Lesson 15

[mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier]

I, Mark Napier, agree to the terms of this release form as posted.

[mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier]

***FYI, content I am posting has been registered (as a Treatment) with the Screenwriters Guild and copyrighted through the Library of Congress. When I am done with the script, it too will be registered and copyrighted. I understand what we post here is to be treated as such in the same manner.***

NAPIER Height of the Emotion

ASSIGNMENT 1
Height of the Emotion.

1. Make a list of the 5 most emotional moments in your screenplay.
–Blacklisting
–HIV Diagnosis
–Homelessness
–Suicide
–Christmas Eve – Year 2 on the Streets

2. With each of those scenes, go to the height of the emotion and brainstorm lines that can deliver the deeper meaning of the scene.

–Blacklisting: “In life, most of us like to get kissed before we get fucked. ..…. I just got fucked. …… I wasn’t even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

–HIV Diagnosis: “You may as well have screamed over the phone that I had Stage 4 Cancer…Happy Fucking Holidays!”

–Homelessness: “Someone told me that they would like to think GOD is in the trenches with me. ….. I told them if that was the case then HE needs to call in more fire support ‘cuz’ my ass is getting handed to me!, but for now I just feel I am overlooked by HIM these last few years. Perhaps more deserving than I since I am a failure in life.”

–Suicide: “For Outstanding Service and Loyalty to Country…..Stigmatized and Slandered…Betrayed and Dishonored…Impoverished and Homeless…Discarded and Forgotten….Blacklisted by a Grateful Nation!”

–Christmas Eve – Year 2 on the Streets: “Who can I turn to when nobody needs me? …… I have my D O G …… that when spelled backwards …. spells G O D!”

3. Give us a quick explanation of the emotion and meaning of the scene, then the new line that you are going to place there.

–Blacklisting: Dismayed is the emotion sought by reflecting how the home office did not consult, nor advise the Protagonist what was about to transpire, but rather cowardly ignored any efforts for an exit interview.

“In life, most of us like to get kissed before we get fucked. ..…. I just got fucked. …… I wasn’t even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

–HIV Diagnosis: Shock is the emotion the audience should experience in agreement that the diagnosis was not just callously delivered, but unprofessional as well. Everyone would have the same reaction to trying to commit suicide immediately and feel degraded by the stigma imposed.

“You may as well have screamed over the phone that I had Stage 4 Cancer…Happy Fucking Holidays!”

–Homelessness: Empathy is the emotion and touching on the idea that GOD is not always there on call to help when things go bad for us as we would hope.

“Someone told me that they would like to think GOD is in the trenches with me. ….. I told them if that was the case then HE needs to call in more fire support ‘cuz’ my ass is getting handed to me!, but quite frankly I just feel I am overlooked by HIM these last few years. Perhaps more deserving than I since I am a failure in life.”

–Suicide: Deep empathy and sorrow is the emotion for the Protagonist as no Veteran or Public Servant who has served their country should be handed a career ending epitaph for doing what was right thing to do, nor the stigma that a illness brings.

“For Outstanding Service and Loyalty to Country…..Stigmatized and Slandered…Betrayed and Dishonored…Impoverished and Homeless…Discarded and Forgotten….Blacklisted by a Grateful Nation!”

–Christmas Eve – Year 2 on the Streets: Empathy is the emotion pursued with the audience as many people relate to a dog kissing the hand of their master even if he is a pauper. The dog treats him as if he were a prince and never casts the stone of malice as friends, colleagues and family would do when you are poor, but praise you when you are wealthy.
“Who can I turn to when nobody needs me? …… I have my D O G …… that when spelled backwards …. spells G O D! ….. perhaps GOD is in the trenches with me after all”

4. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” (place at top of your work). Once again the exercise provides depth and layering to the Story and subplots.

5. Post to the forums at https://www.screenwritingclasses.com/forums/
Subject line: (Your name’s) Height of the Emotion (place in first line)

***FYI, content I am posting has been registered (as a Treatment) with the Screenwriters Guild and copyrighted through the Library of Congress. When I am done with the script, it too will be registered and copyrighted. I understand what we post here is to be treated as such in the same manner.***

***FYI, content I am posting has been registered (as a Treatment) with the Screenwriters Guild and copyrighted through the Library of Congress. When I am done with the script, it too will be registered and copyrighted. I understand what we post here is to be treated as such in the same manner.***

NAPIER Builds Meaning with Dialogue

ASSIGNMENT 2

***FYI, content I am posting has been registered (as a Treatment) with the Screenwriters Guild and copyrighted through the Library of Congress. When I am done with the script, it too will be registered and copyrighted. I understand what we post here is to be treated as such in the same manner.***

NAPIER Builds Meaning with Dialogue

ASSIGNMENT 2

Build Meaning Over Multiple Experiences.

1. Select three (3) lines (from your script or lines you make up) that you want to build deep meaning around.

A. Blacklisting: “In life, most of us like to get kissed before we get fucked. ..…. I just got fucked. …… I wasn’t even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

Blacklisting – One liner CHANGED TO: “Not even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

B. HIV Diagnosis: “Two days before Thanksgiving … no exchange of pleasantries, no courtesy, just out of the chute they screamed at me over the phone of my HIV diagnosis. Then they announced I would be counseled and medically discharged. …. They may as well have screamed over the phone that I had Stage 4 Cancer. .…Happy Fucking Holidays! …..and hang up. ……… They treated me like a leper! ….Am I – A leper?”

HIV Diagnosis – One liner CHANGED TO: “What am I – A leper?”

C. Suicide: “For Outstanding Service and Loyalty to Country…..Stigmatized and Slandered…Betrayed and Dishonored…Impoverished and Homeless…Discarded and Forgotten….Blacklisted by a Grateful Nation!”

Suicide – One liner CHANGED TO: “I have life still and I do not want it!”

2. Create an arc for each line — Beginning meaning to ending meaning.
A. Blacklisting: CHANGED TO: “Not even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

–Beginning Meaning: Scene 1 (SUSPICION): Mark Logan is sent home and discovers his luggage is missing. He has his reasons for suspicion feeling something is amiss with the situation and confronts the airline representative for lost luggage who cannot account for the missing bag that was checked in on a direct flight where there were no transfers.

“Mam … under the circumstances there is only one explanation for not offering me a tug off the cigarette … and that is your folks at Washington-Dulles International Airport apparently are a party to this ‘sleight of hand’ theft.”

–Middle Meaning: Scene 2 (BETRAYAL): Mark Logan realizes his branch chief has betrayed him and allowed him to be surreptitiously Blacklisted without a hearing or professional courtesy.

“Joe…I expected more from the office that I have put my ass on the line in the combat zone for two years. And how do you repay me? I was not even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

–End Meaning: Scene 3 (HE’S FUCKED): Mark Logan realizes he is in a dilemma with a Great Recession underway, the Blacklisting that has taken place and the IRS tax records that were stolen with his luggage.

“In life, most of us like to get kissed before we get fucked. ..…. I just got fucked. …… I wasn’t even offered a tug off the cigarette!”

B. HIV Diagnosis: “What am I – A social leper?”

–Beginning Meaning: Scene 1 (SHATTERED WORLD): Two days before Thanksgiving … no exchange of pleasantries, no courtesy, just out of the chute the Army Reserves unit surgeon screams at Mark Logan over the phone of his HIV diagnosis. Then announced he would be counseled and medically discharged, Mark knows his careers and any hopes of restoring them are gone. Mark is overwhelmed with emotions that his world is destroyed and becomes suicidal … They may as well have screamed over the phone that he had Stage 4 Cancer. .…Happy Fucking Holidays! …..and hang up. They treat him like a leper!

“Am I – A social leper?”

–Middle Meaning: Scene 2 (OUTCAST): Mark Logan’s unit requires him to report to Fort Dix, New Jersey for out-processing medical procedures. Where they once picked him up at the airport 32 miles from the base, he now must hitchhike and walk the 32 miles. When he arrives, its well past midnight and he is forced to sleep on a park bench on base. As he lies there on the bench next to a lake and a tall tree he is in deep thought.

“HIV just does not just stigmatize, it destroys. … Why am I dehumanized? …. Am I — A social leper?”

–End Meaning: Scene 3 (ABANDONMENT OF SELF TAKES ROOT): Mark Logan sits homeless on the streets with his Honorable Medical Discharge. His last $600 was removed from his bank account by the IRS. The CIA refuses to acknowledge his correspondences. He is completely penniless. Severe depression and PTSD plagues him now as he has begun to embrace the notion that he is a complete failure in life with no one to guide him. He has been forced into the profession of strip dancing as no other work is to be found.

“I have lost everything I worked toward in 30 years — $1.7 million — not just bankrupt financially, but physically, emotionally and spiritually — a complete failure in life and unwanted. ‘I have become — a social leper!”

C. Suicide: “I have life still and do not want!”

–Beginning Meaning: Scene 1 (LAST REQUEST): After 2 years of homelessness, Mark Logon knows he is not making any progress and is destined to die on the streets. He has been struggling with the thought of suicide and Christmas Eve he manages to scrape together enough money to pay cash for a hotel room. This is the first room in two years – a gift for his dog (Sheila) who is excited and happily running around the room playing. She has not been this happy since they started onto the streets. Mark breaks down crying and begins to work on a suicide letter and arrangements for Sheila to be taken care of before the deed is done. Before he falls asleep he says a little prayer.

“When ‘I’ lay me down to sleep, I pray my LORD my soul to keep. Though I have life still and do not want, send me where I do not want. If there are no dogs in YOUR HEAVEN, then send me where they are resten.”

–Middle Meaning: Scene 2 (EPITAPH): Mark Logan has decided to have his last meal at McDonalds and is putting the finishing touches on his suicide letter.

“I have lived by the rule of law and military values. Though after my country unjustly raped me of my dignity, I have life still and do not want. Therefore, as a mendacious debt of gratitude, please place my epitaph on the marker with nothing else…..No name, date of birth, faith or date of death….just the epitaph.

For Outstanding Service and Loyalty to Country
Stigmatized and Slandered
Betrayed and Dishonored
Impoverished and Homeless
Discarded and Forgotten
Blacklisted by a Grateful Nation!”

–End Meaning: Scene 3 (DEVINE INTERVENTION): Mark Logan is sitting in the parking lot at the bar where he strip dances at. He has his 44 magnum with him. The same used by “Dirty Harry” in the movies. Mark thinks to himself the first time he tried to use it was when his HIV diagnosis was being screamed over the phone at him immediately prompting him to reach for it. However, he forgot it had been unloaded before his last deployment, but this time it was loaded. Mark reads his suicide note aloud and places the paper nearby weighed down by a rock…with tears dripping down his cheeks he raises the pistol and places it beneath his chin, making sure the angle of the barrel allows the projectile to penetrate upward and through the center of the skull where the most traumatic damage will be done and ensuring success. Just as he is about to draw the hammer back….his cell phone rings….hangs up….rings again…then a text message followed by an email notification. Mark thinks allowed…

“I have life still and do not want. But LORD, please don’t ruin the moment with a spam calls, texts and emails…”

3. With each line, look through your script to find opportunities to build the line into at least three scenes that work for the arc. See Question 2 for details.

4. For each one, tell us the line, the arc, and the different meaning you gave the line in the scenes it appeared. See Question 2 for details. The paragraph leading up to the quote is intended to set the scene up for future dialogue as the dialogue for that scene is not completed.

5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” (place at top of your work). I learned that a ‘one liner’ is better than a paragraph. I adjusted my paragraph to a one liner as a result. The exercise enabled me to carry the meaning of emotional expression across multiple scenes that add to the theme and cause. It also adds more depth and understanding in driving the point home.

6. Post to the forums at http://www.screenwritingclasses.com/forums
Subject line: (Your name) Builds Meaning with Dialogue (place in first line)

***FYI, content I am posting has been registered (as a Treatment) with the Screenwriters Guild and copyrighted through the Library of Congress. When I am done with the script, it too will be registered and copyrighted. I understand what we post here is to be treated as such in the same manner.***

• This reply was modified 8 months, 3 weeks ago by  mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier.
• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  mark.napier2022@gmail.com napier.

[Diane Keranen]

Assignment 1 — Subject line: Diane’s Height of the Emotion

What I learned doing this assignment is that I can see how these relatively simple ideas could be built into deeply meaningful sequences.

1. Claire’s gift to Stewart — Claire gives Stewart the gift of an engraved Zippo lighter just before he’s deployed to Vietnam. She says through tears, “To remind you of me every day. Until you come home.” He replies with, “Come on, girl, I don’t need reminders.” They are teenagers at this point. Stewart keeps this lighter with him all of his life. Alternate lines: “I don’t need a token to remember you. I live for you.” Or, he jokes, “I wouldn’t ever forget you. This will remind me to smoke though.” Or, “You hold it for me. Give it to me when I come home to you.” Or, “I love it. (kisses her) I love you more.”
2. Jake kills the rabbit —The moment when Jake shoots the rabbit then runs to retrieve his game. He sees the wounded and suffering mother, tries to comfort her, but she struggles to get away, and he watches as she dies. He’s shaken by this event. My current dialogue is a bit of a hodge-podge, but the grandfather points out that, “It’s a good kill, Jake. It’ll make a good trophy pelt.” Jake is horrified, “But I killed a mom. What about her babies?” Alternate lines: “I killed her. For real.” (voice catches in his throat) “She’s dead and I killed her.”; (shaking off his horror for fear of being teased) “Wow, I guess. I got it.” (shudders); (gives the rifle to Cole) “Here. I don’t want this. You go.”
3. Matt learns the hard way — Stewart describes for Matt how society no longer sees him as a person. He’s now a symbol of patriotism and country. “Out there, you’re not you. You’re a prop they use to feel patriotic. You’re no different than the flag plastered everywhere. You make them feel good about themselves.” Stewart learned this the hard way and warns Matt that his own view of himself is not aligned with how society/others see him. While this is confusing to Matt and he’s hesitant to believe Stewart, thinking him a bit over-dramatic (an Old Way perspective), Matt tries to reintegrate as his new self and finds that others want him to get back to his old life. Finding this frustrating, he returns to Stewart somewhat embarrassed that he did the same to Stewart by not taking his advice seriously. Alternative lines: “Your service is to them and it has only just begun.”; “Once you understand what you are to them instead of who you are to them, you’ll start to find your way.”
4. Sara demands Matt to commit to the Old Ways — After Matt doesn’t get in touch with his wife, Sara, on his drive home, when he does see her, their greeting includes the standard hugs and happiness to that he’s back home. Sara then shares that she planned a party for him and all of their friends will be there. She says, “So now we finally be a normal family.” Alternate lines: “You’re not in the war anymore. Forget all that and be here with us.”; “Come on Matt, how are we going to get back to a normal life if you’re all moody all the time? Snap out of it.”; “I don’t even want to know what your dad says. I don’t want you living out in the middle of woods away from your me and your son.”
5. Stewart stops Matt from ending his life — Matt has left the party, left the fireworks show, visited the deadly crash site, been met with resistance to his changed self, and has found a quiet place of solitude and peace in the woods (ironically, the same hunting place where Jake kills the rabbit). Matt’s been drinking beer he brought with him. It’s been a long night. In his pickup are the medals he’s earned during his time in the field. He peruses them. On his phone, he looks at photos of fellow soldiers. Not all of them survived. His father’s words ring in his ears, “Your service…has just begun.” In this quiet place, he hears a gunshot nearby. It shocks him. He drinks from another beer can. It’s empty like the others. His gun is there too. He takes it, holds it to his head, then BANG! But Matt opens his eyes, the sound was Stewart’s hand slamming against the window. As the script currently is, neither speak, but an alternative way of saying the earlier line could be: “This won’t end anything.”

Assignment 2 — Subject line: Diane Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is a means of building the steps to deeper meaning of otherwise seemingly uncomplicated dialogue and the way to do it is to play with, really play with the words. Don’t just take what spills out first as what will work best.

1. “It’s a good kill, Jake.” The elder hunter to Jake.
— Jake and Cole tease each other about who will get the first rabbit kill on this hunt and liken the hunt to their computer games, Cole to Jake, “But I won the last fight with way more kill points than you.” Jake, “I’ll beat you next time.”
— Elder, “Quite boys, you’ll scare the game away.”
— The boys look at each other, laughing at the idea, “What’s that mean? How do you scare a game away?”
— Elder, “I’m talking about the rabbits. We call what we hunt ‘game’ like deer or bear or other animals.” The boys listen to the teachings. They shrug and the weird word usage.
— Cole, “So we kill the game?” Elder responds, “Sort of. You’ll get used to it. Just takes practice.”
— Elder, “Cole, you shot last time. You’re up Jake.” (aims the rifle at a rabbit on a log) Jake shoots it, runs to gather this kill, he’s shocked by his deed but fears ridicule to “man up” or “don’t be a sissy.” Jake looks over the log and yells back to the others, “I got it. I killed it.” But it moves, to himself, “Oh no, it’s not dead.” He grapples with the suffering he caused. The rabbit dies before him. The others congratulate him. He shakes it off and figures it’s good to kill game.
— Later, after Jakes dad, Matt gets back, Jake wants to play computer war/combat games with him. Jake is playing and taunts his dad to come play with an excited, “Look, Dad, I killed twenty of ‘em. Good kills, too. C’mon, it’s your turn.”
— “Good kills?” Matt’s anxiety spikes in response to his son saying that. Being quick to anger, Matt says “There’s no such thing as a good kill.” Turning to Sara, “Where did he get that from?”
The arc: kills goes from a fun thing to a horrific thing to a learned acceptance thing to an unacceptable thing.

2. “Keep her safe, Stew. Get her home safe.” Claire’s dad.
— In flashback, Stewart picks Claire up for prom. Her dad says, “Keep her safe, Stew. Get her home safe.”
— After Matt’s birth, Stewart drops off Claire and baby Matt at her parent’s house, “I don’t want to hurt you or the baby. You’ll be safe here.” She protests, but he continues, “Just for now. I need you to be safe.”
— Claire reasons with Stewart that Matt and Sara and Jake need a home “Where they can raise their family. The house where Matt grew up. Where he feels safe and can pass than on to Sara and Jake.”
— (In the version where Matt dies) Stewart says to Claire. “I couldn’t keep you safe. I couldn’t keep Matt safe. I never should have questioned my judgement and put you two at risk.” And then, “Just go.”
The arc: The “keep her safe” goes from an assurance that Stewart will keep her safe whenever she is with him to eventually believing that she is only safe from him when she is not near him.

3. “He’s not responding to any of my calls or texts.” Sara to Claire.
— Claire to Sara “What did he say about the party you’re planning? You did tell him, didn’t you?”
— Sara in reply, “Of course not. He didn’t want to hear anything about a party.”
— Claire to Sara, “Are you sure he wants the party?”
— Sara: “No, he just changes the subject. But, come on, this is what he needs. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
— Claire: “If you don’t listen to what he says, maybe he doesn’t bother to respond.”
(This could turn ugly between Claire and Sara.) Matt’s lack of response to Sara at first is a mechanism to give himself time to get ready to get home. It changes into what looks to her like defiance of her wishes when he tries to explain that he needs something different from her this time back. It changes again to believing if he is dead (how less responsive can on be?) then he’s free from the conflict between Old and New ways. It changes again when Stewart finds Matt and prevents his death to learn that how he responds to life back at home will allow him to respond to life’s challenges and death will take that agency from him.

[Mitch Haraguchi]

Assignment 1

Mitch Height of the Emotion

What I learned doing this assignment is brainstorming alternative dialogues is fun and also you can discover not only new lines, but also new storylines.

Instruction 1. Make a list of the 5 most emotional moments in your screenplay.

1) Russell tries to convince his daughter to go to church
2) Russell argues with a Filipino woman
3) Russell discovers a photo (or video) of Katie cosplaying
4) Katie emotionally collapses when the Asian man recovers his memory
5) Taiki (Asian man) talks back to his mother for the first time in his life

Instructions 2 &3. With each of those scenes, go to the height of the emotion and brainstorm lines that can deliver the deeper meaning of the scene. Give us a quick explanation of the emotion and meaning of the scene, then the new line that you are going to place there.

1) Russell is a conservative father. Katie is a shy 14-year-old girl who lives in the two-dimensional world of anime/manga. Russell tries to convince her to go to church.
<Original line>
Russell: You know, me, my daddy and his daddy, all would go to church on Sundays.
Katie: That doesn’t mean that I have do the same thing.
Russell: True. But I bet you will appreciate what I mean someday and thank me.
<New line>
Katie: Dad, give my cell phone back to me.
Russell: Nope. You violated the house rule. So I’ll keep it for three more days.
Katie: (rolls her eyes) That’s ridiculous.
Russell: Why did you stop going to church?
Katie: What?
Russell: Does it have anything to do with the grandpa’s funeral?
Katie: …..
Russell: Honey, going to church is one great way to connect with your grandpa.

2) Russell brings a Filipino woman to help him identify the ethnicity of the Asian man but does not understand why she is not cooperative.
<Original line>
Russell: Look. I’m not asking you to solve a math problem that no one solved in the past century.
Filipino woman: I told you. It won’t work.
Russell: Why?
Filipino woman: Because he doesn’t look like Filipino.
Russell: How can you say that? Give it a try, will ya?
<New line>
Filipino woman: It won’t work, Sir.
Russell: How do you know? You haven’t even tried.
Filipino woman: Do you like Chinese food?
Russell: Yeah, why?
Filipino woman: How about sushi?
Russell: I don’t eat raw fish, but my wife likes it.
Filipino woman: Speaking Tagalog to this man is like serving Chinese food in a sushi restaurant.
Russell: What do you mean?
Filipino woman: Mismatch. It just doesn’t work.

3) Russell happens to find a photo (or video uploaded on social media) where Katie in a provocative outfit enjoys cosplaying. Russell is shocked.
<Original line>
Russell: Uh…I know you like Halloween, but you don’t have to celebrate it during summer.
Katie: Dad, what are you talking about?
<New line>
Russell: How was school today?
Katie: The school is closed for summer.
Russell: Oops. You’re right…. Honey, you’re a beautiful girl. Did you know that?
Katie: What? Dad, you’re funny.
Russell: You don’t have to impress people with this….skimpy clothes.
Katie: Jesus. Did you snoop on my phone?

4) The Asian man’s memory returns. However, his short-term memories during amnesia appear to have been lost.
<Original line>
Katie: Don’t you remember me?
Asian man: I’m sorry, girl. No.
Katie: Nothing? We had a good time together. You don’t remember it?
Asian man: Sorry.
Katie collapses and starts crying.
<New line>
Katie: Look I’m Katie. You said that you like me. You even saved my life from those punks.
The Asian man keeps staring at Katie.
Katie: We had such a good time. You gotta remember it. Please say something!
Asian man: Have we met?
A drop of tears runs down Katie’s face. She rushes out of the room.

5) Taiki talks to his mother Misako who comes to the US to take him back to Japan. The following conversation is spoken in Japanese.
<Old line>
Misako: I don’t like this place.
Taiki: Why?
Misako: It’s filthy. Food is bad. And… (glances at a black cleaning lady) It doesn’t fee safe. Your father also worries about you.
Taiki: I will stay a little longer.
Misako: No way. Doctor said that you are fine and can travel.
Taiki: It’s not about my health. I have someone that I must see before leaving.
<New line>
Misako: I don’t like this place.
Taiki: Why?
Misako: It’s filthy. Food is bad. And… (glances at a black cleaning lady) It doesn’t feel safe.
Taiki: Come on, we’re in the hospital.
Misako: Your father also worries about you.
Taiki snorts.
Misako: What’s funny?
Taiki: He doesn’t worry about me.
Misako: Of course, he does.
Taiki: Not me. He always worries about himself, his reputation as a politician.
Misako: Don’t say that. Anyway, you should leave here as soon as possible. The doctor said that you can travel now. I already got a plane ticket back home.
Taiki: I won’t leave now.
Misako: Why?
Taiki: I have some business to finish.
Misako: What business?
Taiki: It’s none of your business, mom.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by  Mitch Haraguchi.

[Mitch Haraguchi]

Assignment 2

Mitch Builds Meaning with Dialogue

What I learned doing this assignment is that this is THE toughest assignment in this course but I found it an interesting technique, which has been used by so many movies and yet I did not notice it until I took this course.

Instruction 1: Select three (3) lines (from your script or lines you make up) that you want to build deep meaning around.
Instruction 2: Create an arc for each line — Beginning meaning to ending meaning.
Instruction 3: With each line, look through your script to find opportunities to build the line into at least three scenes that work for the arc.
Instruction 4: For each one, tell us the line, the arc, and the different meaning you gave the line in the scenes it appeared.

(1) “Katie, you’re my girl”

At the beginning, Russell delivers this line to convince his daughter Katie to go to church again. In a sense, it’s an order by a father to his daughter. “Katie, let’s go to church. You’re my girl.”

In the middle, Russell says this line to show his trust toward Katie who has never helped her daddy’s work. “Order” shifts to “trust”.

At the end, Russell says this line to cheer up Katie (and probably himself) who has gone through an emotional roller coaster ride with the Asian man. “Truust” shifts to “empathy.”

(2) “I hate this place (this world)”

At the beginning, the punk who attacks the Asian man delivers this line to express his feeling to the town in which this story takes place.

In the middle, when Katie is taking care of the Asian man who is still in amnesia, she says this line to explain about her feeling to her father and the town itself.

At the end, after recovering his memory, Taiki (the Asian man) confesses Katie how much he hated his hometown and family and that is why he was hitch-hiking in the Midwest. He also tells her that no matter where you go, you end up with another issue. Escaping from the place you live in would not necessarily solve your problem.

Thus, in my film, the three scenes may not work for the arc. Instead, three characters are somehow connected by delivering the same/similar line in different contexts.

(3) “I’m just doing my job”

At the beginning, Russell delivers this line to answer the question from his wife Jenny who believes that Russell is working too hard at the sacrifice of his private life.
Jenny: You never missed Sunday Mass.
Russell: I had to take care of this guy.
Jenny: But he’s no longer in danger and you’re not a doctor. I think you’re a little too into it.
Russell: Well, I’m just doing my job.

In the middle, the Filipino woman questions the way Russell conducts the investigation, which does not seem to be efficient mainly because of his ignorance about Asian people. Russell delivers this line to excuse himself.

At the end, Russell says this line to Taiki (Asian man) when Taiki is about to leave for Japan and expresses his appreciation to Russell.

• This reply was modified 8 months, 1 week ago by  Mitch Haraguchi.

[Angela Booth]

Angela Booth

What I learned from doing this assignment is that profound dialogue doesn’t have to be an amazing line per se, it simply needs to refer back to a heartfelt moment to bring about the full power of the previous moments.

Height of the Emotion.
1. Make a list of the 5 most emotional moments in your screenplay.
2. With each of those scenes, go to the height of the emotion and brainstorm lines that can deliver the deeper meaning of the scene.
3. Give us a quick explanation of the emotion and meaning of the scene, then the new line that you are going to place there.

Georgia:
A
1. Martin opens the door when she returns from her conference and gives her the biggest hug. He has tears in his eyes.
2. “I’ve been so scared I’d never see you again”.
“We all missed you. So much.”
“I’m sorry”.
3. Georgia and Martin had an argument before she left for the conference. The last time Martin went to a conference it was to Las Vegas at the end of September 2017, and he was caught up in the shooting that cost more than 50 people their lives.
B
1. Georgia expects to get up on Sunday to take the kids to sport, only to be brought breakfast in bed and told to stay where she is, and to have a lie in.
2. “We owe you.”
“I should have been doing this for you all along.”
“I’ll score a goal for you, mum”.
3. Georgia works from 6am every day, and gets up to sort the boys out for sports every weekend. When she returns from her conference, the kids and Martin insist that she have one lie-in a week. They know she needs a break more than they need her to watch them play, and promise to play their best in her absence.

Jodie:
A
1. Jodie tells Graham that her mum has stage 4 cancer. They share a look. Graham tells her to go and be with her mum.
2. “Go. Just go.”
“Don’t say anything, just drive safe give her our love when you get there.”
“Under control. Family first”.
3. Jodie has already stepped in to run the company while Graham is re-training as a teacher, and now she learns the worst news possible. Graham steps up and take over the kids, the appointments and the emotional load for the family, so that she can cope with driving to see her mum who lives 3 hours away. Jodie’s motto has always been “Family First”. Hearing it said back to her is poignant.

B
1. Jodie is lying in her bedroom in the dark and tries not to show the kids how upset she is at the loss of her mum. She sobs into her hands and says (of her mother) “She was the best mum in the world.”
2. Ethan puts his hand on her shoulder and says ”But mum, you’re the best mum in the world”.
3. Jodie has been juggling the business, being an attentive mum and caring for her terminally ill mother. She feels that she can’t keep going now that she’s lost her mum. Ethan’s belief that she is the best mum in the world is the light she needed to pick herself up and carry on.

Tiff:
A
1. Tiff’s daughter brings home work from school at the end of term, including a picture of “What I Want to Be When I Grow Up” – it is a picture of a nurse/doctor in scrubs.
2. Her daughter has written “I want to help people, just like mum” on the picture.
3. Tiff is at an emotional low point and is being made to second-guess her nursing skills. Seeing the picture is a reminder of all the good she has done and how capable she is pf ding her job. The bullying from one nurse manager is not enough to define her.

B
1. Zac presents Tiff with the upcycled furniture for Anand’s family.
2. “Mum, I think I’ve found my passion”.
3. Zac has been drifting aimlessly since finishing high school. Creating something new and beautiful from something old and discarded has given him a sense of purpose. Declaring that he has found a new direction that fills him with excitement is a wish come true for Tiff. She has spent their childhoods teaching them that they don’t have to get the top scores at school, or be the brainiest of them all, but they do have to find something that makes them happy and hopefully gives back to the community too.

Anne:
A
1. Receives email from her dad – nervous to open it for fear of the content and further rejection.
2. Reads “Dear Anne, this is your official invitation to the family party”.
3. Anne has been told to stay away from the family party because her sister is attending, and her sister has said she won’t attend if Anne attends. Anne was told not to attend the party in case she upset the sister, which caused significant heartbreak for Anne. After emailing her father to say that she refused to be ignored, she was fearful of the response, especially considering her father had already put the sister first in his consideration. To read that she is invited to the party is a profound relief.

B
1. Walks out of work knowing she will never go back to work there again, feeling both triumphant and terrified.
2. “Never say never.”
3. Anne has been treated badly by a manager at work. She has told people she would never do anything to jeopardise the smooth running of the Unit, because she feels responsible for its success. After being told she will not be asked to provide input to discussions on the future running of the Unit (that she runs), she realises that it’s out of her hands and not her responsibility any more. By walking out, she knows she is taking all the knowledge on the running of the Unit with her and placing it in jeopardy. Hence, never say never.

Anand:
A
1. Rushes into restaurant to find Tiff, knowing she is a midwife, because his wife has just gone into early labour and the ambulance can’t get there for another half an hour due to a multiple car accident in the area.
2. “But you’re the only person I trust.”
3. After being made to feel incompetent at work, hearing that Anand trusts her to deliver his baby is a huge boost to Tiff’s confidence. She takes Anand’s delivery scooter and get to his wife in plenty of time to deliver the baby safely.

B
1. Opens the door to the new apartment that the women have arranged and furnished for him and his wife.
2. “A palace for my Queen.”
3. Anand promised his wife when they were living in a single room that one day she would live like a queen. He sees the apartment for the first time with the innocent eyes of a child and a sense of deep gratitude. When they first open the door they are lost for words. “A palace for my queen” resonates with the audience who have heard his promises to her and know how much he adores her.

Calli:
A
1. Prepares to go on stage to sing for the first time, full of nerves and terrified of the crowd’s reaction to her as a transwoman.
2. “Tits and teeth, girl, tits and teeth”.
3. Calli has transformed herself multiple times already. From man to woman, and from fake to authentic. She is now about to stand in front of a bunch of strangers as her true self, without a make-up mask or flashing her boobs to “fit in” as female. Previously “tits and teeth” meant “fake it” as something to hide behind. Now it means “brave it” as she puts her authentic self forward.

B
1. After lamenting that she will never be able to have kids, her partner surprises her with a puppy so she can be a doggie-mama.
2. “Oh baby! He looks just like you!”
3. The puppy does indeed look just like her partner. It’s a sweet moment as we see a new family forming before our eyes.

[Angela Booth]

Angela Booth – Build meaning over multiple experiences

What I learned doing this assignment is that a simple phrase can have profound meaning when delivered in difference contexts.

1. “Family first”
Beginning: Jokingly said to Ava when she says she’ll offer free cinema tickets to her friends.
Said by Jodie to Graham when he asks if she’ll cancel a catch up with a friend because they need to have a business meeting with their lawyer. She obliges because family is the most important thing to her.
Middle: Said by Anne to Chris as a reason for not challenging the situation at work – she puts her family first and doesn’t want to jeopardise her career and their income because of bullying at work, no matter how hard that is.
End: Said by Graham to Jodie when she is told her mother has stage 4 cancer. He is telling her to prioritise her mother while he looks after their own family.
Spoken as almost the last line when the women raise a toast at dinner. “Family first. And fuck the rest.”

2. “You’re the best mum in the world”
Beginning: Spoken by Ethan as Jodie drops him and Mia off to school in the car.
Spoken by Finn and Zac when Tiff hands them cash to go to the movies.
Middle: Said by Jodie to her mum when she learns she has cancer.
Said by Imogen to Tiff when she hands her the painting of the nurse/doctor.
End: Said by Anand to his wife when she gives birth.
Said by the boys to Georgia when they give her breakfast in bed.
Said by Ethan to Jodie after Jodie’s mum dies.

3. “Tits and teeth”
Beginning: Calli says this to herself as a mantra that means “Grin and bear it” as she exits the restaurant in the pilot episode with her blind date. She doesn’t really want to be with him but hasn’t got the confidence to turn him down.
Middle: When the women meet Calli in the bathroom and she’s upset, they say it to mean “Show your confidence and accept no shit”. They send Calli back to her date to tell him she doesn’t want to leave with him that night. She’s putting her physical and mental health first.
End: When Calli says this to herself before she goes on stage, it’s to say “Be brave, put your best foot forwards and do your best”. Facing a crowd is her biggest fear, so this is a call to confidence, made especially ironic in that she is no longer flashing her cleavage to convince people she’s female.