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Lesson 16
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5 Replies
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Lora’s Character Intros/Exits
Steven
Beginning: Steven’s singing to a sold out crowd in a concert hall. His daughter has a panic attack and he uses magic to quickly extrapolate them from the situation.
Ending: Steven eats steak with Lisette and Kismet
New Beginning: Steven headlines a packed, outdoor concert venue. After calling his daughter onstage, she has a panic attack and he uses magic to quickly extrapolate them from the situation.
New Ending: Steven makes it back home to his palatial mansion. “Feels marvelous to be back.” Then eats steak.
Lisette
Beginning: Lisette kind of has two intros. There’s the one where she’s 9 and welcomed on stage and has a panic attack. Then there’s the one where she’s 15 and beats up a bully who was teasing her.
Ending: Lisette eats her favorite meal with her two favorite people, Kismet and Steven.
New Beginning: kept the same
New Ending: tweaked Lisette’s final monologue. “I’m honored and grateful to be here eating my favorite meal with my favorite peeps. It’s illuminating to realize that you’re never truly far from those you love.”
Kelly
Beginning “KELLY ANDERSON, (45), blonde and overly cheerful, waves a gloved hand at Lisette.” She then meets Lisette and provides a wing Chun demonstration for her.
Ending: Kelly and Lisette say a heartfelt goodbye. “Thanks for being you”
New Beginning: KELLY ANDERSON, (45), shakes her perfectly groomed blonde mane with a graceful toss. She smiles as she precisely waves a gloved hand at Lisette. They discuss Lisette’s fostering and Kelly provides a Wing Chun demonstration.
New Ending: kept the same – it concludes their arc
Greg:
Beginning: Her husband GREGORY ANDERSON, (46), thinning dark hair, resigned expression, musters a weak smile. Clearly, Kelly calls the shots.
Ending: He silently exits after Kelly tells him to.
New Beginning: GREG ANDERSON,(46),formerly handsome, resigned to the life of a middle manager and his wife’s patsy, musters a weak smile.
New Ending: reinforces that he got Lisette to leave. “Three minutes is all you’re getting.” He silently exits while checking his watch.
Dwyvel
Beginning: Introduced in Steven’s Voice over as a hero riding an albino dragon and fighting for the good guys. Then it’s explained how he turned on the other heroes.
Ending: Shrunk into a miniature dragon with the deflection of his own spell and tied up
New Beginning: kept the same
New Ending: Shrunk into a miniature dragon with the deflection of his own spell and trapped in a glass bottle
Kismet
Beginning: KISMET (1,726, about 15 in human years), a particularly striking dragon with warm, honey colored scales and emerald green eyes spots her and dives out of the sky landing next to her. He stands over her prone body and licks her until she rolls over.
Ending : Morphs into a human boy, goes home with Lisette and Steven; eats steak
New Beginning: KISMET (1,726, about 15 in human years), a small but regal dragon with warm, honey colored scales and emerald green eyes spots her as he’s practicing a spell to bring a nearby tree to life. He pauses and saunters over to her prone body and licks her until she rolls over.
New Ending: kept the same
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Not sure why this is a reply to Lora and not Cheryl.
Chris’s Character Intros/Exits
What I learned…I learned that character intros don’t need to be tied to a show-don’t-tell rule.
Character: Moses Kincaid (1967)
Old intro: Moses’ Chevy avoids a race with a white Ford.
New Intro: (action shows primary traits)
The Chevy pulls even with the Ford. The driver’s window slides down. Behind the wheel, Moses Kincaid (now 46, salt and pepper dreadlocks, kufi hat, voodoo beads). A man who knows who he is. A man who embraces the power of his blackness. Knows when to give it the gas. Knows when to pump the brakes. He eyeballs the white Mustang.
The GO light a moment away.
The two Detroit power mills THUNDER.
GREEN!
Smoke screeches from the rear tires of the Mustang. It launches through the intersection. Doesn’t see the police cruiser next to a used furniture store.
The turn signal on the Chevy flashes. Moses turns right.
Lights and sirens chase after the Mustang.
EXIT: After preventing Lee Harvey Oswald from assassinating President Kennedy… Moses charges across the Depository floor to the open elevator. Up the step ladder. Stashes Oswald’s rifle above the car. Latches the ceiling hatch. Folds the ladder. A deep breath. The elevator door closes.
Character: Young Moses (1935)
Intro: (Other characters reaction to character)
Known to all as “Shine,” Young MOSES (14, hard at work, a wild crown of bushy hair) hunches in front of two white men. BAXTER BRAGG (40s, gentleman rancher) and BOSS WALLACE (50s, successful businessman, local big shot). Boss pages through a newspaper. A cud of chewing tobacco tucked in his cheek.
Moses applies polish to distinctive cowboy boots. Brown alligator with an embossed Texas flag on the upper for Bragg. Black ostrich with silver toe tips and heel guards for Boss. No one in MeLennan county gives a better shine.
Boss leans around his paper. Spits into the street. The cheek full of brown sputum grazes Moses’ pant leg.
EXIT: Moses exits with a powerful inspired monologue.
MOSES
“I am not a rapist! I am not an inferior human being. I am the same as any of you. What you say about me, what you believe, what you do to me today is about your own bigotry, your inhumanity, your fear. You can hide behind your hoods and robes. You can hide in the namelessness of the mob. I know who you are. And I know who I am! My name is…”At this point Young Moses is lynched.
Character: POLLY at age 99 – At the Lynching Memorial
Intro: Tethered to her wheelchair by an oxygen cannula, POLLY (99, matriarch, alert blue eyes, her face deeply creased with the wisdom of a long life) quietly leads her family along a paved pathway. Tight lipped. Her mind linked to another time.
EXIT: (dialogue that represents who she is – and the high concept of the entire story)
A sampling: Also at the Lynching Memorial.
POLLY
“What world calamity might have been prevented if someone in this hall had not been murdered? The killing of all these souls is truly a shameful cataclysm. But the deeper tragedy is the loss of what might have been.”
Kayla looks up at the steel block above them.
KAYLA
“They actually list someone as unknown. Six-nineteen-thirty-five.”
DAVID
“That’s messed up.”
POLLY
“His name was Moses Kincaid,
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Characters Entrance and Exits: Lesson 16 Margaret Doner
Although I am happy with the entrance of both main characters in my script, I felt the dialogue could be snappier and improved so I rewrote the dialogue. I removed anything that was generic and made each piece of dialogue reveal the characters. For the ending I rewrote the ending as well. I put Dennis in a scene that completes his journey, and I strengthened Victoria’s ending by adding a character that brings the story full circle and gives the ending deeper meaning.
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Zenna Davis-Jones
What I learned doing this assignment is that I could use the motif of other people’s reactions to help build the magnitude of the situation. In the beginning my protagonist is being endowed with the permission to train new recruits, so having young kids run to the window to watch created a more exciting atmosphere.
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Day 16:
James’ Character Intros/Exits
What I learned doing this assignment is…I gained a better understanding of who my male protagonist is as a love interest in my romantic comedy. This is a launching point (the introduction) where every development that follows supports and/or contrasts who he is. The character philosophy established dictates much of the dialogue and actions he will say and do creating a cohesive narrative for his role. Ultimately, this makes depth more visible and present throughout the script leading to dimensional characters.
Beats for Rufus’ Current Introduction:
1. He sits waiting for his lunch.
2. Tammy serves him his meal.
3. He blesses himself as he over hears Tammy’s interaction with Jessica.
4. He lets Tammy know he’s fine with her being distracted with Jessica.
Beats for Rufus’ New Introduction: Build in Character Philosophy, Character Reputation
Rufus consoles and advises Tammy based on her cellphone conversation with Jessica.
1. Tammy on the cellphone almost spills the food she’s so distraught; Rufus catches the dishes.
2. Rufus assures Tammy she’s fine and offers thoughtful words.
3. Rufus then blesses himself over his meal and digs in.
4. Rufus overhears the desperate conversation between Tammy and Jessica.
5. Rufus reveals his life philosophy, which is based on the scene’s showcase for his reputation.
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