• Laurie Stoner

    Member
    March 20, 2023 at 7:35 pm

    LOGLINE: Renee and Maxine, on the run from their pimp, must fix a flat tire in the mountains.

    ESSENCE: Renee convinced Maxine to go on the run with her to save her unborn child but Maxine isn’t totally behind the plan.

    TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee – from conformist to unpredictable

    EXT. RENTED SEDAN ON MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

    Sedan climbs up the snowy, unplowed two-lane mountain road. HUGE flakes of some blow into the windshield.

    INT. SEDAN ON MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

    RENEE, mid 20’s, prim black puffer jacket and knitted cap, no makeup is behind the wheel. MAXINE, 19, in the passenger seat, is all pink – from her fur-trimmed jacket to her matching teased hair and eyeshadow.

    MAXINE

    We should have stayed on the interstate. I don’t like this. We’re all alone. What if something happens?

    RENEE

    Stop worrying. Nothing is going to happen–

    Out of the snow, a DOE jumps over the hood of the car. Maxine screams.

    RENEE

    Omigod! That was close —

    A second DEER, this one with a full set of antlers, leaps —

    Maxine jams on the brakes. The car goes into an uncontrolled skid. The deer smashes into the passenger door with a horrible thud. Maxine and the doomed deer are eye to eye for a split second. The deer disappears beneath the car. THUMP! It’s ANTLERS puncture the tire.

    The car skids dangerously close to the edge of the mountain. Pine trees up to the tree line and far below a huge drop-off into nothing.

    Maxine barely manages to steer the car to the far side of the road. Both women sit in shock. Maxine is the first to move.

    MAXINE

    We almost died! This whole thing was a terrible idea.

    RENEE

    Stop, we’re still alive, aren’t we? Once we see how much damage there is we’ll know what we’re up against.

    MAXINE

    How can you be so calm? We need to call the rental car company to send roadside assistance.

    RENEE

    That could take hours. We can’t sit here. Let’s stick with the plan.

    Renee gets out of the car. Surveys the dented door and fender. She squats to see the front right tire is flat. She pops open the trunk, pulls out the spare.

    RENEE

    Hey! I need your help. Bring my gloves.

    Maxine reluctantly leaves the protection of the car. She holds out Renee’s knitted gloves.

    MAXINE

    Seriously? You’re going to try to change the tire. That’s what men are for. Maybe one will come along soon.

    RENEE

    It’ll be dark soon.

    MAXINE

    So? Even more reason to wait in the car. It’s freezing out here. It’s not good for you or the baby. You’re not thinking straight —

    Renee puts the jack together.

    RENEE

    That’s exactly what I’m doing. Taking care of all of us!

    The jack slips, pinching her hand. She creams in pain. Forces herself to try again.

    MAXINE

    We could die out here in the cold. I should have never let you talk me into running.

    RENEE

    Roll the spare to me. You said you’d didn’t want to wind up like me with no option but to have an abortion.

    MAXINE

    No, I didn’t. I said I never wanted to be a mother. Not after what I saw in foster homes. No child should have to go through what I went through.

    RENEE

    Fine. Then let’s get this fixed and get out of here before — what’s that?

    Down the cliff, HEADLIGHTS on the road.

    MAXINE

    A car. I’ll flag them down.

    RENEE

    No, don’t. I’ve got this.

    MAXINE

    Are you sure about that?

    A CADILLAC pulls into view. Parks by the side of the road.

    Renee gasps.

    RENEE

    What’d you do?

    A burly bearded man, PIERRE, 40’s, bundled in a parka gets out of the Cadillac.

    RENEE backs away in terror.

    RENEE

    How’d you find us?

    Pierre glances at Maxine.

    PIERRE

    Cell phone tracker. Thanks, babe.

    RENEE

    (to Maxine)

    Traitor! How could you!

    PIERRE

    It’s his kid, too.

    Renee runs to the side of the cliff.

    RENEE

    Don’t come any closer.

    PIERRE

    You wouldn’t.

    RENEE

    I won’t go back. I won’t! Don’t take another step or I will —

  • Tim Adeney

    Member
    March 23, 2023 at 12:53 pm

    LOGLINE: Two teenagers tussle over a crush as they do homework.

    ESSENCE: Renee exposes her true feelings.

    TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee: Prissy to ambitious.

    SCENE:

    INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY – DAY

    NATHAN [14], a teenager trying to be cool, pretends to concentrate on his laptop, but his eyes are on two girls across the room.

    MAXINE, an elegant young woman [13] with trendy earrings, necklace and rings on her fingers, sits at distant work table with her laptop open. Alongside her, also on her laptop, is RENEE [13], minimal jewelry, but neatly presented.

    Maxine’s eyes flick from laptop to Nathan and back to the laptop.

    MAXINE

    (through her teeth)

    He’s looking again.

    RENEE

    ‘The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off’ – how’s that for an opening line?

    MAXINE

    Do you think he knows?

    RENEE

    Have you told anyone else?

    MAXINE

    No. Except you.

    RENEE

    Then he can’t know, can he?

    MAXINE

    He keeps looking in a funny way.

    Renee looks from her research to Nathan.

    RENEE

    I’ll ask him for you.

    MAXINE

    What?

    RENEE

    I’ll just ask why he keeps looking at you.

    MAXINE

    (unsure)

    Oh, I don’t know, Renee, that could…

    RENEE

    You think he knows something, right?

    MAXINE

    I guess.

    RENEE

    So, if you want to find something out, you ask.

    MAXINE

    Asking would be so un-cool.

    RENEE

    Okay.

    (goes back to her work)

    What do you think of the quote as an opening for the speech?

    MAXINE

    Good.

    RENEE

    Because I really want to get the top mark for this.

    MAXINE

    Maybe I should send him an anonymous card or something, to see how he reacts.

    RENEE

    Maybe… have you decided on a topic yet? This speech is due by Thursday.

    MAXINE

    I’m still thinking about it.

    RENEE

    Thinking about Nathan more like it. How you and he are going to make out… oh Nathan, oh…

    MAXINE

    Ssh!

    RENEE

    No-one’s listening. Why don’t you speak about drug addiction or homelessness?

    MAXINE

    Urgh. No thanks.

    RENEE

    Pick something the teacher cares about and you get a better mark.

    MAXINE

    I’ve got to figure out how best to test him before I let on that I like him.

    RENEE

    ‘Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it’. Hmmm.

    MAXINE

    Do you think someone overheard us in the bathroom and told him?

    RENEE

    Why are you so paranoid?

    MAXINE

    I just don’t want what happened last time.

    RENEE

    Last time?

    MAXINE

    When the whole school was talking about my crush.

    RENEE

    What about this quote: ‘a lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes’. Mark Twain.

    MAXINE

    And never the twain shall meet.

    RENEE

    Huh?

    MAXINE

    It’s a play on words… you know… twain… never mind.

    RENEE

    You know what, I just need to tell you.

    MAXINE

    What?

    RENEE

    Jack told Megan, and she told me.

    MAXINE

    What!?

    RENEE

    About Nathan.

    MAXINE

    Tell me already.

    RENEE

    You sure you want to know?

    MAXINE

    Oh my days, are you going to tell em or not?

    RENEE

    She said he doesn’t like you; he likes me.

    Maxine stares at her.

    MAXINE

    Why would he even say that if he doesn’t know I like him?

    RENEE

    Maybe I will start with the first quote…

    MAXINE

    You did tell!

    RENEE

    ‘The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off’.

    NATHAN

    Hi Maxine. Renee.

    The girls turn in surprise.

    NATHAN

    I’ve been wanting to ask something…

  • Shelley darling

    Member
    March 27, 2023 at 7:10 pm

    LOGLINE: Stranded miles from her car after the first night of intimacy with Max, MAXINE calls Renee to the rescue, knowing she will give her shit for it.

    ESSENCE: Feeling abandoned and hopeless, Maxine is determined to regain her freedom.

    TRAIT YOU CHANGED:
    Changing Maxine’s tricky character trait to her being brutally honest.

    EXT. POLAND, LAKE HOUSE – DAY

    Renee drives slowly down the dirt road in her beat-up Subaru with worn-out shocks, comically bouncing along the deep ruts through the thick Maine forest. A Siberian Husky excitedly alternates between panting in her ear and barking loudly out of the back window when seeing Maxine outside the weathered cabin by a lake reflecting glistening fall colors.

    Renee pulls up to the lake house and lets Togo out.

    MAXINE

    TOGO! Come here, boy. Your mama really needs a big kiss.


    An exuberant Togo bounds up to Maxine, nearly knocking her down. Maxine recovers herself as Renee exuberantly wraps them all in a huge hug. Maxine is stunned by Renee’s glaring orange sweater.

    MAXINE CON’T

    (laughing)

    Thank God, Renee! You saved us both!

    I don’t know what I’d do without you.

    RENEE

    Yeah, no worries mate, traffic was light.

    Rescuing you seems to be the pattern.

    MAXINE

    Whoa-quite a sweater-new?

    Pretty unusual for you, always the one dressed like you’re headed to church.

    I thought you don’t do bright colors.

    RENEE

    (irritated)

    Get off it, Maxine, you know, there are other people to consider besides yourself.

    Not that you care, remember last week, how you dissed that poor girl…
    MAXINE

    Poor girl what. Did you see the emerald she was sporting and the bad attitude to match! Besides, I didn’t trust her.

    RENEE

    So… What’s going on?

    You made it sound like you were in jail or stranded.

    Now I find you lounging in a super cute place by a lake.

    Leave it to your magic.

    MAXINE

    Well, I AM stranded. This guy he….

    RENEE

    (interrupting)

    What guy?

    This doesn’t sound like an emergency.

    Don’t tell me, you slept with him, right?

    MAXINE

    You’re such a prude. I don’t need your judgment.

    You wouldn’t believe it. His name is Max. Not only synchronicity about his name, he happens to work for the water bottling corporation. Besides, he’s cute, a cowboy in fact.

    Walking down the wooded trail to the lake edge, a buoyant Togo charges into the water, sending spray flying. Togo’s antics break the tension momentarily.

    RENEE

    I KNEW IT! Only you …

    Your adventures are always tied to sexual escapades!
    MAXINE

    At least I follow my heart.

    You should try being a little adventurous sometimes.
    Max is a link to the mystery of the resort.
    RENEE

    Don’t change the subject. You’d follow any guy who pays you the slightest bit of attention. You have no moral standards. You’ve got some shit to work out, or you’re never going to find happiness and a healthy relationship with any man. You need to deal with the issues with your father. Just sayin’.

    MAXINE

    I am, that’s what led me here.

    I shouldn’t have told you. I am not even sure what happened, if anything.

    RENEE

    (rolls her eyes, shaking her head)

    MAXINE CON’T

    I know you’re thinking that I don’t really know him, and now he has left me here alone. Just like my dad, unemotional and withholds information. He gave me the keys and just left me here. (pointing to the sky) Renee, let’s stop this and enjoy the lake. Oh, my…do you see the hawk circling above.

    RENEE

    You’re deflecting.

    I’m concerned about you, and so are your parents.

    MAXINE

    I am not deflecting, and why are you bringing my parents into this?

    RENEE

    You know your folks worry about you.

    I just told them you’re okay and that I was coming to see you today.

    What’s wrong with that?
    MAXINE

    You promised not to say anything.

    They think they always know what’s best.

    This time, I’m following MY dreams.

    RENEE:

    Maxine, you haven’t been the same since the accident.

    They want to ensure you are all right, and let’s not forget about Annie.

    Renee goes to give Maxine a hug, and Maxine shrugs her off, withdrawing, opening the screen door to walk into the cabin.

    MAXINE

    I trusted you. You promised not to say anything.

    RENEE

    Well, I needed to break this promise. Enough is enough.

    Anyway, I was introduced to a water keeper named Grandmother Sasa.

    Ever heard of her?

    MAXINE

    Now, who’s changing the subject?

    No, I’ve never heard of her.

    RENEE:

    She’s an Abenaki grandmother who says she’s a healer of healers. She holds this Medicine Hoop of Life ceremony twice a year. Maxine, go see her, maybe she can help you.

    MAXINE

    You know how I feel about therapy.

    But I will give you this. I found his genealogy paper that had the name Molly Ockett scribbled on top. Looking on my phone…she was the last Pequawket in the area-she was Abenaki.

    RENEE

    Ahh – been snooping, eh? It’s not therapy, and this time they ARE right.

    How will the woman who wants it all land the man if you keep running?
    MAXINE

    Who are they to talk about running?

    RENEE

    Maxine, you need to work through this. Annie, being autistic, is already experiencing the pain of your not being there for her.
    MAXINE

    I’m done with this, take me back to the resort to get my car.
    RENEE

    Seriously, Max, it’s for your own good, go see Grandmother Sasa, even if to burn some sage. Besides, you might learn more about this Molly Ockett, woman.

    MAXINE

    (yelling)

    Can’t you give it a rest, Ren?

    I bet you’ve already told her all about what you think are my issues.

    The look on Renee’s face shows how hurt she is by this accusation.

    RENEE:

    I wouldn’t ever do that to you.

    The confrontation is interrupted when Mollie stops to respond to a text from Red Fox.

    MAXINE

    (Phone dings-Maxine checks her text, smirks)

    RENEE

    (looking over Maxine’s shoulder)

    What! You’re still talking to the Maori guy, too?

    I thought you let go of him a long time ago!

    MAXINE

    (turning the phone over)

    Renee… enough.

    RENEE

    Maxine, listen to me!

    Your parents are right. At some point, you’re going to have to stop chasing the illusion of Prince Charming and deal with the reality of your life.

    Maxine hears Max’s truck and runs to the door as Max arrives unexpectedly. Opening the truck door, Max jumps aside when Togo runs up barking, challenging his closeness to Maxine.

    RENEE

    (staring out the window)

    What’s happening here?

    Whose truck is that?

    MAXINE

    Shit.

    RENEE

    WHAT THE FUCK, Maxine?

    You didn’t tell me he was going to show up.

    MAXINE

    I had no idea.
    RENEE

    I don’t believe you for a second.

    Togo, get in the car! Are you really doing this again?

    I just drove two hours! YOU asked me to come up here. Damn you, and here I am taking care of your dog while you follow your crazy dreams and a hidden treasure.
    MAXINE

    (runs out after Renee. Stunned, she’s caught standing between Renee and Max)

    Renee, calm down!

    RENEE

    Fuck you, I’m going! Even I can only take so much.

    Are you coming with me, Maxine?

    MAX

    (hands on hips, eyeballing them both)

    Nice to meet you, too.

    MAX (cont)

    (lifts a six-pack)

    Does anybody need a beer?

    Stimulated by Maxine’s discomfort and Renee’s behavior, slides up behind Maxine, and grabs her waist.

    RENEE

    Make up your mind, Maxine, this train is leaving NOW!

    Caught in the middle of Renee’s manipulations and Max’s seductive, sexy grin, Maxine is frozen in confusion. Is she choosing to return to her old life or be brave enough to trust herself to discover a new way of being?

    MAXINE

    (looking helplessly past Max and up to the sky, mumbles)

    MAX

    Speak up, woman. Your words matter,

    especially at this moment.

  • Bill

    Member
    March 30, 2023 at 3:20 pm

    Lesson 17: QE Cycle #4

    LOGLINE: Renee and Maxine are college roommates.

    Essence: Trust is vitally important but may be easily broken.

    Trait changed: Maxine is not paranoid but is sympathetic.

    Scene1: Renee is in the dorm room primping her hair and Maxine comes in.

    RENEE

    Thanks for keeping my secret. No one must know until I figure things out.

    MAXINE

    Of course. You have a lot of things to sort out.

    RENEE

    I will likely drop out of school, but I don’t know when.

    MAXINE

    Do you know who the father is?

    RENEE

    That is a secret that I must keep to myself and especially from you.

    MAXINE

    I don’t know why. You got yourself into this situation. But it is not helpful to keep things from me. This indicates that you do not trust me.

    RENEE

    Just know that I must deal with this in my own way and in my own due time.

    Maxine’s cell phone rings. It is Jack her boyfriend.

    Maxine

    Hello

    JACK (V.O.)

    Maxine, I want to talk to you before you got to your dorm.

    MAXINE

    Too late for that. I am already here.

    JACK

    Is your roommate there?

    MAXINE

    Yes, she is here, WHY?

    JACK

    Oh, no reason. I’ve got to go. Bye

    MAXINE

    Renee, do you know Jack?

    RENEE

    No, why would you ask?

    MAXINE

    It seems strange that he abruptly hung up knowing you were here,

    Pause.

    MAXINE

    Something’s fishy going on.

    RENEE

    Oh, if you must know. He has come be a couple of times when you were not here.

    MAXINE

    So, you’re lying to me!

    Maxine takes all this in. Then begins to sob.

    RENEE

    We got to know each other. A little. He is really good-looking.

    MAXINE

    HOW MUCH DID YOU GET TO KNOW HIM?

    Renee does not answer.

    Is he the father?

    Renee still does not answer.

    END of SCENE1

    Same circumstances except Maxine is not paranoid, but sympathetic.

    Scene2: Renee is in the dorm room primping her hair and Maxine comes in.

    RENEE

    Thanks for keeping my secret. No one must know until I figure things out.

    MAXINE

    Of course. You have a lot of things to sort out.

    RENEE

    I will likely drop out of school, but I don’t know when.

    MAXINE

    Do you know who the father is?

    RENEE

    That is a secret that I must keep to myself and especially from you.

    MAXINE

    I don’t know why. You are going through some difficult times. You can share your burdens with me. It will help you

    RENEE

    Just know that I must deal with this in my own way and in my own due time.

    Maxine’s cell phone rings. It is Jack her boyfriend.

    Maxine

    Hello

    JACK (V.O.)

    Maxine, I want to talk to you before you go to your dorm.

    MAXINE

    Too late for that. I am already here.

    JACK

    Is your roommate there?

    MAXINE

    Yes, she is here, WHY?

    JACK

    Oh, no reason. I’ve got to go. Bye

    MAXINE

    Renee, do you know Jack?

    RENEE

    No, why would you ask?

    MAXINE

    It seems strange that he abruptly hung up knowing you were here,

    Pause.

    MAXINE

    What’s going on.

    RENEE

    Oh, if you must know. He came be a couple of times when you were not here.

    Maxine takes all this in. Then Maxine walks over to Renee and raises her chin and looks squarely Renee’s eyes.

    RENEE

    We got to know each other. A little. He is really good-looking.

    MAXINE

    HOW MUCH DID YOU GET TO KNOW HIM?

    Renee does not answer.

    Is he the father?

    Renee still does not answer.

    END of SCENE2

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