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Lesson 14
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Mike’s QE Cycle 3: Write this Scene
Logline: Nancy and Squire team up to get a treasure blocked by group of unusual guardians.
Essence: To beat the other to the object, and abandon the other with it.
Scene:
EXT. UGANDA – VIRUNGA MOUNTAINS — DAY
Lush, dense clouds weave through the forest. Squire machetes a path off the main trail. Nancy pierces him with her eyes as she trails behind. She takes a quick peek of directions haphazardly scribbled on a small piece of paper and pockets it.
NANCY
Shoulda’ got one a’ them gorilla finders.
SQUIRE
They’re called ‘trekking guides.’
NANCY
Doesn’t matter what they’re called. Shoulda’ got one is all.
Squire ignores her but catches his hand on a sharp rock. He recoils in pain but quickly recovers, not letting Nancy see the damage.
NANCY
Let me see your hand.
He keeps moving but she stops him and takes his hand. After examining it, she drops her pack and pulls out a first aid kit.
SQUIRE
Nice outfit. A gift from them?
She disinfects his hand and Squire winces then smiles.
SQUIRE (CONT’D)
So you got a little bite in you.
Nancy bandages his hand but while she does, she takes a key from his pocket.
NANCY
Why did you come back?
SQUIRE
Couldn’t let that outfit go to waste, now, could I?
NANCY
You said it’s near.
SQUIRE
I’ve said a lot of things.
Nancy stops, listening but can’t make out what it is.
NANCY
You hear that?
Squire pretends to listen but doesn’t let it get in his way.
SQUIRE
A lot of things make sounds in the jungle, sweetheart.
He begins to hack away again but struggles.
Nancy grabs his wrist and takes the machete from him. She gives him a look and cuts a smoother trail. It breaks into a clearer space.
NANCY
Careful, Don Juan. Know what those are?
Squire looks and a family of MOUNTAIN GORILLAS stand before him and his treasure.
SQUIRE
Those are in my way. You have a natural, beastly way about you. Why don’t you go talk to them?
NANCY
Haven’t made much progress with you.
SQUIRE
Show ‘em your outfit, then.
NANCY
Think we already got there attention.
They had. The large, SILVERBACK, charges. Nancy kneels into a submissive position in time but Squire gets great air time as the SILVERBACK bumps him with enough force to let him think on his trespass.
Silverback examines Nancy then lets her be allowing her passage.
NANCY
How you doing, Squire?
Squire responds with gasps for air and inarticulate noises.
GORILLA ROCK
Nancy arrives at an odd shaped rock, a monument of an aeolian process in a form like a gorilla. She pulls out the paper, lines it up and goes to the back of the left foot, steps back five paces and starts digging.
VIRUNGA MOUNTAINS
The Silverback eyes Squire while he smiles with the JUVENILES as they climb and play around him. He makes his way up, smirking at a FEMALE.
SQUIRE
Lovely hair. Your nostrils have a thrilling flare to them. Spectacular eyes greater than any of the gems in all of Africa.
He softly caresses one Female’s arm.
SQUIRE
If I were a giant monkey, you’d turn my back grey, darlin’.
The Silverback shifts and grunts, about to charge.
SQUIRE
Just need to get through, lovely. Mind taming Mr. Steroid for me?
He simpers towards the Female and nods toward Silverback. Female knuckles over, looks back at Squire as he gives her a smiling thumb’s up. Female soothes Silverback and Squire sneaks away.
GORILLA ROCK
A pile of dirt and an ornate wooden box sits beside the excavation. Nancy takes the key from her pocket.
NANCY
Knew I let ya tag along fer somethin’.
She inserts the key and opens. What a sight! She has it. She has it and can’t believe it. She begins to remove it—
SQUIRE
Honey, you should see me in that crown. I’d be even more irresistible.
Nancy smiles, holding a hand up, relenting. Squire saunters over in time for her to stand with the box under her arm leaving her other one free to jab him one in the jaw.
She runs for it but doesn’t get far before he tackles her and the box goes flying. She didn’t shut it properly and it springs open as it tumbles. A silver, regal crown with gemstones on each spike glitters in the daylight.
Nancy knees him and springs for it but Squire catches her. They wrestle and he pins her to the ground. He musters his best smoulder.
SQUIRE
There’s easier ways to show me you love me.
NANCY
You smell like forest.
SQUIRE
I’ll let you up, but we need that, for both our sakes. If we don’t get it to him, together, then neither of us will get anywhere else, again.
Squire releases Nancy and they watch as Silverback stares at them, the crown at his feet.
NANCY
Sure that’s the real thing?
SQUIRE
Never seen anything like it before.
Silver back takes the crown and puts it sloppily on his head, grunts, and shuffles off.
Squire helps Nancy to her feet, simpering, again.
NANCY
Don’t suppose that’ll work here.
SQUIRE
I think this requires your talents, Nance.
Nancy mutters some gorilla sounds and Silverback stops and turns. Nancy advances and calls out to Squire.
NANCY
I was always the more talented one. You never should’ve been ahead of me.
SQUIRE
Not really the time.
Silverback drops the crown in front of Nancy and allows her to collect it. She cracks a smile at Squire and makes a gorilla sound.
SQUIRE
Since when did you speak fluent Silverback?
Silverback charges Squire and sends him flying again.
NANCY
(shouts in triumph)
He doesn’t care who brings it to him. And, honey, you should see me in a crown.
Squire can’t respond or do much else after Silverback’s bumper-charge but that doesn’t stop Nancy from putting the crown on her head and running away.
But, she doesn’t get far before she trips and the crown flies off her head and tumbles down a hill landing on the antler of an OKAPI that jolts into the camouflage of the forest flora.
Nancy stands, gob-smacked.
NANCY
Doin’ okay back there, Squire? Found a new lead for you.
But she just looks on. What just happened?
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Very Indiana Jones!
It might be interesting if when she opens the case Nancy actually puts the crown on her head which would give the Silverback the idea to do it. It would ruin the 2nd part or her next to last line though, but I’m sure with your talent you can come up with something much better.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by Susan McClaryu.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 6 months ago by
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Mike, you’ve done the points very well and the betrayal once or twice could be bought as scheming but I struggled to see the Caring trait. It seemed at the end that Squire’s subtext didn’t work as his charm was utterly unable to control Nancy.
Otherwise, amazing Romancing the Stone meets that Colleen Dewhurst Gorilla movie I can’t quite seem to remember the name of. Probably Disney. Good job!
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Christi Falk’s Max Entertainment Pt 2
Logline: Nancy and Squire are determined to complete their team building exercises, with disastrous results.
Essence: Two people work for their own success to the detriment of the other. There’s no I in Team but there’s definitely a C in Crazy.
FADE IN:
INT. CABIN IN THE WOODS – DAY
NANCY, 30s, in coordinated denim and flannel stands in the doorway beside SQUIRE, 30s, a breezy hunk holding a line full of fish. The one room cabin has a semi modern kitchen with plumbing facing a living room with a fireplace.
As they enter, the cabin door SLAMS shut behind them.
SQUIRE
So! Fish or fire?
Nancy grabs the fishing line from him and walks towards the kitchen counter.
NANCY
You can get the fire, hot stuff.
Squire smiles one of his million watt smiles and Nancy purposely doesn’t look.
SQUIRE
You think you’re immune to my charm but I see through you.
He takes off his jacket to reveal a figure hugging sweater, throwing it on the coat tree nearby.
SQUIRE
I know you made sure we were paired together.
Nancy places the fish on the counter and pulls out yellow rubber gloves from inside a cupboard, struggling to put them on.
NANCY
Relax, Romeo. When I saw the team building tasks, this is the only one that doesn’t involve outdoor activities. Easy access to indoor plumbing-
She gestures a gloved hand towards a doorway off the kitchen.
NANCY
Also, we’re sure not to be left for too long as the accounting twins have a thing for you.
Squire runs a rugged hand through his full head of hair then looks at the open fireplace. Nancy carefully unhooks each fish from the line and places them in one of the two sink basins in the counter.
NANCY
Do you know what you’re doing?
SQUIRE
Men have been lighting fires for centuries.
He surveys the woodpile then looks back at her as she places each fish in the sink.
SQUIRE
You’ve cleaned fish before?
Nancy snorts.
NANCY
How hard can it be. They spend their whole lives in water. Nothing cleaner than that.
SQUIRE
Great! More fish guts for you.
Nancy makes a face at him as she finishes placing the fish in the sink, then begins to look in the cupboards. Squire looks around the mantle and cubbies until he locates some matches. He looks to see if Nancy’s watching before placing the extra box in his jeans.
NANCY
Aha!
She pulls out a bottle of soap from below. Squire has lit the newspaper he crumbled with a match and is blowing on it, putting in twigs. The fire SNUFFS out.
SQUIRE
Okay, take two!
NANCY
You okay?
SQUIRE
Never better! Just getting a feel for her.
Nancy rolls her eyes at his shapely backside as she runs the cold water and puts the soap on the fish. The sink is filled to half capacity.
Squire crumples more paper and has more twigs this time. Again he lights the fire. Smoke builds in the cabin.
NANCY
Hey, shouldn’t that be going up a chimney or something?
Nancy is distracted as the fish begin to jump out of the sink. She SCREAMS as Squire finds and opens the fume hood. A WHOOSH as the fire is kindled and roars, taking Squire’s eyebrows with them.
They stare at each other.
NANCY
I could draw them back with an eyeliner.
A roar of an engine approaches.
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This post is late because I have been having trouble getting on the screenwritingclasses.com page at all! I have tried 5 different browsers and every time I wanted to post I could not get on (until now). I don’t know if the servers are too busy, but other people seem to be able to get on. Maybe it is because I am in a different area (AZ), or maybe there are just too many people on when I want to post. I often can’t get on to see the class either, and I do not receive the emails with the lessons, so there’s that.
Susan McClary’s QE Cycle 3
SITUATION/LOGLINE: ALTERNATE HISTORY
Two people the Husband – SQUIRE, (trusted Esquire of the King) and his Wife ANNE – who don’t actually trust each other are tasked an urgent demand from their Sovereign, King Henry VII.
ESSENCE:
Esquire of the Hamlet and his wife each desire to be the most appreciated and trusted of the King. It is impossible.
FADE IN:
INT/EXT CONTINUOUS:
MANOR HOUSE MORNING
The SOUND of HORSE’S HOOVES on GRAVEL
NANCY and SQUIRE open the door and both come out to greet the RIDER.
The RIDER is one of King Henry VII Yeoman of the Guard. He is dressed in a red cloak and has the King’s shield embroidered on his clothing. He pulls the reigns, the horse NEIGHS and stops.
RIDER
(Reaching out with folded parchment)
I have a sealed warrant from King Henry VII.
SQUIRE reaches out for it in a flourish, but too late… Nancy (Anne) sneaks underneath his armpit and grabs the missive.
ANNE offers her hand to the Yeoman of the Guard. The RIDER takes it, bows his head slightly and releases it.
ANNE
(Truly meaning this)
Thank you valiant gentleman.
RIDER
(Waiting)
The King insisted you read this before I leave and get your reply.
SQUIRE
We would be pleased…
ANNE
(Interrupting)
…to do whatever our King asks of us. Tell him he can count on us.
RIDER
(Tips his Bonnet)
I will indeed relay your message.
SQUIRE waves a toodle-oo.
RIDER gallops away on his horse.
SQUIRE
(Nibbling Anne’s ear and slipping the parchment away)
Nancy dearest, allow me.
ANNE is not pleased and tries unsuccessfully to grab the parchment back.
ANNE
Let us read it together.
SQUIRE
(Feeling his waistcoat for his glasses)
I seem to have left my glasses in my chamber.
ANNE
(Forcefully taking the parchment back)
I’ll read it aloud shall I?
SQUIRE surrounds her with his arms as she reads. He tickles her.
ANNE
My dear trusted friends we have been through so much together already, and now I must ask you to help me again.
SQUIRE rubs his nose on ANNE’s cheek. She sticks her finger up it.
ANNE (CONT’D)
(Finding her place)
I am advancing a new council, the Star Chamber, but it must be kept secret for now.
SQUIRE
I told you he trusted me.
ANNE
Hush. Ah. A secret Star Chamber. How exciting. I’m sure I will do exactly what’s needed.
SQUIRE
(Doing a little jig.)
I will make a lavish welcome!
ANNE smacks SQUIRE on the arm.
ANNE
You know what a tightwad he is. Don’t be foolish. You don’t want our land confiscated do you?
SQUIRE winks at her and smiles broadly.
SQUIRE
Hurry up and finish reading, I want to know when they will be coming.
ANNE
Stop interrupting me then…
(Reading)
There has been too much ire in the Kingdom already. We will arrive the morrow midday. I will require a luncheon and places to freshen up and sleep for the 50 participants, and for Queen Elizabeth, her ladies in waiting, and my closest advisors and dressers. The Knights and soldiers can camp outside in their tents, however they will need nourishment, refreshment, and remember the horses as well, water and hay. Make sure there is sufficient room for the carriages.
ANNE stares at SQUIRE and gasps. She rereads that part to herself. SQUIRE shrugs.
ANNE (CONT’D)
Make sure the luncheon is bountiful with food for everyone, but not extravagant. You will be remunerated upon my arrival.
ANNE’s deeply elbows SQUIRE’s ribs.
SQUIRE
Hurry up I have to get myself ready.
ANNE
If you think you’re going to leave me with all the work while you go off and primp, you are mistaken.
SQUIRE looks down and then up at ANNE with puppy dog eyes. Smiles broadly showing her his beautiful white teeth.
SQUIRE
Now Nancy darling, would I do that to you?
SQUIRE snuggles up to ANNE again.
ANNE
Don’t call me Nancy, I’m in no mood.
(Slapping his hands away)
And yes you have done that before… more times than I could count.
ANNE drags SQUIRE into the kitchen to speak to Mary the COOK. On the way she pulls a velvet sack out of a drawer.
SQUIRE trips on a crack in the floor and falls. His hand is bleeding.
ANNE pulls down a plaster from a cupboard and fixes him up while she is speaking.
ANNE
Mary dear, We have been ordered by the King to have luncheon for about 100 persons tomorrow. We will need fowl and fish, fruits, roots, and greens, and desert, but be thrifty.
ANNE hands COOK the entire sack of coins.
COOK
(Curtsying)
Yes Madame, Squire.
SQUIRE
That’s Esquire. I am the mayor of this Hamlet.
COOK
Sorry Sir.
ANNE looks on in disbelief.
SQUIRE
Can I get you a glass of wine, Cherie.
ANNE
(Turning to Cook)
And dear, please see who you can get to help you.
COOK EXITS
ANNE is writing down a list.
ANNE (CONT’D)
Luncheon Menu, Clean Stables, Procure Help for Horses & Carriages, Fill Troughs, Procure Household Help, Fetch Bedding Out of Storage, Dust Chambers, Lay out Chamber Pots, Cut flowers for the Queen…
SQUIRE
That’s very impressive darling.
SQUIRE sneaks out of the kitchen and upstairs to his Chambers. He puts on his glasses, dabs perfume behind each ear, curls the ends of his mustache, dons his newest Bonnet and fluffs the feathers while admiring himself in a mirror.
ANNE comes charging in.
ANNE
I knew I couldn’t trust you to do anything worthwhile. See this?
ANNE thrusts the list into SQUIRE’s face.
ANNE (CONT’D)
(Pointing to each)
You get this done, and this done, and this done!
SQUIRE taking off his Bonnet and placing it gingerly on his dressing table. He sidles up to ANNE and grabs her breast.
ANNE picks up the hat in one hand, and uses the other to pick up a large hand mirror and whacks him on the head with the metal back. It leaves a filigree design on his forehead. She walks to the door and puts the Bonnet on her head tapping the top lightly and sliding the feather through her fingers.
ANNE (CONT’D)
And you won’t get it back until you’re done. You don’t want to start another war do you? We just finished one.
(Curtsying)
Squire.
SQUIRE huffs down the stairs.
ANNE follows slowly and stops in front of a mirror to admire herself, pinch her cheeks, straighten the Bonnet, and fix her hair. She uses both the landing mirror and the hand mirror to see the back of her head. She walks down the stairs back into the large hall.
ANNE opens a large door to a side room where all the extra bedding is kept. She begins to count.
ANNE (CONT’D)
(Talking to herself)
Oh, dear we need more bedding.
SQUIRE ENTERS he is pushing a large cage strapped on to a rolling board. He is carrying a whip.
ANNE starts at the noise, turns and gasps.
There is a Bengal Tiger in the cage.
SQUIRE
(Grinning from ear to ear)
Surprise!
ANNE backs away from the cage.
The TIGER is HISSING and GROWLING now.
ANNE
What is that?!
SQUIRE
It’s a Bengal Tiger.
(Bending closer to the cage)
Hello little Tiger aren’t you a sweet boy.
The TIGER GROWLS at him and SWAPS at the cage which shudders. His paws are gigantic.
ANNE
I know what it is, but why exactly do you have it and what is it doing here?
SQUIRE
(Laughing)
So I can impress the King. Don’t you love it?
ANNE
Absolutely not you fool!
The TIGER lifts up its leg and pisses on SQUIRE.
SQUIRE
My good stuff!
ANNE
(Holding her nose)
That smell’ll be difficult to remove before the King arrives.
Suddenly the cage door cracks open and the TIGER pushes it with his head, and tentatively steps out.
ANNE and SQUIRE run to the STABLES and hide. They can HEAR the TIGER roaring toward them as they bolt the doors.
SQUIRE tries to get close to ANNE but she pushes him away. He tips over and falls in some hay.
The HORSES can smell the urine of the predator and bray and stomp.
ANNE
You smell like a rat’s ass. I don’t suppose you know how to catch a Tiger?
ANNE glares at SQUIRE who is still smiling!
ANNE (CONT’D)
I hope you think of something soon. You don’t want to wind up like the Princes in the Tower do you ?
FADE OUT.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Susan McClaryu.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by Susan McClaryu.
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Susan!!! Yes, very true. I had to download Google Chrome for replying but use Safari for printing out the prompts. Weirdly, there’s a header in Chrome that blocks out some of the instructions.
I was thinking it’s because I’m on an iMac but now I think it’s just their system. I mean, we’re working from Lost episodes. I feel like sending him my copy of Mo Ryan’s Burn it Down. Atleast we’re not reading Sleepy Hollow snips.
For your story, love the world you’ve built! The characters are very true to their structure and the funny way she puts her finger up his nose when he looks over her shoulder is a laugh out loud moment.
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Thanks Christi. I’m on a Mac as well and recently had 2 updates to the system software. I don’t know if that is the problem, if the servers get bogged down, or if the browsers (which have all installed more safeguards recently due to computer malware) are the issue. 🙃
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I’m on a Mac and had same issues this week also with other forums and courses. But, fantastic scene, such humour in the dynamics of scheme and charm.
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Thank you Mike.
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This reply was modified 1 year, 5 months ago by
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LOGLINE: A former couple at odds get paired together to make a souffle for a food critic.
ESSENCE: Distrust stands in the way of a former couple that compete against each other yet love each other at the same time.
INT. BAKERY KITCHEN – DAY
The kitchen is large, well-stocked and full of modern equipment and appliances.
NANCY, early 30s and attractive, wears a chef’s hat and apron as she sets ingredients on the table.
SQUIRE, early 30s and handsome, walks in and sees Nancy. He pauses, smirks and struts to her. She’s in deep concentration studying a recipe.
SQUIRE
Fancy meeting you here.
Startled, Nancy looks up and sees him. She’s disgusted.
NANCY
No…
SQUIRE
Yes!
NANCY
No…
SQUIRE
We’re partners.
Nancy heads to the door.
NANCY
Let me go talk to Mr. Chey and tell him –
SQUIRE
It’s not a mistake. He randomly paired us up to make the souffle for the new food critic of Love It or Barf It Magazine.
Nancy reluctantly goes back to the recipe.
SQUIRE
You read the recipe. I’ll mix.
NANCY
I’m putting my own spin on it.
SQUIRE
Bad idea.
NANCY
Shut up, Squire. You were the one who burned that creme brule last year.
SQUIRE
Who turned up the heat when I wasn’t looking, Nancy?
Nancy looks away.
NANCY
That was a mistake.
SQUIRE
That was a scheme to mess up my desert when we were competing in that contest. We both know who really should have won. I shouldn’t have trusted you to turn up the heat.
NANCY
Two cups sugar.
Squire gets the sugar, measures and dumps it in a bowl.
NANCY
Four egg whites.
Squire gets the eggs.
SQUIRE
So why didn’t you call me back last weekend?
NANCY
I was busy. Stick of butter.
Squire gets the butter.
SQUIRE
Not too busy to meet with Brad.
NANCY
I wasn’t with Brad.
SQUIRE
He told me you both went to dinner.
NANCY
And?
SQUIRE
You seeing him?
NANCY
Chocolate, chopped.
Squire gets a block of chocolate and begins cutting it.
NANCY
He knows the owner of a new cafe that’s looking for a chef.
SQUIRE
I should’ve known.
NANCY
Known what, Squire?
SQUIRE
It’s always for YOUR benefit, isn’t it?
NANCY
Two teaspoons of vanilla extract. Who I have dinner with is no longer your business. We broke up, remember?
SQUIRE
It’s hard to forget.
NANCY
You’re like vegetable lasagna. Too complicated and mushy.
SQUIRE
And you’re like steak tartare. Too cold and tasteless.
NANCY
Make the souffle yourself!
SQUIRE
Fine!
Squire snatches the recipe and does it himself. Nancy grabs a piece of chocolate and eats. Squire laughs.
NANCY
What?!
SQUIRE
You haven’t changed. Still eating chocolate during an argument.
Nancy smiles.
NANCY
You forgot to turn on the oven.
Squire turns it on.
NANCY
Not hot enough. I’ll turn up –
SQUIRE
No. I’ll turn up the heat.
NANCY
You don’t trust me to turn up the heat?
SQUIRE
Should I?
Nancy turns up the oven and smiles as Squire pours the mixed contents in the bowl.
NANCY
The heat is turned up.
Squire moves closer to Nancy. They lean into one another as though they’ll kiss.
SQUIRE
Yes, it is.
He grabs a piece of chocolate and feeds it to her. He puts the souffle in the oven. They watch it.
SQUIRE
This is the fun part.
NANCY
Watching it rise?
SQUIRE
Like our relationship?
NANCY
It would deflate.
SQUIRE
Why do you say that?
NANCY
It has before. You’re too cocky. All you care about is being top chef.
SQUIRE
No, that’s what YOU care about. All I care about is you. Look, it’s rising. That’s a good omen, right?
Nancy and Squire look at the souffle rising. Suddenly it deflates. Nancy kisses him on the cheek and leaves the kitchen. Seconds later MR. CHEY, late 50s and in a suit, frantically rushes in the kitchen.
MR. CHEY
The food critic is here! My bakery is on the line! He wants to taste the souffle! Where’s the souffle!
Squire pulls the deflated souffle out of the oven. It looks terrible. He notices the oven temperature reads, “500 DEGREES.” Squire smirks.
MR. CHEY
Oh, no! What did you do?!
SQUIRE
I trusted her to turn up the heat.
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Hey Danielle,
I love this! It is hysterical, it moves fast and the dialogue is great. I’m looking forward to seeing what you can add to your rewrite!
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Oh wow, thank you. And I’m looking forward to reading yours as well as I’m getting caught up with the assignments.
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