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Lesson 15
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David Wickenden Thriller Map
Open to feedback exchanges. wickendendave@gmail.com
Title: The Devil’s Due
LOGLINE:
When a mother and daughter show up at his cottage, Michael must use his bush smarts to outrun a group of cultists bound on sacrificing the teen to their dark God.
I/E. FORD EXTENDED CAB 4X4 – AFTERNOON
They introduced us to MICHAEL HEALY (36) as he drives his truck down a country blacktop. He’s singing and seems to enjoy himself. He takes a phone call from his boss who is worried about a business account. Michael tells him it’s his first break in the three years since his father’s death. He also reminds his boss that his cottage is in an area without cellular phone coverage.
INT. MILLER’S GENERAL STORE – DAY
Michael picks up some supplies and speaks with the store owner. He suggests he was considering selling the family cottage, and the owner recommends he give it a lot of thought, as others were sorry once they had done so. Michael agrees he has a lot of memories centered on the cottage and his father, who taught him about the wilds and about life.
INT. COTTAGE – DAY
Michael arrives at his cottage. He sees a woman and teenage girl swimming across the lake. Who are they? Must have bought the cottage.
INT. COTTAGE – EVENING
That evening, he hears gunshots and screams. The women show up pleading for help.
Michael wants to contact the police, but the woman tells him her husband, who wants to kidnap the daughter, owns the police. The figures in the bush are moving towards Michael’s cottage.
They run after Michael packs a bag. One cult member chases after them while the leader enters the cottage.
INT. COTTAGE – NIGHT
The Cult Leader has his men plant a dead man in Michael’s cottage and leaves drugs scattered on the floor. He then calls the police to frame Michael. More men show up and they give chase to Michael and the women.
EXT. BUSH – CONTINUOUS
The women are going deeper into the forest on the trail led by Michael. Michael can’t understand why the men would shoot if they wanted to kidnap the girl?
Michael ambushed one pursuer, but the man beats him. The mother kills the man with an axe. She shows little emotion.
Michael and the women cut off the trail and move up the mountain. The Cult Leader yells into the night that the woman is not what she appears and is using Michael. The group of pursuers follow the trail away from Michael and the women.
Michael leads the women over the mountain to a swampy area. He finds a dry area and builds a quick shelter for them to sleep.
INT. SHELTER – NIGHT
The teen falls to sleep after eating. The mother, Joanna, explains that her husband, Billy, is a cult leader who wants to sacrifice his daughter, Lilith, to raise a demon, which he hopes to control.
Lilith has a seizure but falls back to sleep. Her mother tells Michael that the girl has no history with seizures.
Michael has a vivid sexual dream with Joanna.
EXT. COTTAGE – NIGHT
The police have found the dead body and the drugs in Michael’s cottage. An APB is issued for Michael’s arrest.
EXT. SWAMP – DAWN
Michael has a plan to reach a fire tower where they can call for help, using the short-wave radio that’s there.
Once at the tower, Michael climbs the tower, while women hide. He gets the message out that he and the women are being chased by the cult members. On his way down the tower, three cult members show up and try to get him to climb down. When he refuses, they shoot at him. As he tries to stay under cover, two police in an SUV cruiser show up. They exchange gunfire with the cultists. Michael uses the distraction to zipline from the tower to the bush. One police officer shoots the other with a spare gun. The police officer radios dispatch that Michael had shot and killed the police officer. He is part of the conspiracy.
Michael and the women run through the bush. The cult members follow.
EXT. FOREST – AFTERNOON
We watch through the eyes of a predator as it runs through the forest and creeps up to a cult member. It attacks and kills the cult member.
EXT. FOREST – SAME TIME
Michael and the women hear the screams. They find a maple sugar cabin and bunker down for the night. Once the daughter falls asleep, Michael and the woman get intimate outside the cabin. During the act, Michael spies the daughter watching them, a hungry look on her face. It unnerves him. When they go back inside to sleep, the girl’s spasms awaken them. They hear more scream and roars through the night.
EXT. FOREST – MORNING
Decide to make a run towards the town. They find the remains of a bunch of cult members ripped to shreds, body parts hanging from trees. They hear something tracking them through the bush.
EXT. FOREST – AFTERNOON
Cult leader sets forest fire to funnel Michael and the women towards a line of shooters.
EXT. FORST – SAME TIME
Michael and the women run from the fire, coughing from smoke, blurred vision from smoke. They use a waterfall to create a bubble over themselves and the fire runs passes over them.
INT. CAVE – NIGHT
Michael leads them to a cave where they can dry their clothes. They eat the last of the food. There are more screams throughout the night. Michael dreams again. This time both the mother and daughter make love to him, the daughter becoming vicious.
INT. CAVE – MORNING
Michael wakes alone and naked. He has deep scratches all over his chest and back. He dresses and finds an old spear under a rock shelf in the cave. Michael leaves to find the women.
EXT. FORSEST – MINUTES LATER
Michael finds the women surrounded by cult members and two police officers with rifles. Billy explains that not all is as it seems. That the daughter must die or else everyone on earth will die. They had wanted power, but the dark lord wanted something else. The daughter’s father is Satan, and she will bring hell to earth. Her having sex with Michael has woken the evil within her.
The monster from the forest attacks the cult members, tearing them apart. Michael breaks free as daughter transforms into she-devil. She and her mother fight with the cult leader, who unleashes with arcane powers.
Michael uses the spear on the monster when it’s attention is on the cult leader. Killing it affects the daughter, and she weakens. Mother attacks Michael to protect her daughter. With no choice, he kills the mother, causing the daughter to go crazy, unleashing dark shadow monsters toward Michael.
Michael and the wounded cult leader work together to lift the spear in time to impale the She-devil, killing her.
A violent storm erupts, like a mini-cyclone, and both men must grab surrounding trees to hang on. When the wind dies down, both women and dead cult members are gone.
EXT. FOREST – EVENING
The cult leader explains that this is an ongoing battle. In a year, the evil will return. “The devil demands his due. He’ll be targeting both of us.” They stagger out of the bush together, now allies.
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Mariannjely’s Thriller Map Version 1
Hi! I would love some feedback, ad thank you so much in advance. My email is mariannjely@gmail.com
TITLE: The Aftertaste.
LOGLINE: After finding a body inside a winery barrel, an international student must find her way out of a beauty cult before becoming the next victim.
OPENING:
INT. WINE AGING ROOM – NIGHT
NICK (24) blasts music in his air pods as he rolls a wine barrel. He positions the barrel in the corner of the room and exits. Suddenly, knocks come from the barrel. There is someone inside! An exhausted woman’s scream is heard right before going silent. A security camera films.
INCITING ACCIDENT:
INT. VENEZUELA APARTMENT – NIGHT
ARIANA (22) pours herself a glass of wine while her roommates watch the Miss Venezuela pageant on the TV. She gets an email notification from “Spend the Summer in a Vineyard in the USA.” She sent her video application just the day before. It’s too soon to hear from them, isn’t? One of her roommates opens the email and reads it. She takes a bit to tell Ariana but finally screams. “You are in!”
INT. VINEYARD – DAY
Ariana arrives at the beautiful Vineyard after a long ride from the airport to the countryside in California. Nick drove her and other young foreign women selected for the summer program at the Vineyard. Their passports are taken to be put in a safe at the entrance. Ariana notices there are cameras everywhere, and her phone has no service. She asks one of the friendly Hispanic employees about it, and before he can answer, KAREN (55), the owner of the Vineyard, enters, explaining WIFI is available in our common area. The security cameras are for everyone’s safety. Karen is the definition of “aging like fine wine”, charming and overaccommodating with the foreign women while giving them a tour of the property and telling them about the Vineyard’s upcoming events: wine tasting and auction coming up. At the end of the tour, the foreign women are requested to draw blood for drug testing protocols. Ariana initially refuses because she hates needles, but when the option is to be sent back home, she agrees to the test. The foreign women enjoy food and drinks after. A couple of days later, Ariana wakes up to the news that one of the foreign women needs to be sent home. Her blood tests showed she had blood cancer and needed treatment immediately.
TURNING POINT 1:
INT. SECURITY ROOM – DAY
Nick, who has been flirting with Ariana, watches her through the cameras. Karen enters, and they begin to kiss. He is Karen’s lover. Can Ariana trust him?
MIDPOINT:
INT. WINE AGING ROOM – NIGHT
After being told they can’t drink anything in the wine tasting, Ariana finds a way to get a taste of it secretly. When she gets an aftertaste of it, she is curious about the ingredients, and stumbles into the wine aging room. She finds a dead body inside a barrel. The body is the woman who was sent home “because she had blood cancer.” Ariana screams. Nick comes out of nowhere and covers her mouth.
TURNING POINT 2:
INT. TASTING ROOM – NIGHT
Nick has told Ariana that Karen selects young foreign women to come to the vineyard and then force them to donate their blood for as long as they are young. It’s the key ingredient in creating the anti-aging popular wine that satisfies her elite clientele of 40+ older women. Now working together, Ariana and Nick plan to escape that night during the auction. But Karen gets ahead of them. Karen kills Nick and locks Ariana in a room, where she sees the other locked women drawing blood. Ariana offers Karen a deal: her life in exchange for more foreign women she can recruit.
CLIMAX:
INT. VINEYARD – NIGHT
Ariana gets access to WIFI and contacts the police. The police come, but sooner than later, she realizes they work for Karen too. Ariana tries to escape, but Karen locks her again. A Hispanic employee opens her cell and accidentally starts a fire in the vineyard. As the vineyard burns, Ariana fights Karen and ultimately ends her and the vineyard.
RESOLUTION:
INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Two years later, Ariana is a sommelier working in this upscale restaurant. A woman requests Ariana for her table. Ariana arrives at the table where an elegant woman in her thirties awaits. She has red hair, just like Karen. After a small talk, Ariana realizes this is Karen’s daughter who was in Europe. She is back and looking for revenge.
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David Wickenden Thriller Map Ver 2 after feedback
Title: The Devil’s Due
LOGLINE:
When a mother and daughter show up at his cottage, Michael must use his bush smarts to outrun a group of cultists bound on sacrificing the teen to their dark Lord.
I/E. FORD EXTENDED CAB 4X4 – AFTERNOON
They introduced us to MICHAEL HEALY (36) as he drives his truck down a country blacktop. He’s singing and seems to enjoy himself. He takes a phone call from his boss who is worried about a business account. Michael tells him it’s his first break in the three years since his father’s death. He also reminds his boss that his cottage is in an area without cellular phone coverage.
INT. MILLER’S GENERAL STORE – DAY
Michael picks up some supplies and speaks with the store owner. He suggests he was considering selling the family cottage, and the owner recommends he give it a lot of thought, as others were sorry once they had done so. Michael agrees he has a lot of memories centered on the cottage and his father, who taught him about the wilds and about life.
INT. COTTAGE – DAY
Michael arrives at his cottage. He sees a woman and teenage girl swimming across the lake. Who are they? Must have bought the cottage.
INT. COTTAGE – EVENING
That evening, he hears gunshots and screams. The women show up pleading for help.
Michael wants to contact the police, but the woman tells him her husband, who wants to kidnap the daughter, owns the police. The figures in the bush are moving towards Michael’s cottage.
They run after Michael packs a bag. One cult member chases after them while the leader enters the cottage.
INT. COTTAGE – NIGHT
The Cult Leader has his men plant a dead man in Michael’s cottage and leaves drugs scattered on the floor. He then calls the police to frame Michael. More men show up and they give chase to Michael and the women.
EXT. BUSH – CONTINUOUS
The women are going deeper into the forest on the trail led by Michael. Michael can’t understand why the men would shoot if they wanted to kidnap the girl?
Michael ambushed one pursuer, but the man beats him. The mother kills the man with an axe. She shows little emotion.
Michael and the women cut off the trail and move up the mountain. The Cult Leader yells into the night that the woman is not what she appears and is using Michael. The group of pursuers follow the trail away from Michael and the women.
Michael leads the women over the mountain to a swampy area. He finds a dry area and builds a quick shelter for them to sleep.
INT. SHELTER – NIGHT
The teen falls to sleep after eating. The mother, Joanna, explains that her husband, Billy, is a cult leader who wants to sacrifice his daughter, Lilith, to raise a demon, which he hopes to control.
Lilith has a seizure but falls back to sleep. Her mother tells Michael that the girl has no history with seizures.
Michael has a vivid sexual dream with Joanna.
EXT. COTTAGE – NIGHT
The police have found the dead body and the drugs in Michael’s cottage. An APB is issued for Michael’s arrest.
EXT. SWAMP – DAWN
When the daughter emerges from the shelter, Michael is amazed to find that she has matured from a girl of 14 years to a teen of 16 or 17 years. Neither woman can explain.
Michael has a plan to reach a fire tower where they can call for help, using the short-wave radio that’s there.
Once at the tower, Michael climbs the tower, while women hide. He gets the message out that he and the women are being chased by the cult members. On his way down the tower, three cult members show up and try to get him to climb down. When he refuses, they shoot at him. As he tries to stay under cover, two police in an SUV cruiser show up. They exchange gunfire with the cultists. Michael uses the distraction to zipline from the tower to the bush. One police officer shoots the other with a spare gun. The police officer radios dispatch that Michael had shot and killed the police officer. He is part of the conspiracy.
Michael and the women run through the bush. The cult members follow.
EXT. FOREST – AFTERNOON
We watch through the eyes of a predator as it runs through the forest and creeps up to a cult member. It attacks and kills the cult member.
EXT. FOREST – SAME TIME
Michael and the women hear the screams. They find a maple sugar cabin and bunker down for the night. Once the daughter falls asleep, Michael and the woman get intimate outside the cabin. During the act, Michael spies the daughter watching them, a hungry look on her face. It unnerves him. When they go back inside to sleep, the girl’s spasms awaken them. They hear more scream and roars through the night.
EXT. FOREST – MORNING
Once again, the girl has aged following the seizure. She now appears to be 20 years old, no longer a teen, but a full-grown woman. Michael is stunned but finds it equally disturbing because neither woman seems surprised. Decide to make a run towards the town. They find the remains of a bunch of cult members ripped to shreds, body parts hanging from trees. They hear something tracking them through the bush.
EXT. FOREST – AFTERNOON
Cult leader sets forest fire to funnel Michael and the women towards a line of shooters.
EXT. FORST – SAME TIME
Michael and the women run from the fire, coughing from smoke, blurred vision from smoke. They use a waterfall to create a bubble over themselves and the fire runs passes over them.
INT. CAVE – NIGHT
Michael leads them to a cave where they can dry their clothes. They eat the last of the food. There are more screams throughout the night. Michael dreams again. This time both the mother and daughter make love to him, the daughter becoming vicious.
INT. CAVE – MORNING
Michael wakes alone and naked. He has deep scratches all over his chest and back. He dresses and finds an old spear under a rock shelf in the cave. Michael leaves to find the women.
EXT. FORSEST – MINUTES LATER
Michael finds the women surrounded by cult members and two police officers with rifles. Billy explains that not all is as it seems. That the daughter must die or else everyone on earth will die. They had wanted power, but the dark lord wanted something else. The daughter’s father is Satan, and she will bring hell to earth. Her having sex with Michael has woken the evil within her.
The monster from the forest attacks the cult members, tearing them apart. Michael breaks free as daughter transforms into she-devil. She and her mother fight with the cult leader, who unleashes with arcane powers.
Michael uses the spear on the monster when its attention is on the cult leader. Killing it affects the daughter, and she weakens. Mother attacks Michael to protect her daughter. With no choice, he kills the mother, causing the daughter to go crazy, unleashing dark shadow monsters toward Michael.
Michael and the wounded cult leader work together to lift the spear in time to impale the She-devil, killing her.
A violent storm erupts, like a mini-cyclone, and both men must grab surrounding trees to hang on. When the wind dies down, both women and dead cult members are gone.
EXT. FOREST – EVENING
The cult leader explains that this is an ongoing battle. In a year, the evil will return. “The devil demands his due. He’ll be targeting both of us.” They stagger out of the bush together, now allies.
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Transplant outline
By Serita Stevens
Genre: Political Thriller
Logline: A nurse goes undercover to expose illegal Chinese organ transplants only to be in danger of becoming one of the unwilling organ donors herself.
Chinese secret police raid a home of Falun Dafa worshipers, grab the family as political prisoners. A teen boy hides in the closet and escapes notice.
Debra Roth, an RN, attends the funeral of JANELLE FENTON’S mother. Janelle is a school friend of Debra and believes her mom died under suspicious circumstances. When she learns that Debra is taking an internship at CBS with Edward Osborne, the health reporter, she asks if maybe she can investigate. Deb says she’ll try.
Janelle teases her about being afraid of the dark and choosing the wrong men. Then she says she saw Deb’s ex with another woman. Deb tries to shrug it off but you know she’s affected.
Starting her new role with Ed she asks him if an investigation is possible. At first, he says no since she’s not experienced in reporting or undercover work, but then another death is reported at this hospital an hour from Chicago. The heads agree to let her go but warn her to be careful. They need enough proof to run a story. She thinks she can handle it because of all the mystery and spy stories she’s read. Life is not like fiction They warn her.
Debra gets a job at this hospital- which means she has to drive an hour to get there for 7a shift. Ugh Deb complains to her friend but if she finds a way to save people it’s worth it.
At the hospital she’s introduced to staff and learns that some of the colon cancer patients are getting high colonies to clean them out. She is taking notes and when asked why she says she just wants to learn.
At the orientation with two other new employees, she meets the two main doctors, suave , arrogant Dr. Alan Barr and a quiet Chinese man, Dr. George Chu as well as nurse Sandy Li who works with patients on the transplant list.
Debra is assigned to several patients and sits down to read their charts. She jots notes and again is asked why. I want to know my patients. She feels them watching her at the hospital, so she has to be careful.
After a few days, they seem to have accepted her and she becomes friendly with Sandy Li. . then Debra is caught in medical records reading charts. Again, she says she is trying to get to know her patients but this is not something most nurses do.
At home, she has the sense she is being watched. Her cat goes missing. As she is searching for him, she sees a car that looks just like Dr. Chu’s Mercedes.
Calls coming in but no one is there.
Back at the hospital, she asks him if he was in her neighborhood and he denies it but the administrator asks why she lives so far. She says once she believes she’ll be staying at this job she’ll move closer to the hospital. The administration wants to start work in the transplant area. She agrees.
And looking at her patient list, she wonders why so many incoming patients have had their transplants in China and are recovering here? She’s assigned to three patients include one DONALD PECK. He’s been waiting for a liver transplant and so far two of the lists have rejected him because of his age. He’s wealthy and says he can pay what they need. No one really likes him. The hospital says they are searching for the proper donor for him.
As she comes out of work, she finds her tires have been slashed. Who could have done it? Police say just some kids in the area but Debra and her boss at CBS wonder. They ask her to stop her investigation before something happens since maybe she is being warned away.
Her tires are replaced, and she drives home. The bosses at the station are worried.
Janelle calls her and asks if she found out anything about her mom. Debra hasn’t had a moment to look at the mother’s chart, but she promises she will.
In a meeting at the station, she talks to her bosses, who think that maybe she should back down. Debra doesn’t want to. She thinks there’s something going on with the transplant situation. This is not a regulation approved transplant hospital.
She’s concerned about the patient they gave her being rejected so many times and believing that he will still find a transplant. In fact, many of the patients here were rejected from the regular transplant list.
The station boss is reluctant to but finally tells her she can check it out if she’s careful.
At work, she talks to Donald and he’s confident. He’s been told he will have a match soon. He’s willing to pay whatever it takes. She says they don’t judge on money but on if you have the ability to follow the diet and medications and what your life will be like after. From what she’s read about him, he was a party animal and ignored many of his doctor’s recommendations.
Having coffee at her break, Dr. Chu sits down with her. She asks him why several have had their transplants done in China. He tells her it’s a money maker for them. They use political prisoners. She wants to know more but he shakes his head and says that she doesn’t need to know. He tells her that she’s not cut out for this type of work. He suggests she go elsewhere.
She asks why so many patients are arriving here after a Chinese transplant. He won’t answer.
On the floor Sandy gives her grief for not understanding the various medications used for transplants. She asks how the hospital got approved. “What makes you think they were approved?”
As she’s leaving, she overhears an argument between Dr. Barr and Dr. Chu saying something about the transplant patients not coming as they should but she’s not sure who is talking. As she steps closer someone rounds the corner. She has to step away.
The administrator sees her and confronts her. Asks her if she can work another shift.
Her ex calls her when she’s home and Debra doesn’t want to talk to him, but he says he needs to tell her something. She thinks he’s going to verbally abuse her again and so she hangs up.
Debra feels like she’s being watched but she doesn’t see any signs of it. She’s on the way to work the next morning when at 5:30am a car traveling the wrong way on the almost empty freeway crashes into her. Debra’s taken by ambulance to the hospital as her car is towed.
Dr. Barr greets her at the ER with flowers. He’s so glad that she wasn’t injured and he’s anxious for her to return to work. He’s arranged for her to have a car while hers is being repaired. She protests that her insurance will take care of it. He says he wants to help her in any way he can.
He insists on taking her back home. Making her soup, etc and tucking her in bed. They talk and it seems they have a lot in common.
Two days later, she’s back at the hospital after assuring the station that she can handle this. Her ex has called again and says that he needs to talk to her about her friends. She thinks it’s the usual abuse stuff and does not call him back.
Working back at the transplant unit, she takes care of Donald and Sandy indicates that she has to talk to her. Debra thinks she has to discuss her performance. She’ll meet Sandy in the nursing lounge after her shift. Donald says that he is going to China and asks if she can be his nurse and come with him. She’s not sure but she says she’ll think about it.
Barr invites her to dinner and she’s hesitant but accepts. He says he wants to see how she’s doing. Rather than have him pick her up, she says she will meet him at the restaurant.
Meanwhile she’s taking her notes and going into medical records tries to find the information on her friend’s mom. Dr. Chu finds her in there and tells her this is not the place she should be. “You’re not cut out for this type of work.”
She ignores his words and wonders if he is part of the Chinese group doing the illegal transplants. She asks her friends at the station to see what they can dig up on him.
Going to the nursing lounge to meet Sandy, she finds the other nurse is not there. Debra waits fifteen minutes and then writes a note that she will talk to her tomorrow.
Leaving the hospital, she passes Dr. Chu’s office and hears him yelling at someone on the phone but it’s impossible to hear what he’s saying because he’s speaking Chinese. She waits until he leaves and sneaks into his office.
In Dr. Chu’s office, she finds a Buddha hidden in a corner behind a drape but nothing else that tells her anything. A ceremonial knife lies in his drawer and a list of the transplant patients coming in on his desk with several x’d through.
Getting ready for her dinner, she has several hang up calls with no one there. Then a whispered call from Sandy (supposedly) saying that she must talk to her! Asks Debra to meet her at the Water Tower.
Her contact at the station tells her that Chu was an excellent student in the transplant fellowship at Harvard. Now, Debra is sure that he’s part of these illegal transplants.
Debra goes to the Water Tower but after waiting ten minutes, Sandy has not shown so she has to go to the restaurant.
Dr. Barr is charming at a fancy restaurant. She’s surprised that he could get reservations so quickly. It’s a wonder what money will buy. He tells Debra how unique she is and how much he likes her. He presses her if she will go with the patient to China. He’s sure it will help Donald’s morale. Debra gives a hesitant yes.
He takes her back to his elegant Glencoe home near the lake, and he kisses her. She begins to feel a bit lightheaded and he suggests she lay down. He lays next to her and they end up making love.
Debra tells Janelle about her romance. Janelle says that Barr could be a keeper. But Debra wonders – I’ve never had luck with men. Always choosing the wrong one. How do I know? Janelle presses her to let go of her fears.
The station boss isn’t sure that going to China is a good idea but she thinks that is how she will get the information to expose them for the story. Is she sure? She says that she is.
Sandy’s not at work the next day which surprises Debra as she and the other nurse take care of the five patients on this unit.
But when she goes into the storage closet…she finds Sandy’s body! Who killed the nurse and why? She sees a ceremonial knife next to the body and it’s like the one she saw in Chu’s office.
What was Sandy going to tell Debra? Did it relate to the patients or her work there or what? The police say they will investigate and question her about when she last saw Sandy. Is she suspect? The station says they will get her an attorney if needed.
Preparations are being made for Donald to go to China. They are pressing her for her answer.
Once again, her ex tries to contact her and Debra yells at him that she is not worthless as he had when he tried to gaslight her into believing.
Her friend calls to ask what she has found out about her mom’s death and Debra has to tell her that she went to med records once but was sent away and she will try to look again when she can. Janelle presses her to continue her search.
She finds the record of Janelle’s mom but can see nothing unusual in it. She doesn’t understand why her friend thinks something suspicious with her mom’s death.
She tells her station that she is sure Dr. Chu is one of the people involved with the transplants and they have to look further into him. Again, they ask if she is sure she wants to go to China. She says yes. She wants to catch Dr. Chu in the act.
Dr. Barr continues to romance her and even brings her flowers. She loves the attention, but something seems off and she’s not sure what it is.
On the plane to China, Donald tells her how much he appreciates her coming with him and giving of her time. He says that she will be well rewarded for her efforts.
She settles Donald in at the transplant hospital and is amazed at how massive and modern it is. As she’s putting his things away, she sees a picture of Donald with Janelle. She takes a deep breath and asks him. He admits that Janelle is his niece and had suggested that she would be a good nurse to take care of him. Oh really? Has her school friend betrayed her?
Instead of putting her up at a hotel, they have a suite for her at the hospital. They say so that she can be near her patient if he needs her. As she is eating the dinner, they’ve brought up for her there’s a knock at her door.
It’s Dr. Barr. He says he’s come to check on her, but then he surprises her by injecting her with a sedative.
Debra’s body is carried out to a regular hospital room where unconscious she’s hooked up to IV’s, etc.
She wakes to find Dr. Barr sitting at her bedside who assures her that everything is going according to plan. He tells her how much he enjoyed being with her.
What plan? Why the plan for her to donate her liver to Donald. She’s the perfect match. When she had the accident that they arranged, her blood was tested to verify that, but he was already positive from what Janelle had told him. He’s sorry that he had to do this, but they had a wonderful time together, didn’t they? As head of the transplant operation in his area, he had an obligation to the patients and of course, to his pocketbook. And of course, they couldn’t let her spill their story.
What is she promises not to give the station the story?
No, too late. They need her liver.
Debra tries to get up, but she’s strapped to the bed and can barely move.
He pats her hand and tells it won’t be long now. She asks if he’s the one who killed Sandy and what Sandy was going to tell her.
Barr imagines that Sandy planned to warn her to leave. Now she learns that Sandy and Chu are cousins having both escaped from China and both being practitioners of the religion that China disapproved of. Barr found out that they had been trying to prevent the transplants from going through and he couldn’t allow that. He says he’ll make it as painless as possible for her.
She flashes on the statue hidden in Chu’s office. So, she had been wrong about him.
Again, she tries to escape but it seems impossible. At least let me call my parents to say goodbye.
He gives her the phone and she calls the station and in code tries to tell them that she’s in danger. Barr senses something and grabs the phone from her. Then she says she has to talk to Donald, her patient.
Donald is rolled into her room on a gurney. Debra asks if he really goes along with killing innocent people for his benefit. He says he really wants to live. He has so much he wants to do. And she doesn’t? He looks away and says Janelle said that she wouldn’t mind.
Well, she minds very much. She has her whole life ahead of her and he’s 75. He’s lived a good life already.
He says he needs to survive. He has a lot to do. He’s taken back to his room.
She watches the clock and begins to cry when a new doctor wearing scrubs comes in…it’s Chu!
He puts his finger to his lips as he loosens her bonds and gives her a shirt and pants to put on. He’s going to help her escape. He tells her that he talked to her people at the station and they funded the plane that they will use.
As they get to the end of the hospital complex, the warning sounds. Chu hides and tries to take Debra into the side room, but she’s too slow from the meds they’ve given her.
She’s recaptured and it looks like this is end for her…but then Donald changes his mind and rejects her as donor. He says he will wait and insists that Debra be allowed to leave.
His niece (her friend) appears and yells at her uncle. How could he do this after all she worked so hard to get Debra here?
The Chinese police take a screaming Dr. Barr away.
Once they disappear, Chu grabs her and they run for the car he commanded.
In the air, she thanks him profusely. He says she deserves to be with a good person. A hint of a possible relationship with them.
The station puts on a news report of the Chinese illegal transplants. Her ex greets her at the airport. He’s glad she’s safe. Did she know about Janelle? He had been trying to tell her that Janelle had been asking about her and he knew that Janelle was Donald’s niece. He asks her if they can try again.
She looks to Chu and then shakes her head.
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open to feedback seritadstevens@gmail.com
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I did not have time to finish making the 2nd half written out and readable, but it should be decent enough to get the gist.
It’s supposed to be an Action Thriller, a reverse James Bond.
If interested in the subject matter, please just proceed with feedback and I will provide feedback in return (and I am open to all subject matters).
Please either Reply to this entry here with feedback or email me directly at gmichael.gkatz@gmail.com. I can provide feedback in return tonight! Thanks!
MEGALOMANIAC – Thriller MAP Version 1
ACT I
1. OPENING – EXT. VIENNA, AUSTRIA – BACKYARD OF A HOUSE – DAY
10-year-old Viktor, with an overly concerned expression, uses a magnifying glass and tweezers to caringly take out a splinter out from a cat’s paw. Then he accidentally discovers solar ignition and uses the magnifying glass to burn dried leaves. Unfortunately, he accidentally fries an ant to death, and cries up at the sun in shame with tears streaming down his face. Camera pushes into the sun.
2. OPENING Continuous as it transitions into a video presentation.
Camera pulls back from the sun and lands on several heartbreaking examples of Earth devastated by global warming. Suddenly we’re blinded by the beauty of a Swedish bombshell sunbathing in a sexy bikini on a beautiful beach. This is the narrator, Imelyna Michaels, a world-famous actress, and passionate environmental activist. “Space solar is the solution to all of the world’s problems.” The silhouette of a long, vertical space station flies across the sun like E.T. across the moon. Chyron: Space Solar. The middle section of the space station is made up of a column of humongous magnifying lenses. “Clean. Safe. Sustainable.” A beam of light grows brighter and thicker as it travels down through each of the successive magnifying lenses. “All the energy the world will ever need.” With a low ferocious pitch, a monstrous and continuous beam of blinding energy bursts out from the bottom of the space station and speeds toward Earth and in seconds is absorbed by a giant Tesla coil attached to a skyscraper peeking through the clouds. Back to Imelyna on the beach: “Visionary and revolutionary inventor, Viktor Katz, will end the world’s reliance on fossil fuels, end global warming, and save the world.”
3. INT. VIENNA, AUSTRIA – PILOT PLANT – OPEN WORKSPACE
Video ends, the lights come up, and University of Vienna President calls out to the large group of 50 investors to join him around a veiled prototype. Viktor notices a lone investor, an American named Ratliff, standing suspiciously by the prototype, and walks quickly over to him. Ratliff says he’s extremely impressed with Viktor as he is being gently escorted back to group.
4. CONTINUOUS: The President praises Viktor’s vision, his achievement, and him as a sacrificing man of conscience. As Viktor listens appreciably, Imelyna slides up next to Viktor and cozies up to him with flirtatious praise of her own. However, Viktor is uncomfortable and rebuffs Imelyna, just wanting to focus on his work.
5. CONTINUOUS: The President introduces Viktor, who addresses the investors. He is worried that the world isn’t concerned enough about the future consequences of their actions. “While some are living for today, I have been worried about our future.” He sees the promise of the sun and has worked altruistically and long and hard, doesn’t want to sell out, just wants to see this project through. “I just want to make my mark on the world.” But I can’t do this alone, and he needs conscientious investors who share his vision to help build out this technology. Unseen, Ratliff’s voice interjects accusatorily, “Is this thing even safe?” Viktor can’t find Ratliff, but replies confidently that “It’s already been thoroughly tested and verified. It’s just a question of construction and distribution. Round 2 investors: enjoy the demonstration. But, yes, Mr. Ratliff, please put on your protective sunglasses because the beams are in fact a danger to your eyes.”
6. INCITING INCIDENT
Viktor’s partner starts the demonstration, powering up the prototype. Imelyna presses the start button. A continuous sunbeam is fired down through the prototype, magnifying in brightness and power as it travels through the successively powerful magnifying lenses. However, when the beam fires into Tesla coil on the battery receptable, is reflects the light like a mirror ball, sending thousands of continuous laser beams rotating around the room. Scorching their paths. The crowd screams and panics, scattering and diving to the ground. Viktor instinctively protects Imelyna by bringing her to the ground just in time as a heat ray barely misses her. However, Viktor’s sunglasses fly off his face, his eyes no longer protected from the intense lights. He is mesmerized by the circling white laser beams, and for him, the room silences except for the sounds of slicing and scorching. Then he loses his sight. From his POV, the middle of his vision is black, and only out of the corners of his eyes does he have peripheral vision. He now has solar retinopathy, which is burned out retinas from looking at the intense lights. He has blind spots in the center of his vision but still can see peripherally. For the rest of the movie Viktor’s signature gesture will be to always have his head turned slightly to one side or the other. The partner turns off the machine just before being struck by a beam. Viktor, fully perplexed, runs to the prototype and pulls out of the bottom of the receiver a miniature mirror ball. Wincing, blinking, and squinting in pain, Viktor sees his partner burning on the ground. The building is on fire, Viktor partially blinded, and his partner killed. Viktor sees out of the corner of his eye Ratliff slipping out of the backdoor.
7. EXT. PILOT PLANT ALLEY – MOMENTS LATER
Victor pursues Ratliff into the alley seeking justice/revenge. He tries to apprehend Ratliff, and is willing to fight him. “What is wrong with you?” However, suddenly Ratliff exhibits world class fighting skills and easily takes down Viktor. Ratliff steals back the mirror ball evidence. Ratliff threatens Viktor, “Find another career, or I will destroy your whole world.” Viktor is defiant, “Do you work for one of the companies we turned down?” “It’s in my discretion to kill you right here, right now. So look at me, sideways, Viktor. No space solar. Or else there will be deadly consequences.” Ratliff looks at Viktor, who is trembling, but gazes into his soul for a moment, becomes freaked out by what he sees, and fearfully shoots Viktor twice in the chest.
8. INT. HOSPITAL – EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT
With eyes bandaged, a disheveled Viktor sits sadly on the side of the bed listening in disbelief as President of the University of Vienna, points an accusatory finger at him. He blames him and shuts down the project, fires him, promises a lawsuit brought by the university and investors, and his career is over. President leaves to talk to partner’s grieving widow. Imelyna enters, upset and concerned for Viktor’s wellbeing. She says the news and social media are blaming him. She is incredulous. However, Viktor retreats into a traumatized psychological state. A Vienna Detective enters, asks for a selfie with Imelyna, which she happily grants, announces that Viktor is under arrest, to her protest, and escorts Viktor past Imelyna and out of the room.
9. INT. POLICE STATION – INTERROGATION ROOM – LATER
In front of a video camera and many officers, Viktor, low energy, and not all there, guesses it was corporate espionage. Detective reports that there is no trace of any American fitting Ratliff’s description in Vienna or all of Austria. And they have no evidence of the sabotage, no surveillance footage, and witnesses don’t corroborate Viktor’s story of a belligerent investor. “It’s not looking good for you, Viktor.” Viktor realizes he has forgotten something and takes out from his jacket pocket the magnifying glass that he had as a kid with two bullets imbedded into the glass. He points to the bullets imbedded in the glass. “Look closer.” Detective looks around the room, realizing the significance of the evidence and relents that he will investigate further. He will release Viktor. However, he is still a person under suspicion and cannot go near the crime scene or leave town.
10. EXT. POLICE STATION – LATER
A CHAUFFEUR waits by a limousine. Imelyna exits the station door with a subdued Viktor, guiding him into the limousine. “You saved my life! Of course I have to do this! And you were shot! I can’t believe any of this!” She warns him about not going home because his home may not be safe since he was supposed to be dead. She insists that he can stay with her at her hotel. “I promise I won’t flirt with you, even though I am a little aroused. TMI, I know, but you did save my life, so you understand…OK, shhhh, Imelyna, he needs sleep!”
11. INT. HOTEL SACHER WIEN – PRESIDENTIAL SUITE – THE NEXT DAY
Imelyna removes the bandages on his Viktor’s eyes. He may be permanently blind in the center of his vision. However, he’s looking better. He appreciates Imelyna’s help, and apologizes for being cold to her. They discuss the sabotage. As a supporter of various philanthropic endeavors, she has heard rumors of other creatives being sabotaged, though not to this extent. She impresses upon Viktor how important his work is to the world. He must continue. She wants Viktor to promise to continue his work on space solar “at all costs”. He is afraid. She suggests he relocate, and she’ll even take him to America and support him. He says no. He is not allowed to leave, plus he’s got to clean up his mess and straighten out his relationship with the university. He’s not one to shirk his responsibilities. She is about to flirt, but Viktor rebuffs her flatly.
12. END OF ACT ONE: FIRST TURNING POINT – EXT. PILOT PLANT ALLEY – LATER
Imelyna drops Viktor off, repeats her offer, and says goodbye. Viktor returns to his warehouse but workers are emptying out its contents. Viktor goes around back to find Ratliff loading his prototype, research, and equipment onto a truck. Viktor is shocked and doesn’t know what to do. He gets an idea, reaches into his jacket, but remembers he no longer has his magnifying glass. Using ingenuity, he polishes the bottom of a coke can and uses solar ignition to blow up his prototype. It explodes into a giant fireball, and Ratliff is knocked to the ground. He scans the area, and is frustrated that he doesn’t see anyone.
13. EXT. SIDE STREET – CONTINUOUS
Viktor runs for his life. He makes a phone call. “I promise. At all costs. But I also want a part in your next movie.”
ACT II
14. INT. IMELYNA’S MALIBU BEACH HOUSE MANSION – DAY
Viktor is unsure how to start his life over from scratch. Imelyna tells him her story of how when she moved from Sweden to Los Angeles to pursue acting that she changed her name. Viktor likes the idea and safety of creating a new identity, especially if he is again going to pursue space solar. He decides on Michael. She sets him up in a room overlooking the breaking waves. They discuss starting small with a small commercial product and testing the waters. He has doubts but starts brainstorming to create a new invention.
15. EXT. PACIFIC COAST HIGHWAY – SUNSET
Imelyna shows off her exotic car collection to Michael. He chooses the Rolls but she vetoes it for an old-school, souped-up Hummer. She drives them to a restaurant. She is a fast, wild driver, and she extols the virtues of using the Hummer to intimidate other cars out of the way, as if she were a cop. Imelyna zig zags through traffic, creating several dangerous close calls with other cars. Suddenly the police are chasing her. More dangerous close calls with other cars, but she bullies her way right into a fancy restaurant valet.
16. EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT – CONTINUOUS
As she is climbing down the Hummer, an officer politely asks her if they could have a photo with her. She agrees and the cop hands his phone to an astonished Michael, who takes the photo.
17. INT. FANCY RESTAURANT – LATER
Michael and Imelyna have an intimate dinner. Michael is beside himself trying various amazing foods. He tells her his idea for a magnifier for solar panels, which would increase sun absorption efficiency by 10 times. They are happy.
18. EXT. FANCY RESTAURANT – LATER
As they exit, a paparazzi pushes Vikto out of the way to get a better angle of Imelyna. Michael takes offense and tries to push and trip the guy, but the guy is experienced and slippery, causing Michael to lose his balance and fall on the ground. He is angry and embarrassed.
19. INT. IMELYNA’S MALIBU BEACH HOUSE MANSION – DAY
Imelyna shows Michael social media, a photo of her looking beautiful, with him on the ground, face shielded, and the description, “Paparazzi protects A-lister Imelyna from rabid fan”. She’s thankful that it did not reveal his face/identity, and, though he is fuming about the embarrassment, he promises to stay out of the limelight. Imelyna invites her brother to come over to teach Michael how to fight. Her brother used to be a violent person, but is now a successful stunt actor for Chris Hemsworth. Now he is a man of peace and won’t teach Michael how to fight, but only self-defense. Imelyna is strong, graceful, grapples well, however Michael is distraught because his trauma resurfaces and he is so out of his element. Brother suggests he needs an immediate meditation intervention.
20. EXT. BEACH – DAY
Imelyna’s progressive friends surround Michael in a circle. They are smoking and doing drugs. Michael relents and tries acid, with the promise that it will help him process and let go of his trauma. Guitars, drum circle, progressive women spouting inspirational hymns. Close up on Michael as he breaks down and cries. We can tell he is having a vision, and undergoing a clarifying change, though no one is privy to the exact experience. Michael opens his eyes, and calmly declares that he found his inner animal spirit: “I’m either a cat or an ant.” Everyone snickers and the group laughs, stands, and starts dancing. Michael looks at Imelyna hungrily, and she pretends to be a sexy cat as she crawls toward him. They share a kiss that grows increasingly passionate.
21. INT. BEDROOM – LATER
Michael, unburdened, unafraid, makes passionate love to Imelyna. Lying together afterwards, Michael admits his deep feelings for Imelyna. Imelyna grabs a remote control, presses a button, all the lights in the house go out, and she starts giggling in the darkness, intriguing Michael. Imelyna presses another button, and the ceiling to her bedroom retracts, revealing a marvelously clear bright starry sky. Michael is in awe. She’s wanted to show him this for a long time. He thanks her for rescuing him, and promises to figure out a path to space solar…at all costs. Plus, he has an idea…
22. INT. MAKESHIFT LABORATORY INSIDE AN OFFICE IN HER HOUSE – DAY
Michael opens a package of sand samples. He invents a layer to install on the backside of solar panels to absorb the infrared radiation that the Earth emits back into the atmosphere every night. Michael explains the process as Imelyna looks through a microscope at a particular type of sand found only in a remote area of the world that makes it all possible.
22. EXT. SMALL PLANE FLYING ALONG HIGHWAY 10 TOWARD PALM SPRINGS WINDMILLS – DAY
Imelyna pilots the plane and points Michael’s attention toward the beautiful, vast array of windmills. She veers down to give him a closer look. “You are going to love this surprise! I got you this great plant to work in. And the town is actually called Thermal!”
23. SUCCESS MONTAGE
In yellow hardhats and vests, workers unload and set up equipment. The production line is operational, and Michael directs the manufacturing of his new solar panels. Finished panels roll off the line, are boxed, and stacked in trucks. In front of her booth, Imelyna is signing deals at several renewable energy conventions in Las Vegas. She and Michael are enjoying the town, gambling, fine dining, drinking. They open 3 more factories. She’s on HSN, at Home Depot, at Costco. The money is rolling in. She’s on the cover of many magazines, and Michael and Imelyna are falling in love. Business is booming, they are gaining power and influence. They both get an alert on their phones and become alarmed reading the text.
24. INT. BOARDROOM – DAY
The leadership team of the company sits around a table at an all-hands meeting. A whiteboard lists all the frustrating obstacles that are interfering with their company and someone around the table speaks to each of the following: competing companies, Chinese copying products and disregarding patents, a worker strike though they pay the highest wage in Southern California, townsfolk protesting silly issues, local politicians suddenly turning on them, material sourcing issues and delays, unusual problems with the manufacturing line, unfair bad press, hacker bribes, false information on social media smear campaign, oppressive regulatory laws in committees. There are rational, unconnected explanations for each of the obstacles. However, everyone is worried and feeling paranoid. “Does anyone smell smoke?” They realize the factory is ablaze. Michael and Imelyna make sure everyone escape, but they themselves become trapped, and barely escape. However, several firefighters die in the blaze, casting suspicion and public outrage towards them.
25. EXT. MOVIE PREMIERE – NIGHT
Imelyna is working the red carpet. An interviewer asks her about a rumor involving her and a married director. Imelyna doesn’t dignify the question, and social media makes it a scandal. She loses a role she had just signed on for. Despite the merits of the products, commercial sales start to decline to their chagrin.
26. INT. PILOT PLANT – DAY
Similar to the earlier demonstration, Michael greets a group of investors before demonstrating his new invention: a magnifying glass layer to put on top of solar panels to increase their sun absorption by 100 times. Michael spies Ratliff among the group before he sees him. Michael steps in front him, startling Ratiff, who is surprised to see Viktor/Michael alive. “I’ve been waiting for this day for a long time.” Ratliff eyes Michael with amusement. Michael flashes a wicked smile back at him as two of his security guards apprehend Ratliff and escort him to the back.
27. INT. BACKROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Ratliff tries to pretend that he knew it was Viktor, “I warned you that if you didn’t leave well enough alone, I would find you…and kill you.” Michael remains suspicious, “You didn’t know it was me. So why are you here? I’m not working on space solar.” Imelyna chimes in, “And California and Austria are quite a beat apart.” Ratliff refuses to call himself a spy or reveal who he works for, and Michael realizes Ratliff wants him to believe it is basic corporate espionage aimed at eliminating competition. Michael and Imelyna realize that Ratliff is part of an elaborate international espionage scheme to stop green energy innovation from disrupting the fossil fuel status quo. Frustrated and angry, Michael surprise attacks him, using a gadget to gain inflict pain. However, Ratliff turns the tables with another gadget and gains the upperhand, killing the two security guards. Ratliff admits that he was just on a random routine mission, and that he didn’t know Viktor/Michael survived. Ratliff inadvertently reveals the depth of the conspiracy. Imelyna and Michael are shocked. Michael uses his unique set of talents to kill Ratliff to survive.
28. EXT. SMALL AIRPORT – LATER
Fueling up her private jet, Imelyna is in a panic, while Michael is unnerved, though seething in self-righteous indignation. They conjecture that someone else will come after them when Ratliff doesn’t report in. Imelyna thinks they need to hightail it out of the U.S. until things settle down. Both are paranoid whenever they see someone nearby. They realize Ratliff was just the tip of the iceberg. Now Michael wants to get revenge by bringing down the entire fossil fuel industry, and begin working again on space solar…immediately. And…Michael vows, from now on…to fight fire with fire. He wants to go on the offensive.
ACT 2B
29. INT. UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – MEETING ROOM – DAY
Michael thanks his most trusted colleagues for joining them under secrecy. He reveals that his real name is Viktor. And he tells his story. And now he prefers Victorino. And they have a new mission, and they face a bigger threat. He needs them to begin the development of a plan, and it’s going to be dangerous. He writes on the whiteboard: writes on the whiteboard the groups’ answers to Victorino’s question: what is the biggest threat we face in the world today? Global warming, nuclear proliferation, famine, wealth inequality. Victorino explains that it is self-interest. Greed for money, greed for power, greed for fame…”no offense, Imelyna.” “Entrenched interests are rigging the game to preserve the status quo.” “A lair? You want us to build you a lair?” “Anyone who wants to leave…may.” He challenges them to brainstorm ways to chip away at the fossil fuel industry by making their products more expensive and earn them bad press. Let’s begin with goals, action items, and scheduling.“And I want ideas for security, weapons, gadgets.” “But how do we even recruit the “kind” of people we’ll need?” Somebody knows a guy, but they only call him when a celebrity’s kid gets in trouble. A fascinating brainstorming session bantering around ideas for the group’s name, wacky locations to build secret lairs, creative ways to finance operations, the ethics of ecoterrorism – means to an end, brainstorming exercises to get past blockages, sarcastic wit, egos, grandstanding, discord, and agreement. On the whiteboard: “Masterplan” “Project name (nothing greek!) / Sunshine & Rainbows???”, “If we need rockets, call Elon.” “Minions – life servitude/squid game”.
30. INT. UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – OPERATIONS ROOM – DAY
Victorino runs point on a covert op/mission, and he becomes a villainous eco-terrorist. Blowing up an oil pipeline near Germany. Victorino and Imelyna in intimate conversation talking about the morality of eco-terrorism, and he rationalizes that it’s to chip away at the fossil fuel industry by making their products more expensive and bad press. She is dismayed by the way he is changing. She feels unsafe, and she rebuffs being close to him.
SECRET 4: The British government sent Spy2 Evans to investigate Victorino and Spy1’s disappearance.
COVER UP 4: Evans is working undercover, impersonating someone appropriate to be in Victorino’s orbit.
VILLAIN6: SPY2 IMPERSONATION/GAMBLING/COMPETITION/TORTURE
· IMPERSONATION: TRUST: Evans inserts himself subtly into Victorino’s gambling game, reads people, it’s least consequences
· COMPETITION: DISTRUST: Evans meets and flirts with Imelyna, he doesn’t realize she’s gambling as well “is she going to blow on the dice?” classless chauvinistic idiot
· COMPETITION: DISTRUST: goads Victorino into gambling with real stakes, where you can lose your shirt – a side bet to hear more about his solar project and have right of first refusal, Evans and Victorino go head-to-head in some gambling/equivalent, Evans tortures Victorino with INTIMIDATION/HUMILATION, Victorino is frustrated, folds his hand, but Imelyna stays in, and loses
· DANGER: TWIST: Something planned for doesn’t happen – ashamed Victorino folds his hand because still afraid of the consequences, Evans comments that maybe he’s not as crazy as he’s heard Imelyna suggests Imelyna’s friend escort Evans
· DANGER: Someone operating covertly around them.
· PURPOSE: using must-have familiar James Bond trope of meeting the villain while gambling, it’s our introduction into Evans and his class, skill, luck, cars, and vices (drinking/womanizing)
MYSTERY 4: Who is this new fellow, confident and debonair, suddenly inserting himself into Victorino’s life?
SECRET 5: Evans has seduced Imelyna and made her an asset who is divulging intel.
VILLAIN7: INVESTIGATION/SURPRISE DISCOVERY:
· DISTRUST/DANGER: Evans pokes around Victorino’s affairs, gets clues of Victorino’s plan, “stalking?“
· TRUST/COVER UP 4: Evans always has a good excuse as to why he keeps bumping into Victorino in various places.
· DISTRUST/DANGER: The threat that their own secret could be revealed.
COVER UP 5
· TRUST/DISTRUST: Evans is seen approaching Imelyna behind Victorino’s back as he walks away, clearly smiling and flirting with her as he approaches her with a bottle of champagne and 2 glasses.
· TRUST/DISTRUST: TWIST: Someone changes sides – But when Victorino returns from the bathroom, all evidence of Evans is gone, and Imelyna is very nonchalant acting normally.
VILLAIN8: ACTION/STOPPING ECO-TERRORISM
· Victorino’s eco-terrorism mission is underway
· TWIST: Something planned for doesn’t happen – Evans stops it
· PURPOSE: James Bond would have succeeded in stopping eco-terrorism, so it is familiar, and an obstacle for Victorino
· Victorino wondering with the interference of Evans, is he up against a vast international government conspiracy?
VILLAIN9: AMBUSHED
· COVER UP 5: Evans’s repeated ability to locate Victorino is rationalized as either luck or skill, not a mole.
· TRUST/COVER UP 5: Imelyna hides her infidelity, saying she was away at the gym and she’s flushed red in the face because she just got back from exercising, she gives Victorino a treat from Starbucks
· DANGER: Physical danger, being under attack, Evans trying to kill Victorino,
· TRUST/TWIST: New options emerge – Evans has the advantage over Victorino, however Victorino is surprised to receive the help of his henchmen for the first time and is empowered
· Victorino is able to turn the tables on Evans, and leave Evans in contraption to die
· Victorino able to evade escape
MYSTERY 5: How does Evans stay alive and keeping finding Victorino at the next location?
ACTION/DANGER: CHASE
· Evans chases Victorino, tons of funny/then increasingly sad collateral damage in some exotic location using some cool vehicles
· TWIST: The worst thing possible happens/New consequences emerge, Evans unconcerned as he causes severe collateral damage as dozens of minions get killed, Victorino escapes
· PURPOSE: familiar expected trope
5. END OF ACT TWO: SECOND TURNING POINT – Major setback. Victorino’s plan has failed, The lowest of the low. feels defeated. All hope is lost. Must change to achieve goal. Must accept something about themselves or that their way of doing things just won’t work anymore.
VILLAIN10: ATTACK/ATTEMPTED ASSASSINATION/DANGER
· DISTRUST: Surveillance shows Evans hanging around, poking around, supposedly no way to get in, minutes later there is an intruder alert
· DANGER: SurveillanceBetrayal from someone close – infidelity, Victorino learns that Imelyna was having an affair with Evans
· DISTRUST/MISSION18. DISCOVERY / NEW PLAN: Victorino discovers Imelyna cheating/betrayal with Evans because Evans has piece of false information he planted with Imelyna
· TWIST: A trust is violated/New options emerge – Victorino gives Imelyna misinformation, Victorino uses Imelyna as bait
· DISTRUST/DANGER: The chance that a relationship could end.
· DANGEROUS SITUATION/RESCUE/INTERROGATION/TORTURE: Evans infiltrates Victorino’s lair with team equipped with fierce weapons and kill all the minions
· TWIST: The worst thing possible happens – Evans ruthlessly kills Imelyna’s brother, tries to kill Victorino, but Victorino escapes with Imelyna
· DANGER: Break-in, captured, disarmed, beaten. At Victorino’s lair, Evans sets off the alarms, then climbs up a wall. Shuts off the power
· DANGER: Abducted, Trapped, Restraints and torture
· ACTION19: TORTURE/TWIST: We see an unexpected side of someone – Evans demands to know Victorino’s plan, tortures Victorino far more cruelly than Victorino did to him, makes the audience really hate Evans
· Purpose: Insight into Villain. Evans can outsmart Victorino! Also shows that Evans is actually more evil in his interrogation than Victorino. This also makes a change for the Victorino. He finds out who he is to the government.
· TWIST: The worst thing possible happens – Evans destroys the lair. Now Victorino can’t launch rocket remotely
· Purpose: Imelyna has her own moral code — and that is unacceptable to the Villain.
· MISSION19. AMBUSHED / CAPTURE / ESCAPE: DANGER: Spy kills Victorino’s minions, Spy shows up and is captured, TWIST: Secret identity uncovered – Evans knows it is Victorino, DANGER: Victorino sees the carnage, many people he knew and liked are dead or severly injured, Victorino escapes and forcibly abducts Imelyna, Victorino transforms into a full megalomaniac
Fully embracing being a megalomaniac, willing to stop at nothing.
RESULT 5: Victorino is really feeling paranoid and sad, worrying about the fraying of his relationship with Imelyna.
ACT 3 — The ultimate expression of the conflict. The Victorino and Villain come face to face for the final conflict and/or the Victorino must finally face his or her greatest fear.
SECRET 6: The world’s top governments have sanctioned a sabotage program ordering their spies to carry out assassinations of green energy innovators to delay the adoption of new green technology so that they can keep their grip on money and power by maintaining the status quo of fossil fuel usage around the world, ensure they remain on top of the world order.
MYSTERY 6: Who is the real villain behind all of the sabotage orders and why are they doing it?
VILLAIN11: CRISIS/DILEMMA/HOSTAGE/DECISION/ESCAPE
· Evans tracks down at lair, has Victorino at gunpoint, requires the Victorino’s unique set of talents, gets Evans into conversation, has a job to do, doesn’t care, and is revealed to be a womanizer, Imelyna is scorned and switches back allegence to Victorino and aids his escape
· DANGER: Public humiliation. Loss of a job or career.
· MISSION20. ESCAPE WITHOUT HER / NEW PLAN: Victorino will have to manually launch the rocket, needs Imelyna’s help, Bombs explode lair, autopilot disabled, Spy shows up, they fight, Imelyna has to make a choice between her two psychopaths
· DISTRUST: Evans says to Victorino that nobody trusts him to implement and run his new technology since he showed poor judgement being an eco-terrorist, Victorino claims he’s just a frustrated victim surviving with self-defense, the bully is complaining when the victim fights back…see we knew you were violent, it’s your meddling, your doing, I am your creation
· COVER UP 6: Evans labels Victorino a madman, and tries to convince Imelyna that Victorino must be stopped at all costs.
· Megalomaniacs don’t appear out of thin air, they are created in direct response to the direct oppression of evil men…and their cheating, conscienceless henchmen
· DISTRUST: Imelyna, “Cheating?”
· DANGER: Surveillance – TWIST: A trust is violated/A mistake returns to haunt them/A lie is uncovered Victorino shows Imelyna footage of Evans killing her brother, and Evans having sex with 2 other women
· Victorino must make a very tough decision where he or she loses something either way — toughest decision of their lives. Being forced to make a huge choice between their goal and their need. Sometimes, the decision will complete the Victorino’s character arc. In others, it will send them in the opposite direction, allowing them to discover who they really are in the Climax.
· His dilemma? Does he keep his promise to Imelyna, get revenge, and save the world or does he succumb to a megalomaniac’s temptation to be god and destroy the world?
· Purpose: Insight into Victorino: Victorino will do anything to finish what he started and get revenge!
· TRUST/TWIST: A trust is violated – Victorino convinces her to turn on Evans, “at all costs”, perpetuate?, Imelyna helps Victorino apprehend Evans
· VILLAIN12: FITTING ENDING: Requires the Victorino’s unique set of talents, Evans dies in some stupid elaborate unescapable contraption, as the Victorino watches, knowing that he lost because he didn’t care and was an insufferable self-indulgent womanizing asshole who made the wrong decision and will be on the wrong side of history, unable to McGuiver an escape. And the Victorino watches the Villain die. They watch Evans die in contraption
· DANGER: The chance that a relationship could end. – says goodbye to Imelyna
· ACTION23: TORTURE: BURNING / Meanwhile Evans is being eaten by ants.
MISSION21. LAUNCH
· A20: ESCAPE: Victorino evades Evans and disappears
· TRUST: In the control room, Victorino has faith in Imelyna as she figures out how to help Victorino blasts off into space. “But I’ve never done anything like this before.” “And how many rockets have I flown?” “Listen, the fate of the entire planet rests with us.” “Fake it till you make it.” “Anything that says “Auto” say yes. Blinking lights get pushed. Levers get pulled. Just don’t spill a pepsi/coffee.”
· ACTION21: DANGEROUS SITUATIONS / COMPETITION: Victorino deploys his technology in space. Powers up.
· Victorino successfully launches rocket and is deploying the solar panels, meanwhile Victorino destroys the fossil fuel industry infrastructure, Victorino deploys technology, it powers up and works
7. CLIMAX
Final conflict. Face to face showdown. Only one winner.
MISSION21. FIGHT/SHOOTOUT/FULL OUT ATTACK:
· ACTION/TRUST: Victorino demonstrates the technology to POTUS, it works
· TRUST: POTUS thanks Victorino for ending global warming and saving the world while firing nuclear missiles at him
· DISTRUST: POTUS reveals he’s behind the spies, that Victorino cannot be allowed to live
· DANGER: POTUS says he will ensure Victorino has a damaged reputation as a madman
· DISTRUST/COVER UP 6: TWIST: A trust is violated – POTUS fires nuclear missiles at Victorino in space, “you are of no consequence”
· DANGER/DISCOVERY: The last mystery is all about the real Villain pulling all the strings. Victorino can finally face and deal with the actual Villain.
· ACTION: Victorino defends himself, destroys missiles, except one that damages his ship
· DANGER: end of relationship – Victorino says goodbye to Imelyna
· ACTION: Victorino in a rage destroys earth, burns them with Weapons of Mass Destruction solar ignition
· TWIST: The “solution” makes things worse – he destroys Earth.
· Purpose: The Villain is dead! Victorino’s revenge is successful. He is self-actualized.
8. RESOLUTION
End of the journey in an emotionally satisfying way. The resolution gives us an answer to the question that the Inciting Incident asked. How this conflict has finally been resolved.
MISSION22. SUCCESS:
Fossil fuel industry is gone. Victorino ended global warming and got revenge, he is self-actualized, without fear of the consequences, he is happy and self-satisfied…as he floats alone in space. And even though Earth gone, Victorino is successful and happy, with a satisfied feeling.
INT. SPACESHIP – DAY
Poor little ants. “I’m not even the last man on earth. I’m god.” “Took God 6 days to create the world. To me only 6 minutes to destroy it.” Victorino alternates between maniacal laughter and crying, then prolonged silence as the credits roll. He uses the SunBeam to burn a smiley face on the moon.
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Kimbal Thompson Thriller Day 14 Assignment: Rewrite Thriller Map
Open to feedback + would like to read others kimbal@akta-ltd.com
Opening:
A Cessna 172 makes its final approach, banking toward the runway when another larger plane cuts into its flight pattern, cutting the plane off and forcing the pilot (Richard) to re-circle for another approach to landing.
ACT ONE
EXT. SIDE OF RUNWAY, SMALL MIDWEST AIRPORT – DAY
The Cessna lands, heading to the side of the small airport runway where a flight instructor (Lou) awaits. The plane stops and the Lou, opens the door, congratulating the pilot and handing him an envelope.
Richard takes and opens the envelope reads the contents and exclaims his pilot’s license is going to have to wait. I’ve been offered a way out of here!
INCITING INCIDENT: Protagonist tells parents he is leaving home.
INT. RICHARD’S FAMILY HOME – DAY
Richard arrived home and told his mom the news. She is happy although did not expect him to leave home, perhaps permanently, so soon. She relates a message from his father that his father needs Richard to delivering a package and some envelopes across the line by early the next morning.
Richard agreed but had already planned to stop this evening by and tell his long-time girlfriend (Debbie) that he was leaving her.
EXT. MIDWESTERN RANCH-STYLE HOUSE DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
As Richard, arrives at Debbie’s, her parents are in their car and ready to leave and surprised to see him. Richard explains that he had come by at the last minute. Debbie’s mom said “you two behave now, we’ll be back just after dinner.”
Debbie’s parent’s car departs, and the front door opens.
INT. DEBBIE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Richard learns that Debbie’s parents are gone for the night and, while formerly priggish, she wanted to ju8mp his bones tonight. As she aggressively attacked him, her father unexpectedly returned for a forgotten item and ordered Richard out.
INT. RICHARD’S CAR – NIGHT
Richard, whispering to himself Shit, that went well, what else could happen tonight? At least I’m not getting too late a start.
Top down, Richard continues driving, enjoying the starry night and distracted by the old Burma-Shave signs and painted barn roofs; the miles continuing on without too much traffic.
TURNING POINT 1: Protagonist is stopped by officer in small-town speed-trap; jailed.
Hearing a siren, he looks in his rear-view mirror to see flashing lights and pulls to the side of the road. Unexpectedly, a police car also pulls over behind him. He stops, rolling down his window, Is there a problem officer?
The officer (Jesse)replied “Goin’ kind of fast there, let me
see your license – What’s your name?
Richard, reaching for his wallet, responds “Dick Head.”
The policeman overreacts and Richard ends up in jail.
EXT. OLD STONE BUILDING WITH POLICE STATION SIGN – NIGHT
Richard tried a phone call home, that was not completed and put in a cell with what appeared to be four other prisoners. While there was an initial scuffle, the inmates accepted him and eventually led him to a fifth, severely injured inmate.
Later, Richard overhears low voice saying “Jess shouldn’t a brought that kid in here – now we need to decide what we’re going to do with the boy.” He was taken from the cell.
Footsteps, then the outer door to the cellblock opens. In a low voice, the jailer tells Richard “OK, wise ass, you need to come with us.”
INT. JAIL SMALL OFFICE – NIGHT
Richard was led to a separate small dark office, pushed into a stiff chair, and left alone to await what was next.
INT. OPEN SMALL TWO-DESKED OFFICE DOOR TO EXTERIOR -NIGHT
In the Jail office, the first jailer and Richard are met by the second jailer. They prepare to take him away.
As they approach the exterior door to their office, it opens from the outside. Quite unexpectedly, It is Richard’s father, who under great protest from Richard, bails him out.
ACT TWo
TURNING POINT 2: Protagonist out of Jail
EXT. OUTSIDE OF POLICE STATION – NIGHT
Richard thanked his father and learned that he had called
the family attorney for help. He said he would call a colleague down here, but called back saying he couldn’t do anything to help, and no reason except ‘not down there.’
Richard said it was only an hour to where he been taking flying lessons and he would go there and fly the delivery.
EXT. SMALL AIRPORT – DAWN
Just before dawn breaks, Richard drives onto the tarmac fronting the hanger and spots Lou. As he closes the door to his MG, Lou, looks up asks: “Richard, back so soon?”
Lou agreed to help Richard provided “You fly, I’ll instruct.”
INT. CESSNA 172 COCKPIT – DAY
Suddenly and silently, from behind the front seats, a gun is pointed to the back of Richard’s and Lou’s heads.
EXT. LOOKING UP OVER A LARGE FARM – DAY
The Cessna appears as a small speck in the sky heading closer into view.
INT. CESSNA COCKPIT – DAY
Richard, spots farm buildings below, how much further?
The hijacker orders Richard to Begin leveling off.
Ahead, on a short runway next to an old-appearing large barn, they see a parked open-cockpit crop duster biplane. Just beyond, as they approached, visible were corn rows.
Just as Richard lands, the corn row disappears and exposes a disguised longer runway. They land and are ordered to turn the plane and head for the old barn. Just as they approach the barn, the large barn doors slide open.
INT. LARGE BARN CONCEALING A HANGER – DAY
As they approached, the floor of the barn began to lower, much like an Aircraft Carrier elevator. As it stopped, they were in a large lower room surrounded by what appeared to be hanger-type doors and the smaller entrance to what looked to be the entrance to a cave. Parked, was a new Cadillac.
Led to a cell off a cave passage. They were released, subject to signing confidentiality, non-disclosure
agreements and agreeing to take a passenger with them in
their given their plane.
INT. CESSNA 172 COCKPIT – DAY
The passenger leaps out during takeoff and Lou realizes something is going to happen to the plane.
EXT. LARGE HAZY LITTERED GRASS FIELD – DAY
They scuttle the plane just before it explodes and once conscious, find their way back to the farm.
EXT. ALONG PERIMETER FENCE AND ROAD – DAY
As they make their way along the fence, they hear the distant sound of a vehicle and soon see dust rising as an open jeep nears. As it passes they have a brief glimpse of the burly driver and next to him, an upward facing rifle barrel. In several scenes, they manage to steal the jeep and return to the barn.
INT. LARGE WAREHOUSE WITHIN A LARGE CAVE – DIMLY LIT.
Once back into the cave following several life-or-death sequences, Richard and Lou have discovered several mysteries with the cave and become trapped with guards approaching them from below and above. They try to make a run for it up the cave shaft though are met by hostels as the hanger door is closing.
INT. SMALL TOWN POLICE CAR – DAY
Meanwhile, the town inmates escaped, headed for the farm.
ACT THREE
INT. LARGE HANGER BESIDE WHITE CADILLAC – DAY
The white Cadillac stops as the large hanger door shuts behind it; car doors open on each side as the Richard and Lou’s Jeep approaches. Sanchez and Salvatore await them, bullwhips in hands.
EXT. CROP DUSTER BIPLANE ON TARMAC BESIDE RED BARN – DAY
Their jeep just scrapes by the almost closed large Hanger door as Richard and Lou leap out and scramble aboard the parked old Crop Duster biplane. It’s engine will not turn over and they scramble away to find the jeep they had earlier abandoned in the cornfield.
As several law enforcement vehicles arrive, among much havoc Sanchez and Salvatore decide to try the old crop-duster to escape. They are able to get it started although are headed off by Richard and Lou’s Jeep.
INT. TANDEM COCKPITS OF BIPLANE CROP DUSTER – DA
Richard and Lou are headed back to Lou’s airport as the biplane engine sputters.
INT. HOSPITAL ER CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
As the various injured are treated and others held for further investigation, the Mayor requests permission to make a phone call. Debra’s father’s news team is present and also detained for further questioning.
INT. RICHARD ON TELEPHONE AT HIS HOUSE – EVENING
Deb, I’m sorry about last night. I understand that your father wants me to come over to talk this evening.
Debbie non-chalantly I doubt it, had to go pick him up. She said they wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.
I’ll be right over!
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Title: The Devil’s Due Ver. 3 after feedback
LOGLINE:
When a mother and daughter show up at his cottage, Michael must use his bush smarts to outrun a group of cultists bound on sacrificing the teen to their dark Lord.
I/E. FORD EXTENDED CAB 4X4 – AFTERNOON
They introduced us to MICHAEL HEALY (36) as he drives his truck down a country blacktop. He’s singing and seems to enjoy himself. He takes a phone call from his boss who is worried about a business account. Michael tells him it’s his first break in the three years since his father’s death. He also reminds his boss that his cottage is in an area without cellular phone coverage.
INT. MILLER’S GENERAL STORE – DAY
Michael picks up some supplies and speaks with the store owner. He suggests he was considering selling the family cottage, and the owner recommends he give it a lot of thought, as others were sorry once they had done so. Michael agrees he has a lot of memories centered on the cottage and his father, who taught him about the wilds and about life.
INT. COTTAGE – DAY
Michael arrives at his cottage. He sees a woman and teenage girl swimming across the lake. Who are they? Must have bought the cottage.
INT. COTTAGE – EVENING
That evening, he hears gunshots and screams. The women show up pleading for help.
Michael wants to contact the police, but the woman tells him her husband, who wants to kidnap the daughter, owns the police. She tells Michael that she had to kill one cultist to get away. She had shot him. The figures in the bush are moving towards Michael’s cottage.
They run after Michael packs a bag. One cult member chases after them while the leader enters the cottage.
INT. COTTAGE – NIGHT
The Cult Leader has his men plant a dead man in Michael’s cottage and leaves drugs scattered on the floor. He then calls the police to frame Michael. More men show up and they give chase to Michael and the women.
EXT. BUSH – CONTINUOUS
The women are going deeper into the forest on the trail led by Michael. Michael can’t understand why the men would shoot if they wanted to kidnap the girl?
Michael ambushed one pursuer, but the man beats him. The mother kills the man with an axe. She shows little emotion.
Michael and the women cut off the trail and move up the mountain. The Cult Leader yells into the night that the woman is not what she appears and is using Michael. The group of pursuers follow the trail away from Michael and the women.
Michael leads the women over the mountain to a swampy area. He finds a dry area and builds a quick shelter for them to sleep.
INT. SHELTER – NIGHT
The teen falls to sleep after eating. The mother, Joanna, explains that her husband, Billy, is a cult leader who wants to sacrifice his daughter, Lilith, to raise a demon, which he hopes to control.
Lilith has a seizure but falls back to sleep. Her mother tells Michael that the girl has no history with seizures.
Michael has a vivid sexual dream with Joanna.
EXT. COTTAGE – NIGHT
The police have found the dead body and the drugs in Michael’s cottage. An APB is issued for Michael’s arrest.
EXT. SWAMP – DAWN
When the daughter emerges from the shelter, Michael is amazed to find that she has matured from a girl of 14 years to a teen of 16 or 17 years. Neither woman can explain.
Michael has a plan to reach a fire tower where they can call for help, using the short-wave radio that’s there.
Once at the tower, Michael climbs the tower, while women hide. He gets the message out that he and the women are being chased by the cult members. On his way down the tower, three cult members show up and try to get him to climb down. When he refuses, they shoot at him. As he tries to stay under cover, two police in an SUV cruiser show up. They exchange gunfire with the cultists. Michael uses the distraction to zipline from the tower to the bush using his belt. Friction burns through the belt, and he falls injuring his leg. One police officer shoots the other with a spare gun. The police officer radios dispatch that Michael had shot and killed the police officer. He is part of the conspiracy.
Michael and the women run through the bush. The cult members follow.
EXT. FOREST – AFTERNOON
We watch through the eyes of a predator as it runs through the forest and creeps up to a cult member. It attacks and kills the cult member.
EXT. FOREST – SAME TIME
Michael and the women hear the screams. They find a maple sugar cabin and hunker down for the night. Once the daughter falls asleep, Michael and the woman get intimate outside the cabin. During the act, Michael spies the daughter watching them, a hungry look on her face. It unnerves him. When they go back inside to sleep, the girl’s spasms awaken them. They hear more screams and roars throughout the night.
EXT. FOREST – MORNING
Once again, the girl has aged following the seizure. She now appears to be 20 years old, no longer a teen, but a full-grown woman. Michael is stunned but finds it equally disturbing because neither woman seems surprised. Decide to make a run towards the town. They find the remains of a bunch of cult members ripped to shreds, body parts hanging from trees. They hear something tracking them through the bush.
EXT. FOREST – AFTERNOON
Cult leader sets forest fire to funnel Michael and the women towards a line of shooters.
EXT. FOREST – SAME TIME
Michael and the women run from the fire, coughing from smoke, blurred vision from smoke. They use a waterfall to create a bubble over themselves and the fire runs passes over them.
INT. CAVE – NIGHT
Michael leads them to a cave where they can dry their clothes. They eat the last of the food. There are more screams throughout the night. Michael dreams again. This time both the mother and daughter make love to him, the daughter becoming vicious.
INT. CAVE – MORNING
Michael wakes alone and naked. He has deep scratches all over his chest and back. He dresses and finds an old spear under a rock shelf in the cave. Vison: the spear is used to pierce Christ on the cross, his blood covering the spearhead. Michael leaves to find the women.
EXT. FOREST – MINUTES LATER
Michael finds the women surrounded by cult members and two police officers with rifles. Billy explains that not all is as it seems. That the daughter must die or else everyone on earth will die. They had wanted power, but the dark lord wanted something else. The daughter’s father is Satan, and she will bring hell to earth. Her having sex with Michael has woken the evil within her.
The monster from the forest attacks the cult members, tearing them apart. Michael breaks free as daughter transforms into she-devil. She fights with the cult leader, both using arcane powers. The mother and the police officer go at each other, with the cop being killed.
Michael uses the spear on the monster when its attention is on the cult leader. Killing it affects the daughter, and she weakens. Mother attacks Michael to protect her daughter. With no choice, he kills the mother, causing the daughter to go crazy, unleashing dark shadow monsters toward Michael.
Michael and the wounded cult leader work together to lift the spear in time to impale the She-devil, killing her.
A violent storm erupts, like a mini-cyclone, and both men must grab surrounding trees to hang on. When the wind dies down, both women and dead cult members are gone.
EXT. FOREST – EVENING
The cult leader explains that this is an ongoing battle. In a year, the evil will return. “The devil demands his due. He’ll be targeting both of us.” Michael has no real choice, because he is now a wanted man. They stagger out of the bush together, now allies.
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TITLE: Tolly’s Rangers
LOGLINE: Spellbound by JRR “Tolly” Tolkien’s nightly fireside tales, a kid at scout jamboree in 1953 England seeks a mysterious girl he believes is an actual fairy.
Please send any!!! feedback to kencallawaywrites@gmail.com
KEN CALLAWAY’S THRILLER MAP VERSION 1
What I learned in this assignment was that I pretty much had the entire story in some form. This assignment turned out to be quite a bit more difficult than I had anticipated, but so very satisfying.
EXT–BOMBED LONDON STREET, 1940–DAY
Newsreel footage of people frantically searching through brick piles fallen from halved buildings. A smashed double-decker bus burns unattended.
Mae, in a blood-stained dress, holds an infant (Kevin) as three strange nurses wrap gauze around his bloodied eyes. One nurse whispers “It’s for the best” MOS to Mae. Mae turns and slowly walks away. What did the nurse say? The nurses watch her leave as the gauze slips through their hands one-by-one. The bandage floats like a kite tail as a building collapses onto the nurses.
TITLE: TWELVE YEARS LATER
EXT-BARGE DECK–DAY
An intense storm hammers the decaying barge. A lightning flash illuminates the name LADY GENEVIEVE on the boat’s bow as Kevin (wears eye patch) and Jim board from the stern. The two in pirate grab sneak up on two other boys, Jacko at the bow and Danny at the wheel. All have white fence pickets, hanging sword-like from waist sashes.
Kevin runs past Danny and yells at Jacko demanding the whereabouts of the fairy prisoners. The game stops as the three other boys want to play pirates, not fairy hunters.
Kevin relents, draws then throws a real sheath knife at Jacko. It sticks close to Jacko’s boot. Jacko draws his fence picket sword as does Kevin. The fun starts again as the two teens clash with violent swordplay. Chips fly until Jacko mistakenly clobbers Kevin, nearly taking his only eye. Kevin falls overboard. The sun breaks through the clouds and we see the boat is in a muddy, urban scrap yard, not at sea.
As his friends look on Kevin springs from the mud, a bloody but happy pirate. Kevin turns his face up to the sun and smiles. Jacko, Jim and Danny cheer with delight.
EXT-BIRMINGHAM STREET–DAY
A group of teen boys in scouting uniforms sit on a stake-bed truck loaded with war surplus tents and camping gear. Kevin below, sports the sheath knife on his scout uniform belt. He’s teary-eyed as Mae takes his photo. She kisses him goodbye then tells him it’s for the best. She hands him his scout kitbag, telling Kevin to put his grandfather’s knife inside. He reluctantly complies then climbs onto the truck with his Jacko, Jim and Danny as three older scouts look on.
Mae bumps into father John, the Jesuit priest who convinced her that Kevin should go to the weeklong jamboree. The two discuss Kevin, Mae thinks he’s too young to go along. Father John thinks the experience will be great for Kevin, a chance to grow up. Mae is unsure as she looks at the older boys.
His three friends notice Kevin has been crying and halfheartedly cheer him up saying maybe he can hunt fairies at the jamboree. Kevin takes the dig then excitedly calls a warning to the fairies from the back of the truck. His friends laugh.
The priest’s father, JRR “Tolly” Tolkien arrives to hear Kevin’s cry to the fairies. Tolly spouts parallel fairy lore. Kevin’s interest in the outing is now more than piqued. Tolly had been invited to tell scary fireside stories.
EXT-WEST MIDLANDS–DAY
The truck bounces slowly along a country road. Father John, Tolly and a scouting couple, the Shipleys are in the cab. Scoutmaster Shipley is driving. Kevin and his friends tell jokes and play as the older scouts plot against them. The biggest kid, Hux slides Kevin’s kitbag close, shows it to his friends Pisser and Ace then throws it into a stream as the truck passes. The three laugh.
EXT–DROITWICH–DAY
The truck parks in the small village so the scout troops can shop for the jamboree. Kevin searches for his kitbag so he and his friends can buy some sweets. Unable to find it he panics. If his kitbag is gone so is his grandfather’s knife. The look on Hux’s face says it all. Kevin accuses Hux of stealing the kitbag and grapples with the much older and larger Hux. Just as Kevin reaches the boiling point he notices a disturbingly arresting girl watching them. She taunts Kevin then slips into the sweets shop across the street. With his focus completely changed, Kevin ignores Hux.
As Hux and his pack leave to shop with the Shipleys, Tolly asks Kevin to lead his friends on their gathering task. Kevin crosses the street to the sweets shop.
INT–SWEETS SHOP-DAY
Kevin and his friends enter the shop but the girl has disappeared. The quirky shop keeper claims not to have seen her. As his friends order candies Kevin presses the shop keeper, she get’s rattled and demands the boys leave. His friends exit the shop and as Kevin follows, the shopkeeper warns Kevin that if he is on the same path with the mystery girl, he’s doomed. What is his connection to the girl?
EXT-OAKWOOD GREEN-DAY
As the scouts set up the camp Kevin sneaks back to the village to find the girl but to no avail. After several hours Kevin heads back to camp, as he crosses a large meadow he is chased by small, very frightening fairies. He gets turned around and finds himself lost. Kevin sees a girl riding a horse in the distance.
She ignores Kevin as he runs behind her. Panicked and out of breath he is suddenly grabbed by the arm. It’s Father Fox a, a Jesuit priest from the jamboree. Father Fox takes Kevin back to the camp.
EXT-JAMBOREE-NIGHT
The scouts meet at the campfire for a challenge. Kevin missed the day’s activities; making a longbow. The challenge has the Birmingham group pitted against another camp to shoot a flaming arrow over a small lake to a small island. After all of the scouts have tried Tolly has Kevin use the bow that Jacko made. Kevin breaks it, Tolly has him use Hux’s bow. Kevin ricochets his arrow off of a rock and wins the challenge. Tolly and all the boys are thrilled.
EXT-OAKWOOD GREEN-DAY
Kevin and Hux get assigned to dig a latrine. Hux walks off to leaving Kevin to work. Kevin finds a rune stone with a knife similar to his grandfather’s. He picks up the knife just as a fairy appears. Kevin, startled stabs the fairy killing it. Kevin yells and Hux reappears. Kevin holds the fairy, but Hux says he sees a rabbit in Kevin’s hands. Is Kevin crazy? Hux attempts to take it but Kevin won’t let him. He threatens Hux with the shovel so Hux heads back to the camp. Kevin buries the fairy, moves to a different spot then sobbing, digs the latrine alone.
EXT-JAMBOREE-NIGHT
At the evening’s bonfire Hux makes fun of Kevin. Kevin pulls Tolly aside and tries to tell him of the dead fairy and the bullying. Tolly let’s Kevin know that fantasy is a great talent and he should be proud of his active imagination. The boys all meet at the bonfire, Hux bullies Kevin in front of the entire group.
Tolly tells his first fireside story; a tale of a fairy princess named Genevieve that lures unsuspecting mortal boys to their watery deaths. Kevin is convinced the mystery girl from the village is a fairy. Kevin, Jacko, Jim and Danny go back to their tent terrified.
INT-TENT-NIGHT
The four boys lay in a star pattern with their heads to a center pole. Kevin’s sleeping bag has big holes in it, his feet stick out. They four try to play off Tolly’s story but each has been deeply moved, each heard a different version of the tale.
EXT-JAMBOREE-DAY
As Kevin and his friends peel dinner potatoes he notices a few scouts sneaking away from camp heading toward Oakwood Manor. Kevin slips away and tries to follow them but they soon lose him. Hearing noises around him, Kevin nervously moves through the field.
Kevin spots a young girl on a stallion and calls to her. She rides to him but she is not the mystery girl, she wears thick horn-rimmed glasses. He asks if she knows Genevieve and the rider points to nearby bramble. Genevieve walks out and greets Kevin.
At that moment the stallion explodes and bolts toward the two. Kevin jumps in front of Genevieve, the horse strikes at him repeatedly but Kicks Genevieve in the head. He grabs a long stick and stabs sword-like at the horse’s chest sending it and the rider away. Kevin pulls a roll of gauze from his pocket and wraps her wound. He takes her hand and the two walk toward Oakwood Manor. The girl introduces herself as Genevieve Oakwood. He says he is Kevin, she scoffs and says sure you are.
EXT-OAKWOOD MANOR-DAY
Kevin rings the bell at the grand manor’s entrance. The door is quickly answered by two women in odd nurse’s uniforms. Kevin is unnerved by the greeting as he tries to explain what happened. The nurses seem more interested in him than Genevieve.
INT-OAKWOOD MANOR-DAY
Genevieve tells the nurses that her sister tried to kill her, but Kevin intervened. She introduces Kevin as Keenan. Kevin tries to correct her but nurses whisper to each other then whisk Genevieve down a long hallway. A door slams. Kevin sits in the grand entry watching the sun go down.
INT-HALLWAY-DUSK
He calls out to Genevieve, the house echoes. He begins walking through the maze-like house calling for her. He listens at doors as he passes. At one door he hears two young girls laughing. He gently knocks and the laughing stops.
Kevin peers through the keyhole to see a horribly disfigured, ancient man in a dental chair. The man appears dead, almost collapsed as if he has no bones. A nurse carries a tall milk can as if it weighs nothing. She reaches her hand into the can and feeds the man a scoop of milk. He laps at her hand with a hideous vigor.
Horrified, he takes a few steps back then stops. He approaches and peers in once more. He sees the nurse pull a femur bone from the milk can, open the man’s flaccid mouth extremely widely and shove the bone through his torso to his leg. She pulls her arm out of his mouth and the ancient man coughs. Kevin screams and runs from Oakwood.
Him
Kevin runs through the field he approaches and passes a group of five scouts walking to the manor. One of them was Jim. He tries to warn him but everything sounds crazy. The boys laugh, so does Jim. Kevin, dejected takes off toward a bonfire in the distance.
EXT-JAMBOREE-NIGHT
Kevin runs into Beatrice Shipley and tries to explain. She feels his forehead then calls her husband. Mr. Shipley explains that Father John said this could happen as Kevin is a storyteller.
Shipley takes him back to his tent saying they have a big day tomorrow and he should sleep. Kevin tells Mr. Shipley that Jim has run off, but Shipley says his parents picked him up.
INT-TENT-NIGHT
Kevin enters the tent, Jacko and Danny are sound asleep. Kevin tries to wake them but to no avail. Kevin crawls into his sleeping bag he shivers. Jim’s bag is empty.
EXT-JAMBOREE-DAY
Kevin is silent as he and several scouts peel potatoes. Hux walks up behind him and punches Kevin in the back. He turns and stabs Hux in the arm with the potato peeler. The other scouts recoil in horror. Hux pulls the peeler away and peels a slice of skin from Kevin’s palm saying we are even.
Tolly walks up just as Hux passes the peeler back to Kevin. Tolly sees the blood, asks what happened. Kevin looks at Hux then replies the peeler slipped. Tolly takes Kevin to the first aid tent. Father Fox and Tolly tell stories of battles as Fox puts a dressing on Kevin’s hand.
After talking with Tolly, Mr. Shipley pairs Kevin’s group with Hux’s group for the camp war games. To everyone’s surprise Kevin and Hux put their heads together and win the day. The new group is invited to Oakwood Manor for a big celebration dinner.
EXT-BONFIRE-NIGHT
The scouts sit around the fire carving wood neckerchief woggles. Kevin uses the knife he found as Hux watches. Hux apologizes to Kevin for cutting him. Kevin’s knife slips and he gashes his finger. Kevin drops the knife and covers the wound. Father Fox sees the incident and kneels next to Kevin to check the wound but it has healed.
Father Fox picks up Kevin’s woggle, admires it and asks if Kevin would trade for his carved bone woggle, saying it’s magic. They trade.
Tolly delivers another scary fireside tale about a small group of rangers fighting off elves. Kevin unimpressed, thinks Tolly is pulling punches with this story.
INT-TENT-NIGHT
Kevin talks Jacko and Danny into searching for Jim.
EXT-JAMBOREE-NIGHT
Kevin talks Jacko and Danny walk the jamboree, past may groups sitting around fires. No Jim. As they walk Hux follows them. Kevin tells his friends that Jim is probably at Oakwood Manor and that Hux might know what’s going on. Kevin says they need to search Oakwood Manor during the dinner the next day. Jacko and Danny reluctantly agree.
INT-DINING HALL-NIGHT
The scouts are eating the best meal any of them have had in their short, post-war lives. Kevin sees Hux stand and ask for the loo then leave the room. Kevin stand to follow just as Oldfather Oakwood enters. Oldfather is the boneless old man the nurse was reassembling. Mr. Shipley introduces Kevin to Oldfather as the scout who wins wars.
Oldfather shakes Kevin’s hand with a painfully strong grip. Kevin is mortified, but quotes Tolly’s ranger story and stays strong. Kevin asks Oldfather if he was injured in the war then promises Oldfather he would win a war for him too. Everyone has a good laugh. Kevin asks for the loo, exits.
INT-HALLWAY-NIGHT
Kevin immediately runs into Hux relaying his fears about Oakwood and the missing scouts. Hux confided he is a ranger hunting fairies as well, He confesses that he stole Kevin’s knife on the ride to Oakwood Green as he thought he would need it to kill fairies. Kevin tells him to keep it as he will need it. Hux tells Kevin they must get back to the dinner. Kevin says he can’t, he needs to find Jim and Genevieve.
The two hear voices, Hux leaves and Kevin hides in a large window box behind long curtains. Oldfather and the three nurses walk past speaking about the looming war with humankind after the scouts get back to their homes. Kevin backs into something, he turns, reaches out to feel the horse rider’s horn-rimmed glasses. She’s dead.
Kevin opens the window, jumps out and runs flat out into the darkness toward camp.
EXT-JAMBOREE-DAY
Kevin pushes his way through crowds of scouts then runs into Tolly. He delivers the entire story. Tolly asks Kevin to relax then asks him when you bumped into me how did you know who I was? Kevin responds how do you mean? Tolly tells Kevin he knows he is blind. Kevin claims he is not blind, Tolly asks him if it’s day or night. Kevin hesitates then responds the smell of your pipe tobacco, that’s how I knew.
As Kevin calms down Tolly tries convincing him that his failing vision let him down the wrong path. Kevin asks Tolly about his friend Jim. Tolly responds that Jim’s parents picked him up and that is he’s safe at home.
Tolly asks Kevin to wait at the first aid tent while he locates the Shipleys and father John so they can get a hold of Kevin’s mother. Kevin responds I’m blind, where can I go?
EXT-OAKWOOD GREEN-DAY
Kevin is wandering circuitously through the pasture trying to find the way to Oakwood Manor when he is stopped by Genevieve. Kevin tells her every detail about what he has seen; the fairy Kevin killed with a knife, the fairies in the field, Oldfather’s transformation, finding her sister dead and the plans to take the world from humankind. Kevin admits he might be going crazy.
Genevieve takes Kevin by the hand and turns him toward Oakwood Manor. She tells Kevin that everything he is seen as real and that she is a fairy. She admits that she had to kill her sister or her sister would’ve killed her to become the Fairy Queen. Kevin is in shock, he pulls away from her and begins trembling. Genevieve takes his hand again but Kevin pulls away and begins running. Kevin trips over something and falls into the tall grass. He reaches around and discovers Hux lying dead he reaches for his face and finds his grandfather’s knife in Hux’s chest.
Kevin stands and reaches out to touch Genevieve’s face. Genevieve tells him since the beginning of time they have been on the same path, but now he has a choice has a choice. He can go back to the world of mortals or lead the fairies against them. He wipes a tear from Genevieve’s cheek and says goodbye.
EXT-JAMBOREE-DAY
Kevin is being led across the camp by the Shipley’s they get into the cab of the flatbed truck and drive away.
INT-OAKWOOD MANOR-DAY
The truck pulls up in front of Oakwood Manor and the Shipley’s health Kevin out. As they walk up to the front door and opens and the Shipley’s are greeted by Oldfather and a nurse. They asked to use the telephone to call Kevin’s mother.
As Mr. Shipley uses the phone Kevin whispers to old father saying he knows what he is. Oldfather laughs and winks at Mrs. Shipley and says he’s just a very, very old man. Kevin asks him where Genevieve is. Oldfather seems confused and asks him to describe Genevieve. Now blind, Kevin reaches deep into his memory and describes her perfectly.
Oldfather responds that he knows her, and that her name is actually Grace Greene, one of the blind patients at Oakwood Asylum. Kevin absolutely stunned asks what kind of asylum is Oakwood? Mr. Shipley returns and ends the conversation telling Kevin they’re going to take him to his mother.
Kevin keeps asking what is Oakwood? Kevin asks again and again as he’s led out by the Shipleys. Oldfather watches smiling, as they walk past several children sitting in the main hallway, some are blind others just sit with a catatonic stare.
EXT-JAMBOREE-DAY
Kevin sits on a cot quietly calling to his friends one by one. Tolly walks up and takes him by the hand. He hands Kevin’s kitbag and says one of the kids found this it’s got your name on it. Kevin reaches in and finds his grandfather’s knife.
EXT-JAMBOREE PARKING LOT-DAY
The flatbed truck starts in Tolly helps Kevin into the cab next to Mrs. Shipley. Behind the truck we see a group of scouts in line for the evening meal. Jacko, Danny and Jim are laughing and playing with their food trays. Hux, Pisser and Ace stand behind them.
INT-TRUCK-NIGHT
Mr. Shipley is driving, Mrs. Shipley rests her head on his shoulder sound asleep. Kevin leans against the door of the truck replaying everything had seen and everything seemed to change. The fairies chasing him and the fairy he killed were rabbits, Genevieve’s “dead” sister was a large doll, Oldfather’s transformation, Hux’s body, the missing scouts… everything including Genevieve, all imagined by a blind kid.
INT-A MODEST FLAT-DAY
Kevin sits on a small sofa next to his catatonic father. Kevin wears black glasses and is carefully feeding his father soup. His mouth is agape and where his eyes should be is a dark oval-shaped cavern. Kevin wipes his father’s mouth and puts a rather handsome plastic mask on his face.
Kevin asks his father and my adopted? From offscreen we hear his mother answer saying he doesn’t know. Kevin asks was I? Mae answers you’re not adopted, you were given to me. Mae tells Kevin the story of the three nurses on that fateful day in London. She says it was the happiest day of her life.
The door on the mail slot squeaks in a letter falls on the floor. His mother walks over picks up the letter and smiles. She tells Kevin it’s from Tolly, Kevin is elated. She reads the letter saying he hopes you are well and that he always wanted to believe in fairies too. She finishes saying maybe you should write a book about fairies.
Mae sets the letter down. The crest at the top of the letter is from Oakwood assignment. It reads Kevin has been accepted as a patient.
INT-OAKWOOD MANOR-DAY
Mae and Kevin stand in the foyer of the grand old building. Kevin sets a suitcase on the floor. In the other hand he holds a cane with a white tip. Oldfather and the three nurses greet Mae and Kevin. Oldfather asked one of the nurses if she can call an escort to show Kevin around the grounds.
Mae kisses him on the forehead and whispers you’ll surely learn a fine trade here Kevin, it’s for the best. Kevin smiles slightly.
As Mae and Oldfather talk Kevin’s escort arrives. Grace Greene wearing black glasses takes his hand then says welcome to Oakwood. She takes his cane and they walk out the door onto the great lawn.
EXT-OAKWOOD MANOR-DAY
As the two kids cross the lawn in the bright sunlight Kevin asks her name. She takes off her glasses, looks lovingly at Kevin and answers Genevieve, what’s yours? Kevin tips his face up to the sun, smiles and says my friends call me Keenan.
INT-DINING HALL-DAY
The room is filled with well-dressed people seated at white cloth covered tables, chatting politely and quietly. A great curtain is drawn open. We see Oldfather standing behind the dental chair where Kevin lies reclining, his eyes closed. The three nurses walk in and stand next to Oldfather. Genevieve enters carrying a tall milk can, she sets it on the floor.
A hush grows over the crowd. One of the nurses reaches deeply into the can as milk flows out onto the floor. She pulls a pair of eyes out and holds them up high. She leans over Kevin and inserts the new eyes.
INT-GRAND BALLROOM-NIGHT
Kevin and Genevieve sit in matching thrones in front of hundreds of people. Kevin’s eyes are bandaged, Genevieve’s eyes are closed. Oldfather stands to one, side he begins applauding. Everyone in the room rises to their feet. The three nurses enter, stand behind Kevin and slowly take the long streamer of gauze from his eyes.
Genevieve opens her eyes and turns to him, Kevin opens his eyes and smiles.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Ken Callaway.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
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Open to feedback: info@norenesmiley.com
THE MAW
LOGLINE: When Archer and his family are threatened by acts of violence, he is forced to find the culprit and uncover the ancient secret of Jiggers Remorse before it is too late.
THRILLER MAP VERSION 1 – THE MAW
EXT – COASTAL ROAD – DAY
Archer Quinn is driving on a winding road with his father Henry and sister Rowan to the small village of Jiggers Remorse in a remote area of Newfoundland. Archer is arguing with his father, angry that he has been dragged away from the city. He is going to miss his basketball tournament, all because his father thinks they need some ‘quality family time’.
Rowan is silent, in a world of her own. She watches the ocean waves rolling in. The many large seals basking on rocks.
Henry is trying to be positive, talking up how much fun they are going to have at an Eco-Adventure Survival Centre he has been invited to. And besides, he can’t very well leave Archer at home alone as he is still under a court-ordered probation period for past misdeeds. That means parental supervision whether he likes it or not. And Henry is the only parent he’s got. Archer complains that at least he could give him his cellphone back. Henry – Sorry Archer. Those are the rules.
Suddenly, an on-coming car careens out of control and forces Henry to swerve into rocks on the edge of the cliff. The other driver looks like he is going to come back to help but speeds up, leaving the scene of the accident. The car won’t start. Henry calls for a tow truck.
Archer eases out of the car, helping a crying Rowan to safety. Henry’s door is wedged against a rocky outcropping, forcing him to squeeze into the back seat to escape the car. Archer is leaning a window to grab his backpack when the car shifts. Henry only has a brief moment to pull Archer back before the car hurtles over the edge to crash in the ocean below.
EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
The tow truck drops a disheveled Quinn family off at the Eco-Adventure Centre to be greeted by Gabby Taylor and her teenage daughter, Talulah. They have lost most of their things but Gabby assures them they have clothes they can borrow for the week and there is a second-hand shop in the village.
Archer says he didn’t understand a word the driver said to them. Gabby laughs and says the local dialect is as thick as a mud hole on the barrens. “I think they keep it that way on purpose to keep visitors at bay.’
Gabby invites them over to picnic tables for lunch and to plan the activities for the week. Rowan is distracted by a wooly-looking dog sniffing around her pant leg. ‘Just push him away if he is bothering you Rowan’. Rowan sits down and shares her sandwich with the dog. ‘Rowan has a way with animals.’
EXT – EQUIPMENT SHED – DAY
Archer smells smoke and runs to the equipment shed. When he tears open the door, smoke billows out. He yells FIRE! He just has time to drag out a few cans of kerosene and motor oil before the heat gets too much. An explosion throws him back.
INT – ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
Archer is being interrogated by one RCMP officer while another inspects the remains of the shed with a volunteer fireman. Gabby puts some ointment on his hands and wraps them up calling him a hero. She wished he had been around when the maple tree had fallen on her gazebo last week. it seems there have been a number of things go wrong at the Centre of late. Nothing Gabby can’t handle. ‘I’m sure Archer had nothing to do with this Frank.’
After a conversation on his phone, the officer decides Archer needs to come down to headquarters to continue the conversation. Archer realizes he knows about the charges against him. Archer had nothing to do with the fire and looks at Talulah, expecting her to speak up. They have been together all afternoon. She turns away.
INT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Gabby has big plans for her new business. Gabby says she wants to bring prosperity to the area and attract more visitors, other businesses. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ She asks Henry to make a environmental report to support her application to have Resolute Island and the village of Jiggers Remorse declared a UNESCO natural world heritage site.
Henry agrees to do the report, thinking it would be a coup for the area. But he wonders when Gabby says locals may be reluctant to change their way of life. Gabby hopes the villagers will come around. She is very persuasive, as he knows. Archer realizes his dad has a past history with Gabby.
Henry is won over by Gabby’s enthusiasm and determination. Archer and Rowan just look at each other. Henry is always talking about making more time with them but since his wife’s death he has buried himself in work to deal with eh pain. This is nothing new and part of the reason Archer is so angry.
INT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY
Gabby presents her plan for the UNESCO application alongside Henry. The kids watch from the audience. The reception is cold and becomes heated as, one after the other, villagers get up and ask questions and voice their concerns. When Cormac shouts Gabby down, calls her names and questions her integrity, threatens her, Henry has to hustle her out of the hall before anyone gets hurt.
EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
Gabby, Henry and kids arrive back to the Centre to find graffiti defacing the front entrance. Henry vows to go back to the village to have a word with them. This has to stop! Gabby calms him down, talking about the superstitions are deep-seated but she hoped to convince the villagers to see the benefits of opening up to the outside. She feels that all the eccentricities and legends will be an attraction to visitors.
EXT -ECO-ADVENTURE ENTRANCE – DAY
Archer and Talulah are washing off the graffiti. He is concerned about Gabby ignoring the threats from locals. Talulah says her mother believes the villagers are uneducated buffoons and will be easy to manipulate when they see money pouring into the area.
EXT – DECK – NIGHT
Archer, Rowan and Talulah are hanging out after supper watching stars though the telescope. They find common ground, both dealing with the frustration of single parents. They notice strange lights moving around on the barrens. Archer wants to sneak out and see what’s happening.
Talulah tells him about the warnings of the dangers of barrens. How people have disappeared in bog holes never to be seen again. Tales of wild beasts. A news team from the mainland have been nosing around after frightened tourists had reported strange happenings in Jiggers Remorse.
Rowan’s eyes are getting larger, her grip on Archer’s hand tighter. Archer gives up the idea of leaving her and turns on the porch light behind them. Just when they are about to give up and go in, a huge white owl swoops silently out of the darkness directly in front of them, veering off at the last minute. Archer and Talulah lurch back in shock. Rowan remains motionless staring out into the dark.
(TURNING POINT 1)
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Archer discovers two letters in a pocket of Henry’s briefcase when he is looking for a pen. They are addressed to him and Rowan. Archer realizes they are in his mother’s handwriting. He is in shock, then filled with rage. Why would his father have kept them from him?
Henry enters the bedroom when Archer is reading his letter. Archer accuses him of keeping secrets and worse. When Henry tries to defend himself, Archer will have done of it.
‘She’s from Jiggers Remorse? Is that why we are here? What is going on dad? Did you drive her away? Was she leaving you when she had the accident?’
Henry retreats. Archer vows to find out about his mother.
INT – VILLAGE LIBRARY/ARCHIVES – DAY
Archer and Rowan and dog enter library. Archer asks to see records of family histories. Anything to do with Maeve Doyle. Library clerk pretends to misunderstand him. He is met with blank faces and turned backs.
Archer tries to sign up for a guided hike but finds out there are no guides available. Another customer passes by, bumping his shoulder, causing him to drop his bag, the contents spilling over the floor.
When Archer crouches to pick up his things, the archivist Oona bends to help him. She reaches out, running her gloved hands over ridged scarring on his fingers. When she agitatedly moves to hold Rowan’s hands, Archer steps in the way to protect his sister.
“Sliocha nan ron. Sliocha nan ron.’ What is this old woman doing, saying?
EXT – CLIFF WALL, ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
Talulah and Archer are preparing to rock climb. When Archer hesitates trying to decide how to start, Talulah pushes in front of him. She teases him, telling him to watch and see how it’s done. Half way up the rock face, Talulah’s climbing rope slips, then slips again and suddenly breaks, causing her to fall.
At first Archer thinks she is dead. Then she opens her eyes and smiles. She says she is okay but she struggles to get up, blood trickling from a gash on her cheek.
Gabby looks down from the top of the cliff. The rope had been cut!
INT – DINING HALL – NIGHT
Gabby reports that Talulah has a slight concussion and some bruising but she will live to drive her mother crazy another day. Gabby avoids reporting vandalism. Henry objects. Someone could get really hurt the next time. Gabby says she doesn’t want to get Archer in any more trouble than he already has.
IN – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Gabby slyly hints that they have a delinquent in their midst. Watch out for the Quinn boy. Got arrested for stolen goods in St. John’s. He’s trouble.
Oona comes along after Gabby exits the store saying not to listen to that one.
EXT – CLIFF PATH – DAY
Archer and Rowan hiking along a trail that skirts the cliff edge just as the sun is setting. The dog follows behind, never far from Rowan. Ocean vistas and the many many seals sunning themselves on rocks below have their attention. Suddenly Archer plummets into a pit at the edge of the path. Rowan desperately tries to reach him but only ends up falling into the trap herself.
The dog frantically barks. Archer calls for help. They could be here for hours until someone misses them. Suddenly a huge shadow blocks out the light. The ominous Seamus Dromgoole, a local fisherman, stares down at them. He sets down his long coat and lantern and throws down a rope to pull them out. Warns them to stay out of trouble. To not go out after dark.
INT – PUB – NIGHT
Henry approaches Seamus and Cormac to try to persuade them to give Gabby’s idea a chance.
When Seamus tells him to pay more attention to his own family, to rein in his out-of-control son, Henry blows. He accuses the men of endangering people. They had no business setting traps where people hike. A pushing match breaks out. Only Oona calling for order stops it from getting out of control.
INT – CENTRE – NIGHT
Gabby lets slip that there are warnings of a predator roaming around. Some pets have gone missing. Rowan is worried about the dog that has adopted her. Gabby reassures her and distracts her by stories of her mother growing up in the village. How Gabby and Maeve were the best of friends. ‘She was the most stunning creature. No one could resister her. You look a lot like her Rowan.’
Archer and Talulah join in. Gabby entertains them with stories of all the exploring the two girls used to do, including the limestone caves called The Maw. Of the hidden path down to the caves. Of smuggled treasure. Gabby shows them a broach that they found and speculated that there is probably more to be discovered.
EXT – LIMESTONE CAVES – DAY
Archer, Talulah and Rowan descending the path to the beach outside the caves. They have come prepared with flashlights and ropes, ready to explore inside the biggest cave. They discover remnants of chests spilling what looks like big pieces of cloth and an animal hide. There is evidence of a fire. The kids are so engrossed that they fail to notice the rising tide. They are cut off from the path and will soon be in danger of drowning if they don’t get out of there.
Archer has to put Rowan on his back to wade through water. They use the ropes to help them scale the cliff face. Rowan is frantic worrying about the dog. It eventually swims through the crashing waves and scrambles up what is left of the path.
(MIDPOINT)
INT – DINING HALL – DAY
Archer is making pancakes for himself and Rowan but she brushes him off saying she has already eaten. She is off to the village with Gabby and Henry. Gabby fusses over Rowan, treating her more like a daughter than she does her own daughter.
He exchanges a look with Talulah. Rowan has been avoiding him ever since the narrow escape from the caves. Like she blames him. Henry certainly does. All hell broke loose when they dragged themselves back. Henry had served notice. One more irresponsible act and he was looking at banishment to a boarding school.
Archer plunks a stack of pancakes in front of Talulah. Talulah tells him not to worry. Gabby does this. She’s just happy her mom is lavishing her attention on someone else. And Rowan will come around. ‘it wasn’t your fault.’ But Archer knows he should have taken better care. If anything had happened to Rowan after all they’ve been through… Archer can’t help himself from resenting how Gabby seems to have replaced him in Rowan’s affections.
Gabby pops her head in the door. She tosses a book on the table. Thought Archer might find it interesting. “Arcane Traditions and Legends of Newfoundland & Labrador.”
EXT – PARKING LOT – DAY
Gabby and Rowan are loading groceries into the car when Seamus charges over. he’s all worked up and looms over Gabby. Groceries spill on the ground. Shouting that she is going to destroy the village. She is a charlatan and he has proof. If she doesn’t stop she’ll be sorry! Rowan cowers behind Gabby. Henry runs up to intercede. Seamus stomps away saying she won’t get away with this again.
Henry supporting Gabby in her distress. She says she’s ok. Braving it out. Seamus and the others have always had it in for her. Henry asks about what Seamus was referring to and Gabby dismisses it. They haven’t forgiven her for leaving the community and making something of herself.
INT – CAR – DAY
Gabby warns Henry that Archer is developing an unhealthy interest in the arcane and the occult. Taken in by local superstitions.
INT – OFFICE – DAY
Archer is helping Talulah file paperwork for the Eco-Adventure Centre. Talking about things he has read in the book Gabby gave him. How the stories of Selkies are interesting but just sound like fairy tales. Talulah finds business permits that have not been mailed. Letters to insurance company. She thought her mom had taken care of this. She seals the envelopes and plans to mail them in the village.
EXT – VILLAGE – DAY
Talulah pops the letters in the post office. They walk along the village street, joking around about seals taking over the island, trying to ignore hostile stares from locals. Talulah suggests they go to the library/archives and talk to Oona. Archer, remembering his last visit, is reluctant but Talulah says its fine. She comes here all the time, but don’t tell her mother that.
INT – LIBRARY – DAY
Oona greets Talulah warmly. Talulah reveals Oona is her grandmother. Talulah asks about Selkies and if the locals really believe the tales. Oona removes the cotton gloves she wears to reveal old scarring. Archer realizes they are like his.
Oona tells them that a number of the villagers are descendants of Selkies. – sliocha nan ron. The ridges on their hands are scars where webs were removed as infants. It is part of a yearly ceremony on Midsummers Eve, a rite that reaffirms the pact between the village and the Selkies.
Archer finds it hard to believe this. Oona is a sincere person but she has to be delusional. His mother couldn’t have been a Selkie. But some references his mother made in her letter now make sense. And Talulah acts like Oona is trustworthy. Does his father know all this about the Selkies?
EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT
Archer is stacking firewood. Nerve-rattling screeches suddenly shatter the night. What the heck is that?
EXT – HIKING TRAIL – DAY
Archer and Talulah find hikers in distress. One of them is seriously injured from a rock fall. Talulah runs for help. While they are waiting, the hikers tell Archer about a large animal that was chasing them. They are really frightened. It is obvious they thought they were in danger and as more people gather, they are adamant that there is a predator on the loose. Mutters of banshee warnings the night before. Hikers are airlifted to hospital on the mainland.
EXT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY
Journalist and TV camera interviewing villagers about stories of a dangerous predator in the area. People are getting excited and worried. Seamus denies there is any such thing. He admits the terrain is not for the faint of heart, what with the rugged coastline and treacherous barrens, fog, dangerous undertows, unpredictable weather. He wouldn’t recommend it for the inexperienced traveler. But predator? Unlikely. But you never know…
Wind whips up. Seamus lifts his face to the skies. There is a big blow coming. A Nor’easter. He warns that the newsmen return to the mainland while they can.
INT – LODGE – NIGHT
Gabby is taking advantage of Henry’s protective nature. When the kids retire for the night she slips something into Henry’s drink. When he passes out, she makes it look like they have been intimate. Archer and Talulah discover them. Gabby accuses Henry of attacking her and Henry is too dazed and stumbling to know any different. Gabby is distraught. Talulah tries to comfort her mother. Archer is outraged, pushing his father to the floor. Gabby confesses that Talulah is Henry’s daughter.
EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT
Vicious storm. Gale-force winds and high tides cause the cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Centre. The Taylors and the Quinns are forced to evacuate and take refuge with Oona in the village.
Everyone is uncomfortable with this arrangement. Everyone is angry and making accusations. Henry asks why Gabby had never told him about Talulah. Gabby retaliates saying he was so enamoured with Maeve that he couldn’t see anyone else. Accuses him of taking Maeve away. Archer and Talulah tip toe around each other.
As the storm rages, tension builds until there is a confrontation between Gabby and Oona. The story comes out about Gabby endangering the secret of the Selkies as a youth. She told an outsider. The outsider was Henry! She was shunned by the villagers including her mother. Gabby has never forgiven her mother for not sticking up for her.
Oona gives Archer an amulet for his safety.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Henry sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. When he passes Henry in the hall, he hesitates but he doesn’t tell his father.
INT- OONA’S KITCHEN – DAY
Henry, Archer, Rowan and Talulah having lunch. Oona making bread.
News come on the radio: Worst storm in thirty years is not letting up. The public is advised to shelter indoors. On other news, the village of Jiggers Remorse is the latest community in Atlantic Canada to apply for UNESCO World Heritage designation. A report by marine biologist, Henry Quinn, supports the application, affirming it is important to protect the unique habitat and threatened species like the hooded seals found in the area.
When Gabby enters the kitchen, Henry questions how this information got to the media. His report wasn’t finalized. Gabby looks innocent, suggesting maybe he should ask Archer. When Archer tries to defend himself, saying it was Gabby, Henry stops him. ‘Enough! I’ve had it with all of you!’
(TURNING POINT 2)
INT – OONA’S SITTING ROOM – NIGHT
It is supper time and Rowan has disappeared. Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog. Maybe she went out to look for him. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone, even for the dog. Storms terrify Rowan.
EXT – VILLAGE HALL – NIGHT
Villagers gather to organize search parties to look for Rowan. Some men are armed. A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the hall, viciously eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear. Who/what did this? Something has been awakened. Henry orders Archer to get his things packed. Henry is sending him back to the city. Archer is furious and worried about his sister. Something is terribly wrong here.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Archer is throwing clothes in his bag. Talulah arrives with news that the causeway has been damaged in the storm. No one can leave the island. Oona tries to call the police on the mainland but lines are down.
EXT – VILLAGE – NIGHT
Archer and Talulah take off on their own in the storm to find Rowan. They find Rowan’s stray dog, bleeding and injured, whining at the top of the cliff above The Maw. Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.
(CLIMAX)
EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT
Archer and Talulah discover a wet and cold Rowan cowering in the cave. ‘Rowan, how did you get down here?’ She is too terrified to tell them anything.
They are just trying to warm her up when a frantic Gabby appears. ‘Thank god. I’ve been worried sick.’ Gabby is acting relieved but Archer notices she has a knife in her hand.
When Archer asks her what she is doing, Gabby grabs Rowan, threatening to hurt her if he doesn’t back up. She orders Talulah to tie Archer up.
Talulah does as she is told but leaves the rope loose.
Gabby is raving. She has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy The Maw. She would be happy if the whole damned village blew up with it.
Henry arrives with search party. Gabby is cornered. No one makes a move afraid of endangering Rowan. But Rowan struggles. Dog attacks Gabby. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is about to strike the dog with her knife, a voice calls to her.
Gabby turns to see Selkies emerging from ocean removing their seal skins. Maeve is one of them. Maeve is alive! She beckons to Gabby, inviting her to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, drops the knife. ‘Maeve you came back to me.’ Gabby follows Maeve into the water until they sink out of sight.
(RESOLUTION)
EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT
Seamus and other villagers throw the explosives into the ocean.
Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah watching the water.
Oona tells them about Gabby and Maeve: When they were children, Maeve visited the waters off the Maw every Midsummers Eve. Gabby was obsessed with her. A friendship grew. Everything was wonderful until Gabby stole Maeve’s seal skin, wanting to keep Maeve on land with her forever. But Maeve fell in love with a visiting student doing research that summer. Maeve chose him over Gabby. Gabby went sour after that. Vindictive. She told visitors about the Selkies until the villagers put a stop to it. They put the warning on her. Get out and never return.
But now she’s back. ‘My heart is heavy for all the hurt Gabby has caused. But I have to be thankful for this wonderful granddaughter she has left me.’
Archer asks why Henry never told them about their mother. ‘It wasn’t my story to tell. And when Oona called and said she had found the seal skin, your mom had to make a hard decision. Stay with those she loved or return to her ocean home.’
‘A Selkie’s heart is ocean-bound. That’s the truth of it.’
Maeve appears one last time, lifts her hand, then disappears into the ocean.
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THE MAW – VERSION 2
LOGLINE: When Archer and his family are threatened by acts of violence, he is forced to find the culprit and uncover the ancient secret of Jiggers Remorse, before it is too late.
THRILLER MAP – THE MAW:
IE – CAR ON COASTAL ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Troubled teen, Archer Quinn is driving on a winding road with his father Henry and sister Rowan to the small village of Jiggers Remorse. Archer is in a heated argument with his father, angry that he has been dragged away from the city for ‘quality family time’. Henry reminds him that he is still under court-ordered parental supervision. The Eco-Adventure Centre will be good for all of them. It has been hard since the death of their mother and visiting the place she was from can help them heal.
Rowan is silent, in a world of her own. She watches the ocean waves rolling in. The many large seals basking on rocks.
Suddenly, an on-coming car careens out of control and forces Henry to swerve. Their car slams to a halt, hanging half off the cliff.
Archer eases out of the car, pulling Rowan to safety. Henry’s door is jammed, forcing him to squeeze out through the back. Archer reaches through the window to grab his backpack when the car shifts and slides over the edge to crash on the rocks below, nearly taking Archer with it.
EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
A tow truck drops a disheveled Quinn family off in front of the Eco-Adventure Centre to be greeted by Gabby Taylor and her teenage daughter, Talulah. Archer says he didn’t understand a word the driver said to them. Gabby laughs and says the local dialect is as thick as mud, and thicker if you are a ‘come from away’.
Rowan befriends a shaggy dog that is sniffing around. Gabby complains that the strays running wild over the island are becoming an issue. The dog growls when Archer tries to push it away. Rowan insists on keeping the dog with her and Henry allows it. Rowan needs all the comfort she can get.
EXT – EQUIPMENT SHED – DAY
Archer and Talulah are untangling rope and sorting climbing equipment. They share frustrations living with single parents. Archer smells smoke and runs to the equipment shed. He tears open the door. Smoke billows out. FIRE! An explosion throws him back.
INT – LODGE – DAY
Archer is questioned by one RCMP officer while another inspects the remains of the shed with a volunteer firefighter. The fire is suspicious. Gabby puts ointment on Archer’s burned hands and wraps them up, calling him a hero. ‘I’m sure Archer had nothing to do with this.’ Coming off the phone to headquarters, the officer tells Archer he is going to need to talk with him again. Archer is paranoid that he will be blamed because of his past history.
INT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Gabby has big plans for her new business. She wants to bring prosperity to the area. ‘Put Jiggers Remorse on the map.’ She asks Henry to make a environmental report to support her application to have Resolute Island and the village of Jiggers Remorse declared a UNESCO natural world heritage site.
Henry agrees, but he has doubts about community buy in when Gabby admits there have been acts of violence at the Centre since she opened. Gabby shrugs it off. She knows the villagers will come around. She is very persuasive, as he knows. Archer realizes his dad has a past history with Gabby. What is it?
INT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY
Gabby presents her plan for the UNESCO application to village council. Henry and the kids watch from the audience. The reception is cold and becomes heated as the villagers voice their concerns. When Cormac shouts Gabby down, calls her names and questions her integrity, Henry hustles them out of the hall before anyone gets hurt.
EXT – ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
Gabby, Henry and kids arrive back at the Centre to find graffiti defacing the front entrance. Henry vows to go back to the village to have a word with them. This has to stop! Gabby calms him down. Fear of outside interference is deep-seated, but she hopes to convince the villagers to change.
EXT -ECO-ADVENTURE ENTRANCE – DAY
Archer and Talulah wash off the graffiti. He asks about local hostility and if she is afraid. Talulah admits the superstitions creep her out. Her mom thinks the eccentricities and local legends will be an attraction to tourists. Gabby is convinced the ‘backward bumpkins’ will be easy to manipulate once money pours into the area.
EXT – DECK – NIGHT
Archer, Rowan and Talulah are hanging out after supper watching stars through a telescope. They notice strange lights moving on the barrens. Archer wants to find out what is going on. Talulah warns of the dangers of barrens. People have disappeared in bog holes never to be seen again. There have been tales of wild beasts. When Rowan acts afraid, Archer gives up the idea of investigating, promising to check it out later.
(TURNING POINT 1)
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
When he is looking for a pen, Archer discovers a letter in a pocket of Henry’s briefcase. It is addressed to him and Rowan in his mother’s handwriting. He is in shock, then filled with rage. Why would his father have kept this from them?
Henry enters the bedroom when Archer is reading the letter. Archer accuses him of keeping secrets and worse. When Henry tries to defend himself, Archer will have none of it. ‘This letter sounds like a good-bye. Was mom leaving us when she died?’ Henry retreats. Archer vows to find out more about his mother.
IET – VILLAGE LIBRARY/ARCHIVES – CONTINUOUS – DAY
Archer and Rowan, followed by the dog, push their way through a crowd gathered on the street. A news team from the mainland are interviewing frightened tourists about strange happenings in Jiggers Remorse.
Archer and Rowan enter the library. Archer asks to see records of family histories, anything to do with Maeve Doyle. The library clerk misunderstands him. He is met with blank faces and turned backs.
Archer sees a sign for guided hikes but when he asks, no guides are available. A man bumps his shoulder, causing him to drop his bag, the contents spilling over the floor. When Archer crouches to pick up them up, the archivist, Oona, bends to help him. She suddenly grabs his wrist, running her gloved hands over ridged scarring on his fingers. What is this old woman doing? Archer pulls away, freaked out. When Oona agitatedly moves toward Rowan, Archer steps in the way to protect his sister. Mona mutters, ‘Sliocha nan ron. Sliocha nan ron.’ They rush out of the library.
EXT – CLIFF WALL, ECO-ADVENTURE CENTRE – DAY
Archer and Henry are preparing to rock climb. When discuss where to start, Talulah pushes in front of them. She teases them, telling them to watch and see how it’s done. Halfway up the rock face, Talulah’s climbing rope slips, then slips again, and suddenly breaks. Talulah plummets to the ground.
At first Archer thinks she is dead. Then she opens her eyes and smiles. She says she is okay but she struggles to get up, blood trickling from a gash on her cheek. Henry inspects the rope. It’s been cut!
INT – DINING HALL – NIGHT
Gabby reports that Talulah has a slight concussion and some bruising, but she will live to drive her mother crazy another day. Gabby refuses to report the vandalism. Henry objects. Someone could get seriously hurt the next time. Gabby says she doesn’t want to get Archer in any more trouble than he already has.
INT – GROCERY STORE – DAY
Gabby casually lets slip that they have a delinquent in their midst. Watch out for the Quinn boy. He was arrested for stolen goods in St. John’s. He’s trouble. Oona comes along after Gabby exits the store, saying not to listen to ‘that one’.
EXT – CLIFF PATH – DAY
Archer and Rowan are hiking along a trail that skirts the cliff’s edge just as the sun is setting. The dog follows behind, never far from Rowan. Their attention is captured by the ocean vistas and the many seals sunning themselves on rocks below. Suddenly Archer plummets into a pit at the edge of the path. Rowan desperately tries to reach him but only ends up falling into the trap herself.
The dog frantically barks. Archer calls for help. They could be here for hours until someone misses them. Suddenly a huge shadow blocks out the light. The ominous Seamus Dromgoole, a local fisherman, stares down at them. He sets down his long coat and lantern and throws down a rope to pull them out. He warns them to stay out of trouble. To not go out after dark.
INT – PUB – NIGHT
Henry approaches Seamus and Cormac to persuade them to give Gabby’s idea a chance.
When Seamus tells him to pay more attention to his own family, to rein in his out-of-control son, Henry blows. He accuses the men of endangering people. They have no business setting traps where people hike. A pushing match breaks out. Oona stops it from getting out of control.
INT – CENTRE – NIGHT
Gabby says she heard in the village that a predator is roaming around. Pets have gone missing. Rowan is worried about the dog. Gabby reassures her and distracts her with stories of growing up in the village. Gabby and Rowan’s mother, Maeve, were the best of friends. ‘She was the most stunning creature. No one could resist her. You look a lot like her, Rowan.’
Archer and Talulah are drawn in. Gabby tells tales of adventures and explorations, including the limestone caves called The Maw. There has always been rumours of smuggled treasure hidden in the caves. She shares the location of a hidden path down to the beach. Gabby shows them a broach she found when she was a girl and speculated that there is probably more to be discovered.
EXT – LIMESTONE CAVES – DAY
Archer, Talulah and Rowan descend the path to the beach outside the caves. They have come prepared with flashlights and ropes, ready to explore inside the biggest cave. They discover remnants of wooden chests, tattered cloth and piece of animal hide at the back of the cave. There is evidence of a fire. The kids are so engrossed that they fail to notice the rising tide. They are cut off from the path and will soon be in danger of drowning if they don’t get out of there.
Archer puts Rowan on his back to wade through the seawater. They use the ropes to help them scale the cliff face. Rowan is frantic worrying about the dog. It eventually swims through the crashing waves and scrambles up what is left of the path.
(MIDPOINT)
INT – KITCHEN – DAY
Archer is making pancakes for himself and Rowan, but she brushes him off saying she has already eaten. She is off to the village with Gabby and Henry. Gabby fusses over Rowan, treating her more like a daughter than she does her own daughter.
Archer exchanges a look with Talulah. Rowan has been avoiding him. She blames him for the near miss in the caves. Henry certainly does. All hell broke loose when they had dragged themselves back to the Centre. Henry had served notice. One more irresponsible act and he was looking at banishment to a boarding school. ‘I can’t trust you Archer.’
Archer plunks a stack of pancakes in front of Talulah. Talulah tells him not to worry. Gabby does this. She’s just happy her mom is lavishing her attention on someone else. And Rowan will come around. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ But Archer knows he should have taken better care. If anything had happened to Rowan after all they’ve been through… Archer resents how Gabby seems to have replaced him in Rowan’s affections.
Gabby pops her head in the door. She tosses a book on the table. She thinks Archer might find it interesting. “Arcane Traditions and Legends of Newfoundland & Labrador.”
EXT – PARKING LOT – DAY
Gabby and Rowan are loading groceries into the car when Seamus charges over. He’s all worked up and looms over Gabby. Groceries spill on the ground. He shouts that she is going to destroy the village. She is a charlatan, and he has proof. If she doesn’t stop she’ll be sorry! Rowan cowers behind Gabby. Henry runs up to intercede. Seamus stomps away, saying she won’t get away with this again.
Henry supports Gabby in her distress. She says she’s okay and puts on a brave front. Henry asks about what Seamus was referring to and Gabby dismisses it. Seamus and the others have always had it in for her. They haven’t forgiven her for leaving the community and making something of herself.
INT – CAR – DAY
Gabby ‘didn’t want to say anything’ but warns Henry that Archer seems to be developing an unhealthy interest in the the occult. He is asking about local superstitions.
INT – OFFICE – DAY
Archer is helping Talulah file paperwork for the Eco-Adventure Centre. They talk about things he has read in the book Gabby gave him. How the stories of Selkies are interesting but just sound too far out there, like fairy tales. Talulah finds business permits that have not been mailed. Letters from the insurance company. She thought her mom had taken care of this. She seals the envelopes and plans to mail them in the village.
EXT – VILLAGE – DAY
Talulah pops the letters in the post office. They walk along the village street, joking around about seals taking over the island, trying to ignore the pointed stares from locals. Talulah suggests they drop in on Oona at the library. Archer, remembering his last visit, is reluctant, but Talulah says, it’s fine. She comes here all the time. ‘But don’t tell my mother.’
INT – LIBRARY – DAY
Oona greets Talulah warmly. Talulah reveals Oona is her grandmother. Talulah asks about Selkies and if the locals really believe the tales. Oona removes the cotton gloves she wears to handle rare documents, revealing old scarring. Archer realizes they are like his.
Oona tells them that a number of the villagers are descendants of Selkies. – sliocha nan ron. The ridges on their hands are scars where webs were removed as infants. It is part of a yearly ceremony on Midsummers Eve, a rite that reaffirms the pact between the village and the Selkies, to protect this ancient meeting place.
Archer finds this hard to believe. Oona seems convincing, but she has to be delusional. His mother couldn’t have been a Selkie. That’s just crazy. But some references his mother made in her letter nag at him. Does his father know all this about the Selkies? I this another secret he is keeping?
EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT
Archer is gathering an armful of firewood. Screeches shatter the night, startling him. What the heck is that? He hears a large animal in the brush nearby. He drops the logs and rushes inside.
EXT – VILLAGE HALL – DAY
A journalist and TV camera crew are interviewing villagers about a recent death in the area. A hiker was discovered washed up by the causeway to the island. There are stories of a dangerous predator in the area. People are worried and voices are raised. Seamus denies the stories. He admits the terrain is not for the faint of heart, what with the rugged coastline, the treacherous barrens, fog, the dangerous undertows, and the unpredictable weather. Anything could have caused the death. He wouldn’t recommend the area for an inexperienced traveler. But a predator? Unlikely. But you never know…
The wind whips up. Seamus lifts his face to the skies. There is a big blow coming. A Nor’easter. He warns the newsmen to return to the mainland while they can.
INT – LODGE – NIGHT
The storm is picking up speed outside. Gabby takes advantage of Henry’s protective nature. When the kids are watching a movie in the dining hall, she slips something into Henry’s drink. When he passes out, she makes it look like they have been intimate. Archer and Talulah discover them. Gabby accuses Henry of attacking her and Henry is too dazed and stumbling to know any different.
Gabby is distraught, Talulah tries to comfort her mother. Archer is outraged, pushing his father to the floor. Gabby confesses that Talulah is Henry’s daughter.
EXT – CENTRE – NIGHT
Gale-force winds and high tides cause the cliff edge to collapse, undermining the integrity of the Centre. The Taylors and the Quinns are forced to evacuate, dodging past downed power poles and flooded roads. They take refuge with Oona in the village.
INT – OONA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Everyone is uncomfortable with this arrangement. Everyone is angry and making accusations. Henry asks why Gabby had never told him about Talulah. Gabby retaliates saying he was so enamoured with Maeve that he couldn’t see anyone else. Accuses him of taking Maeve away. Archer and Talulah tip toe around each other.
As the storm rages, tension builds until there is a confrontation between Gabby and Oona. The story comes out about Gabby endangering the secret of the Selkies as a youth. She told an outsider. The outsider was Henry! The villagers, including her mother, shunned her. Gabby has never forgiven her mother for not standing up for her.
Oona gives Archer and Rowan amulets for their safety.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Archer sees Gabby snooping through Henry’s environmental report. When he passes Henry in the hall, he hesitates but he doesn’t tell his father.
INT- OONA’S KITCHEN – DAY
Henry, Archer, Rowan and Talulah are having lunch. Oona is making bread.
News comes on the radio: ‘The worst storm in thirty years is not letting up, folks. The public is advised to shelter indoors. On other news: The village of Jiggers Remorse is the latest community in Atlantic Canada to apply for an UNESCO World Heritage designation. A report by marine biologist, Henry Quinn, supports the application, affirming it is important to protect the unique habitat and threatened species, like the hooded seals found in the area.’
When Gabby enters the kitchen, Henry questions how this information got to the media. His report wasn’t finalized. Gabby looks innocent, suggesting maybe he should ask Archer. When Archer tries to defend himself, saying it was Gabby, Henry stops him. ‘Enough! I’ve had it with all of you!’
(TURNING POINT 2)
INT – OONA’S SITTING ROOM – NIGHT
It is supper time and Rowan has disappeared. Gabby reports she heard Rowan calling for her dog. Maybe she went out to look for him. Archer can’t believe she would go outside alone, even for the dog. Storms terrify Rowan.
EXT – VILLAGE HALL – NIGHT
Villagers gather to organize search parties to look for Rowan. Some men are armed. A gannet is found hanging on a tree outside the hall, eviscerated. Everyone is living in fear. Who/what did this? It might be a sign. Something has been awakened.
Henry orders Archer to get his things packed. Henry is sending him back to the city. Archer is furious and worried about his sister. Something is terribly wrong here.
INT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Archer is throwing his clothes in a duffle bag. Talulah arrives with news that the causeway has been damaged in the storm. No one can leave the island. Oona tries to call the police on the mainland but lines are down. Archer: ‘I’ve got to do something.’
EXT – VILLAGE/CLIFFS – CONTINUOUS
Archer and Talulah take off on their own through the storm to find Rowan. They hear far off shouting for Rowan, as they push through brambles and stumble through mud holes. They hear an animal thrashing and growling nearby. They run, narrowly avoiding falling tree branches.
They find Rowan’s stray dog, injured and whining at the top of the cliff above The Maw. Archer thinks he hears singing from the beach.
(CLIMAX)
EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT
Archer and Talulah discover a wet and cold Rowan cowering in the cave. ‘Rowan, how did you get down here?’ She is too terrified to tell them anything.
They are trying to warm her up, when a frantic Gabby appears. ‘Thank god. I’ve been worried sick.’ Gabby is acting relieved ,but Archer notices she has a knife in her hand.
When Archer asks her what she is doing, Gabby grabs Rowan, threatening to hurt her if he doesn’t back up. She orders Talulah to tie Archer up.
Talulah does as she is told but leaves the rope loose.
Gabby is raving. She has rigged explosives in the cave to destroy The Maw. She would be happy if the whole damned village blew up with it.
Henry arrives with the search party. Gabby is cornered. No one makes a move, afraid of endangering Rowan. But Rowan struggles. The dog attacks Gabby. Archer grabs Rowan out of the way. Just when Gabby is about to strike the dog with her knife, a voice calls to her.
Gabby turns to see Selkies emerging from the ocean, removing their seal skins. Maeve is one of them. Maeve is alive! She beckons to Gabby, inviting her to join them. Gabby is mesmerized, dropping the knife. ‘Maeve, you came back to me.’ Gabby follows Maeve into the water until they sink out of sight.
(RESOLUTION)
EXT – THE MAW – NIGHT
Seamus and the other villagers throw the explosives into the ocean.
Archer, Rowan, Henry, Oona and Talulah are watching the water.
Oona tells them about Gabby and Maeve: When they were children, Maeve visited the waters off The Maw every Midsummers Eve. Gabby was obsessed with her. A friendship grew. Everything was wonderful until Gabby stole Maeve’s seal skin, wanting to keep Maeve on land with her forever. But Maeve fell in love with a visiting student doing research that summer. Maeve chose him over Gabby. Gabby went sour after that. Vindictive. She told visitors about the Selkies, until the villagers put a stop to it. They put the warning on her. They told her to get out and never return.
But then she came back. ‘My heart is heavy for all the hurt Gabby has caused. But, I am thankful for this wonderful granddaughter she has brought me.’
Archer asks why Henry never told them about their mother. ‘It wasn’t my story to tell. And when Oona called and said she had found the seal skin, your mom had to make a hard decision. Stay with those she loved or return to her ocean home.’
‘A Selkie’s heart is ocean-bound. That’s the truth of it.’
Maeve appears one last time, lifts her hand, then disappears into the ocean.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by Norene Smiley.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by
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What I learned is that feedback is essential to progress. You must have the Hero, Villain and Red Herring clear on the page.
Thriller Map: THE CATALOG
INT. AUTOMOBILE – MOVING – DAY
A jumbled dream. Angry, distracted TEENAGE GIRL drives a car. Argues with an OLDER WOMAN in the passenger seat. The car crashes.
CUT TO BLACK.
Frantic breathing in the dark.
INT. DIM CORRIDOR – DAY
A CLEANER pushes a rumbling laundry cart past patient room number “305”.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS
Frantic breathing catches as JULIE DOE, mid-30s, startles at the rumbling cart. She struggles awake in a dim room. Oxygen mask on her face. Her eyes blink, tear up. She holds her ringing head. Her arms are pierced with futuristic, color-coded medical and feeding tubes that connected to bags of fluid and diagnostic devices. Tubes to drain body fluids. Her legs in devices that stimulates her muscles. She drags the oxygen mask off. Julie has woken up from a coma.
Her breathing somewhat normalizes. She struggles to sit up. Pulls the tubes from their fittings. She stands on shaky legs. Hobbles to the small bathroom sink, latches on. Turns on the light. In the mirror she feels her face. She discovers her big pregnant belly through her hospital gown. Gasps. How…? What…?
QUICK FLASHBACK to the car accident.
She limps back into the room. Tries the door. Locked. Looks out the small window in the door. Nobody. Knocks. Her raspy voice makes an effort to call out. She reads her wrist band with bar code: “DOE, JULIE”. That’s not right. Confusion.
A computer screen among the equipment has the header, “THE CATALOG”. Julie taps the keyboard – password protected.
This place is like a grim character. Down the hall she hears a woman screaming, screaming and a baby’s cry. The ringing in her ears stops and she covers them, cowers. Voices in the corridor. She climbs back in bed, sticks the needles back into their fittings, shuts her eyes. The door clicks open. The lights come on full. A camera in the corner above Julie’s bed turns on.
The lights come on when CARETAKER PETERS, 50s, comes in. Serious demeanor, lab coat. He glances at the lit bathroom, turns off the light. Glances at Julie’s diagnostics. Three male/female NURSES come into the room. One looks back into the corridor, hurries to shut the door. A Nurse makes the remark that here’s another diagnostics machine showing inaccurate activity. Caretaker Peters makes a comment about cheap Chinese equipment. He’s already called service to replace it, just ignore it for now. He shuts it off.
The caretakers sweat, on edge, try to hide their nervousness with banter. They notice that one of Julie’s tubes isn’t connected right. Peters takes over, is gentle with Julie. A Nurse says, While you’re at it, how about putting in a request for more help? It’s hard to get good people. Besides, we already have the best. Caretaker Peters discourages the others from saying anything negative, and they say they were “Just kidding. I’m a kidder.” They look at the camera and plaster on pleasant faces.
INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
On a large screen sectioned-off into several patient room views, most of them dim, in some Caretakers attend to other patients. Peters and his caretakers’ dialog is guarded, circular. Turns of phrases contain subtext or irony, although the employees act happy. They say things about the Operator which are not really compliments. Watch out, a cleaner will come for you (grim). And, You’ll end up on the 4th floor. Peters silences others with a motion or a glance.
The OPERATOR, 40s, a stern, old-style nurse complete with starched white hat, fitted white uniform and stockings and white, hard-soled shoes, sits in a chair, eyes closed, listens to Peters and the Nurses. The Operator opens her eyes at their derogatory remarks. She stands, coils a USB cable, and slips it into her pocket. Whips a folded baby blanket off a stack.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS
The subject of conversation changes to a comment about the “cute one” on page 65. They discuss this one coming due soon.
INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS
The Operator walks down the corridor cradling the bundled blanket like a baby. She pats it, shushes it. A pair of surgical scissors stick out of her pocket [the symbol = cutting the cord, cutting from the past, ending life, etc.]. She occasionally skips a step.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS
The door clicks open. Peters and the Nurses startle, eyes dart to the door. The Operator steps in, cradling the infant. All nicey-nice. They address her as “Ma’am”.
The Operator looks on Julie tenderly. Yet she talks about harvesting her newborn in the most commercial of terms. They all act concerned only about Julie’s baby. A-titter, even.
Peters prevents anyone else from touching Julie. He sweats.
The Operator announces that Julie is scheduled in three days. She’s ripe enough. Peters asks who she’s holding in her arms. The Operator stops patting the baby. Says it’s 208’s newborn, which has died. Peters is shocked. Wants to see it. But the Operator won’t let him. The Operator pretends to care about the patients, is over-emotional when a patient or infant dies or miscarries. Yet blames this loss of assets on Peters. You’re causing too many “assets” to die. She reprimands him for every failure which makes him seem like the bad guy. He offers but she won’t let him examine the dead infants or perform an autopsy. Peters backs off and readily accepts responsibility for newborn “deaths”. Glances between the Nurses show this isn’t true. The weepy Operator claims the Facility needs to show zero losses. But is devoid of true emotion (which is realized in her glance when she exits). The Operator swipes her photo key card, leaves.
INT. DIM CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS
Cleaners roam the hallways with a heavy laundry cart. They see the Operator, step back against the wall, lower their heads. The Operator drops the dead newborn into a laundry bin. The blanket opens. It’s a Cabbage Patch doll.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS
Peters tells the Nurses to go on to the next patient, he’ll finish up here. He positions himself between the camera and Julie. He whispers to her not react. You can get up after the light goes out.
Peters brought Julie out of the coma – yes, she has been kept in a coma on purpose. The others can’t know. He ministers to her with the greatest of care. Yet he threatens her to help him. She has questions, tries to talk, wants to know who she is, where she is. Don’t talk! Amnesia is common when people first wake. But he says he has no personal data on patients so he can’t help her. He’ll be back. He swipes his key card, opens the door. The room goes dim, the camera shuts off. He turns back into the room. He’ll give Julie a few hours to get her mind clear.
She climbs out of bed. She tries to get into the computer but can’t. A banner plays across the screen: “It’s not about the money, it’s about being of service.” She almost collapses from labor pains. She can’t stay in this place!
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Peters comes back on last rounds. Pauses outside Julie’s door. He’s rather loud but halts the Nurses and calmly tells them, it’s been a long day. Meet me for a beer. He watches them walk down the hall.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS
Peters comes in. Has Julie made up her mind or would she rather be put back in a coma? Julie agrees to help him, but only if he’ll help her. Does he have a phone? No, and there’s no phone in this room. He leaves a computer screen logged in. Open to a screen with her name and info. He uses his photo key card to unlock the door and leaves, the lights go out. Wait until later. She gets out of bed, on the computer screen sees a phone number for “Prior Contact” but other contact info is left blank. He leaves the door ajar. Julie fears it’s a trap, is afraid to venture out, but finally does. She tests the handle from the outside which is unlocked and shuts the door.
EXT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
The Facility is cold and prison-like. Julie peeks into many other dim rooms like hers with coma women. Peters and the Caretakers are asleep in their rooms. Julie hides from a Cleaner who wheels one of Peters’ dead Nurses in a laundry cart out of an elevator. Another Cleaner cleans up a trail of blood and bitches at the other one for not taking proper protocol.
Julie creeps down halls, up and down staircases. Finds padlocked exit doors. She finds rooms full of infants. A locked “Morgue” with newborns plugged into some kind of technology (DNA splicing, electronic implants, etc.) It appears that the only way out of the building is past the office – where the Operator sits at a computer – and through the front door with Guards.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – DAY
Julie fakes her coma as Peters and his Nurses tend to her. Peters insists on checking her over himself. He asks the others why the Nurse who criticized the Operator has missed his/her shift. Nobody knows where they are. Maybe a sick day?
INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS
The Operator peeks through the small window and smirks. Pockets her scissors. She has blood splatters on her shoe.
MIDPOINT: JULIE’S DREAM – LATER
Julie sees snippets of her former life:
– At home having dinner with her parents.
– At school with her friends and boyfriend.
– The car accident. She was driving, she and her mother argue, crash. Julie watches her mother die and goes unconscious.
END OF DREAM
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – NIGHT
Julie wakes with a start. Climbs out of bed.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
Through a window in the corridor, the Operator picks up files and walks into a conference room in the back, shuts the door. Julie hides around the corner. Avoids the guards, sneaks into the office.
INT. OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
She searches for a key, key card, phone, anything. She finds printed orders and emails with “Adoptions Catalog” on the masthead. She finds sell sheets with infant photos, parental D.N.A., and health information. On another computer screen she sees “SCHEDULED DELIVERIES” and a list of numbers. She compares the number on her wristband to those on the screen, finds hers. “STATUS: DELIVERY COUNTDOWN: 3 DAYS”. Julie overhears the Operator in an online meeting. Sneaks up to the closed conference room door.
INTERCUT: INT. OFFICE / CONFERENCE ROOM – CONTINUOUS
The Operator has a diabolical plan: On a Zoom call she talks to the CORPORATION BOARD and lies about losing assets, fake emotional – the corporation is about placing infants with deserving parents.
Julie finds emails coming in from purchase requests with specifications for exactly which kind of transhuman infant they’re looking for: SUPER STRENGTH, SUPER INTELLIGENCE, SUPER-ARTISTIC – machines, basically. She spots a cell phone.
On another Zoom call, the Operator assures delivery in three days to PARENT CUSTOMERS. She ends the Zoom call. She takes the USB cable out of her pocket, plugs herself into a charging device where her heart should be, shuts her eyes, goes offline.
INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – NIGHT
Julie opens the cell phone. She calls the “PRIOR CONTACT” number on the computer screen.
INTERCUT: PATIENT ROOM 305 / JACOBS HOME – CONTINUOUS
George Jacobs, 60s, answers. She asks, do you recognize my voice? Do you know who I am? Things aren’t right here. Where? I don’t know! He thinks it’s a cruel prank because he buried his wife and daughter fifteen years ago. He’s angry. He asks her something specific, but she can’t remember. She’s been in a coma all this time long time. Okay, then what were they arguing about just before the accident? She searches her memory – something about cheerleading, a boyfriend, a sport… He’s about to hang up when she says something that halts him for a moment, but he hangs up. Julie starts to have labor pains.
Peters comes in. Where has she been? He takes away her cell phone. Where’d she get this? Did you call out? She says no. He pockets it for himself. She starts to question what she saw in the office. Peters confesses that the Operator is transhuman, A.I. posing as human and is creating trans-human infants. The Corporation had threatened to kill Peters’ family if he didn’t cooperate, so to protect them he abandoned them. They think he’s dead. He just wants to go home. Julie: What’s transhuman? He explains – she’s not totally human. Is that what she’s doing to the babies? Is that what she’s going to do with my baby?
TURNING POINT 2: INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – DAY
The Operator pops into the room. The light comes on. Julie fakes that she’s asleep. The Operator jabs her with the scissors. Julie does her best not to react, but the Operator twists the scissors. Julie finally gives in. The Operator had suspected Peters. Peters comes in and she accuses him. He says, it happens. He holds up a syringe. “Miss Doe’s too out of it to understand what’s going on. I was about to put her back under, see?” The Operator doesn’t believe it. She takes his key card away. She calls to the Cleaners. They escort Peters out. Peters covertly sets the missing Nurse’s keycard [on a table] and takes a sad look back at Julie. The door clicks shut.
EXT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS
Everyone follows the Operator’s rules or pays the price. The Operator stabs Peters in the temple with her scissors, killing him. The Operator signals the Cleaners to “Clean that up.” They stuff him into a laundry bin and heads back to Julie’s room.
CLIMAX: INT. PATIENT ROOM 305 – CONTINUOUS
The Operator returns to Julie’s room. She’s gone.
INT. CORRIDORS – CONTINUOUS
The Operator, Caretakers and Cleaners hunt for Julie. She uses the key card to move between floors and get into rooms. They catch her and take her on the elevator.
INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
The Operator gaslights Julie about what a bad man Peters was, tells lies about him, how he’s trying to stop children from being adopted. Julie says she knows what she’s doing to those babies, how she’s making monsters of them. Is that how you see me, as a monster? Tears in the Operator’s eyes. She says keeping Julie locked down has been good for her baby.
INT. 4TH FLOOR – CONTINUOUS
The doors open to the dreaded “4TH FLOOR” sign. They walk Julie to the O.R. which is prepped for surgery, Surgeons and Nurses stand by. The Operator orders that Julie be put back into a coma, that’ll calm her down. The Operator tells Julie she has big plans for her asset, just like she did the previous four. Four?! What happened to them? You have no memory of being roused long enough to participate in the delivery. Afterward, the Operator will put Julie back in the coma and continue to use her as a breeder.
Julie can’t believe what these people are doing for money. Operator (robotically): “It’s not about the money, it’s about being of service.” Julie fights back, escapes their grip. She wrecks equipment, escapes the O.R., the Operator and others. Security Guards join the pursuit. But the staff doesn’t try as hard to catch her as the Operator would like. Julie runs toward the exit with key card in hand. They chase her through the halls, down stairwells.
EXT. THE FACILITY – DAY
Using the dead Nurse’s key card, Julie makes it outside. The Operator follows her, catches her. The Operator threatens to kill all the babies and leave no evidence unless Julie comes back inside. She almost does. Until she notices that the Doctors, Nurses, Cleaners, even Security Guards – pause and watch Julie stab the Operator with her own scissors. The employees then jump on the Operator and tear her apart. Julie makes it to the locked front gate where she collapses, alone and gives birth.
LATER
Julie holds her baby inside her hospital gown, exhausted from the delivery.
RESOLUTION: Julie’s father, the police and ambulances arrive. Her father sees her, recognizes it’s truly her – “Suzanne Jacobs. My daughter!” A police vehicle rams the gate. Caretakers lead SWAT, F.B.I., POLICE, and AMBULANCE WORKERS inside. George goes to Julie. Calls her by her real name, Suzanne. He had tried to call her back but she didn’t answer. The police traced the number here. Something Julie had told him about her mother rang true so on the off chance… FBI: The Caretakers will be debriefed. Infants taken to shelter, coma patients evaluated/ released/ hospitalized. Julie and her baby leave with her father.
INT. THE FACILITY – NURSERIES
F.B.I. tear the office apart, collect evidence, debrief the Security Guards – all were captives here. Caretakers wake people from comas. Tend to the babies. What will happen to the transhuman infants? With any luck, their transformation has not completed.
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Day 14:
What I learned:
I am trying to keep this mess as an outline for the class. But I am actually creating the rest of the script as an outline and writing myself notes as I go. I can’t quite just give the bare-bones story. I have soooo much stuff to clean up and add and Fix! This has been awesome! A new experience for me. I have always started writing and followed where the characters and story took me. I am not actually convinced this is right for my style. But time will tell. I love the idea of having a solid outline to work from and the end already in mind. In the past, my slam-bang finish showed up as progressed. The story came to a natural conclusion with all the loose ends tied up.
INT. MAX PRISON CELL – DAY
Brain surgeon / Navy seal dropout ERIC NEISLEN is questioning serial killer JOHN SALYER using a device that he has created. The device sends milli-volt electric impulses through a platinum conductor gripped in one hand to a stylist placed in a precise n acupuncture point in the other hand. The helmet measures and connects the frequency of the subject’s brain waves using ultra-low-intensity gamma rays. The amplifier device in his briefcase raises the frequency power enough to produce images from the person’s memory. The device also precisely measures brain activity, blood pressure, and heart rate like a typical lie detector. The images are seen as single-frame split-second images and occasional brief clips depending on the intensity of the connected memory. The images can be edited together to create an entire scene of the event. The stylist and conductor are designed to shock the subject if they drop below the top of the head. (In the script, we learned that it is very difficult for a liar to keep his story straight if he has to do two things at once. Avoiding being shocked provides the proper distraction to allow thoughts to be unguarded and increase the anxiety of being discovered.)
John extends a threat that he can’t follow through on. CLUE/FORESHADOWING.
From previous experience, Eric is prepared for John’s attack and responds with some payback. Eric zip-ties John to the bars and tapes the stylists into their proper locations. Eric asks questions regarding John’s murders. Images appear involuntarily, and Eric converses with John even though John is zip-tied to the cell bars through his mouth and unable to speak. We don’t actually see the images yet. (INTRIGUE – Are there images or is this just manipulation by Eric?)
EXT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
BILL HANCOCK has a gambling debt. He is given a job. FBI agent CAYLA AMUNDSEN is watching from a distance.
INT. NEISLEN’S HOME – MORNING
Eric and 7yr/ old son Thor are SO excited about little Kimberly’s upcoming birth. – Eric and Thor are dancing at breakfast for Catherine. (Because of You, Neyo.) Thor graciously seats his mother. – In the car on the way to the airport for Catherine to see her mother. Thor starts, and Eric joins in (Ain’t no sunshine. Bill Withers) Suspense – forshadowing.
EXT. BUSY STREET – MORNING
Eric and Catherine see Bill Hancock driving a box truck through a red light. Eric is able to accelerate and save Catherine, but Thor is killed instantly. Moments later, Eric can see on Bill’s face, “This is a terrible mistake!”
INT. AMBULANCE WINDOW – MOMENTS LATER
Eric places his hands on Catherine’s head and prays as they drive away.
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
Nine Navy seals, full dress uniform, civilian and combat clothes, Bobby – Cocoa Bean – Tufts – Duke – Tinker – Animal – Fork – Turbulent “Turb” kneel with Eric as he prays.
Eric tells his buddies that he gave Catherine a blessing, and he says she will live. A Doctor tells Bobby privately that the severe brain trauma, injuries, and the c-section, no way. Bobby says – “I’m not that close to God to know personally. But if Eric Neilsen says she’ll live. Trust me. She’ll live.”
INT. NORM LARUSHA’S STUDY – EVENING
Norm is told that Bill hit the wrong guy. Norm says what’s he gonna do? Tell the cops he killed the wrong guy? Pay him 100K and tell him Harrison will get him off on manslaughter, and he’ll be out six months with behavior two years max.”
INT. SPECIAL AGENT JAMES SHAYDIE’S OFFICE – DAY
Cayla confronts her FBI boss about why they are not investigating the death of her partner Mark Lopez, the Neilsen’s and Norman Larusha’s involvement. She is told they need hard proof and want the guy who hired Larusha.
EXT. GRAVESIDE – DAY
Eric buries Thor with all his friends and family.
INT. NEISLEN’S HOME – EVENING
Hot early 40s hospital administrator Sarah Carrion wants Eric as trophy husband and his device. Unbeknownst to Sarah, her get-on-with-life talk convinces Eric that he must make peace with Bill Hancock.
INT. LONG-TERM CARE FACILITY – NIGHT
Eric tells Catherine he needs her strength to forgive Bill. A tiny tear in Catherine’s eye reveals she is trapped in her body but awake.
EXT. TRUCKING COMPANY
Eric’s forgiveness and Bill’s genuine remorse create a bond.
INT. KRAV MAGA GYM – NIGHT
With the fog lifted a bit, Eric returns to Krav Maga classes. FBI agent CAYLA AMUNDSEN tries to get close to Eric as her Krav partner. Eric walks away.
INT. DINER – LATER
Eric is at a diner across the street when he sees a guy follow Cayla. SUSPENSE
EXT. STREET BY THE GYM – MOMENTS LATER
Eric saves Cayla.
INT. NORM LARUSHA’S STUDY – NIGHT
Mafia-type “fixer” NORMAN LARUSHA, who set up Eric’s “accident,” learns of Bill and Eric meeting. Norman makes a call SUSPENSE.
INT. ERIC’S HOME –
Eric learns Thor’s death and Catherine’s demise was a planned hit. MYSTERY – Who is after Cayla, why, and are they Eric’s enemies too? Cayla leaves. Eric calls Seal buddy “Coco Bean,” and explains what he’s learned, and asks for backup. (All seals are now on alert and take turns doing surveillance from a distance throughout the show.)
INT. LONG-TERM CARE FACILITY – EVENING
Cayla tells Catherine, “Sorry – but I’m takin’ your man.” Cayla freaks out when she touches Catherine and discovers that Catherine is “Awake and in there.” They connect! COOL MYSTERY.
FBI HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT
Cayla returns to the FBI to see if she can find what Mark knew that got him killed. FBI boss James Shaydie won’t tell her anything. Is he to be trusted? Or is he part of the problem? INTRIQUE
Cayla learns through an FBI friend Sally Crampton that Eric was booted shortly before Seal graduation because he attacked his C.O. The Navy avoided a black eye & Eric’s court martial by allowing Eric to become a doctor and removing his C.O. from his duties. MYSTERY
INT. COUNTY JAIL – DAY
Eric learns from Cayla that Bill’s attorney sent him back to jail. Eric posts bail and brings Bill and his family to his house for safety.
INT. ERIC’S HOME – EVENING
Bill tells Eric he was only told a time and place to hit a
black Mercedes. (clue to the real target) MYSTERY
INT. NORM LARUSHA’S STUDY – DAY
Norm is ticked that Bill is alive, Cayla’s involved, and he does not have Eric’s device. Norm calls in “professionals.” SUSPENSE
INT. ERIC STUDY – NIGHT
Bill has been forced to text their location to Larusha’s men, or his son TYSON, 7 (who was kidnapped only hours before Eric brought them to his house) – will be killed. SUSPENSE
Eric gets a text from Tufts that the house is surrounded while talking to Bill.
Bill confesses to Eric Just as the laser dot from a sniper rifle lands on Eric’s head. Eric ducks, a bullet hits the chair, and Eric goes postal.
Eric grabs a gun – Runs into the living room, and shoots through the front window at the sniper in a van in front of the house.
EXT. ERIC’S HOME – CONTINUOUS
Eric dives out the window and shoots two more guys on the lawn before going after the sniper in the suburban who shot through his office window. Eric shoots through the car doors hitting the driver and the sniper.
Eric has Catherine watch the bad guys while he puts things in order.
INT. ERIC’S HOME – MOMENTS LATER
Eric gathers Bill, Stephanie, and the girls. He takes Bill and Stephanie’s phones and credit cards and gives them an envelope full of cash. He has them take Catherine’s car to Rockville, buy a decent 4-wheel drive vehicle for cash from an individual, and not register it. “Lock the keys in Catherine’s car at the Walmart by the highway. Buy your phones with cash and take your family to this address. I will bring Tyson there. Here’s my card. Emergency only. You call me, and they have a way to find you. Email me your phone number when you get to where you are going.”
EXT. ERIC’S HOME – MOMENTS LATER
Eric forces the wounded sniper to lead him to Larusha. SUSPENSE
EXT. NORM LARUSHA’S HOME – NIGHT
How to get in? Eric orders pizza. Susie, the Pizza girl, leaves a pizza on the doorstep with a note from Eric inside. Eric and Cayla rush Norm and get control of Norm and all his information and finances.
INT. NORM LARUSHA’S HOME – CONTINUOUS
Eric uses his device on Norm. Norm tells them of the implant that was forced on him at the base of his skull. Eric offers a trade – AFTER they get Tyson back. They get Tyson back. Eric negotiates with Larusha to get ALL his information in exchange for keeping most of his money and fleeing the country.
INT. HOSPITAL – LATER
Eric rushes Norm to the hospital and saves his life. Larusha helps some and disappears. Eric checks to make sure Tyson has not been implanted with a device like Norm’s. They take Tyson’s shoes off – where the tracking device is.
INT. MYSTERIOUS OFFICE – NIGHT
A woman’s hand picks up the phone. She is told Larusha’s gone. She says she knows. She is told Eric has connected with the congressman. She says good. They will lead us to his leak. INTRIGUE
INT. LARUSHA’S HOME – DAY
Eric finds Catherine in his bed, via Cayla. Tyson was left with Nurse Strong. Cayla tells Eric that Catherine cannot open her eyes or speak, but she totally knows what’s going on around her. Eric and Catherine reconnect. Cayla and Catherine “talk” about the reconnection. FUN MYSTERY
From Eric’s device, he learns Larusha does not know who exactly but believes someone way up in the US government wants his device. Larusha was told black Mercedes. Eric has learned that Sarah Carrion contacted Norm. Whom is she working with? Why do people in the state department want Eric’s device, and why are they willing to kill for it? MYSTERY – INTRIGUE.
INT. FBI HEADQUARTERS – DAY
Cayla uses SALLY CRAMPTON FBI associate to check the street video of Eric’s accident. It’s gone! Who took it? MYSTERY
EXT. BUSY STREET – MORNING
Cayla sits at the intersection to wait for a Black Mercedes. She gets the license of Congressman Brad Phillips. INTRIQUE
INT. BRAD PHILLIPS’S HOME – EVENING
Eric explains to Brad how his family was destroyed. Brad says that “message” was intended for him. Brad has an “insurance file,” “they” don’t want it exposed, and killing a congressman is a problem. Brad reveals to them Jermain Davenport, Brad’s former college roomie, and a senior CIA analyst. Brad sets up an appointment with Billy the Bluebird.
INT. JERMAIN’S CABIN – DAY
Jermain leaves his family, goes to a convenience store, and uses the restroom. SUSPENSE
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE RESTROOM – DAY
Eric and Jermain talk. Jermain tells Eric the story of Billy the bluebird. Jermain says he’ll get them a copy, be patient. Good feelings, bad feelings.
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – MOMENTS LATER
Jermain exits the store, looks around, and gets in his car.
A small drone a thousand feet up, a mile away, descends into the woods. MYSTERY SUSPENSE
INT. NORM LARUSHA’S HOME – DAY
Eric calls and asks Coco to return Tyson to his family.
Cayla and Eric sift through Norm’s stuff. Cayla learns from Eric that his C.O. was trying to kill him. Fight, flight or die were his options.
INT. NURSE STRONG’S HOME – NIGHT
Coco shows up for lunch to meet Tyson. Nurse Strong and Coco hit it off when Strong sees the sweetness of this gargantuan military guy with a terrified little boy. Coco immediately teaches Tyson about being grateful and respectful to women and how his family needs him to be a man.
EXT. BAD NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Jermain’s body is dropped in an alley. Jermain’s car is parked some distance from the body.
INT. BRAD’S CONGRESSIONAL OFFICE – DAY
Congressman Brad Phillips tells Eric and Cayla that Jermain is dead. Brad tells them Jermain was mugged in a bad neighborhood and framed as a cheating husband. Brad has proof that it is a lie. INTRIGUE
INT. CONGRESSMAN’S HOME – NIGHT
Cayla and Eric are there to get copies of the congressman’s files.
They learn that Brad Phillips told Jermain to investigate the U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan. Brad only has notes and a few pages of what Jermain discovered. Did Jermain have hard proof? Did he hide it? If so, Where?
Brad tells them that Jermain found a connection between US President Jeff Baldwin and the axis of evil China, Russia, Iran, Pakistan, and the Taliban. The axis is blackmailing the president. But only Jermain has the proof, and he’s dead.
Eric says ‘They don’t know that we don’t have the proof.”
The Congressman is shot dead by a sniper right in front of them.
Car Chase:
Cayla and Eric run for their lives. FBI & CIA are in pursuit. Tufts and several other seals have been watching from a distance, disrupt the pursuit. Eric runs to Bobby’s place and changes cars, and they head for Coco’s place in Louisiana.
INT. LARUSHA’S HOME – DAY
Turb is protecting Catherine and preparing her to go to Louisiana. The villain’s minions kill Turb and take Catherine.
INT. ERIC’S GETAWAY CAR – DAY
The villain tries to squeeze Eric in a text.
“Do you really expect me to believe you will let us go after we give you all our intel? Food for thought – You touch my wife, who can’t open her eyes or talk – and Every TV – Radio station, and news outlet on the planet as well as aborigines in the deepest part of Australia, the Amazon, and Asia, will know every detail of what you have done and what you’re planning. NAMES AND FACES!
You have 24 hours to return Catherine to the assisted living center where she was first placed. If she is not. You better make absolutely certain I’m dead. Because there is no place on this planet where you can hide. And if you dare to place a bomb in her like the one, you did on Norm. You’re dead! I will have nothing to do with the rest of my life but hunt you. 24 hours or YOU and your minions will be “The Daily Planet’s front-page story!”
EXT. GEORGIA HIGHWAY – DAY
Coco and Tyson’s road trip is fun. Coco is told by Bobby they are being followed at a distance of about 100 miles.
EXT. GEORGIA TRUCK STOP – DAY
Coco finds the link in the shoes and puts them on a semi at a truck stop.
EXT. GEORGIA WOOD – EVENING
Coco takes a detour to make sure they are safe. He teaches Ty to shoot a .22. Dress a wound. Build a fire. Catch a fish. Set a snare. Burp the alphabet.
EXT. GEORGIA HIGHWAY – DAY
Coco is stopped by a pretend cop intent on killing Coco and getting the boy.
INT. SUBURBAN – DAY
Ty hides in the compartment under the rear seat of the suburban that Coco built.
INT. GEORGIA SIDE ROAD – MOMENTS LATER
Coco is tipped off by the cop directing them onto a side road where they will be unseen. Coco tazes the cop. He ties him up and throws him in the trunk with the dead officer’s body and the murder weapon and calls 911.
EXT. COCO’S DOME HOME LOUISIANA – DAY
Coco built a dome home from a grain silo roof DEEP in the Bayou. Bill, Stephanie, and the girls are enjoying their vacation. All the food and everything they need is right there.
Eric gets a call from the Congressman’s office telling him he got a book from Amazon. Eric sends Duke to get the book.
EXT. CONGRESSMAN’S HOME – NIGHT
Duke is shot by a bad guy and gets the book. Fork saves Duke in a wild chase and firefight, but the bad guys get the documents and get away.
INT. TINKER’S HOME – LATER
The seals plan to bust into FBI headquarters, take the book back, and send it out on the internet. Eric calls and says slow down. What did it look like? Is it the ONLY one? Jermain seems smarter than that. Was that just a pinch? Bait, to draw them out? Pretty insecure way to send such an important mess of documents. Duke said they look like originals. Really? And how would Jermain get Originals? Duke took shots on his phone before he left the congressman’s office. Whoa! Really?
Fork checks Eric’s mail. He finds a thumb drive from a bogus company selling Thumb drives. It has ALL the real documents.
Seals learn Russian – Chinese and Middle Eastern partners. The number of times Obama and the Muslim Brotherhood had meetings – Gain of Access Funding – Covid-19 Chinese documents.
Eric discovers that the secretary of state, the president, and many others are being blackmailed or are open supporters of a socialist takeover.
That is why the state department took charge of the withdrawal from Afghanistan when they had NO skills or expertise? They were under orders from China & the Taliban? Proof – The date Sept 11th – giving up Bagram – 85 billion in equipment to terrorists AND negotiating the withdrawal when we could have gone out with our heads up at any time we wanted. Hilary’s prevention of “FBI profiling terrorists.” Top secret e-mails on her server. FBI false Russia scandal – Benghazi.
EXT SOUTH CAROLINA – DAY
Car Chase: Eric and Cayla are accused of killing the congressman, Norman Larusha and Jermain. Eric and Cayla leave the hideout to protect Bill and his family. They are spotted in a deserted corner of Myrtle beach. Eric and Cayla are captured by the FBI.
EXT. CITY OF MYRTLE BEACH – DAY
They make a public spectacle so they can’t be secretly murdered.
INT. NEW YORK TIMES – DAY
A Times journalist gets an e-mail from Tinker, and the SEALS reveal everything. The world is abuzz, and the State Department and the Whitehouse call it lies and hate speech. The e-mails, phone transcripts, and documents say otherwise.
INT. COURTROOM VIRGINIA – DAY
Eric sets up a chance for all the Whitehouse and state department people named to come forward and prove their innocence.
Eric is forced to set up a demo of his device. The CIA is to “inspect it.” To see that it is not a fake or has planted evidence. Eric is concerned they will sabotage it. He has a backup that is untried.
Eric’s device does NOT do audio. Eric can only SHOW the people that the politicians said they never met or knew each other to support his allegations and documents.
Minions mess with Eric’s device, and NOW it gets audio, and they are nailed! Eric is in tears as he believes God has nailed them!
Facebook and Twitter call it lies, hate speech, and conspiracy.
The American people are not buying. They are calling for the heads of all involved. The justice department is in it, so who will do the investigation? What is left of Congress calls for a special investigative committee.
Eric finds a letter in the limousine as he gets in. “American leadership discredited and destroyed. Confidence in the government is at zero. Rioting in the streets. Marshall law declared within days. Two years ahead of schedule. Thank you for your assistance.”
After the credits – scene from the next film. Montage: Violence in the streets all across America. Twitter and Facebook show buildings being burned. People are being shot by the military and police. The President declares Marshall law. Banks are shut down, and the government takes complete control and enforces a nationwide curfew.
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Lenore Bechtel’s email: lenorebechtel33@gmail.com.
Please email me if you are interested in exchanging feedback.
Title: Deadly Viewing
Elijah, an 18-year-old, knows his remote-viewing father Daniel was killed to keep him from revealing something sinister he’d viewed remotely. Elijah, who inherited the family’s traveling clairvoyance., must find the killer before he also kills Elijah and proceeds to carry out his devilish plan.
EXT – GRAVEYARD – DAY
Mourners throw flowers down a grave and then move on to ELIJAH EVAN, standing by BUZZ BRIGGS, at the end of the grave. The first few very old PEOPLE say things about the grave responsibility 18-year-old Elijah has just inherited, that his own father inherited when he was only fifteen. One says it’s so sad he lost his mother such a short time ago. Mention of his grandmother using her gift to help the government during World War II. Assurance that their safe little town with Elijah’s gift will continue to be safe.
JANEEN JENNINGS, in her sheriff’s uniform, weeps so close to uncontrollably that KEVIN DAVIS, fire chief, supports her, looking perplexed and uncomfortable. Janeen says to Elijah, “It’s just you and me now,” and a single tear runs down Elijah’s face. Buzz embraces his shoulder. Kevin says, “Tragic accident.” And Elijah says, “No accident. It was murder.”
MELANTHA MORRIS overhears and agrees. She invited Elijah to spend the night with her because it’s not safe for him to be alone. Her simpleton brother SONNY MORRIS show delight at that idea and urge Elijah to accept the invitation, but Buzz says he’s staying with him.
ZAYDEN BRIGGS and VERA BRIGGS, the last in line, each hug Elijah. Zayden says his offer to buy the Evans’ property still stands, startling Elijah. Vera reprimands Zayden and apologizes to Elijah. Buzz makes a nasty comment to him.
People get into cars, and others start walking down the hill. Elijah and Buzz follow the walkers.INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – SAME DAY
7. Elijah reclines face down on his bed. Buzz sits on the desk chair. Buzz tries to convince Elijah not to be upset because Cassandra didn’t come to Daniel’s memorial service. If he’s willing to put up with her weird restrictions, he should realize she couldn’t get away from her domineering father. Buzz will feel guilty the rest of his life if Elijah has lost his gift because he got him drunk and goaded him into remote-viewing the new girl in town, LUCY ADDAMS, who just happened to be getting into her pajamas a the time. Elijah says Daniel was killed because he saw something big—big enough to get him killed to keep it secret. Buzz doesn’t buy it, but Elijah knows if it’s true, he’s next on the killer’s list. Even if he’s lost his gift, the whole town expects him to still have it and the ability to help Janeen keep the town safe.
EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH ON SAME ROAD AS THE CHURCH – LATER SAME DAY
8. Melantha, with Sonny along, brings a casserole to Elijah. Talk about how long Sonny’s hair and beard are. Sonny says, “Do I look like Jesus?” Elijah and Buzz agree he does.
EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – THAT NIGHT
8. Elijah’s watch says 7:50. He’s restless as he paces and gazes at the mausoleum’s corner Cassandra always comes around at exactly 8 p.m. CASSSANDRA arrives and he tells her how hurt he was by her skipping his dad’s funeral. Defending the reason she couldn’t come, she tells her history. She was a child psychic so exploited by her mother that her father convinced a court he should have sole custody. Since then, he’s aware of her every move, and she will have no freedom until she can legally leave him at age 18. Until then, she dare not let him touch her—her father promised he would know and not even let her out from 8 to 9. Elijah tells her about how he helps animals in need with his remote-viewing gift.
INT – ELIJAH’S LIVING ROOM – NEXT MORNING
9. Remembering he viewed Lucy in her undies, Elijah is flustered when she comes to his house. Lucy complains to Elijah that as a new reporter for the Bellamount Journal, she feels unfit to write an obituary/feature story about the town’s renowned minister, so she’ll be interviewing people selected by her editor. Apparently, the feature story was in the works before Daniel’s death, and her predecessor had already taken many pictures on the Journal’s camera. She wants Elijah to help her pick out the ones to use. Elijah is flabbergasted to find one of Janeen and Daniel kissing, with Janeen’s hand firmly on Daniel’s butt.
EXT – MELANTHA’S DRIVEWAY – SAME DAY
10. Returning Melantha’s casserole dish, Elijah finds Melantha and Sonny loading two huge canisters in their van. Sonny says Melantha wants him to look like Jesus, and he’s so glad Elijah thinks he does.
EXT – BELLAMOUNT FROM ABOVE – SAME DAY
EXT – BELLAMOUNT FROM ABOVE – SAME DAY
11.The church, graveyard, mausoleum, and rows of houses on each side are on a road with many smaller roads leading down to Main Street. Melantha’s airplane flies over, turns around, flies a short distance, turns and swoops so low over Main Street that business signs can be seen. Then she flies uphill and past the church, mausoleum, and graveyard.
EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – SIMULTANEOUSLY
12. Elijah and Buzz joke about Melantha giving the whole town a morning hello when she flies back from taking milk to an orphanage. They talk about her generosity to the whole town and the wonderful care she gives to her challenged brother. Bellamount is lucky to have her.
13. Elijah tells Buzz about the picture and wonders if she and Daniel were having an affair. Elijah was suspicious when his mother died falling down the belfry stairs, and Buzz suggests maybe he was right. Maybe Janeen shoved her to make Daniel and single man. Then she was the one who inspected the belfry and found nothing that might have lured his mother up there. Maybe she didn’t want to find anything.
EXT – THE BELFRY PLATFORM – LATER THAT DAY
14. Elijah and Buzz find the platform empty except for the bell.
EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
15. Cassandra goes into a psychic trance and tells Elijah that Daniel’s care contains a clue that might lead him to the murderer. Elijah confesses that he may have lost his remote-viewing gift because of misusing it.
EXT – HELICOPTER INTERIOR – THE NEXT DAY
16. SHAY COPELAND, pilot flying Elijah and Buzz to Daniel’s wrecked car, talks about how call and cool Janeen was when she and Kevin pulled Daniel’s body out of the demolished car. Talks about how the airport couldn’t keep operating with Melantha’s frequent use of her private plane and her frequent donations. They talk lovingly about her swoops over Main Street, church, and mausoleum. She’s got that low route down pat.
EXT – DANIEL’S SMASHED CAR – MOMENTS LATER
17. Elijah and Buzz tear off the passenger door. Elijah crawls in, finds Daniel’s cellphone, and pockets it. He opens the glove compartment, hears a ticking, and jumps head-first out of the car before it explodes in flames. Both he and Buzz catch on fire and roll in prickly bushes to put out the flame.
EXT – HELICOPTER INTERIOR – LATER
18. With Elijah and Buzz moaning and fidgeting in their seats, Shay fumbles with his radio, but can’t make a connection.
EXT – AIRPORT RUNWAY – LATER
18. Shay’s helicopter lands, and Zayden and Sonny, with broom and cleaning supplies, are waiting. The stairs come down from the plane, and Buzz descends. Zayden rushes to him, embraces him, and leads him toward his car, while Sonny tries to brush grime from his clothes.
Elijah yells, and Zayden, looking surprised, turns and stops abruptly to wait for him. Sonny cleans on Elijah, and Shay descends and promises Sonny a bigger tip for such a mess.
INT – ZAYDEN’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER
19. Buzz asks Elijah how he knew to dive out of the car, and Elijah said the tick scared him and a voice said “Go.” Buzz says that’s proof he hasn’t lost his gift, but Elijah is skeptical. If he still had his gift, it should be telling him to view something leading him to the murderer “ before he gets to me.” Zayden says he’ll double the price for Elijah’s property so he’ll have enough money to leave Bellamount where so much is expected of him and where he seems to think someone wants to murder him. Buzz and Zayden argue vehemently about Zayden’s not taking no for an answer.
INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – LATER THAT DAY
20. Elijah finds Daniel’s phone has numerous calls to Janeen and a text to Grayson Crowe which reads, “Got a bad one,” with the reply, “I’m here. Come now.” Elijah calls the number and finds that Grayson is an FBI agent who followed up one Daniel’s tips outside the Bellamount area. Grayson has called Daniel’s number many times since he had not shown up and is sorry to hear about his death.
INT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – MOMENTS LATER
21. Janeen brings Elijah a quiche, and Elijah confronts her about the pictures of her and Daniel. She’s barely able to carry on a conversation with him and leaves with worry on her brow.
EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
22. Cassandra takes credit for tipping Elijah off about a clue in his dad’s car. She sorry her psychic skills hadn’t told her about the ticking bomb. As Sonny passes, he tells Elijah to ask his girlfriend who he looks like. Cassandra’s answer strikes Elijah as weird.
INT – BELLAMOUNT JOURNAL OFFICE – THE NEXT AFTERNOON
23. Lucy, slumped over her desk, awakens and find the camera missing. She call Elijah to ask for more pictures and says she thinks someone put a sedative in her afternoon tea. Who but Janeen would want that camera? Why was she calm and cool pulling Daniel’s body from the wrecked car, but bordering on hysterical at his funeral?
EXT – THE SNAKE PATH TO LOWER BELLAMOUNT – SAME DAY
24. Elijah and Buzz ride bikes down The Snake to attend rehearsal for graduation and o pick up their caps and gowns at the high school. At the trails only wide spot, Elijah passes Buzz. Both take a treacherous blind curve without reducing speed.
EXT – MAUSOLEUM BEHIND THE GRAVEYARD – NIGHT
25. Cassandra and Elijah take a walk, talking about how wonderful it will be when she turns eighteen and can legally leave her father. She yearns to be in Elijah’s arms as much as he years to hold her. She says each time he looks at her, she feels a flush in the pit of her stomach. “Look at me now ‘cause I’m very cold,” she says. Elijah takes off his jacket, looks at her, and puts the jacket around her shoulders. Suddenly she’s gone. Poof! Vanished in thin air. He picks up his jacket, turns on his cellphones flashlight, flashes it around looking for her—finally noticing his next step would have taken him into an open grave. Hearing a sound in some shrubs, he runs there and finds Sonny at the wheel of a backhoe. Melantha is soon beside him. She had told Sonny to fill in a grave that had been dug in the wrong place. She was afraid someone might fall into it. No, she hadn’t seen a girl run away.
INT – ELIJAH’S FRONT PORCH – NEXT DAY
26. Sitting on Elijah’s front porch as Sonny cleans weeds from the front shrubs, Buzz tries to convince Elijah that Cassandra could not possibly have vanished into thin air, and Elijah says not unless she was a hologram. They reminisce about seeing holograms at Disneyworld, but can’t seriously think Cassandra was one. Sonny tells them he liked Disneyworld, which he got to live close to when Melantha worked there behind the scenes.
27. Lucy returns pictures to Elijah, she’s very upset at having passed an injured calf that she stayed with until Fire Chief Kevin could get there to take the calf to the town veterinarian. Elijah knows then that he’s lost his gift because if he hadn’t, he would have seen the calf and called for help. The camera was back at the office. Someone dropped it off on her desk and the Daniel pictures had been deleted.
EXT – DRIVEWAY WITH ZAYDEN’S CAR – LATER
27. As Elijah and Buzz start to get in the backseat, Zayden asks them to ride their bikes to graduation so he can get their pictures in their caps and gowns coming off The Snake. They agree and take off before Vera and Zoe come out to get in the car.
EXT – THE SNAKE PATH TO LOWER BELLAMOUNT – SAME DAY
28. In their graduation caps and gowns, Elijah and Buzz ride down The Snake and crash into a tree trunk blocking the path around the blind curve. Though severely injured himself, Elijah drags Buzz, who’s lost consciousness, down toward lower Bellamounta.
INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
29. In the hospital Zayden gives them their diplomas. He says he now agrees that someone is trying to kill Elijah. He offers to pay all Elijah’s college expenses if he will write a will naming him as the beneficiary to receive his house. When both boys are sound asleep, Vera and daughter Zoe enter and tell Zayden they hope he hadn’t tried to talk property to Elijah in this condition. Opening his eyes, Elijah sees Zoe and says “Cassandra!”
INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL OFFICE – LATER
30. A doctor assess Elijah’s mental health, and Elijah lies, saying he’d never seen Zoe before this day. He will be dismissed.
INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
31. Melantha arrives and insists Elijah must spend the night with her and Sonny rather than home alone. Vera wants Elijah at her home in case she gets called back to the hospital to see Buzz, who is too weak to dismiss. Vera wins.
BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – LATER
32. Elijah calls Grayson and tells him of his narrow escapes from death. Grayson agrees Daniel was killed, but without his remote-viewing to show him, he has no way of finding out why.
INT – THE BRIGGS’ FAMILY ROOM – THAT NIGHT
33. Elijah is suspicious of Zoe, but their interaction concludes with Elijah knowing that Zoe recently had a short role in a movie, during which she was required to pronounce A E I O U many times. Her recitation of some of her dialogue was word-for-word what Cassandra had said. Elijah tells her what he did when Buzz got him drunk, and Zoe starts putting her brother down, calling him a Daddy’s boy who’d do anything to get praise from gruff Zayden. Elijah defends Buzz, and they argue until Zoe ends their fray with a a kiss, which Elijah quickly gets into.
INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – THE NEXT DAY
34, Elijah, alone in the church, asks God’s forgiveness for misusing his gift and pleads with Him to give it back so he can find his father’s killer and save his own life. As he exits he bumps into Melantha, carrying a shopping bag. She says she’s there to water plants.
INT – BELLAMOUNT JOURNAL OFFICE – THE NEXT MORNING
35. Elijah goes to tell Janeen he’s lost his gift and won’t be able to help her prevent crime the way Daniel did. Before he can finish, she runs and throws up in the bathroom. Does the thought of pushing my mom down the belfry steps so you could have my dad to yourself make you sick to your stomach? She cries and tells him the nausea is morning sickness. Stunned, Elijah runs off, shouting back that she stole Lucy’s pictures too late. He already knew.
INT – ELIJAH’S BEDROOM – THAT NIGHT
23. In bed that night, Elijah begs God to give him back his gift. His doorbell rings.
INT – ELIJAH’S ENTRYWAY – It’s Janeen there to tell him she tried, but she didn’t get to first base with Daniel. And she deleted the pictures from the newspaper camera to keep Kevin from knowing she’d ever had a crush on another man.
EXT – ELIJAH’S BACKYARD – THE NEXT DAY
24. In his pajamas, Elijah takes a full trash bag out of a plastic waste can, ties a knot in it, and opens the back door to take it to the trash can. As he steps off the porch, he’s blasted with a spray so hard it makes him stagger and finally fall. Sonny drops the hose, dials 911, and quick-dials another number.
25. Seeing Elijah passed out on the lawn, a cloaked figure in rubber gloves detaches the hose from a huge canister and attaches it to the house’s outside faucet, then grabs Sonny and they run away.
26. Janeen, Kevin, and medics arrive on the scene and can smell the gas that knocked Elijah out. The medics wheel Elijah away, and Kevin detaches the hose and takes it with him.
INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER
27. Zoe and Vera watch over Elijah, still unconscious in a hospital bed next to Buzz.
INT – BELLAMOUNT SHERIFF’S OFFICE – LATER
28. Kevin, Janeen, Grayson, and other FBI agents discuss the deadly concoction found in the hose.
INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL ROOM – SIMULTANEOUSLY
29. Elijah—delerious—awakens, calls Zoe Cassandra and asks her to use her psychic skills to find Daniel’s murderer.
INT – MELANTHA’S KITCHEN – SIMULTANEOUSLY
30. Melantha assures a worried Sonny that whatever happens to Elijah, it is not his fault.
INT – BELLAMOUNT HOSPITAL – LATER
31. Elijah awakens and convinces Zoe and Vera that he needs to get out of the hospital. The women are perplexed that he’s wondering where a projector would have to be to project a movie on the wall of the mausoleum.
EXT – ELIJAH’S FRONT YARD – LATER
Elijah gets out of Vera’s car and thanks her for the ride. He says nothing to Zo. He waits for them to drive away and starts to head for the church, Sonny comes out of the bushes, hugs him, and tells him how happy he is he wasn’t hurt badly.
INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – MOMENTS LATER
32. Elijah enters the church and starts up the spiral staircase to the belfry. Cut to:
33. Elijah leads Grayson up the staircase. Grayson takes pictures of the machinery there, texts them to headquarters, and is told it’s a sophisticated hologram projector probably able to work in sync with artificial intelligence found in one or many of the attached machines. It can be set to project at a particular time. The FBI has been monitoring a global syndicate they suspect plans to use holograms some way toward their goal of population control—something to gather people together so masses can be gassed simultaneously. Elijah thinks the canisters Shay saw Melantha putting in her plane might contain something other than milk for children.
EXT – BELLAMOUNT AIRPORT – LATER
34. With Elijah watching, Grayson’s men unload eight canisters, from Melantha’s plane, open one enough to sniff, and say they’ve found the culprit.
35. Elijah tells Lucy, who has followed them, that she’s going to get the scoop of the century, and she keeps following.
EXT – MELANTHA’S FRONT PORCH – LATER
36. Sonny tells Grayson and Elijah that his sister went to the church to pray. He tells Elijah how happy he is to see him well. He was worried.
INT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – LATER
37. Grayson and Elijah find Melantha in the belfry. Cool and unperturbed, she wants them to be the first to know the treat she has planned for the community. She tells her history—how she studied the art of holograms and artificial intelligence, how she learned to combine both. She has set a timer for the surprise to happen in the sky above the mausoleum in exactly three hours.
EXT – BELLAMOUNT STREETS – LATER
38. Elijah and Fire Chief Kevin chat as fire trucks to speed through neighborhoods announcing over loud speakers for all to watch the sky over the mausoleum at exact eight o’clock..
39. Kevin calls the radio station and the TV station, even though it is far from Bellamount.
40. Two firetrucks screech around the perilous curves to lower Bellamounta and through all the roads there. also and notify radio and TV.
41. People are abuzz.
42. Melantha is ecstatic.
43. Melantha ascends to her airplane and finds Janeen and Grayson waiting for her. Janeen arrests her, and she turns ugly and collapses.
44. At exactly 8 p.m. a hologram of Sonny, looking exactly like Jesus, appears high in the sky and walks downward to earth. His lips repeatedly seem to say, “Meet me at the church.”
45. Melantha, in handcuffs, watching brags about how her brilliant plan would have killed thousands of Christians and how she planned to use the same scheme until she wiped them off the planet.
EXT – BELLAMOUNT CHRISTIAN CHURCH – LATER
44. Using a loud speaker Elijah speaks to the hundreds outside the church and on the road leading to it. Then he leads them in singing a hymn.
MONTAGE – A YEAR LATER
Zayden gloats and Vera look relieved at the construction in progress.
Kevin and Janeen play with their infant baby.
Melantha, in a mental institution, looks down her nose at people praying in the chapel.
Elijah stops suddenly as he walks with Zoe and Buzz on a college campus. His gifts is back, and he excuses himself to call Grayson.
Wearing his Jesus attire, Sonny signs autographs to an adoring crowd.
INT – TV STUDIO – DAY
Lucy Addams, now a TV reporter, reports the astounding improvements in Bellamount—all because of the new theme park featuring a hologram of Jesus. She’ll conclude with something like this: Who could imagine that something so wonderful was created by a deranged woman who wanted to kill Christians to get revenge on a man who dumped her to become a priest?
THE HOLOGRAM OF JESUS WALKING OUT OF THE CLOUDS WITH HIS LIPS SAYING “COME TO THE CHURCH.”
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John Duvall’s Thriller Map – Version 1, Condensed
What I learned: Putting scenes together in narrative form helped me reinforce the story’s continuity, clarify scene flow, and catch points that were missing or not clear.
INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
Father Martin Bloom is marrying a young couple in a small Midwestern church. Parishioners express regrets that he is being transferred.
EXT. SMALL-TOWN CEMETERY – DAY
Bloom visits the grave of his girlfriend who had been killed.INT. URBAN CATHOLIC CHURCH – DAY
IN his new church, Bloom meets with his former mentor Monsignor Dennehy and other priests to investigate questions of the church’s financial irregularities. Bloom notices that Dennehy keeps a diary in his desk drawer.
INT. BLOOM’S CHURCH APARTMENT – EVENING
Bloom settles in to his new residence. He watches a video of an interview with Sister Teresa about the new shelter she is managing. She seems compassionate and devoted to her service.
INT. RIVERFRONT SHELTER – DAY
Bloom goes to help Sister Teresa prepare the shelter for its grand opening. The neighborhood is dangerous, overrun by prostitution and violent crimes. Bloom and Teresa strike up a collegial working relationship, gathering gifts for a raffle.
EXT. BLOOM’S CONVERTIBLE – NIGHT
Bloom drives her home where she lives with other nuns. They enjoy each others’ company and have affection for each other.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Bloom questions Hargraves about the church’s financial issues and urges him to report any suspicions he might have. Hargraves notes the long-term relationship between Dennehy and Sister Teresa, and how Dennehy has seemed depressed recently.
INT. RIVERFRONT BEACH – DAY
Walking the riverfront, Sister Teresa expresses affection for Bloom, makes him feel uncomfortable. They agree their vows limit any emotionally intimate relationship.
INT. CHURCH CONFESSIONAL – DAY
In confessional, Bloom confesses his lustful desire for Teresa. But has his confession made hims vulnerable?
INT. CHURCH LIBRARY – DAY
Bloom and Dennehy mull over financial records, speculate on why many contributors have recently reduced their donations. Bloom plans to interview some of them.
EXT./INT. TERESA’S RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Bloom drives Teresa home from the shelter. Her housemates are out of town and she invites him in. They give in to their sexual desire and make love. Teresa is very erotic and vocal. On departing, Bloom is ridden with guilt.
INT. CHURCH CHAPEL – NIGHT
Bloom prays for guidance in the church when Teresa appears. He confesses his anxiety about their sexual transgression; she seems confused and unresponsive.
EXT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
Walking outside the church, they stumble upon the body of Monsignor Dennehy below the church tower. He has apparently died from a fall. They call the police and report the death.
EXT. CHURCH – SAME PLACE, LATER
Ambulances and police ask questions about Dennehy’s death. The police look at it as an accident, but Bloom suggests the possibility of foul play.
INT. DENNEHY’S OFFICE – LATER
A police search of Dennehy’s office reveals that his diary is missing. Bloom’s suspicions increase.
EXT. DENNEHY’S FUNERAL – DAY
At the funeral, Bloom speaks with parishioners who supported the church and inquires about their concerns. Some of them seem reluctant to discuss the matter. Father Babenco suggests something going on that has alienated church supporters.
INT. RIVERFRONT SHELTER – DAY
Bloom comforts Teresa after Dennehy’s death, but she seems almost unmoved. Bloom gently persists, but she withdraws.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Police summon Bloom and Teresa to be interviewed after an anonymous tip suggests that Bloom and Teresa are lovers. Police interrogate them and Teresa denies their sexual involvement while Bloom remains silent. Later Teresa tells Bloom she lied to prevent a public scandal that would confuse the investigation, but Bloom fears they could become suspects.
INT. HARGRAVES’S OFFICE – DAY
Bloom seeks to get Hargraves’s support in his investigation. Hargraves urges Bloom to examine the funding of the shelter, casting suspicion on Teresa. Hargraves discourages Bloom’s suspicions about Dennehy’s death, implies he’ll take control of the investigation if Bloom can’t make any headway.
INT. RIVERFRONT SHELTER – DAY
Bloom asks Teresa what she knows about the shelter finances, but she denies all knowledge about them. She takes offense to Bloom’s claim that they were ever lovers. Bloom confronts her directly, she gets upset and leaves, leaving Bloom confused.
EXT. RIVERFRONT SHELTER – NIGHT
Disturbed, Bloom stalks Teresa at the shelter. He sees her wander the beach at night dressed in sexy clothes, where she picks up a man and walks off with him. Teresa’s erratic behavior confuses Bloom, and supports Hargraves’s concerns.
INT. BLOOM’S APARTMENT – DAY
Following another anonymous tip, police find a large sum of money hidden in Bloom’s apartment. They question Bloom, now clearly a suspect, but they don’t arrest him yet.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
Police interrogate Bloom about the money and his relationship to Teresa and Dennehy. Bloom shares his confusion about Teresa and asserts that someone is trying to frame him. Police are skeptical but decide to investigate further.
INT. RIVERFRONT SHELTER – DAY
Bloom confronts Teresa with what he saw on the beach. She denies she was the person he saw or that she knows anything about the money. She is offended that he can will not believe her, requests that he stay away from the shelter.
INT. CHURCH – DAY
Bloom observes Hargraves and Teresa having an intimate conversation in private. He doesn’t know what to make of it, but it arouses even more suspicions in him.
EXT. RIVERFRONT BEACH – DAY
After another mysterious death, Bloom is called to the riverfront near the shelter. The victim is Father Babenco. The police attribute the murders to a homicidal prostitute; Bloom doesn’t believe Babenco would seek out a prostitute.
INT. CHURCH CONFESSIONAL – DAY
Bloom expresses his guilt about his relationship with Teresa. The priest reinforces Bloom’s guilt, suggesting he is unfit to serve the church. Bloom leaves the confessional suspicious of the advice he’s been given and wonders who has given it.
EXT. RIVERFRONT BEACH -NIGHT
In street clothes, Bloom wanders the waterfront at night. He encounters a woman in sexy clothes who approaches him. He recognizes her as Teresa; she recognizes him, runs away and disappears into a wood. He tries to follow but loses her.
INT. RIVERFRONT SHELTER – DAY
Teresa (in normal dress) leaves the shelter; Bloom goes in and searches around. In a hidden closet, he finds her sexy outfit. Teresa returns and catches him in the act. But she is very pleasant, shows no anger towards him. She denies any knowledge of the clothes, but has no curiosity about them. Bloom is confused but accepts her story without objection.
INT. BLOOM’S CHURCH APARTMENT – DAY
Bloom finds a packet mailed to him from Dennehy, containing the diary with a note: he mailed Bloom the diary because he was depressed and feared coming to a bad end. The diary reveals Teresa’s troubled youth and how he (Dennehy) helped her over the years, as a surrogate father after her parents died tragically. It reveals Dennehy’s suspicion that Hargraves was blackmailing church contributors for sins revealed in the confessional. Bloom calls the police about the diary and says he will bring it in.
EXT. CHURCH – DAY
Heading for the police, Bloom spots Hargraves and Teresa together heading into the church. Overcome with suspicion, he follows them into the church.
INT. CHURCH – CONTINUOUS
Bloom wanders again through the complex maze of hallways following the sound of their footsteps and voices. He follows them climbing up the stairs into the church tower.
INT. CHURCH TOWER – CONTINUOUS
Atop the tower, Bloom finds Hargraves and Teresa locked in a passionate embrace. Both recoil in shock when Bloom emerges from the shadows. Bloom tells Hargraves he found Dennehy’s diary and gave it to the police (not true). Hargraves becomes enraged and attacks Bloom. Confused, Teresa retreats as the men struggle, unsure of her allegiances. When Hargraves tries to push Bloom from the tower, Teresa rushes in, pushing Hargraves down to his death. She embraces a dumbfounded Bloom, who speaks her name and holds her tight.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
On reading the diary, the police chief concludes Hargraves was guilty of blackmailing parishioners and Teresa had acted in Bloom’s defense. A psychiatric interview has led to a diagnosis of Teresa as a multiple personality.
INT. TERESA’S CELL – DAY
Bloom sits with Teresa in a cell. She speaks in her prostitute voice and says she expected to wind up in jail. Bloom asks who he is talking to and she replies “Susie Q”. Bloom asks to speak with Teresa, and she transforms from an abrasive hussy into the gentle nun Bloom knew. She worries what her future holds. Bloom tells her she won’t be there long, that he will be beside her whatever the future holds.
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