Lesson 17

[Alfred Dunham]

Alfred Dunham – Lesson 17

RENEE – Traits

prissy, devious, outgoing, conformist

ST: Renee is a devious person who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

MAXINE -Traits

tricky, snobbish, paranoid, emotionally wounded.

ST: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

SITUATION: One person promises the other that they can keep a secret, but really didn’t.

SCENE ARC:

1. From: The promise confirmed.

2. To: The other person discovering the secret is out.

LOGLINE: A nosey woman arrives, and every answer about her friend but the right one

ESSENCE: When minding one’s own business is golden.

SCENE: RENEE vs. MAXINE

EXT. PLANNED PARENTHOOD – DAY

RENEE, (29), is prissy (prudish), devious, outgoing, and a conformist.

MAXINE, (32), is tricky, <s>snobbish</s> secretive, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

From a distance, Renee observes Maxine emerging from the clinic.

Maxine is in tears.

Rene catches up to Maxine.

RENEE

Are you okay, Maxie?

MAXINE

Yeah, I’m fine.

RENEE

Are you sure?

MAXINE

Of course, I’m sure.

RENEE

Then why were you crying?

(beat)

You’re pregnant, aren’t you?

MAXINE

No, Renee. I am not.

RENEE

Then why that place? You know it’s forbidden.

MAXINE

Because they have a female doctor.

RENEE

So why’s that important?

MAXINE

If you like some strange man poking around in… well that’s up to you.

RENEE

He’s a Doctor, Maxie.

MAXINE

Fine. I don’t trust him.

RENEE

What are you saying? Are you –?

RENEE

Oh, please, Renee. Give it up.

RENEE

Well, Pastor Jim Bob says —

MAXINE

Dam it, Renee. Okay, if you must know. It was Pastor Jim Bob that – never mind. I didn’t say that.

RENEE

Oh, no. Sweet Jesus, no.

MAXINE

I give up. Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

You have to ask?

MAXINE

Well, yeah. This is personal.

RENEE

I won’t tell a soul. You can trust me on this.

MAXINE

It’s just… I’ve been told I can’t have any children.

RENEE

(gasps)

I am so sorry. I know you wanted —

MAXINE

It’s what it is, Renee. I’ll just have to live with it.

RENEE

I’ll pray for you. Someday… you will have a family. I just know it.

MAXINE

Thank you, Renee.

LATER

PASTOR JIM BOB, (36), is a jovial, clean-cut, pastor-type person.

Renee punches numbers into her cell phone.

INTERCUT — TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

RENEE

Pastor? This is Rene.

PASTOR

Yes?

RENEE

I just saw Maxine leaving Planned Parenthood. She was crying.

PASTOR

Why?

RENEE

She said it was because the Doctor said she couldn’t have children.

PASTOR

Why?

RENEE

I don’t know. I don’t believe her. What shall I do?

PASTOR

Nothing. I’ll talk with her.

END OF PHONE CONVERSATION

LATER

Maxine has taken a seat on a park bench near the playground. Watches the children play.

Pastor Jim Bob joins her – sits a bit far from her.

PASTOR

Renee called me. She said she saw you leaving Planned Parenthood… crying.

MAXINE

She told you that? She promised she would keep it a secret.

PASTOR

Maybe she needs to be taught a lesson.

MAXINE

Yes. She’s too nosey.

Pastor scoots close to Maxine, puts his arms around her, and kisses her in a meaningful way.

PASTOR

There. That should confuse her.

Maxine laughs.

In the distance, Renee is seen running away, horrified.

PASTOR

So why were you crying?

MAXINE

Oh, Bobby. I was just so happy, after all those former diagnoses —

PASTOR

Maxine – Sweetheart –?

MAXINE

Yes, my husband —

Maxine pulls a wedding band out of her purse.

MAXINE

— I’m ready to wear this now. And yes. I am pregnant.

Maxine cries again – for happy.

Pastor places the ring on her finger where it belongs.

PASTOR

You’re okay with this, now?

MAXINE

Yes. I’m sorry for being so paranoid, before.

PASTOR

Maybe it’s time to tell the world, then.

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’d suggest you’re missing a lot of value in these exercises in not keeping it to the one scene. If someone asks you to rewrite a scene will coming back with two or three be acceptable – I don’t know?

[Alfred Dunham]

My bad. I did not make it clear enough that this is ONE scene. [see David Trottier’s texts in The Screenwriter’s Bible on moving through different settings within the same scene]. Planned Parenthood is near the park; Renee is in the park; she speaks with Maxine in the park; she calls the Pastor from the park; Maxine stays in the park; the Pastor appears and joins Maxine in the park; and Renee is still in the park hiding (sort of) and sees the whole thing with the Pastor and Maxine — and of course, she misreads everything (which is what prissy prudes do).

[Jeremy Cooke]

Nope on me.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn’s Lesson 17 Write this Scene–Sinners in Church

For some reason I had trouble doing this scene (didn’t seem dramatic or action enough). I started with trying to get in the character traits, but the plot was not very strong and had trouble getting in the interest techniques….

====================

LOGLINE: A covert rivalry between “sinners” erupts into a verbal brawl in church.

ESSENCE: Renee considers herself perfect, but is, after all, a sinner, like Maxine.

====================

INT. CHURCH MEETING CENTER – DAY

THE DARK DRESSING ROOM OFF THE STAGE

From the back door, A MAN we don’t see clearly enters into the dressing room. [dark, eerie mystery] He ons the light revealing the room full of choir robes, a couple of clerical robes, and various costumes, including angels and devils.

He hears CREAKING-SCRATCHING NOISE from THE HALL [something unseen, suspense] and goes onto

THE DARK BACK STAGE

It’s set up for a play. The Man peeks through the heavy curtain, into

THE HALL

An auditorium/events room with folded tables and chairs in back along the wall. The Man sees RENEE DAVIS (73), a real beauty in her younger years, unfolding chairs, setting them up for an event.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN ON THE STAGE

The Man, without her noticing him, returns to the

DRESSING ROOM, leaving the door to the stage open.

IN THE HALL

Renee places the chairs an orderly fashion for a meeting, leaving an aisle down the middle.

MAXINE PORTLAND (73), unattractive, didn’t age well, arrives from the main entrance.

RENEE: Ah, Maxine. Thought you were at the Grand Canyon.

Maxine goes to help unfold and set up chairs.

MAXINE: Just got back for the meeting and that “Woke Devil” play tonight… Now what’s this about Helen?

IN THE DRESSING ROOM the Man’s head swivels as he listens.

RENEE (O.S.): It’s a scandal. Her daughter married a Jew from India, real dark fellow. Then Helen threatened to leave our church, until (sarcastic) our beloved pastor convinced her to stay. So she’s no longer a shoe-in for the Ladies Auxiliary president.

MAXINE (O.S.): Well, I thought of running.

RENE (O.S.): Maxine, you’re always off on trips.

IN THE HALL

Maxine sets up a chair a bit crooked.

RENEE: No-no-no, keep the rows in line. [prissy, something unseen – man listening to them]

Maxine gives more care to placing the chairs.

MAXINE: But meeting are only once a month. And we Portlands have contributed substantial amounts over the years. [snob] I do have leadership experience.

RENEE: Well, you know how fussy our members are. They might have issues. [prissy, devious]

MAXINE: I know my family had problems. Guess it comes with being rich… [snob]

RENEE: I wasn’t referring to you having to run away. [re Maxine’s wound]

MAXINE: Seek shelter… (beat, thinking) You’re not saying they know about… I mean, you promised not to tell. [hook, mystery re “what happened”]

RENEE: I’d almost forgotten, it’s been so long. My promise, of course, holds.

MAXINE: But we had a falling out last year, Maxine, over my suggestion we do an Earth Day program. And people here look at me funny. [paranoid, hook/mystery, subtext prediction/creating a future]

RENEE: You’re just imagining. Here, help me put a table up near the stage.

The women go get a plastic folding table, take it up the aisle, and position it as they speak.

MAXINE: Well, I only feel comfortable when I’m away on trips. Everyone here seems to be against me. Can’t even go grocery shopping without people staring… So, don’t know if I should run or not. (sly look to Renee) [dilemma, tricky] But how about you? Still a party gal, popular homecoming queen and all. (tight smile) [Renee outgoing; Maxine tricky]

RENEE: I have done the most for the Auxiliary. [entitled] And, yes, I do get together a lot with members… AND I’ve maintained a squeaky-clean life. (looks askance at Maxine) [prissy] But if we both run, we’d split the vote and give it to Helen.

MAXINE: Okay, I’ll promise not to run, IF you will do an earth day this year. (off Renee’s reluctance) Maybe call it Creation Day, like they do over at Saint Mary’s… My granddaughter is thinking to leave us and join them. She wants it. Not my idea.

RENEE: You mean she’d convert and become a Catholic?! Oh, God, no… Okay-okay, as long as we leave out the environmental woke stuff like climate change… And Creation Day does sound better, though it did take seven days, not one. (blows a PHEW) And I’m sure to be elected. [prediction, creating a future] Heaven knows if Helen were to become president what path she’d lead us down. [prediction] And I mean DOWN! It’s bad enough with Reverend Jacobs taking over after Reverend Peters passed.

MAXINE: Well, it’s good Janet Peters is still with us. Barely. Such a saintly woman. [creating a future, setup] But what’s wrong with Reverend Jacobs? I thought– [mystery]

RENEE: He’s so… so… I hate to say it. Woke. [still a mystery]

THE STAGE CURTAIN above them slits open and grabs their attention. A MAN in a grotesque DEVIL COSTUME comes out, giving the women a terrible fright. He takes off his devil mask. It’s REVEREND JACOBS (56). [uncomfortable moment]

JACOBS: Prepping for your meeting, ladies?

RENEE: Oh, Reverent Jacobs. Didn’t know you were here. Yes, the Ladies Auxiliary. Maybe you could lead us in prayer, say a few words. If you keep it less than ten minutes. We have an important election.

JACOBS: I know. I heard. Yes, nine minutes tops. I’m trying on my costume for the “Woke Devil” play tonight. But I could say a few words, maybe something short on “The First Stone.”

Maxine looks at Renee, who gets flustered. THE LADIES AUXILIARY MEMBERS start drifting in.

RENEE: (meek) As in who will cast it?

JACOBS: Yes, that passage… Well, carry on. I need to go get supplies from my car. I’ll be back in ten.

Jacobs leaves. Renee turns to Maxine, as THREE MEMBERS join Renee and Maxine, including JOAN (60s) and A FIFTIES SOMETHING WOMAN. Renee looks askance at her.

RENEE: See, what did I tell you? He’s woke and needs to go.

MEMBER 1: I agree he’s a bit on the progressive side — not a Democrat, of course — but I sorta wonder what does “woke” mean anyway?

Renee huffs impatience. The Fifties Something woman looks back and forth at the conversation with a snitty look.

RENEE: It means every horrible thing we are not. Sinful, homo and its many ramifications, black, foreign, non-Christian, pro-choice, Democrat, socialists, drug addicts–

Maxine shivers a bit. [setup]

JOAN: Hey, my family’s been Democrat for over a hundred years.

The others sneer and frown. By now some twelve MEMBERS have congregated around Renee.

RENEE: But they don’t vote that way, do they?

JOAN: No… not for years.

RENEE: As I was enumerating, woke includes environmentalists, like Sierra Club members…

MAXINE: Hey, I just joined the Sierra Club. It’s my granddaughter who insisted. Lots of beautiful trips.

MEMBER 2: My husband’s an ecologist at the university here.

Some members go ew-faced. Helen, the Fifties Something Woman, speaks up.

HELEN: My daughter married a Jew from India and he is more conservative, less “woke” or whatever you call it, than us.

RENEE: That’s nice, Helen. But I thought you were leaving this church.

HELEN: And where did you hear that?

Loaded silence.

MEMBER 3: (hesitant soft) My daughter, well, she told us she was a lesbian last month. (near tears) And I love her dearly and won’t throw her to you wolves.

RENEE: (peaceably) Are you calling us wolves?

The group erupts into a SHOUTING MATCH. Reverend Jacobs peeks in from behind the curtain, amused.

In floats a grand ole dame, JANET PETERS (90s). The shouting match ceases.

JANET: Sorry I’m late. You good ladies didn’t have to wait for me. We have such an important election. Why don’t we all sit down and get started.

They all take their places. Janet goes to the head table.

JANET: So any candidates? As I said I’m only temporary after Hilda passed away.

RENEE: Well, we want someone highly upstanding within the church and community.

MEMBER 5: Miss High and Mighty.

Reverend Jacobs steps down off the stage and joins the group.

JACOBS: Ready for a prayer and my “First Stone” talk?

JANET: I think we need to clear the air first, Reverend… As for imperfections among us, I think Maxine’s bout with drugs so many years ago, which you’ve all been gossiping about recently–

Maxine starts boiling at Renee.

JANET (CONT’D): –is not nearly as serious as mine, which would certainly disqualify me in Renee’s eyes. (dead silence). You see, I was with love-child when I came to Reverend Peters seventy-two years ago. He not only helped me avoid public scrutiny and give the baby up for adoption, but also married me later and kept my secret all his years.

MAXINE: (to Renee) You were my sister-in-law — at least for a while! And my best friend since high school!

RENEE: Hardly. You tricked me into including you in my school clique by dangling your wealthy, football hero brother, total doofus snob, in front of me. You druggie.

MAXINE: (shouts) You-you evil witch!

Maxine looks about ready to rip Renee apart.

JANET: Now-now, Maxine, we all of us have our flaws. ALL of us.

JACOBS: I can lead you in prayer now. Sister Janet has stolen my topic and my heart.

JANET: Maybe I could run for president after all. [cliffhanger]

MAXINE: (fake sweet) And I have a few surprises for you, dearest Renee. [cliffhanger/creating a future]

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Not sure how to do this assignment, so I’m posting the changed character here:

LOGLINE: A rivalry between “sinners” erupts into a brawl in church.

ESSENCE: Renee considers herself entitled, but is, after all, a sinner, like Maxine.

This second iteration with a changed trait (“prissy” to “aggressive”) was not so difficult. But I’m imagining it would have been more difficult if I had changed “outgoing” to “introvert” — then Renee may have tried to convince Maxine to run for president so as to defeat Helen. And “devious” would have become more prominent.

=====================================

Renee’s trait of “prissy” changed to “aggressive”

======================================

INT. CHURCH MEETING CENTER – DAY

THE DARK DRESSING ROOM OFF THE STAGE

From the back door, A MAN we don’t see clearly enters into the dressing room. [dark, eerie mystery] He ons the light revealing the room full of choir robes, a couple of clerical robes, and various costumes, including angels and devils.

He hears CREAKING-SCRATCHING NOISE from THE HALL [something unseen, suspense] and goes onto

THE DARK BACK STAGE

It’s set up for a play. The Man peeks through the heavy curtain, into

THE HALL

An auditorium/events room with folded tables and chairs in back along the wall. The Man sees RENEE DAVIS (73), a real beauty in her younger years, unfolding chairs, setting them up for an event.

BEHIND THE CURTAIN ON THE STAGE

The Man, without her noticing him, returns to the

DRESSING ROOM, leaving the door to the stage open.

IN THE HALL

Renee places the chairs an orderly fashion for a meeting, leaving an aisle down the middle.

MAXINE PORTLAND (73), unattractive, didn’t age well, arrives from the main entrance.

RENEE: You’re late, Maxine. I needed your help starting ten minutes ago. [aggressive]

Maxine goes to help unfold and set up chairs.

MAXINE: My plane back from the Grand Canyon trip was delayed. But glad I’m not missing the meeting or that “Woke Devil” play tonight… Now what’s this about Helen?

IN THE DRESSING ROOM the Man’s head swivels as he listens.

RENEE (O.S.): You know as well as I do that her daughter married a Jew from India, real dark fellow. But you may not have heard that Helen threatened to leave our church, until (sarcastic) our beloved pastor convinced her to stay. She’s out for the Ladies Auxiliary president as far as I’m concerned.

MAXINE (O.S.): Well, I thought of running.

RENE (O.S.): Don’t be ridiculous. You’re never here, gallivanting off on trips.

IN THE HALL

Maxine sets up a chair a bit crooked. Renee goes over and straightens it out with force.

RENEE: Keep the rows in line, Maxine. [aggressive, something unseen – man listening to them]

Maxine gives more care to placing the chairs.

MAXINE: But meetings are only once a month. And we Portlands have contributed substantial amounts over the years. [snob] I do have leadership experience.

RENEE: Well, you know how fussy our members are. They might have issues. [devious]

MAXINE: I know my family had problems. Guess it comes with being rich… [snob]

RENEE: I wasn’t referring to you having to run away to your aunt’s place for a piddly weekend. [re Maxine’s wound]

MAXINE: Seek shelter… (beat, thinking) You’re not saying they know about… I mean, you promised not to tell. [hook, mystery re “what happened”]

RENEE: Don’t be so uptight. A promise is a promise.

MAXINE: But we had a falling out last year, Maxine. You got so angry over my suggestion we do an Earth Day program. And people here look at me funny. [paranoid, hook/mystery, subtext prediction/creating a future]

RENEE: What an imagination! Let’s get on with the work at hand. Help me put a table up near the stage.

The women go get a plastic folding table, take it up the aisle, and position it as they speak.

MAXINE: Well, I only feel comfortable when I’m away on trips. Everyone here seems to be against me. Can’t even go grocery shopping without people staring… So, don’t know if I should run or not. (sly look to Renee) [dilemma, tricky] But how about you? Still tough and strong. Women’s hockey champion in school. (tight smile) [Renee outgoing; Maxine tricky]

RENEE: I do deserve to be president after all I’ve done for the Auxiliary. [entitled] I can still gather a team around me… AND no issues in my life. (looks askance at Maxine). But if we both run, we’d split the vote and give it to Helen.

MAXINE: Okay, I’ll promise not to run, IF you will do an earth day this year.

RENEE: I don’t like people bribing me.

MAXINE: We could call it Creation Day, like they do over at Saint Mary’s… My granddaughter is thinking to leave us and join them. She wants it. Not my idea.

RENEE: And become a Catholic?! God, no… Okay, but no environmental woke stuff like the climate change hoax… (blows a PHEW) And I’m sure to be elected. [prediction, creating a future] Just imagine, if Helen were president she’d lead us straight down to hell. [prediction] It’s bad enough with blowhard Reverend Jacobs taking over after Reverend Peters passed.

MAXINE: Well, it’s good Janet Peters is still with us. Barely. Such a saintly woman. [creating a future, setup] But what’s wrong with Reverend Jacobs? I thought– [mystery]

RENEE: He totally woke. [still a mystery]

THE STAGE CURTAIN above them slits open and grabs their attention. A MAN in a GROTESQUE DEVIL COSTUME comes out, giving the women a terrible fright. He takes off his devil mask. It’s REVEREND JACOBS (56). [uncomfortable moment]

JACOBS: Prepping for your meeting, ladies?

RENEE: Speaking of the Devil Reverend Jacobs. We didn’t know you were here. And don’t worry. We’ll be out of here in an hour or so. We have an important election.

JACOBS: I know. I heard. I’m just trying on my costume for the “Woke Devil” play tonight. But I could lead you ladies in a prayer and say a few words, maybe something “The First Stone.”

Maxine looks at Renee, who gets hot under her collar. THE LADIES AUXILIARY MEMBERS start drifting in.

RENEE: I suppose you mean who should throw the first stone? Are you mocking us?

JACOBS: Yes, that passage… And no, it was something I was working up for this week’s sermon… Well, I need to go get supplies from my car. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

Jacobs leaves. Renee turns to Maxine, as THREE MEMBERS join Renee and Maxine, including JOAN (60s) and A FIFTIES SOMETHING WOMAN. Renee looks askance at her.

RENEE: See, he’s woke. He needs to go.

MAXINE: I agree he’s a bit on the progressive side, Renee. Not a Democrat, of course. But I sorta wonder what “woke” means anyway?

Renee huffs impatience. The Fifties Something woman looks back and forth at the conversation with a snitty look.

RENEE: I can’t believe you don’t know… It means every horrible thing we are not. Sinful, homo and its many ramifications, black, foreign, non-Christian, pro-choice, Democrat, socialists, drug addicts–

Maxine shivers a bit. [setup]

JOAN: Hey, my family’s been Democrat for over a hundred years.

The others sneer and frown. By now some TWELVE MEMBERS have congregated around Renee.

RENEE: Surely they don’t vote that way.

JOAN: No… not for years.

RENEE: As I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted, woke includes environmentalists, like Sierra Club members…

MAXINE: Hey, I just joined the Sierra Club. My granddaughter insisted. Lots of beautiful trips.

MEMBER 1: My husband’s an ecologist at the university here.

Some members go ew-faced. Helen, the Fifties Something Woman, speaks up.

HELEN: My daughter married a Jew from India and he is more conservative, less “woke” as you would call it, than us.

RENEE: Who cares, Helen. I thought you were leaving this church.

HELEN: And where did you hear that?

Loaded silence.

MEMBER 2: (hesitant soft) My daughter, well, she told us she was a lesbian last month. (near tears) And I love her dearly and won’t throw her to you wolves.

RENEE: (angrily) How dare you call us wolves?

The group erupts into a SHOUTING MATCH. Reverend Jacobs peeks in from behind the curtain, amused.

In floats a grand ole dame, JANET PETERS (94). The shouting match ceases with Renee’s last “AND YOU ARE TOO.”

JANET: Sorry I’m late. You good ladies didn’t have to wait for me. We have such an important election. Why don’t we all sit down and get started.

They all take their places. Janet goes to the head table.

JANET: So any candidates? As I said I’m only temporary after Hilda was called to her eternal home.

RENEE: Well, this auxiliary needs someone without flaws, who can stand up against all the evil going on.

MEMBER 3: (to Renee) Miss High and Mighty.

Reverend Jacobs steps down off the stage and joins the group.

JACOBS: Ready for a prayer and my “First Stone” talk?

JANET: I think we need to clear the air first, Reverend… (to the group) As for imperfections among us, I think Maxine’s bout with drugs so many years ago, which you’ve all been gossiping about recently–

Maxine starts boiling at Renee.

JANET (CONT’D): –is not nearly as serious as mine. Which would certainly disqualify me in Renee’s eyes. (dead silence). You see, I was with love-child when I approached Reverend Peters for help seventy-two years ago. He shielded me from public scrutiny and helped me give the baby up for adoption. And then, bless his heart, married me and kept my secret all his years.

MAXINE: (to Renee) You were my sister-in-law — at least for a while! And my best friend since high school!

RENEE: Hardly. You tricked me into including you in my school clique by dangling your wealthy, football hero brother, total doofus snob, in front of me. You druggie!

MAXINE: (shouts) You-you evil witch!

Maxine looks about ready to rip Renee apart. Renee takes a chair and slams it against the floor. Members shakes step back away from her.

JANET: Now-now, Maxine, Renee, we all of us have our flaws. ALL of us.

JACOBS: I can lead you in prayer now. Sister Janet has stolen my topic and my heart.

JANET: Maybe I should run for president after all. [cliffhanger]

MAXINE: (fake sweet to Renee) And I have a few surprises for you, dearest Renee. [cliffhanger/creating a future]

[Jeremy Cooke]

I’m sort of doing it the other way round from you I think. I’m building the scene, or story, using the Interest Techniques then using the traits and subtext to insert the dialogue. I think I would find it difficult your way?

[Jeremy Cooke]

LOGLINE: Two office workers compete for promotion.
ESSENCE: Experience beats brains.
TRAIT YOU CHANGED: RENEE Outgoing → Calculating

SCENE:
————————-Begin Scene Description—————
SITUATION: One person promises the other that they kept the secret, but really didn’t.
SCENE ARC: From: The promise confirmed to: the other person discovering the secret is out.
RENEE: Prissy, Devious, Calculating, Conformist
Subtext: Renee is a calculating person who knows how to play the Corporate game.

MAXINE: Tricky, Snobbish, Paranoid, Emotionally Wounded
Subtext: Maxine is a tricky woman who plots to get what she wants.

————————-End Scene Description—————

Maxine storms into the office throwing her bag on the floor.
MAXINE
Merde! I didn’t get that Regional Sales job I put in for!

RENEE
La la. Never mind you’re young. You’ve plenty of time. You’ve only been here what six months? It was two years before I got my first promotion.

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a stick-in-the-mud! Things move faster nowadays. Anyway if I don’t make that jump now I’ll be stuck in this dingy office with you. I’ll end up a glorified PA!

RENEE
It’s not so bad here. The work’s

MAXINE
Boring! Boring! I don’t have

RENEE
You do…years and years. Anyway you’ve no choice.

MAXINE
Don’t I?

Maxine starts typing on her computer.
MAXINE
Let’s see what that old queutard Dupont is up to. Ah ha! That’ll do me.

RENEE
Monsieur Dupont! What are you up to?

Maxine types on the keyboard.
MAXINE
And done. There. Dupont’s away to a conference in Copenhagen this weekend and they were looking for someone to carry his bags so I’ve booked myself

RENEE
M Dupont is a married man and

MAXINE
is no doubt in need of a good shagging and I’m the very girl. Once he’s taken advantage of me, if he can manage that, he’ll have to give me that promotion or well who knows. I’ve seen that game before. That old goat

RENEE
M Dupont was such a good looking man in his younger days and he still cuts a fine figure…very distinguished.

MAXINE
Well he needs a younger woman on his arm not some shriveled up old hag like Mme. Dupont. Have you seen her?

Renee busies herself with working on her computer.
RENEE
Helen is still very graceful and very kind to all the staff. Anyway from I first met him

MAXINE
La la. Have you got a crush on the old goat?

RENEE (cont’d)
I could tell he was destined for the very top.

MAXINE (cont’d)
Oh! You have.

RENEE
I think you’ll find the staff handbook is very clear on office romances…most improper.

MAXINE
Oh don’t be such a fuddy-duddy. What happens at conference stays at conference…as long as certain people know what’s good for them.

Maxine looks at her computer
MAXINE (cont’d)
What’s keeping that old trout? All she has to do is arrange a few tickets! Was she planning a dirty trip away with him herself?

RENEE
Marion has been M Dupont’s secretary for a long time and no I don’t think so. She and I joined this company at the same time and she’s always conducted herself with the utmost respect for M Dupont.

MAXINE
(laughs)
I was only joking! That garce must the same age as – the very thought is ridiculous.

A knock at the door and two envelopes are handed over. Maxine seizes one and opens it.

MAXINE
That was quick. Maybe she’s not so bad. Le Grande! Two suites! Adjoining! That’s

RENEE
The wrong envelope I think. Look at the name on the ticket.

Renee hands the other envelope to Maxine and takes the first.

MAXINE
But…but that was

RENEE
My name, yes.

Maxine tears open the second envelope.
MAXINE
Where the fuck! Birmingham, England! The Eurotel! Where is Birmingham? What do they even eat there?

Maxine crumples up the itinerary and throws it across the room.

MAXINE (cont’d)
You did this! You and that cow! You

RENEE
Have been in this company a lot longer than you. I didn’t get to go on my first overseas business trip until I’d been here two years – just before I got my first promotion in fact.

[Jack Sherry]

Logline: Maxine gets her secret off her chest, but it backfires. Renee has her own secrets, but they also backfire.

Essence: Renee and Maxine are two peas in a pod.

Trait changed: Maxine from tricky to naïve.

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

A dimly lit, elegant restaurant. RENEE (30’s), sitting up in her chair with an air of sophistication, listens intently to MAXINE (20’s) as she takes a sip of wine.

MAXINE (nervously laughing)

She might as well have been wearing a clown suit.

Renee smiles politely.

RENEE

I know everyone loves stories of what Emily wears to the club, but I had a feeling you brought me here to tell me something else.

Suddenly Maxine has apprehension written all over her face. The tension between them is palpable.

RENEE (smiling sweetly)

Maxine, darling, I want you to know that you can trust me with anything

MAXINE (nervously)

Thank you, Renee. It could ruin everything if this gets out.

RENEE

Is it about Emily? Rest assured, Maxine. I will guard it as if it were my own. Your secret is safe with me.

Renee’s eyes get serious as she tries to show appreciation for Maxine’s predicament.

Maxine exhales, a mix of relief and apprehension.

MAXINE (sincerely)

I appreciate your loyalty. Okay, so, …. I had an affair with Charles.

RENEE

Emily would kill you. And your husband’s business partner! This could crash the company.

MAXINE

Nobody will ever find out. It was just a couple of weeks, you know, and it’s over now.

Renee shrugs.

RENEE

No harm, no foul. Nobody ever needs to know.

MAXINE

I just wanted you to know because you could tell something was wrong. But it’s over.

RENEE

You can always confide in me. I love you, girl.

MAXINE

Maxine tears up, wipes her eyes.

I need the rest room. You?

RENEE

No, I’m good.

Maxine stands and leaves. Renee pulls out her phone, makes a call.

RENEE

Mortgage your house and short Charles’ company’s stock.

There’s some news about to break, but it won’t come out until you tell me you placed the trade.

Pause while she listens.

Deal. You can pay back the loan and she’ll never know, and neither will my husband. We’ll make enough to live in Hawaii together the rest of our lives. I love you.

She hangs up, takes a satisfying sip of wine and relaxes, smiling.

Maxine returns. She gets a text as she sits down, reads it, is shocked.

Her eyes widen.

MAXINE (with a mix of anger and fear)

You snake!

RENEE (coolly) Oh, Maxine, don’t be so melodramatic. In the real world, secrets are simply tools to be kept for future use. Circumstances change, and secrets become… you know, bargaining chips.

Maxine’s face contorts with anger and desperation.

MAXINE (desperately) I thought we were friends!

RENEE (smugly) Friends are merely pawns in the game of life, my dear.

Maxine’s voice trembles with a mix of vulnerability and defiance.

MAXINE (defiantly)

I won’t let you ruin my life, Renee. I know things about you, too.

Renee’s gaze hardens, her determination evident.

RENEE (coolly) Do what you must, Maxine. In the end, it’s every woman for herself.

The air between them crackles with tension as they lock eyes, both fully aware that their friendship has been shattered.

Renee stands and leaves, a smirk on her face.

[Brenda Boddy]

Brenda Boddy – Lesson 17 – Write a scene.

LOGLINE: Princess Maxine is getting ready to be married.

ESSENCE: Love makes us do devious things.

TRAIT I CHANGED: Renee is now Prissy, devious, outgoing and JEALOUS.

Maxine is still: Tricky, snobbish, paranoid, and emotionally wounded.

INT. HALLWAY – DAY

RENEE (35), elegantly dressed, perky hat atop her blond, styled hair, walks quietly down the lush carpet in sensible heels. She places her hand on a bedroom door and looks up, pausing, a welcoming smile breaking across her face.

RAYMOND (37), dark, tall, statuesque in the military attire of a prince about to get married, approaches from the opposite direction, slowing to look around as he nears Renee. He leans in, as he walks behind Renee, his lips lingering close to her ear.

RAYMOND

I’m sorry, Honey. In an hour we won’t exist anymore.

Raymond brushes his lips across her cheek and straightens. He marches down the hallway toward his destiny.

Renee’s frozen smile fades away. Her eyes follow him down the hall.

RENEE

(whispering)

Maybe not, my love.

Renee opens the door and strolls into–

INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

–an enormous room filled with the confusion of maids helping bridesmaids into their gowns, attendants handing our flower bouquets, and make-up artists putting final touches on the girls. The room is filled with laughter and chatter.

Renee walks through the clamor, her eyes scanning the group, and enters–

INT. BATHROOM – CONTINUOUS

–a stunning white and gold bathroom fit for a queen. A young, blond bride, MAXINE (18), stands looking at a note as a stylist fusses with her hair.

Maxine looks up, her anxious expression catching Renee’s eyes in the mirror. She pulls away from the stylist with a brief…

MAXINE

Could you give us a minute?

…and shuts the door, turning to Renee.

MAXINE

The rumors are true. I just got a note stating Raymond is seeing an older woman.

Renee gives Maxine a quick comforting hug.

RENEE

Oh, honey. I’m sorry. I heard that rumor, too. Are you sure this is what you want?

Renee turns to the mirror, tucking a stray strand of hair into place. She pulls our her lipstick, watching Maxine in the mirror.

Maxine leans against the counter, shaking her head, trying to understand.

MAXINE

I didn’t want to believe the rumors. The woman is supposed to be quite a bit older. And not very pretty. Why would he do this to me?

Maxine’s mouth tightens and her hands tremble slightly as she applies the lipstick.

RENEE

The point is…do you want to go through with this? If you do, he’ll probably end up cheating on you. Do you really think he loves you? Or is he just doing this because you’re young. He obviously wants kids…to continue his blood line.

MAXINE

Of course, I want to marry him. How can you even ask that? I just…thought he loved me. That he had quit his playboy life when he asked me to be his wife.–Oh, my God. I bet the bitch is here at the wedding. Watching us.

Renee turns to Maxine, folding her into her arms.

RENEE

I’m so sorry this is happening. We can still stop this. Do you want me to get you out of here?

MAXINE

You’re such a good friend.

Maxine wipes a tear.

MAXINE

I don’t know if this hurts more because he hasn’t changed his spots, or because the woman is supposed to be old. Doesn’t he realize she’ll be a wrinkled prune in a few years? How can he prefer her over me?

Renee’s eyes narrow.

MAXINE

I guess I just need a moment to think. And I have to pee. Can I have a sec?

Renee steps toward the door.

RENEE

I’ll be outside. This is pretty serious information. The only thing worse than a loveless marriage might be a future divorce with the whole world watching.

Maxine nods somberly and shuts the door. She lifts her bulky skirts and settles over the toilet.

She pulls a small strip from her bra, and sticks it under her dress.

Our attention follows the strip as she places it on the counter. We watch a thin blue line appear as we hear Maxine wipe and straighten herself.

Maxine leans over the counter and studies the strip. She carefully wraps it and flushes it down the toilet. She looks in the mirror, straightens her headpiece, and a slow satisfied smile covers her face.

She pulls out her phone and dials, tapping her finger against her teeth, gleefully.

MAXINE

(low sultry whisper)

I’ll see you after the honeymoon, darling. It looks like our child is going to be raised as a prince.

[Brenda Boddy]

Goofed this one up. Did it in pieces between a heavy workload and didn’t catch the part about keeping a secret. So this is just a straight usage of the traits.

[Beth Zurkowski]

Lesson 17 QE cycle #4

Logline: two high school cheerleaders can’t keep a secret.

Essence: Cheer leading is more important than doing the right thing.

trait changed: Maxine’s trait of being snobbish to competitive

INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM-NIGHT

Cheerleaders Renee and Maxine are the only ones in the locker room. They are getting dressed to go home. Renee is wearing jeans and a Polo shirt with Crocs. Maxine is getting dolled up in nice clothes.

MAXINE

Renee, can you keep a secret?

RENEE

Of course Maxine.

MAXINE

Okay, well, I was raped by Ralph and now I’m preggers.

RENEE

Ralph Mcquire? Oh no are you okay? How did it happen?

MAXINE

I’m okay I guess. Ralf can be so mean sometimes. It was just a date and it happened behind the bleachers. Renee you just have to keep it a secret.

RENEE

You can trust me. Are you gonna quit cheerleading?

MAXINE

No.

RENEE

I think it would be best for the baby if you quit.

MAXINE

But that would probably give away my secret. Besides I’m having too much fun.

RENEE

Are you keeping it?

MAXINE

I don’t know.

RENEE

You better not get an abortion.

MAXINE

Why not?

RENEE

Life begins at conception,ya Know. I wouldn’t want to call my Bestie a murderer.

MAXINE

I’m too young Renee. And If I get heavier I can’t be on top of the pyramid anymore.

RENEE

(Under her breath)

Maybe I’ll have a chance after all.

MAXINE

What did you say?

REnee grabbed her phone and started texting.

RENEE

Nothing. Just remembering some homework.

MAXINE

Oh my god what are you doing on your phone?

RENEE

Chill out. I was just texting.

MAXINE

What about? Let me see.

RENEE

No.

MAXINE

(gasps)

You told loud mouth Ruth. It’ll be all over for me.

RENEE

Suits me fine, bitch.

MAXINE

I’ll get you for this. I’m taking you down with me.

[Yannis Zafeiriou]

Lesson 17: QE4, Draft 2 (All my previous scenes have been exercises in genre. The first one was comedy, the second horror, the 3rd SciFi, and for this 4th one, I chose soap opera). I think I ended up using about 17 interest techniques, though I really tried to use all of them.

Situation: RENEE promises MAXINE that she kept the secret, but really didn’t.

Scene Arc: From: THE PROMISE CONFIRMED To: MAXINE DISCOVERING THE SECRET IS OUT

Logline: MAXINE has intel on a party with lots of food and comes up with a plot to get it, with the help of her lover, RENEE. However they come across severe and life-threatening competition.

Essence: MAXINE realizes she has to make a tough choice.

Trait I changed: Maxine: From Snobbish to Protective.

Maxine: Tricky, Protective, Paranoid, Emotionally Wounded.

Subtext: MAXINE is a tricky racoon who plots to get what she wants.

Renne: Prissy, Devious, Outgoing, Conformist.

Subtext: RENEE is a devious raccoon who believes she is entitled to win at any cost.

Scene:

EXT. BOUGIE PRESCHOOL – NIGHT

From the inside of a storm drain, two eyes are trained on the BOUGIE EASTSIDE PRESCHOOL. This is MAXINE (a mature female raccoon.) The black mask around her eyes is flecked with dirt and her rough, muscular hands betray years of fighting and providing.

She watches, unblinking as a human woman locks the front door, dumps two large TRASHBAGS in the trash bins, gets in her car and drives away.

Maxine hears a sound and turns to see who approaches.

MAXINE I was beginning to worry about you.

Maxine is joined by RENEE (another female raccoon.) Renee is younger and smaller than Maxine, and looks somewhat gentler. Her coat is lustrous and flecked with rich dark brown. Her hands look like she’s never worked a single day in her life.

RENEE The ambulances. They give me migraines.

MAXINE Well, everyone’s gone. You’re safe.

Renee shows off her freshly manicured hands. Maxine holds her hands softly.

MAXINE So soft! No-one saw you? Right?

RENEE Yes. And I told nobody at the salon, like you asked.

MAXINE You swear?

Renee lets go of Maxine.

RENEE On the mighty Azeban.

Renee secretly crosses her fingers behind her back when she swears.

RENEE It is quite dirty in here, love bug.

MAXINE This place has the best food you’ve ever scraped off the bottom of a trash can. Spring rolls, ribs, lasagna… A feast fit for my queen.

RENEE Oh Maxxy, you spoil me.

MAXINE I’m gonna smother you in vegan non-dairy whipped topping–

RENEE Shouldn’t we share it with the others? Take care of them?

MAXINE Like they took care of me when my family’s home was burned down?! No. This is just for you, the only one who stood by me.

With a dramatic flourish, Renee faints. Maxine drops down beside her.

MAXINE My love, Renee, what happened? You’re not… pregnant again, are you?

Renee quickly recovers.

RENEE How could I be? You know you’re the the only sow in Atwater Village who has my heart. (beat) It must just be… a brain tumor.

Maxine holds her closer.

MAXINE Say it isn’t so! Is that why you were with your doctor and ex-lover, Dr. Derek Procyon, today in the park?

RENEE You FOLLOWED me? How could you?

MAXINE I’m sorry, Renee. I have trust issues. You would too, if you were raised by my mother, the great Angelica Coon.

RENEE It was nothing. I saw Derek at the gala for the Raccoon-Rabbit Alliance last month–

MAXINE So then it’s true? You’re sleeping with the good doctor, you must be.

RENEE Of course not. I would NEVER. He smells like… well, like the inside of this sewer.

MAXINE My mother, the great Angelica Coon, said you were a filthy lying bitch. But I didn’t want to believe it.

RENEE Oh my darling. I can’t keep lying to you. The truth always has a way of coming out. I admit it. It’s Derek’s.

Renee gently caresses her own tummy.

RENEE And it’s twins.

MAXINE You promised me that was all in the past for you!

RENEE It’s what is expected of me, for the good of the Nursery!

MAXINE Then I suppose I’m the one with bad news. Derek’s paternity test came in today. Harlan is his father. Which means…

RENEE Derek is my… (beat) half brother?

Renee is visibly shocked and devastated. But somehow regains her composure. She turns her back on Maxine.

RENEE How did you see the paternity test? It was supposed to be delivered only to me.

MAXINE I forged your signature.

Renee turns to face Maxine.

RENEE You controlling bitch.

Maxine turns around and climbs out of the storm drain.

She heads for the trash cans, then stops and turns back to Renee.

MAXINE You know, I always hated cliches. But the popular girl just broke my heart.

With her back turned to the trash, Maxine misses the multiple shadows that approach the trash bins. Renee doesn’t.

RENEE Maxine! Wait!

Maxine still has no idea what she walks into.

MAXINE I said what I said. And if my mother, the great Angelica Coon has taught me anything, it’s to always have the last word. Good day to you, Renee. Karma’s a bigger bitch than me and you combined.

Maxine finally turns around at the sound of growling. FIVE COYOTES have snuck between her and the trash.

Oh crap. The coyotes surround her. She turns to Renee.

MAXINE You swore! On the mighty Azeban! And you betrayed me… to them?

RENEE I would never betray you to…

Renee turns up her nose at the very thought of it.

RENEE The Cartel.

Maxine slaps Renee with all the force of her mother, the great Angelica Coon. Renee blanches. The coyotes howl.

MAXINE I will never forgive you for what you’ve done.

The biggest, most mangy coyote, JOSHUA, approaches Renee. He licks his lips.

JOSHUA You ladies are looking good enough to eat.

Renee slaps Joshua with all the force of Maxine’s mother, the great Angelica Coon.

Joshua wipes a trickle of blood off the corner of his mouth and laughs. He turns to his fellow coyotes.

JOSHUA Ho Ho, boys. You know I love my meat… tough.

He ventures closer to Renee and Maxine, they both back away.

RENEE (to Maxine) I told you I am not working with The Cartel.

Maxine steps in front of Renee.

MAXINE Get behind me, Renee.

Renee cowers behind Maxine. Joshua and the rest of the coyotes advance on them.

DEREK (O.S.) Back away, Joshua.

The coyotes are surrounded by a nursery of additional raccoons.

JOSHUA Well, well, well… If it isn’t Derek Procyon!

DEREK It’s Dr. Derek Procyon.

JOSHUA Haven’t seen you since the dumpster heist went bad and you left me holding the bag when you ran off to medical school.

Derek steps in front of Renee. Maxine hisses at him.

DEREK That’s my baby in there.

RENEE It’s twins, Derek! Just like you and your evil twin brother, the crooked foreman, Evan Procyon!

Derek doesn’t break eye-contact with Joshua.

DEREK Twins do run in my family, but that wouldn’t have anything to do with you.

RENEE Except that we are family, Derek. Harlan is your father!

Derek turns to face her.

DEREK No. I never knew my father.

Maxine steps in between Derek and Renee.

MAXINE Except you knew him all along. He wasn’t just your father, he was the Captain of Black Mask Industries, the fastest-growing eye-mask conglomerate in the world, headquartered here in Atwater Village.

Joshua is shocked at this revelation. HARLAN steps forward.

HARLAN And I’ll be damned if a bunch of degenerate thugs threaten the lives of my grandchildren.

Harlan gestures to Derek and the rest of the raccoons.

They all hiss and snarl at the outnumbered coyotes, who make a hasty retreat.

HARLAN You will pay for what you have done to this family, Joshua!

Joshua turns back in retaliation and raises his fist.

JOSHUA I will destroy Black Mask Industries!

He scurries away. They all do, chased by the rest of the nursery.

Derek stays back and looks on, as Maxine takes Renee’s hand.

MAXINE I’m sorry for accusing you of betrayal, it’s just. My mother–

DEREK The great Angelica Coon–

MAXINE The great Angelica Coon. I should have trusted you.

RENEE All is forgiven.

Maxine sniffs towards Derek. She levels her eyes at Renee.

MAXINE I just have one question… How did he know where to fins us?

Renee looks to Derek conspiratorially.

MAXINE I knew it. You didn’t sell me out to The Cartel. You sold me out to your new lover. You look like a possum and smell like a skunk, you trash-eating, brother-loving whore!

Maxine slaps Renee with the force of her mother, the great Angelica Coon.

Renee slaps her right back. The great Angelica Coon would be so proud.

RENEE I could not just stand there and watch you steal this glorious food from our community. Shame on you. The Nursery provides for all members of the Nursery.

MAXINE What are you saying?

RENEE For once in your life, stop blaming everything on your mother, the great Angelica Coon. I don’t love Derek, I only mated with him for the good of The Nursery.

Derek looks genuinely hurt at this.

RENEE I love YOU. Make a choice, Maxine: An all-you-can-eat buffet, or me?

Maxine looks to the heavens for an answer.

In the night sky, backlit from the light of the full moon, an imposing, yet elegant apparition smiles down at Maxine.

It is the spirit of her mother, the great Angelica Coon (if Joan Collins were a raccoon.)

Maxine looks at the trash, then she looks at Renee.

Then she looks at the spirit of her mother again, the great Angelica Coon.

MAXINE I know what I must do.

[Brian Walsh]

Lesson 17: QE Cycle #4: Write this Scene

SCENE ARC: From: The promise confirmed

to: the other person discovering the secret is out.

LOGLINE: Renee forces Maxine to take a ride with her to learn if she has been betrayed.

ESSENCE: Renee manipulates Maxine from being regretful of helping her commit a crime to co-opting her for additional crimes, unaware that Maxine is not who she appears to be.

RENEE’S TRAITS: Prissy, devious, outgoing, conformist

MAXINE’S TRAITS: Tricky, snobbish, paranoid, emotionally wounded

TRAIT YOU CHANGED: RENEE – Changed “conformist” to rebellious

SCENE

EXT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY

Maxine exits her car and locks it. She walks briskly, repeatedly looking over her shoulder.

From behind a pillar, Renee steps out to block her path.

RENEE

Hey, Maxie! Surprised to see me?

MAXINE

What are you doing here? Isn’t this part of town is a

little upscale for what you’re accustomed to?

RENEE

What’s with the attitude? I thought we were

friends now.

MAXINE

(softly)

Partners-in-crime, you mean.

RENEE

I called you a hundred times yesterday. How come

you ghosted me?

Maxine looks around, nervous.

MAXINE

(hissing)

We can’t talk about this here!

RENEE

How uncouth of me to broach such a thing

in a parking garage.

(points)

My car is this way.

Maxine glances around the parking garage.

MAXINE

We can’t be seen together! All public places have

surveillance. What is the matter with you?

RENEE

The cameras on this level have been deactivated.

Maxine takes a step back.

MAXINE

I’m not going anywhere with you.

Renee pulls out a Beretta M9A4 with silencer attached.

Maxine squeals. She sinks to the ground, drops her purse, wraps her arms around her knees.

Renee puts away the gun, grabs Maxine’s purse, pulls her to her feet.

RENEE

Get a grip, will ya?

MAXINE

Donnie Watkins . . . when I was in high school, my

boyfriend – my Donnie. He was shot right before my eyes.

Renee ushers Maxine past a dozen cars. They stop at a Jeep Grand Cherokee SUV. Renee helps a shaking Maxine into the front passenger seat, then gets into the driver’s seat.

Maxine shakes, on the verge of tears. Renee strokes her forearm.

RENEE

I put away the gun, okay? It’s just that I don’t

have time to argue. We’ve got to conclude our

business.

MAXINE

(sniffles)

Haven’t I helped you enough?

RENEE

I’ve got your money. Unless you don’t need

twenty thousand dollars.

Maxine’s eyes light up.

MAXINE

I – I didn’t really think you’d pay me.

RENEE

Silly girl. This is just the start of a beautiful

and lucrative relationship for both of us.

MAXINE

But who are you selling the information to?

RENEE

What do you care?

MAXINE

I just like to know what I’m getting into.

RENEE

Just some people who want to develop

this thing and bring it to market.

MAXINE

But it’s classified!

RENEE

That’s what they pay me for. And I pay

you for.

MAXINE

It is kind of exciting. Maybe we could

become partners.

RENEE

In a way, we already are.

MAXINE

I mean for real. Let me in on how it

all works. You think what you got

is something? Well, there’s stuff in

development that looks like it came

straight out of Star Trek.

RENEE

I’m listening.

MAXINE

Pay first.

Renee nods, starts the car.

MAXINE (CONT’D)

(alarmed)

Where are we going?

RENEE

I don’t carry that kind of cash on me.

Renee backs her SUV up, drives down the ramp.

INT. JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE – DAY

The Jeep bounces over the speed bumps. Maxine falls against Renee, paws at her to stay seated.

Renee pushes her off.

RENEE

I don’t like anyone pawing me.

EXT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY

The Jeep SUV drives out slowly, enters traffic.

INT. JEEP GRANK CHEROKEE – DAY

Maxine adjusts her seat. She puts one hand behind her back, tries to get comfortable.

MAXINE

Why do you even have a gun?

RENEE

Where were you yesterday?

MAXINE

Out and about. Personal errands.

RENEE

Like?

MAXINE

You’re not my boss.

RENEE

We agreed to meet at Shaugnessy’s. You

didn’t show up. You didn’t call. You didn’t

answer your phone. You weren’t home, either.

MAXINE

You checked up on me?

RENEE

I don’t know what you think we’re playing at

here, but this is serious business, what I do.

MAXINE

If you’re paying me twenty large just for getting

you access for one project, I guess it’s serious.

RENEE

So, where were you?

MAXINE

(shrugs)

Lots of places. Shopping. Gas. Paying bills. I

don’t pay all my bills online.

RENEE

I need to know you didn’t rat me out. Didn’t

go to the cops or your boss or someone.

MAXINE

(averts her eyes)

I’d just be hanging myself.

Renee pulls a cellphone out of her pocket. She flips through previous calls.

MAXINE

Who you calling?

Renee glances at the list, then back at the road repeatedly as she checks phone numbers.

Maxine notices something about the phone. Her eyes go wide.

MAXINE

That’s my phone!

She reaches for it. Renee pushes her away.

MAXINE

You took it when I dropped my bag.

Renee turns right, pulls into the parking lot of

EXT. CLOSED SHOPPING CENTER – DAY

Renee drives around to the back, near the old, damaged dumpsters, overflowing with garbage.

Renee parks the Jeep.

INT. JEEP GRANK CHEROKEE – DAY

Renee shoves the phone in Maxines’ face.

RENEE

You called your boss. You called Frank Ryan

five times in a span of two hours!

Maxine stammers, shakes.

RENEE

You know what you’ve done?

MAXINE

Please, Renee. I didn’t know what to do.

What you stole? That’s a felony. I would

have been arrested right along with you.

Frank – Mr. Ryan, I had to tell him.

RENEE

I go down, I’ll see to it you go with me.

MAXINE

Frank told me you’d say that. He was going

to send someone to take care of you.

RENEE

Then he didn’t call the cops?

MAXINE

(shakes head)

We decided to go into business for ourselves.

(beat)

Industrial espionage business.

RENEE

You’re crazy. This isn’t some game just

anyone can play. Besides, I’ve got the

specs and all the notes.

MAXINE

When you were out looking for me, Frank

was looking for you. He found everything

you stole on your computer.

RENEE

You fucking little bitch!

Renee digs into her pocket –

The Beretta is pointed right at her face.

MAXINE

Donnie, my Donnie, he was just like you.

Always giving orders. Always had to be

in control.

(beat)

But I cured him of that.

BLACK

BOOM