Lesson 14

[Diane Keranen]

This is my draft prior to listening to the audio critique videos. This draft does not need feedback. After listening to the critique videos, I’ll revise and post the Exchange Feedback forum with a version for feedback exchange.

LOGLINE: Heavy rain approaches as two farmers are forced to work together on a disputed patch of land when a secret and unlikely event binds them together.

ESSENCE: Farmers in a fight over a property line learn the hard way to avoid getting wrapped up in petty details.

SCENE:

EXT. HAY FIELD. DAY
Nancy, mid 30s, driving a tractor is taking up dried rows of alfalfa and turning out big round, wrapped bales. After releasing a ton bale, she see’s someone walking to a tractor with a baler hitched to it at the edge of the field carrying a round-point shovel.

She watches him for a moment.

It’s her new neighbor “SQUIRE,” mid 30s. A city-boy who dresses like an outdoorsy, magazine advertisement of what a farmer looks like: tight-fitting t-shirt, expensive jeans, cowboy boots, handkerchief hanging from a back pocket, scruffy facial hair, and neatly styled hair.

She waves him over. He looks at her for a moment then waves back, but he keeps walking.

NANCY
(yells)
Get your butt over here!

She’s pretty even in her well-worn tank top and flowing overshirt. She wears heavy-duty jeans and steel-toe work boots, and her hair pulled into a ponytail that’s a little messy after working in the field.

Squire turns and walks toward her. He stops near to give her time to take in his rugged good looks. He rests his hand atop the handle of the shovel he’s set down in front of him.

NANCY
Get off my field Tom.

SQUIRE
No need to be so formal, Nancy. “Squire” is what my dear friends call me. I believe you can call yourself a dear friend of mine. Seeing your baling my hay for me.

He flashes her his contagious and disarming smile. She almost smiles but stops herself. He takes note of her effort.

NANCY
Well, Tom, that’s a stupid nickname. What’s with the shovel. You burying a body out here.

There’s that smile again.

SQUIRE
Getting ready to bale hay.

NANCY
You need a shovel for that? You’re more big-city than I thought. Besides, this is my field.

He steps closer to her. Nearly touching. He gestures toward the tree line around the field.

SQUIRE
If I recall, the property line runs from that big, giant oak over there…
(sweeping motion with his arm)
… across the field to that magnificent maple. Over there. But why quibble? I’m just glad to see my hay getting picked up before the rain starts.

He reaches a hand toward her head and picks a stray piece of hay from her hair. She pushes his hand away.

SQUIRE
Hold on, sweetheart. Just a bit of very fine alfalfa stuck in your hair. There you go. Unless you meant it to be there. It suits you.

He smiles at her as puts the twig between his teeth as if chewing on a toothpick

NANCY
I guess you haven’t noticed the markers. I had the field surveyed…

His smile fades a bit as he looks around for markers.

SQUIRE
(teasing)
You had someone poking around my field? Without telling me?

NANCY
What do you mean without telling you? YBut, as I was saying, I had a surveyor out here because I figured you’d start up again about your make-believe property line. The true markers run from…

She takes a step away from him.

NANCY
… THAT oak over there to the rock pile over here. You’re taking, or as Sheriff Muncie says, stealing a good ten acres of my finest alfalfa.

Squire looks out over the field.

SQUIRE
Muncie isn’t going to worry about hay bales.

NANCY
Maybe. He’s busy chasing a raise. Maybe he should know about you sneaking around burying bodies on my land.

SQUIRE
Look at those clouds. That rain is getting close.

Squire turns back to Nancy with a renewed smoothness.

SQUIRE
You and me, we don’t need markers. We’ve got family farming history. You can help me with baling…

NANCY
…my hay.

Thunder booms as dark gray clouds approach on the horizon.

SQUIRE
Property lines, those are details for another time.

NANCY
I hate to have you working my land but, and I dare say, I can get more of these rows baled up before you figure out how to use that baler of yours and partake in the work at hand. I’ve got Muncie on speed dial, so don’t go causing trouble. I don’t want you to go to jail over a few acres, but don’t test me.

Squire smiles at her again and looks her in the eye.

SQUIRE
I’d rather get Old Man Hagar out here and see what he has to say about it. I bet he’s got some interesting stories to share about this here property line.

NANCY
“Half-in-the-bag Hagar”? He don’t know shit.

SQUIRE
Hey. That’s my uncle.

NANCY
(surprised)
Oh, Jeez. Sorry. He’s harmless, but not a man in the know. But that rain is closing in so it’d be best to get this hay up. I don’t want to be feeding my cows spent or moldy alfalfa.

SQUIRE

I don’t mind you baling my hay. Let’s get this done.

Nancy watches for a moment before turning to get back to work. She sees him wrestle with a bundle of loose twine and shakes her head in disbelief.

She climbs onto her tractor, but before she starts up, she hears an unusual sound. An ominous clang and groaning sound. She looks, but can’t see Squire on his tractor.

She starts up and bales up the row of hay that takes her closer to his tractor but is still unable to see him. She stops, steps down, and walks over.

Squire is trapped between the baler and the tractor.

NANCY
Holy hell! What the…

SQUIRE
This twine was causing trouble all day, then the guard slipped off when I stepped up.

She reaches up and turns off Squire’s tractor. His legs are caught up in a bundle of twine that had wrapped around the drive-hitch and his legs are jammed against the steel of the hitch. He can’t move.

Nancy grips the hitch and tries to reverse its rotation. It’s stuck. She pulls a knife from her pocket, unfolds the blade, and looks at Squire and at the blade.

NANCY
This seems like a good time to discuss that property line. Don’t you think?

Squire smiles that intoxicating smile of his.

Nancy grabs a handful of loose twine. The hitch rotates as built-up tension releases, and now her flowing shirt is caught up in the hitch in the other direction as her knife goes flying.

Squire laughs, winces, laughs.

Nancy is now really mad. While unhurt, they are pressed up against each other in a much unwanted spooning position.

SQUIRE
I guess we should call somebody. Anyone by Muncie though. He’s got it out for me. But I don’t have my phone.

Nancy rolls her eyes.

NANCY
Mine is in my cab.

They both strain against the twine as a flash of lightening releases a heavy rain that falls on them and the ten acres of ready-to-bale-hay that will go to waste.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Ron Neustrom – QE #3 Lesson

Logline – Nancy Cruz has just opened a new Outreach that is beginning a new program with local Law Enforcement helping people in crisis. This is a first encounter with her San Diego Sheriff contact.

Essence – Nancy is surprised to learn law enforcement is not very excited to be part of her groundbreaking program. She even takes the position personally considering her deep belief in the work she is doing.

EXT. SAN DIEGO STRIP MALL – MORNING

NANCY CRUZ, mid-20’s, pulls her 2015 Toyota to an open parking spot. She grabs an OVERSTUFFED BOX from the backseat and hesitates in front of a glass DOOR.
Her eyes moves above to a freshly painted MARQUEE:

“ANA’S OUTREACH”

You get the feeling THIS MOMENT has been the culmination of a lot of work. A lifetime. She puts down the BOX to admire the title.

A SHERIFF’S SEDAN pulls up.

DEPUTY SQUIRE, late 30’s, steps out. A strong approachable face.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Looking for Ms. Cruz.

NANCY
I’m Nancy Cruz.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Just checking in from the department to see if you had any questions. Concerns.

NANCY
Are you the Sheriff Rep?

DEPUTY SQUIRE
I pulled the small straw.

NANCY
To the department.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
That’s right.

NANCY (DISAPPOINTED)
You don’t want to be here.

Nancy stares through him. Not the partner she was expecting.

NANCY
Should I talk to someone else?

Deputy Squire hesitates.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Look…ideas are easy…in the streets… you never know.

NANCY
Some people need the change.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
I keep telling myself change can be a good thing.

NANCY
But…

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Until somebody gets killed.

NANCY
Or helped.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
I hope you know what you’re getting into.

NANCY
We have a good team.

BRANDON, 30ish, approaches carrying TWO LARGE COFFEES. The Deputy nods, then continues.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Some of these characters are unpredictable. When it get’s thick you need to know who has your back.

NANCY
Misunderstood. In crisis.

Brandon gives Nancy the coffee.

NANCY
Seems like…what’s your name?

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Squire. Deputy Squire.

NANCY
Doesn’t want to be a part of our new group. So this is San Diego’s finest.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Slowdown. You got it all crooked.

NANCY
Straighten us out Deputy. Because I’m pretty smart and I think I got your concerns.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
I couldn’t sleep knowing someone as pretty as you got hurt on my watch.

NANCY
Don’t forget my assistant. He’s important too.

Brandon takes a sip of his coffee trying to stay clear of the battle.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Let’s try to start over. Who knows…it might be different for you.

NANCY
I’ve invested my whole life into this. Looks like we found the weak link.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
These new programs might look fancy on paper…I came by to make sure you were ok. That’s just how concerned about your welfare I am.

NANCY
I think it’s time I called someone a little higher up the chain. The work we are doing here is life changing. The right resources…made a big difference for me.

Deputy Squire reaches in his pocket and takes out a card.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Dispatch will call. Get the address and the case number.

NANCY
I need someone who is with us.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
My number is there…call me anytime…day or night…I make house calls.

He moves to his sedan.

NANCY
I bet you do…

DEPUTY SQUIRE
Looks like my shift is over…

NANCY
These people need someone like us.

DEPUTY SQUIRE
I’d like to hear more about it. We can finish this another time. Maybe over drinks.

She shakes her head. He drives away.

BRANDON
Not sure I like him.

NANCY
This isn’t the end of this. I’ll be some making some calls. Day and night.

• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.
• This reply was modified 6 months, 2 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.