Lesson 14

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s Scary as Hell Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is how to stack the emotions in an order that ratchets up the horror and pulls the audience further into the story.

INT. LIGHTHOUSE – NIGHT

The floorboards groan under their feet. Their flashlights dart over peeling walls, revealing decades-old graffiti scrawled in uneven handwriting.

LUCAS
(mocking)
Oooooh, so scary –

Mark laughs and shoves Lucas playfully. He stumbles back, stepping into a ritual circle and disturbing the salt line.

The door SLAMS shut behind them with a deafening BANG. Mark spins around.

MARK
What the hell?!

Lucas laughs. Edmund reaches for the handle. It won’t budge. Edmund grins, forcing false bravado.

EDMUND
I guess we’re sleeping here tonight.

Mark pushes him from the door and leans into the door, shoving it open with effort. The wind rushes in. They exhale, chuckling uneasily.

The group looks around the small area. Mark grabs a can of spray paint from his backpack and starts tagging a nearby wall according to Lucas’s directions.

Edmund walks around, taking everything in. He spots something in the corner. A small leather journal sits hidden in the shadows. Edmund steps forward and grabs the book. His breath fogs in the air.

Lucas looks over at Edmund, curious about the book. He snatches it from his hand, disturbing more of the salt circle. The lantern flickers.

Edmund’s gaze flicks to the lantern, his brows creasing in concern. Lucas flicks through the book. Not finding anything of use, he slams it shut and pushes it back to Edmund.

Edmund
I don’t like this, man. Maybe we should head back.

The lantern flickers once—then goes out completely.

Darkness. A hissing breath inches along the walls.

Then, the lantern flares back to life.

MARK IS GONE.

Edmund and Lucas whip around.

EDMUND
(frantic, barely whispering)
"Mark?!"

The salt circle is broken.

Lucas backs up, heart pounding.

Then—a low, wet scrape across the wooden floor.

They both freeze.

From the shadows, a figure steps forward.

It looks like Mark. His mouth gapes open, but his chest doesn’t rise or fall. His arms hang too long, fingers twitching like a broken marionette. His head jerks to one side.

MARK
(distorted, wet whisper)
"You said you'd never leave me alone."

Lucas bolts for the exit.

Edmund moves to follow—

The door SLAMS SHUT on its own.

Edmund grabs the handle, but the wood blackens beneath his fingers. His skin numbs instantly.

He snatches his hand back. Frostbite. It’s cold enough to burn.

The shadows slither up the walls. They writhe, moving too fast, like something unseen is pushing inside them.

Mark’s head tilts unnaturally.

MARK
"You let me die."

Edmund stumbles backward.

Lucas is already gone.

Edmund turns, sprinting for the staircase. The wood beneath his feet groans.

Something cold brushes his ankle. He doesn’t look back. The whispering turns to screaming.

Edmund slams into the stairs, scrambling up them two at a time.

Below, the darkness SEETHES. The walls twist, buckling unnaturally as the shadows lunge toward him.

The stairs elongate. The lantern’s light wobbles.

MARK (O.S.)
"You’ll die here. You’ll die here. YOU’LL DIE HERE."

Edmund gasps as a black tendril lashes out, wrapping around his wrist. His veins blacken beneath his skin. His fingers turn stiff, frozen.

He wrenches free, skin splitting as the shadow peels away. Edmund reaches the top.

The rotating beacon of the lighthouse illuminates the room. Edmund falls to his knees, gasping.

The shadows stop.

They hover at the threshold of light, writhing, unable to move forward.

The whispering fades into a slow, rhythmic hum—waiting.

Edmund clutches his wrist—the skin there blackened, veins still tinged dark.

Outside, the storm rages, trapping him inside.

He has to survive until sunrise.

[David Wickenden]

David Wickenden Scary-As-Hell Scene
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?”
By sequencing the types of scares, you ramp up the terror and emotions for your audience.
Horror Situation: The group find their commanding officer. He was skinned alive.
Emotional: Webster loses it.
Fear: Barrett orders Webster to search storage room for monster.
Anguish: Webster is terrified what he’ll find.
Surprise/Scare: Something moves and Webster opens up on it.
Release: it’s only a mop.
Anxiety: Cortez hears a noise
Shock: The monster has appeared.
Release: It’s gone as fast as it arrived.

INT. BOARDROOM – NIGHT
The group rush into a large boardroom, a massive table taking much of the room's center. The first soldiers sweep their rifles across the empty space, while the remaining members back into the room, weapons aimed outward.
WEBSTER
(fearful)
Fuck! He was skinned alive. What does that?
MIA
Pull if together, Junior. It's nothing we can put down.
ZURI
You've got that straight.
She caresses her rifle and plants a kiss on the stock.
ZURI
Just don't get in the way when I light the fucker up.
Barrett pushes through them. He snarls at Webster.
BARRETT
Careful, boy. The General won't be too pleased if his boy wets himself the first time he comes face to face with a tango.
He pushes Webster towards the back of the room.
BARRETT
Now make yourself useful and clear that storage room.
Webster skids to a stop, almost falling. He glares at the others, but they are already checking their equipment. He turns and looks over his shoulder and stares at the door to the storage area.
He makes a scene pulling his gear so that it hangs right. He puffs out his chest and takes a long stride towards the room. He brings up his rifle at the ready, his finger already hovering over the trigger.
His lower lip quiver and his feet slow on their own accord. Eyes wide, he's panting through his nose. He looks back to see if any of the others have his back, but they are ignoring him.
Awkwardly, with the barrel of his rifle pressed against the door, he releases the latch. He pushes the door open, but it swings back at him. He is forced to use his hip to keep the door propped open.
He peers into the darkened room, the rifle visibly shaking. With his free hand, he reaches and flicks on the switch. He opens fire and empties his clip, strafing the room.
The others come running, rifles up. Barrett peers over Webster's shoulder, into the room and sees nothing but shot-up supplies. Liquid drips from shelves, a mop slowly falls to one side.
BARRETT
(astounded)
God-damn-it, boy. Just what the fuck is wrong with you.
(beat)
You just killed a mop.
Barrett shakes his head in disbelief.
BARRETT
You were fuckin' adopted, weren't ya? No way the General had anything to do with bringing you into the world. No God-Damn way.
INT. STORAGE ROOM – NIGHT
A cloud of gun smoke hangs in the room. The wall and the ceiling are marked with bullet holes. A substance with the consistency of black molasses begins to pour from the holes.
The liquid pools and starts to transform, steadily growing and evolving into the form of the monster. As it grows, it forces a cardboard box to fall over.
INT. BOARDROOM – NIGHT
Cortez cleans his rifle while he munches on cheese and crackers. He hears a noise and turns his head towards the storage room.
Annoyed, he sighs and gets to his feet. Picking up his rifle by the stock, he casually walks to the room and pushes the door open.
The monster stands over him. He turns to run and the creature drives a spear-shaped hand through the back of his head. Skull and brains spray over a few of the soldiers.
Mia starts to gag even as she fires on the monster. The door to the storage room slams shut and bullets rip through the door.
While Barrett moves towards the door, Mia sees a chunk of brain on the floor and throws up. The others grimace and move away from her.
Barrett pushes the door with the barrel of his rifle. The room lies empty.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  David Wickenden.

[Nick Walsh]

LESSON #14

Nick’s Scary-as-Hell Scene

What Learnt: I’m finding that some of these techniques are happening naturally in the course of the drama. I didn’t label them, but they are obvious as the despair increases.

Scene:

INT. STOCK BARN – EVENING
Stalls occupy one side of the barn. Across from it, on the other side, is a long wide board on barrels.
Three eyeless man, GREGORY, MIKE, and BILLY are lounging in the center of the large open area between the stalls and the board quietly listening to Lee and Gene as they sob in despair in their stalls.
Gregory, the elder of the eyeless men, stands and limps unerring to Gene’s stall. He reaches out and touches Gene on the shoulder.
Gene recoils and scoots away in fear, trembling.
GENE
No, no-no, no…
GREGORY
Don’t be afraid. You’re with us now.
Gene is stunned for a beat, regaining some composure.
GENE
Wh-Who are you?
GREGORY
I’m a captive, just like you, and I’m here to tell you, things will get better.
Gene reaches out with his hand, searching, and finds Gregory’s face. He touches around the head, the long hair and beard, the mouth, then the eyes. He flinches, jerks back his hand.
GREGORY
Yes, I’m sightless, as I assume you are. But don’t be afraid.
GENE
Don’t be afraid? I didn’t ask to be blinded.
(getting angry)
Who are these freaks?
Lee stands up in his five-foot high stall, feeling his way up the side, looks over to the direction of the conversation.
LEE
Gene? Who’re you talking to?
Gregory turns his head towards Lee.
GREGORY
Welcome to your new home. My name is Gregory.
LEE
I-I’m Lee.
Gregory reaches his hand over the stall to Lee’s face and touches him. Lee flinches.
GREGORY
(chuckles)
I know. It’ hard at first. You’ll get used to it.
GENE
Used to it? Are you crazy?
LEE
Do you have anything for pain?
GREGORY
As we’ve all learned, nature will take your pain away in time.
GENE
Time? How long have you been here?
Gregory turns to Gene’s voice.
GREGORY
What year is it?
GENE
Twenty twenty five.
GREGORY
Wow. Time flies. I’ve been here since nineteen ninety eight.
LEE
What? You’ve been here twenty seven years? Oh, no…
Lee is stricken by the thought of never getting back to civilization and home.
GREGORY
Yeah. I was forty years old when I wandered into this place.
A pregnant pause as Gene and Lee are momentarily horrified by the thought of being here one more day, much less forever.
GENE
You said, “us.” How many more of you are there?
GREGORY
Two more.
(to the other two)
Hey, Mike. Billy. Come over here and meet our new brothers.
Mike and Billy walk unerringly over to Gregory.
GREGORY
Mike. Billy. This is Lee.
They feel Lee’s face. Lee flinches, but allows it.
MIKE
Hi, Lee. Welcome.
BILLY
Good to meet you, Lee.
Gregory turns to Gene.
GREGORY
And this is… Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.
GENE
I didn’t give it to you… Gene.
Mike and Billy reach out, touch Gene’s face. Gene flinches.
MIKE
Nice to meet you, Gene.
BILLY
Welcome.
GREGORY
They’ll be here to feed us soon. You’ll like the food.
LEE
I don’t care a rat’s ass about the damn food. I just want outta here and get to a hospital.
He breaks down.
GREGORY
Sorry to hear that. But the sooner you accept your fate, the more tolerable it will be, and after a year or so, you won’t even miss your old life, I promise.
(to Mike and Billy)
Isn’t that right, guys?
BILLY
Yup.
Lee sinks in despair and wails.
GREGORY
Sorry, but that’s the way it is. Accept it, or die.
GENE
Haven’t you’ve ever tried to escape?
GREGORY
Tried? Of course I tried. But where do you go without sight? Nothing’s familiar. I was lost when I stumbled across this place with my seeing eyes.
GENE
What happened?
GREGORY
I estimate I got maybe a quarter mile from here, bumping into trees and tripping over rocks when they caught me. I got the beating of my life and they cut off my heels and toes.
Lee wails at hearing that.
GREGORY
Mike here also tried to leave and was caught, too. Same punishment. I’m just trying to save you the trouble of trying. You can’t do it without eyeballs. So, unless you got somebody with eyeballs to find you. You’re here forever.
GENE
We do… I think.

xxx

[Patricia Semler]

Pat’s Scary-as-hell scene
What I learned doing this assignment is wracking up scares is as simple as examining each moment to build that nervous energy before letting it explode, not literally this time, into fear.
Situation – everyone needs to search house for missing people and come together for protection.
EMOTION SEQUENCE – dread to hysteria
Dread – Working in pairs, the teens have to find missing people, not knowing what’s waiting for them
Anxiety – Arianna’s already twitchy, having had a brush with the witch
Surprise – Working with Johnny Ray, they open a door and a painted head rolls away
Release – After the initial fright, Arianna explains away the thing with her “research” Santeria put heads against their doors as guards.
Suspense – anybody here? Johnny Ray raises the candle high, there’s Bryan. Sleeping.
Apprehension – How can he sleep after all this? Approach.
Shock – Body has no head
Anguish – How gross. Wait a minute. Look around for the guardian head
Shock – its Bryan’s.
Hysteria – Arianna screams, runs. Johnny Ray beats her to the door to get out.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – UPPER HALL – NIGHT
Arianna practically glues herself to Johnny Ray’s back as they inch along the hall by candlelight.
Ahead of them the hall seems unnaturally long and creepy with doors hanging half open and shadowed. Some are closed.
JOHNNY RAY
Bryan, Dahlia wants us all together. Where are you?
Only floorboards creaking under their feet breaks a blanketing silence.
Johnny stops at a closed room. Taking a breath he tests the knob, pushes the door open with some resistance.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – BEDROOM – NIGHT
One hand on the knob, the other holding the candle high Johnny shoves into the room.
Something rolls across the floor.
Arianna screeches, clings to his back. Johnny lowers the candle.
It’s a head painted half red, half black.
Disgusted he takes the light off it.
JOHNNY RAY
Oh, gross.
ARIANNA
Wait, wait, wait. I saw this in a post about Santeria. They put stone heads at their doors as guardians. Isn’t that odd?
JOHNNY RAY
It’s blasphemous. A house should be guarded by the Savior’s cross, not idolatry.
ARIANNA
Not arguing religion, its what they believe. What’s that on the bed?
They inch further into the room, candle light seeming to dwindle as they approach the huge canopied bed.
Feet hang over the end, legs splayed. Body flat out.
ARIANNA
Bryan! How dare you sleep at a time like this!
They round to the side. The light slides up the torso.
Arms flung to either side. And
NO HEAD.
Arianna screeches, plants her face into Johnny’s back. He sidesteps for balance under her weight, kicks something on the floor.
It’s the missing saw.
Johnny Ray gapes a moment, then his hand with the candle moves. His eyes follow, land on the stone head.
The candle flame flares. Johnny Ray’s eyes go wide as he sees past the paint and recognizes Bryan’s features.
Feeling his tension Arianna has to look up, straight at the head. This is too much for her to process. She lets out a blood-curdling scream.
That’s all the prompt Johnny Ray needs. He beelines for the door swinging shut.
The saw starts up with an ominous roar. A witchy cackle cracks over them.
Arianna bolts after Johnny Ray. They claw at the panel to keep it from shutting them in.
INT. SOUTHERN MANSION – UPPER HALL – NIGHT
The pair fight each other to get out, drag the door shut.
Arianna sobs. Johnny Ray clings to the door knob.
JOHNNY RAY
Christ implores. In the name of. God the Father. I can’t remember the words.
ARIANNA
What does it matter! She’s everywhere.
DAHLIA (O.S.)
Arianna! Johnny Ray. Everybody to the drawing room now.

[Deborah Daughetee]

Debbie’s Scary as Hell Moments

I learned how to plan a scene’s progression. Although I had already written this scene, I will now rewrite it, adding a few things I didn’t do the first time.

EXT. RIVERBOAT PADDLE WHEEL – DAY

Horror Situation: Establishes an Atmosphere of Horror – A CREWMAN tasked to remove a strange seaweed from the PaddleWheel, unaware of the monster lurking in the muddy depths of the river.

• Anxiety – as he tries to remove the seaweed that looks wrong.
• Surprise/Scare – As a muddy tendril reaches for his ankle and pulls him into the water
• Panic – as he tries to get back on deck
• Release – he makes it back to the deck. He makes his way to the stars and starts up.
• Surprise/Scare, as the tendril like an octopus arm slams down on the stair in front of him.
• Fear – He stumbles down the stairs behind him, and the vines on the paddlewheel begin to writhe.
• Dread – The tendril slides down a few stairs, leaving a mud trail. The crewman backs up and grabs the boat hook as a weapon.
• Shock/Scare – Another tendril shoots out of the water and wraps around his waist.
• Anguish – as he is pulled under the water and disappears

EXT. RIVERBOAT PADDLE WHEEL – DAY

CAPTAIN HARLAN GRAVES, late 40s, wears a faded navy or black frock coat with brass buttons dulled by years of river mist. A wide-brimmed hat shades his weathered face, and a neatly knotted cravat peeks from a sweat-stained collar.
He stands with a DECKHAND in his 30s, dressed in a loose, sweat-streaked linen shirt with rolled-up sleeves and patched canvas trousers held up by frayed suspenders. A battered slouch hat shields his eyes from the sun.
Graves points at the paddlewheel, which is covered with a strange seaweed.

CAPTAIN GRAVES
I want the seaweed cleaned off this wheel by the time we’re scheduled to set sail. The neglect it took for this…

DECKHAND
But Captain, I swear these weren’t here this morning. I’ve never seen seaweed like this. It isn’t — natural.

CAPTAIN GRAVES
I don’t want to hear your excuses or your silly superstitions. Now get in the water and do your job, or you won’t have one.

Captain Graves storms off. The deckhand stares at the vines, then at the water; nothing moves. The deckhand turns away, muttering under his breath. He doesn’t want to get near the water.

EXT. RIVERBOAT – LOWER DECK – NIGHT

The paddlewheel looms silent, half-submerged in the dark water. The deckhand crouches at the edge of the deck with his sleeves rolled up, gripping a boat hook. He leans out, snagging a tangle of seaweed on the wheel.

He pulls back, but nothing budges. He pulls harder. The mess gives suddenly, and his foot slips on the wet and slippery deck, causing him to lose his balance. Just as he regains it, a muddy tendril shoots out of the river and wraps around his ankle. He goes down into the river.

He surfaces, coughing on the water he’d swallowed and floundering before he can get back to the deck and haul himself out.
He looks at the water, but there’s nothing but a ripple. He looks at the seaweed, then shakes his head.

CREWMAN
Nope.

He crosses the deck to the stairs and starts up when a huge, muddy tendril slaps down on the stairs above him, blocking his way.

The crewman stumbles back, almost losing his balance. He gets to the deck, but suddenly, the vines covering the paddle wheel start to writhe like a nest of vipers.

The tendril slips down the stairs, leaving a trail of mud and detritus in its wake. The crewman keeps backing up. He grabs the boat hook and brandishes it.

Suddenly, another tendril shoots out of the water and wraps around his waist. He drops the boat hook, flailing his arms as the tendril pulls him under the muddy water. The vines fall off the paddlewheel, and the first tendril withdraws, leaving behind a muddy trail.

There is no sign that anything happened but the mud on the steps and the crewman’s hat bobbing in the gentle waves.

[Barry Barry Durbin Durbin]

Barry's Scary as Hell Scene

What I learned doing this assignment is how to add many horror elements to a scene to elevate the horror.

Horror Situation: The creature breaks through a window and pulls Bennie outside and kills him.

Horror Map:
Apprehension: They smell the bad smell again. What is it?
Creepy Moment: The creature is lurking outside
Fear: Bennie sits near the window.
Creepy Moment: There is a crack in the window.
Suspense: Everyone is talking and are unaware that the creature is nearby.
Fear: Bennie sits by the window
Creepy Moment: The creature is getting closer to the window. We see the crack.
Suspense: Bennie sits quietly. The others talk.
Shock: The creature's arm crashes through the window.
Terror: Bennie is pulled through the window.
Panic: The other scream and scramble to hide.
Fear: They hear Bennie screaming outside.
Creepy Moment: We see Bennies dead, bloody body.

Note: This is the Second Turning Point.

INT. ENCAMPMENT – NIGHT
The group sits in an interior room without windows. Alex paces around the room. There is tension in the room.

ALEX
Everyone keep your flares ready. Bennie, give me your lighter.

BENNIE
Dude, it’s the only one I have.

The group groans at his response.

ALEX
That’s the only we have to light the flares, DUDE! Give it here.

Bennie rolls his eyes, takes a deep breath, and pulls his lighter out of his pants pocket and tosses it to Alex.

ALEX
Thanks.

Bennie waves him off without speaking and turns his head away from Alex. Beth makes a sour face. The others do the same.

BETH
There’s that smell again. What in the hell is that?

She looks at Bennie.

BETH
Is that another one of your lactose farts Bennie? Gross!

Bennie jumps up angrily. The others laugh.

BENNIE
I told you it’s not me! Fuck off.

Bennie storms out of the room. He plops down on the floor against the exterior wall, adjacent to a window that has a large crack.

MEGHANN
Come on Bennie. We’re just teasing. Come back in here. It’s safer away from the window.

Bennie flips her off.

MEGHANN
Oh, well.

Bennie sits, sulking.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT – CONTINUOUS
A thump is heard coming from inside the building. From the creature’s POV, it turns toward the direction of the sound and sees the cracked window.

INT. ENCAMPMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Nashoba, Meghann, and Beth sit in the interior room. They occasionally peak around the corner at Bennie who sits sulking, head down. Alex continues to pace.

NASHOBA
The spirits are angry. They don’t want us here.

ALEX
It’s a little late for that now.

NASHOBA
We should have listened to my Grandmother. She speaks of giant, hairy creatures from the spirit world that are the protectors of our people.

BETH
Giant, hairy creatures? Why didn’t you tell us this before?

Suddenly, BANG! The girls jump and scream. Another BANG is heard. They peak around the corner and Bennie is banging the back of his head against the wall.

MEGHANN
Bennie! Cut it out.

BETH
What the hell man?

Bennie snarls at them.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT – CONTINUOUS
The creatures legs are visible waling along the building they are sitting inside.

INT. ENCAMPMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Closer shot of Bennie sitting near the window with the crack visible.
The others are calm and relaxed.

ALEX
Let’s just stick together and we can leave after daybreak.

Nashoba clutches his necklace. He looks up and speaks in his native Choctaw language.

MEGHANN
What does that mean?

NASHOBA
I was asking the spirits to protect us.

Meghann looks up and does the sign of the cross.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT – CONTINUOUS
From behind, the creature is moving closer to the window. Close view of the window crack.

INT. ENCAMPMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Bennie remains sitting by the window, head down, and quiet. He bangs the back of his head against the wall one more time.

The others get up and move toward Bennie.

ALEX
Come on dude! Cut it out.

The room goes silent. Suddenly, CRASH! The creature’s arm crashes through the window. It grabs Bennie and pulls him out the window. Glass flies across the room. The all scream and jump back into the other room.

MEGHANN
Bennie! NOOOO!

Bennie is screaming in agony. Alex runs to the broken window and looks outside. The creature is standing over Bennie. It looks up at him.

MEGHANN
Alex, get back. What are you doing?

Alex pulls out the lighter and lights the flare, holds it out the window, and jumps outside. The others are frozen in fear.

EXT. ENCAMPMENT – MOMENTS LATER
Alex stands facing the creature holding the flare with his are extended. The creature stands up and moves away from Bennie. We see the full creature now. Its mouth is dripping with blood. Its eyes are covered with long hair, but long, sharp teeth and claws. Its shoulder span is as wide as two or three men. It towers over Alex.

ALEX
Get the fuck out of here.

The creature stands still. It doesn’t advance towards Alex. The two stare each other down. Alex waves the flare at the creature. It reacts and steps back.

ALEX
Go on. Get out of here. Leave us the hell alone you beast from hell.

Alex waves the flare more vigorously at the creature. The creature lets out a loud, aggressive sounding growl. Alex take out a second flare and lights it with the burning flare. He steps toward the creature and throws a flare at the creature hitting it in the chest. Its thick fur catches on fire.
The creature screams and begins beating the flames. It flails around for a few seconds and manages to extinguish the flames. It makes eye contact with Alex. It turns around and walks through a portal and disappears.

ALEX
Where the hell did it go?

He runs over to Bennie. He’s dead.

• This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by  Barry Barry Durbin Durbin.