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Lesson 15: Exchange Feedback
Posted by cheryl croasmun on April 24, 2023 at 6:37 pmPost requests for exchange.
Agnes McCourt replied 1 year, 9 months ago 4 Members · 8 Replies -
8 Replies
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Rebecca’s Thriller Map Version 1
Looking to exchange feedback, Imagespirit@yahoo.com . Thank you.
Title: Perfect Pitch
Logline: A reclusive security systems expert finds a young singing sensation hiding in his garden and offers her refuge from an abusive manager, unaware that his help includes evading detection from bounty hunters, government agents, and hired assassins in a nationwide search to find her.
INT. VIRGINIA BEACH CONVENTION HALL – NIGHT
JADE OLIVER, age 22 and pop star sensation, stands on a stage sings an accapello rendition of HOW GREAT THOU ART, mexxmerizes the audience, walks off the stage to thunderous applause, and away from her successful singing career.
EXT. VIRGINIA BEACH CONVENTION CENTER – NIGHT
Rain pours down on a lone small woman wearing a backpack darting through the parking lot, hiding her trail behind parked cars.
EXT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT
A service truck pulls into the driveway, lettering on truck, Across the Cloud Networking and Security Systems. A man wearing a raincoat, carring a bag of fast food, enters.
INT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT
JACOB ADANICH, age 42, a network and security systems expert, heads upstairs to the living area and greeted by his Boston Terrier, Max. The dog’s ears perk and his head tilts, listening, and agitated. Jacob opens a sliding glass door to the deck and stairs to a high fenced garden. Max shoots down the steps.
EXT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT
Jacob follows and shines q flashlight on a soaking wet girl hiding in the garden. Frightened and emotional, she begs him to help her.
INT. DUPLEX HOUSE – NIGHT
The girl, looks like a teen with goulish makeup running down her face. She gives her name as Olivia Kurk and claims to be fleeing from her abusive boyfriend. Against his better judgement, Jacob grants her asylum for the night. The girl appears anorexic, shivering, and hysterical.
INT. DUPLEX HOUSE – DAY
The next morning Jacob cooks breakfast and invites the girl to eat. He prefers a reclusive life with no drama, just him, Max, and work. He turns on local morning news, the big story is about a missing popular singer, JADE OLIVER, suffering a mental breakdown and wandering in a neighborhood near the convention center. Jacob looks at the photo on the screen and back to Jade. She pleas for protection from her abusive music manager who holds her captive.
INT. VIRGINIA BEACH CONVENTION CENTER – DAY
Jacob helps the police and Louis Martz, Jade’s manager view the tapes from the center’s security cameras. Martz mentions that that the girl is a vegan nut job and might be faking a breakdown as an excuse not to go on a world tour. The videos show Jade fleeing the convention center in the opposite direction from his neighborhood.
INT. DUPLEX – SAME TIME
Jade explores Jacobs house, finds a worn marked up bible in his tidy bedroom, a baby cup in the kitchen, a room on the street level full of musical instruments and recording equipment.
INT. DUPLEX – LATER
Jacob returns home mistrustful about Jade, but she denies Martz’s claims and shares more of her situation.
INT. DUPLEX – NEXT DAY
Jacob retuns home from a job, finds Jade in the music room and dismisses her questions. She picks up a guitar and begins to sing a song he wrote. Intrigued, he accompanies her on the keyboard. The two share the gift of perfect pitch and love of music. She asks about the song and the woman, the love of his life. He denies the song is about a woman.
INT. DUPLEX – NIGHT
Martz appears on the evening national news claiming that he received a ransom note and that the FBI is involved in the search. Jacob asks Jade to turn herself in so he’ll not be branded as a kidnapper. She assures him that she did not write the note. She mentions a finacial backer and names a few mid-eastern countries. She confides that the stress of intensive world travel and performing will kill her.
EXT. JACOB’S NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Armed men dressed in black conduct a door-to-door search in the neighborhood. They show fake detective badges and search warrants and carry guns.
INT. DUPLEX – DAY
Jake receives alerts on his phone from the security cameras around his house and sees the men. He hides Jade in a secret space under the stairs, and allows the men search his house. He recognizes one as being CIA.
INT. DUPLEX – LATER
Jacob cuts off Jade’s long hair and gives her a buzz cut with his clippers. He gives her a pair of boy’s jeans, a long sleeved tee-shirt, and a hoodie. She keeps her earings.
INT. DUPLEX GARAGE – DAY
They load equipment from Jacob’s work van into his pick-up truck and several backpacks, a bin of supplies for Max, and a locked gun case.
EXT. HIGHWAY – CONTINUOUS
They drive through southside Virginia towards the mountains.
EXT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – LATE AFTERNOON
They park at a secluded tourist cabin near a mountain top at Meadows of Dan. Jake unloads cameras from the truck and sets them up around the parimater.
INT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – NIGHT
Max barks Jake awake at the alert from the security camera, too late. Two armed bounty hunters capture them before they can escape. Jacob diarms both using hand-to-hand combat. Jake ties up and interrogates them. Martz offered a $100K bounty.
EXT. HIKING CABIN OFF THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL – DAY
Jacob sets up cameras. Men in black find the hideout. Jacob captureS one, the CIA agent from Virginia Beach. Jacob asks if Martz sent them. The agent nods negative. The Big Guy ordered them to take out Jacob and grab the girl.”
INT. EMPTY SKI CHALET – NIGHT
The couple’s next hideout is in the North Carolina mountains. Jake receives and alert from a camera a mile away. He sends Jade to hide at a nearby house. The intruder turns away from his location and heads towards where Jade hides. Jacob stalks him, shoots his knee and interrogates him. Arabic accent, a hired assain sent by Sarnoff. Mertz send you? Who’s Sarnoff? The man’s mouth foams, and he slumps into death.
EXT. HIGHWAY IN NORTH CAROLINA – EARLY MORNING
After evading bounty hunters, CIA agents, and a hired assain, Jake decides to take Jade to a secure paramilitary training center near coastal North Carolina. He spies a car following them but outwits the tail.
EXT. SIDE ROAD OFF HWY – DAY
Jacob turns onto a dirt road, pulls Jade into the woods, and searches her body. He’s looking for a tracking device and thretens to strip her naked to find it. She freezes. He calls his business partner for information on a human implanted device, learns it’s top secret techonolgy. He finds a tracking device implanted in Jade’s earlobe, removes it.
EXT. TRAINING CENTER IN NORTH CAROLINA – DAY
They enter a back gate of a compond surrounded by a high chain link fence topped with razor wire. The gate opens after Jake’s eye scan. They drive across dirt roads until they reach a cluster of buildings. Jacob moves Jade and Max into a cottage.
INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Jacob drives to the supermarket to buy vagen food for Jade, and approached by one of his fomer clients. After a brief exchange, He leaves.
INT. COTTAGE – DAY
Jacob cooks a meal; Jade impressed. He tells her about the self-defense training camp that instructs security guards, contract mercenaries, retail business owners, and private citizens. The main trainers are former Navy Seals and Army Rangers.
INT. RECORD COMPANY OFFICE – DAY
VICTOR SARNOFF, a multibillionaire arms dealer, enters Martz’s office with an entaurage of body guards. He chastizes Martz, insists the girl will tour on schedule, and warns he has two days to find Jade or be eliminated.
EXT. SUPERMARKET – DAY – CONTINUOUS
Martz and two armed body guards capture Jacob at the supermarket, and force him to drive them to the training center. Jacob make no attempt to take them out.
INT. COTTAGE AT THE TRAINING CENTER – DAY
Jade screams when she sees guns pointed a Jacob’s head. Martz tells the girl to come quietly and no one will be killed. Jacob asks Martz about sending bounty hunters, CIA, and assains to find them. Martz only admits to the bounty hunters, but he’s only a tiny part of a more significant threat. Instead of shooting Jacob, Martz proposes a deal for joint survival. RODRIGUEZ, Jacob’s business parther, bursts into the room followed by several men in miltary gear, part of a covert anti-deep state militia. Martz joins forces to trap Sarnoff, reveal his diabolical plan and the politicians he controls.
INT. TRAINING CENTER OFFICE – DAY
Martz tells GENERAL ADAMS, leader of the militia made up of disillusioned FBI, Secret Service, and CIA agents that the concert is a cover for Sarnoff’s plan to put his players in each country to agitate simultaneous multiple revolutions around the globe.
Using a secure but recorded line, Martz calls Sarnoff and tells him he will bring the girl. He then bates him into disclosing the diabolical plan for a new world order.
EXT. RECORD COMPANY PARKING LOT – DAY
Sarnoff and his enterage shows up to meet Martz and secure the girl. The get out of their cars and are surrounded by and an army. Sarnoff is ushered into the office.
INT. RECORD COMPANY OFFICE – DAY
Martz produces Jade. Agents annouce Sarnoff’s arrest and inform him about the raid on his office. They sit him in a chair and turn on a television, the program interruped by a News Alert. The audio tape of his call with Martz is released on national television along with photos and communications between Sarnoff, the President of the United States, and the other polititions around the world that he controlled. Sarnoff is cuffed and led away in an armed vehicle. Jade goes limp, falls to to the floor.
INT. RECORDING STUDIO – SAME TIME
Jacob and Rodriguez high five. They pulled it off, a fake televison broadcast cabled directly to the record company’s office.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jade lies in a bed connected to machines and IV’s. Jacob enters. They discuss her emaciated condition and recovery. Jade expresses appreciation to Jacob for saving her, asks why he risked his life for her, a stranger? His explanation, a former girlfriend high on drugs, returned after a two year absence and abducted their toddler. She and the Two-year-old died in a horrific car crash during a police chase. Jacob’s song was about the loss of his baby girl, her name Olivia Jade.
INT. GENERAL ADAMS OFFICE AT THE COMPOUND – DAY
Jade, now Olivia Kurkowski, looks healthy after months in a treatment center. With Jacob at her side, General Adams goes over Jade’s relocation but expresses concern about her going alone without family. He leaves the room. Tears flow as she says good-by to Jacob. General Adams returns and Max, tail wagging, flys in to greet Jade. Adams shows Jacob’s new passport to Jade, a father to protect her on this new journey.
EXT. GITMO, CUBA – NIGHT
Sarnoff and the President of the United States escape custody and disappear into the unknown.
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Carmen’s thriller map version 1 – looking to exchange feedback, @rebecca-sukle
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Desk analyst WYATT plays chess with CIA field agent NOAH. He’s surprised at how easily he wins and how fidgety Noah is. Troublesome assignment? Although he understands Noah can’t really talk about it. Noah fakes a laugh. Not really, except – he got this job and he can’t screw up again.
They set up the chess board again. Noah stops. Maybe Wyatt could help, just spitballing ideas.
Wyatt is surprised, but agrees. What does Noah need to do that he could help?
Noah opens the game. It was a stupid idea to ask Wyatt. He’ll come up with a way to magically unlock the safe room.
INT. Restaurant – DAY
Waitress LANEY stands ready to takes an order from a Barbie-esque wannabe actress and her entitled mother. In between ordering the daughter makes fun of everybody claiming they’re really an artist these days, as if there’s something wrong with being a waitress. It’s a dig at Laney who has to stand there smiling. The mother makes it worse, by telling her to bring Champagne, the real stuff, because her daughter just landed a role in a movie.
The daughter shrugs it off. There was no real competition. It’s another dig at a Laney who sweetly answers, copying both mother and daughter spot-on while staying clear of being insulting.
She moves on to Wyatt’s table, notices his grin. He compliments her and she tells him he ain’t seen nothing yet. She hands him a flyer for an improv night. The audience delivers cues, and she and her partner deliver the show.
He orders and asks her to save him a ticket. Sure – what name? A tiny pause as his gaze flits over the bottles at the bar and fixes on Jack Daniels and Jim Beam. He says, Jim Daniels.
EXT. STAGE EXIT – NIGHT
Laney and her artistic partner and BFF, ONE-TAKE JAKE, leave the theatre, discussing a scene. Wyatt aka Jim waits under a street lamp, applauds them.
Laney and One-Take are flattered.
He offers to buy them a drink. He might have a job for them …
Acting?
Sort of. He flashes a FAKE ID, it’s a test to check on security measures without risking the target being warned.
INT. MANSION – DAY
Laney and One-Take pose as Hollywood location scouts, with Laney schmoozing the star-struck lady of the house, and One-Take taking pictures and miming camera angles. It’s all perfect, perfect, perfect, except – could they have a sneak peek into the safe room? Jennifer hasn’t one hundred percent said yes yet, but … The woman flips a photo of herself and her husband and keys in the code on the keypad underneath, which Laney secretly films. They promise to be in touch, and the woman mentions that she’ll join her husband, but they’ll be back in a week.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
The BOSS, HANDLEY, dictates a confidential memo to his SECRETARY, that the drive with the access codes to 50 million in bank accounts will be retrieved in two days. The door isn’t properly closed, and listening in an ante-room are THREE AGENTS, among them TURNER.
EXT./INT. MANSION – NIGHT
NOAH is prepared for a break-in. He hesitates, sends a quick message to HANDLEY. Change of plans, going in now.
Noah opens the safe room and searches for a hard drive with a unique symbol. Swaps it for an identical one.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. STREET – NIGHT
Noah hands a padded envelope to a courier. He heads for his car. Shots ring out. He crumbles to the ground, dead.
Gloved hands search his pockets.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT – DAY
The courier hands a half-dressed Wyatt the envelope. He tears it open. Out slide the drive and a handwritten note. “If I don’t pick this up tonight, you’ll know what to do.”
Wyatt doesn’t really. He calls Noah. No answer. Then he looks through his contact list.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
HANDLEY informs the three agents who listened in before about the murder of an agent, and the disappearance of a drive containing vital information for national security.
His secretary interrupts and calls him, You want to take this, sir.
INT. WYATT’S APARTMENT
Handley informs Wyatt of Noah’s death. He must under no circumstance come to the agency, because there is a traitor amongst them. Handley needs time to flush them out. Instead, Noah needs to go on the run. There will be fake IDs and credit cards waiting. Wyatt is only to talk to Handley or his secretary.
Panicking, Wyatt packs a bag.
Turning point 1
EXT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Wyatt stops Laney from entering, insists she needs to come with him. She declines, thinks he’s crazy. He tells her their lives are in danger. They need to get One-Take, now, before it’s too late. Please. She wavers. He pulls out money.
INT. THEATRE – DAY
The theatre is empty, except for Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take. They accuse him of lying to them and using them. He tells them he didn’t know, he only wanted to help a friend, who’s now dead after sending him a drive. Whoever the killer is, he is sure to come after everyone who might lead him to the drive – and he might discover the payment linking Laney and One-Take to the operation.
They still don’t trust him. He shows them an article about Noah’s murder. Shit.
INT. TRAIN STATION – DAY
Wyatt takes a small bag from a locker. It contains fake IDs and credit cards. They’re good to go. Laney and One-Take stop him. They have a better idea. They withdraw cash and put it on pre-paid cards. Now for the harder part. Where do they go?
Wyatt thinks, hard. Far away. He’ll have to figure it out. But first, they need to get rid of their phones. He’s bought burners for them.
Laney says no. Her phone is her life. What if her agent contacts her? Or One-Take’s agent? They’ve spent years trying to make it as actor and screenwriter. They’re not sacrificing that.
So, they’d rather die than miss out on an unlikely chance, because their phones can be traced? It’s a stand-off.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Handley updates the three agents who eavesdropped earlier on the search for Noah’s killer. He has reasons to believe that the drive ended in Wyatt’s hands. Considering he’s only a desk analyst with no field training, he shouldn’t be hard to track down.
INT. LIBRARY – DAY
Wyatt argues with Laney and One-Take about their next steps. He’s still shaken by the idea of a double-cross, while Laney and One-Take are blasé about it, because there’s always a double-cross among spies. Always. And they are better equipped at dealing with the situation. Their phones are shown wrapped in tin foil.
One-Take and Laney use library laptops to bring up travel research.
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Turner, Handley and his Secretary watch a screen where one message pops up. A flight’s been booked using one of the credit cards, and a fake ID which shows up with Wyatt’s photo.
Turner smirks. They’ve got him.
Then another flight booking pops up. And another. And a Greyhound ticket. All with different starting points and destinations.
INT. CAR/RESTROOM – DAY
Laney and One-Take are cleverly disguised. Wyatt – not so much, but he’s under orders not to show his face at all.
They stop at a restroom.
Wyatt and One-Take head for the facilities.
Laney takes out her cell phone, unwraps it and quickly checks messages. She has one from her agent about a second audition in Chicago. She types a reply, confirming she’ll be in Chicago in two days. She wraps the phone again.
Wyatt uses his burner to contact the office. Any news? Can he send the drive to a safe address?
He scribbles an address in Seattle on a piece of paper and repeats instructions. He needs to get the drive there, because there’s only one man who can decrypt the drive – the man who created the encryption. Wyatt is unsure but agrees, if that’s what it takes to keep them all safe.
INT. AIRPORTS/BUS STATIONS – NIGHT
AGENTS sweep departure and arrival halls, searching for Wyatt. Nothing.
INT. CIA OFFICE – NIGHT
The Secretary asks Handley if he really wants to leak intel about Wyatt’s destination – it could get him killed. After all, they already lost Noah. Handley says they have no better alternative and it wouldn’t have happened if Noah had stuck to his instructions.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Laney’s phone rings. She grabs it, only to have One-Take take it from her. The tin foil opens and reveals the messages. Is Laney out of her mind? Risking being traced for one lousy role that’s going to be another two line part that ends up on the cutting floor? After everything they’ve done to cover their tracks?
Oh yeah? Then why are they sitting in Laney’s car? And if One-Take had a taker for a script, she’d be there like a shot too.
EXT. CITY CENTRE – DAY
Laney parks her car in a garage. They all carry small bags as they make their way to a shopping mall. It’s crowded.
Laney and One-Take bicker. Then Wyatt is alarmed. He’s spotted one of the agents seen at the CIA. The agent has a gun! On a cue from One-Take, Laney creates a scene, causing people to back away. They block Wyatt from view long enough for him to double back to the garage.
INT. CAR PARK – DAY
Wyatt opens the car door when a syringe is plunged into his neck. Turner drags him to a limo with tinted windows while A HENCHMAN stands guard.
He doesn’t see Laney and One-Take who watch, horrified, as Wyatt is bundled into the boot.
EXT. STREET – DAY
The limo drives away, strictly keeping to the limits. The driving henchman keeps an eye on the cars behind him. But on the sidewalk, two women on e-scooters whiz along – Laney and One-Take.
EXT. MOTEL – NIGHT
The limo pulls up outside a roadside motel. The car park is almost empty.
Another car rolls to a stop as Turner gets out and enters the reception.
Laney, in yet another disguise, distracts the limo driver, while One-Take picks the boot lock. Inside is Wyatt, by now conscious but bound and gagged.
Laney gets the limo driver to leave the car and help.
One-Take sneaks into the driver’s seat and careens out of the car park.
The henchman is dumbstruck but recovers fast enough to shoot at the limo.
Turner comes running and stops the shooting. They don’t want cops.
Meanwhile, Laney has disappeared.
EXT. CORN FIELD – NIGHT
Laney picks up One-Take and Wyatt. Wyatt doesn’t understand how she found them until she takes an air tag from his pocket.
They leave the stolen limo hidden in the corner field.
INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – DAY
They’re done running. It’s no use using Wyatt’s playbook against people who know every move better than he does. Instead, they’ll use One-Take’s and Laney’s skills. But first, they need to figure out what the hell is going on, because nothing makes sense.
Wyatt has to admit it, and he remembers Noah’s unease about his mission. Come to think of it, Noah had never screwed up anything, so why ask Wyatt for help?
Why not just send agents while the home owners were away, to break into the safe room?
Wyatt can answer that, because the safe room had a mechanism that would trigger an electrical current if breached.
Laney and One-Take laugh. That’s the most ridiculous scenario they’ve heard. It would make the safe room almost useless. They demand Wyatt walk them through everything …
INT. SMALL TOWN HOTEL – NIGHT
Wyatt, Laney and One-Take are busy with a borrowed hotel laptop. They’re researching the couple who owns the mansion. The blood drains from Wyatt’s face as they see a photo from a charity gala, with the owner and Handley seemingly best buddies.
What is really going on?
INT. CIA OFFICE – DAY
Handley is furious that they and Turner both seem to have lost Wyatt. He should have been in touch by now, or arrived in Portland.
The Secretary comes with a message. Wyatt’s burner phone (known to Handley because Wyatt used it to communicate with him) just pinged off an airport cell tower. Now they can read the messages as well.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Turner has the same information on his phone. He uses his earpiece to send his henchmen to the airport, just in case, as he reads again message from Wyatt send to another burner phone – about instructions Noah gave him about irrefutable proof of wrongdoing. But first, he’ll deliver the drive.
EXT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – PORTLAND – NIGHT
Woods surround the farmhouse. Moonlight glints off a gun barrel as a person looking like Wyatt approaches. The barrel is aimed at him, only to be jerked back and fall to the ground – next to Turner’s dead body. Close by are the dead bodies of the henchmen.
The man who looks like Wyatt has disappeared.
INT. REMOTE FARMHOUSE – NIGHT
A MILD-MANNERED MAN in his sixties, DUARTE, hears a morse signal on his door bell and shuffles to let in Wyatt and a dolled-up Laney, wearing a blingy necklace.
Duarte makes sure they’re alone and ushers them in.
Wyatt acts nervy, can’t wait to hand over the drive. Only it isn’t the one Noah sent him – there’s a small difference. Duarte doesn’t notice! He’s never seen the drive before…
Wyatt takes his phone to call Handley.
A gun is pressed against his head – Handley.They shouldn’t do that, they can never be sure who listens.
Laney shrieks. Wyatt begs Handley to let her go.
Handley says he can’t. He’s sorry.
She cries. It’s been him all along, hasn’t it? Why? Did he use everyone to create a rogue agent scenario, so whatever was on the drive could be stolen and taken to Duarte without anyone making the connection?
For a moment, Handley is silent, before he admires her cleverness. He’ll actually be sad about the waste of her talents when he has to kill her.
He’s barely finished when his words are repeated – on Wyatt’s and Handley’s phones.
INT. VAN – SAME TIME
One-Take sits in the van, surrounded by laptops. She edits the action in the farmhouse as she streams it from Laney’s necklace camera.
She zooms in on Handley’s furious face as Laney shows him the footage on her phone and warns him that it’ll go out stat to a dozen reporters and broadcasters if anything happens to them.
Then she stomps on the drive before Handley can see it’s the wrong one.
INT. HOTEL – DAY
Wyatt, Laney, and One-Take linger over breakfast as the local newspaper arrives. A tragic accident takes up half the front – two men died of carbon dioxide poisoning in a farmhouse – Handley and Duarte.
There’s no mention of the bodies of Turner and henchmen.
Laney and One-Take take it better than Wyatt. He just needs to make sure that his report goes to several people, and they’ll be safe.
Wyatt apologises for dragging them into this mess, and for making Laney miss her audition. She shrugs it off. It would have only been two lines anyway, that were destined to end on the cutting room floor. She’s decided it’s the lead for her or nothing, written by One-Take.
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Laney hands menus to TWO CLASSY GUYS. Only this time she wears her necklace with the hidden camera, and an earpiece where she listens to One-Take’s voice. In a corner sits Wyatt.
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Hi Carmen,
I’m glad you made it this far. Please email me at the address at the beginning of my outline and let me know where to mail your feedback.
Looks like we are the two lone finishers.
Best,
Rebecca
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Hi Rebecca,
would you like my feedback? I didn’t know if you’d already asked someone else.
My email is scribbler25@gmail.com
Best,
Carmen
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I’m looking to exchange feedback. I’m not sure I’m on the right track for the Readable Thriller Map, so any help would be greatly appreciated. This is for the Thriller Genre Ass #14 and #15. Thank you. Agnez
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Hi Agnes, is your thriller map still current from assignment lesson 14?
Kind regards,
Carmen
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Hi Carmen,
Yes it is, but I’m just concerned it’s too long and I’m not on the right track, for the Readable Thriller Map.
I’ve posted it in Assignment #14 on the Thriller Genre Forum. I feel it may be too long or too detailed.
Any suggestions or advice (feedback) would help me. I would greatly appreciate any help, as I’m stuck and can not seem to move forward until I get it right.
Thank you so much for responding. I’m new to screenwriting.
Agnes
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