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Lesson 14
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Alfred Dunham: Thriller Map Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment:
It has been a while since I wrote a Synopsis or Treatment. This seems a bit long, but it follows the incidental map as closely as possible. It has certainly been the easiest one I’ve ever written. IT WORKS!
I would not normally include the Act breaks, but for this assignment, I thought they might help. But I did leave out the MMM eight Steps (two per Act), which I normally like to use for simplicity of writing.
I am using the most recent recommendation to BOLD the Sluglines.
By way of explanation, The Valley is something of a composite of Yosemite Valley (hence, Bridal Veil/POHONO Falls) and Evolution Valley, north of 13,000 ft—Muir Pass on the John Muir Trail. Everything else is fiction.
THRILLER MAP/SYNOPSIS
TITLE: MAD, MAD, MEGABYTE
ACT 1
EXT. BISTRO – DAY
ISABELLA (BELLA) LAKE, (32), is a beautiful, classy, woman in the prime of her life. She is an established artist – owns her own business.
Isabella drives her sassy little sports car up in front of the bistro and parks it, just in time to see —
SILAS LOCKE, (34), a scientific equipment salesman and representative for Samuelson Scientific.
Silas does the same with his service truck.
Isabella and Silas meet outside the bistro and exchange surprised greetings.
Even though they’ve already met each other, incidentally, Isabella fearfully talks Silas into a deception – that they pretend to not know each other.
Silas laughs – agrees – enters the bistro alone.
Isabella waits outside.
INT. BISTRO – DAY
RYAN (ROCKY) STONE, (32), is a paleontologist/geologist at the university.
Ryan greets Silas and assures him that his bride-to-be, Isabella, will be along shortly.
Isabella enters, and Ryan introduces her to Silas, and explains that Silas is there to make them a once-in-a-lifetime offer.
On behalf of his company, Silas describes a wilderness honeymoon getaway to a privately owned Shangri-La, simply referred to as The Valley.
Silas slips up, and Ryan catches that Silas and Isabella already know each other.
Isabella falls apart, but Silas does a masterful save.
Ryan and Isabella agree to the generous offer.
EXT. UNIVERSITY ROSE GARDEN – DAY
Ryan and Isabella conclude the marriage ceremony with a kiss as a male guest at the edge of the garden leaves unnoticed.
Ryan and Isabella leave in a car driven by Silas.
EXT./INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
In a private quarter of the airport, the threesome, now in outdoor clothing, enters a helicopter and prepares to lift off.
The helicopter will not start.
Once again, Isabella partially unravels.
And once again, Silas proves his worth. He fixes the problem, assuring Bella that he was a helicopter pilot in the army.
INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
Silas pilots the helicopter to a very remote wilderness meadow and sets down. It’s a long flight.
EXT. MEADOW – DAY
Silas escorts Ryan and Isabella to a trailhead and wishes them well.
EXT. TRAIL – DAY
Ryan and Isabella make the relatively short climb up to a lake that is the immediate headwaters for a waterfall and river into The Valley.
They encounter a snake in the trail, and Isabella cowers, screaming.
Ryan laughs and relocates the snake, and they continue.
EXT. THE LAKE OF LOST SOULS – DAY
Ryan and Isabella arrive at the lake, and Isabella feigns dizziness as they view The Valley, far below.
It is as beautiful as Silas described it, and Isabella agrees to proceed on down the trail into The Valley.
EXT. DESCENDING TRAIL – DAY
Near the bottom, the trail winds through sheer granite walls, and Isabella complains of claustrophobia.
The trail finally opens into The Valley.
EXT. GATE – DAY
A gate appears across the trail, and beside it, a small cabin.
A quirky GATEKEEPER exits his cabin and demands to see their passes – lets them through.
EXT. THE VALLEY – DAY
Ryan pauses to look back – comments on the oddness of a gatekeeper in a place like this.
Ryan and Isabella continue to make their way to the cabin – making stops along the way to absorb the beauty and freshness of the place.
EXT. BRANCH TRAIL – DAY
It’s getting late, and a ground fog is beginning to form.
Isabella shrieks. She sees a tiger chasing after a deer.
Ryan is getting concerned about Bella’s fearful imagination.
Ryan catches a glimpse of an extinct Venezuelan dinosaur with the scientific name Carnotaurus.
He explains to Isabella that the name means carnivorous bull. It was an extremely dangerous dinosaur, in its’ day.
Ryan is now dismayed by his own imagination and suggests they quit exploring and get to the cabin.
Isabella assures Ryan, that she saw it, too. Ryan is even more confused.
EXT. CABIN – DAY
Ryan and Isabella arrive at the cabin, obviously made to look old and quaint, but curiously modern in construction.
INT. CABIN – DAY
The inside of the cabin continues to raise their curiosity and, for Isabella, fear.
Everything is covered in cryptic symbols – a diary rests on a side table, next to an odd but comfortable chair.
Isabella reads the diary.
Ryan fixes dinner.
Over dinner, Ryan expresses his growing discomfort – he feels eyes on the back of his neck. Isabella is reassured, that he’s okay.
They agree to leave in the morning. The experience is becoming nothing like Silas described, and Ryan is concerned.
ACT 2
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
Late into the night, Isabella is awakened to the sounds of children playing, outside – she awakes Ryan.
Together, they listen to the cabin’s creaks and groans. Ryan thinks it shouldn’t be this way.
The sounds of the children return – but they become crying sounds.
Ryan tries to reassure Isabella by telling her a story of his own experience with a wilderness hallucination – a very real thing and common.
Sounds continue through the night: wild animal calls, whispers, laughs, et cetra.
INT. CABIN – DAY
Tired from lack of sleep, Ryan fixes breakfast as Isabella packs up to leave – they remain mostly silent.
EXT. GATE – DAY
Ryan and Isabella make their way back to the gate, but it’s gone – in fact, everything is gone, including the gatekeeper’s cabin.
A sign stands in the middle of the path – DANGER, DO NOT ENTER.
Frustrated, Isabella cries, and tries to run through the gateway.
Isabella is violently zapped and thrown back. She experiences a seizure.
Terrified, Ryan carries her/helps her – back to the cabin.
INT. CABIN – DAY
Ryan expresses his understanding that this is definitely not funny anymore.
There is no other way out of The Valley. At the far end, the river goes underground as there’s nowhere else for it to go.
They elect to sleep most of the rest of the day away and try to recover.
The day is peaceful. On and off, Isabella reads the diary. There is no ending to it – it just stops. That frightens her.
Ryan struggles to make sense of their situation – blames Silas – mistrusts Isabella and confronts her about Silas.
EXT. THE VALLEY – DAY
In the late afternoon, Ryan and Isabella go for an exploratory walk – and return to the gateway. Ryan tests the gateway with a stick. It’s zapped.
Everything else seems normal – until the waterfall produces a violent wind and the face of a demon who threatens them.
The demon announces himself as POHONO – a Miwok evil spirit. Ryan understands the threat as directed at him.
Who would know that he knows about Miwok culture?
Reluctantly, they return to the cabin.
ACT 3
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
Ryan again fixes dinner, and the two try to reassure each other and brace against the night.
The night is painfully quiet. They try to sleep – toss.
Near midnight, the sounds return, louder and more determined than before: a woman screams – cries – the front door opens and slams shut —
The sound of a chain drags across the cabin floor – it stops.
A glowing, solid, woman appears at the bedroom door.
JOHANNA LAKE, (deceased).
Isabella faints in terror.
Johanna reveals that in life, she was in a mental hospital, and Isabella was ashamed of her.
Ryan is gobsmacked. He does not believe in ghosts, so what is this woman? He plays along with Johanna
Johanna continues to speak as, momentarily, Isabella recovers.
Ryan confronts Isabella – wants to know what else she is withholding from him.
Curiously, Johanna responds to Ryan in the moment, and Ryan becomes aware that someone must be watching them.
Shattered, Isabella wails out the blackmail attempt by their university peer —
MAXIMUS (MEGABYTE) BLACKWOOD, (36), an electronics genius.
Maximus’ fixation on Isabella unravels, as Johanna argues with her and the arguments begin to focus on Maximus, not Johanna.
Ryan understands. Johanna is Maximus’ alter ego, and she is somehow being projected as real. A holographic image?
INT. CABIN – DAY
Dawn begins to light the sky.
Johanna vanishes.
EXT. CABIN – DAY
Followed by Isabella, Ryan gathers tender dry wood and pine needles.
He whispers – warns Isabella to stay silent. She is in a mood to listen.
INT./EXT. CABIN – DAY
To Isabella’s astonishment, Ryan sets the wood ablaze. Isabella cannot move – she cannot speak – she freezes in disbelief.
The cabin goes up is flames, and Ryan pulls Isabella outside.
EXT. CABIN – DAY
Ryan and Isabella watch the cabin burn.
As the plethora of electronic equipment is exposed, Isabella is both shocked and disgusted – proud of Ryan – clings to him.
Their revenge is short-lived. The Valley’s ring of trees is also now ablaze, and there is still no way out.
Or is there?
ACT 4
EXT. COULOIR – DAY
Ryan leads Isabella away from the fire, and near the base of a steep, nearly hidden couloir, he explains his plan.
It’s a dangerous plan – all or nothing. Ryan gives Isabella a choice. She either trusts him implicitly, or she lets Maximus win.
Isabella, facing mental exhaustion, sides with Ryan.
Ryan is no climbing expert, but he’s also not a novice, and Isabella quickly matches her pace to his, following every move.
They reach the ridge, skinned up, cut, and bleeding.
EXT. RIDGE – DAY
Beyond the ridge, it levels out, and they work their way through a narrow boulder field, to the lake.
The Valley is engulfed in flames, by now, sending smoke plumes, into the air.
Wildfire tankers drop their payloads on the fire, below.
EXT. THE LAKE OF LOST SOULS – DAY
JACK SAMUELSON, (33), is the owner of Samuelson Scientific.
Ryan and Isabella reach the lake just as Silas and Jack come racing up the trail from the meadow, yelling apologies.
The honeymoon offer, it turns out, did not come directly from Jack or Silas. Samuelson Scientific is a subsidiary company of Blackwood Electronics.
Jack relates how Maximus suggested the honeymoon and told Jack to take the credit – that he was an old friend and wanted to remain anonymous.
Alerted by the news of the fire, and worried about Ryan and Isabella, they had alerted the firefighters about Ryan and Isabella and rushed to the Valley.
Ryan and Isabella relate their nightmare to Jack and Silas, who continue to apologize in disbelief for the way they were used by Maximus.
Maximus shows up in his bright red helicopter and attempts to land it in this dangerous setting.
Maximus’ helicopter crashes into the rocks, but he still manages to escape, yelling obscenities for his losses.
He threatens to kill everyone and follows his threats with automatic gunfire — until the helicopter explodes and kills him with shrapnel.
EXT. THE MEADOW – DAY
The foursome, having returned to the meadow, climb into the waiting helicopter.
Tanker planes continue to fly overhead.
Jack notifies the authorities of Maximus’ body, by the lake.
Silas lifts off.
INT. HELICOPTER – DAY
Isabella takes Ryan’s hand – hugs it – apologies – vows to never doubt his love for her, again.
Ryan vows to just let the past take care of itself – holds her tight – he’s relieved and happy.
THE END
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Brenda Clarke THRILLER MAP READABLE OUTLINE
I realised that my Map Outline prior to this should have been more in dot points, rather than sentences. So converting what I already had into scenes was an easier task.
Its great to see how the “creative mind” works out answers, this is still is a work in progress 🙂
MAI stands for Martial Arts Instructor (I’m still working out character names)
TITLE: TRIAD TIES: A Daughters Deadly Quest (I have other titles to chose from – not sure which way to go yet)
LOGLINE: A daughter enlists her former Martial Arts Mentor to help rescue her abducted parents from Chinese Triads, unveiling family secrets and a deadly vendetta.
NEW THRILLER MAP
Act 1. Opening:
EXT. BEACH – DAY
Daughter gives a Yoga class out on lawn beside beach, in Australia. Appears to be a relaxed individual.
INT. APARTMENT – EVENING
Later at home she witnesses her mother (who lives in China) being abducted by 3 Asian men whilst on a video chat with her.
She calls her father, he is not answering his phone. SHOT Father’s office has been trashed. The Daughter stresses: Are they going to kill her mother?
Why would these strange men abduct her mother? Where is her father?Act 2. Inciting Incident:
INT. APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT
Daughter rings her ex Martial Arts Instructor (known as MAI for now) and shows her the picture of man’s dragon tattoo. MAI informs her that the men are soldiers of the Chinese Triads, who happen to operate both in Melbourne Australia/Macau China. She says that daughter must find out more information about them from her end. Whilst she tries to find out information her end (China).She has to uncover the truth and rescue her mother.
Daughter realizes she needs to go deeper into the criminal underworld to find her parents. She goes to Casino to seek out leads.
How did MAI know about Triads in Melbourne?EXT. CASINO – NIGHT
City Night Skyline; Flame torches outside Casino, Park Bench by Yarra River.
The daughter opens a package, takes out small electronic devise, places battery in the back and connects the device to her smart phone. She heads into Casino.She puts herself at risk should she be discovered by Triads Who are these men and what do they want with her mother? Why hasn’t she heard back from her father?
INT. CASINO – LATER
At the Casino, she sees a Chinese Guard type in the key lock number 416 and opens a door for someone important, they both go inside.
She buys a drink at the bar goes to ladies toilets.INT. LADIES TOILETS
Inside she rinses mouth out with alcohol, splashes the rest over her hair/clothes. She wets her face, so eye make-up runs, she dishevels her hair.EXT. CASINO – LATER
She sees the two men leave the room. She cautiously approaches the room, makes sure no one is watching her, types in the code and enters.INT. TRIADS OFFICE – LATER
LARGE WHITE PAPER FAN encased in glass mounted on back wall.
She brazenly enters room, looking for answers sees the newspaper on desk with article:- “Millions of Dollars of Heroin Seized at Port Melbourne Docks”. “The Corporation” have been dealing in shipments of Heroin and a large container was seized a few weeks ago by the Australian authorities.Someone suddenly enters room; she acts drunk and complains the Casino has robbed her of her money, whilst they try to remove her she quickly tucks the listening devise underneath a desk. The Guard removes her.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Later in the carpark, she hears their conversation via her mobile phone:
The Corporation, “White Paper Fan” known as The Administrator, talks about cop in China who could have betrayed them. Why would he do this? they have been paying him well? They must find the traitor or the Dragon Master, will have them all murdered.Act 3. Turning Point:
INT. CHEAP HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Mother taped to a chair, her hands also taped. She is slapped/punched about by Triad Soldier; she doesn’t know where her husband is. He hasn’t been home for three days, he said he was “out of town on business”. She is in pain and stressed, frightened for her life.Soldier believes her, he throws her a bottle of water, he takes out mobile phone, walks away (as he dials “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.
Why are they punishing her if she doesn’t know anything?
Are they going to kill her?
Who are they? Why do they want the father/husband? Who is he talking to on the phone?INT. APARTMENT – DAY
MAI instructor with this new information says she must come ASAP to China to further her investigations. She feels she is not up for it, ex teacher re assures her, she must dig deep to find her “Fighting Warrior”, fight to survive? Bit cryptic as later daughter is revealed as expert fighter.INT. PLANE, SEAT – DAY
On flight daughter looks into Chinese Triad gangs on her lap top. “WikipediA Triad (organized crime)EXT. OFFICE BUILDING – NIGHT
Introduce “The Dragon”: He arrives in smart black new Mercedes, he goes into office, Soldier accompanies him.
Chinese Policeman, waits outside is ushered in: The Dragon Accuses Policeman (Law enforcement and intel who overseas defensive and offensive operations) of informing authorities, re seizure of Heroin in Australia, he pulls a gun on him.
The Corporation in Australia are furious, millions of dollars lost. Policeman says he is innocent, why would he? He is getting rich on assisting the Triads with these shipments.
Dragon shows him a picture of father/husband, he is of important interest perhaps he has something to do with seizure as he was in Australia at the time.
The Dragon, informs him this is his last chance. Cop looks guilty – I’ll find him, he leaves.Phone rings, Dragon answers, any updates? (Triad with Mother: “I believe her, she doesn’t know anything”.)
Furious, The Dragon throws a giant pop-plant at his soldier, which smashes against the wall. He knows this man is guilty, they must find him or else they will kill his wife/ even put a bullet through his soldiers’ head.Somehow the father is involved with the Triads.
INT. FATHERS OFFICE – DAY
Daughter whilst searching through fathers wrecked office, picks up broken picture frame: image of father/mother/daughter (her at young age) she finds father’s secret journal with information regarding, The Corporation and their involvement with shipping Heroin into Australia. Lists of shipping details: names/dates/cargo container numbers etc.Also with various photographs of Triad tattoos, stuck in book.
When she leaves the office she realises that someone is tailing her, he catches up to her and starts to fight. She fights back, he collapses and she escapes.We find out that the daughter is a champion Martial Arts Practitioner.
Daughter decides to hide this new bit of evidence from her MAI as she is not sure if she can be trusted.
Why does her father have such a journal with this information that makes no sense to her. Will she find clues to help find her mother? What is her father up to and why is he in hiding? She is being followed, who is following her and what are they after?Act 4. Midpoint:
INT. MAI APARTMENT – NIGHT
MAI finds a location of where some of the Triad soldiers hang out. How did MAI know about this bar? The daughter not sure if she can trust the MAI, what other secrets is she keeping from her? The daughter confronts her mentor, “is she a double agent and actually works for the Triads? The daughter questions MAI motives, she is not sure if she can be trusted The MAI reveals that knows someone with shady past, with Triad criminal activities and that this is where he sometimes hangs out.INT. SLEEZY BAR – NIGHT
The Daughter goes to the bar by herself (as MAI may be recognised if she goes there), where she seeks out information where they may be holding her mother. Daughter hears of a shabby hotel, where the men visit prostitutes (nearby where they may have her mother held captive).INT. ABANDONED ROOM – MORNING
Shady part of town: The father/husband quickly throws some clothes/belongings into a backpack. He removes a secret panel behind bathroom vanity mirror, pulls out bundles of cash, several passports and throws them into bag. He puts on jacket and cap He hears footsteps approach down hallway, he quickly darts out through a window, down a fire escape and hurries down a back alley.
She is exposing herself once in the company of these underworld soldiers.
Who are these men and what do they want with her mother?INT. CHEAP HOTEL – DAY
Mother now distrusts her husband, she reveals that he is often away “on business” and she sometimes doesn’t hear from him for days – she suspected at first that he was being unfaithful, but now realises that perhaps he is a liar and a common criminal not to be trusted. She doesn’t know anything. The Soldier gives her a plate of food.EXT. STREET – DAY
The father runs through the streets, he is abducted by Triad Soldiers and thrown into the back of a van, The Bent Cop is present dishes out the orders. Van drives off.Act 5. Turning Point:
EXT. STREET – DAY
MAI and daughter track mothers mobile phone to the last pin point before her phone was switched off. Her and MA Instructor find the location of a small hotel where the mother is being held, fight the soldiers who have weapons and rescue her.
FIGHT Sequence. Two women outnumbered by six men. They rescue the mother.
Mother explains, they are after information about her husband/father. WHY? What is going on? (Mother’s Injuries: a few bruises and perhaps broken rib?)INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT/ KITCHEN – DAY
The Dragon questions an opposing Triad leader to see if they informed the Australian authorities about the Heroin shipment – he denies it – FIGHT SCENE, Dragon shoots him in the head, quickly escapes.INT. TRIAD OFFICE – NIGHT
Dragon gets one of his soldiers (computer tech) to leave “video evidence” that the father/husband was in the location at the time of the shooting. This incriminates John to this murder. The Dragon orders Soldier to “email” doctored video to Bent Policeman uses this to manipulate the authorities/public and distance himself from the crime.
He establishes false alibis for the Murder of Triad Leader, to put the police off track.
Phone rings: Soldier informs that daughter and strange woman attacked them and rescued mother. Dragon now wants the daughter hunted down, perhaps they can use her as bait for the father?INT. MAI APARTMENT – DAY
Daughter says she is going somewhere, to follow up on a lead. MAI now suspicious of daughter, as she is not telling her everything. Mother warns her to be careful. She goes to tattoo shop, to find out if someone can identify the tattoo photographs.INT. TATTOO PARLOUR – DAY
A rather shady tattoo parlour with suspect characters
Worker identifies tattoo and says he is one of the soldiers of Triad gang, but if she wants to know who the leader of the gang is she has to pay up. She hands him money, he shows her back photographs of “Mogwai” Monster/evil spirit/devil/demons which inflict harm on humans. He doesn’t know his real name but is known simply as “The Dragon”. She takes photo and leaves.EXT. STREET – LATER
Daughter takes out father’s journal, flips through the pages, she sees he has the same image of tattoo in his book.
Is this the man who is after her and her family?
Who is this man, what is his name? Is he the Dragon Head of The Corporation?Act 6. Turning Point:
INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Father/husband now held hostage in an abandoned warehouse, is tortured/interrogated by The Dragon. (as he is simply a business man dealing with a very legitimate import/export business. Beside he can prove he was not in Australia at the time of the seizure. The father lies.
he states he is innocent and they have the wrong man.The Dragon informs father, they are now after the daughter & once they have her, he will tell him the truth. They continue to torture father who still refuses to give them the answers they are after. NO DON’T HURT MY FAMILY. You can do anything to me but leave them out of this!
As the father, no longer giving him what he wants, he decides to take John and move him to another location, to a very remote location where the daughter will never find them and he can eventually kill father/husband. This is very difficult as John now has severe injuries, leaves a trail of blood. (he gets soldiers to untie the almost unconscious father, throw him into back of van) Soldier drives off with The Dragon sitting beside him).
INT. MAI APARTMENT – NIGHT
Daughter/MA, help mother recoup. They see a NEWS Bulletin with Interview of Bent Cop, where her father is implicated in the murder of an opposing Triad gang Leader (compromised video from The Dragon) and is in hiding from the Chinese Authorities. Mother’s suspicions now confirmed, daughter can’t believe what her father is involved in, MAI non-committal, but shocked. MAI says she has to go somewhere & follow up on a lead. Daughter wants to come with her but MAI refuses to take her. This makes daughter even more suspicious of MAIEXT. LANE WAY – NIGHT
MAI has secret meeting with a stranger, A young Man with similar “dragon tattoo’s” in Dark Laneway, he passes her a note, she gives him a bundle of cash tied with elastic band. who is this young man?
Is MAI involved with Triads?
Is she good and can be trusted? Or is she Bad and be avoided at all costs?INT. MAI APARTMENT – MORNING
MAI hands daughter an address, “What’s this”, it came from my informer. I asked him to keep an ear open for me. He says they have your father held there. She grabs note and quickly leaves.INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUS – DAY
Daughter goes to warehouse and sees her father’s blood, she follows the blood trials that go outside into the street and suddenly stop, she doesn’t know what to do?INT. MAI APARTMENT – DAY
The Daughter informs MAI/mother where trial of blood was heading on the main road, must have escaped via car. Has she hit a dead end? Will she find her father alive? Where have they taken him?She decides to go back to the bar to see if she can get any more leads (secretly wants to find out about “The Dragon”.
Act 7. Climax:.
EXT. STREET – DAY
She drives up to bar, before she is able to get off her bike, (just removes helmet) is chased away by Triad on his motor bike. MOTOR BIKE CHASE. He crashes, badly injured, she takes off his helmet, it is the same man that MAI gave money in exchange for some informant. She hears him whisper “shan” but doesn’t know what it means (mountain) then “sorry Aunty” – he dies, she quickly leaves the scene of the accident.
How is she going to rescue her father without the Triads finding her first?
Did her father commit this recent murder? Can she trust her father?Daughter confesses to MAI about the death of man who chased her on bike. Reveals “Shan” MAI says it means “Mountain” they don’t know what it means. Also, he said “Sorry Aunty” what’s that all about? MAI tells them that the informer was her nephew, that she can be trusted.
Daughter shares “The Dragon” name/photograph given to her by tattoo artist, MAI googles The Dragons real name and searches his family history. She finds the grandfathers original home up in the mountains. Nephew was trying to help them with a clue, MAI cries for her nephew, know that he wasn’t a bad person after all.
The Daughter wants MAI to stay and protect her mother, that she must do this herself.
INT. ROOM/HOUSE IN MOUNTAINS – NIGHT
The Dragon fists bloodied, father/husband almost unconscious. Dragon tells father he is not concerned of loss of Millions of Dollars as he is filthy rich and can always get another shipment off to Australia. He informs him that he knows he is the man that killed his father and that he is going to slowly/painfully end his life.EXT. ON THE ROAD/MOUNTAINS – NIGHT
The daughter travels up into the Mountains, to his grandfather’s home in a small isolated village. She kills the guard outside the home and thenINT. ROOM/HOUSE MOUNTAINS – NIGHT
kills the second soldier inside the home who happens to be the Bent Cop, before she finally confronts the Villain.A FIGHT to the death ensues, eventually he falls to his death. She rescues her father and reunites him with his wife/mother.
Act 8. Resolution:
INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY
The family are reunited with MAI.
The Father explains his innocence in the Triad murder and says he was set up by the Dragon/Bent Cop (who was onto him and perhaps his undercover Identity)
BUT reveals he is an undercover agent (CIA operative) who has been working to arrest/destroy The Corporation with regards to them trafficking Heroin from China into Australia.Daughter gives father his journal, he is grateful as this is evidence he has to hand in for his report.
He also reveals years ago, in the line of duty shot The Dragons father. (maybe flashback?)
He also admits he exposed the Heroin shipment to Australia, as he was following leads from a police informant, which is why the Corporation were desperate to seek out and track their informer down and eliminate them.
Father suggests feedback false information that the Bent Cop was the informer to the Corporation in Australia, MAI reveals her nephew, was trying to help her he was a good person. Father/husband agrees, so as not to blow his cover.MAI reveals that many years ago when her father first came to China that she was one of his informants and has been helping him with his cases, ever since.
The daughter now faces the aftermath of her ordeal and the challenges of rebuilding her life with her family.
Does the daughter go back to being a Yoga Instructor or does she go on a different path? Join her father in becoming a spy?-
This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by Brenda Clarke.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by
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Gisele Frazeur’s Thriller Map Number 1
What I learned doing this assignment is: The previous assignments are paying off now.
On The Scent
ACT 1
#1 INT – WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
A man sporting a sack over his head is strapped to a table. 2 henchmen remove his shoe & cut his pinkie toe off. Man on table writhes & screams in agony.
#2 EXT – SEEDY NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Reverend Carbajal (known as Leff-T) is a striking man in his late 30’s. His walks with a cane & a limp – -and sports a clerical collar. He hands a weighty envelope of cash to a sketchy looking dude. Instructs him to: “Get it done. Now!”
#3 INT – BEDROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Renowned & regal perfumer Darin August and her pregnant, ivory soap sister, Livie Sanford get dolled up for the Essence Awards (perfume industry). Darin receives a prank phone call. Makes light of it. Livie expresses concern. Livie’s dog, Pookie, goes berserk when Darin applies her violet perfume, Fantome.
#4 EXT – PERFORMING ARTS VENUE – AFTERNOON
Darin and Livie fight their way through a sea of protesters towards the entrance when stopped by paparazzi – – inquiring of Darin as to how it feels having Leff-T’s followers picketing & boycotting her products. She makes no comment.
#5 INT – KITCHENETTE, PERFORMING ARTS VENUE – AFTERNOON
Gloved hands insert a shriveled human toe into a meatball, then place it on a plate with other meatballs. A fringed toothpick is placed in toe-laced meatball. Plate handed to a waiter who exits kitchen with it.
#6 INT – LOBBY, PERFORMING ARTS VENUE – AFTERNOON
Plate with toe-laced meatball handed off to Livie as Darin and Livie circulate at the reception. Livie sneezes, deposits appetizer on adjoining table & rummages through her purse for a tissue. A neighboring patron picks up her plate and pops toe-laced meatball into their mouth – – commences chocking. Darin ends up performing an emergency tracheostomy on him and saving his life.
#7 INT – PEFORMING ARTS VENUE – NIGHT
Master of ceremonies, Jacopo Truffio, introduces Darin to the audience as the guest speaker. In the wings, Darin gets a threatening text. She powers down her phone, pops it into her purse, proceeds to the stage and gives a speech. Audience springs to their feet in standing ovation. Someone rushes the stage with something protruding from their pocket. Darin’s knees give out and security intervenes. Turns out to be a crazy fan wanting an autograph – – with merely a pen in their pocket.
#8 INT – LOBBY, PERFORMING ARTS VENUE – NIGHT
Police inform Darin and Livie that camera footage reveals that they may have been the target of the tainted appetizer. They request Darin come to the station the next day. They escort them to their limo as protesters have amped up even further outside the venue.
#9 INT – LIMO – NIGHT
Girls discuss the evening. Livie informs Darin that her baby is going to be named after Darin. Darin gets another prank phone call. She promises an insistent Livie that she will tell the police the next day.
Inciting Incident: Livie is shot.
#10 EXT – DARIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Livie opens front door of house to let Pookie out to pee while Darin pays limo driver in driveway. Limo driver knocks Darin out. Armed assailant bolts from house & shoots Livie, gets in limo which speeds off.
#11 INT – WAITING ROOM, HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Dr. Binghamton informs Detective Sandoval (Pookie in tow) that Livie is dead. Detective implores doctor to keep silent about Livie’s death while he questions Darin – – fearing he won’t be able to glean useful information from her once she learns of her sister’s death. Doctor begrudgingly agrees.
Turning Point 1: Darin learns of Livie’s death.
#12 INT – CUBICLE, HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
Detective grills Darin about recent threats and evening’s events. Darin becomes increasingly agitated wanting to know Livie’s status. Narcotics Officer Hank Sanford, Livie’s husband, bursts into the neighboring cubicle demanding to see his deceased wife. Darin learns of Livie’s death. Darin & Hank collapse onto the floor in each other’s arms, sobbing. Pookie licks at their tears.
ACT 2 – Hunt for the killer.
#13 EXT – CHURCH – MORNING
Paparazzi mob Darin & Hank outside the church – – inform Dain they have a copy of her sealed juvie record – – ask her why she killed her stepfather and did she kill Livie. Hank safely escorts her inside.
#14 INT – CHURCH – MORNING
Darin’s Stopford wife mother, Leighton, speaks at Livie’s funeral. When she breaks down, Darin rushes to her to offer emotional support. Leighton slaps Darin.
#15 INT – ANTEROOM, CHURCH – AFTERNOON
There is a showdown between Darin and Leighton. Leighton refers to Darin having killed her husband. Leighton accuses Darin of having killed Livie and storms off. Hank offers Darin a drink from a flask. She turns it down – – referring to her alcoholism. Paparazzi storm the church taking more photos of her. She takes a swig from Hank’s flask. They exit.
#16 INT – DEN, HANK & LIVIE’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Pookie acts up when Darin freshens up with her violet perfume. Hank & Darin reminisce and drink heavily. Hank tells Darin about Leff-T having done time in prison for murder in his youth. They fall asleep on the couch in each other’s arms.
#17 INT – DEN, HANK & LIVIE’S HOUSE – MORNING
Darin’s phone awakens her to a prank phone call. Hank gets them coffee and puts whisky in it. He tells Darin he wants her to keep Pookie for protection. He produces a gun which he insists she take for protection. He leaves for work and makes her promise to go to the police regarding ongoing calls.
#18 INT – INTERROGATION ROOM, POLICE STATION – DAY
Darin signs a statement. Inquires as to status of investigation on Livie. Police are tight- lipped. Darin leaves devastated and fuming. Drinks from flask as she leaves the building.
#19 INT – DAVE ROESCH’S OFFICE, INDEPENDENT HOUSE OF BON FIL – DAY
Darin’s boss, Dave, produces photos he was sent of Darin drinking. He inquires about her metal health. Tells her that shooting her mouth off to the press about Leff-T & drinking again is bad for business. Informs her he will have to put her on leave if it continues.
#20 INT – CAR, PARKING LOT – DAY
Pookie is in the car. Darin has a complete breakdown. She drinks heavily. Vows revenge on Leff-T.
#21 INT – SURVEILLANCE ROOM, LEFF-T’S HOUSE – EVENING
Security guard, Myron, sees Darin shooting at the front gate on the monitors. He alerts Leff-T. T says “I’ll take care of it!” He leaves house with his mastiffs & gun to handle Darin situation.
#22 EXT – SIDEWALK, IN FRONT OF LEFF-T’S HOUSE – EVENING
Leff-T finds Darin passed out on the sidewalk in front of his gated house. Pookie sits beside her. Cop comes by because of noise complaint. Leff-T says they were shooting one of his Christian music videos. Bribes officer with Lakers tickets to leave it alone. He carries her inside the house and puts her to bed. He gives Pookie a toy and sleeps in a nearby chair.
Turning Point 2: Leff-T is cleared by the police as a suspect in Livie’s murder.
#23 INT – LIVING ROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – MORNING
Darin awakens with a start on her couch. There is a cup of steaming hot coffee on the table next to her. She finds a note from Leff-T. He has left toys for Pookie. In the note her tells her to turn on the news at 11:00 AM. She watches the news. Police clear him as a suspect. He publicly apologizes for mobilizing his parishioners to boycott her. Asks his followers to stand down. Hanks calls. Tells her it is not true.
ACT 3 – Hunt for a new killer.
#24 INT – DARIN’S HOUSE – MORNING.
Darin gets s delivery of sympathy flowers – – violets – – her favorite. Pookie goes wild, attacks them.
#25 INT – HANK’S POLICE CRUISER – AFTERNOON
Hank enters his car to find a sharklike Ramon Ruiz waiting for him. Hank accuses Ramon of having killed Livie. Ramon takes credit for the toe in the meatball as a warning to keep Hank in line. He says a gang killed Livie and set up Leff-T for it. Says it was retribution for Leff-T helping a high-ranking veteran disengage. Tells Hank he will continue to mine Darin for scientific info to make dogs fail at drug busts or they will both die. Drives Hank to a seedy motel, gives him some cocaine and instructs him to go in and enjoy the hooker waiting for him.
#25 INT – VETERINARY OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Darin has taken Pookie to the vet to inquire about Pookie’s agitation. Hank told Darin he had to retire Pookie because of a medical condition. Vet says this is not true. Pookie is in perfect health.
#26 – INT – LIVING ROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Hank comes over with booze. Darin tells him of vet visit. He says she went to wrong vet. He plies her with alcohol. They reminisce. He seduces her. He tries to get useful scientific info from her to no avail.
#27 INT – LIVING ROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – MORNING
Upon awakening Darin is ashamed. She confronts Hank. They have a blowout. He leaves, angry. She puts on Livie’s sweater. She finds a business card for a divorce lawyer in the pocket.
#28 EXT – DOG PARK – DAY
Darin meets her sponsor from AA (Dharma). Pookie attacks violets growing in park. Dharma works with dogs and volunteers to try and figure out what is frustrating Pookie. She convinces Darin to go to a meeting.
#29 – INT – CHURCH ANNEX – EVENING
Darin attends meeting. Leff-T is there. He makes amends. He explains he wanted the perfume commission to channel funds to his foundation that aids gang members is disengaging from the life. It is a tribute to his brother he lost to a gang in his youth. He killed someone in self-defense trying to extricate his brother. Did jail time for it. Tells her the ties he maintains in the community say Hank is a dirty cop. Tells her to watch her back.
#30 INT – BEDROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Darin calls Hank. Inquires about the card for divorce attorney. Hank says Livie had been having an affair. Darin doesn’t believe him. She researches Leff-T on the computer. Finds everything he told her about himself is true. She calls him. Tells him about things about Hank that don’t sit right.
#31 INT – LEFF-T’S CAR – NIGHT
Leff-T is sitting in his car smoking, talking with Darin. He is up the street from her house, watching it.
#32 INT – DARIN’S PERFRUME LAB – AFTERNOON
Dharma meets Darin at her lab. They introduce Pookie to different scents to see if they can make sense of what is agitating her and what it might have to do with Hank. Ionones, present in violets, set her off. Darin tells Dharma ionones temporarily arrest one’s sense of smell. Pookie is spent. They agree to keep researching what it could mean and meet again.
#33 – INT – HANK’S CAR – NIGHT
Hank receives a text from Ramon demanding a meet.
#34 – INT – METAL OUTBUILDING – NIGHT
Hank meets Ramon at a cockfight. Ramon Informs Hank that Darin, Leff-T, and Dharma have been snooping around. Tells Hank to keep her under control or they die. Tells him to extract more chemical secrets from her that throw off scenting dogs – – as a big shipment is about to be smuggled – -or they die.
#35 – INT – FRONT DESK, ANIMAL SHELTER – MORNING
Dharma calls Darin. Says she spoke with a trainer friend who offered up a useful theory. Says she also spoke to one of Hank’s colleagues. They are willing to share footage of Pookie’s suspicious, failed drug busts. They agree to meet.
Turning Point 3: Dharma is overdosed.
#36 – BOOTH, RESTAURANT – AFTERNOON
While waiting for Darin – – Dharma passes out & convulses after drinking iced tea. Ambulance is called.
#37 -EXT – RESTAURANT – LATER
Darin arrives to see Dharma being wheeled away. She says she is Dharma’s sister and rides with her in ambulance to hospital. Takes possession of Dharma’s belongings.
#38 – INT – WAITING ROOM, HOSPITAL – LATER
Leff-T arrives. Darin says Dharma was overdosed. They decide to go to Darin’s lab and go though Dharma’s stuff looking for clues as to what she was going to tell them.
#39 – INT – DARIN’S LAB – NIGHT
Darin and Leff-T find notes about deer estrus in Dharma’s notebook. They phone a contact left in the notes. Discover substance can be used to distract dogs at drug busts. They don’t know what it means. They also find the number of a fellow narcotics officer who is a colleague of Hanks. They phone him. His girlfriend says he has been killed. Decide to get some sleep, reconvene, and go to police.
#40 – INT – BATHROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – LATER
Darin has been throwing up. She takes a pregnancy test. It is positive.
ACT 4: DARIN FIGURES IT OUT.
#41 – INT – BEDROOM, DARIN’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Darin has a series of dreams / flashbacks. Hank asking about ionones and dogs. Hank sleeping in his socks. Officer Mott saying there was a toe in the meatball. She calls Leff-T. She leaves a message for Leff-T saying she thinks she has figured it out. She needs to test her theory. Then they can go to police.
#42 – INT – DARIN’S PERFUME LAB – MORNING
Darin empties a bottle of civetone and replaces it with ambergris. Does not set alarm when she leaves.
#43 – CONVENIENCE STORE – LATER
Darin buys iced tea and whisky. She goes to restroom and empties out whisky bottle and fills it with iced tea. Leaves a message for Hank, says she misses him and is coming over.
#44 – INT – LIVING ROOM – – HANK’S HOUSE – LATER
Hank calls Ramon to report he will have another means of throwing off dogs soon. Says Darin is under control. No need to worry.
#45 – INT – LIVING ROOM, HANK’S HOUSE – LATER
Darin gets Hank drunk. Pretends to be drunk but is actually drinking iced tea from bottle she brough with her. She leaks information to Hank about her new fragrance using civetone – – which makes animals go crazy. She waits for Hank to go to sleep. Sneaks into his bathroom. Rummages through his hamper. Finds innumerable bloody socks. Sneaks out of his house- – accidentally leaving whisky bottle full of tea behind. Hank awakens. Goes to bathroom to find her gone. Finds pilfered hamper, socks, and fake whisky. Knows he is found out.
#46 – INT – DARIN’S PERFUME LAB – MORNING
Hank breaks into Darin’s lab and steals the bottle she planted labeled civetone.
#47 – INT – DARIN’S CAR – LATER
Darin call Leff-T. Says she set a trap. They agree to meet at her house after her meeting and go to police.
#48 – INT – TRAIN TERMINAL – LATER
Hank is with his new dog at the train station searching passengers for drugs. One of Ramon’s henchmen is sitting, watching. Hank goes into the restroom and douses the dog’s collar in what he believes is civetone. He emerges and commences with the search. The dogs alerts to drugs. Henchman leaves. Hank is knows he is in trouble. His phone rings. Ramon says he is a dead man.
#49 – BEDROOM, HANK’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Hank gets guns, cash, and a passport from his safe. Packs a duffle to go on the run.
Climax
#50 – EXT – BACKYARD POOL, DARIN’S HOUSE – LATER
Darin goes home to meet Leff-T. She finds an inebriated Hank holding Leff-T hostage, poolside. He ties Darin up as well. Says he is going to overdose her and set it up to look like she shot Leff-T. Darin sees Leff-t has loosened his ties – – and he communicates to her with his eyes that he has a gun tucked into his sock. Darin buys time by telling Hank she is pregnant. He checks her bathroom for pregnancy test. He decides to take Darin on the run with him. He pushes Leff-T into the pool. Leff-T emerges from water. Hank and Leff-T shoot one another.
#51 – INT – HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
A recovering Dharma visits Darin while she holds vigil at Leff-T’s bedside. Informs Dharma that Hank is dead. She tells Dharma she thinks she has fallen in love with Leff-T. He awakens to hear this.
Resolution
#52 – INT- PERFORMING ARTS VENUE – NIGHT
Leff-T, Darin’s baby girl (Livie), and Dharma attend the Essence Awards. Darin dedicates her award to her deceased sister, Livie. She informs the audience of her upcoming release: a fragrance created for her husband, Leff-T. It will benefit his charity, The Gabriel Foundation – – which aids reformed gang members and their families starting a new chapter in their lives.
-
Subject: Monica’s Thriller Map Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to make sure all elements that have gone into the thriller map are represented in the outline.
Thrill Map Version 1
OPENING
INT. A ROOM IN SHADOWS – NIGHT
An empty wheelchair sits in the corner of the dark room. Kelly, dressed all in black, watches a computer screen. On the screen we see two people having sex. Kelly pounds a fist on the desk.
INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
In the corner of the room, a life-sized human robot stares seemingly into space. Livia rolls off the bed. Clutches a sheet to her lean body. Leans down and kisses Mark. Then cheekily struts to the bathroom. A little while later, Livia exits the bathroom dressed in sweats, her hair in a pony-tail.
Mark asks where Livia sent Kelly. Livia tells him she sent Kelly to an exclusive spa because she deserves to be treated well. Livia says she still feels responsible for Kelly’s accident. Livia kisses Mark on the head. Exits the room.
INT. A ROOM IN SHADOWS – NIGHT
Another person enters the dark room with the computer screen. Kelly screws a silencer onto a gun. Hands the new arrival the gun. Make it look like the robot did it says Kelly. The guy leaves the room. On the computer screen we see the murder through the robot’s eyes.
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Livia jogs down the street. Across the street, in the shadows, Livia stops. Peers into the darkness. Calls out to someone she thinks is Ricky, her friend who set her up with Mark. But no one answers. Livia continues to jog away from Mark’s house.
Two blocks away, Livia turns. Sees two MEN following her. Livia picks up the pace. The two MEN run faster. Livia looks around. Heads to the playground. Then stops. Turns. The two MEN are onto her.
Livia’s response is to go all Black Widow on them. Leaving them laying on the ground but breathing.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. LARGE COMPUTER BUILDING – NIGHT
The large computer building is illuminated by flood lights. The lights go out. A figure races across the parking lot to the door. Breaks in.
INT. LARGE COMPUTER BUILDING – NIGHT
Once inside the figure neutralizes the guards. Ends up in the massive computer room.
Finds what s/he’s looking for and works away on a tablet. Sabotages the transparency cameras and certain personal robots.
INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY
Livia skips into the council chambers. Takes her place, as administrator, at the head of the table on the floor. Livia gazes around at the semi-circular chamber and the three rows of seats. Then looks at the large windows that over-look the city square where anyone can watch the proceedings live.
Livia turns at the opening of the door at the top of the chamber. Ricky runs down one of the aisles. Informs her Minister Mark is dead. They must not look like something’s amiss or the people in the city square may get restless. Livia and Ricky discuss how to announce the news that the Minister is dead.
Once all the Ministers are in place, Livia announces Mark is dead. She is devastated but must hide her emotions lest she be removed or worse suspected. Livia suggests the public is informed immediately by calling for a special meeting in the city square.
EXT. CITY SQUARE – DAY
Livia is on stage with Ricky and another Minister, Tom. Tom attempts to speak to Livia before she makes the announcement but Ricky keeps getting in the way.
Livia stands before the microphone and informs the public that Mark is dead. Suddenly, bombs go off. Gunfire erupts. A bullet grazes the Livia’s shoulder.
People are running trying to escape the gunfire. Then Livia pulls a gun and starts shooting at the bad guys.
INT. LIVIA’s OFFICE – DAY
Livia sits behind her desk. Her gun lays in front of her. A MEDICAL ATTENDENT patches Livia’s shoulder up. Tom stares out the window. Ricky lounges in a chair in front of her desk.
Livia demands to know how not only the murder of Mark but how bombs and gunfire at a public rally could happen. This is a transparent society, with cameras everywhere. But it’s become the wild, wild, west as someone or someone’s have found a loop hole to cause chaos.
They debate whether or not the cameras have been sabotaged? Including, personal robots. But who could have done such a thing? Livia suspects the transparency she helped create and believes so passionately in, is being manipulated. A full council meeting must be convened tomorrow. And an investigation launched. Ricky says he’ll call every member personally to be in chambers at 9 am.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Livia, escorted by two BODYGUARDs, walks the empty streets. Marshal Law has been imposed until further notice because of the terrorist attack and subsequent riot. As the group hurry down the city, Livia sees Tom and Ricky having a drink at the government bar.
TURNING POINT 1:
INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY
Livia calls the meeting to order. She gives a report as to what they know so far. As per the rules of the Glass Society, a Committee must be selected and an investigation begun. The Committee must investigate Minister Mark’s death and the terrorist attack at a public meeting. Including if the transparency cameras have been tampered with.
The rules further state that five members must sit on the Committee, Livia, as Administrator is the only non-elected member. Everyone must submit a name. The Committee is then excused from the day-to-day decision making.
The Committee is selected…Livia, Tom, Ricky, and two others complete the team. The team meets after the rest of the Minister’s leave. Livia takes Tom aside and asks him what he thinks about Ricky. Tom reassures Livia not to worry, things are in hand. Livia doesn’t believe him. Decides to do her own private investigation.
INT. SURVEILLANCE BUILDING – NIGHT
After hours, Livia breaks into the surveillance building. Here everything is stored from files to hours and hours of surveillance from the transparency cameras.
Livia starts by reviewing the code, which she wrote, of the mainframe computer. After a cursory review Livia determines all seems to be in order.
Livia temporarily disables the cameras. Runs to the files room. Here all files from the inception of the Glass Society has been housed. Livia discovers detailed plans of a sinister plot to bring down the Glass Society. These files, digital and paper, have been filed amongst Ricky’s documents.
As Livia reads some of the paper files, she starts to sweat. A rash breaks out on her hands. She wobbles. Has to sit down on the floor. Looks at her hands. Sees a white powder all over them. Poison!
Calls Tom. Tom shows up a little while later. Discovers a near unconscious Livia. Livia points to the documents. Whispers we need the evidence. Tom snaps on some rubber gloves. Puts the documents in a paper bag. Hands the bag to Livia. Then picks her up. And leaves.
INT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT
The doctors have stabilized Livia. They must run tests on the poison before they know what they’re dealing with. The doctors tell Livia she must rest and not exert herself. They let her leave with Tom.
Tom says he’ll share the evidence with the Committee but won’t say where he got it from.
INT. LIVIA’s HOUSE – NIGHT
A masked person breaks into her home. Tampers with her cameras and her robot so he can watch her. When the person hears a car door slam. He races out the back door. But has left a mess behind.
Tom escorts Livia into her house. Livia turns on the lights. Sees the mess. Tom tells her to wait at the front door. He goes room to room. But can’t find anyone. Except the backdoor is open. Tom tells Livia she can stay with him. Livia gets a small suitcase together. They lock up.
MID-POINT:
INT. COUNCIL CHAMBERS – DAY
The Committee meets. Tom shares the evidence with the Committee. They debate whether or not Ricky had anything to do with the Minister’s death or the terrorist attack because he is named in the documents.
Ricky vehemently denies he’s involved. That he’s been set up. Besides other evidence suggests it’s Livia – she’s the one who had sex with Mark; she’s the one that sent Kelly out for a special evening. But he believes that it is just bad luck for Livia! And now that Livia’s been poisoned, she should step away from the investigation. But that’s not how the rules works. Livia agrees to rest more but will still be part of the investigation.
INT. RICKY’S CAR – NIGHT
Ricky drives Livia home. He really wants her to step away because she’s ill. But also because he’s falling for her. He wants to take it to the next level to help her recover. She declines. Ricky, supposedly hurt, informs her she’s not the right person for the job. Livia tells him, he only thinks that because he lost the Administrator position to her. Ricky drops her off at her house.
INT. LIVIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Livia looks around. Everything seems to be in order. She sits down at her computer. Brings up her secret security features. Sees the burglar from the other night tamper with her robot. Livia brings up her robot’s security features. Re-programs the robot. Runs another program to determine who the burglar is. Discovers exactly who he is.
Livia goes through her email. Sees she has more than usual hate mail. She gets a phone call. The doctors have determined the type of poison. Could she come by for the antidote? Livia says she’ll be there within the half hour.
INT. LIVIA’S CAR – NIGHT
Livia drives to the medical centre. But in her rear-view mirror she sees another car following her. Makes a left hand turn. It follows. Makes a right hand turn. It follows.
EXT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT
Livia finally pulls into the medical centre’s parking lot. Runs to the doors. Watches as the car that followed her parks.
INT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT
Livia meets the doctor at the reception. He escorts her through the hallways to an examination room. Livia hops up onto the table. The doctor pulls a rather large looking needle from the drawer and fills it from a small vial.
Livia changes her mind. But the doctor tries to restrain her.
Livia’s response is to kick the doctor in the private parts. Stab him with the needle.
Livia opens the door of the examination room. Makes a run for it.
EXT. MEDICAL CENTRE – NIGHT
Livia runs to her car. But slows as she sees three bad guys coming towards her. She goes left. They go left. Goes right. They go right. Makes a run to her car. Rummages in her purse as she flees. Pulls a gun. Stops. Turns. Shoots one of the pursuers in the head. One of the remaining pursuers shoots back. Misses. Livia shoots him in the head.
The last pursuer runs towards her. Livia shoots him. He goes down. She runs over to him. Kicks his gun away. Demands to know who they are and who sent them. He tells her Council Member Matt sent them. Livia shoots this one in the head also.
Livia runs to her car. Gets in.
INT. LIVIA’S CAR – NIGHT
Livia drives away from the scene. She’s sweating. Her hands shake. Races through the streets of the city as it still is in Marshal Law. Pulls up in front of Council Member Matt’s house.
EXT. MATT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
From somewhere across the street, a figure in the shadows films Livia as she approaches the front door. Livia knocks but the door swings open. Livia enters.
INT. MATT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Livia turns on the lights. Lying in a pool of blood is Council Member Matt. Livia turns. Races to her car.
EXT. MATT’S HOUSE – NIGHT
The person filming her watches her drive away. Then runs to the house. Takes pictures from the doorway of Matt in the pool of blood.
INT. LIVIA’S CAR – NIGHT
Livia races away from Matt’s house. She drives to the countryside outside the city. Pulls over. Calls Tom.
LATER
Tom opens the passenger door. Livia recounts all that’s happened. Tom has a solution. He tells her that he should drive as she really isn’t looking too good. Livia eyes him suspiciously. Tom reassures her he’s on her side. They swap places.
LATER
Tom pulls the car up to a large ranch house.
EXT. RANCH HOUSE – DAWN
JAKE, exits the ranch house as Tom gets out of the car. Jake shakes Tom’s hand. Livia who had been asleep, wakes. The men help her out of the car. She collapses. Tom picks her up. Carries her into the ranch house.
INT. RANCH HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Jake clears the table. Tom lays Livia on the table. The men discuss the poison that is raging through Livia. Jake says he can help. Jake fills a basin of cold water. Takes a cloth. Tells Tom to bathe Livia’s head with the cold water. Jake leaves the room. Returns with a syringe full of liquid.
Jake approaches Livia. But she struggles against Tom and Jake. Jake assures her it’s the antidote. Jake squeezes the antidote into Livia’s arm. An older woman appears from another room. She says the bed is ready. Tom carries Livia into the bedroom. Places her on the bed. The older woman shoos him out.
LATER
Livia rejoins Tom and Jake. The older woman is making dinner. As they eat, Livia tells the story, including her sexual exploits with Mark right up to discovering Matt dead.
Jake tells her the Glass Society was a risky venture to begin with. And what was Livia thinking sleeping with a married Council Member? Livia says that Ricky set them up and she feels bad about the damage she has done. Jake wants to know, how can they help?
TURNING POINT 2
INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER – DAY
A high-ranking official (the red herring) confronts the investigating Committee and warns them to stop digging. Their investigation is gaining attention, and they find themselves under increased scrutiny and suggestions that Livia’s the murderer. And now that Matt has been murdered with film showing Livia at Matt’s house, it’s probably best if Livia is taken into custody.
Ricky smirks in the background. But Livia demands, as per the rules, that she has 48 hours to show she’s not guilty. The Committee reluctantly agrees.
EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY
Livia hurries down the street. Ricky catches up to him. Tells her, if she only took up his offer of getting together, she wouldn’t find herself in this position. Livia can’t believe what she’s hearing. Ricky grabs her arm and pulls her close. Whispers something into her ear that has her go pale. Jake who had been following close behind, takes exception. Grabs Ricky. Beats him up. Leaving Ricky bleeding in the street.
INT. GOVERNMENT BAR – LATER
Jake asks what Ricky said to her. Livia said that Ricky told her he’s behind it all. Him and Kelly. But Kelly’s been “taken care of”. And, if Livia tries to prove it’s Ricky she won’t escape with her life this time.
Tom joins them at the table. Livia tells him the whole story. They agree to present their case in the Chamber the next day. But they need irrefutable proof that Ricky is behind everything. Tom is to take Ricky for dinner. Livia and Jake will break into Ricky’s house.
INT. RICKY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Jake and Livia break into Ricky’s house. Livia takes the chip out of Ricky’s robot. Replaces it with another chip. Jake hacks Ricky’s computer and downloads everything on it. Removes the hard drive. Replaces it with a blank hard drive. They look for hard copies of files, but find nothing.
INT. LIVIA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Livia and Jake go through Ricky’s robot computer and his hard drive. They discover all the evidence they need to place the blame for everything on Ricky.
CLIMAX
INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER – DAY
All Council Members are in attendance. The city square is full of people. Ricky makes a motion to have Livia placed under arrest for the murders. And, have himself deemed Administrator. The public watches with anticipation as the truth about the Glass Societies corruption surfaces.
Livia tells the Council that it wasn’t her and she has proof. Livia pulls up a presentation of documents, footage and robot footage of Ricky orchestrating the whole thing. Ricky wants to be in charge so badly that he started to murder Members who weren’t on side with his plan.
Ricky pulls a gun. Shoots at Livia. Then Jake. Seriously wounding Jake. Tom tackles Ricky. Several others rush to Tom’s side to restrain Ricky.
The citizen’s riot.
RESOLUTION:
Order is restored and significant changes to the Glass Society is undertaken.
-
Barbe’s Thriller Map Version 1
What I learned is that the Thriller process works! I few short weeks ago all I had was a concept, now I have an outline.
Title: MYSTERY MAVENS
Genre: Comedy / Thriller
Series logline
Six resourceful ladies in a murder-mystery book club enthusiastically turn amateur sleuths, cleverly solving real-life crimes while navigating their own tangled lives.
Episode 1 – PLOT TWISTS
Logline: The book club tackles a real crime when their bookshop owner friend is framed for murder, forcing them to solve the case and clear his name.
OPENING
INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – NIGHT
MAX MIDDLETON (65, Caucasian) is awakened in the middle of the night by the sound of two gunshots in his bookstore below his apartment. He creeps down to find a body in his office. He calls the police. He searches for his gun by the register – but it’s gone. He hears a disturbance in the alley and heads out to check.
EXT. ALLEY – NIGHT
Another body lies in the alley – but he’s not dead. As Max approaches the man rolls over and drops a gun – Max’s gun. Max picks up the gun. The man lunges. Max shoots. The look on Max’s face hints that he might recognize this guy. Was the shot self-defense?
The police arrive to find Max standing over the body.
CATALYST
INT. BITTER BONES BREW PUB – EVENING
A cozy neighborhood hangout.
MATILDA “MATTY” HOLMES (late 60s, Caucasian), BEATRICE “BEA” BENNETT (early 60s, African American), PENELOPE “PENNY” SULLIVAN (mid 50s, Caucasian), EVELINA “EVIE” JOHNSON (early 50s, Hispanic), HAZEL “HAZY” THOMPSON (early 60s, African American), DEVINA “DEVI” MADAN (mid 50s, Asian Indian), the members of The Mystery Mavens Book Club, sit around a large table, drink beer and wine and discuss the latest mystery novel “Blackbirds at Night.”
Matty is waiting for a call from her “boyfriend,” Max. He spent the day before at a book auction.
At the end of the evening’s spirited discussion, Matty receives an urgent call from Max.
He has been arrested for murder. The Mavens rush to the aid of their friend.
INT. JAIL VISITATION ROOM – NIGHT
The Mystery Mavens stand before a metal counter, separated from Max by a thick pane of glass. Max appears disheveled and desperate, his eyes filled with hope as he spots his friends.
Max says he is framed for the murder of the thief in the alley.
Max relates the events as they unfolded but withholds key pieces of information. Why?
The Mavens continue to quiz Max. As Max tells the Mavens about “the person who came into the store asking about rare books,” a flashback to him talking to the now-dead thief. When the guy leaves, Max picks up the phone. Who is he calling?
Max asks the Mavens for help.
INT. MATTY’S LIVING ROOM – DAY
Matty paces back and forth, a skeptical expression on her face. The Mavens watch her with concern.
Bea sees a headline on her phone “Manuscript Stolen.” Was this the same auction that Max attended?
Using their depth of knowledge of case solving in mystery novels they decide to help. Besides, the Mavens can do things that are “just slightly illegal” when the police can’t.
Devi asks, “Where do we start?” Matty answers, “Whodunitz.”
FUN & GAMES
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
DAVID HOLMES (late 30s) police detective and son of Maven Matty Holmes, sits at his desk.
In charge of the investigation, he reads through the crime scene report about the bodies in the office and the alley.
He scans the fingerprint database for Max’s prints and gets a hit. Max is in the system! He’s ex-FBI!
David scans for the thief’s prints. He’s in the system. The thief Max shot is Max’s ex-FBI partner, Rusty Becker.
Prints from the dead guy in the office – a Russian thug.
INT. HOSPITAL MORGUE – DAY
Maven Hazy Thompson, forensic specialist, reviews the autopsy report for the dead thief in the office. The autopsy reveals that the bullet came from Max’s gun – prints indicate it was fired by the other thief, Rusty Becker. Why?
Rusty Becker was shot twice, once by Max – but the first bullet was from a Russian gun.
Both corpses have Russian gang tattoos.
What were they after and why did they shoot each other?
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
David “interrogates” Max. It’s more like a conversation.
“Let’s help each other out, Max.” / David shows him the headline about the auction. / “So, you went to the auction to buy the manuscript?” “Yes.” / “But before you could pay for it, it was stolen.” “Yes.” / “Then Randy Becker shows up in the middle of the night in your store because…?” “I don’t know.” / “And another guy winds up dead in your office. Why?” “I don’t know.” / “What were they after? Why did they shoot each other?” / It would be easier if we had the combination to your safe. / Max grabs David’s notepad and writes the combination. / “There is nothing of any importance in my safe.”
EXT./INT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
Mavens cross the police tape and “break in” to Max’s store. Matty has the key. (“It’s not breaking, it’s just… entering.”)
The Mavens use techniques and strategies gleaned from the best detective novels.
Bea and Evie go upstairs into Max’s apartment above the store. They find overdue notices. Max is in debt.
Penny and Hazy search another room in the apartment. They find a photo of the ex-FBI guy and Max receiving commendations. (“That’s Rusty Becker, I recognize him from the coroner’s report.”) An article falls out of a book about Max and his partner being dismissed by the FBI for wrongdoing.
Downstairs in the office Devi uses her safecracking skills and breaks into the safe. Matty removes the manuscript.
The Mavens wonder – Why would Max bid on a manuscript he couldn’t afford? And how did he get tangled up with the Russian mob?
EXT. WHODUNITZ MYSTERIES BOOKSTORE – DAY
Two figures in the shadows have the bookstore under surveillance. They spy the Mavens leaving the store.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Matty calls David to invite him to dinner. “There are things we must discuss.”
MIDPOINT
INT. VOLKOV’S HIDEOUT – DAY
SERGEY VOLKOV (60s) a burly Russian mob boss, quizzes his thugs about their surveillance at the bookstore. He now knows the Mavens have the manuscript. He believes that Max killed both Rusty Becker and the other thug. He still thinks Max has double-crossed him. With Max in jail his attention is now on — the Mavens.
BAD GUYS CLOSE IN
INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
David has dinner with his mother, Matty, and the Mavens. Matty gently breaks it to David that the Mavens “stole” the manuscript from Max’s safe.
What is so important about this manuscript that you would risk being arrested – or killed? Matty opens the manuscript case. It’s the Einstein-Besso manuscript worth $15 million.
On his phone David shows the Mavens footage of the auction. They see Max bidding on the manuscript and Randy Becker in the crowd.
David finally reveals to the Mavens the truth about who Max is: Ex-FBI and working for Volkov. The Mavens are dumbfounded but still want to work to clear Max’s name.
David doesn’t want them involved. Says he will put surveillance on them. They want to help trap Volkov.
David relents.
EXT. SUPERMARKET – DAY
Maven Penny exits the hospital. As she approaches her car, she sees a scary looking dude leaning on the front fender. In a thick Russian accent, he relays a message from Volkov to turn over the manuscript. As he leaves, he keys her car. (“Now I’m really mad!”)
INT. MADAN’S ANTIQUES – DAY
Maven Devi approaches a customer in her store. In a thick Russian accent, he relays a message from Volkov to turn over the manuscript. (“You have a nice store. It would be too bad if something happened to it.”) As he leaves, he purposefully knocks over an expensive lamp. It crashes into smithereens. (“Now I’m really mad!”)
EXT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Matty exits the hospital. As she approaches her car, two thugs approach and whisk her into a van. It speeds off.
INT. VOLKOV’S HIDEOUT – DAY
Volkov interrogates Matty. She is just as tough as she looks.
Matty tells Volkov that Max did not kill either of his thugs. They shot each other.
He wants the manuscript.
Matty invites Volkov to dinner at her home. She will turn over the manuscript.
Volkov smiles and accepts. Matty is released.
Volkov, who has yet to produce the manuscript, receives a threatening email from his employer, a powerful, shadowy Russian oligarch.
FINALE
INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Volkov attends the dinner with the Mavens but brings his thugs to stand guard outside and inside.
Volkov really likes the Mavens. They are his age. He enjoys their company. They laugh at his jokes, and he laughs at theirs.
EXT. MATTY’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Unknown to the diners inside a police SWAT team swoops in and dispatches the thugs outside.
INT. MATTY’S DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Just as Volkov, with a twinge of wistful regret, threatens to kill all the Mavens unless they produce the manuscript…
Matty added a sedative to the chocolate cake and put Volkov and his thugs to sleep.
SWAT charges to the rescue – Volkov is snoring.
Volkov is captured.
RESOLUTION
INT. BITTER BONES BREW PUB – NIGHT
Max and David enter.
All this turmoil has jeopardized Max’s relationship with Matty.
David, at long last, reveals to the Mavens that Max was working with the police in order to apprehend Volkov.
All the questions are answered, and connections are laid out.
Max is exonerated.
David adds one last detail. Since the government was offering a million dollars
for Volkov the Mavens and Max all get to share. -
Michael L Harris’s Thriller Map Version 1
What I learned is that while it was great to have an outline to follow in creating my map, because I had not previously cleaned it up, the clean up process took quite a while. Hence my late posting.
THRILLER MAP FOR SIMON SEES
INT. MALBREE LIVINGROOM – EARLY MORNING
A young boy, 6-year old Simon Daniels, tosses and turns in a
makeshift bed behind the sofa. The corner of a small box
holds a small flashlight, half stick of gum and a filigreed
button.
DREAM SEQUENCE
A child in a car seat, a woman hands him a flashlight
clicking it several times and then steps out of the car,
smiling tenuously at the child. The sound of something hard
hitting an object, like a pumpkin, or a head… A man stands
in front of a building a welcoming smile plastered across his
face.
A casket with a woman’s body, a button drops on the floor of
a cathedral and bounces down a step. A woman’s face. She
cries. A middle aged man and woman argue, a knife comes down
repeatedly on the man’s back.
INT. MALBREE LIVINGROOM – EARLY MORNING – CONTINUOUS
Simon startles awake with the image of the knife coming down
on its victim. As he opens them we see he’s eyes have a weird
lavender glow about them. He stuffs the gum, flashlight and
button into his pocket (they are the same objects as in his
dreams) and heads for the kitchen.
INT. MALBREE KITCHEN – EARLY MORNING
A middle aged couple, MA And PA MALBREE exchange insults, she
is livid. She picks up a knife as the argument continues,
eventually driving it into the table near PA to emphasize her
point, including a threat to do him in.
Simon ruffles through the cupboard for a cereal box. He
starts to pour cereal into a bowel then rapidly ducks barely
missing a flying plate from connecting with his head. A
demonstration of MA’s wrath. She tells him to “git” and not
to come home ‘til dark.
Simon bolts for the door swiping a cell phone on the way out.
EXT. PATH ALONG BADGER CREEK – DAY
Simon uses the stolen cell phone to call Gloria, his
caseworker. He tells her Mrs. Malbree plans to kill Mr.
Malbree. She instructs him to be at the house at noon.
2.
Simon protests. “But she said not to come back until dark.”
Gloria reiterates, “noon.”
He soon comes to a road and begins to cross. A car screeches
to a halt. The cell phone flies from his hands, lands
teetering momentarily on the edge of the bridge and then
falls into the water, Gloria’s voice emanating from it as it
falls.
Inside the car papers fly. A picture of a young girl, a
foster child, lands on the floor of the car.
An attractive young woman, ELISE MORRIS, 32, a grade school
teacher, pulls herself together, opens the window and asks if
Simon is okay.
He runs across the road, glances back briefly and disappears
into the woods on the other side.
EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – DAY
Elise pulls into the cemetery, gets out of the car and walks
carefully toward a grave, her mother’s. She stands talking to
the grave, momentarily closing her eyes.
Opening them slowly she is startled by the same young boy
standing in front of her. The moment she opens her eyes he
thrusts his hand in her direction.
Recoiling she falls backward onto a bench. Simon opens his
hand and once again extends it palm up toward Elise. An
unusual filigreed button rests in the center of his hand.
Elise opens hers and he deposits the button.
Elise tries to find out more about Simon but having
accomplished his mission, he turns and runs back into the
woods.
The button makes Elise uncomfortable and she stffs it in her
pocket.
INT. THE BADGER’S DEN CAFE – EVENING
Elise enters hurriedly. She’s late. Her eyes search the room
and finally fall on KEVIN ANDERSON, a good-looking black real
estate broker, mid-30’s in a stylish business suit. Their
eyes meet, his twinkle with anticipation, as she rushes over
to his table.
3.
A young WAITER on the side of the room waits impatiently for
a sign. It doesn’t come. KEVIN and ELISE engage in smalltalk,
she’s sorry for being late.
They both have something they want to tell each other.
Thinking the time is right, Kevin begins, the waiter starts
toward the table with two glasses of wine. One with a
sparkling engagement ring gently swaying in the bottom.
As Kevin is about to propose Elise thoughtlessly announces
she is getting a foster child tomorrow. A girl. It happened
so fast she hadn’t had time to tell Kevin.
The waiter arrives with the glass of champaign. Oops!
Kevin, taken aback isn’t sure he wants to share her, he tells
her of all the baggage foster children bring.
Elise more forceful than normal lets him know that there is a
hole in her life that only a foster child can fill and that
that is a priority for her now. Marriage is not.
With Kevin’s negativity having affected Elise deeply she gets
up and announces she has to go prepare for tomorrow.
Kevin is left with the ring which ominously hovers at the
bottom of the glass. He drinks it down and fishes the ring
out.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – SIMON’S BEDROOM – DAY
Elise puts the finishing touches on “Celeste’s” room.
Including a doll and a homemade bunny puppet. Feeling the
button in her pocket she deposits it in the trash. The
doorbell rings.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS
At the door, Elise greets Gloria, a black DCF caseworker.
There has been a change in plans. An emergency placement.
Simon.
There is an uncomfortable meeting in the Livingroom as Simon
and Elise avoid telling Gloria of their earlier meeting.
Gloria confides that while Simon is a “good boy” he has been
removed from numerous foster homes because of his unusual
machinations.
4.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – SIMON’S BEDROOM -DAY
Simon knows where his room is without being shown. He sits
pensively on the bed.
Elise surveys Simon’s ragged clothes and determines they need
to go shopping for school clothes.
INT. EDDIE BADGER MALL – DAY
Elise and Simon roam a department store. Elise picking up
shirts and pants, asking for his approval, holding them up
for size. Simon is disinterested but shows a keen interest in
every man they pass.
In the shoe department, several strewn pairs show the
difficulty Elise is having in finding a match for Simon.
Simon spots a package of batteries and asks Elise to buy
them. She tells him they aren’t needed for the light up shoes
he indicates he wants. Elise makes him put the batteries back
but he stuffs them in his pocket while her head is turned.
INT. MALL – FOOD COURT – DAY
Simon and Elise sit at a table eating. Several large
televisions screens around the room blaze with different
programing. On one a TV newscaster interviews a middle-aged
MAN, DR. WHITCOMBE standing in front of a large ancient
looking building. A sign identifies the building as “Tommy’s
Hope,” a nursing facility. While there is no sound Simon
immediately recognizes the man and the building from his
dream.
Elise obliviously tries to carry on a conversation with him
about what he would like to do in the remaining dog-days
before school starts.
In response Simon excitedly says, drive around. What? Where?
Why? He picks up his remaining drink and heads for the exit.
Elise trailing.
INT. ELISE’S CAR – DAY
Simon convinces Elise to drive telling her he wants to find a
man in a big building who knows what happened to his mother.
As they drive Elise is still trying to convince Simon they
should do something fun, like go to the park. Simon is
distracted, watching for “the man” and the “big building.”
Eventually Elise tires of this and insists they do something
fun or go home.
5.
In response Simon shouts, “Stop!” Elise seeing a park like
area thinks Simon has finally come to his senses and wants to
play. She pulls into a parking spot with Simon sliding out
almost before she is stopped. He jumps from the car heading
toward the other side of the street and lands in front of an
oncoming car… again.
Elise sits Simon down for a little talk. Fearing she won’t
help him Simon tells Elise of his visions and the man who
knows what happened to his mother.
He convinces Elise to make the inquiry at “Tommy’s Hope.”
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – DAY
Entering the facility Elise is struct by the youthfulness of
the PATIENTS attended there. Elise tells the SECURITY OFFICER
she is looking for a placement.
The officer calls NURSE HANES who explains they rarely get
walk-in inquires. Most come as referrals. “You must have seen
Dr. Whitcombe on the news…” they always get people coming
out of the woodwork after the doctor has been on television.
Elise invents a story about needing a placement for her
mother. Nurse Hanes is confused she thought the inquiry was
for Simon. Tommy’s Hope only caters to a specific youthful
clientele.
Hanes tells them that following the tragic death of his wife
and only child, Dr. Whitcombe had left his world-renowned
surgical practice and opened “Tommy’s Hope,” named for his
deceased son, and dedicated his life to providing cuttingedge
treatment for youngsters with severe life threatening
conditions.
Nurse Hanes his called away cutting the tour short. Simon and
Elise discover a picture of Nurse Hanes, Dr. Whitcombe and
Simon’s mother in her office.
While exiting, the glow in Simon’s eyes returns. He breaks
away, running down a hall and escaping into a stairwell.
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – BASEMENT – DAY
Elise catches up with Simon in the basement. Simon stands and
stares in a half state of shock as he sees people old and
young tied to stretchers and writhing in pain. It’s the state
hospital as it existed under Dr. Whitcombe’s father.
6.
Simon tries to explain to Elise the visions he is having but
she’s not convinced and begins to take Kevin’s warning to
heart.
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – HALLWAY – DAY
By a back door a man in a lab coat, Dr. Whitcombe, early 60’s
stands talking to a YOUNG DELIVERY worker. The cooler he
hands the young man has some strange markings on it. Simon
and Elise emerge from the basement in time to witness the
handoff. Simon is suspicious, Elise is embarrassed, Whitcombe
innerved that his trade-off has been witnessed.
Elise tells Whitcombe Nurse Hanes was called away, they were
on their way out but Simon got lost trying to find a
restroom. Whitcombe is taken back by Simon’s eyes. He offers
to give them a tour. Elise embarrassed and unexplainably
uneasy suggests some other time.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – EVENING
Elise and Simon sit on the sofa drinking hot chocolate,
eating cookies and looking at old photos. Simon asks if Elise
still has the button. Elise faulters. She says she has. Simon
askes her to get it. She digs it out of the waste can in the
bathroom and brings it to him. Simon asks if she recognizes
it. She doesn’t. Disturbed by the question Elise tells Simon
its time for his bath. Simon leaves for the bathroom. Elise
shutters and curls up on the sofa. As she does she notices
the button laying on top of a picture on the open album where
Simon placed it.
Elise has a moment of recognition and picks up the book
confirming that the button matches the ones pictured on her
mother’s dress.
Elise closes the album and shutters again.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – BATHROOM – EVENING
Simon is taking a bath. Playing with toys in the large foam
of soap that surrounds him. He lays back allowing the water
to cover his head. As he does he sees a vision of his mother
floating lifelessly in dark water. He bolts up screaming.
Elise runs into the room. Simon tells her of the vision he
saw. Terrified for him, she towels him off and comforts him,
then sends him to bed.
7.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LIVINGROOM – EVENING
Elise stands sipping on coffee staring uncomfortably out a
large picture window and into the darkness. She notices a car
parked on the other side of the street, the driver seems to
be staring in her direction. As she does the car pulls out.
She backs up closes the drapes and calls Kevin.
She confesses to Kevin that maybe he was right. She’s super
confused about the last few days, she’s not sure she’s cut
out to be a foster mother. She tells Kevin about Simon’s
vision. She asks if he has ever heard of Whitcombe. He
confirms that Whitcombe is a pillar of the community. A
philanthropist, always giving money to charitable causes.
Kevin offers to come by, she declines but asks him to come by
in the morning… she needs to think. He agrees to do some
more checking into Whitcombe.
Simon overhears Elise say she’s unsure about their
relationship.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Elise drinks coffee and piddles around the kitchen checking
the time, and for dishes in the sink. Kevin arrives he’s
excited. He has found out more about Whitcombe’s story and
some of the shadier past of the hospital Whitcombe’s father
ran at the Tommy’s Hope location.
He’s found a pond on the property and a shadow that looks
like a car. He wants to investigate. A warrant isn’t
necessary because the lake is actually on little known public
land. He used to fish there as a kid.
They discover Simon is missing and head for Tommy’s Hope.
EXT. TOMMY’S HOPE – DAY
Elise and Kevin convince Simon to wait until lunch, when
staff will be busy feeding the residents.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – DAY
Kevin enters. He mentions a strange car across the street.
Elise recalls the same last evening. Elise and Kevin are
making final preparations. Kevin is meeting his former police
partner to investigate the lake. Elise and Simon will wait at
the house until he returns and then they can enter Tommy’s
Hope through the side exit they saw Whitcombe use and see
what else they can find. Kevin will call in an hour.
8.
Keep the doors locked and call if anything suspicious
happens. Kevin leaves, so does the car.
EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- DAY
Kevin and his POLICE BUDDY enter the water in diving gear. A
camera in a distant tree flashes read.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE MORNING
An hour later. Elise and Simon await eagerly for a call from
Kevin. It doesn’t come. It’s close to lunch, they’ll miss
their window. No mysterious cars outside. They head out.
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SIDE DOOR – LUNCH
Elise and Simon enter dressed in hospital attire. They make
their way quickly to the basement stairwell. A security
camera flashes as they exit.
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – BASEMENT – AFTERNOON
Simon once again sees visions of former times as he enters
the basement. The door to the subbasement is locked. They
search for something to pry the lock with. Whitcombe and Eric
his henchman enter.
Whitcombe toys with them. Takes the supplies they have
brought with them including flash lights and cell phone as
well as a delicious peanut butter treat.
Whitcombe has other business but locks them in the
subbasement to be dealt with later.
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SUBBASEMENT – AFTERNOON
Elise and Simon move from room to room. Nothing notable. Then
in the last room among a pile of rubble Simon sees a single
earring peaking out. Elise finds a tunnel and begins chipping
at it to make it bigger. They hear a sound at the end of the
hall and scramble into the tunnel greeted by rats.
They bolt down the tunnel making their way to the end which
appears to have no exit. Hearing a noise and seeing some
faint light they discover a vent.
A boy’s voice comes from the vent. He doesn’t want another
operation.
9.
Through the vent they can see an operating room. A young boy
is on the table. A tech is preparing him for surgery. A
container on the counter echo’s the one Witcombe handed off
earlier.
EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- AFTERNOON
Kevin and Police Buddy emerge from the water chattering about
the car which contained a dead body. Though deteriorated the
clothes resemble those on the police report describing Debra
Daniels.
Muted shots are fired from the trees and Kevin and Police
Buddy collapse on the ground.
INT. TOMMY’S HOPE – SUBBASEMENT – LATE AFTERNOON
Elise and Simon escape through the vent.
INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – BASEMENT – CONTINUOUS
Simon and Elise crawl out of the vent into a hallway.
The tech hears the noise in the hall and comes to the door to
inquire if its doctor Whitcombe. Simon and Elise duck into an
adjoining room about halfway up the stairs. Dr. Whitcombe’s
private office.
EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – TOMMY’S HOPE PROPERTY- LATE AFTERNOON
Kevin and Police Buddy wake up in the trunk of their car as
it is pushed by two henchmen into the lake. Kevin tries to
access his cell phone hitting redial but Elise’s number just
rings to voicemail. Buddy calls for backup. Kevin breaks
through the backseat into the cab despite the cuffs on their
wrist the two escape from the car.
INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – WHITCOMBE’S OFFICE – LATE AFTERNOON
Elise urges Simon out but he is taken by the photos of
Whitcombe and his family that cover the walls of his office.
Elise rummages through the desk for any clues. She finds an
old book with drawings of autopsies preformed by Whitcombe’s
father. Simon says that he saw one of the bodies in the
basement.
In a folder are recent invoices for the sale of organs.
Including a half-started invoice for the operation currently
underway.
10.
It’s clear Whitcombe is selling organs from his younger
patients. Another folder is marked as “Simon.” In it a single
yellow paper. A birth certificate. Simon’s. The familiar
purple glow passes across Simon’s eyes… He’s my father,
isn’t he…
Elise grabs Simon and they head up the stairs to the main
floor.
INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – CONTINUOUS
They head for the door which is locked. Simon pulls away,
despite Elise’s insistence that they need to get out, Simon
says, “He’s here!” and bolts up the stairs.
EXT. SECLUDED LAKE – LATE AFTERNOON
Kevin and Police buddy watch as a wrecker pulls Debra Daniels
car from the lake. Kevin worried about Elise steals a police
car and heads for the house.
INT. ELISE’S HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON
Simon and Elise are gone. Kevin takes off for Tommy’s Hope.
INT. VICTORIAN MANSION – UPPER LEVEL – LATE AFTERNOON
Simon enters to find Tommy laying on a hospital bed hooked up
to a series of machines. It’s clear he needs them to survive.
He screams, “No… I just want to die. Please let me die.”
Simon goes closer and lays his hand on Tommy’s. There is a
moment of recognition. Don’t let them…
Suddenly the door opens, Whitcombe and Eric enter. Whitcombe
tells Eric to end this. He grabs Elise but Tommy thrashes
disconnecting wires with buzzers going off everywhere.
Providing an opportunity for Simon and Elise to escape.
EXT. TOMMY’S HOPE – GOLDEN HOUR
Running outside through a side door they see a police car
coming to a screeching halt in front of Tommy’s Hope. Kevin
sees them in the rearview mirror and backs up rushing them
into the car and safety.
A swat team arrives and sets up in front of the Victorian.
Eric emerges hands in the air.
11.
Snipers fix sights on the front door as Whitcombe attempts to
emerge. Tommy’s body in hand. A piece of door casing flies as
a bullet hits near Whitcombe’s head.
Suddenly Simon bolts toward Whitcombe, Elise screams hold
your fire. Simon seems to swerve keeping the marksman from a
clear shot.
Whitcombe stumbles out of the mansion in great emotional pain
sobbing uncontrollably and falls on the ground, Tommy’s limp
body sliding off of his knees.
Simon kneels in front of him. Whitcombe seems to come to, and
lunges at Simon. Elise has to fend police off by saying,
“He’s his father.!” Whitcombe holds Simon rocking back and
forth.
The scene fades.
EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – DAY
It is fall. Simon and Elise stand in front of a recently dug
grave. They hold hands. Simon remarks that they are both
orphans now. Elise affirms, adding I guess we’ll just have to
take care of each other.
Kevin pulls up. Simon breaks away and approaches him. He
tells Kevin he should propose. Kevin does and while they talk
Simon breaks away.
Elise notices Simon is no longer there and looks for him. He
is standing at a distance near another grave.
EXT. BADGER CREEK CEMETERY – CONTINUOUS
Simon has a far away look in his eyes, Elise approaches. She
calls to him and as he turns we can see the familiar purple
glow.
Simon’s adventures may not yet be over.
THE END
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