Lesson 15: Exchange Feedback

[James Thompson]

Subject: Jim Thompson’s Thriller Map Version 2

“What i learned …” This was interesting but difficult to get the Thriller attributes without too much detail. I could reduce my map by a page but I know there is both too much detail and portions where I am missing attributes. Since I was trying to reduce the number of pages, the development of Jennifer Andrews is shallow.

Act l –

Opening Image:

INT – Fargo, ND — Night

The killing of the seventh Judge goes wrong. The Lakota shoots and kills the judge and his wife but a 911 call is made and the police arrive before he can extract. He disables the police cars then triggers explosives to distract and escape on a motorcycle.

Setup:

EXT – Fargo, ND – Night

Firemen and first responders in Fargo start coughing and choking with blistering of their exposed skin. A hazard materials team member recognizes chemical agent effects and pull people from the site.

EXT – Bismarck and Grand Rapids, ND – Night

Explosions destroy courthouses, the offices of all lawyers, and the residences of every lawyer and judge in both cities. As fire and EMT respond to the disasters, they too are affected by coughing and choking with blisters of their exposed skin from the effects of a chemical agent.

EXT – Fargo, ND — Day

Two detectives on scene at the Judge and his wife’s murder, pull video from ‘ring’ systems. Using the perpetrator’s image, a large ‘swarthy’ man, they pull additional video. By tracking, they narrow the search, covering the area with uniformed police officers who find a house but a veteran identifies IEDs, Fargo PD isolate the house.

INT – Fargo, ND – Day

Federal Critical Incident Response Group (CIRG) arrives including forensic, chemical warfare, and counter terrorist experts. The lead, FBI Assistant Director Frank Walters, includes local LEA on the team.

INT – Fargo, ND — Day

CIRG meeting the Bismarck and Grand Rapids teams have no video of the perpetrator. Crime scenes do have indications of remote control and WMD Mustard. Walters asks a question, “why attack North Dakota?” A police office come in with a Native American manifesto which is also on Fox and CNN.

EXT – Fargo, ND – Day

A full squadron of FBI Hostage Rescue Team (HRT) take over from the Fargo PD at the located house.

Catalyst:

EXT – Fargo, ND – Day

HRT and ATF EOD experts disarm several IEDs but all have Mustard agent. Jennifer Andrews, an HRT Advance Force Operations (AFO) lead, documents external IEDs and locations of some internal IEDs for the assault. The EOD team warns of unknown IEDs inside the house but with indications of a person inside the CIRG pushes. the HRT assaults the building, taking multiple casualties and causing the building to be contaminated with Mustard.

The FBI HRT and forensic teams work with hazardous material teams to collect evidence using Site Sensitive Exploitation techniques perfected by the military. They find evidence of other sites within all three cities and another in Sioux Falls, SD.

INT – Fargo, ND – Day

CIRG meeting includes members in Bismarck, Grand Rapids, and the Washington Field Office (WFO) as they prepare to assault all sites simultaneously, hoping to catch the terrorists. The CIRG has copies of the manifestos delivered to the media, a Native American extremist organization sick of the Bureau of Indian Affairs and injustices to Native Americans. The President (POTUS), US Attorney General, Secretary of Homeland Security, and Director of the FBI attend a second CIRG meeting. This is a large and sophisticated domestic terrorist operation.

Debate:

INT – Fargo, ND – Night

The FBI Director calls Frank Walters telling him immediate action and results are needed.

EXT – Sioux Falls, SD – Day

Jennifer Andrews is one of the first HRT members in Sioux Falls. She and the AFO team place the site under surveillance. The FBI discovers the house is owned by Everett Dixon, a member of the Lakota tribe, who runs a SCUBA business. The AFO sees movement inside the house. The HRT assaults the house after the outside has been cleared by EOD but the house explodes killing two members of the team and injures eight others including Jennifer.

After the casualties are taken to the hospital, several teams in protective suits work through the wreckage. They find evidence of Mustard manufacturing and the use of the fill tanks to mix hydrogen and oxygen with the Mustard to create a dispersion device. This matches injuries by power company employees when power transformers explode contaminating large areas with Mustard. They do not find Dixon’s body which was vaporized in an explosion but find body parts that are probably his. These are given to the coroner flown in by the FBI.

INT – Sioux Falls, SD – Night

The CIRG has put together a local operation center while they go through what is left of the ‘safe house’. All agencies scramble to find out more about Everett Dixon. The North and South Dakota State Bureaus of Investigation work together with the Department of Interior and BIA to put together a dossier on Dixon’s local activities. The Department of Defense (DoD) provides information about Dixon’s military service with the US Army’s Special Forces (Green Berets) where he was an engineering, weapons, and EOD expert with two tours in Iraq and three tours in Afghanistan. By midnight, the SSE teams have evidence another safe house in Waukegan, IL owned by Dixon but rented to a Mahmud Bishara. The DoD liaison finds Bishara has ties to ISIS, disappearing four years ago after traveling to Canada.

INT – Fargo, ND – Night

Frank Walters calls a CIRG meeting with all the principals of the DOJ, FBI, and DHS about Mahmud Bishara’s connection to Dixon. They activate a Joint Counter Terrorist Task Force to go after the foreign perpetrators of this attack. The focus in on ISIS External Operations and the people in charge.

Act ll

INT—Fargo, ND – Day

Jeff Peters and Jorge Robertson, the two Fargo PD detectives who worked on finding the local video, continued work on the massive homicides in Fargo. They categorize the dead, finding a strange anomaly. There is a group of nearly a dozen people who are all part of the same extended family and all killed by a gunshot Looking more closely, no members of this family are still alive. Continuing cataloging victims, they discover fourteen civilians also killed by gunshot but are not lawyers. Attempting to correlate the groups to find a commonality draws in Jennifer working with FBI’s Fargo contingent recovering from her injuries.

As she brings her expertise and FBI contacts to their investigation, the three investigators find the fourteen civilians had been members of a jury more than 15 years previously. The murdered family had first sued then gotten a criminal trial for murder against Grace Miller. The murder charge was dismissed, but the suit went against Grace, she had to pay them $175k which they claimed she had taken using undue influence on an aunt. Grace Miller died about 15 years ago (shortly after the trial) is survived by her husband Scott Miller a 71-year-old computer consultant and entrepreneur, a daughter serving in the US Army as a Chief Warrant Officer in the CID, a daughter married living in Colorado, and a son serving in the US Army Special Forces as a senior engineering NCO.

Andrews, Peters, and Robertson present their findings to her supervisor, Robert Williams, and then to Frank Walters. He appears to understand and even agree but at the end disagreed that the attacks, including new strikes on the Midwest power infrastructure implies a much larger organization. He explains that the intelligence shows ISIS and Iranian Quds Force working together.

B Story:

INT – NC – Day

A large room with computer systems and monitors showing multiple views from towers. An AI sorts the images causing screens to flicker, one stops focusing on individuals near the tower. The AI identifies the people as farmers, the monitor flickers as the system resumes its threat search.

A second AI monitors surveillance planted within Fargo offices of the CIRG. It identifies the find by Peters and Robertson, sending an encrypted text message to the controller. He programs additional monitoring focusing on identifying principal investigators. Noting the shift toward an individual rather than a terrorist group, the controller has the AI increase the level and intensity of the attacks on the power infrastructure in additional states and instructions for courthouses in eight cities to explode at midnight.

EXT — Iowa — Day

Walters and the Simmons, the Fargo Police Chief, send Andrews, Peters, and Robertson to Iowa identified as a tower site for attacking the power infrastructure. As the three approach, surveillance from the tower fires on them with a machine-gun on the tower, disabling the car, killing Jorge, injuring Jeff and Jennifer. The machine gun then pivots firing on the transformer over a mile from the site, placing rounds disabling it then self-destructing the site with a thermite grenade and explosion.

With a minor wound, Walters walks through the carnage of the tower, finding evidence of a US military weapon in the attacks. She calls her HRT supervisor SAC Williams, asking him to check other tower locations of infrastructure attacks for weapon type. She believes all weapons have been stolen from the US military. Continuing to work with Williams, they find the fake cell towers leased by the same company.

INT — Fargo, ND — Night

The ambush of Andrews, Peters, and Robertson is one of many with nearly fifty officer’s or agents injured as the LEAs focus on disrupting the ability of the terrorists to attack the power infrastructure. However, Director Walters and Chief Simmons use the multiple ambushes as proof of a larger terrorist organization with sophisticated resources. However, they agree, the evidence of the family group, their legal representatives, and the jury being shot outside of the lawyers and judges seems outside of what would be expected from a terrorist group.

With the continued attacks, the CIRG moves their operation to the Minneapolis FBI field office with larger facilities. Using the information Williams and Andrews have put together, the CIRG trace the weapons to a series of commando-like raids on armories and the financing of the Mid-south Mobility, LLC to shell companies and off-shore banks.

Fun and Games:

INT—NC – Day

The computer room monitors show the financial links the FBI is making. Without additional programming, the AI transfers funds in the accounts through other banks in more than a dozen countries then closes the infected accounts. The AI triggers the dissolution of the shell companies, including some not on the FBI’s list. After completing tasks, the AI sends an encrypted message to the controller.

EXT – Waukegan, IL – Night

HRT has assaulted the safe house in Waukegan after monitoring movement within the house. When they do, the house explodes then thermite panels set it on fire. The body of the person believed to be Mahmud Bishara has been vaporized with only body parts remaining and those burnt in the fire. The HRT takes them to the FBI coroner.

INT – Waukegan, IL – Night

The coroner compares the findings of Dixon and Bishara then calls Dixon. Both sets of body parts have ice crystal residue. He hypothesizes both men were frozen before the explosives blew them apart.

INT – CIRG JOC – Night

Walters in a conference with his SACs and Supervisory Agents sits stunned by the cononer’s finding. There are three other ‘safe houses’ identified and under surveillance. He orders expedited assaults.

He orders them to find out as much as possible about the Millers. Particularly the son and daughter. In minutes, an agent provides preliminary alibis for both because they are deployed overseas. However, their father, Scott, retired from the Army and served in law enforcement in North Carolina.

A report comes in from the financial investigation that all the accounts discovered have been closed within the last 12 hours with remaining funds transferred out that obfuscates their final location.

Midpoint:

INT – NC – Day

In the computer, the artificial intelligence runs through thousands of images, video, and audio every second with feeds from a hundred cities, more than a thousand cell towers, and almost that many fake power transformers. All uploaded to the cloud then moved to different accounts before processing. All feeds are encrypted using an unbreakable lattice-based post quantum scheme. The system sends encrypted messages to the controller based on the information importance refined with machine-based learning.

The controller reads the latest text, realizing the FBI will begin an intense focus on him. He does not want to abandon the project yet. So, he has the AI increase the acceleration level and intensity of the attacks across all 48. He uses the AI ensure the attacks appear random but devastating infrastructure and judicial system. His aim, cause the FBI to question a single septuagenarian’s ability to accomplish.

INT – CIRG JOC – Day

Walters is briefed on what they have found out about Scott Miller. First, Miller looks nothing like the person caught on Fargo videos. Walters stops the briefer and orders the original video to be sent to the FBI labs in Quantico for analysis. Second, Miller is 71 years-old, he could not physically run and climb shown in the videos. Finally, Miller’s alibi, he was working in Atlanta during the Fargo attacks.

However, Miller is a computer expert in automation and the use of artificial intelligence. He has patents and copyrights for systems and software used by large companies. He could automate the attacks. He was a member of a NC county Sheriff’s Department as an investigator and instructor for their SWAT team. Prior to working in industry, he served in the US Army with more than 25 years with their Special Mission Units. Walters stops the briefer asking what that means and get a reply that he worked at Delta Force and an Intelligence unit but the information from the period is redacted.

Walter requests the DoD liaison find out more about Miller’s service and any projects that might be germane. The briefer does list Miller’s qualifications including Combat Diver Supervisor which would include the user of closed-circuit diving gear and the use of mixed gases. Miller has a long string of courses in weapons, engineering, and communications. He has near native fluency in Spanish and Portuguese, therefore he could disappear anywhere in Central or South America.

INT – CIRG – Day

Conference call between Walters, the Director of the FBI, Attorney General (DoJ), Secretary of Homeland Security, and the President. The FBI has already sold the idea of a domestic terrorist group working with multiple foreign terrorists – ISIS, Iranian Quds Force, Hezbollah, and possibly others. How can this be turned around to be a crazy ‘Unibomber’ like Kaczynski? Much more ruthless though, the Unibomber did not kill hundreds of people or injure thousands. The use of cell towers network is of an unheard-of scope. What about money? The cell towers cost hundreds of millions of dollars if not close to a billion, “I don’t care who this is, no one person could raise that much money without triggering alarms with the FBI and the IRS. This Scott Miller may look good but it cannot be him or at least it cannot be just him.”

Bad Guys Close In:

INT – FBI WFO – Day

Andrews, after being injured twice, has been move to Washington Field Office (WFO) until she is fit for duty with the HRT in Quantico. Walters and Williams call her letting her know while Scott Miller is still a person of interest because of the correlations in Fargo with the trial of his wife. The search continues for the foreign and domestic masterminds that have bankrolled and orchestrated this catastrophe. They provide her with the information of Miller that they have but with his alibi for the times in question and the continued attacks even though he is under FBI surveillance; the principals do not see him as a viable lead.

EXT – Pentagon – Day

Andrews cannot believe they are planning on dropping the investigation of Miller. Using her contacts through the HRT, she contacts members of the Delta Force who’ve been involved due to the use of a Weapon of Mass Destruction (WDM) in Mustard. She explains what she knows, including Miller’s service at Delta and an Intelligence Activity. He retired at CW4 in 2005 based on the redacted 201 file. She pleads for help because while he is ‘one of their own’ he is destroying the country.

INT – Foggy Bottom, Alexandria, VA – Night

In a conference call, the Delta operatives talk with their command back at Fort Bragg and the commander of the ISA from which Miller retired. The commanders had been briefed earlier. They have copies of an unredacted 201 file for Miller. They have the investigation information collected in Fargo about the family, jury, and how the homicides were committed.

All is Lost:

INT – WFO – Day

Walters flies back to Washington where he and Williams confront Andrews about releasing classified and sensitive FBI information to the DoD. She attempts to present her case on and while they listen at the end, Walters places her on indefinite suspension and Williams lets her know that even if she is able to return to the FBI it will never be with the HRT again.

EXT – Midwest – Night

The number of attacks increase, now including the use of heavier weapons. Major portions of the Midwest are blacked out. The power companies attempting to restore discover the destroyed transformers are unique with their manufacture foreign and on-demand.

INT – WFO – Day

The FBI and local law enforcement agencies have taken down over 12 more ‘safe houses’ but again no bodies recovered only parts after the explosions and fires. However, knowing what to look for, the coroners find evidence of ice crystal formation in each. The attacks intensify.

Dark Night of the Soul:

INT – Delta Compound – Day

The commanders of Delta and the ISA have concluded that Scott Miller is probably the perpetrator of the attacks on America. Scott was one founder of a squadron for doing AFO in denied territory, an expert at singleton operations overseas. If they can prove that he is doing the attacks, then they will need to kill him. This makes the unit’s ‘Marshall Brown’ embarrassment pale in comparison and could lead to their dissolution.

EXT – NC – outside Miller’s Residence – Day

Jennifer doing lone surveillance of Miller, has been living in her car since the suspension. Most of her time within sight of Miller’s home. Nodding off, she’s abducted by four men who place a hood over her head as they spirit her away. She recognizes one man’s voice as an F Squadron operator she’d worked with at the HRT but keeps quiet. They threaten her then warn her off the surveillance effort.

Act lll:

EXT – NC – outside Miller’s Residence – Night

Released, Andrews walks directly to Miller’s front door, when he answers she introduces herself and asks if she can ask him some questions.

INT – NC – Inside Miller’s Residence – Night

Andrews questions Miller about his wife, her trial, and how it made him feel. She does not ask about his alibi for Fargo, how he got the money, how he managed to put together the fake cell towers, or why he has continued the attacks. She wants to understand the man.

Miller offers her coffee and fresh baked blueberry pie as they talk. Over the next two hours, he talks about Grace, their kids and his time after leaving the service. He doesn’t talk about his time in the military or the trial but genuinely enjoys talking about his life.

Finale:

EXT – NC – outside Miller’s Residence – Night

Andrews abducted again when she leaves Miller’s house. The operatives are from the DIA and the Activity. Included are two women, one in charge of the operation. When they have Andrews in a van, she dismisses everyone then talks frankly with Andrews, offering her a job.

She states that while Andrews will never be welcomed back into the FBI, the Activity is treasures truth with a dedication to providing it to the SOF community. She offers Andrews a promotion to GS-13, training in intelligence, and continued work in the field if she wishes but she will need to drop the case on Miller. She offers that Miller will “be taken care of.”

EXT – NC –Miller’s Residence – Night

After his talk with Andrews, Miller executes his escape and evasion plan. In less than an hour, he is in a private plane on his way to Florida where he switches plane and identity flying to Guatemala.

He has further transportation there with other identities disappearing into South America. Eighteen hours after Andrews has left his house, Miller is sitting in his Peruvian home.

EXT – Dublin, Ireland – Night

Miller has bounced to different countries in South America, Africa, and now Ireland using different identities. Living in a small three-bedroom cottage, as he steps out the front door, a man he helped get into the Activity and mentored steps up, without hesitation he places two rounds into Scott’s chest and a third between his eyes.

Sitting in the car waiting, Andrews has made the switch from FBI enforcing the law to working for the Activity and the dirty world of intelligence.

[Peter Feliz]

Peter Feliz

Member August 30, 2023 at 2:57 pm

PETER FELIZ THRILLER MAP VERSION 1

No matter how much my writing makes me cringe just plow through and it does improve. The Mystery, intrigue suspense reveals does open up my imagination.

THRILLER DAY 14

INT. – MORTUARY OFFICE – DAY

Charles “Lucky” Lunes is rattling off excuses for writing a bad check for his mother’s funeral to the unmoved mortician. Instead of dunning Lucky the mortician tells him an anonymous benefactor paid for the funeral.

The only clue as who the benefactor is: The envelope with the money & burial instructions is postmarked CUMARIPA SONORA MX

EXT – FUNERAL REPAST – DAY

Rancher Mitch Malmo interrupts Lucky’s reception. Accuses Lucy of being an accomplice to the conman(and Lucky’s estranged friend) who bankrupted him. Mitch physical violence.

INT ,- BAR – NIGHT

Lucky is drinking up enough courage to hunt down the anonymous benefactor in Sonora: Antonio “Cuichi” Valenzuela. The same man who Ponzi scammed Mitch Malmo and Lucky’s mother. The same man who was once Lucky’s childhood friend.

INT – JET FLIGHT – DAWN

Lucky comes out of an alcoholic blackout seated next to an amorous woman babbling on about her “hicker-restomy.” He realizes his worst fear to date; He’s flying to Sonora perhaps without money or a passport. And he can’t speak Spanish to save his life.

INT – HERMOSILLO AIRPORT – LATE MORNING

Lucky at the Luggage carousel hoping he packed well for his surprise trip. He only packed his concertina.

At Customs Lucky is called aside because he wants to know how to get to Cumaripa. The agents “strongly advise” Lucky to return to states immediately.

At the ticket counter Lucky doesn’t have enough money to book a flight back immediately. Lucky sees the amorous “hicker-restomy” woman from his flight. He runs outside and bumps into a very large Mexican man…

…who is the “hicker-restomy woman ‘s brother. She insists on giving him a ride

INT – CAR – CONTINUOUS

Lucky asks them to drive him to a food cart (CHILORIO VEGA) near the bus station he raved about in one of his past blogs (He had been to Hermosillo once before). The Hicker-restomy Woman asks if he writes Lucky’s Chuck Wagon Blog

Lucky sees they are driving past the bus station. The Hicker-restomy Woman says the cart closed down.

Lucky’s being kidnapped and taken to the storefront of a small but bustling restaurant: Chilorio Vega owned by Miss Hicker-restomy’s family.

INT – CHILORIO VEGA – AFTERNOON

The Vegas have “Mi casa, su casa” Lucky. He’s surprised to learn that they close early to avoid the drug gang violence. Also surprising among the celeb pictures that line their walls is Cuichi Valenzuela’s picture.

INT – CHILORIO – NIGHT

Outside sounds like a battle zone. But inside Lucky is updating his blog and avoiding Ms. Hicker-restomy’s advances. He notices an email from ALMALIBRE61 saying “Come visit the Hermosillo Hilton!”

The Vegas tell Lucky there is no Hilton in Hermosillo. He accuses them of evasiveness. The large Vega brother blurts out that the max jail outside of Hermosillo is nicknamed THE HERMOSILLO HILTON

EXT – HERMOSILLO ZOCALO – MORNING

Lucky can’t board the Jail Visitor’s Bus because the bus agent has no record of an Antonio Valenzuela currently incarcerated.

Another bus agent overhears Lucky blurts out ALMALIBRE61. He offers to drive Lucky to the jail…mañana.

INT – CHILORIO VEGA – EVENING

The Vegas try to dissuade Lucky from visiting Cuichi. This is one of those don’t trust whom you should trust moments. Particularly since Cuichi’s picture is on their wall.

But Lucky takes Ms Vega up on her sex offer.

EXT – BACK ALLEY HERMOSILLO – DAWN

A very bruised Lucky (maybe caught corpus delecti by one of the Vega Brothers) meets the mysterious bus driver. Lucky is uneasy because the vehicle they are taking to the jail is an old SUV not a jail bus.

Once again against his better judgment Lucky gets into the SUV. On the way to the jail, the bus driver instructs Lucky to ask to see Maria-Jose Jesus Juarez. He also tells Lucky where to meet him after the visit.

INT – JAIL VISITING ROOM – DAY

Guards bring out convict to visit Lucky. But it is not Cuichi Valenzuela!

Sending a trap Lucky plays along with the ruse to a point. He tells the Bogus Cuichi in his best broken Spanish that he’s “sorry but the mother is kills.” He pretends to be all choked up and gets out of the jail as fast as he can without arousing suspicion.

EXT – THE JAIL WALL GATE – MINUTES LATER/DAY

Lucky seas that the SUV is not at the designated meeting place. He looks around and spots it down the road. He runs to it and gets in before it can drive away.

Sirens go off at the jail. Lucky and the driver fight. Someone hiding on the backseat floor knocks Lucky unconscious. It’s Cuichi.

INT – A MEXICAN CANTINA – DARK

Lucky wakes up bleary eyed tries to get his bearings. Lucky is not in a cantina. He’s in a brothel! In Nogales…175 miles from Hermosillo! Lucky tries to leave but a pimp insists he accepts one of the young ladies…or boys courtesy of a ominous (anonymous) benefactor.

As Lucky accompanies one of the girls to a bedroom he sees a picture on a wall that looks like Cuichi. Suddenly he hears a scream and sees a man staggering out of a bedroom.

It’s the rancher Mitch Malmo. Lucky grabs him realizing too late that Malmo’s been stabbed and is bleeding all over Lucky.

The prostitutes and pimps accuse Lucky of the assault. Lucky is cornered by the Federales.

INT – FEDERALES INTERROGATION – DOESN’T REALLY MATTER

Two Federales agents are going to “make the elephant say it’s the white rabbit” on Lucky with a water bucket, a 12 volt battery and jumper cables.

Two “Higher-ups” stop the torture and take Lucky into their custody. They have a heated exchange with the Federales that escalates into the Federales getting electrocuted.

In the excitement Lucky gets a dose of electricity. Knocked out again.

INT – SAN CARLOS BEACH HOUSE – DAY

Lucky comes to. He follows an IRoomba doing a cleaning round throughout the living room. He doesn’t notice a TV doing a Spanish language infomercial until…. It’s Cuichi hosting the infomercial about Cumaripa.

The Roomba is banging on the locked bathroom door. Lucky hears the voice from inside yelling “Cãllete!” Lucky yells, “Fuck you Cuichi!”. The toilet flushes off camera.

Emerging from the bathroom is NOT CUICHI! It’s the real villain

EXT/INT – BEACH HOUSE BALCONY – DAY

As the Real Villain (Jorge Calvazos) shows Lucky the beach scape, the Roomba runs off the balcony crashing onto the cliff. Calvazos interrogates Lucky about Cuichi, the man he knows as Maria-Jose y Jesus Juarez.

Calvazos insists Lucky eats an elaborate meal he has set out for him. Calvazos cannot eat because of severe IBS.

Lucky expresses fear he will die. Calvazos becomes insulted. As the meal gets heated and the questions about Cuichi become more pointed someone yells from elsewhere in the house.I

NT – BEACH HOUSE – DAY

Calvazos orders Lucky to stay put as he addresses the yell from elsewhere in the beach house. Lucky is paralyzed at the meal table by the yelling in the house.

He drinks up enough courage to get to the balcony and onto a ledge to escape. Lucky edges his way to what he realizes is where the yelling is coming from.

He loses his footing, but before he falls, a hand grabs him and pulls him in where they meet face to face: a sickly eighteen year old with beady unmatched colored eyes…

INT – THE BOY’ S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The boy asks Calvazos “Is he the one?” pointing to Lucky. Lucky notices the room looks like an ICU room. The boy sobs in Calvazos’ arms. Calvazos threatens Lucky. The boy protests”Don’t! I don’t wanna live like this. I wanna die clean!”

Calvazos throw Lucky the front door keys and orders him to find Cuichi. Lucky runs out of the beach house

EXT. – HERMOSILLO – NIGHT

Lucky taking a chance to escape Sonora goes back to Chilorio Vega to get his passport and things. But he sees the restaurant on fire. Ms. Vega tells Lucky to run to the American Consulate

INT – AMERICAN CONSULATE – NIGHT

Lucky has told a very sympathetic agent his story. She asks him to wait while she speaks to a supervisor. Lucky notices she’s contacted the Federales. Lucky sneaks out of the consulate.

EXT – BACK ALLEY – NIGHT

Lucky seeing heavy police presence on the street hides in a dumpster.

INT – DUMPSTER – CONTINUOUS

Lucky feels the dumpster moving. It’s been hitched up and is traveling fast enough to further jostle Lucky amongst the garbage and rats.

INT/EXT – DUMPSTER – AN HOUR LATER

The dumpster has stopped moving. The dumpster lid is pulled open. Two teenage gang members pull Lucky out and drag him to an idling Jeep Cherokee. Inside the Cherokee is Cuichi Valenzuela, who tells him “You drive, Mr. Toughie”

EXT – DANGEROUS MOUNTAIN ROAD -NIGHT

Lucky and Cuichi are trapped behind an exhaust spewing VW Bus. Cuichi interrogates Lucky about Calvazos. Lucky tries to get on Cuichi’s better side by comparing sexual exploits. During the conversation Cuichi mentions a mistress he impregnated who got an abortion. Lucky pieces things together as they are finally able to pass the VW bus.

He tell Cuichi that Cuichi has an eighteen year old son who’s very sick and needs some sort of transplant.

The Jeep hits a roadblock policed by teenage gang boys

EXT- ROADBLOCK – CONTINUOUS

Cuichi clearly angry at Lucky have the gang rough him up. Lucky blurts out that Calvazos “boy” has unmatched colored beady eyes.

It’s like a lightening bolt to Cuichi. He orders one of the boys to drive Lucky away.

Lucky thinking he’s going for a final ride spits in Cuichi’s face.

EXT – JEEP – HALF AN HOUR LATER.

THe young thug orders Lucky out of the Jeep. The thug points to a cleaning. At the end of the clearing is a border crossing station. Lucky tells The thug he doesn’t have a passport. The thug says “Buenas suarte,” and drives away

EXT – FOOD CITY TUCSON AZ – A YEAR LATER – DAY

LUcky at the butcher counter orders a pound of Chorizo. The butcher tells his unseen aid to wrap it up.

The aid is Cuichi, who spits into the chorizo as he wraps it up saying, ” We’re even now Mr. Toughie.”

FADE OUT

PETER FELIZ THRILLER MAP VERSION 2

“BEADY EYES”

LOGLINE: Lucky Lunes hunts for his childhood “friend” who betrayed him and bankrupted his mother in the most dangerous Mexican State: Sonora.

THRILLER MAP VERSION 2

INT – MORTUARY – DAY

Musician & Food Blogger Lucky Lunes discovers his mother’s elaborate funeral was paid for by an anonymous benefactor. Mystery & Clue: an envelope postmarked CUMARIPA SONORA MX

EXT – FUNERAL REPAST – DAY

Rancher Mitch Malmo interrupts Lucky’s reception. Accuses Lucky of being an accomplice to the conman (and Lucky’s estranged friend, Cuichi (KWEE chee) Valenzuela, theRED HERRING)who bankrupted him AND Lucky’s mother. Mitch physically threatens Lucky. SUSPENSE INTRIGUE

INT – BAR – NIGHT

Lucky is drinking up enough courage to hunt down the anonymous benefactor in Sonora: Antonio “Cuichi” Valenzuela. REVEAL The same man who Ponzi scammed Mitch Malmo and Lucky’s mother. The same man who was once Lucky’s childhood friend. HERO’S PLAN SORTA

INT – JET FLIGHT – DAWN

Lucky comes out of an alcohol induced black out on a flight next to an annoyingly amorous woman(trustable treated untrustable). He discovers he’s landing in Hermosillo Sonora. MYSTERY INTRIGUE SUSPENSE

INT – HERMOSILLO AIRPORT – LATE MORNING

Lucky is questioned at Customs. Warned not to go to Cumaripa. Told to go back to states ASAP. He can’t book anything back for several days. He bumps into a very large man who directs outside. MIS Threat.

Also although he’s Mexican American he can’t speak Spanish to save his life.

INT – CAR – SAME

Lucky’s being kidnapped by the amorous flight mate and taken to their successful family restaurant Lucky’s rave review created. MYSTERY SUSPENSE MISDIRECTION CHARACTER MIS UNTRUSTWORTHY/TRUSTWORTHY

INT – CHILORIO VEGA – AFTERNOON

Though Ms. Vega “mi casa su Casa’s” Lucky, he spots Cuichi Valenzuela’s picture on their celebrity photos wall. MYSTERY, MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY

INT – CHILORIO – NIGHT

Lucky gets an email from ALMALIBRE61 posting “come visit the Hermosillo Hilton.” The Vegas claim there is no Hilton in Hermosillo, igniting a confrontation: No Hilton, no knowledge of Cuichi, no Cumaripa information! MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY. TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE. The large Vega brother REVEALS “Hermosillo Hilton” is the nickname for the notorious HERMOSILLO JAIL. MYSTERY SUSPENSE, CHARACTER MIS

EXT – HERMOSILLO ZOCALO – NEXT MORNING

Lucky can’t board the jail visit bus because they have no record of Cuichi in jail. MYSTERY INTRIGUE. When Lucky asks maybe ALMALIBRE61, another bus driver pulls Lucky aside offers to take take him to visit…mañana MISDIRECTION INTRIGUE POTENTIAL TRAP TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE

INT – CHILORIO VEGA -EVENING

The Vegas can’t dissuade Lucky from the driver’s offer. But takes Ms Vega up on sex MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY INTRIGUE

EXT – BACK ALLEY HERMOSILLO – DAWN

The mystery bus driver instructs Lucky to ask to see Maria-Jose y Jesus Juarez not Antonio Valenzuela. Also designates an after visit meeting place. BIG TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE

INT – JAIL VISITING ROOM – DAY

Guards bring out Maria Jose y Jesus Juarez to visit Lucky…but he’s NOT CUICHI. MISDIRECTION. SUSPENSE MYSTERY INTRIGUE. Lucky stunned but resourceful fakes his way out of the Jail CHARACTER MIS. SUSPENSE, STAKES freedom, safety death

EXT – THE JAIL WALL GATE – MINUTES LATER/DAY

Lucky sees the SUV driving away MISDIRECTION, MYSTERY SUSPENSE, TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE, STAKES freedom, safety. Lucky somehow gets into the SUV, fights driver, but Cuichi Valenzuela (REVEAL)emerges from backseat and knocks out Lucky.MYSTERY, SUSPENSE, INTRIGUE

INT – A MEXICAN CANTINA – DARK

Lucky realizes he’s come to in a brothel REVEAL MYSTERY. Pimp makes him take a sex worker to one of the rooms. A commotion. Rancher Mitch Malmo staggers into the hall bleeding and collapsing into Lucky’s arms. He’s nabbed by the Federales SUSPENSE MYSTERY INTRIGUE

INT – FEDERALES INTERROGATION – DOESN’T REALLY MATTER

Federales preparing to torture a confession out of Lucky are interrupted by Higher-ups in a scuffle that knocks out Lucky MYSTERY SUSPENSE INTRIGUE. STAKES death

INT – SAN CARLOS BEACH HOUSE – DAY Lucky discovers THE REAL VILLAIN – REVEAL is not Cuichi MYSTERY SUSPENSE INTRIGUE

EXT/INT – BEACH HOUSE BALCONY – DAY

As Lucky and The Real Villain pump each other for information we REVEAL someone else is in the beach house and in distress. MYSTERY INTRIGUE. The Real Villain attends to it. Orders Lucky to stay put on SUSPENCE STAKES Death

INT – BEACH HOUSE – DAY

Lucky climbs out onto a ledge overlooking the cliff to escape SUSPENSE STAKES Death. Lucky loses his footing but from inside pulls Lucky in face to face with a sickly 18:year old with narrow eyes of unmatched color REVEAL, MYSTERY, INTRIGUE, SUSPENSE

INT – THE BOY’ S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

THE VILLAIN’S COVER UP: The boy, whom the villain calls “my son” is his lover(MISDIRECTION). The boy is trying to stop the villain’s plan. The distraction enables Lucky to grab keys and escape SUSPENSE

EXT. – HERMOSILLO – NIGHT

Lucky sees Chilorio Vega on fire. MYSTERY SUSPENSE INTRIGUE Ms. Vega warns Lucky the Federales are after him. Tells him to seek asylum at the Catholic Church. Instead he heads to the American Consulate MISTRUST THE TRUSTWORTHY AGAIN

INT – AMERICAN CONSULATE – NIGHT

The Consulate calls the Federales on Lucky TRUST THE UNTRUSTABLE SUSPENSE INTRIGUE

EXT – BACK ALLEY – NIGHT

Lucky seeing heavy police presence on the street hides in a dumpster. Perhaps involving helicopters

INT – DUMPSTER – CONTINUOUS

Lucky is trapped with rats and garbage as the dumpster is moving. MYSTERY SUSPENSE STAKES Lucky’s health, pain

INT/EXT – DUMBSTER – AN HOUR LATER

Lucky is pulled out of the dumpster delivered to Cuichi MIS

EXT – DANGEROUS MOUNTAIN ROAD -NIGHT

CUICHI makes Lucky drive as he pumps him for information about the Real Villain. SUSPENSE MYSTERY INTRIGUE. Lucky figures out what the real villain needs from Cuichi REVEAL

EXT- ROADBLOCK – CONTINUOUS

Because Cuichi and the armed gang boys are speaking Spanish Lucky thinks they are going to kill him MIS As one of the gang boys lead Lucky away he spits in Cuichi’s face.

EXT – JEEP – HALF AN HOUR LATER.

Instead of killing him, The young gang boy drives Lucky to within sight of the US Border. SUSPENSE MISDIRECTION

EXT – FOOD CITY TUCSON AZ – A YEAR LATER – DAY

Lucky at the butcher counter orders a pound of Chorizo. The butcher tells his unseen aid to wrap it up. The aid is Cuichi, who spits into the chorizo as he wraps it up saying,

“We’re even now Mr. Toughie.” MYSTERY INTRIGUE MISDIRECTION

FADE OUT