Lesson 15

[Steve Jones]

Steve Jones Act 2 TP MIDPOINT

What I learned in this assignment is that I can ignore the detail problems and smash out the essence of the story.

Turning point scene outline

BEGINNING: Harry tries to spot the next illegals at the spaceport so that he can follow them and catch the killer.

MIDDLE: Harry spots the Kants and follows them while Peep follows him, and Carina follows everyone.

END: Peep tries to kill Harry but Carina saves him and the Kants are killed.

INT. SPACEPORT – DAY

Harry is in his nest watching the concourse below. Eventually, the ship arrives and people spill out across it.

Harry goes to the observation room and activates the screen before settling down in front of it and watching intently.

Below, the robot mingles with the other robots and their police partners.

The visitors start to come through and each one is scanned and their passports matched to their scans. Everyone is given a status, Resident, Work VISA or Holiday VISA. This data comes up on the robot’s vision against the person it refers to.

Eventually, the robot hears Harry’s voice through his network comms.

HARRY (FILTERED)

There’s an elderly couple to your left. Find out what you can and meet me by the doors. Do not let them know we’re interested in them.

The robot uses his rear facing eye and spots the Kants. He downloads their data.

ROBOT

Duke and Florry Kant. Married for seventy two years. Martian residents. He’s a retired engineer and she was a professor of linguistics.

HARRY

If they’re Martian, I’m a little green alien called Derek.

EXT. SPACEPORT DOORS – DAY

Duke and Florry emerge into the Martin sunlight. They act like they’ve seen it all before but Florry can’t hide a smirk and Duke spots it and shakes his head at her.

They wander off towards the woods.

Harry and the robot come out of the spaceport and casually follow the Kants.

Peep emerges through the spaceport doors and follows Harry and the robot.

Carina Ellis leaves the Spaceport and follows everyone.

EXT. WOODLAND NEAR SPACEPORT – DAY

The Kants have stopped at a clearing and are sitting at a picnic table.

Harry and the robot are watching from behind trees thirty yards away.

HARRY

Why come here after supposedly visiting relatives on Earth for a couple of weeks?

ROBOT

They are obviously meeting someone.

Peep executes his plan. He somehow paralyses the Kants.

Harry spots that they are incapacitated and goes to check on them.

Peep disables the robot.

Peep springs into action and tries to kill Harry but he doesn’t know that Carina is there and she stops him from killing Harry but he kills Duke and Florry by accident.

Peep gets away.

Carina is devastated about the Kants.

HARRY

Thank you. You saved my life.

CARINA

I’ll happily trade it for theirs.

HARRY

How did you know them?

CARINA

I’m the one who’s been sending these people here to get murdered.

HARRY

Carina Ellis?

Carina nods.

HARRY (cont’d)

So you’re not sending them here intent on killing them.

CARINA

I came here to find out who’s killing them and stop the fucker.

HARRY

Looks like you and I have the same goal. I need to know more about what’s going on here. Tell me what you know.

CARINA

What choice do I have?

HARRY

You could go it alone but you don’t have the access I have.

CARINA

So we pool resources?

HARRY

Just information and ideas. I’m the police here and you’re technically a criminal. But you’re not here illegally are you?

CARINA

No, I’m resident. I just chose to help on Earth.

HARRY

Why?

CARINA

Because when people need help, you’re either a human being and you give it or you’re a dick and you piss on them.

HARRY

I have to call this in so you better make yourself scarce.

CARINA

I have an apartment on…

ROBOT

Shrewsbury Boulevard. 76 Prince Caspian Towers.

CARINA

That’s really creepy, tin man. If a human did that to me, I’d kick his cock off. Lucky for you that you don’t know any better.

ROBOT

I apologize for any distress caused. It was not my intention.

Carina laughs.

CARINA (TO HARRY)

None of these dickless droids has an ounce of humor do they?

The robot looks at Carina sideways as she leaves.

CARINA

How long?

HARRY

Couple of hours.

CARINA

See you in a bit, then.

Carina disappears into the trees.

Harry turns to the robot.

HARRY

I like her.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by  Steve Jones.

[Stephen Maynard]

Lesson 15: Act 2 TP – The Midpoint

Subject line: Stephen Maynard Act 2 TP – Midpoint

“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” This is a great opportunity to develop a scene that will raise the stakes and increase the jeopardy for the protagonists.

Write the Midpoint scene.

EXT. ROAD – DAY

Stevie and Johnny ride their bicycles. Chuey sleeps in the baby carrier at Stevie’s chest

JOHNNY

Ask yourself, Dude, Why were they crying?

STEVIE

Emotion, girls get emotional.

JOHNNY

Exactly. They were sad at the thought of

losing true love.

STEVIE

Meaning you and me?

JOHNNY

A girl wants to be wooed.

STEVIE

Wooed?

JOHNNY

Yeah. You know, they liked to be courted.

STEVIE

How does one court a girl who hates one?

JOHNNY

Well, one could bring one’s hateful girl flowers and

candy to soften her up.

STEVIE

How about we dress up like Troubodors and serenade

‘em? Make complete fools of ourselves.

JOHNNY

That’s good, Dude… Man’s purpose is to understand

what a woman wants and to give it to her.

STEVIE

You could be right.

JOHNNY

Sapere aude.

STEVIE

Dare to know. You’re on to something.

Go for the twofer.

JOHNNY

Sure, win the child and you own the parent.

EXT. / INT. TREE – BRADFORD RESIDENCE – NIGHT

Stevie and Johnny wearing large colorful sombreros, stand on tree branches facing a second-story balcony of the Bradford residence. Johnny secures a rope hanging from above, positioning his guitar at his waist.

Stevie tosses a handful of pebbles that chatter on the glass of the French doors.

Dawn appears wearing pajamas, squinting through a glass pane. She opens the door, and steps to the balcony.

Johnny strums his Guitar, trying to find the right chord.

DAWN

Charlie, come see who’s here.

Charlie comes out in her pajamas. The girls look at each other and giggle.

IN THE TREE

Johnny recovers his balance and strums his guitar.

STEVIE

(singing)

We’re the downright, forthright, upright guys

That all girls dream about. We are cute, got

smarts and chemistry, things girls can’t do

without. Rendezvous here in your garden when

the moon is shining bright. Ecstasy awaits you,

darling girls. Tarry not, tonight’s the night.

Johnny loses his balance and hits a sour note. He attempts to recover only to knock Stevie off the branch. The two fall, crashing through the branches, and land in a flower bed leaving guitar and hats in the tree.

Charlie and Dawn applaud and laugh as they look at the guys sprawled on the ground and the mementos left in the tree.

[Jennifer Williams]

Subject line: Jennifer Williams – Act 2 TP – Midpoint

1. “What I learned doing this assignment is…?”

· I learned that it’s never too late to move events around. With this lesson, I’m moving/shifting some things from Scene 3 to Scene 4 Midpoint to have a better flow for the story.

2. Outline your Key Scene 4: The Midpoint.

• Midpoint Turning Point:

INT. DELORES’ HOME – NIGHT

· Delores sits to contemplate her next move before she exits the website.

· Delores receives a call from James immediately after this incident, and she blows him off.

· Kendra convinces her to go on a date.

· Delores terminates her account.

INT. THEATER LOBBY – NIGHT

· Enjoys the company of James, attends a stage play, and they become incredibly close.

INT. COFFEE SHOP – EVENING

· Conversation with James after play.

3. Write the Midpoint scene.

BEGINNING

INT. DELORES’ HOME – NIGHT

Delores sits staring off into the distance. Kendra snaps her fingers in her face.

KENDRA

What are you thinking?

DELORES

What did I do to deserve this? I merely responded to a gentle, kind man. At least that’s what I thought.

KENDRA

You did, but you can’t shut down.

Delores’ cell rings. She looks at the display, and it’s James.

She sends the call to voicemail.

KENDRA

Who was that?

DELORES

James.

KENDRA

Why did you answer? Girl, check the message and call him back.

Delores looks at Kendra for a moment and then at her phone as she receives a text message from James.

Message reads: Good evening Delores, I didn’t want to disturb you, but you said you’d go to the play with me tomorrow. I’d like to pick you up around 6:00 p.m. Does that work for you?

DELORES

I forgot we’re supposed to go to a play tomorrow night. I’m not going.

KENDRA

Call him, text him, whatever, but do one of them and let him know you’ll be ready.

INT. DELORES’ KITCHEN – NIGHT

Delores puts her phone down and returns to her laptop in the kitchen.

KENDRA (CONT’D)

What are you doing? Delores let it go.

Delores logs on to the site and immediately sees an audio message waiting. Kendra is looking over her shoulder.

KENDRA (CONT’D)

Don’t!

Delores searches for the link to terminate her membership and executes it.

DELORES

I wasn’t.

KENDRA

Good. Here’s your phone, now send James the message.

Delores looks at Kendra, knowing she is not going to give up. She laughs and takes the phone.

Kendra watches her type, grabs her belongings, and heads out the door.

KENDRA

See you tomorrow.

MIDDLE

INT. THEATER LOBBY – NIGHT

Delores and James greeted several of the counselors, NATALIE EDWARDS, RHONDA GATES, AND BARRY MIMS, who were a part of the Young Camp.

JAMES

Good evening all.

BARRY

What’s up, man? Great to see you both.

RHONDA

Hey, you two.

NATALIE

Good evening.

DELORES

Great to see you all as well. This was an outstanding performance.

All agree and start to call out different moments.

JAMES

That was my favorite scene. We are going to say good night.

James takes Delores’ hand. How about coffee and a little dessert?

DELORES

Sounds good.

James continues holding her hand and leads her through the crowd.

END

INT. COFFEE SHOP – EVENING

Delores and James are seated sipping coffee at Ms. Chriss Bakes Coffee and Dessert Bar. The WAITRESS walks up to take their order.

JAMES

I hope you like this place. I’ve had the strawberry pound cake, and it’s amazing.

DELORES

I saw that on the menu and the Peach Glazed Pound Cake, but the brownies look good as well.

WAITRESS

May I take your order?

DELORES

I’ll have a Chocolate Ganache Brownie.

JAMES

I’ll take the Peanut Butter Blondie.

DELORES

I’d also like to have a half dozen strawberry shortbread cookies to go. James, I’ll pay for those separately.

JAMES

Nonsense.

(To the Waitress)

Please put everything on my bill.

WAITRESS

I’ll be right back with your order.

DELORES

This is a lovely place. I’ll definitely come back.

JAMES

So, I’m happy you’ve recovered from the camping. I was looking forward to seeing you again without all the other people around. Did Mauri enjoy herself?

DELORES

Yes, she did. Mauri is trying to plan another trip. Thank you for including her.

JAMES

She’s a lovely young lady. I was happy to have her there to assist. The girls in her class loved her. I have a set of thank you cards from all of them for her. It’s in the car.

The waitress returns with their orders on a rolling cart with two pots of coffee.

WAITRESS

Here you are, Chocolate Ganache and Peanut Butter Blondie. I’ll place these pots of coffee here; the red top is decaf.

The waitress places everything, including their to-go order, extra napkins, water, and coffee.

DELORES

Good food and excellent service. I have to make sure I tell everyone about Ms. Chriss Bakes Coffee and Dessert Bar.

JAMES

I’d love to share some of the many hidden gems I’ve found around Los Angeles with you. Tell me what foods you like, and we can check them out.

Delores paused before responding, remembering how sharing everything she liked with a guy first didn’t play out very well.

DELORES

Tell you what, I’ll trust you to figure out the best places to explore.