Lesson 17

[Ed Lusk]

Subject: Ed Lusk – Action Description

What I learned doing this assignment is a way to control my over writing while still maintaining meaningful action. using the questions will be beneficial to be able to honestly look at action descriptions and make the necessary edits and rewrites.

LINE: The ball comes to rests against the base of a nook. Tomas’s retrieval unhinged by a gnarly pale hand reaching out for him.

Need – Tomas to be more terrified by unsuspected encounter

LINE Other side of the wall, disguised as a bookshelf housing ancient texts, muffled THUDS and HOWLS from the boy ramming into the cell wall.

NEED – some sympathy or empathy for the trapped vampire boy

LINE: He reads the letter to himself, stops mid-bite, and reads it again. Olivia fakes her ambivalent curiosity.

NEED – Olivia’s dying to know what the letter is about but dare not show it.

LINE: A dollop of mayonnaise clings to the stubble on his face. Olivia delicately removes it with the napkin corner. Touching Merchant’s face is such a secret thrill.

NEED- there’s an unspoken attraction between Olivia and Father Merchant

LINE: Olivia lap top is open. She studies an images of ancient hieroglyphic text.

NEED – Olivia is a cryptologist and her wicked skills will become vital later on.