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Lesson 15
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15 Replies
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Deb’s memorable ending
What I’ve learned: This was tough because, throughout this entire rewrite, I have been searching for my ending, building it, tearing it down, and rebuilding it – so when I came to this assignment, it made me question everything all over again. However, going through the steps, confirmed to me that the structure is solid. I did make some minor changes to dialogue and detail, but that can’t be seen in this outline.
(I hope this doesn’t seem like a cop-out, because I did do the work – this is the first time in this class that I did not do a radical revision)
To whoever reads this: please provide insights into something that seems off or may be missing altogether.
Set up from Act 1:
We begin with a quick scene where Torrie, her daughter, and her grandson, Victor are in a church service, and the following versicles are chanted: “The Lord is merciful, gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.”
Basic Outline:
The artist, Torrie, claims her artwork is not biographical or chronological but theological. What does she mean by this? When her old friend, Abby, brings her troubled teenage granddaughter, Delia to Torrie’s art exhibit, Torrie has a chance to “tell the story” of each piece of artwork (the artwork comes to life and we are ‘sucked into’ the story).
Meanwhile, we learn that Delia (who’s emotionally estranged from her mom) has been suspended from school for cyberbullying and is greatly distressed because Abby has destroyed her Smart Phone, something she’s addicted to.
Questions also presented: Where is Delia’s father? Where is Abby’s husband?
The artwork’s theme is “The Plastic Bag”. The bag changes hands and causes multiple stories as represented in the artwork.
Story 1: The Curse – how the bag comes to be cursed (a bag from a carry-out pizza place)
Story 2: Carry Out – a husband and wife save their child from suffocation
(set up: a father breathes life into his child)
Story 3: The Windshield – a near-car accident impedes the engagement of a young couple while a little brother makes mischief in the back seat. While on the side of the road, they save a kitten.
(set up: the young man (father figure) cuddles a bedraggled kitten)
Set up from Act 2:
Delia, though pining for her phone, becomes interested and engaged in the stories.
Note: The characters in Story 2 “Carry Out” (husband, wife, and baby) continue to make appearances as minor characters in the following stories:
Story 4: The Game – in “Capture the Bag” the nerd defeats the bully
(set up: the nerd (father figure) comforts the bully)
Story 5: Urgent Care – A mother persuades her son to allow the doctor to care for his injured hand
(set up: a mother who must act like a father is patient with her son)
When Torrie is pulled away, Delia meets Torrie’s grandson, Victor, who through an accident, is a quadriplegic. She is amazed by his sense of humor and his artistic abilities. We learn that Delia has deep scars from her own parents’ divorce (her father left and never returned).
Story 6: The Heist – An elderly man with dementia pulls off a theft but regrets it and makes amends
(set up: a father gains a great amount of money and gives it away)
As Delia continues to engage with Torrie, she becomes increasingly disillusioned with the “happy endings” the stories supply. She accuses Torrie of not being a real artist because she doesn’t tell the truth. She wonders about her own “happy ending” she fears will never come.
We understand now that The Plastic Bag is a metaphor for life, coming at us hard, and asking us, “What will you do with me?”.
Now we know about Delia’s father. But what about Abby’s husband?
Story 7: The Donation – A spendthrift is given a second chance at life but blows it again.
(set up: a father comes to his daughters’ rescue)
At the end of Act 2, Delia disappears.
3rd Act Current Structural Beats:
Plot Point 2 – Abby realizes that Delia has stolen her credit card and gone to buy a new phone. Abby goes after her.
Crisis – Abby stops Delia from buying the phone. The argument carries into the street and Delia is so distraught she steps off the curb into oncoming traffic. Abby grabs her by the hair and pulls her back.
Delia asks if life is always going to be this hard. Abby affirms, yes, life is hard.
Climax – The next day, they return to the art studio where Torrie shares the story of the final piece of artwork.
Story 8: The Party – An older sister resents her father for forgiving her wayward younger sister.
(set up: a father’s deep commitment and love for his family)
Torrie and Abby reveal to Delia that the stories in the artwork are about themselves (events that really happened in their own lives) – however, Torrie changed the endings of the stories to “happy endings”. The real stories are tragedies. In quick flashbacks, we see what really happened.
Story 2: In real life, Abby and her husband’s first child dies.
• At this point we have a pretty good picture of who Abby and her husband are in real life – as they are portrayed in different scenarios in the artwork.
Story 3: In a serious car accident, Victor becomes a quadriplegic
Story 4: A metaphor for Victor’s struggle to accept the tragedy that’s befallen him
Story 7: This is Torrie’s story of how she, too, was a troubled teenager and how she and Abby became friends.
Story 8: Torrie’s reconciliation with her father and her sister, eventually restored their family.
We are given the impression that perhaps Abby’s husband is no longer a part of her life; that the tragedy that befell their family tore them apart, and they too are divorced.
Now, Delia sees that life can be worse than she’s imagined… yet somehow, these people have survived.
Resolution – Torrie goes back over the paintings, in quick flashbacks, and explains why she re-shaped the stories. She confirms that her art is not biographical or chronological, but theological. She reveals her understanding of how God the Father is in every story, and what His disposition is; story 1) “the lord”, story 2) “is merciful”, story 3) “and gracious”, story 5) “slow to anger”, story 6) “abounding in”, story 7) “steadfast”, story 8) “love.”
Final Page – The return home. Abby and Delia return to Delia’s house and Delia reconciles with her mom. We also see that Abby’s husband is still a loving part of their family. They all share a carry-out meal on the porch and the plastic bag, which holds the food, gets caught up and carried away in the wind.
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Hi Deb
Like you I was unable to find much to improve. I know you did the work as I too read through the script numerous times to ensure I hit all the rules.
The series of stories is a complex, yet interesting structure. I would really be interested in seeing it.
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Deb:
Good morning and what a delightful way to start my day by reading your assignment.
I find your story to be a complex and intricate story filled with many points of reflection and inspiration. There is an element of the film “Everything, Everywhere, All at Once ” to it. Really impressed with your skill and focus to deliver a solid “Profound Script”.
As David has already mentioned, we three seem to share the same experience. By this time in the class we have really poured over the lessons and assignments and have focused on delivering a really strong finish. A credit to the design and mastery of Hal and his team. It is also a validation of our skills at putting in the work and getting to a strong finish.
Congratulations!
Bob
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Thank you for your kind words. This class has been, and continues to be amazing!
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David Wickenden Amazing Third Act.
What I have learned?
Although I have not made many changes to the ending as I feel that it does follow the 7 rules, I will use these rules when planning any new projects. By adding this to the outline, there is an opportunity to avoid a week ending.
Adam has great qualities, but his over father has done much damage by never having time for his family and by always pointing out Adam’s faults. We see this in the First Act. Throughout the entire 2<sup>nd</sup> Act, Adam does everything that he can to learn to be a leader and make the right decision but is continually doubting himself. As he succeeds in first finding the Staff and learning how to wield it, Adam’s confidence grows. When Ian is killed by the Queen and when Adam loses the staff, he is tested once again.
The confidence he has learned helps him face the Queen, but he still holds himself responsible for Ian’s death. It takes a reminder from one of the leaders that he has the power to fix the problem. With very little hesitation he makes the decision to bring balance to both heavens, thereby returning Ian and all the others who have fallen in the war back to like.
The end of the 2<sup>nd</sup> Act find Adam being tortured by the Queen. He believes he has no hope of surviving and that he has lost.
INT. QUEEN’S TENT – NIGHT
The Queen is torturing Adam. Her tent is surrounding by her entire army.
INT. QUEEN’S TENT – LATER
Adam is rescued by he comrades while the human army attacks the camp, causing a diversion.
EXT. CENTER OF HEAVEN – MORNING
Adam finds that the Staff was not lost, but that Rob had managed to rescue it.
EXT. CENTER OF HEAVEN – CONTINUOUS
Adam faces the Queen and her army and forces them to march back to the rift.
EXT. VALLEY OF THE RIFT – DAY
Adam faces the Queen one last time. Defeated, she turns to leave when Freddy attacks and kills her.
EXT. VALLEY OF THE RIFT – AFTERNOON
Once the last of the aliens have gone back to their home world through the rift, Adam uses the Staff to bury the rift so it cannot be used again.
EXT. CENTER OF HEAVEN – MORNING
While the survivors of the war celebrate, Adam grieves for Ian. King Richard reminds him about the power of the Staff and that the remaining task was to bring peace to both heavens.
EXT. PLAINS OF HEAVEN – MORNING
Adam uses the Staff to return everything back to way it was before the Rift was found. This brings back all those who were killed, including the Queen and Ian.
EXT. ABANDON MINING CAMP – DAY
As they return to earth, the group have a meeting with God who thanks them for their help and that the future might hold more challenges.
I am happy with the ending and feel that it does follow the 7 rules mentioned in the lesson. However, I will use this as part of any outline moving forward.
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Your structure is solid and follows all the rules. Nice set up and follow through – it seems like a great adventure story!
One red flag comes to mind (and I don’t know your script – so I don’t have all the details) so forgive any ignorance…
You have Freddy kill the queen and not Adam. It appears that Adam is the protag. And the queen is the Antag. So shouldn’t Adam defeat her ultimately?
Like Dorothy in Wizard of Oz, her friends helped her, but it was she who killed the witch.
Great work and good luck with your first page rewrite.
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Thanks Deb. Freddy does kill the Queen. Adam was trying to force the Queen and her army to return to their own heaven without bloodshed, but Freddy steals that away. Trust me, it makes sense in the story.
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I suspected something to that effect. 🙂 Makes sense.
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David:
This is a true epic adventure story that leaves opportunities to be developed into a multi-film franchise. Exciting and promising.
The set-up and delivery of the challenges and conflicts are resolved with great skill in the ending.
The subtext is well developed and your structure seems to align with the lesson.
The reality that the “device = the staff” has the leverage to deliver multiple lessons about life and risk taking. The ultimate battle is epic in scope and seems to feed the audience with expectations, mystery and suspense.
I can see this has a multiple film and even some prequel opportunities.
I look forward to reading your script as we exchange scripts in the last lesson.
Bob
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Bob’s Amazing Third Act.
What I learned from this assignment is the leverage of doing the work to arrive at an ending that is both satisfying and contains elements of surprise and resolution.
Has I had chosen the ending to be the work I did on Lesson 14, “Writing memorable Lines”, the work I did was in aligning the set-up and resolution with the structure presented in this lesson.
The work was challenging as I was truly committed to the ending I had written previously. Still, a breakthrough happened and I believe the ending is now stronger for the work.
Set-up from Act 1:
Fran is devastated by a divorce out of the blue. Left with a three year old and almost no money, Fran retreats to her fathers home where she is rescued with the condition that Fran submits to his rules and expectations for her future. At the same time, a World Champion is hired to build a rowing program in of all places, Wichita, Kansas. It is destiny that the coach and Fran’s future is about to braid together and change them both.
Set-up from Act 2:
Bullied by her father to join the rowing crew, Fran steps into the unknown despite being afraid of drowning, as she doesn’t know how to swim. In order for this college crew to even compete, Title IX requires both a women’s and a men’s crew. The problem, the women are unable to maintain a full boat. This challenge threatens the entire future of the program.
Fran, as a single mother struggling with college, finds her voice during this process. She quickly becomes a leader for the first time in her life and the women look to her to unify them and speak for them.
When Fran is made stroke, this cements her leadership role. Then, multiple crisis happen from an injury leaving the boat short of a rower, to a woman dropping out of school and leaving the boat down a rower as well.
Will Fran be able to solve these challenges and preserve the women’s crew and the entire program.
Beats of ACT 3:
1) The coach informs the crew that Fran will be the new stroke. Creates conflict among the women. Fran is filled with self doubt and fear.
2) Fran goes home to practice with her instrument. Her father thinks Fran has changed her mind and is returning to her music like he expects her to do.
3) Fran shows improvement at stroke and the women slowly accept her.
4) The coach asks Fran to assume additional responsibilities as stroke. Be a leader. Fran hesitates and finally accepts.
5) Fran tells the women that one of their members has dropped out of school and they are in serious trouble of dissolving the crew
6) They arrive in Austin for spring training and Fran learns that her divorce is final.
7) The coach kicks off three men for breaking team rules. This crisis binds the women together for the first time.
8) Returning from Spring Training Fran confronts her father, who has been at war with Fran ever since she changed majors from music to business. He continues to give Fran, a daddy’s girl, the silent treatment and it tears Fran apart.
9) With Fran solving the problem of an ineligible rower, and a new woman joining the crew,
the women, and the overall program are ready for their first regatta.
10) Fran again confronts her father to get him to attend the regatta. He agrees but on one big condition. If she loses the regattas, she will quit rowing and return to the status quo of him masking the rules. Fran accepts the challenge.
11) The day of the regatta, the women are overwhelmed at the size and athleticism of their opponents. They seem to have been defeated before the race has even started.
12) At the start of the race, Fran’s greatest fear of being thrown into the river come true. Flailing she fights her way back into the boat.
13) Rowing faster and longer than they have ever rowed, the women win a thrilling race coming from behind to emerge victorious.
14) After the race, Fran delivers the statement that “We are through taking turns”. A nod to women empowerment and the reality of the dawn of Title IX.
15) Frans father reconciles with Fran as Fran leaks out a tear as her father extends his hand in the first sign of acceptance since Fran emerged as a leader. There is no dialogue for this scene.
As I look at the 7 Rules for a Great Ending, I believe I have satisfied them. The hardest one was Number 5 ” Don’t Go ON THE NOSE. This took real work and was a grind to get to the closing line and sequence. It took a real breakthrough to land on the ending .
This has been really challenging as the story is based on a true events.
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Bob,
Seems like you’ve crafted a wonderful “underdog” story… between Fran and her father and also Fran and the rowing team.
Your setups in Acts 1 & 2 come to a nice resolution in Act 3. And the beats raise the steaks and push us all the way to the end.
It is very difficult to take a personal true story and turn it into a screenplay. You have to take real people, box them up, and make them follow a certain set of rules!
Keep up the good work.
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Sounds like an exciting premise, Bob. I could almost see the race as I read it and this is just the outline. The dispute between Fran and her father seems dead on. We’ve all encountered people like her father. Great job.
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LESSON 13 – SEPARATING CHARACTER DIALOGUE
Trish Loves Separating Character Dialogue
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I must finish the screenplay to get a more accurate assessment of this assignment. However, I could see that Harald is progressing from the attributes of a young boy in his first battle, to a war-hardened soldier by the end, a nice maturity scale.
CHARACTER PROFILE:
Harald:
Role: King in the making
Core Character Traits: Loyal, Fierce, Brave, Determined
Character Subtext: Harald is is forced to leave childhood behind and become a man.
Flaw: Naïve
1. Before:
Harald screaming Olaf’s name
After:
“Olaf, Olaf. I’m coming. I’m coming. Dalkr, with me. Kalfr! Wait! Wait! You snake. You bas…”
Before:
“Who says I’m pouting?
After:
“Who says I’m pouting?” as he thumps his fist against his wounded leg. “Ouch.”
2. Before:
“I’m already in my bed. There’s no place you can send me.”
After:
“I’m already in this stupid, stinking bed. There’s no other stinking place you can send me no matter how badly you want to.
3. Before:
“Don’t you mean Heaven, Dalkr? I’m sure that’s where he is this very moment.”
After: “Don’t you mean Heaven, Dalkr? I’m sure that’s where he is this very moment. That’s where I want to be right now too. With my brother.
4. Before:
“I miss him. I’m tired of laying around in bed all day. You guys get to be up doing stuff, though I don’t know what that might be.”
After:
“I miss my brother. I’m tired of laying in bed all day with nothing to do. You guys get to be up doing stuff all day, though for the life of me, I don’t know what that could possibly be! I can only imagine while I lay here and twiddle my thumbs.”
Before:
“I’m not a king, Elisiv, but I will be. Will you marry me and be my wife?”
After:
“I know I’m not a king yet, Elisiv, but I will be the King of Norway one day. Will you marry me and be my wife?”
Before:
“Who betrayed us, you pig?”
After:
Who betrayed us, you rancid pig of a whoreson?”
Before:
“Well, my friends, we ride for home today.”
After:
“Well my friends, today we ride for Norway, towards our futures, and either life or death. God alone knows.”
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The Lesson marked 15 is incorrect.
LESSON 13 – SEPARATING CHARACTER DIALOGUE
Trish Loves Separating Character Dialogue
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I must finish the screenplay to get a more accurate assessment of this assignment. However, I could see that Harald is progressing from the attributes of a young boy in his first battle, to a war-hardened soldier by the end, a nice maturity scale.
CHARACTER PROFILE:
Harald:
Role: King in the making
Core Character Traits: Loyal, Fierce, Brave, Determined
Character Subtext: Harald is is forced to leave childhood behind and become a man.
Flaw: Naïve
1. Before:
Harald screaming Olaf’s name
After:
“Olaf, Olaf. I’m coming. I’m coming. Dalkr, with me. Kalfr! Wait! Wait! You snake. You bas…”
Before:
“Who says I’m pouting?
After:
“Who says I’m pouting?” as he thumps his fist against his wounded leg. “Ouch.”
2. Before:
“I’m already in my bed. There’s no place you can send me.”
After:
“I’m already in this stupid, stinking bed. There’s no other stinking place you can send me no matter how badly you want to.
3. Before:
“Don’t you mean Heaven, Dalkr? I’m sure that’s where he is this very moment.”
After: “Don’t you mean Heaven, Dalkr? I’m sure that’s where he is this very moment. That’s where I want to be right now too. With my brother.
4. Before:
“I miss him. I’m tired of laying around in bed all day. You guys get to be up doing stuff, though I don’t know what that might be.”
After:
“I miss my brother. I’m tired of laying in bed all day with nothing to do. You guys get to be up doing stuff all day, though for the life of me, I don’t know what that could possibly be! I can only imagine while I lay here and twiddle my thumbs.”
Before:
“I’m not a king, Elisiv, but I will be. Will you marry me and be my wife?”
After:
“I know I’m not a king yet, Elisiv, but I will be the King of Norway one day. Will you marry me and be my wife?”
Before:
“Who betrayed us, you pig?”
After:
Who betrayed us, you rancid pig of a whoreson?”
Before:
“Well, my friends, we ride for home today.”
After:
“Well my friends, today we ride for Norway, towards our futures, and either life or death. God alone knows.”
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Douglas E. Hughes Amazing 3rd Act
What I’ve learned: Like several of these later exercises, I’ve found that this issue has already been dealt with in the course of doing some of the earlier exercises. My ending hasn’t changed at all, and I’m very happy with it. It’s a satisfying button to the story with a nice little comic twist, and it bookends the opening scene perfectly. However, since elevating a few of the scenes just prior to the resolution, the ending now has an emotional resonance that it lacked before.
The basic storyline is this: Jack, a retired jewellery salesman, is the prototypical Self-Made Man. He made his living selling and buying jewellery, advertising the business with a series of cheesy late-night commercials in the 80’s. He’s living in “Transitions”, an upscale private retirement home, having been compelled to move there by his two kids who don’t believe he can live on his own any longer. Jack is no longer talking to his kids. He & his friends Blanche (his soon-to-be love interest), Gertie and Flora learn that their financial advisor, Robin Connor, has been arrested for running a Ponzi scheme, and they’ve all been bilked out of their life savings. They’re faced with the prospect of eviction at the end of the month, where they’ll be shipped off to “Departure Point”, the dreaded, government-run retirement facility. Connor collapses into a catatonic state at his arraignment, and is sent to hospital.
When he is unexpectedly delivered into the hands of Jack and his friends at Transitions, their first impulse is to kill him; but Jack learns that Connor has squirrelled away $10 million in diamonds, and strikes a deal with him–if he splits the loot with Jack and his friends, they’ll help him escape. The diamonds arrive and, just when they’re about to divide them up, Jack is forced to hide them from their nemesis, Nurse Harper, by hiding them in a bowl of pudding. Harper then inadvertently feeds them to Connor who, still faking his catatonic state, can do nothing to stop her. The inevitable attempt to retrieve them ensues.
Crisis: Connor learns that his court case has been thrown out. He’s a free man! The diamonds are recovered, and the gang are just about to divvy them up and send Connor on his merry way when the stones suddenly vanish. Jack goes off the deep end, hurling abuse at the others for the loss. Blanche walks out. Flora then collapses under the strain and is taken to hospital. Gertie helps Jack realize that, in his efforts to recoup what he’s lost, he’s only succeeded in alienating everyone around him–including his two kids, who have been trying desperately to reconcile with him. As the group searches for the missing diamonds, Jack sets about mending fences with both Blanche and his kids.
Climax: Connor finds the diamonds–Flora, who suffers from some serious short-term memory issues, has a website where she sells the costume jewelry she makes. She has inadvertently used the $10 million in stones to make a “faux” diamond necklace that’s now selling on the site for $750. Connor finds it, steals Jack’s wallet and passport, buys the necklace and has it shipped to Rio de Janeiro. He then absconds with a gleeful Nurse Harper and hops a plane to Brazil. Jack discovers the theft, and they all realize that Connor has screwed them again. Now, the move to Departure Point is all but assured.
Resolution: While Connor and Harper take the necklace to a jeweller’s shop in Rio, the friends sit with their luggage in the lobby at Transitions, waiting for the bus to Departure Point. Jack notices the necklace that Flora’s working on, a replica of the one that Connor has bought. He decides to take a closer look at it, and he discovers that it contains the real diamonds. Meanwhile, in Rio, Connor and Harper learn their mistake when the jeweller smashes one of the “diamonds” on their necklace with a jeweller’s hammer. Jack celebrates at a party at Transitions with his kids in attendance.
The final scene is a commercial shoot on the grounds of Transitions (reminiscent of Jack’s ads from the 80’s), where Jack and the women are shooting an ad to promote Flora’s now very successful online jewelry site.
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