Lesson 15 Assignments

[Elizabeth Dickinson]

Module 4 – Lesson 15: Wordsmithing

Elizabeth Dickinson Finished Wordsmithing!

What I learned doing this assignment is that I could probably go over this a hundred billion more times, and keep finding things I could change or improve. I’m still right around 60 pages, no matter how much I eliminate (and that’s with starting each act on a new page).

I’ve eliminated as many orphan lines as I can but there are a bunch remaining that I haven’t yet figured out how to rewrite, but I’ll pause and come back to that next week with fresh eyes.

Reading/editing backwards was interesting. I used the word ‘break’ in 2 places on 1 page, but in one case it meant ‘to separate’ and in the other it meant ‘to rest’, but I changed it anyway.

I eliminated a lot of places where I use the word ‘beat’ when a character changes subject/direction, and as many parentheticals as I could. Some parentheticals became action lines.

I have a twin (character) in this, and reversed the name of the twin who survives (because the original choice sounded too close to another character’s name), and thought I’d caught every place where I needed to reverse the names, but when I had my partner read it out loud to me, I found yet another place I needed to change the name.

I’ve used ‘walk’ and ‘see’ a lot, so substituted using a thesaurus as much as I could, but a lot of the walk synonyms weren’t the right tone, so I had to keep some ‘walks’ and add more adverbs.

I also read the narration out loud while my partner read all the dialogue. Found I could eliminate a lot of ‘the-s’ from hearing it out loud.

I’m looking forward to exchanging feedback once more people catch up, and moving onto the marketing phase.

[Elizabeth Dickinson]

Elizabeth Dickinson Ready for Feedback

Genre: Historical Fiction

Title: No Angels Need Apply

I got the email today about exchanging feedback but don’t see a singular forum post here that does that. So for the record, I’m ready to exchange feedback. DM with your email and we can start! 🙂

[Timothy Barley]

Elizabeth,

Not sure where we are supposed to exchange feedback, and I’ve never initiated a communication or DM to another person (but have communicated), so since we are both done, do you want to exchange? You can send me an email to Timothy.L.Barley@gmail.com

Tim

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley’s Finished Wordsmithing!

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could probably write and rewrite and rewrite the whole pilot. I could also write the next three episodes with scenes I cut from my finished product. Truthfully, I am a day away from it being done, but the last two days were filled with a slammed personal schedule that derailed me. So, I am almost done. Tomorrow for sure.

I eliminated a lot of areas in description where I used 5 words instead of 2, or capitalized too much.

I added a relationship that I didn’t even see until falling asleep two days ago that adds to some open loops and tension amongst the four characters in the inner circle.

I deleted some scenes that gave away too much and was a drag on mystery and in doing so, added some irony.

[Timothy Barley]

Tim Barley ready for feedback

Genre: Sci-fi/fantasy

Title: Decendence

Same as Elizabeth, I wasn’t sure where to exchange feedback in a separate forum. I believe my contact info is in my profile, just ask to connect and we can proceed from there (although some you already have my contact info… 🙂 )

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Timothy Barley.

[Timothy Barley]

I still haven’t found anyone to exchange for feedback, so I have begun to work on my pitch bible again, and have shared my pilot with writers outside this class for some feedback and have gotten some great, positive reinforcement.

If anyone is ready for feedback, I don’t know how to connect with anyone else, so please reach out.

Tim

[P.G. Sundling]

It will be a while before I’m ready to exchange feedback on pitch bibles, but I’m almost done with my pilot. I would be shocked if there were any major changes.

Before I exchange feedback in the class, I’m doing a live read-through with two big fans of the book the pilot is based on.

I’ll probably be ready about the 18th. I lost a day doing medical research on an eye issue. Ugh. I have more to figure out on still so that date might slip.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling Finished Wordsmithing!

3. Answer the question, “What I learned doing this assignment is…?” and put it at the top of your work.

Your “final check” is part of my writing process. I speak all my writing to detect bad dialogue. I often act out lines before writing them down for critical scenes.

For my editing progress, I have someone read my own stuff back to me in stream of consciousness with their reaction. It helps me catch where others stumble on my words.

So that step has been done multiple times on the source material already.

All of these, except reading backwards, are part of my writing process already. Brevity and clarity are my obsessions.

2. Tell us about the most interesting edits and improvements you made to your script.

“Eliminate unnecessary character names and pronouns.”

I prefer to write in complete sentences unless I’m trying to accomplish something specific like in an action scene. This can easily be overdone. I’ll do it only in moderation.

I made so hundreds of optimizations. It was already pretty terse, but I’m better at word smithing than when I first wrote that section of the book.

Just removing Let’s made one line much stronger.

There was a tone transition that was jarring. Added a beat of description to make it smoother.

There are quite a few ‘just’ that sound more natural than if I remove them.

I used to have a bad habit with starts, but I didn’t even have a single one in my pilot.

There are several lines with ‘is’ that I consider iconic and memorable. I don’t want to change those. The irony of a sin making someone a saint. It’s strong imagery of ruthlessness, greed, and power, It’s a perfect intro for the villain:

ALVIN RENQUIST presides in the seat of power. He is all teeth, a shark eater. If greed is good, he’s a saint.

[P.G. Sundling]

P.G. Sundling is ready for feedback (on pilot only, bible not ready).

Genre: Science Fiction (series)/Cross Genre (season 1.0)

Series Title: None of the Above

I did a live read-through with two fans of the book this is based on and it went well. I’m ready for feedback from classmates.

[Timothy Barley]

Paul,

Email me. I can’t find a message function on this site to SEND a message to connect with anyone who hasn’t already connected with me.

Timothy.L.Barley@gmail.com

Tim

[P.G. Sundling]

WARNING: IF YOU MARK ASSIGNMENT 15 DONE, AUDIO SEEMS TO BE LOCKED OUT.

So make sure you download the audio before you mark the last task done, even if you skipped other stuff and plan to go back to them.

Fortunately, I had downloaded everything, but now I have to manually copy it to my phone instead of just streaming the audio.

[P.G. Sundling]

When I came up with a conga line in a steampunk bar, some people thought it was far-fetched. I just did a google search. Such things happen and the Internet has video. 🙂 How cool is that?

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=dNPT1VL0Cdw&list=RDAMVMdNPT1VL0Cdw

• This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  P.G. Sundling.

[Avi K]

Avi Kapurala Finished Wordsmithing!

Completed this a while ago but neglected to post.

What I learned doing this lesson is: I covered all the ground mentioned in the lesson and the pilot is definitely better, but it still feels like I could do so much more!

[Wendy Weising]

Assignment #15

Wendy Weising Finished Wordsmithing!

What I learned doing this assignment is that it takes a long time to unlearn correct grammar.

The hardest part of this entire process has been not using nouns in a sentence. I work as a book editor, and this goes against my nature. I had to work very hard at this.