Lesson 14

[Rodney Cavin]

Creating Demand for Reveals

What I learned is this less was the affect reveals can have on the audience anticipation in the adventure. Again I began by struggling to find the reveals in the thriller map or the story direction in my head till I realized once again that there are none there. This lesson teaches us to create them! Thanks, Hal. Building the map in this manner is what builds the M.I.S. in every scene, exposing the real story over time.

1. Important reveals for the audience to experience:

• Anthony is the villain.
• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Kelli knows how to defend herself.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.

Sequence them to fit into the Thriller Map.

• Richard is highly suspicious.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Anthony is the villain.
• Billy working with Richard is a suspect.
• Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Richard is an FBI Special Agent.

Sequence them to fit into the Thriller

OPENING: A restaurant customer is killed when leaving.
• Twist 1:
Direction: Customer seems nervous to Kelli.
Twist: He is murdered when he leaves the restaurant.
INCITING INCIDENT: The customer leaves a micro chip as a part of Kelli’s tip.
• Twist 2:
Direction: Kelli surprised about the Customer’s murder
Twist: She finds a micro chip as part of her tip.
• Life Threatening 2: Richard, friend of restaurant owner, learns the chip was not found on the body.
• Villain’s Plan 1: It failed. The chip with damaging evidence must be with the waitress and must be returned.
• Mystery 3: Did the micro chip have anything to do with the killing?
• Mystery 4: Why did the customer give the micro chip to Kelli?
• Mystery 5: How is Kelli involved?
• Twist 3:
Direction: Kelli wonders about the chip’s possible danger to her.
Twist: An attorney is told to set up a way to get this girl and get back the chip.
Kelli was working her best friend Magen’s shift.
• Mystery 5A: Was the chip mentioned for Magen?
Police Detective Aldrich interviews Kelli who makes no mention of the chip but he feels she not told him everything.
Restaurant owner Billy casually asks if the murdered customer left anything unusual as he often left little things as a gag for Megan. Again, Kelli says nothing.
• Reveal 1: Richard is not to be trusted.
Cover up – Richard is a regular, friendly. Kelli exchanged “hellos” when he came in, but was watching her new customer who left her the micro chip in her tip.
The MIS: Intrigue – he followed Kelli home, watches her house.
Mystery – Who is Richard?
Mystery – Why did he follow her home, watches her house.
Dramatic Impact – Kelli sees him watching and becomes scared.
• Kelli looks for a place to hide the chip before she goes to work.
When Magen returns to work, Kelli takes her about those gag gifts. Magen tells her he did, but nothing really of any value.
• Reveal 2: Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip and Billy agrees.
Cover up – Billy, discussing the chip with Richard is obviously involved and therefore cannot be trusted.
The MIS: Mystery – How are these two involved with the chip and the murder?
Mystery – Who is left that Kelli can trust?
Dramatic Intrigue – Richard telling Billy involved him with Richard.
TURNING POINT ONE: Kelli’s apartment was broken into and searched.
• Twist 4:
Direction: Kelli wonders if the chip really was just a gag gift.
Twist: Her house is broken into, ransacked.
• Life Threatening 3: Richard watches Kelli’s house.
• Mystery 6: Who broke in?
• Villain’s Plan 2: Failed again. This woman must have it.
• Mystery 7: Were they looking for the chip?
• Mystery 8: Is Kelli in danger?
Kelli decides the chip is valuable to someone, decides to move.
Richard tells Billy that Kelli must have the chip.
• Villain’s Plan 3: Kelli waits on a new customer, Anthony, a friendly “tourist” and asks her about the killing.
• Twist 5:
Direction: Kelli finds an apartment she likes.
Twist: The landlord refuses to rent to her.
This happens at several places. Kelli wonders who is doing this to her.
Anthony offer to help her find an apartment.
Kelli takes Tiger to her parents farm while she looks for a new place.
Richard follows her.
Kelli plans to crash with her ex-boy friend but she finds him killed, his apartment searched.
Det. Aldrich considers her a person of interest.
• Twist 6:
Direction: Kelli tells the detective that Richard can testify the was at her parents when the murder happened.
Twist: Richard refuses to support her story.
Kelli’s gun is the same as the murde weapon.
MIDPOINT: Kelli is arrested for the boy friend’s murder.
• Reveal 3: Detective Aldrich may be working with the villain.
• Cover up – Kelli has trusts him because he’s a police detective.
• The MIS: Intrigue – it appears that the detective is involved with he lawyer, thus with the villain.
• Suspense – How can Kelli get out of jail to clear herself?
• Dramatic Impact – Kelli feels relieved when evidence clears her gun but then the detective will still hold her on suspicion due to other factors (which we do not know).
The Lawyer offers to make her troubles go away in exchange for the chip. She refuses.
• Reveal 4: Anthony is revealed as the Villain and plans to kill Kelli personally.
• Cover up – Anthony is a friendly customer, even willing to help find Kelli an apartment.
The MIS: Intrigue – Kelli’s life is in danger.
Intrigue – How will Anthony kill her?
Mystery – What will Anthony do next?Mystery:Life Threatening – Anthony will get the chip from Kelli even if he has to kill her; and probably will.
Mystery – Will Kelli survive?
• Dramatic Impact: Anthony is not identified in a discussion with his attorney. After he tells him his way doesn’t work, he turns, recognized, and says he’ll take can of it his way.
Kelli is released as her gun was not the murder weapon.
A motel denies Kelli a room—no vacancies, yet the place is mostly empty.
• Twist 7:
Direction: A car follows as she drives in search of another motel.
Twist: The car suddenly tries to run her of the road.’
• Twist 8:
Direction; A police car joins the chase, turns on the blue lights behind the attacker.
Twist 1: The attacker ignores the cop, crashes Kelli and disappears as the cop stops to help Kelli.
Twist 2: The cop gives her a ticket and leaves.
Twist 3: Anthony comes along, offers to help then captures her.
TURNING POINT 2: Kelli is captured by Antony.
• Villain’s Plan 8: Anthony’s gang members take Kelli’s parents.
• Life Threatening 6: Anthony demands Kelli lead him to the micro chip or she can watch him kill her mother and father killed.
• Life Threatening 7: Richard steps in, appears to be part of Anthony’s gang.
• Villain’s Plan 9: This clown is dead.
• Mystery 11: Can Kelli escape?
• Villain’s Plan 10: Anthony put’s gun to Kelli’s head as Richard is disarmed, removed from same room.
• Twist 9:
Direction: Richard returns to the room, approaches a terrified Kelli.
Twist: Richard free’s Kelli’s bonds and tells her to run.
CLIMAX: Richard is revealed as a Red Herring when he helps take down Anthony.
• Reveal 5: Richard is the red herring, on Kelli’s side.
• Cover up – Richard has been suspicious since the beginning.
• Mystery – How will Richard get them both to safety?
• Suspense – How will Anthony handle the sudden appearance of Richard and the release of Kelli?
• Mystery – Can Richard get he and Kelli out of this?
• Dramatic Impact – Richard appears as a part of Anthony’s gang but at his first opportunity releases Kelli and tells her to run.
• Mystery 12: What is Richard up to?
• Villain’s Plan 11: To survive by taking Richard down and continue his plan to get the chip from Kelli then kill them both.
• Mystery 13: Will his scheme save Kelli?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Mystery 14: Will Richard survive?
• Villain’s plan 12: Fails. Richard and Kelli shoot him and Richard arrests him revealing that his is an FBI Special Agent.

RESOLUTION: Thanks to evidence on the chip the FBI takes down Anthony and his mob while local police charge him with numerous counts including murder.

About the reveals:
They add to the M.I.S. of the thriller map. Some of these are reveals to the audience before Kelli finds them out thus adding considerable tension as, unknowingly, Kelli continues ahead unaware to the new danger waiting for her.

[Rodney Cavin]

Thriller Day 14

Rod’s readable Thriller Map

From this lesson I learned how to reduce the layers of confusion as the thriller map was created to a readable version from which a script could be written.

Frankly, I’m disappointed at the outcome. With my concept I envisioned a tight, simple story that kept the Waitress scared to death from the simple opening to the end. As I developed the map, the details changed several times and I feel I’ve lost what I intended, ending up with a weaker. more complex story with a disappointing ending.

If I were to write this, I’d start over with the thriller map from square one and hold it much closer to my original feelings about this concept.

But I know how to do that now, that’s the purpose of the class and I feel I’ve gained a great deal from it.

I would loved to have used the AI feedback of the lessons offered including this one but it’s never shown up on my assignments to access it. I submitted several support requests, most acknowledged received, but have never received an answer. Never had that problem wit h SU before.

(I also regret is has taken so long but I’ve had health issues including the Flu which has really put me behind schedule.)

The readable Thriller Map: TheWaitress

1 INT/EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Richard, a regular, watches a nervous customer, Frank, finish his lunch then slips out of the building.

Frank settles his bill, leaves a tip, departs.

His waitress, Kelli finds a micro chip with her cash tip. When shots are heard from outside, Kelli stuffs the tip in her pocket, rushes out with the staff.

Outside, Richard searches Frank’s pockets while pretending to help him as the customer dies.

Inside, Kelli returns, looks at the chip, wonders if it had to do with the man’s murder.

2 INT. RESTAURANT BREAK ROOM – DAY

Police Detective Aldrich questions a nervous Kelli about Frank who wasn’t one of her regulars. Kelli answers his questions but never mentions the micro chip.

He asks her to have the manager come in.

When Kelli’s gone he and his older detective partner, Keith, agree she holding something back.

3 INT. RESTAURANT MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY

Kelli overhears Richard tell the owner/manager, Billy, that the chip wasn’t on him and he needed to find is before there’s another body. Kelli knocks, enters to tell Billy the detective wants to see him.

Now she realized the chip is involved and she could be the next body.

4 INT/EXT. KELLI’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Kelli puts the micro chip in her computer, talks to her tomcat, Tiger, while it boots up. She mentions to Tiger that he needs a new flea collar.

She opens some of the files, puzzled nothing but accounting files. Means nothing.

A car headlights snaps her to the window, she notices someone parked across the street, watching her house.

She searches for a place to hide the chip till she can find someone to give it too.

5 INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Kelli waits on a new friendly, reporter, Tony, who asks about yesterday’s murder.

At the bar, Billy serves Richard a drink. They watch Kelli, agree she must have it and have to figure a way to get it.

Tony asks Kelli about the biggest of most unusual tip she’s even received. Kelly tells him nothing unusual.

Back at the work station, she looks at Tony, then over to Billy and Richard, and worries.

6 INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY

Attorney Lester Goddi on phone, tells client he needs to let him handle getting it back before he makes it even worse. They argue but the client finally agrees.

7 INT. RESTAURANT – LATE AFTERNOON

Kelli is surprised to find her ex, Jason in her section. He’s concerned about her because of the shooting.

Another waitress, Megan, comes to work, stopped by Billy who tells her they have a problem.

Jason is concerned for Kelli offers to help. she thanks him, has no problem but dosed’t sound convincing. He doesn’t believer her.

Megan greets Kelli, thanks her for covering for her yesterday. The two old friends chat to catch up, Megan asking if the customer left her anything unusual, says he ofter leaves her some little gag gift. Kelli tells her a sizable tip was all.

8 INT. KELLI’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Kelli asks Tiger why everybody wants to know about her tip.

A sudden loud knock on the door scares hell out of her. She finally looks out, sees nobody. Opens the door, relieved it’s a delivered package.

Then the phone rings, an attorney wants to talk to her. Agains she’s worried.

9 INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY

Lester explains that the murder victim had stolen highly confidential information and he needs to get it back. The company offers her $50-thousand if she will return it. Kelli fakes surprise, would love to have the money but doesn’t have the secrets.

Kelli leaves, Lester doesn’t believe her, calls his client to report.

10 INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Kelli waits on Tony again, but she doesn’t remember anything more. Tony flirts with her.

Megan asks Kelli if that’s a new boy friend, Kelli tells her he’s a reporter.

Tony makes a phone call.

11 INT. DETECTIVE’S OFFICE – NNIGHT

Aldrich, Keith, discuss backgrounds, mention Kelli’s raised on a farm, attends local college intermittently. They still agree she’s holding back something.

12 EXT. LOCAL STREETS – NIGHT

Kelli walks home, someone follows her. Scared she takes a short-cut, falls almost slides down an embankment, . She waits, satisfied she’s alone, she gets home.

13 INT/EXT. KELLI’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Kelli finds the house ransacked, and where’s Tiger. She searches, finally finds him sitting in back yard waiting to be rescued.

She calls Detective Aldrich.

Police team checks out the house, finds nothing. Aldrich interviews her again but she still does not mention the chip.

She packs a bag, Tiger’s bowls, loads her little car calls her father to let them know she’s coming. She calls Billy and gives him an excuse to need some time off.

As she drives away, a car drops in behind her.

14 EXT. FAMILY FARM – NIGHT

Kelli is welcomed by her father, Jim, who takes her inside.

Kelli sees the car that followed her drive past, Richard, behind the wheel.

15 EXT. FAMILY FARM – DAY

Kelli tows a load of something behind the tractor to the barn. Jim meets her, shows a a new farm machine he’s added, she climbs in, thinks she can handle it.

At lunch Kelli catches Jim and her mother, Andrea, up on her problems. Will find an apartment, asks them to keep Tiger for a while.

After lunch, Kelli and Jim practice a little shooting. with fire arms stored in the barn.Jim gives her the little .38 revolver she learned to shoot with. Insists she take it with her, although she objects.

16 EXT. APARTMENT OFFICES – DAY

Apartment manager tells Kelli there are no vacancies.

This is repeated several times.

Even at a lessor motel there are no vacancies though the parking lot is empty.

17 INT. RESTAURANT – DAY

Kelli waits on Tony, she tells him she can’t find an apartment, he offers to help her.
She will crash at her ex’s tonight.

18 EXT/INT. JASON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT.

Kelli rings the chime, no answer. She finds the door unlocked, enters.

She ends the place searched/trashed and Jason dead.

19 INT. JASON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Detective Aldrich, Keith, and team work. Coroner says Jason shot with a .38 between 18 and 24 hours ago with a .38.

Aldrich questions Kelli, accuses her, searches her luggage, finds her .38 revolver, recently fired. He holds her on suspicion.

She tells him Richard followed her last night, he can vouch for her.

Aldrich calls Richard who denies knowing where she was.

Aldrich arrests Kelli.

20 INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – NIGHT.

Lester tells the phone you’ve done it again. She’s in jail, for you’re last antic.

21 INT. FACTORY OFFICE – NIGHT

Unidentified man yells into the phone that he’d better get her un-arrested.

He turns and reveals he’s Tony.

22 INT. POLICE OFFICE – DAY

Aldrich and Keith discuss that Kelli can’t be arrested, see has’t been charged. Aldrich says he has his reasons. Keith thinks he’s taking orders and not from the department.

23 INT. POLICE INTERVIEW ROOM – DAY.

Lester makes an offer to Kelli, the chip in exchange for making her troubles go away. She wants to know what’s on the chip. He explains it contains proprietary secrets involved in the company’s work for the government and if it gets out, in could destroy the company’s clearance level and possibly destroy the company.

Kelli says she’d like to help him but doesn’t have what he describes and has no idea who has.

24 INT. POLICE OFFICE – NIGHT

Aldrich on phone telling someone he can’t hold her because her guns not the murder weapon and he has no other evidence and hangs up.

He then orders Kelli released.

Kelli demands her gun back since they have no evidence against her she finally gets it.

25 INT. RESTAURANT OFFICE – NIGHT

Richard tells Billy Kelli’s been released since his cop won’t cooperate. He’ll just do it on his own to keep from destroying everything. He says he know how to find her.

26 EXT. ROAD TO THE FARM – NIGHT

A car runs tries to run her off the road.

A police car joins the chase pulls Kelli over, gives her a ticket over her protests.

When she resumes the chase car joins her, runs her off the road. The car is wrecked but she survives.

Another car stops to help, Tony, who offers to take her to her parent’s farm.

27 EXT. ACCIDENT SITE – NIGHT

Blue lights slow traffic as tow truck removes Kelli’s car.

Richard stops in the traffic, recognizes Kelli’s car, learns from officers no driver was found.

28 INT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT

Richard enters, sees Kelli with Tony having coffee at a table. He listens, learns they are on the way to her parent’s farm.

29 INT. FAMILY FARM – NIGHT

Richard introduces himself as FBI Special Agent, explains Kelli’s in danger and he wants to put them in a safe place. They suggest the storm cellar and go there.

Richard checks out the room, makes his plans.

Tony arrives with Kelli. Two more of his men join him as he takes Kelli prisoner and sends the other two find her parents. When they can’t be found Kelli tells them they’re probably at the church meeting.

Tony wants the chip or she can watch her parents die.

Richard steps in while Tony is out, ID’s himself, frees Kelli and tells her to run.

Tony returns, finds Kelli gone, then Richard reveals himself and attempts to arrest him, but Tony’s men capture Richard and are ordered to kill him.

Tony hears two shots fired then Kelli returns with her revolver on Tony. He ignores her, Richard returns, there’s a scuffle and Kelli shoots Tony, wounding him.

Richard cuffs him, Kelli gets her parents from the storm shelter.

Richard wants the chip but Kelli still doesn’t have it.

Kelli finds Tiger, removes the chip from a split in his tea collar, gives it to Richard.

30 EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY

In Billy’s office it’s briefly explained to Kelli, Tony’s company raided and closed, more federal charges were added on Tony and he’s never see a free day again.

[Ronald Neustrom]

Lesson 14 Treatment in Scenes -Ron Neustrom

This is what I learned…Keeping 2 hours of story in your head at all times when your writing has been a challenge for me. To break a complex thriller into manageable pieces has been my goal. This assignment was the last piece of the puzzle. This lesson forced me to make some concrete choices but allowed enough flexibility that I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I could get the global view as well as the flow for each portion of the story. I began with the 3-act structure and identified those markers. But then I realized my structure was more of 6 acts. It fell into place and seemed natural. This lesson was the best way to see my story from the outside as a whole.

Title – A Danger to Themselves

The Pitch – A single mother with two teenage girls is killed by her date and her daughters are put into the system. After 10 years their mother’s body is recovered and one of the girls has devoted her life to exposing their mother’s killer.

Treatment in Scenes (6 Modules)

ADTT The Treatment by Scenes and Modules

1. Int. San Diego Harbor Restaurant – Afternoon

Ana Cruz, a single mother, has brought along her two daughters to meet her date. He invited them to a swank oceanside restaurant to impress them. After dinner he says he forgot his wallet and makes Ana pay.

2. Ext. Gary’s Boat -Evening

Ana’s daughters, Jewel and Vivian have a great time. Gary is using the girls to get to Ana, and it is working. We suspect but might be wrong that Gary is using Ana for something.

3. Ext. Harbor Parking Lot- Night

Ana sees Gary get into an argument with a mystery woman but explains it away. Nevertheless, the girls had a great time and she wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

4. Ext. Junior High School -Morning

Ana drops the girls off and discovers someone has hacked her credit card account. She calls Gary because she has no-one else. We realize she is absolutely alone, and Gary is probably her only hope. However, we remember Gary’s use of the card the day before in the restaurant. He might be the one responsible for it.

5. Ext. Bank -Morning

Gary listens as Ana explains the credit card company called her about fraudulent charges. She explains she thinks thieves have taken money from her. She reveals she made a police report of the incident. Gary subdues her with a drugged cloth and clears all the evidence of their interactions.

6. Ext. Oceanside Cliff – Day

Gary has killed Ana and guides her car off a cliff into the ocean. Never to be found.

7. Ext. Junior High School – Evening

Ana’s daughters – Vivian and Jewel sit on the front curb alone, before finally deciding to go find someone for help. They walk into the darkness of the Navy base in the distance.

End of Module 1
Module 2
(Ana’s body is discovered)
1. Int. San Diego Crisis Hotline Center – Night (10 years later)

Vivian, 25, is working with several other volunteers when a call comes in with a suicidal mother. Vivian picks up and puts the conversation on the overhead speakers.

Vivian is trying desperately to talk the woman down, especially when she discovers her young daughter is with her.

2. Int. Apartment – Continuous

The woman is contemplating killing her daughter and giving up because of an abusive boyfriend.

3. Ext. Apartment- Continuous

Vivian is desperately trying to keep the woman from doing any harm to herself or the child. She has orchestrated San Diego Sheriff toward the apartment.

4. Int. San Diego Crisis Center – Continuous

San Diego Sheriff calls and gives all clear. The center erupts. Vivian has demonstrated a high level of skill in working with people in crisis. Frances tells her Jewel is getting out.

5. Int. Parole Hearing – Day

Jewel is sitting in front of a panel wearing prison attire. The panel reads some of the things Jewel has done that put her prison. Most are violent and fueled with anger. The second part discusses her achievements. They are profound. They show a gifted individual. Unexpectantly she is paroled.

6. Ext. Prison Parking Lot – Day

Vivian surprises Jewel and picks her up as she leaves prison.

7. Ext. Ana’s Outreach- Afternoon

Vivian brings her to the Outreach, and they are met by Kaye. Kaye doesn’t instill confidence working with Vivian. He doubts the programs effectivesness.

8. Ext. Derelict House – Later

Vivian is dropping off Jewel at her house. She questions Jewel’s choices as she meets her drug dealer boyfriend.

9. Ext. Jewel’s Parole Office – Day

Outside of Jewel’s parole office Kaye greets Jewel. Gives her a chance to give back. Then threatens her.

10. Ext. Escondido Cliff -Day

Two boys snorkeling and fishing stumble upon Ana’s body in her submerged car.

End of module 2 – – – Ana’s Body is recovered

Module 3 Scenes
(Jewel is almost killed in drug sting)

1. Int. The Agave House – Day

Kaye interrupts an important meeting with the Big 3 to inform Mayor Doud that Ana’s body has been recovered.

2. Int. Hotline- Day

Kaye stops by to inform Vivian about their mother’s body. She thinks he is there to tell her Jewel is dead.

3. Ext. Morgue Parking Lot – Afternoon

Frances meets Vivian to help identify the body.

4. Int. Morgue –

After difficulties in examining the body Vivian almost breaks down when she finally gets to the remains of her mother.

5. Ext. Morgue – Later

Jewel finally shows up as Vivian is leaving. Explains she knows their mother was killed. She knows who was connected.

6. Int. San Diego – City Hall – Day

Vivian is there to turn in some grant forms for her Outreach when Doud comes out. Says she is sorry about her mother. Says she knew her. They worked in the same department. Let her know if she needs anything. Vivian asks her “What happened when she disappeared? Can I get the file?” Doud says she will try to help.

7. Int. Vivian’s Apartment – Night

When she gets home there is a file on her kitchen table. It shows Ana filed a report. The file is from Jewel.

8. Int. Kaye’s Sedan – Night

Kaye has brought Jewel in as an. She is wearing a wire.

9. Int. Derelict House-Night

The operation is really a setup to kill Jewel. Jewel somehow escapes.

End of Module 3
Jewel escapes from Drug Sting

Module 4
*Jewel has just escaped the drug sting
(Vivian and Jewel encounter DUI checkpoint)

1. The Agave House – Day

Doud finds out Jewel is looking into Ana’s death. She assigns more personnel to the problem. Be creative…this is where we need something pervasively technical.

2. Int. Vivian’s Apartment – Night

Jewel has left her a signal to Vivian she’s okay. To meet somewhere safe.

3. Ext. Harbor Parking Lot – Night

Jewel meets with Vivian. They disagree on what to do. Agree to bring Frances in.

4. Ext. Church – Day

They get Frances to help.

5. Int. City Hall – Day

Frances uses old connections to get access. She uncovers some evidence and tries to bring it out. She never gets it to the Vivian and Jewel.

6. Ext. Frances House -Night

Vivian finds Frances dead.

7. Int. Hotline – Day

Jewel contacts Vivian so she can meet up with her.

8. Ext. Downtown San Diego—Night

An Uber picks up Vivian. Jewel is also inside.

9. Ext. San Diego _ Night

Jewel gives Vivian evidence on who killed their mother.

10. Ext. DUI Checkpoint – Night

They notice a DUI checkpoint ahead. Kaye and other deputies surround the Uber. Vivian is taken and Jewel escapes.

End of Module 4

Vivian captured at DUI checkpoint. Jewel escapes.

Module 5

*We are just coming out of the checkpoint gone awry.
(Vivian and Jewel kills Gary)

11. Int. Sheriff Sedan – Night

Gary is in communication with Doud. She instructs him to give Vivian a ride in the desert. Vivian begins to remember who Gary is. The man who dated their mother and gave them a ride on the boat.

12. Ext. Desert Highway – Night

Gary finds a lonely area and tries to make a call. His phone doesn’t work.

13. Int. Sedan – Night

The sedan shuts down and Gary takes out his gun. He holds it to Vivian’s head. He senses something is amiss.

14. Ext. Sedan -Night

Jewel overtakes Gary. (to be determined…more detatils)

15. Ext. Desert-Night

Jewel has bound and tied up Gary. She begins to talk about what the Aztecs did to their enemies. Slowly and using torture she tries to extract a confession out of Gary. He doesn’t give it up.

The anger in Vivian has swelled. They kill Gary. She questions how Jewel did it. A group of Jewel’s friends from prison take the body away.

Module 6

1. Int. Doud’s Bedroom – Night

She finds Gary’s finger on the nightstand.

2. Ext. Ana’s Outreach – Morning

Vivian parks and takes a box out of the car. She is approached by a vendor for a coffee. She stops under the Marquee – ” Ana’s Outreach.”

Proudly she enters her new business.

• This reply was modified 3 months, 3 weeks ago by  Ronald Neustrom.