Lesson 15

[Michael Williamsen]

Mike Williamsen – Opening scene revised

Sheriff MIKE, 50 going on 70. His shoulders slump to one
side, his face has the nose that found itself in the wrong
place too many times. A sheriff’s badges glistens, hanging
crooked, on a uniform almost as wrinkled as the man wearing
it.

He ducks under the crime scene tape.

Mike comes to a tarp covering a mound. He makes a quick
couple of swipes with a come over his balding head.

VICTORIA approaches. She probably was a knockout back in the day,
now weathered by too many expectations leading to
disappointments.

Mike reaches out his arms to embrace her. Victoria pushes him off. Mike pulls back as if he was trained well.

Mike pulls back the tarp off the victim’s head to find a
zip-tie around his neck. Mike pulls back the tarp further to
reveal the victim, Skinhead Thug, was slashed in many ways.

Victoria bends over covering her mouth attempting to stop the explosion of puke.

MIKE

Welcome to the real world of crime. Just think there is someone out there who did this.

Victoria lunges into Mike puking all over him

VICTORIA

I can’t do this job. I can’t take this.

MIKE

Nope.

As if accepting challenge, Victoria pulls out her camera.<br clear=”all”>

VICTORIA (CONT’D)

Is this tatooed dick linked to the
kidnappers? Does this make #3? Is
this now a serial killing?

Mike covers Victoria’s camera with his hand.

MIKE

I’m hoping you could…

VICTORIA

Sure, I don’t need an exclusive —
again. Sure, I don’t need a break.

(MORE)

[Ed Lusk]

I like that it has a very gritty feel. It captures a no nonsense, this a dirty business message. You may want to add the scene heading for context. ” stop the explosion of puke” no that’s cinematic!

[Ed Lusk]

Ed Lusk – Elevated Endings

What I learned doing this assignment is by completing a deep analysis of the ending ,I’ve learned how to improve what leads up to the ending and in return improving or rewriting the ending by meeting the rules. If not the rewrite until they are met. It takes a lot of work to supply a great ending. I’ve learned it is not just bring the story to an end. It is understanding the way to supplying the emotional , enviable and surprising conclusion to what has transpired and leads to the ending is where the pay offs are.

List out the Current Structural Beats of your 3rd Act in your post.

ACT ONE:

Opens oil Vatican City. It’s Palm Sunday, I boy in the parade separates from his mother. In a darkened alley he encountered a terrifying vampire creature which literally scared the piss out of him. The creature leads us to down through the catacombs to a child’s bedroom. A wall slides away revealing it is enclosed in a secret laboratory. The bedroom contains a boy. A priest enters, intentions unknown until the boy transforms into a vampire. Before the priest can administer a shot of glowing fluid, he’s nearly killed but escapes.

Father Simon Merchant, a leading expert in the field of virology is called to the Vatican on a matter of extreme, if not mysterious urgency. Olivia, his graduate assistant, and wondering love interest, insist Merchant stay in DC for his Senate confirmation hearing as Director of NIH.

As a compromise, Merchant agrees to bring Olivia along with a promise he’ll return in time. Arriving at the Vatican Merchant , meets hosts Father Collini, a exorcist, and Father O’Hara, another noted scientist. The priest reveal to Merchant the Vatican has been studying vampires for centuries in a secret laboratory. Merchant is there to conduct a vaccine trial as the virus N1PH, causing vampirism has mutated and in dangerously close to causing an outbreak. It is believed the vampires are lead by Yofiel, who must be cured and the others will follow. Merchant ethically and morally troubled decision to participate in vaccine trials leads to the horrible death of test subject, Tomislav.

ACT TWO

Merchant failure and guilt has him questioning both his science and his faith placing him at odds with Olivia who demands he leave. Stabbed by one of his own vaccines in a fight with vampires, Merchant transcends into a state of delirium. There he meets Ignatius Loyola, who places doubting Merchant through a series of test. He emerges enlightened, placing faith ahead of science in his goal to find Yofiel and the cure. Collini and Olivia find themselves questioning Merchant’s sanity in his new discovery linking The Spear of Destiny and the N1PH virus. Merchant becomes increasing jeoulous of Olivia’s relationship with old flame Le Nguyen. One of Collins’s secret ancient text gives some hope Merchant’s on the right path. The vampires gain the upper hand assisted by double crossing Cardiac Michelet , who supporting Yofiel, and Father O’Hara’s demise into vampirism. Merchant’s quest to find the Spear of Destiny, its existence a leap of faith, leads to Olivia’s capture by the vampires and Merchant’s dilemma to save her or cure the virus under dubious circumstances.

ACT THREE STRUCTURE

PLOT POINT 2 — Merchant determines the DNA on the Spear of Destiny holds the key to curing the N1PH virus. He sets out to find it despite its legendary existence.

CRISIS — The box intended to hold Spear of Destiny is empty. If Merchant is to stop the virus and save Olivia he must decide where to place his trust, in his science or his faith. If either is wrong he fails in both attempts.

CLIMAX — In the pagan temple deep beneath Vatican City, Merchant faces off with the powerful Vampire Yofiel. Friends and colleagues fall during the battle. Merchant takes on a leap of faith. He succeeds in defeating Yofiel only to create a bigger problem he relies on his former enemy to solve. Only with Olivia by his side is he able defeat the true source of evil.

RESOLUTION — By defeating Yofiel, Merchant frees his vampire soul revealing him to be the Roman Centurion Longinus. Confirming Merchant’s belief that it was his contaminated spear which is the incubus of the N1PH virus and confirming Ignatius Loyola’s prophecy for him was true. Merchant and Olivia agree they’ll share with the world.what they experienced and seal it with a kiss on top of Saint Peter’s Basilica dome.

FINAL PAGE — By answering the Vatican’s call, Merchant is given proof of God existence pointing at the falsehood of religion . The Vatican’s power play forces Merchant never to share his new found knowledge or it will cost the secretly exiled Olivia her life. Merchant is left with only hope that one day they will be together.

RULES CHECK:

The ending must be surprising, but inevitable.

Merchant does have his final encounter with Yofiel and defeats him. It’s inevitable he finds and saves Olivia. They accept and concede their love for one another. Their new colleagues and friends die in the battle. There are surprises: Yofiel is the Roman Centurion Longinus. He possesses the original spear head which Merchant seeks. The spear head contains a secret which connects the back story to Merchant’s present day predicament in a leap of faith conclusion.

2. The ending must be filled with meaning and that has been well setup.

I made the Spear of Destiny, a legendary item, into a highly valued object to save the world and provide a surprising ending. Merchant’s new friends, Father Collini and Captain Ossing die for Merchant’s cause. Merchant and Le Nguyen put aside their differences to save Olivia, the women they both love. I’ve taken the trope of vampirism and set it up as a sickness caused by a virus. That virus’s origin brought into question as diabolical or scientific. Merchant was able to redeem himself after the loss of Tomislav.

They’re some areas that are not delivering meaning. Merchant has a back story, he’s harbors guilt over the death of his mother. That doesn’t strongly tie into the main story line. I need to elevate the mistrust and contempt shared between Cardinal Michelet and Father O’Hara for better meaning to their face off. The love triangle between Merchant, Le Nguyen and Olivia is underserved.

3. The ending must express and resolve the main conflict in some way.

The conflict is Father Merchant answers the call to find a cure for the virus that causes vampirism and save the world from a pandemic. In doing so he does succeed in his goal but pays a high price. His friends and colleagues die. His faith and trust in both science and religion are tested if not lost. He’s enlightened beyond belief but silenced at the same time by the same powers that sought his counsel. He’s separated from the women he loves, which he can do something about but might cost them their lives. Is that satisfying? I think so. I wanted to bring a strong sense of irony to the ending. Merchant’s journey is one of discovery, discovery about himself (needs work) and discovery about this world he’s been introduced into. His unending quest for knowledge leads him to a leap of faith conclusion with a price to pay.

4. The ending must be organic to the story, but larger than Act 1 and 2.

Merchant’s story pivots from one about finding a scientific based vaccine to cure vampirism to finding an legendary religious object believed to be the source of the virus. By find the Spear of Destiny, Merchant would return to his scientific approach. Merchant has a physical and emotional journey through all three acts, which needs to be made stronger. Act three is different than ACT 1 & 2, but I think its nature is derived from what occurred in those acts. I don’t think we enter “weird land”, but it worth taking a second look.

5. Don’t go On-The-Nose.

I think some of the surprise in ACT 3 softens some of the isn’t it obviousness. However I need to improve Merchant’s journey as a man driven to the brink of madness despite his convictions to science and religion. He strong belief has to become his apparent weakness for making bad decisions ramping up the drama and conflict. In the end he is right but that contradiction needs to be improved without on the nose and more subtext. There is a reference to heresy earlier in the story that’s meant to be a payoff in Act 3, that needs to be elevated.

6. The climax of the movie must be set in the quintessential location for the conflict.

I’m not sure I have the quintessential location. This rule take some further study. In some ways it does at the vampire are down in the catacombs of Vatican City, an ancient, dark and forbidding place. The pagan temple plays well thematically. I have to review other places that would be organic to the story.

7. You must keep us guessing to the very end.

Left guessing if Merchant will disobey The Vatican and preach about the experience he had and if so, will he be believed? Will he set out to find Olivia? Will he succeed or not? What will happen to them?