I had to make an emergency trip to Minnesota.
Second, no matter how much my writing makes me cringe just plow through and it does improve. The Mystery, intrigue suspense reveals does open up my imagination
THRILLER DAY 14
<div>INT. – MORTUARY OFFICE – DAY</div><div>
</div><div>Charles “Lucky” Lunes is rattling off excuses for writing a bad check for his mother’s funeral to the unmoved mortician. Instead of dunning Lucky the mortician tells him an anonymous benefactor paid for the funeral. </div><div>The only clue as who the benefactor is: The envelope with the money & burial instructions is postmarked CUMARIPA SONORA MX</div><div>
</div><div>EXT – FUNERAL REPAST – DAY</div><div>
</div><div>Rancher Mitch Malmo interrupts Lucky’s reception. Accuses Lucy of being an accomplice to the conman(and Lucky’s estranged friend) who bankrupted him. Mitch physically threatens Lucky.</div><div>
</div><div>INT ,- BAR – NIGHT</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky is drinking up enough courage to hunt down the anonymous benefactor in Sonora: Antonio “Cuichi” Valenzuela. The same man who Ponzi scammed Mitch Malmo and Lucky’s mother. The same man who was once Lucky’s childhood friend.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – JET FLIGHT – DAWN</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky comes out of an alcoholic blackout seated next to an amorous woman babbling on about her “hicker-restomy.” He realizes his worst fear to date; He’s flying to Sonora perhaps without money or a passport. And he can’t speak Spanish to save his life</div><div>
</div><div>INT – HERMOSILLO AIRPORT – LATE MORNING </div><div>
</div><div>Lucky at the Luggage carousel hoping he packed well for his surprise trip. He only packed his concertina. </div><div>
</div><div>At Customers Lucky is called aside because he wants to know how to get to Cumaripa. The agents “strongly advise” Lucky to return to states immediately. </div><div>
</div><div>At the ticket counter Lucky doesn’t have enough money to book a flight back immediately. Lucky sees the amorous “hicker-restomy” woman from his flight. He runs outside and bumps into a very large Mexican man…</div><div>
</div><div>…who is the “hicker-restomy woman ‘s brother. She insists on giving him a ride</div><div>
</div><div>INT – CAR – SAME</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky asks them to drive him to a food cart (CHILORIO VEGA) near the bus station he raved about in one of his past blogs (He had been to Hermosillo once before). The Hicker-restomy Woman asks if he writes Lucky’s Chuck Wagon.</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky sees they are driving past the bus station. The Hicker-restomy Woman says the cart closed down.</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky’s being kidnapped and taken to the storefront of a small but bustling restaurant: Chilorio Vega owned by Miss Hicker-restomy’s family.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – CHILORIO VEGA – AFTERNOON</div><div>
</div><div>The Vegas have “Mi casa, su casa” Lucky. He’s surprised to learn that they close early to avoid the drug gang violence. Also surprising among the celeb pictures that line their walls is Cuichi Valenzuela’s picture.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – CHILORIO – NIGHT</div><div>
</div><div>Outside sounds like a battle zone. But inside Lucky is updating his blog and avoiding Ms. Hicker-restomy’s advances. He notices an email from ALMALIBRE61 saying “Come visit the Hermosillo Hilton!”</div><div>
</div><div>The Vegas tell Lucky there is no Hilton in Hermosillo. He accuses them of evasiveness. The large Vega brother blurts out that the max jail outside of Hermosillo is nicknamed THE HERMOSILLO HILTON </div><div>
</div><div>EXT – HERMOSILLO ZOCALO – NEXT MORNING</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky can’t board the Jail Visitor’s Bus because the bus agent has no record of an Antonio Valenzuela currently incarcerated. Another bus agent overhears Lucky blurts out ALMALIBRE61. He offers to drive Lucky to the jail…mañana.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – CHILORIO VEGA – EVENING</div><div>
</div><div>The Vegas try to dissuade Lucky from visiting Cuichi. This is one of those don’t trust whom you should trust moments. Particularly since Cuichi’s picture is on their wall.</div><div>
</div><div>But Lucky takes Ms Vega up on her sex offer.</div><div>
</div><div>EXT – BACK ALLEY HERMOSILLO – DAWN</div><div>
</div><div>A very bruised Lucky (maybe caught corpus delecti by one of the Vega Brothers) meets the mysterious bus driver. Lucky is uneasy because the vehicle they are taking to the jail is an old SUV not a jail bus. Once again against his better judgment Lucky gets into the SUV.</div><div>
</div><div>On the way to the jail, the bus driver instructs Lucky to ask to see Maria-Jose Jesus Juarez. He also tells Lucky where to meet him after the visit.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – JAIL VISITING ROOM – DAY</div><div>
</div><div>Guards bring out convict to visit Lucky. But it is not Cuichi Valenzuela!</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky goes along with the ruse to a point. He tells the Bogus Cuichi in his best broken Spanish that he’s sorry but the mother kills. He pretends to be all choked up and gets out of the jail as fast as he can without arousing suspicion. </div><div>
</div><div>EXT – THE JAIL WALL GATE – MINUTES LATER/DAY</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky seas that the SUV is not at the designated meeting place. He looks around and spots it down the road. He runs to it and gets in before it can drive away. </div><div>
</div><div>Meanwhile sirens go off at the jail.</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky and the driver fight.</div><div>
</div><div>Someone hiding on the backseat floor knocks Lucky unconscious.</div><div>
</div><div>It’s Cuichi.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – A MEXICAN CANTINA – DARK </div><div>
</div><div>Lucky wakes up bleary eyed tries to get his bearings. </div><div>
</div><div>Lucky is not in a cantina. He’s in a brothel! In Nogales…175 miles from Hermosillo! </div><div>
</div><div>Lucky tries to leave but a pimp insists he accepts one of the young ladies…or boys courtesy of a ominous (anonymous) benefactor.</div><div>
</div><div>As Lucky accompanies one of the girls to a bedroom he sees a picture on a wall that looks like Cuichi. Suddenly he hears a scream and sees a man staggering out of a bedroom. </div><div>
</div><div>It’s the bogus bus driver. Lucky grabs him realizing too late that the driver’s been stabbed and is bleeding all over Lucky.</div><div>
</div><div>The prostitutes and pimps accuse Lucky of the assault. Lucky is cornered by the Federales.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – FEDERALES INTERROGATION – DOESN’T REALLY MATTER</div><div>
</div><div>Two Federales agents are going to “make the elephant say it’s the white rabbit” on Lucky with a water bucket, a 12 volt battery and jumper cables.</div><div>
</div><div>Two “Higher-ups” stop the torture and take Lucky into their custody. They have a heated exchange with the Federales that escalates into the Federales getting electrocuted. </div><div>
</div><div>In the excitement Lucky gets a dose of electricity. Knocked out again.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – SAN CARLOS BEACH HOUSE – DAY</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky comes to. He follows an IRoomba doing a cleaning round throughout the living room. He doesn’t notice a TV doing a Spanish language infomercial until…</div><div>
</div><div>It’s Cuichi hosting the infomercial about Cumaripa.</div><div>
</div><div>The Roomba is banging on the locked bathroom door.</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky hears the voice from inside yelling “Cãllete!” </div><div>
</div><div>Lucky yells, “Fuck you Cuichi!”</div><div>
</div><div>The toilet flushes off camera.</div><div>
</div><div>Emerging from the bathroom is NOT CUICHI! It’s the real villain </div><div>
</div><div>EXT/INT – BEACH HOUSE BALCONY – DAY</div><div>
</div><div>As the Real Villain (Jorge Calvazos) shows Lucky the beach scape, the Roomba runs off the balcony crashing onto the cliff. Calvazos interrogates Lucky about Cuichi, the man he knows as Maria-Jose y Jesus Juarez.</div><div>
</div><div>Calvazos insists Lucky eats an elaborate meal he has set out for him. Calvazos cannot eat because of severe IBS</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky expresses fear he will die. Calvazos becomes insulted. As the meal gets heated and the questions about Cuichi become more pointed someone yells from elsewhere in the house.</div><div>
</div><div>INT – BEACH HOUSE – DAY</div><div>
</div><div>Calvazos orders Lucky to stay put as he addresses the yell from elsewhere in the beach house.</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky is paralyzed at the meal table by the yelling in the house. He drinks up enough courage to get to the balcony and onto a ledge to escape.</div><div>
</div><div>Lucky edges his way to what he realizes is where the yelling is coming from. He loses his footing, but before he falls, a hand grabs him and pulls him in where they meet face to face: a sickly eighteen year old with beady unmatched colored eyes…</div><div>
</div><div>INT – THE BOY’ S ROOM – CONTINUOUS</div><div>
</div><div>The boy asks Calvazos “Is he the one?” pointing to Lucky. Lucky notices the room looks like an ICU room. The boy sobs in Calvazos’ arms. Calvazos threatens Lucky. The boy protests”Don’t! I don’t wanna live like this. I wanna die clean!” </div><div>
</div><div>Calvazos throw Lucky the front door keys and orders him to find Cuichi. Lucky runs out of the beach house</div><div>
</div><div>EXT. – HERMOSILLO/BURNED OUT CHILORIO VEGA – NIGHT </div><div>
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</div> -
PETER FELIZ THRILLER MAP VERSION 1 (INCOMPLETE) PART ONE REFORMAT<div>
</div><div>What I learned today: First sorry for the incomplete I had to make an emergency trip to Minnesota. ALSO REFORMATING</div><div>
</div><div>Second, no matter how much my writing makes me cringe just plow through and it does improve. The Mystery, intrigue suspense reveals does open up my imagination</div><div>
</div><div>THRILLER DAY 14</div><div>
</div><div>INT. – MORTUARY OFFICE – DAY</div><div></div><div>
</div>Charles “Lucky” Lunes is rattling off excuses for writing a bad check for his mother’s funeral to the unmoved mortician. Instead of dunning Lucky the mortician tells him an anonymous benefactor paid for the funeral.
The only clue as who the benefactor is: The envelope with the money & burial instructions is postmarked CUMARIPA SONORA MX
<div>EXT – FUNERAL REPAST – DAY</div>
<div>Rancher Mitch Malmo interrupts Lucky’s reception. Accuses Lucy of being an accomplice to the conman(and Lucky’s estranged friend) who bankrupted him. Mitch physically threatens Lucky</div><div>
</div>INT ,- BAR – NIGHT
<div>Lucky is drinking up enough courage to hunt down the anonymous benefactor in Sonora: Antonio “Cuichi” Valenzuela. The same man who Ponzi scammed Mitch Malmo and Lucky’s mother. The same man who was once Lucky’s childhood friend.</div><div>
</div>INT – JET FLIGHT – DAWN
<div>Lucky comes out of an alcoholic blackout seated next to an amorous woman babbling on about her “hicker-restomy.” He realizes his worst fear to date; He’s flying to Sonora perhaps without money or a passport. And he can’t speak Spanish to save his life.</div>
<div>INT – HERMOSILLO AIRPORT – LATE MORNING </div>
Lucky at the Luggage carousel hoping he packed well for his surprise trip. He only packed his concertina.
<div>At Customs Lucky is called aside because he wants to know how to get to Cumaripa. The agents “strongly advise” Lucky to return to states immediately. </div><div>
</div>At the ticket counter Lucky doesn’t have enough money to book a flight back immediately. Lucky sees the amorous “hicker-restomy” woman from his flight. He runs outside and bumps into a very large Mexican man…</div><div>
<div>…who is the “hicker-restomy woman ‘s brother. She insists on giving him a ride</div><div></div><div>
</div>INT – CAR – CONTINUOUS
<div>Lucky asks them to drive him to a food cart (CHILORIO VEGA) near the bus station he raved about in one of his past blogs (He had been to Hermosillo once before). The Hicker-restomy Woman asks if he writes Lucky’s Chuck Wagon.</div>
<div>Lucky sees they are driving past the bus station. The Hicker-restomy Woman says the cart closed down.</div><div>
</div>Lucky’s being kidnapped and taken to the storefront of a small but bustling restaurant: Chilorio Vega owned by Miss Hicker-restomy’s family.
<div>INT – CHILORIO VEGA – AFTERNOON</div>
The Vegas have “Mi casa, su casa” Lucky. He’s surprised to learn that they close early to avoid the drug gang violence. Also surprising among the celeb pictures that line their walls is Cuichi Valenzuela’s picture.</div><div>
<div>INT – CHILORIO – NIGHT</div>
Outside sounds like a battle zone. But inside Lucky is updating his blog and avoiding Ms. Hicker-restomy’s advances. He notices an email from ALMALIBRE61 saying “Come visit the Hermosillo Hilton!”
<div>The Vegas tell Lucky there is no Hilton in Hermosillo. He accuses them of evasiveness. The large Vega brother blurts out that the max jail outside of Hermosillo is nicknamed THE HERMOSILLO HILTON </div>
<div>EXT – HERMOSILLO ZOCALO – MORNING </div>
Lucky can’t board the Jail Visitor’s Bus because the bus agent has no record of an Antonio Valenzuela currently incarcerated.
Another bus agent overhears Lucky blurts out ALMALIBRE61. He offers to drive Lucky to the jail…mañana.
INT – CHILORIO VEGA – EVENING
The Vegas try to dissuade Lucky from visiting Cuichi. This is one of those don’t trust whom you should trust moments. Particularly since Cuichi’s picture is on their wall.
But Lucky takes Ms Vega up on her sex offer.
EXT – BACK ALLEY HERMOSILLO – DAWN
A very bruised Lucky (maybe caught corpus delecti by one of the Vega Brothers) meets the mysterious bus driver. Lucky is uneasy because the vehicle they are taking to the jail is an old SUV not a jail bus.
Once again against his better judgment Lucky gets into the SUV. On the way to the jail, the bus driver instructs Lucky to ask to see Maria-Jose Jesus Juarez. He also tells Lucky where to meet him after the visit.
INT – JAIL VISITING ROOM – DAY
Guards bring out convict to visit Lucky. But it is not Cuichi Valenzuela!
Sending a trap Lucky plays along with the ruse to a point. He tells the Bogus Cuichi in his best broken Spanish that he’s sorry but the mother kills. He pretends to be all choked up and gets out of the jail as fast as he can without arousing suspicion.
EXT – THE JAIL WALL GATE – MINUTES LATER/DAY
Lucky seas that the SUV is not at the designated meeting place. He looks around and spots it down the road. He runs to it and gets in before it can drive away.
Sirens go off at the jail. Lucky and the driver fight. Someone hiding on the backseat floor knocks Lucky unconscious. It’s Cuichi.
INT – A MEXICAN CANTINA – DARK
Lucky wakes up bleary eyed tries to get his bearings. Lucky is not in a cantina. He’s in a brothel! In Nogales…175 miles from Hermosillo! Lucky tries to leave but a pimp insists he accepts one of the young ladies…or boys courtesy of a ominous (anonymous) benefactor.
As Lucky accompanies one of the girls to a bedroom he sees a picture on a wall that looks like Cuichi. Suddenly he hears a scream and sees a man staggering out of a bedroom.
It’s the bogus bus driver. Lucky grabs him realizing too late that the driver’s been stabbed and is bleeding all over Lucky.
The prostitutes and pimps accuse Lucky of the assault. Lucky is cornered by the Federales.
INT – FEDERALES INTERROGATION – DOESN’T REALLY MATTER
Two Federales agents are going to “make the elephant say it’s the white rabbit” on Lucky with a water bucket, a 12 volt battery and jumper cables.
Two “Higher-ups” stop the torture and take Lucky into their custody. They have a heated exchange with the Federales that escalates into the Federales getting electrocuted.
In the excitement Lucky gets a dose of electricity. Knocked out again.
INT – SAN CARLOS BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Lucky comes to. He follows an IRoomba doing a cleaning round throughout the living room. He doesn’t notice a TV doing a Spanish language infomercial until…. It’s Cuichi hosting the infomercial about Cumaripa.
The Roomba is banging on the locked bathroom door. Lucky hears the voice from inside yelling “Cãllete!” Lucky yells, “Fuck you Cuichi!”. The toilet flushes off camera.
Emerging from the bathroom is NOT CUICHI! It’s the real villain
EXT/INT – BEACH HOUSE BALCONY – DAY
As the Real Villain (Jorge Calvazos) shows Lucky the beach scape, the Roomba runs off the balcony crashing onto the cliff. Calvazos interrogates Lucky about Cuichi, the man he knows as Maria-Jose y Jesus Juarez.
Calvazos insists Lucky eats an elaborate meal he has set out for him. Calvazos cannot eat because of severe IBS.
Lucky expresses fear he will die. Calvazos becomes insulted. As the meal gets heated and the questions about Cuichi become more pointed someone yells from elsewhere in the house.I
NT – BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Calvazos orders Lucky to stay put as he addresses the yell from elsewhere in the beach house. Lucky is paralyzed at the meal table by the yelling in the house.
He drinks up enough courage to get to the balcony and onto a ledge to escape. Lucky edges his way to what he realizes is where the yelling is coming from.
He loses his footing, but before he falls, a hand grabs him and pulls him in where they meet face to face: a sickly eighteen year old with beady unmatched colored eyes…
INT – THE BOY’ S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The boy asks Calvazos “Is he the one?” pointing to Lucky. Lucky notices the room looks like an ICU room. The boy sobs in Calvazos’ arms. Calvazos threatens Lucky. The boy protests”Don’t! I don’t wanna live like this. I wanna die clean!”
Calvazos throw Lucky the front door keys and orders him to find Cuichi. Lucky runs out of the beach house
EXT. – HERMOSILLO – NIGHT
Lucky taking a chance to escape Sonora goes back to Chilorio Vega to get his passport and things. But he sees the restaurant on fire. Ms. Vega tells Lucky to run to the American Consulate
INT – AMERICAN CONSULATE – NIGHT
Lucky has told a very sympathetic agent his story. She asks him to wait while she speaks to a supervisor. Lucky notices she’s contacted the Federales. Lucky sneaks out of the consulate.
EXT – BACK ALLEY – NIGHT
Lucky seeing heavy police presence on the street hides in a dumpster.
INT – DUMPSTER – CONTINUOUS
Lucky feels the dumpster moving. It’s been hitched up and is traveling fast enough to further jostle Lucky amongst the garbage and rats.
INT/EXT – DUMBSTER – AN HOUR LATER
The dumpster has stopped moving. The dumpster lid is pulled open. Two teenage gang members pull Lucky out and drag him to an idling Jeep Cherokee. Inside the Cherokee is Cuichi Valenzuela, who tells him “You drive, Mr. Toughie”
EXT – DANGEROUS MOUNTAIN ROAD -NIGHT
Lucky and Cuichi are trapped behind an exhaust spewing VW Bus. Cuichi interrogates Lucky about Calvazos. Lucky tries to get on Cuichi’s better side by comparing sexual exploits. During the conversation Cuichi mentions a mistress he impregnated who got an abortion. Lucky pieces things together as they are finally able to pass the VW bus.
He tell Cuichi that Cuichi has an eighteen year old son who’s very sick and needs some sort of transplant.
The Jeep hits a roadblock policed by teenage gang boys
EXT- ROADBLOCK – CONTINUOUS
Cuichi clearly angry at Lucky have the gang rough him up. Lucky blurts out that Calvazos “boy” has unmatched colored beady eyes.
It’s like a lightening bolt to Cuichi. He orders one of the boys to drive Lucky away.
Lucky thinking he’s going for a final ride spits in Cuichi’s face.
EXT – JEEP – HALF AN HOUR LATER.
THe young thug orders Lucky out of the Jeep. The thug points to a cleaning. At the end of the clearing is a border crossing station. Lucky tells The thug he doesn’t have a passport. The thug says “Buenas suarte,” and drives away
EXT – FOOD CITY TUCSON AZ – A YEAR LATER – DAY
LUcky at the butcher counter orders a pound of Chorizo. The butcher tells his unseen aid to wrap it up.
The aid is Cuichi, who spits into the chorizo as he wraps it up saying, ” We’re even now Mr. Toughie.”
FADE OUT
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Leslie A’s Thriller Map Version 1
What I am learning is a steady build up in the creation of a story emphasizing actions rather than dialogue or exposition.
INT. ESTATE.NIGHT
An elaborate English estate, a decadent party of bizarre celebs, Someone falls backward into the pool and gets fished out.
Large monitors show real time social media posts and accumulating hits up on the walls.
V, a pale thin handsome young man, artfully dressed, full of himself, scrolls through his I phone at videos and shouts:
V: “It has to be more viral than this!”
V has his Aide on a leash. Aide, another handsome young man, has studded collar around his neck, bare-chested. Aide texts instructions into his phone like an extension of V’s whims.
Someone else is pushed into the pool. Someone has her clothes being roughly torn off. Their screams are barely noticed above the party’s roar. V seems to approve, smiles at Aide.
A beautiful young woman being filmed staggers to Aide and gives him a sloppy kiss as her entourage applauds.
Aide is surprised by this but likes it and leans in for more but she twirls away to kiss the next guy, it is V.
V rebuffs her advances as if disgusted.
V: “Don’t you know who I am?”
She acts too drunk to care and grabs at V again, yells out:
Beauty: “You? What about ME, darling!?”
V throws a drink in her face, gives the leash a jerk pulling Aide sideways as V steps away.
Beautiful woman angrily grabs V, slaps V, then strides away amidst both cheers, mocking and laughs from party goers even as V follows her out with his camera filming. V sneers at the images.
V checks the hits on the feed running live on the wall mounted monitors.
V remarks: “that’s better.”
V has an idea.
The woman is being surveilled from above as she leaves the Estate, orders her car brought up, gets in with some hangers-on and drives screeching recklessly away at high speed.
In the background: is the pool person drowning? Is the naked girl being dragged away?
The Aide takes off the Velcro collar to glare at V; V shrugs and returns to his texting.
(meanwhile)
INT. PUB. NIGHT
Party at a local up-scale pub, mostly men are toasting and enjoying a celebration.
Random-Woman in the background alone surreptitiously taking video. Also, in the background two men kiss; mixed couples dance.
A very strong looking woman, heavily made up, sweeps up and dips PM (a 30’s handsome man in a nice suit) and kisses him as everyone howls and laughs.
At the Bar’s entrance there is an argument as two men are being barred. A woman body builder type assists the regular bouncer and shoves the barred men back from the door.
Woman Body Builder: “the sign reads – Private Party, gents. Move along.”
The denied men act rude, shove back, talk smack, take photos, send texts but also back off.
The bar tender gets a signal from the bouncer.
Bartender rings a ship’s brass bell to indicate police may soon be on the way.
Several people leave quickly but not concerned, more used to it; others give farewell kisses to the two men being celebrated, PM and friend. All still laughing.
PM and Friend are informed and do not want to be there when police arrive. All is good natured, not like at the Estate. . PM and friend walk toward parked cars.
Friend, teasing: “You sure you can drive?”
PM: “of course, idiot. Give me the keys.”
Friend shows some anxiety as the barred men are still on the sidewalk and begin walking toward PM and friend.
Random-Woman leaves pub, seems to run into the barred men on purpose, sidetracks them, and then runs across the street ducking out of sight; She takes more photos of PM and friend.
The barred men go the other way as PM and friend get into their car.
INT. ESTATE. SAME NIGHT
V smiles at his feed of the woman driving drunk. Aide notices this, laughs less enthusiastically as V walks to another room.
IN. ESTATE COMPUTER ROOM. SAME NIGHT
V enters a private room which is filled with computer equipment and works on something.
V texts instructions into the phone and takes control of the woman’s car terrifying the car’s passengers as they are slung about side to side. V returns to the now empty party room.
EXT. CITY STREET. NIGHT
The woman’s car screeches around corners, side swipes other cars, makes pedestrians leap out of the way. More than one ped takes pics with their phones and report the car to the police.
Sirens heard, possibly responding to the woman’s reckless driving reports.
EXT. SIDE STREET. SAME NIGHT
The pub couple (PM and friend), in their car driving away prudently as
Police car pulls up to pub and officers go in past other couples leaving. The police detain one obvious drag queen. The regular bouncer, straight-looking man, negotiates with police.
Back and Forth scenes: PM and friend driving normally from the pub vs the woman and her screaming friends careening; are they on a collision course unbeknownst to them? Yes.
EXT. STREET. SAME NIGHT
Inciting Incident: A terrible/fatal car crash engineered by V taking control of car’s computer.
Several cars are hit, including PM and friend. Woman’s car flips into the air and crashes on it’s top. PM and friend spin away with the passenger’s side destroyed.
PM behind the wheel, is dazed, then horrified seeing his friend. PM tries to free his friend.
INT. ESTATE. SAME NIGHT
VM laughs hysterically. “Whoa… Bullseye! Posting, posting! Look at the hits.”
V takes an oddly intense interest as PM tries to pull his friend from their wrecked car.
Then the woman’s <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>car bursts into flame.
V hoots, “bitches on the barbie.”
V tells Aide “spin this. I want millions of followers.” The aide, aghast, yet begins posting.
V steers the drone closer to see the pub men, the friend looks seriously hurt.
Aide tells V “Probably should probably call an ambulance”.
V agrees unconvincingly: “Of course! I wonder how fast they’ll figure out the
right place if I send them a few blocks away? Let’s see.”
EXT. STREET. CRASH SITE. SAME NIGHT.
PM has pulled friend from their car, cradles his friend, shielding him from the other burning car, trying to get his phone to connect to emergency.
PM; “What is the 911 in London? Is it 999? “
PM fumbles, misdials, wipes blood from his eyes. In shock? Is angry. Doesn’t hear the sirens holding his friend.
INT. ESTATE. SAME NIGHT. Computer room.
V is able to intercept the signal from PM’s phone to reassure the PM but misdirects emergency. V fascinated by the PM. V stares at the monitor. Aide walks in.
Aide, flatly: “You got over a million hits from the crash.”
EXT. STREET CRASH SITE. SAME.
Playing on V’s monitor feed
One of the camera crew notes the camera drone…points it out… drone gets knocked down/ shot down/ somehow destroyed pissing off V.
Aide tries to bring perspective, after all that V has done but V slaps the Aide hard.
V and Aide pass glares back and forth but Aide backs down.
V has noted to which hospital they are taken.
INT. AMBULANCE. SAME
Medics frantically work to stabilize PM’s friend. PM using all his control to stay out of the way and refusing attention himself.
INT. HOSPITAL. SAME NIGHT
Amidst hospital chaos, PM continues refusing treatment while giving police report. PM doesn’t want to be undressed. Says his injuries are minor. Tries repeatedly to discover the fate of his friend, understandably upset.
PM refuses to leave and demands to know about his friend’s condition
Turning Point: PM is delivered the terrible news – Friend is dead.
Doctor: if only they’d gotten there sooner.
PM in stunned grief, angry the emergency services were driving around in circles.
PM: “WTF! Incompetent assholes!” Takes a wild swing at some doctor.
Police grab PM, order him to get a hold of himself. PM slumps in a chair, head in hands.
INT. ESTATE. COMPUTER ROOM. SAME NIGHT
V is hacked into hospital cameras. Feigns sadness: “Aww… what a bonus. How many hits?”
Aide is grudgingly tallying viral footage retweets or whatever to V.
Aide pops a pill, swallows it with water or whatever, leans back in chair and closes his eyes.
INT. HOSPITAL. SAME NIGHT
Police to PM: “There is nothing you can do right now except get a hold of yourself.”
Someone shows up to give PM a ride back to his hotel, but PM shoves him away and runs off.
Police exasperated, begin searching for PM. They get it but it has been a long night.
Foot chase through hospital.
PM gets away. Police now put an APB out for PM, he’s acting irrationally.
Meanwhile
INT. ESTATE COMPUTER ROOM. SAME NIGHT
V‘s street cameras/security cameras he’s hacked into lose sight of PM and V gets really angry.
V: “Dammit! Lost the bugger. Wait. He mentioned his hotel.”
INT. HOTEL. DAY.
Random-Woman is in hotel lobby reading a paper, drinking coffee. Notes henchman entering.
At hotel V’s henchman tries to avoid cameras, turning away from others so as not to be identified, takes stairs. Random woman gets up and goes to the elevator as PM enters hotel.
INT. HOTEL HALLWAY. DAY.
Henchman breaks into PM’s room. Tearing the room apart. FINDS a watch and some money and takes that.
PM exits elevator on his floor, sees his room door ajar, runs to it.
Random-Woman slips out of elevator and out of view but sees PM enter his room.
Henchman ready to slink away but is discovered by PM and they fight .
FIGHT SCENE
Henchman has advantage and gets away.
Random-Woman lurks near by, hears PM on the phone, she takes the stairs to the next floor.
Security and Police arrive at PM’s room; PM sitting on bed, heart broken/exhausted.
Police: “you’re the guy from the hospital.
The hotel manager arrives, feigns innocence… nothing like this has ever happened. Hotel offers another room to PM or PM exasperated “All this is insane”. Police calls victim advocate despite PM’s unreceptivity.
PM calls the attorney back who expresses sympathy then suggests PM go to Amer Embassy.
Randon Woman claiming to be victim advocate arrives as police leave…PM is skeptical.
Random-Woman: “Fine. The Embassy is close by. You can walk or take a cab.”
She draws a map to the Embassy and says … he might want to clean up first.
*We see only a strong back as PM peels off his shirt, and a glimpse of scars across the chest /lots of tattoos.
Random Woman is searching around the room trying not to be seen doing it.
She is startled when PM is standing right behind her.
PM: “you still here?”
Random Woman “clearly.” Maybe she has something in her hand, puts into pocket.
EXT. HOTEL STREET. DAY
PM ignores the cab outside, but then feels someone near, looks around, The REAL police advocate yells to him, tries to engage him. PM is conflicted by this and hurries off leaving the advocate standing on the street befuddled.
Henchman follows PM to Amer. Embassy.
Henchman reports and V says to wait, the new videos are being set up.
Random Woman in a phone box on the street, apparently sees both Henchman and PM.
INT. EMBASSY OFFICE. DAY.
PM at American Embassy to see what to do…
PM tries to contact police about the apparently missing and now confusing report… complains about fake advocate…wires really crossed…
PM exasperated and angry, creates a yelling scene, is told to calm down or he will be charged.
Embassy will figure out the snafu. “you are exhausted, had terrible shocks, it is understandable, but you need to rest and help. Do you have an attorney?” Yes.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>PM phones dead friend’s mother to break the news… Mother is hysterical, very angry and blames PM and PM feels even worse, “this was more than a mistake.”
Mother “I’m sorry just won’t cut it.” Mother reacts as badly as can be.
The Father gets on the phone and suggests that PM better not return at all.
PM: “That did not go well.” Collapses on a bench, head back, tear down his cheek.
The voices on the phone were loud enough for an assistant in the Embassy to hear. Embassy Assistant tries to assure PM they will help arrange for the friend’s body to be sent home after the police are done investigating, will reschedule PM’s flight home as well, etc. etc. We will speak with your attorney.
EXT. STREET NEAR HOTEL. DAY.
PM Walking determined back to hotel. The Henchman follows. Then the Random-Woman also follows.
INT. ESTATE COMPUTER ROOM. DAY.
V somehow hacked into the phone call PM made to dead friend’s mother which replays on a monitor, and V enjoys PM’s pain.
V: “oh this just brings out the ‘stalker’ in me!! I do want a closer look at him”
EXT. SUBURBAN ROAD. DAY
V and Aide drive into the town center from the estate to intercept PM.
INT. HOTEL. DAY.
PM returns to his trashed hotel room.
PM tries to lay in new bed, cannot stand it.
PM goes outside the Hotel to look around, takes deep breaths and walks down the street.
A car follows him. PM is suspicious then turns abruptly into a pub.
INT. PUB. DAY.
PM walks in, glances around, but doesn’t want to stay, Turns to leave and
There V “accidently” bumps into PM –“Oh, you are American? How is London treating you? Oh no, terrible??? Tries to steer PM back into the pub.
PM: “No. Thanks anyway.”
PM’s trust level is low and he’s exhausted, trying not to make a scene or engage with V.
V says “I can see you have been through something dire…
I am so sorry you’ve had a tragic experience.”
Aide slips some tracker on to PM acting like a pat on the back, PM jerks around.
PM “What is wrong with you? Get off me. How would you know if I’ve been through anything… tragic?”
Undaunted, V “Mate! At least let me buy you a drink. Seems like you need one and a friend.”
PM: “Ah fuck! Can this day get any worse?”
V: “ A drink. Don’t you know who I am?”
PM: “No, don’t care and – what do you say? Bugger off – mate.“
The bar man yells to them all to take it outside.
PM pushes passed V and down the street back to the hotel.
V is livid, shaking mad. Aide’s mouth is open, stunned, both impressed and also worried for PM.
V leaves the henchman to keep watch. V and Aide drive away.
INT. HOTEL ROOM.NIGHT
Random-Woman opens then closes her door when service cart goes by.
Knock on PM’s door: Room service – arrives with supper.
PM opens door, says he’ll take it from here, gives the server some cash and shuts the door.
In the Hall the henchman removes the jacket and hands jacket and cash to real server standing near by.
Henchman waits in the hall until hears a crash of plates.
Drink or Food is drugged. Henchman enters PM’s room.
PM realizes something is amiss, staggers to standing and takes a swing at Henchman, but misses and falls to the floor. As PM passes out, Henchman and Aide are at his side and taking him out of the room.
Random-Woman is walking down the hall, makes it clear she sees them.
Aide fakes talking to someone in the room: We’ll get this cleaned up sorry he just needs to go home. Random Woman approaches them.
Rand.Wom: “Oh sorry, can I help you here? Such a scene when a mate gets trollied.”
Aide says yeah, you can help, come here, he reaches into his chest pocket, the woman begins to reach behind her back (a tense moment)
Aide takes out an envelope, the woman smiles and brings her hand away from her back.
Aide gives the woman money to take the envelope to the Hotel desk, fast talks a story about paying for the mess PM made being drunk.
The Random Woman pretends to buy the story.
Henchman takes PM down the service elevator and Aide and Random Woman go down guest elevator to lobby.
Tense silent awkward ride in elevator.
Random-Woman agrees and takes the envelope to the desk Aide watches her she waves back. Car pulls up and Aide gets in as Random-woman waves.
EXT. HOTEL ALLEY. NIGHT.
The car pulls around the corner and stops out of view. Henchman gets out. V gives instructions to Henchman then drives the knocked out PM away.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY. SAME :
Random Woman sits in large chair, a waiter comes over, she orders a drink, opens the envelope and takes the money, reads the note and thinks a moment. Her drink arrives, she pays and downs the shot.
Henchman enters the back of the Hotel again, takes service elevator to PM’s floor, looks around corner toward PM’s room. Surprisingly he sees the Random Woman looking into PM’s doorway.
Random-Woman backs up, closes the door, looks toward Henchman who is out of sight, pauses then walks away.
Henchman goes to the room, hears elevator and then someone at the door. He hides behind the door.
Random-Woman opens the door slightly, takes something off the table near the door then leaves.
Henchman exhales then begins packing PM’s things.
In the meantime
INT. HOTEL LOBBY. DAY
Random Woman tells Hotel clerk a guy she can’t describe told her to deliver this envelope. In the envelope is note saying PM has returned home to the USA, and that the bill is “paid”. The clerk turns away to call for Hotel security and desk manager who finds this odd since the bill is not paid but the Random Woman is gone.
Security goes up to the crime room and enters… is knocked out by the henchman who leaves with two packed bags down the stairs.
EXT. HOTEL. DAY.
Outside the Hotel, Random-Woman walks down the side street about to make a call then looks up in time to notice the henchman leaving back of Hotel with the packed bags. She ducks out of sight then peeks again and notes the license plate. Makes a call as she returns to the Hotel.
INT. ESTATE. DAY
While PM is out cold, V has aide stage some photos of the unconscious PM and directs aide to put ‘ai’ faked photos on social media of PM, distort the car crash into a sordid tale… re tweets galore.
Aide unamused, questions V: “ c’mon, why are you doing this still?
V: “because I can. What’s wrong with you? Jealous?”
Aide shakes his head and says he needs to get some sleep, says PM should be out for hours yet. Aide walks out to a cottage like out building from the main house. V then follows.
PM’s eyes open as soon as they leave.
INT. HOTEL LOBBY DESK. SAME DAY.
Desk phone rings… Amer. Attorney trying to reach PM… neither the trashed room nor the new room answer, also Desk cannot raise their house security man.
The ringing phone woke the Random-Woman napping inside her room’s door. She turns her jacket inside out and puts on a wig and glasses; slips out of the room.
A bus boy and a desk manager look and find the security guard concussed in the crime room.
The Random-Woman calmly walks down the hall passed the commotion in the crime room.
INT. ESTATE. DAY
PM sits up, now alone, sick, angry. Realizes he has no passport or wallet on him and has a moment of clarifying panic.
PM stealthily looks around the estate house.
PM confronts some staff who do not speak English. They shrug, act like PM is just another crazy party goer.
PM indicates they should be quiet away. Staff shakes heads, mutter curses and go about their chores. PM finds this disconcerting but goes on about his searching, enters the private room full of computers.
PM grabs a laptop and a phone, closes the door for privacy, sees the crazy social media posts and is more confused than angry.
PM: “who the fuck posted this shit? What is going on?”
PM calls the hotel and can’t explain because the hotel demands to know his whereabouts but PM doesn’t know.
While holding the phone, PM rifles through desk drawer to see if there is any indication of an address – A WRONG ADDRESS? SCOTLAND MAYBE? PM tells this to hotel people who do not believe it and ask him to hang on the line..
PM demands to know “What day is it? Has anyone tried to call for me there?”
Hotel: “What day? (scoff) Of Course there have been calls”
Hotel manager trying to keep PM on the line, gestures wildly to clerk to notify police.
Hotel says “Hang on – Something happened to our computers. “
PM says “Something happened to ME as well” is outraged and then… becomes very still.
The phone is not useful… he doesn’t have the names of the friends who were mostly his dead buddies’ contacts. PM hangs up as hotel manager yells for him to hang on.
PM searches and finds another staff…asks where he is? “No se. You want coffee?”
PM: “Yes! take me to the kitchen”. (gestures eating) He’ll make his own coffee.
PM talking to himself… Why is this happening? Who is doing this? Where am I??? Where is passport, wallet, his own phone. What’s that attorney’s name and number…aarrgghh then In the meantime V and Aide are coming back from the cottage-out building.
PM recognizes V approaching, Grabs staff, points out the window at V.
Staff: “Si Si boss man, Senor V.”
PM slips outside rather than confront V and decides he’ll run to a road…any road. Staff guy just shrugs.
Inside the Main House V checks surveillance from hidden cameras, sees PM not in bedroom but rather running across the lawn.
V: “Uh oh – no running away. Release the hounds”.
EXT. ESTATE LAWN. DAY
PM is running; he gets chased down by dogs on the villas huge property and takes refuge up a tree… he is surprisingly strong and nimble.
PM (panting, hanging on to limb) “Help!”
V and Aide rescue PM in a golf cart.
Aide calls off the dogs and sends them home, apologizes to PM as he climbs down from tree.
PM is angry about all these circumstances, Where are his papers? Who are you people?
V: lies: “Papers? You had nothing on you”.
Aide: “You went through a huge trauma and passed out. We tried to “help”
PM doesn’t believe any of it.
V: “What? do you think I kidnap and traffic – pretty foreign men for fun??”
PM begins to protest again but A CHANGE COMES OVER HIM.
PM: “What is this? Am I going to be trafficked? this some sort of game to you? (seems to swoon) Oh… oh….”
PM decides to play along or pretend he really is still loopy. Gets into the golf cart vehicle, goes back to the house. The aide supports PM. PM pretends to be near fainting.
Aide says to V: “This has gone far enough”
V sneers at Aide to just do as he is told.
When they get back to the house the aide helps PM out of vehicle,
PM stands unsteadily then turns, pretends to collapse into V’s arms and as PM slides down V’s body, he seems to get a good feel of V’s, Checking for a gun? No gun? Apparently V really liked that physical contact.
PM notices, has a very serious face then pretends to go limp.
V likes PM acquiescing “Well, well. Traffic. Not a bad idea, really…
maybe we should go to the yacht”
Aide “No, this is not a good idea. This has gone too far. The crash, now this?”
V: “What has gotten into you?”
Shoves Aide away. Yells for a Henchman to: “Take our guest to the room.”
PM’s eyes pop open…the crash? also does not want to be stuck on a boat. Allows himself to be half dragged off by the Henchman up some stairs.
Turning Point/ plot twist? PM undergoes a change into a killing machine??
As V’s hench man half carries PM away PM surprises, overpowers, and shoves the henchman out the window head first, the body lays still on the ground, then with surprising speed, runs off through house and grabs Henchman’s phone on the way.
Hearing the crash, seeing his man on the ground, V sounds the alarm
V: “Shit! find PM!
Aide checks on the Henchman outside the window who appears to be bleeding profusely.
Aide is making phone call (police? Ambulance?)
A fast game of Cat and mouse through the estate house as three Henchmen search for PM.
PM sees where cameras are, ducks around, narrowly missing being caught, so far avoiding them.
PM finds a pair of gloves, takes also a belt and tie….a knife/letter opener?
V’s henchmen split up to search for PM. They have communication ear buds maybe.
PM subdues a henchman with a hard punch to the head, takes the ear bud and weapon, He wraps the tie tightly around the henchman’s neck then punches him hard again. PM drags the body in or behind some furniture and runs on.
PM hides from another Hench man, then uses the belt like a whip to the Hench’s head. A quick move with the belt and knocks him down wrapping the belt around his neck, stands on one end and jerks up the other – CRACK – neck is broken. “Three down.”
PM doesn’t hear anyone coming so goes back down the stairs always looking around, to computer room.
PM sees the house security cameras; finds V and Aide are but he doesn’t look everywhere. PM goes out a side door and grabs the aide who is usually always with VM and pulls him aside,
The Aide desperately acts like he wants to help PM “Come on this way, come on! You have to get out of here!”
But as they move away Aide spies another Guard and V and yells out, betraying PM.
PM grabs aide by the throat and holds him up as a shield.
V and an armed guard confront PM with the hostage aide as if to negotiate.
PM asks: How much does V value this aide?
V: “Not that much really.” The aide is appalled even as he is choking, but the Henchman is reluctant to fire his gun.
V says “You don’t think you can get away from here do you?”
PM says: “that depends. Maybe I don’t want to”.
VM nervously feigns boredom, tired that things aren’t going his way and pulls out his phone.
V: “I’m calling the police.”
PM: “now why don’t I believe you?”
The armed guard near V can’t get a clear shot but has his gun on PM and Aide.
The slowly being strangled aide has a ray of hope of being saved, maybe the police will come..
PM also has a gun at his back, pulls it out shoots the edge of the phone out of V’s hands and kills the guard standing behind him. Clearly PM is a better shot than V’s men.
PM asks V “ how fast do you want to die?” The aide is more terrified, choking and gasping.
V feigns indifference or willing to negotiate “Well you are full of surprises…What do you want?”
Surprisingly PM says “I want ….a job with you. Clearly you need better men around you”
PM is slowly tightening his grip on the aide’s throat. The aide tries to be warning V not to trust PM but Aide passes out and PM lets him fall to the floor. Is he dead?
V is shaken more than he thought. Backing up, stumbles a little on the dead guard’s body but steps over him as PM very slowly advances towards him.
V sees another guard creeping up behind PM so V tries to keep PM focused away from the approaching guard. Stammering as guard creeps closer and as PM draws closer to V.
V asked why would PM want to work for him? It doesn’t make sense. They don’t even know one another.
PM: “ why then am I here at this house- Who are you? What’s with the drugging, dogs, social media shit? And that car crash…wtf is up with that?”
V fumbles to make some story up, stalling.
The last guard creeps silently closer to PM even as PM moves slowly toward V.
Maybe PM catches a glimpse of the guard in some reflection, moves out of reach… toying back.
V very nervous tries to steer PM back but this time PM turns and shoots the sneaking guard between the eyes.
V shrieks…” WTF – are you CIA or something?”
PM says “Or something.”
V and PM notices that the estate’s staff are fleeing across the lawn.
V faintly threatens PM “You are not going to get away.”
PM laughs “Neither are you. You think you are above the law?”
V: “The police are on their way!”
PM doesn’t care. “Let the police come.”
PM confronts V about the social media sensationalism, a tad homophobic???
V: “It is a game of followers and influencers. Just a game. Got out of hand.”
V admits to orchestrating the car wreck.
PM is disgusted and angry and has his answer and his justification for revenge.
V lies, says “ it wasn’t me… it was his aide…the aide is the techy… V just collects followers and hits for money from advertisers and influencers, he doesn’t really care as long as the money comes in”.
PM grabs V. twisting his arm then PM puts the gun in VM’s hand but his hand is on it too.
PM makes V shoot the aide (not in the chest or head), and fires randomly around the room until the gun is empty.
V twists free and tried to hit PM with something (vase? Lamp?)
PM calmly dodges.
PM grabs and hits V and knocks him down then breaks a chair (or something) over him.
PM feels V for a pulse but just to be sure, breaks his neck with a swift twist.
PM calls the police and leaves the phone line open on the ground, wiping the phone clean. The police are already on their way as some staff alerted them to trouble at the estate.
Sirens are heard in the distance.
INT. ESTATE. DAY
Police all over the estate looking for clues, processing the scene of several murders.
Staff has been rounded up. What is their story? They get hired when the V throws a party. The parties are always crazy, violent, a mess to clean up.
Is it even V’s house? No. it is on the market and been standing empty. V was a real estate mogul who used vacant properties for his parties.
A man (PM) was brought to the house passed out they think…They thought it was another eccentric prank. Staff does not know where PM is but they identify him when police show a photo of PM. Police arrest some staff on visa violations.
They relate how PM was trying to leave but V set dogs on him. As far as they could tell, V was doing some sort of sadistic game with the American. Their excuse to work for V? V always had wild parties and he paid very well to keep quiet.
Who killed the guards? As far as staff knows they killed each other or V went insane.
Aide has survived and is writing info to the police that exonerate PM?? Random woman shows up like a news reporter and catches Aides eye, signals him to not give her up, but he can’t speak anyway. She listens, takes videos, then leaves. Who is she?
Who is this PM guy?? And WHERE is he?
Stories are stitched together:
PM is just a tourist on his honeymoon with his partner when a car struck them and killed his new husband. A man caught in terrible circumstances and disappears.
Aide is writing this information down, like a confession, from V’s predatory social media angle.
Police find PM’s belongings packed bags in a garage.
Police have sent PM’s fingerprints all over for identification.
The US Embassy and the US attorney exchange information.
The CIA/Interpol discuss an issue – It seems that a black ops agent thought to have been killed years ago has resurfaced? But that agent was a woman – Not a man.
OR…. Finger prints match a serial killer who dropped out of sight years ago…a woman. If serial killer, she must have found what she needed but then the car wreck took that away???
Closing shot on PM changing clothes. His chest tattoos are from an “upper surgery”???
The woman CIA agent/ or serial killer transitioned into a man!! PM has V’s passport and a lot of money and gets on to a private jet disguised … flying to and or landing in an Asian city.
The End (could be a pilot to a series… maybe a little like Dexter?)
-
Leslie A. Aguillards THRILLER MAP
What I am learning: First, I should have posted this first and then version 1 with some of the scene headings and basic story line. Second, practice this mode of thinking as this is very different from how I used to write and this way is better. Third, the map, even if I haven’t quite got it right, helps me to see where I need to do more brainstorming to invent more unique situations.
THRILLER MAP: Title, Boy Toy; Location: London, present day.
Mystery: PM (hero) tries to find out why he is targeted while in the throes of grieving a tragic death, not realizing they are connected. And
Mystery: who really is PM? Will he survive the insane V?
Mystery: Will V (villain) keep getting away with his elaborate and sadistic stunts which he does for ratings. And
Mystery: Why does V pick on PM, a stranger?
Mystery: Who is Random Woman and why is she following PM and then also V? Finally, did she know PM “before”…. As a woman?
Intrigues: What are the scars and tattoos on PM’s chest? Is PM overly distraught over the death of a friend? Is grief the only reason PM is uncooperative? How does V have computer access to almost everything?
What makes V escalate his torment of PM?
Why do staff and Aide even work for V? Is it just money?
To whom is Random Woman reporting and why?
What causes PM to snap from victim to vengeful?
Suspense: PM survives tragic car crash but his friend dies.
PM is attacked and pursued by V for unknown reasons; paranoid about being followed, and sometimes he is correct.
PM is drugged then kidnapped, escapes only to be chased by dogs; is rescued only to be threatened with being sex trafficked.
Chases and hunts: through hospital; fight at Hotel; lethal searches and fights at the Estate and why does PM suddenly change from victim to vengeful?
Villain’s plan: whatever is sensational, controversial, illegal to manipulate others for viral hits that makes him money. Feels above the law because he has been able to buy whatever he wanted and decides to mess up PM’s life because he can. Likely has desires he’s suppressed and PM triggers those. Is vindictive to whoever does not cater to him or laud his “celebrity” which is not universal.
Red Herrings?: Random-Woman shows up so much but doesn’t seem to help. Is she orchestrating or just reporting?
Aide: Cares for V but also hates V; seems to help but then betrays PM.
Life Threatening sequences: Car crash in which friend dies; beat up as room is robbed; drug/kidnap/set upon by dogs; threat of being trafficked; vengeful cat and mouse chase as PM picks off V’s henchmen who are trying to kill him.
Plot Twists: PM’s celebration turns tragic. What was celebrated? Turns out it was a honeymoon. Friend dies.
Friend’s family seething with hate and blame PM for the accident unreasonably.
PM turns out to be an efficient killer.
PM’s finger prints match a female CIA operative (?) who went missing and was presumed dead.
PM assumes new identity with money and documents liberated from V.
-
PETER FELIZ THRILLER MAP VERSION 2
“BEADY EYES”
LOGLINE: Lucky Lunes hunts for his childhood “friend” who betrayed him and bankrupted his mother in the most dangerous Mexican State: Sonora.
THRILLER MAP VERSION 2
INT – MORTUARY – DAY
Musician & Food Blogger Lucky Lunes discovers his mother’s elaborate funeral was paid for by an anonymous benefactor. Mystery & Clue: an envelope postmarked CUMARIPA SONORA MX
EXT – FUNERAL REPAST – DAY
Rancher Mitch Malmo interrupts Lucky’s reception. Accuses Lucky of being an accomplice to the conman (and Lucky’s estranged friend, Cuichi (KWEE chee) Valenzuela, theRED HERRING)who bankrupted him AND Lucky’s mother. Mitch physically threatens Lucky. SUSPENSE INTRIGUE
INT – BAR – NIGHT
Lucky is drinking up enough courage to hunt down the anonymous benefactor in Sonora: Antonio “Cuichi” Valenzuela. REVEAL The same man who Ponzi scammed Mitch Malmo and Lucky’s mother. The same man who was once Lucky’s childhood friend. HERO’S PLAN SORTA
INT – JET FLIGHT – DAWN
Lucky comes out of an alcohol induced black out on a flight next to an annoyingly amorous woman(trustable treated untrustable). He discovers he’s landing in Hermosillo Sonora. MYSTERY INTRIGUE SUSPENSE
INT – HERMOSILLO AIRPORT – LATE MORNING
Lucky is questioned at Customs. Warned not to go to Cumaripa. Told to go back to states ASAP. He can’t book anything back for several days. He bumps into a very large man who directs outside. MIS Threat.
Also although he’s Mexican American he can’t speak Spanish to save his life.
INT – CAR – SAME
Lucky’s being kidnapped by the amorous flight mate and taken to their successful family restaurant Lucky’s rave review created. MYSTERY SUSPENSE MISDIRECTION CHARACTER MIS UNTRUSTWORTHY/TRUSTWORTHY
INT – CHILORIO VEGA – AFTERNOON
Though Ms. Vega “mi casa su Casa’s” Lucky, he spots Cuichi Valenzuela’s picture on their celebrity photos wall. MYSTERY, MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY
INT – CHILORIO – NIGHT
Lucky gets an email from ALMALIBRE61 posting “come visit the Hermosillo Hilton.” The Vegas claim there is no Hilton in Hermosillo, igniting a confrontation: No Hilton, no knowledge of Cuichi, no Cumaripa information! MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY. TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE. The large Vega brother REVEALS “Hermosillo Hilton” is the nickname for the notorious HERMOSILLO JAIL. MYSTERY SUSPENSE, CHARACTER MIS
EXT – HERMOSILLO ZOCALO – NEXT MORNING
Lucky can’t board the jail visit bus because they have no record of Cuichi in jail. MYSTERY INTRIGUE. When Lucky asks maybe ALMALIBRE61, another bus driver pulls Lucky aside offers to take take him to visit…mañana MISDIRECTION INTRIGUE POTENTIAL TRAP TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE
INT – CHILORIO VEGA -EVENING
The Vegas can’t dissuade Lucky from the driver’s offer. But takes Ms Vega up on sex MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY INTRIGUE
EXT – BACK ALLEY HERMOSILLO – DAWN
The mystery bus driver instructs Lucky to ask to see Maria-Jose y Jesus Juarez not Antonio Valenzuela. Also designates an after visit meeting place. BIG TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE
INT – JAIL VISITING ROOM – DAY
Guards bring out Maria Jose y Jesus Juarez to visit Lucky…but he’s NOT CUICHI. MISDIRECTION. SUSPENSE MYSTERY INTRIGUE. Lucky stunned but resourceful fakes his way out of the Jail CHARACTER MIS. SUSPENSE, STAKES freedom, safety death
EXT – THE JAIL WALL GATE – MINUTES LATER/DAY
Lucky sees the SUV driving away MISDIRECTION, MYSTERY SUSPENSE, TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE, STAKES freedom, safety. Lucky somehow gets into the SUV, fights driver, but Cuichi Valenzuela (REVEAL)emerges from backseat and knocks out Lucky.MYSTERY, SUSPENSE, INTRIGUE
INT – A MEXICAN CANTINA – DARK
Lucky realizes he’s come to in a brothel REVEAL MYSTERY. Pimp makes him take a sex worker to one of the rooms. A commotion. Rancher Mitch Malmo staggers into the hall bleeding and collapsing into Lucky’s arms. He’s nabbed by the Federales SUSPENSE MYSTERY INTRIGUE
INT – FEDERALES INTERROGATION – DOESN’T REALLY MATTER
Federales preparing to torture a confession out of Lucky are interrupted by Higher-ups in a scuffle that knocks out Lucky MYSTERY SUSPENSE INTRIGUE. STAKES death
INT – SAN CARLOS BEACH HOUSE – DAY Lucky discovers THE REAL VILLAIN – REVEAL is not Cuichi MYSTERY SUSPENSE INTRIGUE
EXT/INT – BEACH HOUSE BALCONY – DAY
As Lucky and The Real Villain pump each other for information we REVEAL someone else is in the beach house and in distress. MYSTERY INTRIGUE. The Real Villain attends to it. Orders Lucky to stay put on SUSPENCE STAKES Death
INT – BEACH HOUSE – DAY
Lucky climbs out onto a ledge overlooking the cliff to escape SUSPENSE STAKES Death. Lucky loses his footing but from inside pulls Lucky in face to face with a sickly 18:year old with narrow eyes of unmatched color REVEAL, MYSTERY, INTRIGUE, SUSPENSE
INT – THE BOY’ S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
THE VILLAIN’S COVER UP: The boy, whom the villain calls “my son” is his lover(MISDIRECTION). The boy is trying to stop the villain’s plan. The distraction enables Lucky to grab keys and escape SUSPENSE
EXT. – HERMOSILLO – NIGHT
Lucky sees Chilorio Vega on fire. MYSTERY SUSPENSE INTRIGUE Ms. Vega warns Lucky the Federales are after him. Tells him to seek asylum at the Catholic Church. Instead he heads to the American Consulate MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY AGAIN
INT – AMERICAN CONSULATE – NIGHT
The Consulate calls the Federales on Lucky TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE SUSPENSE INTRIGUE
EXT – BACK ALLEY – NIGHT
Lucky seeing heavy police presence on the street hides in a dumpster. Perhaps involving helicopters
INT – DUMPSTER – CONTINUOUS
Lucky is trapped with rats and garbage as the dumpster is moving. MYSTERY SUSPENSE STAKES Lucky’s health, pain
INT/EXT – DUMBSTER – AN HOUR LATER
Lucky is pulled out of the dumpster delivered to Cuichi MIS
EXT – DANGEROUS MOUNTAIN ROAD -NIGHT
CUICHI makes Lucky drive as he pumps him for information about the Real Villain. SUSPENSE MYSTERY INTRIGUE. Lucky figures out what the real villain needs from Cuichi REVEAL
EXT- ROADBLOCK – CONTINUOUS
Because Cuichi and the armed gang boys are speaking Spanish Lucky thinks they are going to kill him MIS As one of the gang boys lead Lucky away he spits in Cuichi’s face.
EXT – JEEP – HALF AN HOUR LATER.
Instead of killing him, The young gang boy drives Lucky to within sight of the US Border. SUSPENSE MISDIRECTION
EXT – FOOD CITY TUCSON AZ – A YEAR LATER – DAY
Lucky at the butcher counter orders a pound of Chorizo. The butcher tells his unseen aid to wrap it up. The aid is Cuichi, who spits into the chorizo as he wraps it up saying,
“We’re even now Mr. Toughie.” MYSTERY INTRIGUE MISDIRECTION
FADE OUT
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