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Lesson 15
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5 Replies
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Subject: Julie Dod’s Unique Character Dialogue
What I learned doing this assignment is ?”
I learned that the character profiles are so important – especially the traits, as it 100% informs the dialogue. I went through the script and tightened up dialogue to more reflect the three main characters’ personalities and traits. My characters are pretty easy – one is a know it all downer who’s pissed off, the other is a people pleaser, charismatic, and the main protagonist is just nice who finally is fed up being unhappy and “nice.” So, for the most part the script dialogue followed these characteristics, but I did make a lot of small tweaks, none of which I made note of, unfortunately, but I will continue to review and re-review the dialogue with the traits in mind!
Great lesson!
Best,
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Tita’s Unique Character Dialogue
What I learned:
A very useful strategy for finding and replacing generic, expositional or bland dialogue and bringing characters and their interactions more to life
Dialogue aligned better with Character Profile – 3 Examples:
“Is there anything from this character’s profile represented in that line?” If not, rewrite .
These examples are for a stage play not filmscript.
Sam Adams Profile – Key Highlights: Fiercely committed to creating a world of self-government and equal rights but leads by questioning, getting others to make decisions. Suspicious of the wealthy and powerful “few” and devoted to getting equal rights for the “many.” Wound – his mother wanted him to be a minister, didn’t want him helping his father with political action to support farmers. Secret: Advocates for self- government, voting rights for all citizens (as defined in 1770s) , the value of the poor/”yeomanry” but wants to control what people do… and does it by asking questions, using humor.
Three examples of re-aligning dialogue better with character profile to energize dialogue
EXAMPLE 1
Before:
COLONEL MIDDLETON: Why in God’s name did you leap out of a moving carriage?!
SAM ADAMS: I asked the driver to take the road down to that valley. You and your Colonels overruled me.
COLONEL MIDDLETON: You could have killed yourself, Mr. Adams!
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After: (My revision goal: Turn Sam’s flat response into emotional one)
COLONEL MIDDLETON: Why in God’s name did you leap out of a moving carriage?! You could have killed yourself Mr. Adams!
SAM ADAMs: Redcoats could’ve killed those troops down at that tavern – why didn’t you and your Lieutenants and Colonels want to thank the soldiers who won our liberty? –- [Offering spyglass] Look – See that evergreen flag? It’s got to be Captain Shays’ regiment.
EXAMPLE 2
Before:
SAM: Today, every court closing triggers more calls for an American aristocracy to control the mobs. The empires of Europe are mobilizing to retake the colonies. Sending in emissaries to encourage our hidden monarchists. The Cincinnati are laying the foundation for an American nobility with hereditary property in the West.
After: (My revision goal: Turn exposition into conversational challenge)
SAM: You’ve heard the calls for an American aristocracy to control the mobs… Did we devote our lives to create a new world where every citizen has equal rights – only to turn our guns against each other? Who do you think is agitating our loyal veterans to take up arms against the elected democracy they won with their blood? What common goal could possibly cause the empires of Europe to unite with each other after decades of war? Why is the Order of the Cincinnati only recruiting officers of the Continental Army, no foot soldiers? Why can members of the Cincinnati pass on their property their first born sons? You have been my best strategist – do you not see what is happening?!<s></s>
EXAMPLE 3
Before:
SAM: I was working out ways for Senators to stop putting debtors on trial without scaring men of commerce into the arms of the Society. We need them to keep helping us pay off war debts. Believe me, I understood why you wanted to close the courts… to save your neighbors from prison, save their homes, their families…
After: My revision goal: Turn exposition into conversational challenge and questions that force listeners to understand the risks and impacts)
SAM: Do you think I wanted men of wealth to put veterans on trial for debt? Do you think I don’t know you are in debt because we could not pay you for your years of service? But what if I demanded they forgive your debts? Or extend them? How do you think our Senators – and all our men of commerce – would react? Run into the arms of the Order and build an American aristocracy?… Refuse to help our nation to pay off war debts so we would forever be slaves to foreign countries? Believe me, I understood why you wanted to close the courts… Stop them from throwing your neighbors’ fathers, husbands, brothers, sons into prison. Stop them from throwing your wives and children out of their homes and into the poorhouse. Or worse…
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Unique Character Dialogue:
I went thru each scene to identify where there was too much dialogue and not enough subtext. Next, I read each character individually out loud, so I could ‘hear’ their voice. Not just the words, but context.
What I learned was even though I thought I’d done a pretty good job, there were times it was ‘on-the-nose’ and could benefit from either another way of saying something or didn’t need to be said at all.
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I put the character profile and his or her photo on a big screen while I re-worked on the dialogue and revised their action and reaction.
It made a huge difference.
Also, I realized that when I do character profile, I should put two qualities and two flaws. It’s more actual to life. No one is prefect and no one has no quality at all.
Here is one example,
Before:
When Jade (their mother) asks Sarah to give up her doll to her younger sister Cassie, Sarah refuses, because the doll means a lot to her.
TEEN SARAH
No way! It’s my baby doll.
Grandma gave it to me.
After:
TEEN SARAH
Over my dead body!
Sarah is independent, she looks strong but fragile inside.
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What I learned: Like the saying, “There are many ways to skin a cat” – no worries, as I’m a cat lover and owner. However, anyone knowing about cats knows simply getting the nails cut is a major accomplishment, so skinning is next to impossible unless the cat is dead!!
Therefore, kill your babies/favorite writing/scenes/kill and let go of former ideas, so that creativity downloads open, enhancng your writing again. Pause and let that happen. No rushing to find the many solutions of rewriting any dialogue. They will come.
I found with this lesson: Many ways to shorten dialogue as too wordy, also allowing the character’s main traits to be exemplified. Each character becomes more compelling. I’m going to do a “go through” again, as I’m aware that I may have missed some more. Great lesson!
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