-
Lesson 15
Reply to post your assignment.
-
8 Replies
-
Tim’s lesson #15
-
You don’t waste words.
-
David, I couldn’t edit my own initial staked out replies on lessons 9-15 and I fell down the “it’s gotta be perfect RIGHT NOW!!!” rabbit hole.
That and a broken foot, which is not an excuse…
Lastly, I also had to turn to a previous screenplay written years ago that suddenly has new interest. 🤞
-
I did not outline the story I developed for the course. I had no intention of making it my next project. Still, it’s in my head now, so maybe someday. My comic action movie poses interesting challenges. I think it would be fun to write a magical realist script.
I’m currently working on a thriller, and taking a course on Dickens’ Christmas Carol.
Keep in touch.
Dave, Pgh.
-
-
-
-
Hello.
I have enjoyed this Action course and learned a lot. I’m sorry that almost no one has responded via the forum. This happened with the previous 3 or 4 classes as well. Considering there is no feedback from the instructors, the forum is essential to a writer’s development. The early courses offered lively discussion from many writers, several of whom have gone on to success in the business. I miss that exchange of ideas.
Dave Halligan, Pgh.-
I agree wholeheartedly; I loved this course, but without instructor feedback, the writers are left to their own devices. I started out responding to others’ efforts, but didn’t feel like anyone wanted to communicate.
-
-
<div>Raz Ray Lesson 15 Fast formatting. </div>
What I learned from doing this assignment? I did learn better formatting and how to change scenes fluidly between action and description. I do have more questions which involve proper formatting or inpropper. Like how do you know when to make another slugline or not?
Screenwriting U.
INT. SECRET SECURITY FACILITY- NIGHT.
Commander Cotes, a seasoned soldier in tactical gear, moves through the shadows. His eyes scan the surroundings, every step deliberate.
COMMANDER COTES (whispering to himself):
This is it… The heart of the beast.
He approaches the keypad-locked door, his gloved hands moving with precision.
INT. SECURITY FACILITY CORRIDORS – CONTINUOUS.
The hisses open, revealing a dimly lit corridor. Cotes slips inside, blending into darkness.
COMMANDER COTES (Through Comms):
I’m in. Eyes peeled for any movement.
INT. SECURITY FACILITY NIGHT – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT.
As Cotes navigates through the corridors, he stacks action and reaches the control room. A bank of monitors flickers with stacks of classified files that catch his attention.
COTES (whispering).
What secrets are you hiding?
He glances at the folder labelled “Project Extracpator.”
INT. SECURITY FACILITY – CONTROL ROOM – NIGHT
Simultaneously, Cotes uncovers a hidden camera feed, revealing a group of guards closing in.
COMMANDER COTES (INTO COMMS)
Dash to the extraction point. I’ve got company.
The armed guards quickly break down the door as they move through the control room, searching for their intruder. He looks on top of the desk.
GUARD:
(Looking around)
All clear in here… wait –
The guard looks down on the ground to find a flash-bang grenade set to go off.
EFX:
BOOM!
The explosive throws the guards off, catching them by surprise and making them disoriented.
Commander Cotes reveals himself from behind the door with a silenced pistol.
EFX:
SWISH! SWISH!
The Commander lets out a couple of shots in the legs of the guards, keeping them alive while they squirm on the ground.
INT. SECURITY FACILITY – HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS
The Action intensifies as Cotes dashes through the corridor, evading security lasers and guards.
COTES:
(Grim determination)
I won’t let them catch me…
INT. SECURITY FACILITY – EXTRACT POINT – NIGHT
Commander Cotes reaches the extraction point and opens a concealed hatch on the floor. As soon as he’s through the hatch, bullets from the guards ricochet off the closed hatch.
COTES (into comms):
Ready for evac, move in.
As the extraction team descends, Cotes disappears into the shadows, leaving the facility behind.
-
Lesson 15: Writing Nail Biting Action Description Kevin Lobo’s Writing Nail Biting Action Description
What I learned…is how brilliant, gripping and riveting writing action description can be when done the way this lesson so vividly portrays and teaches. Thank you!
EXT. THE GOVERNMENT SECURE OPERATION CENTER, SOC – NIGHT
Neil watches the change of guard in the lobby… begins to walk through the revolving doors…
INT. THE SOC – CONTINUOUS
Swipes his stolen card… walking rapidly without a pause.
A guard signing off on a computer screen turns in haste…
GUARD
Sir… Sir… your id please!
Neil continues walking… slows down his hurried steps… half turns… holding up the card… a hint of a smile… other hand rolling…
NEIL
An emergency… need to rush!
He reaches the elevator… leaps in quickly… as the guard breaks into a run.
INT. THE SOC ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
One man inside… nosey… stares at Neil…
NOSEY MAN
Hey! That guard was still running after…
NEIL
An emergency… need to get up there fast…
NOSEY MAN
Didn’t see you hit the floor button!
Neil eyes down… a quick scan of the depressed buttons… blurts…
NEIL
Seven… it’s already…
NOSEY MAN
Seven is restricted… my domain… can I see your id?
The nosey man begins to reach for the red button…
Neil reaches into his pocket… a quick grab and… BAM! The knuckle punch rams into to the nosey man’s face… blood spurts…
Neil… hits the stop button… 5<sup>th</sup> floor… he grabs the collapsing man and…
INT. THE SOC – 5<sup>th</sup> FLOOR – CONTINUOUS
Neil hauls the man out… scans the hallway… no one… turns his back to a camera and leaps into the stairwell… the passed-out man in tow…
HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! The alarms scream to life…
INT. THE SOC – 6<sup>th</sup> FLOOR STAIRWELL – CONTINUOUS
Neil leaps up the stairs… sheds his overcoat and hat… a pristine business suit underneath…
He merges with in with the flood of employees streaming out of their offices.
Log in to reply.